SWF Storm (March 19/2002)

[Guest BA_Baracus]

The sound of a wind whistling is heard throughout the arena, followed by white pyrotechnics, signaling the beginning of yet another SWF Storm!  The lights come up and the sounds of thousands and thousands of screaming fans overwhelm television sets across the world.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another edition of SWF Storm, live from the Corel Centre in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada!  I’m the spicy one, Curry, alongside my pants-less colleague NTD!

 

The camera pans around the arena, showing the rabid SWF fans holding up thousands of signs that say anything from “Neilson was robbed in the Hall of Fame” to “NTD is my baby’s daddy”.  After scanning all the signs, the camera settles down on Curry and NTD, sitting at the announce table ready for tonight’s action.

 

And what a Storm it’s going to be tonight!  We’ve got the main event to end all main events tonight Curry!

 

That’s right NTD!  Tonight, in our main event, The Hville Thugg, our world champion, is going to go head to head with his arch rival, Xstasy…one on one….LAST MAN STANDING!

 

A match that should go down in history!  What a night!!

 

Also tonight…we’ve got Mark Stevens, the third competitor in next Sunday’s world title match taking on Da Pound’s Sacred.  I’m sure there’s no love lost between those two as Mark Stevens may have been indirectly responsible for Sacred losing his coveted US title.

 

Oh, he definitely cost Sacred that title.  He distracted the referee.

 

Well, regardless, those two will go meet each other in the ring tonight, and we’ll see who the better man is.  Also tonight, a shot at the hardcore title will be up for grabs between the newcomer Longdogger Pete and the returning Mistress Sarah, which should be an interesting encounter.  Let’s have a look at the rest of the card…

 

 

Storm Card

 

HARDCORE MATCH FOR THE HARCORE TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP

Mistress Sarah vs. Longdogger Pete

- These two have history from way back in the JL (as is my understanding).  Pete wants a shot at the Boston Strangler’s hardcore title, but he’ll have to beat 2-time hardcore champ Mistress Sarah to do it…

 

ICTV TITLE MATCH

Edwin MacPhisto © vs. The Prophet

- Around a week ago the Prophet defeated Spider Nekura to become the ICTV #1 contender, while on the same show MacPhisto beat Thoth to retain the belt.  Wanting to get this over with as soon as possible, McWeed has booked the match for Storm…

 

LAST MAN STANDING MATCH

Hville Thugg vs. Xstasy

- These two have been in a steadily escalating feud and will face each other (as well as Mark Stevens) in a 3-way heavyweight title match on the next PPV.  Who will be able to draw first blood as the title match approaches?

 

 

After the graphic showing the card fades away, the camera focuses on the entrance ramp…

 

“They don’t know”

“Who we be!”

 

“They don’t know”

“Who we be!”

 

And it looks like we’re gonna start things off with a visit from our SWF Champion, the Hville Thugg!

 

Oh, aren’t we special.  We get to hear from the champion!  What have we done to deserve such an honor.

 

“What they don’t know is…”

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!

 

“The bullshit”

“The drama”

“The guns”

“The armor”

 

DMX’s “Who we be” blares through the speakers and the fans boo their heads off and hold up any hateful HVT sign.  HVT steps to the forefront of the fire, scans the arena, and then makes his slow descent to the ring.  

 

The champ doesn’t look too happy.  I wonder what’s on his mind.

 

He’s always mad!  I’m sure he’s just a little pissed off about Xstasy stringing him up in that ambulance last week.

 

Yeah, what was that all about.  Isn’t that kind of illegal?

 

This is sports entertainment man, you can get away with anything around here.  ####, you could even get away with blowing up a toy store in an attempt to kill 4 people.

 

Yeah, but no one would actually do that……………………………would they?

 

NTD and Curry share an awkward silence, and then burst into hysterical laughter.  Meanwhile, HVT steps into the ring, walks to the far side, and demands a microphone.  A technician obliges and hands Thugg a mic.  HVT walks to the center of the ring, but as he puts the microphone to his lips, the fans explode into boos.  HVT puts the mic down, and starts to look around the arena before attempting to speak once again.

 

Y…

 

“YOU SUCK!”

“YOU SUCK!”

 

HVT pulls the mic down again, and waits for the fans to die down, giving them angry looks all the while.

 

Well there’s a surprise.  Thugg’s getting a less than welcoming greeting from these Ottawa fans.

 

What the #### do they know anyway…they’re just stupid Canadians.

 

I’d be careful.  There’s about 50 of them sitting right behind us, and they can hear everything we say.

 

Oh…ummmmm…sorry guys.  I was just kidding!

 

While NTD fears for his life, HVT attempts to speak again…this time, a bit more successful.

 

Yo…yall bamas need to show some mutha fuckin’ respect out this bitch.

 

“BOOOOOO!”

 

Whatever man.  I ain’t even trippin ‘bout yall cause, for real, I ain’t down here to talk to you!  I came down here to talk to one man……XSTASY!!!  I can’t find his sorry ass in the back, so I’m out here to talk to that fake ass nigga.  Last week, that pussy ass mutha fucka locked me in a goddamn ambulance, and hung me from a fuckin’ crane!!  What kind a pussy shit is that?  You scared to face me bitch??  Huh, you scared you pussy ass nigga??

 

I highly doubt Xstasy is scared of the Hville Thugg.

 

Yo, show the fuckin’ footage of what this mutha fucka did last week!

 

The SmarkTron sparks to life and shows Xstasy locking the ambulance door, driving it to the construction site, and hanging the ambulance 150 feet in the air.

 

What the fuck is that about cuz?  I don’t give a #### what you say slim, cuz the fact is that you’re just a scared bitch.  You scared to get yo ass whooped!  But you know what…tonight, you can’t hide from it!  You can’t put me in no ambulances…no goddamn bulldozers!  It’s just you and me…one on mutha fuckin’ one!  Last Man Standing bitch!!

 

That’s right…tonight!  Thugg…Xstasy…Last Man Standing Match!

 

Yo, for real…you know what.  I ain’t tryin to wait till later.  Every fuckin’ show, you come out here and you call me to the ring.  You call me all kinds of names and shit…gettin’ everyone all worked up.  Well tonight…I’m callin’ yo bitch ass out.  Bring yo fagot ass to this ring so I can whoop yo ass once and for all!

 

The fans explode at the chance of HVT/Thugg right this second…

 

And now Thugg’s calling out Xstasy!  We’ve seen X call him out time and time again, and Thugg not show.  Now Thugg’s calling out Xstasy!

 

Come on you pussy!  Get the fuck out here.  It’s time to do this shit!

 

The fans wait impatiently as no sounds come from the speakers and the SmarkTron fails to come to life.

 

Will Xstasy accept the challenge of the Hville Thugg??  Or is he a pink paisley biatch?

 

Come on bitch!  What you waitin’ for??  Get the fuck out here!  I’m ready to WRECK YO…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CRACK!

 

Wait a #### second!!  That’s not Xstasy!!  That’s…

 

The fans absolutely explode as the opening bass of “Born Bad” by Gone Jackals hits the speakers!

 

…that’s GRAND SLAM MARK STEVENS!!!

 

What the ####?  He didn’t ask for Stevens.  He asked for Xstasy.

 

The smoke on the stage clears and the Heavy Hitter stands tall on the stage, wearing an Ottawa Senators cap and holding a microphone in his hand.

 

The Heavy Hitter is answering Thugg’s challenge!  Stevens will be the second man vying for Thugg’s title next Sunday, but what does he want out here tonight?

 

The fans start to calm a bit as “Born Bad” fades out and Grand Slam stands with a not so pleasant look on his face.

 

Hey Thugg!  Surprised to see me?  You surprised to see the Heavy Hitter??  Yeah, I thought so.  First, let me start by telling you that Xstasy is in the back looking for commissioner Stubby right now.  I’m not sure what about, but he definitely wasn’t happy about something you did!  That being said, I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing out here.

 

HVT stares blankly as Stevens, his anger beginning to congeal into a menacing rage.

 

Don’t think too hard there Thugg.  Wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself before next Sunday.  I’ll tell you why I’m here.  I’m here as a reminder.  I’m here just to let you know that while you are probably thinking about Xstasy, there’s one more person coming after that title next Sunday!  And that person is the Heavy Hitter…me…Grand Slam Mark Stevens!!

 

The crowd pops!

 

That’s right Thugg!  You may have forgotten, but I haven’t forgotten and I’m sure these great fans in Ottawa haven’t forgotten.  They haven’t forgotten how you won that belt you’re holding.  They haven’t forgotten that YOU CAN’T BEAT GRAND SLAM MARK STEVENS!

 

What?  He pinned your shoulders to the mat…1…2…3!

 

Oh, you may have pinned me to the mat and got the three count.  But that wouldn’t be the whole story, would it Thugg?  Well, let me refresh your memory with the whole story.  Roll the footage!

 

The SmarkTron kicks up and shows the match where HVT won the world title off of Stevens.  It shows the interference of Jay Dawg, Xstasy, and the Suicide King!  The fans boo the footage as if it were the greatest injustice of all time.

 

See Thugg.  You needed the help of your local jobber and the biggest bitch walking the planet to help you win that belt.  You can’t beat me and you know it.

 

Yo cuz.  I ain’t ask for you to come down here and talk shit, but I’ll certainly come up there and WRECK YO SHIT!

 

Don’t worry Thugg.  You’ll get your chance at me, but I don’t want to ruin it for these fans tonight.  Cause you see, tonight…they’ll get to see…and I’ll watch from the back…we’ll all get to see Xstasy embarrass you and show you for the bitch that you are.  He’s going to show the whole world just how much of a coward you are.  Now, I could come down there right now and beat you from pillar to post, but then these fans would miss out on Xstasy raping you like a 5 cent hooker!

 

HVT fumes from the ring as Stevens continues…

 

For Xstasy, it’s personal…but for me…for the Heavy Hitter…it’s about taking back what’s mine you son of a bitch!  It’s about avenging an injustice and taking back what you stole from me!  It’s about stepping into the ring with the 7’2”, 450 pounds monster…and whipping your ass all over the ring!  It’s about becoming three time…three time SWF World Heavyweight Champion!  It’s about vindication you fat bastard!

 

The fans continue to pop as Stevens looks to wrapping it up.

 

And before I go, I just want you to remember something Thugg.  Tonight…Xstasy is going to destroy you…reveal you for the bitch that you are…and then!  AND THEN!  NEXT SUNDAY…YOUR ASS IS MINE!  BECAUSE NEXT SUNDAY, YOU’LL STEP UP TO THE PLATE!  YOU’LL STEP UP!  YOU’LL STEP UP JUNIOR AND FIND OUT WHY THEY CALL ME…THE HEAVY HITTER!  AND THAT YOU FAT BITCH…IS A #### PROMISE!

 

“Born Bad” hits the speakers as the crowd absolutely explodes from the harsh words from Mark Stevens.

 

Holy cow!!  Strong words from the Heavy Hitter…Grand Slam Mark Stevens.  He just let Thugg know he can’t over look him next Sunday!  What a match that will be!  Mark Stevens…Xstasy…The Hville Thugg.  All in the ring at once…fighting for the richest prize in the game!

 

And what a battle it’s going to be!!  Let’s just hope that Stevens doesn’t end up eating his words.

 

Stevens stands on the stage, and a final shot of the two exchanging stares is show before Storm goes to commercial.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

[The opening pyrotechnics clear as the camera pans around the cheering crowd in Ottawa, Ontario! All the common signs are seen: “So Says the Clan” and “I am the Saviour!” A few signs pertinent to the upcoming match are shown, like: “LDP, 1! 2! 3!” and “Mistress, I’ve Been Bad!” One particularly outstanding sign reads “WHERE’S BO?!” with a picture of a cage and Bo holding LDP, reminiscent of the JL days when Sarah advanced in the World title tournament with WFer Perfect Bo’s help. The shot cuts to backstage as Curry and NTD voiceover.]

 

Curry: “Welcome back to SWF Storm!”

NTD: “Yeah, wait! We were just doing Storm!”

Curry: “Technical problems, Pantless. Shut up and play along!”

NTD: “Hmph!”

 

[The picture first shows none other than Longdogger Pete! He walks down a hallway, heading for the ring, undoubtedly. He shrugs his shoulders and rolls his head, warming up along the way. His dark sunglasses are not part of his uniform tonight, and his jacket has already been removed as well. There’s a stern look of determination on his facial features, with a hint of worry in his eyes. Just a hint.]

 

NTD: “There’s LDP!”

Curry: “He looks ready for this battle!”

NTD: “And a battle it will be! LDP has never beaten the Mistress!”

 

[The camera next focuses on a different corridor, where Mistress Sarah walks toward the arena! A loud chorus of boos accompanies her picture on the Smarktron. She doesn’t wear the normal see through robe on the way to the ring, and on her face is a smirk. She can be heard chuckling, too!]

 

NTD: “Sarah’s confident tonight!”

Curry: “LDP has improved since their time together in the IGNJL.”

NTD: “She can still take him!”

 

[The Storm theme drops to nothingness as Sarah’s form darts across the screen and out of view. The shot pans over to catch up with her, and she’s standing over LDP! She has her whip folded over a few times for close quarter punishment, and is using it to whip Longdogger Pete across the back!]

 

Curry: “That sneaky bitch!”

NTD: “It’s one of her classic hardcore tactics! LDP didn’t do his homework!”

Curry: “The match hasn’t started yet! Get to the ring!”

 

[LDP raises his arm against the whip, protecting his back. As Sarah lays another lash across his forearm, Pete grabs hold of the whip and jerks it from the Mistress’s hand! Sarah lets the whip go, allowing LDP his millisecond of victory. Then, she begins stomping at his shoulder and ribs!]

 

Mistress: “You think you can take me hardcore?! You think it’s your element?! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HARDCORE IS!!”

 

[sarah punctuates her mini-rant with a swift kick to LDP’s gut, which doubles him over as he grabs his belly, grunting with pain. The Mistress takes a few steps down the hallway, into a small break area. She grabs the food-laden table and pushes it into the hallway, in front of Pete. Sarah picks up the back end of the table and tips it up, letting all the food, plates, cups, and jugs of beverages slide off and dump onto LDP! But Sarah doesn’t stop there. She continues to push the table upright, then knocks it all the way over, where it lands onto the Longdogger! Something shatters as the table lands, and a stifled yell from LDP is heard soon after.]

 

Mistress: “I’ll be waiting for your ass in the ring. Don’t make me wait too long.”

 

[The Mistress steps onto the table, walking over a groaning LDP as she collects her whip from the floor. Crossing over the table again, Sarah laughs as Pete bangs a hand on the plank pinning him to the ground. A referee rushes past Sarah as she heads to the ring, and moves to help out Longdogger Pete.]

 

NTD: “That’s odd.”

Curry: “What is?”

NTD: “Sarah didn’t want the match to start yet!”

Curry: “What’s wrong with that?!”

NTD: “Nothing! It’s just odd.”

 

[A few moments pass as the Smarktron focuses on the referee helping out LDP. Then, the lights go out and the picture on the Smarktron changes to that of an old home movie playing. The first few, eerie guitar notes of “Paint It Black” sound off, then intensify after the drumbeats. The Mistress steps onto the stage, wearing her whip around her waist and her see through robe, as if nothing had happened backstage!]

 

* DING * DING *

 

Funyon: “The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! And will be a Hardcore match for number one contendership to the HARDCORE TITLE! Introducing first! From Bellevue, Nebraska and weighing in at one hundred and sixty pounds … she is the Princess of Pain, the Queen of Knockout! MISSTRESSSS SARAAAAAAAH!!”

 

[A very heated chorus of boos accompanies Sarah to the ring, but she pays the fans no mind. As she slides into the ring, the Mistress makes a circle around Funyon, then moves closer and snatches his microphone away!]

 

Curry: “Great, just what we need. Bitchin’.”

NTD: “Show a little respect!”

Curry: “Bah.”

NTD: “Boy, your colors really changed after last week.”

 

[The Rolling Stones theme “Paint It Black” fades from the speakers. Sarah brings the microphone up to speak, but pauses as another wave of boos emanates from the crowd. The Mistress glares and raises the microphone up again, yet has to pause as a chant kicks up.]

 

Crowd: “L-D-P! L-D-P! L-D-P!”

 

Mistress: “Oh, he’ll show up in due time.”

 

[The crowd mindlessly cheers, hoping to hurry along their favorite in this bout.]

 

Mistress: “But first, a history lesson.”

 

Curry: “Oh, history is my best subject!”

NTD: “I HATE history!”

Curry: “Obviously not that much.”

NTD: “Definitely not up there with pants.”

Curry: “Wilson level?”

NTD: “Yeah. The resemblance is astounding. Both are boring, old, never change, idiotic and painful to watch.”

 

Mistress: “Let’s go back a few years, back to the Arilyn Wrestling Federation. Yeah, that Florida shithole where I kicked LDP’s ass day in and day out. He may be a three time AWF Heavyweight Champion, but that makes me a four time champ, because every time he managed to snatch the belt away from me, I took it back decisively! Matter of fact, I’m still the fuckin’ champ! The commissioner down there never bothered to disband the league or take the title away from me!”

 

Curry: “What does this have to do with anything?”

NTD: “Maybe she’ll get to that.”

Curry: “Just like a woman; they talk a lot and say absolutely nothing!”

 

[The Mistress paces around the ring, allowing the crowd to settle down from their booing. She takes a look up at the stage, smirking as she notices that it is still clear of LDP. Sarah looks back at the crowd.]

 

Mistress: “Then, at the end of May, 2001 Longdogger Pete made his debut in the IGN Junior League. Of course he lost his first match at the Pay-Per-View, but after that, he started getting some wins and found his place in the league. He called me first week of April and said to me, [in a really bad Southern accent] ‘’ey, Sarah! This here league is darn cool! I tawked to da commissioner and he got a spot for ya! C’mon in!’ [end bad accent] So, I came into the IGNJL. And sure, I’ll give Pete credit for getting me into the league, but that’s about it. I, by myself, rocketed to the top, something LDP could not do for the life of him.”

 

Crowd: “Bor-ring! Booor-ring! Bor-ring!”

 

[The Mistress ignores the crowd as she continues to pace and adds on to her story.]

 

Mistress: “And then there was that tournament. The first tournament I was in for the IGNJL World Heavyweight Title. I was more than deserving at the time. LDP and I faced off in the semifinals, in a cage. It was a great match. Pete made the biggest … well, second biggest mistake of his life when he climbed the cage, turned around, and Longdogger Legdropped me from twenty feet up! Of course, I won and advanced. It was in the finals that LDP made the biggest mistake of his career. Yeah, a match he wasn’t even involved in. Mistress Sarah versus Zio, and Longdogger Pete runs in. That ####### Cloggered me on the concrete outside the ring, setting up Zio’s Final Destination and the One, Two, Three.”

 

Curry: “Yep, I remember that! LDP continued to beat on the Mistress after the match ended.”

NTD: “But the Hville Thugg made the save. Even I remember that one. I wish those two were still together. They made a #### of a team.”

 

Mistress: “We faced off twice after that. Once in a two out of three falls for my European title, which LDP could not wrest from my grasp, and again in a handicap match. Even with Low Brass, who is a totally different story, [she smirks] LDP couldn’t get an edge over the Mistress! And he’s gonna come out here and tell me that he got me where I am today?! What a joke!”

 

[After a good three minute rant by the Mistress, “Cold Contagious” by Bush kicks up, arousing a cheer from the crowd!]

 

"You will get yours...

you will get yours...

you will get yours...

you will get yours...

 

YOU WILL GET YOURS!"

 

[A huge explosion of white pyro rocks the stage and smoke billows into the entryway. Through the smoke enters Longdogger Pete. He holds his left arm tight to his side, and has a microphone in the other hand. LDP waits patiently for the cheers and chanting to die down before speaking.]

 

LDP: “Mistress Sarah … there’s a reason I’m a champ in dis bid’niss-“

Mistress: “And I ain’t it. No shit, Sherlock.”

 

[Longdogger Pete glares as Sarah cuts in on his catchphrase. The crowd boos lightly.]

 

Mistress: “But I’m gonna be the reason you’re NOT a champ in ‘dis bid’ness.’ I’m sure you remember our little war back in the JL. Consider this Act Two!”

 

[sarah tosses her microphone back to Funyon, who hurriedly announces LDP.]

 

Funyon: “And her opponent, from Miami, Florida and weighing in at two hundred and seventy-two pounds … LONGDOGGERRR PETE!”

 

[LDP drops his microphone onto the stage with an amplified ‘THUD.’ He then tears down the ramp, heading straight for the Mistress! The crowd cheers as Pete slides into the ring. But Sarah is waiting for him, whip at the ready. She unleashes the snake.]

 

*WHA-PEESH!*

 

[LDP yowls as the forked tongue bites into his shoulder.]

 

* DING * DING * DING *

 

*WHA-PEESH!*

 

[The Mistress sends her whip cracking again, but Pete rolls out of the way and back out of the ring. Sarah drops her whip and takes off across the ring, leaping into the air and over the top rope! LDP glances up and reaches out, catching the Mistress in midair! He hefts her over his head in a military press slam, but the Mistress easily wriggles free. She grabs hold of his neck from behind and falls back, slamming Pete’s head onto the concrete with a reverse DDT!]

 

NTD: “Slick move by the Mistress.”

Curry: “Too bad LDP was phased much by the maneuver.”

 

[sure enough, LDP and Sarah stand at the same moment, and Pete launches his right hand attack. Sarah ducks the first blow and smashes an elbow into Pete’s forehead! Sarah lands a kick to Pete’s midsection, doubling him over. The Mistress axes her leg up and around, wrapping it around the back of LDP’s neck! She then drops back to the floor, slamming Longdogger Pete’s head to the concrete! Sarah floats over for the count.]

 

ONE!

 

TW-

 

[Pete lifts a shoulder!]

 

Curry: “A near fall by the Mistress.”

NTD: “That was an interesting DDT variant … I must say.”

Curry: “You just wish those were your legs wrapped around LDP’s neck.”

NTD: “Not-uh!”

 

[Mistress Sarah stands, helping LDP to his feet. She brings her hand back for a big punch, but Pete throws an arm up, blocking the Mistress! He fights back with a huge right hand! Sarah stumbles back as Pete advances, slamming right hand after right hand into her face!]

 

Curry: “And Pete fights back with big rights.”

NTD: “LDP has no rights.”

Curry: “You are so lame, Pantless.”

 

[Pete grabs Sarah by the wrist, whipping her toward the steel stairs … she leapfrogs them! LDP’s expression registers ‘dammit’ and he stalks after her. Sarah rests against the announce table, pulling the panel away as it falls forward. Sensing Pete’s approach, Sarah whirls around, and catches Pete in the forehead with Curry’s monitor!!]

 

Curry: “My monitor!”

NTD: “Not like you need to see what’s going on, anyway.”

 

[Pete stumbles back and rests against the ring apron, holding his forehead. The referee stands back a little bit, allowing all this to continue on. Sarah glances at the monitor she has in her hand, then back to Curry. She moves closer and leans in.]

 

Mistress: “You want your monitor back, Spiceman?”

 

[After seeing Curry’s vehement nod, Sarah swings with the monitor, smacking him across the forehead as well!]

 

NTD: “Mistress Sarah’s just attacked Curry! Sarah, you’re my hero!!”

 

[sarah winks at NTD and turns back toward Pete, only to receive a boot to the face! LDP’s big boot knocks Sarah back and onto the announce table. The One Man Wrecking Crew grabs Sarah by the hair, pulling her off of the table. LDP leads Sarah toward the crowd barrier, then lifts her up, and drops her back down, face first onto the barrier! The fans nearby boo and jeer as Sarah holds her face in hand, ‘cause it probably hurts. She stands back up, leaning against the barrier. Pete charges in, clotheslining Sarah over the barrier with enough momentum to go over himself!]

 

NTD: “And the match carries over into the crowd! Security’s gonna have a ball with this one!”

 

[Pete stands, helping Sarah up. He guides her further into the crowd, and up into the first tier! Longdogger Pete glances around, and then spots the landmark he was looking for. Before heading to it, however, Sarah fights back with a few punches to LDP’s gut! As she tries to free herself, Pete brings her in again, lifting her up and letting her drop face first onto the handrail! Sarah drops back to the stairs, holding her nose. The crowd gets into the match with a cheer.]

 

Crowd: “LDP! 1-2-3! LDP! 1-2-3!”

 

[The Miami Menace smiles at them and grabs Mistress Sarah up again, pulling her toward the technician’s area. Pete whips Sarah into the squared off zone, and she breaks through the steel barrier, toppling it over. LDP gingerly steps in, picking up the Mistress. He leads her toward the control board, and tosses her up onto it! With that, the arena lights go black!]

 

Curry: [finally back] “Dumb bitch … Hey! Longdogger Pete has Sarah in the technician’s area, he’s messing with the lights!!”

NTD: [whimpering] “Get a flashlight over here, please?”

Curry: “You wuss!”

 

[Pete pulls himself onto the table, grabs Sarah by the head, and begins slamming punches into her cranium! As he does, the lights at the stage begin flashing and “Perfect Drug” by Nine Inch Nails blares through the speakers. The crowd goes wild with cheering!]

 

Curry: “What's X doing out here?!”

 

[The crowd jeers as well as they wait for the Perfect Drug to appear.]

 

[but he doesn’t … and Pete continues his beating of Mistress Sarah. Sarah wedges a leg between herself and LDP, kicking him off of her. The Miami Menace stumbles back, knocking the technician out of his chair. Sarah slides off the control panel and suddenly, At the Drive In’s “Quarantined” begins pumping through the speakers. The crowd boos heavily as the chorus kicks up and the blue lighting switches to red.]

 

Curry: “And now Thoth … wait a minute! X hasn’t even appeared yet!”

NTD: [rolling his eyes] “Mistress Sarah’s messing with the controls up in the technician’s booth. All those entrances are being played by her!”

Curry: “I wouldn’t think she’d want to be doing that … how coincidental that she played Thoth's entrance! I think that board is haunted.”

NTD: “How is that coincidental? And this is the first time it’s happened, Spiceman.”

 

[Longdogger Pete charges Sarah, aiming a clothesline her way, but Sarah ducks under and catches LDP in a drop toe hold, causing him to slam his face onto the control board!! The arena lights dim once more, and “Eye of the Tiger” begins playing. Yellowish strobe lights begin canning the arena, as the fans kick up a confused cheer! A few seconds into the song, the lights come back up, and no one is at the stage. The crowd buzzes in confusion.]

 

Curry: “Now Riley is back.”

NTD: “BOBBI!!”

 

[sarah grabs Pete in a quick roll up for the pin.]

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

[Pete kicks out easily. Sarah stands, pulling the chair from under the technician and raising it above her head. With a hearty cheer from the crowd, Sarah brings it down hard over LDP’s back!]

 

Mistress: “Take that!”

 

[sarah brings the chair down again!]

 

Crowd: “Booooooo!”

 

[sarah drops the chair and begins kicking away at Longdogger Pete, rolling him out of the technician’s zone and back into the crowd. Pete grabs onto the handrail in order to stop himself from rolling down the stairs … but Sarah stomps his fingers, causing LDP to let go, and begin tumbling endlessly … down, down, down … ]

 

NTD: “Pete’s in for the longest fall of his life!”

Curry: “Poor guy. At least he’s not hitting the guard rails … “

NTD: [wincing] “Spoke too soon.”

 

[The technician, in his infinite wisdom, sits up from the ordeal, notices Pete rolling down the stairs, and flips a certain switch, causing the speakers to boom, “KEEP ROLLIN’ ROLLIN’ ROLLIN’!!” The fans cheer wildly as Sarah glances back and smirks at the man behind the sound board! The Mistress hops onto the handrail, and slides down to where Pete has finally landed! Sarah guides LDP into a clear area and picks him up. She slings one of his arms over her neck, and grabs onto Fallout’s pants. She hefts him up, but he won’t budge! Pete slams a fist into Sarah’s side, grabs up her leg, and lifts her overhead in a quick Samoan drop!]

 

NTD: “Sarah wasn’t too wise for trying a suplex on Pete.”

Curry: “LDP with the reversal … after that long fall, it’s amazing he was able to do anything!!”

NTD: [giving Curry a funny look] “You are kidding, right?”

Curry: “No! And the pin!”

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

[This time, Sarah kicks out easily. LDP rolls to his feet and grabs Sarah by the hair. A glance around reveals nothing in sight he could use … so he drags the Mistress through the entrance tunnel, and onto the concourse! A few denizens of Ontario are milling about, and they immediately begin cheering as they notice Longdogger Pete and Mistress Sarah!]

 

Fan1: “C’mon Sarah!”

Fan2: “Are you ready for the LONGDOGGAAAAAH!!!”

 

[LDP gives the guy in front of him a thumbs up, then pushes through the crowd and down the hallway. He reaches a certain point, grabs onto Sarah’s arm and whips her into the pretzel cart! The lady attending it yelps and skitters off as the cart unbalances and nearly tips over. Sarah struggles to get to her feet.]

 

Curry: “Boy, LDP’s really giving Sarah a tour of the building! And I bet she didn’t ask for it!”

NTD: “As if either one of them wants to get to know the layout of the building any better. This is Ontario. Neither of these wrestlers are from Ontario!”

 

[sarah quickly ducks as she notices a boot coming her way! Another spin sweeps LDP off his feet. Sarah darts up and grabs Longdogger Pete by the legs, holding them apart for a moment, before slamming her heel into his groin!! LDP curls up, wincing as the crowd moans in sympathy. The Mistress lays over Pete for the pin.]

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

T—

 

[The pain almost got to Pete, but he kicks out after the two count. Sarah stands, reaching down to grab LDP’s ankles again. Desperate, Pete wiggles one of his legs free and slams his boot into Sarah’s face, sending her flying back. Both wrestlers remain on the floor as the referee moves between the two, checking on them.]

 

Curry: “Pete’s doing his best to regain some sort of control in this match.”

NTD: “Did he really ever have any control?”

Curry: “I’m not sure … “

NTD: “The Mistress is always in control. Just remember that.”

Curry: “Will she be in control after that?”

 

[Curry points to NTD’s monitor, which shows the match in progress. LDP has risen from his curled state and lurches toward the Mistress, stomping at her shoulder before reaching down to pick her up. Sarah lets Pete take hold of her by the hair, then darts up, slamming a forearm into Pete’s already sore jewels!]

 

NTD: “Yes.”

 

[Pete drops back to his BUTT, holding his groin in agony. The Mistress stands and stumbles over, grabbing LDP by the ankles once again. After wrenching them apart, Sarah sits out, drops both legs into Longdogger Pete’s crotch, causing him to yelp loudly in pain. This time, Sarah keeps hold of LDP’s legs. She rolls him up, pushing his knees to the floor on either side of his head, then sits down on his calves, her own legs spread over Pete’s face!!]

 

NTD: “WHOA!! I bet LDP doesn’t mind being in that situation at all!!”

Curry: “ … That’s an interesting pin maneuver.”

 

[The referee takes a moment to register the move as a pin, then slides in and begins the count.]

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

[LDP struggles, but can’t seem to get any leverage!]

 

THREE!!

 

[The referee stands, signaling for the bell, though it’s hardly heard by Mistress Sarah or Longdogger Pete.]

 

* DING * DING * DING *

 

Funyon: “Your winner, and number one contender to the Hardcore Title … MISSTRESSS SARAAAAAH!!”

 

[The crowd raises some wild heat as “Paint It Black” kicks up in the arena. Back on the concourse, Sarah stands back up and continues to kick and stomp at LDP! The referee tries to pull Sarah away but she shoves him aside and goes right back to work on LDP!]

 

NTD: “Sarah wasn’t kidding when she said Act Two.”

Curry: “The referees will break it up.”

 

[The camera focuses on the announce team as the SWF Storm theme blares, preparing them for a break.”

 

The picture fades away and a commercial cuts in.]

[Guest BA_Baracus]

We come back from commercial, and almost immediately, the arena lights fade into blackness, and a soft female voice whispers, “Midnight Carnival.”

 

“Oh yay, let’s all hear what the Midnight Carnival have to say...” NTD says with a disgusted look on his face.

 

“You’re not being sarcastic are you my friend?” Curry asks.

 

“Me? No...”

 

“Well then, just sit back and enjoy!  The Carnival’s in town on this edition of SWF Storm, and I for one am interested as to what they have to say!”

 

The SWFtron flashes blazing white in time with the opening beats of the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ “Love Rollercoaster” as the Carnival’s anthem pumps through the arena, revealing with each flash thin black lettering that reads “Step Right Up!”

 

As the guitar part drops in, three blue laser lights trace the arena, all stemming from the same point in the middle of the entrance ramp.

 

“Rollercoaster! Of love! Rollercoaster! Of love, love, love!”

 

The laser lights flare out into a blue haze across the entrance ramp as none other than The Midnight Carnival step out from behind the curtain. As the refrain arrives for the first time, the arena plunges back into darkness just as purple strobe lights tear through the house and the blue laser lights spiral wildly, illuminating Mark Stevens, El Luchador Magnifico, and Edwin MacPhisto for all the fans to see!

 

NTD looks at his watch...

 

The former world champions enter along with the Intercontinental Television champion, brimming with confidence and raw enthusiasm, as he strides down the ring, his title over his shoulder, and the fans at ringside, screaming their heads off in support of the Carnivalites!

 

Edwin and Stevens step up the steel steps , at opposite sides of the ring, Magnifico slides in, and  the trio enters the ring, as the lights come back on, and Rollercoaster fades out. Stevens, Magnifico, and MacPhisto step into the centre of the ring, and look at each other, and then turn their heads to the fans, who cheer like crazy mofos for the long serving team. Without a word, an attendant from ringside tosses a mic to Edwin!

 

“Edwin’s cutting a promo! Oh my god! He only spoke a half and hour ago! What has changed since then Edwin, oh what has changed?!”

 

“Can I strangle you?” Curry just comes out and says.

 

As Magnifico and Stevens quiet the fans gently, the Mac Daddy and ICTV Champion brings the microphone to his lips and begins to speak…

 

“Well hellooooooooo, my lovely ladies, gents, and autonomous battle robots!  Welcome to the showdown that never stops, the Corral that’s always A-OK, the mid-ring midway of the Midnight Carnival!  The Midnight Carnival, my friends, that has survived tidal waves!  Tsunamis!  Monsoons!  Hordes of gophers!  Lots of gophers!  Mark, you remember the gophers, correct?”  With a shudder, Stevens nods.  “He remembers the gophers!”

 

“I hate this man,” murmurs NTD…

 

“I’m sure the feeling’s mutual,” asserts his commentating cohort Curry.

 

“All rodentia and natural disasters aside,” continues Edwin, “most recently we survived a most heinous ordeal.  It cost us our tag titles, a few pints of blood, and a lot of gothic make-up and scouting done by listening to Bauhaus and The Cure while drinking cheap wine, but we did it!  We withstood the unholy crushing grasp of the Clan, when on last week’s Storm my buddy Mark hit the Walk-Off to knock-off Thoth-off and hopefully seal the deal for good!”  Remembering the exciting and surprising tag between Stevens, LDP, Thoth, and Edwin, the crowd roars, but Edwin soon is speaking again.  “The Carnival is in full effect, as it always has, is now, and forever shall be, and let this trio of goodwill ambassadors make an announcement!  With the Clan vanquished and only the Prophet standing in my way and Sacred in Mark’s--” The crowd cuts Edwin off with a chorus of boos for the Enlightenment and Pound members who are scheduled to fight their beloved Carnies this evening.  Edwin looks to Magnifico, who shrugs, as if to say “Hey, let the fans get their ya-yas out,” and Edwin allows the crowd a moment before speaking again.  “As I was saying,” he grins, “once we have those two obstacles out of the way, it’s PAR-TEE TIME!  And you’re all invited!  We’ve got drinks and donuts for the whole world, and if you’re lucky I might even perform my astounding puppet show rendition of ‘The Great Gatsby’!  It’s fun!  It’s furious!  It’s the spirit of the Midnight Carnival!  We’re all over the place, and we’re still going strong!  Now, if you’ll pardon us, we’ve got some victories to go prepare for…”  Edwin hands the mic over to Mark for the big finish…

 

“And that,” says the Heavy Hitter, as the crowd chants along with him, “is a #### promise!”

 

As the fans erupt once again, “Love Rollercoaster” kicks up, and the SWFtron shows the Carnival’s funniest moments, and the Carnival members are about to exit the ring, in high spirits, but the fans at home, and in the arena, see a tear through the SWFtron.  The happy faces of the Carnival are replaced by a black screen. The Carnies stop in confusion, as the lights dim, shrouding the arena in darkness, as fans point to the SWFtron, trying to work out what happened...

 

Suddenly, the picture on the SWFtron fades back in, showing Sacred, looking at the pair in the ring. Sacred shakes his head, and waves his ring finger, as the Carnival wonder what the #### is going on. Sacred finally decides to speak...

 

“I’m evil...”

 

The stirs up the crowd, provoking boos from even the smallest of fans, who can’t even see the screen.

 

“I’d just thought I’d remind you all. Well, well, well... if it isn’t my old friends... wait, my old enemies... no wait, my old acquaintances. I can’t have you going just yet. You wonder why I’m here? Well, let me tell you... no, no, let me sing to you...”

 

The fans are even louder now, voicing their objections to Sacred singing.

 

“... Rollercoaster, of love! Rollercoaster, of... I can’t go on. I just can’t... I can’t stand back, and watch you, the Midnight Carnival, a collection of pussy cats use this... obviously evil theme!”

 

Curry is somewhat let down, “...What the ####?”

 

“Uh...” NTD is lost for words too, but quickly rallies by the obviously insane Australian. “Can’t you understand what he means Curry? You know... it’s evil...”

 

“But why...”

 

“... Look, I’m dancing Curry! Look at me dance!” Curry just sighs at NTD’s sad attempt at a distraction.

 

“Yeah, you heard me, it’s evil! And you know me, I’m evil, I’m eviler...” Sacred thinks if that’s actually a real word for a second, but then just shrugs. “...Than anyone in this entire federation, and you all know it... C’mon, admit it. And when I see something... or hear something evil, I must have it, and I will crush all those who oppose me, and my evil type voice!”

 

“He’s not serious is he...” Curry asks.

 

“Of course he is! But I doubt that any of the Carnival will stand in Sacred’s way... just listen to his voice! It’s so evil!”

 

“He had the sound crew modify it electronically...”

 

“... Still evil... bitch...” NTD grumbles, while Curry has a rather large grin on his face.

 

Sacred starts to sing once again, “Rollercoaster! Of evil! Rollercoaster! Of evil, evil, evil! You see, how evil it is? And soon my Carnival friends, I will steal this theme... yeah, that’s right, steal it, and if one of you want to try and stop me, you can try, but you won’t get very far... Muahahahaahahahaha!”

 

The screen fades out once again, with Stevens, Magnifico, and Edwin, still looking confused, but also with a chuckle, shaking their heads and just leaving the ring. The fans don’t take it too seriously either, as they cheer their heroes up the ramp.

 

“Well, that certainly was bizarre... but you never know what Sacred is capable, he’s done some stup... strange things in his time, I wonder what he has planned.  It looks like he intends to co-opt the Carnival’s entrance music for himself, but I don’t know how he expects to do that…” Curry ponders.

 

“I don’t see what’s so funny! The Carnival should take Sacred seriously! He is of stable mind... fairly stable... I think... oh, screw it.  Come back for more Storm after the break!”

[Guest BA_Baracus]

The commercial slowly fades, returning to SWF Storm. The camera is deep in a locker room, focusing on the black, leather of a brand new sofa. The screen slightly tilts to the left, catching a pair of boots in its glimpse, ladder laced, neatly polished. The camera dolly’s upward, a baggy pair of black pants; a black, dress belt; and a black, sleeveless tee shirt all come into view. The face of Da Pound member, Jay Dawg, appears on the screen. The crowd is heard booing all over the place, especially after what his stablemate just did to Edwin.

 

Jamie: “Yo dude. I got your back tonight, you know that.”

 

To the Dawgmeister’s left, is a large, angry, black man, with the world title strapped onto his broad shoulder.

 

HVT: “I know cuz. X is just pissing me off, y’know what I’m saying?”

 

Jamie: “Yeah. I recognize big guy. You know what though…”

 

HVT: “What?”

 

Jamie: “How about after tonight, after the brutal beating you hand his ass. Why don’t we strike him down where it really hurts?”

 

HVT: “Whatchu saying?”

 

Jamie: “How about on Smarkdown, I whip his bitch ass for that U.S. title of his?”

 

HVT: “I like the way you think, cuz. That nigga loves his gold.”

 

Jamie: “And what is better then Da Pound having more gold?”

 

HVT: “There ain’t shit better.”

 

*FLUSH*

 

A door opens, out comes the former U.S. champion, the eVil one.

 

Sacred: “Yo Dawg. I don’t need you going for my title.”

 

Jay Dawg looks over to HVT, then chuckles for a moment.

 

Jamie: “Dude. You are too #### good for that title. X beat you for it by the biggest of flukes. You should be going for that ICTV title, punking out that MacPhisto bitch just like earlier. Or you should be fighting for title shots. We both know you’ve earned it.”

 

HVT: “He’s right cuz. You should be fighting in the Main Event match of the PPV, instead of X or Mark.”

 

Sacred: “Yeah. I guess you’re right. That was pretty Evilly sweet what I did to Edwin. It just angers me that X pinned me, 1,2,3.”

 

Jamie: “Who pinned two time champ, Mark Stevens just last week?”

 

Sacred: “Uh… me.”

 

Jamie: “Who’s going to pin him tonight!?”

 

Sacred: “Me!”

 

Jamie: “#### rights. Let me have the U.S. Title. You’ve already proven how good you are. Let me have my time to shine!”

 

Sacred: “Alright big guy, do Da Pound proud on Smarkdown.”

 

Jamie: “I’ll do it tonight!”

[Guest BA_Baracus]

>Curry “We’re back again, live!”

 

>NTD “It’s already been a CRAZY night!  Grand Slam Mark Stevens called out HVT at the top of our show!”

 

>Curry “Those two are scheduled to go head to head at the Pay Per View this month!”

 

>NTD “Along with the Sex Pill…”

 

>Curry “You mean the Perfect Drug…”

 

>NTD “Same difference!  No superstar has ever been as handsome… as crafty… as… well… SOAR-GASMIC!!!”

 

>Curry “What NTD means is that Xstasy will be in that match as well…”

 

>NTD “And I can’t wait!!”

 

>Curry “But what are his chances like, NTD?”

 

>NTD “Dunno, buddy!  He is going up against two much larger guys…”

 

>Curry “Not to mention the fact that he can’t get past his HATRED of the H-Ville Thugg long enough to concentrate!”

 

The camera now focuses on an office desk, behind which the SWF commissioner is seated!  He waves off some lingering smoke… probably from incense (yeah right), and addresses an unknown figure in front of him…

 

>Curry “It’s the commissioner, Stubby P. McWeed…”

 

>Stubby “This is too much… I just… why didn’t you bring this to my attention sooner?”

 

The figure shrugs…

 

>Stubby “I know I’ve had a lot to deal with, the Enlightenment, the Clan, those #### Carnie practical jokes… I still have to wipe Kool-Aid residue out of my shower… but still!  When stuff like this happens, you’ve got to tell me, so I can check it out!  I know, I probably wouldn’t have believed you at first, but these things take time to deal with…”

 

The commish pauses, and puts his head in his hands…

 

>Stubby “I can’t believe he would stoop that low… I just… I know you two hate each other… but this?  This is just… ridiculous!  And the case is already closed, there’s nothing the law can do about it!  I tell you what, tonight, I’ll help you!  I’ll make SURE you give that big monkey what’s coming to him, you’ve just got to promise me you’ll never let anything like this escape my attention again!  Do we have an understanding, kid?”

 

The figure rises from behind the large leather chair, and the crowd EXPLODES at the revelation!  His dreadlocks fall to his shoulders, and he brushes them out of the way and nods at Stubby.

 

>NTD “XSTASY!!!”

 

>X “I understand, Commish.”

 

>Stubby “I know you’re angry, but go cool off until your match.  I think you’re gonna like what I have planned later on, just PLEASE… stay out of trouble until then!”

 

Xstasy nods, and turns to go through the door, but Stubby stops him…

 

>Stubby “KID!”

 

X turns to face his commish once more…

 

>Stubby “Just for some insight… I don’t suppose you’d like to tell me why the #### he would ever do something like this… I mean, how could he hate you so much?”

 

X looks down at the floor, then shakes his head…

 

>X “Maybe… someday…”

 

Then he turns and leaves the office.

 

>Stubby “Hmmm… this should be interesting…”

 

The show cuts to commercial, as the announcers and audience fight off their confusion…

[Guest BA_Baracus]

Backstage, Edwin MacPhisto is striding through the halls with purpose, but he’s not headed out towards the ring.  As he passes a wandering Magnifico in the hall, the confused luchadore looks up with a quizzical look on his face.  “Edwin, mi amigo, shouldn’t you be going out to the ring?”

 

“I’m going to go see if I can catch myself a fly…”

 

Edwin continues to stealthily sneak past Magnifico as the luchadore turns back with a shrug.  The camera follows Edwin up a small metal twisting stairwell, and to a heavy metal door.  The nameplate on the door reads:

 

SOUND BOOTH

 

“Edwin’s heading up to the sound booth,” shouts Curry, from out in the arena, “but why?”

 

“Cause he’s an idiot!” snaps NTD.

 

“Well…maybe…unless…”  As Curry speculates, Edwin eases the door open, and glances inside.  The camera reveals two technicians sprawled on the floor, and Edwin enters with caution.  “It looks like Sacred left a mark when he took over the tech booth just minutes ago!”  Edwin quickly ducks into the room and turns on his heel, adopting an overblown martial arts pose that draws some loving laughter from the crowd.  Suddenly, that laughter turns into a roar of warnings!  A shadowy figure lurches up out of the shadows, bearing something in its hands!  “Look out, Edwin!” cries Curry, and the Mac Daddy seems to sense something.  A light “Muahahaha” validates his suspicions.  Quickly he turns…

 

…right into a smashing strike from the leaping Sacred!  The “evil” Australian brings his weapon down over Edwin’s head!

 

Bonk.

 

“…NTD, Sacred just hit Edwin with a plastic bowl.”

 

“Uh…that he did.”

 

In the tech booth, Sacred cackles and stares a twisted grin at Edwin, while the Mac Daddy rubs at his head and grimaces slightly.

 

“Ow!  You just hit me with…a plastic bowl?  My noggin’s been defiled by a piece of plastic?  You bloody prison-colony refugee!”  Edwin charges towards Sacred, but in the heat of the moment he forgets about the unconscious technicians below!  The Mac Daddy trips, struggles to keep his balance, but fails and topples to the side!

 

CRASH!!!  A ripple of feedback courses through the arena and everyone in the audience covers their ears as Edwin takes a header into the sound board, disrupting knobs and levers as he slides off and collapses to the ground, moaning lightly before falling silent!  “Edwin’s…been…uh…taken out…by…himself?” wonders Curry, so very, very lost!  With a cackle, Sacred raises his bowl high over his head and stares into the camera!

 

“Another falls to my power of the punchbowl…Muahahahaha!  With lethal force I strike, assaulting the senses through a series of…”  Sacred pauses, looking for a suitable phrase… “Of delayed reaction takedowns!  That’s the power you have…the power you have when you’re evil!”  Sacred, uh, powerfully puts the bowl on his head with one hand, holding it like a helmet, and looks down at the crumpled Edwin.

 

“Your music…will be mine…muahahahahaha!”  With that, Sacred scampers out of sight, warbling his own rendition of “Evil Rollercoaster” as he dashes away!

 

“I…I can’t believe it!” exclaims Curry!  “Sacred has just…well, actually, Edwin tripped and hit his head, but the deluded Sacred thinks that he just took out the ICTV Champion!  And he’s got his eyes on the Carnival’s anthem, ‘Love Rollercoaster!’  What do you make of this, NTD?”

 

“The power of Sacred is mindboggling!  Did you see that massive blow to the head?”

 

“…It was a plastic--”

 

“NYAHHHHHH!”

 

“FINE!  Ugh,” sighs Curry.  “Well folks, it looks like Edwin is out cold, moments before his scheduled title defense against the Prophet, Tyler McClelland.  It seems this match is going to be put off for now, at least, unless McClelland intends on winning by count-out.  Sacred’s thrown a ridiculous monkey wrench into this evening’s events, and so it looks like his confrontation with Mark Stevens will be up next!  How will the Prophet feel about Sacred blowing his chance at the belt tonight, and more importantly--”

 

“—how stupid will Edwin feel when he wakes up!  Heh heh!”

 

“…Thanks, NTD.  Sigh.  Well folks, we’ll be back after this commercial, and hopefully Sacred will manage to keep things under control when he actually takes to the ring…”

[Guest BA_Baracus]

Main event time again!  The track spots search the audience waving hundreds of yards of signs around in the cool air of the Corel Center!  The Clan and Carnie marks rule the day here, with signs like “Clannies do it Underground” and “This Panda will Never Die” being the most popular of the night!  But a few DPG signs litter the arena, and an outstanding Mistress Sarah caricature, complete with curve hugging hot-pants!  The mood is more somber than usual for a main event, most people very interested in the meaning and history behind this ending match up…

 

>Curry “Back once again for a main event that everyone has been waiting for!  Over three months in the making!”

 

>NTD “You said it, Curry!  Xstasy and HVT have more history than probably anyone in this fed!  And tonight, its going to come to a head!”

 

>Curry “Notwithstanding, X and Thugg are already going to meet, along with two time SWF Champion Grand Slam Mark Stevens at the next pay per view… and the SWF World Title will be on the line in that matchup!  Thugg will have to deal with both the pure power and technical mastery of Grand Slam, plus the heart and savvy of the Perfect Drug!”

 

>NTD “And they have to deal with a man who is the size of TWO!  Nobody knows what the #### will happen on that Brutal Sunday!!”

 

>Curry “But for some reason, the commissioner gave X and HVT this chance here tonight… but what was he talking to X about earlier on the show?”

 

>NTD “Beats me, my spicy life-partner!  I’m sure we’ll find out sometime soon!”

 

The lights go dark and an eerie silence falls on the arena.  A sadistic laugh breaks the silence, sending the crowd into a frenzy of boos as the arena speakers kick up…

 

“They don’t know”

“Who we be”

 

“They don’t know”

“Who we be”

 

>Curry “And here he comes.  The giant…the monster…the mammoth beast…”

 

>NTD “The SWF World Champion!”

 

“What they don’t know is…”

 

BOOM!

 

A wall of fire explodes from the stage, heating up the surrounding area as the fans fill the air with their own heat.

 

"The bullsh*t..."

"The drama..."

"The guns..."

"The armor..."

 

With DMX's "Who We Be" blasting through the speakers, HVT moves to the forefront where he stands tall with his head down and his fists clenched at his sides.

 

>Curry “And just listen to the reaction of these fans to the SWF champion.  They truly despise him…”

 

>Funyon “Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title contest is a Last Man Standing Match!  Introducing first, weighing in at 450 pounds from the nation’s capitol, Washington, DC……He is the SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION……THE HVVIIIIIILLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEE THHHUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGG!!!!!

 

The boos intensify as HVT whips his head up and begins his slow descent to the ring.  

 

>NTD “What’s wrong with these fans?  This is their SWF champion…the most dominant champion in history…show a little respect.”

 

>Curry “These are SWF fans.  Thugg’s gonna have to do a little more than win a few titles to earn their respect.  Besides, the despicable things he’s done in his time here only lead me to believe that Thugg deserves no respect.  Not from these fans, not from the wrestlers in the back…and sure as #### not from me and you.”

 

HVT reaches the ring and climbs up the apron, where he proceeds to step over the top rope and into the ring.  Once in the ring, HVT moves to the center and focuses on the stage, tossing his miniature title aside.

 

>NTD “Sorry, but the only thing I respect is results, and the Hville Thugg produces results.  It’s not the means to which you achieve your goals.  It’s only the end result that matters, and the end result is that the Hville Thugg is 2-time SWF champion.  It’s just that simple.”

 

There is a silent, awkward pause as “Who We Be” fades out, but it’s not long before…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Lights out…GUERRILLA RADIO!!”

 

>Curry “Wait a second!  That’s commissioner Stubby’s music!!”

 

Rage Against The Machine’s “Guerrilla Radio” blasts through the speakers, and the fans erupt as commissioner Stubby “Pots” McWeed steps from behind the curtain.  Inside the ring, the Hville Thugg stands with a confused look on his face, the rage rising in his body as he tries to decipher exactly why the commissioner has come out.

 

>NTD “Something big’s about to go down here.  I don’t know…but I just get the feeling that Stubby is up to something…”

 

>Curry “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s nothing that Thugg hasn’t deserved or brought on himself.”

 

>NTD “Regardless, I’m not sure I want to be here when the shit hit’s the fan.”

 

“Guerrilla Radio” fades out with Stubby standing on the stage, a microphone in his hand.  After a few moments, the fans die down as the whole world waits with bated breath to find out what Stubby has to say.

 

>Stubby “Ladies and gentlemen, I have not come out here to prevent you all from seeing the match of a lifetime.  This Last Man Standing match WILL happen!  {huge pop}  However, before we get to the match, we must first talk about some information that has just been brought to my attention.”

 

>Curry “Information?  What kind of information?”

 

>NTD “Shut up and he’ll tell us.”

 

>Stubby “Now, as many of you may remember, just under a year ago, the man known as Xstasy was involved in a near fatal motorcycle accident.  Xstasy nearly lost his life that day…nearly lost his ability to walk!”

 

A silence has now fallen over the crowd as everyone remembers the fateful evening when the reporter announced that Phoenix Nightengale had been in a motorcycle accident.

 

>Stubby “Xstasy spent the better part of 6 months getting back on his feet and preparing himself to get back into the ring.  You all {points to the crowd} wanted him to come back, and it was you who brought him back.”

 

The fans cheer a bit as Stubby gives them credit for Xstasy’s speedy recovery, but Stubby continues…

 

>Stubby “However…one thing was missing.  One thing was lost, and never regained.  Well, two things actually.  ONE!  Xstasy never regained the memories of his life before the accident.  He lost 18 years of his life on one second, and it’s only be God’s graces that he’s even here tonight.”

 

>NTD “Well congratulations!  I sure hope Stubby didn’t come out here just to tell us that.”

 

>Curry “Shhh!”

 

The fans cheer Xstasy’s heart and determination, but quiet quickly as Stubby goes on…

 

>Stubby “But the second thing…the second thing has come to my attention tonight.  As many of you may remember, the police investigation of the incident turned up no foul play, and I was inclined to believe that…..UNTIL TONIGHT!”

 

>NTD “Wait!  What is the commissioner saying??  Is he saying what I think he’s saying?”

 

>Curry “I think he is.  What kind of sick, twisted…”

 

>Stubby “Tonight, I stand on this stage, not only as the commissioner of the SWF, but also as a human being who has felt some pain, especially recently.  BUT…what I found out tonight was so despicable…so vile…so…so…………SO CHICKEN SHIT…that I had no choice but to take action.”

 

>NTD “I’m confused.  What the #### is Stubby talking about?  Is he saying that Xstasy’s accident wasn’t, in fact, an accident?”

 

>Curry “I seriously hope not because the person responsible for such actions would…

 

>Stubby “Ladies and gentlemen, tonight I found out that Xstasy’s accident was not the clean cut accident that it appeared to be!”

 

The entire arena goes into shock, but not nearly as shocked at the next piece of news…

 

>Stubby “And the man responsible for the incident was………THE HVILLE THUGG!!!!”

 

>Curry “WHAT?!?”

 

>NTD “WHAT?!?”

 

>Crowd “WHAT?!?”

 

>Stone Cold Steve Austin “WHAT?!?”

 

>Stubby “That’s right.  Tonight, it was brought to my attention that the Hville Thugg…YOUR SWF Champion…was responsible for nearly taking the life of this man right here!”

 

Now the boos of pure hatred begin to pour down from the crowd as the news finally sinks in.

 

>Curry “Is he sure?”

 

>NTD “Oh dear god.  I…I just can’t…no…it’s not true.  Thugg’s got some anger management problems, but he’d never arrange to put another superstar out of action permanently.”

 

HVT’s face is riddled with shock himself, but he quickly comes to his senses and calls for a microphone from the ring attendant, which he receives promptly.

 

>HVT “YO!  YO DOGG!!  What the fuck you talkin’ ‘bout?  I…I…yo!  They already questioned me ‘bout that shit man, and the fuckin’ police cleared me.  I got mutha fuckin’ people that’ll testify to where I was at that night.  Who the fu…”

 

>Stubby “Whoa there big fella.  Before you burst a blood vessel in that great wide open you call a head…{laugh from the crowd}, hear me out.  Now I’m a fair man and I believe in fair treatment.  Of course, before any legal action be taken, you are entitled to the same due process under the law that every other American is entitled to.”

 

The fans boo the idea of Thugg going unpunished for his alleged acts, but before they can get too pissed off, Stubby cuts back in.

 

>Stubby “BUT!  But…this ain’t no #### democracy!!  {cheers}  You know Thugg…you may be telling the truth, but honestly, I’m more inclined to believe Xstasy before you any day.  However…I have an idea that may solve all of this.”

 

>NTD “Prepare for another great idea from our commish!”

 

>Curry “coughkissasscough”

 

>Stubby “How about…how about we……ASK THEM {points to the crowd}!!”

 

Every person in the arena appears to be talking at once, each one stating their own opinion of Thugg’s guilt.

 

>NTD “NO!  Don’t let these dumb ass fans decide anything!!  They don’t have the mental capacity to understand the concept, let alone make a rational, educated decision.”

 

>Stubby “Now hold on everyone…just hold on.  Let’s see if Thugg has anything to say on his behalf.”

 

>HVT “Yo dogg.  You’re full of shit.  All of yall is full of shit!  I ain’t have nothin’ to do with that, and you know…he knows…the whole fuckin’ world knows it.  Yo, I don’t give a ####, commissioner or not, I’m ‘bout to come up there and WRECK YO S***!”

 

>Stubby “Hmmmm, haven’t we been through that before?  Yes I do believe we have…and I recall beating the #### out of you and some guy named James Vincetti.  Since I’m the judge here, that makes these people the jury, so…how many of you think Thugg was already found innocent, and that I should forget the whole thing?”

 

Nothing but the loudest boos imaginable come from the crowd, indicating a resounding “NO”.

 

>Stubby “Interesting.  Now, how many of you think that The Hville Thugg is the pussy son of a bitch that was responsible for Xstasy’s accident, and that it’s written all over his fat face right now?”

 

The roof nearly explodes off the arena as the fans cheer a hellacious “YES”!

 

>HVT “Yo…what do these stupid ass people know…I’m sayin’ cuz…these bitches….

 

>Stubby “Now, now Thugg.  Don’t say anything stupid.  It might come back to bite ya.  Maybe you should wait for your lawyer.  Oh…no…wait…you can’t.  Because we still have a match.”

 

>Curry “That’s right.  There’s still a match.  What’s Stubby going to do?

 

>NTD “I don’t know, but this is the most absurd judicial system I’ve ever seen.”

 

>Stubby “Now, even though I can’t prove your involvement…YET, you will be punished…TONIGHT! {cheers}  And here it is…Your match tonight is now……NO DISQUALIFICATION!!!”

 

>HVT “Yo, that ain’t no problem for me dogg cause I’m gonna straight destroy that mutha…”

 

>Stubby “I’M NOT DONE!  You see, you’re not getting off that easy.  Your match tonight is no disqualification………FOR XSTASY!!!”

 

>Curry “OH MY GOD!!  NO-DQ FOR XSTASY!!”

 

>Stubby “That’s right!  That means…any interference…YOU’RE OUT!  Any weapons…YOU’RE OUT!  Out of the ring for more than 10 seconds…YOU’RE OUT!”

 

The fans are cheering their heads off at this point as HVT’s jaw hits the floor.

 

>NTD “Can he do that?”

 

>Curry “He’s the commissioner.  Of course he can do that.”

 

The fans are shouting their heads off as HVT fumes, looking around, wondering exactly what he’s going to do.

 

>Stubby “But don’t worry big guy.  Remember, you’re the Hville-fuckin’-Thugg.  You can beat 20 people with one hand tied behind your back….remember?  {crowd laughs at the sacasm}  So, I’m sure you won’t have any trouble with Xstasy, a man giving up over 200 pounds to you.”

 

>NTD “When you give him a no-dq stip…come on…this isn’t right!”

 

>Stubby “Now I think this decision is more than fair, and you’re lucky I’m not making you put that title up tonight.  And you know I would, but I know that this is more important that titles…this is about redemption…this is about making amends…this is about justice…justice for one man…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM

 

“YOU ARE THE PERFECT DRUG, THE PERFECT DRUG, THE PERFECT DRUG!”

 

>Curry “And that one man is… The Perfect Drug!!  XSATSY!!!!”

 

The explosion of cheers from the crowd drowns out the chorus to NIN’s “The Perfect Drug” as a waterfall of golden sparks comes down onto the top of the ramp.  A BLINDING white light shoots from the entryway and the silhouette of The Perfect Drug, Xstasy, is projected through the sparks and out to the adoring fans.  Suddenly, the Perfect Drug explodes through the sparks, nearly knocking Stubby down, and sprints down to the ring!

 

>Curry “Here come Xstasy!!  Oh, he’s snapping right before our very eyes, and he’s going to explode all over the Hville Thugg tonight!!!

 

Stubby exits as Xstasy removes his US title belt in mid stride and the fans pop uncontrollably.  HVT waves the Perfect Drug in, ready for his attack, but when Xstasy slides in, he ducks under an HVT punch, sliding behind the angry black man.  HVT turns around, right into a shot to the head from the US title!  BAMMM!!!!

 

>Curry “Just look at the rage in the eyes of Xstasy!  I’ve never seen him like this before.  He’s ####-bent on getting revenge for what Thugg did to him some 9 months ago!

 

HVT staggers backwards a bit from the title shot, but before he can gather himself, Xstasy strikes him with another shot to the head with the US title belt.  As HVT staggers again, Xstasy backs into the near rope, bounces off, runs full speed at Thugg…and absolutely levels him with the US title belt!!

 

>NTD “Oh come on!  This is a travesty!  This was supposed to be the match of the year…”

 

>Curry “Yeah, and now it’s a chance for Xstasy to give Thugg the same treatment given to him on that fateful evening.  That goddamn cowardly son of a bitch!  The Hville Thugg shouldn’t be allowed to walk amongst free men…what a sick, vile human being.”

 

Upon taking Thugg off his feet with the title shot, Xstasy slides out of the ring on the far side and angrily stomps over to the timekeeper.  With only a look from Xstasy, the timekeeper flies out of his chair and Xstasy snatches it up.

 

>Curry “And now Xstasy’s got a steel chair!  The Perfect Drug is going to destroy the Hville Thugg here tonight!  He’s not going to wait for the PPV…he’s not going to wait for the right time…he’s not going to wait until the proof of Thugg’s involvement turns up…no!  He’s going to take the Hville Thugg out…NOW!  Just like Thugg did to him 9 months ago!”

 

With the crowd popping all around him, Xstasy slides back into the ring, steel chair in hand, just as HVT is using the left side ropes to stand up.  Thugg makes it to his feet and begins to stagger around aimlessly.  Thugg stumbles into the center of the ring, at which point Xstasy charges, rears back the chair, and…

 

 

WHAM!!

 

…crushes it into Thugg’s skull!!

 

>Curry “Holy cow!!  Xstasy with a devastating chair shot to Thugg’s head!!  The champ is down and Xstasy has taken this rivalry to the next level!”

 

>NTD “I don’t understand how Xstasy can get away with this…”

 

>Curry “The commissioner said he can’t be disqualified, so he can do whatever he wants.  This is punishment…punishment for Thugg’s actions…allegedly being responsible for Xstasy’s accident that put him out of action for a long time.”

 

After a moment, HVT turns over onto his stomach and pushes himself to all fours, but before he can even attempt to get to his feet, Xstasy is on him with…

 

 

WHAM!

 

…another chair shot!

 

>Curry “And down goes Thugg again!!”

 

HVT lays on his back, completely out of it, as the referee moves in and begins to deliver the ten count.

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

>Curry “I think Thugg may be out already.”

 

>NTD “This is an injustice to humanity.  The SWF Champion doesn’t deserve to treated like this.”

 

THREE!

 

Xstasy doesn’t even allow the referee to continue, shoving him aside and grabbing Thugg by the hair to lift him.

 

>NTD “See!  This isn’t a match!  This is a slaughter…a slaughter of…”

 

>Curry “You’re #### right!  Xstasy isn’t concerned with this match…he’s not concerned with picking up a win over the Hville Thugg!  He’s only concerned with revenge…with vengence for Thugg’s horrific actions!”

 

Xstasy gets a weary Thugg to his feet, rears back the steel chair, and smashes it against Thugg’s head again!

 

WHACK!!!!

 

>Curry “OHHHH!!!”

 

WHACK!!!

 

>NTD “I can’t watch this!  Thugg is completely helpless…and Xstasy’s taking things too far!  No one’s even shown any proof that Thugg was responsible for that accident, and Xstasy is taking the law into his own hands.”

 

WHACK!!!!!!

 

HVT hits the canvas once more, his head beginning to bleed again, as Xstasy angrily slams the chair onto Thugg repeatedly!!

 

>Curry “Jeez Louise… Xstasy with shot after shot, trying to destroy Thugg’s body once and for all!!!”

 

X immediately aims the chair at the mid section of Thugg, pointing downward!  He rears up… and WHAM!!!

 

>NTD “OOOOOH!!!”

 

>Curry “More brutality from the Drug!  The edge of that chair right into Thugg’s ribs!!!”

 

After licking his lips once, the Sex Pilll tosses the chair aside, and slides out of the ring once more as the ref makes his count.

 

ONE… TWO… THREE…

 

>NTD “Now what?  Where is Xstasy going now?”

 

>Curry “Xstasy’s not going to wait for proof, or even for a ten count.  He knows something none of us know, and I for one will believe him before I ever believe a bastard like the Hville Thugg!”

 

FOUR… FIVE… SIX…

 

Xstasy moves back to the timekeeper’s table and snatches up the ring bell.  The fans continue to cheer as Xstasy slides back into the ring with the bell in his hand.  HVT attempts to stand, using the near ropes to aid him in his struggle as his the bandage on his head becomes enveloped in crimson red and blood begins to spread past the boundaries of the bandage.

 

>Curry “No one deserves this more that Thugg!  I mean, what kind of sick human being would set up his own best friend for a near fatal accident?

 

>NTD “I repeat…there’s absolutely no proof to validate such a claim.”

 

Xstasy sprints across the ring at HVT, who is on his feet, stumbling by the near ropes.  Xstasy swings the bell, but HVT desperately dodges the blow and turns around to connect with right hands to Xstasy’s jaw.

 

>NTD “HA!  Here we go!  You can’t keep Thugg down…ever!  Someone should tell Xstasy that cheaters never prosper.”

 

The punch from Thugg pushes Xstasy against the near ropes, and then Thugg whips Xstasy to the far ropes.  Xstasy rebounds off the ropes and runs back at HVT, who lifts his right leg for a big boot…but Xstasy ducks that!

 

>Curry “Big Boot……no!”

 

Xstasy stops directly behind Thugg, and with HVT turns around to attack……

 

 

DING!

 

…Xstasy annihilates him with the ring bell!

 

ONE… TWO…

 

>Curry “And Xstasy with a shot to Thugg’s head with the ring bell!  I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone destroy the Hville Thugg like this!  Xstasy’s man-handling the SWF champion, the likes I’ve never seen before.”

 

THREE… FOUR…

 

>NTD “I’m sorry, but this is going too far.  I know Xstasy is upset about the allegations against Thugg, but that’s why we have law enforcement.  There’s a way to go about this, and this is definitely the right way!”

 

FIVE… SIX… SEVEN…

 

HVT remains on the canvas again, his hands covering his face, blood trickling through his fingers.  However, this does not deter the Perfect Drug, who reaches down and grabs Thugg by his cornrows again, struggling to lift the battered SWF Champion.

 

>Curry “And Xstasy’s interrupting the count AGAIN!!  He’s going for more!”

 

After finally getting Thugg to his feet by the near right corner, Xstasy kicks him in the gut to double him.  The fans erupt as Xstasy locks in a quick front face lock, twists quickly, and drops Thugg with a ferocious neckbreaker!

 

>Curry “XCEPTION!!  XCEPTION ON THUGG!  Xstasy with that devastating Xception on the world champion!”

 

ONE… TWO… THREE… FOUR…

 

>NTD “How much longer must this go on?”

 

>Curry “If things keep going at this rate, X is gonna destroy HVT BEFORE the Pay Per View!!”

 

FIVE… SIX…

 

With the Angry Black Man on the canvas, Xstasy takes the steel chair and immediately throws it down on top of his arch-enemy!  Thugg lies motionless, with the weapon atop his mid-section, as X looks out on the crowd, his face one of complete and utter rage!!  He unzips his wetsuit, pulling it over his torso and letting it hang at his waist as he unties his dreadlocks!  For a moment, he is almost the picture of Tarzan, wild hair swinging, brown eyes flashing, teeth clenched in painful rage!  X scales the nearest turnbuckle, his face hidden by long locks!

 

SEVEN…

 

>Curry “He’s not going to… X no, you can’t do this!”

 

>NTD “Once X gets an idea into his mind, there’s no turning back!!”

 

EIGHT…

 

>Curry “Xstasy, think of your career!  For the love of GOD, don’t put your health on the line like this!!”

 

NINE…

 

But it is way too late!  X LEAPS off of the turnbuckle, accompanied by thousands of camera flashes!  As he flies back into the ring, and flips forward toward the crowd, the people cheer like crazy!  X dives down, and lands back first on TOP of HVT… with HUGE IMPACT and a BONE CRUNCHING metallic CRASHH!!!!!

 

>NTD “XSTATIC!!!”

 

>Curry “The Steel Chair broke his fall!  That one hurt him almost as much as Thugg!!”

 

>NTD “The Drug is out to DESTROY H-Ville once and for all!!  He doesn’t care about the cost!!”

 

X immediately holds his back in pain while Thugg lays annihilated!  X tries to stand, but finds the new pain to be almost unbearable!  As the crowd stomps for X to rise, he begins to get to his feet…

 

>Curry “X wants personal vengeance even at the expense of his own body… hey!  Wait just a doggone minute!!!”

 

Curry indicates toward the ramp where two blurs are truckin’ it, TOP SPEED down to ringside!  Before X has the chance to stand fully, a HUGE flying forearm hits him in the back of the neck!!

 

>Curry “SACRED!”

 

>NTD “And his mighty sidekick… JAY DAWG!!!”

 

>Curry “These two are interrupting the match!  HVT has just been handed a loss!!”

 

DING DING DING

 

>Funyon “Here is your winner, by Disqualification… XSSSSSSSSSSSSTASEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

 

Funyon barely utters the words when JD lets a HUGE Thai Roundhouse rip right into the rising Xstasy’s jaw!!  The Drug falls to the mat, and begins pulling himself up again, still selling the back pain!  Sacred approaches, and gets a fist to the gut, doubling him, and X grabs him behind the head!  Before anyone knows it, he sends HARD rising Knees to Sacred’s chest and ribs!!  But Jay Dawg makes the save with a huge axe-handle to X’s back!  X falls again, and the Dawg stomps him into the mat, encouraging Sacred, who joins in!!

 

>Curry “Wait a second!  I don’t think The Pound cares about this match at all!  They’re sending a message!!”

 

>NTD “The question is, what does HVT have to say about all of this??”

 

Meanwhile, Thugg is pulling himself up by the ropes in an incredible recovery!  He wipes blood from his forehead as he stumbles to a knee!

 

>NTD “The Champ’s up…”

 

Funyon reluctantly gives the microphone to HVT while Sacred lifts X by the hair, slapping him in the face, and allowing Jay Dawg a turn as well!  JD immediately pushes X into a standing headscissors as the crowd BOOS like crazy!

 

>Curry “Wait a second… this can’t be happening!!”

 

X starts to punch JD’s sides with fury, but a HARD kick from Sacred silences his protest, as JD crosses his arms under, and drives him down to the mat… WHAMMM!!!

 

>Crowd “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

 

>NTD “JD’s Revenge!!  What the #### has gotten into that youngster?”

 

>Curry “The same thing that’s gotten into Sacred, I believe…”

 

Sacred picks Xstasy’s limp form off of the mat, and is surprised to be met by a lazy haymaker from Xstasy!!!  The Drug sends a HUGE knee to Sacred’s gut, then, sluggishly, goes for the front lock!  He even begins to spin around with Sacred’s head in his arm!!  The crowd screams like crazy, but JD kicks X HARD in the gut, doubling him and breaking the attempt!!

 

>Curry “X almost got the Xception off!  And even after that JD’s Revenge!  This determined young superstar refuses to stop fighting!!”

 

>NTD “But he’s dealing with the POUND in its entirety!  I don’t think even X can handle those kind of odds!”

 

Sacred touches his fingers to his lips, then frowns in anger!  The Crowd reaction is overwhelmingly negative as Sacred immediately locks Xstasy’s head, leaps, kicks his feet backwards, and drives X to the canvas face first AGAIN… BAMMMMMM!!!!!

 

>Curry “My GOD!!  Cruel Fate on Xstasy!  Cruel Fate!  The Pound is putting the Perfect Drug down and out, no doubt finishing the job that HVT probably started!!  This is ludicrous!”

 

JD now taunts X and begins lifting him to his feet as Sacred Stands!  They position him against the ropes and take turns shouting obscenities into his face and pulling his hair!

 

>NTD “X can’t stand under his own power!  The AddiXion has just been cured!”

 

HVT somehow makes his way over to the carnage, and inserts himself into the mix!  With force that belies someone in his condition, Thugg pulls Sacred off of X and pushes him away!  While the Maestro of Evil looks confusedly at H-Ville, the Monster grabs Jay Dawg and pulls him off!  The two pound members look at their leader like deer in headlights, as Thugg opens his arms and warns them to stay away from the destroyed Xstasy!

 

>Curry “Wait a second… what the #### is going on?”

 

>NTD “Is Thugg actually helping X?”

 

>Curry “It looks like he’s got some respect for this resilient youngster!!”

 

Thugg approaches X, and helps him off of the ropes as the crowd hushes!  X is unable to stand without being held up by his former best friend!  HVT makes a check of X’s injuries, and nods his head at the infamous superstar!

 

>NTD “I don’t think anyone’s every taken it to Thugg like this before!  He’s got to have some respect for that approach!”

 

A HUGE arm goes around X’s shoulders while the entire audience shouts in approval!!  Sacred and Jay Dawg shout discouragement to HVT, but he pays them no heed, stepping behind X and helping him stagger towards the opposite side of the ring!

 

>Curry “NO WAY!!!  HVT is REDEEMED!!!  He’s actually helping Xstasy across the ring!!  I never thought I’d ever see that happen!!”

 

Thugg glares at Sacred and JD, daring them to interrupt the reunion as they look around, not knowing what move to make next!  The crowd cheers on the two now in the center of the ring, HVT holding X up and smiling to the audience…

 

>NTD “What a turn, after all they’ve done, after all they’ve been through…”

 

Thugg lifts up one fist into the air, and pushes X forward, and the crowd cameras flash…

 

>Curry “This could very well make SWF HISTORY…”

 

As HVT suddenly LOCKS X from behind over the head!!!!

 

>NTD “WAIT!  WHAT THE…”

 

>Curry “NOOOOOO!!!”

 

Thugg continues to smile, blood covering his face now!  He immediately scoops the Drug up, and places him over his shoulders, facing forward!!!  The entire audience is nearly silent with disbelief…

 

>NTD “My god!”

 

>Curry “Not like this!!  Dammit Thugg… NOT LIKE THIS!!!!”

 

X is lifted up over ten feet in the air as Thugg holds him up off of his shoulders!  Then, swiftly and finally, Thugg brings X down face first to the canvas…

 

>NTD “NOOOOO!!!”

 

>Curry “NOT… LIKE… THIS!!!!!!!!”

 

WWWWHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

 

The Perfect Drug lays motionless on the mat while Sacred and Jay Dawg jump up and down like giddy schoolboys!  HVT sways to his left a bit, then stands straight!  He staggers over to the ropes, and demands a microphone from Funyon.

 

>Crowd “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

 

>Curry “What a wretched excuse for a Human Being…”

 

>NTD “But he’s calling for a mic!  I think the Champ has something to say…”

 

>Curry “I don’t want to listen to a word from that despicable criminal!”

 

>NTD “I know it’s not like me… but I don’t want to either…”

 

Funyon reluctantly gives the microphone to HVT, who slowly walks over to X on the ground as the crowd boos him relentlessly!  Thugg stands astride X, bends down, and brings the microphone to his lips.  He waits there as the boos die down, and Thugg himself begins to speak…

 

>HVT “Yeah… that’s right… that accident… I did that sh*t!!!”

 

>Curry “NOOOO!!!”

 

>NTD “… w… w… what…”

 

>Curry “… a confession… he just… no, this can’t be happening…”

 

>HVT “That’s right cuz… and if I had to do it all over again… I would still do that ish… only difference is I would make sure your ass DIDN’T come back!”

 

>Curry “… how… why is this happening… how can a man have so much hatred…”

 

>NTD “I can’t watch this anymore, Curry… this is just too much…”

 

>Curry “… ladies and gentlemen… I don’t know what to say… I just… all of the recovery… Xstasy having to live without years and years of memories… having so much trouble getting back on his feet… its all due to this man… Damien… the H-Ville Thugg… I just… I can’t understand it…”

 

>NTD “… X was right all along.  He knew it!  This man was supposed to be his best friend… I don’t see any redemption… nothing can change what Thugg is… a sick man, a very sick individual…”

 

>HVT “And I hope you remember this at the Pay Per View!  When you tryin’ to take this title, cuz!  I hope you remember that I already took care of you once, and I’mma do it again!  Once and for all… I’mma WRECK… YO…”

 

CRACCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

 

INSTANTLY the crowd ROARS, as “Born Bad” begins playing, and the two time former SWF champion steps out onto the entry stage!!

 

>Curry “Wait… it’s… GRAND SLAM!!!  MARK STEVENS is coming to Xstasy’s aid!!!”

 

Mark steps out to the ramp while Thugg stands up straight, and he and the Pound motion for him to come down and get some!  Stevens stands there, pure anger on his face at Thugg’s revelation!  No microphone is in his hand, but he says more than a thousand words with that one look in his eyes!  Thugg walks over to the ropes and shouts at Mark to get his ass down to the ring!

 

>NTD “Stevens IS here… but I don’t think even an irate Grand Slam can handle the entire Pound!!”

 

Stevens music continues to play as he stands there looking directly at Thugg!  Then, the crowd’s cheering rises in volume!!

 

>Curry “Wait a second… look… it’s…”

 

>NTD “Edwin MacPhisto… and El Luchadore Magnifico…”

 

>Curry “The Midnight Carnival is out here joining Grand Slam in support of Xstasy!!”

 

Thugg nods to the newcomers, and motions for them to come down, when suddenly the noise escalates again as another figure appears… and then another…

 

>NTD “Holy SH*T…”

 

>Curry “Longdogger Pete and Stubby!!  The newest initiate to the SWF and the Commissioner are both out here with the Carnival!!  Every single face in the locker room is coming out to support the Perfect Drug, and to stand against the H-Ville Thugg!!!”

 

The Pound looks up the ramp at the odds against them, and then, their eyes widen in horror as the faces begin walking down the ramp, shaking their heads, rolling their shoulders, and cracking knuckles!  The entire arena is abuzz, as the lockerroom heroes, led by Mark Stevens, stalk The Pound!!!

 

>NTD “It’s about to be on!!”

 

>Curry “The Pound is about to receive the single biggest ass kicking in SWF history!!”

 

But before they reach ringside, Sacred, Jay Dawg, and even the fearless Thugg break out and scatter!  JD and Mr. Evil take two opposite sides and leap into the crowd, while HVT goes past the announce table, over the barrier, and takes off!  The crowd EXPLODES, leaving the five men to slide into the ring alone!!

 

>Curry “Look at those COWARDS!!  The Pound fled the scene like cowardly dogs, and this day belongs to Mark Stevens as a lockerroom leader!!”

 

>NTD “After that revelation, I’d be surprised if there’s a soul alive who respects the H-Ville Thugg!!”

 

Mark Stevens walks to the center of the ring, flanked by the Carnival, LDP, and Stubby.  He immediately bends down, and helps Xstasy up to his feet, shaking him back into reality, and helping him to stand!

 

>Curry “Well, they’ll be enemies at the Pay Per View, but right now, it looks like Grand Slam is in support of X in his fight against HVT!”

 

>NTD “What a night!  So much can happen in just one show, just a few hours time!”

 

>Curry “ANYTHING can happen in the SWF!  But tonight, even in the face of an unforgivable offense, Storm has ended on a positive note!  These superstars are not going to take this lying down!”

 

>NTD “What’s gonna happen to Thugg next?”

 

>Curry “Now that X actually has some support, I’d hate to be in Thugg’s shoes come the end of the week!!”

 

Mark Stevens holds X up in the ring, surrounded by the other superstars, as the SWF identification is shown on the bottom of the screen, and the show fades to black- “Born Bad” and the sound of the cheers of all the fans are the last things heard tonight…

[Guest BA_Baracus]

Results

 

Blah...what's the point in even re-capping that garbage show?

 

HARDCORE MATCH FOR THE HARCORE TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP

Mistress Sarah vs. Longdogger Pete

- Sarah wins.  Don't get too excited...

 

LAST MAN STANDING MATCH

Hville Thugg vs. Xstasy

- Xstasy wins by DQ since I'm apparently his best friend now or something and changed the stip for the match.  At least it did something to set up the PPV.  See folks?  This is why Thugg is champ and the rest of you suck...he actually writes stuff once in a while.