Smackdown (*Spoilers*)

[Kurt Angle Mark 0]

From Lordsofpain.net

 

I missed the dark matches.

 

***VELOCITY***

 

Crash w/ Shannon Moore beat Jamie Noble w/ Nidia

 

Tajiri beat Jason Pakoro

 

A-Train beat Bill Demott with the bicycle kick.

 

Michael Cole and Tazz come to the announce table for Smackdown.

 

***SMACKDOWN***

 

Backlash highlights are shown of Big Show swinging Rey Mysterio into the ring post.

 

Smackdown opening theme.

 

Rey Mysterio update tonight.

 

Torrie Wilson and Sable will take on Dawn Marie and Nidia.

 

Mr. America will be the guest on Piper's Pit.

 

Los Guerreros beat Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore w/ Crash when Eddie hit Matt with the frog splash. After the match Team Angle tried to rush the ring but failed in their attempts.

 

The door of Mr. America's locker room is shown.

 

-commercial-

 

Backstage, Josh Matthews asks Stephanie who Mr. America is. Stephanie says she does not know, she signed him sight unseen. Team Angle walks up and asks Stephanie what she will do about the Guerreros stealing their tag team titles. Stephanie says the Guerreros will be returning the titles to them tonight after their match. But at Judgement Day, they will have to defend those titles against the Guerreros in a ladder match.

 

Backstage, Stephanie walks out of Mr. America's locker room with a puzzled look on her face.

 

-commercial-

 

Big Show comes to the ring with a mic in hand. Show says all he keeps hearing ever since backlash is "pick on somebody your own size". Show says there is nobody his size. Tonight he picked his own opponent and atleast he is bigger than Mysterio.

 

Big Show beat Funaki in a match longer than it should have been.

 

Backstage, Stephanie is informed by an assistant that her father Vince is on his way to the arena.

 

-commercial-

 

Big Show is shown backstage walking the hallway. A-Train tells Show what he did to Mysterio was great.

 

John Cena comes to the ring and gets on the mic. He spits it thuganomic style talking about how he got screwed at Backlash. Brian Kendrick comes to the ring dressed hip hop style. Kendrick announces himself as Spanky. Spanky says he has a rap but he needs a beat. Cena hands the mic to an official to give the beats. Spanky starts spitting rhymes dissing Cena. Spanky gets everyone to wave their hands in the air. When I say Cena, you say sucks. Cena gets mad and takes off his shirt. Spanky starts "scratching" on Cena's head. Cena attacks Spanky and gives him a super fireman's carry takeover.

 

Backstage, The FBI are playing craps. They make some jabroni leave the room who wanted an autograph. They concentrate on taking out Chris Benoit tonight.

 

-commercial-

 

Chris Benoit vs Johnny Stamboli w/ Nunzio and Chuck Palumbo. The referee Brian Hebner officially makes it a tag match after Rhyno came down to the ring and gored Nunzio.

 

Johnny Stamboli and Chuck Palumbo w/ Nunzio beat Chris Benoit and Rhyno when Nunzio helped Palumbo pin Benoit.

 

In the parking lot, Stephanie is on her cell phone talking to Vince's answering machine. She says he does not need to be here tonight and she will meet him for dinner later. Brock Lesnar arrives. Stephanie wonders why he is there. Brock says he has something to do tonight.

 

-commercial-

 

Brock Lesnar comes to the ring and gets on the mic. Brock says he went through one hell of a fight at Backlash with Cena. Brock says he is looking for another fight. I came tonight looking for a fight with Big Show. What you did to Mysterio at backlash was gutless. Not only did you beat him, but you had to pick his helpless being up and swing him like a baseball bat into the ring post. You gutless coward. So I have to ask you, why Big Show? Did it make you feel better? Did it make you feel like a bigger giant than you already are? Or was it that you realized that Mysterio had a bigger heart than you? I can tell you that answer Show because I've been in the ring with both of you. Show, you have a lot of potential but you are lacking heart. You don't have the heart of a true champion. You can bully anyone you want but I ain't standing for it. You wanna bully somebody Big Show, why don't you bring your big giant slobbery ass down here and try to bully Brock Lesnar. bring your ass down here so you can feel the pain.

 

Show walks out to the top of the stage with a mic in hand. You are calling me out to a fight? I will beat your ass just like I did at Survivor Series. I will not step in the ring with you until the title is on the line.

 

You want this title? Come and get it!

 

I get to pick the time and the place. I've already had one match tonight.

 

I can't think of a better time and place but now.

 

You are on....but not tonight. Show leaves.

 

-commercial-

 

Team Angle w/ a large picture of Kurt Angle beat John Walters and Eric Stevens in a quick match. After the match Haas gets on the mic and demands that Los Guerreros give them back their titles. Los Guerreros walk to the ring. Eddie gets on the mic and says he and Chavo came out here to tell them what they did was wrong. Eddie wants all the kids to know that stealing is wrong. Crime does not pay. We are sorry. In feeling bad about this we want to make an apology. We also want to make a promise in that we will never steal anything of yours again. Los Guerreros lay the belts on the mat. Team Angle pick their belts up and their music plays. Haas gets back on the mic and tells Los Guerreros to take a good look at the titles because they will never see them again, even after the ladder match at Backlash. Chavo gets on the mic and says that he and Eddie are olympic gold medalists. Chavo holds up the gold medal that they stole off the Kurt Angle picture frame sitting at ringside that Team Angle brought out.

 

Backstage, Torrie Wilson tells Sable she did not appreciate her lying to Stacy Keibler at Backlash. Sable says they can be great partners as long as Torrie is willing to play with her. Because if she doesn't, what happened last week is just a taste of what Sable is capable of. Sable walks off telling Torrie she will meet her in the ring for their tag match coming up against dawn Marie and Nidia.

 

-commercial-

 

Dawn Marie and Nidia w/ Jamie Noble beat Sable and Torrie Wilson when Dawn Marie made Torrie tap out to an ankle lock after Sable refused to tag and walked to the back.

 

In the parking lot, Stephanie is on her cell phone taking to Vince's answering machine. Stephanie turns around as Vince arrives in the parking lot. Vince says he wants to meet Mr. America. Stephanie tries her best to get Vince to leave but he will have none of it.

 

-commercial-

 

Sean O'Haire and Roddy Piper walk to the ring for Piper's Pit. Piper says he heard Piper on Raw last week say that Piper was fat. Piper says when he loses weight he will call Jericho, and when Jericho gets some talent he can call him. Piper announces his gueast Mr. America. Hogan's Real American music plays. Out comes Mr. America with his mask on acting just like Hogan. The blonde hair is even sticking out the backside of the mask. Piper accuses him of not being Mr. America and being Hulk Hogan. Piper says he knows it for a fact. Mr. America speaks, sounds just like Hogan, and says that is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. Mr. America says he is freedom, justice, and liberty for all. Mr. America says he is not Hulk Hogan.

 

Vince McMahon comes to the ring and gets on the mic. How dare you Hogan? I suspended you indefinitely. I ordered you to go home and stay there for the duration of your contract. I did it because I wanted you to rot. And I did it so these Hulkamaniacs would never cheer for you again. You show up here in my ring and my show? You are going back home. But this time there is a difference. I will send you back home with your american institution with you...for breaching your contract.

 

Mr. America says that it sonds like Hogan gave Vince a serious case of brain damage when he kicked your ass. I am not Hulk Hogan. I am Mr. America. Just ask all these Americanmaniacs.

 

You are insulting my intelligence and I will not stand for it at all. wait just a minute. You are right. You are not Hogan. You are Mr. America. So I'm sure that Mr. America has just signed a contract here in WWE. And since I am the chairman of WWE I want you to read my lips - you are fired! Now get the hell out of here Hogan.

 

I'm not going anywhere brother because I did not sign with you. I signed with Stephanie an iron clad contract that says mr. America not be fired or suspended so I am here to stay brother. And there is not a damn thing you can do about it. And one more thing McMahon, God bless America!

 

I'll tell you what we're gonna do Hogan. I'm gonna prove that you are Hogan and we are gonna rip that mask off your face.

 

Just wait a minute brothers. Don't do anything stupid. Let me ask you a question that has never been asked. Whatcha going do when the 24 inch patriots run wil on you?

 

O'Haire grabs Hogan from behind for Vince to punch. Hogan gets out of it and decks Vince and leaves to the back swinging the american flag.

 

This may not be shown on tv - Piper gets on the mic and says it will be a cold day in hell before he comes back to New Hampshire. Vince, Piper, and O'Haire leave to the back.

 

Chimmel thanks everyone for coming. Thats it...

[Guest Nevermortal]

DUMB ANGLE ALERT~!

[Guest Choken One]

Tag Team Ladder Match? Nice..

 

Spanky? Nice...

 

Piper got a Nice burn on Jericho...

 

and they blew the Mr. America Gimmick

[Guest AndrewTS]

Mr. America is completely obvious! YES!!

 

This'll be hilarious.

[LaParkaYourCar 0]

Well it sounds like Big Show/Brock is still on for Judgment Day after reading those spoilers.

[Guest Choken One]

At Least they Acknowleged that they will embarass us with that angle...

[Guest Nevermortal]

What's with the WWE having jobbers on their main shows all of a sudden?

[Guest Choken One]

What u mean? RVD has been a regular member since 2001...

[Bored 0]

I guess the ladder match is a must to make up for the rest of Judgment Day.

 

WTF? A jobber match on Smackdown? Also four tag matches total with only five matches with the only singles match being a squash obviously.

 

I guess I'll give them credit for not even acting like it isn't Hogan as Mr. America but then that poses the question...what is the whole fucking point of doing the angle then?

[Guest Will Scarlet]

A-Train beat Bill Demott with the bicycle kick.

 

BOOYAH! My Velocity dream match has finally occurred! A-TRAIN~! DEMOTT~! THE BATTLE OF THE BULLIES~! I am so there!

[Guest MarvinisaLunatic]

Hmm..when did they have nameless jobbers wrestling on Smackdown?

 

The Nameless Jobbers should be on RAW/Heat and Velocity, not Smackdown..

 

I thought Big Show wasn't getting a title push?

Seems like the Rey Mysterio incident only added more to the angle..

 

The whole Mr. America thing seems utterly retarded, pure and simple.

[Bored 0]

Oh and since a couple of people already mentioned Big Show not getting punished for the whole thing with Rey means that 1bob was wrong??? I'm shocked!

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

Man, "Americanmaniacs"... I hate to sound like a mark (despite totally being one), but this Mr. America stuff sounds downright brilliant and hilarious.

 

The rest of the show, outside of the opener, sounds blah.

[Guest AndrewTS]

I guess I'll give them credit for not even acting like it isn't Hogan as Mr. America but then that poses the question...what is the whole fucking point of doing the angle then?

Oh come on. It's comedy!! If you can't find this funny you're a humorless soulless husk of a human being.

 

I LOATHE Hogan but I want to see this.

[Bored 0]

I guess I'll give them credit for not even acting like it isn't Hogan as Mr. America but then that poses the question...what is the whole fucking point of doing the angle then?

Oh come on. It's comedy!! If you can't find this funny you're a humorless soulless husk of a human being.

 

I LOATHE Hogan but I want to see this.

Well until I see it it is impossible to tell how tougne-in-cheek they really do it. I say odds are it just comes off incredibly lame rather than brilliant comedy but I could be wrong.

 

Oh and even if it does end up being funny and its done purely for comedy it still doesn't belong in the main event of the show.

[Guest tpww7]

The Big Show punishment thing came from 1popup, there's your answer.

[Guest AndrewTS]

Man, "Americanmaniacs"... I hate to sound like a mark (despite totally being one), but this Mr. America stuff sounds downright brilliant and hilarious.

 

The rest of the show, outside of the opener, sounds blah.

I agree. This actually sounds pretty cool. Hogan is an over-the-top comedy nostalgia act. A classic angle turned on its ear. I love it.

 

I hate Hogan but I won't miss SD this week.

 

"24 Inch Patriots..."

 

BWAHAHAHHA!!!

[Guest Human Fly]

Please, please, please don't have Piper and Hogan wrestle each other.

 

Cena skipped the mid card and just dropped straight to the openers (unless they are going to push Spanky, which would be cool).

 

Benoit has been turned into a job boy lately, which is kind of pointless when they are just building up the FBI to get jobbed out to the Undertaker.

 

No Nathan Jones, is there a storyline for him leaving, or is he just off of TV?

[Bored 0]

No Nathan Jones, is there a storyline for him leaving, or is he just off of TV?

Last week the F.B.I. did claim that they broke his ankle so I'm guessing injury angle to send him to OVW.

[Guest RedJed]

"Dawn Marie and Nidia w/ Jamie Noble beat Sable and Torrie Wilson when Dawn Marie made Torrie tap out to an ankle lock "

 

Huh?

[Guest MarvinisaLunatic]

A funnier angle would be to give some jobber about Hogan's size a wig and tell him to imitate hogan as best he can (How hard would it be?) And then when Mr. America gives an interview, have him move his lips like hes talking and let Hogan do voice overs.

Vince goes crazy thinking its Hogan, and tries for a couple weeks to prove Mr. America is Hogan, and then one week Hogan shows up and tries to plead with Vince to give him his job back as Mr. America walks in but doesn't say anything. Vince, convinced that Mr. America isn't hogan, leaves him alone but tells hogan to go back home and rot. Then when Mr.America wrestles his first match, it really is Hogan under the mask, but Vince realizes that it can't be Hogan, its just someone that might look like him and can do voice impersonations.

 

Let this go on for a couple of weeks until Vince begins to get suspicious that it might somehow be Hogan, and then set up the Hogan as Mr. America vs Vince fued..

[Guest AndrewTS]

"Well until I see it it is impossible to tell how tougne-in-cheek they really do it. I say odds are it just comes off incredibly lame rather than brilliant comedy but I could be wrong."

 

Well, considering how this seems like the Rougeau brothers, the classic "retire and return under a mask" angle, and the "who is the Blue Blazer (even though we KNOW)" all smashed together in one package, I think it'll come off as cool.

 

What's his leg drop called? Duggan's kneedrop was "Old Glory" so don't think he'll use that.

 

Hogan should expand his moveset with the "Uncle Slam" (Patriot's Full Nelson Slam).

[Guest AndrewTS]

A funnier angle would be to give some jobber about Hogan's size a wig and tell him to imitate hogan as best he can (How hard would it be?)  And then when Mr. America gives an interview, have him move his lips like hes talking and let Hogan do voice overs.

Vince goes crazy thinking its Hogan, and tries for a couple weeks to prove Mr. America is Hogan, and then one week Hogan shows up and tries to plead with Vince to give him his job back as Mr. America walks in but doesn't say anything.  Vince, convinced that Mr. America isn't hogan, leaves him alone but tells hogan to go back home and rot.  Then when Mr.America wrestles his first match, it really is Hogan under the mask, but Vince realizes that it can't be Hogan, its just someone that might look like him and can do voice impersonations.

 

Let this go on for a couple of weeks until Vince begins to get suspicious that it might somehow be Hogan, and then set up the Hogan as Mr. America vs Vince fued..

I like that too. However, it's not going to suck like I was afraid it would, so I'm not complaining.

 

I hope neither Piper or McMahon will be wrestling him, though.

[Guest Lightning Flik]

Woah. Kendrick's getting pushed. Cool.

 

Wait. He's Spanky now? I so must see SD now to see the dif.

 

And frankly Mr. America sounds like pure comedy.

[Guest ViciousFish]

Seems like an OK week up until the Mr.America thing. I just can't picture it as being cool....at least the Blue Blazer bit was a tiny bit of a mystery more so to the marks. My year old son could probably figure out that it's Hogan

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

YAY! Benoit's burial continues! That's what you get for being selfless. Meanwhile, Big Show destroys Funaki as "punishment".

 

Vince: Hey Show, can I see you for a sec.

 

BS: Wud up Boss?

 

Vince: You really messed up this time.

 

BS: Huh?

 

Vince: The post-match 'incident' that happened at backlash.

 

BS: With Mysterio?

 

Vince: Yeah, with Mysterio.

 

BS: Aw shucks Vince, I'm sorry, he's just so little and I guess I don't know my own strength. I didn't want to hurt him, I swear. I'll send Rey some flowers and chocolates and a card tomorrow.

 

Vince: Rey? I'm not talking about Rey you dolt! I'm talking about that perfectly good stretcher you ruined. We're trying to cut costs here and you're bustin up a brand-new $300 piece of equipment. And don't get me started about the TV last week! That's it, I'm sick and tired of you and your incompetence.

 

BS: Vince, I said I was sorry.

 

Vince: Well, I guess you are if you say you are... I still have to punish you though, it wouldn't look good if I didn't.

 

BS: What are you going to do, Vince?

 

Vince: You're going to squash Funaki on Smackdown.

 

BS: Aw for christs sakes! Funaki?! Can't I bury Kendrick, I have my eye on him.

 

Vince: NO! You're getting Funaki and that's final!

 

BS: SHIT! Funaki loses on Velocity! He always loses! And he doesn't bump for me as well as the other lil guys. How about Tajiri? I sold for him Vince, I did, Gimmie him.

 

Vince: Show!

 

BS: Alright, Alright... *kicks dirt*

 

Vince: Now get outta here and send Rey in, I have a few choice words with him too. The lil bastard could have easily protected that stretcher...

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

Crash w/ Shannon Moore beat Jamie Noble w/ Nidia

Grrrr....

 

Man, SD looks pretty bad this week. There's a grand total of *2* match I want to see (Guerreros/Team Mattitude and FBI/Team Neck). Too much Big Show, too much Hogan. I'll hold off final judgment until seeing the final product, but it doesn't look too good.

[Guest ViciousFish]

YAY! Benoit's burial continues! That's what you get for being selfless. Meanwhile, Big Show destroys Funaki as "punishment".

 

Vince: Hey Show, can I see you for a sec.

 

BS: Wud up Boss?

 

Vince: You really messed up this time.

 

BS: Huh?

 

Vince: The post-match 'incident' that happened at backlash.

 

BS: With Mysterio?

 

Vince: Yeah, with Mysterio.

 

BS: Aw shucks Vince, I'm sorry, he's just so little and I guess I don't know my own strength. I didn't want to hurt him, I swear. I'll send Rey some flowers and chocolates and a card tomorrow.

 

Vince: Rey? I'm not talking about Rey you dolt! I'm talking about that perfectly good stretcher you ruined. We're trying to cut costs here and you're bustin up a brand-new $300 piece of equipment. And don't get me started about the TV last week! That's it, I'm sick and tired of you and your incompetence.

 

BS: Vince, I said I was sorry.

 

Vince: Well, I guess you are if you say you are... I still have to punish you though, it wouldn't look good if I didn't.

 

BS: What are you going to do, Vince?

 

Vince: You're going to squash Funaki on Smackdown.

 

BS: Aw for christs sakes! Funaki?! Can't I bury Kendrick, I have my eye on him.

 

Vince: NO! You're getting Funaki and that's final!

 

BS: SHIT! Funaki loses on Velocity! He always loses! And he doesn't bump for me as well as the other lil guys. How about Tajiri? I sold for him Vince, I did, Gimmie him.

 

Vince: Show!

 

BS: Alright, Alright... *kicks dirt*

 

Vince: Now get outta here and send Rey in, I have a few choice words with him too. The lil bastard could have easily protected that stretcher...

Now that is fucking funny, and the worst thing is I can see it.

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

And where the fuck is Kanyon?

[Guest Mole]

Man, "Americanmaniacs"... I hate to sound like a mark (despite totally being one), but this Mr. America stuff sounds downright brilliant and hilarious.

 

The rest of the show, outside of the opener, sounds blah.

No one is perfect my good man.

 

Anyway, has anyone else noticed that Smackdown went to the shits ever since Heyman left? If anyone gets the chance, go read Ketih's rant on Backlash. For once, he doesn't just complain about stuff, but makes some very good points about the product and such. They have the biggest talent pool in NA history, and Big Show is in the title hunt again. Once again, Hogan is in the main event interview, which makes no sense.

 

Maybe they will have a O'Haire/Hogan match, excuse me, Mr. American match at Judgement Day. Hogan, hopefully, will put O'Haire over. Well that is what I would book, but why would a fan know what they are doing when it comes to writing shows...?

 

I am only looking forward to the ladder match at Judgement Day, because everyone knows that will steal the show. It still won't make me buy the show, because one match isn't worth 35 bucks.