Tod deKindes visits Smackdown!

[Guest Tod deKindes]

In a not so distant universe, anything is possible ...

 

---

 

When we last left Tod deKindes, he was just done conversing with one John Cena, who indicated the way to Stephanie McMahon's office ...

 

Inside said office, the Smackdown GM is still seated at her office, going over tonight's card, with the help of a fairly known biker ...

 

Steph: All right, let's see here ... opening match could be Matt Hardy defending his Cruiserweight title.

 

Undertaker: Hey, when'm I gonn' git a title shot against this punkass? He keeps sayin' he beat me twice and now I wanna kick his ass and take his belt!

 

Steph: (sighs) ... Taker, that was months ago. And the weight limit for that belt is two-twenty five, not three-twenty five.

 

Undertaker: ... What are you sayin'?

 

Steph: I'm saying you're too big for that belt.

 

Undertaker: Wh- ... I'm big enough to kick Matt Hardy's ass!

 

Steph: But you can't win his belt.

 

Undertaker: ... Why not?

 

Steph: Because you're not qualified to compete for his belt, ok?

 

Undertaker: (outraged) QUALIFIED?! Whut do you mean, qualif-- ... Wait, wha's your name again?

 

Steph: All right, get out! I have to make tonight's card! You think people are gonna LIKE seeing you squash cruiserw-- ? ... Never mind.

 

Undertaker: (on his way out) Hey JONES!! ... I need me another back rub, boy!

 

Releasing a quiet shudder, Stephanie pulls out some paperwork, ready to work on tonight's line-up. Although a knock at the partially opened door distracts her once again.

 

Steph: Come in ... Ah, Mr. Tod deKindes. So glad you could make it.

 

Tod: (edging his way in) Glad to be here, Steph.

 

Steph: I hope your accomodations suit you?

 

Tod: Definitely! I especially dig the autographed picture of Ernie Roth. That's my man!

 

Steph: Glad you like it. Have you met some of the wrestlers?

 

Tod: Well, (recalling his previous experiences with Crash Holly and John Cena) ...yyyyeah. Charming bunch.

 

Steph: I was just about to make the card for tonight. Do you have a preferred opponent?

 

Tod: I can work most styles, so anyone would be fine.

 

Steph: All right. I'll look it over then I'll let you know.

 

Tod: Wonderful. It's an honor to be here, Steph.

 

Steph: (interrupted by someone butting in)

 

John Cena: Hey YO!! "This hippie foo from the otha company wants to see ya! -- If you need me, ah'll be in da concession stands, buyin' me some memora-BILIA!" Thuganomics One Time, YEAH!! ... Oh, hey Tod.

 

Tod: John.

 

Steph: (as Cena leaves) ... I have to deal with this every week.

 

Tod: Heh. Go figure.

 

Steph: All right, so take a couple minutes to look around and familiarize yourself with the workers. I'll call a pre-show meeting with tonight's card.

 

Tod: Gotcha.

 

...

 

Later, as Tod was once again roaming the hallways. He introduced himself to the road agents and other staff members, as well as a few more wrestlers. However, near the ACC's dressing room area, Tod heard a notable australian accent coming from a room ...

 

"(grunting and straining) Aw yeah, how ya like that, guvnah? ... Feel good, yeah?"

 

Undertaker: ... Damn boy, they ain't let you outta prison soon enough ... And dangit, stop callin' me that ... It's Marky.

 

As fast as he can do the math (australian, grunting, Taker ...), Tod beelines straight for the ring area, horrified beyond belief ...

 

Arrived there, he saw more wrestlers chatting in the stands, as well as a few cruiserweights practicing some moves in the ring.

 

He stood there, admiring the arena, until someone accidentally bumped into him.

 

Chris Benoit: Sorry.

 

Tod: Chris Benoit, hey! I'm Tod deKindes, the tryout guy.

 

Benoit: (exchanging handshakes) Nice, welcome aboard.

 

Tod: (pointing the object in Benoit's hand) ... What's with the burlap sack?

 

Benoit: That. Oh. Crash got out of his ... "playpen" again. You didn't see him, did you?

 

Tod: Um, yeah, he talked to me earlier.

 

Benoit: ... Oh God.

 

Tod: Wait, your job is to catch Crash??

 

Benoit: Yeah, I lost the pool this week.

 

Tod: Why's it so bad that he talked to me anyway?

 

Benoit: (starts to chase off) All I can say is wash your hands! Turpentine works! ...

 

Tod: (Benoit gone) ... Huh.

 

He stopped road agent Dean Malenko.

 

Tod: Hey, excuse me, hi. I saw a full catering table in the back. Is that for the wrestlers?

 

Malenko: Yeah, but that's Big Show's lunch. If you wanna eat (shoves a cellphone and a Pizza Pizza menu in his hands), this is all you get.

 

Tod: Wow. I guess cutbacks have to include food, eh?

 

Malenko: Naw, Show has a damn good sense of smell. And the rest of the boys wanna EAT for a change.

 

Tod: I see. Thanks ...

 

While Dean went at his business, Tod glanced at the menu.

 

Meanwhile, nearby ...

 

Johnny Ace: No! Billy! Get back here!!

 

In a flash, Tod feels an arm trap him from behind as an object is being shoved into his throat. It's not sharp or anything, but there's something pressing lightly against his neck.

 

Billy Kidman: No!! This isn't gonna be like this!! I used to be POPULAR, dammit!! I wanna be over again!! If this guy has to pay for it, then SO BE IT!!

 

Ace: Someone go get Stephanie!! Now, Billy ... Let Tod go, he didn't do anything to you.

 

Tod: Aw, great! Billy Kidman is threatening to kill me. Billy Kidman!!

 

Kidman: Shut up!!

 

Ace: Don't do anything stupid, Billy. Stephanie's coming. We'll talk this out ...

 

What a day this is turning out to be for Tod!! His first show for the Smackdown brand and now he's being held hostage by a disgruntled Billy Kidman! What will happen next??

 

To be continued ...

 

Tod: ... Dude, are you threatening me with a roll of tape ??!

Edited April 27, 2003 by Tod deKindes

[janusd 0]

As fast as he can do the math (australian, grunting, Taker ...), Tod beelines straight for the ring area, horrified beyond belief ...

 

*snip*

 

Tod: Aw, great! Billy Kidman is threatening to kill me. Billy Kidman!!

 

*snip*

 

Tod: ... Dude, are you threatening me with a roll of tape ??!

Tod, we want part three. You rock.

 

I loved it. Particularly the bits I just quoted.

 

MORE!

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

Bahahahaha. Great stuff, as usual. Keep up the good work, and we want Part 3!!

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

 

Tod, I just got a call from HHH. He says stop exposing the real Smackdown, it's pissing him off.

[Guest Tod deKindes]

"Tod deKindes visits RAW!"

 

Coming soon ...

[Guest Crowe]

Tod... this stuff is great.

 

(Y)