Metal commentorama for the 3rd

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

You guys continue to rock my world.  With some new wrestlers and the apparent return of Low Brass, the JL is up to 23 active wrestlers, and every spot on the card is looking great.  A pile of promos, and some great stories shaping up.  Like I said on the show thread, expect a card either later tonight or in the morning, but don't wait up for it.  You'll all have plenty of time to write, though.

 

Thugg, drop me an IM or something when you get the Jake/Mafia match to me, and I'll edit it in...

[Guest realitycheck]

Obviously, a certian Mr. Brody forgot to PM Edwin a certian promo that was suppose to go after a certian Euro Title match. No problem. I guess I'll do the honor...

 

---------------------

 

We fade back into a shot of “The Superior One” Tom Flesher stumbling down one of the many halls of the Ervin J. Nutter Arena. He favors he back of his head with one arms as he guides himself aimlessly down the hall.

 

Just then Z frantically runs up to him, flailing his arms!

 

"Tom!" Yells Z. "What in the name of Zaphod Beeplebrox HAPPPENED!?"

 

"A tragic slinky accident." Tom breathes, a hint of acidic sarcasm detecable thought the pain.

 

Z's cluelesness notwithstanding for once, Z answers in an odly serious tone.

 

"I guess I shouldn't of asked." Begins Z. "I saw what Brody did to you. Fuzzy sock sucker..." Z murmurs the last part under his breath. As Z examines his shoes solemly, Tom groans and leans back against the wall.

 

"Come on!" Z shouts, looking up his shoes and taking an immediate tone. "Let me help you!"  

 

Flesher nods to Z, barely paying him any attention as Z pulls Fleshers arm over him shoulder,  helping him down the hall. Muttering the words 'We'll get im'. We'll get im'...' all the way.

 

-----------------------

 

There. Just imagine it going after the Euro Title match. It's an importand stoyline devlopment, so I didn't want anyone to miss it.

 

My comments on the show will posted in a couple minutes...

 

-Z

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Z, I just edited your promo into the show, so it's there now, for posterity's sake.  Just another great little element on a groovy show...

[Guest Shawn]

Umm... no I sent them in. I guess Edwin has the white-out bug today. The PM (it's in my sent folder) is called "Promotastic Time!"

 

I have the promos (all of them) and what should I do? Resend, Edwin?

[Guest Shawn]

I resent them to ya, Edwin. I have to delete my PMs all the time so I guess that's what it probably was for you.

 

Okay, aside from the promo thing, from what I've seen so far, this show rocked.

 

Big shout out for Flesher's retain.

 

Still waiting for Maria/Jacob though... darn turtles...

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Yeah, I found the PM, about 40 down.  Whoops.  Be careful about when you send stuff, guys.  I get a lot of PMs, especially so when it's getting to Metal time and people are sending booking requests and all.

 

It's going to take a lot of work to edit them into the show--I'll have to move everything else.  At least half an hour, which I unfortunately don't have right now.  Sorry, guys.  I do have some schoolwork to attend to.  You'll have a card and fixed show as soon as I get the chance.

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Sorry to burst ya bubble Eddie Mac, but Low Brass isn't officially back yet.

 

It was just a little run-in. He's still around backstage ubtil he decides who fills his spot temporarily, I guess, so I put him to work. It'd be like LDP running in.

[Guest realitycheck]

Good to know you sent the promo, Brody. I won't doubt you til' the next show.

 

Since I'm the only one interested in comments, I'll get us kickstarted the ICREDIBLY VERBOSE COMMENTS OF MILD EYESTRAIN~! Ready?

 

Oh, btw: take any of my advice as that of a longtime fan, rather than a realative n00b. In other words, with 3 000 000 000 grains of salt.

 

Opening Promo: I take it that Stryke is not one of those serious, sadistic heels, eh? Stryke dissed the country, and then Erek came out and showed him how you do a REAL zinger. Got the show started on a pretty good note.

 

Frost v. Z v. Randy Taylor.

 

Frost, what can I say? You've mastered something that takes most other's the longest time to grasp: the match format. The action is evenly spaced, and the commentary breaks up and adds to the match in most of the right places. Yes, I did submit a match, and yes, you beat it. It was almost 2000 words under the limit, but you beat it anyway, damnit! The only possible thing I can reccomed is to use more exclaimation marks and ellipses ['...'] to make things more suspenceful and exciting. You will go far, trust me.

 

Van Siclen Promo: Erm... I don't follow you here, Mike.

 

Cutthroat Promo: Say, you don't think Cutthroat wats to win, do you? Suprisingly readable.

 

Kojack v. T-Bone,

 

Yay, steak sauce! I actually cheered when I read the finish, so does this mean I'm a T-bone mark? Hmmn. I don't think anyone called this upset. Good match, but the question marks in place of apostrophies was REALLY annoying.

 

MVS Promo: Nope, sorry. I'm still lost.

 

The Dark Reaper v. Dany Williams,

 

Nothing beats a big jucy bite of methodical mat wrestling, eh? Williams is very good on the in ring, but should probably watch a few HBO, or Comedy Central, or watever, specials to sharpen up the zingers in his commentary. I would have though this would be the wrestling match of the night, but...

 

MVS Promo: It all leads to Mike meeting up with... the cast of National Lampoon's...? You just dropped four points in my cool book, Van Siclen.

 

Ced Ordonez v. Tom Flesher,

 

I was saying something about Reaper/Williams being the wrestling match of the night? Fuhgettabouit. This BLEW AWAY my expectations, and they were pretty high to begin with. Flesher and Ced have a clinic, then they both end up going to a clinic! Points deducted for having to see Ced barf, though. Eeyuck!

 

 

DA MAIN EVENT...

 

I haven't read yet. Heh.

 

I think we can say it without a shadow of a doubt now...

 

The JL R0XX j00r WURLD!!!!!@#$(())!!!111!!$^))!!1!

 

Man oh man, fatastic show. I's so excited, maybe I actually won't laze aroudn the next time I'm booked for a match! That may not seem like much, but that's like having the planet spun in a new orbit for me!

 

And since we're debuting new stuff tonight, let me just add one more thing...

 

Match of The Night: Ced Ordonez vrs. Tom Flesher. (Until I read the main event, anyway.)

 

Line of The Night:  "....Deathwish tries to overpower Kivell, but the beerhug has taken too much out of him..." Danny Williams vrs. Reaper.

 

With that, I'm actually finished!

 

-Z

[Guest Suicide King]

An excellent, excellent show.  I really must once again commend you all.  However, this particular post is a shout out to n00b Randy Turner, who wrote a fantabulous debut match!  I was hemming and hawing for about 3 hours trying to decide the winner of the opening bout, and if I have to put that much effort into the opener you know things are good for the fed!  Turner has nailed pacing and exchanges already in his very first match, and I would consider him to be yet another Euro title contender within a month's time or so.

 

That said, more mad props to Frost who nails Z's character completely and writes a well-paced match.  Frost, word of advice... you need a touch more description and detail in your wrestling sequences.  Other than that you are going gangbusters boyo!!

 

And Z... you suck.

 

I say it again... now officially, the mid AND lower cards are the best they have EVER been in the JL.

 

I'm so proud of you guys!! ::sniff, sniff::

[Guest Shawn]

I won't doubt you til' the next show.

Ohh you're gonna get it!

 

I say it again... now officially, the mid AND lower cards are the best they have EVER been in the JL.

Yeah!! Down with the main event!! Low-Mid Card's where it's at!

 

 

 

Hey... what did I just read? T-Bone is the new World TV Champ?

 

::Shawn takes a deep breath::

 

MY TITLE!!! YOU BLEW IT UP!!! YOU BAMN DIRTY APES!!!

 

Just kidding. I'm starting to like the Steak Sauce Covered Bastard.

[Guest realitycheck]

And Z... you suck.

 

Yup. I must be the only man on earth who'd get a four hour extension... and make sure to spend TWO AND A HALF hours doing nothing. Hotcha!

 

But ya' gotta admit something, King. You passed over my match because I was the ONLY one to use the incredibly lame and obvious 'nutter!' gag in his commentary. ADMIT IT!!

 

Oh! Did you figure out who the secret ref was? 50 Bonus points if you did.

[Guest]

Brody...you have to remember. To those who knew me back in the IGNWF...I SUCKED! Kojack beat you fair and square, and I beat him fair and square. Don't worry. I will bring PRIDE back to the TV Title. This won't be a three-day reign. No siree!

 

EDIT~! Since I feel bad that you guys had to read that match with all those horrible question marks...here is my match...free of such question marks.

 

(The camera pans around the Ervin J. Nutter Center, in Dayton, Ohio, with screaming fans waiting for the next big match.)

 

Axis: Welcome back to Metal, folks! I’m Axis, your hero, along with Commissioner Edwin and The Suicide King. We have just witnessed a very interesting Hardcore Submissions Match.

Edwin: That we did, Axis, and I tell ya, this night is just getting started…thanks to our partner here.

Suicide King: BWAHAHAHAHA! That’s right. I made this next match especially for our viewers expecting the ass-kicking of a lifetime. It’s a World TV Title match between new champ Kojack and the eternal JTTS, T-Bone. T-Bone is going to get his ass kicked.

Axis: Well, I really hope that you’re wrong. Our viewers would like to see an actual match. Not an ass-kicking of gigantic multitudes.

Edwin: Yeah. Why should we listen to what you have to say?

King: Because the cockiest of cocky assholes, Kojack is going to make T-Bone an example of just HOW DEEP my evil goes…

Axis: Whatever. Last Saturday, an upset for the ages occurred, as, with help from Ced Ordonez, Kojack upset “The Fallen Angel” Shawn Brody. Tonight, we will see if his title reign lasts longer than only three days! Let’s go to Funyon for our ring introductions!

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, this next match is scheduled for one fall, with a 4000 word limit, and is for the Smarks Junior League World Television Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, from Sonoma, California. He weighs 275 pounds. The Steak Sauce Covered Bastard…TEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-BOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(The lights dim, and the video of the ass-kicking that T-Bone received at the hands of Red Storm Rising plays on the SJLTron. Then, the first toll of the bells from AC/DC’s “Hell’s Bells” plays, and the lights flash as T-Bone steps out. The crowd roars as T-Bone struts to the ring. He leaps to the ring apron and reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out his bottle of A-1 Sauce. He takes a swig and tosses it to the crowd. He waits for the riff to play on the song, and he spews it out of his mouth, HHH style, and climbs into the ring, waiting for the champ to come out.)

 

Funyon: And his opponent, from Miami, Florida. He weighs 240 pounds. The Smarks Junior League World Television Championnnnnn…KOOOOOOOOOOOOO-JACK!

 

(Suddenly, the arena goes dark blue, as “Boom” by P.O.D. blares over the speakers. Gold pyro shoots up from the stage, and the champ walks out to tremendous boos. He struts to the ring after Funyon has made his announcement. He then looks at Funyon in disbelief and takes his microphone.)

 

Kojack: What? YOU? Introduce ME? The TV CHAMPION out to MY RING? You foolish bastard! Have you no class? Or respect for the Champion? Let me tell you something? Do that to me again…and I’ll make you SWALLOW this microphone!

 

(Funyon is trembling in fear as Kojack steps towards him, so Funyon backs up until he is in the corner.)

 

Kojack: Do you have anything to say?

 

(He holds the mike to Funyon’s mouth.)

 

Funyon: Well, I…

Kojack: SHUT UP! I didn’t say you could talk! I swear, I am an inch away from powerbombing your ass STRAIGHT TO HELL!

 

(Meanwhile, T-Bone has seen enough and has rolled into the ring, and is standing behind this verbal eruption.)

 

Kojack: After I’m done with this Steak Sauce Covered Bastard, YOU ARE NEXT!

 

(T-Bone has heard enough and comes up from behind and turns Kojack around. He throws three right hands in a row as the mike is dropped. Against the ropes, T-Bone whips Kojack to the opposite ropes. He picks Kojack up by the waist, spins him around 180 degrees, and slams him to the mat with a sickening thud.)

 

Axis: T-Bone hits the Original Spine on the Pine! Kojack never saw it coming!

King: Spine on the Pine?

Axis: YEAH! You say that when a Hoss does the Spinebuster!

King: OK. Edwin, we need to make sure Good Ol’ Axis over here doesn’t get into trouble, or else I’m gonna have to kick HIS ass, too.

Edwin: I hear ya. Hey, Axis! Enough with the JR impressions, already!

 

(Edwin smacks Axis in the back of the head.)

 

Axis: Thanks, I needed that.

 

(In the ring, T-Bone bounces off the ropes, stops, and struts his way towards Kojack. He stops and raises his fist, and then drops on Kojack’s forehead. He hooks the far leg for a cover.)

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR…NO!

 

(Kojack gets the shoulder up. T-Bone picks Kojack up by the hair, but Kojack goes to the eyes to take control. T-Bone stumbles back towards the corner as Kojack follows up. He brings T-Bone’s arms and places them over the ropes, leans back, and brings his hand full force against T-Bone’s chest.)

 

WHOO!

 

(Kojack leans back and does it again…)

 

WHOO!

 

(He leans back for a third, but T-Bone ducks out and now HE starts in with the knife-edge chops.)

 

WHOO!

 

(A second one…)

 

WHOO!

 

(And a third…)

 

WHOO!

 

Axis: T-Bone is laying those in there!

 

(T-Bone takes Kojack and whips him in, but Kojack reverses, and T-Bone hits the corner hard. Kojack follows T-Bone to the corner and hits him with a hard clothesline. T-Bone staggers forward and Kojack stands there waiting for him. Kojack grabs T-Bone by the armpits, lifts him up, turns him around, and slams him to the mat.)

 

Axis: The KO! T-Bone is screwed!

 

(T-Bone rolls out to catch a breather, but Kojack tells the crowd, “Up yours!” and he climbs to the top rope. T-Bone has turned towards the central entrance aisle, and looks up to the SJLTron, where he sees Kojack on the top turnbuckle. He turns to the turnbuckle, to see Kojack leap off, flattening T-Bone with a plancha. The crowd likes what they see.)

 

“HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”

 

King: YOUR hero, Kojack, the TV Champ is just TAKING it to T-Bone out there! Go Kojack! Kick his sorry ass! BWAHAHAHAHA!

 

(Kojack picks T-Bone up by his hair and tosses him in. Kojack gets to the apron, but instead of climbing in, he runs to the nearest corner and runs up the turnbuckle. Kojack hears a fan say something vulgar to him, so he flips him off in return. Meanwhile, T-Bone is right next to the turnbuckle and he punches Kojack in the stomach. Kojack falls down onto the turnbuckle, crotching himself. T-Bone lifts Kojack up and turns him around so that his back is to the ring.)

 

Axis: What is he doing?

 

(T-Bone then stands with his back to Kojack and reaches back around his neck with both hands, locking them in. He then starts walking out and then jumps into the air, landing on his back, with Kojack landing on the back of his neck.)

 

Axis: Super Hangman’s Neckbreaker!

King: GET UP KOJACK!

Edwin: There’s a cover!

 

(T-Bone rolls over and hooks the far leg…)

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE…NO!

 

(Kojack lifts his shoulder just before the count of three. T-Bone puts his hands to his face, thinking he just got cheated out of his TV Title. T-Bone picks him up and whips Kojack to the ropes, but Kojack reverses into a kick to the stomach. He then wraps T-Bone’s neck up and drops him with a DDT. Kojack quickly goes to the ankle, turns T-Bone over, and falls backwards into his combination anklelock/leglock.)

 

Axis: The Torque! The Torque! The end is near for the challenger!

 

(T-Bone gets in the pushup position, writhing in pain. T-Bone pounds the mat with his fist, trying to do SOMETHING to get rid of the pain.)

 

Suicide: There’s no way! T-Bone is in the middle of the ring! He can’t do anything about it! The end is coming! BWAHAHAHAHA!

 

(T-Bone decides to try and fight out of it. He takes his other leg and kicks Kojack in the face. Kojack just torques the leg harder. T-Bone screams and his head is down. He reaches out for the ropes, and uses his upper body to drag Kojack mere inches. He keeps going as the crowd chants T-Bone’s name.)

 

“T-BONE! T-BONE! T-BONE!”

 

(T-Bone is now an arms length away. He reaches again, and now he’s closer. He reaches again, and Kojack torques the knee again. T-Bone screams and falls to the mat. He waits for a sec as the ref asks for a tapout. T-Bone makes a final reach, and he is able to grab the bottom rope, as the ref administers the 5 count.)

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!

 

FIVE…

 

(Kojack finally releases the hold, as he gets up and starts stomping on the knee of T-Bone. He stomps viciously again, and T-Bone crawls to the corner. He starts stomping a mudhole on T-Bone’s knee, but the ref pulls Kojack off. Kojack throws the ref away, and T-Bone rolls to the side, tripping Kojack up with his own legs, and Kojack falls face first to the second turnbuckle.)

 

Axis: T-Bone with a drop toehold on Kojack, who falls face-first to the buckle!

King: Don’t you dare mess this up! It’s my time to shine!

Edwin: GET ‘EM, T-BONE! FIGHT BACK!

 

(T-Bone grabs himself up like Rocky in Rocky II, and he stands up, but he is badly limping. He waits for Kojack to get up, and grabs Kojack in the goozle. Kojack fights back, kicking T-Bone in the bad knee, so T-Bone releases the goozle. Kojack then bounces off the ropes and rams his shoulder into the back of T-Bone’s knee.)

 

Axis: There’s a clip from Kojack.

Suicide: I guess that’s what they call a Kojack moment! BWAHAHAHAHA!

 

(Kojack places T-Bone’s knee on the bottom rope. He springs on the bottom rope, and then leaps off while holding on to the top rope, bring down his rear onto T-Bone’s knee. He steps onto the bottom rope and bounces on it again. He then leaps off, holding on to the top rope, and bring his rear onto T-Bone’s knee.)

 

Suicide: The body part has been selected! That’s perfect…

 

(Kojack bounces on the bottom rope again, but this time, when he leaps off, T-Bone kicks Kojack’s BUTT up and over the top rope, and to the floor. T-Bone lays on the mat, grabbing at his punished knee, wondering what he can do on and off that knee.)

 

Axis: Obviously, T-Bone has to stay grounded. His two big aerial maneuvers are not going to work.

Suicide: Wait…before he does any of that…he has to stand up, first. T-Bone is pretty much done for!

 

(T-Bone uses the ropes to stand up straight, but on the outside, Kojack reaches underneath the ropes and pulls T-Bone’s leg. T-Bone falls to the mat, and Kojack pulls the leg to the corner of the apron. He lifts T-Bone’s leg and slams it down across the corner, as T-Bone screams and writhes in pain. Kojack takes the leg again, and again, he slams the back of the knee into the corner of the apron again. T-Bone writhes in more pain. Kojack plays to the crowd before bringing T-Bone’s leg to the corner post. Kojack brings the leg back, and then slams it into the corner post.)

 

Axis: T-Bone’s knee is probably nothing now, as Kojack has made T-Bone his little project. T-Bone is done. I don’t think the knee will hold up.

Suicide: My perfect plan is becoming a reality. All your titles are belong to the heels, SJL!

 

(Kojack brings the leg back a second time, but T-Bone rolls over and kicks Kojack back to the guardrail. T-Bone slides out to the floor, limping over to Kojack as he grabs him by the back of his head. He brings him over to the STEEL stairs and slams him head first into the steps. He brings his head back up and does it again. He does it again as the crowd gets the jist of the idea and starts counting along from there.)

 

3!

 

(Once again…)

 

4!

 

(And again…)

 

5!

 

(And again…)

 

6!

 

(And again…)

 

7!

 

(Again…)

 

8!

 

(Again…)

 

9!

 

(T-Bone looks to crowd, the looks at Kojack, who has a glazed look in his eyes, and then slams his head into the stairs again.)

 

10!

 

(Kojack is now crawling away from T-Bone, with blood trickling down from his forehead. T-Bone grabs Kojack’s hair and brings him back up. He brings him over to the apron and tosses him in. T-Bone rolls in right behind him, uses the ropes to get up, and then starts limping towards Kojack, who is begging T-Bone off, and is backing into a corner. Kojack drops to a knee, so T-Bone brings him into the powerbomb position. He shakes his knee, as a signal to see if it’s alright to do the move.)

 

Axis: It looks like T-Bone might be able to do the move…

 

(T-Bone grabs around Kojack’s waist and lifts him up vertically perpendicular to the mat. He takes one of his hands and goes between Kojack’s leg to lock the other hand in. He then sits out, with Kojack’s head and neck taking the brunt of the piledriver.)

 

Axis: Cradle Piledriver!

Edwin: T-Bone might be back in business, and somebody just might be SOL, Suicide. And YOU know what that means…

Suicide: Shut up, Edwin…

 

(T-Bone looks at his leg, and then looks at Kojacks.)

 

Axis: Um, I think T-Bone is looking para revanga (for some revenge.)

Edwin: What was that?

Axis: WHAT? Don’t think we have Mexican listeners out there?

King: Man, you need to be killed. I mean deported or something…

 

(T-Bone takes the leg of Kojack, and turns him over onto his stomach. He locks his legs with Kojack and leans forward, grabbing around Kojack’s face and wrenching back with a lot of torque on that neck.)

 

Axis: THE SSTF! That’s the submission finisher that T-Bone uses!

Edwin: SOL. Remember that.

King: Remember THIS!

 

(King flips Edwin off.)

 

(T-Bone wrenches back on that neck, and Kojack screams in pain. Kojack reaches for the ropes, but T-Bone releases the facelock and punches him in the back of the head. He releases the leglock before Kojack can reach the ropes. He pulls Kojack’s leg to the bottom rope on the opposite side and puts it on the bottom rope. He bounces on the bottom rope and then comes down on Kojack’s knee with his backside.)

 

Axis: T-Bone is giving Kojack a little taste of his own medicine!

 

(T-Bone lifts Kojack up and puts him against the ropes. He leans back and brings the back of his hand across the chest of Kojack.)

 

WHOO!

 

(T-Bone rares back and fires off another one.)

 

WHOO!

 

(T-Bone whips Kojack in, but Kojack reverses. He tries for a back body drop, but T-Bone has it scouted, and he brings Kojack back into the powerbomb position.)

 

Axis: That was a telegraphed maneuver from Kojack, and T-Bone is going to take advantage of another mistake from the champ!

King: Just SHUT UP, OK? He’ll come back.

 

(T-Bone locks the champ’s arms with his arms in the Pedigree position. T-Bone lifts Kojack up and flips him onto his back, sitting-out with the champ in a pinning predicament.)

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THR…NO!

 

Axis: The Sit-Out Tiger Driver from T-Bone can’t finish off the champion!

King: That’s right! NOTHING WILL!

 

(T-Bone gets up, and he waits for Kojack to get up. T-Bone kicks Kojack in the stomach, and puts him in the powerbomb position again. He plays to the crowd, and this gives Kojack enough time to do a Double Leg Takedown. As T-Bone falls, Kojack takes the legs and flips through them, holding on for a pinning predicament.)

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE…NO!

 

King: DAMN YOUS, T-BONE! DAMN YOUS TO HELL!

 

(Kojack looks to the top rope, and he’s going up top. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and flips off the crowd before looking to T-Bone.)

 

Axis: Obviously, Kojack is making a lot of friends here in Dayton.

 

(Kojack leaps off, and lays out, looking for a top-rope splash. T-Bone looks up and sees this, however, and rolls out of the way. T-Bone gets himself up by the ropes, and he climbs to the top rope as well.)

 

Axis: Both men are pulling out all the stops.

King: It just matters who hit the stop signs!

Edwin: Yeah, and Kojack just hit one!

King: Commish, I should just kick your ass, but then I won’t be able to keep this lovely commentating job, so I won’t. BWAHAHAHAHA!

 

(T-Bone looks off into the crowd, as the fans chant his name…)

 

“T-BONE! T-BONE! T-BONE! T-BONE!”

 

(T-Bone looks at his opponent, and he leaps off. He brings his knees and his arms into his body, before extending them out into a splash, but Kojack moves out of the way.)

 

King: YES! Kojack! FINISH HIM OFF!

 

(Kojack stands up, motioning for T-Bone to get up. T-Bone staggers to his feet, and he staggers towards Kojack. Kojack kicks him in the stomach, and brings him into the powerbomb position.)

 

King: THIS IS IT! THE JACK BOMB IS COMING!

 

(Kojack brings his arms around T-Bone’s stomach. He lifts T-Bone up, but T-Bone punches Kojack in the face, and breaks free. T-Bone stands up in front of Kojack and brings his arm under Kojack’s neck. He gets the other arm under his leg, and then brings them in close to lock the hands together.)

 

Edwin: FORGET THE JACK BOMB! IT’S PORTERHOUSE TIME!

 

(T-Bone lifts him up, and drops him on the back of his head, bridging out into a pin.)

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE…NO!

 

(Kojack’s free hand grabs onto the ropes.)

 

King: THAT is why HE is the CHAMP!

 

(T-Bone jumps up and down, thinking that he has won the match, but the ref brings his hand down. T-Bone argues with the ref, thinking he had won the match cleanly, but the ref will have none of it. Kojack stands up and walks over to T-Bone, goes down to a knee, and takes his arm upward between T-Bone’s legs, hitting his vital spot.)

 

King: Ball Basher! Ref didn’t see it! BWAHAHAHAHA!

 

(T-Bone grabs his groin in pain. Kojack looks to the crowd and says, “That’s it!” He brings T-Bone into the powerbomb position, readying another Jack Bomb, but T-Bone goes down to one knee and HE hits Kojack with a Ball Basher.)

 

Axis: THIS IS GREAT! What a match! What passion!

Suicide: I don’t think Kojack will have the little Kojacks that he wants!

 

(T-Bone gets up as Kojack is jumping up and down, holding his genitals, he turns around, and T-Bone kicks him in the stomach. He brings Kojack into the powerbomb position, and hooks his arms together like a Pedigree. He brings Kojack up, but then drives Kojack on his neck and shoulders, holding his arms there for a pin.)

 

Axis: SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! T-BONE’S TRUMP CARD! A TIGER DRIVER ’91! IT’S OVER!

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THREE!

 

DING! DING! DING! DING!

 

Axis: NEW CHAMP! NEW CHAMP! NEW CHAMP! BY GAWD NEW CHAMP!

Suicide King: DAMN YOUS, T-BONE! DAMN YOUS TO HELL!

 

Funyon: The winner…and…NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…Smarks Junior League World Television Champion…The Steak Sauce Covered Bastard…TEEEE-BOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!

 

Axis: YES! He’s DONE IT! The Steak Sauce Covered Bastard has returned! And Suicide King is going mad!

 

(Suicide King jumps up and down, pounding his fists into the announce table. The ref hands T-Bone the belt, and the fans are going wild, chanting T-Bone’s name.)

 

“T-BONE! T-BONE! T-BONE! T-BONE! T-BONE!”

 

(T-Bone holds the belt up as the fans celebrate.)

 

Axis: What a moment! Ladies and Gentlemen, we still have plenty more to do, and it’s gonna happen TONIGHT! On Metal!

[Guest Suicide King]

No, Z, I jobbed you because of the use of static to replace actual match.

 

And you know I didn't catch the ref until you actually mentioned it again.  Boy, you had better not be the third incarnation of Adam the Red or I will lay a serious beatdown on the Z household.  Seriously Z, you must have been lurking forever and a day to remember that little bit of nostalgia...

 

Ah... Adam the Red.  

 

::gets misty-eyed::

 

To the greatest feud the IGNML ever knew!  To Adam the Red and the King of Hearts!!!

[Guest CED Ordonez]

Woo-hoo! I've got a new gimmick! I'm Puke!*reads again* Oh, I just got the shit beaten out of my head. Well no title for me, but I'll take an NC over a loss anyday.

 

And HOLY SHIT T-Bone wins the TV title? Holy crap, Cutthroat, you've got a chance, buddy. Take one for the team!

 

And the newbies keep rolling in, bless them for they threaten to trample my guts and use me a stepping stone. Kinda gets you right here and...huh? Where the frick did this footprint come from?

 

And...I hit the chinlock with the writer's block. Fucking essays...

[Guest Shawn]

Kojack beat you fair and square

Heh. I didn't write so to pass the title on.

[Guest realitycheck]

No, Z, I jobbed you because of the use of static to replace actual match.

 

Ah... therein lies the problem, King. You just can't read between the lines! Couldn't you see that, in between of what only SEEMED like a thinly veiled attemped to cover up for an authors lazyness, there was a ***** match! One that told a stroy of epic proportions, almost comming close to that of 'Mr Galatea vs. The Russian Bear'! (Yes, I actually remember THAT. Which I think was before you even joined. Scary.)

 

Boy, you had better not be the third incarnation of Adam the Red or I will lay a serious beatdown on the Z household.

 

I appreciate the comparison, but if I were really Adam the Red, I already would have beaten the Merciful Jesus out of you for booking me in the opening match. Besides, if I take after any dearly departed WFer, it would have to Mr. G. Look at it: losing record, incredible laziness, insomnia, silly character, abuse of the Suicide King...

 

I mean, all that's left is to have me threaten to job you if you use any emoticons in your posts. Isn't that right.... Three of Clubs?  

 

-Z

[Guest]

Ouch...that REALLY hurts, King. I remember you being a fucking savage. Anyways...I'm ready for the next one. Just BRING IT BABY! And Kojack...did you write?

[Guest midnight_burn]

Flurg.

 

Me and Flexxx didn't get nothing in for the main event. I wrote the first half, but Flexxx wasn't able to write the second half, and i didn't get online to try and come up with something until after the show was already up, so darn, another loss for me.

 

Hopefully if i'm booked on Crimson i'll be able to get a win and get out of my crap streak. At the rate i'm going i'll be back down fighting for the TV title soon enough.

 

Rest of the show looks rather good from first impressions, haven't had a chance to read it in detail yet, but i'm sure it's the same high quality JL action we've been seeing lately.

[Guest]

Great show every one! It seems like we like sending our matches in when SK is doing the show. Heha, let SK make the Crimson card too.

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Okay, I s'pose I oughta explain the whole Van Wilder deal...

 

Weeeeell, I was originally going to have one of the actual wrestlers back me up, but somehow I couldn't find a guy that would team with me... so, in comes the Van Wilder ending, which was relatively fun to write, even if it did come off rushed, lame, etcetera...

 

Good, no, great show overall... Flesher retains, Ash/Erek wins... whoo whoo!

 

-Mike Van Siclen

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

Reality Check: "Beerhug"  Goes to show you where my mind was when I was writing.

 

Yes, Its no secret my commentary sucks.  I do watch Comedy Central, HBO Specials, and lots of  Comedy movies. Iam also funny in real life(or thats just what my friends tell me).  But that doesn't make me a better "wrestling commentary" writer.  

 

The truth is I flat suck at writing period.  Iam by no means a A or B English student.  I just like wrestling.  When I write a match I just worry about the match psychologly(and I don't just mean limb working),I mean the timing, logic, and flow of the match.  I go back at the last minute and add the commentary.  If I could have my own way, I wouldn't even write commentary.  

 

The three commentars thing, is really baffling me as well.  Is Edwin a face color guy now.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Edwin's always been a face color.  Here's the breakdown.

 

Edwin = Face Color

Axis = Face play-by-play

Suicide King = All-purpose heel, mostly color

 

Also, Mafia defeat Jacob Helmsley--match to be edited in momentarily.

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Kojack wrote...not his best work, but decent.  I must say...those of you around a while back in teh IGNWF remember that T-Bone sucked a big one.  I mean he was really bad.  But then I get this match with his name on it, and I'm all freaked out because I couldn't believe it was him.  That was a damn good match there man.  I don't know what you did while you were gone, but whatever it is, keep doing that shit because it's working.  Honestly, usually when I read some matches, I'm not really all that into it, but I was actually into your match.  

 

Seriously guys, if you want to see some good middle match wrestling, check out T-Bone's match and see how he attacks Kojack's leg.  That part of the match flows the best.

 

As for the rest of the show...great job again.  I am starting to wish I was back in the JL.  Hey, maybe I should come back there and play with you guys.

 

Oh, as for the missing match...deadlines people...deadlines!  I didn't get any match from Jake or Mafia until close to 11pm, nor did I receive any requests for extensions.  So, as you can imagine, the match arrived after I had already left for the night, and when I returned, I was too trashed to even sit up straight, let alone check my PMs.  That's why we have deadlines guys (directed at Mafia and jake), because I can't sit around and wait for your matches.  So, HA...can't be mad at me this time...ain't my fault.  Oh, and let me also thank you Mafia for writing SOMETHING so that we didn't have a double no show....it's always good to have something.

 

Remember, tell your markers if you aren't writing or need an extension.

 

Great show guys, and keep up the good work.

 

Da "oh, so hungover" H

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Hmmm... I know who Z is now...

 

Great show f/everyone. Two in a row for little old me over Flexxx and Stryke.

 

Whadda week. I can't imagine what'll happen next.

[Guest Longdogger_Pete]

Rankings Top Ten

 

(K-Os and Lady Red are finally off the list, but with people returning and more talent on the roster than ever, it's going to be very difficult to make it onto the top ten.  Oh, and Erek, I know you've been waiting a long time to see your name at the top of the list... so here it is.)

 

#1. Erek Taylor (52)

#2. Renegade (45)

#3. Ash Ketchum (39)

#4. Low Brass (38)

#5. (tie) Flunkmasta Flexxx (24)

#5. (tie) Stryke (24)

#5. (tie) Xero (24)

#8. (tie) Jacob Helmsley (21)

#8. (tie) Mafia (21)

#10. The Dark Reaper (14)

[Guest ErekT2k]

(Start Dramatic Scene)

 

I know I should make a speech, but I'm just too teary-eyed.

 

After 6 months of hard work, the dream has finally come...... This, this is just too much.

 

(End Dramatic Scene)

 

Anyways, the show absolutely ruled, with MVS going all weird and stuff. Just a shame that Flexxx couldn't get his second half done. I was really hoping for a real battle. But... oh well. Now on to Crimson!

 

(Start MVS Sequence)

 

Because I am YOUR SJL World Champion

 

(End MVS Sequence)

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

It looks like I just squeaked by Randy Turner. His character seems to play off of Frost well and I hope to face him again in the future. Thanks to Suicide King and Reality Check for the words of advice and props. Although, I say it's very obvious why I won the match from Metal: the total destruction of a nacho cart.

 

Good luck to T-Bone in our coming match, I'm looking forward to the rematch from my debut.

[Guest Renegade]

Hey LDP, when am i going off those stats?

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

::deep breath::

 

Phew!  Just finished all the editing of the show.  The Flesher/Z/Brody promos are all in there.  The general gist: Z's a klutz, Brody's an asshole, and Flesher's in the middle of it.  Read 'em, folks!

[Guest]

I was kind of disappointed by my loss in the Triple Threat match, but, two things:

 

1. I'm proud to lose to Frost.  As soon as I get past that Cutthroat bastard (win, lose, or draw), I'll be back to give some more to him.

 

2. I'm glad that SK had a hard time choosing the winner of the opening match.