Twas the Raw before Christmas

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

'Twas the RAW before Christmas, when all through the arena

Not a wrestler was over, they didn't have a John Cena.

 

The angles were layed out in the meeting with care,

In hopes at least half of them would be rescued by Flair.

 

The mid-carders were nestled all snug in their spots,

While visions of championships semed like small little dots.

 

And my wife with her Vogue, and me with my MAC,

Wondering how much shit in two hours they could stack.

 

When out on the ramp there arose such a yelling,

I turned to my TV to see what story they were telling.

 

The lights all went dim and the cameras did flash,

"God, please kill me, if it's the retun of Kevin Nash!".

The entrance music blared as I heard MOTORHEAD

Alerting me to the fact that this RAW was already dead.

 

When, what to my disgusted eyes should appear,

But a bloated hook nosed wrestler with a five dollar sneer.

With a white hair former legend, so lively and quick

I knew this oaf must be Stephanie McMahon's chick.

 

More boring than law darts, out his mouth the words came

And he snarled, and shouted, and called them by name.

 

"Now, JERICHO! now, BOOKER! now, VAN DAM and CHRISTIAN!

On, STORM! on HARDY! on HURRICANE and HELL, EVEN STEVEN RICHARDS!

To the bottom of the ceiling! to the front of the card!

Beat it, go to Smackdown, play in the Undertaker's yard!"

 

As the crickets were chirping, you could here a mouse let out gas,

I unconsciously prayed for the Warrior to again sqaush his ass,

But the promo continued as his head began to swell,

He proclaimed his supremeness, like it was a new story to tell.

 

And then, in a split second, I heard up in the rafters

The savior I had hoped for, or least the solution I was after.

The camera panned up, as he was turning around,

As he descended on a cable with barely a sound.

 

He was dressed all in black, his jacket and all the rest,

His clothes also dark with a giant scorpion on his chest.

A smooth Louisville Slugger he pulled out of his back,

And pointed it at the chatty one like his head he would crack.

 

His eyes -- looked so deadly! his face ghostly white!

His mouth not a quiver, he was all business tonight!

The chatty one was stunned, but the legend knew better

He took two steps back as his face just got redder.

 

The stump of the bat he held tight in his hand

The chatty one lunged forward and in his throat it was jammed.

The legend charged, and he got more of the same

The bat kept on swinging as the ghost played the game.

 

As the chatty one staggered up, the ghost grabbed him tightly,

And slammed his head to canvas, like I'd seen him do nightly.

The legend hit the floor after seeing what took place,

He wanted nothing more to do with that white painted face.

 

He spoke not a word, as he hooked up his cable,

I felt like that special feeling, like when I first saw nude Sable,

And pointing his bat out into the crowd,

He acknowledged the cheers as the place got real loud.

 

He returned to the rafters, and disappeared in the black,

JR screamed uncontrollably, 'BAH GAWD, WHAT A SNEAK ATTACK!"

But he finally calmed down, and he said at the end of the night,

 

"MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM RAW, AND FROM RAW TO YOU, A GOOD-NIGHT."

[Guest Douche]

Besides the fact that on RAW they have the way more over Jericho, HHH gets boo'ed now, Matt Hardy gets face and heel pops, RVD has ALWAYS gotten big pops, and Lita and Trish light up the crowd...

 

Besides the fact that Ric Flair's one of the bigger pieces of shit in wrestling let alone on RAW and only adds to the bad angles to make them worse without any saving...

 

Besides the fact that Sting is over the hill and his 1997 crow gimmick is 6 years old and has no more significance...

 

It was good poem

[Guest Bottled Black]

I enjoyed that thoroughly.. Good Work RMR

[DangerousDamon 0]

That was a very good poem. Maybe you should do another one.

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

Besides the fact that on RAW they have the way more over Jericho, HHH gets boo'ed now, Matt Hardy gets face and heel pops, RVD has ALWAYS gotten big pops, and Lita and Trish light up the crowd...

 

Besides the fact that Ric Flair's one of the bigger pieces of shit in wrestling let alone on RAW and only adds to the bad angles to make them worse without any saving...

 

Besides the fact that Sting is over the hill and his 1997 crow gimmick is 6 years old and has no more significance...

 

It was good poem

I've come upon a poster named Story

Whose views of Sting and Flair quite bore me

While he complimented my verse

He shot holes in it first

He probably is fan of the two Coreys.

[UseTheSledgehammerUh 0]

As one of the biggest fans of the two Coreys, I sure hope you aren't badmouthing them.

 

Ric Flair's one of the greatest talents ever to wrestle...duh. But, uh, NEStory has a point, he is a piece of shit. Ask Foley, Austin, etc. Or at least he was, when trying to keep NWA/WCW afloat.

 

Not really fair to bash Sting since we've never seen how WWE would market him. But he's one of the most excting talents to ever step in the ring. Over the hill, though.

 

John Cena isn't THAT over, don't kid yourself. The Smackdown fans just have no one else to cheer but a decent guy with a stupid gimmick.

[MixxMaster 0]

John Cena isn't THAT over, don't kid yourself. The Smackdown fans just have no one else to cheer but a decent guy with a stupid gimmick.

I SO agree with you on that.

 

What is with the love around here, of all places, for Cena?

He is so boring in the ring, his "rapping is very one dimensional(insert a few dick or gay jokes, and WHAM, another rhyme), and lacking any real substance.

 

To get so worked up over someone just because he has "some" charisma, and is over with the marks, is asinine...

 

Oh, and his gimmick is one of the WORST in the WWE. Worthy of WrestleCrap honors, if he wasn't able to actually pull it off, somewhat...

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

As one of the biggest fans of the two Coreys, I sure hope you aren't badmouthing them.

 

Ric Flair's one of the greatest talents ever to wrestle...duh. But, uh, NEStory has a point, he is a piece of shit. Ask Foley, Austin, etc. Or at least he was, when trying to keep NWA/WCW afloat.

 

Not really fair to bash Sting since we've never seen how WWE would market him. But he's one of the most excting talents to ever step in the ring. Over the hill, though.

 

John Cena isn't THAT over, don't kid yourself. The Smackdown fans just have no one else to cheer but a decent guy with a stupid gimmick.

I didn't think I was getting that worked up over Cena.

Thanks for putting me in check.

 

 

Damn, I thought this was The "Smart" Marks.com?

 

 

 

And MixMaster gets big ups for his poster illustrating "creative" control in the WWE.

[SuperJerk 0]

Cena gets the biggest pops because there's no one else to cheer for???

 

Um, yeah. Great logic there. As if there's some sort of cheer-rationing going on, and if the audience doesn't use them all before the end of the show they get cattle-prodded. And I guess using rap music as a gimmick is stupid because kids today love Frank Sinatra and Barbra Streisand.

 

"The Smackdown fans just have no one else to cheer but a decent guy with a stupid gimmick."

Good one.

 

And of course, I guess you're also watching the Smackdown from an alternate universe where Eddie Guerrero sucks and gets no reaction whatsoever.

Edited December 26, 2003 by Y2Jerk

[Jobber of the Week 0]

Why all the Cena haterizing?

 

He's got the body. His moves don't typically put the crowd to sleep. He's got catchphrases and mic skill out the yin yang.

 

Sure, his matches aren't Bret vs Davey Boy, but how often is that the case in the main event?

[Guest T0rrent]

If anything, Cena is consistent. He can go against anyone and pull a *.5 to **.5 match out of just about anyone on the smackdown roster, gets the crowd hot and has a decent moveset. I can see him ME shows in time, and right now would make an awsome US Champ if they ever decide to have Show put the title on the line.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

John Cena isn't THAT over, don't kid yourself.  The Smackdown fans just have no one else to cheer but a decent guy with a stupid gimmick.

I SO agree with you on that.

 

What is with the love around here, of all places, for Cena?

He is so boring in the ring, his "rapping is very one dimensional(insert a few dick or gay jokes, and WHAM, another rhyme), and lacking any real substance.

 

To get so worked up over someone just because he has "some" charisma, and is over with the marks, is asinine...

 

Oh, and his gimmick is one of the WORST in the WWE. Worthy of WrestleCrap honors, if he wasn't able to actually pull it off, somewhat...

I love this, you guys basically admit he's over, he has charisma, and he has a distinctive promo style that gets consistant reactions from the crowd... and you attempt to bring this down.

 

Hey guys... if Cena isn't really over... what does that make Benoit and Angle who he's both outpopped? Really not over AT ALL?

 

You guys suck.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

Its not a gimmick though. That's how Cena really is in the real life (the rapping, the jerserys).

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

Its not a gimmick though. That's how Cena really is in the real life (the rapping, the jerserys).

And that's why I'm convinced he's going to make it: He lives his gimmick.

 

This is why EVERY rookie wrestler needs a gimmick. The fans need a reason to love them/hate them.

[Guest Repo Man Reborn]

This is funny.

 

I create a poem about Sting beating on Triple H and this turns into the John Cena appreciation thread.

 

I think Cena has taken a bad gimmick and has gotten over with it. He deserves to be cheered because of it.

 

If you want to talk WrestleCrap, let's talk about A-Train's jiggle tits.