SWF FROM THE VAULT!!

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

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Two matches with no introduction necessary, that I just felt like posting out of the blew for nostalgia purposes. First, we have Ash’s ego-crushing SJL Title win over Tom Flesher… May 8th, 2002…

 

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In a flurry of light and sound, SJL Metal ZOOOOOOOOOOMS back to the Drome in Springfield in the beautiful state of... ummm... where are we again? IT DOESN’T MATTER! However, back to the show. The drones file in from the concession stands and bathrooms just in time to see the MAIN EVENT! Who will come out on top? Will Edwin piss off King AGAIN? And what is with the guy in the third row with that damn “WWF 0WNZ J00!!!” sign?

 

Axis: ...Aaaaaaaand welll-come back to SJL Metal! Joined by Commissioner Edwin MACPHISTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ...and the Suicide King... I’m-

 

King: A really crazy and gay Aussie named Axis. We all know. Thanks for coming out of the closet. Now go hang out with Cutthroat. He’s waiting in the back for you and wants you to squeeze his red man-boobs.

 

Edwin: Awww... that was mean...

 

King: SHUT UP! I hope you’re happy, panda hugger. You screwed McMahon out of billions!

 

Edwin: I’m not in the World Wildlife Foundation...

 

King points to Mr. Fuzzums, clutched in Edwin’s arms.

 

King: GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION!!!!

 

Axis: Come on you two...

 

Edwin: But back to the WWE... wasn’t McMahon ALWAYS stealing our ideas, and we were waiting to get him back? Isn’t this the almighty revenge that we’ve always wanted? Isn’t this the shining moment where each SJLer and SWFer can look up at the might Vince McMahon and laugh in his face and say “Ha ha?” ISN’T IT??

 

All three remain silent for a second.

 

King: Gosh... never thought about it like that...

 

Axis: Ummmm... Edwin... the WWF helped spawn the SWF by popularizing pro wrestling...

 

Edwin: I... DON’T... CARE!!! I’M GONNA PROVE MY POINT!

 

Just then Edwin is temporarily cut off as the lights go out, the sold-out Springfield crowd rising to its feet.

 

Edwin: YES!!!! THIS IS IT!!!

 

Edwin grabs Axis by the shoulders and shakes him as he overreacts… like he usually does.

 

Axis: Almost time to go home… almost time to go home…

 

Just then, the beginning of U2’s "Elevation" begins to play, the part at the beginning pumping the crowd up as a waterfall of pyro flows over the SmarkTron and shoots up in front of the entrance, like Christian’s entrance. But then, as the first words begin, the pyro in front of the entrance stops, a spotlight shining onto the stage, shining off Ash, who is in a Jericho-like pose. The crowd pops like there’s no tomorrow as the see the Poke Freak. Misty is on his left side, wearing a sexy pink string bikini, her hair pulled back into it’s usual ponytail on the left side with a pink scrunchie, gold chain ankle bracelet on her left ankle, her arms on her hips smiling as Ash spins around from his Jericho pose and walks halfway down the ramp. Stopping his walking, Ash brings his right arm up straight in the air quickly and makes his signature split-finger victory sign with his right hand. At this point, five red pyro blasts shoot up from the stage in unison, right where the original pyro was. Ash and Misty release themselves from their poses and go down to ringside, Ash slapping hands with the fans and getting pumped up as a video of clips from his best IGNWF, JL, and ML matches plays on the SmarkTron.

 

Funyon: And his opponent: Being accompanied by Misty, from Pallet Town… weighing in at 255 pounds… he is a member of X FORCE NINE… ASH KET-CHUMMMMMMMM!!!!!

 

He walks up to the cage door, climbs up onto the apron, and after helping Misty in, enters the cage, removing his Jeff Jarrett-style sunglasses. Ash climbs the turnbuckle closest to the crowd and takes off his shirt, whipping it over the cage wall and into the first two or three rows of the crowd, giving a lucky fan a souvenir to take home. Ash then hops off the turnbuckle as Misty exits the cage. Well duh... she’s not in the match. A shmuck, though Ash fan, second row, catches it, and he gives Ash a big thumbs up, happy to have something of his idol’s. Ash responds back with a thumbs up of his own and a bonus wink, then turns back around as the crowd chants his name, almost deafening in amplitude …

 

Crowd: ASH!!! ASH!!! ASH!!! ASH!!!

 

Edwin: YAY!!!! ASH IS HERE!!!

 

King: Hush, dumbass.

 

Axis: A bit harsh there, King-

 

King: At least I’m not Cutthroat’s mistress-er-um-dude...

 

Axis: Now wait just a second...

 

As Ash turns around, the arena goes dark. Over the PA, the opening strains of the Doors' "Tell All The People" start to play. A large X of Pyro sprays out across the curtain, and as Jim Morrison sings "Tell all the people that you see... follow me...." The World Champion Tom Flesher walks through the curtain posing for the crowd. He struts to the ring confidently in rhythm to the song. When he gets to the ring, he drops into a double biceps pose and a pillar of pyro explodes from each cornerpost as Funyon begins to announce his name.

 

Funyon: Aaaaand from Buffalo, New York-

 

Suddenly, Flesher walks up to Funyon and snatches the mic away, beginning to speak in his New Yorker accent, though slight.

 

Flesher: Weighing in at a colossal 213 pounds... he is the SWF WORLD CHAMPION... THE UNSTOPPABLE MONSTER... THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE... GOD’S GIFT TO THE SJL... THE NEXT-BIG-THING... THE LIVING LEGEND... THE SUPERIOR ONE!!!!!... (He calms down, turning to scan the booing audience.) Tom... Flesher...

 

The crowd boos louder as Flesher finishes, tossing the mic back in the face of Funyon, who makes a great catch! Ash scowls at Flesher, for he has called himself “The Next Big Thing”, a title reserved for the Undercard King himself.

 

King: i’ll tell you what... this man is AMAZING! He reminds me of... me. A younger me... but me none the less... me, me, me, me, me...

 

Axis: As we can all see...

 

Edwin: Though Ash, as of late, seems to remind himself... (Edwin turns to face King.) Of me...

 

Axis: So, this would essentialy be King vs. Edwin?

 

King: It seems so...

 

Edwin: Yeah... at least a precursor...

 

The two men turn to face each other, Ash looking tough angry, Flesher confident as he flexes in front of Ash and makes goofy faces, only driving the uncontrollable Ketchum deeper and deeper into anger...

 

King: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, CHAMP???

 

Axis: Oh, a bit on concern?

 

King: I may be vicious and cynical... but trust me... I’d never do that sh*t to Edwin... you always attack first, intimidate later.

 

Edwin: So?

 

King: Flesher keeps this up, he’ll get his ass whooped, and worse, lose my respect.

 

Slowly, referee Timothy Thompson signals to the timekeeper, only after instructing both men in the match rules, and as the timekeepr reaches across the table...

 

DING DING DINGGGGG!!!

 

The last tone seems to hold out longer as the two men slowly begin to circle each other, neither wanting to make the first mistake. The circle tightens closer and closer until the men take a step forward, each thrusting their arms out and entangling in a grapple. Straining to gain control, both men push against the other, but the lighter Flesher somehow gains control, forcing Ketchum down into a side headlock. Flesher tightens the hold, squeezing the breath out of Ash, but Ketchum slowly draws his arm back, slamming it forward into the ribs of Flesher, causing him to release the hold. Flesher staggers forward a step as Ash recovers, but Tom turns right back around, grabbing Ketchum’s arm and pulling, attempting to whip him to the ropes. As he does, though, Ash counters the move, stopping himself and pulling Tom toward him, extending his arm out for a clothesline that Flesher easily ducks under. As Flesher pops up on the other side of Ash, he tugs Ash, attempting to copy Ash’s maneuver, but as Tom extends his arm out, Ash ducks under it, spinning Flesher around to face him and tugging to whip him to the ropes. Flesher reverses-no, wait-Ketchum reverses the reversal, whipping Tom toward him and dropping down, sliding under Tom. Popping up on the other side, Ash hooks the arm of Flesher, lifting him abruptly into the air for a pumphandle slam, but as he lifts Tom onto his shoulder, Flesher slips off behind him, grabbing him around the waist as he lands on his feet. Ketchum immediately elbows Flesher in the head, causing him to release the hold.

 

Axis: They’re bouncing back and forth like luchadors!!!

 

Edwin: It’s like Pong!

 

As Flesher stands there stunned, Ketchum hooks his leg back, hitting Flesher in the head with an amazing standing hook kick! Flesher drops down hard onto the mat as the crowd gets into the match. As Flesher hits the mat and Ketchum remains standing, Flesher spins, swinging his leg around and connecting with the back leg of Ash Ketchum, flipping him onto his back with a leg sweep. Ketchum falls onto the mat gently, and both men slowly get to their feet, the crowd roaring into a combined chant of "E-C-Dub!" and "S-J-L!"

 

Axis: What a beginning to a match that has been anticipated for almost a week!

 

Edwin: INDEED!!! I wish Cardboard Comet were here to see this...

 

King: If I were you, I'd shut up, panda hugger. You've done enough damage to pro wrestling already...

 

As both men slowly stare each other down, they burn holes into the eyes of each other, but with a sudden move, Flesher breaks the hypnotic stare, diving at the leg of Ash Ketchum and grabbing it, tackling him hard to the mat and taking him down with a single leg take down. Ash slams hard onto his back, but Flesher quickly flips Ash onto his chest, and grabbing his left foot, he pulls Ash back toward him, lifting the ankle up and twisting it into a painful ANKLE LOCK, wrestling's most OVERUSED move!

 

Axis: It's the-

 

Edwin: ANKLE LOCK OF DOOM!!!!! I'm sure King enjoys this…

 

King: I do, Edwin.

 

Edwin: Yeah… except it's weak.

 

King: WEAK?

 

As Flesher applies the dangerous lock on Ash Ketchum, Ketchum cries in pain, desperately trying to pull himself away, hands grasping the canvas as he tries to pull away, but suddenly, he opts out of escaping and pushes himself back toward Flesher. What seems stupid makes sense a second later as Ash begins to push himself off his feet, Flesher forced to follow suit and he keeps trying to twist the ankle. Ash grits his teeth in pain, but his will perseveres, allowing him to get onto one foot. Then, in one quick move, he hops off the foot, landing facing Flesher, and leaping off that foot, flips back, drills Flesher under the chin with the toes of his boot, flipping as Flesher releases the leg and falls back, landing on his feet as he finishes off the frontflip enziguri! Flesher sits right back up, taking the punishment as he gets up, bent over and grabbing his jaw, but suddenly, Ash grabs Tom around the head, lifting Flesher up and dropping back, nailing him with an inverted DDT! Tom drops onto the mat cold, but Ash rolls him onto his back, covering him for a quick pinning attempt!

 

One…

 

Two…

 

TH-NO!!! FLESHER KICKS OUT! The crowd sighs in despair as their hero is tossed off Flesher.

 

King: Ash Ketchum has better say his prayers, take his vitamins, and try again next time.

 

Axis: King, this isn’t over-

 

King: And I couldn’t care less if it was. I must go home to my BEAUTIFUL SWF World Title Replica Belt all us champions have. I suspect neither of you have one…

 

Ketchum grabs Flesher, grabbing him as he gets up, both acending as the crowd cheers for more Ash offense. Ketchum responds, grabbing Flesher’s arm and whipping the champion to the ropes. As the ropes flex under Tom’s weight and shoots him back toward Ash, Ketchum extends his forearm out. “POW!” The forearm smashes across the forehead of Tom Flesher, dropping him to the mat as Ash imitates The Hurricane with the MIGHTY FOREARM SMASH!!!! However, forearm smashes are not forever, and Flesher readily recovers from the blow, grabbing his forehead and staggering about. Ketchum takes this opportunity to drop down, sliding Flesher onto his shoulders. In a split second, Flesher is swung over Ketchum’s right shoulder, head lodged between Ash’s legs as Ketchum drops to the mat with a thunderous “BOOM!” as the ring shakes like an earthquake just hit Springfield, Ketchum dropping Flesher early with an amazing cradle Samoan driver!

 

Edwin: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW DRII-VERRR!!!! Ash’s specialty move has done it again!

 

King: Are you saying it;s over, peon? Because the King says nay to that...

As Ash releases Flesher, he grabs his legs, holding him for a quick pinning attempt as the ref drops to the mat to make the count...

 

One...

 

Two...

 

TH-AMAZING!!! FLESHER KICKS OUT Of THE MEW DRIVER!!! Everyone thought the match was over, and a collecting groan echoes throughout the arena, which includes Edwin as King boasts.

 

King: Ha. I was correct. Bow down and worship the ground I walk on...

 

Edwin: Um... how about a popsicle from the mini-fridge?

 

King: Mini-fridge?

 

Edwin Yeah, it’s under the table.

 

 

Ketchum slowly grabs Flesher, pulling him up onto his feet as he punds away with closed right fists, but as Ash grabs Flesher and pulls him up those last few feet, Flesher counters, kneeing Ash in the chest to cause him to release the hold. As Ash looks up, Flesher drops down, extending his legs out as he dropkicks Ash Ketchum in the knee! Flesher hits the mat as Ketchum grabs his knee and hops around in pain, turning his back to Tom. Bad decision, as Tom hops onto his feet. Flesher promptly pulls up behind Ash, waistlocking him, and lifting him off his feet, lifts him high into the air, dropping him onto his neck with a German suplex! Ketchum lands hard on his neck, but he rolls onto his feet and gets back up as Flesher recovers from the move.

 

King: Money! Flesher’s back in this!

 

Axis: Ketchum is the stronger man, though, King, so don’t count him out...

 

King: Flesher may not be strong, but at least he has a brain...

 

Ketchum staggers onto his feet, right towards Tom, who counters with a huge kick to Ash’s chest. Ketchum stops, lets out a groan of pain and bends over, but Flesher is quick to act, grabbing Ash from behind and lifting him up, up over his shoulder, and quickly, almost at a 90 degree angle, Flesher sharply drops Ash onto his neck, slamming him to the mat with a high angle belly to back suplex called the Backdrop Driver! Ash’s head bounces hard off the mat as Flesher turns around on the mat, quickly hooking Ash’s leg for a pinning attempt!

 

One...

 

Two... No dice! Ketchum kicks out! Flesher sits up as Ketchum remains on the mat, breathing heavily as he still attempts to recover from the move. Tom, though, isn’t tired, and that’s what counts.

 

Edwin: What’s gotten into Flesher? What’s with the sudden resurgence of power?

 

King: I told you... he’s a great champion, and all great champions can do that... like me.

 

Axis: Everything always goes back to King...

 

Edwin: Like some freaky loop of chaos...like the money cycle...

 

Edwn shudders after his obscure comment, while in the ring, Flesher has gotten onto his feet. He turns around though, and extending his arms out, falls forward, head slamming into Ash’s chest with a standing diving headbutt, Benoit-style. Ketchum grabs his chest, gritting his teeth in great pain. Flesher doesn’t give a shit, though, and he gets back up, quickly extending an elbow out as he drops to the mat, delivering a massive elbow drop to Ketchum’s chest. Ash once more writhes in pain as Flesher recovers, but Tom soons unveils his new plan. Getting up, he grabs hold of both of Ash’s legs, rolling him onto his back, and stepping over, he sits down, pulling back on Ash with a Boston crab! Ketchum cries in pain, but he quickly twists his body, pulling himself closer to the ropes and increasing his own pain. He gets closer and closer, but Tom tries to hold him back.

 

Axis: Ketchum may know what he’s doing here...

 

King: He’s too far away. He won’t get it.

 

Edwin: No way. Mr Fuzzums says Ash reaches it.

 

As soon as Edwin says that, Ash reaches out again, and this time, his fingers glance the ropes, forcing the ref to call for a rope break. Tom releases Ash’s legs, looking up at the ref. He yells at him, screaming, then turns and exits the ring, just plain frustrated.

 

Edwin: I told you-

 

King: Shut up, panda hugger!

 

Flesher makes his way through the ropes and to Funyon, pulling his chair out from under him and folding it up. Meanwhile, Ash gets up in the ring, grabbing his ankle in pain, but still getting up.

 

Axis: What the-

 

Flesher and chair both re-enter the ring under the bottom rope, Flesher getting onto his feet as Ash turns around. Sensing she has a responsibility, Mist leaps up onto the apron and tries to enter the ring. The ref goes over to stop her, facing away from Tom as he brings the chair over his head. “CRACK!” The chair slams into Ash’s head, causing him to drop like a ton of bricks. The crowd boos louldy at the dirty deed/

 

Axis: ASH JUST GOT SCREWED!!!

 

Flesher does not drop the chair, but... waits for the bell? When he doesn’t hear it, he looks over at the ref, who is watching Misty leave the ring to make sure she doesn’t interfere. Flehser ANGRILY stomps over there and taps the ref on the shoulder, holding up the un-dented chair and pleading his case to the ref that he just nailed Ash with it.

 

Axis: What’s he doing?

 

Edwin: He’s getting himself DQed!

 

Axis: How cheap...

 

King: He’ll lose, but he’ll keep his title. Genius!

 

As Tom argues with referee Tim Thompson, their argument gets louder, the ref telling Tom he didn’t see it. Flesher begins to scream and the ref yells back, signaling the timekeeper the match is still on, the crowd responding with huge cheers as Tom slams the chair into the mat, the ref discarding of it as Flesher stomps off like a two-year old.

 

Axis: And Tom loses the argument!

 

Edwin: Misty must have seen this coming, so she distracted the ref to make sure Ash didn’t lose! What a great idea! Even if Ash did take a shot to the head...

 

King: Referee, you are pathetic. DQ HIM!!!

 

Flesher notices that Ash is still down, lying on his back, prone to attack. Running back, Flesher bounces off the ropes, shooting himself at Ash. As he nears Ash, he does a front somersault, landing on his feet in front of Ash. In what has been seen done by RVD a million times before, Flesher flips forward, flipping into a somersault senton, but Ash puts a knee up, causing Flesher to hit the knee instead and bounce off that! Flesher dorps to the mat, grabbing his back in pain as Ash slowly gets to his feet.

 

Edwin: Ah! It seems Ash Ketchum is not done yet!

 

Another ding comes from under the table. Edwin looks underneath to see what’s up.

 

Edwin: Ah! My French toast is ready!

 

Axis: A toaster? how do you fit it all under there, Edwin?

 

Edwin: With some MACPHISTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAGIC!

 

King: More like gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay magic.

 

As Ketchum gets to his feet, Flesher follows suit, grabbing his back and getting to his feet. As Flesher ges up, he is bent over, and Ash fully manipulates that, leaping itno the air as he swings one leg up and down, then the other, swinging into a sicssors kick to the back of Tom’s head that floors him... the Air Ketchum Deux!Axis: AIR KETCHUM DEUX!!! More than likely, he ‘s setting up for something big!

 

As Ash recovers, he leans back and runs back to the nearest ropes, bouncing off them and flying at Tom, doing a front somersault that rolls him up to Fletcher's body.

Rolling onto his feet, Ash springs into action, leaping into the air as he coils and uncoils his limbs, crashing on top of Tom's body with a rolling five-star frog splash! Ash bounces off Tom, landing and rolling onto his back and eventually onto his feet as he staggers up, staggering toward his corner as tom grabs his chest, slowly beginning to recover.

 

Axis: ROLLING FIVE STAR FROM ASH!

 

Edwin: The Poke Freak’s own innovative move.

 

King: Ash is just as much a freak as you are, MacFreak-o...

 

As Flesher recovers from the last move, he leaps up into the air, going for a quick dropkick to Ash, but Ketchum ducks down, Flesher’s legs landing on Ash’s back. Ash straightens back up, Flesher sliding down Ash’s back, but Ketchum quickly hooks Flesher’s arms, and with great force, Ash slams Flesher’s shoulders into the mat, dropping Flesher into a backslide pin!!!!

 

One...

 

Two...

 

TH-NO!!! FLESHER KICKS OUT! The two men fall away from each other, and as Flesher gets up, he realizes his arm is still hooked with Ash’s.

 

Axis: What’s going on? Why are they still hooked?

 

Axis’ question is promptly answered as Ash Ketchum tugs, pulling Tom back toward him, and grabbing Tom around the head, drops back, snapping into a DDT! Flesher’s head bounces hard off the canvas, and as a result, he bounces hard onto his back, remaining there as Ketchum gets up, getting onto his feet. Once there, he scans the arena, looking at all of the cheering fans.

 

Edwin: POKEMANIA IS IN FULL GEAR!!!!

 

Ketchum cups his ears to the crowd as Flesher lies immobilized, then he points to a Poke Freak, front and center, mimiving the great Hulk Hogan!

 

King: LOOK! He’s showing how high he can count!

 

Suddenly, Ash runs to the ropes, bucing off them, and on the rebound, he flies at Flesher, leaping into the air, falling in a sitting position and slamming Flesher across the throat with a HUGE LEG DROP!!! Flesher grabs his thorat as soon as he can, sitting up and gaspign for breath as Ketchum gets to his feet. Flesher dives for the ropes, entangling himself in them, and still breathless, pulls himself onto his feet, facing away from Ketchum as Ash turns to see Flesher, prone, practically screaming “HIT ME!!!” as a ding emanates from under the announcer’s table.

 

Edwin: Coffee’s done!

 

Axis: Edwin... why do you have a coffee maker under the table?

 

Edwin: The outlet’s under there.

 

Knowning this is his chance, Ketchum charges at Flesher, who turns around to seek revenge for that Hogan-sized leg drop. As Flesher looks up, Ketchum leaps at him, slamming into him as he attempts a Lou Thesz Press, the Poke Ball Press, but as Ash hits Flesher, the move knocks BOTH men over the top rope, hurtling them to the concrete below! Ash and Flesher both slam hard onto their backs, Ash landing near the apron and Flesher near the annoucer’s table. both men rest for a second as the ref begins the double count-out, but at one, Flesher reaches up, grabbing hold of the table and pulling himself up. Ash does the same, except on the ring apron.

 

Axis: WHAT A LOU THESZ PRESS! BOTH MEN GO OVER THE TOP ROPE!

 

As Flesher slowly recovers, King pulls out a small coffee cup with his name printed on it, filled to the brim with STEAMING HOT COFFEE. King smiles as he places it on his desk.

 

King: I knew this cheap piece of shit would come in handy.

 

Edwin: That’s the mug I gave you on Best Friend’s Day-

 

King slowly nudges the cup toward the edge of the table and toward Flesher.

 

Edwin: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

 

King: Nothing... mind your own business...

 

Flesher staggers over to the desk, grabbing the cup of joe and downing about a quarter of it. His cheeks puff as the dark brown liquid fills his mouth, Ketchum sliding back into the ring. Flesher turns and half-runs, sliding under the bottom rope and getting onto his feet. The referee notices Tom’s bulging cheeks as Ash gets to his feet, facing Flesher, but Tom puts his hand in front of the ref’s face, blocking him and shielding his face from what happens next.

 

Axis: Flesher is blocking the ref out!

 

As Ash looks up at Flesher, he spews out LUKE WARM JAVA. The stuff gets all over Ash’s face in a mist, and Ketchum somehow gets blinded, while a caffiene-charged Tom Flesher ducks down, shuffles his feet and thrusts his leg out into a superkick! The blow is off, glancing the side of Ketchum’s face and causing him to spin around, facing away from Tom as he waistlocks him. Lifting Ash up, Flesher heaves Ketchum up into the air, releasing him in mid throw and launching him over the top rope with a German suplex! Ketchum flies through the air, slamming hard into the steel railing with a sickening “THWUNK!” and “RATTLE!” whle Flesher gets up in the ring. Ketchum falls forward onto his chest as the ref slowly begins the count-out...

 

One... Ketchum is motionless as Flesher turns to look behind him.

 

Two... Flesher raises his hands into the air and laughs.

 

Axis: Look at him. What a cocky, cocky man.

 

Three... Flesher pumps his fist into the air and laughs sadistically while Ash slowly tries to crawl toward the ring apron.

 

King: But a winner and champion, peon! He’s KING OF THE SJL!

 

Four... Flesher turns to face the timekeeper and calls for his belt.

 

Axis: I feel sorry for Ash. So many times, so close... but it seems even the SJL had a glass ceiling...

 

Five... The timekeeper grabs the belt and throws it to Tom as the crowd boos loudly, Ketchum reaching the ring apron.

 

Edwin: Whadda gip. These people paid to see a good match.

 

Six... Flesher catches the World Title in his hand as a hand comes up onto the ring apron, followed by another, but Flesher misses the action behind his back, too concerned... with himself.

 

Seven... Flesher, with World Title in hand, climbs the turnbuckle to a chorus of boos as he raises the title up.

 

Eight.... Flesher closes his eyes, waiting to hear the sweet sound of the ring bell, signaling his total victory.

 

Edwin: BUT LOOK! IT’S THE LITTLE TRAIN THAT COULD! TOOT, TOOOOOOOT!!

 

Nine... All the meanwhile, Ash has dragged himself halfway onto the mat, and as the ref brings his hand down for ten, he stops! Ketchum crawls into the mat as the ref taps Flesher on the shoulder. Pointing to Ash, the ref tries to explain, but Flesher’s jaw drops. He then turns to the ref, screaming hysterically at him about how bad of a job he has done, backing poor Timothy Thompson into a corner. Tom’s comments rain down on Timothy like the boos rain down on him, but as Flesher glances back, he sees Ketchum on one knee, desperately trying to get up. Flesher stomps over to Ash, grabbing him across the back in a waistlock and lifting him up, possibly for a gutwrench suplex.

 

Axis: Tom Flesher doesn’t

 

King: And I’m not either! TIM THOMPSON IS BIAS!!!!

 

Edwin: No he’s not... he’s doing his job. Now do yours and jump up and down on this pogo stick!

 

King: What pogo stick?

 

Edwin pulls out a pogo stick from under the table.

 

Edwin: This one.

 

As Flesher lifts Ash up, he abruptly drops him on his head, nailing Ash with a side gutwrench driver! Ketchum falls limp to the mat after the move while Flesher remains sitting up.

 

Axis: EGO BUSTER!!!!

 

King: Pokemania’s just been deflated.

 

Edwin: Like a tire?

 

King: Like A Firestone Wilderness AT tire.

 

Edwin frowns at King’s comment while in the ring, Flesher grabs Ash, pulling up the seemingly unconscious dude so he stands on his feet. Then, grabbing Ash’s arm, Flesher whips him hard into the closest turnbuckle, Ketchum slamming against the pads of the turnbuckle and remaining motionless as Flesher charges at Ash, leaping at him just seconds before impact, flying into the air and crushing Ash in the corner with an avalanche! Ketchum is pinned between the two objects and remains there as Flesher bounces back about six inches. Now it is time to end this. To TRULY end this.

 

Axis: Flesher just has Ash right where he wants him...

 

Edwin: Well... I’d hate to say... but...

 

King: SAY IT!

 

Edwin: Why aren’t you jumping on the pogo stick like you’re supposed to, King?

 

King: Because... THAT’S NOT MY JOB!!!!!

 

Flesher, though, is doing his job, grabbing The Poke Freak and lifting him up onto the turnbuckle,Ketchum sitting like some cheap toy-store doll upon the top rope. Flesher then ascends himself, grabbing Ketchum around the head, setting him up for the inevitable: The Boilermaker, a super brainbuster that is sure to keep Tom champion.

 

But wait? What is this! Lo and behold! As Tom tries to lift Ash up... he can’t! Ash is grabbing the top rope to resist Tom’s move! Tom forcibly tries to remove the hands from the top rope,m but upon doing so, the bigger Ash pushes against Tom’s chest, shoving him from the top rope and onto his back as he slams into the mat, Ketchum alone on the top rope as the crowd cheers!

 

Axis: HOLD ON A SEC!!! This may not be over?

 

King: What?

 

Edwin: POKEMANIA’S BACK ON TRACK!!! TOOT, TOOOOOOOOOOOT!

 

Meanwhile, Ash, on the top rope, turns his back to flesher. As Flesher gets up and turns his head up and looks toward Ash, spotting him on the turnbuckle, Ash leaps off, twisting into a Phoenix Splash. Time seems to slow down as this happens. we can see Ash rotate top the left, spinning vertically and horizontally as well, turining to face tom in mid-air. As he flies through the air at great speed, he realizes this is his one chance. No mistakes can be made. This is it.

 

 

As he flies through the air, he extends his arm out at Flesher’s head and quickly grabs him around the neck. Just one thing left. Ash swings his legs forward, causing himself to fall back through the electricity and tension in the air, Flesher bending like a blade of grass. Then, there is a loud “SLAM!” and the entire ring sakes as Ketchum nails Flesher with a devastating spiked Phoenix Splash DDT! Both men hit the mat hard, but the blow causes Flesher to bounce wildly in the other direction, landing upon his back as Ash remains down, motionless as the crowd goes insane.

 

Axis: POKE BALL, GO!!!!! DEAR GOD! WHAT A COUNTER!

 

Ketchum slowly turns onto his belly as the ref begins the double count at one.

 

Edwin: A spectacular turn of events! Ketchum may have this in hand!

 

Ash claws toward Tom, glory and fame awaiting him, glory and fame too often denied to him. He closes in on Tom as the ref hits two.

 

King(hysterical): BUT THERE’S STILL THE COUNT-OUT!!!!

 

Edwin: I think he’ll make it...

 

King: NO HE WON’T! He... can’t! This can’t be happening!

 

The ref hits three, Ketchum inches away from golry, and suddenly, his hand hits Tom’s stomach! Just a few inches left to go!

 

King: NOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

Just before the ref hits four, Ketchum finds the strength to pull himself on top of Tom, and slowly, he hooks Flesher’s leg, the ref sliding toward the two and dropping to the mat to make the count, the fans on their feet, counting along with the ref as one man is forever immortalized in sports-entertainment history…

 

 

One…

 

 

 

Two…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!!

 

The bell rings, and those three dings are the sweetest sound Ash Ketchum has ever heard. More than his TV Title win, or either of his SJL Tag/Stables Titles wins. The crowd is on their feet, chanting his name in a standing ovation. Edwin has hopped over the desk and he is the first man to greet the new champion, who is still lying helplessly on his back. Ash’s girl, misty, is the next over, and while still on his back, the two kiss, only for a second. Meanwhile, both help Ash up as X Force Nine members our down the ramp. But not just them. Every damn face in the company. The Carnies, making a special trip just to see Ash wrestle, are along with the others, mixed in. But all are clapping as they walk down the ramp, Ketchum being helped onto his feet. Axis is also applauding as the crowd cheers louder, King’s head buried in his arms as he tries to ignore the whole damn thing. Ash stands on his feet as the men enter the ring, all facing Ash, smiles across their face. From the right side, Referee Tim Thompson hands Ketchum the belt. He looks a little lost at first, but Tim nods. Ash grasps hold of the belt, and as he does, not only does the crowd goes nuts once more, but he suddenly feels his feet pulled out from under him! He gets cared, but a few seconds later, he gains his bearings and relaizes he’s being hoisted on the shoulders of Chris Raynor and Z, the chants in the crowd growing louder and louder and louder still! The men parade him around the ring as the contingent follows, patting Ketchum on the back and shaking his hand. It is at this moment he hoists the World Title belt into the air, the crowd replying with a deafeaning cheer.

 

Axis: Ladies and gentlemen: I have seen so much in my career, but I have never seen such appreciation for what one man has done not just for the SWF and SJL but the world of sports entertainment in general. Over the past 11 years, Ash Ketchum has wrestled in many federations, and for a while, the SJL has been his home. And now, he is king of the castle in a way. I congratualte you, Ash Ketchum. This has been a long time coming, friend.

 

-----

 

Exactly one year and two months to this date, Ash Ketchum’s career begain on IGNML Metal. But tonight, it is his night. Because tonight, one person’s life has changed forever, one person who has worked harder and come so close so many times:

 

 

Ash Ketchum, SJL World Champion.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

---

 

And then, Tom’s bitter, bitter, yet at the same time glorious revenge of a match from SWF Apocalypse. Amen to that.

 

---

 

SWF Apocalypse returns with a shot of the crowd in the Pepsi Center in Denver. Fans are on their feet as the theme music blares in the background.

 

"You know," says Bobby, "I can't really make out what that song is."

 

Mark pauses thoughtfully, then agrees. "I know. It's kind of ambiguous, not unlike some people who have been at this table recently."

 

"Yeah," grumbles Riley. "I HATED that damn NTD."

 

Stevens debates whether to comment, but decides not to, opting instead to move right along. "We've had an exciting card so far, with amazing action right from the start! We also saw..."

 

"We saw a travesty! A shameless, horrible travesty! A slap in the face of justice!"

 

"Bobby, don't you think you're overstating it a bit?"

 

"Frost attacked Tom Flesher for no reason! NO REASON! This match should be postponed!"

 

Stevens clears his throat. "Be that as it may, Ash Ketchum has earned a title shot, and he'll get it tonight. These two athletes have a lot of history between them, stemming back to a series in the SJL where they traded the World Championship. Each man came out of that series a two-time SJL Champion, with Ash getting the last laugh in a steel cage match that was Durandal's last SJL appearance."

 

"Yeah," says Riley, "but Tom's beaten Ash twice in the SWF! And Mark, that's where it COUNTS!"

 

"It remains to be seen which wrestler will walk away with the win here. Flesher leads the series 3-2. Will Ash even it up, and take Flesher's US Title to boot? Let's go to the ring and find out!"

 

Funyon climbs into the ring, clad in a somewhat understated tuxedo, and declares, "Ladies and gentlemen, the next match is scheduled for one fall under standard rules, and it is for the SWF UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP!" With that, the lights cut out, and a series of piano chords bursts out over the PA. The stage is enveloped by a cascade of pyro as the fans begin to cheer.

 

"The first competitor, from Pallet Town in Tampa, Florida... accompanied by Misty, and weighing in at 258 pounds... representing X Force 9, he is the man, the myth, the Midcard King... he is ASH... KETCHUM!!!!!!!!"

 

A PokeBall appears on the SmarkTron and starts spinning. It spins faster and faster as the fans pop, but soon it's blocked out by the grinning visage of Ash Ketchum. With that, a huge explosion goes off, and when the smoke clears, Ash is standing in his trademark back-to-the-crowd pose with Billy Crawford's Pokemon Theme playing in the background. The spotlight shines down on him as he spins out, smiling with Misty out at his legions of fans. He offers Misty his arm, and the PokeFreaks walk arm-in-arm down to the ring, stopping to slap a few fans' hands on the way.

 

"You know, Bobby, Ash Ketchum is one of the SWF's most popular athletes. He can work a crowd like no one else."

 

"Oh, come on. Have you forgotten Danny Williams?"

 

"...touche."

 

When Ash and Misty get to the ring, Ash helps her up the stairs, and then holds the ropes for her. She enters the ring followed by her fiance, who immediately mounts the closest turnbuckle. He looks out to the fans, and then throws his hand up into his trademark split-finger V-for-victory sign, prompting a loud pop from the fans. With that, he whips his "SWF: Get The F In" shirt off and tosses it out to the crowd. One lucky fan wearing an "I've Got PokeBalls" t-shirt catches it as Ash climbs down and starts stretching out, the music fading.

 

"And his opponent....."

 

The lights dim. The buzzing intro to "I Am The Man" by the Philosopher Kings starts to play over the speakers, accompanied by twin columns of blue pyro. After a teasing pause, a blue explosion lights up the arena and the vocals start. As the smoke clears, "The Superior One" Tom Flesher is revealed standing in front of the entrance. He has his head turned heroically to the left in a stereotypical Superman pose, but...

 

"WHERE ARE HIS BELTS?!"

 

"I'm not sure, Bobby, but it's not the end of..."

 

"WHERE ARE THEY?!"

 

"You might do well to point out the bandage on his forehead, Bobby."

 

"THE BELTS!!!!!!!!"

 

Yes, Flesher wears a large gauze bandage over the gash left on his forehead from Frost's attack, and his waist and shoulder are bare. He waits a moment, then takes a few steps forward. He strides confidently to the ring, waving at the booing fans... and following behind him are two beautiful Japanese girls in blue prom-style dresses, each carrying one of Flesher's title belts!

 

 

Somewhere, Silent mutters "Thank you."

 

 

"Look at this!" Stevens, easily offended, is 100% in character tonight. "This is nothing but sheer egotism!"

 

"I love it!" shout Riley.

 

"Bobby, they can't be any older than 18... 19 at best, probably much younger. They're jailbait!"

 

"I'd be willing to go to jail for that!"

 

"Well sure, Bobby, but that's because Big Bubba's there waiting, isn't it?"

 

When Flesher gets to the ring, he enters first, then holds the ropes for the two belt girls. They enter and smile prettily, holding the belts as Flesher stands between them and poses. He grins as the fans boo him, and Funyon removes the index card from his pocket. He clears his throat and begins announcing....

 

"Ladies, Gentlemen, and Misty..." Cheap heat. "Currently in the ring is one of the most talented athletes in the SWF today. Hailing from Buffalo, New York, he is the man that singlehandedly makes up for four straight Super Bowl losses. He negates No-Goal. He's so benevolent that he was late for the show today because he stopped to save the residents of a burning nursing home, then threw a purse-snatcher back into the building, and immediately walked on water to heal an injured swan across the street. And now, tonight, he's going to show that same benevolence by simply pinning Ash Ketchum, and not embarrassing him too badly. People of Denver, bow down before your Light Heavyweight Champion and your United States Champion, bow down before the glory that is THE SUPERIOR ONE TOM FLESHER!!!!!"

 

The fans reflexively start booing as Tom Flesher smiles and bows deeply, then pops back up and kisses each smiling belt girl on the cheek. Referee Eddy Long takes the US Title from one of the belt girls and holds it aloft, as the other belt girl sets the Light Heavyweight Title in Flesher's corner. The two scurry off as Flesher falls into his stance, Ketchum comes to the center, and Long calls for the bell.

 

 

DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Flesher and Ash circle around each other, neither man wanting to make the first move. Ash steps forward to lock up, but Flesher backs away. He then shoots in for a single-leg takedown, which Ash sidesteps. He sprawls back to neutralize any attempt at a re-shot, then locks on a front facelock. He stands up, and immediately....

 

"The Bind!!! Only a few seconds into the match, and Ash already has Flesher in The Bind!"

 

"Oh, dear sweet mother of God!!!!! He tripped! He just tripped! God, don't let the match end like this!!!!"

 

Ash attempts to add pressure to the guillotine choke, but Flesher reaches through and grabs his wrist. In one fluid motion, Flesher pulls the wrist through and spins out of the choke, still holding Ketchum by the arm. Before Ketchum can react, Flesher kicks him stiffly in the kneecap. Ash sells the knee, but stays standing, prompting Flesher to swing his leg around and boot Ash in the pit of the knee instead. With Ash off balance, Flesher spins through and jerks the arm over his shoulder in a Japanese armdrag, then drops onto him for

 

ONE!

 

 

but Ash kicks out almost immediately, prompting a quick pop from the fans. Before Ash can get back to his feet, Flesher grabs his left leg and clutches it against his chest, looking desperately for an ankle lock.

 

"Flesher's going for a fall early in the match," says Stevens, "and he's looking quite frantic already."

 

"That's because that big jackass attacked him!"

 

"Bobby, don't you LIKE Frost?"

 

Riley looks confused. "Well, sure I do, but not as much as I like Flesher. He's superior!"

 

"Sure he is, Bobby. Sure he is."

 

Flesher goes for the ankle lock, only to be booted in the chest by a still-fresh Ketchum. With his opponent's wind knocked out of him briefly, Ash does a forward roll and comes up on top with an ankle lock of his own! Flesher lunges forward and grabs the ropes, forcing Ash to release the hold. Flesher, looking quite concerned over the first few moments of the match, shakes his head wildly to get his bearings back and then pulls himself to his feet, walking back to the center. When he gets there, he's immediately met by a forearm smash that staggers him. Ash steps forward and throws another forearm, backing Flesher into the ropes. He follows Tom to the edge of the ring and quickly plays to the crowd before he steps into another forearm smash, but Flesher hits him with a quick shotei to the chest before he can complete it. Ash steps backwards from the impact, but when Flesher tries to follow up with another stepping shotei, Ash simply blocks it and floors him with a forearm! The fans pop as Flesher hits the mat, looking frustrated.

 

"Flesher got the worst of that exchange," notes Stevens. "It looks like Ketchum is wearing him down methodically."

 

"Bullshit. He's rope-a-doping."

 

"You say that every week!"

 

"He wins every week!"

 

"Tell that to TNT."

 

"CRIME SPREE!"

 

Ash follows Tom to the mat, quickly slapping on a side armbar as he falls to the mat. Flesher stands up to counter, but Ash simply wrenches the arm and follows through by pulling Flesher into the Pikaslam! Flesher shifts his weight as Ash pulls him over, though, and lands on his feet behind the PokeFreak. With a quick bodylock, he throws Ash backwards in a sloppy German suplex and bridges for

 

ONE!

 

 

but no more, as Ash breaks the makeshift lock and rolls through. Flesher rolls to his stomach and tries to grab Ash's leg, but Ash simply boots Tom in the head and backs away.

 

"Bobby, that looked to be a case of too much, too soon for Flesher. He's obviously very concerned about getting this match over with, but he's not paying attention to technique."

 

"Yeah? Well... um... Ash is gay!"

 

"Says the pot to the kettle. Ash Ketchum is using excellent technique as always, and I have to give him the advantage here."

 

"Bah."

 

As Stevens mutters, "Not this again," Flesher gets back to his feet... only to be knocked back to the mat with a side kick! Flesher hits the mat looking even more frustrated, and before Ash can follow him to the mat, he rolls to the outside. Eddy Long starts his ten-count.

 

ONE

 

Flesher stalks around the outside, looking very depressed and angry. Ash, meanwhile, keeps his focus on his opponent.

 

TWO

 

"Bobby," says Grand Slam, "You don't think Flesher's going to pull the same thing he did with Z?"

 

THREE

 

"Why, whatever could you mean?" asks Riley innocently.

 

FOUR

 

"A countout to save the belt?"

 

FIVE

 

"He's much too ethical to do that!"

 

SIX

 

Flesher looks toward the back, and immediately Ash catches on, then jumps out of the ring. He lands right in front of Flesher, then grabs him and tries to throw him back in. This, of course, breaks the count, and Long starts over.

 

ONE

 

Flesher plants his feet and resists being thrown back in, then grabs Ketchum's arm and reverses the momentum into an Irish whip.

 

TWO

 

Ketchum hits the cornerpost hard, and Flesher follows closely behind him with a Yakuza kick!

 

THREE

 

As his head gets sandwiched between Flesher's Doc Marten and the steel, Ash collapses to the concrete. Coldly, Flesher reenters the ring and waits for Ash.

 

FOUR

 

"WHAT A MANEUVER!" shouts Riley.

 

FIVE

 

Ash groggily starts to pull himself up using the cornerpost. He looks up cautiously in case Flesher's waiting with a dive, but the Superior One simply sits in his stance across the ring.

 

SIX

 

Ash gets to his feet and rolls into the ring. Immediately, Flesher charges at him and nails a low dropkick to the head, nearly sending Ash back out of the ring. Ash stays in, however, and Flesher dropkicks him in the head again. With his opponent stunned, Flesher rolls him to his back and covers for

 

ONE

 

 

NO!!!!! Ash immediately drapes his foot across the bottom rope, still far too fresh and aware for Flesher to catch him with a cheap cover.

 

"You know, Bobby, if I was Flesher, I might have hit that baseball slide dropkick while Ash was still on the outside."

 

"Yeah, well if I were you I wouldn't wear that stupid-looking baseball cap every night."

 

"Touche. My point is, he's obviously trying to win at all costs. Why wouldn't he have followed up that vicious kick on the outside?"

 

"Maybe he's still a little stunned from that big Icelandic dumbass attacking him!"

 

"Perhaps you're overstating it a bit, but you do make an interesting point. How will Frosts's attack play into this match?"

 

"I swear, if it puts the US Title on Ash..."

 

"What'll you do, Bobby?"

 

"I'll kick and scream! I'll hold my breath till I turn blue!!!!!!!"

 

Pause.

 

Stevens gets up and hollers, "COME ON, ASH!!" at the top of his lungs.

 

Flesher gets up and backs away, since the foot on the ropes forces a clean break. Ash gets back to his feet and returns to the center of the ring. Flesher, slightly more confident after the flurry, steps forward with a shotei that catches Ash in the Adams-apple. Ash coughs and sputters, and Flesher immediately follows up with a pair of stiff kicks to Ash's left knee. After a third kick, Ash falls to the mat. Flesher lifts the leg up and drops an elbow into the knee, wrenching it to the side. Flesher stands up and motions that he's going to drop another elbow into the knee. Ash braces for it, but Flesher quickly drops the left leg and grabs the right. Fluidly, he spins through with a spinning toehold, and before Ash knows what's happening, Flesher locks on a figure four leglock! Immediately, Ash starts writhing in pain, lunging for the ropes. Flesher grins at the wincing Ketchum, who tries harder and harder to get the ropes.

 

"Flesher moved too quickly for Ketchum there," says Stevens.

 

"Yeah," agrees Bobby. "He faked him out good!"

 

"Already in this match we've seen Flesher counter the Pikaslam with a German suplex," Grand Slam continues. "Is it possible that Ash hasn't been watching his films as closely as Flesher has?"

 

"Possible? Jesus, Mark, Ash hasn't been watching anything except the Rerun Show!"

 

And with that, Ash reaches the ropes, grasping desperately at the bottom strand to force a break. Flesher cranks the hold sadistically for the full ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR... and finally breaks it just before five. He stands up and baits Ash back to the center. Ash stays on his back for a moment longer as Misty pats him on the cheek, encouraging him to go on and win the match. He pulls himself back up to his feet and returns to the center.

 

"And here we are, Bobby, with Ash Ketchum limping slightly and Tom Flesher slowly regaining his confidence from the attack earlier on tonight."

 

"Regaining? Hell, Mark, he's been confident all night!"

 

"You've obviously let your prurient interest get in the way of watching the match."

 

The two combatants circle around each other for a few seconds, Ketchum looking slightly disconcerted and Flesher wearing the smallest smirk. After a moment or two, Flesher drops in and shoots for another single-leg takedown. Once again, Ash sidesteps to avoid it, but this time grabs Flesher's arm rather than his head and falls down into an armbar! With that, Flesher's face falls, and he sells the armbar hard. Ash cranks it, but intentionally leaves space for Flesher to spin out and stand up. Tom, given no other option to relieve the pressure, does stand up, and walks right into....

 

 

THE POKERAP!!!!!!

 

 

Ash throws Tom's arm over his shoulder to set up the uranage, and the fans pop like crazy. Ash lifts Flesher up for the throw... wait, no he doesn't. Flesher plants his foot and wraps the near leg around Ash's to keep him from completing the slam. Ash tries again... no dice. Finally, Flesher limps his arm out from behind Ash's shoulder, throws it across his chest and ducks under the extended arm. He spins out, keeping the leg grapevined, and takes Ash to the mat in a cradle for

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

But Ash kicks out! Flesher stays on him and pounds him with a shotei, then pins his shoulders for

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

But Ash kicks out again, this time rolling to his stomach. Flesher stays mounted and starts unloading palm strikes to the back of Ash's head! So occupied with battering the Cerebral Prankster, Flesher barely notices that Ash is slowly pulling himself toward the ropes. When Ash finally gets within lunging distance, Flesher unloads a particularly stiff strike to the back of Ash's neck, stunning him and leaving him presently motionless. With that, Tom leans down and throws in his double grapevine, immobilizing Ash's legs. Then, taking advantage of Ash's inability to fight back, Flesher snakes his right arm under Ash's neck and locks on a Dragon Sleeper, securing the Superior Stretch Beta! The fans begin to boo loudly as Flesher cranks the dragon sleeper/camel clutch variant, with Ash slowly coming to the realization that he's in trouble. On the sidelines, Misty shouts, "COME ON, ASH! GET THE ROPES!" The fans start a quick chant of "GO ASH GO! GO ASH GO!" and a few seconds later, Ketchum reaches out and is able to get hold of the bottom rope. A brief round of applause follows as Flesher releases the hold and backs into the center.

 

"Superior Stretch Beta doesn't do the job," notes Stevens, "but one has to wonder how long Ash is going to be able to use the fans for extended bursts of energy."

 

"You mean like Ashing Up?"

 

"What?"

 

"You know, Ashing Up!"

 

Stevens gulps and looks at the camera. "I assure you that I have absolutely NO idea what you're talking about, nor are we infringing the copyright owned by Marvel Comics and licensed to TitanSports."

 

"I'm just saying."

 

Ash groggily pulls himself up using the ropes, but before he can come to the center, Flesher charges at him and nails him in the head with a Yakuza kick that sends him flipping over the top to the outside! Flesher backs away as Misty runs over to help Ash. Acting largely on instinct, Ash pulls himself back to his feet using the apron and looks into the ring.

 

 

This time, he's not so lucky.

 

 

Flesher charges at Ketchum and grabs the middle rope, swinging like a pendulum into a baseball slide dropkick to the face! The Undercard King collapses to the concrete, and Flesher walks away, taking a rest by leaning arrogantly in the corner while Misty tries to help her future husband and the father of her baby up to his feet. Being very careful not to put him in any danger, Misty helps Ash to his feet and makes sure the coast is clear before she helps him back into the ring. Groggily, Ash looks across the ring at his adversary, realizing that Flesher's simply not the same competitor he's wrestled on five occasions before. With that in mind, Ketchum walks across the ring and motions Flesher for a lockup, symbolically starting over.

 

Flesher struts out to the center and locks up. Quickly, though, Ash shoves him away and hits a standing hook kick that staggers him. Ash follows that up with another kick, somewhat sloppy but still on the mark, that nails Flesher in the chest and knocks the wind out of him. A third kick, this one to the head, knocks Flesher for a loop and sends him to the mat. The gauze bandage on Tom's forehead comes fluttering off with the final kick, and as Ash follows him to the mat, he hits a quick falling elbowdrop that reopens the oozing forehead wound. Ash covers the stunned Flesher for

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

but no more, as Flesher kicks out and rolls to his stomach, hugging the mat in a strong amateur ground position. Ketchum sees that and immediately backs away. Riley says, "What the hell is he-?" Mid-sentence, the normally reserved Stevens interrupts, "Well, Bobby, he's obviously acknowledging that he can't outwrestle Tom Flesher, but he can beat him into submission."

 

"Well of COURSE he can't outwrestle Tom Flesher! Who can?"

 

"You're missing the point, Booby. For the majority of this match, Ash has been trying to use holds with Flesher, who's simply been training counters for them for the time since he found out that Ash would be getting this title shot. Thin about it. He countered the Bind with a Japanese armdrag, the K-Cutter with a German suplex and the PokeRap with a standing inside cradle. Ash would be foolish to keep trying to hit signature moves, so he's sticking to the places he CAN beat Flesher: He's faster, and he's a stronger striker."

 

Riley thinks that over for a moment, and then says, "You know, you'd be on to something if Flesher wasn't so damn superior."

 

With blood beginning to drip out of his wound, Tom starts to get back to his feet, but Ketchum puts him back down with another kick to the back. Ketchum continues putting the boots to Flesher until he rolls out of the ring, staggered and wanting to avoid any more immediate contact. Ash starts to follow him out, but Misty, rattling like the deus (dea, actually) ex machina that she is, yells at Ash to stop, that that's what Flesher wants him to do. Ash nods, thanking his future wife for the advice, and Flesher just glares over at the Cerulean Beauty before rolling back into the ring. Ash is waiting for him with a running legdrop, which Flesher dodges by mere inches. With Ash thusly on the mat, the Superior One grabs his left leg and drags him a few inches, then turns and sits into a crossover half crab. Before any damage can be done, however, Ketchum quickly grabs the ropes. Flesher cranks the hold for the full four-count before releasing it.

 

With the rope break, both competitors come back to the center. Ketchum avoids a lockup and throws a quick roundhouse kick, which Flesher dodges before booting Ketchum in his straight left knee. He follows up with a quick shotei to the chin, then combos that with another stiff kick to the left knee. With Ketchum thusly stunned, Flesher shoots in with a single-leg takedown on the left leg and spins through into a half crab. Ash tries to extend the leg, but can't. Thinking quickly, he cocks his free right leg back and kicks Flesher as hard as he can in the back. Flesher loosens up, but retains his hold. Ketchum cocks the leg again and kicks Flesher in the back, but once again Flesher keeps the hold. The fans once again start clapping and chanting for the Hero From Pallet Town, and one more stiff kick to the back frees him from the crab hold, to applause from the Denver crowd.

 

Ash spins around on his stomach, quickly grabbing Flesher's ankle to keep him from getting away. He stands up and locks his hands around Flesher's waist, then arches back to look for a German suplex. Flesher, acting largely on instinct, throws his leg in and blocks the throw. As Ash puts him back down, Flesher hits a standing switch and ends up behind Ash with his hands locked in place for a German of his own. He quickly arches back, and Ash counters by leaning all his weight forward. Flesher seizes the opportunity, running forward and forcing Ash into the ropes. Ash attempts to hold the top rope, but Flesher rolls backwards with a handful of Ash's tights and pulls the challenger down with him! He completes the Rolling Prawn hold, coming up on top in position for a fall! Eddy Long looks at Flesher's handful of tights and points, shouting "NO!" Flesher sighs and releases his opponent, sending Ash rolling through to his feet. Flesher argues with Long about the non-count, just in time for Ash to lock his hands around Flesher's waist and push him into the ropes for a Rolling Prawn of his own! As they're rolling through, Flesher grabs Ketchum's tights and uses the leverage to end up on top once again! Long yells "NO!" again and once again, Flesher releases Ketchum, this time spinning around to face him, the crowd applauding both competitors.

 

"What a sequence from these two athletes!" says Grand Slam. "They know each other's strengths, each other's weaknesses! It's like each man is thinking three moves ahead for the other!"

 

"Are you kidding me? Ash can't think that far ahead! He can barely tie his shoes!"

 

"Oh, come now! He's been active in this league longer than most of the people here now!"

 

"All that proves is that he's too stupid to get a real job... like... um... announcing!"

 

Ash and Flesher circle around each other, with Flesher nailing a few quick jabbing kicks to Ash's leg before Ash can respond. Ash, distracted by the quick, popping kicks, allows himself to get into bad position, and Flesher grabs his arm and starts to whip him to the ropes. Ash reverses the move, though, and sends the bleeding Flesher to the ropes. As Flesher rebounds, Ketchum... er... catches him and slams him to the mat with a powerslam! The loud THUD echoes through the Pepsi Arena as Ash covers Flesher for

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

TH- NO! Flesher kicks out, despite having the wind knocked out of him. Ash sees Flesher getting to his feet and quickly makes a dash for the ropes. He climbs up to the top rope, turning back now and then to make sure that Flesher is still groggily staggering around the ring. Ash flips backwards, twisting in the air into a 450 splash, ready to go for the phoenix tornado DDT that was the original PokeBall, Go! Flesher looks up, sees the 258-pound Pallet Town monster flying at him....

 

 

 

And sidesteps, leaning on the ropes and smirking as Ash hits the mat belly-first, a THUNK resonating through the arena. Flesher grins at the motionless body, then steps on Ash's back, walks across it and waves to Misty before blowing her a kiss.

 

 

The crowd, simply put, explodes in a chorus of boos!

 

 

Flesher leans over the top rope and yells to Misty, "Hey, you wanna come back up to my hotel tonight?" The crowd continues pouring heat on him as he says, "I'll give you my hotel key!" Misty smiles and nods at him, prompting a collective gasp from the crowd. An appalled Grand Slam shouts, "What's she doing?!" while Bobby Riley simply frowns enviously. Flesher grins lustfully at Misty's buxom body...

 

AND GETS SCHOOLBOYED!!!!!!

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THR- NO!!!!!!! Flesher kicks out, surprised, as Misty blows a kiss to Ash. "It was a ruse!" grins Stevens. "Misty got him!"

 

"Oh, come on. She would have gone back to his hotel room at the drop of a hat," spits Riley. "Damn gold digger."

 

Flesher pops back up, mad as hell. He walks right into a kick to the head, further reopening the wound on his forehead. With that, Ash grabs Flesher by the wrist and armdrags him back to the mat. He steps over to look for a pumphandle armbar, but Flesher wriggles free before Ash can lock up the hold. With the hold broken, Flesher remains on the mat and attempts another single-leg takedown. Familiar with the game plan by this point, Ash sidesteps and immediately backs away to avoid any sort of follow-up. As Flesher comes back to his feet, Ash floors him with a running clothesline, and covers him for

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

TH- KICKOUT! Flesher rolls to his stomach, and once again, Ash backs away. "Smart move again buy Ash," says Stevens. "He's sticking with the strategy of staying away from mat-wrestling Flesher, which as noted is the best thing to do."

 

Bobby sighs, "He should have just forfeited."

 

Flesher comes back to his feet, just in time for Ash to grab his wrist and start to whip him to the ropes. Tom plants his feet, though, and shifts his weight to send Ash to the side instead. Ash rebounds, and as Flesher sees him coming, he falls into position, catches the PokeFreak and uses his momentum to send him soaring overhead with a Railgun Suplex! Ash hits the mat hard, and Flesher gets back to his feet a notch more quickly than his opponent. As Ash comes back to his feet, Flesher grabs him and whips him to the ropes again. Ash, too stunned to fight the whip, rebounds and Flesher once again catches him with a Railgun! This time, Ash gets back up more slowly, and Flesher takes advantage by spinning behind him. As soon as Ash makes it to his feet, Flesher locks his hands around his waist and arches his back, releasing Ash in mid-air with a stiff German suplex! Looking satisfied, Flesher drops down onto Ash, draping his body across his adversary's, and looks expectantly at the official. Eddy Long counts

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THR- NO! Ash kicks out, and Flesher looks somewhat surprised. He yanks the Pallet Town native to his feet and locks his hands around his waist, then throws him overhead in a lower-amplitude belly-to-belly suplex. On impact, Tom releases Ash, then rolls him over onto his stomach. Flesher reaches under the motionless Ketchum's body and locks his hands around his waist, then lifts him up as high as he can. Showing amazing strength and drawing a "What a maneuver!" from Bobby, Flesher lifts Ash up from the mat and tosses him back in a stiff bridging German suplex, then holds him for

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THR- NO!!!!!! Ash somehow manages to break the grip and roll out before the three-count, and the fans are amazed! Stevens intones, "What resilience from the challenger this evening! Tom Flesher has just nailed five consecutive suplexes, and Ash Ketchum just kicks out of pin attempt after pin attempt!" Bobby Riley begins biting his nails.

 

For his part, Flesher looks genuinely surprised and more than a little upset. With Misty, the former college cheerleader, leading them on, the fans start to clap and chant "GO ASH GO! GO ASH GO!" A bit put off by the fans' reaction, the Superior One yanks the PokeFreak to his feet and spins behind him, crossing his arms across his waist. After making sure the grip is tight, Tom arches back, throwing a picture-perfect Straitjacket suplex! Bobby Riley shouts, "This HAS to be it!" as Eddy Long drops down to the mat and counts

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

BUT WAIT!!!! Misty yells and points to Long, and he sees Ash's feet trapped in the ropes! He waves off the pinfall, much to the frustration of Flesher.

 

And, of course, Riley.

 

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! Everybody knows that if you're down for three, the match is over!"

 

"His feet were in the ropes, Bobby. The pin's not legal."

 

"The manager can't correct the referee!"

 

"She can and should point it out to the official, Bobby, to make sure he gets the right result of the match. You wouldn't want a tainted champion, now would you?"

 

"I just want Flesher, dammit!" Stevens coughs, prompting Riley to respond, "Oh, you know what I meant, you damn pervert!"

 

Flesher stomps to the center of the ring while the groggy Ketchum tries desperately to regain his lost equilibrium. As he stares at his crimson-masked opponent, Ash hears the fans chanting "GO ASH GO! GO ASH GO!" and, suddenly, the look in his eyes shows that he's getting his second wind. He stands up, groggy at first, but regains balance and poise with each step toward the center. Flesher sees him coming and hits him with a palm strike, but Ash shrugs it off and keeps forcing himself closer to Flesher, balling up his fists and staring angrily at the man who would dare try to say he was better.

 

 

Who better than Ketchum?!

 

 

NOBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Flesher throws another shotei, which Ash doesn't even bother to react to! Riley shouts, "He's Ashing Up!" Stevens responds by yelling, "COPYRIGHT MARVEL COMICS!!!!!!!!!!!" as Ash completely ignores another palm blow! With that, Ash's anger boils over, and he throws a hard right hand that nails Flesher in the face! Flesher staggers backwards, all to a violent cheer from the fans, and Ketchum follows it up with another punch! Once again, Flesher staggers, and this time, Ash winds up to throw a haymaker! He throws his fist forward, ready to completely decimate Flesher in one hit!

 

 

 

Flesher slips off to the side, avoiding the hit completely! With that, he nails Ash with a pair of quick kicks to the left kneecap, and then winds up to nail the Undercard King with the bitchiest bitch slap felt this side of New York City! Riley, clearly impressed, says, "He no-sold the Ash Up! He no-sold it!" As the loud SMACK echoes through the Pepsi Arena, Ash grabs his stinging cheek. Flesher smirks at the challenger for just long enough to take a quick breath, then nails him in the forehead with a right-handed palm strike that levels the PokeFreak and sends him crashing to the mat! Flesher drops down with a slightly more technically-sound pin than usual, this time bothering to hook the leg, as Eddy Long counts

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THRE- NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Almost in unison, Flesher and Riley scream, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" A moment later, though, a grin spreads across Flesher's face. The proverbial lightbulb goes off over his head, and his facial expression is a bizarre mixture of genius and sadism. He lifts the limp Ketchum up by the scruff of his neck, bitchslaps him again, and leans in close. The camera picks him up saying, "Do you remember the first time we fought, little man? Do you?"

 

"Bobby, what do you think he meant by that?"

 

"God, Mark, I don't know! The first time they fought was when Ash won the SJL World... oh, god."

 

Riley stands up on his chair, cups his hands around his mouth and hollers, "MEDIC!!!!!!" at the top of his lungs. With that, Flesher releases Ash's neck and switches off to a gutwrench lock. The champion lifts the challenger up perpendicular to the ground, and quickly sits out. Ash's head and neck slam into the mat, the spine compressed by the...

 

"EGO BUSTER!!!!!" Stevens can't help but be excited by the side piledriver that Flesher's made his signature move. "Ego Buster by Tom Flesher, and this one looks to be over!"

 

"Um, Mark?" Riley prods his announcing partner, but before he can get another word in, Flesher covers Ash arrogantly. Eddy Long counts

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

NO!!!!! Flesher grabs Ash by the hair and pulls him up! With a great deal of conceit and arrogance, Flesher slaps his adversary once more across the face, and then lifts him up.

 

"Mark, I think Flesher's trying to show Ash up! This was how the very first match they ever had ended!"

 

"What the....?

 

Flesher whips Ash into the corner, and then charges in at top speed, nailing him with an avalanche to knock the wind out of him!

 

"History's repeating itself, Mark, but Flesher's going to hit the Boilermaker this time! Last time it was Ego Buster, avalanche, but Ash countered the Boilermaker! He hit the phoenix splash tornado DDT and pinned Tom to win the SJL World Title!"

 

"Bobby, Ash can't take any more head trauma!" Stevens' genuine concern shows through his announcer facade. "What the hell is wrong with Flesher?!"

 

"You'd do the same thing." Riley checks his notes, and then adds, "Oh, Mark, you're supposed to tell me to start jumping on a pogo stick."

 

"Shut UP, Bobby."

 

Ash practically collapses from the avalanche, something Flesher hasn't used to set up the Boilermaker in ages. Flesher, using the last ounce of strength left in his bloodied body, hoists the 258-pound Ketchum to the top rope. Tom slowly climbs to the top rope, pausing to take in every second of anticipation leading up to his revenge on Ash Ketchum for stealing his SJL World Championship. Revenge from the SJL, dating back to May 8th... nearly four months in the making. Almost acting on reflex, he starts a golf clap for himself, right there on the top rope. The crowd, incensed at the show of sheer egotistical sack, starts up a "YOU SUCK DICK! YOU SUCK DICK!" chant. Finally, Flesher locks on the front facelock, and begins the slow lift that will send Ash headfirst into the mat, preserving his SWF US Championship.

 

But wait? What is this! Lo and behold! As Tom tries to lift Ash up... he can’t! Ash is grabbing the top rope to resist Tom’s move! Tom forcibly tries to remove the hands from the top rope, but upon doing so, the bigger Ash pushes against Tom’s chest, shoving him from the top rope and onto his back as he slams into the mat, Ketchum alone on the top rope as the crowd cheers! With that, Riley looks up, and just after he winces, he shrugs and says, "Wow. History DOES repeat itself. That's EXACTLY what happened last time."

 

Meanwhile, Ash, on the top rope, turns his back to Flesher. As Flesher gets up and turns his head up and looks toward Ash, spotting him on the turnbuckle, Ash... doesn't leap off. Still groggy from the Ego Buster and suplexes, he has a moment of unsteadiness, and Flesher takes advantage by running in and nailing a shotei into the pit of Ash's knee! Ash collapses into a sitting position on the top turnbuckle, facing the crowd, and Flesher nails him with another quick shotei, this one to the back of the head. "HE BEAT IT!!!! HE BROKE THE SEQUENCE! HISTORY DOES NOT REPEAT ITSELF!!!!!" shouts Riley, thrilled to see Flesher overcoming the curse of his past losses.

 

"He hasn't won the match yet!"

 

"Oh, shut the fuck up and let the man have his moment!"

 

With Ash seated limply on the top rope, Tom shouts out, "YES!!!!!!!!!!" He positions himself next to Ash, and pulls the PokeFreak down from his sitting position into a torture rack. Taking a quick shuffle to the side, Flesher enters a controlled fall, and like a grape being squished by a serf, Ash's head impacts the mat in an absolutely sick Burning Hammer.

 

"Dear God!!!!!" says Stevens. "Ash Ketchum may be DEAD!"

 

"Oh, you and your melodrama."

 

Flesher smirks, slowly rolling over and arrogantly draping himself across Ash's body. Eddy Long drops down and counts

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Flesher's t-shirt is soaked in his own blood. His face is dyed red by his own lifeforce. He is battered, beaten and bruised.

 

And for what? To keep something he had anyway?

 

No. As Eddy Long raises Flesher's hand and hands him his United States title belt, as Funyon calls out for the world to hear, "Your winner and STILL SWF US Champion, 'the Superior One,' TOM FLESHER!!!!!!" Flesher's spirit shouts through his body. Finally, he's gotten it back. He's beaten the one man who stole his belt, ruined his party, took away his identity for a month and a half.

 

But it's not over yet. Oh no.

 

Callously, Flesher slings the US Title into the corner, where it lands next to the Light Heavyweight strap. Ash, still motionless, lays spread-eagled in the center. Flesher strides over and deliberately places the sole of his Doc Marten boot on Ash's face. With sheer disregard for Ketchum's dignity, Flesher scrapes the boot across his fallen opponent's face. On the outside, Misty begs for Eddy Long to stop the extracurricular activity. Long protests that he's powerless now that the match is over, and then gets the hell out of dodge.

 

"Tom, what are you doing? What do you have left to prove?!"

 

Riley grins internally while trying to sound objective. "Oh... I think I know...."

 

Flesher rolls the limp Ketchum to his stomach, then carefully squats down and locks his hands around the PokeFreak's waist. As the crowd utters a collective gasp, and Riley mutters something about one last score to settle, Flesher hoists Ash into the air. Grunting from the difficulty of the move, the added weight he's carrying, Flesher backs slowly toward the ropes.

 

"Jesus Christ!"

 

"No, just the Superior One."

 

Flesher arches backwards, then releases Ketchum in mid-air from the released German suplex over the top rope. As Ash falls to the floor, Flesher spins around and looks down. As soon as Ash's 258 pounds land flat on his back on the outside, Flesher yells, "NO-SELL THAT, JACKASS!"

 

Suddenly, the crowd bursts into applause. Flesher looks up, completely confused. (He may be delusional, but even HE knows he wouldn't get cheered for trying to cripple the friendliest guy in the SWF.) Running down the aisle is...

 

"TOD DEKINDES!!!!! Bobby, it's Tod deKindes!!!!!!"

 

"What the hell is that commie bastard doing here?!"

 

"...commie?"

 

Tod runs into the ring. Without stopping, he charges across the squared circle and tackles Flesher. He mounts and rains punches down on the US Champion, looking mad as hell. Flesher, caught by surprise, can't do anything except try to block the blows!

 

"Look at this! Tod deKindes has come out to save his X Force 9 stablemate!"

 

Acting on adrenaline, the XF9 member yanks Flesher to his feet and slams him to the mat with a DDT, then floats over and nails him in the face again! With that, he lets Flesher roll away, clutching his face. Tod slides to the outside to check on his stablemate, and Flesher grabs his belts and walks to the back.

 

"Tod deKindes makes the save after Tom Flesher assaults Ash Ketchum!"

 

"... Following a successful title defense! Jesus, give the man some credit!"

 

"Tod's mad as hell at Tom Flesher! He's here to make a difference, to show X Force 9 how to win at all costs! You have to believe there's going to be fallout from this one! We'll be back!"

[Guest TheAntipop]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[Guest Kibagami]

Every now and then, TNT, when we start to lose faith in you, you find a compelling way to restore that faith.

 

Good work.

 

K.

[Guest The Superstar]

\m/ >_<

 

Talk about an ego buster. I'm surprised a post-match scuffle didn't involve Bulbasaur waddling out and Leech Seeding Tom's ass.