Smarkdown Losers Thread

[Rawknight 0]

::ANYONE who says the cool as fuck proper Budokan entrances were too long and that's why I lost gets lariated. I was REALLY happy with this match, but that could be cos it was fun to write.::

 

As SWF Smarkdown returns from its first commercial break of the night, the camera is already focused on Funyon in the middle of Budokan Hall, ready to introduce the competitors for the first match. Then the arena goes dark.

 

"WHAT'S MY NAME?!"

 

The bassline of "Bring The Pain" by Method Man strikes up, and the crowd immediately begins to boo the Maori before the "Haka Te Ra" plays over the booming bass.

 

Red strobe lights flash on Va'aiga as he emerges through the curtain, doing a little shadowboxing. The action-filled SmarkTron continues through its motions, as the robe-clad Badass walks down the ramp.

 

Comet: And we're back on SWF Smarkdown, citizens of Earth, as we are ready to give you the opening match on the card tonight!

 

Riley: Do you mind? Anyway, the commissioner has decided to throw together Va'aiga and John Duran against Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous. God knows what is up with those two, but this should promise to be a good match nonetheless.

 

Va'aiga enters the ring, going to the ring ropes facing the camera, hanging over the top rope and yelling out a booming "Hi!," his tongue hanging out clearly. The Maori then steps away from the ropes, going to the corner and waiting for his partner. He doesn't have to wait long, as "Sinner" by Drowning Pool immediately kicks in, the crowd continuing to lay on the thick amount of boos as Duran storms through the curtain, looking as determined as ever to reverse his fortunes as of late, moving down the ramp briskly.

 

Riley: Comet, there is no doubt in my mind that this team of Va'aiga and John Duran could be a force to be reckoned with, if they just had the tactics of a team.

 

Comet: Oh, there's no doubt about it, but it's being a team that counts, and Va'aiga and Duran aren't quite on the same page like Justice and Rule are. Besides, after being left behind in Sinquizition, I think "The Sinner" has had enough of the tag scene for right now.

 

The lights go out once again in the Budokan Hall, and the Tokyo air is filled with the infectious beats of Redman's "Let's Get Dirty," with a flashing spotlight following Wildchild as closely as possible as he bolts down to the ring, somersaulting into the ring and making sure to get away from Duran and Va'aiga as soon as possible, not wanting to start this match on an unfair note.

 

The fans are mostly cheering for the Human Hurricane, but there are some fans in the crowd who now don't exactly know how to treat Wildchild due to recent events. The 'Bomber keeps his eye on the Maori and "The Sinner."

 

"Johnny Dangerous!"

 

The sultry voice fades as the lights dim, and "After The Flesh" by My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult booms through the speakers and out to the crowd. Smoke fills the entranceway, and the fans are mostly silent until Johnny steps through the smoke, strobe lights flashing and looking pumped up. This gets the Japanese fans excited as well, as some of them play along with the super-spy.

 

Johnny enters the ring, mounting a far turnbuckle and raising his hands into the air.

 

Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, this next contest is a tag team bout scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Rotorua, Aotearoa, weighing in at 309 pounds...VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ING-UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

Va’aiga takes a step forward and turns, throwing off his robe, his tongue hanging out, staring wildly into the crowd. Va’aiga gets a massive round of boos for the announcement. Va’aiga steps back into this corner to be checked down by referee Eddy Long.

 

Funyon: And his tag team partner, hailing from Champaign, Illinois, and weighing in at 265 pounds, he is THE SINNER...JOHN...DURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

 

Duran takes a step forward and throws the crowd an imperious look as they boo again. A few scattered calls for Wildchild and Johnny float down from the crowd as Duran steps back and touches fists with Va’aiga. Eddy Long pats down Duran as well, and finding no weapons he moves across the ring.

 

Funyon: And their opponents, introducing first, from the Bahamas, weighing in at 214 pounds, he is the Bahama Bomber...WILD-CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILD!

 

Wildchild steps forward and raises his arms as from all directions yellow and pale blue streamers, the colours of his native land, rain down from all sides of the Budokan Hall and fill the ring. Ring crew workers hussle to clear them away as Wildchild steps back into his corner and gets patted down.

 

Funyon: And his tag team partner, weighing in at 217 pounds, from Las Vegas, Nevada...JOHNNY DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGEROUS!

 

Black and silver streamers rain down from on high, covering the ring and Johnny as he steps forward and throws off his trenchcoat, handing his shades to the ring assistant. Wildchild claps as the crowd start a little “JOHN-E!” chant going. Eddy Long finishes checking Johnny and nods an OK.

 

Comet: Citizen Robert, it will surely be interesting to see how Wildchild and Johnny interact with each other, as I still think the trust for Johnny remains at a minimum in the eyes of Wildchild.

 

Riley: Hopefully those two will become so paranoid that John Duran and Va'aiga will take over and single both of them out, winning this match and putting the mere idea of Wild and Dangerous to bed once and for all.

 

Johnny goes over to the friendly corner, quickly forming up some ideas for their own strategy, as Duran and Va'aiga both seem ready to throw down and fight. Soon, Johnny and Wildchild get their act together as well, and the referee turns to ring the bell as the Dangerous One and the Sinner step into the middle of the ring. Eddy Long signals for the bell…

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Comet: And live from the Budokan Hall, we’re under way!

 

Johnny Dangerous and John Duran lock up in the middle of the ring, Duran quickly overpowering the former Secret Agent and forcing Johnny down to his knees. Duran releases the knuckle locks and rushes a step forward, looking to hit a knee lift into the kneeling Dangerous One, but Johnny counters, sliding his legs through Duran’s and hitting a quick drop toe hold. Johnny kips up and goes for a quick elbow drop on the grounded Duran, but the Sinner rolls away. Duran hops to his feet and goes for a quick elbow drop on Johnny, but the Barracuda rolls away. Both men hop to their feet and stare off to a ripple of applause from both the crowd and Wildchild.

 

Comet: Quick start from the Barracuda, back on the side of the righteous.

 

Riley: Neither man grabbed an advantage there, did they Comet?

 

Comet: Not really, no.

 

Riley: Then why call for Johnny? You’re showing that bias again.

 

Comet: My views ALWAYS stand on the side of the righteous.

 

Riley: You’re just unprofessional.

 

While the commentators bicker the Barracuda leaps off his feet and staggers Duran backwards with a picture perfect dropkick. Johnny closes in and hits a LIGHTNING fast roundhouse to the ribs, roundhouse to the ribs, spinning back kick combination, and while facing away form Duran, Johnny takes a step backwards and slides a leg in behind the wobbling Duran’s hitting a quick Russian leg sweep! Johnny pops back to his feet to a massive “JOHN-E!” chant, runs his hand back through his hair, turns and points at his corner. The crowd lets out a MASSIVE cheer and as Johnny walks over and tags in his Bahaman ally, the crowd busts out a “WHYYY-CHYYY-DUH!” chant!

 

Comet: The fans here going crazy for Citizen Wildchild.

 

Riley: The fans here are crazy. Somewhere in Tokyo there’s an asylum with some VERY bored porters today. Hey, maybe we can swap the crowd for Janus!

 

Wildchild leaps into the ring over the ropes and poses, throwing a hand sign to the crowd, and getting a scream from the women in the audience. Duran gets to his feet only to be caught by the onrushing Bahaman, chest protector first with a cross body! Duran drops to the mat…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

And Duran kicks out. Wildchild backs off and spins, posing for the crowd, earning a HUGE pop from the appreciative audience. Wildchild bounces off the ropes and drops a rolling senton on Duran, rolling through and popping to his feet. From the standing position Wildchild flips backwards with a standing moonsault, landing chest protector first on Duran again! Wildchild hooks a leg…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

…and Duran kicks out.

 

Comet: Wildchild using his speed to run rings round the far slower John Duran.

 

Riley: He’s using that chest protector!

 

Comet: It’s an approved object, therefore it’s not cheating, therefore it’s fine in the book of the Comet, Robert.

 

Wildchild picks Duran up and whips the 260lber into the ropes, but the Maori Badass makes a blind tag, slapping Duran on the back. Wildchild catches Duran with a forearm then rushes the ropes again, catching Duran and taking him down with a flying forearm. Duran drops to the mat like a rock, and Wildchild covers but Eddy Long refuses to count, signalling the tag. Wildchild stands again and takes a step away from Duran, allowing the Sinner to roll out of the ring.

 

Comet: the Bahama Bomber getting the best of the Sinner. Sin never wins in the book of Cyclone Comet.

 

Riley: Bah, Duran’s size would have allowed him to take over on Wildchild with little problem, and now Wildchild has the slightly LARGER problem of the Maori!

 

Va'aiga emerges from the corner with a wicked smile on his face, waiting for his considerably smaller opponent to make the first move, apparently. And take the first move Wildchild certainly does, as he charges across the ring, the chest protector looking like a flash of light as he zooms across the ring, leaping into the air and twisting his body to hit a running leg lariat!

 

And it connects!

 

...But Va'aiga barely moves an inch! In fact, the Maori Badass twists his mouth into a crooked smile as Wildchild gets up, showing the crowd that his leg lariat had done a whole bunch of nothing.

 

Comet: Ouch, Wildchild is going to have to do a lot more than that if he wants to win this match!

 

Riley: That's an understatement. He might need the entire Bahaman army!

 

Comet: They have one?

 

Riley shrugs. As soon as the Bahama Bomber reaches his feet again, Va'aiga unleashes a right jab that connects with Wildchild's jaw, sending him reeling back towards his corner. The Maori keeps him away from the friendly corner, however, grabbing the Hardcore champion's left arm and forcefully whipping him back into the corner. The referee has his eye on Duran, so "The Sinner" doesn't try anything funny when Wildchild comes into the corner and bounces out--WITH AUTHORITY!--right back towards Va'aiga, who bends down, scooping the cruiserweight in his arms and turning him upside down, pointing him down towards the mat head first, letting the blood rush to the head before slamming Wildchild down onto his back! Va'aiga then gets down into the Tropical Tumbler's face and screams "WHAT'S MY NAME?!," which the fans promptly boo the Maori Badass for.

 

Riley: What an excellent high angle bodyslam there by Va'aiga, I don't care how much of a chest protector you have; you need a crash pad to get over that move!

 

Comet: Right you are, Citizen Robert, but that doesn't change the fact that the chest protector is there, and for some of the moves that Duran and Va'aiga are prone to pull out, they might not matter that much. Of course, Wildchild is much weaker than Johnny Dangerous when you keep him away from the ropes, so keeping Wildchild isolated might be the key to this match going in Duran and Va'aiga's favor!

 

Va'aiga bends down and brings Wildchild up off his feet, marching him over to the unfriendly corner and tagging in John Duran! Va'aiga keeps a hold of the Bahama Bomber by his tied-back braids, as Duran steps through the ropes, and proceeds to give Wildchild a right jab of his own! The referee tells Va'aiga to get out of the ring, a command which Va'aiga complies with after Duran hits yet another right jab on the defenseless Wildchild. Duran takes over the offensive duties, replacing Va'aiga's hand on the braids with his own, and then leaning back for a moment before coming charging back into Wildchild's field of vision, slamming his hard head against the Human Hurricane's, connecting with a hard headbutt, putting Wildchild into the turnbuckle! However, Duran seems to have been affected by the headbutt as much as Wildchild! He stumbles over to the far neutral corner, bringing the referee over to check on what could possibly be a head injury!

 

Comet: This does not look like a good situation for Citizen Duran.

 

Riley: I don't understand why he went for the headbutt if there was the prospect of him getting hurt anyway--wait, look at this!

 

Comet: What is Va'aiga doing?

 

Va'aiga has come over and wrapped his meaty hand around the small Wildchild's neck, choking him out in the corner with nowhere to go, and the ref's back turned, tending to Duran's "injury".

 

Comet: Citizen Robert, I think Duran's injury was not really an injury! I think he's distracting the ref!

 

Riley: Of course he is! But look at Va'aiga go! I wouldn't be surprised to see Wildchild pass out sooner or later.

 

But Wildchild is doing his best to try and fight it off, kicking and flailing as Va'aiga tries to choke him out. Finally, Va'aiga releases the choke and Duran is miraculously cured,

as Wildchild takes a seat on the mat in the corner to regain his breath, the crowd continuing to boo the bad guys, the referee back on the job after that temporary distraction.

 

Comet: How dastardly of Citizen Duran to fake an injury for the sake of getting the upper hand? What's going to happen when Citizen Duran actually gets injured?

 

Riley: Please, Comet. Against Dangerous and Wildchild? I don't think the life insurance companies are celebrating just yet.

 

Va’aiga looks down at Wildchild, sitting recuperating on the mat, and sneers. The Maori rushes Wildchild and blasts his knee into the Human Hurricane’s face, sending him reeling backwards across the canvas. Va’aiga stomps away at Wildchild firing big Maori boot after big Maori boot into the beached Bahaman. Va’aiga hoists Wildchild up by the braids and holds the cruiserweight’s face inches from his own. The Maori Badass cranks his neck back and unwinds, blasting his stone like forehead into Wildchild’s and sending the Bahama Bomber back down to the mat.

 

Riley: Va’aiga as ever unafraid to use his head!

 

Comet: I’m not sure what Citizen Va’aiga‘s skull is made of, but it looks like it hurts.

 

Riley: Imagine running your head crashing against a brick wall. Now imagine the brick wall is moving. Now imagine the brick wall is in a bad mood. That’s Va’aiga.

 

The Maori Badass grabs a sold hold of Wildchild’s arm and slings him across the ring, sending Wildchild full pelt into the Maori’s home corner. Wildchild hits the rig post chest protector first, and the Bahaman bounces out, only to be CRUSHED back into the corner with a vicious tackle! Wildchild’s head bounces off the turnbuckle, sending his neck back with a sickening snap as Va’aiga tags in John Duran again and the Sinner steps into the ring.

 

Riley: Va’aiga and John Duran are isolating Wildchild, like a good tag team should. Even with that rule bending chest protector, Wildchild is taking a HECK of a lot of punishment.

 

Comet: Wildchild NEEDS that chest protector. He’s still got cracked ribs underneath there and I’m not sure I’d want to face the Maori and that VICIOUS Maori Drop with my ribs damaged.

 

Riley: If I had damaged ribs I’d be back in the Bahamas, relaxing on the beach and sipping on a Banana Bomb.

 

Va’aiga stares at Duran and Duran gives a little crooked smile back. Wildchild, still stunned from the crash head first into the turnbuckles isn’t fully aware of what’s going on as Duran and Va’aiga position themselves either side of the Bahaman and smash him with a LETHAL SANDWICHING DOUBLE HEADBUTT! Wildchild drops down to the canvas in a crumpled heap and Va’aiga and Duran stare at each other… AND HEADBUTT EACH OTHER! Both men take a step backwards and pose!

 

Va’aiga: BOO-YAH!

 

Duran: NUMBER ONE!

 

And the crowd EXPLODES in a unanimous chorus of boos.

 

Comet: Ummm… ouch?

 

Riley: Two heads are better than one, Comet.

 

Duran drops to cover…

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

TH.. and Wildchild kicks out. The tenacious cruiserweight hauls himself to his feet as Duran stalks around him, ready to pounce. Duran locks his arm TIGHT around the neck of Wildchild and falls backwards, dropping the Human Hurricane down HARD on his head.

 

Riley: DDT! DDT!

 

Duran holds on to the side headlock and stands slowly, bringing Wildchild up with him and pointing his number one sign to the sky, showing his ultimate goal and wrestling and earning a vicious round of catcalls and jeers as he SMASHES Wildchild head first down to the mat again! Duran covers and Eddy Long drop to count…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

TH… and Wildchild kicks out again. Frustrated, Duran reaches over to his corner, dragging Wildchild over there, still holding onto the headlock and giving Wildchild one last Crossface punch before reaching out and tagging Va’aiga. Duran holds on and drives Wildchild down to the mat with a THIRD vicious DDT before stepping out of the ring.

 

Riley: That has to sting. Win or lose Wildchild is going to wake up with a major league headache tomorrow morning.

 

Comet: The Sinner and The Maori Badass working on the head and neck of Wildchild. Headhunting is always a death or glory tactic, it’s attacking the most protected part of the body, but it’s the most damage you can cause. I fear that if Citizen Wildchild can’t tag out it’s all over.

 

Va’aiga drags Wildchild up by his arm and slingshots the Bahaman into the ropes with a vicious Irish Whip. Waildchild comes careering off the ropes out of control and Va’aiga ducks, looking for a big back body drop… but Wildchild gets a leg up and places it across the back of Va’aiga’s neck, jumping a little and DRIVING VA’AIGA DOWN FACE FIRST INTO THE CANVAS!!!!

 

Comet: CARRIBEAN CUTTER! CARRIBEAN CUTTER! CARRIBEAN CUTTER! This could be a way back into the match for Wildchild.

 

As quick as a flash Wildchild gets to his feet and he weighs up the situation, Va’aiga struggling back to his feet. The crowd starts a MASSIVE MASSIVE “WYY-CHYYY-DUH!” chants as Wildchild ascends the turnbuckles and hits the top rope. Va’aiga slowly gets to his feet and turns to face Wildchild, as the Bahama Bomber leaps off the top rope with a trademark crossbody and… THE MAORI BADASS CATCHES HIM!!!!

 

Riley: Here we go… Wildchild is trapped across Va’aiga’s chest… you know what that means!

 

The crowd noise dies, with a few scattered catcalls and boos for Va’aiga as he stops Wildchild’s comeback dead. Va’aiga grimaces and turns Wildchild round slowly, keeping the Bahaman held against his chest as he stops, pauses, looks around one last team and LEAPS, dropping Wildchild down HARD back first into the canvas!

 

Riley: THE MAORI DROP! IT’S OVER! IT’S OVER!

 

…buuuuut Va’aiga doesn’t cover as he rolls away clutching his chest! The crowd noise builds again with Va’aiga lying prone on the mat clutching his ribs as Wildchild edges his way towards his corner. The crowd starts chanting “JOHN-E! JOHN-E!” as the Bahama Bomber edges closer to his tag team partner!

 

Comet: NO! IT’S NOT OVER! Citizen Va’aiga hit a picture perfect Maori Drop, but he wasn’t considering the pressure of that chest protector on his ribs! Can Wildchild tag out?

 

Riley: Find out after this commerc… oh I’m kidding.

 

The crowd are going crazy like a mad dog as Wildchild edges his way towards his corner. The life is sucked out of them briefly as Va’aiga reaches up and tags in Duran, but as Duran screams his way across the ring and grabs Wildchild’s leg, the Bahama Bomber flips his other leg free and cracks John Duran across the skull with an Enzuigiri! Wildchild dives and TAGS IN JOHNNY DANGEROUS!!!!!

 

Comet: AND CITIZEN DANGEROUS IS IN! THIS MATCH HAS BEEN TURNED ON ITS HEAD

 

Johnny Dangerous leaps into the ring and charges at the now standing Duran, PLANTING him with a sweet dropkick. Duran stands again slowly and carefully and Johnny fires off a beautiful Spinning Heel Kick, sending Duran FLYING to the mat! The crowd’s chants of “JOHN-E! JOHN-E!” build as the Barracuda charges at Duran, giving the big man time only to get to his knees and plants the kneeling Sinner with a flying side kick!! Duran drop down to the canvas, sparked out as Johnny turns to the crowd and poses, to a CRAZY pop.

 

Comet: Johnny Dangerous large and in charge.

 

Riley: Well in charge I agree with.

 

Comet: Figure of speech, Robert.

 

Johnny Dangerous lifts Duran off the mat and walks him towards the corner where his partner is standing. Johnny slaps his thigh a couple of times and STINGS Duran with a vicious superkick to the face, sending Duran REELING into the corner where Wildchild is waiting. The Barracuda points skywards and the crowd goes BALLISTIC!

 

Comet: JOHNNY KICK! And It looks like the Dangerous One has something else planned…

 

Johnny Dangerous tags in Wildchild and the crowd seems split between duelling chants of “JON-E! JON-E!” and “WYY-CHYY-DUH!” WYY-CHYY-DUH!” Wildchild climbs slowly up to the top rope as Johnny lifts John Duran up into the electric chair position, walking him over to Wildchild. Wildchild extends an arm out, looking to wrap it round Duran’s neck as Va’aiga leaps out of his corner to try to break the move up! Eddy Long is powerless to do anything as Wildchild reaches out for Duran… BUT VA’AIGA BARRELS INTO THE ROPE, KNOCKING WILDCHILD FROM HIS PERCH AND CROTCHING THE BAHAMAN STAR! Va’aiga bounces off the ropes and crashes through Johnny with the VICIOUS, ILL TEMPERED, TRULY WILD, TRULY DANGEROUS, TRULY ONE OF THE MOST LETHAL MOVES IN THE FEDERATION…

 

Riley: LAAAAAAAAARIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

 

Comet: Va’aiga with the Lariat.

 

Riley: It’s the Nihon Budokan Hall. I always wanted to do that!

 

Johnny CRASHES to the mat, Duran landing on him in a vertical splash, the Dangerous One seemingly semi conscious having been brained with the Lariat. Despite Eddy Long’s protests, Va’aiga turns to the crotched Wildchild and lifts the Bahaman onto his shoulders, Electric Chair style. John Duran gets up off the mat and steps into position, and as the Maori Badass brings Wildchild down over his head with an Electric Chair Inverted Powerbomb, Duran fires a STIFF axe kick into the back of Wildchild’s battered skull. Va’aiga turns to Eddy Long and screams out…

 

Va’aiga: COUNT, MOTHERFUCKER!

 

Riley: THE DECAPITATOR! VA’AIGA AND JOHN DURAN BUST OUT THE DECAPITATOR!

 

…and as John Duran flips Wildchild over and hooks a leg, Eddy Long reluctantly has to do what the Maori Badass commands, by both the laws of wrestling and the 1st rule of SWF survival :“Don’t fuck with the Maori”

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

Va’aiga grabs John Duran and raises his hand as Eddy Long signal for the bell. The Badass and the Sinner pose, hands raised, and screaming out an answer to the hate laced boos of the capacity Budokan crowd.

 

Va’aiga: SCREW ALL OF YOU! KA VA’AIGA, KA TE TOA!

 

Riley: He’s right. Va’aiga IS the winner. And sound tactics triumph over sound morals again.

 

Comet: There’s no excuse for that level of cheating, Robert.

 

Riley: No excuse, only the thrill of victory. And folks, We’ll be back after the break for more SWF action!