The 1Inch EWR Fed

[Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist]

I had a dream. Or, at least I think I did. I wanted to show Jim Cornette up to being a lousy booker, and to stomp Wildside into the dirt. What I’m stuck with is this.

 

-Frontier United Championship Combat

 

Yup, after running both a created fed, Total Pro Wrestling, and then jumping to the WWE, I, Dave O’Neill, on December 1st, 2005, exunted stage left, pulled a Noah, and created FUCC.

 

My first mistake was everything that had gone before. In order to make both TPW and the WWE successful, I’d stepped on a lot of toes. So much so that not a lot of talented people wanted to talk to me, mainly because I’d fired them or their buddies when I bought their company out. What stands before you is the best of a bad bunch.

 

My second mistake was thinking I needed “Wrestling Royalty” to help jumpstart my fed. I hired Prince Nana. He hired some guy called Sabunim, thinking it was Sabu, and Bruce Hart, thinking he was getting Bret.

 

My third Mistake? The Gimmicktron. Nearly everyone who passed through my doors got re-tooled with a new name and gimmick. Hopefully some will be more successful than others. Hopefully.

 

Lets Meet the Stars of FUCC

-Main Event Faces

- American Dude ( formerly known as Chris Chetti).

- Taiyo Kea (on an Open Contract)

 

-Main Event Heels

-Christopher Daniels (On an Open Contract)

 

 

-Upper Midcard Faces

-Big Dick Hertz (Formerly known as Glen Ruth)

-Freddy Krueger (Formerly known as Jorge Estrada, yes, that one)

-Michael Myers (Formerly known as Lee Great)

-Solo Snuka

 

-Upper Midcard Heels

-Barry Windham

-Dollar Bill (Formerly known as Shocker

-Evil Foreigner (Formerly Known as X-Marino)

-Ice Bucket (Formerly known as Mana)

-Tom Zenk

 

-Midcard Faces

-Hollywood Horace Hogan

-Precious Lucy

-Ricky Morton

 

-Midcard Heels

-Bobby Eaton

-Skittles (Formerly known as Seven)

-Vinnie Mack (Formerly known as Shane Ballard)

 

-Lower Midcard Faces

-Curry Man (Formerly known as Five Star Flash)

-Jason Voorhees (Formerly known as Aidan Nathans)

-Jersey Devil

-Jett Taylor

-Navajo Joe (Formerly known as Molsoon)

-The Mailman, Chris Michaels

 

-Lower Midcard Heels

-Azrael

-Bubba Bubbalicious

-Kumiko Indohara

-Sabunim

-Villano 99 (Formerly known as Generalin Intikami)

 

 

Managers, and Non Wrestlers

 

-Jenny From The Block (Face)

-Jim Mitchell (Heel)

-Josh Lazie(Face)

-Bruce Hart (Face)

-Prince Nana (Heel).

 

I know….the crew of the Damned, which, frankly, with our cash situation, is true.

 

Anyway, here’s a preview of our first show, FUCC THIS, from January we go to a weekly PPV, since I doubt I’ll get a TV Deal with the business being down and all

 

-Taiyo Kea vs. Christopher Daniels

 

These two top international superstars have arrived…to boost our chances of having a decent show. Seriously, that’s it. Plus the winner gets the last berth in the Battle Royal With Cheese

 

-20Man Battle Royal for the Fuccin' Championship

-Battle Royal Final

 

So here’s the way it works. 18 superstars, plus the winner of the Kea/Daniels Match, plus a last minute replacement for the injured Sabunim will have a twenty man battle royal. When we come down to the last two, they square off in a match for the Fuccin’ Championship Ring. Yes, a Ring, we can’t afford a belt. The Ring we’re using was the one I was gonna give my ex for her birthday, but she aint getting it now. We know this type of match is a rip-off of another companies style of match, but who cares, not like anyone gonna be watching this one.

 

-Ok, so when Talent Co-Coordinator hired top Tag Team (i.e. never seen each other before), The G-Unit, Ice Bucket and Dollar Bill, He forgot one thing. Opponents for them. So, If we don’t have another tag team by FUCC THIS, they get the Fuccin’ Tag Team Championship by default

 

-Hollywood Hogan vs. Vinnie Mack

 

Yup, The rematch you demanded, sorta

 

-Legends Match : Bobby Eaton vs. Ricky Morton

 

Exactly what it says on the tin

 

-American Dude vs. Evil Foreigner

 

Same here. You can see all my creative juices dried up when I came up with the name Vinnie Mack

 

-Barry Windham vs. Jett Taylor

 

So, Barry Windham returns from wherever he’s been, and dumps the Good Ol’ Boys Shit. Only to find that this nobody is being a country singer. Windham’s gonna get medieval on his ass. Squash guaranteed.

 

-PREGAME : Precious Lucy vs. Kumiko Indohara

 

Two chicks fighting, you do the math

 

Plus!! Coming Soon....Tom Zenk...No, really

 

-------------------------

All Feedback, suggestions and comments greatly appreciated. FUCC THIS oughta be up later.

[Zack Malibu 0]

Haha, awesome man, should be a good read.

 

I *really* gotta get my ass in gear with the XPW diary, though I may wind up doing a revamped, created fed o' my own in addtion/instead of.

[Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist]

FUCC Presents FUCC THIS, 26 December, 2005

 

Live from the Multi Story Car Park beside MSG, in front of a freezing house of 1877

 

Your Hosts are Scott Hudson and Bobby The Brain Heenan

Your Recapper is, of course, El Dames.

 

Precious Lucy vs. Kumiko Indohara.

 

Match Background: Lucy is making her debut at this show. Kumiko is making her debut at this show.

 

The Match: Flying dropkick from Kumiko on Lucy gets a two count. Kumiko tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Precious Lucy. Hooks the leg for a two count. Precious Lucy fights out of a grapple. Kumiko Indohara gets hip tossed by Lucy. Kumiko Indohara takes a right hand to the temple from Lucy. Hooks the leg for a two count. Slingshot clothesline by Lucy, who almost messed it up by slipping on the ropes. Pin, but Kumiko is out just before the three count. Kumiko takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Kumiko Indohara pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Kumiko tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Precious Lucy. Covers for a quick two count. Kumiko Indohara with an enziguri. That reminds me...R.I.P, Owen Hart. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Kumiko hits a dropkick on Precious Lucy. Lucy takes a chop from Kumiko that just STINGS the opponent. Precious Lucy powers out of a Kumiko Indohara headlock. Weak body slam on Kumiko by Lucy sets up a Legdrop. Side suplex from Lucy. Kumiko Indohara can barely stand. Here it comes - German Suplex. 1....2...3, it's finished.

 

My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD.

 

Geez Dames, you don’t waste any time telling me what you think, do you.

 

Christopher Daniels vs. Taiyo Kea.

 

Match Background: Daniels is making his debut at this show. Kea is making his debut at this show. Daniels knows Kea very well as they both work for NJPW in Japan.

 

The Match: Running knee lift from Taiyo Kea. Spinebuster by Taiyo Kea. Hooks the leg for a two count. Taiyo Kea misses a big Legdrop after stalling too long. Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Kea goes down. Implant DDT by Christopher Daniels! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Hooks the leg for a two count. Kea walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one though? Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Spin kick by Christopher Daniels to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Kea blocks a kick from Christopher Daniels. Full nelson slam on Daniels. Covers for a quick two count. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by Taiyo Kea connects and Christopher Daniels is down! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Body slam by Kea. Christopher Daniels just WALKS into a stiff lariat clothesline from Kea. Kea charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Spin kick by Christopher Daniels to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Kea walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one though? Christopher Daniels sets Taiyo Kea up in the corner. Fall From Grace! 1....2....3.

 

My Opinion: Consider yourself lucky, a ****1 is hard to get and it was earned every step of the way. Let's see if you can do better now.

 

Ah, the gods of work rate are shining down on me now, I can only go higher. As a result, Daniels gets slot 20 in the Battle Royal with Cheese for the Fuccin’ Championship, later on in the show.

 

 

Barry Windham vs. Jett Taylor.

 

Match Background: Windham is making his debut at this show. Taylor is making his debut at this show.

 

The Match: Windham hits a piledriver on Jett Taylor. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Barry Windham moves in for the kill. Lariat!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

 

My Opinion: I'll give a 1* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots.

 

This match suffered because the crowd was still pumped up from the last one, and so this bout was seen as something of a let-down to them.

 

Bobby Eaton vs. Ricky Morton.

 

Match Background: Eaton is making his debut at this show. Morton is making his debut at this show.

 

The Match: Ricky Morton walks into a chop to the pecs. Ouch. Bobby Eaton scores with a poor face jam on Ricky Morton. There's a two count on the pin. Ricky Morton once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Morton hits a back kick, doubling Eaton over. Morton hits a soaring kick on Eaton. Covers for a quick two count. Slingshot clothesline by Morton, who almost messed it up by slipping on the ropes. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Eaton gets splashed in the corner. Morton walks into a drop toe hold. Bobby Eaton scores with a face jam on Ricky Morton. Hooks the leg for a two count. Eaton hits a badly done swinging DDT on Ricky Morton. Pin, but Morton is out just before the three count. Bobby Eaton snap suplexed Morton HARD to the canvas! And again! A pair of clotheslines follow and...yep, Eaton is now a bonifide HOUSE...EN...FUEGO~! Eaton strikes away at Ricky Morton, not doing much damage at all. Ricky Morton is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Morton slams Bobby Eaton down. Eaton is sure in trouble now. Morton face jams Bobby Eaton. Ricky Morton stuns Bobby Eaton. Flying Cross Body! 1....2....3.

 

My Opinion: A DUD here would have actually been generous! -*

 

 

American Dude vs. Evil Foreigner.

 

Match Background: Dude is making his debut at this show. Foreigner is making his debut at this show.

 

The Match: Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Dude goes down. American Dude powers out of an Evil Foreigner headlock. American Dude strikes Foreigner. Dude whips Foreigner into the turnbuckles...and the ref is crushed! Tiger suplex on Foreigner. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out! Foreigner pushes out of an American Dude hold. Foreigner hits a dropkick on American Dude and gets right back up. Super kick by Evil Foreigner. Covers for a quick two count. Vicious kick to the teeth from Evil Foreigner. Pin, but Dude is out just before the three count. Evil Foreigner gets taken down out of nowhere! Lightning kick by Dude on Foreigner. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! American Dude misses a big Legdrop after stalling too long. American Dude slams Foreigner, who rolls onto his stomach. What is Evil Foreigner doing? American Dude picks him up and signals for a powerbomb. He raises Foreigner up...but then falls backward, getting crushed by his opponent in the process! Evil Foreigner is on top! 1....2....3! Looking at the replay, it appears that Foreigner had taken a chain out of his tights and wrapped it around his fist! American Dude must have been punched with that chain while in mid-powerbomb! What a cheap shot!

 

My Opinion: *1 rating. Hey, you wanted to make it harder on yourself, right?

 

These Two didn’t Click. What. A. Shock

 

Damn those Evil Foreign bastards and their evil ways. It’d be cool if you could pick where these guys are from, and have EF from somewhere else every week. Saying that, when TEW comes out, and you can restrict it to one area, all the evil foreign heels will be from Limerick.

 

And by the way, how do you hide a chain in your shorts??????

 

Hollywood Hogan vs. Vinnie Mack.

 

Match Background: Hogan is making his debut at this show. VKM is making his debut at this show.

 

The Match: Hogan walks into a high dropkick from Vinnie Mack, almost losing several teeth in the process. Hogan walks into a high dropkick from Vinnie Mack, almost losing several teeth in the process. Spin kick by Vinnie Mack to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Flying elbow from Vinnie Mack connects. Hogan counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. VKM takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Messed up body slam by Hogan almost kills VKM. Covers for a quick two count. VKM backdrops Hollywood Hogan out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Vinnie Mack. Hogan takes a NICE huracanrana from Vinnie Mack. Covers for a quick two count. Hogan walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one though? Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Hogan counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Hollywood Hogan connects on Vinnie Mack with a flurry in the corner...but no one seems to care. Vinnie Mack elbows Hollywood Hogan in the face to break a hammerlock. Second rope flying axe handle, Hogan goes down. One day, VKM might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Hollywood Hogan hooks up a suplex, but VKM flips out and lands on his feet, and quickly grabs the tights to score with a school boy pin! 1...2..3! The referee somehow missed the blatant cheating! Vinnie Mack remains in the ring, celebrating the victory.

 

My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD.

 

Yup, HulkaHoraceMania is running wild again, brother. The last time I got this far in the game, I ended up with him versus Erik Watts as the main feud, and went bankrupt (ya think?!). Saying that, I also had Mideon and Viscera as ROH Tag Champs for a year and a half, so really you lot don’t know what your in for. And Speaking of Tag Team Champions.

 

Incidentally, I should have changed Mack’s Finisher to a Submission called “Ring The Fucking Bell”

 

 

Commissioner Bruce (Not Bret) Hart comes to the ring, and is followed down by The G-Unit. They enter the ring, Bruce Hart holds up the Fuccin' Tag Team Championship title belts. After a short speech, he awards the titles to Ice Bucket and Dollar Bill.

 

Literally, because I have no other tag teams. Fun Guaranteed.

 

 

20 Man Battle Royal.

 

Match Background: The G-Unit are the reigning Fuccin' Tag Team Champions, and have been since 26 December 2005.

 

The Match: Standing leg lariat by Christopher Daniels on Jason. Daniels went for the elimination, but Jason Voorhees held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Solo hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Prince Nana scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Dollar Bill connects with a back heel kick on Azrael and gets back up quickly. Azrael got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Bill. (Elimination # 1) Villano walks into a spinning heel kick which almost causes a decapitation! Villano 99 got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Myers. (Elimination # 2) Implant DDT by Dollar Bill! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Josh Lazie got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Bill. (Elimination # 3) Myers gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Solo threw Michael Myers all the way over the top rope to the floor. No question about that one. (Elimination # 4) Spinning back kick from Christopher Daniels. Daniels threw Prince Nana over the top rope, but Prince Nana skinned the cat to save himself! Spinning back kick from The Mailman. Jersey Devil was eliminated by Mailman. (Elimination # 5) Christopher Daniels gets up and gives a Belly to belly suplex to Daniels. Jason Voorhees got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Daniels. (Elimination # 6) Spear by Navajo Joe. Joe tried to eliminate Christopher Daniels, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! Dollar Bill kicks the leg, knocks Curry down, and goes to work on it. Curry Man got eliminated by Bill. (Elimination # 7) Skittles walks into a chop. That must have hurt. Big Dick Hertz with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Skittles. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Sloppy short range spear from Hak Summers. Summers threw Solo Snuka over the top rope, but Solo Snuka skinned the cat to save himself! Mailman just WAFFLES Bubba with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! Bubba Bubbalicous got eliminated by Mailman. (Elimination # 8) Spinning back kick from Christopher Daniels. Daniels threw Solo Snuka over the top rope, but Solo Snuka skinned the cat to save himself! Freddy Krueger arm drags Dick over and locks on an armbar. Big Dick Hertz got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Freddy. (Elimination # 9) Daniels takes a kick to the chest, and staggers back. A blind charge only gets an even HARDER kick. Solo threw Christopher Daniels over the top rope, but Christopher Daniels skinned the cat to save himself! Freddy Krueger uses a running dropkick into the corner. That was just...ugh. Freddy went for the elimination, but Christopher Daniels held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Spinning back kick from Dollar Bill. Bruce Hart got bundled out by Bill. (Elimination # 10) Skittles with a spinning neckbreaker on Summers. Skittles went for the elimination, but Hak Summers held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Bill hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Navajo Joe got bundled out by Bill. (Elimination # 11) Daniels gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Ice bucket tried to eliminate Christopher Daniels, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! Ice bucket takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Ice Bucket got bundled out by Nana. (Elimination # 12) Dollar Bill charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Solo tried to eliminate Dollar Bill, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! Solo Snuka hits some punches. How generic. The Mailman got bundled out by Solo. (Elimination # 13) Dollar Bill connects with a back heel kick on Skittles and gets back up quickly. Skittles got bundled out by Bill. (Elimination # 14) Summers uses a neckbreaker on Solo. Summers tried to eliminate Solo Snuka, who hung onto the top rope for dear life! Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Solo Snuka ends up channeling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Prince Nana got bundled out by Solo. (Elimination # 15) Solo hits a piledriver on Christopher Daniels. That used to end matches, you know. Solo went for the elimination, but Christopher Daniels held on to the ropes at the last possible second! STIFF high kick on Freddy by Christopher Daniels. Daniels hits a dropkick on Freddy Krueger and gets right back up. Freddy hits a back kick, doubling Solo over. Swan dive headbutt from Freddy but without much elevation on the move. Throat chop by Summers does nothing but remind me of the Samoan Wrestling Family Tree. Christopher Daniels walks into a chop and BUMPS OFF IT. I love that. Flying elbow from Freddy Krueger, grazing the target slightly. Freddy threw Solo Snuka over the top rope, but Solo Snuka skinned the cat to save himself! Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Dollar Bill by Solo. Remember when that was a legit finish? Solo went for the elimination, but Dollar Bill held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Freddy Krueger strikes Bill. Freddy Krueger with an enziguri. Freddy Krueger arm drags Summers over and locks on an armbar. Hak Summers got bundled out by Freddy. (Elimination # 16) Hard back suplex on Solo. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Daniels went for the elimination, but Solo Snuka held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Body slam by Solo. Solo scoops and slams Dollar Bill. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Freddy hits an arm drag on Daniels, follows it up with about 3 more and locks in an armbar for good measure. Christopher Daniels gets hip tossed by Freddy. Freddy hits a short arm drag on Bill. Dollar Bill got bundled out by Freddy. (Elimination # 17) Freddy hits a quick kick on Daniels. Freddy went for the elimination, but Christopher Daniels held on to the ropes at the last possible second! Christopher Daniels kicks the leg, knocks Freddy down, and goes to work on it. Freddy Krueger got tossed over the top rope to the floor HARD by Daniels. (Elimination # 18) It’s down to Snuka and Daniels

 

My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obscenities.

 

Hak Summers, who by the way is the LEAST over person in the game, managed to outlast Prince Nana, my Eminem Rip-Off and Bruce Hart. Dear God.

 

Solo Snuka vs. Christopher Daniels.

 

Match Background: Solo is making his debut at this show. Daniels is making his debut at this show. This match is for the Fuccin' Championship title.

 

The Match: THERE IT IS! A Legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. BRAINBUSTAH~! by Christopher Daniels! Hooks the leg for a two count. Daniels goes for a splash but Solo puts the knees up. Solo Snuka hits some punches. How generic. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Christopher Daniels by Solo. Remember when that was a legit finish? There's a two count on the pin. High Angle DDT by Solo Snuka just SPIKES Christopher Daniels down! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Christopher Daniels by Solo. Remember when that was a legit finish? Daniels counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Flying cross body off the top rope! Hooks the leg for a two count. Vicious kick to the teeth from Christopher Daniels. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Second rope flying axe handle, Solo goes down. One day, Daniels might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Christopher Daniels connects with a back heel kick on Solo and gets back up quickly. Solo Snuka comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Solo Snuka with a spinning neckbreaker on Daniels. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by Solo Snuka connects and Christopher Daniels is down! Solo Snuka has Christopher Daniels down on the canvas and is ascending the corner. Superfly Splash!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over.

 

My Opinion: A wise man once said 'Can I get a side of bland with that bland'. He's dead now, though. That's what this match was...bland. **

 

Sophie wanted me to put the belt on Chris Chetti, but I was already using him earlier in the card. Snuka wont have the belt for long though. For the record, Daniels is only on an open contract and I didn’t want to risk him jumping with the belt.

 

Anyway, quickie preview for the first edition of FUCC You TV, live on weekly PPV ( full preview will be up tomorrow or Sunday)

 

Solo Snuka defends his title against Barry Windham

The G-Unit vs. Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees

A Shoot Interview with Skittles

Prince Nana holds his Royal Court, with special guest, Michael Myers

 

Plus…..Tom F’N Zenk….no, really.

 

Coming Soon ; A Wrestling Bear. Seriously, I don’t mean A-Train or anything.

 

Anyway, the Real Fun begins with FUCC You TV, so stay tuned, and suggestions, feedback, etc, all greatly appreciated

[Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist]

All Access Preview for FUCC YOU TV, Week One, December 7, 2005.

 

Solo Snuka vs. Barry Windham for the Fuccin’ Championship.

 

Barry Windham managed to pull off quite a feat at FUCC This. He got a clean win over someone, unlike, say, anyone else. Ergo, by that, small piece of logic, the executive council (myself, Bruce Hart and Prince Nana) he gets the first title shot against Snuka.

 

G-Unit (Ice Bucket and Dollar Bill) vs. Freddy Krueger / Jason Voorhees.

 

While the G-Unit wish to be recognized as the Fuccin’ Tag Team Champions, there’s no other tag teams in the promotion. Ergo, the executive council is starting to fling people together to get the belts off them. However, on behalf of his posse, Skittles asked for this provision : The champs have to be defeated in a non-title match first. Since that’s the most reasonable thing anyone’s actually said, that’s the way its gonna be. If Freddy and Jason defeat the G-Unit, they get a title shot next week.

 

The Royal Court w/Michael Myers

Michael Myers vs. Villano 99

 

Michael Myers does double duty tonight, as first he squares off against the latest in a long line of Villanos, and then later on, he will be the first guest on Prince Nana’s personal segment, The Royal Court.

 

Chris Daniels Interview

Chris Daniels vs. ???

 

In order to get our moneys worth out of Daniels, he also does double duty tonight. Before his match ,(Opponent TBA, check www.fuccoff.com for more details) Chris will speak with Bobby Heenan about why he has come to the promotion.

 

We will also receive a special message from Big Dick Hertz, from the set of his new movie, “There’s Something About Mary’s Ass”

 

The Legendary Tom Zenk Has come out of Wrestling Retirement to join FUCC. Scott Hudson will sit down with the bitter fuck, about why his website has disappeared, what he thinks about Triple H, and other such matters.

 

Plus, for our spectators only, there will be a special bonus match, between Jersey Devil, Azrael and the debuting Enygma, in a “God these names suck” Match.

 

So, join us, live from the Fuccin Arena. Be There, or be hexagonal

[Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist]

Yeah, I know, I got my dates wrong. Sue Me.

 

For Everyone Out there right now watching David Blaine sitting in a box, here’s something a bit more ridiculous.

 

FUCC YOU TV: Week One, January 7, 2006

 

Live from the Fuccin’ Arena (a.k.a an abandoned Penny Arcade out in Coney Island)

 

Your Hosts are Scott Hudson, and Bobby Heenan

 

Your Recapper Is Dames

 

Pregame Filler Match for No Reason

 

Jersey Devil vs. Enygma vs. Azrael.

 

Match Background: This will be a triangle bout. Enygma is making his debut at this show.

 

The Match: Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Devil goes down. Spinning back kick from Azrael. Devil counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Azrael gets caught with a short powerbomb from Devil. Spinebuster by Enygma. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Implant DDT by Azrael! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Enygma counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Devil \ Enygma hook up Azrael, then hit a double suplex. Jersey Devil plants Azrael with an EXPLODAH~! suplex. Devil gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Devil reverses a waist lock. Azrael takes a butterfly suplex from Devil. Jersey Devil moves in for the kill. Samoan Drop! 1....2....3.

 

Main Show

 

Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees vs. The G-Unit.

 

Match Background: Ice Bucket and Bill are teaming up as The G-Unit for the first time tonight. The G-Unit are the reigning Fuccin' Tag Team champions, and have been since 26 December 2005.

 

The Match: Ice Bucket just WALKS into a stiff lariat clothesline from Jason. Ice Bucket takes a butterfly suplex from Jason. There's a two count on the pin. Ice Bucket backdrops Jason Voorhees out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Ice Bucket. Body slam by Ice Bucket. Full nelson slam on Jason. Ice Bucket tags out to Dollar Bill. Springboard dropkick from Dollar Bill. Nicely done. Dollar Bill gets taken down out of nowhere! Tag between Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger. Freddy hits a back kick, doubling Bill over. Freddy Krueger arm drags Bill over and locks on an armbar. Covers for a quick two count. Badly executed second rope splash by Freddy. Tag between Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees. High Angle DDT by Jason Voorhees just SPIKES Dollar Bill down! Pin, but Bill is out just before the three count. Dollar Bill powers out of a Jason Voorhees headlock. Flying elbow from Dollar Bill connects. Tag between Dollar Bill and Ice Bucket. Running knee lift from Ice Bucket. Ice Bucket is in trouble. Jason Voorhees signals for the Slash! He turns around....and gets flattened by Freddy Krueger, who then exits the ring. Jason Voorhees can barely stand. Icebreaker! 1....2....3. The G-Unit holds Jason Voorhees up, allowing Freddy to trash talk right into his face! Jason tries to attack...but gets brutally beaten down to the canvas in a three-on-one attack. The G-Unit leave the ring as Freddy Krueger stands above the fallen Jason Voorhees.

 

My Opinion: It was close to a ** match, but I just can't stand too many blown spots. *3/4

 

Oh, Yeah baby, Freddy vs. Jason is about to become are first main feud here in FUCC, so stay tuned to see where we go with it (to Hell, probably, along with the rest of the promotion)

 

Hello, all you Fuccin’ Fans out there. I’m Big Dick Hertz. I used to be one of the Head Bangers, but I’ve found my true vocation : Hardcore Fetish Pornography. I say to all the prudes in America, Fuck Off, It’s a living. You’ve joined me on the set of my new film, “There’s something about Mary’s Ass”, but next week, I’ll be in the Fuccin’ Arena to discuss an exciting opportunity for all the ladies to get into the movie business. And for all the men out there who have a problem with that, remember this. This Big Dick Hertz when it gets on you ass..

 

Fittingly, this only got a 38% Rating.

 

Michael Myers vs. Villano 99.

 

Match Background: None.

 

The Match: Michael Myers strikes Villano. Face crusher from Myers on Villano sets up for an elbowdrop. There's a two count on the pin. Myers charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Michael Myers by Villano. Remember when that was a legit finish? Myers gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Michael Myers by Villano. Remember when that was a legit finish? Michael Myers elbows Villano 99 in the face to break a hammerlock. Myers hits a piledriver on Villano 99. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Villano 99 can barely stand. Here it comes - Halloween Strikes. 1....2...3, it's finished.

 

My Opinion: When I give out 3/4*, it means that I'm being REALLY nice about it.

 

While Mike is walking back down the aisle, Prince Nana runs out for his personal interview segment. He starts to interview Michael Myers , but Nana is an Idiot, and goes on and on about the Halloween Films, and that’s another Michael Myers. Our Michael Myers is a totally different guy. Who wears a whiteface Stage Mask, dresses all in black, carries a knife (for security) and has a curious drawing to Jamie Lee Curtis films. The constant taunts from Nana soon get Myers angry, and he attacks, beating Prince Nana all around the set. He eventually leaves, but not without grabbing a camera and a mic. “Have a Donald Pleasant Day.

 

Tom Zenk is backstage for a “shoot Interview” with Scott “Rock” Hudson . Basically, He’s here because he cant afford the bandwidth on his website anymore, so he needs to pay the bills. And Triple H can suck his cock.

 

Zenk is current WWE Developmental Never-Will Be Nick Dinsmore. I figure if, by 2006, a guy of his talent hasn’t made it, he never will, so who better to become the greatest Never-Was of all time. At least I didn’t repackage his as Doink, like Vince Did

 

Christopher Daniels comes down to the ring to be interviewed by Bobby Heenan before his match. We can’t afford a backstage interviewer (plus EWR never makes allowances for this, so I’m being creative. He hyped himself up on THE STICK~!, talking about what he was going to do...and soon. Save Our Souls, blah blah blah. He might be the best thing in the company, but he’s sure as fuck sounds like a broken record.

 

Curry Man vs. Christopher Daniels.

 

Match Background: None.

 

The Match: Curry Man strikes Daniels. Daniels ducks a wild right hand. Curry takes a NICE huracanrana from Christopher Daniels. Tiger suplex on Curry. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, dammit. Curry Man is in trouble. Here it comes - Last Rites. 1....2...3, it's finished. Christopher Daniels gives a murderous look toward Curry Man...and attacks! Curry gets dropped to the canvas, then battered with a barrage of rights and lefts. Daniels leaves the ring having left Curry down and out.

 

My Opinion: Nothing offensive, but nothing too special either. **1 rating.

 

Apparently Gimmick Theft is Legal now. Too Bad

 

Solo Snuka vs. Barry Windham.

 

Match Background: This match is for the Fuccin' Championship title. Solo Snuka has been Fuccin' Championship champion since 26 December 2005.

 

The Match: Windham strikes away at Solo Snuka, not doing much damage at all. Solo hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Solo Snuka takes a right hand to the temple from Windham. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Covers for a quick two count. Running clothesline from Barry Windham was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Hooks the leg for a two count. Solo blocks a punch. Windham gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. There's a two count on the pin. Spinebuster by Solo Snuka. Windham reverses a waist lock. Barry Windham turns Solo inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Solo Snuka can barely stand. Here it comes – Widow Maker. 1....2...3, it's finished.

 

My Opinion: If it weren't for two great moments in this match, it would have gotten a DUD. Either way, all it’s getting from me is a 1*.

 

I didn’t want to put the title on Windham either, but Sophie doesn’t have problem with it, so I’m just gonna go ahead with the storyline I have for him, except now he’s the champion.

 

Attendance 817 Smarks who came to see Tom Zenk

Buy rate 0.08

 

Next Week ( Full Preview up on Tuesday)

 

Barry Windham will defend the Fuccin’ Championship Ring. Plus, he’s asked that Scott Hudson do his Shoot Interview Thingy with him. Barry apparently has something to say.

 

The Mailman has told the executive council that he can deliver the answer to one of their problems. No-One has any idea what he’s on about, but we’re struggling to fill the shows, so we’ll give him some time to waste.

 

Big Dick Hertz will be Prince Nana’s guest on The Royal Court, as he announces details about his new movie.

 

Speaking of Nana, he was pissed after Michael Myers beat the crap out of him. So much so, that he contacted a former WCW Tag Team Champion to come in and sort him out.

 

Freddy and Jason will confront each other.

 

Tom Zenk will be in Action

 

Plus…Coming Soon…..A Cruiserweight Title Tournament (The Wrestling Bear is on Hold…something about it being illegal)

[Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist]

Tired of Watching Garbage like HHH / Flair vs Goldberg / Orton ?

 

Then Give FUCC , On Saturday, January 14, 2006 a shot. This is the

 

All Access Preview

 

People were shocked and appalled when Freddy Krueger turned on Jason Voorhees last week. Some People. Most were just confused. This week, there will be a confrontation between the Pair.

 

Last week, Barry Windham realized his destiny, as he became the rightful Fuccin’ Champion. This week, he defends the belt against Hollywood Horace Hogan. In addition to this, he will sit down with Scott Hudson for an interview. According to Barry’s representatives, he has a lot to say. Tune in to find out what that is.

 

Last Week, The Mailman approached the Fuccin’ Executive Committee and told them that he could deliver the answer to their problems. What he means by this we do not know. The Mailman will also take on Bobby Eaton, in one on one action.

 

Last Week, Michael Myers beat the tar out of Prince Nana. This has pissed off the Prince to such a degree, that he contacted a former WCW Tag Team Champion to come to the Fuccin’ Arena, and “take out” Myers. This will all go down on Saturday.

 

Then, later On, Nana will have Big Dick Hertz as his guest on the Royal Court. We have been informed that any ladies who wish to get into the movie industry, should definitely check out this part of the show.

 

Finally, legendary bitter hack Tom Zenk made his return to pro wrestling last week. He gets in the ring this week, and takes on the American Dude, Chris Chetti.

[Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist]

FUCC YOU TV for January 16, 2006.

 

Live from the Fuccin’ Arena, In Coney Island.

Your Hosts are Scott “Henry” Hudson and Bobby Heenan

 

But first, here comes Prince Nana Needs A New Gimmick out onto the ramp, and announces that he was shocked, stunned and appalled when Michael Myers attacked him last week. Which is really weird because the announcers don’t remember it. Nana puts Mike on notice ; the first chance he gets, he’s gonna rape him up the ass. But first, he has a present for Myers, a gift from the Ghanaian Government, our not so secret Financiers (and the only reason Nana has a job and a place on the executive council). He’s brought a ringer into the promotion. Ladies and Gentlemen, Ron “Ding Dong” Harris (he’ll really ring your bell), Ron comes out, making his debut. At this point, here comes Michael Myers. So , logically (in this promotion!!!), we get :

 

Ron Harris vs. Michael Myers.

Match Background: Ron is making his debut at this show.

 

The Match: Face crusher from Myers on Ron sets up for an elbowdrop. Myers tries to channel the power of Kawada, but ends up channeling the power of Trish Stratus instead by hitting a high kick on Ron Harris. Covers for a quick two count. Myers drops an elbow...but Ron Harris moves out of the way. Uninspired brawling from Ron Harris. Ron Harris hits a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Myers. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. There's a two count on the pin. Sloppy discus punch from Ron Harris barely connects on Myers. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Ron Harris hits a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Myers. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Michael Myers powers out of a Ron Harris headlock. Back heel kick from Myers on Ron. Hooks the leg for a two count. Myers face jams Ron Harris. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Myers hits a dropkick on Ron Harris. Actually, it barely touched! Ron Harris gets hip tossed by Myers. Ron blocks a punch. Myers takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Ron DDTs Michael Myers. Michael Myers slugs Ron Harris, sending him down into the corner. While Myers fires up the crowd, Ron is removing the turnbuckle pad! Michael Myers comes over...but Ron grabs him by the tights and uses the leverage to slingshot Michael Myers face first into the exposed steel turnbuckle! Ron Harris rolls up the stunned Michael Myers, and even puts his feet on the second rope to add insult to injury! 1....2...3! What a display of cheating from Ron Harris.

 

My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it.

 

And neither does I, but suffices it to say, Ron Harris is now in the group, and already one of our biggest stars. Thank God for Chris Daniels, or our Top Five would be a joke.

 

And now , Shooting the Shit with Scott Hudson, and this weeks guest, the Fuccin’ Champion, Barry Windham. Barry has a question for Scott. How old is he? Barry, not Scott. Hudson doesn’t have an answer, because Hudson usually asks the questions on this segment, not answers them. Barry tells him he’s 45. Do you know what the biggest problem is modern wrestling is?

 

Is It?

A- Triple H’s Political Power

B- XPW existing as a promotion

C- Something Else.

 

Scott answers C, and Barry Tells him he’s right. The biggest problem in wrestling is Ageism. Old wrestlers never get their shot in wrestling. There’ll all accused of stinking up the ring, or holding young people down, or all that bullshit. Not anymore. From now on, wrestlers like Barry Windham will be treated with the respect they deserve. Or something like that. Barry’s a little senile at his age. His point, we think, is, Young People Suck, he doesn’t. Nevermind.

 

You’d think I book a feud in which my young wrestlers get respect, but no, not this one. this is FUCC , and Barry Windham, bitter fuck, is our Fuccin’ Champion, and he aint taking any shit. Plus, this story is gonna go and go, and I have some interesting twists that it’ll take.

 

The Mailman comes out, first delivering mail to Scott and Bobby, because we don’t pay him enough, and it’s his day job. He tells Bobby that he delivered an answer to a problem that the executive committee have had for the past couple of weeks, and then announces that he has brought a workmate into the promotion. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for The Paper Boy. Paperboy comes out, making his debut, and this segues into :

 

The Mailman and The Paper Boy vs. Bobby Eaton and Villano 99.

Match Background: Paper Boy is making his debut at this show.

 

The Match: Paper Boy takes a vertical suplex from Bobby Eaton. Bobby Eaton scores with a poor face jam on The Paper Boy. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Villano 99. Villano \ Eaton hook up Paper Boy, then hit a double suplex. Villano 99 with a spinning neckbreaker on Paper Boy. There's a two count on the pin. Paper Boy gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. The Paper Boy reverses a hip toss. Slingshot clothesline by Paper Boy, who almost messed it up by slipping on the ropes. Paper Boy tags out to The Mailman. THERE IT IS! A Legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. SUPER frankensteiner on Villano, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Villano 99 comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Tag to Bobby Eaton. Suplex into a front slam from Eaton, but the execution was CRAPTASTIC~!. Bobby Eaton uses something that LOOKS like a reverse suplex. The judges say yes, but barely. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Leg trip from Bobby Eaton knocks the opponent down. The Mailman powers out of a Bobby Eaton headlock. Eaton takes a NICE huracanrana from The Mailman. The Mailman has Bobby Eaton down on the canvas. Bobby Eaton gets locked in the Going Postal! Submission victory! The G-Unit comes running down the aisle with chairs! They slide in behind Mailman \ Paper Boy...and drop them with stereo chair shots! The G-Unit leaves the ring, the damage done.

 

My Opinion: I'll give a 1* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots.

 

First Of All, where the hell did Villano come from. I never announced him for the show. Second of all, Mailman and Paper Boy are now the Couriers, and only the second tag team in the promotion. No fools they, the G-Unit attacked them to set up a mini-feud. Next week will be the requisite non title match. Maybe I do book logically in this promotion.

 

Prince Nana comes out for his personal interview segment, The Royal Court. He brings out tonight's guest, Big Dick Hertz. Dick starts to talk about the open auditions for his new Film, Jane’s Addiction…..To Cock, but suddenly, over the PA (i.e. an I-Pod jacked into a pair of speakers and a sub woofer on top of the entrance) comes Chris Daniels entrance Theme : The Soundtrack to Smallville (Somebody Save Me). Daniels goes on and on about how, all his life, Dick has gone from one illegal pastime to another, from Devil worshipping, to Satanic Music, and now to Hardcore Pornography. Well, He’s here to save souls, and he might as well start with Dick’s.

 

Fuck, another $51000 down the drain, shouldn’t have booked Daniels

 

Tom Zenk vs. American Dude.

Match Background: None.

 

The Match: Dude gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Tom Zenk gets up and gives a Belly to belly suplex to Z-Man. Dude is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Covers for a quick two count. Tom Zenk with a spinning neckbreaker on Dude. Hooks the leg for a two count. American Dude reverses a hip toss. Tom Zenk takes a right hand to the temple from Dude. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Hooks the leg for a two count. Dude crushes Z-Man with a running Senton. Z-Man counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Tom Zenk plants Dude with an EXPLODAH~! suplex. Tom Zenk has American Dude down on the canvas. Here it comes...Sleeper! American Dude taps!

 

My Opinion: This match gets two stars from me. Nothing more, nothing less. **

 

Oddly enough, these two have good chemistry in the ring.

 

Freddy Krueger is in the ring, and he calls out Jason Voorhees. Jason runs down and hits the ring, and they brawl all the way back into the aisle, and eventually out of sight backstage.

 

Point of Note, should I fire Freddy? He’s on 37% unhappiness, and If I get rid of him, I can book Jason as something else and be shot of it.

 

Hollywood Horace Hogan vs. Barry Windham.

Match Background: This match is for the Fuccin' Championship title. Barry Windham has been Fuccin' Championship champion since 07 January 2006.

 

The Match: Uninspired brawling from Barry Windham. Hogan receives some punishment by Barry Windham but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Running clothesline from Barry Windham was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Barry Windham hits a right hand on Hollywood Horace Hogan. Hogan ducks a wild right hand. Boring brawling from Hollywood Horace Hogan is the cure for insomnia. Hollywood Horace Hogan DDTs Windham in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Barry Windham's head didn't touch the mat at all. Hooks the leg for a two count. Windham blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Weak body slam by Windham. There's a two count on the pin. Barry Windham scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Hogan reverses a Barry Windham hammerlock. Hollywood Horace Hogan connects with some weak punches on Barry Windham. Barry Windham avoids a Hollywood Horace Hogan avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Hollywood Horace Hogan takes a right hand to the temple from Windham. Bobby Eaton comes running down the aisle with a chair! Windham whips Hollywood Horace Hogan into the ropes. Eaton jumps onto the apron with the chair! Collision between Eaton, Hogan, and the chair! Hollywood Horace Hogan staggers back into a roll up! 1...2...3! It's over! Barry Windham, having taken the victory thanks to the outside interference of Bobby Eaton, goes over and shakes hands with him, showing that their plan was a success.

 

My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it.

 

We got a 0.08 buy rate for 'FUCC YOU TV!'!

 

The attendance was 831 people, including all 817 from last week, who served us with lawsuits over not delivering Tom Zenk. The other 14 just showed up, expecting anyone else besides Ron Harris as the mystery man.

 

Quickie Preview for Next Week.

 

We announce details of the Cruiserweight Tourney

 

Bobby Eaton discusses the events of this show with Bobby Heenan, and then takes on Hollywood Horace Hogan.

 

Barry Windham and a Mystery Partner take on American Dude and a mystery Partner.

 

The G-Unit versus the Couriers, Non Title Match

 

Freddy vs. Jason???????

 

Since we cant afford Chris Daniels 3 weeks in a row, his lieutenant, Brother Bubba Bubbalicious takes on Big Dick Hertz

 

Finally, Skittles and The G-Unit perform their new Single, “Fuck Tha Hood”, LIVE.

 

Plus, Coming Soon…THE ROCK.

[Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist]

[/b]

The All- Access Preview For FUCC YOU TV, January 21, 2006

 

This week on FUCC YOU TV

 

Dream Partner Match : Barry Windham / ? vs. Hollywood Horace Hogan / ?

 

Last week, bitter hack, and Fuccin’ Champion Barry Windham announced that he was upset at constant calls in pro-wrestling for younger wrestlers to get chances, and said that he was taking over the company. Apparently, Bobby Eaton is buying into what Barry’s saying. This week, Barry, and his opponent from last week, Hollywood Horace Hogan, will go against each other, with a special stipulation. Both can choose partners of their choice. However, Windham has indicated that his partner is likely to be Tom Zenk, thus leaving with us without knowing who Hollywood Hogan will choose. Tune in to find out.

 

Before his match with the American Dude Chris Chetti, Bobby Eaton will discuss with Bobby Eaton why he sided with Barry Windham last week.

 

All Three members of the G-Unit, Skittles, Ice Bucket and Dollar Bill will be in the arena to perform their new single “Fuck Tha Hood”

 

After that, the regular tag team, Ice Bucket and Dollar Bill take on new tag team The Couriers in non- title action. If the Couriers in, they receive a tag team title shot.

 

Solo Snuka takes on Evil Foreigner in One-On-One action.

 

Although Freddy Krueger is no longer with the company, Jason Voorhees will be in the arena this week.

 

Christopher Daniels has seemingly set his sights on saving Big Dick Hertz’s soul. This week, Daniels’ lieutenant, Brother Bubba Bubbalicious will take on the Adult Movie Star in one-on-one action

[Guest Dave O'Neill, Journalist]

FUCC YOU TV, January 21, 2006

Live from the Fuccin’ Arena, In Coney Island

Your Hosts are Scott Hudson River, and Bobby The Brain

 

Evil Foreigner vs. Solo Snuka.

Match Background: None.

 

The Match: Foreigner uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Flying reverse elbow by Evil Foreigner. Hooks the leg for a two count. Evil Foreigner misses a big Legdrop after stalling too long. Solo hits a right hand. Solo slams Evil Foreigner down and motions to the crowd. Hooks the leg for a two count. Solo Snuka scores with a standing spinebuster. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Evil Foreigner charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Foreigner reverses a waist lock. Spinning bulldog in the corner and Solo is down! Hooks the leg for a two count. Tor-NADO DDT from Evil Foreigner, Solo got planted! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! THERE IT IS! A Legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Foreigner just WAFFLES Solo with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! Solo Snuka avoids an Evil Foreigner avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Body slam by Solo. DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Solo Snuka just KILLS Evil Foreigner! Solo Snuka floors Evil Foreigner...and climbs the turnbuckles. Top Rope Legdrop!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over.

 

My Opinion: I'll give it a *1\2 rating. Consider getting more stars to be the adventure of a lifetime. Get started.

 

Yeah, I don’t know why I stuck these two out there either, I am struggling to fill time though. Again, all suggestion greatly appreciated.

 

Bubba Bubbalicous vs. Big Dick Hertz.

Match Background: None.

 

The Match: Bubba drives a HARD forearm into the chest of Dick. Dick takes a back suplex. Big Dick Hertz takes a butterfly suplex from Bubba. Bubba drives a thrust kick into the chest of Dick. Dick kicks Bubba Bubbalicous in the gut to reverse the momentum. Second rope flying axe handle, Bubba goes down. One day, Dick might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Dick crushes Bubba with a huge Legdrop. There's a two count on the pin. Big Dick Hertz misses a clothesline. Dick walks into a jaw breaker. Hooks the leg for a two count. TIGER DRIVER~! '91 nearly crushes the spine of Dick! Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Dick counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! A weak headbutt on Bubba by Dick causes nothing but pain for both. Dick walks into a drop toe hold. Vertical suplex by Bubba Bubbalicous. Soul Taker comes running down the aisle with a chair! Bubba and Big Dick Hertz continue fighting, unaware of the intrusion. Soul taker slides in and blasts Big Dick Hertz with a chair to the head! Soul climbs out of the ring, the damage done! Bubba Bubbalicous moves in for the kill. Bible Basher! 1....2....3. Bubba and Soul beat away on Big Dick Hertz, leaving him spread-eagled on the canvas.

 

My Opinion: I'll give it a *3/4 rating. If you think of it like currency, it's a 1.75. You can't even take the subway with that anymore here. Work harder man.

 

Soul Taker is Ron Harris, repackaged. You’ll find that I constantly re package people to get use out of them, plus it saves on hiring new people all the time.

 

Bobby Eaton comes down to chat with The Brain. Yes, he’s buying into what Barry Windham is saying, and Windham has his full support. Remember, just a while back, he jobbed to Kid Kash on NWA TNA. What did Kid Kash ever do for the Industry? Huh. Anyways, here comes Bobby’s opponent.

 

American Dude vs. Bobby Eaton.

Match Background: None.

 

The Match: Chop from Eaton on Dude causing the knock down. Dude ducks a wild right hand. Dude hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. Tiger suplex on Eaton. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, Bloody Hell! Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Bobby Eaton pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Eaton suplexes Dude to the canvas and floats over. Bobby Eaton hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Bobby Eaton nearly ends the career of Dude with a screwed up German suplex. GET AWAY FROM THE WRESTLING BUSINESS! Pin, but Dude is out just before the three count. Dude counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. American Dude hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Dude goes for a splash but Eaton puts the knees up. American Dude grabs Bobby Eaton from behind and shoves him into the ropes, then scores with a roll-up...but Eaton rolls through with the move! He is using the tights for leverage! 1....2...3! The referee didn't see it!

 

My Opinion: 1/4*. Be happy it's not a DUD.

 

Just a Hint…but can you say Fore. Shadowing. I knew you could.

 

Out onto the stage beside the entrance (Read: The old Janitors closet) comes The G-Unit, to perform their new single, “Fuck Tha Hood”. Go Buy It. Next.

 

The G-Unit vs. The Couriers.

Match Background: Mailman and Paper Boy are teaming up as The Couriers for the first time tonight. The G-Unit are the reigning Fuccin' Tag Team champions, and have been since 26 December 2005.

 

The Match: Spin kick by The Mailman to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Flying cross body off the top rope! There's a two count on the pin. Mailman tags out to The Paper Boy. The Couriers whip Bill into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Paper Boy slams Dollar Bill down. Bill is sure in trouble now. There's a two count on the pin. The Paper Boy strikes Dollar Bill. Bill blocks a punch. Diamond Dust from Dollar Bill and Paper Boy is out! Tag to Ice Bucket. Body slam by Ice Bucket. Spinebuster by Ice Bucket. Ice Bucket walks into a drop toe hold. Paper Boy tags out to The Mailman. Mailman crushes Ice Bucket with a running Senton. Tor-NADO DDT from The Mailman, Ice Bucket got planted! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Mailman hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Ice Bucket once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Mailman walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. As Bill and Mailman get into a brawl on the outside, Soul Taker comes running down into the ring! The Mailman gets grabbed, and they start brawling. Ice Bucket takes some shots at Mailman as well. The referee, seeing the chaos, calls for a no contest ruling. We have three sets of grapplers in the ring, as The G-Unit, The Couriers and Lost Souls look at each other. Before the inevitable brawl erupts, a host of referees hit the ring to keep them apart.

 

My Opinion: *1\2 rating is all it gets from me.

 

Remember what I said aboot repackaging people? Lost Souls are Ron and Don Harris/Soul Train, who oddly isn’t mentioned here. Anyways, we’re gonna make like, a real tag division now.

 

Zodiak is in the ring. Out from the back comes Jason Voorhees, who suddenly morphs into Stampede Era Jason The Terrible. Gahh No, My eyes. Luke Is Angry, etc, etc.

 

Yeah, I dumped Freddy and turned Jason Heel, and stuck Azrael with him, repackaged as the Zodiak

 

Windham \ Z-Man are in the ring for the Dream Theatre Match.. Zenk is the third man in Windham’s Group.

 

SHIT, I SO SHOULD HAVE TURNED HOGAN HEEL TO HAMMER HOME THE THIRD MAN GAG

 

Out comes Hollywood Horace Hogan, and he announces his mystery partner as THE ROCK

 

HOLY SHIT…THE ROCK!!!!!!!!!…..SAYS Scott Hudson

 

……………………..Don Muraco. Out comes Don, and the two teams stare each other down, while the crowd throws skee-balls at the ring, nailing the ring announcer in the process.

 

Yeah, that’s a great pay-off. Muraco = Jersey Devil, making this my umpteenth repackage in this show alone.

 

Hollywood Horace Hogan and Don Muraco vs. Barry Windham and Tom Zenk.

 

Match Background: Barry Windham is the reigning Fuccin' Championship champion, and has been since 07 January 2006.

 

The Match: Double arm suplex by Don Muraco connects as Windham hits hard. Don drives a thrust kick into the chest of Windham. Covers for a quick two count. Tag between Don Muraco and Hollywood Horace Hogan. Don \ Hogan whip Windham into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Hooks the leg for a two count. A powerslam so weak, my grandmother could have performed it, is actually pulled off by Hogan on Windham. Hollywood Horace Hogan misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Weak body slam by Windham. Covers for a quick two count. Windham tags out to Tom Zenk. Full nelson slam on Hogan. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Hard impact Russian Leg Sweep by Z-Man. According to some other reviewers around here, 'Legsweep' is one word. Z-Man charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Punch by Hogan, missing Z-Man COMPLETELY. I'm just glad that Z-Man didn't sell it. Hogan tags out to Don Muraco. Don Muraco gets up and gives a Belly to belly suplex to Don. Tag to Barry Windham. Windham tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Bobby Eaton comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Don Muraco turns around. Bobby Eaton slams Don down. Bobby Eaton climbs to the top rope and hits the Alabama Jam! Eaton leaves the ring, the damage done! The ref gets into position, administers the three count, and it's over. Barry Windham pins Don. A second referee has run down...and is telling the first referee about the run in. The referee reverses the decision, he is disqualifying Barry Windham for outside interference! Bobby Eaton is still in the ring. He signals for the Alabama Jam! Running down the aisle comes American Dude! He slides in the ring, and chases Eaton out of the ring! Dude chases him through the crowd and out of sight.

 

My Opinion: I'll give a 1\2* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots.

 

[/i]Remember that Foreshadowing I was about last time. Well here it is. Can you say Six Man next week.

 

 

Quickie Preview for the 1/28 Show

 

Barry Windham, Eaton and Zenk will name their group and say other stuff. (Hint, it sounds like the ennnn dubya ohhhh)

 

Windham/Eaton/Zenk vs. Chetti/Hogan/Muraco

 

Country Music Non Sensation Jett Taylor will perform his new Single, “The Alabama Song”, live.

 

Lost Souls vs. The Couriers vs. The G-Unit for the Fuccin Tag Team Titles.

 

The Zodiak issues an open challenge on behalf of Jason The Terrible

 

Big Dick Hertz / Mystery Partner vs. Bubba Bubbalicious/ Chris Daniels

 

Shooting the Shit w/ Guest….Chris Daniels