What WAS Puro Wrestlecrap?

[Guest JMFabiano524]

For those of you who read Wrestlecrap, RD got a mail asking why he didn't include any puro entries on the site. He said (as I understand) he couldn't think of anything that puro fans wouldn't disagree on. So let me go right to the source...what do you think has come down the pike in puroresu that could be considered Wrestlecrap?

[Guest RickyChosyu]

Just frequent Puroresu Power and read what comes up. You'll find something absurd in five minutes, guaranteed.

 

And no, that's not a joke.

[Guest Downhome]

Isn't there some over the top fed where guys wrestle AS trees and the such?

[Guest XdojimeX]

"Isn't there some over the top fed where guys wrestle AS trees and the such?"

 

Yeah, but thats not crap. Thats art.

 

If we're talking "big time" puroresu and not the usual indy lunacy (otherwise we'd be here for days, Chocoball anyone?) the all-time Japanese wrestlecrap has to be the almighty Gaspars. Billy and Barry. Inoki set the bar way too high with that one. Even Giant Silva couldn't top it.

[Guest Walter Sobzak]

A remember a story a couple years back with Inoki having Ron Reis in the main at a dome show doing a Big Van Vader gimmick. He even needed the Vader helmet back. I think that qualifies.

[Guest Nevermortal]

Wasn't there some sort of a wrestling federation where they had handicapped people fight each other?

[Guest Rhysabusa]

Yes.. Social Pro-Wrestling Federation.

[Guest cynicalprofit]

Um, Chyna vs Chono....that would be puro crap, in my opinion.

[Guest Black Tiger]

Joanie Lauer's whole time in NJPW was highlighted by Tenzan and Chono making funny comments about her.

 

Two Words: Super Lyger

[Guest Special K]

Things that would seem sorta crappy here come off wonderfully in Japan. Ex. While I wouldn't call Val Venis as acbsolute crap, it was silly and pretty average (with the exception of the choppy pee-pee wrestlecrap)

 

COmpare that to Tokyo Magnum which is ABSOLUTE GOLD. It's Val Venis done 1000x better.

 

Also Muta. He's pretty Dungeon-of-Doomesque. (yeah I know he predates them by years and years) However, regardless of his merits as a worker, his charisma and some of his vignettes and mannerisms make it work pretty darn well.

 

I'm sure there are some underground feds that have some abysmal things.

 

Stolker is pretty wrestlecrappy, but I find him fairly amusing.

[Guest gansobomber]

Hogan winning the IWGP title was wrestlecrap...

 

Oh wait he used to wrestle better back then...

 

But still, no IWGP = no WWF Hulkamania run, so its still wrestlecrap.

 

And yes, I shamelessly stole an idea from one of the DVDVRs

[Maztinho 0]

Um, Chyna vs Chono....that would be puro crap, in my opinion.

Anything where Chyna gets kicked in the face five or six times is NOT puro crap.

[Guest cynicalprofit]

The fact they allowed Chyna to wrestle in Japan IS crap.

[Maztinho 0]

The fact they allowed Chyna to wrestle in Japan IS crap.

Touche, but still she got Yakuza'd!!!

[Guest Goodear]

It's weird, Japan can do some really weird stuff and people still like it. I mean, if I took a wrestler here and put Cole Slaw on his head and called him SlawSaw, I would end up in hell. Do it in Japan with Christopher Daniels of all people and no one has a problem.

[Guest Doyo]

here we go

 

http://puroresufan.com/ -

"Kobashi has been doing some... interesting and bold training lately. Kobashi sparred for two hours with a "bloodthirsty grizzly bear" on a beach in Shirao Town (Hokkaido). The sea cried, the special soul training of Kobashi shook the northern ground, and the waves of the North Sea raged. It was so chilly that long sleeve shirts were still required in Hokkaido, yet steam flew from the body of Kobashi as he fought the cannibal bear. Standing 3m and around 500kg, the bear fought Kobashi mightily. Yet the bear was no match for the pro wrestler, Kobashi was the King of Grizzly, and reigned over the mountains of Hokkaido!"

 

Also, earlier I was watching a match with Jun "Crazy Monkey" Kasai. For anyone

that does not know, he has a tail and eats bananas during his matches. Imagine

the outrage if someone like Jamie Knoble was given this gimmick in WWE.

[Guest Riots bloodlust]

Couple random thoughts to consider:

I don't think this was big time, but I believe that at one point there was an "anus explosion match" where the looser got some dynamite, or a firecracker, or something, shoved up their ass and detonated.

Sasuke has made a porno movie, and made it a point to say he would not remove his mask in parlament after being elected. I personally think that qualifies.

Daisuke Ikeda coming out to "Tell me why" and dressing up like Gatts from Berserk. Not that Gatts isn't a cool character that represents fighting spirit, but the cardboard sword is a bit much. That and that music makes me want to JAB AN ICE PICK INTO MY EAR!

I hate that song.

[Guest TheMadmanGreg]

Damien 666...

[Guest Riots bloodlust]

I found Damien pretty funny. Or are we referring to different people?

[Guest gansobomber]

Damien 666 wasn't wrestlecrap!

[Guest RedJed]

Couple random thoughts to consider:

I don't think this was big time, but I believe that at one point there was an "anus explosion match" where the looser got some dynamite, or a firecracker, or something, shoved up their ass and detonated.

I think they did that in FMW a few times, I remember when Hayabusa took off the mask for that short time there, he got a firecracker lit in his ass from Ganosuke and others. Weird shit there, FMW had a ton of wrestlecrap-esque shit, especially when Fuyuki was booking.

 

I remember seeing a Big Japan match where the point of the match was to put the opponent in a tank of pirannas. Total crap, they had scorpion and alligator matches, among other lame gimmicks as well that never amounted to anyone really even getting hurt from any of those.

[Guest JMA]

It's weird that 666 is associated with the Devil when in reality it translates into Nero Caesar. "Damien Nero Caesar"? But that's neither here nor there. I think bad gimmicks work in Japan because they're very tongue-in-cheek. They aren't meant to be taken very seriously. They're more like cultural parodies, IMO. I also disagree with The Great Muta's gimmick being similar to the DoD.

 

The DoD gimmick was just fucking crazy.

[Guest PlatypusFool]

Yeah, it comes, i think, from the fact that the Japs have always known worked wrestling is worked, so they can't really harm their products by doing stupid things that expose the business. Wrestlecrap is usually daft gimmicks and angles that are so daft they harm the product and drawing power of the promotion.

 

Things like Daisuke Ikeda taking on characters that represent fighting spirit, and the cardboard sword is probly a large part of the character, are seen as just that, a narrative point done for it's meaning. Also, everything in DDT is done for the same reason, the monkeys, the sex change operations, all of it, it's all entertaining because it's not hurting the product as everyone already knows it's worked.

[Guest Riots bloodlust]

Yah, I understand that, although I still think the cardboard sword is goofy, and I still HATE THAT MUSIC.

*Slams head against the wall to get it out of my mind*

[Guest TheMadmanGreg]

Pretty much any gimmick in Japan is wrestlecrap. Their best wrestling characters are people who simply have no gimmick, but are bad-ass... or have some part of their body that is completely devestating. (Misawa, Kawada... I'm looking in your direction.)

[Guest Nevermortal]

I remember seeing a Big Japan match where the point of the match was to put the opponent in a tank of pirannas. Total crap, they had scorpion and alligator matches, among other lame gimmicks as well that never amounted to anyone really even getting hurt from any of those.

What a shitty match that was. Matasunaga v. Nagasaki in the longest 15 minutes (I think) of my life.

[Guest The Rising Star]

What are the lyrics of Tell Me Why which makes the song so bad?

[Guest Riots bloodlust]

Here's "Tell Me Why" by the Penpals:

 

Feel no shame about shape

weather changes their phrase

even mother will show you another way

 

So put your glasses on

nothing will be wrong

there's no blame, there's no fame, it's up to you

 

The first words should be found

whatever holds you back

I can get it off

 

Tell me what, tell me what, tell me what you want

I don't know why, don't know why, don't know why are you afraid

Tell me what, tell me what, tell me what you wanna say

I don't know why, don't know why, don't know why but it's too late

 

 

First thing that bugs me is that the lyric is "Tell me what" not "Tell me why" like the title is, and it's one of those odd japanese songs sung in english, so the accent is very thick. Additionally, it sounds like japanese indy rock... *shudders*

[Guest Riots bloodlust]

Actually, I should also say that there are more lyrics in the full song, but that's the ammount they use for the Berserk opening sequence. I don't know if Ikeda uses the whole thing or not, but whatever.

[Guest two_tuff_toddy]

I saw a Koji Katow(sp?) vs Mabel match that had Koji missing a cross arm breaker (How do you manage that?) and then win with the same move. It was quite gay and well deserving of wrestlecrap.

You can't for get about the greatness of the IWA Bathhouse Brawl. Jesus Christ.