Top 5 Seinfeld Episodes..

[Guest oldschoolwrestling]

Which one is "The Seven"?

The Seven is where George wants to name his baby Seven, in honor or Mickey Mantle. He tries to get some friends to name their baby Soda, but they like the name Seven and try and use it. Hilarity ensues.

[Guest pochorenella]

Oh ok. That's a terrific episode. Thanks for the info.

[Guest MillenniumMan831]

I can't just pick 5 episodes, so I'll list some Seinfeld Markout Moments:

 

- Mr. Bookman paying Jerry a visit in one of the show's funniest monolouges (for the most part at least).

 

- Any time Steinbrenner starts rambling to George.

 

- Kramer spilling the beans about seeing Jane topless.

 

- Kramer explaining to Jerry that he got an office job.

 

- Kramer waltzing into Jerry's apartment and casually taking his couch cushion.

 

- The final scene in "The Chaperone". That's ashame.

 

- Mel Torme singing to Kramer.

 

There's plenty more!

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

What's dirtier than a giant ball of oil?

[The Dames 0]

Stavola,

 

Keep interrupting threads with shit like this and you'll be banned for tolling.

 

Dames

[Guest Spicy McHaggis]

- Mr. Bookman paying Jerry a visit in one of the show's funniest monolouges (for the most part at least).

OMG!

 

I can't believe I forgot about Bookman! That's my #1.

[Guest oldschoolwrestling]

"THE LIBRARY"

 

"The Dewey Decimal System... What a scam that was!"

- Kramer, in "The Library"

 

"She needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding. She needs a little Kramer."

- Kramer, in "The Library"

 

"The library investigator's name is actually Bookman?"

"It's true."

"That's amazing. That's like an ice cream man named Cone."

- Kramer and the Librarian, in "The Library"

 

"I never figured you for a squealer."

"Oh, he sang like a canary."

- Kramer and Jerry, to George, in "The Library"

 

"I don't understand lunch. I don't know anything about lunch."

- George, in "The Library"

 

"Instead of saying 'Costanza', he'd say 'Cantstandya, Cantstandya'."

- George, remembering his high school gym coach, in "The Library"

 

"Why do they call it a wedgie?"

"Because the underwear is pulled up from the back until... it wedges in."

"They also have an Atomic Wedgie. Now the goal there is to actually get the waistband on top of the head. It's very rare."

"Boys are sick."

"What do girls do?"

"We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder."

- Elaine, George and Jerry, in "The Library"

 

"I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella."

- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"

 

"Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before -- flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me.... Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid, sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and finding pictures of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks... You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy. Partytime is over."

- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"

 

"Columbus? Euro-trash."

- Jerry, in "The Library"

 

"You'd better not screw up again, Seinfeld, because if you do, I'll be all over you like a pitbull on a poodle."

- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"

[Guest Adrian 3:16]

I'm not sure of all the official episode titles, but:

 

1. Festivus

2. The Pool Boy (aka Independent George)

3. Opposite Day ("I'm unemployed and live with my parents...")

4. The Library

5. The one where George combines food and sex into "one sick urge" ("I find the pastrami the most erotic of the cured and salted meats")

 

I don't see how anyone could hate Festivus, damn near every word from Frank Costanza's mouth in that episode was a quotable. From "George, until you pin me Festivus is not over!" to "I find tinsel distracting."

[Guest SweetNSexyDiva]

The Soup Nazi

The Switch

The Opposite

The Sponge

[Guest The Mighty Damaramu]

Which one is Marine Biologist?

[Guest NCJ]

I don't know the names, but my top five episodes.

 

 

Soup Nazi

 

When Jerry knocks his girlfriends toothbrush in the toilet

 

George not wanting to date the bald woman(I pretty deaf woman dosen't know your out of her league." lol

 

Kramer adopts a highway

 

The pez dispenser at the piano concert

[Guest oldschoolwrestling]

Which one is Marine Biologist?

"THE MARINE BIOLOGIST"

 

"Six years I've had this t-shirt. It's my best one. I call him Golden Boy."

- Jerry, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?"

- Jerry, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"You can't handle the truth."

- George, imitating Jack Nicholson, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"Your mother reads your mail?"

"Yeah."

"What do you mean, like postcards?"

"Oh, anything."

"She doesn't open."

"She'll open."

"You've caught your mother opening envelopes?"

"Yes."

"What does she say?"

"I was curious."

"Isn't that against the law?"

"Maybe I can get her locked up."

- Jerry and George, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"I've got all my appointments right up here."

- Kramer, who has no need for an organizer, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"I am such a huge whale fan."

- George, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"Who wants to have some fun?"

- Kramer, who wants to hit golf balls into the ocean, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"He's working on lowering the cholesterol level in whales. All that blubber, it's quite unhealthy. You know, it's the largest mammal on earth. But as George says, they don't have to be."

- Jerry, making George look good, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"What is that noise? It's traveling up my spine into my brain!"

- Testikov, just before he throws Elaine's electronic organizer out the window of the limousine, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"She asked for your number. I think she's going to get in touch with you."

"Okay, I'm telling you right now. If you're kidding around I'm not going to be able to be your friend anymore. I'm serious about that. You got that?"

"I've got no problem with that."

"Good, because if this is a lie, if this is a joke, if this is your idea of some cute little game, we're finished."

"Expect a call."

"Oh my god, he's not kidding."

"Now I should tell you that at this point she's under the impression that you're a..."

"A what?"

"A marine biologist."

- Jerry and George, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"I know my alleys."

- George, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"Why couldn't you make me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect."

- George, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified. But I pressed on, and as I made my way past the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you Jerry, at that moment I was a marine biologist."

- George, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli."

- George, in "The Marine Biologist"

 

"What, are you in a bad mood?"

"I got my laundry back."

"Golden Boy?"

"He didn't make it."

"I'm sorry."

"This is Golden Boy's son, Baby Blue."

- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Marine Biologist"

[Guest Aero]

Last night, the episode that had Kramer getting a role in the Woody Allen movie was on. It's not one of my favorite episodes, but one of my favorite parts: Kramer tells them that his line is, "These pretzels are making me thirsty." From there, they all give their own ideas on how to say it. George's is hilarious, as he says it in such an angry and disturbed way...

 

"These pretzels... are MAKING ME THIRSTY!"

[Guest Army Eye]

Once which I haven't seen mentioned yet, but which has to be up there, is the one where Kramer gets a hot tub and nearly freezes to death in it (GREAT scene). and that marathon runner is staying with Elaine and starts calling everyone 'bastard' and 'son of a bitch'

 

 

and the Assman / Fusili Jerry.. whole episode was a riot.

 

He stopped short!? That's my move!

[Guest oldschoolwrestling]

Once which I haven't seen mentioned yet, but which has to be up there, is the one where Kramer gets a hot tub and nearly freezes to death in it (GREAT scene). and that marathon runner is staying with Elaine and starts calling everyone 'bastard' and 'son of a bitch'

Here you go:

 

"THE HOT TUB"

 

 

"When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy."

- George, in "The Hot Tub"

 

"How do you oversleep at the Olympics?"

"Oh, I know. I know."

"I mean, it's like the biggest event of your life! You'd think you'd have, like, six alarm clocks, paying off little kids in the village to come banging on your door."

- Jerry and Elaine, in "The Hot Tub"

 

"Imagine your whole life riding on an alarm clock."

- Jerry, in "The Hot Tub"

 

"I can't come up with anything for this thing."

"Ah... catalog writer's block?"

- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Hot Tub"

 

"Hey, you bastards."

"Hey, how was the meeting?"

"I really like those sons of bitches."

"Sons of bitches?"

"Yeah! That's how they talk. You know, everyone's either a bastard or a son of a bitch."

- George and Jerry, in "The Hot Tub"

 

"Jerry, look how tense you are. You need to take a soak."

"I'm not taking a soak in that human bacteria vat you got goin' there."

"Come on, I'm telling you, it's great. I opened up all the windows. The air is cold, the tub is boiling hot. It's like Sweden, man. Sweden!"

- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Hot Tub"

 

"What happened to your mental alarm?"

"I guess I hit the snooze."

- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Hot Tub"

 

"We all get a little cuckoo sometimes, George. I used to be like you. Berating personnel until they cried, calling managers on the field during a game, threatening to move the team to New Jersey, just to upset people. Then I found a way to relax. I've got two words to say to you, George... Hot Tub!"

- George Steinbrenner, in "The Hot Tub"

[Guest pochorenella]

"The Hot Tub" is a classic.

 

What was the name of the episode with the "Man-Hands" girl. Anything worth quoting there, oldschool?

[Guest oldschoolwrestling]

"The Hot Tub" is a classic.

 

What was the name of the episode with the "Man-Hands" girl. Anything worth quoting there, oldschool?

Manhands is actually called "THE BIZARRO JERRY"

 

 

 

 

"Why would anybody want a friend?"

- Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

 

"Women like that are like members of a secret tribe living in a forbidden city. People like me have not been inside in thousands of years."

- George, about beautiful women, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

"You know what they say, 'You don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.'"

- Kramer, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

 

"She had man-hands!"

- Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

 

"Would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?"

"Would she have hooks?"

"Do hooks make it more attractive, Jerry?"

"Kinda cool looking."

- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

 

"I don't know if you've noticed, but lately I've been drifting aimlessly."

"Now that you mention it."

"But I've finally realized what's missing in my life... Structure!"

- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

 

"She wants me to dress smart-casual. What is that?"

"I don't know, but you don't have it."

- George and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

 

"He's reliable. He's considerate. He's like your exact opposite."

"So he's Bizarro Jerry."

"Bizarro Jerry?"

"Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives."

"Shouldn't he say badbye? Isn't that the opposite of goodbye?"

"No, it's still goodbye."

"Does he live underwater?"

"No."

"Is he black?"

"Look, just forget the whole thing."

- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

 

"I can't spend the rest of my life coming into this stinking apartment every ten minutes to pore over the excruciating minutia of every single daily event."

- Elaine, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

 

"What did you want to see me about, Mr. Leland?"

"Kramer, I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it stinks."

"Well, I've been having trouble at home and, uh, I'll work harder. Nights, weekends, whatever it takes."

"No, no, I don't think that's going to do it. These reports you handed in, it's almost as if you have no business training at all. I don't know what this is supposed to be."

"Well, I'm just trying to get ahead."

"I'm sorry, there's just no way that we can keep you on."

"I don't even really work here."

"That's what makes this so difficult."

- Kramer and Mr. Leland, in "The Bizarro Jerry"

[TheOriginalOrangeGoblin 0]

"I don't even really work here."

"That's what makes this so difficult."

 

PRICELESS!

[Guest pochorenella]

Truly one of the best episodes ever.

[Guest undisputedjericho]

I don't know the official episode names...

 

- George's secret little bed under his desk where he naps at work, and Steinbrenner thinks his alarm clock is a bomb.

 

- Jerry is fined for an overdue book from the 1970's.

 

- Jerry's drycleaner wears his clothes.

 

- Jerry's girlfriend says she is his wife so she can get a drycleaning discount.

 

- The calzone episode where George and Steinbrenner have calzone everyday, and George is banned from the pizzaria because the guy thought he was stealing from the tip cup. Newman also reveals he doesn't work in the rain.

 

- The dog in the courtyard that keeps Elaine awake at night.

 

- The Soup Nazi. Nuff said.

 

- The final episode where they break the good samaritan law.

 

- When Kramer retires to Florida.

 

- The Dream Cafe which gets no business and Jerry helps ruin it.

 

So many classics...