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OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 12/4/03

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NOTICE: The free hot cocoa promotion has unfortunately been cancelled, due to a shady delivery guy by the name of "Patch" delvering a certain OTHER powdery substance with a name similar to cocoa. Being that the HeldDOWN~! brand OAOAST is family entertainment, we immediately got rid of the contraband in a most quick and convienient fashion, namely putting it in Popick's trunk and notifying authorities. We apologize for any inconvienience, and urge you all to stay drug free.

 

OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

 

helddown.jpg

 

Fresh off of the most celebrated heavy eating day of the year, the HeldDOWN~! brand of OAOAST Entertainment is back once again for your viewing pleasure. Lucy Woodward's "Trust Me (You Don't Wanna See This)" plays over a compiled montage of OAOAST action which is frequently updated (and not outdated, as opposed to IntenseZone's intro which still features Bif Everchad in a prominent role), and that segues into...

 

eternity.jpg

 

OPENING PYRO~! The camera scans the crowd, catching several witty signs such as "I Want A Crystal For Christmas" and "Sly's My Guy" (thankfully held up by a female fan). Our cameras then close in on Sofa Central, where the Dynamic Duo of Dialogue reside each and every Thursday. You know 'em, you love 'em, you lie to your friends and say that you're related to 'em...

 

coleandcoachman.jpg

 

MICHAEL COLE AND DA COACH~!

 

COACH (singing)

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

 

COLE

You got that right, Coach. Hello fans, and welcome to this week's edition of HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole right here alongside the Karaoke King himself, Jonathan Coachman, set to bring you the best in OAOAST action tonight.

 

COACH

You wanna talk about the best, then I know you're talking HeldDOWN~!, baby. We've got some great action lined up tonight. Just before the show went on the air, General Manager Northstar has informed us that HeldDOWN~!'s version of TNT's Tag Team Invitational would be tonight's main event, but he hasn't told us who is involved!

 

COLE

One team that we know won't be involved are the former World Tag Team Champions, HeldDOWN~!'s own Dream Machines. The Parka suffered a major setback this past Sunday when not only did TNT take the World Tag Team Titles, but injured his knee in the process. There is no timetable on his return, however we were informed that Peter Knight will be back here next week, hopefully to put in a good word on his partner.

 

COACH

Man, speaking of Deadly Games, you can't talk about that PPV without discussing The Elimination Chamber. First time in OAOAST history, and our boys and girl brought the goods. Unfortunately, I lost $5,000 when I bet on Crystal thanks to that no-good Chris Ben-wannabe Damaramu, and Calvin Szechstein managed to outlast the former X Champion Ragdoll, Crystal, and the former World Champion Zack Malibu by coming out on top.

 

COLE

Calvin still has an iron grip on that belt, something that does not sit well with the former champion, Zack Malibu. The other HeldDOWN~! titles changed as well, as Sly Somers captured the X Title in a brutal cage match against both newcomer AJ Flaire and Mad Matt, the now former champion, and bringing more gold into the stable of Totally Endorsed.

 

COACH

Speaking of stables and titles, what about the war that was waged for the 24/7 Title amongst the members of The Underground? Their whole reason for being here was to try and bring the hD~! forces down, but it looks like there's some underlying issues between members of that crew, namely CWM and the new 24/7 Champion, The Superstar!

 

COLE

Coach, you know as well as I do that questions will be answered, and more will be asked here tonight. It's time to head to the ring for our opening bout, and get this party started right!

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CUE: Money by Pink Floyd

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

Coming to the ring, at a combined weight of 535 pounds, representing UGW, the team of J. ARTHUR EDWARDS and GUNNER SHARPS!!!!

 

COLE

Here comes one of the lowest pieces of trash I’ve ever seen!

 

COACH

Well he is a lawyer.

 

(J. Arthur and Gunner Sharps make their way to the stage followed by Hoff as the fans boo. Edwards laughs and puts his arms out to bask in the hatred as Gunner stares everyone down. Both men make their way to the ring and slide in.)

 

CUE: Nitro (Youth Energy) by The Offspring

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

Coming to the ring, at a combined weight of 425 pounds, the team of LEON RODEZ and JACOB LYNE!!!!

 

(Jacob comes out with Leon and the fans cheer. Both men high five and run to the ring, but stop short as Edwards taunts them from inside the ring.)

 

COLE

He just loves to hear himself speak doesn’t he?

 

COACH

Will you stop talking about me like I’m not here!?

 

COLE

I was talking about Edwards.

 

COACH

Oh…okay.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Leon enters the ring and starts off the match with Edwards. Both men lock up and try to get the advantage, but it’s Edwards that finally gets it. Edwards plants a knee to his gut and whips him to the ropes before hitting another knee to the gut that flips him over. He then bounces off the ropes and goes for a Senton Splash, but Leon moves and tags in Jacob. Edwards gets up and sees him coming in so he runs forward and locks up with him. Jacob shoves him down and Edwards pops back up with a surprised look on his face.

 

COLE

He wasn’t expecting that!

 

Edwards walks back up to Jacob and slaps him across the face as the fans boo. Jacob holds his cheek for a second before returning the slap and then hitting him with a quick Spinning Heel Kick that knocks him down. Cover.

 

1

 

 

 

No!!!

 

Quickly Jacob hits the ropes and does a Somersault Legdrop, but Edwards moves. As Jacob nurses a sore tailbone from the missed legdrop Edwards tags in Gunner. Gunner waits for Jacob to stand and comes running in for a Clothesline, but Jacob ducks. Gunner manages to stop his momentum and turn around, but Jacob hits him with a High Elevation Dropkick! Gunner staggers, but he doesn’t fall down so Jacob does another High Dropkick. This time Gunner stumbles to the ropes as Jacob tags in Leon and they hit a Double Team Clothesline that sends Gunner tumbling over the top rope! Leon then climbs to the top rope and steadies himself before diving off with a Missile Dropkick to the standing Gunner! Gunner stumbles and finally falls over.

 

COLE

Wow!! Leon just jumped all the way to the floor with that Dropkick!!

 

COACH

And the big man is down!! What a strategy!

 

Leon tries to pick Gunner up to toss him into the ring, but he’s too heavy. Seeing that his partner can’t get him in the ring Jacob comes over to help, but he gets cut off by a Spear from Edwards. The ref exits the ring and makes Edwards go back to his corner as Jacob rolls around in pain on the floor. On the other side Leon tries to lift Gunner again, but Gunner comes alive and Presses Leon above his head before tossing him through the ropes and back into the ring! Gunner then makes his way to the top rope.

 

COLE

What the hell is he doing??

 

COACH

If he jumps off he’ll make Leon no more than a stain on the mat!!

 

Gunner measures his opponent and goes for a Big Splash, but Leon moves at the last second! The ring shakes with the impact of Gunner on the mat as Leon crawls to his corner for a tag, but Jacob is still on the outside. Finally Jacob sees that his partner is in need and makes his way back to the corner, but Edwards comes in, which distracts the ref. Jacob calls out to the ref and he looks over, but Edwards grabs the ref and turns him around to argue some more. Finally Jacob has enough and comes into the ring, but the ref sees him and stops him. While the ref isn’t looking Edwards pulls Gunner closer to his corner and then yells at the ref to turn around. As the ref turns Gunner tags in Edwards and he comes in.

 

COLE

Come on ref! Edwards is making you his bitch!!

 

COACH

Eww…oh that’s not what you meant is it?

 

Edwards pulls Leon up and places him on his shoulders for the Rolling Fireman’s Carry, but Leon turns it into a Crucifix Pin.

 

1

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

No!!!

 

Edwards gets back up, but Leon comes in for a Flying Headscissors that takes him back down again. He then finally makes the tag to Jacob. Jacob comes in and waits for Edwards to stand before grabbing him and hitting a Belly to Belly Suplex. Cover.

 

1

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

No!!!

 

Jacob then gets back up and plays to the crowd before performing a Running Shooting Star Press…but Edwards gets his knees up!!

 

COLE

What a move!!!

 

COACH

But a bad landing!!

 

Edwards crawls to his corner and tags in Gunner who quickly comes in and pulls Jacob to his feet. Gunner then presses him above his head for the Underground Slam, but Jacob manages to slip out behind him and hit a Low Dropkick to the back of his knee. Gunner goes down to one knee as Jacob bounces off the ropes and hits another Low Dropkick to Gunner’s face. Gunner falls back against the ropes as Jacob gets the crowd to make some noise. Jacob then runs at Gunner, but Gunner reaches out and grabs him by the throat out of nowhere. Gunner then lifts him high and drops him with a massive Chokeslam! Gunner then tags back out to Edwards who climbs to the top rope and goes for the Final Litigation (Mad Splash) and hits it!

 

COLE

The Final Litigation!! Cover…1……2…….No!! Leon broke up the count!!

 

COACH

I thought it was over!!

 

As Leon steps back through the ropes Edwards runs up and shoves him out to the floor and yells at him as the fans boo. Edwards then turns back around and pulls Jacob to his feet. He then goes for the Objection (Shoulder Press into Gut Buster), but as he presses him off his shoulders Jacob shifts his weight and lands on his feet in front of him. Jacob kicks him in the gut and goes for the Lyne Driver, but Edwards falls behind him. Edwards then goes for a Facebuster, but Jacob shoves him forward and Leon nails him with a right hand. Edwards is spun around by the punch and Jacob grabs him and hits the Lyne Driver!!

 

COLE

He got him!!

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

Here’s your winners…JACOB LYNE AND LEON RODEZ!!!!

 

Gunner comes in and goes after Jacob, but Jacob exits the ring and raises his hands in victory.

 

COLE

Lyne and Rodez win!!! These two young men are making quite a name for themselves here!! What a team these two are going to make here on HeldDOWN~!

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COACH

What an opening contest. Major props to the new team of Rodez and Lyne. The tag division has been on a downward spiral as of late, but with fresh talent like that, it can only improve.

 

COLE

Agreed. Speaking of tag teams, we know about our main event Invitational matchup later on tonight, however we have no clue what Northstar has planned for who is even IN the damn thing.

 

COACH

It's called impulsive booking.

 

COLE

Really? I figured he fell asleep at the salon when he was getting his hair done and forgot to book the match.

 

COACH

You can THINK that, but don't say it out loud. He writes your checks, you know.

 

COLE

At any rate, we take you now backstage, as our General Manager has informed us a decision will be made shortly. Let's take you now to HeldDOWN~!'s man in charge, Northstar.

 

(Zack Malibu is seen entering his locker room. As he opens the door he spots the OAOAST World champ and HD`! GM Northstar. Zack assumes a defensive position)

 

Zack: What the hell are you two doing here? What's going on? Is this a set up?

 

(Northstar gets up his chair and kisses Zack on the cheek. Zack wipes his cheek in disgust.)

 

Northstar: A setup? Heavens no! It's simply an informal pow wow between myself, the OAOAST world champion and...

 

Calvin: And a washed up primadonna.

 

Northstar( shaking his finger at Calvin): Calvin, darling, that totally wasn't nice. I was going to say "and a valued member of the OAOAST family."

 

Zack: Northstar, do me a favor and cut the lovey dovey bullshit. If you got something to say to me, then say it. Otherwise get lost and take your brown nosing lap dog with you.

 

Calvin: Tsk Tsk. Why do you have to be such a disagreeable prick? Northstar, kind soul that he is, has time and time again extended his hand towards you out of friendship and respect. But because you're a miserable bottom feeding rich boy you show Northstar nothing but contempt and bitterest hatred. Shame on you, Malibu. Shame on you. Northstar, if I was you, I'd fire him.

 

Northstar: I'm not firing anyone. Expect for the girl who did the highlights in my hair, I told her auburn, not burgundy. Anyway, I need to talk to both of you about tonight's show. Traditionally, shows after big pay per views are usually major letdowns. Nobody is sure who they want to fight and it's a bitch getting people to agree to a match. A lack of direction and a lack of matches can create for a pretty boring show.

 

Calvin: I agree whole heartdlu. And it would be my pleasure to compete in a match tonight. Non title, of course.

 

Zack: Figures.

 

Calvin: What was that, airhead?

 

Zack: It figures that you wouldn't put your title on the line, you sniveling, pillow humping, coward.

 

Northstar: STOP!!!! Jesus tap dancing christ, why can't ya'll quit your petty bickering and listen to me for a second? Calvin, I'm glad you're willing to compete tonight, because I've entered you in the tag team invitational match.

 

Calvin: Most excellent. I'll go tell Sly to get his working boots on.

 

Northstar: Sugar, Sly is sooooo not your partner.

 

Calvin: If not Sly, then who?

 

Northstar (pointing to Zack): He is.

 

(Zack's jaw nearly drops to the floor! Calvin kicks the wall out of anger!)

 

Zack: You're kidding me? I'm not teaming with this sell out.

 

Calvin: And, I refuse to tag with a mirror obsessed jerk off! The very sight of him makes my blood curl and my temper flare. If someone was to walk into this room and shoot this guy in the face, the only tears I would shed would be those of immense joy.

 

Zack: The felling is mutual. Northstar, read my lips, I'm not going to be on the same team as Calvin Shitstien.

 

Northstar: Well, Mr. Bush, if you and Calvin don't team up, you will both find yourselves out of a job. If you do chose to team up but fail to act as a cohesive unit, then you shall incur fines that will be no lower than but may exceed the amount $64,000.

 

Calvin:...Northstar, let me the first to say, that I applaud your decision to pair Zack and I together for this tag team invitational match. The idea of putting two men who hate each others guts on the same team is one that has never been tried before and is an idea that will revolutionize the business. You, sir are a visionary. On that note, I bid you fine gentlemen farewell.

 

(Calvin walks out of the room. The camera gets a shot of him frowning. Zack slams the door behind Calvin)

 

Zack: Be straight with me here, what are you scheming? What wacked out idea have you come up with now? You've been on hanging off Calvin's nuts since the second he became champion so it doesn't make sense for you to book him in a match just days after the brutally violent Elimination Chamber. Unless, you have some sort of ulterior motive. What are you cooking, Northstar? What's your master plan?

 

Northstar(staring off into space): Zack, you know who Babe Ruth is, correct? He was an ugly, pudgy little man from Baltimore who happened to dominate Major League Baseball for years. One has to ask themselves, how a man who makes Dusty Rhodes look like Marc Anthony could be one of the athletes of his era? The answer is rather simple, Babe Ruth transcended his limitations. History shows us that the most successful men are those who can transcend their limitations. The same should hold true for companies. Zack, I know Calvin's a grade A douche bag but if you think past your own petty grudge with him and look at a much bigger picture you'll see that this tag team invitational is paving the road that the OAOAST must travel in order to transcend it's limitations and become an entertainment conglomerate. Sweetie, where my predecessor, Tim Moysey sought to run a wrestling company, I look to build an empire that will rule the Mass Media world for years to come. Either you can inherit the earth with me, or you can be tossed aside with the rest of the deadwood, like your gal pal Crystal. It's your choice, darling. I hope you'll make the right one.

 

(Northstar leaves the room, as we cut back to Sofa Central)

 

 

COACH

Did...did I get that right? Zack Malibu and Calvin...AS A TAG TEAM?

 

COLE

You know, Zack's right. Northstar has got to have a reason why he's trying to get these two to put their differences aside. First it was with The Underground, and while that's understandable, what is he up to?

 

COACH

He's not going to tell us, that's for sure. We're gonna have to be broadcast journalists!

 

COLE

Like those two guys who uncovered the Watergate Scandal?

 

COACH

I was thinking more along the lines of going undercover like Starsky and Hutch.

 

COLE

They were detectives, not journalists.

 

COACH

Well, we can be undercover journalists, okay smarty pants?

 

COLE

Fine Coach, whatever you say. Fans, we'll be back, right after this.

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Cue to a local mental institution. Mad Matt is sitting on a chair in a straightjacket. Two uniformed men come into the room.

 

Man #1:You know why you are here, sir.

 

Matt:No I really don't. Would you please enlighten me as to why you broke into my house at 4 in the morning on Tuesday Morning, attacked me, injected me with tranquilizers, put me in a straightjacket, threw me in the back of a van, and took me here.

 

Man #2:Someone from your place of work thought you might be mentally incompetent and you would not be able to perform your duties properly.

 

Matt:Well then I guess you will have to commit half of the wrestlers in the lockeroom then.

 

Man #1:Wrestling??? Don't you know all that shit is fake.

 

Matt:Fake. Fake. I give you fu(bleep)ing fake. Is a broken leg fake. Are four concussions fake?

 

Mad Matt gets up and kicks a wall before being forced back into a chair by the two men.

 

Man #2:You wrestled with these injuries.

 

Matt:That's right.

 

Man #1:It says here that you wrestled with a serious concussion knowing full well that you could be brain dead if you got anymore damage.

 

Matt:Correct.

 

Man #2:You will be locked up for the evening. You will be evaluated tommorow to see if you are legally insane or not.

 

(The scene fades, and when it reopens, we are back live, in the arena.)

 

COLE

What on Earth...Mad Matt is in a mental institution?

 

COACH

Nevermind that. Did you hear what they told him? Someone from his place of employment called. That means someone on this roster is a rat! Cole...we got some work to do!

 

COLE

You're serious about this detective work, aren't you?

 

COACH

You damn right. Just call me Coachjak.

 

COLE

Oh for the love of...fans, let's take you backstage, where new X Champion Sly Somers is standing by.

 

(Cut backstage, where Sly Sommers, with X Title around his waist and forehead completely covered in bandages, looking much worse for the wear from his beating on Sunday, is trying to get a cup of water, when a young lady standing beside the table with the water container accidentally trips. Sly helps her up, and they both get puppy dog-like looks in their eyes when they look at each other in the face....)

 

SLY: You okay there?

 

FEMALE: Yeah, just had a little clumsy spell...

 

SLY: Ah. Uh, (extends hand) my name’s...uh...Sly.

 

FEMALE: (shakes his hand) Um...I’m Janet.

 

SLY: Um...hi there, Janet. Uh, listen, uh....

 

JANET: Yeah?

 

SLY: Uh...you want some water?

 

JANET: Yeah, sure.

 

SLY: Here, take mine.

 

JANET: No, no, that’s okay.

 

SLY: No, please, take mine. I can get another one.

 

JANET: Okay. Thanks.

 

SLY: No problem.

 

JANET: Looks like you’re a bit banged up.

 

SLY: Yeah, sort of got myself into a messy situation over the weekend.

 

JANET: I can tell.

 

SLY: (cell phone rings; he talks for ten seconds to someone)...Uh, listen, my buddies need me for something, I gotta go. Uh, you gonna be around in the future?

 

JANET: Yeah, I’ll be around, sure.

 

SLY: Okay, uh, it’s been a pleasure meeting you.

 

JANET: Same here, definately.

 

SLY: Okay, uh, bye....

 

JANET: Bye.

 

(Sly slowly walks away, still facing Janet, almost in a transe, until he backs into someone. He turns around, and it’s St. Andrew’s Minions, Nathaniel and Michael.)

 

SLY: Hey, guys! Listen, uh, thanks for the help on Sunday. Mucho appreciated! (Sly extends his hand to both of them, but both step to the side and point him forward.) Uh, listen....

 

MINIONS: GO!

 

SLY: Okay, I’m going! (Sly walks forward, the Minions follow him)

 

(Cut to commercial)

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Backstage, in The Underground locker room, The Superstar stands proud, the 24/7 Title draped over his shoulder. J. Arthur Edwards and Gunner Sharps, who came up on the short end of the stick earlier tonight.

 

SUPERSTAR

Hey guys, it's no sweat, we'll get 'em next time, right?

 

J. ARTHUR

What are you so happy about?

 

SUPERSTAR

Why am I happy? C'mon, you really have to ask? Look at what we accomplished Sunday night, baby! We had a hell of a match, and we kept the 24/7 Title in the family, now c'mon, tell me that isn't what we wanted all along.

 

CHAVE

Then what was with you afterwards?

 

SUPERSTAR

What was with me? What's with YOU asking what's with me? It was the heat of the moment, and believe me, I'm sure it wasn't anything that CWM couldn't handle. I mean, I'm fairly certain he's a tough guy, but as for leadership, that should go to the man with the gold, and that...

 

Superstar stops short, feeling a presence behind him. He turns around to meet the cold stare of CWM.

 

CWM

You done?

 

SUPERSTAR

Done what? Rallying the troops? Instilling some team motivation?

 

CWM

Talking out of your ass is more like it.

 

Superstar's smirk turns to a frown, and he inches closer to CWM, but their staredown is interrupted by the door bursting open, thanks to Northstar.

 

NORTHSTAR

Boys, boys, hate to be a party pooper, but some of us have work to do tonight.

 

CWM

What do you want, Tinkerbell?

 

NORTHSTAR

Ah ha, that's a kneeslapper. Is that any way to treat the man who booked you in a main event match?

 

SUPERSTAR

What? Why does he get one and the 24/7 Champ doesn't, huh?

 

NORTHSTAR

Keep your Speedos on, you've got one too. I've taken the liberty of enterting you both in the Tag Invitational.

 

CWM

No way. I'm not teaming with him. You can find another pair to match up.

 

SUPERSTAR

Says YOU. Where's your team spirit?

 

CWM

Oh, I've got spirit, you fuc...

 

NORTHSTAR

All right, ALL RIGHT! TNT requested three teams, and that's what they'll get. Plus, it seems like you two have some issues. So, in the interest of fairness, CWM, you will team up with...Chave Senate tonight. As for you, Mr. 24/7, go grab that steroid freak friend of yours for your partner. Good luck to you all.

 

The door closes behind Northstar, leaving tensions to rise even higher in the Underground dressing room. Superstar and CWM stare at each other, before Superstar walks off, in search of his partner for later on, Mister Warrior.

 

 

Cue: ‘TNT’ by AC/DC

 

BOOM!

 

Red, Green and Gold pyro explode as the NEW OAOAST tag Team Champions, Tyler Bridges and TJ Burns, known collectively as TNT, make there way down to ringside for their first title defense on HeldDown. The crowd drowns out their theme song with a chorus of boos, but the new champs couldn’t care less, because they’ve got the gold.

 

ANNOUNCER: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the OAOAST Tag Team Championship! Introducing, at a total combined weight of three hundred and eighty eight pounds, they are the NEW OAOAST Tag Team Champions, Tyler Bridges and TJ Burns, T-N-T!!!!!

 

Cole: This is one of the first opportunities we have had to watch these two guys on HeldDown, and I must say, they will be tested in this match up, against a man who, along with Mad Matt, last night, was screwed out of the X Division Championship, and a former X Champ himself.

 

Coach: Well at Deadly Games these two proved that they can hang in the OAOAST Tag Division, and I think they can come through tonight Michael.

 

Cue: ‘Man in the Box’ by Alice in Chains

 

The familiar riff of Tommy Dreamer’s old ECW theme fills the arena as the crowd gets ready for the entrance of ‘the Phenomenal One’. The singing starts up, and AJ appears to the delight of everyone in the arena, which is filled with cheers. AJ turns around so that everyone can see the back of his vet, which has the single word ‘Phenomenal’ on the back. He slaps some hands as he comes down the ramp, and then slides into the ring.

 

ANNOUNCER: And the opponents. At a total combined weight of four hundred and fifteen pounds. First, hailing from wherever he pleases, he is The Phenomenal A-J FLAIRRREEE!

 

Cole: AJ Flaire has really found his spot in the X Division, and, in my opinion, this kid could go on to do great things, if he applies himself and if he learns from his peers, like his tag team partner for tonight. If K Money could teach AJ a thing or two in the X Division, it would be vital to AJ’s growth as a wrestler. He just needs that extra advice from a man who has been to the top before.

 

Coach: Right Michael, AJ Flaire has all the potential in the world, he just has to realise that potential, and then maybe, just maybe, he could be the X Champion someday.

 

The Crowd gets restless for a man who they know all too well. A ‘Money, Money’ chant starts up, and they get ready for the cocky entrance of there hero.

 

Cue: "Kick Start my Heart" by Motley Crue

 

The crowd goes BANANA for K Money, the former X Division Champion. Money does his cocky strut down to ringside, reminiscent of Spanky, the man that trained him, and the man that was brutally attacked by Moneys brother Ragdoll just a few weeks ago.

 

ANNOUNCER: And his partner, from Hollywood California, THIS. IS. K……………… MONEY!!!!!!

 

Money slides into the ring next to his partner, and TNT slide in to get the match underway. AJ and TJ start off. They lock up, and AJ gets the side headlock. TJ pushes him into the ropes, and AJ comes back with a shoulder block. AJ runs the ropes, TJ ducks under, leapfrog by TJ, AJ runs at TJ but TJ does a backflip over AJ’s head! TJ poses to the crowd, showing off his high flying moves, but AJ catches him with a dropkick to the back of the head.

 

Cole: Impressive backflip by TJ Burns there, but he took a little too much time gloating in his success, and AJ Flaire capitalised.

 

TJ gets up and charges at AJ, and they lock up again. This time TJ gets the headlock, but AJ sends him into the ropes. AJ hits an armdrag takeover on TJ, and AJ holds onto the arm for an armringer. TJ rolls through and out of the armringer and the two stand at guard again. TJ shakes his arm to get feeling back into it.

 

Cole: Armringer applied by AJ Flaire, working on that arm, that shoulder already, he’ll try and set TJ up for that Fujiwar armbar later in the matchup.

 

TJ charges AJ and they work into the corner. The referee calls for a break, and TJ does so, but immediately kicks AJ in the gut. TJ hits a hard chop to the chest of AJ, and the crowd lets out a big ‘WHOO’. TJ lands another chop, and then a right hand to the face. TJ grabs the left arm of AJ and rolls it over into an armringer, TJ climbs up top still holding AJ’s arm, and they jumps onto AJ, hitting a Hurricanrana!

 

Cole: Impressive move by TJ Burns there! Great hurricanrana from the top!

 

TJ looks at AJ and AJ looks back at TJ, and they make there way to their respective corners to tag out, and catch their breath. Tyler Bridges and K Money are in the ring, ready to lock up.

 

The two men meet in the centre of the ring and exchange some harsh words. Tyler backs off, but then hits K Money with a right hand to the face. K Money comes back with a right of his own. The two men exchange right hands, and K Money gets the advantage. Irish whip by Money is reversed by Tyler; but K Money hits a flying head scissors! Tyler is up quickly and he charges Money, catches Tyler with an armdrag, Tyler then hits an armdrag of his own, Money hits a Japanese armdrag, both men go for dropkicks, but they don’t get anything.

 

Cole: Brilliant technical wrestling by all four of these men. It’s a great sight to see.

 

Tyler hits a chop to the chest of K Money, but K Money responds with a chop of his own. Both men exchange hard chops that echo throughout the arena, and every one of these chops is followed by a loud ‘WHOO’ from the crowd. Tyler gets a thumb to the eye of K Money, and then hits a snap vertical suplex. Tyler rolls over into a cover…

 

1…

 

2.. NO. K money kicks out.

 

Cole: First cover of the matchup by Tyler, but only a two.

 

Irish whip y Tyler on K Money, Tyler hits a HARD powerslam into a cover. 1… 2… Money kicks out again.

 

Tyler grabs Money in a side headlock from the ground, and Money raises his arms to try and fight out of it. Money gets to one knee, then both knees, then one leg, all the while Tyler is going up with him. Elbow to the gut of Tyler by Money, and another, Money runs to the ropes and runs toward Tyler, but Tyler ducks and lifts Money onto his shoulders, taking him down with a Samoan Drop. Tyler quickly tags in TJ, who goes straight to the top rope.

 

Cole: Good teamwork by the Champions here, and TJ is going to try and showcase some of those high flying moves that he loves to show off.

 

TJ turns around and hits a beautiful ‘Flying Drunk’ Spaceman Moonsault on Money!

 

Coach: Great rotation on the Moonsault by TJ! It could be over here!

 

1…

 

2…

 

NO! Money kicks out at 2 yet again.

 

TJ grabs Money and pushes him over to the corner with his shoulder. Hard shoulders to the gut by TJ Burns, then TJ jumps up to the middle rope and sends Money flying with a Monkey Flip! TJ runs to the ropes, comes off towards Money, and hits a Flipping Senton Splash!

 

1…

 

2…

 

NO! Money kicks out again at 2.

 

Cole: Money really needs to turn the tables and make a tag here, it looks like he is in trouble.

 

TJ takes Money over to the corner and hits another hard chop. But money comes straight back with a chop of his own! TJ fires a chop, but Money lands a right hand to the head of TJ! Both men exchange blows, Money goes for an Irish whip, TJ reverses, but Money springboards off the second rope and turns in mid air to deliver a hard clothesline!

 

Cole: What a move by K Money! Great move!

 

TJ uses the ropes to pull himself up, Money runs at TJ and launches his body towards him, but TJ pulls the top rope down and Money goes flying to the floor! TJ taps his head to the chagrin of the crowd.

 

Coach: Dirty move there by TJ, but it was effective!

 

TJ waits for Money to get to his feet, then TJ jumps to the top rope, springboards off and lands a Shooting Star Press!

 

Cole: That was amazing by TJ! But look out!

 

AJ Flaire is perched on the top rope with his back to TJ and Money, and AJ launches backward to hit a Moonsault plancha to the outside onto TJ Burns!

 

Cole: My God! With AJ’s injured back, that is insane!

 

Coach: That’s why he is an integral part of the X Division Michael Cole.

 

AJ gets back up on the apron and K Money rolls back into the ring along with TJ Burns. Both men crawl to their respective corners to tag in their partners.

 

Cole: Who can get there first? Whoever does will have the advantage, and maybe the Tag Titles!

 

K Money and TJ both reach out…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And they BOTH make the tag! AJ charges at Tyler and catches him with a clothesline. Tyler gets up and AJ hits him with a Spinning Heel Kick straight away. TJ runs at AJ but AJ catches TJ with a high dropkick to the face. AJ grabs Tyler, hooks him up, and gives him a vertical snap suplex. AJ holds on, and he gives Tyler a second vertical suplex. AJ holds on yet again, and delivers a third and final vertical suplex to Tyler Bridges. AJ heads to the top rope and measures Tyler. Tyler gets up slowly and turns around…

 

And AJ Flaire hits him with a Top Rope Shining Wizard!

 

Cole: He calls that move Elegance, and we can see why!

 

AJ going for the cover!

 

1…

 

2…

 

NO! Tyler gets a shoulder up!

 

Tyler gets up to face AJ, AJ goes for a clothesline but Tyler ducks, and hits a Kopo Kick!

 

Cole: Kopo Kick!!!! This could be over!

 

1…

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

3…

 

 

 

NOOOOOOO! AJ kicks out!

 

 

Tyler picks AJ up and hits him with a hard crossover clothesline to knock him down again! Tyler signals for the end!

 

Cole: He might be looking for the London Bridge!

 

Tyler gets AJ in the Full Nelson position for the London Bridge, but AJ switches and goes behind Tyler, hitting him with a back suplex!

 

Cole: Tyler landed right on his neck and shoulders there!

 

AJ goes up top quickly and signals to the crowd, before hitting the Extra Special!

 

Cole: EXTRA SPECAIL BY AJ! THIS IS OVER!

 

1…

 

 

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

 

 

3…

 

 

 

NOOOOOOOOOOO! TJ breaks up the count at the very last second!

 

TJ Burns runs straight over to K Money and knocks him off of the apron!

 

Cole: Now that’s not right! You can’t do that!

 

TJ goes to the outside and shoves the timekeeper out of his chair. TJ grabs the chair and folds it up, throwing it into the ring.

 

Cole: TJ’s got a chair! Watch out AJ!

 

AJ picks Tyler up and sets him up for ‘That’s Phenomenal’. AJ starts to lift him up, but…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CRACK! TJ smashes the steel chair hard into AJ’s still injured back! The referee calls for the bell!

 

Cole: Dammit that isn’t right! We were robbed of a conclusive finish here!

 

AJ turns around toward TJ, still writhing in pain from the first chairshot, and BAM! TJ hits AJ right across the face with the steel chair!

 

Cole: That could have broken bones! Someone stop this!

 

TJ brings up the chair for one more shot, but K MONEY slides into the ring and kicks TJ in the gut. Money grabs TJ’s head and runs up the ropes, hitting Sliced Bread #3 on TJ!

 

Cole: SLICED BREAD NUMBER THREE! ‘ATTABOY K MONEY!

 

Tyler tries to go after K Money, but K money kicks him in the gut, and positions him under the chair. K Money hooks the arms, and hits THE SHOW STOPPER on Tyler, right on the chair!

 

Cole: The SHOW STOPPER! K Money is getting one back for AJ here! The Firm is alive and well on HeldDown!

 

Cue: Kick Start my Heart" by Motley Crue

 

ANNOUNCER: Here are your winners by Disqualification, the team of K Money and AJ Flaire, THE FIRM!

 

Coach: The Firm has made its way to HeldDown, and they are taking no prisoners! They are standing tall!

 

K Money slings AJ’s arm over his shoulder and helps his partner and newfound ally to the back. We see AJ’s has been busted open as a result of that chairshot by TJ Burns.

 

Cole: I’ll tell you something right now Coach. If there is ever another meeting between these two teams, I know which one I am putting my money on, and that’s the one that we can see standing tall right now, K money and AJ Flaire. They have a common goal, a common objective here in the OAOAST, and that is to make it a safer and a better place for every wrestler on the roster. I think we have just seen the dawning of a new era here on HeldDown. AJ Flaire, you can’t keep the kid down. I guarantee that he will be back next week, fighting through the pain that he is experiencing. And K Money, the Show Stopper, well, he’s always here, he never quits, he doesn’t know the meaning of the word. And I know that K Money will stop at nothing to establish The Firm as the top entity in the OAOAST. I can promise you that much.

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(We cut to backstage again, this time, we enter a room that’s basically set up like a Catholic church, with two pews on each side of the room, and a confessional. Sly is pointed into the confessional booth, where he sits down after the Minions shut the door.)

 

SLY: Uh, what’s going on?

 

ANDREW: Silence, my son. I know what you wanted to talk to me about. Your thankfulness is graciously taken. We did that on Sunday, not as a favor to you, however. We did that, for the Trinity.

 

SLY: I thought those guys didn’t go here anymore....

 

ANDREW: I wasn’t talking about those fellows. I was talking about the Father, Son, and The Holy Ghost. They’ve driven me here, to spread the word of our nation. Myself, and my Minions have been sent here by the Holy Trinity to spread our word, and our first step to spreading our word is to clinch that X-Division Championship that currently sits around your waist. We saw you as the least of the three individuals involved in the contest, so we assisted you in your conquest on Sunday. But, now, it is time for you to return the favor. The next title shot goes to Thou.

 

SLY: Listen, whatever mumbo-jumbo you’re speaking, it’s cool and all. But, you haven’t even wrestled a damn match here! What makes you think that I’m supposed to bend over like an altar boy in a monestary, and take it in the BUTT?

 

ANDREW: How dare you spout such blasphemous language in a church of the Lord? I demand that you exit our cathedral, but not without a warning: very soon, we will take what is ours, and what is ours is what you think is yours. Your status, your glory...and yes, your title belt. Now Nathaniel, Michael, please take this poor, forsaken soul out of my cathedral.

 

(Nathaniel and Michael open Sly’s door, pick him up by the shirt, and toss him out of the door, into a wall. As Sly’s laying in a heap, St. Andrewleads his minions out of the room.)

 

We cut back, once again, to our hosts over at Sofa Central.

 

COLE

Wow, what a night it is shaping up to be. That was an awesome tag team contest we just saw, and how about the announcement of tonight's main event?

 

COACH

You know, if you were a good detective, you'd have known who Northstar was going to put in that match, but noooo...you're not as in the mix as Coachjak.

 

COLE

Do you have a personality disorder or something?

 

COACH

No, my personalities get along just fine. Why do you ask?

 

COLE

*sigh* Fans, last week, Ragdoll won Northstar's special Holiday Fourway matchup, and was told he could pick a title shot at any OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Title that he wanted tonight. However, Ragdoll never came in contact with Northstar's office during the week, for whatever reason, so Northstar has had no choice but to void the title shot for the time being. Ragdoll has shown up here tonight, and we're not sure if he's gotten wind of this or not, but we take you to him now.

 

-The scene fades in from the shenanigans going on elsewhere to a bathroom somewhere in the back. The walls are nice and clean, the floors are clean...it's just a clean bathroom. The camera moves around the stall to show Ragdoll leaning his head against the mirror. His eyes are closed tightly, his teeth clenched. He suddenly calms down as he looks up, his eyes beet red. Without looking, he unwraps the tube from around his arm and pulls the small syringe out. A small smile creeps across his face as he throws down the tube and syringe, turning around. He walks past the cameraman and into his dressing room, where Melanie sits waiting, a look of concern on her face.

 

RAGDOLL

Wha...What are you doing here?

 

MELANIE

I came back to see how you were doing...Brian called me, Austin...he said you broke his arm.

 

RAGDOLL

I might have...I dunno, I can't remember...

 

-Ragdoll chuckles as he moves towards the couch and sits down. Melanie follows, sitting beside him.

 

MELANIE

Baby, I'm worried...You've changed so much since you lost your title...It's like I don't know who you are anymore...

 

RAGDOLL

What do you WANT from me, Mel?

 

MELANIE

I want the OLD Austin Baker back! Can't you see that?!

 

-Ragdoll shakes his head as Melanie rubs his arm, suddenly stopping. Her eyes go wide as she looks down, feeling around more.

 

MELANIE

Wha...What are these holes, baby? Are...Are these NEEDLE marks?!

 

RAGDOLL

...mosquitos...

 

MELANIE

...Are you doing heroin?!

 

RAGDOLL

Baby, don...

 

MELANIE

YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE CLEAN AND SOBER!

 

RAGDOLL

I was...I am...

 

MELANIE

DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT! WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?!

 

RAGDOLL

Stop screaming, Mel...

 

MELANIE

NO! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, AUSTIN?!

 

-Ragdoll suddenly stands, attempting to stagger away, but Melanie jumps up and grabs his arm. Ragdoll spins around, an angry look in his bloodshot eyes.

 

MELANIE

DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM ME, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN ME OR YOUR PRECIOUS FUCKING HEROIN!

 

RAGDOLL

I said stop yelli...

 

MELANIE

Or what, Austin? What're you going to do, tough guy? Huh? You could hardly even beat Mad Matt...you needed that slut Josie and me...You are pathe...

 

-WHACK!! Melanie suddenly clutches her face and falls backward onto the couch. Ragdoll lowers his hand as he rushes towards her, grabbing her by the shirt collar. Melanie raises her hands to try and block the slaps, but Ragdoll's strength quickly gets the best of her. Melanie screams as she continues to cover up.

 

RAGDOLL

I'M PATHETIC?! I'M PATHETIC?! LOOK AT YOU, YOU WHORE! YOU CLAIM TO BE THE TOUGHEST BITCH IN THIS FED?! FIGHT BACK!! I NEVER FUCKING NEEDED YOU! NEVER! YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!

 

-Ragdoll suddenly stops the beating, his panting and Melanie's sobbing being the only noises heard in the room. Ragdoll slowly pulls out a cigarette, puts it into his mouth, and lights it. Once again, the psychotic smile crosses his face as he looks down at his fiancee. The camera fades to black as he walks away slowly.

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We return to a very somber Michael Cole and The Coach.

 

COLE

Fans, due to the nature of what we just saw, I offer apologies on behalf of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. It's understandable that people have their demons, but to see it...my God, Coach, I don't know what to say.

 

COACH

Don't look at me. I...he needs help, Michael.

 

COLE

You know, people get enticed by a certain lifestyle, and what we just viewed is the grim reality of making certain choices. Whatever his reasons, the man we know as Ragdoll has gone down the wrong path, and...I...we've just got to carry on with the show right now. I can't dwell on that scene.

 

COACH

That poor girl, my God...

 

COACH: As you’ve seen, last Sunday, as we were warned, our supposed “savior” came, in the form of this man named Saint Andrew and his Minions of Mayhem, like we’ve been told to call them, Nathaniel and Michael.

 

MC: As you can see here in the stills that we’re able to show you, the Minions entered the cage, and did St. Andrew’s dirty work for him, taking out both Mad Matt and AJ Flaire. They’ll be back next week, as the damages in this incredible, risk-taking, daredevil match were too high to risk any injury by coming to this week’s show. Then, the Minions connected with a double superkick so hard on Sly’s jaw that it sent him over the top rope, out the cage door, and to the floor, to win the X-Division Championship.

 

COACH: As you just heard in that makeshift cathedral that St. Andrew’s got in the backstage area, apparantly this unholy communion of sorts picked and chose Sly, since he was, in their eyes, the weakest of the three, and therefore the easiest to eventually win the title from. However, tonight, none of the three men from that incredible match are in action, nor is St. Andrew. However, right now, we get to see the debut of the Minions of Mayhem, as Nathaniel and Michael are in action, right now!

 

(“Pompeii” starts up, and St. Andrew leads his Minions to the ring. Nathaniel and Michael take their robes off, and Saint Andrew demands that the ring boy take their robes and hang them up in their cathedral backstage. Andrew then joins the commentators at their booth.)

 

FINKEL: Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 467 pounds, from St. Andrew’s Cathedral....Michael, Nathaniel, the Minions of Mayhem!

 

ANDREW: Yes, they’re MY Minions of Mayhem!

 

FINKEL: And their opponents, already in the ring, weighing in at a combined weight of 489 pounds, the team of “Jumpin’” Joey Maggs and Mark Starr!

 

MC: Not to discredit the Minions, but they have a tough task ahead of them, facing two veterans such as Starr and Maggs in their debut.

 

ANDREW: Trust me, this might be my followers’ in-ring debut, but I personally hand-picked them from my legions of minions due to their ruthless conquest to destroy all that stand in our path of spreading our word.

 

COACH: While the referee is checking all four men for weapons, let me ask you: why did you come here? What’s your point of coming to HeldDOWN~!?

 

ANDREW: I’m glad you asked. You see, your programming gets viewed by millions of lost souls on a weekly basis. By invading your airwaves, we get to spread the word from above to those who might not hear it otherwise. And by defeating your wrestlers, we prove ourselves to not only be “cool”, as you might say, but prove these people’s morally-empty warriors and heroes to be inferior to men of the cloth, such as myself.

 

The match starts, with Maggs and Nathaniel. Collar-and-elbow tie-up in the center of the ring, and Nathaniel nails an armdrag. Maggs then runs at him again, and Nathaniel hits a drop toe hold. Nathaniel then gets on top of Maggs, spins around, gets up, and gives him the “Father, Son, Holy Spirit” hand blessing. Maggs gets up, and they circle around. Another collar-and-elbow tie-up, and this time Nathaniel switches into a reverse waistlock. He slips down, hits a reverse double-leg takedown, runs to the ropes, and connects with a sick-looking soccer-like kick to the face of Maggs.

 

ANDREW: If brutality and viciousness are what’s needed to get ahead around here, we’ll bring it.

 

Nathaniel pulls Maggs up, and tags in Michael. Nathaniel whips Maggs to the ropes, and picks him up in Hart Attack position. Michael then springboards to the second rope, and connects with an amazing backflip dropkick that sends Maggs down hard. Nathaniel goes to the corner, and Michael goes for the cover...1....2...kickout. Michael pulls Maggs up, and whips him to the ropes. Michael then connects with a spinning heel kick, directly to the jaw. As Maggs holds his jaw, Michael blesses Starr, which sets him off enough that he comes into the ring. But, the referee stops him. As the referee is distracted, Nathaniel comes back into the ring, and both Minions whip Nathaniel to the ropes. He comes back around, and they nail the Touch of Light (starts as an H-Bomb, but they let him flip all the way around, and switch positions while he’s in mid-air so Nathaniel slams his face into the mat and Michael has ahold of his legs).

 

MC: My lord!

 

ANDREW: Yes, his power has driven my minions to perform such destruction upon this poor, poor, misguided soul.

 

Nathaniel and Michael make a blind tag right before the referee turns around, and Nathaniel goes for the cover....1.....2...Mark Starr runs in to break it up. While the referee’s distracted, once again the Minions illegally double-team Maggs. This time, Nathaniel hits a Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Maggs, and holds him in the seated position afterwards, so that Michael can nail a brutal step-up kick to Maggs’s jaw. The Minions make another blind tag, and Michael rolls Maggs over for the pin....1.......2....Maggs gets his foot on the bottom rope. Michael rolls Maggs over, and shoves him into a neutral corner. He then connects with two front roundhouse kicks to the face, and a spinkick to the mid-section. Michael attempts to Irish whip Michael to the other neutral corner, but Maggs reverse the whip. However, Michael kips over Maggs as soon as he hits the corner, grabs Maggs from behind, and hits a brutal high angle back suplex.

 

MC: It’s obvious that you’ve been having your followers watch tapes of the X-Division, as that move right there was Sly Sommers’ USA High Angle Backdrop!

 

ANDREW: Silence. That’s blasphemous.

 

Michael then falls back on the ropes, takes a step, and nails a flipping legdrop. Michael goes for the cover.....1......2....kickout. Michael tags out to Nathaniel again. After pulling Maggs up while forearming him in the back of the head, he then puts Maggs’ prone body over his shoulder, facing upward, and hooks Maggs’s neck with his hands. He then drops him with the Beckoning (Widow’s Peak/Twist of Kain). But, instead of going for the cover, Nathaniel mockingly crosses himself, and then drops a legdrop. He goes for the pin with just his leg over Joey’s body....1....2....Starr breaks it up. Again, the Minions illegally double-team behind the referee’s back, as Nathaniel picks Maggs up, and nails the Hallow (Catatonic suplex), followed by Michael coming off of the top rope with the Rise to Grace (450 Splash)!

 

ANDREW: What have I been saying? My followers are one hell of a well-oiled machine!

 

Cockily, Michael pulls Maggs up, and whips him to the ropes again. This time, however, Joey ducks a clothesline, and comes back with a flying forearm of his own. Both men are down, and start crawling to their own corners as the referee counts down. At the count of six, Michael tags out to Nathaniel, and Maggs tags out to Starr. Starr and Nathaniel meet mid-ring, and Starr sends him down with a right hand. Nathaniel pops up, and Starr whips him off to the ropes. Starr nails a high back body drop, and Nathaniel squanders to the outside. Starr tries to go after him, but Michael runs into the ring and forearms Starr in the back, so that Starr lands throat-first on the middle rope. Maggs runs at him, and Michael nails the HP Driver (hiptoss with a sit-down landing by Michael). Michael steps back a few steps, and waits until Maggs is in a kneeling position. Then, he springboards off of Maggs’ back, and guillotines Starr’s neck across the middle rope with an insane legdrop!

 

COACH: I had no clue this was the type of stuff that they taught you in church!

 

ANDREW: That’s what you get for not believing.

 

Michael and Nathaniel then slide back into the ring. Joey Maggs is back up, and they duck a double clothesline attempt from him. They turn around to face each other, and both Minions kick Maggs in the stomach. They hook his head, bend forward, and bring him back in a double Shellshock, which they call the Blessing. Nathaniel goes for the cover.....1.....2....Starr uses his last burst of energy to break it up. Michael rolls Maggs out of the ring with his feet via shoves and kicks. Michael then goes up top, and stands there facing the crowd. Nathaniel puts Maggs in between his legs and picks him up in a piledriver position. Right as Nathaniel goes for the piledriver, Michael comes off the top rope with a backflip and spikes Starr’s head into the mat by the legs!

 

MC: Holy crap!

 

ANDREW: Actually, it’s called the Holy Divide. Why? It divides your vertebrae, and it’s quite divine.

 

Michael goes for the cover..........1............2......Maggs tries to break it up, but Nathaniel kicks him in the face....3! St. Andrew’s Minions of Mayhem have destroyed their first competition in their HeldDOWN~! debut!

 

MC: Very, very impressive debut by your Minions, I must say.

 

ANDREW: Impressive? That’s not even the tip of the iceberg!

 

All of a sudden, Jeremy Red runs down the ramp and into the ring, trying to defend his fallen friend Mad Matt, who was beaten up during the cage match by the Unholy Communion. However, he’s quickly stomped down after falling on his face, attempting his ridiculous “finisher”. St. Andrew enters the ring to lead traffic. Nathaniel picks Jeremy up in a Torture Rack position, and drops him in a piledriver (Eternal Damnation)!

 

MC: In just five minutes, St. Andrew’s Minions have left quite the impressive path of destruction!

 

COACH: Just think: if these guys are the lackeys of the group, think of how brutal their leader is!

 

MC: We're going to take a break, but when we come back, we're going to hear from a young man who's been on the shelf for the last several week. Ryan Smith will join us when we come back, right here on HeldDOWN~!

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*We see words across the screen that say "Ryan Smith"*

 

*Dropkick Murphy's World Full of Hate plays over the video*

 

*We cut to a football game. It appears to be The Oklahoma Sooners against The Texas Longhorns. We see a beautiful pass flying through the air caught by a man in the endzone with SMITH on the back of his jersey.*

 

*Smith's voice comes over the images*

 

"My whole life I've strived to be the best."

 

*We then cut to a picture of two men standing together at a party. Ryan Smith and Damaramu with there arms around each other smiling at the camera.*

 

"I've always tried to put my trust into my friends. I've always tried to keep them close. Because I was always taught that they would be the ones there for me when the chips were down."

 

*We then see Ryan Smith wrestling for the OU wrestling team with a younger Dama on the side of the mat cheering for him.*

 

"We always tried to keep a friendly rivalry. To see who was the best. However it went to far. I thought we were friends. You beat me...and I accepted it. However that wasn't enough....you had to rub it in. You wanted everyone to know. You got out of hand. I confronted you about it...you ended our friendship with one single punch the night you left for Japan. I was hurt...I had a great friend..."

 

*We get several different still shots of Dama and Smith at various parties arm and arm.*

 

"But you had to go and ruin it all. Just like everything else you've ruined. I never understood why you were so miserable. What you were harboring inside that made you act like this. You never talked about your childhood. All I knew was that you had to be the best. You were always a little to cocky and to arrogant for your own good. Well that took you to far. I'll admit I got into this business to get revenge on you for pinning me all those years ago. But maybe deep down inside...it was all to patch everything up. Maybe if we were in the same business we could be friends. Maybe we could have been tag team champions. I just wanted to find the friend I knew. Not the beast that now inhabits your body."

 

*We cut to the night of both men's debut HD~! match with Damaramu injuring Smith's neck. We see several different angles of the 2nd Burning Hammer that finished it all off.*

 

"You made me realize that Jason Ryan O'Dell is dead. All that is left is the monster known as Damaramu. Well I'm coming back...and I'm coming for you."

 

*we see Ryan Smith standing in the wrestling room at OU with a neck brace on staring a hole right through the camera. The song ends as we fade back to the arena.*

 

*The fans all stand and cheer for the video they just saw.*

 

Michael Cole: Coach there's a history between Damaramu and Ryan Smith that we don't completely know about! They were friends that had a rivalry and Dama took it to far! He pinned Ryan Smith in a friendly wrestling match but took that victory to far. He got to arrogant...leading to the split of a great friendship! Well ladies and gentleman this weekend I'm going to Norman, Oklahoma! I'm going to Owen Field to meet Ryan Smith and we are going to discuss it all! His history with Damaramu and what he plans to do upon his return! Ladies and Gentleman don't miss it next week. Ryan Smith's full heart to heart with me. Perhaps he will give us a little insight as to why Damaramu is as cold as he is. Perhaps we will learn why Damaramu has a blackheart! That's next week only on Helddown!

 

 

::We go backstage where it looks calm-well, as calm as it gets on HeldDOWN!::

 

(A voice is heard in the distance): "Where the hell is he? Somebody better (bleeping) tell me!"

 

::Crystal emerges, a look of rage on her face::

 

(Crystal grabs a random stagehand and pins him on the wall): "WHERE IS HE?"

 

"Crystal! Stop terrorizing my crew. Who are you looking for? Calvin?"

 

::Crystal whirls and is face-to-face with Northstar!::

 

CRYSTAL: "I don't care where that miserable son-of-a-bitch is. Where is the (bleep) is Damaramu? He wants to try screw me out of the title? He wants to break my neck? I will kill that bastard the minute I see him."

 

NORTHSTAR: "Whoa, calm there girly. Geez, I thought you would be more mad at Calvin for screwing you over at Deadly Games..."

 

CRYSTAL: "Why should I have expected any different? It was every man for himself. And stop trying to get away from the issue. Where is Damaramu?

 

NORTHSTAR: "Not here yet. By the way, what the hell were you thinking, calling out Damaramu a few days before Deadly Games? You could have cost me big time. If a IZ wrestler had won, there would have been hell to pay."

 

CRYSTAL: "Are you implying that I actually had what happened to me coming? You think that was bad? You ain't seen nothing yet."

 

::A buzz fills the hallways, and the camera pans to an entering DAMARAMU! Crystal wastes no time attacking him, letting all her fustrations out. She leaps onto him with fists flying. Dama immediately crumbles in a heap and gets his hands up as Crystal unloads with lefts and rights. Dama tries to stand but Crystal grabs him and hurls him into the wall shoulder first. Dama screams out in pain as Crystal prepares for another flurry::

 

NORTHSTAR: "Get her off him! Restrain her! Charlie! Security!"

 

::Charlie(with bandages on his head) and security holds Crystal back, as well as a recovering Damaramu::

 

DAMARAMU: "You stupid bitch!"

 

CRYSTAL: "You want to break me? You want to end my career? Why don't we have a match next week, huh?"

 

DAMARAMU: "You don't know what you're getting into little girl. I'll break you like a twig!"

 

NORTHSTAR: "HOLD IT! There's no way I'm giving this money match away on free TV. Why don't we have a compromise? You two can have a match, only it has a time limit. 10 minutes, then the match is over, if you two can even last that long. AND, if either of you try anything to each other before next week, I'll suspend you, without pay!"

 

DAMARAMU(smirking): "Sounds good to me. See ya next week Crystal."

 

CRYSTAL: "Right. Next week."

 

NORTHSTAR: "Get her out of here!"

 

::Charlie calmly asks Crystal to leave and tells her she will get him next week. Crystal walks off, still angry, with Charlie following close behind her trying to calm her.::

 

DAMARAMU(looking at Northstar): "10 minutes huh? How's your face feel?"

 

NORTHSTAR(holding the side of his face where he was hit by Dama): "Just fine. You lay your hands on me again and you're gone."

 

DAMARAMU: "Hehehe.....Northstar.....I'd like to see you get rid of me. "

 

::Dama heads off down the hall to his locker room as Northstar stands holding his face looking mighty pissed off::

 

::Fade to black::

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COLE

Talk about a heated exchange! The war between Damaramu and Crystal heats up!

 

COACH

Man, all the talk about Crystal is getting ME hot! Honestly though, Damaramu's number may be up...we saw that Ryan Smith is en route to HeldDOWN~! next week, and Crystal wants a piece of him as well. There's a lynch mob looking for Damaramu, and after he put Crystal at less than 100% going into the Elimination Chamber, even I want a piece of him.

 

COLE

Go challenge him then.

 

COACH

Are you crazy? Nah, not me. I'm, uh...I'm all talk, Damaramu. If you're listening, don't take this seriously.

 

(Cut to backstage, where the Unholy Communion are going back to St. Andrew’s mock cathedral locker room.)

 

ANDREW: That was one hell of a win! I’m very proud of the both of you! But, with every show of brute force that we must show in order to get our word across, we must confess our sins to the man above. To the confessional!

 

(Andrew opens the door, but when he goes into his room, he finds popcorn all over the place, some party music playing in the background, and one of the pews knocked over.)

 

ANDREW: What in the.....?

 

(Andrew opens the confessional door, to find Scotty Static of the Global Party Exchange, munching down on some popcorn, wearing a lei around his neck, and dancing while in the chair.)

 

SCOTTY: Hey, man! What’s goin’ on?

 

(Then, the slot from the priest’s side of the confessional lowers, and we hear the voice of Johnny Jackson, the other half of the GPE.)

 

JOHNNY: Yo, yo, yo! What’s up, man?

 

ANDREW: What’s going on? What’s going on? I’ll tell you what’s going on! You two....hooligans have desecrated the good name of the man above. What do you think you’re doing?

 

SCOTTY: We’re just havin’ some fun, man!

 

ANDREW: Fun? Fun? Fun is not something that a cathedral is built to hold! Nathaniel, Michael, get them!

 

As Nathaniel charges at Scotty, Scotty throws the popcorn bowl at Nathaniel’s head, and temporarily dazes him. Michael tries to open the priest’s door on the confessional, but he gets the door kicked in his face by Johnny Jackson, sending him flying backwards. Nathaniel and Michael hold each other up, and the GPE charge out of the booths with stereo superkicks, sending both minions flying back into the pews! St. Andrew tries clotheslining both at the same time, but they duck. He turns around, and they both clothesline him at the same time! But, while they were distracted by St. Andrew, the minions forearm Scotty and Johnny at the back of their heads. The Minions get ahead for maybe a second before it turns into a back-and-forth battle between both new teams, until HeldDOWN~! officials charge into the cathedral to separate all four men.)

 

(FADE TO BLACK)

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Mad Matt(this time without the straightjacket) is sitting opposite of a doctor.

 

Doctor:I am going to hold up this card with ink on it and you tell me what you see Matt.

 

The doctor holds up the first one.

 

Mad Matt:The X Division Title Belt.

 

The doctor holds up the second one.

 

Mad Matt:Blood dripping down the face of Sly Sommers after I crush his face for daring to take my X Division Title Belt at the last Pay Per View.

 

The doctor holds up a third one.

 

Mad Matt:I see something right here. I see something interesting. I see that I got screwed out of my title last Sunday. That so called savior St. Andrew interfered and cost me the match. Vengence shall be mine soon but first I have a title to win match.

 

Doctor:And finally Mad Matt.

 

The doctor holds up a fourth and final card.

 

Mad Matt:I see very bad things for the people in this place if they declare me mentally incompetent and/or legally insane. I see me pulling their brains out of their noses with a pair of tweezers. I see that. I also see the longer I have to waste my time, and not train for my rematch that was promised in my contract for the X Division Title, the more pissed off I will get. The more casualities there shall be.

 

COLE

You know, Coach, at times I don't feel like a wrestling host.

 

COACH

You feel like a detective yet? You can be COLEJAK!

 

COLE

No. What I mean is, look at what we've got going on around us. We've got a guy in a mental institution, a guy putting up a sacred sanctuary backstage, another guy is fighting his demons...it's like Jerry Springer with more fighting and less nudity.

 

COACH

I agree. We COULD use more nudity on the show.

 

COLE

Keep 'em on, Coach. No one wants to see Long Dong Silver here.

 

COACH

...like you would know...

 

 

Charlie Hoss, Flameout and Silver Star are seen sitting backstage playing Playstation 2.)

 

Silver Star: Dudes, Northstar's my dawg and all but I've got a serious grievance with how he's running the mother ship.

 

Flameout: Mother fucker, I'm surprised yo ignorant ass knows what a grievance be.

 

Silver Star: I ain't stupid, dude. I went to Pepperdine after all....for a month. Look, that's not important. What it's important is that Northstar's giving preferential treatment to the females.

 

Charlie: Like who?

 

Silver Star: Like Holly and Alix.

 

Charlie: One's his sister and the other's his psycho bitch girlfriend. What's he s'posed to do?

 

Silver Star: I don't know! But how the hell can we compete with love and family? I doubt his dad's gonna adopt me and it ain't like I can whip out my wang and get a pay raise. But, Alix flashes her pussy when she's drunk and all of a sudden she's queen shit around here and driving a brand new 350Z on the company's dime. That's not fair, dudes.

 

Charlie: Northstar got me a role in the next Batman movie. He's been pretty cool to me.

 

Silver Star: Fuck you, no he hasn't. And if he has, it's only because of your giant Fabio like man tities. Which by the way, you seriously need to get reduced because they're getting a little unsightly. How many gallons of milk do you produce in a day?

 

(An enraged Charlie stands up as if he wants to fight Silver Star but Flameout holds him back)

 

Silver Star: What? You don't want none, dawg. You don't want none.

 

Flameout: Mother fucker, slow your role. If you wanna be tight wit Northstar, get off yo whiny ass and do something fo'em. All yo dumb ass does is sit around smoke skunk and listen to Hendrix. And you wonder why Northstar don't like you?

 

Silver Star: Fine. I'll do something for him. And I have just the idea......

 

(Cut back to Coach and Cole)

 

COLE

What was that about?

 

COACH

Only one way to find out. COACHJAK TO THE RESCUE!

 

COLE

God help us all. We'll be back.

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The same two men who appeared in the first segment appear as Mad Matt is sitting in a locked room waiting for the results of the many tests that he is gone through.

 

Man #1:After reviewing the results of the ink blot test, character tests, psycology tests, and indeed the alegebra test, we find Mad Matt....professional wrestler in OAOAST to be.....

 

Man #2:Legally insane.

 

Mad Matt bolts up with his eyes bulging out.

 

Man #1:We demand that you will stay here until you are sane enough to get out in the real world.

 

Mad Matt breaks a glass case with his hand and grabs out an axe.

 

Mad Matt:INSANE. I SHALL SHOW YOU INSANE.

 

Mad Matt swings the axe and the two men narrowly duck. Mad Matt is destroying that entire room with the axe. He chops down the door and he is in the hallway.

 

Man #2:We need backup. We have a man who is legally insane swinging an axe in the hallway.

 

A couple dozen people come down the hallway. Mad Matt swings the axe so hard that the blade flies off. Matt swings the axehandle like a baseball bat and knocks a few men down. Finally he is injected in the arm by a needle and someone brings a straightjacket. Losing the X Division Title and having lingering damage to his knee has sent Mad Matt off the deep end. So far off the deep end, that it has landed him in a mental institution. Mad Matt is dragged off and thrown into a padded cell. The camera fades out.

 

Cole:That was um....

 

Coach:Well hopefully we will get an update on this. Mad Matt is one of our better wrestlers on HeldDown so we kind of need him to wrestle week in and week out.

 

Cole: There is no way that Northstar is happy about this. I understand our cameras have caught him in the midst of a telephone call in his office, and I can only imagine it's to free Mad Matt. Let's take you back there for the scoop!

 

(Northstar is in his pimped out office, talking on the phone to Lauren Shuler Donner, producer of X-men 3. Holly-wood is sitting on his desk and reading an issue of Cosmo)

 

Northstar: Ms.Donner, Hi. It's me Northstar.

 

Lauren Shuler Donner: Northstar? Oh yeah, right. You're Bel Air Claude's kid, right?

 

Northstar: Bel Air Claude's kid, that's me. Hey, are you watching the show?

 

Lauren: You mean, Friends?

 

Northstar: No! Are you watching HeldDOWN?

 

Lauren: The wrestling show? Ah ha. Your dad mentioned that you were involved in that. I don't mean to offend you but I have better things to do with my valuable time than watch bunch of sweaty roid monkeys fondle one another.

 

Northstar: It's not like that at all. This isn't the type of wrestling you see on spike TV every Monday. Honestly, I'm not sure I want to call it wrestling. It's more of a sophisticated athletic drama.

 

Lauren: I'm sorry, did you just call wrestling sophisticated? Because if you did I may have to reach through this phone and choke the life out of you. What's so sophisticated about a bunch of apes bashing each others skulls in with flaming chairs and throwing women through tables? As for athletic, anyone could throw a couple of fake looking punches and bite a blood capsule.

 

Northstar: Okay, I can see you have some uninformed notions about what HeldDOWN is really about. You don't have to watch the entire show . but I just want you to see this tag team invitational I've got planned.

 

Lauren: Tag team invitational? Those words mean nothing to me. You're inviting repressed homosexuals to feel each other up on network television? Sorry, but I think Will and Grace beat you to the punch.

 

Northstar: I didn't say gay orgy invitational! This a tag team invitational match which is being used to determine a number one contender for the world tag team titles.

 

Lauren: Yeah, so?

 

Northstar: So, this match will feature the teams of Mister Warrior, Superstar and Chave and CWM and Zack Malibu and Calvin Szechstein

 

Lauren: What stupid names. Did you actually pay people to come up those monikers?

If you did, you should fire your creative team and use the money to hire a public relations firm. Because I haven't heard of half those people.

 

Northstar: And that's a shame because Zack Malibu and Calvin Szechstein are untapped wells of entertainment and money making potential.

 

Lauren: Says who?

 

Northstar: Says I! Believe me when I say that Zack Malibu is the next Leo. Trust me. He has heart throb written all over him. Arenas across the country have crumbled due to the sheer amount of noise undersexed teenage girls make when Zack Malibu hits the ring. Even grown women love this guy. Holly, you like Zack right?

 

Holly-wood: Zack? Yeah, I'd fuck him. Why not?

 

Northstar: Hell, who wouldn't? But what about Calvin Szechstein? My world champion? A man who has single handily restored credibility to a title that the aforementioned Zack Malibu helped destroy. Now, he's not the best looking guy in the world. Far from it. But he is one of the most exciting and breath taking showmen, I've had the pleasure of watching.

 

Holly-wood: He's got the razor sharp wit of John Stewart and the dead pan delivery of Conan O'brien.

 

Lauren(laughing): Is that right?

 

Northstar: Yeah, it is. Calvin is beyond fucking awesome. Not only is he a top notch athlete but he is a masterful wordsmith capable of serving his foes with elegant and scathing prose. He craps charisma and cums personality.

 

Lauren: Thanks for the image. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going out to eat soon but I will set my TiVO to record this tag team match your so excited about. When I get back home, I'll watch it. If I like what I see, I'll give you call sometime over the weekend and we can try and work something out.

 

Northstar: Lauren, you are a doll. Merci beaucoup and do you think I could play Archangel in the next X-men movie?

 

Lauren: We'll talk. Bye-bye.

 

(Northstar hangs up the phone. Cut back to Coach and Cole)

 

COLE

He was talking to a movie producer?

 

COACH

Awesome! You know, people mistake me for Denzel all the time.

 

COLE

Yeah, Denzel Harris, the caterer.

 

COACH

...and?

 

COLE

Fans, it has been a wild ride, perhaps moreso than ever. The night will come to a head when we come back, as the Tag Team Invitational takes place. Zack and Calvin, Superstar and Warrior, CWM and Chave, going at it when we come back!

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*CRASH BOOM BANG OTHER EXPLOSIVE SOUNDS!*

 

Pyro goes off as “Defy You” by the Offspring begins to blast over the loudspeakers, and CWM and Chave Senate walk out from behind the curtain, followed closely by the rest of the Underground. Chave and CWM slide into the ring, the members of the Underground encircling the ring as ring announcer Gary Michael Cappetta does the introductions.

 

GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA

Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a TRIPLE THREAT TAG TEAM MATCH scheduled for ONE fall! In addition, this match is for the NUMBER ONE CONTENDERSHIP to the OAOAST TAAAAAAAAG TEAM TITLES! Introducing first, at a combined weight of four-HUNDRED thirty-seven pounds, representing the Underground, the team of C-W-M and CHAAAAAAAAAAAVE SENATE!

 

The crowd boos, but the boos quickly turn to… well, more boos, as the familiar words blast from out of the loudspeakers…

 

“EVERY BODY DANCE NOW!”

 

The C and C Music Factory song of the same name begins to blast, the fans roaring WILDLY IN ANGER as Mister Warrior and The Superstar dart out from behind the curtain, rushing into the ring!

 

GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA

Introducing their opponents, weighing in at a combined weight of FIVE hundred, FIVE pounds, the team of MISTER WARRIOR and the SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPERSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

 

The crowd’s booing keeps going… and it rises to a head as the lights dim out…

 

“Three-two-one, I’M THE BOMB!”

 

“I’m The Bomb” by the Electric Six begins to blast over the loudspeakers, strobelights flashing as OAOAST WORLD Heavyweight Champion, Calvin Szechstein, steps out from behind the curtain and onto the stage, the shining gold belt over his shoulder and an MTV cap on his head!

 

COACH

You know what I heard, Michael Cole?

 

COLE

What?

 

COACH

Calvin just signed a sponsorship deal with MTV. We might have Carson Daly on next week!

 

COLE

That’d be… uh… truly awesome, I suppose.

 

Calvin steps to the side, as the familiar words bring a rush of cheering and his partner…

 

“WAKE ME UP INSIDE!”

 

“Bring Me to Life” by Evanescene blasts out over the speakers, as blue and gold pyro goes off on either side of the entrance ramp and former World champion, Zack Malibu dashes out from backstage, rushing into the ring! The cheers are overwhelming as Szechstein stands back, watching his partner with a bit of amusement before calmly walking down to the ring himself.

 

GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA

And finally, weighing in at a combined three HUNDRED, ninety-two pounds, the team of Calvin Szechstein and ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MALIBU!

 

Calvin finally hits the ring, getting up onto the apron and waiting there. In one corner, CWM steps out of the ring – in the other, Mister Warrior does the same. Calvin calmly discards his hat, pointing the logo out to the fans before handing it to a ring attendant, who expects Calvin to take his belt off. Calvin shakes his head no, strapping the belt around his waist and giving it a protective pat. Shrugging, the attendant takes the cap to the timekeeper’s table, as said timekeeper rings the bell.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

COLE

And this contest is underway!

 

Instantly, the Underground fellows on the outside grab at the heels of Zack Malibu, around the ankles of a moderately amused Calvin Szechstein… until, of course, said Underground folk begin grabbing at his legs, as well. Angrily, Szechstein stomps at them, as inside the ring Chave and Superstar double-up on Zack, catching him with a double clothesline to send him careening to the mat. Malibu gets up quickly… only to fall victim to a dropkick from Chave! Malibu hits the mat once more, but quickly gets back to his feet, causing Calvin to mutter a “What a glutton for punishment.”

 

COACH

Our hero, Zack Malibu, certainly isn’t seeing a whole lot of offence early in this match!

 

COLE

He’ll make a comeback though, Coach. He always does.

 

Malibu goes over to his corner, quickly tagging in Szechstein so as to avoid burning himself out too quickly. Begrudgingly, Calvin steps into the ring, looking weary-eyed across the ring at the Superstar. Superstar shoots Calvin a sly smile, and quickly drops to his back on the mat. Zack's eyes nearly pop out of his sockets as Superstar dashes over, making the cover!

 

"ONE!"

 

 

 

"TWO!"

 

 

 

Zack kicks Calvin angrily in the shins, and Calvin pops up, getting to his feet. He smirks at Zack, mumbling "It was a joke, dude," as Superstar gets to his feet as well, drilling Calvin with a hard left palm to send him to the mat. Superstar rains down stomps on Calvin, before lifting him up and grabbing a front facelock. From there, Superstar hoists Calvin into the air upside down, in a delayed vertical suplex. While he holds him there, Chave is up and he runs to the ropes, charging at Superstar! Unbeknownst to the 24/7 Champion, Chave leaps up and sends a dropkick into his chest, dropping him down to the mat as he drops Calvin down a bit earlier than expected!

 

COACH

Sweet innovation there by Chave!

 

COLE

And to think it was just a dropkick.

 

Angered, Superstar leaps to his feet and levels Chave with an elbow, sending him right into the corner. From there, Superstar begins sending fierce kicks into the midsection of the Underground member, culminating with Superstar backing up and charging forward, delivering a high, stiff boot right to Chave's face! As Senate slumps back in the corner, Superstar hoists him onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry. The 24/7 Champ begins spinning around with an airplane spin, but just as he begins to drop Chave off his shoulders, Szechstein returns and grabs his head, nailing a New Line Cinema Neckbreaker that sends Senate down hard to the mat! Dizzy, Superstar falls back into his corner as MISTER WARRIOR~ tags himself back in.

 

COACH

Business has just picked up, Cole!

 

COLE

After that nice exchange, it's time for some BRUTE STRENGTH to take over HeldDOWN!

 

COACH

Is that what you call it?

 

Calvin pops up, unaware of Warrior, and calls out to the crowd.

 

"TOTAL REQUEST LIVE, WEEK DAYS AT THREE O'CLOCK, TWO O'CLOCK CENTRAL ONLY ON MTV!"

 

The crowd jeers as the shill...as Mister Warrior exhibits unmanly athleticism, charging forward and leaping into the air, catching Szechstein in a headlock and driving his face to the mat with a bulldog! Mr. Warrior begins jogging in place as Chave reaches his feet, and when he does, Warrior charges forward...levelling him with a clothesline! Chave comes right back up...and goes right back down from another clothesline! Warrior continues to jog, and as Chave gets up again, Warrior hoists him high into the air with a GOrilla press slam! Mister Warrior adds a few reps to his Chave workout, but as he does this showboating, Calvin sneaks behind him and raises his fist right between Warrior's legs!

 

*CHING!*

 

Warrior drops Chave and falls to the mat, clutching his precious testicles. With both men down, Calvin ascends the near turnbuckle and climbs to the top rope. After posing for a second, Calvin leaps off, soaring through the air for the Freddy vs. Jason Frog Splash...

 

...but both men move and Calvin smacks against the canvas! Chave begins crawling on his stomach to his corner...and tags in CWM! Meanwhile, Mister Warrior KIPS UP, HARD AND READY TO BRING THE PAIN! CWM charges at the mystical Warrior, but he sees this coming and bends over, standing up and flipping CWM WAAAAAAAAAAAY up and over his head, sailing over the ropes and to the outside of the ring with a back body drop! The fans roar as CWM fractures his skull or something. Meanwhile, Calvin Szechstein crawls over to his corner...and Zack Malibu tags himself in!

 

COLE

And Malibu is back in this match!

 

COACH

You can catch him on Celebrity Taildaters, every week day on MTV!

 

With CWM down on the outside, Zack Malibu charges into the ring to capitalize on his departure! MISTER WARRIOR~ charges him, looking to knock him out...

 

*CRACK!*

 

COACH

YO~!

 

COLE

School's Out! School's Out!

 

Malibu makes the quickie cover!

 

"ONE!"

 

 

 

J. Arthur slides into the ring... but it's CALVIN SZECHSTEIN, grabbing him by the midsection and giving him the CODE RED CLASH on the ring apron! The crowd ERUPTS, as Calvin falls over on the apron, and the ref continues the count...

 

 

"TWO!"

 

 

 

 

"THREE!"

 

*DING DING DING!*

 

GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA

YOUR winners, and the NEEEEEW NUMBER ONE CONTENDERS to the O - A - O - A - S - T TAAAAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS... Calvin Szechstein and ZAAAAACK MALIBU!

 

In the ring, Mister Warrior gets to his feet... only to get shoved down by Superstar! Calvin grabs Zack, pulling him out of the ring and up the aisle, escaping the swarm of Underground wrestlers that enter the ring. The two of them stare at the Underground, standing in the ring and nursing three of their own, as we fade to black...

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