WWE VENGEANCE 2003 HANGOUT REPORT

[Guest Pegasus Kid]

WWE VENGEANCE 2003 HANGOUT REPORT

 

OK so I haven’t reviewed anything in a while. FUCKING SUE ME. Anyway, the summer is going along nicely as I’m officially done with College and have entered “the real world” (DEAR GOD NO!). That basically means I’m looking for a “real job” while working as many hours as I can in the shithole (no I don’t work in a toilet). Sadly this has meant I’ve seen little to no weekly wrestling (or any wrestling for that matter outside of a couple of DVD purchases) over the last month. I’m pretty much going into this one blind as the only wrestling I have seen is hour 1 main event – end of RAW (if that) and ZERO Smackdown! It’s kind of like going into a PPV like my buddy Dave does every month.

 

Speaking of Dave, he and Felix were the only ones to join me for this PPV. THAT IS FUCKING SAD! Mark got one of them girlfriend deals and bailed (this is the thanks I get for hooking him up) while Ryan handed me some lame ass excuse about homework (so he fails his midterm, BIG FUCKING DEAL!). Jerome is studying for MCAT’s (good luck bro, I’m rooting for ya) while Scott is on school term away from home. That’s the ball game. We hit the sports bar and join the local riff raff marks for a night of wrestling.

 

It should be noted we got there late and had to sit at the bar. It should also be noted I FUCKING HATED THE BARTENDER! FUCKING HATE! FUCKER!

 

LOW RIDER vs THAT’S A BUSINESS TEAM SON (US Tournament Title Finals)

Eddy comes out in a low rider. NICE! Felix negotiates with the bartender over whether he can buy a pitcher all for himself (FOSTERS BABY!). They go back and forth (something about it being illegal for bars to sell pitchers to one person) but Felix wins out as long as Dave and I keep an empty glass in front of us. Dave’s comment of “this is the opener? Well you know it’s all downhill from here” nearly panned out but not quite. This looked like it had all the makings of a MOTYC. I could tell within the first couple of minutes that the pacing was set up for a LOOOOONG match. These guys could share the same cock considering how well they know each other. Everything ran silky smooth except that ugly missed Frog Splash. I piss my pants at the sight of THE FUCKING WILDBOMB! HO…LY… SHIT! Dave and Felix start debating over how stupid it is for a Canadian and a Mexican to fight over the US Belt prompting the bartender to look at us strange. FUCK YOU BEER BOY! The once possible MOTYC goes down the drain with overbooking (OK it was funny overbooking) and then GORE! GORE! GORE! WHATTHEFUCKEVER! ***1/2

 

HE EATS ASS… MAN vs FUCKS A DOUBLE WIDE ASS (Indecent Proposal Match)

When the hell did Knoble start feuding with Billy Gunn? When the hell did Billy Gunn turn hetero? When the hell did Billy Gunn get TORRIE FUCKING WILSON! IT’S LIKE BIZARRO WORLD! Felix tells me Billy Gunn is all about not gassing out and has innovative offense. Hmm… well he still sucks but he’s got some FUCKED UP Hip Toss into Neckbreaker deal that made me pay attention. What in the blue fuck was Torrie wearing? It’s like someone took a hot outfit and took scissors to it. KNOBLE HAS A FUCKTOY CASE! AWESOME! Shit happened and now Torrie Wilson has to fuck Knoble on Smackdown! Yeah, like that’s going to happen. You’ve got a better chance of Nidia getting anal from The Big Show than Wilson getting naked on SD! We’ll go *1/4

 

BAR ROOM BRAWL (highlights)

Sean O’Haire is FUCKING SCARY!

The Easter Bunny got his ass kicked. Was that a running joke I missed?

MOTHERFUCKING MATT HARDY… VERSION 1 KILLS TWO GUYS TWICE!

Spanky dances on the bar and I die laughing.

Shannon Moore is FUCKING INSANE with the Somersault Plancha off the stage.

Shannon Moore is FUCKING INSANE AGAIN going headfirst into the mirror.

The rest kind of sucked. I can’t really rate it. Dave got in a good line though as I keep asking “who’s that guy?” to Felix and he keeps saying “the new prospect” to which Dave responds “so he’s useless for about a year.” Truer words have never been spoken.

 

MRS. TORRIE WILSON/BABY #3 IS HERE vs GREATEST TAG TEAM EVER

How can you possibly come up with a better name than “The World’s Greatest Tag Team.” THAT IS FUCKING GENIUS! Dave takes a look at Kidman and chimes in with “man, could this guy be any more of a white boy?” HAHAHA! Hey guess what, THIS FUCKING RULED! Everyone is NUCLEAR FIRED UP! Rey Rey twirls a bunch. WGTT hit lots of stiff moves and WORK DA MAT! Benjamin got a FUCKING SICK Inverted Bow and Arrow deal that got “OOOOHHHH” from most of the bar. Kidman’s all “HEY LOOK AT ME” and hits the BAD ASS SPRINGBOARD SHOOTING STAR PRESS! HOLY FUCK! Felix nearly choked on his beer after that move. Near falls are EVERYWHERE! My heart jumps about a billion times near the end and then Rey DIES THE HORRIBLE DEATH! I LOVE WGTT! I LOVE THIS MATCH! ****

 

WASHED UP AND OLD vs BIGGER ARMS THAN ME

Let me say this right now. Stephanie McMahon is A FUCKING TANK! I mean Jesus, I work out on a regular basis and am definitely not a small fry by any means but she’s got to have bigger arms than me. Fuck, she’s gotta have bigger arms than JAY FUCKING BOWER (he’s a beast too). Hey guess what, THIS DIDN’T SUCK! Stephanie McMahon BRINGS THE INTENSITY! You want to talk about dick in the ass fired up, it’s gotta be Steph. STIFF AS FUCK! ELBOW IN YOUR FACE! You know you’ve hit a sharp elbow when it gets a replay. Sable is perfect as “bitch being beaten down by her boss.” I gained two billion notches more respect for Stephanie. Insane intensity. Stupid ending pisses me off but the bulk of the match was all kinds of fun. **

 

HEY FUCK YOU BARTENDER! I ASKED FOR HOT WINGS! NOT THIS PUSSYFOOT MILD BULLSHIT!

 

WORD LIFE vs OLD MAN

You want to talk about a guy that’s over in Canada, it’s JOHN FUCKING CENA! I don’t think I could have said “this guy is so good” more often than I did during this match. Dave has this brilliant idea where if you know the match is going to suck ahead of time, you put the awesome pre-match video package on after the match to get the crowd interested again. Felix figures that Cena could be the white boy rapper than Eminem WISHES he could be because he’s got the freestyle rap skills AND he’s a legit BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER! It boggles my mind to see a match that needs to be one thing go completely the opposite. Taker dominates the whole way and makes Cena look like a fucking pussy. Then makes his finisher look like a piece of shit. Then wins it. FUCK THIS SHIT! FUCK YOU TAKER! CENA SHOULD BE OWNING YOUR ASS FOR FREE! The only highlight for me was the AWESOME Chain Shot to the gut. CENA IS THE FUCKING MAN STILL! *

 

TENACIOUS Z vs CAN’T HAVE ABAD MATCH

There’s something about watching and listening to people who have never seen Zach Gowen wrestle before. It’s like the purest form of shock and admiration all rolled into one. Anyone else notice that Vince’s matches on PPV always kick ass? I’m pretty sure he gets his best guys to lay out the picture perfect match based on what skills he has while catering to the strengths of his opponent. This time around, Vince really DICKS IT UP! This was SUPER ASSHOLE! The crowd was FUCKING NUKED throughout the whole match. I mean how can you not get behind a one legged kid fighting against a jacked up billionaire? Dave said it best with “Gowen would have to beat down a paraplegic blind midget whose dick was cut off to get any kind of heel heat.” Lots of great stuff that just makes you want to kill Vince right on the spot. It helps so much more when Gowen BUMPS LIKE A FREAK and makes everything look that much more painful. Felix with the horrible pun of “SINGLE LEG CRAB!” BOOOOOO FELIX! BOOOOOO! Anyway, Zach makes the superhero comeback and MCMAHON FUCKING HITS A GUSHER! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I don’t understand how that could have happened as Gowen hit The Vangowenator perfectly flat. McMahon must have had the blade near his head when the chair hit because that cut looked hardway and it couldn’t have been done by the chair alone. Match was so much fun. ***

 

NOT SO BIG SLOW vs AN GLE! AN GLE! vs WHAT A BEAST (WWE Championship)

I had high expectations for this match because it was basically last year’s 3 way with Brock in place of Rock and Show in place of Taker. Angle and Lesnar can go and TBS has been fired up as of late so you really couldn’t go wrong (well you could but well… OH SHUT UP!). They played this match to Big Show’s strengths as he got to look like a monster (that’s how this guy should always be booked) while Angle and Lesnar bumped like mad. It was the usual “you fall out so the other two can fight” formula but you didn’t really notice. Lesnar may be the next big thing but someone’s gotta teach him how to bleed. To quote Dave “way to bleed no blood.” Someone tell me HOW FUCKING STRONG IS LESNAR! RUNNING POWERBOMB ON THE BIG SHOW?! Of course the night isn’t complete with The Spanish Announcers getting their table busted up. Dave thinks out loud “I wonder if they scream like little bitches when their table breaks.” Some things are best left unknown. The ending was kind of well… anti climatic and definitely didn’t live up to the awesome ending of last year’s 3 way (I think I’ll go watch that tomorrow) but the bulk of the match was superior to last year. This was an obvious set up for Lesnar vs Angle at SummerSlam and I’ve got no complaints about that. ***1/4

 

Final Thoughts: This was lots of fun. It wasn’t the MOTYC stuff I was expecting (well the tag title match could probably be called low end MOTYC but I only saw it once and that was in a bar atmosphere so my opinion could be skewed) but it was still lots of fun. Only Knoble vs Gunn and Taker vs Cena were actively “not very good” so this show gets a high recommendation.

[Guest Choken One]

Good Shit.

 

This oughta be a Front Page Report if the Diatribe for Dames doesn't pan out.

[Placebo Effect 0]

FUCK YOU MEXICAN PURO BOY...PRINCE PAUL OWNS YOUR ASS AND THIS BOARD

That didn't take long.

 

Great hangout report, as always.

[Guest Pegasus Kid]

Good Shit.

 

This oughta be a Front Page Report if the Diatribe for Dames doesn't pan out.

I always appreciate kind feedback from you guys but I doubt this would ever end up on the main page of TSM. Dames does an awesome job with his Diatribes and considering all my ratings are based on one viewing (at the bar no less) it wouldn't exactly be an objective opinion. They know this at 411, that's why I get to post it on the front page but I think The Hangout Report works well here in the WWE folder for now. Again thanks...

[Guest The Old Me]

"FUCK YOU MEXICAN PURO BOY...PRINCE PAUL OWNS YOUR ASS AND THIS BOARD"

 

 

WTF? Anyhow, good job Baisden.

[NYU 0]

Uh....not to be an asshole or anything but....I just didn't think it was very good. Needs a lot of work. I mean, the excitement is good and all but....who's Felix ? Who's Dave ? And why do I care about them ?

 

Plus the whole "OH MY GOD ! FUCKING INSANE ! HOLY SHIT ! ARGHAHDHAHDHGHSDOFJSFPAPOASK!" thing makes it kinda hard to read through the whole thing.

 

* 1/2. Not awful.....but not good either

[Murmuring Beast 0]

Perfectly Acceptable Writing.

 

***

[Guest Anglesault]

I mean how can you not get behind a one legged kid fighting against a jacked up billionaire?

When the one legged kid is an obnoxious ass.

 

Dave said it best with “Gowen would have to beat down a paraplegic blind midget whose dick was cut off to get any kind of heel heat.”

 

Tell that to all the people boing him.

[Guest Slapnuts00]

Sounds like you enjoyed it, but I think you lowballed Cena/Taker. Yes the booking was wrong but the match itself was solid and intense.

[Guest Slapnuts00]

Sounds like you enjoyed it, but I think you lowballed Cena/Taker. Yes the booking was wrong but the match itself was solid and intense. No way Steph/Sable was better.

[Guest Pegasus Kid]

Uh....not to be an asshole or anything but....I just didn't think it was very good. Needs a lot of work. I mean, the excitement is good and all but....who's Felix ? Who's Dave ? And why do I care about them ?

 

Plus the whole "OH MY GOD ! FUCKING INSANE ! HOLY SHIT ! ARGHAHDHAHDHGHSDOFJSFPAPOASK!" thing makes it kinda hard to read through the whole thing.

The Hangout Report is an ongoing series where I basically fuse together my night with the buds watching the PPV with random thoughts on the matches. If you're only reading it for the first time, you probably wouldn't understand who the people are. The archives are at 411 (or they should be) going back interestingly enough to last year's Vengeance.

 

The overdone caps (and yes I am aware of the overuse) is just to express excitement and what not. If I wanted to do a legit review/recap/etc... then I'd have done so. This stuff is basically for shits and giggles.

 

So as not to double post...

 

My ratings are based on how much I enjoyed the matches. I felt Taker vs Cena was boring (and the crowd at the bar I was at would be inclined to agree) while Steph vs Sable was fun to watch with Stephanie bringing some amazing intensity. When I get a copy of this show in a few days I'll re-watch Taker vs Cena and see if there's anything I may have missed while yapping with my buds.

[Guest Mindless_Aggression]

Strongly disagree with the Cena/Taker rating but I always enjoy your reviews because you tend to actually be having a good time with them instead of just bitching for the whole thing. It's refreshing.