PROMO (Taylor Nicholas Thompson) - "Ow, My Head"

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

PROMO (Taylor Nicholas Thompson) – “Ow, My Head”

 

 

 

”Taylor Nicholas Thompson…” Dick Clark (in voiceover form, that is) can be heard saying as almost ancient footage of TNT himself, way back in his JL days, soaring down onto a dazed Insane Luchadores with a flying headbutt plays in slow motion.

 

 

”A man who has claimed many victories…”

 

 

Taylor flashes a grin at the crowd before cratering El Luchadore Magnifico’s head into the mat with a Boilmaker, and winning his first SWF World Championship in the process.

 

 

”…as well as many losses…”

 

 

Tom Flesher mounts the back of Thompson’s head from the turnbuckle and drives him face-first into the mat with a brutal Ego Trip.

 

 

”A man with many friends…”

 

 

Frost and TNT do battle with Xero and Danny Williams on the entrance ramp in a scene of utter carnage.

 

 

”A man with many enemies…”

 

 

Taylor and one Tod deKindes brawl in the center of an SJL ring, more than a year ago…

 

 

”A man who has wrestled through times of prosperity…”

 

 

The explosive one nearly kills Annie Eclectic with a Detonation Drop.

 

 

”…and times of… not so much prosperity…”

 

 

TNT loses to Ash.

 

 

”Is now, in a time of uncertainty.”

 

 

Clips are shown of last Lockdown. TNT’s last match, against Tod deKindes. Taylor gets knees on a flying headbutt, throwing him into a near unconscious state of mind, and then suffers a DVX onto a steel chair at the hands of deKindes, a maneuver that could potentially put a normal man straight into a coma. Tod exhaustedly collapses onto Taylor, hooking whatever he can, and as Chioda makes the three-count, the sound of a nail splintering into a coffin can be heard.

 

BAM

 

BAM

 

BAM

 

The screen abruptly cuts the nothingness. The faded sound of a ringing bell and a booing crowd can be vaguely detected in the background, but aside from that… utter blackness. The barely-audible booing continues until we gradually faze into a fuzzy recording of a phone conversation… which any viewer can soon make sense of. It’s between a hospital attendee of some sort, and the head of the SWF’s medical staff, Sarah Leavenworth.

 

::static::”…there any exterior bleeding, ma’am?

 

”Yes there’s…::static::”…bleeding from his ear… and…”::static::”…done all we can… but we need an ambulence…”::static::”…keeps fading in and out of consciousness…”

 

”We’ll have an ambulance over there right away, make sure that no one messes with anything until we get there…”::static::”…could be a very serious concussion…”

 

”Oh thank you. Please come quickly.”

 

Sirens can be heard, and the blurred image of a man on a stretcher being wheeled into the back of a wailing ambulance is shown. The screen goes black again. The sound of ER doctor’s voices quietly plays, and Dick Clark’s voice rings out again.

 

”TNT suffered a concussion at the hands of Tod deKindes. A concussion that could keep him out of the ring for several weeks.”

 

We see an Emergency Room doctor from the New Jersey hospital that TNT was operated on at. He looks suspiciously like Micky Rourke – albeit the porn star mustache – and speaks with a slight New York accent. The words “Kristopher Lee Arseneault – Head of New Jersey State Hospital Facility Emergency Room” appear at the bottom of the screen as he speaks.

 

“Taylor… suffered some slight damage to his skull from his match… a concussion and some mild head trauma. The concussion was pretty bad, but his skull took most of the blow and sort of acted as a big… bony… cushion between his brain and the impact. His recovery should be phenomenally fast for such a concussion, but he’ll still have to stay away from the ring for a few weeks. Just under a month. And that’s just the interior damage… he’s pretty bruised up on the face to… some very unattractive swelling here and there, which is a shame because he was a very handsome man.”

 

We now see the head of the SWF medical staff – Sarah Leavenworth. All of the regular features are just as prominent as usual: dazzling blue/green eyes, wavy blonde hair, and extreme cleavage… but a very out-of-place expression of concern graces her face.

 

“Taylor is training as hard as ever for his return to the ring, and is still making his presence felt… as he so clearly displayed in Tod deKindes’ last match against Wildchild. But he still can’t get into the ring just yet, and is undergoing some serious head trauma therapy. He’s very determined to return to wrestling as soon as possible, and it’s ever so apparent. We hope to see him competing again as soon as his concussion has completely cleared up.”

 

We now see Taylor Nicholas Thompson – bruises surrounding his nose and eye area – sitting down in regular street clothes. He speaks slowly, as if he’s still feeling the rather harsh effects of his concussion, and slurs a bit.

 

”I’m doing just about everything in my power to get back in there and work my ass off like I have been for so long. I’ve been lifting weights a lot… and meditation has definitely helped me acquire a good state of mind for my recovery. So I guess I just gotta keep doin’ what I’m doin’… and then eventually, when the time is right, rejoin the active roster. But I do know one thing. When I get back in that ring… when I rejoin the ranks of the SWF… I’m gonna have one thing on my mind, and one thing only – Tod deKindes. I don’t know what the hell his deal is… but if he wants me out of this fed… then I’ll tell you one fucking thing… I’m ready to fight to the death for my place in the SWF, and HE’s not the one who’s gonna kill me.”

 

TNT now turns to the camera, addressing it as if it were an actual human. Quite weird, but it produces a nice effect.

 

”So Tod, if you’re watching this… then I just have one thing to tell you… you better be ready, motherfucker. You better be ready for me to kick your ass… to beat you from ring post to ring post… you better be ready to watch me explode… Because as soon as I come back, it won’t just be interfering in matches or cutting stupid fucking promos anymore. It’ll be you, and me, one on one, in that fucking ring… and you better bet that I won’t let you get outta there until I’ve given you the biggest ass kicking of your life. And don’t get your hopes up about my injury holding me down either. I’m working my ass off, 24 motherfucking hours a day, 7 days a week… and the doctors say that I could be – I WILL be if I have any say in it – back in that squared circle ready to kick you ass by around… let’s say…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

13th Hour.”

 

TNT smiles a malicious grin, and we fade out as we hear: ”So mark your calendar, motherfucker.”

 

We hear—… no, wait, now we see Dick Clark, the man who never ages, laughing heartily, before grinning a car-salesman grin at the camera, and saying ”Well, you heard the man. Mark your calendars, motherfuckers… and look out, for Taylor… Nicholas… Thompson! Thank you, and good night! Oh, and don’t forget to tune in next New Year’s for the Dick Clark 2004 Countdown!” Dick laughs again, and this time we fade out for good.

[Guest chirs3]

”So mark your calendar, motherfucker.”

 

Best. Badass one-liner. EVER.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

I dunno. I think "TNT loses to Ash" has more marketing potential.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

I am only replying to this promo to bump it above Silent's which he made me respond to so it would be first on the board.

 

Good overview of the career, but how in the hell did you get Dick Clark to do the voice over? Is he that hard up for cash?