There are no plans to give Gowen

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

That's so fucking stupid Dama.

 

Where are the Ninjas? Where are the Corrupt Government Spies? Where are the time travellers and Aliens and Corrupt Government Time Travelling Alien Ninja Spies?

[Guest The Mighty Damaramu]

It could be a tragedy. Hogan goes to shove Show off the building but gets Gowan instead. Then Hogan can cry about it as Big Show runs him over with a monster truck.

[Guest Anglesault]

How about Hogan returns and knocks him off of a building?

Hogan's history with pushing people off of buildings and killing them isn't very successful. Just ask Big Show.

So, Hogan needs that job back.

Yes, but would Hogan be willing to accept Zach as a suitable replacement for Big Show? Or did you mean that Hogan should Big Show off of a building again?

Death owes Hogan a job. It's time to cash in.

[boobshaw 0]

Who would play Zack if they did a movie based on his life?

[Guest Anglesault]

Dames

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

So this whole Hogan thing is like Final Destination??

[Guest Askewniverse]

Hogan would balk at the thought of jobbing to death. The man's like a cockroach. He won't go away, no matter how hard you try.

[Guest The Mighty Damaramu]

That's so fucking stupid Dama.

 

Where are the Ninjas? Where are the Corrupt Government Spies? Where are the time travellers and Aliens and Corrupt Government Time Travelling Alien Ninja Spies?

Kane killed them all....he's a monster BY GAWD!

They were sent to stop Kane b/c they knew what was going to happen. But they didn't factor in the fact that he had just recieved his new bio-booster armor. And what follows is a blood bath in the backhalls of Madison Square Garden as the team is massacred by Cyber-Kane. But then when all is thought lost a young up and comer on the team comes out of nowhere to destroy Kanes armor. However the kid is badly damaged in the battle and he gives his life to save Gowen. However Kane is still on the attack only badly injured. The destruction of the armor did something to his mind and now he thinks Gowen is his son. When he finds Zach he pulls off his rocket launcher leg and attempts to blow Kane away but Kane is just to much. Kane accidentally mortally wounds Zach in the ensuing battle thus leading to him laying in the basement clutching him and crying.

Better?

[Guest Anglesault]

So this whole Hogan thing is like Final Destination??

Except death cheated Hogan, not the other way around.

[Guest MarvinisaLunatic]

Big Bossman should invite Zach to a hotel room and offer him some food, and then come to find out its his diseased cut off leg (Don't ask me how this would be possible, but its the WWE so anything can happen).

 

then they can have a leg match or something.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

Anyone else think they should have Zach "returning home" and fighting Drug Lords who are trying to tear down the library for their own personal crack den?

 

It's be like MeteorMan, but with wrestling and Drug Lords, and Corrupt Police Chiefs, and Bill Cosby, and maybe some rappers who - because of their interaction with the living inspiration Zach Gowen - have turned good and want to make the community a better place, and Ninjas, and maybe some freaks like the bearded lady and a bubble boy and some mexicans and like maybe some Sweedish Soccor Moms, and some Drug Lords and more Drug Lords, and throw in some more Ninjas...

 

Man, this thing is turning out great.

[Guest The Mighty Damaramu]

Don't forget about the spunky kid who tries to help but just ends up getting in the way!

[boobshaw 0]

This reminds me of one of those old school "Choose Your Own Adventure" books.

 

I think I own(ed) each and everyone one of THESE. The Ninjas, the Mermaids, all of them.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

You went a lil heavy on the technical stuff Dama, and your sentences weren't nearly long enough, but it shows promise.... I like where you're going and where you're taking us.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

"If you choose to step on the airplane back to England turn to page 49."

 

"If you want to stay in India, turn to page 101"

[Guest Askewniverse]

Since RRR wants some ninjas, I guess that Al Snow could always don the Shinobi outfit again and become the head ninja. He could have an army of Kwang-ninjas and Glacier-ninjas.

[boobshaw 0]

"If you choose to step on the airplane back to England turn to page 49."

 

"If you want to stay in India, turn to page 101"

Am I the only one that would not actually choose my own adventure? Like, after a while of doing it the proper way, just go search for the possible endings and read how I died and what not?

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

That's half the fun.

 

RRR: Shouldn't have opened the chest.

[Guest AndrewTS]

Big Bossman should invite Zach to a hotel room and offer  him some food, and then come to find out its his diseased cut off leg (Don't ask me how this would be possible, but its the WWE so anything can happen).

 

then they can have a leg match or something.

I was in an e-fed where Mortis (a zombie using the mask and outfit, not Kanyon. This Mortis once cut off his own head for fun) had his leg ripped off by Mechius (an army-designed combat robot sent to a wrestling federation to test his hand-to-hand combat techniques).

 

He had two cyborg lackeys called Horus and Anubis--who were just like Edge and Christian during their goofy tag team heel run except they were cyborgs with Egyptian-statue style heads. They'd been in the doghouse with Mechius so he'd put their heads under glass and forbid them to use their bodies for a while as punishment. So one of their mechanical legs fought against Mortis' leg one time, while Horus and Anubis bet on them.

 

This was until Mechius sold Mortis' leg on Ebay where it was bought by another member of the federation, Duke Drose.

 

Don't worry about Mortis. He eventually got his leg back, but until then he absorbed a stone leg from a statue, and it was assimilated to his body and became movable and usable until he got it back.

 

He was of course able to use this leg in matches, as it had become part of his body.

[Guest JMA]

I'd like to see Gowen become a heel manager. He could hit his client's opponents with his fake leg. OLD SCHOOL~!

[Guest Anglesault]

I'd like to see Gowen become a heel manager. He could hit his client's opponents with his fake leg. OLD SCHOOL~!

::Beats JMA with the fake leg until he agrees with killing Gowan off::

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

no way man...

 

 

Zach Gowan IS V.I.P.

 

 

VERY~! IMPORTANT~! PEGLEG~!

 

Zach Gowan plays Agent VIP, a not-so-corrupt private detective on the wrong side of the law...he's looking for justice...he's looking for truth...he's looking for action...

 

...and he's gonna do it all in a...

 

HOP~!

 

 

SKIP~!

 

 

AND JUMP~! of IN YOUR FACE DRAMAH!

 

See Zach cry...

See Zach smile...

See Zach hit homeless people in the nuts...

 

And of course...

 

SEE ZACH MOONSAULT AND CRUSH THE VILLIANOUS OPPRESSORS OF OUR TIME!

 

*WHOOOOOSH*

 

Zach Gowan *IS* V.I.P.

 

Very...Important...Pegleg...

 

 

 

 

Coming this fall to U...P...N~!

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

Actually, the BEST thing would be to have Zach eating a bag of chips at a catering table and then lightly cough. Quickly cut to an Ambulance rushing down the street. Then just have the Gowen motion graphic with "Zach Gowen: 1983 - 2003 " and that's it. No real explanation, no real follow up, just those three small clips.

[Guest JMA]

::Beats JMA with the fake leg until he agrees with killing Gowan off::

::Beltshots Nu Salt::

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

I'd like to see more of a dramatic and less actiony role for Zach Gowen... so his living inspiration can be felt by us all in a less negative and more wholesome way... like Growing Pains, or Family Ties... or even Family Matters, but no Richie... that kid was creepy.

 

I'd call it "Lean on Me". But if that's taken, then "Jimmy Legless" or "Randy-Capable". It would co-star Mitch Mullany (WB's Nick Freno) as Zach's (or Jimmy's or Randy's) live-in zany Uncle Alex Dunn, Bonnie Bedelia (from Die Hard) as Zachs widowing-mother Jillian (Zach's father - a fireman - having died in a fire trying to save a young Zach who lost his leg in said fire, his brother Alex has decided to help them rebuild), Reginald VelJohnson (another Die Hard vet) as the grumpy nextdoor Neighbour Mr. Dalton who, through Zachs living inspiration, eventually finds his heart and begins to cheer up, and of course the incomperable Pat Duffy as Stuart Harper, Zach's history professor and mentor, who -unbeknownst to Zach- started the fire inwhich his father died in.

 

Together, this cast of characters discover -through Zach- the true meaning of life, love and god.

[Guest Lord of The Curry]

What about Malcom Jamal Warner?! WHAT DOES HE DO?!

[Guest Choken One]

Well...Let's just say RRR has quite the active and sick yet amusing imagination.

[Guest The Mighty Damaramu]

You went a lil heavy on the technical stuff Dama, and your sentences weren't nearly long enough, but it shows promise.... I like where you're going and where you're taking us.

Whew.....at least you didn't say I had potential. That's just a nice way of saying someone sucks.

[Guest Lord of The Curry]

Off topic question: If you had to cast WWE wrestlers as Homestar Runner characters, who would you cast?

 

The Cheat- Eddy Guerrero (duh)

Stong Sad- Rikishi

Strong Bad- Jericho

Strong Mad- Brock

 

Homestar Runner- Angle

Marzipan- Kiebler

Pom Pom- RVD

The King of Town- Flair

The Poopsmith- Vince

Coach Z- Benoit

Bubs- Edge

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

Eps #1 "Sleeping on a Cloud"

 

*Opening*

 

"Running Free"

 

Here I am, that's all I can be

Walking along with just a left knee

I hear their voices, but I can't reach out

I see them tremble and I hear them shout

They want to be free!

But they feel so alone

They want to be free!

THEY WANT TO BE HOOOOOME!

 

I'm RUUUUN-IIIING Free!

As fast as the wind, I know I can be!

I'm RUUUUN-IIIING Free!

Look out the window and there you will see!

 

Flying with out wings, Running so fast

To the waiting future, away from the past!

 

I'm RUUUUN-IIING Free!

Look in your heart and believe in me

I'm RUUUUN-IIING Free!

Together we will make it, together, just you (just you), just yooou aaaannd MMEEEEE...

 

(Opening theme consists of Zach pushing a child on a swingset, Zach running along the sidewalk, Zach waving to various blue collar workers like a garbage man, then waving at all of the cast members with their names in yellow font under them, and eventually Zach running along the beach with a helicopter panning shot.)

 

"Lean on me was taped before a live studio audience"

 

*Show begins with credits and an instrumental version of "running free"*

 

*Jillian, Zachs mother, is shown preparing dinner*

 

*Alex, Zachs uncle and Jillians brother in-law enters from out doors*

 

Jillian: Alex, you better wash up, Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes.

 

Alex: Ok... MOM!

 

*crowd laughs*

 

Jillian: I'm serious, remember the last time you didn't wash up after playing a long game of football?

 

*Zach hobbles in from the family room*

 

*crowd goes wild*

 

Zach: Yeah, you got the chicken and peas all brown and eucky!

 

*crowd laughs, then cheers*

 

Alex: Ok, Ok, Ok... FINE!

 

*crowd laughs* *Alex leaves room*

 

Zach: So mom, whatcha cookin?

 

Jill: Oh, a little something called PIZZA!

 

Zach: MMMM BOY! PIZZA! That's my FAVOURITE!

 

Jill: I know it is!

 

Zach: What's the special occasion? I'm not... dying... am I?

 

*crowd gasps*

 

Jill: No silly, I just figured Pizza would be nice for my special lil guy.

 

*Jill walks over and kisses Zach on the cheek*

 

Zach: MAAAAOOM! STAAAPIT! Mr. Dalton is looking at us!

 

Jill: I don't care about what that old man thinks, all he does all day is sit on his front porch and read old hard-covered readers digests and scowls at passing children.

 

Zach: He's not that bad.

 

Jill: Don't you tell me you've been hanging out with Old Man Dalton, I told you...

 

Zach: I know, I know, it's just me and the boys were playing stickball and it landed on his lawn and before I knew it I was talking to him and he seemed pretty nice, that's all.

 

Jill: Well, I don't want you to make a habit of it. I've heard some weird things about him and I don't want you associating with him.

 

Zach: Weird? Like what?

 

*Alex enters*

 

Alex: Oh I dunno, how about a collection of missing childrens teeth.

 

Zach: WHAT?!

 

Jill: ALEX!

 

Alex: What? Oh come on, that rumour about Old Man Dalton has been floating around ever since I was back in high school.

 

Jill: Still, no reason to upset Zachary!

 

Zach: MAAAOOOM! Don't call me Zachary!

 

Jill: Well it's your name!

 

Zach: My name is Zach mom, ZACH!

 

Alex: That's right, it rhymes with Plaque!

 

*crowd laughs*

 

*all 3 sit down at the table*

 

Zach: So Alex, how was the football game?

 

Alex: Not bad, scored four touchdowns and made the game winning play!

 

*Zach looks at Alex skeptically*

 

Alex: Ok, I sat on the bench the entire time...

 

*crowd laughs*

 

Alex: So how was school?

 

Zach: Not bad, Allison Banting said hi to me at lunch.

 

Jill: ALLISON BANTING? A GIRL!

 

Alex (Sarcastically) : A GIRL!? A GIRL!? How dare you young mister do such a thing! Saying hi to a girl, that's just crazy!

 

*crowd laughs*

 

Zach: Gee, don't make a national holiday of it. It was just a greeting, a passing conversation, it was nothing much...

 

*Alex and Jill look at Zach skeptically*

 

Zach: I'm going out with her friday night! The movies! We're going to see Attack of the Killer Spaceworms 5 - aaaa classic...

 

Alex: You know, I thought they said all that was needed to be said in Attack of the Killer Spaceworms 4, but I guess greedy hollywood commercialism wins again...

 

*crowd laughs*

 

Jill: So this Allison..

 

Zach: Don't worry mom, it's completely innocent...

 

Jill: It better be, and just in case Alex is going to go along with you!

 

*Alex and Zach do a double take and spit out their foot*

 

*Commercial*

Edited July 25, 2003 by RavishingRickRudo