An Open Letter to the SWF

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

Well I'm against the commentary idea. Because, if your anything like me, your going to end up writing the guys the same no matter what their names are.

 

The commentary's purpose is to add depth to the match and get the wrestlers over. If you want to write jokes and what not, more power to you. But that's not the main goal of the commentary IMO. It's the Jerry Lawler problem, there's a time for jokes, and there's a time to actually call the damn match. If your tired of writing gay jokes, just evolve the current characters, they don't have to be the same every match.

[Guest Mr. Slim Citrus]

... There are also guys like Grimedogg and Comet, but you run the risk of going too far back with a character, so none of the new guys knows who they are.

 

-Z

"Run the risk," he says... I don't have any frame of reference for the SWF commentators right now! At least I can look at Mark's stats; I don't know who the hell Bobby Riley was...

[Guest Tod deKindes]

Hell, you people seemed to moderately like Heel Tod, so I can throw my hat into the ring for "inactive heel" spot.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

My poor, dear, deluded Barracuda. The Memphis Eel is the ONLY choice for a new commentator. Since his write in campaign for the hall of fame didn't get off the ground, he's got to win this.

 

Wrestler’s Name: The Memphis Eel

Nickname: Steve

Height: 6 ft.

Weight: 250 lbs.

Hometown: Memphis, Tennessee (by way of Planet Lovetron)

Age: 49 (forever)

Face/Heel: his name is the Memphis Eel, figure it out

Stable: none

Ring Escort: none

Weapon(s): hands of stone

Quote: none really, but refers to all opponents as either “son,” or “boy” and accuses them of “being on the reefer.”

 

Looks: Has died jet-black hair, slicked back like Pat Riley. Wears jumbo rose-colored sunglasses to the ring, gaudy rings on every finger and a giant gold medallion that says, “FUNK” in the middle of it. Wrestles in variously hued, rhinestone covered jumpsuits with extra large flares at the bottom and huge butterfly collars up top. The suit is opened down to the top of his ripe like a watermelon beer gut in order to show off his gray chest hair. His white boots have a six-inch heel (he’s really only five foot four).

 

Ring Entrance: does not believe in theme music, pyrotechnics or fancy videos. Two referees will stand to the side of the entrance ramp holding up sparklers for him when he comes out though.

 

Stats:

¯¯¯¯¯

Strength: 5

Speed: 5

Vitality: 5

Charisma: 5

 

Style: Jerry Lawler x Jeff Jarrett x Honky Tonk Man squared

 

Signature moves:

1) cowardly heel tactics (stalling, bailing to the floor, begging off, complaining of miscellaneous crap to the referee; will usually take the first seven minutes of the match before he actually wrestles)

2) secret cheating (pulling the hair, pulling the tights, feet on the ropes, grabbing the ropes for leverage, what ever he can do behind the ref’s back)

3) ludicrously blatant cheating (eye poke, thumb to the throat, punch to the nads, choke, back rake, etc.)

4) Dusty Rhodes limp wristed “I rule, you’re gay” mega pimp strut of taunting. If he does this to you, you must sell it like you took a cannonball in the gut at point blank range, even though the guy is like ten feet away from you.

5) rest holds a-go-go (headlock, chinlock, armbar, wristlock, bearhug; like 80% of his matches)

6) signals for a chokeslam, then hits a guy with an inverted atomic drop

7) the no selling of new fangled maneuvers (meaning he will sell an armbar like you’re hacking it off with a chainsaw, but hit him with a Tiger Driver ’92 or a Vertebreaker and he pops up like nothing happened)

 

 

Common moves:

1) punch

2) knee lift

3) punch

4) knee drop

5) punch

6) elbow drop

7) punch

8) fist drop

9) punch

10) suplex

11) punch

12) bodyslam

13) punch

14) back breaker

15) punch

16) flip flop and fly

17) teases the punch then surprises the guy with a really big punch

 

Rare moves:

1) belly to belly suplex

2) Weaver Lock (sleeper hold)

3) neckbreaker

4) drop kick

5) double axehandle off the top rope

(all can be brutal finishers, especially that last one, it’s coming off of the top rope after all)

 

Finishers:

1) piledriver (yup, basic old piledriver; if done on the floor or through a table you will be declared legally dead)

2) face claw (can cause bleeding from the temple, cerebral hemorrhages, headaches, nausea, projectile vomiting, loss of motor skills, loss of bladder, memory loss, may induce a stroke)

 

Notes: Is Mickey Gilley’s third cousin

can play the moonshine jug

knows 57 different ways to cook gator

has a bit part in the Burt Reynolds film “W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings” as “Redneck #3”

 

Bio: Was born a poor black child in a log cabin high up in the Smokey Mountains, which is only odd if you consider the fact that he’s whiter than Pat Boone. Left his home at the age of 16 to make a name for himself and immediately landed a job as Elvis Presley’s official fried peanut butter and banana sandwich maker, upgraded to Quaalude carrier within a year. Became a wrestling promoter upon the King’s death after answering an ad in the newspaper (he was unqualified to sweep dung out of chicken roosts). Promoted independent shows all over the south central United States until one of the guys who sat up the ring realized he wasn’t any good at it and had him fired. Tried to get a job as a promoter with Jerry Lawler’s Memphis based wrestling league, but Lawler thought to have him train to be a wrestler instead, primarily to get him out of his hair and keep him from pissing on his tires every morning when he drove to the arena. Studied under the auspicious guidance of the WWF WrestleFest arcade game and watching old tapes of Wahoo McDaniels. Has floated around just about every independent fed in the U.S., primarily because he sucks. Is now up to the S’s.

[Guest Powerplay]

Well, right now Zed and I have come up with(I added in the shows):

 

Storm: Being the flagship show it gets the special three man team treatment, which would be

 

Bobbie Riley/"Grand Slam" Mark Stevens/Unbooked Face

 

Smarkdown: Being basically the continuation of the first flagship, IGNite, we get two somewhat familiar oldies in

 

Axis/Chris Wilson

 

Lockdown: Well, it's brand new, so let's get some brand new talent here as well!

 

"Grand Slam" Mark Stevens/(Unbooked Heel), though if you can think of a recent face retiree that would make a good Pbp guy, I personally would like to hear it.

[Guest Grand Slam]

Biggest problem I have with the "unbooked Heel" idea is that with the size roster we have it is hard enough to fill out the card without worrying about finding a heel that doesn't need to be booked.

[Guest Insanityman]

Hmmm.... maybe we could just use a rotation of GSMS and Riley and then an older legend. Sure, you may not know just how to write CC or Curry- but it's just a humorous idea. Not to mention it'd keep everything fresh.

 

I mean, GSMS and EC on an announcing team boggles my mind.

[Guest Powerplay]

Well, GSMS, just pop Tod in the spot if there isn't an unbooked heel. Or maybe some other recent retiree as well. But it could work.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

I'm against the idea of a three man team for regular shows, but it would be fine for ppv's. I think it might lead to matches being too commentary heavy and break up the pace and flow of the in ring action if not handled properly. Although many of us had dealt with the three man team of Axis/King/Edwin in the JL, so with some experience it could work. I just think it might get a bit cluttered.

 

I also don't think you need a new set of guys for each show. That's just too many random characters to keep track of and they will probably all wind up sounding the same anyway. Get a color man who's the complete opposite of Riley and, if need be, an already established announcer for play by play like Axis or Ben Hardy then mix and match.

 

I am totally against the notion of an unbooked wrestler sitting in on commentary. I think this could lead to a lot of petty bickering and backbiting. "My guy wasn't booked, why wasn't he on commentary?" "You always book my guy, when does he get to do commentary?" You also have to remember that not every character is suitable to be an announcer. Like somebody mentioned TBS, but his charisma is like a 2 and he was never any good on the mic. That wasn't his character, that wasn't how he got over. Do you see Chris Benoit or Kane ever becoming a color man? For a permanent slot you need someone who has shown good mic skills or the type of character to develop them and really go with someone unactive.

[Guest Tod deKindes]

Just consider me SWF's Tazz. Without the Brooklyn humor.

[Guest Thoth]

Make me a commentator. It can be Thoth, but you can make him angry like me. But he's a face. An angry face. Maybe. I dunno.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Come to think of it, Ced could do well as a play-by-play face... and 'ell, Mistress Sarah would be fun, too.

[Guest PimpDaddySarp]

You know, when I was active this fed never seemed like a chore to me and I always enjoyed writing matches and promos, if only for seeing my own ideas and creations in print and winning something for me, which is the respect of the other workers in the fed. That is what is on the line in this fed. The World title? That is the ultimate in respect from your peers in this fed. There are no David Arquette champions. But I, like everyone, no showed matches once in a while. And it wasn't because I didn't care about the fed. Usually it is a matter of having time, but sometimes it was a matter of just not feeling into it that particular show. And thats fine. Everyone is here to have fun and win a certain amount of respect. Sometimes though, you just don't feel like writing a match. A lot goes into writing a match, it can be exhausting.

 

Now I don't follow the fed as closely as I used to so I'm not sure the exact circumstances behind these no-shows or the regularity with which they are occuring but I do know that no-shows have always been something this fed will have to deal with. And I am also almost positive that everybody makes up excuses that aren't real sometimes to mask that they just didn't feel like writing a match.

 

The important thing to remember about this federation is that what you get out of it is proportional to what you put in it. Certain people put more into it and get more out of it; these are the people who invariably worry the most about the future of the fed because it has meant more to them; it has given them more. This is great. Other people don't feel the need to get as much out of it; thus they put in less. But that's fine too, as long as what they do get out of it is worthwhile. I find it hard to believe that a few no-shows are really that damning to the fed, even it is the champions.

 

The fact that this fed has survived this long is remarkable. If you think about, there are factors which make it's longevity even more amazing. I guarantee you write more for this federation than you do for school. One or Two 3000-10,000 word matches a week! That amount of writing is ridiculous. But for two and a half years now, people have done it, week in and week out. And why? Because we happen to have been lucky enough to experience what this fed is capable of giving us. It is probably a little bit different for everybody. For me, I was able to spend a few hours a week as my wrestling hero. And the best part was, I created my hero! Then I was able to take him all the way to the top and win the ultimate title of respect from all the other people who were also stepping into the fictitious boots of their favorite wrestler who will never exist in real life. But here, on these boards, anything is possible. There are no limitations to what can be accomplished here.

 

Just as we all watch wrestling and marvel in its spectacle, its fantastic nature, its larger than life figures, and we all wonder what it would be like to be the Rock. Or Jericho. Or Austin. But not in real life; in the ring. We all wonder what it would be like to be these guys as if wrestling was real. And for a few hours each week this fed provides the opportunity in some way to experience that, even if all the moves are on paper, and even if the only fans are the other workers. It's a great place to let your imagination go wild and when you look at that way, and not as a chore, it becomes a lot of fun.

 

So if you think the fed is in trouble, I simply urge you all to remember why you joined in the first place. How you felt when you won your first match. Or your first title. Or, how much you want to win your first title, if that applies to you. This is a special place and I don't think you all should take it for granted. You can get a lot of satisfaction and fun out of the SWF and I strongly urge all of you, if you haven't yet, to do so.

 

-PDS

[Guest Longdogger_Pete]

(Y) @ mentioning LDP as a possible choice for commentator. You know Pete would rock at face PBP.

 

Doggah rockz the HOUSE~!

[Guest AnnieEclectic]

I must admit that Annie as a face commentator would be great... especially if she's paired up with King which would create all sorts of wacky hijinx I'm sure

 

-Annie

[Guest Suicide King]

An excellent post PDS. Thank you.

 

And this commentary thing is getting ridiculous, not to mention it isn't what the thread is about. let it die, people.

[Guest CED Ordonez]

Don't use me anywhere the commentary table unless I'm going through it via highspot.

 

Anyway, I might as well respond. The reason behind both of my hiatuses from the fed is that the fed falls behind two other factors in my life: Work and school. When those two factors take up most of my time, I have less time to write and less time equals lower quality of writing in my book. If I don't think I can give the fed a high caliber match based on my abilities, I tend to no-show. Too many no-shows lead to the hiatus.

 

I'm probably the most cyclical writer in the fed. I'll most likely return in a matter of months when I'm gonna be out of school...and most likely unemployed.

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

Damn.....PDS rocks the house with that post. Very well said, man.

[Guest AnnieEclectic]

Awww, why can't we entertain the fleeting, dying notion that we might be able to have our characters portrayed way out of character and butchered to obtain temporary immortality within the confines of others that write in this fed? It's harmless fun :-D

 

-Annie

[Guest Grand Slam]

Thanks PDS. That is exactly the kind of emotion I felt (and feel) when working with this Fed. I never got the chance to work with you during your time here, and now I regret it a little, because you seem to be as passionate about the SWF as I am.

 

This thread has made me feel confident that someday, I'll be sitting down to read Genesis V and thinking, "Damn, this is a great thing."