Guest Kinetic Report post Posted February 10, 2002 Inspired by the Onion poll of the same name, I ask you, my fellow smarks, what musician is currently in need of a swift blow to the nuts? Well, somewhat unfortunate phrasing aside, I can think of dozens of people who would be well-served by a nut-punching. Let me go over the history of this proud tradition first, however. Throughout the annals of history, many wayward individuals have been dealt a punishing blow to the nuts. Those who struck them were not being vindictive, I don't believe; they were simply attempting to set that person straight. Did not Abel ball his fist up tightly and pummel the nuts of his brother Cain, prior to having his head smashed by a rock? Did not George Washington bring his mighty fist down like a hammer of God onto the unprotected nuts of one Benedict Arnold? Did not Churchill and Roosevelt fashion a punching bag of sorts out of the nuts of Josef Stalin at Yalta? It's all in your history books, people. And I feel a civic duty to follow in this great tradition by nut-punching Scott Stapp ruthlessly. Few have ever deserved it more. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Don Becker Report post Posted February 10, 2002 I can think of a few off the top of my head: - Fred Durst - Matt Pinfield - P. Diddy - Scott Stapp Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CoreyLazarus416 Report post Posted February 10, 2002 Add Carson Daly to the list, and my opinion is the same as Don Becker's. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Nevermortal Report post Posted February 10, 2002 Bono. I used to like U2, but their recent singles SUCKED; and I can no longer stand to see these guys on TV. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Shaved Bear Report post Posted February 10, 2002 forget a punch, this guy deserves a sledgehammer there Fred Durst as well as... P. Diddy Creed-Guy others i forgot Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Haku Report post Posted February 10, 2002 R Kelly P diddy Mase! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Sassquatch Report post Posted February 10, 2002 1. Fred Durst 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Scott Stapp 7. Courtney Love 8. Puffy 9. Ja Rule 10. All of Metallica (sans Jason of course) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest KoR Fungus Report post Posted February 10, 2002 Fred Durst and Scott Stapp need a slow, painful exection. Metallica could definitely use several swift blows to the nuts, I'm still in shock that they're actually doing a collaboration with Ja Rule. They're such a bunch of pathetic money grubbing losers now, it's hard to even believe that they're the same people responsible for songs like Fade to Black. 90% of the current MTV rappers should be lined up and punched in the nuts as well. For every one decent rap song, there's about twenty horrible ones that I simply can't understand how people can like. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted February 10, 2002 1. Fred Durst 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Scott Stapp 7. Courtney Love 8. Puffy 9. Ja Rule 10. All of Metallica (sans Jason of course) I'd just like to point out that certain gender issues would make it difficult to issue a nut-punching to Courtney Love. Unless, of course, you know something I don't. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted February 10, 2002 I'm thinking the bald guy from Staind could use a devestating blow to the nuts, as well. With the way he rocks back and forth while singing, it already looks like he's nursing a bad case of sore nuts. Might as well go the whole nine. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest TUS_02 Report post Posted February 10, 2002 Matt Pinfield is still alive? Wow Anyway, I think most (all) record execs need a good ball busting... quite obvious why... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest ratboy Report post Posted February 10, 2002 Thank you for referencing the Onion. Made my day. That said, Fred Durst. And that smug Jared asshole from Subway. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest fazzle Report post Posted February 10, 2002 I'd love to drag Hootie out of whatever cave he's been living in the past few years and give him a good nut punching or 20. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted February 11, 2002 Mase is not rappin any more so why you pickin him??? I think he died. Why does every one hate Scott Stap and Fred Durst????? I don't like Durst but why do you cats not dig the man???? Who is Scott Stap and why him to???? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Choken One Report post Posted February 11, 2002 Stapp is lead singer of Creed and many people hate because well, It's cool to hate Stapp but so what he still sells over 25 million, does not screw little girls like R. Kelly, does not screw his fans like Fed Durst and pretty much been a normal rock star for the last 5 years but has always gotten a bad rap. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Dark Lotus Report post Posted February 11, 2002 Bono. I'm tired of U2's pretentious "icon" status. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Choken One Report post Posted February 11, 2002 What has U2 and Bono done to deserve that attitude, perhaps the best band overall for the last 20 years and one of the kindest bands ever. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JerryDrake Report post Posted February 11, 2002 Ja Rule, he stole a 2pac song and didnt even give credit, prick. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CoreyLazarus416 Report post Posted February 11, 2002 I agree with Choken on the U2 response. As for Stapp...he's a phoney. He's a little Choir Boy playing rockstar, writes horrible and stupid lyrics (if you can honestly say "One" has good lyrics, you need a nut punching yourself), and has an overinfalted sense of self-worth. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted February 12, 2002 U2 haven't released a good album since "Achtung Baby," but have proceeded to take themselves more and more seriously as each year passes. Anyone who has the gall to declare his or her band, "The best band on the planet" deserves a nut-punching just on principle. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Matt Report post Posted February 12, 2002 Even with Metallica being my favorite band. I must say that I would give both Kirk and Lars a swift kick in the nuts and then lay whatever remains to waste with a meat tenderizer drenched in lemon juice. However, I have the utmost respect for James Hetfield as a musician and as a person and I think if he can get straight again, he will be as good, maybe better than ever. Oh yeah, and fuckin Bill O'Reilly from Fox news. Right square in the balls. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kinetic Report post Posted February 12, 2002 Oh, I'd take the whole of Fox News and deliver thundering nut-punches heard 'round the world. You'd be hard pressed to find a bigger group of right-wing wackos outside of the Bush administration. They constitute an axis of evil, in my opinion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest J*ingus Report post Posted February 12, 2002 I'd say Durst, and Durst, and that guy they call Durst, and maybe that other guy whose daddy gave him the name Durst, not to mention Durst, plus Durst, Durst, and Durst, and there's probably a whole lot of Dursts that I have yet to mention. Oh yeah, and Durst, too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted February 12, 2002 U2 never said they were the best.......that would be shit of them to say. Choken as much as I hate Fred Durst he is always good to his fans. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest spliffstar Report post Posted February 12, 2002 hey xkiller...during the grammys 2001, U2 pretty much stated that their mission was to be the best band in the world. This was pretty much destined to be misinterpreted as a declaration of their greatness. Pretty small distinction though, and I never get the sense that Bono is the humblest guy around. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted February 12, 2002 Saying you are the best bad ever is a big distincition....you must be off it son. I never watch the Grammies but you said they never said there best in the world. You only said they want to be the best......that is not bad at all bro. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Cataclysm911 Report post Posted February 12, 2002 I get so tired of hearing people bitch about Creed & Scott Stapp that it makes me sick to my stomach. People hate for no reason, and that is the reason that the world sucks as much as it does. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest spliffstar Report post Posted February 12, 2002 xkiller...I get your point, but what I mean by saying it's not a big distinction is that Bono certainly knew how his statements would be interpreted by the media and the audience. People's attention span aint what it used to be, so Bono had to know that a statement as bold as that would open him up to criticism. Being the best band in the world is not a bad ambition, though I personally don't think U2 fits the role of rock and roll saviors. Either way, I thought Bono's speech that night was pretty funny...you definitely got the impression that he was trying to come off as an egotist...probably to mock all the critics that labeled him as one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hardyz1 Report post Posted February 12, 2002 The most worthless turd on Earth: George W. Bush Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Choken One Report post Posted February 12, 2002 You wanna explain to me how Fred Durst treats his fans good? By stealing their music and copyrights? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
