World Wrestling AllStars???

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Back again with the latest installment of WWA? Smack It RAW~!

 

We open the show inside Commisoner Gordon's office, where he cackles to himself manically, for no good reason other than to show that he's EVIL~! In walk Invader #1 and Pitbull #2, and they wonder why they haven't gotten a fair shake around here. Gordon sees where they're coming from, and puts 1 and 2 together. No, literally. They're going to team up tonight and take on The Hotshots.

 

68%. Pitbull #2 debuted his Badass gimmick to a positive response. They didn't have "Roid Rage" as a gimmick, so this will have to suffice.

 

NOT SO HOT OPENER

 

Invader #1 \ Pitbull vs Hotshots : Invader #1 hits some punches. Big backdrop on O'Reilly, executed well. There's a two count on the pin. Invader #1 tags out to Pitbull #2. Invader #1 \ Pitbull whip O'Reilly into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Hooks the leg for a two count. Pitbull #2 with a spinning neckbreaker on O'Reilly. O'Reilly pushes out of a Pitbull #2 hold. O'Reilly crushes Pitbull with a running senton. There's a two count on the pin. O'Reilly tags out to Chase Stevens. Spinning bulldog in the corner, Pitbull is down. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Chase uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Pitbull backdrops Chase Stevens out of a piledriver attempt. Bodyslam by Pitbull. Tag between Pitbull #2 and Invader #1. Chanelling the spirit of Misawa, Invader #1 uses a forearm to the face. Tag between Chase Stevens and Cassidy O'Reilly. Rude Awakening on Cassidy O'Reilly by Invader #1. Cassidy O'Reilly climbs to the top rope, ready to leap at Invader #1. Chase Stevens bounces off the ropes for an elbow drop without seeing his partner, and crotches O'Reilly by accident. Invader #1 moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Heart Punch. 1....2...3, it's finished. Cassidy O'Reilly looks angry. Chase Stevens seems to have injured his knee, and is holding onto the ropes for support. O'Reilly walks over, then brutally kicks the leg of Chase out from under...er...his leg. Looks like this partnership is over!**1\2 rating for a decent contest.

 

O'Reilly nearly cost his team the match after a few punches and a BACKDROP!? Did we set the wayback machine for 1942, when a suplex was considered lethal? Looks like FOX's next big special will be "When Transition Moves Kill!". O'Reilly was turned face...nay...FUN BABYFACE after this match, by, uh...acting heelish? At any rate, the match got better reviews than expected, and 1 and 2 (they sound like a bathroom code) will move on to bigger things. Not necessarily BETTER, but bigger.

 

OVERALL:69 (60, 79). O'Reilly gained overness from his face turn, but his Fun Babyface gimmick got a negative response. Probably because they don't mimic Royal Rumble '94 angles. At least he didn't enthrall us with a lightshow and die on us.

 

Altar Boy Matthew gets ready backstage, when he feels the presence of someone else. Well DUH, Matthew, God is always with you, isn't he?

 

OVERALL:41%

 

I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY'S WATCHING ME (BUT NOW I HAVE A MATCH):

 

Altar Boy Matthew vs Scott Vick : Scott Vick with a spinning neckbreaker on Matthew. Full nelson slam on Matthew. There's a two count on the pin. Altar Boy Matthew powers out of a Scott Vick headlock. Vick walks into a high dropkick from Altar Boy Matthew. Driven DDT by Altar Boy Matthew. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Cover for a two count. Back heel kick off the second rope, Vick goes down. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Legsweep out of Nowhere. Where is Nowhere, and why do moves keep coming out of there? Does it have a factory? Vick reverses a Altar Boy Matthew hammerlock. Spear by Scott Vick. Hooks the leg for a two count. Death valley driver by Scott Vick, Altar Boy Matthew got planted. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Back elbow connects, Matthew staggers backward. Matthew gets slammed. Vick walks into a trip. Matthew uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Springboard dropkick from Altar Boy Matthew. Nicely done. Altar Boy Matthew signals for the Top Rope Leg Drop! Kato comes out of the crowd and into the ring! Altar Boy Matthew turns around....Diamond Cutter!!! That shook the ring. The referee calls for the DQ because of the interference of Kato! Kato obviously hasn't finished his attack yet! Altar Boy Matthew stands up...Diamond Cutter!!! That shook the ring. Kato eventually leaves, having caused enough damage. I'll give it a *1\2 rating.

 

Dallas Page is the stalker! Oops, sorry, flashback to 2001 there. And while we're talking about flashbacks, the great Orient Express gimmick gets resurrected, at least for Paul Diamond, though this time he'll have a little more depth. As much depth as a masked assumed Oriental can have. And is it just me, or is EVERY gimmick of mine based on some factor of their race?

 

OVERALL:58 (40, 76)

 

The Down Underworld come down to the ring, frowning. Actually they're happy, but since they come from the land down under...ah forget it, bad joke. At Wasteland they walked out with all the gold. Nathan Jones walked out with the All Star Title, Ashely Hudson and Bill Dundee walked out with the All Star Tag Team Titles, and Dupree made off with Marty Jannetty's Rolex. Turns out he wanted Dupree to import some of the "good shit" from his current homeland. All American Ass interrupts before they can get into specifics that would have them arrested for trafficking, and wants a shot at Nathan Jones, since the All Star Title belongs around the waist of The Ass. So Billy Gunn is double jointed? That's the only reasonable explanation I can give you to make that sound sensible. Jones says that AAA will have to take on a member of the DU tonight for ruining their party, and since Dupree is the one who doesn't have gold, yet is still amazingly over, he can be the sacrificial lamb...OPPONENT...for tonight, in a FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE match!

 

OVERALL:71. Dupree and The Big Schwag gain.

 

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE VS. WHY DID I HIRE THESE GUYS VS. WHAT UP NOW, BITCH?

 

Demolition vs Insane Clown Posse vs Nation of Blaxploitation : Standing leg lariat by Koko B. Grier on 2 Dope. Grier hits a dropkick on Shaggy 2 Dope. Tag between Koko B. Grier and Smash. Big backdrop on 2 Dope, executed well. Hooks the leg for a two count. Shaggy 2 Dope takes the advantage after a i-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine routine. Tag to Violent J. Insane Clown Posse whip Smash into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Smash tags out to Demolition Ax. Chanelling the spirit of Misawa, Demolition Ax uses a forearm to the face. Spinebuster by Demolition Ax. Tag to Rudy Ray Smith. Demolition Ax with a spinning neckbreaker on Rudy Ray. Rudy Ray counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Belly to belly off the top rope, Ax got folded up big time. Pin : 1 - 2- 3. Rudy Ray defeats Ax. Weak bodyslam by Violent J. Violent J scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Pin, but Rudy Ray is out just before the three count. Violent J tags out to Shaggy 2 Dope. Insane Clown Posse whip Rudy Ray into the corner. Shaggy 2 Dope whips Violent J in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Cover for a two count. Rudy Ray Smith fights out of a grapple. Rudy Ray tags out to Koko B. Grier. Tiger suplex on 2 Dope, right from out of the Misawa playbook. 2 Dope takes a hurrancarana from Koko B. Grier. Tag to Rudy Ray Smith. Rudy Ray Smith moves in for the kill. Slingshot Powerbomb!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! I'll give it a *1\2 rating.

 

Koko B. Ware busting out Tiger Suplexes? I'd hire Brutus Beefcake just to see him bust out moonsaults. That could be a great novelty draw for my fed. "See Brutus Beefcake do moonsaults years after he meant a shit!". With this win, The Nation are in line for a tag team title shot, most likely because my other teams are lost in the shuffle or suck.

 

Backstage, Triple A is waiting by the door, when a short young man dressed up in the latest urban fashions shows up. Turns out that Ass has brought JAMIE DUNDEE into the WWA? to aid him in vanquishing the Down Underworld. Dundee's ready to roll, so he and Triple A head off, walking past Rudy Ray and Koko on their way down the all.

 

Jamie:"Who that?"

 

AAA:"The Nation."

 

Jamie:"Bitch, you better have not brought me here to rap and get squashed again!"

 

OVERALL:67%. Dundee's Pro-USA gimmick got a negative response, but he gained overness.

 

So I've had Pro-USA gimmicks, Fun babyface gimmicks, Inspirational Leader gimmicks, and Whole Damn Show gimmicks get negative responses, while Lodi's gay gimmick and Jannetty's Junkie gimmick get rave reviews? I'll either find a way to beat the system, or you'll have to get used to seeing Shelton Benjamin, Evil Clown so that my PI goes up.

 

I NEED A SIX PACK TO WATCH THIS SIX MAN:

 

Name Value vs Windham\Necro\Stamp : Eddie Valentine uses move #193 (arm-BAR). Face crusher from Valentine on Windham. Tag between Eddie Valentine and Eric Angle. Big dropkick by Eric Angle, who got good elevation. Brainbuster suplex by Eric Angle, who apparently is in the mood to bust some brains. There's a two count on the pin. Tag between Eric Angle and David Flair. Eric \ D.Flair whip Windham into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Weak bodyslam on Windham by D.Flair. Windham counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Windham slams David Flair down. Big John Studd would be proud, no doubt. Tag between Barry Windham and Necro Butcher. Running knee lift from Necro Butcher. Lifting DDT by Necro Butcher, looked good. Hooks the leg for a close fall. Big backdrop on D.Flair, executed well. Tag between Necro Butcher and Stamp Lickage. Stiff chop lights up D.Flair. Stamp Lickage with a spinning neckbreaker on D.Flair. D.Flair powers out of a headlock. Tag to Eddie Valentine. Stamp tastes a high angle back suplex. It probably tasted like chicken. Stamp tags out to Barry Windham. Valentine hits a punch, but takes one right back. CLUBBERIN', CLUBBERIN', THEY BE CLUBBERIN' TONY! Sorry, flashback moment. Valentine ducks a wild right hand. Barry Windham slugs Eddie Valentine, sending him down into the corner. While Windham fires up the crowd, Valentine is removing the turnbuckle pad! Barry Windham comes over...but Valentine grabs him by the tights and uses the leverage to slingshot Barry Windham face first into the exposed steel turnbuckle! Eddie Valentine rolls up the stunned Barry Windham, and even puts his feet on the second rope to add insult to injury! 1....2...3! What a display of cheating from Eddie Valentine. ** rating for this one. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

 

Valentine and Windham did most of the work here, and actually made this match better than I thought it would be. How exactly would Barry Windham fire up a crowd these days, short of throwing out hundred dollar bills stapled to Target gift certificates?

 

OVERALL:61 (52, 71)

 

After the match, everyone scatters, as Nathan Jones is here again for a PROPER celebration ceremony. It's Bloomin' Onions and Foster's for everyone, because the Down Underworld are on their way to renaming this place World Wrestling Australia. Not while this Ass is around! Triple A hits the ring and tells Jones to eat, drink, and be Aussie, because after tonight, he's gunning for him.

 

OVERALL:82 (~!) Triple A and Nathan Jones gain overness.

 

Outside of the ring, up the aisle and in the back, Commisioner Gordon is laughing manically again, this time with Kato joining in. The door bursts open, and Altar Boy Matthew comes flying through. He tripped over his robe and is sorry for the interruption, but while he's here, he wants to get his hands on Kato! Gordon books the match for next week, to which Matthew says "Bless You". "Uh, I didn't sneeze, did you?"

 

OVERALL:63. All three gain overness.

 

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES:

 

All American Ass vs Crocodile Dupree : Frying pan shot by Croc. Massive backbreaker, Triple A got planted. Early reports indicate that the back was *not* actually broken, so the move's name should actually be backhurter. Cover for a two count. Triple A blocks the suplex attempt. All American Ass hits some punches. Back elbow connects, Croc staggers backward. Hooks the leg for a two count. All American Ass smashes a Playstation console over the head of Croc. Pin, but Croc is out just before the three count. Bodyslam by Triple A. They brawl to the outside and into the crowd. Right hand from Triple A. Cover for a two count. Right hand from Triple A. They wind up back in the squared circle. Crocodile Dupree comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Triple A walks into a spike slam. Cover for a two count. Spear! Triple A is down and hurt. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Running knee lift from Crocodile Dupree. Croc slams All American Ass onto the table. Crocodile Dupree gets taken down out of nowhere. Big backdrop on Croc, executed well. All American Ass scores with a standing spinebuster. Nathan Jones comes running down the aisle with a chair! Croc goes to irish whip All American Ass into the ropes. Nathan J prepares to swing the chair...but All American Ass reverses! Nathan J accidentally smacks Croc with a chair to the back! All American Ass moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Fame-Ass-Er. 1....2...3, it's finished. Croc \ Nathan J are beating down on All American Ass! The music of Jamie Dundee hits, and he comes running down the aisle into the ring. Croc and Nathan J bail out of the ring, leaving All American Ass down in the ring. Jamie Dundee may have saved All American Ass from a brutal beating. **1\2 rating. Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling.

 

TWO 2 1/2 star matches in one night? Damn, that actually makes my fed look GOOD. The Triple A/Jamie Dundee alliance is solidified, Dupree takes the fall for the greater good (ie: allows me to keep the belt on Jones for a bit longer), and I waste a perfectly good stipulation match on free TV once again.

 

OVERALL:69 (66, 72)

 

SHOW RATING:64%

.53 rating for Smack It Raw

517 people

$15510 in ticket sales

 

Sunshine Network rejected my programming, which the Down Underworld feel was due to racist overtones concerning their nationality.

 

Birthdays this month are for Nathan Jones (27), Adam Windsor (WHO?...20), and Teddy Long (47).

[Guest Lightning Flik]

Another great show. You keep on rocking it with your diary.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Commisioner Gordon is backstage at his desk, announcing that due to a recent evaluation (re:the suitcase full of money under his desk), the WWA? has had a bit of a roster overhaul. Say goodbye to Big Vito, Rob Conway, Necro Butcher, Stamp Lickage, Sylvain Grenier and Demolition. Actually Demoliton weren't fired, they just forgot who they worked for and showed up at a 3PW show, so it was breach of contract. Then Ax promptly got canned the next day, so Instant Karma DOES get you. Tonight will mark the debuts of some new talents, including a new duo known as The Teen Show Express:Sly Slater and Zack Sommers!

 

OVERALL:54%. Zack Sommers debuted his new gimmick to a positive response. Sly Slater debuted his new gimmick to a positive response. Both gained overness, as well as Gordon.

 

Yep, they say life is the best inspiration, so I'm running with a gimmick based on certain aspects of my personality. The idea was actually brought up during an AIM conversation with Thomas Green from here on TSM (Phoenix Fury Legdrop for those inclined to thank and/or chastise him for egging me on). For those who actually care, Zack is Erin Bray, while Sly is Mike The Miz in the game.

 

DEBUT MATCH FOR THREE OUT OF THE FOUR

 

Teen Show Express vs Spitz and Swallows : Spinning back kick from Zack Sommers. Zack Sommers hits a rolling kick on Swallows. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Sly Slater. Teen Show Express hook up Swallows, then hit a double suplex. Hooks the leg for a two count. Legsweep out of Nowhere. Where is Nowhere, and why do moves keep coming out of there? Does it have a factory? Sylvain Swallows powers out of a Sly Slater headlock. Spear by Sylvain Swallows. Cover for a two count. Tag to Greg Spitz. Flying cross body off the top rope! I'll give a 0.8 on the Steamboat scale for that effort. Pin, but Sly is out just before the three count. Sly takes a flying neckbreaker from Greg Spitz. Sly counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Legsweep out of Nowhere. Where is Nowhere, and why do moves keep coming out of there? Does it have a factory? Tag between Sly Slater and Zack Sommers. Zack Sommers strikes Spitz. Tag between Greg Spitz and Sylvain Swallows. Swallows takes a flying neckbreaker from Zack Sommers. Sylvain Swallows is all alone...Season Finale!! 1....2....3! Spitz and Swallows don't look like they're finished by any means...and they rush forward to attack Teen Show Express, and send them to the outside. Threats are exchanged as the chaos ends. Nothing worth seeing here, i'll give a 1\2 star rating because i'm generous.

 

Looks like Sylvain Grenier is NOT on the pink slip list, as he's finally found the meaning of life. Actually it's more like he found a life partner. What's with the change of name anyways? Eh, it's just his mother's maiden name, and his way of showing respect. Just like when he used to dress up like her as a teenager. She never did recover from walking in on him in that sundress, though.

 

OVERALL:49 (30, 69). Sylvain Swallows lost overness from this match. The Teen Show Express gained overness from this match.

 

GIVE HIM THE GOD PUSH VS. GOD, WHY GIVE HIM A PUSH?

 

Altar Boy Matthew vs Kato : Matthew hits a wicked chop that echoes through the building. Kick from Altar Boy Matthew to the leg. Driven DDT by Altar Boy Matthew. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Matthew uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Matthew walks into a trip. Back elbow connects, Matthew staggers backward. Spear by Kato. Cover for a two count. Altar Boy Matthew powers out of a Kato headlock. Flying cross body off the top rope! I'll give a 0.8 on the Steamboat scale for that effort. Cover for a two count. Vicious kick to the teeth from Altar Boy Matthew. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Kato pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Kato hits some punches. Matthew counters a sleeper hold by turning it into a jaw breaker. Matthew hits a dropkick on Kato. The bell rings. The referee declares that the time limit has expired, and the match is a draw. I'll give it a *1\2 rating.

 

Matthew's superhuman ability to get a star and a half rating out of anyone continues. He's like the Ric Flair of sloppy undercard matches. We're still not sure why Kato is here (myself included), but this draw cannot make Commisoner Gordon happy (FORESHADOWING~!).

 

OVERALL:58 (46, 70)

 

Commisioner Gordon is in his office, fuming. See, told you so. He picks up the dreaded RED PHONE~! and makes a phone call, telling the mysterious masked individual on the other line that Matthew was able to survive another week, but he'll have something in the works for the next show.

 

OVERALL:66%. Todd gains. Hey, wasn't that the drug dealer guy from the movie Go? I should hire him to manage Roberts and Jannetty, though they'd wind up snorting his pay.

 

Backstage, All American Ass and newfound ally Jamie Dundee cut a promo. Jamie is all about helping the Ass, and would no how, no way not EVER have a change of heart and go with his father into the Down Underworld. Well, that was reassuring. The two are ready for a Tag Title Match tonight, which they didn't really earn, but it at least furthers the angle.

 

OVERALL:62%. Jamie Dundee gained overness.

 

TITLE MATCH OF ANGLE ADVANCEMENT:

 

Triple A \ Jamie vs Hudson \ Dundee (For The All Star Tag Team Titles Titles) : Sluggish brawling from Dundee. Bill Dundee hits a weak elbow on Jamie Dundee. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Ashley Hudson. Dundee \ Hudson whip Jamie into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Hooks the leg for a two count. Big dropkick by Ashley Hudson, who got good elevation. Jamie reverses a Ashley Hudson hammerlock. Flying cross body off the top rope! I'll give a 0.8 on the Steamboat scale for that effort. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to All American Ass. Full nelson slam on Hudson. Pin, but Hudson is out just before the three count. Running knee lift from All American Ass. Ashley Hudson pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Triple A tastes a high angle back suplex. It probably tasted like chicken. Tag to Bill Dundee. Bill Dundee hits some weak-looking punches. Tag between All American Ass and Jamie Dundee. Uninspiring brawling from Bill Dundee. Jamie Dundee slams Dundee, who rolls onto his stomach. What is Bill Dundee doing? Jamie Dundee picks him up and signals for a powerbomb. He raises Dundee up...but then falls backward, getting crushed by his opponent in the process! Bill Dundee is on top! 1....2....3! Looking at the replay, it appears that Dundee had taken a chain out of his tights and wrapped it around his fist! Jamie Dundee must have been punched with that chain while in mid-powerbomb! What a cheap shot! Bland match, but i'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

 

See, told ya Jamie Dundee wouldn't turn. Too bad, it might have made the match more exciting. What I should have done was omit the word "kick" from "Ashely Hudson pulls a mule kick out of nowhere". Surely an Australian busting out an impromptu petting zoo in mid ring would have been entertaining. No animals are allowed though, not since Roberts and Jannetty mistook that horse for a groupie in a suede coat. Thank God for out of court settlements.

 

OVERALL:53 (41, 66). Both Dundees and Ashley Hudson gain overness from this match.

 

Back in the Commisioner's office, and Theodore Long wants to know why his boys didn't get their title shot this week. Gordon says they earned the shot last week, but he didn't say WHEN they'd get it. Rudy Ray and Koko promise to go all Human Tornado on his ass if he doesn't book the bout soon, so Gordon reluctantly agrees for the title match to take place at the upcoming PPV. Rudy Ray and Koko tilt their brims, and strut out, while a disco tune cues up as they disappear out the door.

 

OVERALL:59%.

 

CAJUN CROC, aka THIS MATCH TITLE SOUNDS LIKE A SOUTHERN MEAL

 

Crocodile Dupree vs Lash LeRoux : LeRoux gets slammed. Crocodile Dupree fires off some right and left hands. Big clothesline on LeRoux. Big backdrop on LeRoux, executed well. LeRoux ducks a wild right hand. Flying elbow from Lash LeRoux. Croc takes a hurrancarana from Lash LeRoux. Cover for a two count. Crocodile Dupree pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Spear by Crocodile Dupree. There's a two count on the pin. Massive lariat, apparently Croc has been watching The Best Of Stan Hansen again. Pin, but LeRoux is out just before the three count. LeRoux reverses a waistlock. Stiff high kick on Croc by Lash LeRoux who has evidently been watching some old AJPW tapes recently. Croc reverses a waistlock. Flying shoulder tackle by Croc sends LeRoux to the mat. Crocodile Dupree moves in for the kill. Death Valley Driver! 1....2....3. **1\2 rating for a decent contest.

 

Looks like the Australians love their mule kicks. Imagine what it must be like when people ask you for advice, though. "Where did you get that great looking mule kick?" "Oh, nowhere". They're not modest, they're just clueless.

 

OVERALL:68 (61, 75)

 

Marty Jannetty and Jake Roberts are hanging out backstage. Hey, if they weren't booked tonight, what are they doing here? Turns out Jake went into a coma last week and Marty thought he died. Distraught, he hid the body and left the arena to mourn him. Actually, he went to get piss drunk to forget about it. Only today did he remember that he should go retrieve the body before it started to stink. He got there to find Jake alive, and that Jake smells like that pretty much all the time, so no one would have noticed.

 

OVERALL:67%

 

DON'T DROP THE SOAP

 

Nathan Jones vs Lodi (For The All Star Title Title) : Nathan J hits a right hand. Nathan J bodyslams Lodi. Flying shoulder tackle by Nathan J sends Lodi to the mat. Back elbow connects, Lodi staggers backward. Lodi powers out of a headlock. Face crusher from Lodi on Nathan J. Badly executed second rope splash by Lodi. Hooks the leg for a two count. Nathan Jones ducks a clothesline attempt. Full nelson slam on Lodi. There's a two count on the pin. Nathan Jones scores with a big spinebuster. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Lodi ducks a wild right hand. Forearm to the face from Lodi on Nathan J. Nathan J kicks Lodi in the gut to reverse the momentum. Back elbow connects, Lodi staggers backward. Nathan Jones moves in for the kill. Choke Slam! 1....2....3. All American Ass comes running down the aisle with a chair, and gets into the ring! Triple A hits Nathan J with a chair to the back! Nathan Jones goes down to the canvas, hurt. I'm going to give this a ** rating because i'm in a generous mood.

 

A psychotic, Anti-American former prisoner, a flamboyant, openly gay face, and a patriot with homoerotic tendencies in one match? Sigmund Freud would have a field day disecting this one. Hell, his reviews would probably be better than Scott Keith's, who lately just comes off as bitter that Stephanie McMahon is nearly as big as him, yet some people still want to fuck her.

 

OVERALL:64 (65, 63)

 

59% OVERALL SHOW RATING.

.51 TV Rating

514 People paying $15420

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

Erin Bray is a CHICK, man.

 

good try though

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Not in the game she ain't. We've been through this one already.

 

I just needed a bit of a roster refreshing, though admittedly I did ditch some talented guys (Conway for one thing). I'm still at a loss for things to do for Josh Lazie, The Jung Dragons, Chance Beckett, ICP and a few others.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

WWA? Smack It RAW~!

 

ABOUT TIME I USED THESE GUYS MATCH:

 

Chance Beckett vs Kaz Hayashi : Chance Beckett hits a rolling kick on Kaz. Beckett crushes Kaz with a running senton. Cover for a two count. Kaz reverses a Chance Beckett hammerlock. Kaz Hayashi strikes Beckett. Kaz Hayashi hits a rolling kick on Beckett. There's a two count on the pin. Power drive elbow by Kaz Hayashi. Pin, but Beckett is out just before the three count. Second rope flying axe handle, Beckett goes down. Chance Beckett comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Spinning bulldog in the corner, Kaz is down. There's a two count on the pin. Power drive elbow by Chance Beckett. Pinfall attempt gets a 2.9999. Beckett uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Chance Beckett scores with a back heel kick on Kaz. Kaz ducks a wild right hand. Kaz hits a dropkick on Chance Beckett. Tiger suplex on Beckett, right from out of the Misawa playbook. Chance Beckett hooks up a suplex, but it is blocked. Kaz scores with a low blow, then turns it into a small package! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Chance Beckett got screwed out of the victory! American Kickboxer comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Kaz turns around...straight into a Jumping Roundhouse Kick!! Kaz Hayashi has been left down on the canvas. This one gets * rating and likes it.

 

Huh, this must be Kaz Hayashi's lucky day. He gets used on the show, and has a feud kickstarted with a WWA? newcomer. A jobber newcomer, but hey, it's better than being on the sidelines doing nothing for the last 2 months. Of course Kaz got back at me by showing up late to the next show, but I ignored it, chalking it up to occupation stress (re:frustration of having actual talent while wacky gimmicks get pushed. Welcome to WWF circa 1993.)

 

OVERALL:55% (40, 84). The scores were off all night, probably because nobody buys a guy in red white and blue Hammer pants and one of those old USA leather jackets that were cool in 1990 as a martial arts badass.

 

Commisoner Gordon is backstage in the Evil Office, newly decorated with portraits of such dastardly icons as Hannibal Lecter, David Koresh, and Martha Stewart. Kato stands silently by his side, as Gordon explains that "he" is watching tonight and wants Kato to make Matthew suffer. Matthew bursts into the office, having been eavesdropping, and reveals that He is always watching. Not Him, you dolt, HIM. Who is he? He's Him! Gordon plays Costello to Matthew's Abbott before Kato ruins the fun (or spares us our sanity) by attacking Matthew and dragging him out to the ring for a match.

 

OVERALL:59%. Gordon gains overness from this segment.

 

HE IS WATCHING, BUT IS HE WATCHING WITH HIM?

 

Altar Boy Matthew vs Kato : Stiff high kick on Kato by Altar Boy Matthew who has evidently been watching some old AJPW tapes recently. Kick from Altar Boy Matthew to the leg. Matthew hits a dropkick on Kato. Spin kick by Altar Boy Matthew to the face. Kato kicks Altar Boy Matthew in the gut to reverse the momentum. Running knee lift from Kato. Nice piledriver on Matthew. There's a two count on the pin. Altar Boy Matthew avoids a Kato avalanche. Lightning kick by Matthew on Kato. Cover for a two count. Tiger suplex on Kato, right from out of the Misawa playbook. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Kato powers out of a Altar Boy Matthew headlock. Matthew receives some punishment. Kato misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Driven DDT by Altar Boy Matthew. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Kato whips Matthew into the turnbuckles...and predictably, the referee gets sandwiched. Altar Boy Matthew knocks Kato to the outside, then signals for the Top Rope Leg Drop. He reaches out of the ring for Kato...and gets clobbered with the ring bell! Right to the head! The referee looks up to see Kato sliding in and making the pinfall. The referee calls for the bell though! He's disqualifying Kato, he must have seen the ring bell shot! The match is over. Altar Boy Matthew leaves the ring and heads off down the aisle at speed. Matthew has the victory, and isn't hanging around for Kato to look for revenge. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

 

Word on the street is Matthew lost overness from this match, most likely because his star and a half ratings streak ended. You can't take those half-star ratings lightly, they can add up. Of course if you added all of Matthew's up you still couldn't hold a candle to a Test matchup, but he's on his way. I hope.

 

OVERALL:52 (46, 70)

 

The Teen Show Express hit the ring, and were so delighted with the reception they got, that they have something to share with the crowd. They introduce their new cheerleader, Mary Beth Kapowski. Several overzealous fans take the "sharing" comment seriously (including celebrity in the audience Melissa Etheridge), and are escorted away. The TSE are shocked...they're good wholesome faces and would never do something like that, at least not in public.

 

OVERALL:61%. The TSE and Mary Beth all gain overness.

 

FOUR CORNERS MATCH FOR NO GOOD REASON:

 

Teen Show Express vs Insane Clown Posse vs Spitz and Swallows vs Invader #1 \ Pitbull : Invader #1 fires off some right and left hands. Big backdrop on Spitz, executed well. Tag between Invader #1 and Pitbull #2. Stiff chop lights up Spitz. Cover for a two count. Spitz backdrops Pitbull #2 out of a piledriver attempt. Tag between Greg Spitz and Zack Sommers. Pitbull takes a flying neckbreaker from Zack Sommers. Flying reverse elbow by Zack Sommers. Tag to Sly Slater. Teen Show Express whip Pitbull into the corner. Zack Sommers whips Sly Slater in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Hooks the leg for a two count. Pitbull counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Sly takes a headbutt from Pitbull #2. Tag to Shaggy 2 Dope. Shaggy 2 Dope arm drags Sly over. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Pitbull #2. 2 Dope gets slammed. 2 Dope counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Flying elbow off the top rope by Shaggy 2 Dope, poor elevation though. Cover gets three. Shaggy 2 Dope pinned Pitbull. Swallows slams Shaggy 2 Dope. Sylvain Swallows scores with a standing spinebuster. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Tag between Sylvain Swallows and Zack Sommers. Hard back suplex on 2 Dope. Anyone remember when that was Shawn Michaels's finisher? Tag between Zack Sommers and Greg Spitz. Spitz crushes 2 Dope with a big legdrop. Springboard dropkick from Greg Spitz. Nicely done. Cover gets three. Greg Spitz pinned 2 Dope. Tiger suplex on Spitz, right from out of the Misawa playbook. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Driven DDT by Sly Slater. The ring shook violently, instantly making it better at selling than some of the current roster. Greg Spitz takes the advantage after a i-block-your-punch-you-don't-block-mine routine. Spitz hits a dropkick on Sly Slater. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag to Sylvain Swallows. Greg Spitz scoops up Sly. Swallows bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Pin : 1 - 2 - 2.9999999. Fallaway slam by Sylvain Swallows. Sly Slater pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Sly tags out to Zack Sommers. Lightning kick by Zack on Swallows. Springboard dropkick from Zack Sommers. Nicely done. Greg Spitz can barely stand. Tiger Suplex!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! I'll give a 1\2 star rating.

 

EVERYONE balked at jobbing to the Teen Show Express. Sylvain Grenier should be offered his first-born child to me in exchange for keeping him on the roster, and I foolishly thought he was straight for a second. Now that I realize I got scammed, he's gonna get the shaft. No, not literally, I don't want him to enjoy his time here.

 

OVERALL:50 (41, 71).

 

Kato is backstage, apologizing to Commisioner Gordon for letting Matthew get away earlier. It's OK, he'll be dealt with. Kato:"But isn't that what you're afraid of? That Matthew will deal with him?" Gordon:"No, we'll deal with him!" Kato:"I thought he was going to deal with Matthew for us?" Gordon lets out a bloodcurdling scream, and then his head explodes like Michael Ironside in Scanners. Before his passing, he mentioned that "he" will be here next week to finish Matthew off, once and for all.

 

OVERALL:59%

 

Rudy Ray Smith is backstage at the catering table, looking for some grits. Theodore Long comes up, and tells him that he doesn't need to act the stereotype, because he's a bad...shut yo' mouth Teddy, I'm just in a grits mood today. Long shrugs it off and suggests that Rudy forget about the grits and listen to what he has to say concerning tonight's main event. Rudy agrees, but only if he can drink his Kool-Aid first.

 

OVERALL:60%. Rudy Ray Smith gained overness.

 

FRENCH AUSTRALIA VS. AMERICAN AUSSIE aka WHICH FLAG DO YOU WAVE?

 

Crocodile Dupree vs Jamie Dundee : Croc hits a right hand. Jamie counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Spinning back kick from Jamie Dundee. Jamie whips Croc into the turnbuckles...and predictably, the referee gets sandwiched. Vicious kick to the teeth from Jamie Dundee. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out. Crocodile Dupree comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Running knee lift from Crocodile Dupree. Crocodile Dupree hits a bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Brutal powerbomb on Jamie. Pin, but Jamie is out just before the three count. Jamie counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Croc takes a hurrancarana from Jamie Dundee. Cover, but there's a last second kick-out. Croc counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Bill Dundee comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Jamie Dundee turns around.... DDT!!! That shook the ring. Dundee leaves the ring, the damage done! Cover gets three. Crocodile Dupree pinned Jamie. Croc and Dundee put the boots to Jamie Dundee, stomping away on him. Bland match, but i'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

 

A ref bump within a minute, a screwjob ending, and a postmatch beatdown? Did Russo get hired when I wasn't looking? And why did Dundee interfere when Dupree was in control? I can't think too hard about this, otherwise I'm going to wind up like Gordon, who I hear was luckily put back together using a glue-stick and some duct tape. That shit'll fix anything!

 

OVERALL:54 (47, 76).

 

We join The Nation of Blaxploitation backstage, and it turns out that tonight's main event will see them teaming up with Triple A to take on the All Star Champion Nathan Jones and his Down Underworld Cohorts, the All Star Tag Champs Bill Dundee and Ashley Hudson. Rudy Ray and Koko promise to "smack dat ass", until Teddy helpfully reminds them they're teaming with Ass. You figure Long would pick up on the slang, but he's spent too long acting intellectual. Maybe Rudy Ray and Koko can help him find his roots, which is ironic on more than one level.

 

OVERALL:74%.

 

Barry Windham is out in the ring, hopefully to have a match this week, considering last time he was used was just to set up the debut of Sonjay Dutt. Windham's got a bad feeling of Deja Vu, and sure enough, he's in the ring for about 8 seconds before Name Value hit the ring and lay into him. What's their purpose? Would YOU sit through a Barry Windham match these days? Before you ask, yes, I meant would you do it sober.

 

OVERALL:54%.

 

BLACK FLAG vs. AUSTRALIAN FOR BORE

 

Triple A\Grier\Rudy Ray vs Down Underworld : Bill Dundee strikes Koko B. Grier. Grier takes a weak clothesline. Tag between Bill Dundee and Ashley Hudson. Grier takes a chop from Hudson. Brainbuster suplex by Ashley Hudson, who apparently is in the mood to bust some brains. There's a two count on the pin. Hudson tags out to Nathan Jones. Hudson \ Nathan J whip Grier into the corner. Ashley Hudson whips Nathan Jones in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Nathan Jones with a spinning neckbreaker on Grier. Grier reverses a waistlock. Flying elbow from Koko B. Grier. Tag to All American Ass. Flying shoulder tackle by Triple A sends Nathan J to the mat. Death valley driver by All American Ass, Nathan Jones got planted. Pin, but Nathan J is out just before the three count. Flying shoulder tackle by Triple A sends Nathan J to the mat. Triple A tags out to Rudy Ray Smith. Big forearm by Rudy Ray Smith, ripping a page from the NOAH playbook. Nathan Jones takes a butterfly suplex from Rudy Ray. Nathan J counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face. Tag to Bill Dundee. Incredibly weak powerslam on Rudy Ray by Dundee. Tag to Koko B. Grier. Dundee walks into a high dropkick from Koko B. Grier. Flying reverse elbow by Koko B. Grier. Jamie Dundee comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Bill Dundee turns around.... Spinning Wheel Kick!!! That shook the ring. Jamie leaves the ring, the damage done! Pin, three count, it's over. Koko B. Grier pins Dundee. I'll give it a * rating for not being too bad.

 

Yeah, I didn't think Bill and Ashley were ready for a main event either, but it moves along both title scenes. I just realized that the face team was named after a Kings X song, which is cool on so many levels. I'd download it, but with a fed full of blatant drug use, former Altar Boys and Australian supremacists, I don't need any more legal trouble.

 

OVERALL:54 (51, 69).

 

57% OVERALL.

 

.53 rating.

505 people attended, paying $15150.

 

I got offered a job by PCW owner Donnie B, asking me to jump aboard. You'd think I'd get out just for the fun of seeing how certain people would survive without my blessing (Matthew, and no pun intended). I decided to stay, since if money gets tight I can just skim a little off the top of Jake and Marty's sales. They'd never notice.

[Guest Lightning Flik]

...dude just so you know. Keep this up. Commish Gordon rocks it.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

Well, now that EWR 4.0 is out, this may be a sad day for the WWA? as we know it. I may opt for a redux, which has to be some sort of record for restarting a wrestling promotion. However, look for some of your favorites, as well as some new ideas I've had to take shape should I enter a new venture. Thanks for all the compliments and feedback, it's always welcome and appreciated.