Pro Wrestling Hogan.

July 4, 2003

The WWE died on the night of 6/29/03. Everything went wrong. However Hulk Hogan, who was reistated by the new owner of all of an hour Mae Young-McMahon, revealed that he was Mr. America. Hogan went to his Florida home to plot. Then it came to him. He would start his own company. He could never go to NWA-TNA because of his hate for Vince Russo. That is how.....

Pro Wrestling Hogan

came about. Hogan used his fortune that he aquired over the years to sign several top stars.

Promotion:Pro Wrestling Hogan

Money:A lot

PI:40

Risk Level:25

Roster with Gimmicks:

Ahmed Johnson(Sucka)

Al Wilson(Demon)-Commisioner

Animal(Power and Paint)

Bad News Brown(Legitimate Athlete)

Barry Horowitz(Old School Face)

Barry Windham(Redneck)

Bastion Booger(Slob)

Bobby Eaton(Old School Heel)

Brian Knobbs(Slob)

Bushwhacker Butch(Fun Babyface)

Bushwhacker Luke(Fun Babyface)

Crush(Badass)

Damien DeMento(Weirdo)

Dave Sullivan(Putz)

Diesel(Bad Ass)

Ed Leslie(Split Personality)

Giant Gonzales(Monster)

Haku(Machine)

Hawk(Power and Paint)

Hillbilly Jim(Hillbilly)

Honky Tonk Man(Old School Heel)

Hugh Morrus(Bad Ass)

Hulk Hogan(Hero)

Ice Train(Badass)

Jake Roberts(Mysterious)

Jerry Sags(Slob)

Jesse Ventura-Really just here to Commentate(Old School Face)

Jim Duggan-Pro USA

Jimmy Snuka(Savage)

Kevin Sullivan(Occult)

Koko B. Ware(Fun Babyface)

Larry Zybysko(Grizzled Veteran)

Leif Cassidy(That 70's Guy)

Marty Jannetty(That 70's Guy)

Mr Fuji(Evil Foriegner)

Mr. T(Sucka)

Nathan Jones(Old School Face)

Nikita Koloff(Comrade)

One Man Gang-It would have been Akeem but Slick wasn't in the game. (Bad Ass)

Paul Orndorf(Old School Heel)

Repo Man(Theif)

Ricky Morton(Old School Face)

Robert Gibson(Old School Face)

Rowdy Roddy Piper(Braveheart)

Savio Vega(Martial Artist)

Scott Norton(Machine)

Stan Lane(Ravishing)

Steve McMichael(Dual-Sport Superstar)-Also will be Color Commnetator if I get a B TV Show

Stevie Ray(Sucka)

The Barbarian(Savage)

The Berzerker(Lumerbajack)

The Shark(Monster)

The Warlord(Monster)

Titles:

The Big Red and Yellow Title-80

United States-65

Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles-65

10 Minute Time Limit Title-55

Tag Teams:

The Bushwhackers(Luke and Butch)

Faces of Fear(Haku and the Barbarian)

Fire and Ice(Scott Norton and Ice Train)

Harlem Heat 2000(Stevie Ray and Ahmed Johnson)

Legion of Doom(Hawk and Animal)

Midnight Express(Bobby Eaton and Stan Lane)

Nasty Boys(Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags)

New Rockers(Leif Cassidy and Marty Jannetty)

Rock N Roll Express(Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson)

Stables:

The Dungeon of Doom:

Leader:Kevin Sullivan

Members:

Giant Gonzales

Haku

Hugh Morrus

The Barbarian

Shark

Warlord

The Hulkamaniacs

Leader:Take a wild guess

Members:

Dave Sullivan

Ed Leslie

Mr. T

Nathan Jones

Television Shows

Boas and Headlocks-Prime Time Saturday Night on the Sunshine Network. Announcers:Tony Shiavone and Jesse Ventura

Note:You are wondering how Hulk Hogan can use certain WCW and WWF/E gimmicks. Well he won several in an auction after the video tape libary and WWE trademarks were auctioned off because of Vince McMahon going to the looney bin after the WWE went under. Sadly he did not win the gimmicks of TL Hopper and the Goon but that is life isn't it.

First Show will be up shortly.

July 4, 2003

Oh man, I can't *WAIT* for this diary. Nathan Jones for Big Red and Yellow Champion!

July 4, 2003

PWH Boas and Headlocks-7/5/03

Al Wilson opens up the show. He says he has A HUGE main event on tap tonight. We will see the Giant Gonzales and The Shark of the Dungeon of Doom facing Nathan Jones and Hulk Hogan of the Hulkamaniacs.

66

First Round Match in the Red and Yellow Tag Titles Tournament:

Bushwackers vs Midnight Express : Bushwacker Butch hits a weak punch on Bobby Eaton. Eaton takes a weak clothesline. Hooks the leg for a two count. Eaton reverses a waistlock. Bobby Eaton snap suplexes Butch, and somewhere Dynamite Kid groans at that crappy execution. Bobby Eaton uses a running dropkick into the corner. Tag to Stan Lane. Running clothesline from Stan Lane, sloppily done. Butch blocks the suplex attempt. Butch tags out to Bushwacker Luke. Bushwackers whip Sweet Stan into the corner. Bushwacker Butch whips Bushwacker Luke in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Bushwacker Luke strikes Stan Lane. Cover for a two count. Big clothesline from Luke. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Tag to Bushwacker Butch. Bushwacker Butch scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pin, but Sweet Stan is out just before the three count. Sweet Stan counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Sweet Stan tags out to Bobby Eaton. Bobby Eaton snap suplexes Butch...with authority! ('With authority', trademark G.Monsoon 1986.) Bushwacker Butch grabs Bobby Eaton from behind and shoves him into the ropes, then scores with a roll-up...but Eaton rolls through with the move! He used a pull of the tights to get Butch over! 1....2...3! The referee was out of position and didn't see it! Yuck. DUD.

Winners:The Midnight Express

Overall:45

Crowd Reaction:52

Match Quality:30

(An NWA vs WWF 1980's DREAM match and you can see it only in PWH. Bushwhackers didn't sell. Bah, the kids love em so I can overlook that. Its all about the t-shirts and the foam fingers after all. Thats what brings in the money)

First Round of the PWH United States Title Tournament:

Jim Duggan vs Damien Demento : Weak kick from Damien. Jim Duggan pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Powerslam from Jim Duggan on Damien. Jim Duggan scores with a weakly-hit standing spinebuster. Jim Duggan moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Running Clothesline. Nikita Koloff quickly comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Jim Duggan turns around....Russian Sickle!!! That shook the ring. The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Koloff! Nikita Koloff pushes the referee aside, then continues to assault Duggan! Right hands rain down on Jim Duggan, pounding him into the canvas. Satisfied with his work, Nikita Koloff turns and leaves the ring, the damage done. I'll give a 1\2 star rating.

Overall:46

Crowd Reaction:50

Match Quality:40

(This starts off the natural Jim Duggan feud. The Communist vs the Patriot)

Al Wilson is not too pleased at Nikita Koloff for attacking Jim Duggan. Wilson is making Nikita Koloff fight Savio Vega in the first round of the United States Title Tournament tonight. That will show him for sure. You don't want to get on the wrong side of Savio's educated feet.

69(Al Wilson's favorite number)

10 Minute Time Limit Title Belt First Round Match:

Larry Zbysko vs Barry Horowitz : Leg trip from Larry Zbysko. Leg trip from Larry Zbysko. Right hand from Zbysko on Horowitz. Amateur-style takedown from Larry Zbysko, capitalising on that *huge* demand for amateur wrestling that we see every day. Horowitz blocks a punch. Big kick from Horowitz. Horowitz suplexes Larry Zbysko badly. Cover for a two count. Zbysko kicks Barry Horowitz in the gut to reverse the momentum. Suplex into a front slam from Zbysko, but the execution was crap. Hooks the leg for a two count. Zbysko hits a badly done swinging DDT on Barry Horowitz. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Horowitz blocks the suplex attempt. Larry Zbysko walks into a chop to the pecs. Zbysko reverses a Barry Horowitz hammerlock. Zbysko suplexes Horowitz to the canvas. Barry Horowitz hooks up a suplex, but it is blocked. Zbysko scores with a low blow, then turns it into a small package! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Barry Horowitz got screwed out of the victory! Rating: 1\2 star.

Overall:46

Crowd Reaction:45

Match Quality:48

(Larry advances to the finals. This is a small tournament. What can I say? I am just keeping the belt warm until William Regal turns 35. I may bend the 35 and over rule for Nathan Jones and Ahmed Johnson but I will not for William Regal)

10 Minute Time Limit Title Tournament First Round Match:

Honky Tonk Man vs Marty Jannetty : Kick from Marty Jannetty to the leg. HTM counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Honky Tonk Man slams Jannetty down. Jannetty reverses an irish whip...and Honky Tonk Man runs into the referee. Face-first suplex from HTM. Cover, but there's no one to count for Honky Tonk Man. Jannetty blocks a punch. HTM takes a chop from Jannetty. Badly executed second rope splash by Jannetty. Hooks the leg for a two count. Marty Jannetty with an enziguri. Pin, but HTM is out just before the three count. Honky Tonk Man fights out of a grapple. Suplex into a front slam from HTM, but the execution was crap. Pin, but Jannetty is out just before the three count. Jannetty drops out the back of a Honky Tonk Man bodyslam attempt. Honky Tonk Man can barely stand. Rocker Dropper! 1....2....3. Marty Jannetty offers a handshake to HTM...and he accepts it! No! Honky Tonk Man levels Jannetty with a cheap shot right hand! Honky Tonk Man hits the Shake, Rattle and Roll! Marty Jannetty has been floored after the match. Worth a ** rating, but no more than that.

Overall:62

Crowd Reaction:66

Match Quality:56:

(Marty Jannetty vs Larry Zybyzko for the 10 Minute Time Limit Title at the July Show:On Medicare. Well some of our guys aren't THAT old but you get the picture. Marty is also in the tag title tournament, one would think anyway, with his partner Leif Cassidy. I can't find my napkin where I drew the brackets up on)

Big Red and Yellow Title Belt First Round:

Hillbilly Jim vs Kevin Sullivan : Sullivan strikes away at Hillbilly Jim. Hillbilly Jim takes a right hand to the temple from Sullivan. Weak bodyslam on Jim by Sullivan. Kevin Sullivan with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Jim. Sullivan only gets knees on a splash. Hillbilly Jim hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Messed up bodyslam by Jim. There's a two count on the pin. Jim walks into a trip. Kevin Sullivan hits a sloppy double axe handle. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy tornado punch from Kevin Sullivan, Jim barely got hit. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Jim backdrops Kevin Sullivan out of a piledriver attempt. Incredibly weak headbutt on Sullivan by Jim. Sullivan blocks a punch. Kevin Sullivan with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Jim. Jim scores with a forearm, sending Sullivan down into the corner. The referee pulls Hillbilly Jim away to get the break. Wait! Sullivan has pulled something out of his tights. Hillbilly Jim walks over...and gets floored by a punch! 1....2....3! The referee never saw the brass knuckles! Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:49

Crowd Reaction:49

Match Quality:50

(Kevin Sullivan, the leader of the most feared heel stable on the planet the Dungeon of Doom advances to the semifinals)

Mr. Fuji pumps up Crush for his Big Red and Yellow Title Tournament Match tonight.

52

Big Red and Yellow Tournament First Round Match:

Crush vs Ricky Morton : Morton receives some unexciting punishment. Crush hits Morton. Crush hits a right hand on Ricky Morton. Running clothesline from Crush, sloppily done. Morton counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Crush takes a weak clothesline. Ricky Morton hits a bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Ricky Morton gets taken down out of nowhere. Weak bodyslam by Crush. Hooks the leg for a two count. Crush DDTs Ricky Morton. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Ricky Morton avoids a Crush avalanche. Ricky Morton hits a weak punch on Crush. Morton drops an elbow...but misses. Fate can be so cruel. Ricky Morton takes a right hand to the temple from Crush. Mr. Fuji has climbed up onto the apron! Morton turns...and falls for the distraction! Crush attacks Morton from behind! Ricky Morton is in trouble. Full Nelson Bomb!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Bland match, but i'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:53

Crowd Reaction:56

Match Quality:47

(Ricky Morton gets wasted. I forgot to change Crush's finishers to the Heart Punch and the Head Vice submission. Stupid me. Crush, Kevin Sullivan, Hogan(who got a bye to the semifinals for whatever reason), and the winner of Mongo/Berzerker next week are your final four for the Big Red and Yellow Title)

Savio Vega vs Nikita Koloff : Running clothesline from Savio Vega, sloppily done. Savio Vega hits a sloppy double axe handle. Cover for a two count. Nikita Koloff pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Koloff strikes away at Savio Vega. Nikita Koloff strikes Savio Vega. There's a two count on the pin. Koloff DDTs Savio Vega. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Nikita Koloff with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Vega. Vega counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Powerslam from Savio Vega on Koloff. There's a two count on the pin. Savio Vega turns Koloff inside-out with a clothesline. Pin, but Koloff is out just before the three count. Koloff takes a vertical suplex. Savio Vega strikes Nikita Koloff. Koloff kicks Savio Vega in the gut to reverse the momentum. Weak bodyslam on Vega by Koloff. Nikita Koloff turns Vega inside-out with a clothesline. Jim Duggan comes running down the aisle with a chair! Vega goes to irish whip Nikita Koloff into the ropes. Duggan prepares to swing the chair...but Nikita Koloff reverses! Duggan accidentally smacks Vega with a chair to the back! Nikita Koloff moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Russian Sickle. 1....2...3, it's finished. Nikita Koloff leaves the ring and heads off down the aisle at speed. Vega and Duggan remain in the ring watching him retreat. Nikita Koloff evidently didn't fancy any of the 2-on-1 payback that was on the cards. Almost a ** match, but not quite - *1\2 rating.

Overall:58

Crowd Reaction:56

Match Quality:60

(Nikita Koloff advances forward in the United States Title Tournament. Duggan and Koloff will not meet in the second round however because their matches are on opposite ends of the bracketing. So both could be in the finals for all we know)

Hogan \ Nathan vs Gonzales \ Shark : Weak kick from Hogan. Hulk Hogan hits a weak elbow on Giant Gonzales. Side suplex from Hogan. Shades of Dino Bravo there, although even Dino could execute it better than Hogan. Gonzales tags out to The Shark. The Shark hits a weak punch on Hulk Hogan. Hogan counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Hulk Hogan strikes The Shark. Tag between Hulk Hogan and Nathan Jones. Hogan \ Nathan whip Shark into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Nathan Jones hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. Nathan Jones scores with a weakly-hit standing spinebuster. Nathan tags out to Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan has The Shark down on the canvas. Legdrop Of Doom!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over. Rowdy Roddy Piper comes running down the aisle with a chair, and gets into the ring! Piper hits Hogan with a chair to the back! Hulk Hogan goes down to the canvas, hurt. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:54

Match Quality:67

Match Quality:24

(Hogan and Jones prevail in the end but Roddy Piper hits Hogan with a chair. What business does Piper have out here. Isn't he retired?)

Overall:54

0.88 Rating for Boas and Headlocks.

Lets try to make some sense out of this tournament thing shall we.

10 Minute Time Limit Title

Finals at On Medicare:

Marty Jannetty vs Larry Zybysko.

Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles:

Midnight Express vs ???

??? vs ???

United States Title Tournament:

Jim Duggan vs ???

Nikita Koloff vs ???

Big Red and Yellow Title Tournament

Kevin Sullivan vs Nathan Jones(Hulk Hogan gave his bye to Jones so he can concentrate on Piper)

Crush vs winner of Mongo/Berzerker.

July 4, 2003

PUSH BERZERKER TO THE MOON

Huss! Huss!

Awesome show~

July 4, 2003

Goddamn that was funny, and you might yet challenge Deacon and HSW

Keep it up

July 5, 2003

keep it up, im lovin this

July 7, 2003

I can't believe I forgot to sign these two. Jim Neidhart, the man who carried the Hart Foundation. and SID~~~~!

Boas and Headlocks-July 12th, 2003

Jim Ross's wet dream Tag Team Match, First Round of Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles:

Fire and Ice vs Faces Of Fear : Chanelling the spirit of Misawa, Scott Norton uses a forearm to the face. Scott Norton with a spinning neckbreaker on Haku. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Ice Train. Fire and Ice hook up Haku, then hit a double suplex. There's a two count on the pin. Ice Train with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Haku. Haku fights out of a grapple. Weak bodyslam by Haku. Hooks the leg for a two count. Haku tags out to The Barbarian. The Barbarian DDTs Ice Train, poorly executed. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Weak slam from Barbarian. Ice Train powers out of a The Barbarian headlock. Ice Train strikes The Barbarian. Tag between Ice Train and Scott Norton. Barbarian takes a headbutt from Scott Norton. Tag to Haku. Scott Norton with a spinning neckbreaker on Haku. Haku can barely stand. Nortonbomb!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Bland match, but i'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:51

Crowd Reaction:47

Match Quality:55

(Plenty of HOSS-tactular action. Fire and Ice march on forward to meet the Midnight Express in the Semifinals.]

Barry Horowitz vs Koko B. Ware : Koko receives some unexciting punishment. Koko drops out the back of a Barry Horowitz bodyslam attempt. Koko hits a weak kick. Koko whips Horowitz into the turnbuckles...and predictably, the referee gets sandwiched. Side suplex from Koko. Cover, but there's no one to count for Koko B. Ware. Koko B. Ware misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Weak bodyslam on Koko by Horowitz. Horowitz hits a stump piledriver on Koko B. Ware, although it was quite weak in its execution. There's a two count on the pin. Face-first suplex from Horowitz, but not done very well. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Koko reverses a Barry Horowitz hammerlock. Koko hits a stump piledriver on Barry Horowitz, although it was quite weak in its execution. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Horowitz blocks a punch. Sid just slid into the ring out of nowhere! Sid has a chair, and drops Horowitz and Koko with devastating blows, causing the referee to call for the bell. This match has been ruled a no contest! Sid has grabbed a chair. Horowitz walks over...and gets floored with a hard shot. Koko also takes a hard shot. Sid picks up Horowitz and Power Bombs him. The referee counts three making Sid 1-0 in PWH. Sid now picks up Koko and Power Bomb to him. The referee counts three making Sid 2-0 in PWH DUD.

Overall:39

Crowd Reaction:32

Match Quality:46

(Sid still thinks its 1999 WCW by running in on cruiserweight matches and power bombing everyone. More power to him I guess)

Al Wilson makes the match that EVERYONE wants to see. Nathan Jones vs The Giant Gonzales. The bang you heard in the backround was Scott Keith attempting to shoot himself in the head but missing.

65

First Round Match in the Red and Yellow Tag Title Tournament:

Harlem Heat 2000 vs New Rockers : Jannetty hits an arm drag on Ray. Marty Jannetty misses a clothesline. Marty Jannetty takes a right hand to the temple from Ray. Ray tags out to Ahmed Johnson. Uninspiring brawling from Ahmed Johnson. Jannetty takes a weak clothesline. Marty Jannetty powers out of a Ahmed Johnson headlock. Ahmed walks into a spinning heel kick, evidently feeling that the 'duck' tactic is over-rated. Tag between Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy. Leif Cassidy uses move #193 (arm-BAR). Stun Gun from Leif Cassidy! There used to be this blonde guy in WCW in the early 90's who used that...i wonder what happened to him? Ahmed counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Cassidy takes a weak clothesline. Tag between Ahmed Johnson and Stevie Ray. Stevie Ray turns Cassidy inside-out with a clothesline. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Stevie Ray hits a right hand on Leif Cassidy. Leif Cassidy is in trouble. Slapjack! 1....2....3. I'll give it a *1\2 rating.

Overall:58

Crowd Reaction:56

Match Quality:60

(Harlem Heat 2000 are in the semifinals to face the winner of The Rock and Roll Express against The Nasty Boys next week)

Nikita Koloff is in the ring attempting to sign the Russian National Athem but Jim Duggan chases Koloff from the ring because this is the good old USA. Hoooo!!! No wait thats Stephanie McMahon in the audience selling popcorn after the WWE went under.

71

First Round Match for the Red and Yellow World Title:

Steve McMichael vs The Berzerker : Steve McMichael strikes The Berzerker. Sluggish brawling from McMichael. Incredibly weak powerslam on Berkerker by McMichael. Steve McMichael strikes The Berzerker. The Berzerker fights out of a grapple. Incredibly weak powerslam on McMichael by Berkerker. The Berzerker hits a bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. McMichael counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Steve McMichael hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Steve McMichael drops Berkerker with a clothesline. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Berkerker counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. McMichael takes a weak kick. Berkerker only gets knees on a splash. Incredibly weak powerslam on Berkerker by McMichael. The Berzerker can barely stand. Mongo Spike! 1....2....3. DUD.

Overall:41

Crowd Reaction:42

Match Quality:41

(Mongo, Crush, Kevin Sullivan, and Nathan Jones are your final suspects to become the first ever Big Red and Yellow Belt Champion)

United States Title Tournament First Round Match:

Jake Roberts vs Warlord : Warlord punches away at Jake Roberts. Roberts powers out of a headlock. Jake Roberts hits a sloppy double axe handle. Side suplex from Roberts. Jake Roberts moves in for the kill. DDT!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:47

Crowd Reaction:50

Match Quality:43

(A Superstars of Wrestling Main Event in 1990. Jake Roberts wins in timely fashion. He will face Nikita Koloff in the Semifinals)

Paul Orndorff vs Jim Neidhart : Weak slam from Anvil. Anvil hits a stump piledriver on Paul Orndorff. Hooks the leg for a two count. Orndorff counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Anvil hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. Weak bodyslam on Anvil by Orndorff. Hooks the leg for a two count. Paul Orndorff scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pin, but Anvil is out just before the three count. Weak bodyslam on Anvil by Orndorff. Anvil reverses a waistlock. Jim Neidhart DDTs Orndorff, poorly executed. There's a two count on the pin. Sloppy tornado punch from Jim Neidhart, Orndorff barely got hit. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Orndorff takes a weak clothesline. Jim Neidhart hits some weak-looking punches. Paul Orndorff elbows Jim Neidhart in the face to break a hammerlock. Jim Neidhart takes a right hand to the temple from Orndorff. Sloppy tornado punch from Paul Orndorff, Anvil barely got hit. Jim Neidhart slugs Paul Orndorff, sending him down into the corner. While Anvil fires up the crowd, Orndorff is removing the turnbuckle pad! Jim Neidhart comes over...but Orndorff grabs him by the tights and uses the leverage to slingshot Jim Neidhart face first into the exposed steel turnbuckle! Paul Orndorff rolls up the stunned Jim Neidhart: 1....2...3! How did the referee not see that? Sid comes running down the aisle with a chair, and gets into the ring! Sid hits Anvil with a chair to the back! Jim Neidhart goes down to the canvas, hurt. Sid then Power Bombs Neidhart and pins him making his record 3-0. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:54

Crowd Reaction:58

Match Quality:48

(Cheat to win was Paul Orndorf who will meet Jim Duggan in the semifinals of the United States Title Tournament. )

Roddy Piper is out. Roddy Piper calls Hogan bald. OH MAN he is asking for it now. Roddy Piper calls Hogan washed up. Hogan comes out in red pants, a yellow Hulk Still Rules T-Shirt, and a bandanna. Hogan says that Piper could never beat him in his prime. Those wins in WCW do not count. Piper then tells Hogan at least Hogan won't be spending tonight in the hospital. Piper then says this again and Hugh Morrus and the Shark jump Hogan and beat him down. Piper has paid off members of the Dungeon of Doom to do a number on Hogan. The Doomers hold Hogan so Piper can slap him.

80

Roddy Piper says he is going to make another example so he calls out Dave Sullivan for a match. Sullivan is a member of the elite force in PWH, The Hulkamaniacs.

Dave Sullivan vs Rowdy Roddy Piper : Incredibly weak headbutt on Dave by Piper. Incredibly weak powerslam on Dave by Piper. Rowdy Roddy Piper DDTs Dave, poorly executed. Side suplex from Piper. Shades of Dino Bravo there, although even Dino could execute it better than Piper. Rowdy Roddy Piper floors Dave Sullivan. Here it comes...Sleeperhold! Dave Sullivan taps! Dave Sullivan leaves and walks back down the aisle. Wait...Rowdy Roddy Piper comes running as well, and Dave gets dropped with a clothesline, followed by a load of stomps. He is left lying in the aisle. Rating: 1\2 star.

Overall:46

Crowd Reaction:50

Match Quality:39

(If I hear Dino Bravo mentioned one more time, I will create a time machine and pull his ass out of 1986 so he can be a part of this fed. He is so over he gets mentioned at least once per report. Or maybe not.)

Giant Gonzales vs Nathan Jones : Incredibly weak powerslam on Gonzales by Nathan. Cover for a two count. Messed up bodyslam by Nathan. Hooks the leg for a two count. Giant Gonzales powers out of a Nathan Jones headlock. Uninspiring brawling from Giant Gonzales. Giant Gonzales hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. Pin, but Nathan is out just before the three count. Giant Gonzales misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Messed up bodyslam by Nathan. Cover for a two count. Gonzales drops out the back of a Nathan Jones bodyslam attempt. Giant Gonzales scores with a weakly-hit standing spinebuster. The referee tries to separate the two grapplers...and gets knocked over and trampled on as they brawl! That's enough, the referee calls for the bell - double DQ! The fight has started up again! Giant Gonzales attacks Nathan, and they brawl all around ringside, then into the crowd! They eventually disappear backstage, still fighting. Bland match, but i'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:53

Crowd Reaction:67

Match Quality:23

(This is not over. I see a rematch in the cards soon but Nathan Jones has a title tournament to focus on. He will face --checks napkin--Kevin Sullivan next week in the semifinals. )

Overall:54

Boas and Headlocks got:0.85 TV Rating. (Down from last week, wrestling fans have no class)

July 7, 2003

I'd like to see Koloff win the US title.

July 8, 2003

Boas and Headlocks-July 19th, 2003.

Al Wilson confronts Hulk Hogan and says that Roddy Piper was not cool in paying off the Dungeon of Doom to beat down Hogan. Al says that if Hogan can beat a member of the Dungeon of Doom of his choosing, he can get a match with Piper at On Medicare. Hogan chooses Haku as the roadblock(not the WCW Worldwide legend) for his match with Piper.

73

First Round Red and Yellow Tag Team Title Match:

Nasty Boys vs Rock N Roll Express : Brian Knobbs strikes Robert Gibson. Uninspiring brawling from Brian Knobbs. There's a two count on the pin. Gibson blocks a kick from Brian Knobbs. Incredibly weak headbutt on Knobbs by Gibson. Robert Gibson hits a bulldog off the ropes. Tag between Robert Gibson and Ricky Morton. Incredibly weak powerslam on Knobbs by Morton. Knobbs blocks a kick from Ricky Morton. Tag between Brian Knobbs and Jerry Saggs. Nasty Boys hook up Morton, then hit a double suplex. Morton takes a weak clothesline. Cover for a two count. Big clothesline from Saggs. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Tag to Brian Knobbs. Side suplex from Knobbs. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy can execute it better than Knobbs. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Brian Knobbs misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Morton tags out to Robert Gibson. Punch by Gibson, missing Knobbs by a good six inches. Brian Knobbs is all alone...Double Dropkick!! 1....2....3! Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:48

Crowd Reaction:59

Match Quality:44

(All references to Dino Bravo will be censored and replaced by Kevin Nash references. Nash is actually in the company and will be put over. I tried to sign Dino Bravo but the little fact that he is deceased halted the contract signing. So Dino is out, and Big Sexy is in)

Repo Man confronts Nathan Jones in the back. Repo says that Nathan Jones was unrightfully given a bye in the Big Red and Yellow Title Belt tournament. Repo says he wants a match against Nathan Jones so he can repossess his bye in the tournament. Nathan Jones accepts and promises to make Repo Man is own personal...the interview quickly cuts out because this fed is fun for the whole family.

68

Battle of the Barrys:

Barry Windham vs Barry Horowitz : Barry Windham walks into a chop to the pecs. Sloppy short range spear from Barry Horowitz. Hooks the leg for a two count. Windham drops out the back of a Barry Horowitz bodyslam attempt. Barry Windham hits a right hand on Barry Horowitz. Horowitz takes a vertical suplex. Cover for a two count. Side suplex from Windham. Pin, but Horowitz is out just before the three count. Barry Windham hits a right hand on Barry Horowitz. Barry Horowitz avoids a Barry Windham avalanche. Sloppy short range spear from Barry Horowitz. There's a two count on the pin. Barry Horowitz uses something vaguely resembling a reverse suplex. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Barry Windham walks into a chop to the pecs. Windham hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. Barry Windham reverses a hip toss. Horowitz takes a vertical suplex. Barry Windham turns Horowitz inside-out with a clothesline. Barry Horowitz can barely stand. Here it comes - Lariat. 1....2...3, it's finished. DUD.

Overall:43

Crowd Reaction:45

Match Quality:52

(Barry Horowitz used to be a good worker. That was when he was making Chris Candido his personal...you know.)

Ed Leslie vs Damien Demento : Big clothesline from Leslie. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Ed Leslie has Damien Demento down on the canvas. Sleeperhold!!! Damien Demento taps out! Yuck. DUD.

Overall:42

Crowd Reaction:51

Match Quality:40

(This was a squash. Well we are from Orlando every week. The fans here should be used to squashing because of the old WCW Disney Tapings where they taped roughly 6 years worth of TV in one go)

Doing the Bird and An Evil Communist:

Koko B. Ware vs Nikita Koloff : Running clothesline from Koko B. Ware, sloppily done. Powerslam from Koko B. Ware on Koloff. Cover for a two count. Koko B. Ware gets taken down out of nowhere. Nikita Koloff hits Koko. Running clothesline from Nikita Koloff, sloppily done. There's a two count on the pin. Flapjack from Koloff on Koko. Pin, but Koko is out just before the three count. Nikita Koloff hits a right hand on Koko B. Ware. Koko counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Koko B. Ware hits a bulldog off the ropes. Cover for a two count. Koko face jams Nikita Koloff. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Running clothesline from Koko B. Ware, sloppily done. Koloff receives some unexciting punishment. Koloff blocks the suplex attempt. Nikita Koloff strikes Koko B. Ware. Flapjack from Koloff on Koko. Nikita Koloff gets a roll-up...and grabs a handful of tights as well! The referee doesn't see it: 1....2...3!! I'll give a 1\2 star rating.

Overall:46

Crowd Reaction:52

Match Quality:53

(Do the bird. Do the bird. Get rolled up for the pin. Nikita Koloff will face Jake Roberts next week in the semifinals of the United States Tournament. In the other bracket Jim Duggan will face Paul Orndorff.)

We see a video of Kevin "Diesel" Nash doing walk-ins from his last few months in the WWE.

74

Crush vs Jim Duggan : Jim Duggan takes a right hand to the temple from Crush. Crush only gets knees on a splash. Jim Duggan strikes Crush. Crush charges, Duggan moves, and the referee is conveniently placed to get knocked out. Jim Duggan drops Crush with a clothesline. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out. Jim Duggan misses a clothesline. Running clothesline from Crush, sloppily done. Crush hits a bulldog off the ropes. Cover for a two count. Flapjack from Crush on Duggan. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Duggan counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Jim Duggan hits a bulldog off the ropes. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Crush pushes out of a Jim Duggan hold. Nikita Koloff comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Jim Duggan turns around.... Russian Sickle!!! That shook the ring. Koloff leaves the ring, the damage done! Pin : 1 - 2- 3. Crush defeats Duggan. Nikita Koloff isn't finished with his attack yet! Jim Duggan stands up...and walks into a boot to the gut from Nikita Koloff. Russian Sickle!!! Jim Duggan has been put down on the canvas! Nikita Koloff shakes his head and raises three fingers instead. Duggan gets picked up...and hit with another Russian Sickle! Jim Duggan is spread-eagled on the canvas. Koloff again raises three fingers. Referees hit the ring, but are too scared to get too close. They can't stop this carnage...Russian Sickle, the third one in a row! Nikita Koloff eventually leaves the ring, as medics come to attend to Duggan, who isn't moving. I'll give a 1\2 star rating.

Overall:47

Crowd Reaction:57

Match Quality:47

(FOUR Russian Sickles. Duggan should be dead from that. Will Duggan be 100 percent for next week? Only the napkin that I can't find with my booking on it knows)

Diesel vs One Man Gang : Weak headbutt on Diesel by OMG. Diesel fights out of a grapple. Powerslam from Diesel on OMG. Diesel scores with a poor standing spinebuster. One Man Gang can barely stand. Jacknife Powerbomb! 1....2....3. Bland match, but i'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:52

Crowd Reaction:63

Match Quality:49

Diesel, Nash, Vinnie Vegas, Oz, Super Shredder, WHATEVER you want to call him is the future of Pro Wrestling Hogan. He is younger then, most of my roster. He beats One Man Gang who is a HOSS by-gawd)

Winner gets a bye to the Semifinals of the Big Red and Yellow Title Belt Tournament:

Repo Man vs Nathan Jones : Uninspiring brawling from Nathan Jones. Nathan Jones strikes Repo Man. Nathan Jones hits a weak elbow on Repo Man. Big forearm by Nathan, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. Nathan only gets knees on a splash. Running clothesline from Repo Man, sloppily done. Weak bodyslam by Repo Man. Hooks the leg for a two count. Repo Man misses a clothesline. Powerslam from Nathan Jones on Repo Man. There's a two count on the pin. Nathan Jones drops Repo Man with a clothesline. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Repo Man counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Nathan hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. Nathan Jones avoids a Repo Man avalanche. Nathan Jones strikes Repo Man. Repo Man is in trouble. Here it comes - Big Boot. 1....2...3, it's finished. Giant Gonzales comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Nathan gets floored...Chokey Thing! It's locked on tight! Nathan Jones has been left down on the canvas. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:51

Crowd Reaction:63

Match Quality:45

(The Chokey Thing is a deadly move. It is banned in 15 states and there are petitions circulating for banning in 22 others. Nathan Jones and Giant Gonzales are feuding in case you couldn't figure it out. This feud should be Justin Credible)

With less than two minutes to go Main Event:

Haku vs Hulk Hogan : Hogan hits a stump piledriver on Haku. Hulk Hogan signals for the Legdrop Of Doom! Rowdy Roddy Piper comes out of the crowd and into the ring! Hulk Hogan turns around....and gets floored with a chair shot! What impact! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Piper! Rowdy Roddy Piper obviously hasn't finished his attack yet! Hulk Hogan stands up...gets floored right away, then locked tightly into the Sleeperhold!!! Rowdy Roddy Piper eventually leaves, having caused enough damage. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:55

Crowd Reaction:73

Match Quality:38

(With 10 seconds left to go Piper releases the Sleeperhold and starts to calmly walk backstage. Hogan starts to get up to Hulk Up but the copyright notice and commericials cut him off)

Overall:54

0.85 for Boas and Headlocks. (same thing of last week)

Diesel has checked into Rehab. He will get a pay raise and a push when he comes back.

Next Week Semifinals of a bunch of Tournaments:

United States:

Duggan vs Orndorff

Koloff vs Roberts

Tag Team:

Midnight Express vs Fire and Ice

Harlem Heat 2000 vs Rock and Roll Express

Big Red and Yellow Belt:

Nathan Jones vs Kevin Sullivan

Crush vs Steve McMichael.

Just 24 hours away from On Medicare.

King Cucaracha · July 8, 2003

You HAVE to repackage Nash as Super Shredder. You just HAVE to.

July 8, 2003

Boas and Headlocks-July 26th, 2003:

Winner gets a Nathan Jones Best of DVD, t-shirt, and hat. Not to mention a Nathan Jones autographed watch:

10 Man Battle Royal : Leg trip from Honky Tonk Man. HTM threw Barry Windham over the top rope. (Elimination # 1) Lame kick from Koko. Bad News gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. Hillbilly Jim strikes Bad News Brown. Bad News Brown got eliminated by Jim. (Elimination # 2) HTM suplexes Repo Man to the canvas. Repo Man got eliminated by HTM. (Elimination # 3) One Man Gang hits a right hand on Damien Demento. Damien Demento got eliminated by OMG. (Elimination # 4) Weak headbutt on OMG by Vega. One Man Gang got thrown over the top rope by Vega. (Elimination # 5) Koko B. Ware hits a right hand on Savio Vega. Koko B. Ware with an enziguri, although the late Owen Hart's version was far superior. Dave Sullivan punches away at Savio Vega. Dave tried to get Savio Vega over the top rope, but Gravity made the save. Koko hits a stump piledriver on Savio Vega, although it was quite weak in its execution. Koko went for the elimination, but Savio Vega held on to the ropes. Savio Vega hits a right hand on Honky Tonk Man. Vega tried to eliminate Honky Tonk Man, who hung onto the top rope. Vega gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. Koko tried to eliminate Savio Vega, who hung onto the top rope. Weak bodyslam on Vega by Koko. Koko tried to get Savio Vega over the top rope, but Gravity made the save. Sluggish brawling from Jim. Sloppy tornado punch from Hillbilly Jim, Koko barely got hit. HTM flattens Savio Vega. HTM takes down Savio Vega in a positively thrilling moment. Savio Vega strikes Koko B. Ware. Koko B. Ware got thrown over the top rope by Vega. (Elimination # 6) Sluggish brawling from Jim. Dave Sullivan got eliminated by Jim. (Elimination # 7) Weak bodyslam on HTM by Vega. Vega tried to eliminate Honky Tonk Man, who hung onto the top rope. Honky Tonk Man slams Jim down. HTM went for the elimination, but Hillbilly Jim held on to the ropes. Honky Tonk Man uses an armbreaker to take Jim down. Honky Tonk Man slams Jim down. Leg trip from Honky Tonk Man. HTM tried to eliminate Savio Vega, who hung onto the top rope. Hillbilly Jim hits a weak elbow on Savio Vega. Jim tried to get Savio Vega over the top rope, but Gravity made the save. HTM strikes away at Hillbilly Jim. Hillbilly Jim got eliminated by HTM. (Elimination # 8) Honky Tonk Man moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Shake, Rattle and Roll. HTM threw Savio Vega over the top rope. I don't rate battle royals.

Overall:44

Crowd Reaction:45

Match Quality:43

(We still have thousands of those Nathan Jones offers. I am surprised no one bought them. They were at a LOW LOW price of 49.95. Honky Tonk Man gets a free package. Days when a battle royal would be for a million dollars or a title shot. Those days are long gone. Stop living in the past. (Ironic remark giving the idea of this fed isn't it))

The Dungeon of Doom are hanging in the Dungeons sipping sodas. The Shark points to the camera and they all quickly throw their sodas under the table and stare at the camera with menacing faces. Too late guys. Your cover was blown. I also check to see that Billy Kidman hasn't joined the Dungeon of Doom because he would never draw flies in a flea market. Or is it fleas at a fly market.

63

Semifinals for the Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles:

Midnight Express vs Fire and Ice : Stan Lane takes a right hand to the temple from Ice Train. Sweet Stan pushes out of a Ice Train hold. Stan Lane hits a right hand on Ice Train. Tag between Stan Lane and Bobby Eaton. Bobby Eaton uses an armbreaker to take Ice Train down. Eaton suplexes Ice Train to the canvas. Ice Train avoids a Bobby Eaton avalanche. Ice Train with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Eaton. Ice Train tags out to Scott Norton. Eaton takes a headbutt from Scott Norton. Rude Awakening on Bobby Eaton by Norton. Eaton powers out of a headlock. Bobby Eaton uses an armbreaker to take Norton down. Tag between Bobby Eaton and Stan Lane. Chin crusher by Stan Lane, the execution wasn't great though. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Norton eats a swinging neckbreaker slam from Sweet Stan. Scott Norton hooks up a suplex, but Sweet Stan flips out and lands on his feet, and quickly grabs the tights to score with a school boy pin! 1...2..3! The referee somehow missed the blatant cheating! Yuck. DUD.

Overall:45

Crowd Reaction:47

Match Quality:43

(My road agents informed me that Fire and Ice no sell. Second rule, they are excepted from no selling punishments if they are a BY GAWD HOSS. The first rule is they are exempted if kids love them and they bring in the t-shirts and foam fingers)

Semifinals for the Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles:

Harlem Heat 2000 vs Rock N Roll Express : Morton takes a weak clothesline. Big clothesline from Ahmed. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Hooks the leg for a two count. Ahmed tags out to Stevie Ray. Stevie Ray scoops up Morton. Ahmed bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Stevie Ray hits a right hand on Ricky Morton. There's a two count on the pin. Lame kick from Ray. Morton ducks a wild right hand. Sloppy tornado punch from Ricky Morton, Ray barely got hit. Morton tags out to Robert Gibson. Robert Gibson strikes Stevie Ray. Messed up bodyslam by Gibson. Stevie Ray reverses a hip toss. Ray tags out to Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed Johnson hits a bulldog off the ropes. Ahmed Johnson scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Ahmed Johnson hits some weak-looking punches. Robert Gibson pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Messed up bodyslam by Gibson. Ahmed Johnson slides out and grabs a chair! Gibson goes to climb out of the ring...and takes a chair to the head! The referee has no hesitation in calling for the bell! Disqualification. Harlem Heat 2000 look like they aren't done...and they attack Rock N Roll Express! After an exchange of blows, Gibson and Morton are laid out in the ring. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:51

Crowd Reaction:52

Match Quality:50

(Harlem Heat 2000 now has a new soundbyte at the beginning of their theme song. Instead of Booker T saying Can You dig it sucka. Ahmed says, YA GONNA DAWN, SUCKA. Rock and Roll Express vs The Midnight Express for the Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles tommorow night at On Medicare.)

Bushwackers vs Faces Of Fear vs New Rockers vs Nasty Boys : Double arm suplex by Leif Cassidy, Butch hits hard. Big dropkick by Leif Cassidy, who got good elevation. Tag between Leif Cassidy and Marty Jannetty. Kick from Marty Jannetty to the leg. Hooks the leg for a two count. Butch reverses a Marty Jannetty hammerlock. Tag to Haku. Big kick from Haku. Big clothesline from Haku. Tag between Haku and The Barbarian. Faces Of Fear whip Jannetty into the corner. Haku whips The Barbarian in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Cover for a two count. Marty Jannetty ducks a clothesline attempt. Jannetty hits a back kick. Jannetty tags out to Jerry Saggs. Weak slam from Saggs. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag between The Barbarian and Marty Jannetty. Marty Jannetty strikes Saggs. Saggs counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Saggs hits a stump piledriver on Marty Jannetty. Pin, three count, it's over. Jerry Saggs pins Jannetty. Sluggish brawling from Luke. Bushwacker Luke scores with a weakly-hit standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Tag between Bushwacker Luke and Haku. Haku hits a right hand on Jerry Saggs. Tag to Bushwacker Butch. Butch hits a stump piledriver on Jerry Saggs. Sloppy tornado punch from Bushwacker Butch, Saggs barely got hit. Pin, three count, it's over. Bushwacker Butch pins Saggs. The Barbarian scores with a weakly-hit standing spinebuster. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Incredibly weak powerslam on Butch by Barbarian. The Barbarian misses a clothesline. Bushwacker Butch punches away at The Barbarian. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Bushwacker Luke. Bushwackers whip Barbarian into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Pin, but Barbarian is out just before the three count. Incredibly weak powerslam on Barbarian by Luke. The Barbarian comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Barbarian tags out to Haku. Haku hits a stump piledriver on Bushwacker Luke, although it was quite weak in its execution. Side suplex from Haku. Haku has Bushwacker Butch down on the canvas. Bushwacker Butch gets locked in the Tongan Death Grip! Submission victory! This one gets * rating and likes it.

Overall:54

Crowd Reaction:58

Match Quality:46

(The Faces of Fear win this four corners tag team match that had no bearing on anything at On Medicare)

Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan are having a contract signing for their match at On Medicare. Both men sign and Piper throws the pen at Hogan's face to distract him. Piper slams Hogan headfirst onto the table and piledrives him through the table. Piper makes a quick getaway and Hogan hulks up and beats up everyone within a 15 mile radius.

85

Semifinals in the United States Title Tournament:

Jim Duggan vs Paul Orndorff : Big kick from Orndorff. Paul Orndorff hits a bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Orndorff drops an elbow...but misses. Fate can be so cruel. Weak kick from Duggan. Jim Duggan hits a weak elbow on Paul Orndorff. Cover for a two count. Duggan DDTs Paul Orndorff. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Jim Duggan punches away at Paul Orndorff. Paul Orndorff comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Paul Orndorff hits a sloppy double axe handle. Cover for a two count. Side suplex from Orndorff. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Weak bodyslam on Duggan by Orndorff. Weak headbutt on Duggan by Orndorff. Duggan counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Incredibly weak powerslam on Orndorff by Duggan. Jim Duggan drops Orndorff with a clothesline. Nikita Koloff comes running down the aisle with a chair! Duggan whips Paul Orndorff into the ropes. Koloff jumps onto the apron with the chair! Collision between Koloff, Orndorff, and the chair! Paul Orndorff staggers back into a roll up! 1...2...3! It's over! It was close to a ** match, but one too many blown spots knocks it down to a *1\2 rating.

Overall:56

Crowd Reaction:62

Match Quality:45

(Nikita Koloff helps Jim Duggan??? Oh so Koloff can ensure Duggan advances to the finals for the United States Title at On Medicare)

Jake Roberts vs Nikita Koloff : Weak headbutt on Roberts by Koloff. Roberts hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. Roberts gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. Big kick from Koloff. Jake Roberts pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Nikita Koloff takes a right hand to the temple from Roberts. Roberts hits a stump piledriver on Nikita Koloff, although it was quite weak in its execution. Hooks the leg for a two count. Koloff kicks Jake Roberts in the gut to reverse the momentum. Big clothesline from Koloff. Cover for a two count. Flapjack from Koloff on Roberts. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Koloff walks into a trip. Koloff hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. Roberts only gets knees on a splash. Roberts takes a vertical suplex. Jake Roberts slugs Nikita Koloff, sending him down into the corner. While Roberts fires up the crowd, Koloff is removing the turnbuckle pad! Jake Roberts comes over...but Koloff grabs him by the tights and uses the leverage to slingshot Jake Roberts face first into the exposed steel turnbuckle! Nikita Koloff rolls up the stunned Jake Roberts, and even puts his feet on the second rope to add insult to injury! 1....2...3! What a display of cheating from Nikita Koloff. ** rating for this one. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

Overall:62

Crowd Reaction:66

Match Quality:53

(This may be your Pro Wrestling Hogan match of the year. Koloff vs Duggan for the United States Title at On Medicare)

Crush vs Steve McMichael : Crush strikes away at Steve McMichael. McMichael hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. McMichael takes a vertical suplex. Weak bodyslam on McMichael by Crush. Steve McMichael elbows Crush in the face to break a hammerlock. Big forearm by McMichael, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. McMichael hits a stump piledriver on Crush. Cover for a two count. Crush blocks a punch. Weak bodyslam by Crush. Cover for a two count. Crush scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. McMichael counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Some weak shots by McMichael. Crush powers out of a headlock. Crush strikes Steve McMichael. Mr. Fuji has climbed up onto the apron! McMichael turns...and falls for the distraction! Crush attacks McMichael from behind! Steve McMichael gets knocked to the ground by Crush. Head Vice Submission!!! Steve McMichael taps out! Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:49

Crowd Reaction:47

Match Quality:51

(The match quality was better than the crowd reaction. That is SCARY. Crush squeezes Mongo's brains out and advances to the World Title finals at On Medicare)

Kevin Sullivan comes out. Sullivan says as much as he would like to destroy Nathan Jones tonight he has a broken wrist. Sullivan brings out Nathan Jones's new opponent in the Big Red and Yellow World Title Tournament Finals, The Giant Gonzales.

49

Big Red and Yellow Title Tournament Semifinals. We just saw this match two weeks ago but screw you if you think its repetitive:

Giant Gonzales vs Nathan Jones : Gonzales takes a weak kick. Gonzales counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Giant Gonzales strikes Nathan Jones. Gonzales whips Nathan into the turnbuckles...and predictably, the referee gets sandwiched. Gonzales DDTs Nathan Jones. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out. Nathan Jones takes the advantage after a i-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine routine. Big forearm by Nathan, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. Nathan Jones hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Sloppy tornado punch from Nathan Jones, Gonzales barely got hit. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Gonzales blocks the suplex attempt. Giant Gonzales DDTs Nathan, poorly executed. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Nathan counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Giant Gonzales gets whipped into the corner by Nathan, who charges in with a clothesline. Gonzales grabs the referee and pulls him in the way! The referee calls for the DQ as he collapses to the mat in pain. Giant Gonzales gets out of the ring and walks off, having taken the cheap way out. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:52

Crowd Reaction:65

Match Quality:24

Overall:55

0.81 Rating for Boas and Headlocks(the rating is going down faster than Lizzy Borden at a porn star convention)

Can Hogan finally beat Piper?:

Roddy Piper vs Hulk Hogan

Finals for the Big Red and Yellow Title:

Nathan Jones vs Crush(w/Mr. Fuji)

Finals for the United States Title:

"The Russian Sickle" Nikita Koloff vs "Old Glory" Jim Duggan

Finals for the Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles:

The Midnight Express vs The Rock and Roll Express.

10 Minute Title Limit Draw Title Finals:

"The Other Rocker" Marty Jannetty vs "The Living Legend" Larry Zybyzko.

Yes Jesus hates each and every one of you:

Giant Gonzales vs Steve McMichael.

I have no cute subtitle for this match:

Honky Tonk Man vs Savio Vega

General Rection is the best worker in this match, how sad is that:

The Hulkamaniacs(Mr. T, Dave Sullivan, and Ed Leslie) vs the Dungeon of Doom(The Shark, Hugh Morrus, and One Man Gang)

Sid squashes some jobbers.

Barry Horowitz and Koko B. Ware vs Sid

As always with my diaries, predictions are welcomed.

July 8, 2003

Can Hogan finally beat Piper?:

Roddy Piper vs Hulk Hogan

~Wild guess, but Hogan.

Finals for the Big Red and Yellow Title:

Nathan Jones vs Crush(w/Mr. Fuji)

~This is extremely difficult. People don't talk about Nathan Jones enough, so I see him winning.

Finals for the United States Title:

"The Russian Sickle" Nikita Koloff vs "Old Glory" Jim Duggan

~Koloff, because he's a dirty Russian.

Finals for the Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles:

The Midnight Express vs The Rock and Roll Express.

~Who cares? Midnights~~

10 Minute Title Limit Draw Title Finals:

"The Other Rocker" Marty Jannetty vs "The Living Legend" Larry Zybyzko.

~Zybyzko, just so you can use canned "Larry" chants like WCW did.

Yes Jesus hates each and every one of you:

Giant Gonzales vs Steve McMichael.

~Fear the Chokey Thing!

I have no cute subtitle for this match:

Honky Tonk Man vs Savio Vega

~Honky Tonk Man~!

General Rection is the best worker in this match, how sad is that:

The Hulkamaniacs(Mr. T, Dave Sullivan, and Ed Leslie) vs the Dungeon of Doom(The Shark, Hugh Morrus, and One Man Gang)

~Hulkamaniacs, brother!

Sid squashes some jobbers.

Barry Horowitz and Koko B. Ware vs Sid

~Wild guess here...I'll say Sid.

July 9, 2003

Funny shit, the best part is all of the Dungeon of Doom references.

King Cucaracha · July 9, 2003

Can Hogan finally beat Piper?:

Roddy Piper vs Hulk Hogan

-Wow...that's a tough one. Maybe Hogan will win, but he's the underdog for this one.

Finals for the Big Red and Yellow Title:

Nathan Jones vs Crush(w/Mr. Fuji)

-This Jones fellow seems a strong prospect, but you can't mess with the HEAD VICE OF DOOM~!

Finals for the United States Title:

"The Russian Sickle" Nikita Koloff vs "Old Glory" Jim Duggan

-Duggan...it's the US Title, and he IS the US!

Finals for the Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles:

The Midnight Express vs The Rock and Roll Express.

-The Expressers.

10 Minute Title Limit Draw Title Finals:

"The Other Rocker" Marty Jannetty vs "The Living Legend" Larry Zybyzko.

-Jannetty is a young prospect for the future, and should have the stamina and dancing skills to win.

Yes Jesus hates each and every one of you:

Giant Gonzales vs Steve McMichael.

-LT should help out Mongo. After all, LT is a mighty good man...

I have no cute subtitle for this match:

Honky Tonk Man vs Savio Vega

-Honky Tonk

General Rection is the best worker in this match, how sad is that:

The Hulkamaniacs(Mr. T, Dave Sullivan, and Ed Leslie) vs the Dungeon of Doom(The Shark, Hugh Morrus, and One Man Gang)

-Ed changes gimmicks so many times it confuses the Dungeon into a loss...after Hogan gets the pin, of course. He's the owner, he can do that.

Sid squashes some jobbers.

Barry Horowitz and Koko B. Ware vs Sid

-Barry and Koko. No...seriously.

July 12, 2003

PWH On Medicare-July 28th, 2003:

Sid vs Horowitz \ Koko : Sluggish brawling from Sid. Sid strikes Koko B. Ware. Sid hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sid punches away at Barry Horowitz. Horowitz ducks a wild right hand. Barry Horowitz scoops up Sid. Koko bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Sid takes a right hand to the temple from Koko. Barry Horowitz hits a shaky delayed suplex on Sid. Koko \ Horowitz whip Sid into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Hooks the leg for a two count. Face-first suplex from Horowitz, but not done very well. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Incredibly weak headbutt on Horowitz by Sid. Koko B. Ware hits a right hand on Sid. Koko \ Horowitz whip Sid into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Cover for a two count. Chop from Horowitz on Sid. Sid ducks a clothesline attempt. Sid powers out of a headlock. Side suplex from Sid. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy an execute it better than Sid. Sid moves in for the kill. Powerbomb!!! That shook the ring. Sid covers both men. 1....2....3!! This one gets * rating and likes it.

Overall:51

Crowd Reaction:52

Match Quality:51

(I have nothing to add althrough Barry Horowitz suplexing Sid is amazing. Sid is 5-0)

Dungeon of Doom vs The Hulkamaniacs : Mr. T takes a right hand to the temple from Morrus. Hugh Morrus with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Mr. T. Tag to One Man Gang. Mr. T gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. Weak bodyslam by OMG. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to The Shark. OMG \ Shark whip Mr. T into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. The Shark strikes Mr. T. The Shark gets taken down out of nowhere. Mr. T strikes The Shark. Tag between Mr. T and Dave Sullivan. Dave Sullivan punches away at The Shark. Flapjack from Dave on Shark. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Dave Sullivan hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Tag between Dave Sullivan and Ed Leslie. Sluggish brawling from Leslie. Incredibly weak powerslam on Shark by Leslie. Shark blocks a kick from Ed Leslie. Shark tags out to Hugh Morrus. Hugh Morrus with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Leslie. Tag to Mr. T. Uninspiring brawling from Mr. T. Mr. T hits a bulldog off the ropes. Mr. T moves in for the kill. Flying Shoulderblock!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Rating: 1\2 star.

Overall:46

Crowd Reaction:49

Match Quality:42

(I pity the fool who thinks he can take out Mr. T. The Dungeon lost tonight but I have a feeling this war is far from over)

Honky Tonk Man vs Savio Vega : Honky Tonk Man hits Vega. HTM only gets knees on a splash. Vega strikes away at Honky Tonk Man. HTM reverses an irish whip...and Savio Vega runs into the referee. Savio Vega scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is conveniently laid out. HTM counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Vega tastes a high angle back suplex. It probably tasted like chicken. Brutal forearm by HTM. Cover for a two count. HTM hits a badly done swinging DDT on Savio Vega. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Vega drops out the back of a Honky Tonk Man bodyslam attempt. Savio Vega hits a sloppy double axe handle. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Honky Tonk Man comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Savio Vega hooks up a suplex, but it is blocked. HTM scores with a low blow, then turns it into a small package! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Savio Vega got screwed out of the victory! Honky Tonk Man slides out of the ring to the floor, then turns and leaves through the crowd. He's happy to have the win, and evidently isn't going to hang around for Vega to get some payback. It was close to a ** match, but one too many blown spots knocks it down to a *1\2 rating.

Overall:60

Crowd Reaction:59

Match Quality:61

(Honky Tonk Man runs like a scalded dog so he can avoided being beaten like a Government Mule. I should sign JR to start the WWE invasion so I can bury their workers like they did WCW's during that Invasion)

Giant Gonzales vs Steve McMichael : Some weak shots by Gonzales. Weak kick from Gonzales. Giant Gonzales strikes Steve McMichael. Weak slam from Gonzales. Gonzales only gets knees on a splash. Steve McMichael hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Steve McMichael hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Gonzales counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Big clothesline from Gonzales. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. There's a two count on the pin. Side suplex from Gonzales. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy can execute it better than Gonzales. Pin, but McMichael is out just before the three count. McMichael reverses a Giant Gonzales hammerlock. Steve McMichael punches away at Giant Gonzales. Gonzales backdrops Steve McMichael out of a piledriver attempt. McMichael takes a weak clothesline. Kevin Sullivan comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Steve McMichael turns around.... Piledriver!!! That shook the ring. Sullivan leaves the ring, the damage done! Cover gets three. Giant Gonzales pinned McMichael. Gonzales and Sullivan beat away on Steve McMichael, leaving him spread-eagled on the canvas. Slap a DUD on it, move on.

Overall:42

Crowd Reaction:49

Match Quality:29

(I am impressed with Giant Gonzeles doing a hammerlock and Mongo reversing it. You won't final any techinical wrestling like this anywhere. Sullivan interferes because he is evil and wants to deprive us of the Chokey Thing.)

Marty Jannetty vs Larry Zbysko (For The 10 Minute Time Limit Title) : Jannetty tastes a spinning neckbreaker from Zbysko. Larry Zbysko gets taken down out of nowhere. Jannetty hits an arm drag on Zbysko. Jannetty whips Zbysko into the turnbuckles...and predictably, the referee gets sandwiched. Marty Jannetty scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Cover, but there's no one to count for Marty Jannetty. Zbysko counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Amateur-style takedown from Larry Zbysko, capitalising on that *huge* demand for amateur wrestling that we see every day. Brutal forearm by Zbysko. There's a two count on the pin. Chin crusher by Larry Zbysko, the execution wasn't great though. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Marty Jannetty takes the advantage after a i-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine routine. Badly executed second rope splash by Jannetty. Pin, but Zbysko is out just before the three count. Zbysko ducks a wild right hand. Larry Zbysko grapples with Marty Jannetty, and positions himself so that the referee can't see...and hits a low blow! He rolls up the stunned Marty Jannetty: 1....2....3!! What a cheap shot! Larry Zbysko offers a handshake to Jannetty...and he accepts it! No! Marty Jannetty levels Zbysko with a cheap shot right hand! Marty Jannetty hits the Rocker Dropper! Larry Zbysko has been floored after the match. Almost a ** match, but not quite - *1\2 rating.

Overall:60

Crowd Reaction:60

Match Quality:61

(Larry is the first ever 10 Minute Time Limit Champion. Marty cheapshots Larry after the match proving that this is FAR from over.)

Rock N Roll Express vs Midnight Express (For The Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles) : Robert Gibson walks into a chop to the pecs. Gibson takes a vertical suplex from Bobby Eaton. Cover for a two count. Tag to Stan Lane. Midnight Express whip Gibson into the corner. Bobby Eaton whips Stan Lane in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. There's a two count on the pin. Amateur-style takedown from Stan Lane, capitalising on that *huge* demand for amateur wrestling that we see every day. Stan Lane misses a clothesline. Messed up bodyslam by Gibson. Hooks the leg for a two count. Gibson tags out to Ricky Morton. Messed up bodyslam by Morton. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Ricky Morton strikes Stan Lane. Sweet Stan counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Weak bodyslam on Morton by Sweet Stan. Tag to Bobby Eaton. Morton hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. Tag between Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson. Bobby Eaton uses an armbreaker to take Gibson down. Robert Gibson slams Eaton, who rolls onto his stomach. What is Bobby Eaton doing? Robert Gibson picks him up and signals for a powerbomb. He raises Eaton up...but then falls backward, getting crushed by his opponent in the process! Bobby Eaton is on top! 1....2....3! Looking at the replay, it appears that Eaton had taken a chain out of his tights and wrapped it around his fist! Robert Gibson must have been punched with that chain while in mid-powerbomb! What a cheap shot! Morton and Gibson remain in the ring. Robert Gibson does not look happy at losing. Ricky Morton goes to leave, but gets pulled back in by Gibson. Tensions seem to be rising between these two. I'll give it a *1\2 rating.

Overall:59

Crowd Reaction:61

Match Quality:57

(Trouble on the Rock N Roll Express. or maybe this was something that just happened and won't be remember due to old age of about 90 percent of my wrestlers)

Jim Duggan vs Nikita Koloff (For The United States Title) : Jim Duggan takes a right hand to the temple from Koloff. Lame kick from Koloff. Jim Duggan takes a right hand to the temple from Koloff. Nikita Koloff strikes Jim Duggan. Nikita Koloff misses a clothesline. Koloff takes a weak clothesline. Jim Duggan hits a bulldog off the ropes. Cover for a two count. Jim Duggan misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Big clothesline from Koloff. There's a two count on the pin. Flapjack from Koloff on Duggan. Pin, but Duggan is out just before the three count. Jim Duggan comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Sluggish brawling from Duggan. Koloff counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Koloff slams Jim Duggan down. Big John Studd would be proud, no doubt. Nikita Koloff gets a roll-up...and grabs a handful of tights as well! The referee doesn't see it: 1....2...3!! Nikita Koloff leaves the ring and heads off down the aisle at speed. Koloff has the victory, and isn't hanging around for Jim Duggan to look for revenge. I'm going to give this a ** rating because i'm in a generous mood.

Overall:64

Crowd Reaction:71

Match Quality:50

(These two had the match of the night so far. Then again your workrate gods Hogan and Nathan Jones haven't been out let. Koloff runs to the back like the evil Commie he is with the US Title)

Crush vs Nathan Jones (For The Big Red and Yellow Title) : Nathan Jones hits some weak-looking punches. Nathan Jones hits a weak punch on Crush. Nathan Jones hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Nathan Jones punches away at Crush. Crush blocks the suplex attempt. Big kick from Crush. Powerslam from Crush on Nathan. Cover for a two count. Nathan backdrops Crush out of a piledriver attempt. Powerslam from Nathan Jones on Crush. There's a two count on the pin. Nathan Jones scores with a weakly-hit standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Crush kicks Nathan Jones in the gut to reverse the momentum. Nathan Jones takes a right hand to the temple from Crush. Nathan reverses a waistlock. Punch by Nathan, missing Crush by a good six inches. Crush can barely stand. Here it comes - Big Boot. 1....2...3, it's finished. Giant Gonzales comes running down the aisle with a chair and into the ring! Nathan turns...and is dropped by a vicious chair shot! Giant Gonzales has left Nathan down and bloodied. It was close to a ** match, but one too many blown spots knocks it down to a *1\2 rating.

Overall:57

Crowd Reaction:62

Match Quality:46

(Nathan Jones is your first Red and Yellow Champion. The belt looks like the old WCW World Title Belt instead it has a red back and a yellow front with a red nameplate. Giant Gonzales bloodies Nathan Jones after the match to let us know he wants the first title shot)

Hulk Hogan vs Rowdy Roddy Piper : Hulk Hogan hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Hogan hits a stump piledriver on Rowdy Roddy Piper. Hooks the leg for a two count. Rowdy Roddy Piper reverses a hip toss. Uninspiring brawling from Rowdy Roddy Piper. Rowdy Roddy Piper hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. There's a two count on the pin. Rowdy Roddy Piper scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pin, but Hogan is out just before the three count. Rowdy Roddy Piper hits a weak elbow on Hulk Hogan. Hogan counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Hulk Hogan DDTs Piper, poorly executed. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy tornado punch from Hulk Hogan, Piper barely got hit. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Hulk Hogan hits a weak elbow on Rowdy Roddy Piper. Piper takes a weak kick. Hulk Hogan misses a clothesline. Rowdy Roddy Piper strikes Hulk Hogan. Side suplex from Piper. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy can execute it better than Piper. Hulk Hogan charges, Piper moves, and the referee is conveniently placed to get knocked out. Hulk Hogan floors Piper, then signals for the Legdrop Of Doom. Meanwhile, Rowdy Roddy Piper has something in his hands. Hogan comes over...and gets nailed with a set of brass knuckles! The referee wakes up to see the pinfall: 1....2....3! It's over. Paul Orndorff comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Hogan turns around...straight into a Piledriver!! Hulk Hogan has been left down on the canvas. *** rating, as it was good, but nothing too special.

Overall:76

Crowd Reaction:95

Match Quality:33

(The crowd STILL loves these guys. Paul Orndorff attacks Hogan after the match for no real reason. Maybe he had a 1986 flashback. Maybe next week we can bring Bob Orton and his slow healing arm injury out)

Overall:60

On Medicare Buyrate:0.43

July 12, 2003

OMG! Hogan lost! The universe collapses!

I went 8-1, by the way. DAMN YOU, Piper!

July 12, 2003

Nice work, madmatt! The Orndorff run-in was a nice touch!

July 12, 2003

Sweet. Both Duggan and Hogan lost. Koloff should rename the US title the Russian title (or USSR title).

July 12, 2003

Boas and Headlocks-8/2/03

Nikita Koloff gives an interview. He holds up the US Title belt to reveal that he put a giant sticker with a Russian Sickle. It is now the USSR Title. He will defend that belt with pride against the greatest athletes American can muster. He said Jim Duggan will NEVER get a rematch. He said he proved that he was superior by pinning Hacksaw at the PPV.

73

Dave \ Leslie vs Midnight Express : Sweet Stan takes a weak kick. Dave Sullivan hits a weak elbow on Stan Lane. There's a two count on the pin. Sweet Stan blocks a punch. Big kick from Sweet Stan. Stan Lane DDTs Dave, although it was hardly executed with pin-point precision. Tag to Bobby Eaton. Face-first suplex from Eaton. Dave reverses a waistlock. Tag between Dave Sullivan and Ed Leslie. Some weak shots by Leslie. Eaton takes a weak clothesline. Cover for a two count. Powerslam from Ed Leslie on Eaton. Tag between Ed Leslie and Dave Sullivan. Dave DDTs Bobby Eaton. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Eaton drops out the back of a Dave Sullivan bodyslam attempt. Dave takes a vertical suplex from Bobby Eaton. Tag to Stan Lane. Dave tastes a high angle back suplex. It probably tasted like chicken. Dave Sullivan grabs Stan Lane from behind and shoves him into the ropes, then scores with a roll-up...but Sweet Stan rolls through with the move! He is using the tights for leverage! 1....2...3! The referee didn't see it! DUD.

Overall:39

Crowd Reaction:49

Match Quality:35

(The Midnight Express beat another team. No easy task as it was Ed Leslie and Dave Sullivan of the Hulkamaniacs. If Mr. T was on the team there would be no question. The Midnight Express would no longer be champions)

Hulk Hogan gives an interview about the PPV. He said that Roddy Piper cheated to beat him and said he didn't know what Paul Orndorff problem is. All the Hulk knows is that he has to pin Orndorff tonight and he will get another match with Piper at the next PPV, Partying Like It's 1989. Hogan will come out on top, brotha.

98

Hugh Morrus vs Koko B. Ware : Weak headbutt on Koko by Morrus. Koko blocks a punch. Forearm to the face from Koko on Morrus. We have our mandatory ref bump, as he goes down after accidentally getting caught by an elbow to the face. Koko B. Ware scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Cover, but there's no one to count for Koko B. Ware. Koko drops an elbow...but misses. Fate can be so cruel. Koko B. Ware takes a right hand to the temple from Morrus. Hugh Morrus hits a sloppy double axe handle. Hooks the leg for a two count. Hugh Morrus turns Koko inside-out with a clothesline. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Hugh Morrus misses a clothesline. Big clothesline from Koko. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Koko walks into a trip. Koko B. Ware gets knocked to the ground by Morrus, who is already climbing the turnbuckle. Off the top - Big Shot, forget about it. 1....2...3! Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:47

Crowd Reaction:59

Match Quality:56

(Just a squash. A squash is just a squash because it is a squash)

Mr. Fuji is in the lockeroom of the Big Red and Yellow Champion Nathan Jones. Fuji says Crush wants a rematch. Jones laughs in his face so Fuji says that Jones can find a partner to face Crush and Giant Gonzales.

58

Barry Windham vs Larry Zbysko (For The 10 Minute Time Limit Title) : Windham takes a vertical suplex from Larry Zbysko. Brutal forearm by Zbysko. Hooks the leg for a two count. Windham reverses a Larry Zbysko hammerlock. Barry Windham hits Zbysko. Zbysko gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. There's a two count on the pin. Sloppy tornado punch from Barry Windham, Zbysko barely got hit. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Barry Windham hits a right hand on Larry Zbysko. Zbysko reverses a waistlock. Larry Zbysko hits a shaky delayed suplex on Windham. Cover for a two count. Zbysko hits a badly done swinging DDT on Barry Windham. Pin, but Windham is out just before the three count. Amateur-style takedown from Larry Zbysko, capitalising on that *huge* demand for amateur wrestling that we see every day. Windham takes a back suplex. Barry Windham powers out of a Larry Zbysko headlock. Zbysko gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. Side suplex from Windham. The bell rings, and this match has come to a time limit draw. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:53

Crowd Reaction:57

Match Quality:61

(Both men go to a 10 Minute Time Limit Draw. Who would have thought it.)

Robert Gibson vs Nikita Koloff (For The USSR Title) : Weak slam from Gibson. Messed up bodyslam by Gibson. Cover for a two count. Koloff ducks a wild right hand. Uninspiring brawling from Nikita Koloff. Nikita Koloff with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Gibson. There's a two count on the pin. Nikita Koloff scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pin, but Gibson is out just before the three count. Nikita Koloff hits a right hand on Robert Gibson. Gibson counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Messed up bodyslam by Gibson. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy tornado punch from Robert Gibson, Koloff barely got hit. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Koloff takes a weak clothesline. Weak kick from Gibson. Robert Gibson misses a clothesline. Running clothesline from Nikita Koloff, sloppily done. Nikita Koloff turns Gibson inside-out with a clothesline. Ricky Morton comes running down the aisle with a chair! Gibson goes to irish whip Nikita Koloff into the ropes. Morton jumps onto the apron with the chair...but Nikita Koloff reverses! Collision between Morton, Gibson, and the chair! Robert Gibson staggers back into a roll up! 1...2...3! It's over! I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:51

Crowd Reaction:61

Match Quality:50

(Koloff pins Gibson after Morton accidentally hit Gibson with a chair. There is some trouble on the Rock and Roll Express. What will it lead to? I can't find my napkin with my booking notes so I can't tell you)

We see Hulk Hogan walking in the back and Roddy Piper throws a cup of hot coffee in the face of the Hulk. Orndorff hits Hogan with a pipe and Spike Piledriver from Piper and Orndorff on the floor. They run away before Hulk can hulk up. No Hogan is not hulking up. Will he be 100 percent for his match with Orndorff later tonight? Stay Tuned.

82

Ahmed Johnson vs Jake Roberts : Ahmed Johnson strikes Jake Roberts. Roberts powers out of a headlock. Jake Roberts DDTs Ahmed, although it was hardly executed with pin-point precision. Flapjack from Roberts on Ahmed. Ahmed Johnson gets whipped into the corner by Roberts, who charges in with a clothesline. Ahmed grabs the referee and pulls him in the way! The referee calls for the DQ as he collapses to the mat in pain. Ahmed Johnson gets out of the ring and walks off, having taken the cheap way out. Ahmed grabs the referee, then nails him with a right hand! Dozens of people hit the ring to stop any further incident. DUD.

Overall:45

Crowd Reaction:53

Match Quality:46

(Jake Roberts is so loaded up on drugs that he can't hit his finisher right anymore. Ahmed loses but there will be another day for one half of Harlem Heat 2000)

Nathan \ McMichael vs Crush \ Gonzales : Giant Gonzales hits a weak punch on Nathan Jones. Giant Gonzales strikes Nathan Jones. There's a two count on the pin. Gonzales tags out to Crush. Gonzales \ Crush whip Nathan into the corner. Giant Gonzales whips Crush in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Cover for a two count. Big kick from Crush. Crush misses a clothesline. Nathan Jones hits a bulldog off the ropes. Cover for a two count. Tag to Steve McMichael. Steve McMichael DDTs Crush, poorly executed. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Crush takes a weak clothesline. McMichael walks into a trip. Weak bodyslam on McMichael by Crush. Crush tags out to Giant Gonzales. Sluggish brawling from Gonzales. Tag to Nathan Jones. Incredibly weak powerslam on Nathan by Gonzales. Nathan Jones hooks up a suplex, but it is blocked. Gonzales scores with a low blow, then turns it into a small package! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Nathan Jones got screwed out of the victory! Yuck. DUD.

Overall:44

Crowd Reaction:55

Match Quality:36

(Gonzo pins Nathan Jones. Maybe Giant Gonzales and Nathan Jones will do battle for the Big Red and Yellow Title at Partying Like It's 1989. We shall see)

Hulk Hogan vs Paul Orndorff : Some weak shots by Hogan. Big forearm by Hogan, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. Powerslam from Hulk Hogan on Orndorff. Hulk Hogan scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Paul Orndorff gets knocked to the ground by Hogan. Legdrop Of Doom!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over. It was close to a ** match, but one too many blown spots knocks it down to a *1\2 rating.

Overall:59

Crowd Reaction:79

Match Quality:39

(Hogan squashes another wrestler. Hogan will face Piper as a result of this win at Partying Like It's 1989)

Overall:59

Boas and Headlocks Rating:0.84(Up this week. Then again it was the week after the PPV)

July 14, 2003

Boas and Headlocks for 8/9/03:

The Dungeon of Doom introduces their newest member....King Kong Bundy. Why. He is big and he is fat. What more do you want?

46

Harlem Heat 2000 vs Rock N Roll Express : Ricky Morton takes a right hand to the temple from Ray. Big clothesline from Ray. Tag between Stevie Ray and Ahmed Johnson. Morton takes a weak clothesline. There's a two count on the pin. Sloppy tornado punch from Ahmed Johnson, Morton barely got hit. Tag between Ahmed Johnson and Stevie Ray. Harlem Heat 2000 whip Morton into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Ray only gets knees on a splash. Morton tags out to Robert Gibson. Uninspiring brawling from Robert Gibson. Powerslam from Robert Gibson on Ray. Tag to Ricky Morton. Rock N Roll Express hook up Ray, then hit a double suplex. Incredibly weak powerslam on Ray by Morton. Powerslam from Ricky Morton on Ray. Morton tags out to Robert Gibson. Punch by Gibson, missing Ray by a good six inches. Ray blocks a punch. Tag to Ahmed Johnson. Messed up bodyslam by Ahmed. Gibson holds Ahmed Johnson in place. Ricky Morton charges...but Ahmed ducks, and in a scenario never before seen in wrestling, the clothesline floors Gibson. Ahmed Johnson moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Powerslam. 1....2...3, it's finished. Morton and Gibson remain in the ring, arguing. Robert Gibson looks really angry. Ricky Morton pushes Gibson away and walks off, looking furious. This one gets * rating and likes it.

Overall:51

Crowd Reaction:52

Match Quality:51

(There is still trouble on the Rock and Roll Express. Will the break up? Tune in next week to maybe find out)

Honky Tonk Man vs Repo Man : Repo Man strikes away at Honky Tonk Man. HTM counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Repo Man tastes a spinning neckbreaker from HTM. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. Honky Tonk Man scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is conveniently laid out. Repo Man powers out of a headlock. HTM gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. Weak bodyslam by Repo Man. Cover for a two count. Repo Man turns HTM inside-out with a clothesline. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Repo Man drops an elbow...but misses. Fate can be so cruel. Big clothesline from HTM. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Honky Tonk Man gets taken down out of nowhere. Savio Vega comes running down the aisle with a chair! Repo Man goes to irish whip Honky Tonk Man into the ropes. Vega hits HTM with a chair to the back! Honky Tonk Man is in trouble. Double Axe Handle! 1....2....3. Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:48

Crowd Reaction:39

Match Quality:57

(A Double Axehandle finishes off the Greatest Interconinental Champion of all time how sad is that. Well Honky Tonk Man is feuding with Savio Vega, so talk about a fall from grace)

Piper comes out and challenges Hogan. Hogan comes out. They brawl. Sercurity breaks it up. Film at Eleven.

94

Lets Piss off Scott Keith, shall we:

Chris Benoit vs Giant Gonzales : Giant Gonzales punches away at Chris Benoit. Benoit takes a weak kick. Punch by Gonzales, missing Benoit by a good six inches. Benoit takes a weak clothesline. Benoit counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Driven DDT by Chris Benoit. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Spinning bulldog in the corner, Gonzales is down. Cover for a two count. Gonzales counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Sloppy short range spear from Giant Gonzales. There's a two count on the pin. Giant Gonzales drops Benoit with a clothesline. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Gonzales only gets knees on a splash. Standing leg lariat by Chris Benoit on Gonzales. Giant Gonzales fights out of a grapple. Weak slam from Gonzales. Chris Benoit gets knocked to the ground by Gonzales. Chokey Thing!!! Chris Benoit taps out! Nathan Jones comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Gonzales turns around...straight into a Big Boot!! Giant Gonzales has been left down on the canvas. ** rating for this one. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

Overall:62

Crowd Reaction:68

Match Quality:51

(Benoit was brought in as a project. Lets see how many jobs before he cracks or I kill his techinical wrestling skill by osmosis by booking him against stiffs. Losing to the Number One Contender is NO shame Chris. The Chokey Thing makes its return tonight)

Faces Of Fear vs Midnight Express (For The Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles) : Weak bodyslam on Barbarian by Sweet Stan. The Barbarian fights out of a grapple. The Barbarian punches away at Stan Lane. Tag between The Barbarian and Haku. Stan Lane takes a right hand to the temple from Haku. Haku hits a right hand on Stan Lane. Stan Lane avoids a Haku avalanche. Weak bodyslam on Haku by Sweet Stan. Tag to Bobby Eaton. Eaton takes down Haku in a positively thrilling moment. Eaton suplexes Haku to the canvas. Haku backdrops Bobby Eaton out of a piledriver attempt. Haku with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Eaton. Haku tags out to The Barbarian. Barbarian DDTs Bobby Eaton. Hooks the leg for a close fall. The Barbarian hits a weak elbow on Bobby Eaton. Bobby Eaton is all alone...Spike Piledriver!! 1....2....3! I'll give it a *1\2 rating.

Overall:57

Crowd Reaction:53

Match Quality:61

(I decided to give the Dungeon of Doom some gold. Heel vs Heels are never the best idea but screw it. Heels still have all the good, except for the big belt. The Big Red and Yellow Title. This is looking like 1980s WWF more by the week)

King Kong Bundy vs Hillbilly Jim : Sluggish brawling from Bundy. King Kong Bundy punches away at Hillbilly Jim. King Kong Bundy strikes Hillbilly Jim. King Kong Bundy hits a weak elbow on Hillbilly Jim. Bundy only gets knees on a splash. Hillbilly Jim hits a weak elbow on King Kong Bundy. Hillbilly Jim hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. Cover for a two count. Hillbilly Jim misses a clothesline. King Kong Bundy hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. Cover for a two count. King Kong Bundy drops Jim with a clothesline. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Hillbilly Jim elbows King Kong Bundy in the face to break a hammerlock. Hillbilly Jim strikes King Kong Bundy. Jim only gets knees on a splash. King Kong Bundy hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Hillbilly Jim is in trouble. Avalanche! 1....2....3. Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:46

Crowd Reaction:48

Match Quality:44

(Bundy squashes Hillbilly Jim tonight. The Dungeon are having a great night so far)

Nathan Jones comes out for his next match but Giant Gonzales swipes the Big Red and Yellow Title Belt when he isn't looking and runs off with it.

58

Nathan Jones vs One Man Gang (For The Big Red and Yellow Title) : Nathan Jones strikes One Man Gang. One Man Gang avoids a Nathan Jones avalanche. One Man Gang hits Nathan. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. Side suplex from OMG. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is conveniently laid out. Nathan pushes out of a One Man Gang hold. Weak slam from Nathan. Messed up bodyslam by Nathan. Hooks the leg for a two count. Side suplex from Nathan. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy can execute it better than Nathan. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. OMG powers out of a headlock. OMG hits a stump piledriver on Nathan Jones, although it was quite weak in its execution. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. One Man Gang misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. One Man Gang is in trouble. Big Boot! 1....2....3. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:54

Crowd Reaction:59

Match Quality:43

(Nathan Jones wins but notices his belt is missing. I think I jinxed the Dungeon. I mention they are doing good and then one of them loses)

Hulk Hogan is going to beat that dirty Commie Nikita Koloff to win the United States(not USSR because this is the good ol' USA) Title tonight brotha

92

Hulk Hogan vs Nikita Koloff (For The USSR Title) : Weak headbutt on Hogan by Koloff. Hulk Hogan avoids a Nikita Koloff avalanche. Hulk Hogan DDTs Koloff, poorly executed. Sloppy tornado punch from Hulk Hogan, Koloff barely got hit. Hulk Hogan signals for the Legdrop Of Doom! Rowdy Roddy Piper comes out of the crowd and into the ring! Hulk Hogan turns around....and gets floored with a chair shot! What impact! The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Piper! Koloff and Piper are putting the boots to Hulk Hogan! Jim Duggan comes running down the aisle with a chair! He slides in, sending Koloff \ Piper running for cover. Jim Duggan saved Hogan from a major beating. I'll give it a **1\2 rating.

Overall:68

Crowd Reaction:80

Match Quality:43

(Duggan and Hogan vs Piper and Koloff next week. Hogan was on the verge of winning the title but Piper smacked him with a chair.)

Overall:62

0.82 for Boas and Headlocks.

My Road Agents are telling me that Giant Gonzales too much. I have him put the Chokey Thing on every one of them.

July 17, 2003

Boas and Headlocks 8/16/03:

Jim Duggan has been attacked backstage. Who would do such a vile and sick thing? Most likely some dirty communist named Nikita Koloff but I am not accusing without proof. Althrough commies are guilty until proven innocent(is that good enough Hulk)

70

Chris Benoit vs Ahmed Johnson : Weak kick from Ahmed. Some weak shots by Ahmed. Benoit takes a weak clothesline. Incredibly weak powerslam on Benoit by Ahmed. Benoit counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Second rope flying axe handle, Ahmed goes down. Beautiful spinning arm drag out of the corner by Benoit. Cover for a two count. Ahmed Johnson ducks a clothesline attempt. Messed up bodyslam by Ahmed. Cover for a two count. Ahmed Johnson scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Benoit counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Chris Benoit scores with a back heel kick on Ahmed. Chris Benoit gets taken down out of nowhere. Big forearm by Ahmed, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. Chris Benoit is in trouble. Pearl River Plunge! 1....2....3. ** rating for this one. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

Overall:62

Crowd Reaction:57

Match Quality:67

(Benoit is going to be busted down into an acceptable wrestler. Acceptable by the Hulksters standards. )

Faces Of Fear vs Rock N Roll Express (For The Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles) : Uninspiring brawling from Ricky Morton. The Barbarian reverses a hip toss. The Barbarian punches away at Ricky Morton. Tag between The Barbarian and Haku. Morton gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. Haku strikes Ricky Morton. Ricky Morton elbows Haku in the face to break a hammerlock. Ricky Morton hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Morton tags out to Robert Gibson. Incredibly weak headbutt on Haku by Gibson. Punch by Gibson, missing Haku by a good six inches. Haku avoids a Robert Gibson avalanche. Big kick from Haku. Tag to The Barbarian. The Barbarian scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pin, but Gibson is out just before the three count. Weak slam from Barbarian. Gibson grabs The Barbarian for Ricky Morton, who swings...but Barbarian ducks, and in a cruel twist of fate, the big punch floors Gibson. Irony is such a cruel mistress. The Barbarian moves in for the kill. Kick Of Death!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Morton and Gibson remain in the ring. They are arguing about that defeat. Ricky Morton walks off without saying anything, much to the disgust of Gibson. This one gets * rating and likes it.

Overall:53

Crowd Reaction:54

Match Quality:52

(In case you haven't figured it out, the Rock and Roll Express is not getting along. They lost another match because of a miscommunication)

Honky Tonk Man vs Steve McMichael : HTM takes a weak kick. Incredibly weak headbutt on HTM by McMichael. Big forearm by McMichael, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. HTM takes a weak clothesline. Honky Tonk Man pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Amateur-style takedown from Honky Tonk Man, capitalising on that *huge* demand for amateur wrestling that we see every day. Honky Tonk Man hits a shaky delayed suplex on McMichael. Cover for a two count. McMichael kicks Honky Tonk Man in the gut to reverse the momentum. Steve McMichael DDTs HTM, poorly executed. There's a two count on the pin. Side suplex from McMichael. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy(come back soon) can execute it better than McMichael. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. HTM pushes out of a Steve McMichael hold. McMichael takes a back suplex. HTM drops an elbow...but misses. Fate can be so cruel. HTM takes a weak clothesline. Savio Vega comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Honky Tonk Man turns around.... Carribean Kick!!! That shook the ring. Vega leaves the ring, the damage done! Pin : 1 - 2- 3. McMichael defeats HTM. Honky Tonk Man slides out of the ring to the floor, then turns and leaves through the crowd. Obviously he's had enough for one night. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:54

Crowd Reaction:55

Match Quality:53

(Savio Vega vs the Honky Tonk Man at Partying Likes it 1989. It will be Honky's guitar vs Savio's black belt. Now that is stipulation match)

Since Duggan is out, Commisioner Al Wilson will have to make Hogan face both Piper and Koloff in a handicap match in the main event.

80

Gonzales \ Bundy vs Nathan \ Leslie : Giant Gonzales hits some weak-looking punches. Weak slam from Gonzales. There's a two count on the pin. Tag between Giant Gonzales and King Kong Bundy. Gonzales \ Bundy hook up Nathan, then hit a double suplex. Cover for a two count. Incredibly weak powerslam on Nathan by Bundy. Nathan Jones pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Nathan Jones hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Nathan tags out to Ed Leslie. Messed up bodyslam by Leslie. Pin, but Bundy is out just before the three count. Weak slam from Leslie. Bundy powers out of a headlock. King Kong Bundy strikes Ed Leslie. Tag between King Kong Bundy and Giant Gonzales. Weak-ass knife-edge chop from Gonzales. Ricky Steamboat would be ashamed of that chop. Leslie tags out to Nathan Jones. Giant Gonzales punches away at Nathan Jones. Nathan Jones has lost it! He floors Giant Gonzales and starts raining down punches like a psycho! The referee tries to break it up...and gets thrown to one side. The referee is calling for the DQ! Nathan has caused a DQ through his hatred of Giant Gonzales. Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:50

Crowd Reaction:59

Match Quality:31

(Nathan Jones can't wait until the PPV when he faces Giant Gonzales in an Iron Man Match. This should top the Big Show/Jones Ironman Match in the Old WWE. )

Larry Zbysko vs Marty Jannetty (For The 10 Minute Time Limit Title) : Jannetty takes a back suplex. Larry Zbysko snap suplexes Jannetty, and somewhere Dynamite Kid groans at that crappy execution. Jannetty takes a vertical suplex from Larry Zbysko. Zbysko flattens Marty Jannetty. Jannetty reverses a waistlock. Face crusher from Jannetty on Zbysko. Back heel kick from Jannetty on Zbysko, missed by miles. Cover for a two count. Larry Zbysko fights out of a grapple. Zbysko suplexes Marty Jannetty badly. There's a two count on the pin. Chin crusher by Larry Zbysko, the execution wasn't great though. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Jannetty powers out of a headlock. Kick from Marty Jannetty to the leg. Larry Zbysko comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Marty Jannetty walks into a chop to the pecs. The bell rings, and this match has come to a time limit draw. ** rating for this one. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

Overall:61

Crowd Reaction:60

Match Quality:62

(Larry wins. When EWR 4.0 comes out, I should have an interview segment called Something about Larry with those new host angles. Okay, I lie. Larry didn't win. The match went to a draw. Rematch at the PPV in a No Time Limit Match, maybe. I think that is whats written on my booking napkin. I lost it again(this is becoming a horrible running gag))

Hulk Hogan vs Koloff \ Piper : Uninspiring brawling from Hulk Hogan. Incredibly weak powerslam on Piper by Hogan. Messed up bodyslam by Hogan. Cover for a two count. Uninspiring brawling from Hulk Hogan. Koloff blocks the suplex attempt. Koloff \ Piper whip Hogan into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Rowdy Roddy Piper strikes Hulk Hogan. Weak bodyslam by Koloff. Piper \ Koloff whip Hogan into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Hooks the leg for a two count. Flapjack from Koloff on Hogan. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Koloff takes a weak kick. Rowdy Roddy Piper strikes Hulk Hogan. Piper \ Koloff whip Hogan into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Cover for a two count. Nikita Koloff hits a right hand on Hulk Hogan. Hogan blocks a kick from Nikita Koloff. Piper only gets knees on a splash. Hulk Hogan drops Piper with a clothesline. Nikita Koloff gets knocked to the ground by Hogan. Here it comes - Legdrop Of Doom, forget about it. 1....2...3! I'll give it a **1\2 rating.

Overall:71

Crowd Reaction:83

Match Quality:46

(Hogan beat the two top heels. Hogan vs Piper in a grudge match at Partying Like It's 1989. It is like a singles match, only with more hatred.)

Overall:63

TV Rating:0.84.

July 19, 2003

Boas and Headlocks for 8/23/03:

Jim Duggan is out. Nikita Koloff did attack him last week. Koloff runs out and tries to attack Duggan but Duggan lays him out with the three point stance. Duggan and Hogan vs Piper and Koloff tonight. This time it WILL happen.

69

Jim Neidhart vs Ahmed Johnson : Incredibly weak powerslam on Ahmed by Anvil. Big clothesline from Anvil. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Cover for a two count. Anvil walks into a trip. Ahmed Johnson hits a weak punch on Jim Neidhart. Ahmed Johnson hits a weak elbow on Jim Neidhart. Hooks the leg for a two count. Side suplex from Ahmed. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy can execute it better than Ahmed. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Ahmed Johnson hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Anvil drops out the back of a Ahmed Johnson bodyslam attempt. Messed up bodyslam by Anvil. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy tornado punch from Jim Neidhart, Ahmed barely got hit. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Punch by Anvil, missing Ahmed by a good six inches. Jim Neidhart hits some weak-looking punches. Ahmed reverses a Jim Neidhart hammerlock. Punch by Ahmed, missing Anvil by a good six inches. Ahmed Johnson scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Jim Neidhart can barely stand. Here it comes - Pearl River Plunge. 1....2...3, it's finished. Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:47

Crowd Reaction:47

Match Quality:48

(In the immortal words of Homer Simpson:"That was the suckiest bunch of suck that ever did suck." No moves were hit in this crappy match. It managed to both suck and blow. This match is an example of what not to do. As a result both men will get a push)

Midnight Express vs Rock N Roll Express : Uninspiring brawling from Stan Lane. Stan Lane strikes Robert Gibson. There's a two count on the pin. Sweet Stan tags out to Bobby Eaton. Midnight Express whip Gibson into the corner. Stan Lane whips Bobby Eaton in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. There's a two count on the pin. Robert Gibson walks into a chop to the pecs. Gibson blocks a kick from Bobby Eaton. Robert Gibson DDTs Eaton, poorly executed. There's a two count on the pin. Tag between Robert Gibson and Ricky Morton. Messed up bodyslam by Morton. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Big forearm by Morton, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. Eaton reverses a waistlock. Bobby Eaton uses an armbreaker to take Morton down. Tag between Bobby Eaton and Stan Lane. Stan Lane hits Morton. Tag between Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson. Gibson gets squashed in the corner with a clothesline. Robert Gibson climbs to the top rope, ready to leap at Sweet Stan. Ricky Morton bounces off the ropes for an elbow drop without seeing his partner, and crotches Gibson by accident. Robert Gibson can barely stand. Martial Arts Kick! 1....2....3. Morton and Gibson remain in the ring, arguing. Robert Gibson looks really angry. Ricky Morton pushes Gibson away and walks off, looking furious. Almost a ** match, but not quite - *1\2 rating.

Overall:57

Crowd Reaction:59

Match Quality:54

(Still trouble on the Rock and Roll Express. Lets see how long I can stretch out this angle before it becomes repitive. Who says I won't keep stretching even when it does become repitive. Also Stan Lane wins with a Martial Arts Kick. Was it a spin kick? A roundhouse kick? A superkick? A kick to the groin? Suckas gots to knows)

Chris Benoit vs Stevie Ray : Legsweep out of Nowhere. Where is Nowhere, and why do moves keep coming out of there? Does it have a factory? Super kick by Chris Benoit. There's a two count on the pin. Stevie Ray avoids a Chris Benoit avalanche. Chris Benoit takes a right hand to the temple from Ray. Stevie Ray strikes Chris Benoit. Cover for a two count. Stevie Ray scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Stevie Ray hits a right hand on Chris Benoit. Benoit kicks Stevie Ray in the gut to reverse the momentum. Super kick by Chris Benoit. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tiger suplex on Ray, right from out of the Misawa playbook. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Driven DDT by Chris Benoit. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Kick from Chris Benoit to the leg. Ray ducks a wild right hand. Benoit takes a vertical suplex. Side suplex from Ray. Chris Benoit is in trouble. Slapjack!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Chris Benoit leaves and walks back down the aisle. Wait...Stevie Ray comes running as well, and Benoit gets dropped with a clothesline, followed by a load of stomps. He is left lying in the aisle. **1\2 rating. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

Overall:67

Crowd Reaction:66

Match Quality:69

(Stevie Ray jobs Chris Benoit. I think he may be about ready to crack and sit out of his contract. Suckas Gots to Knows indeed. Harlem Heat 2000 win both of their matches)

Honky Tonk Man vs Larry Zbysko (For The 10 Minute Time Limit Title) : Zbysko takes a snap suplex from Honky Tonk Man. Zbysko backdrops Honky Tonk Man out of a piledriver attempt. Larry Zbysko slams HTM down. HTM reverses an irish whip...and Larry Zbysko runs into the referee. Larry Zbysko uses something vaguely resembling a reverse suplex. Cover, but there's no one to count for Larry Zbysko. Honky Tonk Man avoids a Larry Zbysko avalanche. Larry Zbysko walks into a chop to the pecs. HTM suplexes Larry Zbysko badly. Hooks the leg for a two count. Honky Tonk Man nearly ends the career of Zbysko with a screwed up german suplex. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Zbysko backdrops Honky Tonk Man out of a piledriver attempt. Zbysko suplexes Honky Tonk Man badly. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. HTM counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Savio Vega comes running down the aisle with a chair! Zbysko goes to irish whip Honky Tonk Man into the ropes. Vega prepares to swing the chair...but Honky Tonk Man reverses! Vega accidentally smacks Zbysko with a chair to the back! Larry Zbysko can barely stand. Shake, Rattle and Roll!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:51

Crowd Reaction:42

Match Quality:61

(Honky Tonk Man is your NEW 10 Minute Time Limit champion. The rapid title changes. This is like Vince Russo booking with an old school mentality. Savio will face Honky for the belt at the next PPV)

Al Wilson gives Ahmed Johnson a title shot against Nathan Jones next week. The week of next. Nathan Jones has TWO tough title defenses in two days. He faces Ahmed on Boas and Headlocks and then he faces Giant Gonzales in an Ironman Match at the PPV.

77

Faces Of Fear vs Bushwackers vs Fire and Ice (For The Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles) : Weak slam from Butch. Ice Train takes a weak kick. Tag to Bushwacker Luke. Incredibly weak powerslam on Ice Train by Luke. Bushwacker Luke hits a bulldog off the ropes. Tag between Bushwacker Luke and Bushwacker Butch. Bushwackers hook up Ice Train, then hit a double suplex. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Ice Train tags out to Scott Norton. Back elbow connects, Butch staggers backward. There's a two count on the pin. Butch tags out to Haku. Norton hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. Tag to Bushwacker Luke. Powerslam from Haku on Luke. Haku tags out to The Barbarian. The Barbarian scores with a weakly-hit standing spinebuster. Pin, but Luke is out just before the three count. Luke tags out to Scott Norton. Spear by Scott Norton. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag between The Barbarian and Haku. Flapjack from Haku on Norton. Scott Norton gets knocked to the ground by Haku. Here it comes...Tongan Death Grip! Scott Norton taps! I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:53

Crowd Reaction:54

Match Quality:52

(This was...this was....lets see...I honestly don't remember why I booked this match. The Faces of Fear have a sucessful tag team defense)

Giant Gonzales vs Steve McMichael : Gonzales takes a weak clothesline. McMichael hits a stump piledriver on Giant Gonzales. Hooks the leg for a two count. McMichael drops an elbow...but misses. Fate can be so cruel. Giant Gonzales hits some weak-looking punches. Giant Gonzales punches away at Steve McMichael. Cover for a two count. Flapjack from Gonzales on McMichael. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Incredibly weak powerslam on McMichael by Gonzales. Giant Gonzales misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Steve McMichael DDTs Gonzales, poorly executed. Hooks the leg for a two count. Steve McMichael scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Uninspiring brawling from Steve McMichael. Uninspiring brawling from Steve McMichael. McMichael walks into a trip. Big forearm by Gonzales, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. Gonzales DDTs Steve McMichael. Steve McMichael gets knocked to the ground by Gonzales. Chokey Thing!!! Steve McMichael taps out! Nathan Jones comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Gonzales turns around...straight into a Big Boot!! Giant Gonzales has been left down on the canvas. Slap a DUD on it, move on.

Overall:43

Crowd Reaction:48

Match Quality:32

(The WWE has nothing on this crap. Nathan Jones runs in and big boots Gonzo straight to hell. BY GAWD HELL. DAMN HIS BY GAWD SOUL. )

Nathan Jones vs Chris Benoit (For The Big Red and Yellow Title) : Flying elbow from Chris Benoit. Beautiful spinning arm drag out of the corner by Benoit. There's a two count on the pin. Nathan kicks Chris Benoit in the gut to reverse the momentum. Benoit takes a weak kick. Weak slam from Nathan. Hooks the leg for a two count. Side suplex from Nathan. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy execute it better than Nathan. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Nathan Jones hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Benoit counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Benoit crushes Nathan with a sweet running senton. Hooks the leg for a two count. Diamond Dust from Chris Benoit, Nathan is out. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Second rope flying axe handle, Nathan goes down. Standing leg lariat by Chris Benoit on Nathan. Nathan Jones takes the advantage after a i-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine routine. Weak slam from Nathan. Nathan Jones drops Benoit with a clothesline. Chris Benoit can barely stand. Big Boot! 1....2....3. Giant Gonzales has grabbed a chair. Nathan walks over...and gets floored with a hard shot. Benoit also takes a hard shot. Gonzales has laid everybody out! **1\2 rating. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

Overall:67

Crowd Reaction:73

Match Quality:56

(Nathan Jones beats Chris Benoit and Giant Gonzales hit him with a vile and sick chairshot. At least he didn't Rock Bottom him on dog shit or his career would be over)

The Hulkster has been laid out by an unknown attacker. This looks vaguely familar. Jim Duggan will have to go it alone against Piper and Koloff tonight.

87

Jim Duggan vs Piper \ Koloff : Weak kick from Piper. Big kick from Koloff. Koloff \ Piper whip Duggan into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Cover for a two count. Flapjack from Piper on Duggan. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Piper \ Koloff whip Duggan into the corner. Rowdy Roddy Piper whips Nikita Koloff in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Rowdy Roddy Piper avoids a Jim Duggan avalanche. Big clothesline from Duggan. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Piper reverses a Jim Duggan hammerlock. Rowdy Roddy Piper hits a weak elbow on Jim Duggan. Piper \ Koloff hook up Duggan, then hit a double suplex. Hooks the leg for a two count. Piper drops an elbow...but misses. Fate can be so cruel. Side suplex from Duggan. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy can execute it better than Duggan. Hooks the leg for a two count. Piper reverses a Jim Duggan hammerlock. Big clothesline from Piper. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Nikita Koloff hits a bulldog off the ropes. Jim Duggan hooks up a suplex, but Koloff flips out and lands on his feet, and quickly grabs the tights to score with a school boy pin! 1...2..3! The referee somehow missed the blatant cheating! ** rating for this one. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

Overall:64

Crowd Reaction:72

Match Quality:47

(Only Hogan can beat two heels at once. It is a clause in his contract. Duggan gets cheaply pinned. After the next Boas and Headlocks we should have a pretty good idea of the card of Partying Like It's 1989)

Overall:62

0.88 Rating for Boas and Headlocks.

July 24, 2003

Bobby Eaton broke his ankle getting out of bed. He will be out for 2 months.

Boas and Headlocks for 8/30/03:

Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson are backstage. Robert Gibson says they have one more chance to relive the greatness of the Express. They MUST defeat the Faces of Fear tonight or their partnership is done. Tonight could be the final journy on the Rock N' Roll Express. Tune in.

52

Repo Man vs Chris Benoit : Benoit hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. Benoit reverses a waistlock. Kick from Chris Benoit to the leg. Benoit whips Repo Man into the turnbuckles...and predictably, the referee gets sandwiched. Tiger suplex on Repo Man, right from out of the Misawa playbook. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is conveniently laid out. Repo Man counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Weak bodyslam on Benoit by Repo Man. Repo Man hits a bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Repo Man scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Chris Benoit powers out of a Repo Man headlock. Springboard reverse elbow by Chris Benoit. Excellent move. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Chris Benoit gets taken down out of nowhere. Chris Benoit is in trouble. Double Axe Handle! 1....2....3. Chris Benoit leaves and walks back down the aisle. Wait...Repo Man comes running as well, and Benoit gets dropped with a clothesline, followed by a load of stomps. He is left lying in the aisle. ** rating for this one. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

Overall:66

Crowd Reaction:65

Match Quality:67

(Did I kill Benoit's morale yet? Repo Man benefits from this. All talented wrestlers will be destroyed. Kurt Angle, your next gold medalist boy. You better cower)

Stan Lane vs Dave Sullivan : Stan Lane hits a right hand on Dave Sullivan. Weak bodyslam by Sweet Stan. Hooks the leg for a two count. Stan Lane gets taken down out of nowhere. Sluggish brawling from Dave. Dave Sullivan hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Hooks the leg for a two count. Dave DDTs Stan Lane. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Dave Sullivan strikes Stan Lane. Stan Lane avoids a Dave Sullivan avalanche. Powerslam from Stan Lane on Dave. Hooks the leg for a two count. Stan Lane scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Stan Lane strikes Dave Sullivan. Stan Lane hits Dave. Dave pushes out of a Stan Lane hold. Dave Sullivan hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Dave DDTs Stan Lane. Stan Lane gets knocked to the ground by Dave. Here it comes...Bearhug! Stan Lane taps! Slap a DUD on it, move on.

Overall:41

Crowd Reaction:37

Match Quality:45

(Dave Sullivan beats the non injured half of the Midnight Express. Sullivan is a true Hulkamaniac because he wants to be with his family and friends. We will most likely have another six man at the PPV with various members of the Hulkamaniacs against Members of the Dungeon of Doom)

Nikita Koloff comes out with the USSR Title. Koloff says he wants one final match against Jim Duggan at the PPV. Duggan comes out and Koloff says that it will be a Non-Title Match. However he will put the USSR Title on the line under ONE condition. If Duggan renounces his country if he loses. Duggan accepts and says if Koloff loses, Duggan wins the title and Koloff renounces his country. Koloff says why don't we make it a match where you can only lose after you renounce your country. Duggan says fine and he looks foward to beat that communist Nikita into a million pieces.

71

Rock N Roll Express vs Faces Of Fear (For The Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles) : Sluggish brawling from Barbarian. The Barbarian punches away at Robert Gibson. Cover for a two count. Tag between The Barbarian and Haku. Faces Of Fear whip Gibson into the corner. The Barbarian whips Haku in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Cover for a two count. Haku strikes Robert Gibson. Gibson counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Big clothesline from Gibson. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. There's a two count on the pin. Gibson tags out to Ricky Morton. Ricky Morton hits a bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Ricky Morton hits a weak elbow on Haku. Haku powers out of a Ricky Morton headlock. Haku with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Morton. Tag between Haku and The Barbarian. The Barbarian strikes Ricky Morton. Morton tags out to Robert Gibson. Incredibly weak powerslam on Gibson by Barbarian. Gibson holds The Barbarian in place. Ricky Morton charges...but Barbarian ducks, and in a scenario never before seen in wrestling, the clothesline floors Gibson. Robert Gibson can barely stand. Kick Of Death! 1....2....3. Robert Gibson looks angry. Ricky Morton seems to have injured his knee, and is holding onto the ropes for support. Gibson walks over, then brutally kicks the leg of Morton out from under...er...his leg. Looks like this partnership is over!It was close to a ** match, but one too many blown spots knocks it down to a *1\2 rating.

Overall:59

Crowd Reaction:62

Match Quality:54

(I finally pulled the trigger on the breakup. It only took me four weeks to do it. Althrough these guys could be retired soon so perhaps a quick route was best)

Giant Gonzales vs Steve McMichael : Some weak shots by Gonzales. Giant Gonzales hits a weak punch on Steve McMichael. Throat thrust from Gonzales. Smell the talent. McMichael takes a weak clothesline. McMichael blocks a punch. Steve McMichael hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Messed up bodyslam by McMichael. There's a two count on the pin. Giant Gonzales ducks a clothesline attempt. Back heel kick from Gonzales on McMichael. There's a two count on the pin. Side suplex from Gonzales. Shades of Dino Bravo there, although even Dino could execute it better than Gonzales. Hooks the leg for a close fall. McMichael reverses a Giant Gonzales hammerlock. Uninspiring brawling from Steve McMichael. McMichael only gets knees on a splash. Punch by Gonzales, missing McMichael by a good six inches. Giant Gonzales signals for the Chokey Thing! Nathan Jones comes out of the crowd! He grabs the leg of Giant Gonzales and drags him out of the ring. The referee has no option but to call for the DQ! Meanwhile, Giant Gonzales gets sent crashing into the ring post! Giant Gonzales leaves the ring and heads off down the aisle at speed. Gonzales has the victory, and isn't hanging around for Steve McMichael to look for revenge. Slap a DUD on it, move on.

Overall:42

Crowd Reaction:47

Match Quality:32

(I love how Gonzo gets thrown into the ringpost and runs backstage like nothing happened. Gonzales vs Jones at the PPV in a 60 Minute Ironman Match. That is going to be the match that is going to be replayed over and over again in Wrestling Hell for decades to come)

Piper and Hogan have a contract signing. Yes we did this last month too. Piper spit some water in Hogan's eyes(the vile fiend) and hit him with a clipboard. Piper then put the Sleeperhold on Hogan. Oh and did I mention that the loser has to retire(*cough* go on a six month vacation *cough*)

Nathan Jones vs Ahmed Johnson (For The Big Red and Yellow Title) : Ahmed Johnson hits a weak elbow on Nathan Jones. Ahmed Johnson hits a bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Nathan Jones ducks a clothesline attempt. Ahmed takes a weak kick. Big forearm by Nathan, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. Cover for a two count. Nathan DDTs Ahmed Johnson. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Incredibly weak powerslam on Ahmed by Nathan. Ahmed ducks a wild right hand. Ahmed hits a stump piledriver on Nathan Jones. Cover for a two count. Sloppy tornado punch from Ahmed Johnson, Nathan barely got hit. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Ahmed Johnson punches away at Nathan Jones. Incredibly weak headbutt on Nathan by Ahmed. Nathan kicks Ahmed Johnson in the gut to reverse the momentum. Incredibly weak powerslam on Ahmed by Nathan. Nathan Jones scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Giant Gonzales comes running down the aisle with a chair! Ahmed and Nathan Jones continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Giant Gonzales slides in and prepares to swing the chair...but Nathan Jones moves! Gonzales accidentally blasts Ahmed with a chair to the head! Nathan Jones throws Gonzales out of the ring! Ahmed Johnson is in trouble. Choke Slam! 1....2....3. Ahmed Johnson gives a murderous look toward Giant Gonzales...and attacks! Gonzales gets dropped to the canvas, then battered with a barrage of rights and lefts. Ahmed picks him up...and launches him over the top rope to the outside. A small measure of revenge has been taken. Rating: 1\2 star.

Overall:50

Crowd Reaction:54

Match Quality:41

(I have nothing to add to this other than an Ahmed Johnson/Nathan Jones/Giant Gonzales three way dance sounds very appealing to book. )

Overall:58

Partying Like It's 1989 Card.

Loser Retires FOREVER(or six months, whatever comes first):

Rowdy Roddy Piper vs Hulk Hogan

Ironman Match for the Big Red and Yellow Title:

Giant Gonzales vs Nathan Jones.

Match can only be won when the opponent renounces his country for the USSR Title:

The Rock N Roll Express EXPLODES:

Ricky Morton vs Robert Gibson

Big Red and Yellow Tag Team Titles:

Steve McMichael vs Ahmed Johnson

You would think Savio Vega would be the challenger but he isn't match for the 10 Minute Time Limit Title:

8 Man Grudge Match of Doom:

The Dungeon of Doom(Kevin Sullivan, King Kong Bundy, The Shark, and One Man Gang) vs the Hulkamaniacs(Dave Sullivan, Mr. T, Ed Leslie, and a Mystery Hulkamaniac)

Will Repo Man repo Jake's crack?:

Repo Man vs Jake Roberts.

Opening Match of DOOM:

Sid vs The Berzerker

July 24, 2003

(Larry wins. When EWR 4.0 comes out, I should have an interview segment called Something about Larry with those new host angles. Okay, I lie. Larry didn't win. The match went to a draw. Rematch at the PPV in a No Time Limit Match, maybe. I think that is whats written on my booking napkin. I lost it again(this is becoming a horrible running gag))

Just to let you know, Matt, with the Host angles, you can't actually name the show in the game (but, of course, that won't stop you with the diary). Minor issue, but I wanted to pass it along to you (as well as everyone else).

July 24, 2003

My guesses are that when the Hulkamaniacs reveal their newest member, the Dungeon will do the same:

Guesses:

Tugboat-----------Typhoon

Big Bossman---------Big Bubba

Golga---------------Earthquake

Brutus Beefcake-----------More goddamn Ed Leslie's

July 27, 2003

Partying Like It's 1989-August 31st, 2003:

The Berzerker vs Sid : Big clothesline from Sid. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. The Berzerker is in trouble. Powerbomb! 1....2....3. Bland match, but i'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:54

Crowd Reaction:60

Match Quality:41

(See the Berzerker. See Berzerker go splat. Splat Berzerker splat. Sid is 5-0)

Jake Roberts vs Repo Man : Repo Man with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Roberts. Big clothesline from Repo Man. Cover for a two count. Repo Man misses a clothesline. Roberts strikes away at Repo Man. Roberts slams Repo Man down. Big John Studd would be proud, no doubt. Cover for a two count. Jake Roberts turns Repo Man inside-out with a clothesline. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Weak bodyslam on Repo Man by Roberts. Repo Man counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Powerslam from Repo Man on Roberts. Hooks the leg for a two count. Side suplex from Repo Man. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Repo Man with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Roberts. Repo Man strikes away at Jake Roberts. Roberts blocks the suplex attempt. Repo Man takes a right hand to the temple from Roberts. Jake Roberts scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Jake Roberts moves in for the kill. Here it comes - DDT. 1....2...3, it's finished. Almost a ** match, but not quite - *1\2 rating.

Overall:59

Crowd Reaction:63

Match Quality:52

(Repo Man blows TWO neckbreakers and a bodyslam. Nice to see he is still on form. Maybe I will rename him Barry "Hole in One" Darsow. Jake Roberts wins. Like there was any doubt)

The partner for the Hulkamaniacs debut. The man we can't call the Big Bossman for legal reasons. (We didn't win the rights to the gimmick in the gimmick auction.) So Ray Traylor will be known as the Boss. Man is this guy Big.

The Hulkamaniacs vs Dungeon of Doom : First Fall : One Man Gang strikes Dave Sullivan. Running clothesline from One Man Gang, sloppily done. Cover for a two count. Dave Sullivan elbows One Man Gang in the face to break a hammerlock. Side suplex from Dave. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy execute it better than Dave. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. One Man Gang reverses a hip toss. One Man Gang DDTs Dave, although it was hardly executed with pin-point precision. Pin : 1 - 2- 3. OMG defeats Dave. Second Fall : The Shark punches away at Mr. T. The Shark hits a weak elbow on Mr. T. There's a two count on the pin. Mr. T reverses a waistlock. Mr. T drops Shark with a clothesline. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. The Shark fights out of a grapple. Big clothesline from Shark. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Pin : 1 - 2- 3. Shark defeats Mr. T. Third Fall : Weak slam from Leslie. Messed up bodyslam by Leslie. There's a two count on the pin. Ed Leslie gets taken down out of nowhere. Sloppy tornado punch from Kevin Sullivan, Leslie barely got hit. Kevin Sullivan has Ed Leslie down on the canvas. Here it comes...Bearhug! Ed Leslie taps! Fourth Fall : The Boss...Man is He Big takes a right hand to the temple from Sullivan. Powerslam from Kevin Sullivan on Boss. Hooks the leg for a two count. The Boss...Man is He Big fights out of a grapple. Side suplex from Boss. The Boss...Man is He Big moves in for the kill. Boss Slam! 1....2....3. Fifth Fall : Weak headbutt on OMG by Boss. Big kick from Boss. Cover for a two count. OMG kicks The Boss...Man is He Big in the gut to reverse the momentum. Side suplex from OMG. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Boss powers out of a headlock. Powerslam from The Boss...Man is He Big on OMG. Cover gets three. The Boss...Man is He Big pinned OMG. Sixth Fall : King Kong Bundy takes a right hand to the temple from Boss. Powerslam from The Boss...Man is He Big on Bundy. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. The Boss...Man is He Big turns Bundy inside-out with a clothesline. King Kong Bundy powers out of a The Boss...Man is He Big headlock. Weak slam from Bundy. The Boss...Man is He Big can barely stand. Avalanche!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:48

Crowd Reaction:52

Match Quality:41

(The Dungeon of Doom win this Elimination Match. King Kong Bundy and the Shark survive. This is NOT over between the Hulkamaniacs and the Dungeon of Doom. I am trying to stretch this thing out to 4.0 when I can finally settle the score in WARGAMES~!)

Honky Tonk Man vs Marty Jannetty vs Larry Zbysko (For The 10 Minute Time Limit Title) : Leg trip from Honky Tonk Man. HTM takes a snap suplex from Larry Zbysko. Marty Jannetty comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Back heel kick from Jannetty on Zbysko, missed by miles. Badly executed second rope splash by Jannetty. Hooks the leg for a two count. Larry Zbysko nearly ends the career of Jannetty with a screwed up german suplex. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Jannetty ducks a wild right hand. Flying elbow off the top rope by Marty Jannetty, poor elevation though. Honky Tonk Man uses something vaguely resembling a reverse suplex. Honky Tonk Man grapples with Marty Jannetty, and positions himself so that the referee can't see...and hits a low blow! He rolls up the stunned Marty Jannetty: 1....2....3!! What a cheap shot! Worth a ** rating, but no more than that.

Overall:61

Crowd Reaction:62

Match Quality:62

(HTM retains the 10 Minute Time Limit Title because he wouldn't job. Marty was to win the belt here but sadly it was not to be. Talk about cutting someones push off at the knees)

Ahmed Johnson vs Steve McMichael : McMichael takes a weak kick. Ahmed Johnson hits a weak punch on Steve McMichael. McMichael takes a weak clothesline. Uninspiring brawling from Ahmed Johnson. McMichael pushes out of a Ahmed Johnson hold. Steve McMichael hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Powerslam from Steve McMichael on Ahmed. There's a two count on the pin. Ahmed counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Messed up bodyslam by Ahmed. Hooks the leg for a two count. Ahmed Johnson scores with a weakly-hit standing spinebuster. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. McMichael kicks Ahmed Johnson in the gut to reverse the momentum. Steve McMichael hits some weak-looking punches. McMichael only gets knees on a splash. Ahmed Johnson punches away at Steve McMichael. The two competitors end up fighting to the outside of the ring. The referee tells them to bring it back in, but neither of them are listening. The ref tries again, and again they keep brawling. The referee completes a ten count, ending the match in a double count out! The fight has started up again! Ahmed Johnson attacks McMichael, and they brawl all around ringside, then into the crowd! They eventually disappear backstage, still fighting. Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:46

Crowd Reaction:44

Match Quality:49

(This war will continue. Maybe these two will finally hit the elusive pokers)

The scheduled Bushwhackers-FOF match is cancelled because Haku's hair caught fire. (or I fucked up on counting the match numbers. The match will take place at Boas and Headlocks)

Ricky Morton vs Robert Gibson : Ricky Morton strikes Robert Gibson. Big clothesline from Morton. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. Cover for a two count. Gibson kicks Ricky Morton in the gut to reverse the momentum. Morton takes a weak kick. Robert Gibson strikes Ricky Morton. There's a two count on the pin. Flapjack from Gibson on Morton. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Incredibly weak powerslam on Morton by Gibson. Morton counters an avalanche with a raised foot to the face. Ricky Morton hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy tornado punch from Ricky Morton, Gibson barely got hit. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Ricky Morton hits a weak elbow on Robert Gibson. Ricky Morton punches away at Robert Gibson. Robert Gibson pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Robert Gibson strikes Ricky Morton. Sloppy tornado punch from Robert Gibson, Morton barely got hit. Ricky Morton slugs Robert Gibson, sending him down into the corner. While Morton fires up the crowd, Gibson is removing the turnbuckle pad! Ricky Morton comes over...but Gibson grabs him by the tights and uses the leverage to slingshot Ricky Morton face first into the exposed steel turnbuckle! Robert Gibson rolls up the stunned Ricky Morton: 1....2...3! How did the referee not see that? I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

Overall:54

Crowd Reaction:60

Match Quality:43

(This match should be a good match. However I reminded it is no longer 1987 so it sucks now. Gibson scores the pin and goes onto more midcard matches playing a backdrop for the Hulkamaniacs and Friends vs the DOD and Friends. )

Jim Duggan vs Nikita Koloff (For The USSR Title) : Koloff takes a weak kick. Jim Duggan hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Jim Duggan hits a weak elbow on Nikita Koloff. Koloff blocks a punch. Powerslam from Nikita Koloff on Duggan. Duggan backdrops Nikita Koloff out of a piledriver attempt. Messed up bodyslam by Duggan. Side suplex from Duggan. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy execute it better than Duggan. Koloff ducks a wild right hand. Nikita Koloff hits a right hand on Jim Duggan. Jim Duggan pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Jim Duggan strikes Nikita Koloff. Duggan floors Nikita Koloff and locks in a STF! Koloff renounces Russia! Worth a ** rating, but no more than that.

Overall:63

Crowd Reaction:69

Match Quality:51

(Nikita Koloff can no longer follow the ways of the dirty communist. His soul has been saved. Jim Duggan won the USSR Title. Duggan rips the Russian Sickle off of the belt and it is once again the United States Title)

Giant Gonzales vs Nathan Jones (For The Big Red and Yellow Title) : FIRST FALL: Big forearm by Nathan, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. Nathan Jones hits a bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Nathan walks into a trip. Giant Gonzales hits a weak punch on Nathan Jones. Incredibly weak powerslam on Nathan by Gonzales. Hooks the leg for a two count. Giant Gonzales scores with a weakly-hit standing spinebuster. Pin, but Nathan is out just before the three count. Giant Gonzales punches away at Nathan Jones. Nathan Jones ducks a clothesline attempt. Big clothesline from Nathan. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. There's a two count on the pin. Flapjack from Nathan on Gonzales. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Gonzales takes a weak clothesline. Nathan Jones hits some weak-looking punches. Giant Gonzales powers out of a Nathan Jones headlock. Gonzales hits a dropkick on Nathan Jones. Side suplex from Gonzales. Shades of Kevin Nash there, although even Big Sexy could execute it better than Gonzales. Cover gets three. Giant Gonzales pinned Nathan. SECOND FALL: Forearm to the face from Gonzales on Nathan. Gonzales hits a quick kick on Nathan. Giant Gonzales attacks with some poorly executed flying moves. Giant Gonzales punches away at Nathan Jones. Nathan blocks a kick from Giant Gonzales. Big forearm by Nathan, which was thrown so badly that Misawa is probably doubled-up with laughter somewhere. Nathan Jones hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Gonzales reverses a Nathan Jones hammerlock. Messed up bodyslam by Gonzales. There's a two count on the pin. Sloppy tornado punch from Giant Gonzales, Nathan barely got hit. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Nathan Jones powers out of a Giant Gonzales headlock. Messed up bodyslam by Nathan. Pin, three count, it's over. Nathan Jones pins Gonzales. THIRD FALL: Nathan takes a weak kick. Nathan Jones takes the advantage after a i-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine routine. Nathan Jones punches away at Giant Gonzales. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. Nathan Jones scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out. Giant Gonzales pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Punch by Gonzales, missing Nathan by a good six inches. Giant Gonzales hits a bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Giant Gonzales drops Nathan with a clothesline. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Nathan kicks Giant Gonzales in the gut to reverse the momentum. Nathan Jones hits a sloppy bulldog off the ropes. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Gonzales powers out of a headlock. Nathan Jones grabs Giant Gonzales from behind and shoves him into the ropes, then scores with a roll-up...but Gonzales rolls through with the move! He is using the tights for leverage! 1....2...3! The referee didn't see it! END OF BOUT. Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

Overall:47

Crowd Reaction:59

Match Quality:22

(Gonzo is the NEW Big Red and Yellow Belt Champion. My main event roster(not including Piper and Hogan, who are above the gold):Steve McMichael, Gonzo, Nathan Jones, and Ahmed Johnson. Welcome to 666 Hell Lane, please drive carefully)

Rowdy Roddy Piper vs Hulk Hogan : Hulk Hogan punches away at Rowdy Roddy Piper. Big clothesline from Hogan. 'Big' because it missed by a big margin. There's a two count on the pin. Piper backdrops Hulk Hogan out of a piledriver attempt. Some weak shots by Piper. Rowdy Roddy Piper strikes Hulk Hogan. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sloppy tornado punch from Rowdy Roddy Piper, Hogan barely got hit. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Rowdy Roddy Piper punches away at Hulk Hogan. Rowdy Roddy Piper gets taken down out of nowhere. Hogan hits a stump piledriver on Rowdy Roddy Piper. There's a two count on the pin. Hulk Hogan scores with a weakly-hit standing spinebuster. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Hulk Hogan hits a big clothesline, not of the 'from Hell' variety. Some weak shots by Hogan. Piper powers out of a headlock. Uninspiring brawling from Rowdy Roddy Piper. Rowdy Roddy Piper drops Hogan with a clothesline. The referee watches as the two wrestlers go to the outside and start brawling around ringside. He completes a ten count, and they are still outside, having ignored the count. This match is over via double count out. I don't think the fight has finished. Rowdy Roddy Piper and Hogan have begun brawling again! They wind up brawling all the way down the aisle and out of view. Almost a *** rating, but there were some bits that dragged, so **3\4 instead.

Overall:75

Crowd Reaction:93

Match Quality:36

(Screw f'n job. No one lost so no one can retire. S-C-R-E-W-J-O-B that is how we spell success. Okay I really think I am turning into Vince Russo with an Old School Mentality now.)

Overall:58

0.41 Buyrate for the PPV.

Okay Bad News....

Deep Breath.

Hulk Hogan is retiring at the end of the month. Hulk F'N Hogan is going to retire. The namesake of this fed is going to retiring.

Also Rowdy Roddy Piper has decided to become a Non Wrestler.

Also the Public Image is falling.

To sum it up the next month or two I have to...gasp...make a new top star and improve the quality of shows.

July 27, 2003

bring back demolition, i play ewr a bit and would like to know if u downloaded an upgrade to get the old retired wrestlers

July 27, 2003

bring back demolition, i play ewr a bit and would like to know if u downloaded an upgrade to get the old retired wrestlers

Yes I downloaded I am update, althrough for the life of me I can't remember which one. I was happy to see the great amount of old school wrestlers so I got the idea for this diary.

As for Demolition, maybe, maybe not. We shall see.

July 29, 2003

To sum it up the next month or two I have to...gasp...make a new top star and improve the quality of shows.

You could always hire that youngster Terry Funk...

July 29, 2003

Yes I downloaded I am update, althrough for the life of me I can't remember which one. I was happy to see the great amount of old school wrestlers so I got the idea for this diary.

As for Demolition, maybe, maybe not. We shall see.

Probably are using RaveX16. They have a shitload of old guys in it. Then again there ARE 3000 people in that database.

And for new prospects, why not bring in all the second/third/orso generation superstars? I mean, if they are related in any way, why not? Can always create the NEW Hulk Hogan or three.

Pro Wrestling Hogan.

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