Guest Redhawk Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Jim Ross isn't very subtle when he likes someone. Now, I didn't become familiar with JR until 1998, when I started watching wrestling again after a few years' absence. So in that time, who would make up the All-Time Hoss List? 1. Steve Austin -- When Austin's a babyface, JR damn near reaches orgasm when the glass breaks. When Austin's a heel, JR sells the story ("DAMN HIS GODDAMN DAMN SOUL TO ALL HELL!! HOW COULD HE DO THAT!!") like he's never sold for another heel. 2. Bradshaw -- The weird thing is that as hard as JR tries to sell him, Bradshaw STILL isn't over. Go back and watch Royal Rumble 1998, as JR pumps up Bradshaw just as hard as he pumps him up in 2002. 3. Undertaker -- JR doesn't get as rabid for 'Taker as he does for Austin, but he's close. Even though JR was real quick to forget that 'Taker put his face in Vince's ass when he wanted to sell Taker as the World's Greatest American, he at least seems a little more objective when it comes to the Dead Man. 4. Bubba Ray Dudley -- If you just listened to JR and didn't actually watch TV, you'd see no problem with Bubba Ray nearly working a main event angle with Triple H. 5. Kane -- JR is probably the only person who wants to see Kane and Taker feud again. All the "unmitigated power" would be too much for him to handle. 6. Albert/A-Train -- Thank God A-Train is getting his monster push on Smackdown, otherwise we'd have to hear JR go on and on about how great this loser is. 7. "Dr. Death" Steve Williams -- It was a short and unsuccessful stint in the WWF for Dr. Death, but JR got about six months worth of quality ass-kissing in before Williams left. So much so that even Vince turned it into an angle, with Dr. Death as JR's "boy." 8. Triple H -- How often do you hear the babyface announcer admit that a heel is the best wrestler in the buisiness? On top of that, JR calls HHH a "Cerebral Assassin" when all HHH does is smack people with sledghammers when they're not looking. 9. Mick Foley -- Now I have no problem with Foley. Appartently neither did JR, 'cause he clearly loved the guy. 10. Billy Gunn -- Even before Gunn went to Smackdown exclusively, he would have definitely dropped on this list due to the whole homosexual angle. Still, before that, JR couldn't get enough of the "Best pure athlete in the WWF." Honorable mention -- Ken Shamrock, Matt from Tough Enough 2 (the 6-foot-10 kid from Connecticut who hurt his knee), Hulk Hogan, Scott Steiner, the tag team of Lance Storm and William Regal. Note: This list isn't just for HOSSES. I know Austin isn't a HOSS. Neither is HHH. It's more of a list of JR's favorite guys, HOSS or not. Sorry for the confusion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bps "The Truth" 21 Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Austin is not a hoss. This isn't the first time I've had to remind people of this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest FeArHaVoC Report post Posted March 17, 2003 In the words of Good ol' JR, that wasn't pretty. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted March 17, 2003 It had bowling shoe tendancies BAH GAWD! Austin isn't a hoss, I wouldn't count Floey as a hoss, Shamrock isn't a hoss...and you missed out Test, one of JR's faves. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bling-Bling Buchanan Report post Posted March 17, 2003 I think he only kisses Triple H's ass because he has to. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Mole Report post Posted March 17, 2003 This is list is so dumb. The number one hoss, isn't even a hoss. Get your hoss' straight before you post them, Redhawk. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DerangedHermit Report post Posted March 17, 2003 1. Steve Austin -- When Austin's a babyface, JR damn near reaches orgasm when the glass breaks. When Austin's a heel, JR sells the story ("DAMN HIS GODDAMN DAMN SOUL TO ALL HELL!! HOW COULD HE DO THAT!!") like he's never sold for another heel. He's not a hoss (although his stuff in 1999 is very close). I'd still put him at #1 though because BAHGAWD STONE COLD! 2. Bradshaw -- The weird thing is that as hard as JR tries to sell him, Bradshaw STILL isn't over. Go back and watch Royal Rumble 1998, as JR pumps up Bradshaw just as hard as he pumps him up in 2002. Yep yep. The only time he even resembled being over was when he was part of APA. 4. Bubba Ray Dudley -- If you just listened to JR and didn't actually watch TV, you'd see no problem with Bubba Ray nearly working a main event angle with Triple H. And if you were blind and deaf, you'd be better off. 5. Kane -- JR is probably the only person who wants to see Kane and Taker feud again. All the "unmitigated power" would be too much for him to handle. I almost want Kane to bolt JR sometimes. 6. Albert/A-Train -- Thank God A-Train is getting his monster push on Smackdown, otherwise we'd have to hear JR go on and on about how great this loser is. I think all the SD announcers are inheriting the hossgasm from JR, because they spooge themselves over A-Hole. 7. "Dr. Death" Steve Williams -- It was a short and unsuccessful stint in the WWF for Dr. Death, but JR got about six months worth of quality ass-kissing in before Williams left. So much so that even Vince turned it into an angle, with Dr. Death as JR's "boy." I honestly think he should've been higher on the list. 8. Triple H -- How often do you hear the babyface announcer admit that a heel is the best wrestler in the buisiness? On top of that, JR calls HHH a "Cerebral Assassin" when all HHH does is smack people with sledghammers when they're not looking. It's not just JR's doing. It's another example of HHH stink permeating everything. 9. Mick Foley -- Now I have no problem with Foley. Appartently neither did JR, 'cause he clearly loved the guy. Who doesn't love Mick Foley? 10. Billy Gunn -- Even before Gunn went to Smackdown exclusively, he would have definitely dropped on this list due to the whole homosexual angle. Still, before that, JR couldn't get enough of the "Best pure athlete in the WWF." I doubt it. He'd just act out his homosexual desires. Honorable mention -- Ken Shamrock, Matt from Tough Enough 2 (the 6-foot-10 kid from Connecticut who hurt his knee), Hulk Hogan, Scott Steiner, the tag team of Lance Storm and William Regal. Don't forget Lawler (although that's different) and Rikishi. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Pigsy Report post Posted March 17, 2003 I can't wait for them to sign this guy BAH GAWD! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Danny Dubya v 2.0 Report post Posted March 17, 2003 "Steve Austin is an honorary hoss bahgawd." ... ... someone said that months ago. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bps "The Truth" 21 Report post Posted March 17, 2003 But he's not. What people confuse is that JR cheers him like a hoss because the man is the single most profitable accident that has ever fallen in the WWF's lap. He made the company so much money that he earned the reaction. The others get it because they are big. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Saying Steve Austin ISN'T JR's #1 guy is aisine. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bps "The Truth" 21 Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Yo...flyboy... the list is for hosses. And regardless of JR's afinity for Ausitn he is not a hoss. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Hrmph. He may not be a hoss, but he's still #1. He could be a hoss by default. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bps "The Truth" 21 Report post Posted March 17, 2003 For the love of HHH you can't be a hoss by deflault! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted March 17, 2003 In JR's world, he can do whatever he wants. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Rob Edwards Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Austins not a hoss however I think the thread was meant as JR's top 10 markouts Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bps "The Truth" 21 Report post Posted March 17, 2003 We should make a list of requirements for Hoss status. I'll start: 1. Is able to have good matches without the words "good for a big man" being used. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Rob Edwards Report post Posted March 17, 2003 or "you can't appreciate just how BIG he is unless you see him in the flesh, he's really BIG" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Redhawk Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Okay, I made a mistake. The list isn't just for HOSSES, it's for JR's favorites. Some are HOSSES, some are not. I just put HOSSES in the headline because that's JR's favorite word and what he uses to describe several guys on that list. So now look at the list WITHOUT thinking HOSS. Just think of which wrestlers are JR's "boys." And come up with some others or your own list if you want. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest El Satanico Report post Posted March 17, 2003 In JR's world all of these guys are pure bred hosses. As we all know, this is JR's world and we just live in it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest THE MIGHTY THOR Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Austin is borderline HOSS so he kind of belongs in this list. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Hamburglar Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Although people prefer to forget this, JR absolutely creams over Benoit whenever he's around. Even back when he was an evil heel JR wouldn't stop spunking on about how calculating, tough, great, technical, mastermind etc Benoit was. JR's Bradshaw love is a little sad though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Army Eye Report post Posted March 17, 2003 One guy who should also be an honorable mention, if not supplanting someone on the top 10, is Bull Buchanan. Man, did he LOVE Bull. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Redhawk Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Batista probably should get an honorable mention, though I bet in a couple years he'll be in the top six or seven. But there are some guys who you would think would be on the list who JR never really gave any love: Mike Awesome, Sean O'Haire, Chuck Palumbo, Brakkus, and Bart Gunn. And I only caught their last WWF run, but he didn't seem to go all out for Legion of Doom or D.O.A. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest creativename Report post Posted March 17, 2003 About all this Austin stuff: The first time I ever heard the term hoss, was years ago listening to JR saying something on Raw along the lines of "That Austin sure is a hoss bah gawd!" Of course I immediately thought "what the fuck is a hoss?" Thus, Austin is actually Hoss One in JR's book. Though he wouldn't fall under the definition of "hoss" as most fans think of it, "hoss" is JR's term. And he thinks Austin is the biggest hoss of them all...of course, he also thinks Charlie Haas is a hoss. So he appears to define the term very loosely. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Invictus 0 Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Just for the unenlightened, a hoss is a slang southern term for a very large, very strong pig. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest razazteca Report post Posted March 17, 2003 Just for the unenlightened, a hoss is a slang southern term for a very large, very strong pig. Actually JR is a mark for the old tv Western Bonanza, HOSS was the big brother. Hoss is on the left Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Czech Republic Report post Posted March 18, 2003 I'm lazy, so SOMEBODY has to splice together pictures of Test and Hoss from Bonanza and write "Separated At Birth." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest razazteca Report post Posted March 18, 2003 It would funny if you did HHH as Pa, Batista as Hoss, and Ortan as Lil Joe. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Czech Republic Report post Posted March 18, 2003 Raz or Downhome, get on it Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
