SWF Storm (April 18, 2002)

April 19, 2002

[The sound of a cold wind whistles through a darkened arena.

Suddenly several medium sized white pyros explode in the centre of the stage as a rain of blue sparks cascades down to the stage in front of the SWF-tron.

After a few seconds the lights return, scan an excited audience then zoom in on the announcer's table...]

Curry - It's time for yet another action-packed edition of IGN...er, SWF Storm!

NTD - I can hardly contain myself!

Curry - Neither can I!

NTD - Oh wait...I didn't contain myself.

Curry - Siiigh...somebody get a mop. Oh, and on with the show!

April 19, 2002

US TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1 MATCH

Munich vs. The Prophet

- Munich’s back after taking time off for nagging injuries. He faces the Prophet and his cool new “I don’t care” attitude!

US TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1 MATCH

Johnny Rotten vs. Perfect Bo

- A feud seems to be growing between these two recently returned wrestlers. On last week’s Storm Bo and Sacred teamed up on Rotten following their triple threat match. On the upcoming Storm (this thing with every show being called Storm gets confusing) Rotten gets a change at revenge and the chance to win the US title!

NO-DQ ICTV TITLE MATCH

Edwin MacPhisto © vs. Thoth

- On Storm Thoth defeated the Hville Thugg. A major win to say the least. As such Stubby wants to keep Thoth as far away from da Pound as possible and instead point him towards Edwin and the Carnies (also enemies of da Pound) by giving him this ICTV title shot.

Match Description – Regular DQ and count-out rules are not in effect. Submissions, pinfalls and knockouts only count within the ring.

US TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1 MATCH

Lady Red vs. Jay Dawg

- Lady Red has already faced Jay Dawg in a US title match (which K-Os won) since debuting in the SWF and now she’ll try to stop him from advancing in the tournament. Besides we know all women naturally hate and are disgusted by Dawg, so booking this match is a natural.

US TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1 MATCH

Mistress Sarah vs. Chris Raynor

- For those of you who haven’t been reading your IGNWF history text, Raynor and Sarah used to be in the Carnival together and that crazy guy managed to impregnate Sarah’s vagetarian buddy Caisha (which she wasn’t overly pleased with). Sarah has since abandoned the Midnight Carnival and Raynor has managed to slip through a loophole and return to the SWF despite losing a retirement match. The two will fight on Storm.

TRIPLE THREAT TAG TEAM MATCH

Fallout & Spider Nekura vs. Hville Thugg & Sacred vs. Mark Stevens & El Luchadore Magnifico

- It’s the Midnight Carnival vs. da Pound vs. the Clan…in a tag match for the ages! Which stable will come out on top?

Match Description – DQ and count-out rules are in effect. 3 men are allowed in the ring at once and each man can only tag his partner. The first team to score a pinfall, submission or knockout is the winner.

April 19, 2002

SWF Storm comes back to air with the ending of the “Anthony Michael Hall Collection” commercial, featuring classics like “Sixteen Candles” and “Weird Science”. Storm comes back from commercial, reacquainting the TV audience with the fervent fans jammed up inside of The Veterans Memorial Coliseum in Des Moines, Iowa! The cameramen scan the crowd as the proud fans thrust their homemade signs into the air. Some signs luckily picked out by the cameramen include, “Hey, it’s Munich!! He’s Back!” “SMASH!!” “So Says…ME!!” The audience, still ecstatic from the opening interview, keeps up with the pops. After a couple swirls around the arena, the camera focuses down at the announce table, where NTD and Curry Man sit, poised to deliver some thrilling commentary.

[Curry] Welcome back to Smarks Wrestling Federation Storm!! We’re bringing you what looks to be a rib smashing, testicle rupturing show! Eh, NTD?!

[NTD] Well, the rib smashing sounds good, but the testicle rupturing? For a guy who has issues with pants that protect the genital region, I’m not so sure I’d like to see any testicle rupturing going on tonight in this inbred hick town of Des Moines!!

[Curry] Right-o! Well, later on tonight, in the main event it’ll be The Clan, consisting of Fallout and Spider Nekura, facing off against two teams. One, the team of the World Champion HVille Thugg and Sacred, who represent their respective unit Da’ Pound, the other, more popular team, representing the Midnight Carnival ‘Grand Slam’ Mark Stevens, and ‘ELM’ El Luchadore Magnifico!! I have to give the edge to the Carnival on this situation, with them gaining two more members to their ranks on Storm, bringing in Johnny Rotten and a gleefully rich Chris Raynor!

[NTD] Blarg at you! HVille will shrug off every little shred of offense they throw at his team, and wind up Thugg Passioning them all through their teammates’ bodies!!

[Curry] Coming up right now is a special US Title Tournament match!! After K-Os *defeated* Jay Dawg on Storm, hated Commish Stubby McWeed made his presence felt, vacating the title after the cheap ending, and putting it up in a tournament setting! Eight grapplers have been entered in this tournament, and one of them is with our senior correspondent, Ben F’n Hardy! Take it away Ben!

The crowd lets out a pop of delight, as they see the short Ben Hardy standing next to returning WF superstar, and former Hardcore Champion, Munich! Munich stands in his normal wrestling gear of a black t-shirt, black cargo pants, and black wrestling boots. His dark brown mane drips with water, small rivulets flowing from his hair, and dripping onto his shirt.

[Hardy] Well, Munich, it sure has been a while since you stepped foot in a IGNWF, or rather SWF ring. Do you have any thoughts on your future, or on the future of this wrestling juggernaut?

[Munich] Well, Benny. I’ve been out for about two months ever since that mess that was Clusterf*ck. Sadly, no one seemed to notice…

The crowd goes quiet for a minute, wondering why Munich is mentioning that.

[Munich] Anyhow, I’m back and that’s what matters! Now, you may be wondering how in the world I was given a shot at the US Title, which was held by the likes of the Grimedoggs, the Axisisis..

The crowd lets out a good laugh at the last statement…

[Munich] Hell, even the Bobby Riley’s of this federation! Some people may remember, and some may not, but back in October, I was the #1 Contender to the US Title! I was never given the opportunity to get my title shot. That whole #1 Contender solidifies my reason to be in this little get together we’re having! So tonight, in round one, I’m facing off against the guy who goes by the name The Prophet!

[Hardy] A very dangerous man…

[Munich] He’s about as dangerous as a caterpillar’s gaseous emissions. I’m hoping that when I go out there in a couple minutes, I’m given a challenge. I’m hoping that this weird, cloaked son of a bitch is able to get me going. I’m nearly salivating at the possibility that he’ll kick me RIGHT IN THE FACE…because it’s that much sweeter.

Munich, at the sound of the crowd popping towards the end, lets his hand go free from the microphone, giving Hardy full possession of the mike once more, as he walks away towards the entranceway.

[Curry] Munich is motivated to capture the US Title right now! He doesn’t seem to care that he will need to go through enemies and allies alike to win!

[NTD] Don’t you dare think that The Prophet isn’t looking for some gold either! He’ll be looking to kick Munich RIGHT IN THE FACE, as Munich asked him to. The Prophet won’t go down easy!

[Curry] But Mu…woah, I guess we blew a fuse!

[NTD] All I know is that it’s getting awfully chilly in here! Take a look at my testicles! They’ve risen to my liver!

The crowd lets out a loud round of boos, as a fine mist starts to conjure up from the rampway. Lit behind it is a blood red spotlight, making the scene all the more eerie. Out of nowhere, a sort of familiar voice is heard echoing throughout the arena…

[scary Voice Dude] The Enlightenment is Here…

[Curry] The Enlightenment is here my ass…woah!

Before Curry can fully finish his thought, a massive explosion engulfs the arena and multiple shades of red kick up around the stage area and “By Myself”, By Linkin Park, kicks up over the PA. The crowd lets out much harsher boos than before, as they hear Chester Bennington’s voice flooding in over the arena they sit in…

“I can’t hold on…(to what I want when I’m stretched so thin…)”

“It’s all too much to take in…”

“I can’t hold on..(to anything watching everything spin…)”

“With thoughts of failure sinking in…”

With that, The Prophet emerges from behind the curtain, clad in all black attire. The sold out arena, almost as one, rises to their feet and lets out a zealous round of boos. Funyon begins his introduction as The Prophet starts his slow and methodical walk to the ring, his eyes fixated on the ramp, as if there was some inspiring artwork on it.

[Funyon] From parts unknown…weighing in at 162 pounds….The Prophet!!

[Curry] This is a man who can strike at any time, and do some serious damage. If you remember correctly, this is a man who set Fallout on fire!!

[NTD] Fallout always was a flamer! Ba-doodoo-ching!!

[Curry] Nice rimshot…you stupid idiot.

The Prophet, looking like an emaciated man, climbs, and steps into the ring. He quickly drops his robe, and kicks it to the side. After this, he strides over to the far corner, climbs, and sits on the top turnbuckle, his head once again looking straight to the mat.

[Curry] Just a reminder folks…SWF Storm is brought to you by “C.L.I.T.” the Coalition for the Liberation of International Treedwellers.

[NTD] Hehe..

[Curry] Shoush!!

After that quick advertisement, “Power Struggle” by Sunna hits on the PA, the crowd immediately popping for the man soon to be coming out. The lights in the arena once again black out, the only light coming out of the jumbotron. As the song finishes with it’s intro, blinding white fireworks shoot out of the stage. The lights in the arena immediately come back, and fan favorite Munich comes out from behind the curtain to a huge pop! His hair dripping with perspiration, Munich strides down the ramp in a confident manner. Funyon prepares the intro and delivers…

[Funyon] From Chicago, Illinois…weighing in at 261 pounds…Munich!!

[Curry] What an ovation for the returning Munich! The crowd still loves the guy!

[NTD] Well then maybe they should try to marry him! He’s a drifter! He’ll be around for a month, and then he’ll be gone again!

Munich continues his trip down the ramp. After deftly sliding into the ring, Munich strides over to the corner adjacent from the slouched over Prophet. After making it over to the corner, Munich climbs to the second rope and thrusts his hands into the air, receiving a few pops and flashbulbs from the crowd. He then hops down and travels to the center, where Prophet was already scurried to. Referee Mathew Kivell tells the timekeeper to ring the bell after seeing the two men ready to duke it out.

*DING…DING…DING…*

[Curry] Here we go, for a shot at the US Title!!

The two competitor do a bit of circling for a slight moment, until both men charge in at the same time and lock up. They tussle for a bit, Munich pushing Prophet back rather easily. Munich has the advantage, until Prophet uses his tremendous speed to swing behind and put Munich in a quick hammerlock. Prophet shoves Munich forward and takes a swing at the former Hardcore Champion’s head, slapping him in the back of the head to a chorus of boos and “you suck, Prophet” jeers.

[Curry] Total lack of respect for Munich!

[NTD] Nah..he’s just playing with him.

Munich shrugs off the hair slap and comes back at Prophet, locking up again. Munich quickly pushes the thin man towards the corner, but once again, Prophet swings around and puts Munich in a hammerlock! The Chicagoan is ready this time, as before he can push him away once more, the toes on his left foot are smashed by the heel of Munich’s left foot! Prophet quickly hobbles away from the situation, feeling the pain radiating through his foot and up his leg.

[NTD] Unfair, Munich just crushed the pig that went we-we-we all the way home!!

[Curry] Prophet deserved it!

Quickly, Munich wheels back around towards the mysterious Prophet. Before The Prophet can use his speed to his advantage once more, Munich cuts into him with a few hard left hands, quickly knocking the flopping Prophet towards the corner. The crowd cheers on, hopefully, as Munich continues the attack, knocking Prophet deep into the corner. After draping his foe’s arms over the ropes, exposing his shirt covered chest, Munich lets fly with a knife edge chop!

*WHOOO!*

And again…

*WHOOO!*

One more…

*WHOOO!*

[Curry] Munich, trying to chop that shirt off of Prophet!

Satisfied with the amount of chops landed, Munich takes a hold of one of Prophet’s arms, and after hitting him with a few more left hands, whips him across the ring to the opposite corner, near the ramp. The former JL World Champion follows the speedy Prophet to the corner, looking to perhaps hit him with a quick clothesline! However, the much quicker man vaults up out of the corner, and lands right behind Munich, who now finds himself in the corner. Prophet times it just right, as when Munich turns around, he is met with a standing dropkick to the face!

[Curry] Impressive dropkick there from Prophet. What athleticism!

[NTD] But he aint no “hoss”.

Munich stay staggered in the corner, as Prophet lets loose with a quick combination of three left jabs and a mean right hook, turning Munich’s legs into a near Jell-O state! After stalling a moment to catch his breath, the sleek and slender man lifts Munich up, steers him towards the opposite ropes, and lets go with a rather weak looking whip. Munich goes along with it and bounces off of the ropes, coming back towards Prophet in the center of the ring. Munich ducks a clothesline, and comes back off of the ropes again at Prophet. Munich starts to move even faster after ducking yet another failed clothesline attempt. As he comes back, Munich goes airborne, looking for his Flying Spinning Back Elbow. Prophet, ever the quick son of a b*tch, yanks Munich down with a rather quick martial arts takedown.

[Curry] What a reversal from Prophet!! He nearly tore Munich’s arm out of the socket!

[NTD] And he’s not done yet! He’s going for the complete Wind Reversal!

With his Chicagoan foe down, the man in the SWF that most closely resembles a stealth bomber, leaps up onto the near turnbuckle and leaps off, looking for a quick moonsault on Munich, but Munich rolls forward! Prophet lands on his feet behind Munich, having used a lot of momentum when he leaped into the air. The 260 pounder quickly turns around towards Prophet, who throws what looks to be another lethal right hook! Munich quickly ducks behind the villain before he is crushed with his right hand. Almost as if in a flash, Prophet turns back towards his colleague. Munich is one step ahead, rolling he and Prophet into the center of the ring with an excepted small package!! Kivell gets into position as the wiggling Prophet tries to squirm free.

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

*T-NO!*

The crowd at first groans, but then lets out a nice round of applause, as the two scurry back to the feet and get into position to strike once more. A short stare down ensues, as the crowd goes nuts.

[Curry] Very quick action here to start by these two youngsters! The crowd is showing it’s gratitude, rightfully so.

[NTD] Meh, that was nothing! You should have seen the reversals when I tried to get Spike to stop wearing pants!

[Curry] …

[NTD] You heard me!!

Prophet, obviously upset at not getting anywhere in offense, charges back at Munich. Before the popular Munich can react, Prophet latches onto him, swings around, and plants him to the mat with a Float-Over DDT! The crowd lets out a large round of boos, as the vile, smaller man ejaculates a wad of saliva down onto the back of Munich’s head. Dropping down, Prophet rolls Munich onto his back, hooks the leg and goes for the pin. Kivell slides down and counts the fall.

*ONE!*

*TWO*

*T-NO!!*

[Curry] What an underhanded move by The Prophet! Attacking Munich when he least expected it!

[NTD] You know what they say in this business..

[Curry] What do they say in this business?

[NTD] DDTs hurt like a mofo!

Frustrated, Prophet hops back to his feet. He quickly goes back to work on the recovering Munich, taking stomps at his head. Eventually, Munich makes it back to his feet. The Prophet continues the punishment, nailing him with a few stiff right hands. Munich staggers back a bit until The Prophet bends him over with a front facelock and grabs a handful of Munich’s pants. The hated man tries in vain to lift the 260 pounder into a suplex, as he is too large. After a few failed attempts, The Prophet is suplexed back over by Munich, to a large pop from the fans in attendance! However, Munich isn’t done yet, as he rolls through with the suplex, and winds up straddling the hated man’s chest. He then proceeds to crush Prophet’s face with a few well placed left hands!

[Curry] Munich is taking control now in this highly contested match!

[NTD] Why thank you Captain Obvious, and your sidekick No Sh*t!

After circling around the body of The Prophet, Munich drags the man back to his feet, and pulls him over towards the center of the ring. The former leader of X Force Nine stands behind the much smaller man. He pulls Prophet’s left arm through his own legs, and then hooks the right arm. After putting him in a pumphandle, Munich lifts up, and gets the profit up over his head. After getting him up, Munich positions him into a powerbomb situation, and drops to the seat of his pants with Prophet, driving him into the ground with a Pumphandle Powerbomb! He holds on for the pin.

[Curry] This could be it right here!!

*ONE!*

*TWO!*

*TH-NO!!*

[Curry] No, he’s able to kick out!

After having a quick dispute over a three count with Kivell, Munich hops up off of his enemy, and looks towards the near turnbuckle. With a gleam in his eye, Munich marches over to the corner and quickly scales it. Perched on top, Munich looks down at the lifeless body of The Prophet. The crowd’s volume arises as Munich leaps off of the turnbuckle, not waiting for the fans. Just before he hits the canvas, the vile Prophet rolls out of the way, letting Munich slam into the canvas!! Almost immediately, Munich clutches his right knee, the impact hurting the joint.

[Curry] Prophet dodged it! It looks like Munich may have hyper-extended his knee!

[NTD] Tear into that knee, Prophet!! Open it like a crab’s leg, and eat his ACL!!!

Almost as if hearing those directions from NTD, The Prophet climbs back to his quickly goes after Munich, who is in the fetal position holding his right knee in pain. The evil-doing Prophet quickly turns Munich over onto his back, and yanks out his right leg, tearing away at the knee the old fashioned way. The Prophet then proceeds to start stomping away at the hamstring of the fan favorite, causing pain to radiate up his opponent’s body. Munich, out of sheer anger, sits up, and slugs The Prophet in the face with his left hand, reaching across his body. Munich repeats this and knocks The Prophet off his scent a bit more. With The Prophet’s grip weakened, Munich spins his body and propels his left foot towards the hated man’s face, slamming him in the jaw with an enziguri! Prophet falls flat to his back after the impact and both men are down!

[Curry] An enzugiri from Munich! And both men are down and out!

[NTD] I think Munich’s knee is already too far damaged to go on!

Munich leans up against the ropes, favoring his knee, as he tries to pull himself up. Prophet, on the other hand struggles to get off of his back, the enzugiri taking a lot out of him. The referee has no choice but to start a standing ten count.

*ONE* The count becomes nearly pointless, as Munich slings of the ropes and gets to his feet.

*TWO!* However, with Prophet down the count continues. Munich takes his time out by trying to loosen up his knee by stretching it out.

Finally, Munich gets to his feet and hobbles over to The Prophet. Grabbing him by the hair, Munich pulls him back to his feet. Just as gets him to his feet, the evil-doer lands a stiff to Munich’s injured right knee, buckling it! Munich falls to the canvas in obvious pain, holding his knee now more than ever. The Prophet, reenergized by the damage he has done springs to his feet, and in what seems like a single grain of time, he rushes over to the injured Munich, grabs his right leg, and begins to pull him over to the corner.

[Curry] My god! Prophet is looking to destroy Munich’s knee! It’s almost like he’s saying that even if Munich can go on, there’s no way he can continue at 100 percent!

[NTD] Smart strategy by the Prophet! Preparing to take Munich down with him if that’s the case!

Quickly, The Prophet slides out of the ring and grabs a hold of Munich’s leg again. After pulling him so he is seated in front of the ring post with his legs hanging in the air to the outside, the vile, smaller man grabs into his right leg, aims it, and smashes the inside of Munich’s right kneecap into the unforgiving steel post! Munich groans in agony as he feels the pain shoot up his leg. Even after being told by the referee to stop, Prophet slams the knee into the pole once again! After that, the now heavily booed man slams the knee into the pole on more time!

[Curry] Sickening thuds placed upon that pole!! I doubt Munich can walk on it!

[NTD] This may greatly affect him later in the tournament! Bo or Rotten, if they face Munich, may only have to go after the knee..and bang bang, they’re in the finals.

[Curry] Lets not get too far ahead of ourselves. The magic of painkillers can solve many problems…but the SWF and it’s endorsers DO NOT support drug use in any way!!

[NTD] Nice cover…

After seeing the ref’s count move closer to ten, the much smaller man pulls Munich out of the corner, and drags him outside. Munich stands almost entirely on his left leg as he gets down. Munich’s temporary nemesis reaches back with his right hand, and comes forward with a punch, but Munich blocks and returns with a left hand! Prophet comes back with another right hand, but once again it is blocked and returned with another left hand! The second shot backs Prophet up onto the announce table, where NTD and Curry look on. Munich, bad knee and all, climbs on top of The Prophet on the announce table. Once there, he pulls the Prophet’s head up, and with his left hand starts to pound away, the crowd counting along with the punches.

[Curry] Munich is beating the hell out of The Prophet right in front of us!!

[NTD] Hey that’s a closed fist! Get some control in here, Kivell!

[Curry] Be quiet!

After finishing his punches, Munich scrapes The Prophet off of the announce table, and throws him to steel stairs. The sadistic Prophet skids on the way to the stairs, finally whacking into them with his back, slightly moving them. Heavily limping, Munich gets a head full of steam and charges towards Prophet, looking to perhaps smash him into the stairs. However, The Prophet moves out of the way as Munich comes flying in! Munich can’t stop in time due to his bad knee, and smashes into the steel steps, and quickly tumbles over them, but not before smashing said knee into the stairs!

[Curry] Munich just nailed his knee into the steps! That had to do it!

[NTD] If Prophet can react and get him into the ring and put on a basic submission hold, he’ll win!!

Prophet, still a bit dizzy from the flurry of punches he received, climbs to his feet and strides over towards Munich. He slowly drags Munich to his feet, and coaxes him into the ring with a hard knee to the head. Munich slowly rolls into the ring, cradling his knee. Prophet, making it into the ring before Kivell’s ten count ends, drags Munich, by the injured leg no less, to the center of the ring. There, after taunting the crowd, spins around and puts on a figure four leglock!

[Curry] Figure Four!! Figure Four on Munich!! The oldest move in the book!

[NTD] Which book?

[Curry] Die.

The crowd raises up the decibel level, trying to get the returning Munich the energy he needs to break the hold. Mathew Kivell goes to check on Munich, who tosses and turns his head, trying to shut out the pain.

[Kivell] Can you go on?!

[Munich] F*ck you!!

The Prophet, a small stream of sweat running down his face, continues to apply the maximum amount he can to Munich’s leg. Mathew Kivell, once again, asks Munich if he is done.

[Kivell] Do you quit?

[Munich] GO FIST A SQUIRREL!!!

[Curry] Can Munich turn it?!

[NTD] No way he can!

The crowd raises their intensity level even higher after Munich’s outburst at the dumbfounded referee! At that very moment, Munich starts to rock back and forth on the hold, trying to turn it! After many screams of agony, the fan favorite Munich turns over the hold, reversing the pain towards The Prophet! The crowd lets out a huge pop as Prophet scurries to the ropes in pain! Finally reaching them, Prophet causes the crowd to go quiet once again. The ref starts up another ten count. Munich slowly rises to his feet, almost using his right leg as some sort of stump on a pirate. Prophet also gets to his feet, and Kivell’s count stops at six! Staggering, Prophet walks over to Munich, and KICKS HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A WIND KICK, DROPPING MUNICH!!

[NTD] Guess what, Curry? The Prophet kicked Munich RIGHT IN THE FACE!

[Curry] I could see that!

The crowd lets out a large groan after the sickening sound echoes throughout the arena in a big wave! Prophet goes for the cover!!

*ONE!*

*TWO!!*

*THRE-NO!!!*

[Curry] Munich kicks out! Wait…what is that bastard Prophet doing?

[NTD] He’s going for the Sacrifice!

After dragging Munich’s body close to the near corner, in front of the announcers and adjacent to the corner with the messed up steel stairs. After that, Prophet slowly climbs up the turnbuckles. He does so excruitiatingly slow, being highly fatigued. Finally, he gets on top, and with a few flashbulbs from the crowd, he leaps off the top, quickly doing a flip towards Munich….but his foe saw him coming and sticks up his left leg! Prophet lands jaw first on the uninjured leg of Munich! Prophet falls like a ton of bricks!

[Curry] Munich blocked it and they’re both down again!!

The ref starts the standing ten count. Munich and his foe slowly get to their feet, Munich favoring his knee, while The Prophet just…staggers. At the count of eight, they both get to their feet, however their backs are turned. They bump into each other and quickly turn around towards each other! Prophet is the first to react, going for another Wind Kick, but Munich ducks this time around! The much quicker, smaller man does a 360 before turning back around, right into a stiff left boot that doubles him over…right into a Standing Head Scissors!!

[Curry] Could it be?!?!

[NTD] NO!! NO C-4 Crunches!!

The arena erupts as Munich quickly hauls The Prophet’s light body into the air. He holds him for a second, position, before suddenly dropping, driving The Prophet into the mat with the C-4 Crunch!! The Prophet bounces around like a dying fish, before stopping in the center of the ring on his back!

[Curry] He landed it! Munich is going on, as this sold out crowd can tell!

Munich, after grabbing the leg once more, hooks the leg for the pin.

*ONE!*

*TWO!!*

*THREE!!!*

*DING…DING…DING…*

“Power Struggle” by Sunna immediately hits on the PA, as Funyon announces the winner of the contest.

[Funyon] Your winner….and moving on to the next round…Munich!!

[Curry] ..and Munich moves on to the next round of this US Title tournament!

[NTD] But what shape will his knee be in?

[Curry] That’s for him to know!

With extreme care, Munich rolls out of the ring, and limps his way towards the ramp, the cheers from the crowd roaring behind him. Prophet remains down in the ring, having been dropped on his head rather harshly. The screen changes over to a shot of SWF Superstars Johnny Rotten and Perfect Bo looking menacing, as Curry and NTD hype the next tournament match!

[Curry] Stay tuned for Johnny Rotten versus Perfect Bo..NEXT!!!

April 19, 2002

Stubby enters his office, and pauses.

He checks the corners.

There are no baseballs here. There are no stuffed pandas. There are no real pandas. There are no manatees. There are no living creatures of any kind.

It is safe.

Stubby walks to his desk, slides his chair back, and sits down.

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

With a jolt, Stubby leaps backward, clutching at his heart. Cursing under his breath, he grabs the phone.

"Whaddaya want?"

"...do you like scary wrestling shows?"

"What the--"

"I'M WATCHING YOU RIGHT NOW!"

"Who the--"

KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK

"No, I think he's going right now--CLICK"

"GWAAAAAAH!" Caught amidst a cacophony of sudden sounds, Stubby charges the door to his office and throws it open, fist readied...

...for a pizza delivery man. "Don't hit me, sir."

"Ack...what the hell do you want," snorts the Commissioner.

"Erm...sign right here."

Stubby does so, not reading the receipt. "What the hell did I just sign for?"

"Five-hundred sixteen pizzas."

"..."

With that, Stubby follows through and decks the pizza man with a right hook, and looks down the hall. There stand 516 pizza boxes. All charged to his Mastercard.

"I...hate...Carnies..."

The worst part? He's not even hungry.

April 19, 2002

The crowd is hyped up, it’s been about a week since they saw some action, their favorite wrestlers, storyline development, dialog, and of course, the triple stable feud between the Midnight Carnival, The Clan and Da Pound. Due to some weather problems that messed up some electrical wires, Smarkdown was cancelled, but Storm will be a night earlier. The traditional storm noise begins to sound all over the arena causing the crowd to jump up and cheer since they’re back in air. The camera trying to catch every single kid, young adult, adult and old people as they scream in delight. Pushing and shoving so they can be seen by the millions and millions of people watching around the world.

The camera now shifts towards the announce table where Curry and NTD sits at respectfully for I don’t know how long. They get their cue to talk and that’s exactly what they do, talk.

“Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, now that was something to remembers… Munich making his in-ring comeback faces the Prophet, the outcome was unbelievable, but the match right now is going to be tremendous.” Curry started up the conversation.

“Yeah, this is the third time these two have a one-on-one battle. First in the JL where Johnny Rotten use to be called…” NTD stops for a minute trying to figure out why Johnny Rotten use to call himself that name, the pathetic name. “Naptown Hellcat.”

“Ah yes, I remember that, it was a great effort by Johnny but he lost against the more experience Bo.”

“You crazy? Dumb ass got his ass kicked plain and simple.”

“Well the second match was a different outcome, Johnny Rotten faced Perfect Bo in what many may say was an upset. Johnny Rotten won that match even though there were some interference.” Curry stated, not trying to put over the fact that Rotten cheated to win.

NTD stares at Curry, shaking his head in disapproval as he finally said: “Some? If it wasn’t for that interference, Bo would of won that match plain and simple.”

“Well we have a tie breaker right now, and it’s a tournament. These two were best friends now bitter enemies and they are facing off in what I can say a great match.”

“I hate to do this but I have to agree with you, this will be a great match… Pound vs. Carnie, it doesn’t get any better than this, well except for the main event… Now that’s a match.”

“Keep it Thoro” by Prodigy hits as the SmarksTron comes to life showing the word “BO” with some of his old clips of victories and triumphs… Bo appears on top of the stage and quickly walks down the ramp… Not listening to anybody, and not caring… His face pissed off and determined to deliver some pain…

“This match is schedule for one for and it’s for an advancement for the U.S. title. Coming in first, weighing in at 285 pounds from the Bronx, in New York City… Representing Da Pound, BBBOOO.” Screams out Funyon as the crowd boos but for some reason he’s getting some cheers as well.

He enters the ring and quickly turns around to face the ramp with his arms on top of the top rope… He waits patiently for his victim.

“Many people don’t know the history between these two, one day they are good friends, practically best friends, and then the next day they want to kill each other.”

“Bo carried him, Bo put him under his wing and this is how Rotten repays him? Typical…”

“Anarchy in the U.K" by the Sex Pistols starts to play, with Johnny Rotten singing, "Rrright... now!" and a few explosions dispense from the entrance ramp, as the song starts. "I am an antichrist, yeah I'm an anarchist... Don't know what I want, but I know how to get it..."

“And his opponent, weighing in at 260 pounds, from Indianapolis, Indiana… JJJOOOHHHNNNNNNYYY RRROOOTTTTTTEEENNN!!!”

The crowd jumps up and cheers as Rotten walks out with the mike in his hand, he drops it and with a big goofy smile he walks down the ramp, slapping hands with kids and other fans by the rail. Bo just stares at him, not an angry stare, but more like an intimidating stare. Rotten reaches the apron and slides in. The referee who name is Anthony Brown gets in-between them but they aren’t really going after each other.

“This is going to be one hardcore brawl I can guarantee that.” NTD said positive of what’s going to happen between them two.

Brown calls for the bell and the match is about to start.

Ding, Ding, Ding…

They look at each other but nothing is being done not even a movement, just looking at each other, staring, reminiscing about the past that they have. They begin to circle the ring surprising everybody that’s in attendance. They tap their shoulders a few times before getting closer to each other and locking up…

“What the fu…” NTD’s jaws just dropped after seeing a clean lock up.

The lock up is still intact, each using their respected strength to try to over power one another. Then a quick jerk causes Rotten to apply a side headlock on Bo wrenching on Bo’s head and neck area. Bo takes a few steps back trying to feel the ropes with his back as he pushes Rotten off his head but Rotten’s grip is just too tight. Then the challenge of power starts right now… Bo grabs the hands of Rotten, which were linked together in order to form a good headlock. Bo now tries to push Rotten’s hands up…

“The strength challenge… Who is the strongest out of these two? Bo or Rotten?”

“Bo you cracker.”

“What did you just call me?”

“I called you a cracker, that’s my new ghetto word.”

Bo’s over powering Rotten as he strains to raise Rotten’s arms from Bo’s neck… Rotten’s arms are now high in the air and Bo quickly grabs one arm and pulls it behind Rotten into a hammerlock. Rotten bites his lower lip in pain as Bo pulls it up a little. Tapping his shoulder is Rotten as he reaches back to grab Bo’s head, but he moves it, he bends down (Another different fed moment) to try and trip Bo, but he couldn’t reach his legs. He taps his shoulder one more time and reverses the hammerlock, goes under Bo’s left arm and applies a hammerlock of his own, straining Bo’s left arm. But that didn’t last too long as Bo used his right arm, swings it over Rotten’s head, somehow Bo’s left arm was released, Bo bends down takes Rotten down with a fireman’s carry takedown and quickly goes towards him and applies a reverse chin lock.

“What in the blue moon is going on in here? Where’s the action, where’s the blood, where’s the ass kicking throwing to the steel steps, punching your lights out, kicking you in the nuts action? Dammit where’s all that?” NTD screams, surprise of seeing an actual wrestling match, he’s not use to that. Especially coming from these two.

“Can you just accept that these two are having a technical wrestling match? They’re showing off their mat ability. Frankly, I didn’t think Bo had any wrestling ability but I guess I was wrong.”

Rotten taps Bo’s forearm that’s across his neck after about three taps he begins to move frantically trying to escape the lock. The movement worked as he got himself in a headlock position that wasn’t put on tight as he slips out of it and trips Bo down. Bo lands stomach first and Rotten quickly goes towards Bo’s head and applies a front face but on the mat.

The front face is still intact but Bo is on one knee, disregarding the pain around his neck. Bo is now on both feet as Rotten still has the lock on, Bo takes a hop and flips Rotten over his head with a Northern lights Suplex with a bridge. The ref jumps towards Rotten’s shoulder and begins to slam the mat…

One…

Two…

Rotten lifts his left shoulder up but still has the front face lock applied. Bo once again stood to his feet and flips Rotten over with another Northern lights Suplex with another bridge. Referee Brown quickly goes to his shoulder and pounds on the mat.

One…

Two…

T

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No, Rotten lifts his left shoulder up and still has the front face lock applied.

“What determination by Rotten has he still holds on to Bo’s with that front face lock after two Suplex.” Curry stated, trying to do his job and not falling into the depths of stupidity that is NTD.

“Rotten is just dumb, he should just give up because he knows he’s not going to win… All Bo has to do is go mental on his ass, no, go postal, yeah, that’s much better… Word to mother.”

“Another ghetto word?”

No diggity no doubt.”

“God, you’re soooo white.”

By the look on Bo’s face you can tell he’s surprised that he’s still in the front face lock. He gets up, and for the third time in a row he takes Rotten over for another Northern lights Suplex with another bridge. The ref hops over both of them and lands right beside Rotten’s shoulder and begins to hit the mat.

One………

Two………

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Rotten got his left shoulder up again from the mat, but this time he releases the lock. Bo is the first one to get up and he helps Rotten up at the process. Bo grabs Rotten’s arm and whips him towards the ropes, but Rotten reverses it. Bo springboards back and gets taken down with a quick arm drag. Rotten gets up but Bo is about two seconds behind him. Bo runs to him again and gets taken down with another arm drag, but this time he holds the arm. He has it under his arm, knee on Bo’s back as he pulls on the arm. Bo sits in pain, eyes closed as his arm is being pulled back… He here’s the referee asking him numerous times if he wants to quit, but he shakes his head no. He taps his arm and commences to get to his feet, he twirls the arm a bit so that his whole body is by Rotten’s side. His right arm is the arm that’s free and he puts it on Rotten’s back and pushes Rotten towards the ropes. Rotten bounces off the ropes as Bo goes low and takes Rotten down with a drop toehold.

“This might be the prelude for the Perfect Crank… It might be over.”

Bo quickly turns around and grabs the right leg of Rotten; he has a hold on it but not a good one. He attempts to sit on Rotten’s back but Johnny’s movement is just too great as he slithers away from the lock. Bo gets up and doesn’t do anything at first; he just stands there and waits for Rotten to get up.

“Dammit Bo, attack his scrawny ass, he’s a nobody… He don’t rock.”

“Ghetto sentence?”

NTD smiles and said: “Word.”

They continue to look at each other showing each other respect to their wrestling ability. They begin to skip around the ring looking at each other hitting their own shoulders as they get closer and closer to each other and they lock up. They’re both straining trying to over power each other, but no one is budging. After about 5 seconds of a stand still, Rotten takes a step back, another one as Bo is driving him back. Now Bo is taking a few steps back, the crowd is behind Rotten as Bo takes another step back. Now another stand off but Bo quickly applies a side headlock. Rotten reacted quickly as he pushes Bo towards the ropes, he bounces off; Rotten kicks him in the gut, doubling him over. Rotten applies a standing head scissor, grabs Bo’s arms and wraps them around Bo’s own body.

Curry smiles, get excited as he screams: “Pyramid Driver is about to come up… There’s no escape from this.”

The taller but skinnier Rotten is using his strength to lift the more bigger but shorter Bo. Muscle is bulging, face turning red as Bo is being lifted, he’s on top of Rotten’s shoulder when…

“What the hell is Bo doing?” Curry asks. “Is he biting Rotten’s forehead?”

“Yeah baby, that’s what Da Pound do… They keep it grimy.”

“Grimy?”

“That’s a real word man, but since this is ghetto talk it means something different.”

Bo continues to bite Rotten’s head and all of a sudden the unexpected happen… Bo just did a…

NTD had to stand up, surprise of what he just saw, and he screams the move that Bo, the big ghetto Bo, the thuggish Bo, just did… he screamed: “HURRICANRANA!!!”

Bo’s arm were release as he goes under Rotten’s legs and completes the Hurricanrana… Bo looks around, surprise that he did what he did. He sees Rotten lying next to him and he quickly pins…

One…………

Two…………

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No, Rotten kicks out. Bo doesn’t get frustrated, in fact he doesn’t show any kind of emotion as he gets up with a handful of Rotten’s hair. He applies a front face lock, drapes Rotten’s right arm over his shoulder, grabs his tights and lifts him up in the air, vertically, Rotten’s head upside down for about 5 seconds before crashing down hard on the mat. Bo floats over for the pin…

One………

Two………

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Johnny kicks out again.

“Seriously speaking.” NTD starts out the conversation as he stops for a second to think what he’s going to say. “Does this homo have like 9 lives, I mean, that’s my word he keeps kicking out?”

“Homo?” Curry asked NTD, hoping that NTD actually did disrespected Rotten. “It’s not like he’s a hobo homo Bo.”

“Don’t be dissing Bo, he gets mad props.”

Bo showing no kind of emotion gets up with a handful of Rotten’s hair to help him up. Bo grabs him by the arm and whips him towards the ropes, he bounces back, Bo runs to him and attempts a clothesline but Rotten ducks it. Bo runs towards the ropes as Rotten runs towards the opposites ropes. They both springs back, they get closer together and…

“Oh, double big boot and they’re both down.” Comments Curry.

“Word.”

They both land hard on the mat, as the referee begins the awful, and dreadful mandatory ten count…

One………

No movement right now, just looking at the pretty lights from the arena.

Two………

Still no movement, people that takes so much punishment the way these two are rumored to be doing would be getting up by now.

Three………

Finally a movement and it’s by Bo.

Four…………

Bo gets on one knee as Rotten looks up and sees what’s going on.

Five………

Bo is back on all fours and is crawling towards the ropes while Rotten is now on one knee.

Six………

Bo is using the assistance of the ropes to pull his way up, on the other hand, Rotten is now on both feet but he’s doubled over.

Seven…………

They both make it to their feet and they turned their head to look at each other. They walk toward each other, and without saying a word, not a peep was said, no kind of vocal chords were used they begin to smack each other with right hands… After about 5 blows back and fourth, Rotten takes the advantage and punches Bo towards the corner, three more shots while he’s on the corner. Rotten grabs Bo’s arm and harshly whips him towards the opposite corner. Bo crashes back first but the force of the whip causes him to spring back from it, he attempts a clothesline to Rotten trying to catch him by surprise but Rotten sidesteps the swing and hooks it with his right arm. He goes behind Bo and grabs the other arm into a full nelson position. He lifts him up and quickly drops down completing the “Rotten Mistake”.

“One amazing counter after another, great counter by Rotten.”

“You’re going to compare that counter, to the brilliance, athletic, never before seen counter by Bo? Is you smoking that good stinky? How can you compare?” NTD said, assuring himself that Bo’s counter was a better counter (Which it was).

Rotten looks down, contemplating if he wants to make the cover, he decides that he doesn’t want to pin him so he helps Bo up. He grabs him by the arm and whips him towards the ropes; Bo bounces back to the awaiting Rotten who is bending down attempting a back body drop. Rotten gets straighten up with a kick right to his chest, Bo then attempts a clothesline but Rotten ducks it he goes behind him applies a variation of a chokehold he has that lock for about 3 seconds before he lifts him up and slams him down hard completing the “Rotten Urangue.”

Rotten gets up to his feet and looks down at the motionless Bo undecided of what to do. Pin him or wait until he shattered Bo’s dreams. All of a sudden things seem clearer, he wants to win and pins him, hooking the far leg. Referee Brown slides towards Bo’s shoulders and begins to slam hard on the mat, harder than usual, plus he’s screaming right on Bo’s ears.

One………

Two…………

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No!!! Bo got his shoulder up at the last possible second, Rotten can’t believe it, he just can’t.

“That was the longest two count I have ever saw in the history of the WF… That referee has something going on with Bo… Is it me, or does that referee look familiar?”

“Son, that’s just you… He’s calling the match right down the middle.”

NTD said, trying to sound thug, but it just doesn’t sound right coming from a white boy.

Rotten looks up at the referee with his hands on his head, eyes open, mouth open, uttered shock runs his red eyes as referee Brown sticks his hands out, with his index and middle finger out explaining Rotten that it was a two count and nothing more. Rotten just stares at Brown, eyes glaring, wanting to snap his neck, but he doesn’t, instead he just nods his head in approval while helping Bo up to his feet. Rotten goes behind Bo and grabs his two arms and hooks them.

“He’s going to go for it… If he hits this he’s going to win the match, aint no getting up from this.”

Rotten turns around with Bo’s arms still hooked, but Bo use the momentum to twirl some more, he got one of his arms loose, he twirls Rotten over with that one arm, got the other arm loose, he reaches back, grabs Rotten’s head in a ¾ headlock and drops with the Perfect Pain. The crowd gets up, surprise by the action that just happen. Bo is still in pain, he’s lying right next to Rotten, breathing hard, looking at the lights. He rolls over, draping his right arm over Rotten’s chest for the pin. The referee jumps to Rotten’s shoulder and begins to pound the mat.

One…………

Two…………

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NO… Rotten’s left shoulder shoots up in the last possible second, the crowd can’t believe it… The commentary can’t believe either.

“What the hell… No, that can’t be possible, he kicked out… That was a slow as count, I swear to god that was a slow count.”

Curry has a smile, more of a surprise smile but it was a good smile as well as he said: “No, that wasn’t a slow count, that was a good straight forward count… You know what happen? Rotten kicked out, that’s what happen.”

Bo rolls away from Rotten’s body and looks up at the air… Breathing hard, not knowing what else to do. He looks at the referee and lifts three fingers up. The referee shakes his head no and lifts two fingers up. Bo drops his head to the mat, tired, upset, disappointed all in one. He gets up and helps Rotten up who is still hurting. Bo grabs his arm and pulls him for a short arm clothesline. But Rotten ducks that, but Bo doesn’t get all air, he does hit something, and that something is the referee Anthony Brown.

Bo looks down at Brown and puts his hands on his head, upset at the outcome. Rotten quickly goes behind Bo and applies a waist lock, lifts him up, and takes him over with a German Suplex. Rotten goes for a pin, but there’s no referee… The crowd does the count…

One………

Two…………

Three…………

Four…………

Five…………

“There’s no referee you dumb ass…” NTD said.

Rotten raises his head, not hearing the mat pounding and him being declared the winner. He looks around, and what he noticed upset him very much as there was no referee. He was laid out. He gets on his feet and shoves the referee a few times to wake up. He goes towards Bo and helps him to his feet. Rotten grabs Bo’s arm right after a right hand staggers him back. He attempts to whip him towards the corner, but that’s reverse and Rotten goes crashing to the turnbuckle padding. Bo, who is still a bit dazed quickly runs to him and hits a splash on him. Bo takes a step back, looks at Rotten, then looks back at the referee. The referee is still down, but showing signs of motion.

“Word up, he’s going to do something poppin… That’s my word.” Sacred said, still trying his hardest to be ghetto, but he just can’t figure it out that he’s white.

Bo looks back at Rotten and then grabs his legs, hooks them on the second turnbuckle and takes a few steps back, looks back at the referee, he looks back at Rotten and his legs separated, he runs forward and “SHATTERED DREAMS.” Bo turns back and sees that the referee is now getting up. Bo grabs Rotten’s head, applies a ¾ headlock. Pulls Rotten off the turnbuckle and drops down, hitting the perfect pain again.

Curry, upset at what just happen begins to scream: “Dammit, that was an illegal tactic… Dammit, Bo shouldn’t win like this.”

“That’s my word, Bo is going to win this biatch and there aint nothing you can do about it.”

Bo looks at the referee who is now on his feet, shaking the cobwebs off… Bo goes down and makes the cover, easy cover. Referee goes towards Rotten shoulders and begins to pound the mat.

One…………

Two…………

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Ding, Ding, Ding…

“NO, it can’t be over… It just can’t be, Bo did something illegal dammit…”

“Stop bitchin partner…”

“And the winner of this match and qualifying to the semi-finals… BBBOOO.” Screams out Funyon as Bo gets to his feet, he looks down at Rotten and sees him getting up. Rotten tilts his head up, staring at Bo as the perfect one, looks down. Rotten gets on his two feet and stares right into Bo’s eyes… The ref is trying to tell them to cool off. All of a sudden the unexplainable happen, Bo extends his arm for a handshake… Rotten looks at it, examining it, not trusting it. He looks back up at Bo’s eyes, former best friend, anarchist, basically his brother.

They don’t say a word, nothing is coming out of their mouths, but a lot is being said through their eyes. After a long time of staring, shocking everybody in the arena is Bo as he extends his arm for a handshake, showing gratitude. Rotten looks at Bo, confused and at the same time concern for another back stabbing situation. The crowd screams “NOOOO” but in the eyes of Bo, the eyes of one of the most hated person in the fed (Behind Thugg of course), it shows sincerity.

“Don’t do it.” Screams out Curry…

“Yeah, don’t do it Bo…” Screams out NTD as well…

Rotten looks at the crowd listening to all the cheers and boos and their request. After about 8 seconds of thinking it over Rotten extends his arm and shakes Bo’s hand… The crowd ready for an attack and so was Curry. Rotten was kind of waiting for it as well but it didn’t come… Nothing came, they have a firm handshake and then they release their grasp. Bo turns around and slowly walks out of the ring leaving Rotten stunned as well as the rest of the people that’s there.

Eyes open, shock, as hell is NTD as he said: “What in the hell just happen here?”

“I think they declared a respite towards each other, I think their personal problem towards each other is over… I think that’s great.”

“Fine, but the beef between “Da Pound” and “Midnight Carnival” is yet to be over… Throw in the clan in the mix and we have a barn fire…”

Rotten is left in the ring surprise of the current events that involved himself and Bo. Bo is walking up the ramp, and all of a sudden JD, Sacred, and HVille Thugg meet him in the top of the ramp. Thugg asks him a question but all Bo does is stares at him, evil eyes, and hatred eyes in the direction of Thugg, only Thugg and nobody else. Then he just smiles a sick smile and walks away, to the back. Thugg, Sacred and JD all look at one another, confused and shock of what just happen, but all they do is shrug and walk to the back.

“What the hell just happen here? Bo has problem with Da Pound members? Nah, this cant be happening, nah, that’s my word this crap cant be happening.” NTD said, pleading in the camera hoping that Bo is watching.

“This is the SWF, anything can happen.” Curry said turning his head towards the camera and smiling one of those commercial smiles.

“It’s all gravy though, Da Pound is going to kick everybody’s ass in the triple threat tag team match in the main event. Well, the clan might be the only one to contain them, but the Carnies, they aint doing crap and that’s my word.”

“Ok, what ever you say.”

“You just watch.”

“Uh huh.”

“Don’t believe me?”

“Whatever man.”

“The hell with you, cut to commercial break so we can get the other matches here and we can see that I’m right.”

“Sure, ok…”

“I hate you.”

A smile emerges from Curry as he said: “No problem, let’s cut to commercial.”

The camera fades back still having the audio on and catching the last sentence being said.

“You just watch…”

April 19, 2002

The SWF cameras pan across a landscape of rabid fans, jam-packed to the rafters. The show sold out in a matter of hours, giving it an aura of a momentous event, almost like a Pay-Per-View extravaganza!

“Fans, Romans, lend me your ears!” exclaims Curry Man. “We’ve got a dynamite main event, pitting the three top stables in the SWF against each other! We’re also halfway through the preliminary rounds of the US Title Tournament, which will crown a new United States Champion, guaranteed! Chris Raynor and Munich make their in-ring returns tonight! How could it get any better, NTD?”

“A return match for the Intercontinental Television Championship! Edwin MacPhisto defends his title for the second time against the leader of the Clan, Thoth!” replies NTD, with just as much vigor as his broadcast partner.

“Edwin MacPhisto’s been tearing it up lately, defending not only his title, but his theme music against Sacred in a ladder match,” says Curry Man, as footage rolls of Edwin’s heroic grab for the ICTV belt “But the same could be said for Thoth, who arguably got the best of the HVille Thugg in a singles encounter last week!”

(Footage rolls of Thoth hitting Thugg multiple times with a chair and then bailing through the crowd when Da Pound comes calling)

“So far, Edwin MacPhisto is 2-0 when it comes to one on one matches with Thoth... will the streak continue? Or will it be snapped?”

The lights all turn deep blue in the arena as the slow beat of “Quarantined” starts to play, the riffs repeat in and of themselves. Suddenly, the music seems to stop, reaching a fever pitch...

And the lights all turn blood red as the lyrics start to

Autonomous machete for hands

Warden and judge hide behind masks

Wet raindrop lull

Small rationing

Entombed the rhetoric of break the weak

In single file

Sanction this outbreak

A virus conspires

Push becomes shove

Days become months

And I’ve seemed to have forgotten the warmth of this sun...

Thoth comes out onto the stage... to a rousing ovation! He seems confused, looking out at the crowd, who, for a change aren’t booing him, and actually cheering him!

“The following no-disqualification match is for the S-W-F Intercontinental Television Championship! Introducing first, weighing in at 236 pounds, he is the leader of the Clan, and one-half of the S-W-F Tag Team Champions... THOTH!” says Funyon, wearing a keen lime green suit that kicks your ass.

“Can you believe it? It’s like... it’s like Thoth sold out or something!” whines NTD, who looks like he’s about to cry. Thoth makes his way to ringside, and ascends a turnbuckle. Standing amidst a sea of humanity, he removes his dress shirt, and tosses it to the mortal waters, revealing a pair of horizontal scars on his stomach, received in a battle forgotten by all but the most hardcore of ML fans. He steps into the center of the ring, and stands at the ready. First... silence, a long wait. The anticipation might be worth more than the realization of the moment... but “Battleflag” by Lo-Fidelity All Starts begins to play... first a slow, haunting refrain...

Your construction

Smells of corruption

I manipulate to recreate

This air to ground saga

Gotta launder my karma

Grey silhouettes of the Man himself flicker on the SmarkTron, as his voice echoes over the PA:

“It’s a great day in Carnival land, to be a member of this Carnival band! And it’s that time again, Thothykins, we’ve danced this dance before... can you feel the heat? Can you dance the dance of a thousand suns and moons and flaming asteroids? I have my doubts, Bala-shmala-dalancer, and even though we’re on the same side, making Stubby McWeed look like the ass that he is... I just can’t let you have this one, no siree, we’re gonna have ourselves and old-fashioned wrasslin’ match!

I said hallelujah to the sixteen loyal fans

You'll get down on your muthafuckin' knees

And it's time for your sickness again

Come on and tell me what you need

Tell me what is making you bleed

We got two more minutes and

We gonna cut to what you need

So one of six so tell me

One do you want to live

And one of seven tell me

Is it time for your muthafuckin' ass to give

Tell me is it time to get down on your muthafuckin' knees

Tell me is it time to get down

And to a rousing pop, and two pillars of red pyro, comes the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache himself! Wearing the ICTV belt and a big, goofy smile, he walks down the ramp.

“And, his opponent,” announces Funyon, “From Amsterdam, England, weighing in at 232 pounds, he is the leader of the Midnight Carnival, and he is the S-W-F Intercontinental Television Champion... Edwin... Mac-PHISTOOOOO!”

Edwin tosses his coat over the top rope, slides into the ring, and catches it on the other side with a flick of his wrist. He gives it to the timekeeper, along with his other accessories, as the funky disco lights fade into natural illumination. Edwin finds himself standing across from Thoth, who has not moved the entire time. Both men frown at each other... and then Thoth smirks... and extends his hand for a handshake.

“What the...” says Curry Man, trailing off. Edwin reaches out, and accepts the handshake... and then... a CLEAN BREAK. The crowd falls entirely hushed as both men walk to opposite sides of the ring, and wait for the bell to ring.

*DING DING DING*

With immediacy, both men charge toward each other, locking up violently. “Regardless of the uncanny display of sportsmanship,” says Curry Man, “We can see that these two top-notch wrestlers are going to tear the ever-loving shit out of each other!”

“Hey!” interjects NTD. “You can’t swear!”

“On the Smarks network, we can!”

“Oh, really? ... ... ... pigfucker!”

Thoth, slowly, pushes Edwin MacPhisto into the corner, and starts to throw a chop... but the Crown Prince, with a sudden burst of energy, blows by and gets behind Thoth with a waistlock! Thoth shifts left, Thoth shifts right, and manages to get behind Edwin with a waistlock of his own by rapidly moving his weight back and forth! The Balancer starts to lock his arms, looking for some kind of hold or slam, but MacPhisto is having none of it, pushing against the inside of Thoth’s left arm, sneaking in a hammerlock! Thoth walks backward, trying to push Edwin up against something. He manages to back him into the buckle... but it doesn’t solve anything. In fact, it makes things worse, as Thoth has no room to counter the hold! Though Edwin is squeezed in a tight spot, he cranks on Thoth’s wrist, applying torque. With mild desperation in his eyes, Thoth reaches back, and grabs Edwin’s fluffy puff of hair. Feeling the strands intertwine with his fingers, he pulls instinctively. MacPhisto yelps and lets go of the hammerlock, giving Thoth the break he needs. The Balancer turns around and strikes Edwin in the face, knocking him back into the corner. Thoth with an Irish whip to the far corner... no, reversal by MacPhisto... Thoth hits with force! He stays standing, and looks across the diagonal length of the ring. Edwin MacPhisto makes no effort to charge in and continue the offense. Thoth rubs his back, and smirks. Edwin cocks his head, and does the same.

“Heated exchange to start here,” says Curry Man. “Neither man with the advantage yet. I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire match is this close.”

“And remember,” adds NTD, who actually has the presence of mind to make an insightful comment, “This match is No-DQ. Though we can expect some kind of dirty trick from Thoth, it’s not Edwin’s code of Carnie ethics or whatever prevents him from clocking Thoth over the head with a heavy metal object.”

Both competitors walk toward each other, circling slightly for position, and lock up again. Edwin gets a hard and violent headlock, but Thoth gets his arms around Edwin’s waist, and pushes him into the ropes. MacPhisto comes back, and hits a shoulderblock on Thoth, knocking him to the canvas. Edwin, shifting gears, bounces into the other set of ropes, and charges back towards the downed Balancer. Suddenly, Thoth flips over onto his stomach, surprising the leader of the Carnies and forcing him to make a calculation in mid-stride, hopping over the Balancer, and into the ropes on the far side. Thoth stays low, but positions himself differently, and when Edwin returns, he locks his feet around MacPhisto’s quickly, and takes him down with a drop-toe hold! He shifts around to Edwin’s upper half, locking in a front chancery, bending down to one knee.

“Thoth’s learned a bit from their previous encounters, and you can see that right here. By going down to one knee, Thoth’s increased the amount of work that Edwin has to do to break the hold. MacPhisto has to fight against Thoth’s center of gravity,” says Curry Man, who took physics in college. Thoth locks his arms tight around Edwin’s neck, but the Crown Prince cannot be contained... like a rocket, he pushes off, actually forcing Thoth up onto his feet, then backs him into the corner, landing a few blows to the gut, and in a show of defiance, slaps him across each cheek, and spins around with a back kick, nailing Thoth in the gut. Edwin approaches with confidence, locking Thoth in a bulldog. He runs forward, leaps, and spins around, driving Thoth’s face into his outstretched knee. “Midnight Special from the champion,” calls Curry Man, as Edwin follows up with the first pinfall attempt from the match...

ONE!

TWO!

Timely kickout from Thoth. Edwin doesn’t look in the least bit fazed, as he pulls Thoth up to his feet, and hooks him for a suplex... textbook vertical suplex has the crowd jump out of their seats! Or not! Edwin gets to his feet, and brings Thoth with him, setting up another suplex. He lifts... but Thoth blocks the attempt, sticking his leg out! Edwin tries again, but another block! Another suplex attempt... but this one’s from Thoth, who snaps Edwin over, and lets the momentum carry him on top of his fallen foe. The ref counts the lateral press...

ONE!

TWO!

T- Edwin gets the shoulder up. Thoth pulls on Edwin’s hair, yanking it; forcing the Crown Prince on his feet. He heaves him toward the ropes, and stands at the ready, prepared for any tricks MacPhisto might have. Edwin comes dashing back with a clothesline, but to no avail, as Thoth grabs the outstretched arm, and his neck, and drives him into the canvas with a Downward Spiral! Thoth bounces away, landing in a sitting position. He turns his head to look at Edwin, who is clutching at his neck and head feverishly, if he would die if he let go.

“Good move from Thoth... but Edwin MacPhisto seems to be injured,” says Curry Man.

“It’s a shame,” adds NTD, “But now Thoth can smash his head in doubly good!”

“You don’t have a sensitive bone in your body, do you, NTD?”

“How can you say that? Watch this!” NTD bangs his elbow against the announce desk multiple times until he gets the sensation he wants. “NnnnnnGGAAH! Yeah! That’s the stuff!” he says as he smacks his funny bone repeatedly. “Cheaper than drugs! Actually, completely free!”

Thoth gets to his feet and cocks his head curiously at Edwin, who is coughing and clutching at his neck. He lifts a leg, and after a moment, stamps on MacPhisto’s head. The ICTV champ yelps out loud, and the realization that Edwin might be injured pops into Thoth’s head. He runs toward the ropes, and comes back, with momentum, dropping a knee across Edwin’s head. The result is effective, if painful to watch, Edwin’s face turns a shade paler, as he kicks and bucks, trying to stem the pain that flows from his face and neck. Thoth looks down and scowls, surprisingly angry. He starts stomping away on Edwin’s face, screaming, “I thought we were going to fight! You coward!” Edwin doesn’t even have the strength to defend himself or fight back, he just lies there, his body shaking with every thrust of Thoth’s foot. The Balancer rolls Edwin over, and covers him with force, angry that he has not had the epic battle that he expected.

ONE!

TWO!

THRE- No! No! Edwin still has the warrior’s heart and the wherewithal to kick out! Thoth looks down at the man laid out under him, and smiles briefly, before pulling him up to his feet, bending him over, and hooking both arms. With a kick of his feet, Thoth falls backward, slamming Edwin’s head into the canvas.

“Edwin MacPhisto can’t even defend himself! He must’ve injured his neck pretty bad in that ladder match with Sacred... he shouldn’t even be active tonight!” pleads Curry Man, if in vain.

“Nonsense, Curry Man! Edwin MacPhisto is a champion of the Smarks Wrestling Federation, and he is required to defend the title at regular intervals, lest he be stripped of it! If he’s injured, well... them’s the breaks! He shouldn’t be a wrestler!”

Thoth rolls Edwin over and pins again, hooking the leg.

ONE!

TWO!

THRE-E... No! Even closer! But Edwin MacPhisto still kicks out! Thoth, frustrated, yanks Edwin up and shoves him into the corner, releasing his fury bit by bit with punches... a left, then a right, left, right, the flurry seems to confuse and daze Edwin more than it hurts him, but then again, Edwin is in tremendous neck pain. The Carnie’s eyes are glazed over, and his vision shakes with each blow the red-haired Balancer lands... but suddenly, he snaps back into action, crushing Thoth with a swift Shotei to the chest! The Balancer stops throwing punches for a moment, and before he can regain his composure, MacPhisto broadsides him with a picture-perfect springing sidekick! Thoth falls to the canvas, and soon, Edwin does too, the pain throbbing in his head too much to bear. However, the referee does not issue a 10-count, as this match is under No-DQ rules.

“Edwin with a comeback... but is it in vain? He’s obviously not at 100 percent, and if he continues this match, he is risking his career and maybe... even his life!” says Curry Man, with force in his words, hoping that someone important will hear them. NTD is none too supportive. “Oh... poor whiny shminy Edwin MacPhisto... he’s gonna lose his career and everybody’s gonna cry! Wah wah wah!”

Thoth starts to stir, crawling on hands and knees toward the ropes in front of him. He sees the ropes as a kind of refuge, a place of safe haven. Edwin starts to stir, the pounding in his head a rhythmic reminder that the match is still going. He pushes himself off of the mat, moaning softly at the change in surroundings his eyes have to process. He shuts them as he gets off the mat and feels around for something, anything solid. A turnbuckle, that’ll do. He wraps his arms around it and holds as still as he can, focusing on his breathing, trying to let the pain in his head subside. He opens his eyes; Thoth is on his feet, and he is headed towards MacPhisto posthaste. The Balancer grabs one of Edwin’s arms to send him to the far side... but the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache reverses, sending Thoth to the other buckle. Edwin runs out of the corner like a horse out of the starting gate, looking to put Thoth away with some possibly spectacular offense... but Thoth dodges out of the way, goading Edwin into running into the corner!

But that doesn’t happen, as Edwin hops onto the second rope, and springboards off, catching the Balancer in the back of the head with a scintillating Shotei! Thoth falls face-first into the mat, and Edwin lands on his feet, surprisingly! He stumbles a bit, but when it’s clear he’s going to remain on his feet, the crowd gets out of their seats to cheer, with the hopes that Edwin MacPhisto can retain here! He rolls Thoth over, and makes the cover, his head still throbbing, albeit less strenuously...

ONE!

TWO!

TH- Kickout. The crowd dies down a bit, but Edwin gets to his feet, and makes a show of his head pain, smacking himself in the head and sticking his tongue out. Little children laugh and cheer. People who fear clowns do not. Edwin reaches down to pick Thoth up, but the Balancer rolls out of the ring, and takes a breather on the outside. Not to be outdone, Edwin prepares to exit the ring the only way he knows how: in style. He runs to the far side, and then charges back, a smile on his face and the air running through his hair, as he leaps over the top rope and tackles Thoth by virtue of crashing into him. The referee’s job is easy in this match: just count the fall. No count-outs or DQ’s. Curry Man makes sure to remind the viewing audience of that fact, lest they wonder, “Hey... they’ve been out there for an 11-count! Blind ref! Blind ref!” Edwin gets off of Thoth, and pulls him up. Irish whip to the steel guardrail... Thoth takes it on the spine! He bends back, moaning out with the sharp pain, as Edwin approaches with a smirk. He takes hold of Thoth’s hand again, and whips him to the other side, aiming for the steps... but Thoth reverses the whip! The crowd gasps as Edwin uncontrollably careens into the portable steel steps, falling over them and landing on his chest in front of the steel guardrail. Some curious fans lean over and cop non-sexual feels as Edwin tries to recover from the bump. Thoth climbs up onto the ring apron, and hastily drops a pair of knees, aiming for the back of MacPhisto’s head... he misses by a few centimeters, but still nails his neck. Thoth looks down at his handiwork, and thinking carefully and wickedly. He goes under the ring, searching for implements of pain and destruction to use on the champion whose belt he is currently trying to win. Edwin starts to stir, getting to his feet, so Thoth hurries up, and pulls out the first thing he can find: a fire extinguisher.

“Dammit! Thoth’s gonna use that fire extinguisher and... um... and... temporarily BLIND Edwin MacPhisto!” screams Curry Man, halfheartedly.

“Or he could hit him in the head with it,” counters NTD. Thoth approaches Edwin, and pulls the pin. He unhooks the nozzle from the side of the red extinguisher, points it at Edwin, pulls the trigger and...

Nothing. He pulls it a few more times, then starts shaking it, trying to get it to fire. Though the fans know what’s about to happen, Thoth is still miffed that his weapon isn’t working. He looks into the nozzle, trying to see if there’s some kind of blockage...

Wait for it...

The extinguisher fires of its own accord, spraying Thoth in the face with cold white stuff, discoloring his hair and skin! The crowd laughs out loud at this turn of events, and somehow, Edwin finds the strength to get up and laugh, too. And then he takes him down with a clothesline. He hoists Thoth up back into the ring and rolls him over, making the hot pin...

ONE!

TWO!

TH- No! Even partially blind, Thoth manages to kick out. Edwin brings him to his feet, and backs him into the corner, where he lands a hard chop across the Balancer’s chest. The sound echoes into the rafters, eliciting a “Woo” from the crowd. The sounds rumble through Edwin’s ears, distracting him. The throbbing pain in his ears still hasn’t gone away. Thoth takes the advantage, thrusting an outstretched hand under the JL Commish’s neck, triggering the sensitive nerves in his mouth. Edwin crumples over, giving Thoth the perfect opportunity to hit a Guillotine Face Driver and take him down to the mat. The Balancer goes to the outside, and climbs the buckle, looking down at MacPhisto, who lies just inches away. Thoth bends his knees deep, looking for an extreme height to bring his knees down upon the champ. He takes off...

And Edwin gets up suddenly, catching Thoth before he can leap! He holds him over his shoulders as he steps out of the corner, giving himself to work... he spins Thoth around, and holds onto his neck, driving him into the mat with a vicious neckbreaker!

“Holy crap! Sound Check by Edwin MacPhisto! The champ was playing possum, and Thoth got suckered in! He could have it!”

Amid rabid chants of “MAC-PHIS-TO! MAC-PHIS-TO!”, Edwin pulls Thoth up to his feet for what he hopes to be the final time, and hooks for a backslide... or better yet, the Encore Cross!”

“ENCORE CROSS! The champ is looking to finish this right now!” screams an enthusiastic Curry Man. Edwin starts to pull, trying to get Thoth over... but Thoth is pulling back... they fight for what seems like forever, pulling, the fans on the edge of their seats...

...

Thoth wins the test of strength, and takes Edwin over in a backslide!

ONE!

TWO!

TH- No, Edwin rolls back, and lunges forward with a vicious Shotei, but Thoth sidesteps, and grabs the extended arm of MacPhisto, shoving it between his legs and setting up for a pumphandle... he hooks the other arm, and lifts, but Edwin wriggles out and falls behind Thoth! He hooks the arms... for another Encore Cross! The fans go nuts as he starts to pull Thoth over, leaping up to spike him to the canvas...

...

But Thoth flips over, landing on his feet in front a stunned MacPhisto! He scoops up Edwin, and cradles the leg...

And smashes Edwin’s head into the canvas!

“OH MY GOD! RIOT OF THE BLOOD ON AN ALREADY INJURED EDWIN MACPHISTO! THAT COULD HAVE ENDED HIS CAREER!” shouts Curry Man at the top of his lungs, risking permanent vocal damage to portray the seriousness of the scene to the fans watching at home. Edwin convulses a few times on the mat, then lays still. Thoth exhales deeply, making the cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

*DING DING DING*

“Quarantined” begins to play as Funyon makes the announcement that is already painfully obvious to everyone watching. “Here is your winner... and the NEW! S-W-F Intercontinental Television Champion... THOTH!”

“Dammit! For once, it was a clean match between Edwin MacPhisto and Thoth, as both played by the rules!” yells an indignant Curry Man. “Or lack of them,” adds NTD.

The referee grabs the belt from the timekeeper and brings it into the ring, handing it to Thoth, who holds it overhead, looking at it with some degree of awe. Thoth leaves the ring, his job done, as the SWF cameras focus back on the ring. Edwin MacPhisto has yet to move.

“Oh gosh. Oh, oh gosh,” says Curry Man, softly. “Quarantined” stops playing, replaced with the worried talking of the fans in the audience, as EMT’s rush from the back, doing their best to help. They bring Edwin up, and shine all sorts of lights into his eyes, trying to see if he is conscious, and to what degree. Edwin starts to mutter something, and when he holds his hand up, albeit weakly, giving a thumbs-up signal, the crowd cheers, as “Battleflag” comes on the PA.

“Thank god he’s alright,” says Curry Man. “We have a new ICTV champ in Thoth, but Edwin lives to fight another day.”

The EMT’s help Edwin to the back as Curry Man shills for the second half of the US Title tournament, and the show goes to commercial.

April 19, 2002

The pizzas have been cleared out of the hall. The pizza man has been chloroformed. All is well. Stubby P. McWeed downs 4 Advil and slumps forward on his desk. "What did I ever do to deserve this...that's the last time I--"

"EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!"

BRRNN! BRRN BRRN BRRN BRRRN! BRRN, BRRN BRRN BRRN! BRRN, BRRNBRRNN--

"EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!"

"UAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" The pumping gay-disco beats of C&C Music Factory's magnum opus course through Stubby's office. He leaps up and looks around--nothing in the corner! No speakers on the ceiling! Telvision monitor functioning normally! He rushes towards the window.

Nothing but a little pizza grease...but the music is a bit softer. Stubby listens carefully.

And looks at his desk.

In a half second Stubby is on the bottom right drawer of his desk, ripping it open to reveal the CD boombox inside. He slams the stop key, cutting off the dancing madness, and slams the drawer shut.

It is at this point that his desk collapses. Entirely.

"GOD DAMMIT!!!"

Stubby sits there in his office, alone, irate, before a crumpled desk, and ready to kill. There is a slight snapping sound above him.

Stubby looks up, and somehow, from somewhere, a cranberry pie lands on his face.

Crust impacts.

Berries ooze.

Stubby simmers.

"...this...ends...now."

April 19, 2002

(Inside of Jay Dawg's dressing room, a very loud argument is taking place. The door opens as a prepared Jay Dawg steps through.)

Drazon: Dammit, that's final! You are NOT to come out in this match.

(Jay Dawg slams the door, and walks away angry.)

Jay Dawg: *walking towards the ring* I can't believe her... every damn time... Lady Red... I'm her friend Jamie.... don't hurt her... Goddamnit, I'm giong to kill that bitch if it's the last thing I do....

--------------------------------------

(The crowd at the Veteran's Memorial Coluseum has a phychadelic freak-out over the return of SWF Storm, as the camera pans over fans we'll never see again... except for that guy with the twelve foot live swordfish for a hat. We're thinking of recruiting him....

Suddenly we see Curry Man and NTD at the announcer's table, ready to call the next match.)

Curry: Welcome back to STORM! With ma as always is the pantsless NTD

NTD: Naturally

Curry: No, he's not on first base. Next up we have the third of four first round matches to see who is our next US Champion. Last Storm, if you remember, Commissioner Stubby McWeed decided that K-Os beating Jay Dawg in three seconds meant neither man was worthy to be US champion! So now, here we are, two more people trying to get their hands on the belt.

NTD: Could you explain this tournament any more, and what was that about first base?

Curry: *smirking* No, what is on second base.

NTD: Are you dipping into my meds? Dammit Curry, I knew I couldn't trust you!

Curry: Never mind. We have Jay Dawg, former two time US champion versus a woman he's had a lot to contend with lately, Lady Red.

NTD: Jay Dawg may have had troubles with K-Os last week, but surely, he can beat a woman. Sure, she's drop dead gorgeous, but that translates to flat out nothing inside the ring.

Curry: Lady Red is dangerous, NTD, don't discount her that easily. Plus she is unpredictable, stalking Jay Dawg's girlfriend since she first saw her. Makes me glad I'm not a woman.

NTD: Dont discount that either. Zing!

Curry: I'd argue, but I guess I have to let you have your one zing per year.

NTD: Damn straight... HEY!

Curry: Well, Funyon is up and ready, time for you to shut up so we can get this no the road.

NTD: You're stealing my meds, I just know it....

(The audience quiets down, their attention drawn to the ring announcer)

Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match, set for one fall, is a first round match for the United States Championship!

(Three dim blue strobelights flash around the entrance ramp, eliciting boos from the crowd in anticipation of the superstar about to make his presence known. "This is mah house!" blares over the Coluseum's PA system, and D12's Fight Music plays....)

Funyon: First, from Vancouver, British Columbia, and weighing in at two hundred, fifty pounds... representing Da Pound... Jamie "Jay Dawg" Draaaaaaaaaazon!

(Jay Dawg walks out to a chorus of boos, but pays no mind, walking fast towards the ring, his face set in a determined pose. Rolling underneath the bottom rope, Jay Dawg test the rope with a bit too much enthusiasm, making known his anger at this match.)

NTD: It doesn't appear that Jay Dawg is too happy, but I can't blame him, losing the title, and having to enter a tournament to win it back. This shouldn't have even happened.

Curry: He lost in three seconds NTD! I'm shocked he has even this chance, except for that whole 'Stubby-with-Da-Pound' thing.

NTD: It's just intelligence, much like Drazon not bringing Molly out with him. He's deterined to win the title he never should have lost. No distractions.

(The arena immediately turns black. The SmarkTron shows two inverted bleeding red teardrops on the screen. Some of the crowd begins to cheer, wanting anyone but a Pound member to win. Then... nothing. No music or entrance...

Funyon, thinking any sound right now is better than none begins to announce Jay Dawg's opponent.)

Funyon: And... er.... his opponent, from Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan, weighing in at one hundred forty pounds......

(still nothing)

Funyon: ....uh... representing the Clan... LAAAAAADYYYYY REEEEED!

(The lights do not go to normal, no music continues to play. From the flash bulbs of people who ignored the 'do not bring flash cameras' warnings, glimpses of Jay Dawg can be seen, looking left to right quickly.)

Curry: This... is a little strange

NTD: Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm scared of the dark! Curry, hold me!

Curry: Ewwww, no! You're not wearing pants!

NTD: Discrimination!

(With no warning, the lights return, everything inside the arena returning to normal. Jay Dawg looks around him frantically, finding nothing in front of him. Turning around, Jay Dawg is hit full on from a Dropkiss of the top turnbuckle. Seeing the referee calls for the start of the match...)

DING DING DING

Curry: The Assassin lives up to her name, starting the match with a nasty dropkiss from up high, and immediately takes control of the match!

(Bringing her opponent to his feet, Red whips Jay Dawg hard into the ropes, clobbering him upon his return with a clothesline. Running towards the ropes herself, Lady Red returns, forced to hop over the rolling Jay Dawg. Getting to his feet, Jay Dawg bends over for a backdrop. Returning from the ropes, Lady Red stops in mid stride, and places Drazon's head underneath her arm. Looking up, the Assassin garners a few cheers of support, before driving Jay Dawg's head hard to the mat.)

Curry: Did I actually hear cheers for a Clan member?

NTD: Possibly, or you could simply equate it to the percentage of true idiots in the crowd.

(Straddling the fallen Dawg's back, the Assassin wraps one arm around Jay Dawg's left arm, snaking it up and around his shoulder. Jay Dawg, feeling what maneuver was coming, quickly twists, avoiding the dreaded submission lock. Lady Red, now over Jay Dawg's chest, takes advantage of her position, and begins to mercilessly punch Drazon's unprotected face, as he tries to free himself. Three quick lefts, and suddenly the crowd shouts "Four!". Lady Red looks up, puzzled. With the second gained, Jay Dawg pushes the Assassin off his chest, knicking her to the mat.)

NTD: Jay Dawg is playing it smart, he's made sure nothing distracts him, unlike Lady Red who is confused at the crowd yelling a number.

Curry: I could see why she would be shocked.

NTD: Why don't you enlighten us.

Curry: No, I'll let you figure it out... and while you're at it, try to find your medication.

NTD: I KNEW IT! Where is it Curry? You know what I can do without my pills...

Curry: Curl up into a fetal position and cry?

NTD: *sniffles* Why are you so mean to me....

(Bringing Red up to her feet, Drazon whips her to the ropes, dropping down on her return and kicking her knee in midair, dropping the assassin to the mat. Swift kicks are brought to the back of Lady Red's knees, causing the assassin to yell out in pain. Pulling Red's hair, Drazon gets a warning from the referee, but doesn't stop him from bringing Red to her feet. Pushing her towards a near corner, Jay Dawg follows in with a clothesline, slumping the assassin. Hopping onto the second rope, he begins to punch Lady Red in the face... once, twice, thrice... four, then five times, stopping when the referee warna again of a disqualification. Stepping down, Jay Dawg makes for an Irish Whip to the opposite corner, but Red finds enough strength to stop in mid stride. Jay Dawg tries pulling the opposite way, but Red Refuses to budge. Red pulls now back towards the original corner, throwing Jay Dawg to the turnbuckle.. but acidentaly crushes the referee between Drazon and the corner! Dawg bounces back with a lariat, downing the assassin as the referee goes down in a heap.)

Curry: Red accidentally knocks out the referee, and now she's down! Jay Dawg can do anything here!

(Jay Dawg brings the assassin back up to her feet, but immediately puts her in a standing head scissors. The crowd begins to boo the Pound member, as he crosses Red's throat with her own arms...)

NTD: JD's Revenge! Whatever chance Lady Red had to win this match is erased as of this moment!

(Leaping into the air, Jay Dawg crushes the Clan's Assassin underneath him, landing JD's revenge. Picking Red back up to her feet, he puts her head back between his legs and crosses her arms over her throat again.)

Curry: He's trying to KILL her! No one can survive two JD's Revenges!

NTD: Exactly! And no one can stop the match due to knockout! JD is going to destroy Lady Red for daring to stalk Molly.

Curry: I'm wish I said that, I hate saying "Speak of the Devil"

NTD: What the, Molly is coming out to the ring!

(Jay Dawg pays no attention to the newcomer, jumping high into the air again, and coming down in a crash, crushing Lady Red once more. To his left he notices a new figure, sliding in, he turns around to see a shocked Molly, with a chair. The crowd buzzes at what might happen. Jay Dawg smirks, and picks up the limp assassin, locking her arms from behind with his. He motions for Molly to hit the woman, but she simply stands there. Angrier, he motions again, this time telling her to hit Red, but Molly refuses. He begins screaming at Molly...)

Jay Dawg: HIT HER!

(Molly simply stands in the center of the ring, holding the chair with one hand towards the mat.)

Jay Dawg: GODDAMNIT MOLLY, HIT THE BITCH!

(Molly shakes her head, as a cheer runs through the crowd.)

NTD: Why did Molly come in if she's not going to help Jay Dawg?

Curry: Maybe she wasn't happy with the brutal beating he's giving Lady Red?

(Jay Dawg throws the assassin down to the mat and approaches Molly. As soon as Red dropped out of the way, however, Molly grabbed the chair with her other hand and hits Drazon over the head with the chair. The crowd cheers as Drazon's girlfriend hits him a second time. Molly raises her hands up to strike a third time, just as the referee rouses himself. The chair strike comes down, and so does the referee's outstretched hand, calling for the bell.)

DING DING DING

NTD: Jay Dawg wins, due to his bitch girlfriend taking silly offense over his actions. Not how you want to do it, but a W is a W.

Curry: But what did he just lose?

NTD: A whiny bitch constantly nagging him?

Curry: Shut up NTD.

(Molly looks around, surprised to hear the bell. Horrified, she runs over to the now concious Lady Red, who is staring straight at her. Molly begins to apologize, but then simply kneels, handing over the chair. Lady Red stands and takes the chair out of her hands. Molly looks up into her eyes, her face vacant of emotion, simply waiting for the strike.)

Curry: Molly is asking the Assassin to hit her? What the hell is going on???

NTD: Who knows, but maybe this could break out into some nice S&M action...

Curry: HANDS ON THE TABLE!!!

NTD: What?

(Red takes three steps back, then rushes forward....)

Curry: I can't look at this...

NTD: Good, then I'll just...

Curry: HANDS UP!

(...past Molly, to hit Jay Dawg over the head once again with the chair. The crowd pops again as Jay Dawg gets even more punishment. Red drops the chair, and turns around looking over at the confused Molly. Motioning for her to stand, Red watches as Molly gets to ehr feet and walks over, a look of confusion on her face. Lady Red holds the second and top ropes open for her to step through, which she does. Rolling out of the ring, Red takes Molly by the hand and leads her backstage, much to the delight of the audience)

Curry: Molly is with Lady Red now, and the crowd loves it! Jay Dawg may have advanced, but not without losing a lot more!

NTD: Ungrateful bitch.

(At the top of the entrance ramp, Red stops and turns around to face the ring. Looking around, she glances over the crowd, the ring, where Jay Dawg is beign helped to his feet, and back again. Jay Dawg walks slowly to the ropes facing the entrance ramp. Motioning for a microphone, a ring boy tosses one up to him.)

Jay Dawg: Molly... MOLLY! Yeah, over here, what the fuck do you think you're doing?

(Molly looks over at Lady Red, as if looking for a command. Red puts her hand up and steps forward. Her hand moves up and down in front of Molly, as if to show her off, and then suddenly comes back to her own chest, thumb pointing towards her. Then..... she smiles. Taking Molly by the hand, they begin to leave again.)

Jay Dawg: Red... RED! YOU BITCH! COME BACK WITH HER!

(Lady Red simply waves goodbye behind her as Molly and Red leave the entrance ramp.)

Jay Dawg: I'm NOT going to forget this! You hear me Red? I WILL KILL YOU FOR THIS!!!!

(The theme to 'A Clockwork Orange' plays over the PA, with the crowd cheering at Jay Dawg's misfortune.)

Curry: That was a short strange affair, but entertaining nonetheless! Jay Dawg advances in the most unpredictable of ways, and loses his girlfriend to the mysterious Lady Red! But there are still more matches to come, so stay tuned to SWF Storm!

April 19, 2002

As we fade back in to SWF Storm, a large computer-generated manatee swings on a vine across the screen!

“Unnnnghnnn!”

…

There he goes again!

“Rorrrrrmpf.”

…

On it’s third time across the camera, it crashes into some power lines and is violently electrocuted. He falls out of sight with a heart-wrenching “Arruuunnnhhgh!”, and the electricity crawls across the screen to spell “SWF Shock of the Week!”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The scene is the previous Storm, with Johnny Rotten on the mic…

"But most importantly... as the Deputy Commissioner of the Smarks Wrestling Federation, it is one of my duties... to scout and sign talent..."

"I've been following the career of a certain someone recently, and I think he'd feel right at home here in the SWF... his credentials are impeccable... even you might be impressed, Stubby!"

Johnny now steps back, and the Carnies spread out behind him. After a brief pause...

"He is a former two time IGNWF Tag Team Champion..."

"NTD... NTD, Do you think-"

"He is a former Intercontinental Television Title holder!"

"Curry, please tell me it's not-"

"He was the VERY FIRST WORLD CHAMPION OF THE IGN MINOR LEAGUES!"

The Garret Arena's roof is blown right off, and Rotten is forced to shout into the microphone to keep himself audible!

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, RETURNING HOME TO THE MIDNIGHT CARNIVAL... CHRIIIIISSS RAYYYYYNOOORRRR!"

"He's back! He's back!" shills Curry, "My God, Chris Raynor is back!"

The Love Rollercoaster shoots out from under the SmarkTron, and Raynor zooms down the ramp at an insane speed! Just as it's about to make a sizeable dent in the ring, he turns on a dime and begins a victory lap around the squared circle! The fans are going absolutely nuts as spark-pyros rise from the turnbuckles and the music rattles windows three blocks away!

Raynor raises the mic and says “I'm back." He grins a wide grin. "I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere for a long... long time."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Despite a protesting “Mrrnnngggh…“ from somewhere offscreen, we’re given a view of the thousands and thousands of SWF fans enjoying the hell out of this show! The upper decks are panned across to show the screaming multitudes, and cameras stop on a few notable signs:

“Scott Keith fears Stubby!”

“I snuck in!”

“NTD: Notoriously Tiny D-”

Er… camera moved before anyone could finish reading it…

… and we return to the standard announcer-table shot of Curry and Nathaniel T.D.

-- NTD: *sniffle* … poor manatee…

-- Curry: Folks, you just saw the return of one of the original Midnight Carnival-ers, an-

-- NTD: Is that good grammar?

-- Curry: Doesn’t matter.

-- NTD: Curry! We’re on the air! We need to be professional! Professionals use good grammar!

-- Curry: Professionals wear pants.

-- NTD: … carry on…

-- Curry: Thank you. Anyway, Chris Raynor returned after a four month absence, which he suffered by losing his job to the Suicide King. He apparently went into talks with the Deputy Commish, Johnny Rotten, after we left IGN, and he found a way to get back in!

-- NTD: Blargh! The Carnival is like a giant cockroach! It never goes awa-… no, more like five individual cockroaches… those five people are the giant collective cockroach called the Midnight Carnival!

-- Curry: …

-- NTD: … I’ll be quiet.

-- Curry: Good boy. Tonight we’ve seen three out of four first-round matches in the US Title Tournament, and we’re all set for the last one right now! Chris Raynor’s return to the ring pits him against former stablemate Mistress Sarah to see who will face the winner of Lady Red versus Jay Daw-

Curry is cut off by the opening notes of “Paint it Black” as the arena falls into darkness. The SmarkTron shows an old black-and-white countdown, and at zero the song picks up, as do the lights, and The Mistress steps out onto the stage, leading Mikaela, who’s wrapped inside Sarah’s whip!

-- Funyon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is the final first round match in the Smarks Wrestling Federation’s United States Championship Tournament!

Sarah slowly unwraps Mikaela from the whip… despite their bad-guy status, most fans tonight can’t bring themselves to outright boo two women with a whip!

-- Funyon: Introducing first, from Bellevue, Nebraska, and being accompanied by Mikaela… weighing in at one hundred and sixty pounds… MISSSTREEEESSSS SAAAAARAHHHHH!

Sarah ignores the fans and heads straight to the ring, with Mikaela stepping gingerly behind her. The two slide in together, and Sarah unfurls her whip and lets loose a mighty *CRACK* not a foot from Funyon’s face! The Refreshingly Tasty Onion Snack leaps back, obviously shaken, and Sarah lets loose a devious smile…

… which fades away as the opening riff of “Electra Made Me Blind” kicks up, which puts the people on their feet! The lights again drop out, but this time a set of whites laced around the SmarkTron flicker and flare, illuminating the stage for-

“YEA!”

*BOOOOM*

The house lights remain down as the fire shoots high, and once it dies down the smoke from the pyros lends a surreal feel to the stage when lit by the flashing white lights. Behind the haze emerges a tall figure, about six-two, weighing maybe two-fifty… white male, late twentie- Holy shit, that’s Chris Raynor!

-- Funyon: Her opponent hails from Baton Rouge, Louisianaaaa! Weighing in at two hundred and two hundred and forty-eight pounds… CHRIIIIIISSSS RAYYYYYNOOORRRRR!

Standing at the top of the ramp, Raynor takes a long hard look out at the thousands of fans cheering his return… he takes a deep breath, then smiles…

-- NTD: Aww, a Hallmark moment.

Raynor removes his Midnight Carnival jersey, balls it up, and heaves it off into the crowd, then starts walking down the ramp.

-- Curry: If my memory serves correctly, this will be Raynor’s first encounter… ever, against a female opponent. And what an opponent he has in former stablemate Mistress Sarah!

The Rayn-Man takes the long way around the ring, slapping hands with those practically falling over the barricade, before he climbs up the steel stairs and steps through the ropes. No sooner does he stand upright then-

*WAH-PEESH*

Sarah lets the whip crack close to Raynor’s face, and he jumps back into the corner! Again, she cracks a mean grin, then tosses the whip out of the ring and waits…

-- Curry: Wonder if Raynor is going to have any hesitation to fighting a woman…

Sarah stands in the center of the ring as the ref signals for the bell. As he steps out of the way to do so, Raynor strides forward and pie-faces the Mistress! She falls and rolls backwards across the ring!

-- Curry: I suppose not.

-- NTD: That was rude!

*DING DING DING*

Sarah springs back to her feet and immediately charges her foe! Raynor braces himself and prepares to lock up, but at the last moment Sarah drops and slides between his legs! Before he can even turn around, Sarah spins on the canvas and sweeps Raynor in the back of his knees, bringing him crashing to the mat! He quickly rolls onto his side then to a kneeling position, just in time to get a sweet martial-arts kick to the head!

-- NTD: That’s gotta smart.

Raynor holds his head and prays for Tylenol as he begins to get back to his feet. Meanwhile, Sarah remains behind him, poised to strike…

-- Curry: I don’t like the looks of this-

As Raynor just manages to stand and turn around, Sarah jumps and wraps her legs around his neck, then falls back and throws him back across the ring!

-- Curry: Standing hurricanrana!

-- NTD: If it weren’t for the whole painful throw and landing thing, I’d say Raynor was the luckiest man alive!

Raynor quickly backs into the corner and tries to catch his breath. Sarah rolls to her feet and charges- Raynor gets an elbow up! It catches the Mistress square in the jaw, and she’s stumbles back holding her mouth.

-- Curry: Looks like Raynor took exception to the “pleasure of pain”, an-

*WHAM*

-- Curry: -d what a clothesline!

Sarah goes down hard and quickly rolls under the ropes, where Mikaela rushes to her aid. The ref’s lazy ten-count ensues, while Raynor waits patiently in the ring…

-- Curry: Well, we know Raynor won’t hesitate to hit a girl… that’s good because if he wins he’ll be facing Lady Red in the next match!

-- NTD: But if Sarah wins-

-- Curry: Bingo.

-- NTD: HOT GIRL ON GIRL- (NTD’s headset inexplicably goes dead).

At about six, Sarah cautiously rolls back in, ready for Raynor to charge… but he doesn’t. He remains in the far corner, lying back and relaxing. Sarah stomps to the center of the ring calls him out. Raynor looks at her… then the crowd… and gives an exaggerated shrug and steps out. Sarah swings a wild right hand (almost a claw, really) but Raynor steps back and avoids it. She goes for a second, but Raynor dodges again, and this time he grabs her arm and twists it behind her!

-- NTD: Rrowr! Ffft!

Sarah wraps her right leg around Raynor’s and pushes herself back, attempting to knock him down…

… doesn’t work too well…

Raynor lets go of her arm and simply picks his right foot up, and the Mistress goes tumbling down! He immediately drops an elbow on her back, and a second, a third, then he stoops down and picks her up by her arm.

-- Curry: Well that was gentlemanly. Most people would’ve used the hair.

He takes her by the arm and whips her hard across the ring into the turnbuckle, then mounts the ropes and looms over her, raising a fist to the crowd!

-- NTD: Rrowr! Fffft!

-- Curry: You said that already.

-- NTD: I know, but it’s fun! Ffffft!

Raynor looks down at Sarah, grins his by-now-it-really-should-be-copyrighted goofy grin, then begins firing away as the crowd counts along!

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

-- NTD: Come on, try it Curry! Fffft!

“THREE!”

“FOUR!”

-- Curry: Fft?

“FIVE!”

“SIX!”

“SEVEN!”

-- NTD: No, it’s mor-

-- Curry: Mikaela!

-- NTD: Wha?

As Raynor pulls back for number eight, Mikaela hops up the stairs behind the corner and swipes at him! The Rayn-man loses his balances and falls off the ropes, landing hard on his back! Sarah pulls herself together and crouches down, waiting…

-- Curry: This is just painful to see-

As Raynor gets back up, Sarah steps forward and fires her left foot up into his throat! A collective “OOOOH!” from everyone in the arena, including Curry and NTD, as Raynor drops to his knees wheezing and choking! Mikaela applauds as Sarah moves in for the first cover attempt!

ONE!

TW- Raynor thrusts his shoulder up!

-- NTD: Fffft!

-- Curry: Knock it off! You’re spitting all over me!

Sarah gets back to her feet while Raynor continues to try and remember how to breathe. Despite his inability to inhale, he rolls away from his attacker and to a kneeling position… Sarah quickly locks her arm around his head and falls back for a DDT, and another quick cover!

ONE!

TWO!

T- Again, Raynor gets his arm off the mat!

-- Curry: Ringrust or no, it’s gonna take more than that to put Raynor down.

-- NTD: Ffff-

-- Curry: I’m warning you…

-- NTD: -ffine match, isn’t it?

The Mistress rolls to her feet again, and, not showing the same compassion, grabs Raynor by the hair and pulls him up. There she hooks his pants and throws an arm over his head…

-- Curry: Snap suplex… I don’t know if she‘s strong enough to lift Ra- No, Raynor blocks!

Raynor remains firmly planted on the ground, and now he lifts Sarah straight up and holds her there!

-- NTD: Huh… that can’t be fun…

-- Curry: One wouldn’t think so…

After about five seconds, the Rayn-Man falls back and brings Sarah crashing down with him. He rolls over, but keeps a firm hold on Sarah’s outfit, and soon he has her standing again, ready for another!

-- Curry: Rolling suplexes it seems- and this time he’s holding her up even longer!

It is easily eight seconds that Raynor keeps her up there, and the impact is no less painful than the first one! The fans cheer this feat of strength… then cheer louder, as Raynor seems poised to do it a third time!

-- NTD: This is getting ridiculous! Ffft! Ffft!

Raynor braces himself then hoists Sarah up, and the crowd actually begins ticking off the seconds!

“ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FI-

In the middle of five, Sarah begins struggling and kicking! Raynor can’t continue to hold her, and she falls behind him and-

“OOOOOH!”

-- Curry: Mule kick!

-- NTD: Women’s wile!

-- Fans: NUTSHOT!

Raynor collapses to the mat holding his… area, and Sarah falls next to him, exhausted from the suplexes. The referees count begins…

ONE!

TWO!

Sarah rolls to the ropes and pulls herself to her knees with one hand… the other clutching her back…

THREE!

Sarah is up to her feet, and she hobbles over to Raynor- who quickly rolls aside, snags her feet, and brings her down!

-- Curry: Nice drop toe hold from the playing-possum Car-

-- NTD: Cats hate possums! Ffft!

-- Curry: Seriously, it’s getting old, cut it out.

-- NTD: Rrowr! FF-

-- Curry: I’ll have you neutered…

NTD rips off his headset and leaps behind the barricade.

Both competitors get to their feet, Raynor first. Sarah falls back into the ropes for support, and Raynor lines up across the ring… he charges!

… Mikaela grabs the top rope! Sarah drops to her belly, and Raynor flips violently and slams against the apron and falls to the mat!

-- Curry: Blatant cheating! Well, not really blatant I guess, if the ref didn’t see it…

In the ring, Sarah runs the gamut of ref-distracting tactics. On the outside, Raynor has barely reached one knee when the Mistress’ escort brandishes her nails.

(NTD leaps back over the railing looking very roughed up)

-- NTD: If anyone asks for me, I’m not here.

-- Curry: Uh… right?

Mikaela turns Raynor around and- VICIOUS BACKRAKE OF DOOM~!

Raynor recoils, making sure to face Mikaela as much as possible, as he stumbles around the corner of the ring. Mikaela continues pursuit, but just as she pulls back for a swipe, a hand reaches out over the top rope and yanks Raynor by the hair!

-- Curry: I would say “This has turned into a two on one affair!”, but…

-- NTD: It sounds so contrived.

-- Curry: Exactly.

Raynor slowly is pulled up onto the apron, but not before Mikaela gets a final slap in!

-- Curry: How about “This is not a damn handicap match!”

-- NTD: Overdramatic.

-- Curry: Hmm…

Sarah turns Raynor around, and hip-tosses him over the ropes to the inside. He‘s up surprisingly quick, but facing the wrong way! Sarah throws an arm around his neck from behind and drops in a neck breaker!

-- Curry: I personally didn’t think Raynor would be on the receiving end of the punishment, but that’s how it looks to be!

The Mistress covers!

ONE!

TWO!

THR- No! Raynor kicks out!

-- NTD: He’s been gone four months… a lot can happen in four months…

*ominous silence*

Sarah gets back to her feet, bringing the Rayn-Man with her, and then whips him into the ropes. She leans back, then spins forward and unleashes a spinning heel kick-

- that Raynor manages to duck! He keeps on running and bounces off the ropes, comes running back-

-and he catches a kick the second time around!

-- NTD: If at first you don’t succeed!

Sarah, now comfortably in control, slowly stoops down and grabs ahold of Raynor’s hair. Muttering something (the closest camera catches “I don’t think I like you”, she drops his head and walks to the ropes. She steps through them and ascends the turnbuckle, with Mikaela cheering wildly on.

-- Curry: She could being going for “Whipped”, and we know what comes after that…

-- NTD: Every man’s dream!

A dazed Raynor manages to get to his feet, and after a few seconds of wobbling to and fro, he slowly turns…

… Sarah takes a few steps out onto the top rope, then springs forward! Her legs wrap around the Carny’s neck, and she attempts to throw him…

… and fails!

-- NTD: No!

Raynor grabs ahold of the Mistress’ legs and ends up stopping her mid flight! She dangles down awkwardly in front of him, and the crowd begins to cheer, knowing what’s coming up!

-- NTD: For the love of-

“SMAAAAASH!”

With this battlecry, Raynor pulls Sarah up then delivers a brutal power bomb! The crowd responds with a “SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!” chant as he slowly but surely manages to pull her back up! As soon as he can, he throws himself backwards, dropping her throat first across the ropes!

-- Curry: He countered “Whipped” into SMASH!

-- NTD: … that’s the stupidest sentence I’ve ever heard.

Raynor crawls over her for the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

T

H

R

E

E- NO! Sarah kicks out!

-- Curry: Sarah kicks out of SMAAASH!

-- NTD: … no, THAT is the stupidest sentence I’ve ever heard. Come on Saraaaah!

Raynor pounds the mat, then rises. Sarah lays prone, choking… and Raynor turns and faces the turnbuckle…

-- Curry: Air Smash!

-- NTD: What is this world coming to?

Rejuvenated, Raynor quickly gets to and through the ropes, and he climbs the post! He raises both fists, getting a cheer from the crowd-

- when Mikaela grabs his foot!

-- Curry: I thought this was a one on one match!

-- NTD: … hey, that’s a good one! Use that!

Raynor immediately hops off the turnbuckle, preferring that to being pushed off. He leans over the ropes and begins swiping at the Mistress‘ escort… turning his back on the Mistress…

-- Curry: Sarah’s up… Sarah’s up, and she’s angry…

Just as Raynor begins to turn back around, Sarah runs back and hits the ropes for extra speed! Raynor catches sight of her as she’s charging forward-

-and he manages to catch her mid-run! Sarah goes up, spins around, and comes crashing back down in the center of the ring!

-- Curry: Tilt-a-whirl slam! Raynor’s not as rusty as we think!

Raynor stands over his former stablemate, and, looking out at the crowd, gives the cut-throat sign!

-- NTD: Corniest finisher name ever!

-- Curry: He’s calling for Acid Rayn!

Raynor yanks Sarah up… by the hair, this time… and whips her hard into the corner! She comes stumbling out…

-- Curry: Here it comes…

… Raynor drops to his knees…

-- NTD: Fffft!

… and Sarah leaps forward! She flips mid-air while grabbing Raynor’s head, and ends up snapping it down as she lands!

-- NTD: How do ya like THEM apples!

Once again, both competitors find themselves on the mat, and the familiar count begins again!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

-- NTD: What happens if they both lose?

-- Curry: Lady Red gets a bye, I suppose.

-- NTD: Heheh… “bi”…

FOUR!

FIVE!

Just like last time, Sarah begins moving first. She rolls to her knees, and grabs the top rope with one hand…

SIX!

SEVEN!

She manages to get to both feet, still holding the ropes, so she hobbles over to the motionless Raynor and grabs his arm. She turns to look behind her, scouting… then pulls him over towards the nearest corner. Sarah deposits him just a few feet in front of the post, then slowly steps through the ropes and begins to climb again. She steadies herself on the top rope, then lies in wait…

-- Curry: Sarah may be going for her alternate, Broken Spirit! She seems to be waiting for Raynor-

-- NTD: And the sucker’s getting up!

Raynor slowly… very slowly, but surely rolls onto his stomach… then up to one knee… the crowd is yelling, screaming, trying to warn him but to no avail, as he seems completely out of it…

-- NTD: Just stand up, you little bastard!

-- Curry: I’d say he’s a pretty big bastard.

He’s on one foot, and one knee…

… he’s rising…

With a sudden burst of speed, Raynor lunges for the ropes! He lands on and yanks the top rope hard, and Sarah loses her footing and crotches the post!

-- NTD: Oh well. No loss th-

Moving quickly, the Rayn-Man runs to the corner, turns his back to Sarah, and grabs her arms…

-- NTD: -ereWAITAMINUTE! NONONONONO!

Sarah struggles violently, and she manages to get one arm free from Raynor’s grasp! Her legs are on either sides of the ropes, however, and her kicking does no good! Raynor tightens his hold on her left arm, places his right hand under her left armpit, then shoves off!

-- Curry: I think he’s gonna-

Sarah goes sailing through the air over her foe, and after a lengthy flight she crashes face first into the canvas below!

-- Curry: Acid Rayn! Acid Rayn from the top rope! Cover her!

-- NTD: No! Don’t listen to Curry! He’s weird! Don’t cover her!

The cries fall on (temporarily) deaf ears, however… Raynor’s second wind has apparently died out, as he lies motionless next to the body of his opponent.

-- Curry: He’s got this match won!

-- NTD: Lies! Blaspheme-

“RAAAAAGH!”

That was the crowd, as Raynor flings an arm in front of himself and he begins to crawl forward! He begins the difficult task of rolling Sarah over, and after what seems like an eternity to him (and what seems like seven seconds or so to the rest of us), he turns the Mistress over and drapes an arm across her!

ONE!

TWO!

T

H

R

E

! - Sarah’s shoulder shoots up, but the ref’s hand had hit three just, just, JUST BEFORE! He signals for the bell, and The Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum comes unglued!

“YEA!”

Art Alexakis’ screechy-yet-oddly-pleasing voice blasts over the crowd’s roar as the referee grabs Raynor’s arm and raises it as high as he can manage!

-- Funyon: The winner of this bout, and moving on to the second round of the tourney... Chriiiiissss Rayyyyynooooorrrr!

Raynor manages to pull himself up at the zebra’s expense, and in moments he’s on the second rope saluting the fans, though in an almost drunken manner.

-- Curry: Raynor’s first match back, and he gets the duke!

-- NTD: He can barely stand up, Curry! This was luck!

Sarah too is beginning to move, rolling toward the ropes into the comforting arms of Mikaela. Raynor steps off the rope and nearly falls over, but he catches himself and heads to the opposite end of the ring to do it again!

-- Curry: Sarah put up one hell of a fight, but the power of SMASH! was too much for her! Raynor moves on in the tournament! Folks, we’ve got to take a commercial break, but stay with us! Three team tag match, main event, Clan-Carny-Pound! It’s next!

A shot of Raynor soaking in the cheers, the camera flashes, the entire experience, before we fade to black…

April 19, 2002

Curry: And we are back for one of the most interesting tag matches I have seen in a long while!!

NTD: I have to agree with you there Curry! With The Clan, Da Pound and the Midnight Carnival in the ring at the same time, who knows what might happen!!

Curry starts to respond, but it cut off by the lights suddenly going out! The arena becomes shrouded in darkness as a haunting, bassless beat begins to play. Ephemeral flashes of white randomly illuminate sections of the crowd, but as soon as they appear, they leave. The bass becomes more pronounced, gradually, and the crowd can almost feel a cold, foreboding wind blow through the empty air.

"What's wrong, motherfucker, you were a man just a minute ago..."

BOOM drops the bass, accompanying the entrance of Spider Nekura and Fallout, who slowly step out from behind the curtain, entrenched in their signature Clan robes. A few cheers can be heard, but the reaction is overwhelmingly negative as the Clanmates slowly make their way down the ramp.

Funyon: The following is a Triple Threat Tag Team Match scheduled for one fall!! Introducing first, at a combined weight of 416 pounds, they are the Number One Contender to the SWF World Heavyweight Title, Fallout, and One Half of the SWF Tag Team Champions, Spider Nekura... THE CLAN!!!!

Almost simultaneously, both men step up onto the apron and then climb into the ring, walking to the center and remaining still as the crowd continues to shower them with boos. Spider and Fallout take their robes and slowly pull the hoods back, revealing their expressionless faces as the lights come back up. They then shed their robes, hand them to the referee along with Spider's Tag Belt, and begin preparing for the upcoming match.

NTD: They are creepy! I can't deny there is something about them that turns me on, but still...

Curry: Good grief! There is no denying how successful they have been here in the SWF, but The Clan defy all description!!

Before the Clannies can get comfortable in the ring, the lights drop out again! Darkness fills the arena and the silence is broken when DMX starts with no beat...

"Just cause I love my niggas!"

The SWFTron flashes the crimson letter "D".

"I shed blood for my niggas!"

An image of JD executing JD's revenge on Fallout appears on the SWFTron, followed by a black screen that then flashes the crimson letter "P"

"Let a niggas holla, 'Where my niggas?'"

An image of Sacred hitting the Cruel Fate on Mercury replaces the letters, but then the black screen returns followed by the flashing crimson letter "G"

"All I wanna hear is 'right here my niggas!'"

An image of the Hville Thugg hitting the Untamed on Mark Stevens appears on the SWFTron, and then the black screen returns. The screen then flashes the letters "DPG" several times as an electronic wail starts off and DMX continues...

"You will not take this from me baby!"

"You will NOT TAKE THIS FROM ME BABBBBBYYYYYYYY!!"

"You know..."

BOOM!!

Fire erupts from the stage, shadowing HVT and Sacred behind it's high flames as the letters on the SWFTron give way to the words, "Da Pound".

"My Niggas!"

"Some niggas that you don't wanna try!"

"My Niggas!"

"Some niggas that's really do or die!"

"My Niggas!"

"Will have you cowards ready to cry!"

"My Niggas!"

"Will rob!"

"My Niggas!"

"Will kill!"

"My Niggas!"

As DMX's "My Niggas" blares through the speakers and the fans excrete hatred from every orifice in their bodies, Thugg and Sacred step to the forefront, their bodies illuminated by the fire that shoots up behind them.

Funyon: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 681 pounds - they are Sacred and the SWF World Heavyweight Champion H-Ville Thugg... DA POUND!!!

Once Funyon has announced them, Da Pound moves slowly and confidently about half way to the ring. Then the two teammates glance at each other and nod. Thugg unsnaps the World Title and lets it drop to the ramp. As the crowd pops for the change, the two Pound members charge the ring!!!! Both men slide under the bottom rope and pop up in front of slightly surprised Clannies!! Thugg swings hard at a retreating Fallout while Sacred and Spider start to exchange right hands!! Funyon dives out of the ring, taking the mic with him!

Curry: These four don't even care that the Carnival isn't here yet!! This match hasn't started!!

NTD: Of course they don't care!! This isn't about a won-loss record! This is about pride and vengeance!! These guys really dislike each other!!

In the ring, Spider has gotten the upper hand on Sacred! He pulls him in, wraps him up and throws him back, nailing an impressive T-Bone Suplex!! Meanwhile, Thugg manages to get a huge hand on Fallout!! The number one contender wastes no time sending a fast kick into the stomach of the Champ, but Thugg barely notices! HVT whips Fallout hard into the ropes! Bounce back, HVT picks Fallout up and spins him head over heels, then drives him hard into the mat with a massive Tilt-A-Whirl Slam!!! Spider sees his compadre go down and rushes to his aid! He throws himself into the ropes, bounces out, jumps and slams his foot right into the side of Thugg's head with a stiff spinning heel kick!! Thugg staggers back! Spider presses the advantage and whips Thugg into the ropes!! Bounce back, Spider plants his left foot and sends his right hard towards Thugg's face, but the giant grabbed the ropes!! Spider drops to both feet and tries to escape as Thugg takes a huge step forward and just unloads with a massive right cross!! HVT picks up the smaller man, presses him over his head and tosses him out of the ring!! Fallout sees his leader depart and rolls out himself, waiting to collect his wits!! In the ring, Thugg pulls Sacred to his feet and the two face off with the Clan!! The crowd is cheering, the early action fast and furious!! Thugg points at Fallout and starts to to move towards the ropes, when the lights go out for a third time.

And the crowd goes bleeding insane...

A soft female voice whispers, "Midnight Carnival." The IGNTron flashes blazing white in time with the opening beats of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Love Rollercoaster" as the Carnival's anthem pumps through the arena, revealing with each flash thin black lettering that reads "Step Right Up." As the guitar part drops in, three blue laser lights trace the arena, all stemming from the same point in the middle of the entrance ramp. As the words "rollercoaster of love" echo through the arena for the first time, the laser lights flare out into a blue haze across the entrance ramp as El Luchadore Magnifico and "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens step out from behind the curtain. As the refrain arrives for the first time, the arena plunges back into darkness just as purple strobe lights tear through the house and the blue laser lights spiral wildly, illuminating the members of the Midnight Carnival in funky, staccato bursts as the crowd cheers wildly for their arrival. The IGNTron video plays, flashing half-second clips of classic maneuvers from the Carnival's members as Magnifico, with the LHW Title wrapped around his waist and his Mexican Flag held high in the air, and Stevens, with a Midnight Carnival baseball cap resting comfortably on his head, make their way down the ramp, soaking up the cheers as they go.

Funyon: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 477 Pounds - "Grand Slam", Mark Stevens, and the SWF Light-Heavyweight Champion El Luchadore Magnifico... THE MIDNIGHT CARNIVAL!!!!

Thugg and Sacred back off to a corner, not turning their backs on the ever-dangerous Clan, as Magnifico and Stevens slide headfirst into the ring and pop to their feet. Both men pick a corner and hop onto the second turnbuckle, thrusting their arms into the air in a pre-match celebration as the flashbulbs flood them with light. Stevens takes his ballcap and hurls it into the crowd, making one lucky fan's night as he hops off of the turnbuckle. Magnifico follows suit, meeting Stevens in the middle of the ring.

NTD: Oh goody... the Carnival. I hoped they weren't here...

Curry: You know, it occurs to me that there is a hell of a lot of gold in the ring tonight!! You have the current World Champion, the Light-Heavyweight Champion and one-half of the Tag Champions!! Not to mention everyone else's past gold!

NTD: Yeah yeah yeah, it is a gathering of titans, blah blah blah...

The two Carnies look at each other for a second, then spin and attack Da Pound!! Grand Slam is sending punch after punch at Thugg's head as ELM goes after Sacred! But Da Pound is ready and fend off the attacks long enough for The Clan to roll back into the ring and attack the Carnies from behind!! As the match starts to degenerate into a brawl, the ref signals for the bell and heads for the melee to try and regain some control!

** Ding, ding, ding **

Thugg rears back and lands a low blow on the distracted Stevens! Grand Slam drops to the mat as Spider pulls a leg out from under El Luchadore Magnifico! Sacred starts to stomp away on Magnifico while Spider backs off and gets a handle on the situation. At a point from his leader, Fallout retreats to a corner and gets in tag position. Meanwhile Thugg kicks Grand Slam out of the ring and stomps over to his corner, glaring at Fallout the whole while!

Curry: Well, it looks like we are down to the prescribed amount of wrestlers in the ring finally!

NTD: Don't expect it to stay that way for very long!

Spider stands aside, conserving his strength as Sacred pulls ELM off the mat and throws him hard into the nearby corner!! Sacred rears back and lets a hard knife-edge chop fly!! The audience belts out a deafening WHOOO!! as Sacred rears back once more and delivers another chop! Another WHOOO!! rings the ears of everyone in attendance as Sacred grabs Magnifico by his arm and whips him across the ring. Unfortunately for ELM, he is whipped right towards Spider, who breaks from his resting position to lift his leg and spin on the mat, slamming his foot straight into Magnifico's skull with a Spinning Back Kick! As ELM falls to the ground, his hand on his head, Sacred suddenly charges across the ring, heading straight for Spider! Nekura catches sight of Sacred before impact, but has no time to react as Sacred slams his body into Spider's ribs, driving his back right into the unoccupied corner! With Nekura up against the turnbuckles, Sacred begins pounding his fists into the Clannie's gut, doubling him over a little more with every punch. After nearly a dozen blows, Sacred suddenly seems to lose his balance and fall backwards to the mat! Upon closer inspection, it's seen that Magnifico has grabbed Sacred around the leg and pulled him down to the canvas, rolling him up into a surprise pin! The ref slides down to the mat and begins counting as Sacred kicks and struggles under ELM's grasp...

ONE...

TWO...No! Sacred escapes at two and a half, breaking free of the pin and jumping back to his feet. Magnifico does the same, but unfortunately does so right in front of Spider, who suddenly slams his leg into the back of ELM's head, sending him stumbling forward towards Sacred with a stiff Roundhouse Kick! When Magnifico stumbles within about a foot of him, Sacred suddenly tucks his right arm beneath Magnifico's left and brings Magnifico's right arm over his shoulder, setting ELM up for Sacred's Inquisition! A loud objection quickly rises from the crowd, but it suddenly dies down when the luchadore begins nailing Sacred in the head with his elbow, distracting him enough to prevent him from landing the move. While Magnifico struggles to free himself from Sacred's hold, Spider suddenly sidesteps towards the Aussie, throwing his foot into the air and slamming it into Sacred's chin with a Superkick! The SNAP! that emanates off of Sacred's chin echoes throughout the arena as he falls to the mat, freeing Magnifico from his hold.

Curry: Whoa! It looked like Sacred was gonna surprise Magnifico with his Inquisition, but Spider just broke that up with a beautiful Superkick!

NTD: Spider's feet are quite strong for an insect, wouldn't you agree? He's been beating everyone up with those things.

As soon as he's freed from Sacred's grasp, Magnifico turns towards Spider, hoping to take him by surprise after the Superkick. ELM gets the first shot in, but Spider quickly returns it, starting a brawl between the two that Nekura soon takes control of. After landing several shots in a row, Spider grabs Magnifico by his arm and whips him towards the far ropes. ELM bounces off of the ropes and rushes back towards Spider, and as he approaches, Nekura throws one arm around the luchadore's head and sticks one beneath his arm, then interlocks his hands, trapping Magnifico in a Capture Suplex position! Before ELM has a chance to retaliate, Spider suddenly falls backwards, driving Magnifico's head and neck into the canvas with the Suplex! As ELM rolls around on the mat, holding his neck in pain, Spider quickly gets up and turns towards Sacred, who is working his way to his feet on the other side of the ring. Nekura approaches Sacred, only to be taken by surprise when the Aussie suddenly throws his body forward and thrusts his arm between Spider's legs, nailing him with a Low Blow! Nekura immediately drops to one knee, giving Sacred time to get back to his feet. When he does so, he quickly locks Spider into a Suplex position, then suddenly snaps his body backwards to the mat, driving Nekura into the canvas with a Snap Suplex! Sacred jumps back to his feet after landing the Suplex, then heads over to his corner and tags in Thugg! Boos immediately begin to pour in from every part of the arena as Thugg steps over the top rope and into the ring, his eyes locked on Spider. As Sacred steps out onto the apron, HVT lumbers over to Spider, grabs him by the hair, and jerks him to his feet while Nekura struggles under his grasp. After holding him like that for a few seconds, Thugg grabs Spider by his leg and shoulder, then lifts him high into the air, holding the Clannie over his head with a Military Press! In an impressive/scary show of strength, Thugg rotates his body while holding Spider, giving everyone a good view without even breaking a sweat. However, he doesn't see Magnifico, who is back on his feet and waiting for Thugg to turn towards him! When HVT does so, the luchadore leaps into the air and kicks out his feet, slamming them into Thugg's chest with a Dropkick! Unable to protect himself from the attack, HVT loses balance and falls backwards, hitting the mat with a giant thud as Spider falls out of his grasp! Right after Thugg lands on the mat, Nekura crashes right onto his stomach, inadvertently covering him! The ref slides down to the mat and begins counting as Magnifico tries to get back to his feet...

ONE...

TWO-No! Thugg easily kicks out, grabbing Spider and literally throwing him off of his body.

Curry: Magnifico's textbook Dropkick helped Spider get that pin, but of course it wasn't nearly enough to put away Thugg.

NTD: Of course, of course! Everyone already knows that Thugg is a complete monster; I don't know why people even bother with those weak moves.

Thugg begins to slowly stand up, but Spider and Magnifico move much quicker, popping back to their feet and coming right back at Thugg, stomping away at him as he tries to stand. Eventually, HVT is able to shrug off of the stomps and get to his feet, but he is then grabbed by Magnifico and Spider by either arm, and then whipped towards the far ropes. Thugg bounces off of the ropes, greatly straining them with his weight, and then rushes back towards Spider and Magnifico. As he approaches, HVT lashes out with both of his arms, trying to take both of his opponents down with a Double Clothesline! However, Nekura and ELM duck beneath his massive arms, forcing Thugg to continue running towards the ropes behind them! As HVT is bouncing off the ropes, Magnifico and Spider suddenly charge at him, landing simultaneous Clotheslines before he can get off the ropes! The combined force of the Clotheslines is just enough to send Thugg tumbling backwards over the top rope and crashing to the floor, creating a horrendous THUD! upon impact that is drowned out by the excited cheering.

Curry: Good God! All four hundred and fifty pounds of Thugg just went crashing to the floor, thanks to Spider and Magnifico!

Spider and Magnifico look out at Thugg for a second, seemingly quite pleased with themselves as they see HVT trying to get back to his feet. Nekura seems to remember that there's a match going on first, as he turns to ELM and delivers a hard shot to the face, backing the luchadore up a step or two. As Spider lays in the shots, backing Magnifico up into the ropes, Fallout stealthily steps off of his apron and makes his way over to Thugg, who is on one knee when Fallout gets over there. Wasting little time, the Clannie wraps his arms around Thugg's head as if for a Bulldog, then turns and charges towards the guardrail, carrying HVT's head with him! The top of Thugg's head is smashed into the guardrail, leaving him to fall back to the floor as the ref notices Fallout's presence on the outside. After a few shouted words from the ref, Fallout makes his way back to his corner, leaving Thugg laying.

Curry: Ouch! It looks like Fallout can't even wait his turn in this match to get a piece of Thugg! What's it gonna be like this Sunday, when they fight one-on-one?

NTD: Two words: fuzzy wuzzies.

Curry: And again, NTD proves why he is a leading force in the commentating industry.

While Fallout was attacking Thugg, Spider had backed Magnifico up into the ropes with his repeated blows, then grabbed him by the arm and whipped ELM across the ring. Magnifico bounces off of the ropes and rushes back towards Nekura, and as he approaches, Spider grabs the luchadore around the waist and lifts him up, spinning ELM around in mid-air for a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker! But before Spider can bring him down, Magnifico spins right out of his grasp, landing on his feet behind the Clannie! Nekura quickly turns to face him, only to receive a doubling-over kick to the gut from ELM. Magnifico quickly slaps on a Front Face Lock, but before he can do anything with it, Spider suddenly charges forward, pushing the luchadore in front of him and eventually driving him right into the Clan corner! With Magnifico temporarily stunned from the force of the impact, Spider tags in Fallout, drawing out another wave of boos as the Nuclear One climbs into the ring and joins Spider in stomping away at Magnifico. The annoyed ref begins counting off, forcing Spider to leave the ring after five seconds of double stomping. Once Spider leaves, Fallout grabs Magnifico by the arm and attempts to whip him across the ring, but the luchadore reverses it, sending Fallout towards the corner. The Nuclear One lands back-first in the corner, cueing Magnifico to charge across the ring, his body aimed directly at Fallout! But before ELM's impact can happen, Fallout throws his foot into the air, slamming it into Magnifico's face as he approaches! ELM grabs his face and turns away from the Nuclear One, but suddenly turns back and charges once more! This time, Fallout takes a step out of the corner and then sidesteps the charging luchadore, grabbing ELM's feet with his ankles as he passes and tripping him up with a Drop Toe Hold! Magnifico falls flat on his face, or at least he would have, if that pesky bottom turnbuckle hadn't have been there. As ELM lays on the mat, cradling his head in pain, Fallout viscously stomps away at him, looking a little angrier with every stomp.

Curry: Magnifico and Fallout were quite the heated rivals last month, and it seems Fallout still has some aggression towards the luchadore.

NTD: Well, he better get ready to focus it on something else, because Thugg is getting back in the ring!

True to NTD's word, Thugg seems to have recovered and is climbing back to the ring, with Fallout oblivious to his presence. With a look of cold rage painted on his face, HVT slowly walks into the middle of the ring, right behind the stomping Fallout. The Nuclear One ends his stomping and begins backing away from Magnifico....and backs right into Thugg. Realizing that he just bumped into one extremely angry Super-Heavyweight, Fallout spins around, aiming a quick punch right at Thugg's head! HVT easily blocks Fallout's arm, then thrusts his head forward, slamming it into the Nuclear One's skull and knocking him down to the mat! Fallout tries to spring back to his feet after the shot, but Thugg is right on top of him, grabbing Fallout by the arm as he stands and whipping him hard into the far ropes. The Clannie bounces off of the ropes and rushes back towards Thugg, and as he approaches, HVT actually jumps into the air, throwing his body onto Fallout and sending both men crashing to the mat with a Lou Thesz Press! Half of the crowd OHHH!s while the other half winces, as HVT wraps his hands around Fallout's neck and begins choking the life out of him with the Thugg Life Chokeout!

Curry: Jeez, Thugg just crushed Fallout with the Thugg Life Chokeout! He's 260 pounds heavier than Fallout, for God's sake!

NTD: Yeeeup, and a much better choker, too. Just look at that technique!

After nearly thirty seconds of choking and a change of Fallout's skin color to light purple, the ref begins shouting at Thugg, trying to get him to release the choke. HVT does so, but then turns his attention over to the poor ref, spewing obscenities at him and making threatening gestures with his hands. Meanwhile, Magnifico begins to climb the corner that he was laying in front of, which happens to be right behind Thugg. Distracted with intimidating the ref, HVT doesn't notices Magnifico reaching the top rope, waiting there for Thugg to turn towards him. Thugg finally leaves the ref alone, and turns back around to see ELM perched at the top rope and staring directly at him! When their eyes meet, Magnifico leaps off of the top turnbuckle, flying towards Thugg with his legs outstretched! ELM aims low on his jump, so that when he reaches Thugg, he can kick his feet out and drive them straight into HVT's knee with a Missile Dropkick! The force of the maneuver causes Thugg to lose his balance and makes him fall forward, landing flat on his face and drawing a loud pop from the crowd as Magnifico jumps back to his feet. Unfortunately for ELM, Fallout happens to be right behind him, and is getting back to his feet after nearly being choked to death. Before Magnifico knows of his presence, Fallout wraps his arms around the luchadore's waist and quickly lifts him into the air for a German Suplex! The Nuclear One suddenly falls backwards, slamming Magnifico's neck and head into the canvas as he falls to the mat! Magnifico lays motionless on the mat as both Thugg and Fallout struggle to get back to their feet, supported by a chorus of boos from the audience. The two enemies turn and face each other, both with pure hatred in their eyes!! Fallout is the first to move, charging Thugg!! Thugg prepares to take him down, but the ever-crafty Fallout baseball slides between the monster's legs and pops up behind him! Thugg starts to turn, but Fallout catches his chin and falls dropping the giant with a neckbreaker!! Fallout stands and starts to stomp away at HVT, but Elm is up and moving!! He throws himself into the ropes and flies across the ring, nailing a high cross-body on Fallout that propels the #1 Contender towards the Carnival's corner, where Grand Slam is pounding on the top turnbuckle and itching to get into the action!!

Curry: Do you believe this match NTD?

NTD: I do!! Why do you think this match has been the talk of the Internet the last week? These are four of the best in the company!

Curry: Four?

NTD: Yup, two Clannies and two Pound Thugs. I guess it's nice for a change to have a couple of Carnies around too.

Magnifico extricates himself from the trainwreck and reaches for the tag!! In the ring, Thugg is getting to his feet! He staggers a little, shaking his head and trying to get his bearings. When he leans into the ropes for a quick breath as ELM and Fallout fight, Sacred, eager to get back into the match, slaps the monster on the back!! The ref signals a tag and sacred charges into the ring!! Magnifico is inches from the tag when Fallout grabs his ankle, keeping him in place!! ELM strains, but he can't break Fallout's grip! Sacred, intent on mayhem, charges across the ring and barrels into ELM!! He pulls him loose from Fallout's grip and drops him on the mat right in front of Grand Slam!! Sacred pounds away on him with a furious series of punches and stomps!! The rage in his eyes is easy to read!! Grand Slam takes a swing at him, trying to get him to back off ELM, but the Sacred One shrugs it off!! Fallout gets to his feet behind them and takes a deep breath. He then turns and runs into the ropes, bounces back and flies, crashing into Sacred and ELMM!! The knot of people fall into Grand Slam and knock him off the apron for a brief second. As the Heavy Hitter is climbing back up, Fallout and Sacred pull ELM off the mat and set him up for a big double suplex!! They lift him up and let him hang there for a second as the blood rushes to his head! But with a fast kick of the legs, the Luchadore swings himself down, pulling sacred and Fallout with him and driving them to the mat with a matched set of DDTs!!! As Fallout and Sacred grasp at their heads, ELM drags himself forward a foot, then another, then an inch... and makes the hot tag!!! Grand Slam steps over the top rope and goes to work!!

Curry: Magnifico made the tag after that spectacular move and now the Heavy Hitter is in this match for the first time!!

NTD: I'm not sure that is the way The Clan and Da Pound would have planned it Curry!! The last thing either of them wants at this stage of the match is a well-rested Grand Slam!!

Sacred is the first to his feet, but the bull rushing Grand Slam drops him hard with a shoulder block!! Fallout gets to his feet to Grand Slam's right and fires a punch at him, but Grand Slam grabs the arm, pulls it into a Full Nelson and sits out, nailing the Atomic Drop!! He pulls the woozy Nuclear Weapon to his feet, looking for the Double Play, but Sacred is right there, firing a fast kick over Fallout's head and right into the face of the Heavy Hitter!! Stevens lets go of the hold and Fallout drops to the mat, one hand checking to see if his tailbone is intact! Meanwhile, Sacred grabs one of the staggered Grand Slam's arms and spins him around and pulls the Heavy Hitter back, nailing the Knifey-Spooney!!

NTD: Sacred has it!! Its over!!

Curry: What a move that is!! Grand Slam head bounced off the mat!!

Sacred wastes no time floating over for the pin...

ONE...

TWO...

THR...NO!!! Fallout drops a fast elbow on Sacred's back, breaking up the pin!! He pulls Sacred to his feet, takes a few staps back to clear him away from Grand Slam, then locks in the front facelock!!

Curry: He's looking for a Meltdown now!!

NTD: Sacred isn't out of it yet! He's fighting it!!

Sacred fights off the lock, then pulls one of Fallout's legs out from under him, dropping the Clannie to the mat!! Over his shoulder, he sees the ever-dangerous Spider climb stealthily to the top rope!! Sacred acts fast! He hooks one of Fallout's legs under each arm and falls back, slingshotting Fallout into the corner and his tag partner!!! Spider tries to grab the rope as he falls, but only manages to catapult himself further away, crashing chest first into the barrier outside the ring!! Sacred pulls Fallout out of the corner and kicks him hard in the stomach, doubling him over!! He pulls him into position, takes a breath and nails the Cruel Fate!!

NTD: Cruel Fate!! Cruel Fate!!

Curry: That could be it!! Sacred's finisher is one of the most respected and feared in the SWF!!

He flips Fallout over and goes for the pin... but before the ref can even start the count, Grand Slam pulls him off!! Sacred swings, Grand Slam ducks under, kicks Sacred right in the gut, bending him over!! Grand Slam swings his right arm in the air and pulls Sacred into a standing head-scissors! He hooks the arms... and looks up to see the massive bulk of Thugg stepping over the top tope and into the ring!! Grand Slam starts to let go, but ELM hops up to the top turnbuckle, runs across the top rope and dives right at Thugg's neck just as he gets in the ring!! With a huge collision, ELM and Thugg tilt over the top rope and crash to the ground outside the ring!! Grand Slam wastes no more time, jumping back and driving Sacred's head into the mat with an earth-shattering Walk-Off!!!

Curry: Walk-Off!!! Walk-Off!!! Walk-Off!!!

NTD: Fallout is starting to move!! He is going to try and break up the pin!!

Grand Slam flips Sacred over, hooks the leg...

ONE...

TWO... Fallout staggers towards the pinfall!!

THREE!!!!! The Nuclear Weapon drops a leg on Grand Slam, but moments too late!! The ref signals for the bell and, ringside, Funyon picks up a mic!

** Ding, ding, ding **

Funyon: Your winners: El Luchadore Magnifico and "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens, the MIDNIGHT CARNIVAL!!!!!!!

"Love Rollercoaster" blasts through the PA system as Grand Slam rolls out of the ring and pulls Magnifico away from Thugg, who is stalking the small Luchadore! HVT looks in the ring and sees Fallout stomping away on Sacred. He rolls into the ring and rises up behind Fallout who turns just in time to catch a massive blow by the Thugg!! Fallout staggers back, and Thugg wraps a huge hand around Fallout's neck, prepping him for the Untamed!! But suddenly, Thugg's eyes bug out as Spider delivers a low blow that could crack cement!! HVT lets go of Fallout and bends over!! Fallout grabs the big man in a front facelock... WHAM!!!

Curry: The match is over but fallout is abusing the champion with a Meltdown!!

NTD: Chaos!! Madness!! Whoo-Hoo!!

Fallout moves away from HVT as Spider perches on the top rope!! As cameras flash all over the arena, the leader of The Clan leaps off and crashes down, absolutely destroying Thugg with the Black Widow Bomb!! The two Clannies stand over Da Pound members and raise their arms as "Love Rollercoaster" fades into The Clan's music!

Curry: Well the Midnight carnival picks up the win, but The Clan get the upper hand on their rivals, Da Pound!!

NTD: Curry, I don't know much, but I know that there will be retribution for this!!

Curry: I have to agree with you NTD! So don't miss a second of SWF action!! For everyone here, this is Curry and NTD saying Goodnight!!

The last image is The Clan exiting the ring as the slowly recovering Thugg and Sacred glare at them from the ring.

April 19, 2002

"Oh no!! This show isn't over yet!!! Cut the damn music!!!"

Stubby P. McWeed comes stomping down the ramp as the sound guy vainly attempts to punch up his entrance music. Before he can though, the Commissioner is in the ring.

Curry: What the hell does he want?

NTD: He probably wants to tell us we're getting a raise! We're going to judge the next SWF Bikini contest!

Curry: Somehow I doubt that!

Stubby: For the last two weeks, all I have heard from the Midnight Carnival is how I need to have a match with "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens! (Just the thought of it is enough to make the crowd cheer.) Well, why doesn't the Carnival come out here, because the Commissioner has an announcement to make!

The fans start a quiet cheer in anticipation...

The lights fade into darkness and a soft, female voice whispers...

"Midnight Carnival"

The SWFTron flashes blazing white in time with the opening beats of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Love Rollercoaster" as the Carnival's anthem pumps through the arena, revealing with each flash thin black lettering that reads "Step Right Up." As the guitar part drops in, three blue laser lights trace the arena, all stemming from the same point in the middle of the entrance ramp. As the words "rollercoaster of love" echo through the arena for the first time, the laser lights flare out into a blue haze across the entrance ramp as every member of the Midnight Carnival steps out from behind the curtain. Edwin MacPhisto, massaging his heavily strained neck after a brutal with Thoth, stands in the middle, on his right is "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens and Johnny Rotten, on his left is Chris Raynor and El Luchadore Magnifico. As the refrain arrives for the first time, the arena plunges back into darkness just as purple strobe lights tear through the house and the blue laser lights spiral wildly, illuminating the members of the Midnight Carnival in funky, staccato bursts. The SWFTron video plays, flashing half-second clips of classic maneuvers from the Carnival's members. They make their way to the ring as the cheers intensify, but without the usual bounce in their steps.

Curry: The Midnight Carnival is here and the crowd is loving it!! But NTD, I have to think that whatever Stubby has in store for them can't be good!

NTD: I disagree Curry! I bet he is going to announce the match!! Bet on it fans, a week from Sunday at the Pay-Per-View, we will be seeing Grand Scam take on Stubby McWeed!!!

The Carnies climb into the ring with Stubby. To a man they are beaten and tired, all of them wrestling hard matches tonight. All of them are still dressed to wrestle, no flashy coats or Carnival jerseys or baseball caps tonight as all five form a circle around Stubby. Two mics are handed into the ring and passed to Grand Slam and Edwin.

Edwin: Well hello boss!! Have you enjoyed the week of splendiferous entertainment courtesy of the ever-spectacular, ever-entertaining, ever-amazing new-and-improved Midnight Carnival?

Stubby: No. No I haven't. You clowns think this whole thing is fun and games. You think that the only reason we are all here is so that you can yuck it up and have a grand old time. Well let me set you straight: you are WRONG!

The crowd just unloads on Stubby with a huge amount of heat. He looks a little pleased by that, then a little annoyed to discover that Rotten and Magnifico are encouraging the chants.

Edwin: That hurts Stubby! Here we are just trying to liven up your life a little, to let you enjoy your role as Commissioner, and all you have to do is insult us about it? Well, that's just... rude!

GSMS: Enough of this… Stubby, I believe you had an announcement to make?

Stubby: That I do, big man, that I do. And don't think I didn't appreciate every single one of your little pranks boys, because I did. Every time I had work to do and couldn't, I thought of you. Every time I was trying to figure a way out of this mess with the Clan and couldn't, I thought of your little jokes. Every time I was trying to keep The Enlightenment at bay, I thought of your juvenile antics.

Raynor: We prefer "shenanigans".

Stubby: Whatever!! The point is that this stupid little prank war has cost me time and concentration and I will not tolerate that!!

GSMS: Well, there is an easy way out of that boss. Sign the match. You sign it, we drop the war. Pretty simple actually.

Stubby: I thought about that too. But here's the thing "Grand Slam". I'm retired. I am physically unable to wrestle anymore and I am not going to risk my life against you. But, it isn't my problem any more.

Edwin: How do you figure that, Stubbatollah Assahollah?

Stubby: Because I feel like I am too personally involved to make this match in a rational state of mind. I am awfully tempted to sign it, right here and right now, doctor's orders be damned!! But I don't have to make that decision! There is someone else, someone who is contractually obligated to make a Pay-Per-View match, and I have decided that he gets to make that match now!!

Rotten steps forward and takes Edwin's mic, a huge smirk on his face. He starts to lift it, to pronounce the match as on, when he is interrupted...

Stubby: No, not you you chucklehead. I’m referring to someone else… someone who I had forgotten about. It came to me like a bolt from the blue, boys and girls, and let me tell you as soon as I came up with it I knew this man would solve all my problems with you damned pathetic Carnies!

Edwin: Oh no! He hired Lex Luthor!!!

All of the Carnies in the ring immediately begin running around in false panic, Magnifico even going so far as to vault over the ropes and crawl under the ring apron, much to the crowd’s amusement and Stubby’s displeasure. His tiny little Mexican hands are the only things visible as they shake in violent mock terror…

Stubby: GODDAMMIT, CAN’T YOU CARNIES TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY FOR ONE DAMNED MINUTE?!?!?

The Carnies mill around, grinning like idiots as ELM reenters the squared circle… they each appear to think very hard for a few moments before clustering around the microphones like a boy band.

Rotten: I take global warming seriously.

ELM: INS still scares the piss out of me, even though I’m legal.

Raynor: Pantera, of course.

GSMS: I think highly of the salary cap in the MLB.

Edwin: And of course I have an unhealthy fondness of the period musicals of-

Stubby: SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT UP!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU WANT SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT? LAUGH AT THIS!!!!

The Carnies look up expectantly, already preparing to poo-poo Stubby’s latest scheme…

As a voice long gone but not forgotten echoes over the loudspeakers, and Ozzy Ozborne once again rules the sound waves!!!

“ALL ABOARD!! AH HAH HAH HAH!!!!”

Curry: Oh no!!! NO!!!

NTD: Yes!! This is a great night!!! My hero has returned!!!

"Crazy Train" explodes into the arena and triggers a massive amount of boos from the capacity crowd!! In the ring, Edwin takes back the mic from Rotten and glares at the curtain, a surprising image of hate on his and Chris Raynor's face. Stubby, knowing that hanging out longer would be just a little dangerous, rolls out of the ring. Grand Slam, with a resigned yell, throws the mic he was holding up in the air. When the lights settle down the Suicide King, the King of Hearts, the Gambling Man walks calmly out onto the stage, dressed to the nines in a new suit and hat… Stubby backs his way up the inclined ramp carefully, making sure no cheap shots are forthcoming before coming to a stop at the side of the Heartbreaker, who regards him with a grin so wide it threatens to let the top of his head fall off!!! Stubby frantically sends one stressed hand through his wild hair as King makes what appears to be comforting gestures to him… Stubby hands the King his mic as KoH regards the motley crew in the ring before him…

KoH: Heya boys! I’m back!

Unsurprisingly, King is quickly drowned out by the heat from the fans… he doesn’t seem to mind though, as his smile just gets wider and wider…

KoH: It’s great to see you guys too! I see you’ve managed to keep the fans fooled with elaborate pranks as opposed to any actual measurable WRESTLING talent….

Another long moment goes by as King waits for the cavalcade of boos and you-sucks to pass…

KoH: Anyway, I have to make this brief since I have to be at court early tomorrow. It seems that a certain Commissioner was willing to settle my wrongful termination suit out of court, in exchange for a little favor! And I, of course, am the soul of compromise, particularly when it involves a fat cash settlement-

Curry: Soul of cowardice and greed incarnate you mean.

KoH: -and before you get your little hopes up SWF fans, no, sadly I am not returning to active competition at this time. Stubby and I have agreed to let the previous “firing” incident pass peacefully under the bridge, to be replaced by a far more friendly and profitable leave of absence of indeterminate length. I can return whenever I want, should the outside world stop being so damned accommodating to me!

NTD: Damn!

Curry: What?!

NTD: I was hoping King would come back and save the SWF!

Curry: And here I was hoping he’d have a sudden brain embolism and shut the hell up.

KoH: But that does leave one tiny little matter… my former contract with the SWF. Well, my lawyers rather thoughtfully put in a clause toward the back that if I should ever leave the company for any reason whatsoever, I would have the right to make one match at a PPV for any stakes I so desire! Stubby came to me because I am the one man with a proven track record of Carnie-killing!! I took Edwin’s voice! I ripped apart your knee Stevens!! I retired Raynor! (Oh hey, how’s it going Chris?)

Raynor snarls as Stevens finally manages to gather the energy to snag Edwin’s mic.

GSMS: King?

KoH: Yes, Mark?

GSMS: SHUT UP.

The crowd explodes into life as the Gambling Man looks around in sudden indignation, gesturing wildly toward Stubby who just shrugs.

GSMS: Get to the point, King. You’re here to make a match; well, go ahead and make it! Stubby wants this all to go away? He knows the deal.

KoH: Yes, he does Mark. And that’s why I’m here. Stubby brought me on at great personal expense to himself to make a match that would solve his Carnie problems once and for all. And I’m here to make it real. You want it? Well, don’t think you’re getting off scot free boyo. At the PPV, Mark, you’re going to put it all on the line, because the losers of the match will be forced to RETIRE!!!!

The crowd reacts in shock as the Carnies turn to look at Stevens expectantly… if the big man feels any dread he certainly isn’t showing it though.

GSMS: If that’s what it takes for me to get my hands on Stubby, YOU’RE ON!!!!

The crowd, simply put, EXPLODES!!!! Stevens is already pointing menacingly at Stubby, the threat of a very short future in his eyes… but Stubby looks back, calm and collected. If anything, he looks like he’s trying to hold in a laugh.

Curry: THERE YOU HAVE IT!!!! Stevens has accepted the match, and now we know what it’s gonna be at the PPV! Grand Slam versus Stubby McWeed, with their SWF careers on the-

KoH: I’M NOT DONE YET!!!!! The “losers” will retire Stevens, so be careful!!! Double DQs are double losses!! So is a double count-out!!! Double standing ten-counts!!! If you show the slightest weakness you’re outta here, forever, for good, FINITO!!!!! Got it?!?! If the ref thinks you’re even looking at a foreign object, you’re over!!!!

GSMS: Damned straight I’m over.

KoH: Oh, stop quoting Triple H T-shirts. Besides, you haven’t heard the best part yet…

GSMS: Oh gee, what could it be? You think you’re some sort of evil genius, so let me guess… an electrified steel cage match? No, that’s too easy… Japanese barbed wire death match? Maybe a scaffold match over a flaming table surrounded by dogs that shoot bees when they bark?

KoH: I’m hurt. No, it’s just a regular old wrestling match.

Stevens grins widely, turning in place with his arms spread out wide as he takes in the entire arena to a respectable pop…

GSMS: Then quite frankly Stubby doesn’t have a prayer!!! His career, distinguished as it is, ends next Sunday!!

The crowd again erupts into applause as the Carnies begin to exchange hi-fives… the celebration goes on for a few seconds before King very quietly notes on his microphone…

KoH: Who said anything about Stubby?

The Carnies slowly turn as the arena goes silent once more. Stevens glares icy death at King, who responds with an overly innocent smile.

GSMS: I DID. That was the deal.

KoH: No, the DEAL was that I would solve Stubby’s little Carnie problem once and for all. And I will. PERSONALLY!!!

ONCE MORE AS IF ON CUE THE ENTIRE ARENA BURSTS INTO LIFE, CHEERING THEIR HEARTS OUT!!!! Every single person is on their feet, screaming their hearts out at the thought of one last confrontation between master and student, for the biggest stakes of them all!!!!

Curry: Holy crap!!! King wants to do to Stevens what he did to Raynor!!!!

NTD: Drive him out of the fed for a few months?

Curry: SHUT UP.

GSMS: Ok King… I brought you into this business, and I’ll be more than happy to take you OUT of it!!

Curry: What a rollercoaster!! First we thought it was Stevens vs. Stubby, but it turns out it’s gonna be the return of the Gambling Man against his former mentor the Heavy Hitter! The final chapter of a classic feud, only on SWF PPV!!!!

Stevens maintains eye contact with the King as a staredown ensues from ring to stage… King breaks it, looking down at his microphone as a glint of mischievousness enter into his voice…

KoH: Who said anything about.… me?

Grand Slam just turns, a look of mounting frustration in his eyes. Rotten pats his shoulders, whispering something the camera’s mic picks up as “don’t let the pantywaist get you pissed.”

KoH: Unh unh, Mark. I promised Stubby the party ends at the PPV, and it will. One way or another… you see, Mark, your opponent, and the other man putting his career on the line…

IS EDWIN MACPHISTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Curry: WHAT?!?!?!!??!

The ring is instantly infused with Carnie chaos as Mark and Edwin look at each other with sheer shock. Everyone seems speechless as the crowd reacts to this unpleasant news with the expected loud waffling… Edwin holds up his hands quickly.

Edwin: Nope!!! No dice, monsignor! Not gonna be prudent at this juncture!

KoH just looks at him wickedly, a glint in his eye.

KoH: Then you forfeit, and you’re out of the fed Eddie. And boy oh boy will we have something to talk about at the announce desk on Crimson. Don’t you see guys? YOU HAVE NO CHOICE!! I HAVE ALL THE CARDS!!! And when I say dance til you drop, you will!! And when the Carnival loses one, or heck, why be pessimistic, both of you… the stable that I built and I made great will finally collapse under the weight of those wanna-bes and poseurs that will be all the Carnival has left!!! And then, Edwin, Mark, Chris… then, will I have finally, FINALLY won.

Curry: I can’t believe it! This is unreal! This can’t be happening!

NTD: Oh ho ho, but it is, it is! This is the best day of my life—and the pay-per-view will be even better!

The Carnival is in a fury, and an outraged Edwin whips his microphone to his mouth.

Edwin: This is bloody ridiculous! You can’t do this!

King smirks.

KoH: I just did.

The crowd bursts into a tremendous uproar of boos, unlike anything that’s been heard in a long time. Edwin and Stevens charge to dive out of the ring, but the rest of the Carnies stop them.

Raynor: Don’t give in to him. Don’t let him get in your head. We can still stop this!

KoH: Tut tut, Monsieur Rayn-man! There’ s nothing any of you can do to stop this—not you, not that little Mexican prick, not Johnny Rotten and his little deputy star, and least of all, Mark and Edwin! But I can see that this is all sinking in now, and Stubby and I have a violent allergy to 5 on 2 beatdowns, so we’ll be going now. See you at the PPV boys! Toodles!!!

Curry: I can’t believe the audacity of—and HERE THEY COME!

Curry cuts himself off and the crowd explodes into a roar as the entire ring empties, enraged Carnies spilling towards the entrance! Dropping the mic, the Suicide King quickly scrambles backstage, barely outrunning the chorus of boos that follows him. Stubby on the other hand takes a slower, less direct route… and waves goodbye condescendingly toward the ring, as if for the last time. The Carnies skid to a stop as he wags his finger at them and shouts.

Stubby: The game’s over, assholes. Stay back, and maybe you’ll live to see each other off next Sunday.

With a grin and a cackle, he then disappears behind the curtain, leaving five confused friends standing on the entrance ramp. Raynor is at the lead, with Magnifico and Rotten frozen just behind him…

NTD: Next Sunday! It’s 13th Hour! It’s one less Carnie! It’s heaven!

Curry: We’re out of time folks, but this is mind-blowing! Grand Slam Mark Stevens and Edwin MacPhisto, forced into a retirement match by Stubby P. McWeed and the god-damned Suicide King! I can’t believe it!

…and as the crowd is mixed in reaction, some shocked, some cheering for the Carnies, we see the two men bringing up the rear, trudging slowly up the ramp. Their eyes meet…

…and their heads fall, as they stand still, shocked, and uncertain.

At 13th Hour, for one man…the party stops.

Goodnight.

April 19, 2002

US TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1 MATCH

Munich vs. The Prophet

- Munich C4-Crunches his way to a victory!

US TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1 MATCH

Johnny Rotten vs. Perfect Bo

- Bo gets the win here. After the match Rotten and Bo shake hands though. Wassup wit dat?

NO-DQ ICTV TITLE MATCH

- Your winner and new ICTV champion...Thoth!

US TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1 MATCH

Lady Red vs. Jay Dawg

- Dawg wins by DQ, but Red runs away with Molly!

US TITLE TOURNAMENT ROUND 1 MATCH

Mistress Sarah vs. Chris Raynor

- Raynor gets the win here.

TRIPLE THREAT TAG TEAM MATCH

Fallout & Spider Nekura vs. Hville Thugg & Sacred vs. Mark Stevens & El Luchadore Magnifico

- Damn Carnies!

SWF Storm (April 18, 2002)

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