OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 8/7/03

[Zack Malibu 0]

OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

 

 

Hosted by Michael "Ice" Cole and "Nicknamed after an ABC sitcom", "The Coach" Jonathan Coachman!

 

 

Coach:"YO~! What's up everyone, welcome back to the highest rated wrestling show on Thursday nights..."

 

MC:"...and the only one worth watching, OAOAST HeldDOWN~!"

 

Coach:"You damn skippy, MC. We've got one HELLACIOUS show tonight, as we've got a tournament to start, Tag Titles on the line, and a ladder match to determine whether or not Zack Malibu will join Totally Endorsed!"

 

MC:"You know, we talk every week about how our shows are PPV quality, and some write it off to hyperbole. Fans, if EVER there was a show that you had to set the VCR for, it's tonight's show."

 

Coach:"PPV quality, eh? Let me know when our shows get to "late night PPV quality", if you know what I mean."

 

MC:"...she's not gonna get naked for you, Coach. Give it up."

 

Coach:"Persistent pays off."

 

MC:"Yeah, but persperation doens't. You make Right Guard turn left and Speed Stick slow down! Throw on some deo, yo."

 

Coach:"..."

 

MC:"Speechless?"

 

Coach:"Yes."

 

MC:"Good, because we're about to kick things off with two of the wildest personalities on our show. Hex Machina and CWM, comin' at ya NOW~!"

[Zack Malibu 0]

"SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN"

 

Hex's entrance music is heard and he appears on the stage to loud boos, with Naz close behind. He saunters down to the ring and spots a young boy at ringside holding a sign which reads "CWM IS MY HERO". Hex snatches the sign away, and the boy yells for him to give it back. Hex holds it out, but when the boy reaches for it he pulls it away and rips it to shreds with a laugh. The crowd boos him louder and Hex gives them the finger as he climbs into the ring, with Naz taking his place on the outside.

 

Coachman: Come on now, that's totally uncalled for! Fans, the actions of Hex Machina do not reflect the opinions of the OAOAST, it's parent or subsidiaries.

 

Cole: That's right, Coach. The OAOAST front office received correspondence from the network affiliate this week... our sponsors weren't too happy with the exchange between Hex and CWM last HeldDown. Decency prevents us from replaying that exchange here tonight, but management spoke to both men and they've agreed to keep it civil from here on out.

 

Smells Like Teen Spirit hits and CWM steps through the curtain into a sea of cheers. CWM walks down the ramp and into the ring, but before the bell can ring, Hex grabs the ref and starts pointing at CWM. He indicates that he saw CWM stick a foreign object in his boot, and the ref goes to pat CWM down. The crowd, eager to get the match underway, boos.

 

Cole: CWM isn't the kind of competitor who needs any help to get the job done. This is just more of Hex's mind games.

 

Hex sticks his hand out of the ring and Naz hands him a chair. While his back is still turned checking CWM, Hex blasts the ref with the chair, and the ref goes down. Without a pause, Hex lays a boot into the midsection of CWM and brings the chair down across his back. Hex then turns and yells for Naz to get out, and Naz runs back up the ramp and out of sight.

 

Coachman: What the hell is Hex doing?!

 

Cole: Hex has taken the referee out before the match has even begun!

 

They ring the bell anyway, and CWM gets to his knees. Hex raises the chair up to nail him again, but CWM punches him in the crotch. Hex drops the chair and hops around clutching his groin. CWM gets to his feet, grabs the chair and sets it up. Hex turns around right into a punch to the gut from CWM. CWM picks Hex up, and positions himself to powerbomb Hex onto the chair.

 

Coachman: That will break Hex's spine!

 

Cole: CWM, no! He's not worth it!

 

But Hex starts punching CWM in the head and shifts his body weight around until his back is safely facing away from the chair, then hits a hurracanrana. Both men get to their feet and CWM runs at Hex. Hex is able to catch CWM in a full nelson, and pulls back into a dragon suplex. Hex holds on, dragging CWM back to his feet and dropping him with a full nelson slam. Hex picks up the chair and ascends the turnbuckle with it. He launches with a front flip Arabian Facebuster, but CWM rolls out of the way. Hex crashes to the mat in pain. CWM gets up, grabs the chair and wedges it into the turnbuckle. Hex is starting to stir, but CWM yanks him to his feet and powerbombs him into the corner. Hex's back smashes into the chair and he flops forward onto his face, unmoving.

 

Cole: My God!

 

Coachman: Hex's spine may be broken after all!

 

CWM picks Hex up and whips him back into the corner, the chair again taking its toll on Hex's back, but this time Hex stays in the corner. CWM lays in with chops to the chest and Hex starts to come around. CWM backs up and charges, meaning to shoulderblock Hex into the chair, but Hex drops onto his ass and CWM crashes headfirst into the chair and falls flat on his back. Hex pulls the chair out of the turnbuckle and locks CWM in a figure four. Hex is swinging the chair at CWM while locked in the hold, but CWM grabs it and manages to wrestle it away from Hex. Now CWM swings the chair at Hex and Hex releases the hold.

 

Coachman: Alright, just get the chair out of there already!

 

Cole: I'm sure the referee would agree with you if he were conscious.

 

CWM gets to his feet, holding the chair, and Hex backs into the corner, grabs the ropes and throws his feet out, kicking the chair into CWM's face. CWM falls on his back with the chair on top of him. Hex springs to the top rope, but CWM throws the chair up at him. Hex avoids a fall, but is off balance long enough for CWM to climb up and set him up for a superplex. Before he can execute it, Hex starts punching CWM in the side. CWM switches his grip and throws Hex with an overhead belly to belly suplex off the top. Hex flies nearly clear across the ring.

 

Coachman: Whoa! This match would be over now if we had a ref! No way Hex is getting up after that!

 

CWM goes to try and revive the referee so he can get the pin.

 

Cole: Looks like CWM has the same idea.

 

The ref is dead to the world. CWM starts getting impatient and smacking him around, but Hex still hasn't moved. The ref finally starts to regain consciousness and CWM goes over and pins Hex, but the ref is still dragging his way across the ring. CWM gets up and drags him over, then drops into a pin for the second time. The ref raises his arm...

 

1...

 

2...

 

Hex gets his shoulder up at the last second to a collective gasp.

 

Cole: Hex's sadistic and out of line attack on the referee has just bought him enough time to squeak his way out of a loss!

 

Coachman: Hex may be a bastard, but he knows what he's doing.

 

CWM crosses the ring and gets the chair. Hex gets to his knees and sees CWM coming. He holds up his hands and shakes his head, pleading for mercy. CWM regards him with contempt, them turns to the crowd for their approval. They give it to him resoundingly, erupting in a chant of "BREAK HIS FACE!", but as soon as CWM turned to the crowd Hex grabbed the ref and when CWM turns and swings Hex holds him up and the ref is down once more.

 

Coachman: Not again! We really need to train our officials to withstand abuse better.

 

Cole: Hex is shameless!

 

Hex gets to his feet, pulling the unconscious referee up with him. CWM tries to swing the chair again, but every time he rears back Hex holds the ref in front of him as a human shield.

 

Cole: Look at Hex! The coward!

 

Coachman: Cowardly, but smart. If CWM wants to get to Hex, he’ll have to get around the referee, and Hex knows CWM won’t sink to his level.

 

After a few more tries, CWM has had enough and brings the chair down across the referee’s head, knocking him out of Hex’s hands.

 

Cole: Hey! He can’t do that!

 

Coachman: CWM may be getting tired of Hex’s games, but I think this is going too far! Is this a wrestling match or a street brawl?

 

Hex looks surprised as he drops the battered ref, but then laughs. CWM swings the chair into Hex’s laughing face, and Hex staggers back and bounces against the ropes. CWM throws the chair at him over the fallen referee, Hex catches it and CWM spins into a Van Daminator. Hex takes it hard and tumbles back over the ropes and to the floor. CWM picks up the injured ref and sits him in the corner out of the way. He walks back over to the ropes, leans over and taunts Hex, telling him to get back in the ring. Hex just lies there.

 

Cole: Looks like Hex is feeling the effects of those chairshots.

 

Coachman: I wouldn't be so sure. This is Hex we're talking about.

 

Cole: Good point.

 

CWM gets fed up and climbs out of the ring starts nudging Hex with his foot. Hex still doesn't move. CWM picks him up and rolls him back in the ring. Hex lies spread eagled on the mat as CWM gets back in.

 

Coachman: Ok, maybe not. I think Hex is seriously injured.

 

CWM looks down at the prone Hex and shakes his head, then signals for the Polly Cutter. The crowd goes wild as CWM lifts Hex and sets him up.

 

Cole: Come on, CWM, this is just insult to injury.

 

Coachman: Hex can't even defend himself but CWM doesn't care.

 

But Hex's eyes suddenly snap open and he grabs CWM with a german suplex. Hex kicks CWM while he's down, then picks him up and sets him in the corner. Hex grabs the chair and sets it up mid-ring.

 

Coachman: I knew it! You can't trust Hex any farther than you can throw him!

 

Cole: Judging by that belly to belly superplex we saw earlier, that's pretty damn far.

 

Coachman: Touché.

 

Hex runs from the opposite corner, springing off the chair and launching at CWM, looking to catch him in a hurracanrana. CWM dives under Hex's flying body and Hex lands crotch first straddling the top turnbuckle.

 

Coachman: Oooooh! I don't even want to think about that!

 

Cole: If Hex survives this match, I don't think he'll be fathering any children!

 

Hex screams and falls back into the tree of woe. CWM picks up the chair, closes it and builds up a running start. He dropkicks Hex in the face, sticking the chair in front of his feet.

 

Coachman: These guys find more things to do with a chair than Chippendale!

 

Hex is busted open, and he hangs limply, the blood running down his face and dripping onto the mat. CWM leaves the ring and lifts up the ring apron. He pulls a table out and the crowd is alive with anticipation.

 

Coachman: CWM is going to brutalize Hex with that table!

 

Cole: I don't know who's more bloodthirsty!

 

CWM slides the table into the ring and sets it up. He frees Hex from the turnbuckle and sets him on the table. CWM climbs to the top rope, but before he can jump, Hex rolls off the table. CWM gets back down, and Hex finally makes it to his feet, but CWM jumps headlong over the table and spears him. CWM gets into the mount position and starts laying punches into Hex's face. Hex has his hands in his face trying to block the shots, and he takes some of the blood from his busted forehead and rubs it in CWM's eyes. CWM staggers around blinded and Hex takes the opportunity to leave the ring. He grabs a microphone.

 

Hex: Hey CWM, you (*beep*)! Come on out here!

 

CWM wipes the blood out of his eyes and comes after Hex. Hex grabs the ring bell and throws it at CWM. CWM ducks and Hex takes the opportunity to kick him in the face. Hex grabs a tv cable and wraps it around CWM's neck. Hex raises the microphone.

 

Hex: Squeal, piggy!

 

Hex sticks the mic in CWM's face as he continues to strangle him.

 

CWM: Ack! (*beep*) you, you mother(*beep*.........)!

 

Cole: Folks, I don't know how much longer we can stay with this action!

 

Coachman: Remember, if the network cuts us off, you can get up to the minute results at the official OAOAST website!

 

The ref finally comes around, and crawls over to see Hex choking CWM with the extension cord. He calls for the bell, but the bell is on the ground after Hex threw it at CWM, and the timekeeper is crouched against the barrier, cowering as Hex and CWM battle in front of him. The timekeeper builds up his nerve and tries to crawl around Hex and CWM to get to the bell without drawing their attention. It doesn't work. Hex grabs him and throws him into the ring steps. The timekeeper is out, and CWM uses Hex's momentary distraction to get the cord off of his neck. Hex turns back towards him and gets hit with a shot to the throat. CWM grabs Hex and slams his head into the announce table. They're close enough to the announce team that Cole and Coachman's microphones start picking them up.

 

Hex: OW! You cocksucking son of a bitch!

 

CWM: You want another one you fuck?

 

Cole: Oh no! SOMEBODY BETTER CUT OUR MICS!

 

Coachman: LA LA LA LA LA, I AM SINGING TOO LOUD FOR YOU TO HEAR ANYTHI--

 

The commentary is covered with one long continuous beep. Hex elbows CWM in the chest and shoves him back into the ring apron. Hex grabs him and throws him into the ring. The commentary comes back on.

 

Cole: --sgusting! This is chaos, just get security out here and stop this match!

 

Hex gets CWM up and rolls him onto the table still standing in the ring. Hex gets up on the table and sets CWM up to piledrive him through it, but CWM back drops out of it. Just as Hex is about to fall, the table gives way and CWM and the table collapse in a heap. Hex lands more or less on his feet and is able to catch himself on the ropes. The referee comes over to Hex and tries to keep him away from CWM, telling him the match is over. Hex grabs the ref by the shirt and starts punching him in the face. A team of security guards starts running down the ramp, but Hex sees them coming. He presses the referee over his head and tosses him over the top rope into the oncoming security, taking them all out. CWM is back up, and he comes at Hex from behind, walloping him over the head with a piece of the broken table. The wood shatters and Hex drops to his knees. CWM starts kicking him but Hex rolls through the ropes and to the floor. As Hex is regaining his feet CWM backs up and launches over the rope with a tope con hilo, taking out Hex and crashing into the few security officials who had gotten back to their feet.

 

Coachman: This match has erupted into anarchy! I don’t care who you have to bring out here, just get somebody down here and restrain CWM and Hex!

 

The security guards broke Hex’s fall and he manages to get back up and scramble up the ramp, CWM hot on his trail. They make it to the stage, but 20 or 30 officials come pouring through the curtain, and Hex and CWM are tackled and physically held down.

 

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, this match has been ruled a NO CONTEST!

 

The crowd voices its disapproval as Hex and CWM are dragged away and order restored.

 

Cole: Fans, we apologize for anyone who may have been disturbed by the preceding segment.

 

Coachman: I think it's safe to say both Hex and CWM will be subjected to disciplinary action, but... this has not settled their issues.

 

Cole: It's impossible to say how amplified their animosity has become as a result of tonight's events.

 

Coachman: We'll do our best to bring you all the details of any of CWM and Hex's future confrontations, but I don't know how much of this the OAOAST can endorse! I don't know if the OAOAST can contain CWM and Hex!

 

Cole: I don't know if they can be contained anyplace. If they can wreak havoc like this here, I shudder to think what could happen elsewhere. On that note, fans, when we come back...wait, I'm sorry, let's meet up with our camera crew, who has caught up with...what? How is HE here?

 

 

Backstage, Orion is seen walking into the arena, carrying a stack of purple papers under his arm He walks up to a nearby crewmember.

 

ORION

Hey you, come here! I've got a message for you to give to the people in charge here.

 

CREW *producing pencil and paper*

Yes, sir?

 

ORION

Tell 'em that this Friday night, Orion is gonna OWN their ASSES with his new show Friday Nightmare~! Oh, and which way to the locker room?

 

CREW

That way.

 

Orion walks offscreen as the crewmember looks after him with a confused expression.

 

COLE

What the hell was that all about? And what's Orion doing on HeldDown?

 

COACH

Your guess is as good as mine, so hopefully we get word on this, as HeldDOWN~! has to take a break!

[Zack Malibu 0]

MC:"Well, we're just a few segments into the show, and we've already got non-contract talent showing up!"

 

Coach:"They're not...I mean they can't sue us, right? I mean, we didn't bring him here."

 

MC:"Coach, relax. You'll still have enough money to shop at the "toy store" this weekend."

 

Coach:"OK good. As long as they keep comin'."

 

MC:"COACH!"

 

Coach:"What!? I meant my checks!"

 

An Evil laugh echos throughout of the arena and out comes Toy Machine. They look ready for the challenge of Mad Matt and Axel. Last week they were eliminated first during the Three Way Tag Team Dance also envolving the Dream Machines.

 

Coach:These two men look ready for the challenge but Mad Matt and Axel have been really impressive as of late.

 

Cole:Indeed they have. Mad Matt and Axel beat Black Label two weeks ago and they won the Three Way Dance last week. Mad Matt and Axel are gelling to become one heck of a tag team.

 

Speaking of the devils, the lights go out and the purple spot lights come up.

 

Voiceover:"Beware of the Shadows of Madness."

 

"Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys plays and Mad Matt walks about ten or eleven steps before pointing to the right side of the arena. Axel comes running to the crowd and hops over the guardrail. They come to the ring. Toy Machine and Mad Matt/Axel have a staredown. Axel and Rando are going to start and Mad Matt goes to ringside for some colour commentary.

 

Mad Matt:Welcome to next match on HeldDown. Axel and Rando are locking up.

 

Axel with a side headlock but Rando shoves him off. Axel with a clothesline Axel now picks up Rando and punches away at him. Axel with a swinging clothesline sending Rando crashing to the canvas. Axel now picks up Rando but Rando with the good old greco roman thumb to the eye.

 

Cole:Rando thumbs Axel in the eye. Smart move by Rando. That has to slow down Axel.

 

Mad Matt:Only for a second Cole.

 

Rando with some jabs to Axel and he whips him into the ropes. Rando with a leapfrog. Rando with another leapfrog. Rando goes for a flying headscissors but Axel counters with an inverted power bomb dumping Rando right on his face. Axel now with an elbowdrop. Axel with another elbowdrop. Axel with a third elbowdrop. Axel with a cover hooking the leg. One......Shoulder up. Axel now picks up Rando and Axel chops away at Rando.

 

Mad Matt:Axel brings the Austrailia Violence on Rando. Those chops sting a lot.

 

Cole:Rando looks to be on the defensive.

 

Coach:Are you two going to let me talk?

 

Mad Matt:No one is stopping you.

 

Axel now whips Rando into the ropes and Axel with knee to the gut. Axel with a DDT. Axel now picks up Rando and gutwrench suplex. Axel now with a legdrop to Rando. Axel with another legdrop to Rando. Axel picks up Rando and whips him into the ropes. Axel goes for a clothesline but Rando ducks. Rando with a high cross body no Axel catches him. Axel with a front slam. Axel now picks up Rando and whips him in. Axel ducks the head and pays for it with the Rocker Dropper from Rando.

 

Cole:Fame-Asser from Rando to Axel. That was a vicious move.

 

Coach:Axel was drilled headfirst into the mat with that one.

 

Mad Matt:Rando is now going for the cover after that vicious guillotine faceplant.

 

One.....Two......Kickout. Rando now tags in Zero. Zero enters the ring and picks up Axel. Zero with thunderous forearm smashes bouncing off of the face of Axel. Zero now whips Axel into the ropes and Zero with a Big Boot to Axel. Zero now picks up Axel and now is choking him. Zero is shaking Axel in that chokehold. Zero now throws Axel into the ropes but Axel ducks a clothesline. Axel now with a dropkick to the knee. Axel now with the STO taking Zero down to the mat.

 

Mad Matt:Axel needs to make the tag. So I got to bail out.

 

Coach:Axel is crawling towards the corner as Mad Matt rejoins the match on the ring apron.

 

Cole:Axel with the tag to Mad Matt.

 

Mad Matt enters the ring. Mad Matt now with a punch on Zero. Mad Matt with another punch. Mad Matt with a third punch. Mad Matt bounces off the ropes and goes for a crossbody but Zero catches him. Mad Matt now elbows Zero causing him to drop him. Mad Matt now with a kick to the midsection. Mad Matt with another kick to the midsection. Mad Matt now with a shoulderblock but he bounces off of Zero. Mad Matt with a dropkick. No dice from Mad Matt. Zero charges Mad Matt but he ducks.

 

Coach:Mad Matt is having a little trouble taking the big man off of his feet.

 

Cole:Mad Matt is looking a little flustered.

 

Zero charges Mad Matt but Mad Matt ducks and Zero hits the corner. Mad Matt with a kick to the groin. Mad Matt now with a chop. Mad Matt with another chop. Mad Matt now bounces off the ropes and crossbody attempt but Zero catches him. Zero now with a fallaway slam into the buckles. Mad Matt was nearly murdered by that vicious move. Zero picks up Mad Matt and Zero with a massive bearhug to Mad Matt. Zero is attempting to squeeze the life out of the Shadow of Madness. Zero now tags in Rando. Rando now dropkicks Mad Matt out of the bearhug. Mad Matt freefalls out of the move. He doesn't even brace himself. Rando now with a moonsault splash. Rando with a cover hooking the leg. One......Two.......Kickout. Mad Matt is still in this thing but barely. Another high impact move and he will be out for the count. Rando now picks up Mad Matt and Rando with a waistlock. Rando brings Mad Matt down on the back of his head with a German Suplex. Rando bridges for the cover. One......Two......Thr....shoulder up.

 

Coach:Mad Matt was nearly finished off by that one. He really can't afford to take very many more head drops like that.

 

Cole:Mad Matt said he is flirting with paralyzation or worse by coming back by that injury after that beating by Ragdoll.

 

Rando picks up Mad Matt and punches away at him. Rando whips Mad Matt into the ropes. Rando with a leg lariat knocking Mad Matt down to the canvas. Rando now with a senton crushing Mad Matt. Rando with a cover hooking the leg. One......Two........Kickout. Rando now picks up Mad Matt and some uppercuts. Rando now with a double underhook. Rando with a double underhook power bomb. Rando then with a backward bridge for the cover. One....Two......Kickout. Rando now picks up Mad Matt and jabs away. Rando whips Mad Matt into the ropes and Rando with a dropkick taking Mad Matt down. Rando now picks up Mad Matt and slams him. Rando goes to the outside. The Amazing Rando is scaling the ropes. Rando with a flying bodypress on Mad Matt. Rando with the cover hooking the leg. One......Two.......Thr.....shoulder up.

 

Cole:Mad Matt was nearly put away by that one. Toy Machine was a few steps away from winning that one.

 

Coach:Mad Matt about has it all taken out of him. One more good move could finish him off.

 

Rando now tags Zero into the match. Rando now irish whips Mad Matt into a Sidewalk Slam from Zero. Mad Matt was drilled. Zero now with a chinlock to Mad Matt. Zero may put Mad Matt out with this.

 

Cole:Zero is leaning all of his weight into Mad Matt. Zero is attempting to smother the Highlord of Highflying.

 

Coach:The Highlord of Highflying. Michael, you have just outdid yourself.

 

Cole:Thank you Coach....I think. Anyway next week in the Revolution Tournament, Toy Machine EXPLODES when they fight one on one in the first round of the tournament.

 

Coach:They are getting along pretty well tonight but that will go all out the window when the two fight each other next week.

 

Cole:Also Axel will go one on one with CobainWasMurdered. Axel has a chance to get the biggest win of his career next week.

 

Coach:Mad Matt is laying down on the mat and the referee is checking the arm.

 

The arm lifts and the arm falls. The referee is going to check the arm a second time. The arm comes up and the arm comes down. The referee is going to check it a third time. The arm lifts and it comes...NO it stays up. Mad Matt's right leg is twitching on the mat and soon enough his whole body twitches. Zero drops the hold and goes for an elbowdrop but Mad Matt twitches out of the way. Zero now is up and he goes after Mad Matt but Mad Matt goes through the legs. Mad Matt with the HOT TAG to Axel. Axel is in and Axel chops away at Zero. Rando comes in and gets some chopping as well. Axel now with a kick to the gut to Rando. Axel now throws Rando over the top rope and to the floor. Axel now whips Zero into the ropes and Arn Anderson style spinebuster.

 

Cole:What power by Axel! Axel is now going for the cover.

 

One......Two.......Rando breaks up the pick with an elbowsmash to the back of the head. Axel is up and Axel with a dropkick taking Rando over the top rope and to the floor. Zero with a huge lariat to Axel taking him down. Zero now lifts Axel for a Running Powerslam but Axel slips behind. Axel shoves Zero sternum first into the corner. Axel now goes for a belly to back suplex but Zero counters with an elbow to the back of the head. Zero now picks up Axel and bodyslam. Zero now with a legdrop to Axel. Zero now chokes Axel. Zero breaks at four and a half. Zero with more choking and he breaks at four and a half again. Zero now slams Axel into the buckles. Zero with a knee to the ribcage. Zero with another knee to the gut of Axel. Zero now with an elbowsmash. Zero now chokes Axel in the corner. Zero breaks at four. Zero picks up Axel. Zero now holds up Axel and drives him down to the canvas with a shoulderbreaker. Zero tags Rando in and Rando with a springboard legdrop to the back of the head.

 

Coach:Rando may have knocked out Axel with that move. That was a vicious move.

 

Cole:Indeed it was. Rando is going for the cover.

 

One.....Two......Kickout. Rando now picks up Axel and Rando chops away at Axel. Rando whips Axel. Rando with a spinning leg lariat taking Axel down to the canvas. Rando now goes to the outside and Rando is up top. Rando with a 450 splash to Axel. Rando with a cover hooking the leg. One.....Two.......Thr......shoulder up. Rando now picks up Axel and Rando with a snap suplex. Rando now takes it up top. Rando with a swanton elbowdrop to Axel. Rando doesn't go for the cover. Instead he tags in Zero. Rando rams Axel headfirst into the foot of Zero. Zero now throws Axel into the corner and Zero with a knee smash. Zero with another knee smash. Zero now chokes Axel in the corner. Zero breaks at four. Zero now with a side slam. Zero with an elbowdrop to Axel. Zero now picks up Axel and puts him over his shoulder. Running Powerslam into the corner. Axel flops to the canvas. Zero now tags in Rando. Zero now throws Rando off the top into a splash onto Axel. Rando with a cover. One.....Two.......Thr...Shoulder up.

 

Coach:Axel was very nearly pinned by that double team move.

 

Cole:Axel needs to make the tag to Mad Matt. He has been beaten down for the last few minutes.

 

Rando now picks up Axel and throws him into the buckles. Rando now with a koppo kick squashing Axel into the corner. Rando now is going up top. Rando is perched on the top rope. Rando with the PHOENIX SPLASH to Axel. Rando with a cover hooking the leg. One......Two.......Thr......Mad Matt puts Axel's foot on the bottom rope. It was a mistake making that cover near the corner of Mad Matt and Axel. Rando now pounds Axel in the corner with palm thrusts. Rando now tags in Zero to perhaps finish off Axel. Zero now picks up Axel and throws him into the corner. Zero now charges in but Axel moves. Zero hits the corner sternum first and Axel hooks Zero. Axel is summoning every ounce of power left in his body. Can he get the big man up? HE DID IT. Axel with the Axel Slam on Amazing Zero. Axel collapses on the canvas. That took a whole hell of a lot out of him.

 

Coach:The race is now on. Who can make the tag first?

 

Cole:I think it will be Zero. He is closer to the corner after all. Axel has to travel a bit of ways in his weakened state.

 

Axel makes a lunge but Rando enters the ring and distracts the referee. Mad Matt is tagged in but the referee did not see it. Mad Matt pounds away at Zero with punches when he gets up before being driven to the corner by the referee. Zero throws Axel into the corner and Toy Machine double teams him behind the referee's back. The referee cannot allow the tag from Mad Matt because the referee did not see the tag. Zero now with a choke slam to Axel. Zero tags Rando. Rando climbs to the top rope. Axel pulls himself up. Rando flies off the top rope but Axel catches him and drops him with the STO. Zero tags in Rando because he was so close to the corner. Zero picks up Axel. Zero now lifts Axel for a shoulderbreaker but Axel slides down the back. Axel now with a legsweep to Zero. Axel now shoots into the corner. HOT TAG to Mad Matt. Zero tag in Rando on the other end.

 

Coach:Mad Matt is in. Mad Matt is pretty damn fresh.

 

Cole:Mad Matt is firing away on Rando.

 

Mad Matt chops away on Rando. Mad Matt whips Rando into the ropes. Mad Matt with a flying headscissors to Rando. Zero enters the ring but Mad Matt ducks a clothesline. Mad Matt with a spinning leg lariat to Zero. Rando rushes Mad Matt but Mad Matt ducks. Mad Matt now with a kick to the midsection. Mad Matt with a DDT to Rando. Zero now pounds away on Mad Matt but Axel attacks Zero from behind. Mad Matt and Axel whip Mad Matt into the corner. Axel with a shin kick to Zero as Mad Matt hits a spinning leg lariat to Zero. Zero goes to the outside. Mad Matt now bounces off the ropes and takes out Zero with a Tope Con Hilo. Rando now with a somersault plancha onto Mad Matt taking him out.

 

Coach:A lot of flying going around here

 

Cole:Axel looks ready for something.

 

Axel now baseball slides Rando into the guardrail. Axel now goes to the ring apron and a clothesline off of the ring apron to Rando. Mad Matt now rolls back into the ring. Zero, Axel, and Rando are starting to get up. Mad Matt now bounces off the ropes and SHOOTING STAR PLANCHA onto all three men. Mad Matt has taken out everyone. Mad Matt now throws Rando into the ring. Mad Matt now is on the ring apron and Mad Matt with a slingshot somersault headbutt onto Rando. Mad Matt goes for the cover. One......Two......Thr.....shoulder up. Mad Matt picks up Rando and Mad Matt chops away at Rando. Mad Matt whips Rando into the corner. Mad Matt charges in but Rando moves and Mad Matt hits corner. Rando with a running enzugiri to Mad Matt. Mad Matt flops to the canvas facefirst.

 

Coach:That should do it. Mad Matt may have been knocked out with that blow.

 

Cole:Rando is going for the cover hooking the leg.

 

One.......Two.......Thr......Axel makes the save at the last minute. Zero enters the ring. Zero now clotheslines Axel to the outside and the momentum takes both men to the outside. Rando now is up. Rando goes for the Standing Shooting Star Press but Mad Matt moves. Rando nearly drives himself headfirst into the canvas. Mad Matt now bounces off the ropes. Mad Matt now with a rolling legdrop to Rando. Mad Matt with a cover hooking the leg. One.....Two.....Kickout. Mad Matt now picks up Rando and whips him into the ropes. Mad Matt charges into the corner but Rando moves out of the way. Mad Matt rebounds into the corner. Mad Matt with the Quick Response to Rando.

 

Coach:That's one of his finishers. The other being the Shadow of Madness,of course. That should do it.

 

Cole:Mad Matt goes for the cover. This could do it.

 

One......Two........Zero stomps Mad Matt. Zero now pounds away at Mad Matt but Axel enters the ring. Axel now pounds away on Zero. Rando pulls himself up and he dropkicks Axel to the outside. Rando and Zero with a double kick to the gut on Mad Matt. Toy Machine goes for a double suplex but Mad Matt counters with a double DDT. Mad Matt rolls around. Mad Matt with a cover on Rando. One.......Two.......Kickout. Mad Matt now bounces off the ropes and Mad Matt with an Asai Moonsault to Rando. Zero with a clothesline to Mad Matt as he rises to his feet. Zero rolls to the outside. Mad Matt rolls over to Rando. One.....Two......Thr.....Kickout.

 

Coach:Rando kicks out at the last possible second. Mad Matt nearly put him away.

 

Cole:Mad Matt is going up top for something.

 

Mad Matt climbs to the top rope. Zero enters the ring as Mad Matt dives off the top rope. Zero choke slams Mad Matt as he flies off the top rope. Rando now rolls to the outside. Rando has a steel chair. Rando jabs the chair into the gut of Axel and Rando rolls back into the ring. Zero holds Mad Matt as Rando raises the chair. Rando swings the chair but MAD MATT MOVES. Rando hits Zero with the chair by mistake.

 

Coach:Mad Matt was too quick for Rando. He smashed him with that chair.

 

Cole:That would add some heat for their match Revolution tournament next week. Mad Matt now goes behind Rando.

 

Mad Matt with a knee to the gut causing Rando to drop the chair. Mad Matt lifts up Rando and

Mad Matt drives Rando down with the Shadow of Madness. Mad Matt with a cover hooking the leg. One.......Two.........Three. Mad Matt and Axel are your winners.

 

Coach:Mad Matt and Axel continue their undefeated run as a tag team. It may take a special team to beat these two.

 

Cole:They get their hands raised by the referee. This was a great match.

 

Mad Matt goes off and grabs the microphone.

 

Mad Matt:Ragdoll, you are next. X-Division title....

 

Mad Matt drops his microphone and makes a belt motion around his waist.

 

Cole:How about that? Seems like those loose ends still haven't been tied up yet, eh Coach?

 

Coach:Those two haven't seen eye to eye since day one, and if and when they lock up again, I expect nothing less than a classic. Fans, we'll be back, right after this!

[Zack Malibu 0]

Cole: Folks, we’re back on HeldDOWN! It’s been an exciting night so far, and things are about to heat up!

 

Coach: Damn skippy, Cole, and I’ve got BOTH the low down AND the down low! We have a new superstar debuting tonight. In fact…

 

THE LIGHTS GO OUT~!

 

Coach: MY GOD! DO THEY HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME EVERY WEEK?!

 

An old-school guitar riff begins to play, and then a loud “Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh Aaaaaaaahhhhh!” echoes through the arena, and the fans slightly cheer at Led Zeppelin’s familiar “Immigrant Song!” However, when the lights come back on, a man is standing in the middle of the ring, with a microphone in his hands. The fans study him curiously, his deep blue pants and wild black hair standing out predominantly.

 

“Hello, my good friends at HeldDOWN! It is I…none other than the MASKED MAN!”

 

Cole: …Masked Man? Wouldn’t that require a, uh, mask?

 

Coach: Quiet! Hear what this obviously delusional soul has to say.

 

“Now, you may think I’m delusional. Where’s the mask? Wasn’t I on IntenseZone? I’m here to address these questions. First of all, I’m not the Masked Man you loved from IntenseZone. His real name was Lando Griffen, and he died when he went recklessly careening off of Dead Man’s Curve. It was a sad night. Anyway, I, being his son, promised to fulfill his destiny in the OAOAST, and take over his name. I swore, however, that I wouldn’t wear a mask, lest I disgrace his honor. So here I am. The Masked Man, without a mask.”

 

Coach: Lando Griffen! LANDO GRIFFEN!

 

Cole: Go lick some toad.

 

“Now, you may not be interested, but I’d like to share my goals for the HeldDOWN brand; I want to REVITALIZE this brand. I KNOW that this is the dominant brand of OAOAST competition, which is why I joined. I want to take HeldDOWN to a whole new level. Whether it’s the 24/7, X, or World Heavyweight Championship, I want to add prestige to every belt I hold, and I will. I’m not going to lie to you and take quotes from movies and mix them in with putting myself over, saying I’m ‘as fast as a cruiserweight with the power of a hoss.’ I’m here to tell you right now that I am a technician, and to show you my skills first hand, I asked Commissioner Tim Moysey for an opponent. So at this time, I’d like him or her to come out and take me on.”

 

The arena is silent for a minute, and then the familiar riff of “Chop Suey” begins to play through the arena and the crowd starts booing mercilessly.

 

WHOOSH~!

 

Out from below flies Naz Mistry, his face masked with anger and…well, a mask. He charges into the ring and slides in, coming nose to nose with Masked Man as the referee separates them, but Masked Man nods. The ref then calls for the bell, beginning this match!

 

Cole: Well, this’ll certainly be interesting. A man that calls himself The Masked Man, yet he’s mask less, against a masked luchadore.

 

Coach: Not only that, Cole, but Naz is a bonafide high flyer, while Masked Man claims to be technical excellence. I wonder if Mr. Mask will even get his HANDS on Naz tonight.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

The two men circle each other, anticipating a lockup. They charge at each other, but Naz ducks under MM and shoots his legs backward, hitting a dropkick to the lower back of the Masked Man. This causes the mysterious one (not THAT mysterious one) to stumble down to the second rope, where he remains. Mistry backs into the opposite ropes and charges forward, seeing an opening, and swings between the ropes for a 619…but Masked Man catches him and rolls backward, turning Naz onto his back on the mat! However, MM keeps Naz in this position and brings him up, hoisting him onto his shoulder and dropping to a knee, driving the right shoulder of Naz into his knee! As Mistry falls to the mat, Masked Man stands up and drops both knees onto Naz’s arm, weakening it further. MM stands him up again and whips him into the ropes. As Naz comes back he locks arms with him and throws him back with an armdrag, but Naz lands on his feet! As Mistry runs for him, Mask tries to scissor his legs with a drop toe hold, but Naz cartwheels out of the way, blocking that! The two men turn to face each other, as the crowd gives them a standing ovation! Masked Man turns to acknowledge the fans, but as he does, Mistry charges forward and drives his boot into Masked Man’s face with a Yakuza Kick~!

 

Cole: Oh my God! Did Naz Mistry just…

 

Coach: *sniff* No sell the Indy Applause stance. Yes, it was beautiful.

 

As the jeers rouse across the arena, Mistry gives them the finger and picks MM up off the ground. He brings him into the corner and slaps him across the face with a right slap, and brings his right hand back across his face with a back hand! With Masked Man dazed, Naz lifts up his chin and rattles off with a knife-edge chop that echoes through the arena. Mistry lifts the chin again and delivers another chop, leading to another “Woo!” from the fans. With Masked Man dazed, Naz steps back from the corner and runs at him, pushing off of his chest with his legs and backflipping through the air, connecting with a big kick to the chin of Masked Man. Naz applauds himself and then gives MM a snapmare out of the corner, sending a big kick into Masked Man’s back. As the Masked One cries out at the initial impact, Mistry applauds himself yet again, the crowd’s hatred brewing heavily.

 

Cole: What the hell is he applauding himself for? He did about one real wrestling move in that last sequence.

 

Coach: Oh, come on Cole, it’s Naz F’n Mistry! He can do whatever the hell he wants!

 

Mistry whips Masked Man into the ropes, and prepares to hook him up for a hiptoss…but Masked Man holds onto the arm and falls down on top of it, causing it to be crushed against the mat! As Naz screams out, MM wrenches the arm backward, executing a Juji-gatame! Mistry scrambles towards the ropes, but MM applies as much pressure as possible and tries to keep his positioning in the ring. However, Naz is able to inch forward just enough to move his leg out…and drape it on the bottom rope, as the referee forces Masked Man to release the hold. Naz keeps a stronghold on the ropes, though, and tells the ref to make sure MM is far away from him as he gets up. As MM puts his arms in the air, Naz charges at him, but Mask ducks his charge and stands behind him, ducking under his arm and hoisting him up at a HIGH angle for a backdrop driver…and it connects as Mistry’s head BOUNCES off of the canvas!

 

Cole: Good lord, a backdrop driver this early in the match! You have to wonder what Masked Man’s motives are with that.

 

Coach: Hey, while it may’ve been more effective later on, Masked Man may be utilizing it now to weaken Naz and allow him to work on the arm more!

 

Cole: …

 

Coach: …I’m getting lessons.

 

Sure enough, Masked Man stretches out Naz’s arm and does a handstand on it, dropping down and driving his knees into the arm yet again. MM picks Mistry up using the very same arm, bringing him into the corner and whipping him across the ring to the other side. As Naz hits the buckles, Masked Man charges at him, leaping into the air and twisting his leg around like a spinning heel kick. He sails through the air, and by the time he reaches Naz, he executes a leg lariat-like splash across his throat! As Mistry stumbles out of the corner, Masked Man grabs him from behind and hoists him onto his shoulders in a torture rack. From there he flips him over, dropping to his side, and executing the Entrapment! Naz lands hard on his face and body, and without delay, MM climbs up to the top rope, facing towards the crowd. He lifts his arms up, and then sails backward through the air, for a moonsault!

 

Cole: Oh my God, he overshot that one! He’s not even close to connecting…

 

…Masked Man lands on the mat, but his head connects directly with the injured arm of Naz Mistry!

 

Coach: No, Cole, that’s Masked Man’s Black Cat, a moonsault headbutt!

 

Cole: Well, in that case, WHATAMANEUVER~!

 

Naz rolls around the mat, holding his arm, as the crowd applauds one of Masked Man’s signature moves. MM secures Mistry on the mat and hooks a leg, making sure to hold onto the injured arm as he goes for the pin:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

Before Masked Man can even react to the near-fall, Mistry grabs onto MM’s head and rolls it to his side, scissoring his legs and holding the tights for a surprise pin!

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

 

KICKOUT!!!!

 

Masked Man quickly rolls to his stomach and out of harm’s way, as Naz pulls himself up on the ropes with his good arm. As Mask gets up, Mistry runs towards him and leaps up, grabbing his head for a bulldog…but Masked Man stops it and drops Naz to the mat on his feet, latching on an inverted facelock and a hammerlock…but Naz escapes the attempted Reverse DDT, flipping up and over MM’s head…right behind him and rolling him back into a pin with a rolling prawn hold, using the tights yet again!

 

 

ONE!!!!

 

 

 

TWOOOOO!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

THR-KICKOUT~!!!!

 

 

Masked Man barely shoots his shoulder off the canvas, and frustratingly gets to his feet again. This time, he meets Mistry with a stiff boot to the gut, doubling him over, as he lifts him up for the WILDBOMB! As he prepares to fold Naz over…Mistry arches back, flipping MM over with the MISTRYCANRANA!! Naz grabs Masked Man’s legs and holds them down as the referee counts yet ANOTHER pinfall!

 

ONE~!!!

 

 

 

TWOOOO!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEENOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The crowd lets out a roar as Masked Man escapes another near-fall situation, and Naz is as frustrated as ever.

 

Cole: Good lord! It’s like Naz is DESPERATE! He’s doing whatever he can to try and keep Masked Man down for three!

 

Coach: Hey, nothing wrong with that! If the ref doesn’t notice it, it’s all good!

 

With Masked Man still down and out, Mistry, wearily, climbs to the top turnbuckle, and then leaps off, both flipping and twisting through the air with a 720 Splash…but MASKED MAN MOVES~! Naz explodes onto the mat with force, as MM quickly rolls over, and pulls his right arm back into a hammerlock! He reaches over to Mistry’s left arm, trying to hook it into an armbar…AND HE DOES!

 

Cole: That’s the Masked Fury! Masked Man’s signature submission hold!

 

Coach: And perfect timing, too!

 

Mistry squirms, but quickly moves his body over…and slides his leg under the bottom rope! Masked Man breaks the hold, but as Naz pulls himself up on the ropes, MM pulls his arms back in a double chickenwing and brings him over with a Tiger Suplex! Not releasing the chickenwing, Masked Man shifts his weight and then flips over, wrenching Mistry’s arms with a Cattle Mutilation! Mistry howls in pain, beating his legs heavily and trying to do whatever he can to break the hold. It’s for naught, however, as Masked Man releases the hold, damage seemingly done. As Mistry rolls around, stomach-down, MM goes off like a shot and grabs Naz’s arm yet again, wrenching in the hammerlock, reaching around to complete another Masked Fury! He cinches the armbar in, but Naz gets to his knees, and flips Masked Man over his body, holding him down into a rollup, yet again using the tights for leverage!!!!

 

 

ONE!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Cole: He did it! No way!

 

Coach: What the hell?!

 

Winner: Naz Mistry in 6:27 via a roll-up using the tights.

 

Cole: Well, third time’s a charm, I guess. Naz unsuccessfully tried to use the tights twice earlier, and the third time it got him!

 

Coach: And I guess Masked Man should learn not to go to the well too many times with that Masked Fury; it’ll cost him.

 

Naz, meanwhile, decides he wants no more of Masked Man and dashes up the ramp at speed. Masked Man rises to his knees, SHOCKED at the outcome. He pounds the mat in frustration, but then heads out of the ring as we cut to a commercial break.

[Zack Malibu 0]

COLE

Fans, someone just handed us one of the purple sheets that Orion was passing out earlier. Here's what it says:

 

Dear OAOAST Superstar,

 

-Do you feel underappreciated by your brand's management?

 

-Do the Powers that Be hold you down when you want to try new things?

 

-Is there a glass ceiling that you just can't break?

 

-Do you just enjoy hurting people?

 

If any of the above phrases describes you, then I invite you to compete this Friday night on the first EVER edition of OAOAST Friday Nightmare! It will be at 7 pm in the Farmington High School Gym in Farmington, Missouri (assuming they don't call the cops). This show will be televised live and the commentators will be Scott Hudson and Larry Zbyszko.

 

Members of both brands are welcome to compete, cut promos, or do anything else that they want to do.

 

Just PM your stuff to me by noon EST on Friday, August 8.

 

There will be coffee and donuts before the show, so don't be late! I look forward to seeing YOU this Friday!

 

Sincerely,

ORION

Nightmare General Manager

 

COLE

Huh, how do you like that? Seems Orion is trying to be a regular Stevie Richards and play acting GM of his own brand!

 

COACH

Richards, eh? Think Orion'll have his own "Victoria" too? Eh..EH?

 

COLE

You sound like CWM.

 

COACH

You know what, cameraman, take us to Sly. Look Michael, I don't know why you always feel the need to start shi...

 

 

(The cameraman runs to a locker room, while saying to himself: "Josh is going to be in big trouble!" He opens the locker room door, and finds Josh Matthews and Sly Summers watching the episode of California Dreams where Sly won Lorena's heart with a series of secret admirer letters. Josh looks up, and sees the cameraman. He quickly hops up, and grabs his mic)

 

JM: Sly, hey, Sly?!?! (Sly looks up at Sly and pauses the tape) Hey, Sly, tonight, you make your in-ring debut here at HeldDOWN~!, as you will do battle with Teddy Weddy, after what transpired between you, Gary Busey, and J-Train last week. You have any thoughts?

 

SS: First off, (hands Josh a shirt) here's that "Friends Forever" shirt you asked me to get you. (Josh smiles large) It feels good to make my adoring fans happy. Oh, and thanks for watching this with me. Usually, I can't hold it together when I watch this episode. Now, I have two points to make, and little time to do so. First off, and this has nothing to do with that delusional frizeak Teddy Weddy, but I need to talk about that home-wrecker Crystal. Last week, because she made me ultra-mad at her because she's a whiny girl, and I made a comment or two that came off bad, Michelle almost took away my key for our Newport Beach beachhouse. Do you realize that I had to drive her out to the Deering Mall in freaking INDIANA and serenade her on the roof to make up for the confluberation that you put me in?!?!?!? Whenever you decide that you can cover up your bruise with mascara, I so totally want to slap you like the ugly stick should have years ago! I hate women.....besides you, Michelle! Please ignore what I said there, honey! Ugh! Anyway.....now, last week, I tried to make a point about something, but then that City Guys extra wannabe and a crusty old man came out here and tried to beat me up. They falsely accused me of stealing one of their Buddy Bands. All of my Sly Foxes out there know that my girl Michelle bought me this as a wedding present! I tried to get a mock court set up for tonight's show to prove my innocence, but even after I showed them the episode of Family Matters where Urkel got off easy for something that slimeball Maestro-look-a-like did, they didn't have a clue what I was talking about! I swear, those officials are about as competent as that fake Commie from the Chess episode of Saved By The Bell! Then, I tried to get a handicap match against them, but the officials wouldn't let me do that, since they're supposedly not technically wrestlers. If they're not wrestlers, then why in the hizity heck are they attacking a mega, super-duper two scoops and no dupes-legend like me?!?! Geez. Finally, I had to settle for some giant loaf of raisinbread named Teddy Weddy. Teddy Weddy....didn't you guest-star as a jerkwad who dumped Dana on Step By Step? In that case, in the name of all that is Lambert, I MUST beat you up! So, Theodore....bring Alvin and Simon out there with you, and I'll chip all your munks! (pauses for a second, looks back at the TV) Hey, Josh, I think I got an idea. Get a pen and some paper....

 

*Fade To Commercial*

[Zack Malibu 0]

("I Pledge Allegiance..." leads into the usual entrance for Teddy Weddy and his posse, Gary Busey and J-Train.)

 

MC: Teddy looks ready for battle!

 

Coach: J-Train looks ready for something else....(dead silence).

 

MC: Coach, you're officially whiter than me.

 

("All You Wanted" starts up, and Sly Summers walks out with a multi-colored chain of sorts, and Josh Matthews, seemingly his own personal interviewer, holding the mic.)

 

SS: Seeing as if last week, Teddy, your buddies there decided to jump me to steal MY bling-bling (points at his own Buddy Band), I decided to take this thing one step further. Tonight, you, me, Buddy Band Chain Match! (holds up the chain, showing that it is a bunch of Buddy Bands linked together) The ru'es are simple: first guy to touch all four turnposts consecutively wins the match. Now, I am ready...to take you, Teddy Weddy.....to THE MAX!

 

Coach: A Buddy Band Chain Match? I've never seen a chain match before, let alone a BUDDY BAND chain match!

 

MC: You dummy, even I've seen a chain match before...I think. Is that where you pay the lady to tie you up to the wall and whip you with the chain?

 

Coach: Even I know that's not it! Geez....

 

(Sly walks to the ring, avoiding Josh's attempts at a goodbye handshake. The referee then makes sure both men's wrists are firmly inside the Buddy Bands on the outer reaches of the Buddy Bands. The bell then rings.)

 

Sly thinks for a second, and then challenges Teddy to a tug-of-war. Teddy accepts, and makes the referee take off a sock and tie it in the middle of the chain-linked Buddy Bands. Sly tries to cheat by pulling early, but even with that, Teddy's way too large to be yanked around like that, and pulls Sly over to him for a clothesline. Teddy pulls Sly up, and whips him to the ropes. Sly goes for a bodypress, but gets caught, and slammed down hard. Teddy pulls Sly up, and locks in a headlock. Sly tries to push him off, but to no avail. Teddy then wails on Sly's skull with some rapid-fire lefts. He lets go of Sly, and Sly falls back into a seated position in the corner. Teddy delivers some devastating mudhole stomps, followed by a brutal running boot scrape. Teddy touches the top turnbuckle of that corner, and ventures to the corner on his left. However, Sly manuevers the chain, and pulls it up hard between Teddy's legs, crotching him in the process. Both men slowly get up, and Sly then jumps on Teddy's back, in an attempted choke. Teddy shrugs Sly off, but Sly lands on his feet, and connects with a running field goal kick to the groin.

 

MC: With those skills, he could make the Bayside Football Team!

 

Sly then connects with an elbow to the back of the neck. Sly shoves Teddy into the corner, and connects with a series of European uppercuts. Sly then yells "Time Out!", and speaks into the camera:

 

SS: "I'm in a tough situation here. If I hit him, he'll get mad and possibly break my skull. But if I don't him him, he'lllllllllllllllllllllllllll............whoa!"

 

Teddy interrupts, and grabs him by the skull to pull him into the corner. Teddy then nails a series of decimal-breakingly loud chops, and attempts to rip Sly's Michelle Branch shirt off, but Sly instantly snaps, and nails the most devastating move of the past 23 seconds, the SUPER EYEPOKE~!

 

SS: NOBODY messes with Michelle, dude!

 

Sly then sits on Teddy's back and chokes him with the Buddy Band chain. After the ref's 4-count, Sly starts whipping Teddy in the small of the back with the chain. However, Teddy no-sells hops back up, and nails a crushing forearm to the face. Sly bounces back-first off of the ropes, and runs into a Bossman slam. Teddy then drags Sly over to the first turnbuckle, and touches it. He drags Sly (whose face is buried in the mat, figuratively) to the second turnbuckle, and touches it. Teddy drags Sly (who's bleedling slightly due to the extreme rugburn his forehead is receiving) to the third turnbuckle, and touches it. He tries moving to the final turnbuckle, but Sly crawls up and trips him. Sly then bounces on top of him, and attempts a rear naked choke. Teddy quickly moves onto his feet, and switches Sly's position, followed by hitting a big side slam. Teddy then attempts to win again. However, by the time he makes it to the second turnbuckle, Sly makes it to his feet, and hops up on Teddy's back again. This time, he applies his devastating NOOGIE~!. The NOOGIE~! brings Teddy down to his knees.

 

Coach: That's OLD school...haven't seen that since third grade. Hey, I haven't seen my hair since then either!

 

MC: Ha ha....(looks at his own hair) You want mine? I'm not doing much with it.

 

Coach: I'd have to be pathetic to want that!

 

Sly then attempts to win, he touches the first one that's near-by. However, he can't find the strength to drag Teddy to the second one. So, he slides outside the ring, and pulls a pink and black skateboard out from under the ring. He stands Teddy up, and stand him on it, ala Ms. Simpson in the SBTB episode where the girls fall in love with a substitute teacher. He rolls Teddy around to three of the turnbuckles, touching each one. However, what he doesn't know is that Teddy's touching each turnbuckle after he does. J-Train jumps up on the apron right before Sly touches the fourth turnbuckle. Sly touches it, and thinks he's won. Gary Busey then runs into the ring. Sly ducks a clothesline, and kicks him down low. Sly then pulls something out of his pocket....and attempts to throw a fireball! However, he goofs up, and sets his pant-leg on fire!

 

MC: HOTEL FLASH PAPER! HOTEL FLASH PAPER!

 

Teddy gets off the skateboard, and nails his High Times Chokeslam on Sly. Teddy then springs to the top rope, and nails the Teddy Two-Step, and right when the referee turns back around, he twists and slaps the final turnbuckle for the win!

 

Winner: Ted Weddy

 

Coach: Teddy advances in the Revolution Tournament!

 

MC: He's going to have some company in the form of either Axel, CWM, Rando or Zero, pending on the outcomes of their matches.

 

 

In the back, Sminky Applebaum is seen sitting on a table. He's wearing the black mask Tim Moysey forced him to wear last week but he's outfitted in his usual mesh shirt and white leather pants. A definite no-no according to the rules Moysey set. Alix Spezia walks up to Sminky and sits next to him.

 

Alix: Hey babe! Where's your sweat pants? You want us to get fired? Don't tell me you forgot them! Shuai luo!

 

(Sminky runs his fingers through Alix's thick and curly onyx colored hair)

 

Sminky: I'm not wearing sweat pants, or a sweat shirt or this mask or any other article of clothing forced upon my person by Tim Moysey. Today is a very important day. Today is the rebirth of the mystical enigma, Shattered Dreams.

 

(Alix hops off the table and punches Sminky in the arm)

 

Alix: Hurry up and put on the clothes! If Tim catches you like that, then we're both out of a job! How are you supposed to pay off the new Jacuzzi without a job?

 

Sminky: Relax dahling! You saw what happened last week to ol Timmy-boy. Caboose dropped the soap, Timmy picked it up, and now they're calling him Tammy.

 

Alix: For those of us who don't understand homosexual metaphors explain to me what you just said and what it has to do with us?

 

Sminky: Yeesh, open your mind girl! Tim Moysey has a totally mega-huge problem with Cabby on his hands. The Cabster put some guy named Joe Blair in l'hopital and he's threatening to do the same to the rest of the roster. Those are real problems! We just made some vague threats and false promises. We're petty crimanals, compared to Caboose. Tim just doesn't have the time to worry about us. Good thing to, because I was about to fuck that little bitch up.

 

Voice from off screen: What did you say?

 

(Alix and Sminky look up to see a frowning Tim Moysey approach them)

 

Sminky: Sir...

 

Moysey(holding his hand up): Save it. I don't have the patience to deal with your back tracking and brown nosing. If you're going to say something about someone at least have the guts to stand by it.

 

Alix (writting down Tim's advice word for word): So, uh, how are you feeling? Did you get my flowers?

 

Moysey: I did indeed. Thank you. They're most appreciated. Sadly, I can't say I'm in the best of spirits. Being attacked by a mad man has left me in very disagreeable mood. I'm sure you can understand, yes.

 

Sminky: Blah, blah, blah! Poor me! Poor little Timmy! Let's all throw a giant pity party for mister six figure general manager! Oh no! He got tapped in the stomach with a wiffle ball bat. Does Mister Timmy have an ouchie? Want me to kiss it all better?

 

Alix: Edward!

 

Moysey: It's okay. It's okay. You're a funny kid, Sminky. Funny. That's what I like about you, your sense of humor. Your ability to have a good time is wonderful! It truly is. However, what's not wonderful is the lack of respect you have for your opponents. The way you treat your fellow wrestlers, your fellow HUMAN BEINGS, is deplorable. I heard Choko's still having nightmares because of what you did to her. Because of that I want today's lesson to be about respect. Sminky you're going to fight someone who you should have all the respect and love for in the world. You're going to fight Alix!

 

Sminky: ....

 

Moysey: Whoever wins this match gets to wear they're normal clothes and ring attire from now on. Good luck kids.

 

(Cut to a commercial featuring Josh Matthews behind a news desk at the "heldDOWN" restuarant in Miami,Fl)

 

Josh: What's crack-a-lacking peeps? This right here is J.Math! I'm going to tell you about all the upcoming dates for heldDOWN action. Tomorrow we'll be in the Kemper Arena in Kansas City Missouri. Tickets are all sold out but if you want to see the superstars of heldDOWN there are a few standing room tickets for the Saturday show at the Savvis center in the STL, home of Nelly! Hey must be the money! Don't delay, log on to ticketmaster and pick you up some tickets today. Peace!

[Zack Malibu 0]

(Return from commercial)

 

Cole: Welcome back, Tim Moysey has just made a match between Sminky and his girlfriend/personal assistant Alix Spezia. The winner gets to go back to their normal ring attire and style of dress. That's the incentive for winning, but the match was made in order to put Sminky against an opponent he's supposedly respects.

 

Coach: I don't know, M.C. This smells rotten. It seems like Tim is tying Alix to train tracks and getting a front row seat to watch her get steam rolled.

 

Cole: I don't see it that way. Tim actually seems to like Alix and I doubt he'd put her in any serious danger. This match will help Alix improve her limited wrestling skills and help Sminky start respecting his oppenents.

 

Coach: I know Tim likes Alix and that's he's just trying to help the kids. But Sminky thrives on attention and flash and style. I honestly believe that he'd being willing to hurt Alix just to get back his lost persona.

 

Cole: We're about to find out!

 

 

Tim Moysey leads Sminky and Alix to the ring. Alix politely holds the ropes open for Sminky and Tim. Tim says thank you but Sminky ignores Alix's gesture of good will. The genreal manager grabs a microphone and adress the crowd and the competitors.

 

Moysey: Evening, kids. You know the rules, you know what's on the line here. It isn't a life or death situation, here. It's a learning experience. Treat it as such. No one's going to fire or think any less of you if you lose. You're here to learn. Lets start the match.

 

Alix goes into the lockup postion but get ignored by Sminky. Sminky fires off a slew of insults at Moysey. Alix tries a waist lock and gets BUTT bumped to the ground. Sminky yells some more at Tim before going for a pin. 1...kick out!

 

Sminky: Stay down! Stay down, stupid!

 

Alix unloads on Sminky with some knife edge chops. Sminky doesn't know whether to laugh or get angry, so he pie faces her and sends her back to the ground. Body Building pose by Sminky! No one cares because he's wearing a mask and a black sweat shirt! Sminky curses at the crowd but they can't hear him because the mask is covering his mouth. Back on her feet, Alix hits a side russian leg sweep!

 

Cole: Wow! Did you see that! Alix is pissed!

 

Alix accepts a high five from Tim and hops on Sminky. She nails him in the face with a series of closed fist. Sminky pushes Alix off and stumbles to the ropes. Alix hops on his back and wrestling's hottest couple tumble to the floor!

 

Cole: This is great!

 

Coach: Yeah, it's better than Gigli!

 

Cole: SNAP!

 

Sminky runs away from Alix and heads back into the ring. He makes a bee line for Moysey but get's smacked across the face with Alix's spring board missle drop kick. Pin attempt.....

 

Crowd: 1....2......3!!

 

Cole: Wow, can you belive that?

 

Coach: No I can't! Alix Spezia just beat her boss, her boyfriend and the former number one contender for the world title! What an accomplishment!

 

Out of respect and admiration, the crowd gives the petit victor a thunderous round of applause. Tim shakes Alix's hand and takes a microphone form the ring announcer who forgot to announce the winner of the match. Tim makes a mental note to fire the man.

 

Tim: As a small orange guy from Brooklyn likes to say, big ups to you Alix. Big ups! You've done this wise old man proud. Do you have anything on under that sweat shirt?

 

Alix shakes her head.

 

Tim: Okay, wait till we get backstage to undress and put on some normal clothes.

 

Crowd:Booooo!

 

Tim: Guys, we're a family oriented show! We aren't on Cinemax. Relax. (Tim turns to Sminky) I don't want to take anything away from Alix's victory or taint it any sort of way, because she earned it. But do you understand why you lost Sminky? Do you? I'm led to believe that you respect Alix as a person. But I also see that you didn't respect Alix as a competitor. That's part of the reason you lost Sminky. Do you understand?

 

Sminky(into the microphone): No!! I lost because you put me against the one person in this company who I can tolerate on a daily basis. How was I supposed to hit her? How was I supposed to hit my best friend who's only 105 lbs? How was I supposed to hit someone I

 

Tim: Love?

 

Sminky:…

 

Tim: Sorry, just my romantic side. Don't mean to plant words in your head. I'm forced to admit that you showed remarkable restraint by not using a singe wrestling move on Alix. Bad strategy but good restraint. For that I suppose you should get a consalation prize. So, I'll tell you what you can lose the mask and next week if you win your match you can get a new ring name. Okay?

 

Sminky:....

 

Cole:Sminky doesn't looked to pleased. Will he get a new name? Will true love blossom? Find out next week on heldDOWN! For Jonathan Coachman this is Michael Cole signing off.

 

Coach: Uh, we still have more show to do.

 

Cole:Well, it's time for a commercial break at least.

 

Coach:Nope.

 

Cole:Why is there a shit-eating grin across your face right now?

 

Coach:Because we're gonna take it to CRYSTAL'S DRESSING ROOM~!

 

Cole:Does she know about this?

 

 

(We cut backstage, where Crystal's watching the show on a monitor, sitting with her crutches beside her, when a guy dressed as a heart comes into the room.)

 

Crystal: Who are you?!?!?

 

Guy: (reading from card, speaking in monotone) Hello. I am a singing telegram from your secret admirer.

 

Crystal: Secret Admirer?!?!!?!?

 

Guy: (half-way singing, getting more and more into it as he goes on) You're the sun in my sky, the gleam in my eye, and everything in between. Between you and me, as my heart flutters with glee, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. For a girl, you give me a whirl, my love for you has a priceless fee. You're everything, making my feelings sing, and to my heart, you hold the key! Yeah!

 

Crystal: What in the hell?!?!? Get out!

 

Guy: I'm just doing my...(Crystal grabs her crutches and uses them to stand, heading for the guy).

 

Crystal: And don't you come back! Geez, the extent some guys'll go to get in my pants!

 

(Fade to Black)

[Zack Malibu 0]

(We cut backstage where The Dream Machines and Eddy are standing. Parka is leaning against the wall while Eddy and PK grab a drink from the catering table.)

 

EDDY

You sure you don't want something to drink before we go out there?

 

PARKA

I'm fine. I'm getting in the zone right now.

 

PK

You're doing what?

 

EDDY

He's getting in the zone. I taught him to do that before every big match. It helps him focus.

 

(Parka does breathing exercises and even what looks like Tai Chi)

 

PK

You're scaring me bud. Tonight is our night! We are finally going to win those titles! Now can you feel it?

 

PARKA

I feel it.

 

PK

You've gotta feel it!!! (Gives Parka a little shove)

 

PARKA

I do feel it! This is our night! Whoooooo! (Gives PK a shove in return and then they high five before walking off)

 

EDDY

Well...that was odd.

 

 

(Back to the commentary table, where our hosts reside.)

 

MC:"OK. The jig is up, Coach. I know it was you."

 

Coach:"Me? Me what?"

 

MC:"Oh come ON, Jonathan! How the hell can you pass as a secret admirer when your admiration isn't a secret!"

 

Coach:"You think I sent that singing jackass to my gir...I mean, Crystal's room?"

 

MC:"Well who else?"

 

Coach:"I don't know, but I'll fill you in when I find out."

 

MC:"Before or after he beats your ass?"

 

Coach:"Afte...HEY!"

 

 

COLE

Next up we have a match for the Tag Team Titles. The Trinity vs. The Dream Machines. Ever since The Dream Machines formed back in February they have wanted Tag Team Gold. Those belts have eluded them so far in matches against Los Infernales and even against The Trinity. Tonight they are getting another shot at gold.

 

COACH

This past Monday Featured Attraction couldn't get the job done. We'll see if The Dream Machines can do any better.

 

RING ANNOUNCER

This next match is scheduled for one fall and it is for the Tag Team Championship!!

 

(The crowd errupts at the announcement of the match)

 

CUE: California Love

 

RING ANNOUNCER

Coming to the ring at this time...accompanied by Eddy Kalm...at a total combined weight of 485 pounds...the challengers for the Tag Team Titles...THE DREAM MACHINES!!!!

 

(Headlights appear beside the stage as the El Camino pulls out and begins to bounce for the fans. The crowd are on their feet and dancing as the challengers step out of the car and slap hands with the fans on their way to the ring. Parka and PK look confident as the step into the ring and pose on the turnbuckles for the fans while Eddy takes his place at ringside and even high fives a few fans.)

 

COLE

Quite the reaction for The Dream Machines. They have a tough task ahead of them against The Trinity though.

 

COACH

The burning question is...will we see Caboose tonight during this match or not?

 

CUE: Come With Me

 

RING ANNOUNCER

Coming to the ring...at a combined weight of 405 pounds...The OAOAST Tag Team Champions...STEPHEN JOSEPH AND EDWARD ROBINS...THE TRINITY!!!!

 

(White pyro rains down from above as Stephen Joseph and Edward Robins step out and stand in a crucifix pose. The fans give mostly a negative reaction to the two men as the make their way to the ring and slide in. The Dream Machines slide to the outside to talk strategy with Eddy as Stephen and Ed pose on the turnbuckles.)

 

COLE

The Machines knew better than to stay in the ring and I believe it was a smart move to leave the ring for a second.

 

COACH

Well of course they're smart. I spend a lot of time talking to them backstage and I guess I rubbed off on them.

 

COLE

Riiiiight.

 

The Dream Machines, still standing on the outside, look up into the ring as Edward motions for them to bring it on. Parka slides into the ring while PK takes his place on the apron.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Parka and Edward circle each other for a few seconds before locking up. Parka turns it into an Arm Wringer, but Edward reverses into an Arm Wringer of his own. Parka flips out of the hold and hits an Armdrag! Edward quickly gets up and runs right into a Judo Toss. Quick Cover.

 

One..No!

 

Edward locks up with Parka again and backs him into a corner where he lays some hard chops into the chest of Parka. He then goes to whip Parka to the other corner, but Parka reverses it and whips Edward in instead. Parka comes running in with a hard Back Elbow and quickly Snap Mares him over, following it up with a Neck Snap. Cover by Parka.

 

One...Two.No!!

 

Parka pulls him to his feet and locks up again. This time Parka goes for a Vertical Suplex, but it's blocked and Edward shoves Parka down hard out of frustration. Edward then tags in Stephen.

 

COLE

Stephen Joseph is in the match for the first time and Parka is looking good out there. He's gotta stay quick.

 

COACH

Of course he's looking good in there. I spend a lot of time...

 

COLE

Just stop it. You didn't teach him that!

 

Stephen and Parka meet up and Stephen hits a Double Leg Takedown followed by a flurry of punches to Parka's head. Stephen pulls him up and whips him to the ropes, catching him for a Powerslam! Cover.

 

One...Two..No!!

 

Stephen grabs an Armbar on Parka and wrenches back hard. He then swings around and grabs Parka's other arm so that he's back to back with Parka and rolls over into a Backslide.

 

One...Two..No!!

 

Parka kicks out, but Stephen still has a hold on his arm and puts on another Armbar. Stephen drags Parka to the center of the ring, hooks the arms over his knees and pulls back on Parka's chin for a Camel Clutch.

 

COACH

Stephen Joseph is taking Parka to school! He's kickin it Old School foo!

 

COLE

Shut up...you've lost your speaking privaleges!

 

Eddy pounds on the mat to get Parka back into the match and PK stomps along too. Stephen lets go and hops into the air, crashing down onto Parka's back. He then locks the Camel Clutch on again. Stephen, sensing that Parka isn't going to give up, pulls him to his feet and whips him hard into the corner. As Parka bounces out Stephen hits a Spinebuster and covers.

 

One...Two..No!!

 

Stephen gets up and tags Edward back in. Edward goes to pick Parka up, but Parka grabs an Inside Cradle.

 

One...Two..No!!

 

Parka starts to crawl to his corner, but Edward quickly drops an Elbow Drop to Parka's back, causing Parka to yell out in pain. Edward then pulls Parka back to his corner and stands him up. He then hits three Shoulder Thrusts into Parka's gut and then Snap Mares him down. Edward steps back and hits a hard Soccer Kick to Parka's back, followed by another. He then pulls Parka out of the corner and hits the Tiger Driver! Cover.

 

One...Two..No!!

 

COLE

They are trying to injure the back of Parka!

 

COACH

*nods*

 

COLE

You can speak now. No one is going to hear you nod.

 

Edward tags in Stephen and they both whip Parka to the ropes. As he comes off they hit a Double Team Spinebuster. Cover by Stephen.

 

One...Two...No!!

 

Stephen then grabs Parka for a Powerbomb, but Parka hits a desperation Hurricanrana out of nowhere! Slowly Parka tries for his corner and just as he's reaching for the tag Stephen pulls him away by his leg. Stephen continues to hold the leg as he goes for a Dragon Screw, but Parka hits an Enziguri! Again Parka slowly crawls towards his corner, but this time Edward runs in and grabs him by the leg. Parka twists around and shoves Edward off with his foot, but in doing so Edward bumps the ref, who falls back into the corner a little dazed. Parka makes a lunge forward and gets the tag bringing the fans to their feet! As PK gets into the ring the ref cuts him off and tells him to go back because he didn't see a tag!

 

COLE

That sure seems to happen a lot.

 

COACH

Well maybe refs are really blind after all?

 

PK returns to the apron, but is violently shoved off by Stephen! PK lands hard, face first, on the mat. The ref yells at Stephen for the move, but he just brushes him off and grabs Parka for Synchronicity Bomb, but Parka hooks his leg around Stephen's leg to prevent the move from happening. Out of frustration, Stephen shoves Parka forward and Parka nails him with a Spear! Parka lays on the mat for a second to catch his breath before making his way towards his corner again. Parka is almost there when Edward tries to come into the ring again, but in his hurry he trips over Stephen and falls short. Parka makes the Hot Tag~! to PK that causes the crowd to errupt!

 

COLE

He got the tag! PK is finally in!

 

PK grabs the fallen Edward and tosses him over the top rope. He then grabs Stephen and whips him to the ropes. As Stephen comes back PK hits a Samoan Drop! Cover.

 

One...Two...No!!

 

PK then pulls him back up and goes for a Powerbomb and hits it! Cover.

 

One...Two...Thr.No!!

 

Edward is back on the apron and yelling at PK, but PK just flips him off to the delight of the crowd. PK grabs Stephen for The Knightmare! PK tosses him back, but Stephen grabs PK's arm in the process and reverses into an Armdrag! Stephen is too tired to make a cover right away. Finally he drapes an arm over PK.

 

One...Two...No!!

 

Both men get up slow and begin trading punches. PK manages to get to his feet while Stephen is still on one knee. PK takes off for the ropes and hits a vicious kick to Stephen's head! PK then pulls him to his feet and does the Knight Roll. (Two Vertical Suplexes ended with a Falcon Arrow) Cover.

 

One...Two...Thre..No the pin is broken up by Edward!!

 

COLE

That very well could have been the end of the match!

 

COACH

I doubt that the match would end this quick. Neither team wants to lose!

 

PK picks Stephen up and tosses him into the corner. He then comes running in with a hard Knee Strike to the gut and then places Stephen on the top rope. PK follows him up and looks for a Superplex, but Edward comes running around and shoves PK down to the mat. The ref warns Edward of disqualification, but Edward is pulled off the apron by Parka before the ref can finish talking. Parka whips Edward into the barricade, but the ref is outside the ring telling him to back off and Edward to go back to his corner. Both men obey the ref as Stephen, who was watching all this from the top rope, is pulled off for a Superplex by PK! However, on the way down Stephen shifts his weight and lands on top of PK. Cover.

 

One...Two...Thre.No!!

 

Stephen starts to crawl towards his corner as PK starts to crawl towards his. Both men make the tag, bringing in Parka and Edward. The two men meet in the middle of the ring and trade punches back and forth. Parka goes to whip Edward to the ropes, but it's reversed and then reversed again. Both men are close to the ropes, so when Parka reverses he pulls Edward directly to himself and Back Body Drops Edward over the top, but Edward lands on the apron and grabs Parka for a Suplex to the outside. Edward picks Parka up and dumps him all the way to the floor. Eddy scatters and even screams like a girl as Parka comes crashing down.

 

COLE

Parka's back could be broken! Was that you screaming Coach?

 

COACH

No of course not! My scream is much higher than that! Hey look! Look who's coming out here!

 

Caboose walks out onto the stage and points his Cricket Bat at Stephen who stands on the apron. OAOAST Officials run out to keep Stephen and Caboose from attacking each other as Stephen jumps down and starts moving towards him. On the outside of the ring Edward picks up Parka and tries to whip him to the steps, but Parka hits a Drop Toe Hold that sends Edward face first into the steps! Parka and Edward lay on the mat trying to regain their composure as blood starts to trickle down Edward's face.

 

On the other side of the ring officials restrain both Stephen and Caboose as they hurl insults and threats at each other. The fans are absolutely eating up the action and booing the officials for not letting them go at it. Parka manages to shove Edward into the ring and goes for a cover.

 

One...Two...Three.NO!! Edward kicks out!

 

Parka pulls Edward up and sets him up for a Day of the Dead, but as he lifts him the pain in his back is too much and he has to put Edward down. With Parka in pain Edward grabs him and hits a Jawbreaker and then crawls to his corner...but Stephen is not there!

 

COLE

Edward needs a tag, but Stephen is too busy with Caboose!

 

Edward shouts to Stephen to get back to the ring and Stephen finally looks back to see what's happening in the ring. Stephen makes a run for the ring, jumps up to the apron, and extends his hand for a tag, but Parka pulls Edward back at the last second! Parka then locks on The STF on Edward in the middle of the ring! Stephen quickly comes in and kicks Parka in the head to make him break the hold. The ref pulls Stephen back to his corner and tells him to stay there.

 

COLE

Caboose is still on the stage, but a line of officials are blocking his way to the ring. However, him being there has to weigh on the mind of Stephen Joseph.

 

COACH

Why won't the officials take him to the back?

 

COLE

I don't think he'd go without a fight. He's fine if he stays on the stage.

 

Parka tags in PK and he manages to once again pull Edward away from his corner before a tag can be made. PK then whips Edward to the ropes and hits a Side Slam! Cover.

 

One...Two...Three..No! Stephen breaks up the count!

 

The ref once again backs Stephen to his corner and warns him about disqualification. PK whips Edward to the ropes and hits a Back Body Drop! Cover.

 

One...Two...Thre..No!! Stephen breaks up the count again!

 

The ref is yelling at him to stop while Edward low blows PK since the ref is not looking. PK drops to his knees and falls over in pain, but Parka runs in and hits a low blow on Edward too! The crowd errupts as Parka laughs at Edward and then returns to the apron.

 

COLE

It's Low Blow-a-mania!

 

COACH

And they say I come up with bad lines!?

 

The ref turns around to see both men cringing in pain on the mat and starts a 10 count.

 

1...2...3...4...5...6...PK starts to push himself up...7...8...Edward starts to pull himself up using the ropes...9...PK gets up and grabs Edward.

 

PK throws Edward onto his shoulders and tries for The Knightmare, but Edward slips behind him. As Edward lands he is right in front of Parka who hits him in the back of the head with a Forearm Shot! PK tags in Parka and sets up Edward for The Awakening, which Parka hits! Cover.

 

One...Two...Thre..No!!

 

Parka tags PK back in and sets Edward up for a Powerbomb. PK comes in and as Parka lifts Edward up and they hit The Deep Sleep on Edward! Cover.

 

One...Two...Three..No!!! Stephen breaks up the count again!

 

COLE

Oh my God this match still goes on! Every time The Dream Machines have them beat someone breaks up the count!

 

COACH

I'm about to have a heart attack over here!

 

PK picks Edward back up and goes for a STO, but Edward counters with an Evenflow DDT! Edward is too worn out to make a cover right away, but after a few seconds he finally drapes an arm over PK. Cover.

 

One...Two...Three..No!! Parka broke up the count this time!

 

The ref yells at Parka to get back to the apron and as the ref is turned around Stephen comes in and pulls Edward near his corner before returning to the apron. Stephen then starts encouraging Edward to make the tag. PK pushes himself up and makes a lunge for Edward, but it's too late. Stephen has made the tag and takes PK down with a hard Clothesline as he stands up! He then grabs PK and goes for the Synchronicity V3.0, but PK manages to block it and hit a Back Body Drop on Stephen. However, as Stephen goes over he hooks his arms around PK and brings him down with a Sunset Flip! Cover.

 

One...Two...Thre.NO!! Parka breaks up the count!

 

Stephen grabs PK and pulls him up into a Vertical Suplex position. He starts to go for a Fallen Angel, but PK shifts his weight so that he comes back down in front of Stephen and quickly PK hits a STO! Cover.

 

One...Two...Three...No!!! Stephen kicks out at the last second.

 

Stephen looks to his corner to see where Edward was during that count, but Edward is barely standing. He's resting on the ropes to keep from falling down.

 

COLE

The Dream Machines hit just about every finisher they have on Edward and he's still out of it on the apron!

 

COACH

Stephen was waiting for Edward to break up the count just like he did earlier!

 

PK pulls Stephen back to his feet and goes for a Knightmare, but Stephen scissors PK's arms and brings him down with a Crucifix Pin.

 

One...Two...Thre..No!! Parka breaks up the pin!! The crowd is just eating up all the near falls. No one is using their full seat.

 

The ref has just about had it and just goes off on Parka, telling him to stay on the apron. When he turns to Edward to say the same he sees that Edward doesn't look like he'll be doing much. Both PK and Stephen reach their feet at the same time and Stephen goes for a desparation Clothesline, but PK ducks and goes for the Knightmare again, but Stephen drops behind him, spins him around, and goes for the Synchronicity Bomb. As Stephen picks PK up, PK reaches out and in a last ditch effort he tags the outstretched hand of The Parka! Stephen hits the move and goes for a cover, but the ref won't count.

 

Stephen gets in the ref's face, but the ref tries to tell him that Parka is the legal man! Parka spins Stephen around and kicks him in the gut before lifting him for a Day of the Dead. Stephen manages to slip out, but Parka goes for a Superkick. Stephen backs up so that the kick doesn't hit him, but it seems Parka didn't try to hit him.

 

COLE

Why did Parka fake a Superkick

 

COACH

This is why! Look who's behind Stephen!

 

Stephen backs right into PK who hoists him onto his shoulders in an Electric Chair position. Stephen starts yelling for Edward to come help.

 

STEPHEN

Edward!!!

 

PK brings Stephen into position near the corner.

 

STEPHEN

Edward!!!!

 

Parka starts to climb the turnbuckle and steadies himself on the top rope. Parka jumps off and hits a Hurricanrana to Stephen off of PK's shoulders, completing the Dream Catcher! Parka makes the cover.

 

One...Two...Three!!!!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

COLE

The Dream Machines have won the titles!! The Dream Machines have won the titles!!

 

COACH

Dag Yo!! This is awesome!

 

RING ANNOUNCER

Here are your winners...AND NEWWWWWWWWW Tag Team Champions....THE DREAM MACHINES!!!!

 

The fans are on their feet cheering and clapping as Parka, PK and Eddy celebrate with their new belts in the ring!

 

Stephen looks at the corner where Edward just stares at him. On the stage Caboose laughs and finally walks off as the officials follow him back.

 

The Dream Machines return to the El Camino and make it bounce high as California Love plays over the speakers. PK and Parka hold their Tag Titles out the window for all the crowd to see as the fans are still on their feet cheering the new tag team champions as we fade out!

[Zack Malibu 0]

We return to...a black screen!? However, an ominous tune begins to play, as words flash across the screen...

 

Long ago, a promise was made…

A promise made to another…

A promise to the fallen…

 

A promise of friendship…

A promise of redemption…

A promise of hope…

 

Long ago, it was forged…

In the souls of the promised…

In the hearts of friends…

 

They forged a promise…

They forged a bond…

They forged a tryst…

 

Long ago, it was sworn…

One passed away…

One lived on…

 

They swore to keep…

She faded away…

He daunted truth…

 

Long ago, I promised her as she died.

A promise of making a story for her.

I swore this story would be hers…

 

The story that only she would know…

The story that only I could give her…

The story that I knew…

 

Long ago, I grieved her loss…

I forgot the promise...

I forgot her story…

 

Now I recall what I promised…

Now I recall her story…

Now I know…

 

And so will you…

My story to her…

Will be my life…

 

Today, I remember that promise…

That oath we swore…

That oath we took…

 

Our friendship is restored…

Our friendship is revived…

Our friendship is reborn…

 

Today, I make her promise true…

She’ll see it all…

She’ll see it…

 

Up there in the afterlife…

Up there in heaven…

Up there in the sky…

 

Today, she’ll see the truth…

I will create her promise…

I will create her story…

 

Wildchild who is my friend…

Wildchild who is my angel…

Wildchild who is my life…

 

Today is the day for the truth…

You will see…

You will see…

 

The truth of our promise…

The truth of our bond…

The truth of our tryst…

 

Today, our promise is true…

I swear it Wildchild…

I swear it to you…

 

Everyone will know of it…

Everyone will hear of it…

Everyone will see it…

 

They’re souls will guide them…

And they’ll truly see…

The promise…

 

…the oath…

…the promise…

...comes true…

 

…your soul...

...will see it…

...will feel it...

 

*Commercial Break*

[Zack Malibu 0]

Sminky is seen standing in front of the women's locker room. The crowd gets a better look at his face. His hair is cut shorter and dyed grey and he's grown a goatee that's colored grey as well. Alix opens the door from the women's locker room and steps in front of Sminky. She's decked out in her usual fashionable ensemble which includes a beige twill cabby, bell bottom jeans, a pink tank top and a pacsun star necklace. Her hair's soaked from the shower she just took. It was a look that would've once been an intense turn on for Shattered Dreams, but Sminky had replaced him and the look had become one of annoyance)

 

Alix: Hey cute stuff. Finally, showing your pretty silver locks to the world?

 

Sminky:...

 

Alix: Well are you ready to go?

 

Sminky: Go?

 

Alix: You forgot? Already? Tim's going to take us to Dairy Queen after the show. Go get dressed! I can't wait to eat another one of their hot dogs, they're awesome. What are you getting?

 

Sminky: Sick of your patronizing attitude.

 

Alix: Excuse me?

 

Sminky: You heard me. I'm getting sick of your little patronizing attitude. Was that clear enough for you Mrs.Moysey?

 

Alix: My attitude? What's that supposed to mean?

 

Sminky: Don't treat me like I'm dumb, twit! Your wishy-washy two faced actions have become the source of much anger and frustration for me! It seems to me that you've decided that I've outlived my usefulness.

 

Alix: Come on Edward! I know you don't really feel that way. You're just upset that I beat you tonight. Look, I'm sorry if I hurt you. Just stop being paranoid, okay.

 

Sminky: Pathetic human! How dare you describe me as paranoid when the truth has been staring me in the face for two weeks! You didn't beat me, you and Tim Moysey conspired against me. All in the name of humiliation. I see what's going on! Your trying to hook up with Tim. Oh yeah we're all going to Dairy Queen like we're fucking Saved by the Bell. But then you and Tim are going back to the hotel while ol Screech gets to hang out with Rosy Palms and her five kids! Whoopdie fucking doo! Thanks for kicking me to curb! Maybe you and Tim can give me some tissues to clean up after myself, eh?

 

 

Alix: I've tried to keep cool during this but I can't take it any more! I have been nothing but loyal to you since we met. Wrestlers come to me everyday and ask me to work with them. What do I always tell them? I tell them I'm with Dreams, I'm with Sminky he's my guy! What about when you lost to Zack and you were crying your eyes out in the hotel room? Who held you in your their arms? I did! Who wiped the tears away, kissed you on the cheek and told you every thing would work out? I did! I was there for you! I'm always there for you! And when someone asks you if you love me you can't say a thing! You won't even nod!

 

Sminky: Okay, okay. We've got to calm down here. Do you see what's happening? Tim is driving us apart!

 

Alix: No he isn't! Your arrogance and selfishness is driving us apart!

 

Sminky: Don't be absurd!

 

Alix: I'm not! Do you know what Monday was?

 

Sminky: ...

 

Alix: It was my birthday! My birthday, Edward! My twenty-second birthday and where were you? I don't know, but you weren't in San Jose at my parents house for the birthday dinner. Every body was there! My sister Joanne, my little sister Kendra, my cousin Kylie. Everyone.

 

Sminky: I didn't know there was a dinner.

 

Alix: I called you six times on your cell phone Monday! We live in the same apartment on Wilshire! I told you so many times how important this dinner was. They all wanted so bad to finally meet you. I wanted them to meet you, my big and successful and gorgeous boyfriend. But now I'm not even sure you are my boyfriend. You can't even say you love me. I'm not just talking about out in the ring, I'm talking about when we're in bed or when we're watching a movie. I say the L word and you just turn away from me. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? Do you know what it feels like to have someone ignore your feelings? I've been great to you and I'm always there for you, but not once have you ever given me a show of affection. The only time you'll even kiss me is when there are journalists and cameras around.

 

Sminky: Speaking of, there are cameras all over this building. So please cool it, before you start to ruin my rep as a ladies man!

 

Alix: Arghhh! I don't care about your stupid rep! You immature, lying, cold hearted bastard! The entire world isn't about parties, and raves, and movie deals and wrestling matches that you don't like to do! The world is made of people and feelings and thoughts. In the long run your reputation won't matter, it's the people that care about you that matter. I've got to know, is there any part of you, any humane part of your cold unfeeling soul that actually gives a damn and cares about me?

 

Sminky:....

 

Alix: Okay. I'm sorry Edward. I'm sorry that something in your life caused you to be so cruel and hurtful to the one who loves you the most. I feel bad that you'll never see the beautiful wonderful person I see when I look at you. But most of all, I'm sorry that you'll never feel the way I feel about you. You were the best and worst thing to ever happen to me.

 

(Alix fights off tears while she slowly kisses Sminky/Dreams/Edward on the lips. She holds her head down as she walks away.)

 

Sminky (clutching his fist): ...Moysey...

 

*Fade*

[Zack Malibu 0]

MC:"Fans, it's time now for our main event. Zack Malibu has endured quite a lot as of late. From the sudden departure of Alison from his life, to the brutal 80 minute Iron Man match at License To Pin, Zack has been able to last. However, tonight, Zack faces a test of different proportions. This time around, he won't lose his title if he loses...he'll lose his SOUL."

 

Coach:"You make it sound like he's fighting the Undertaker tonight."

 

MC:"Well, he'd be nothing more than a corporate shill. Calvin Szechstein is looking for that big break so that Totally Endorsed can reclaim it's glory, and Zack Malibu is just a pawn in the game."

 

Coach:"Zack Malibu is also our champion, and while everything is in writing, hanging above the ring...his name isn't on the dotted line. Calvin better bring his A game, and not treat this like a game!"

 

Zack Malibu vs. Calvin Szechstein

 

Non-Title, "Contractual Obligations" Ladder Match

 

If Calvin wins, Zack Malibu joins Totally Endorsed.

 

If Zack wins, he can tear up the contract, rendering it null and void.

 

Calvin Szechstein comes walking down the aisle to no music, as Billboard refuses to loan out the hit singles of the time for Totally Endorsed theme music anymore. Looking dejected and frustrated by his recent troubles, he walks to the ring, paying no mind to the cascade of boos showered upon him by the HeldDOWN~! fans. Calvin stops at ringside, and lifts the apron, rooting around under the ring. He pulls out a ladder (no doubt supplied by the good people at Home Depot, who refused comment when contacted by Szechstein) and slides it under the ropes, into the ring. He unfolds it, setting it up in mid-ring, and climbs to the near-top, pointing at the contract that hangs above his head and smirking, as if to say that he's got this one in the bag.

 

Calvin looks on, perched atop the ladder, as the AngleTron illuminates the arena at the same time the lights go down. The fan reaction grows softer, as the music gets louder, finally culminating in a large...

 

BOOM~!

 

Pyro erupts on either side of the rampway, blue and gold sparks raining down as the OAOAST World Champion, Zack Malibu, enters the arena. Zack gets his expected huge reaction, still looking a bit sore both physically and mentality after the events surrounding Alison, as well as the intense matchup he had two weeks ago at License To Pin. "Bring Me To Life" plays during his trek to the ring, as Calvin climbs down the ladder, ready to meet Zack face to face in the center of the ring.

 

As soon as the bell sounds, Calvin goes for the ladder, scurrying up the rungs only to be pulled off by Zack. Zack then starts to climb, but Calvin gets up and grabs Zack, pulling him to the mat. Calvin pulls Zack up, but Zack knocks his hand away and starts firing off right hands, staggering the Sultan of Sponsorship to a great reaction. Calvin catches Zack off guard with a knee to the gut to stop the onslaught, and then rakes his eyes for good measure, buying himself a moment or two. He folds the ladder up and holds it horizontally, then swings it out at Zack, who ducks. Another swing from the other side, and Zack ducks again. Calvin tries a third swipe with the steel ladder, and Zack ducks again, this time kicking out with a sweep kick that has Calvin land on his back with the ladder landing on his chest! Zack goes for Calvin, but Szechstein throws the ladder upwards, almost back into standing position, and it smashes Zack right in the face! Calvin pushes the ladder aside and gets up, and then charges Zack, who tosses him up and brings him down on his knee with an inverted atomic drop! Zack follows up with a lariat, but Cal ducks, and reaches back, bringing the champion down with a neckbreaker! Calvin gets up, grabs the ladder, and now stands over Malibu, bringing the bottom rung down across his throat and choking him out!

 

MC:"You know, this is really counterproductive when you think about it. Calvin wants Zack to be a part of his team, but he's trying to hurt him here tonight, in a Ladder Match no less. What good would Zack be to him hurt?"

 

Coach:"Name value, Michael. Plus, maybe Cal can get T.E. some sympathy sponsors that way."

 

MC:"Sympathy sponsors?"

 

After choking Zack, Cal lifts the ladder, and rams the bottom part into Zack's chest. Weary, Zack rolls over to recover, while Calvin sets the ladder up just under where the contract hangs. He starts to climb, but at the halfway point Zack is up and comes at the ladder, shoving it down, only Calvin saw it coming and jumped to the mat, landing on his feet! Szechstein charges Zack with a clothesline, but Zack ducks, and when Calvin turns around it's SCHOOL'S OUT...NO! Calvin bails out of the ring to dodge the fatal kick!

 

Cal paces ringside, looking at the fans and bragging about his intelligence in that situation, not seeing Zack folding up the ladder in the ring. He turns around, and Zack sends the ladder shooting out vertically under the bottom rope, catching Szechstein in the chin as he turned around! Calvin staggers around dazed, and then Zack runs the ropes, grabs the top one, and slingshots over with a somersault plancha, taking the leader of Totally Endorsed down to the floor! A wild pop echoes through the arena, as Malibu has just gotten one over on Calvin Szechstein!

 

MC:"Wipeout~!"

 

Coach:"Take a look at Calvin's chin, that ladder busted it open!"

 

As pointed out, Calvin's chin is cut, and blood trickles from under his bottom lip, though luckily for him it doesn't appear to be too bad. Malibu pulls the ladder out to the floor, and lays it down. Calvin starts to get up, and Zack helps him up the rest of the way, then scoop slams him up, dropping him down on the ladder! Zack then turns around, and walks over to the guardrail, where he approaches a fan, who hands him a supersized drink cup.

 

MC:"What on Earth?"

 

Coach:"You're asking me...WAIT!"

 

Zack points to the label on the side of the cup, and raises it up for all to see. Emblazoned across the cup is perhaps the one logo Calvin Szechstein cannot stand...

 

THE COCA-COLA LOGO~!

 

Zack Malibu stands over Calvin, who is laying on the ladder after taking the slam, and pours the popular beverage down, into his mouth and down his throat! Calvin gags, sitting up instinctively and spitting the Coke out left and right, while the fans go apeshit! Calvin goes so far as to start wiping his tongue with his hands, and when he turns around to Zack, he gets BLASTED~! with a soda shot to the face, as Zack busts the cup on his forehead! Calvin goes down hard, and Zack takes the ladder, shoving it back in under the ropes, and then climbing in himself. Malibu sets the ladder up and begins a climb, while Calvin staggers to his feet on the floor. Zack is nearly 3/4 the way up the ladder when Calvin reenters the ring, climbing up after him and hitting forearms to his lower back to stop his way to the top. Zack kicks at Calvin, finally knocking him off the ladder, but Calvin reaches up and grabs his foot, pulling Zack down to the mat, and then ramming his face into the rungs! Calvin picks Zack up, and then drills him into the mat with a falling powerslam, and then looks up at the ladder. Calvin starts climbing up the rungs, and stops when he's nearly all the way to the top, and comes FLYING OFF WITH AN ELBOWDROP, CRUSHING DOWN ON ZACK'S STERNUM~!

 

MC:"That...that was perfect!"

 

Coach:"I suppose you could say it was Kodak Picture Perfect, but we all know Cal's current situation."

 

With Malibu on the outs right now, Calvin folds up the ladder, and sets it up in the corner. He picks Zack Malibu up and takes him to the opposite corner, where he lets him have it with a blistering chop that draws the traditional "WHOO" chant from the masses. Another chop, and it has the same effect, both on Zack and the crowd. Calvin takes Zack and whips him in, but Zack uses his momentum to RUN UP THE LADDER TO THE TOP ROPE AND MOONSAULT OFF~! MOONSAULT BODYBLOCK ON CALVIN SZECHSTEIN~!

 

Coach:"YO~!"

 

Zack takes a minute to recover, while Szechstein is stunned by the move. The crowd is stunned too, albeit in an enjoyable fashion, as our camera crew gives the viewers at home a split screen replay of the manuever.

 

Zack Malibu gets to his feet, and pulls Calvin up with him. Zack hooks a facelock, and readies him for a suplex onto the ladder, but Cal won't go over, instead falling back in front of Zack. He fires off some shots to Zack's bread basket for a break, but Zack fights back with forearms to Calvin's back, and tries again. Calvin again dodges going over and falls back in front of Zack, but this time drops to his knees and hits a low blow on Malibu! Calvin stands up, and grabs Zack as he's hunched over...POWERBOMB ONTO THE LADDER~! ZACK MALIBU IS IN A WORLD OF HURT~!

 

MC:"What force! Look at that ladder, Coach. It looks like that move BENT it!"

 

Coach:"If the ladder took that much punishment, imagine how Zack's back must feel!"

 

With Zack sprawled out on the ladder in the ring, Calvin escapes to the floor, where he grabs another ladder out of the aisleway. He slides it in, and then sets it up, while Zack is still laid out on the ladder, his face scrunched up as he absorbs the pain. Calvin begins his climb, and slowly but surely Zack is up, climbing up the opposite side in hopes of meeting Cal at the top! Both men stand on the rungs second from the top, and Zack reaches up, only to catch a shot from Calvin that stops him in his tracks. Calvin reaches up, trying ever so hard to grab the contract, but Zack fires off his own punch, stopping Calvin from defeating him. Fists start flying at a more rapid pace as the opponents duel on the ladder, until Calvin reaches over and rams Zack facefirst into the top step! Calvin moves a few steps down, and now chokes Zack across the top step of the ladder, driving his throat down on the steel! Zack is slumped over the top of the ladder, and Calvin wraps his arm around Zack's head, and then pulls him up, over the ladder and SUPLEXES HIM OFF THE LADDER TO THE MAT~!

 

Both men lay on the mat, with Zack taking the worst end of the fall, especially after having been dropped backfirst on the ladder earlier. Both guys stare up at the ceiling, with Calvin finally being the one to make the first move. He gets up, and picks Zack's lifeless body up, carrying him over to the ropes and sitting him up on the top turnbuckle. Calvin then takes the one ladder out of the corner, and folds up the one in the middle of the ring, laying them both out near the corner.

 

MC:"What's he got planned here?"

 

Calvin goes back to the corner, and climbs up, again wrapping his arm around Zack's head and looking for a superplex onto the ladders! Zack fights it as much as he can, not allowing Cal to take him up and over this time. Calvin struggles, but finally Zack is able to shove Calvin off. Just as Zack is trying to stand on the ropes, Calvin rushes the corner again, swiping Zack's feet out and crotching him on the top rope! Szechstein tries for a superplex again, but it's blocked, and then Zack counters by lifting Cal up and dropping him onto the apron! Malibu kicks him in the jaw, nailing him right on his already bloody chin, and that staggers the Sultan of Sponsorships for a minute. Zack then stands up on the corner, and LEAPS OFF...HURACANRANAING CALVIN OFF THE APRON AND TO THE FLOOR~!

 

MC:"YO~!"

 

Coach:"Hey! Don't take my schtick!"

 

Another massive "Holy Shit" chant breaks loose, as again OAOAST fans at home are treated to a replay of a great moment in the match. Zack is first up, quickly sliding into the ring, and grabbing one of the ladders off the mat. He then sticks the end of it between the middle and top rope, and lays the other end on the mat. Zack kicks the other one off to the side, and walks over to the opposite side of the ring.

 

Coach:"What's he doing here, Michael?"

 

MC:"Remodeling?"

 

Zack eyes Calvin on the floor from his spot in the ring, and when Szechstein starts to stand up, Zack charges across the ring...RUNS UP THE LADDER JUST AS BEFORE...and goes SOARING OVER THE ROPES WITH A BODYPRESS...AND GETS A FACE FULL OF POWDER!!!!

 

MC:"Let me guess...he's doing product placement for Johnson and Johnson now?"

 

Coach:"Are you kidding? That's probably nothing but generic, dollar store variety baby powder. Zack might as well have had acid thrown in his eyes!"

 

Calvin avoided being flattened by the bodypress, and is now putting the boots to Zack in the aisleway. Grabbing the railing for support, he puts his foot down on Zack's throat, pushing down and trying to choke him out again. Calvin removes his foot from Zack's throat, and heads up the aisle, bringing yet another ladder into play. As he's coming back down the aisle, he sees Zack starting to get up, and throws the ladder right onto his back! Zack falls down to all fours, and starts crawling towards ringside, and Calvin walks right past him, and sets up the ladder. He climbs up about halfway, and when Zack stands up, Calvin springs off the ladder and comes down on Zack with a flying clothesline that takes him out! Calvin looks down at Zack, and then out to the crowd, staring at the fans from the front row to the nosebleeds. With Zack down, Calvin re-enters the ring, and props up one of the ladder, beginning another trek towards reaching that contract.

 

Coach:"Damn, first this guy beats the living hell out of Zack with a ladder, and now Zack's going to have to work alongside him? Talk about no good coming of a situation!"

 

Calvin climbs up, his hand grazing the contract...AND ZACK MALIBU COMES FLYING THROUGH THE AIR AND DROPKICKS THE LADDER~! WHERE THE HELL DID HE COME FROM!?

 

MC:"You spoke too soon, Coach!"

 

Calvin goes crashing down...CROTCHING HIMSELF ON THE TOP ROPE!

 

Coach:"Hey, maybe he can turn to doing radio jingles, as long as he can hit those high notes!"

 

Calvin straddles the top rope for a moment, and then topples over to the apron, and then to the floor. Zack lay in the ring, and a quick replay shows that Zack ascended the ladder on the outside, and leapt off of it, dropkicking the other ladder out from under Calvin!

 

Zack recovers, but just as he does he's nailed from behind by a clothesline from...COLVID! Szechstein's last remaining supporter levels the champion, then pulls him up, and DRILLS Zack's head into the mat with a piledriver! Colvid has laid Zack out,and now makes his way to the ringside area, checking on his boss. Colvid helps Calvin to his feet, and offers words of encouragement, helping him get up. Colvid also points out that Zack is laid out in the center of the ring, and Calvin nods approvingly of what Colvid has done.

 

Totally Endorsed enter the ring, and Calvin tells Colvid to pick Zack up. Colvid holds the champion's arms behind him, and Cal grabs the second ladder, and starts ramming it repeatedly into Zack's ribs. Colvid lets go of Zack, who crumples to the mat, and then Calvin lays the ladder on the mat. Colvid grabs Zack's arms, while Cal gets his legs, and they place Zack onto the ladder, while folding up the other one and putting that one off to the side.

 

MC:"What are they doing?"

 

Coach:"Winning the match, it would appear."

 

Cal signals to Colvid, and then runs the ropes, as Colvid ducks his head. Cal comes off towards him...BACKDROP SENTON ONTO ZACK, WHO'S ON THE LADDER~! CALVIN NAILED IT!

 

Calvin gets up, rubbing his neck after the move, and Totally Endorsed begin to gloat, standing in mid-ring while Coke's fly at them from various directions in the crowd. Cal and Colvid start kicking the cups out of the ring, when suddenly the crowd pops HUGE. Calvin and Colvid have no idea why, until our camera pans over...

 

AND CANDIE COMES FLYING OFF THE LADDER ON THE FLOOR, INTO THE RING WITH A BODYPRESS THAT WIPES THEM BOTH OUT~!

 

MC:"My God! What's she doing here!?"

 

Coach:"You complaining?"

 

Candie looks down at both of her former compadres, then makes her way over to where Zack lay. She bends down to check on him, while Calvin and Colvid shake the cobwebs off after being taken out by her. As she's checking on Zack, Colvid reaches down and grabs her by the hair, pulling her up to her feet. Calvin verbally berates her, and they each grab an arm and send her to the ropes, going for a double clothesline as she comes off...NO!...Candie ducks, and slides out under the bottom rope...LEAVING T.E. TO BE NAILED WITH A LADDER CLOTHESLINE~! Zack has the ladder over his head and shoulders, and charged forward, smashing them both in the chin with the metal object! Zack takes the ladder off of him, and puts Colvid in the corner, where he slouches in his daze. Zack then props the ladder up in front of him, and then goes for Calvin. Malibu takes him by the arm, and Irish Whips him into the corner...INTO THE LADDER...AND CRUSHING COLVID UNDER IT ALL~! Calvin falls flat on his face, the ladder then FALLING ONTO HIM...AND THEN COLVID FALLING ONTO THE LADDER~! CALVIN JUST BECAME A PERMANENT PART OF THE CANVAS~! Colvid rolls to the floor, while Candie stands at ringside and acts as cheerleader for Zack, who is making sure the odds are even for the World Champ. Zack props up the ladder and starts his climb, as Calvin crawls up out of the wreckage. Zack is barely halfway up when Calvin is up, and he reaches up and grabs Zack's tights, trying to pull him off. Zack kicks him away, but as Zack tries to climb again, Calvin swipes for his legs, and knocks Zack's legs THROUGH THE RUNGS, AND ZACK IS HANGING UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE LADDER! Calvin takes Zack's head, and rams the back of it REPEATEDLY into one of the rungs, drawing MAJOR heat from the crowd, as Candie covers her mouth in shock. Calvin pulls Zack out of his "trap" and to the mat, and mouths "You work for ME now!" to the champion, before dragging him into position near the top rope. Calvin steps out to the apron, and goes up to the top, but looks down at Zack and then...steps down?

 

Coach:"What's he doing?"

 

Calvin steps over Zack, and props up the ladder, then goes to the opposite side of it and starts climbing.

 

MC:"He's nowhere near the contract, what's he going to do?"

 

Calvin gets to the very top of the ladder, and leaps off, gracefully coming down with the FORGET ABOUT US SPONSORING YOU 450 SPLASH...AND MISSES~! CALVIN HITS CANVAS~! ZACK GOT OUT OF THE WAY~!

 

MC:"DAMN!"

 

Coach:"Who taught you how to commentate, Ron Simmons?"

 

Calvin crawls to the ropes, hurt from the impact and the fact that his move didn't pay off. He uses the ropes to pull himself up, and turns to Zack...RIGHT INTO A SCHOOL'S OUT~! Calvin falls backwards...AND GETS HIS ARMS TIED IN THE ROPES~! CALVIN'S STUCK IN THE ROPES~!

 

Coach:"Look at him squirm!"

 

MC:"Hey Colvid can't help him now!"

 

Zack moves the ladder to the side a bit more, and starts the climb, Calvin switching off between shouting "No" and various obscenities, as Malibu makes the climb, rung by rung. He gets to the top, and reaches up, looking down at Calvin one last time before GRABBING THE CONTRACT~! ZACK MALIBU WINS~!

 

Winner:Zack Malibu in 16:45. As a result, Zack Malibu does not have to join Totally Endorsed.

 

Calvin, still stuck in the ropes, looks to be near tears as he badmouths Zack. Malibu climbs back down, and raises the contract up high for the crowd to see, and is then surpised by a hug from Candie. Zack returns the favor, and then walks over in front of Calvin, holding the paperwork. Zack motions for the microphone, and the announcer scurries over, handing it in to Candie, who passes it to Zack.

 

ZM:"You know Calvin, this is the price you pay for false advertising. You said that Zack Malibu would have no problem joining Totatlly Endorsed, didn't you? Well, now you're going to have to eat those words."

 

Calvin looks up at Zack with suspicious eyes, as Zack rips the contract up in front of him! A dejected Calvin lowers his head, and Zack comes over...SHOVING THE CONTRACT IN HIS MOUTH!

 

Coach:"Hey, Calvin DID eat those words!"

 

MC:"Zack's a firm believer in truth in advertising!"

 

The crowd roars, and Candie does a double-take, laughing at Calvin, as it's just as humiliating as the way he treated her. Zack goes to speak again...

 

ZM:"Oh, and one more thing. It seems that you've ticked off a certain OAOAST Sponsor, however they're going to put that behind them tonight, as they're catering our afterparty. Guys..."

 

All of a sudden, a COCA-COLA TRUCK is being backed up down the aisle, the back door open to show CASES of America's favorite soft drink! A worker hops out of the truck, and Zack raises his arms, motioning for Coke to be tossed in, a la Steve Austin and his beer bashes! Zack catches a can, and hands one to Candie. He gets tossed two more, and pops 'em open, as "Bring Me To Life" begins to play. Zack toasts Candie, who then takes her Coke and pours some down Cal's throat! Szechstein spits the cola out onto the canvas, and a weary Colvid is now struggling to free him. Calvin gets untied, and Totally Endorsed retreat up the aisle, while Malibu climbs the turnbuckles and double-chugs his soda, calling for more, while Candie goes to the opposite corner and does the same.

 

MC:"This...is a moment I don't think we'll EVER forget. We've seen Beer Baths, we've seen Milk Baths, and now, the OAOAST brings you another first...a Soda Bash!"

 

Coach:"I'm gonna go get me some of that, you want some?"

 

MC:"You DO mean the soda, right?"

 

Coach:"Well, yeah, what did you think I...HEY! I'm not THAT bad about the women."

 

MC:"..."

 

Coach:"Am I?"

 

MC:"Folks, it's been a memorable night here on HeldDOWN~!, and it was our pleasure to bring it to you in your own home. For Casanova Coachman over here, I'm Michael Cole...we'll see you next week!"

[Zack Malibu 0]

PROPS~!

 

Shattered Dreams

Masked Man

La Parka Your Car

Flik

Mad Matt

IDRM

Orion

Phoenix Fury Legdrop

Zack Malibu