The KmarT Rant for Ashes 2 Ashes

[Rawknight 0]

::yeah i got lazy and couldn't be arsed to finish it. no WAY i'm recapping that main event, and don't expect this outside PPVs if EVER again:

 

The KmarT Rant on SWF Ashes 2 Ashes

 

By Keith ScotT

 

- live from the Sydney Super Dome in Australia.

 

- your hosts are heroic and homosexual.

 

I have to admit that beyond the main event I wasn’t looking forwards to this mutch.

 

We open with a promo from X, who turns heel and announces he’s going to be world champion. Grand Slam comes out and tells Xstasy he’s going to have to work for it, and the X points out there’s five titles in the main event, not being defended. Touché. X bitches about earning what he has and wanting to earn more and Grand Slam is stuck for answers. Wait, maybe he didn’t turn heel. Tweener maybe. Umm.. this is all setting up other stuff, on with the fun.

 

Hype Hype Hype.

 

Terrence Bailey comes out for a cheap hometown pop. Must. Not. Write. Janus.

 

Opening Match: Terrence Bailey vs Annie Onita. Annie is an Onita now. This bodes ill from a wrestling standpoint. Weapon. Weapon. Weapon. Dropkick with a weapon and we get, shock horror, some blood. If you were a deathmatch vampirey type you’d be loving this. Annie misses a shining wizard as Bobby Riley goes nuts, praying for Annie’s death. Annie gets chokeslammed through a table… for two. Daybreak Pedigree gets two. Terrence goes foe the big finish, but Annie counters with a chair, beats the crap out of Bailey and… gets whipped into something big and head dropping for the three. (9:16) ADF II the commentators call it. I call it *1/2, but this wasn’t my cup of tea.

 

::OOC Note just cos *I* like a match it doesn’t mean Keith Scott will::

 

National anthem and… Funyon gets SPE-YAHd by The Maori Badass. Va’aiga rips on the Australians, their rugby team, Russell Crowe, Nicole Kidman, Steve Irwin (NO!) and finally their manhoods. Va’aiga says he can’t be beat by any Australian. Solid if monumentally cheap promo.

 

An Australian questions this.

 

Dace Swearing Night vs John Duran. Lockup to start and a MEMPHIS ROPE RAKE from Duran. Dace proves that Sydney is Flair country and Duran gets to stomping after a shoulder. Duran fails on a Double Arm DDT but hits a piledriver for a SHORT two count. Hmmm. Duran gets a scissored sleeper and Dace needs the ropes to break. My GOD Duran is busting out hoss 101 tonight. SPE-YAH. DDT. They brawl around the rings steps then come back in. Duran. Is. Slow. Break Point countered into some shocking Dace offense. Dace gets a couple more back suplexes and takes over, but Duran gets the set up for the Ultimate Sin, it fails and we’re all about brawling again. Low blow, Danny elbow and we’re all on the mat writhing. Duran gets two. Top Rope Double Arm DDT gets…two. Way to kill a possible finisher, guys. Two count again. No. And again. No. OK maybe I rescind that last comment. Whip reversal sets up Da Boot, which sets up Defenstration… for two. Ultimate sin… for two. Second rope Defensetration for… three. OK Duran can’t do it with that move but Dace can, cos it’s normally a finisher. I THINK I get the logic. Solid brawl, at least both guys sold but the insane kick outs sort of drag it down a touch. **1/2.

 

Grappler Matthews is back. And he’s brought James Matheson. Wheeeeee.

 

Va’aiga vs Danny Williams: OK here we go. Backstory – Va’aiga went nuts and blamed Danny. I’m not sure the “why” is clear, because Va’aiga IS nuts. Va’aiga hardcore matches are usually the bad kind of brutal, but fingers crossed for the good kind. Punch. Shout. Punch. Shout. ELBOW! OK this is good, but I’m not QUITE sure my PBP does it justice. Va’aiga goes nuts and goes for the Lariat early, but it misses. Danny goes for the Misawa combo and gets backdrop suplexed. Va’aiga hits a shoulderblock and jaws with the crowd, getting himself rolled up for two. Va’aiga brawls away and hits a granite headbutt, busting Danny open hardway. Ouch. Lariat attempt #2 has more conviction, but misses. Danny comes back with more elbows and an elbow suicida. Danny breaks a chair over Va’aiga’s head out in the crowd, which Va’aiga cheerfully no sells. Note to the SWF. But Maori-proof chairs. Va’aiga spears Danny into the guardrail and hits the ring. Lariat attempt #3 meets… Lariat(!) That’s a sick spot. Va’aiga sells it less than Danny does cos he’s better at the lariat. That rules in more ways than you can ever imagine. Punch, and Va’aiga flips Danny off. Elbow and Danny flips VA’AIGA off. More guts than brains… Va’aiga goes for the German-German-Dragon sequence, but Danny counters with the Dangerous German, dropping Va’aiga RIGHT ON HIS FUCKING HEAD. Ouch. Danny gets a headlock and uses the ropes legally. It’s all in the detail folks. Danny calls for the powerbomb and Va’aiga NO SELLS IT?? LARIAT! Oh wait, it’s the All Japan sell thing. It’s still odd. Double KO and Va’aiga goes walkies, rolling under the ring. Danny like an idiot checks where Va’aiga went, and Va’aiga comes out the other side… AND SETS HIS FUCKING WRIST TAPE ON FIRE. Lariat FINALLY hits and the pin is academic. ***3/4 Less is more taken to it’s highest level, finish excepted. I really dug this, showing that Va’aiga CAN be carried to a decent match. Sort of Steiner vs Goldberg in the “two big freaks who can work with each other through force of willpower” thing. Post match Va’aiga gets crap rained on him, and goes for extra licks on Danny, but Terrancenus makes the save. Va’aiga vs Janus. Ewwwwwwwww.

 

Bastion vs Xstasy video package

 

Bastion vs Xstasy: Well one big lug got carried to a damn fine match, let’s try to make it two with X bumping all over for the brick wall. Bunch of cool stuff for the X gets no sold. RANA gets no sold. You know I’m not sure Bastion could take a rana properly. Bastion keeps hitting stuff for X to flip out of. You know, this is pretty visually cooll, but there’s NOT MUCH HITTING. Brawling on the outside. Brawl. Brawl. Finshers. Brawl. HEEEEEEEEEREEES THUGG. Well at least this random carnage may well descend into a non random carnage. Untamed by Thugg sets up the Xclusion for the three. Hardcore with giants. Bleh. ½*

 

Main Event: Tom Flesher, The Boston Strangler and Wild & Dangerous vs Erek Taylor, Michael Craven and Justice & Rule. And heeeeeeere we go. At least five world class workers in this match, this CAN’T suck. Craven and Flesher to start. FAST start, Railgun Suplex and Yakuza kick from Tom, and the pair tag out to Judge and Johnny Dangerous. Johnny takes over with a fun springboard elbow and poses. Judge comes back and Sydney is STILL Flair country. Tag out to… Ejiro and Wildchild. And now things are about to REALLY pick up, these two gel so well it’s scary. Wrestling abounds. Holy shit chant earned with a BIIIG bodypress to the outside. Tags to Taylor and Strangler. This match has so many fueds in. Erek bumps all over the place for Strangler, as ever. Erek makes a comeback and Strangler takes the Randy Savage patent MAN SIZED BUMP over the turnbuckle to the floor off a leg lariat. Craven and Wildchild next. Wildchild takes over with speed, of course. There’s just TOO MUCH going on for me to PBP. Craven slows things down for a few seconds and this reporters typing fingers fall off as Wildchild takes over again. Craven takes back over with some evil Japanese double teams, and Erek comes in for some more fun. Tons of heat on Wildchild now, as Erek takes over… Holy fuck PBPing this is boring the life out of me. Loads of guys get eliminated. Wildchild pins Ejiro ***** and not far off SIX stars, if that rating existed. Just watch it.

 

Thumbs WAAAAAAY up.