Memorable Bad Interviews

[Guest The Bad Guy]

I realize that in the classic threads section there is a thread about bad wrestling quotes. I'm not trying to steal it, instead I will be the first to provide audio of various horrible interviews that most people probably haven't had the absolute misfortune of hearing.

 

Here goes:

 

http://home.insightbb.com/~lue/uploaded/hogan-wm4.mp3

 

Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania IV

 

Hogan gives an interview in which he discusses how he's going to slam Andre The Giant through the earth and sink half the United States into the ocean. He also mentions how he's going to swim all his Hulkamaniacs and Donald Trump to safety.

 

http://home.insightbb.com/~lue/uploaded/hogan-wm6.mp3

 

Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania VI

 

Hogan discusses how he was hovering over the Skydome, how he has the power, and how he will convert the heathen Warrior from his path of darkness. He also mentions how he's going to take the energy from the people because it's his energy not Warrior's... and tells Warrior to breathe his last breath into Hogan's body... very, very, confusing.

 

http://home.insightbb.com/~lue/uploaded/wa...warrior-wm6.mp3

 

Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania VI

 

The Ultimate Warrior explains that he came to "Do no one, no harm". It's incredibly confusing and just plain horrible.

[Guest CanadianChick]

You forgot Hulk Hogan's Wrestlemania 9 interview. He called Yokozuna 'that jap' and then proceeded to call Bret Hart an American. Good times, good times.

[Guest Plushy Al Logan]

Anytime Hogan faces some fat dude, says he can slam them through the Earth, he claimed that his arms would turn into towers when he lifted Earthquake, and that he would drop him on Dino Bravo, and they would go crashing throught the Earth.

[yankovic fan 0]

The time Steve Blackman was cutting a promo about *insert wrestler name* and was yelling at Micheal Cole, calling Cole *insert wrestler name*.

 

 

 

 

(I forget who it was)

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

The Wrestlemania IV Hogan interview is one of my all time favorites. I have it memorized. Hogan and Warrior cut all kinds of classic, crazy, rambling promos leading up to their Wrestlemania VI match.

 

Another good one is Randy Savage's from the first Uncesored, where he directly says "who am I and what am I doing here." Mike Tenay is doing all he can to not bursty out laughing.

[Guest bob_barron]

RVD: Duude- sometimes I get stuck in the middle seat!

[Guest CanadianChick]

^^To top it off, his awful WOOO. I loved RVD, but man, that interview was AWFUL. But at least it was in the 'it's so bad, it's funny' catergory.

[Guest treble charged]

Paraphrased-

 

Lita: So, like, Chyna, can I, you know, like, have a match or something for your title?

 

Chyna: Sure, you bad girl, come down here and get your spanking!

 

Lita: No, I'm like serious, and stuff.

 

Chyna: Ok, I'm serious, too. You can have your match.

 

*music plays*

 

Lita: Ok, ok, thanks a lot.

[Guest CanadianChick]

lol, I remember that. It was awful. There was this promo awhile ago with Booker T, when he was still partners with Goldust. I can't even paraphrase. That was how much it didn't make sense.

 

Oh, and if we are talking about bad interviews, Royal Rumble 2000 cannot go unmentioned.

 

Jeff Hardy: "Terri, NO!"

[Guest MillenniumMan831]

I remember on the 3/87 SNME, there was a really quick promo by the Hart Foundation about their 1st Tag Title defense:

 

Jimmy Hart: It's my first time, is it your first time?

Neidhart: It's my first time! Is it your first time?!?

Bret Hart: (Looking a wee bit embarassed) It's my first time.

All: It's OUR FIRST TIME!

 

Yikes!

[Guest CanadianChick]

Oh! Look what I found (thanks to slashwrestling.com)

 

Lita: "Chyna...Chyna you have been a total inspiration to me. You have totally paved the way for us women competitors here in the WWF. And you know that I have so much respect for you - I do. But you know, I also have a lot of respect for the WWF Women's title, and if it's competition you want, well, you know, I'd really be honoured if you'd let me fight you for it."

Chyna:"Well all right you bad girl - come getcher spankin'."

Lita:"Chyna - stop, I'm serious, okay? I wanna challenge you."

Chyna: "No I'm serious, too, Lita, you deserve it - and if you want a match I'll give it to you, you name the time and the place. BUT - don't be surprised if your hiney's a little sore the next day."

Lita: "Let's do this!"

 

 

Right....

[Guest HellSpawn]

Oh! Look what I found (thanks to slashwrestling.com)

 

Lita: "Chyna...Chyna you have been a total inspiration to me. You have totally paved the way for us women competitors here in the WWF. And you know that I have so much respect for you - I do. But you know, I also have a lot of respect for the WWF Women's title, and if it's competition you want, well, you know, I'd really be honoured if you'd let me fight you for it."

Chyna:"Well all right you bad girl - come getcher spankin'."

Lita:"Chyna - stop, I'm serious, okay? I wanna challenge you."

Chyna: "No I'm serious, too, Lita, you deserve it - and if you want a match I'll give it to you, you name the time and the place. BUT - don't be surprised if your hiney's a little sore the next day."

Lita: "Let's do this!"

 

 

Right....

HLA ! HLA ! HLA ! HLA !

[Guest bob_barron]

lol, I remember that. It was awful. There was this promo awhile ago with Booker T, when he was still partners with Goldust. I can't even paraphrase. That was how much it didn't make sense.

 

Oh, and if we are talking about bad interviews, Royal Rumble 2000 cannot go unmentioned.

 

Jeff Hardy: "Terri, NO!"

Booker T: I remember when shdhdhs jsakakksks Bischoff Rikishi stinkface yo punk ahdshsjaja jhdjasdjdjjsj SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKA!

 

 

Is that the one?

[Guest CanadianChick]

Yes, that is the one I was thinking of. Thanks Bob.

[Your Paragon of Virtue 0]

Anyone remember Hogan's promo from Rumble 91? He had about five actually, but one particularly where he flubbed a line so badly, and his face just started jiggling and the like, when finally he "recovered" by stating that the title reign of Sgt. Slaughter "IS GONNA BE, ONLY TEMPORARY!" What the hell?

Speaking of Rumble 91, Warrior had a pretty terrible promo too, in addition to Savage looking like an idiot running onto the stage looking for Warrior, after he left for about five minutes, thinking he had just missed him. This was right after the promo where Warrior screamed NO! like a jackass at Sherri's invitations for oral sex, or something.

 

Man that was a bad PPV for promos wasn't it? I didn't even get to all the terrible Pre-Rumble ones. The next year however....

[Guest Karnage]

Booker T: I remember when shdhdhs jsakakksks Bischoff Rikishi stinkface yo punk ahdshsjaja jhdjasdjdjjsj SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKA!

That kinda sounds like an Ahmed Johnson interview.

[yankovic fan 0]

...

[Rendclaw 0]

"The condition that I have has already continued to worsen as I break out of all the straitjackets, and all the rubber rooms across these weak planets...."

 

-Ultimate Warrior, just before his IC title match with Rick Rude

 

Just typing that from memory made me almost crack up.

[Gert T 0]

I know this is a whole different beast but NWO late night was one of the few segments in wrestling that actually made me change the channel, and sadly there were still two more weeks of it to come!

[Guest DarkHollywood]

RVD's imitation of Flair was probably THE Funniest Promo I've ever seen (w/ RVD that is). Not because it was good, but because he sounded like he was higher than Jimi Hendrix in 1967.

 

Worst. Woo. Ever.

(besides Don West's when Hacksaw Jim Duggan appeared on NWA-TNA)

[Guest Anglesault]

Booker T: I remember when shdhdhs jsakakksks Bischoff Rikishi stinkface yo punk ahdshsjaja jhdjasdjdjjsj SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKA!

That kinda sounds like an Ahmed Johnson interview.

YUB GUBBA DUN!

[Guest DarkHollywood]

Did Ahmed Johnson EVER cut a promo that didn't sound like he had a dildo/shit/something long rammed down his mouth?

[Guest The ChriZa]

No one will ever top the Warrior for amazingly bizarre interviews. Not Dusty, not Savage, and speaking of "BIZARRE!", not even the Bulldog. The "Do no one no harm" line should be considered a national treasure.

 

This isn't from an interview, so forgive me for not staying the course, but my absolute favorite bit of Warrior wonder is from his website. There's a section in which he describes his diet and exercise regimine. Anyway, while listing the foods he eats in a perfectly calm manner, all of a sudden he decided to type "THIS IS MY DIET!!! I EAT THIS EVERY DAY!!!" and then serenely goes back to telling us what to have for lunch.

 

The man is truly, absolutely, 100 percent fucking nuts.

[Guest Michael Joel Benoit]

There was an article on wrestleline.com back in October of 2001 which transcribed several Warrior interviews and tried to figure out what he was saying. I laughed so hard reading that article. I wish wrestleline.com was still working so that I can post the article.

[Guest Alex Nelson]

Don't forget this one:

 

Sid: AND I HAVE HALF THE BRAINS THAT YOU DO!!

[Guest Mattdotcom]

Rick Steiner versus Chucky.

[Guest Hass of Pain]

Anything Sid ever touched has to be considered amongst the worst promos of all time. His program with Scott Steiner produced promos that had me hunched over in near tears laughing.

[Guest nWoScorpion]

There was a Sid promo on the Funniest Moments tape where he botched the first line and asked to re-start and JR tells him they're live. Ted Dibiases facial expression was hilarious. He was like "Man this guy is a moron!"

[Guest Mindless_Aggression]

I can't remember it word for word but Dusty Rhodes during his last WCW comeback was awesome for this line :"You bring alll yo friendssssss and yo family!It make no difference to da dream! You bring Animal! Big ol Animal, all dat, all dat puffed up muscle, he all puffed up wit muscle! DA DREAM DON'T CARE BEBE!"

 

Okay thats probably not word for word, but my God, I just remember nearly choking to death on laughter.

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

Speaking of Dusty, I remember him on commentary once during a cruiserweight match saying something to the effect of

 

"He got dat big BUTT behind heem. I don't tink he be a cruiserweight wit all dat big buttedness!"