Lockdizzle Commentizzle

[Forewarned 0]

Congrats JD.

 

Can't say I'm surprised I lost...how many times can I say that?

 

...but I am incredibly surprised you won. I figured the ref would beat ya' or something.

 

*stalks off to get a new tooth*

[Guest Kibagami]

GOdrea and I rule you all.

 

K.

[Guest Beezel]

Hmmm. congrats Drazon. I figured if I lost, it would be Neilsen winning, but I guess you have proven why you have the ICTV belt.

[Guest Powerplay]

*Sigh*

 

Well, I've had a pretty bad day. I've had people bring things to me at the last moment, I've two concerts in the last two days and I have two more in the next two. I've had to reorganize, I'm having a small problem of getting paid by the school for my pep band service during the winter, and with that money being essential in paying a few debts I currently owe, it's not helping my mood. I no-showed my match. Why? Because reality interferred. Yeah, I lost to tickling. Then again, I heard from Mark that the humiliation match that Kibagami and GOdrea wrote for it was something so bad that he refused to post it. Zed, I came into chat and said I could turn something in if need be, and you said 'Nah, these guys got the craziest humilation match ever right now'. I'm not gonna bitch at you about it, but it doesn't improve my mood that you'd take the humilation match over something that I could have done, even if it were crappy. At least neither me nor Kris would have been horribly embarrassed by it

 

But losing to tickling really isn't much better. Please, I know how 'disabling' tickling is. But, from experience, if someone doesn't want to be tickled, it ain't to hard to hit the guy off. I didn't think I made you look too weak or stupid in our tag match, but I do feel weak after 'tapping out' to a tickle. That's just my opinion, and nothing is gonna change it at this point.

 

So I'm just saying "Fuck it all" and moving on. Tomorrow I won't be angry at Kibs or GOdrea or Zed or Kris. I'll use the tickling somehow. But don't talk to me tonight, or I'll probably bitch at you to no end. And yes, I've taken a walk and calmed down a bit even. But still: That's a warning, plain and clear. I'll comment on the rest of the show later.

[Guest Grand Slam]

And speaking of said humiliation match (something I am not a big fan of in general)...

 

As I said, Kris and Judge had to no-show for various RL reasons, and because I'm incapable of keeping my mouth shut about anything chat, GOdrea and Kibs co-produced this disasterpice.

 

In all its glory, and I use that in the weakest term possible...

 

===

 

“Welcome back to whatever show this is, Riley. I can’t be bothered to look at the card and notice I have a MATCH and SHOW UP FOR IT, so we’ve got this boring and slightly incoherent 1000 words coming up!”

 

”That’s right, Mark Stevens! I’m Bobby Riley, and since gay jokes bore the absolute living Christ out of the person that’s writing me, you will not hear my stale voice for the next page or so!”

 

“It’s Raining Men” begins to blast, well, not really blast, sort of a tin-sounding hum really, but for the sake of description blasts over the 50-watt PA King’s techies brought with them to Podunk, Egypt, for this show as Judge Mental and Kris (or is it Kross?) enter together for reasons that aren’t really important, but for the sake of the story, let’s say they’re gay, shall we?

 

Uh…yeah.

 

Anyway, Judge and Kross get into the ring, and Funyon begins announcing their entrance, except his mic is broken, so they cut off “It’s Raining Men” and plug another mic into the PA, and Funyon starts to announce again, but Neilsen runs into the ring with a CRAZED KILLER ATTACK MONKEY and commands the monkey to rend Funyon from limb to limb! Funyon faints like he’s fucking Scarlett O’Hara or whatever her name was or something and the monkey rips his throat out from his LEG! Damn, that monkey’s crazy.

 

Stuff happens, wherein Kris screams a lot and says the word “tubular” and Judge hits Funyon’s lifeless corpse with a gavel four times or so (four seems like a good number for something like this, don’t you think?), and then The Flocknest Monster runs into the ring and screams “READ HOT SHIT WRESTLING!” before security drags him away, but the Monster grabs hold of the PA on his way out and pulls it over and it breaks and somewhere in Iowa, a butterfly flaps its wings and then dies.

 

Judge hits his finisher on a member of the ring crew because I can’t remember what his finisher is, really, and Kross says “tubular!” again, and suddenly rocks fall, crushing Kris’ head, but nothing significant comes of that.

 

Stevens: Dear Jesus! Enough with the bunnies, Judge! They’ve suffered enough!!

 

Riley: Shut up you, those bastards deserve to be driven through twelve steel chairs!

 

Despite Hearford’s pressure, Kraig manages to wriggle free from the crucifix knee trap. Kross ducks a destructive swathe of energy from Chris Wilson’s phaser, and Silent manages to drive Wilson head-first onto some conveniently-placed jagged rocks. “Hot Shit” Tony Stetson rears back and delivers a quad-tearing punch to the Miserly Jew’s baked potato. Dramatically, as Judge whips Kris into the ropes, three sparklers near the entrance go off and out steps Gillberg!! Looking menacingly towards Stetson, Gillberg walks down the ramp.

 

Gillberg: There has been far too much oppression! And I bring, from the mouth of God, LET MY PEOPLE GO!!

 

With that, Gillberg spears Stetson through an obese Tanzanian, thus smiting “Hot Shit.” Gillberg pulls MJ to his feet and they walk off to file taxes. Kross avoids an arm drag from Judge and brings Hearford down with a crisp bite to the back of the neck. Kraig pulls Billy up and sends him towards the ropes, but Judge simply goes out of the ring as the ropes have been removed by Giant Gonzales for flossing purposes.

 

Stevens: Goodness, look at Judge go. Well it looks like the cow’s comin’ in for the night’s milkin and ol’ Uncle Glen’s turned the lamp down low.

 

Riley: What the hell? Have you been taking things from Kibagami again?

 

Stevens: You don’t approve of my colloquial sayings?

 

As Judge rises, Grimedogg comes out of the crowd and cracks a lead pipe over Judge’s head. Grimedogg gives Wilson a bonk on the head and runs off. Kraig gets to his feet after being floored by Gonzales and is thrown towards Terry Funk, who knocks him into the third row with a cookie sheet. Ali G, of Da Ali G Show walks out and is about to say, “I iz ready” or some other retarded crap, but is beaten down by Judge and Kraig and Kris and Kross and Jesus and just about everyone else because he’s a ghetto thug, and honestly that’s just retarded. Judge is about to roll Kris back into the ring, but it’s gone, as crackhead Tyrone Biggums has sold it for $12.

 

Riley: God damn crackheads! They don’t even suck...

 

Stevens: Whoa! Enough of that...

 

Tyrone runs around excitedly when he’s hit by a pick-up truck, Redneck Jesus Barry Windham riding shotgun and Clayton Bigsby driving.

 

Just as quickly, though, Giant Gonzales throws the truck hella far. Ash Ketchum and Misty run out, and Ash nudges Judge Mental, who to emphasize Ash’s awesomeness, slices open several arteries. Misty pokes Hearford. Normally, this could cause a heart attack, or worse, but Judge gets up and starts shaking the ring ropes (Repo Man having brought back the ring). Misty tries slapping Judge, who just continues to shake the ropes. Ash even goes so far as to punch Hearford, but Will just keeps shaking the damn ropes. He then turns towards Ash and locks him in a gorilla press weaverlock!! Judge drops Ash on a hat pin and turns towards Misty. He simply throws her to Wilson, who, despite being dropped head-first on jagged rocks earlier, has completely healed and takes Misty to his “secret fortress.” Judge hops into the ring, where an elderly Jewish gardener, hired by Wilson, takes down Hearford with some well-placed kung-fu chops! However, the gardener quickly goes down to a bite to the eye from Kraig.

 

Just at that moment, Thug drops down from the rafters, and stabs Kris four times in the legs. Quickly, Gonzales has sex with Thug, making her docile. And then some other stuff happens, some of which involving a goat, some midgets, lots of blood, chicken wire, head drops, and such.

 

Riley: Okay, repeat that again. How are lesbians made?

 

Stevens: Okay, one way is that they have sex with men like Kibagami or Flesher, and they know that there’s no way that it can be topped. Then there’s when they have sex with, or even talk to people like you, something many people who saw all of the Clerks episodes call the Randal Effect, wherein the woman realizes the worthlessness of all males. At least, that’s what Tom Flesher and Kibagami told me.

 

Meanwhile, Silent is drinking.

 

Meanwhile, Gus is walking through some corridors backstage. Gus has lost overness from this segment.

 

Meanwhile, GOdrea runs in and slaps the shit out of the attack monkey with a golden gopher. The golden gopher and the attack monkey brawl off-camera (the entire match can be seen later on Hot Shit Wrestling.)

 

Judge sees this and yells about order in the court, but suddenly his pants fall down and he trips and falls and cracks his skull on the STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL steps and Kris says “tubular to the maximundo dude!”

 

“Carless" Mark Jindrak fucks a prostitute in the ass, in a totally unrelated segment.

 

Meanwhile, something else happens.

 

BACK TO THE MATCH! Kros says “tubular!” one time too many, which inadvertently summons Mr. Galatea (or maybe G was drunk and got lost on the way to the bar and ended up in Podunk, Egypt HEY FUCK YOU DUDES, THIS IS MY MATCH IT HAPPENS HOW I SAY) and he and Neilsen slap on the…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TIGER MCTWAMER GETS ITS OWN PAGE MOTHERFUCKER

 

BOW DOWN

 

BOW DOWN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

G and Neilsen win, and they go out drinking with Silent and Tom and they all pick up some bitches.

 

Yeah.

 

what

 

The lesson: No-showing sucks, unless you’re Galatea or you were in the Clan.

 

Booyah, word to your moms.

 

(A K/G production. 2003, all rights reserved.)

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

The Richmond Coliseum lights up like the Rotunda at UVA did so long ago

 

Knew you learned something from your east-coast trip, slugger. Nice match, too.

 

And Judge, I think you'll do fine with the tickling. Reading the match, I didn't think you looked weak at all, and the end was played more for comedy. It would have been lame as all hell, but I think Kris did a pretty good job making it clear it was an accident and giving Mr. Hearford some hellish wrath about the entire incident. In any case, I'm confident in your abilities, and will giggle with satisfaction the next time you face Kris or Kross and break an arm with a lovely Fujiwara armbar.

 

The show was neat, but seemed a little stalled on PPV build. Then again, that's what Smarkdown is for...

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Pffft... even I like the Judge... don't feel bad. Although keep in mind I haven't read anything besides the Wildchild promo yet.... Poor Janus.

 

 

 

Thanks Neilsen and Beezel... I wish I could have done a better spot with you two at the end, but work really got in the way.

 

But the tooth is for that urinal cake... biatch!

[Guest Deja Vu Kris]

Dude...just chill brah.

 

I was online last night, and found out that it was a double no show. Instead of having that pointless crapfest, I threw something together (with Mark's permission) that would actually mean something in the angle between us. I know it's not ideal, but at least it does something for the angle as opposed to nothing. Dude, it's just not that serious. Besides, it was an accident, and you'll SO kick my ass later for it anyway.

[Guest Goodear]

Wow, I haven't made comments in forever, but I'm awake this morning so what the hell...

 

Mikey Likes It Match of DOOOOOM~!

 

They start off hot with Craven being all swarmy and MVS getting pissed at it immediately which works for me. The action of the match seems to indicate that MVS controls the majority of the action but Craven could get the knock out a lot easier than his smaller adversary. I think MVS could have played that thought up a lot better if he would have allowed Craven a few more near falls late in the match to put over MVS' guts a little bit more and make Craven look a bit more of a threat. It seemed as though MVS was getting three moves in for Craven's one and that's a terrible idea, but as the face you need to draw the crowd in a little more by putting yourself in a bit more peril.

 

Tickle Fight of DOOOOOOM~!

 

Yeah... The Deja Vu vs Justice & Rule feud took a turn for the worse this week. Not just in this match but in my own display of suck as well. Kris and Kross really need to flesh out their movesets a bit, because in singles matches, its almost impossible to do anything with them the way they are. A least, that's my opinion. I'll admit I slacked like a mamma jamma this week as well.

 

Hardcore Roundup of DOOOOOOOOM~!

 

Makes perfect sense to me that this match would break into basically two singles with JD vs Nielson and Janus vs Beezel. I think you could have put a little more emphasis on knocking out Neilson's tooth and all, but thats a minot quibble. Another minor issue I had was that Janus and Mr. B never seemed to have real mark out moments during the encounter other than the tope con hilo ... but even that hurt B as well so it didn't make him look strong either.

 

Referee of DOOOOOOOM~!

 

Yeah, the match itself sucked by design so its impossible to say, "Oh lord, that match sucked." TNT and Frost never really get into it which is a minor shame but nothing to cry about, although some of the slow counts seemed wacky because nothing TNT or Frost was doing would seem to lead itself to a normal pin count. Tom being a dick is always fun though.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

The main event was a combined effort from me and TNT. We were both going to be busy and agreed upon a finish to keep storylines moving, so we just figured to write together. We pretty much just threw that together so as not to no-show and didn't really know what to do with the match up persay. You're lucky it's there at all.

[Guest Powerplay]

Yeah, I've calmed down considerably. I wasn't really happy with many things last night, and hearing about any of the above did not help at all. Sorry for all the people I overreacted at, but yesterday just sucked for me .