Crimson Comments

[Guest KingOfOldSchool]

You know what to do...

[Rawknight 0]

Woohoo at me winning against a showing opponent! I'll get you next time Crow.... neeeeeeeeeeeext tiiiiiiiiiime *shakes fist in evil villan fashion*

 

Not 100% sure I got the mechanics of your finish right, Manson. It IS 6am while i'm reading your losing match, but how does Duran get Va'aiga out the ring? Otherwise.. I like! Hope you like my little Call of Cthulu reference in my match

 

I'll read the rest of the card laters... congrats to Crow (again)

[Guest KingOfOldSchool]

I should have elaborated on that further and fleshed it out, but hey, I was rushing when writing that and it was done on the fly.

 

But the idea behind that, was Duran would run into you from the side, shoulderblocking you. This causes me to be knocked from your grip, but knocked silly due to Duran's recklessness. The force of his blind-sided charge causes you to be knocked out of the ring. Duran hits his inverted tko on Dillon (which I forgot to call by it's trademark name) and Duran throws me onto Dillon for the pin.

 

And yes, I did like the reference, as well as the rest of the commentary.

Edited May 23, 2003 by KingOfOldSchool

[Guest Crowe]

NEWBIE TRIPLE THREAT MATCH

Cassius Atkinson vs. Scott Solomon vs Dan "The Phoenix" Caldwell

~ A solid effort from Solomon here, you handled the action between the three men well and you included a few close broken up pinfalls, which is always a plus. Some tips...

 

Variate the wrestling moves more, meaning, don’t have too many instances of the same manoeuvre in one match. There were just too many elbows in your match for my liking.

 

Remember to sell the big moves in your match. My main pick about your match was that Cassius powerbombed Phoenix over the top rope to the floor, and then very soon he came back into the ring and there no mention of stumbling or being dazed or hurt and such.

 

I noticed your match was approximately seven hundred words under the limit. This is a problem because you always want to hit very close to home when it comes to word limits. My advice is to describe the wrestling more, ie more descriptiveness when it comes to moves... for example. You wrote...

 

“Cassius runs at Phoenix... Running DDT!!!”

 

You could have written...

 

“Cassius is back up and he runs at Phoenix, and with the speed surprisingly for his age, he captures his opponent’s head and drives it into the canvas with a running DDT!”

 

Now you don’t have to go that far, but remember more description bumps up the words and provides a better visual image in a reader’s mind. Frost was your marker, yes? I believe he was and so I recommend you take heed of all his comments, because his notes are very helpful for writing development. Once again, solid match and I look forward to seeing how you improve and evolve in this fed. Good luck.

 

 

NOT-QUITE NEWBIE MATCH

Syndicate vs. Jimmy "The Demon" Liston

~ This was a great match to read and it was perfectly written in all aspects, though I’m very much a Syndicate mark so it could just the bias here, lol. In all seriousness, aside from a few long sentences this match was a polished piece of writing which was a joy to read, the wrestling action was good and the commentary was spot on. In fact, I’d go as far as saying this had some of the best commentary in recent memory. I applaud Syndicate.

 

 

TV TITLE LADDER MATCH

Charlie "Grappler" Matthews © vs. Leo Breslin

~ A co-written where both men put in everything to create a damn good match. The first half was Leo Breslin’s and it’s good to see that’s he’s improving every card. I do have a personal nitpick though, I believe that there’s a bit of commentary overkill... there’s just too much of it for my liking. That said, the commentary was very well done and humourous, especially with the whole King and Japanese bits. Solid wrestling action as well... Oooh, and I can’t to see how this mystery woman is going to play into things. Good luck with the belt, yo.

 

Charlie’s half of the match, as always, was great stuff and cements in my mind, that we have a future World Champion here, folks. Good commentary and entertaining wrestling as per usual, but the best aspect was the creative spots. Namely the Ladder Assisted Bearhug, there’s just something about this mental image which cracks me and leads me to believe it’d be a great visual. The finish was inventive as well, but I’m not sure if it’s feasible. The belt is hanging fifteen feet in the air and the ladder is ten feet... yet, when Charlie flips Leo Breslin onto his shoulders, Leo grabs the belt... and using my dodgy maths, the belt would approximately be six feet higher in the air than he would. It just doesn’t click in my mind and even though, it’s a great idea, it would have been better thinking if the powerbomb was done with both competitors standing ON the ladder rungs. That said, good luck in the European Division, Grappler.

 

 

PICK-A-PARTNER TAG TEAM DOUBLE #1 Contendership match

Va'aiga & Partner of Choice vs Manson & Partner of Choice

~ I think this match was co-written by Va’aiga and good ol’ Tim Dillon, the ex-Insane Luchador, and from what I gather, Va’aiga wrote the first half? Correct me if I am wrong. The following is a running commentary as I read your match.

 

The german suplex and chokeslam double team move was quite creative, your own invention, Card? Bwaha @ Va’aiga no selling the chops, see Manson can’t nail em good as Crow can. GOOD GOD, DOUBLE SPEAR! That’s fuckin cool, talk about bringing da pain. Heh, for some reason I imagine Tim Dillon looking like that guy small guy with the knife finger things in King Of Fighters. Hate Personified? Did Manson come up with this, or did everyone just steal that nickname from my world title match? PPPLLLAAAANNNCCCHHHHAAAAAAA! Wiping out Dillon? You wiped out Duran, not Dillon! OH MY GODZ! BIG UGLY SLINGSHOT MAORI PLANCHA OF DOOOOOOOOOOMM! Best. Move. Ever. The crowd oohs and aahs? Them Japanese girls give good gobbies. Major mark out moment for Manson’s moonsault, a sweet visual in my mind. Manson cheated! You nasty little boy! Matty Kivell gonna punish you for that! ARN ANDERSON SPINEBUSTER! Great move that, but CW does it better. I like this build up to the Va’aiga hot tag.

 

“Axis: The tenacity, the spirit of Tim Dillon! What DO you have to do to keep the Irish Brawler down?

 

Suicide King: 15 pints of the black stuff? 20?”

 

Bahaha. That bastard Manson using the slapping of own hand tactic, why I oughta... dammit, the Hate Machine just planted Dillon with the Thrill Kill! Bastard. BUT DILLON KICKS OUT, THE DIRTY LITTLE BASTARD! AND THE MAORI IS IN!!!1 HOT TAG SHOULDER TAKCLE MOVE! WWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ANOTHER ONE! Gooooooo Va’aiga! Oh my god, the kiss of the fist punch flurry on both Duran and Manson!

 

...

 

Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!

 

SUPER DECAPITATOR!

 

VA’AIGA AND DILLON WIN! YES!

 

 

Ok, I’m done, and you think I didn’t mark out that? I did, I’m a mark for Maori Badass. Great match guys, and as you can see I liked it a lot, couple careless errors and confusion in descriptions here and there, but nothing big. And besides, my match is full of careless errors cause I was so damn tired. Look forward to meeting you in the squared circle for the belt again, Card and good luck with the Euro shot, Dillon.

 

 

WORLD TITLE VODKA SHOT MATCH

Crow© vs Viktor Tarakanov

~ Eh.

Edited May 23, 2003 by Crowe

[Guest KingOfOldSchool]

Hate Personified -

Va'aiga and Dillon must have seen it in my stats, and decided to use it. But I used it as the title of a promo I wrote a while back, though at that point wasn't fully intent on using it as a nickname. Then it wasn't until you used it in our World Title match that I placed it in my stats.

[Guest Crowe]

Ah, thanks for clearing that up. (Y)

[Rawknight 0]

Dillon's plancha wiped out Duran and himself *covers tracks rapidly* K you gotta forgive me ONE confuse-o-rama spot.

 

Chokeslam/German is a Taue/Kawada spot.

 

Double Spear is Haka Boyz spot, as is the Super Decapitator (which is the originial Decapitator, the one where the Axe kick is delivered from standing is to compensate for Dace not being a flyer)

 

Oh and from writing.. Duran NEEDS a nickname.

[Guest Crowe]

Just call him Big Cunt or something.

[Guest GLWUT]

Well I mentioned to Charlie when I sent him my half that I didn't like what I ended up with because there wasn't much wrestling. But he definitely picked up the slack and created a stellar match. Thanks for the hand-off, Charlie. I'll try and have a good run.

 

Congrats to all the victors, and good job to everyone that wrote. (Y)

[Guest The Superstar]

First and foremost, congratulations to Breslin...you deserve it, man.

 

The best SJL show in a long time, IMO. The newbie match was good for what it was, it's great to have Syndicate back, Vaaiga/Dillon was great and the main event was excellent.

 

(Y) to everyone~!

[thuganomics 0]

Woohoo! I won...

 

Sorry about excessive elbows. When everyone's movelist has elbow maneuvers as major focuses though, I find myself in a bit of a bind...

[Guest Dace59]

I like elbows, but then I like Misawa and this 10,000 Elbow Smashes per match.