rising up out of the back seat-nuh 0 Report post Posted August 5, 2003 Okay, I'm bored at the moment, and I got to thinking that I haven't heard any good jokes in a long while, so I thought I'd ask the good folk at TSM for their favorite joke. Over to you guys... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Youth N Asia Report post Posted August 5, 2003 A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" "No," says the rabbit. So the bear grabbed the rabbit and wiped his ass with it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ripper Report post Posted August 5, 2003 I predict someone will get banned due to this thread. My joke: A little boy walks in on his parents having sex. Stunned, the little boy ask, MOMMY!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! The mother says, "Oh...your fathers belly is so big that I have to hop up and down on it to get all the air out." "Oh" said the little boy. "But I don't see what the point is...the lady next door is going to blow it right back up when you go to work tommorrow." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest justsoyouknow Report post Posted August 5, 2003 Story time: I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone elso. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it, just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the Family." The moral of this story is: always keep your condoms in your car. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Youth N Asia Report post Posted August 5, 2003 A little boy walks into the bathroom and catches his father putting on a condom. "Daddy what are you doing?" the boy asks "Uhhh, daddy's trying to catch a mouse." he answers back nerviously. "Why? So you can fuck it?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ripper Report post Posted August 5, 2003 A little boy walks into the bathroom and catches his father putting on a condom. "Daddy what are you doing?" the boy asks "Uhhh, daddy's trying to catch a mouse." he answers back nerviously. "Why? So you can fuck it?" What the fuck? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Youth N Asia Report post Posted August 5, 2003 A little boy walks into the bathroom and catches his father putting on a condom. "Daddy what are you doing?" the boy asks "Uhhh, daddy's trying to catch a mouse." he answers back nerviously. "Why? So you can fuck it?" What the fuck? The father was on to get busy with mommy. The boy catches him, the father makes up a quick lie...but the boy obvisouly knows what a condom is. It sounds better then it's read Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ripper Report post Posted August 5, 2003 Actually, I laughed. It was just such a strange story for the father to make up... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest IDrinkRatsMilk Report post Posted August 5, 2003 This joke is getting a little well known, but it's my favorite, so here goes: A teenage girl is getting ready to go to her senior prom and she needs a dress, so she asks her dad for money. He says "I'll give you the money, but you have to give me a blowjob." She decides it's worth it, so she starts blowing him, but she pulls back and says "Daddy, your dick tastes like shit." He says "Yeah, your brother wanted a tuxedo." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Amazing Rando Report post Posted August 5, 2003 Guy goes into supermarket and buys: tv dinners couple 6 packs of beer tv guide He goes to the counter... Female Cashier: So...you single... Guy:*sarcastic* Well how DID you know? Cashier: Cause you're fucking ugly... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest David Report post Posted August 6, 2003 What do you call a pig that does karate? -Pork Chop (for some reason i find this funny) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Metal Maniac Report post Posted August 6, 2003 How did the tap dancer break his leg? He fell into the sink. (I love that joke, not because it's that funny in and of itself, but it's funny to say it to people and watch them give that "you fucker..." look) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Youth N Asia Report post Posted August 6, 2003 This joke is getting a little well known, but it's my favorite, so here goes: A teenage girl is getting ready to go to her senior prom and she needs a dress, so she asks her dad for money. He says "I'll give you the money, but you have to give me a blowjob." She decides it's worth it, so she starts blowing him, but she pulls back and says "Daddy, your dick tastes like shit." He says "Yeah, your brother wanted a tuxedo." The way I heard it was borrowing the car and brother borrowing the truck Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MaxPower27 Report post Posted August 6, 2003 Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. I then looked around the room and saw that all the waitpersons had a spoon in their pocket. When the waiter came back to check on our order I asked: ''Why the spoon?'' ''Well,'' he explained, ''the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84% more often than any other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours per shift.'' As we finished talking, a metallic sound was heard from behind me. Quickly, the waiter replaced the dropped spoon with the one in his pocket and said: ''I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.'' I was rather impressed. The waiter continued taking our order and while my guests ordered, I continued to look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their fly. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter: ''Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'' ''Oh, certainly!'' he answered, lowering his voice. ''Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned, also found out that we can save time in the restroom.'' ''How so?'' ''See,'' he continued, ''by tying this string to the tip of ...you know... we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent'' ''Okay, that makes sense, but... if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?'' ''Well,'' he whispered, lowering his voice even further, ''I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest AM The Kid Report post Posted August 6, 2003 What's brown and Sticky? A stick. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest eiker_ir Report post Posted August 6, 2003 So there was this basket full of muffins. Then one of the muffins turned and said to another muffin, "So, how's it going today?" The other muffin screamed, "AAAAAhh, A talking muffin!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest eiker_ir Report post Posted August 6, 2003 a few short(and stupid) ones: What do you get when you cross a bridge with a bicycle? Spoiler (Highlight to Read): To the other side What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Spoiler (Highlight to Read): ElliphIknow Have you heard about the new pirate movie? Spoiler (Highlight to Read): It's rated arrrrrgggghhhh! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Fook_Hing_Ho Report post Posted August 6, 2003 What's orange and can fly through walls? A magic orange Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
