Guest The Czech Republic Report post Posted July 12, 2003 The World-Wide Wrestling and Fisticuffsmanship Federation A Mon-day Evening Grappling Exhibition In The Style Of Steak Tartare A Re-View Of The Big Event To-night we have a splendid list of match-ups here at the McAllister Pub and Grille in down-town Warwick, Rhode-Island. Our hosts for tonight are “Well-Revered” Jameson O’Rorig and “The Venerable Kaiser” Archibald P. Lawson. Our show kicks off with a fantastic pyro-technic spectacle, as glasses of vodka are lit on fire to portray a “burning” desire to watch the show. Un-fortunately, our program is begun with a trio of Satanists who make it well-known that they hold a belief in the theories of one Charles Darwin. As “Conservationist” Hyman Floyd, Lester Lowell-Levesque, popularly re-ferred to by many as “He Of Three,” and Randall K. Ortonfield, approach the squared-circle, it is discovered that “Dutch Boy” Klaus van Daam is not able to honor his side of the scheduled challenge when it is revealed that his horseless carriage was sabotaged by “Handsome” Cain Calloway, who set fire to the horseless carriage when Klaus told Calloway what a strapping youth he was. The restraint-clad Calloway mis-took Klaus’s compliment for a statement of ill will. Meanwhilst, He of Three asks if anyone fancies a grapple. Scholarly Thomas, a genial folk of color, enters the ring-side vicinity, and insists that he does indeed fancy a grapple. Scholarly Thomas uses his academic ex-ploits to elaborate on many lessons of fisticuffsmanship that were passed down from his father. He of Three says that he fancies a grapple with two men at once. Scholarly Thomas introduces a friend he met in San Francisco, a foppish dandy that calls himself “Gold Rush.” This reviewer thinks that Gold Rush fancies a grapple for un-savory means! Our first match-up of to-night commences, as “Harvard-educated” Lawrence Zampf takes on a local hooker named Anton Nowinski. Zampf announces to the crowd that no-body of “Slavic barbarian ancestry” could ever hope to graduate from an Ivy League school. Zampf eventually wins with a roll-up. Jameson O’Rorig showed a visible sign of de-light when the next two fisticuffsmen entered the squared-circle. Why, it has been said that The Grand Spectacle towers over seven feet! The Grand Spectacle lived up to his name, recruiting a veritable choir of to provide enter-ing music for him, done in the style of the Delta blues-men. I have obtained said lyrics. Oh, it’s a grand spectacle Yes, it’s the grandest spectacle of all Oh, it’s a grand spectacle This man must be many feet tall He fancies a grapple With other such strapping folk If you dis-count his fisticuffs You’ll realize he’s no joke Tis a grand spectacle! Squaring off against the Grand Spectacle was a competitor referring to himself as “Mr. Union Pacific.” This strapping dandy was be-decked in hair! Not to mention adazzling handlebar moustache. He showed an affinity for the loco-motive, as he tooted an imaginary whistle. The Grand Spectacle won with his patented Goozle-Drop. At this point, the sponsors of tonight’s show came in to hawk their wares. First, a family of Chinamen proceeded to tell one of their alien kin to “regard the infant youth.” But the youth was scared of the Chinaman, in an announcement by the Immigration And Naturalization Service that we should all do our part to restrain the Yellow Threat from overtaking our United-States. At this point, I was kindly escorted from the bar by a bumbling fool of presumably Greek descent because apparently the “grappling baron” did not approve of my re-porting. Tragic, these mono-polies. If only something would be done about this selfish pursuit. I will attempt to re-view another WWWFF pro-gram at an-other point in time. Thank-you for regarding this re-view! Vaclav Schmertzek “The Bohemian Political Entity” On behalf of The Educated Enjoyers Of Fisticuffsmanship Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest the r-train Report post Posted July 12, 2003 Brilliant. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Nevermortal Report post Posted July 12, 2003 Agreed. Brilliant. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest T®ITEC Report post Posted July 12, 2003 You, sir, are my hero. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Czech Republic Report post Posted July 14, 2003 I'm surprised I didn't get banned for the Chinaman part. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MarvinisaLunatic Report post Posted July 14, 2003 Out-standing Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest wrestlingbs Report post Posted July 14, 2003 Very smart. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Adam 0 Report post Posted July 14, 2003 That was great. Do another one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Nater Report post Posted July 14, 2003 I'd like to see a weekly review done in the classic way. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest caboose Report post Posted July 14, 2003 I was different, i'll give you that much. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JMA Report post Posted July 15, 2003 Funny stuff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest J*ingus Report post Posted July 15, 2003 Reading that was one of the greatest fucking experiences of my entire life. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Amazing Rando Report post Posted July 15, 2003 As much as I loved this... I'm certain that there is quite the bit of potential in this to give IDRM quite the bo-ner. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Spaceman Spiff Report post Posted July 16, 2003 Hey, there's Smackdown matches in there Although, I guess 1890 is pre-brand extension. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jobber of the Week Report post Posted July 16, 2003 Consarn it! Can't we even have just one brawl without some guy running in and DQing the match with a barstool? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest LaParkaMarka Report post Posted July 16, 2003 Holy crap, that was great. Gotta love "He of Three" and Scholarly Thomas. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
