My Friday the 13th Reviews

[Guest Lethargic]

With all the talk on here lately about the Friday the 13th movies I thought I'd post this. I'm probably one of the biggest fans of these movies that you can find so before I closed my movie site I had been working on this big review of all the movies. We did a thing called Shoot the Wad where we reviewed all the movies in one series in one big review. This was meant to be my Friday the 13th one but I never finished it. Since the site is closed, I'll just post it here.

 

 

 

In our new "shoot the wad" review section, reviewers will tackle an entire series of related movies in one long review.

 

Friday the 13th

Movies reviewed: Friday the 13th 1-8, Jason Goes to Hell and Jason X.

 

I was gonna start this out by going "chi chi chi chi, cha cha cha cha" but then I remembered that's not even what that sound is really. What that sound really is is composer Harry Manfredini whispering "Kill, Ma" and then adding a bunch of delay, reverb and chorus FX to it which made it sounds like "chi chi chi chi, cha cha cha cha". It's supposed to be Jason telling his Mother to kill for him. Yes, folks, that is just ONE of the tasty morsels that you'll find in my first Shoot the Wad feature for the greatest series of movies ever, Friday the 13th. Actually it's probably the only tasty morsel, but how else was I to start this off?

 

Friday the 13th

 

This series is probably the only series I can think of where the first movie is one of the weakest installments. To the die hard fans, the Friday the 13th movie series is about one thing and one thing only, Jason. I really don't give a rat's ass about his mother or this movie really. The only reason I have this one is because you HAVE to have it if you want all 10 of them.

 

In 1957, a young retarded boy named Jason Vorhees drowned in Crystal Lake while the two counselors who were supposed to be watching him were playing submarine in a tent. A year later, two counselors from Camp Crystal Lake were hacked to shreds. The camp was shut down after that and every attempt to reopen it in the years to follow was sabotaged. Until we get to "present day" when some moron tries to open the camp yet again. So pretty much the entire first half of the movie is nothing but watching pretty young counselors show up in town, run into the local "the camp is cursed" guy and then head into the woods to get killed.

 

The biggest problem is that this movie is more mystery than horror. Who is it that's killing all these poor little kids? In 1980 that probably would've worked, but it doesn't now. There is no suspense to the movie beacuse we all know who the killer is. It's Jason's mother trying to gain revenge for his death. We've either already seen it and know it or we've read it or we've heard it. We all know who the killer is even if we haven't seen it before. And if you didn't know before, you do now so HA! The rest of the movies are just straight forward Jason movies. There is no mystery. We know who the killer is, we know why he's doing it, there is no suspense. It's just the pure enjoyment of watching all these kids get hacked up for doing the wrong things. Drugs, alcohol and the biggest sin of all....sex. A movie like the original which is all built around the mystery of the killer's identity just doesn't work as well 22 years later.

 

When you watch these movies you don't expect Citizen Kane. You expect a good enough story to get you from one kill to another and you expect decent to mediocre acting to pick out which characters you want to see die most of all. Because in these movies, acting and writing do not matter. Mystery doesn't matter. Story doesn't matter. Jason is the star and he's all that matters. He's the heart of these movies. So if he isn't there, the personality of the entire series is missing and it becomes just a run of the mill slasher movie with no real character to speak of like dozens of other slasher movies such as Maniac.

 

I look at this movie as a kind of "prologue" to the rest of the movies. It's simply there to set the rest up. It shockingly shows us that if there's anything that these movies are about, it's about love. The love of a mother for her son and vice-versa. A love so strong that it defies death and makes these horrible serial killers the heroes, doing what they think is right, gaining revenge for the other's death. It's almost enough to bring a tear to your eye. Or at least a yawn.

 

Friday the 13th Part 2

 

Part 2 is where the series began to take shape into what it is today. The first movie ended with the only survivor, Alice, killing Jason's mother by hacking her head off. Well, it turns out Jason didn't take too kindly to that. Part 2 opens a couple of months after the first to find Alice living alone, taking a shower, talking on the phone, blah blah blah. Have you seen Scream? Remember the opening scene with Drew Barrymore? That's a complete ripoff of this opening scene. After a while of tension building, Alice goes to the fridge and is shocked to find a little surprise Jason has left for her in there. The potato sack wearing Jason has had enough of the games so he finishes the bitch off and then heads back to Crystal Lake where he lives in a little shack out in the woods.

 

That opening scene alone I find better than the first one. You know she's gonna die. You see it coming a mile away, but it actually has some level of suspense to it, waiting for this poor girl who already went through hell in the first movie to get cut down in her own home. The rest of the movie may not be as good as this opening but it's good. It's basically just a remake of the first movie with better looking girls, different kills and a new, better, actually scary, killer. It features Amy Steel as Ginny Field, possibly the best survivor chick out of the entire series. Not to mention one of the series' best chase/fight scenes ending with one of the most popular scenes in the Friday legacy. While I can't really say that the first is one of my favorites, once again it HAS to be seen because, as retarded as it might sound, you wouldn't really understand the second one without it.

 

While I still can't name part 2 as one of my favorites, it is a good one. It does do some retarded things though. Jason's return is never really explained. In the first movie he's shown to still be dead and still be a boy out haunting the lake or whatever. All of a sudden he's back, not only alive, but a full grown man. He made it out of the lake and he lived out in the woods his entire life, too retarded to find his way back home, so everybody just assumed he had died in the lake. Until Part 6, Jason is not meant to be an unstoppable zombie wich is something casual fans don't really seem to understand.. He's just a big retarded guy. A very hard to kill retarded guy, yes, but according to all the people responsible for these movies, he's still "human" up until 6. That part, it's easy to understand. But how does he grow from being a kid to being an adult so quickly? How come his mom never found him out in the woods in all these years? How come he never aged for 23 years but then became an adult in the two months between parts 1 and 2? I mean, he's supposed to be human right?

 

Now you say, but Leth, he gets hit in the head with an axe in part 3 and doesn't die, how can he be human? He's retarded is the answer. Honestly. The story behind his deformity is that his brain never fully developed. It's very, very small. Like a dinosaur brain. So even if he gets hit upside the head with an axe, there's no guarantee that the thing will actually get deep enough in there to hit the brain and kill him. It'll hurt him, keep him down for a while, but not for good. Is that stupid? Yes, but this is Friday the 13th.

 

In closing, Part 2 isn't my personal favorite of the series either but it's still a good one and a classic of the early 80's slasher films.

 

Friday the 13th Part 3: 3D

 

The third movie in the series used the 3D gimmick that was all the rage in the early 80's along with such movies as Amityville 3D and Jaws 3D. The result? I have no idea. Paramount refuses to put out the 3D version of the movie so all I've ever seen is the non-3D version. I'd give up a leg to see this in 3D because it looks like it'd be fun as Hell. But even without the 3D features, this one is still one of my favorites of the entire series. This is where the movies really started to find out what worked and what didn't. The pattern started to emerge. It's also one of the most important of the series because this is where Jason gets the hockey mask.

 

Part 3 is one of my favorites because of the same reason that any of these movies become favorites, the characters. This one has all the sterotypes. The jock guy, the dorky guy, the nice girl, the slutty girl, the normal girl, the normal guy and the comedic relief. The peripheral people are here as well, "curse" guy, sheriff, local town folk. The real star of this movie is the comedic relief, Shelly, played by Larry Zerner. Not only is Shelly a favorite character, he's also one of most important character in the entire series.

 

The movie starts off right where part 2 ended. Jason doesn't seem to be hurt as much as we thought at the end of the last movie, so he heads into town to get the party started by hacking up a married couple in a country supermarket. This isn't really there for any reason but to kick the movie off with two good deaths. Pretty soon the kids show up, looking for a weekend of fun at Crystal Lake, but before they even get there they find a crazy old man in the middle of the street. This of course is "curse" guy. He tells them they're doomed and yadda, yadda, yadda. Once at the cabin we begin with the all important "character development" because nothing says "character development" like a Jason movie. It turns out that the main girl used to live in Crystal Lake but was attacked by Jason and has been scared to return ever since. We also got the two hippies, twice as old as the rest of the "kids", who just sit around getting stoned and trying to figure out how to make popcorn. We soon learn that people don't seem to like good old Shelly. Shelly is a big practical joker and annoys the piss out of everybody. Of course, during all this important "character development", our hero is finding all these teens alone and hacking them up one by one, until he finally gets to Shelly. The funny thing about Shelly is that he seems to come very prepared. He shows up at the cabin with one bag but yet inside this bag is EVERYTHING you could possibly need to ever pull a practical joke of any kind. Fake blood, fake wounds, fake hatchets and in his final joke....a FULL set of scuba gear. Why would anybody bring scuba gear to the woods? I don't know why, I just know it's funny.

 

So, why is Shelly so important? Because of that last joke. His plan is to scare this chick down by the lake so while she's sitting on the dock unsuspecting, Shelly pops up out of the water in his suba gear, holding a speargun and wearing.....a hockey mask. The plan backfires though and Shelly ends up wandering off into the barn wondering why everybody hates him. I don't know, Shelly, I don't know. They just don't understand!

 

Needless to say, Shelly is never heard from again, and the next time we see Jason...the character is complete. He has his hockey mask. His most important feature and he got it from Shelly. THAT is why Shelly is so important! Unfortunately for the next victim, Jason also got Shelly's speargun.

 

Even besides the mask thing, this entry is still one of the best and most fun to watch. It has some GREAT death scenes, it has some great entertaining characters, it has girls that are actually hot for the first time in the series and it's got Shelly. If I could only see it in actual 3D it'd probably be my clear cut favorite.

 

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

 

Just when I think part 3 is my favorite, here comes part 4. Crispin Glover, Tom Savini makeup, Coredy Feldman and those twins? What's not to like? This thing sounds like a beer commercial.

 

One of the funniest things about this movie series is that the studio that was resonsible for them, Paramount, HATED them. Paramount was completely embarassed by the success of these movies. The early movies were huge box office successes and Paramount's biggest hits for years. They hated the fact that they were developing the reputation as being a slasher studio. The first movie cost 700 grand to make. It grossed 40 million. Boxofficemojo.com analyzes every movie's box office figures and then adjusts them to today's standards, taking into account inflation and ticket price changes. Their end result is that the 40 million that the movie made in 1980 would be 83 million today. Paramount loved this money, but they hated being laughed at for where they were getting this money from. Part 4 was made in a attempt to kill this series off. That's why it was called "The Final Chapter". It was completely expected to be the last movie.

 

But something happened to poor old Paramount. Even though the movie opened up in competition with movies like Police Academy, Romancing the Stone, Splash, Moscow on the Hudson, Terms of Endearment and Footloose...guess what was number 1? Number 4 was number 1. Once again Paramount screwed up by doing something right. Because what they did, didn't work..actually it did work, just not they the way they thought. They tried to make it gorier and give it more nudity and more stupid humor in an attempt to kill it off, but guess what....that's what people WANTED!

 

Instead of ending the series, this movie actually raised the bar and even brought in more Jason "rules" that the rest of the movies would begin to follow. It had some very memorable kill scenes such as the girl floating in the boat raft, the guy being attacked through a projection screen that is showing a porno, and it has a great machete to the face kill. All of this helped tremendously by Tom Savini who, thinking it was going to be the last movie, wanted to send it out with a bang.

 

The whole sex equals death thing was expanded upon further here. A chick even gets killed after performing some oral pleasure on a banana. Jason's hide and seek with the victim's bodies goes even more over the top in this one, including one body getting hammered into a door so the running hero bitch can't escape. The nudity factor really seemed to skyrocket in this one, I think maybe 2 characters DIDN'T get naked in here. The humor factor went WAY up thanks to the master of all things wacky, Crispin Glover. He has a dance sequence in this movie that you will NOT believe. The most important thing overall is probably the introduction of the Tommy Jarvis character, played here by a young, pre-Goonies, pre-Gremlins, pre-Stand By Me, pre-Michael Jackson fixation and pre-dopehead, Corey Feldman. Tommy Jarvis would wind up becoming pretty much the only recurring hero character in the series as he would return to battle Jason once again in parts 5 and 6.

 

All in all, part 4 is one of the best of the series. Everything you expect from these movies is here and more of it.

 

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

 

So Paramount tried to kill off the series with The Final Chapter and it didn't work. It still just made too much money for them to pass up the chance to milk one more movie out of the series. So the series gets reborn and given the title A New Beginning. Actually, from here on out, the series seems to be "reborn" several times, something that has helped contribute to the LACK of money it makes now. I'll tell you one thing right off the bat...most fans HATE this movie. I will explain why later but let me say this....I love this one too. I can't help it. The characters in this are just too damn funny to not enjoy.

 

The star of the movie is Tommy Jarvis who is now a teenager and has been driven bonkers by his adventures with Jason in the previous movie. Tommy gets sent to live in a home for mentally challenged teens, which just happens to be deep in the woods. The characters in this movie are outstanding. Think about it, it's a WHOLE HOUSE OF INSANE KIDS! You add those kids to the hysterical, over the top, redneck, white trash neighbors, named Ethel and Junior, and you get non-stop comedy for an hour and a half. If I had any genitals I would piss myself every time I watch it.

 

Once Tommy has setup shop in the looney-bin, the murders begin. Part 5 isn't your "typical" Jason flick. The identity of the killer is actually kept quiet for most of the movie. Jason supposedly died at the end of the 4th movie. So did he come back to life? Is the insane Tommy re-inacting his killings? Sure, this one has the highest body count up until this point (over 20) but it's still not a Jason movie. It also has the highest number of bare breasts, but it's still not a Jason movie. It's more like Scream thanks to the big mystery deal going on.

 

The main reason that this isn't really a Jason movie is, well, Jason isn't in it. Jason is NOT the killer. Have I ruined it for you? No. I'm hoping I just fixed it for you. I've always known that Jason wasn't the killer in it. It's never bothered me. It probably helped me. People really hate this one because of the not-Jason twist ending. I've always look at it like...well, for an hour and a half I THOUGHT it was Jason. He killed just like Jason. Acted just like Jason. Just because in the end it's NOT Jason, I should hate the WHOLE movie? It's a lot like Halloween III: Season of the Witch. That movie had NOTHING to do with the other movies. It wasn't a bad movie at all, but people expected Michael Myers and they didn't get him, so they hated the movie. Sure, Jason isn't really in this movie but that doesn't make it any more or less enjoyable because even if it WAS Jason, the movie would not be any different at all except for the ONE scene where he gets unmasked. They could've even taken this script, changed Tommy and Jason's names and had a completely new movie and nobody would've known. You can even watch it like that now since the movie has no real connection to the movies before it or after it. It could easily be watched as a stand alone movie or even completely skipped over. But you're gonna be a missing a fun ride if you do that. You don't get Jason but you do get lots and LOTS of boobs, lots and lots of kills, and lots and lots of comedy. Those three things spell WINNER to me.

 

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

 

While most fans hated the fifth installment of the series, the sixth is looked at as one of the best. Not only is Jason back for real this time, but most of the goofy zaniness of the past few movies is gone. This is probably the most straight forward movie since the original. It's also the point in the series where Jason goes from crazy retard guy to unstoppable zombie killing machine.

 

Tommy Jarvis returns to Crystal Lake looking to end Jason once and for all. Thinking that his nightmares will end if he sees that Jason is dead and gone for the final time, he plans to dig up Jason's body and burn it to ashes. But Tommy screws up again. When he sees Jason's body he freaks and starts beating the crap out of it, not stopping until he jabs a big iron spear into his chest. This is a horror movie so all this is happening in the middle of a thunderstorm, of course. Lightning. Iron spear. It's alive, it's alive! Tommy unleashes a "doh" and runs for the hills. Cue credits.

 

I said the hijinx are mostly gone, but there is still quite a bit of funny moments here. The credit sequence is a parody of the James Bond credits. Where Bond walks into the spotlight and shoots a gun. Here Jason walks into the spotlight and cuts the screen with his machete. That's rather funny. He also wanders into the middle of a paintball war and it's pretty fun to watch these nerdy guys try to fight Jason off with paintball guns. There are a few things like that and some witty one liners but it's nothing like the old movies. Most of the characters are straight forward. Hero, chick, counselor, cop, victim. There are no funny prankster people or stoned hippies or anything. No jock, no slut, none of that. No real nudity to speak of even.

 

A lot of new elements are introduced. This is where Jason started developing his personality that Kane Hodder would later perfect. Instead of wildly hacking after getting shot with a paintball, he looks at the stain, he looks up at the guy with a look that says "What the hell were you thinking?" and THEN starts wildly hacking. A slight difference but a welcome one. It's also where the running Jason stopped and the walking Jason started. He's a zombie now. He doesn't have to run to catch people. He just walks that stalking Jason walk.

 

The kill scenes are all pretty good. A cop gets folded up like an accordion and a woman gets her face dented into an RV's wall, but while the kill scenes are new and inventive, gore is kept way down. Blood is hardly ever seen compared to the rest of the series.

 

Part 6 IS one of the best of the series. Maybe the seriousness of it keeps it from being as "fun" as some of the others but it's good. Good deaths, a few chuckles, no nudity, but surprisingly well made, well acted and features a great ending.

 

 

That's as far as I got so I'll just do quick ones for the last ones.....

 

Part 7 - A lot like 6 in tone but I enjoy it more thanks to the psychic chick. Many hate this one and I don't know why. I enjoy it because Jason actually meets somebody that is as powerful as he is and it's a nice battle instead of just some screaming bitch running from him.

 

Part 8 - A travesty. Such a great idea. Send Jason to New York. So horribly executed. The Batman and Robin of Jason movies. If these movies cost 50 million to make we would've never seen another one. Thankfully you can make a Jason movie for a jawbreaker and some envelopes.

 

Jason Goes to Hell - I've grown to like it more over the years, thanks a GREAT deal to the outstanding and enjoyable commentary track on the DVD. The guys that made the movie really seemed to love the character and the films and respected them a great deal. They just wanted to try something new with it. That's fine and all, a noble effort, but in the end I still can't change my opinion on it. It was just too stupid and ignored too much continuity. But I highly recommend watching it with the commentary. It really adds a great deal to the movie, points out all the little horror movie tributes (such as the knife from Evil Dead and the wooden crate from Creepshow) and it just very, very fun to listen to. One of the best commentary tracks I've ever heard that doesn't feature Kevin Smith and his bunch.

 

Jason X - What those guys thought they were making with Goes to Hell. These guys did the same. Try something new with the character, except these guys didn't ignore history and continuity. They totally revamped what a Friday movie is but still kept the tone spot on and all the good parts intact. I love, love, love this movie. Right now it's my favorite, but my favorite movie changes on an hourly basis.

 

The end.

[Guest bps "The Truth" 21]

I can see that took you some time to write...and this won't take me nearly as long:

 

10. Part 7 Just terrible

9. Part 8 At least the premise was funny

8. Part 5 Lots of nudity is the only plus

7. Part 10 What the hell was that?

6. Part 3 I like it.

5. Part 1 Clever ending

4. Part 2

3. Part 9 Underrated

2. Part 4

1. Part 6 My fav. I dig the whole movie. Snappier dialogue, better acting and the main character's drive made the move flow.

[Guest Lethargic]

That took me like 3 or 4 months to write. haha I just did it in my spare time. 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there. That's why I never finished the stupid thing.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

In my opinion, Jason can do no wrong.

[The Dames 0]

Lethargic, that's the second time you've done a series of movie reviews that has completely captivated me and left me begging for more. The first was the Batman series you covered.

 

You have an amazing wit in your reviews and I love them.

 

If it sounds like I'm offering you a spot on TSM...you're right. PM me.

 

Dames

[Guest Ravenbomb]

my rankings:

1: part 4

2: Part 2

3: Part 1

4: Part 3

5: Part 6

6: Part 5

7: Part 7

8: Part 8

9: Part 9 which SUCKS SO MUCH!

 

Jason X is the only one I've not seen

 

and my take on the axe in the head in part 3: I haven't seen the movie in a while, but it's possible that her being scared, the mask, and her maybe hitting him at an angle caused the axe to not hit the brain, but your theory sounds just as good

[Guest J*ingus]

It's more than possible for people to survive incredibly traumatic head wounds. Hell, my father was shot in the head three times a few years back, and he's fine today.

 

As to why people hate #7: I hated this one too. For one, it seemed like it was trying to be more ambitious than the others in the series and reach higher, but was still stuck with the same mid-to-low talent acting that haunted the rest of the series, and looked even worse in comparison. The gore effects were toned way down, and also, no nudity, what the fuck?! It could've been interesting with a bit more tweaking, but ended up just being a slow, mostly boring mess.

[Guest Ravenbomb]

just saw the end of part 3 again, and it's totally believable that he survived that.