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Rate my promo

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Back story: I was in a group called the house of Pain, and I left on a wrestling excusion in Mexico only to find out they recruited a new member.

 

::“G…P…W” shows up on the screen followed by the House Of Pain logo which rips in half. The ripped in half H.O.P logo vanishes as some words show up on the screen. “Take a look into the sky just before you die because Tokyo X is back and vows revenge on all those who’ve done him wrong.” Everything eventually fades into a new picture of the Shining Black which also fades after 4 seconds into a fancy hotel where Tokyo X looks for a member of the House of Pain which is rumored to be staying at. Tokyo walks up to the registration center where he pushes a little girl to the floor and gets into the clerks face. ::

 

Tokyo X: * Opens his jacket and flashes a gun* Listen here I am looking for either Bad Boy, Nightmare, Adam Tredex, Twisted Soul or…that son of a bitch Shaddow and you are gonna give me their floor and room number no questions asked, you got punk?

 

Clerk: y… yes sir, right away.

 

::The clerk pushes the security button positioned under the table where the clerk stands. Within seconds two well built men, one being roughly 6’3 and the other 6’4 both around 300 pounds run after Tokyo but he just trips one and knocks out the other with a swift punch to the face. Everyone is left in shock and finally a couple with enough courage run for their lives out the door and into the city along with everyone else. X just stands looking into the pimply faced kid’s eyes.::

 

Tokyo X: * Sadistically Whispering to the clerk* Now listen if you try anything funny I will seriously KILL you. God strike me dead if I’m playing around, so now give me the floor an room number of either Bad Boy, Nightmare, Adam Tredex, Twisted Soul or Shaddow. Now would you rather give me a key to one of these 5 men’s room or do I have to hunt down your family and kill them too?.

 

::The clerk runs around the table and bolts for the door but to no avail, Tokyo grabbed the mans shirt and drags the man over to the counter. As the horrid smell of urine infested the room Tokyo X grabs the clerk my the hair and makes him give X the key to Bad Boys room. Felling the ordeal is over the clerk bolts for the door but again X grabs him by the hair and punches him in the chest knocking the breath out of him.::

 

Tokyo X: Now I told you that if you tried anything funny I was gonna kill you…but now…I feel as if I don’t need to waste my time on such low scum as yourself. So I’ll tell you what I will let you live if only and only if you drop the charges I could expect.

 

Clerk: Ok sir, just don’t hurt me . PLEASE!!!

 

TokyoX: Oh I will hurt you badly too.

 

::X gets the kid and knees him in the groin and hits him with wooden chair directed at his legs. The kids cry’s in pain as X looks on and laughs at his sorrow. X chokes out the clerk and lets go when he realizes his urine probably got on his pants. X gets up and kicks the clerk one more time in the ribs and gets the key labeled “story 7 room 24”. X runs up the stairs and gets into the nearest elevator and punches the 7. While waiting X draws on the wall with a pen he has in his pocket. As the door opens X runs out but not before he draws a face on the pony he drew. He runs into a room labeled “Room 24. Sleeping please to not disturb.”::

 

Tokyo X: *To Himself* I don’t give a shit. I’ll enter any room I want.

 

::X enters the room to see Bad Boy already waiting for him, Bad Boy sipping wine from a glass offer Tokyo one by raising a glass in his direction. Tokyo X nods “no” and walks over to where Majin Boy sits punches him in the face. With a shocked look on his face Bad Boy punches back. The two get into a fist fight and eventually stop when Boy asks…::

 

Bad Boy:Hey man What the F**k is your problem!? What did I do to ya?!!!

 

Tokyo X: What did you do? You did everything!!! I’m gone for 4 weeks on a learning excursion in Mexico and you bring on Shaddow without my consent. You might be the leader but I refuse to let you bring on any members without you even telling me. I’ll tell you what this might seem dumb but I want to wrestle Shaddow only to see if he is even in the league of being in the House of Pain, let alone even being in my presence.

 

Bad Boy: First of all I am not a booker so I cant help you there, and another thing he is a very accomplished wrestler, No one knew where you were, if you dead alive or what and we needed a new member to take your place and…

 

Tokyo X: Now let me tell you something BB no one will EVER take the place of the “Shining Black” whether its Shaddow or anyone else. You more than anyone should know that. Now I will give you the chance right now to let him go or I am gone. I will go solo and beat every member of the House Of Pain, The GPW, and everyone that stands in my way to becoming the GPW champion.

 

Bad Boy: Fine then. I’m kicking you out of the group!!! Your done, finished, fired, get out of my face. You make me sick, you asshole!!!

 

Tokyo X: Good, now I don’t have to be held down by you sons of bitches. I’m Outa here.

 

:: Tokyo storms out of the room but not before spitting in Bad Boys face. X walks out and gets into the same elevator that he came in on, He spits on the picture he drew and gets out back into the lobby, where he see’s the two security guards from before waiting for him with batons and handcuffs. Tokyo X makes easy work of them again and walks out of the hotel as the screen fades to the new picture of him without the mask. A dark menacing voice is heard, the words also show up on the screen.::

 

Voice: Tokyo X no longer in the house of pain and now he will no longer hide behind a mask. Bad Boy, Nightmare, Adam Tredex, Twisted Soul may god have mercy on your soul, because without a doubt Tokyo X will show no remorse in making your lives a living hell.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sorry for no color, I just cut and pasted it so...there ya go.

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Guest Ace309

Eh, color's overrated. I'd rather read a promo straight-up.

 

Definitely some good work, although asking "JL or WF" is a bit pointless for two reasons:

- We start everyone out in the JL as a matter of course, and

- We're not a roleplay-based fed.

 

I do like what I see, though, and I'm hoping you decide to stick around.

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Guest ShawnTybalt

Not bad, but are thee even a member of S. J. L.? If not, I plead that you hasten to join. If a writer of thy caliber in promos can write a match as well, thee could have a strong chance here.

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Nah, I suck as a match writer, This is one match I wrote...

 

 

 

T.J: Matt are you ready for the TV title match up? Santino didn’t even know he had to defend the title up until a few minutes ago, how do you think this will all play out?

 

Matt: T.J, I got a feeling that Santino will retain the title here in MSG, and besides he better win I got 100$ running on the match so if he doesn’t I‘m broke for the ride home.

 

T.J: You’re betting on the match, But isn’t that illegal Matt. You can get busted for that you know.

 

Matt: Well it isn’t illegal as long as no one finds out.

 

T.J: Uh Matt we are on Live Television, We’re also on SAP for those Spanish speaking fans out there.

 

Matt: What I thought the show was Taped!!!

 

Ring announcer: The following match up is for the Independent Wresting Federation Television Championship!!! First from Parts Unknown weighing in at 235 pounds, he is the challenger, Outkast!!!

 

::The lights suddenly go out in MSG as green laser lights blast through the arena only meaning one thing, that Outkast is making his way out. Wake up hate by Korn begins to play as Outkast finally comes out with Camilla his beautiful manager to a big ovation. Teenage boys whistle and make cat calls at Camilla but Outkast quickly shuts them up by spitting water into their faces.::

 

T.J: What an ovation for Outkast. He truly has to be the favorite for the match tonight.

 

Matt: Nah, Santino has it all, brains and bronze. No way Outkast can win in this match.

 

::As Outkast is walking down the ramp to the ring he is suddenly attacked by Santino!!! Santino forearms and elbows Outkast down to the floor and follows up the assault with kicks and knees to the head!!! Santino finally rolls in Outkast as the referee signals for the match to begin. Outkast lays on his back riveting in pain as Santino looks over to Camilla with a scary stare and goes to the outside and begins to chase her around the ring. The two run around the ring once and Camilla slides into the ring as does Santino, but Outkast is already up and Lariats Santino!!!::

 

T.J: Santino attacked Outkast before he even got into the ring. He must be very desperate to retain the title. Whoa that Lariat of Outkast’s almost took Santino’s head off!!! Well I guess it serves him right. Chasing the young Camilla around the ring like that. He should be ashamed of himself.

 

Matt: C’mon T.J, That’s you gotta do what you gotta do to retain the title. I for one am proud to be in the Santino Fan club.

 

T.J: There is a Santino Fan Club now? I didn’t know that.

 

Matt: T.J get with the program, everyone has a fan club nowadays. Even I do!!!

 

T.J: Don’t lie Matt, you do not have a fan club..

 

:: Outkast picks up a dazed Santino and Irish whips him and hit’s a beautiful Power slam. He goes for the cover but only gets a two count. Outkast picks him up once more and hit’s a brain buster. This time instead of going for a pin Outkast heads for the top rope and attempts an elbow drop from half way across the ring and connects the crowd eats it up!!!::

 

TJ: It could be over right here right now Matt, 100 can go down the drain. 1...2..ahh, Santino just barely able to get a shoulder up before the three count. You got lucky there.

 

Matt: Oh man I almost lost 200 dollars right there. Fhew, that was close.

 

T.J: I thought it was 100 dollars Matt.

 

Matt: Just doubled it with that Hot dog vender over there.

 

T.J: You seize to amaze me Matt.

 

:: Outkast frustrated picks up Santino and throws him to the outside. Santino is barely able to stand on his own to feet so Camilla hold him up. Wait just a minute Outkast is running the ropes and hit’s a picture perfect tope and Santino is out cold!!! Outkast knowing he cant beat the champ slowly rolls Santino inside only to throw him to the turnbuckle. Outkast charges and no, Santino gets a boot up and hits Outkast right in the face with it. And the fans boo like crazy!!! Santino knowing this is his time to attack runs at Outkast and hit’s a swinging neck beaker::

 

T.J: Nice offense by Santino he must fell like he can pull off a win here in Madison Square Garden!!! I think you made the right choice by going with Santino.

 

Matt: *Talking to the hotdog vender* Yeah so make it 300 ok Steve.

 

T.J: What are you doing Matt aren’t you supposed to follow the match. Your gonna get yourself fired if you keep on doing stupid stuff like betting on matches and talking to hot dog venders.

 

Matt: I NEED MONEY!!!

 

:: Santino goes for a pin but Outkast quickly kicks out. Not to be humiliated Santino goes for a figure four leg lock, but Outkast socks him right in the face!!! And Santino is out cold and bleeding from the nose!!! Outkast goes up to the top rope attempts a Swanton Bomb and connects!!!::

 

Matt: NO!!!

 

T.J: YES!!! Its all over Outkast is gonna be the next IWF TV champion!!!

 

:: Outkast goes for the cover as the sold out crowd counts along.1...2...2.99999!!! A fan has jumped the guard rail and has jumped into the ring and has stopped the count!!! The security gets a hold of the crazed fan and they tackle him to the floor and beat him senseless.::

 

T.J: Oh c’mon, what a stupid mother f**ker. Fans should never get into the ring!!! This is just plain disgraceful!!!

 

Matt: YES, God bless that fan he saved me 300 bucks. I’m paying for his bail with the money I’m gonna win for sure now.

 

:: Outkast is furious and picks up Santino. Outkast runs over to the corner of the ring and signals for “The Flash”” Outkast goes for it and hit it!!! The crowd is on their feet and Outkast falls on top of Santino!!! The crowd also counts along this time louder than last time. 1...2...3!!!!!!!!::

 

T.J: Oh my god Santino lost the IWF TV championship to Outkast. I’m out of breath calling this match. Take it from here Matt, I gotta get some water!!!

 

Matt: Eh,

 

T.J: What do you mean eh, you’re down 300 dollars. How are you gonna get home?!

 

T.J: I put it under Santino’s name.

 

Ring announcer: And your winner and NEW Independent Wrestling Federation Television champion, Ladies and gentlemen Outkast!!!

 

Camilla runs into the ring and congratulates Outkast and hands him his New TV title. Wake up hate blasts through the amps as the crowd chants OUT-KAST. Pyro hits from all corners as Outkast begins to make his way up the ramp.

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Guest Mr. Slim Citrus
Eh, color's overrated. I'd rather read a promo straight-up.

Kiss my ass, Taamo! ;)

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Guest Ace309

Okay, some things that will help you along your way:

 

- Never, ever, ever say something's too long for you to read. Makes you look lazy, and confuses you on key issues such as "How you join the SJL."

 

- http://www.theswf.net/join.htm - this is our official How To Join The SJL guide. Go. Read. Fill out your character template and PM it to Thoth, as explained in said How To Join guide.

 

Hope to see you writing soon. :)

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1. I dont know what subliminally mean?

 

2. I am trying to join its just that the join thread is too long.

1. Indirectly (Sort of).

 

2. Too long as in what? Too long as in your computer is slow and won't load it? Or too long as in you don't feel like going through the whole thing?

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Guest Thoth

If you don't know what subliminally means, I suggest you circumspectly unearth a dictionary and peruse its contents until a suitable response sullies your countenance.

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Guest kelloggs

*gasp* an engineer with grammar and vocabulary... I aspire to be like Thoth... freaky ain't it.

 

M. Francis

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