Guest Ace309 Report post Posted June 11, 2003 For a long time, I was under the impression that Chris Raynor's legendary promo, "Operation P.O.O.F.N.A.R.", had been lost forever. And yet, in the Archiving thread, Chris himself says he archived it. Repost this, please, so that a whole new generation of SWF Crew (read: me) can read it for the first time and truly appreciate your genius. Or buy me a beer. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Grand Slam Report post Posted June 11, 2003 This made me think... I was incredibly lucky in my section as I have two of the classic Carnie promos. Both the birth of the "Love Rollercoaster" and the infamous "Caveman Chris" thread are in my archive. Make me smile... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest realitycheck Report post Posted June 11, 2003 I saw this first, and since I archived P.O.O.F.N.A.R. a long time ago, here you be: Operation : P.O.O.F.N.A.R. (Piss Off Opponents For No Apparent Reason) -------------------------------------------------- "Echo team, come in. Over." *ssshshshhsshshsh* "Copy, Pink leader. We-" "That's RED leader!" "Hee hee... I know." "Echo team, what's your status? Over." *shshshhshs* "We've penetrated the outer wall's defenses and have breached Alpha sector seven. Over." "Huh?" *shshshhshshshs* "What Spark means is we stuck some gum on a camera and jimmied the door open." "Ok. Ren-des-vous at Bravo nine. Over and out." Two men bedecked in black ski masks, turtlenecks, pants, and gloves slowly slink through the hallways of Ceasar's Palace, walkie-talkies in hand and duffel bags in tow. The man in front is carrying a flashlight which he keeps pointed only a few feet in front of him. "Hey Chris." "What?" "What if we see a security guard?" Chris taps his duffel bag. "No!" "Don't worry." *shshshhhshshshs* "Echo team at Bravo nine." "Copy that, Echo team. Equiptment check." Deep in the bowels of the arena, two more men, dressed similarly, quietly unzip their duffel bags. "Paint?" "Check." "Tapes?" "Check." "Beer?" "..." "Beer?!" "Oh, here it is. Check." "Don't scare me like that, King!" "You there!" A flashlight beam swings across the halls, and the King of Hearts and Spark barely have time to duck into a janitors closet. *sschchchcc* "Come in Beta squadron! Night guard!" *schchshshhshshs* "Copy that, Echo team. En route. ETA, about 17 seconds. Maintain radio silence." "Anybody here?" The security guard asks nervously. Obviously, he's new. "Hellooooo?" He takes slow cautious steps, swinging his head this way and that, ready for anything. "I know you're here... come out with your hands up, or... or else!" *splat* "Huh?" *splat* "What the hec-" *thump* The security guard looks down to see the cold dead eyes of a large trout staring back up at him on his shoe. *thump* Another one bounces off his chest! "Hey! Cut it out!" *splat* *thump* *thump* "Stoppit!" *splat* "Aaagh!" *thump* *splat* The guard runs down the hall, arms flailing, voice cracking. A few moments later, two dark shapes cross the hall to the closet. "Echo team, we're here." "Good job." "Let's get this over with. Eagle two, you're on fish duty." "Aw nuts." "King... theme music." Chris Raynor then sticks his head out of the closet and peers both ways before waving the others to leave. First Mark, then Spark, and finally the King of Hearts, who is butchering the Mission Impossible theme song. "Dun, dun, DUN DUN Dun, dun, dun dun dun, dun, DUN DUN dun, dun, dun dun.. deedloo... deedloo.... deedloo... doo doo." The four men tiptoe down the halls, twisting this way and that, until they come to the long row of locker rooms. "This is it. Go!" Chris kicks open the door and the four barge into the room. Spark slams the door and flicks on the light switch to reveal the locker room of Evil Inc. "Gentlemen... let's get down to business!" Mark tosses his duffel bag onto the couch, and everyone else follows suit. Each member of the Midnight Carnival heads to a different area of the room, each with a hand on their chin, shaking their head and "tsk-tsk"-ing the sight. "It's so..." Spark waves his hand in circles trying to come up with the word. "... drear." "Pale." "Ugly." "Them." They all share a moment of silence. "Well, we've got a ways to go, so let's get started!" ***a few hours later*** "I must say Chris, you've REALLY outdone yourself this time." "Ah well, they say you should channel anger into outlets like art..." Spark gazes around the room and says "Don't ever get this angry at me." "Oh hush, I'm sure they will love what we did with the place. We did them a favor. I see no reason why they won't jump up and down like little girls when they see it." "Well, I'd rather not be here to see that, so et's-lay am-scray." "As you wish." Chris takes a final look at the room and then turns and says "King! Theme song!" The four banditos quickly exit the room and dash down the hall, with the King of Heart's "Dun-dun"-ing echoing quietly behind them. A door closing, a golf cart zooming off, and then all is silent... ***the next day*** "And so I says to the guy, "It's supposed to be a monkey!"" The lower halls of Caesars Palace ignite with laughter as Chris Storm, Perfect Bo, Suicide, and Johnny Rotten make their way to their locker room. "I swear," Bo says as he wipes a tear from his eye, "that gets funnier every time you tell it, Storm." "Here we are, guy-" Suicide starts, but all four of them stop dead in their tracks. The door is open, the lights are on, and people are talking inside. Storm puts a finger to his lips and shushes his partners as he creeps toward the door. He sticks his ear to the crack... "-nd Chris Storm is a pansy!" "Yea! I bet he and Bo have sexual relations!" "And what about Suicide? Man, what a loser!" Some horrible canned laughter ensues. "Evil Inc. are just a bunch of doodoo heads!" "You can say that again!" "I think I will!" Canned laughter. Storm turns to his partners and mouths "Carnival". They all nod, and Storm holds up three fingers... then two... then one... ATTACK! Storm flings the door open and they all charge the four figures standing in a semicircle in the center of the room! Storm clotheslines one of them from behind, knocking his head off! Bo waistlocks the other from behind, but he falls apart! Suicide and Rotten grab the heads of the last two and smash them together, and they dissipate! "What the- "Straw f*cking dummies!" Storm kicks the headless dummy, and it's upper torso flies across the room as its bottom half collapses, revealing a small tape player. "Son of a b*tch!" "Uh, guys..." "I can't believe they'd stoop that low!" "Guys?" "Of all the ner- "GUYS!" "WHAT?!" They all glare at Suicide, who meekly points at the walls. The newly wallpapered plaid walls. With bright pink and green streamers. And pictures of clowns. Lots and lots of clowns. The floor is covered in about an inch-thick layer of confetti. And hanging on the far wall, a huge banner, reading "Cheer up guys!" All four stand in a moment of silence. Suicide looks like he's trying to hold in laughter, while Bo and Storm are flaring. "They went too f*cking far." "This is just f*cking WRONG!" "PLAID wallpaper?!" Suddenly a tiny voice cries "Storm and Bo-Bo, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" All four Evil Inc.'ers go to work on the dummies, stomping on them until they hear the crunch of plastic under their feet. They all sigh and start to trudge out of the room when Suicide again stops. "Guys..." "What now?" Suicide simply points to the closed door across the room, this one leading to the bathroom. Storm looks plainly at his partner and says "I don't even want to know." Suicide shrugs and joins his friends as they storm out of the room toward the commissioner's office. END Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Superstar Report post Posted June 11, 2003 (Y)~! That promo makes me want to buy the shirt...if I had the money. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Edwin MacPhisto Report post Posted June 11, 2003 It still brings a tear to my eye. I just wish I hadn't been half-assed heel at that moment so I could've been a part. But oh, we made up for it, we did... ::listens to Rollercoaster of Love:: ::nostalgia:: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest chirs3 Report post Posted June 11, 2003 Now I feel all warm and fuzzy. Oh wait, there's a cat on my lap. Hrm. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest TheAntipop Report post Posted June 12, 2003 Don't you mean bear, Chris? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ace309 Report post Posted June 12, 2003 I believe he means manatee. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Angel_Grace_Blue Report post Posted June 12, 2003 I'm pretty sure that he means an Aardspark. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Secret Agent 0 Report post Posted March 26, 2005 BUMPED for a new generation to enjoy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toxxic 0 Report post Posted March 26, 2005 I've witnessed it before, and it is good. But... Edwin as a heel? Bizarre... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Edwin MacPhisto 0 Report post Posted March 26, 2005 I've witnessed it before, and it is good. But... Edwin as a heel? Bizarre... I was mean and entered to Nine Inch Nails! Rrrrrrrrrrrr! It actually could have been really great if I had stuck with it. The whole theme was Edwin selling out his roots to get handpicked by fed prez Jayson Grant when he got passed over in a massive 10-man bump from the JL and ML. Of course, I really just wanted to get back to the Carnival, so after about 4 weeks I was firmly into tweener territory, and with two more I was full-on face again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
