FROM THE VAULT: Four-Way for SJL TV Title

[Guest Evolution]

“Renegades of Funk” blares over the loud-system as the camera pans back to reveal thousands of fans jam-packing the absolutely sold-out First Union Center in lovely Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, all here to see one thing…

 

SJL BRINGIN’ THE FUNK~!

 

The disco ball, fifteen feet high, glitters high above the venue for tonight’s jam-packed night of wrestling action. Various strobes and lights flash off with every color of the spectrum, painting every section of the tightly-packed arena in a different color. Stagehands finalize the lovely shag carpet covering in the ringside area, as we finally pan in to see everyone’s favorite SJL announcers: Axis and Suicide King.

 

…but not in the attire you’d expect them in. Or is it? Axis is decked out in a complete angel flight suit: or, for those ignorant to the hip ‘70s culture, a complete disco suit, with a white jacket, a gold vest, and white pants with fake rhinestones down the side. The shirt underneath is shiny satin, with an overblown collar. On the other side of the announce booth, Suicide King stands, decked out in a polyester pinstripe leisure suit, with the top unbuttoned to reveal gold just dripping down his neck, a porn star moustache…and an afro.

 

Axis: Ladies and gentlemen, WELCOME to Smarks Junior League BRINGIN’ THE FUNK~! I am the always-stylish Axis, next to my funkadelic partner in crime, SUICIDE KING~!

 

King: Let me say one thing, Axis. I don’t know WHO put me in this garb. I mean…POLYESTER?! I’ll be dying of heat exhaustion before the show’s even over. And don’t get me started on the afro. Although, some stella came up to me and after looking at me in my suit, told me I looked like John Travolta-

 

Axis: Except you’re-

 

King: More handsome, yeah, I already knew that. But thanks for reminding me.

 

Axis: That’s just gravy, King. But what a far-out card we have this evening. The SJL Championship is on the line when Sean Atlas tries to regain his Championship from Crow, inside the unforgiving Hell in a Cell. Dace Night will take on Manson for Title contendership in what promises to be a brutal affair, and the Maori Badass Va’aiga will fight the Sherwood Fable Tryst in what should be a spectacular ladder match.

 

King: But, what’s the first match on the card? A BOSS fatal four-way elimination match for the SJL Television Championship. John Duran has been on a roll lately, defeating everything in his path, trying to be the longest-reigning TV Champ in SJL history.

 

Axis: But, of course, there are three other men in this match.

 

King: You didn’t let me finish, jive turkey! Ever since making his comeback and dropping the superhero gimmick, David Blazenwing has been chasing Duran and his TV Title. He couldn’t get the job done last week, but he may overcome and win tonight. And then there’s Leo Breslin. This guy had a strong showing against Syndicate last week, which put him in the TV Title picture. And then there’s my pick.

 

Axis: Which would be…?

 

King: Dude, mellow out. Charlie “Grappler” Matthews is MY choice to win the whole thing. He is the total package: Strength, technical ability, charisma.

 

Axis: Ha!

 

King: …not to mention a great manager.

 

Axis: It’s actually not a bold prediction to say any of these four men could walk out tonight with the SJL Television Championship.

 

King: Exactly. Slide me some slack, man.

 

Axis: Let’s get to it and begin what should be a spectacular night of action at SJL BRINGIN’ THE FUNK~!

 

“LAAAAADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS OPENING CONTEST AT SJL BRINGIN’ THE FUNK IS A FATAL FOUR-WAY ELIMINATION MATCH FOR THE SJL TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP!”

 

Suddenly, the lights go out, and the crowd pops in anticipation…

 

BOOM!

 

“All My Life” blares through the sound system as flames sporadically shoot off. Leo Breslin emerges from the curtain to a great reaction from the crowd.

 

Funyon: “AND NOW, INTRODUCING THE PARTICIPANTS! FROM CLEEEEVELAND, OOOOOHIOOOOO, WEIGHING IN AT 230 POUNDS, HE IS LEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOO BRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!”

 

He begins walking down the hardwood ramp to the ring with determination in his eyes as a single spotlight follows him. Once he reaches the shag carpet, he slides into the ring, and hastily jumps up, leaping into the air.

 

BOOM!

 

One final shot of pyro shoots off, and then…

 

BOOM!

 

The turnbuckles set alight with pyro, until the song stops and Leo awaits his opponents, as the lights go off again.

 

“IT’S TIME TO FEEL THE FULL EFFECT~!”

 

The crowd cheers wildly as “The Game” blasts through the arena and David Blazenwing steps out of the curtain. He does the Blazenwing pose, which ignites a shower of pyro to fall from the heavens as he walks to the ring.

 

“AND NOW, FROM OOOOOAK CREEK, WIIIISSSCONSIN, HE WEIGHS IN AT 270 POUNDS…HE IS “THE FUUUUUUUUUUULL EFFEEEEEEECT, DAAAAAAAVID BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZENWING~!!”

 

He slides into the ring and hits each turnbuckle, seemingly to a bigger pop each time. He finally sits down in a corner as the music stops and the lights come back on.

 

The house lights dim, and the crowd busts out the jeers, knowing what’s approaching next. Sure enough, Charlie “Grappler” Matthews steps out of the curtain, with nothing but determination in his face. He is followed by James Matheson, who, for the occasion, is dressed in a psychedelic tie-dye suit and matching tie.

 

“And, ladies and gentlemen, from Kansas City, Missouri, weighing in at 299 pounds and accompanied by his manager, James Matheson, this is Charlie “Grappler” Matthews!”

 

Once the two men reach the shag-carpeted ringside area, they walk over to the timekeeper’s table and get a microphone, as James Matheson briefly speaks.

 

Axis: Oh, have I ever been so lucky.

 

King: You should be ecstatic that he decided to grace us with his superior speaking ability.

 

“Let me tell ya something, folks. Tonight, the reign of tradition begins. It seems like you people have failed to accept Charlie Matthews. In case you’ve forgot, people like HIM are what made this great sport what it is today! Old-school is what put wrestling on the map, and it’s what will bring wrestling into the FUTURE. Those who don’t conform will be re-educated…TONIGHT. That’s right, baby. Tonight, after Charlie Matthews is crowned the SJL Television Champion, you will all learn to appreciate the style that brought him to Championship victory.”

 

Matheson drops the microphone, and Matthews slowly enters the ring, not even paying attention to the other two men inside.

 

Out of nowhere, the opening distortions of “Sinner” blare over the First Union Center as none other than John Duran steps out of the entryway.

 

“AAAND, MAKING HIS WAAAY TO THE RING, FROM CHAMPAAAAAAIGN, ILLLLLLLLLINOIS, WEIGHING IN AT 265 POUNDS, THIS IS THEEEE SSSSSJL WOOOOORLD TELEVISION CHAAAAMPIOOOOON, JOHN DURAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!”

 

As he walks to the ring, he extends his TV Title out for a fan to touch it, but as they try he immediately pulls it away from them as random fans give him the finger.

 

King: Haha! I love it! John Duran, what a great champion!

 

Duran enters the ring from the apron and walks to the center, proudly, but angrily, displaying his Television Championship. Suddenly, however, Blazenwing jumps up from his seat in the corner and charges behind Duran, extending his arm out and blasting the Champion with a clothesline to the back of the head, and referee Eddy Long signals for the bell to begin this contest!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Blazenwing, still upset over his TV Championship loss to Duran on Crimson, begins pounding the champion, who was floored by said clothesline, with brutal right-handed fists to the back of the head.

 

Axis: Wow, what a solid way to start off this match! And, unsurprisingly, David Blazenwing immediately went after champion John Duran!

 

In the center of the ring, Charlie Matthews and Leo Breslin meet, toe to toe. They stare each other down for a minute, before they intertwine their arms in a collar-elbow tie-up. Breslin uses his speed to grab onto the right arm of Matthews, twist it, and work an arm wringer. However, Matthews quickly ducks under his arm to relieve the pressure, and wraps his massive arm around the head of Breslin, and squeezing tight in a headlock. On the other side of the ring, Duran finally reaches his feet, and both he and Blazenwing trade hard punches to the face, until Grappler whips Breslin, from the headlock, right into both Duran and Blazenwing.

 

King: That doesn’t look like a very smart move. Charlie Matthews may have just pissed off all three men!

When Breslin runs into Duran & Blazenwing, all three men stop and turn to face the old-school warrior. They look at each other and nod.

 

Axis: You’re right, King. This doesn’t look good!

 

Breslin then backs into the ropes, propelling him forward. He extends his arm up and high, hitting Matthews with a clothesline…but Grappler remains on his feet, albeit a bit wobbly. Duran then runs in next, using his weight as momentum to blast him forward. He runs into Matthews shoulder-first, knocking Grappler into the opposite ropes. He bounces back, and the last competitor, Blazenwing, sprints off of the ropes, leaps into the air, extends his arm, and nails a huge clothesline on Matthews, which finally brings him to the mat, as the fans explode!

 

Axis: Wow! It just took three men to take down Charlie Matthews. And what velocity by Blazenwing on that final blow!

 

Not to be shown up, however, Matthews rushes to his feet. Leo Breslin once again turns his focus to the old-school warrior, and waylays him with hard right hand shots to the head. However, Charlie stops this flurry by lifting his left knee right into the gut of Leo, doubling him over. Grappler then brings his arm into the air, and with a hammer-like blow, drops it hard over the back of Breslin, sending him face-down to the mat. Matthews gets on the ground with him, and wraps his legs around the midsection of Breslin, squeezing hard.

 

King: Heh, only a few minutes into this match and Grappler goes to what he does best- wrestling.

 

Axis: Indeed. Nice body scissors executed. Meanwhile, look what’s going on between Blazenwing and Duran! These two men have had their fair share of encounters in the past!

 

On the other side of the ring, Duran has Blazenwing in the turnbuckle, and after one hard left jab, he walks a little ways back, extends his leg out to David’s throat, and chokes him with his boot. Referee Eddy Long immediately jumps to this, reminding Duran that he could be disqualified. He then begins his count.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!

 

FIV-

 

Duran breaks the choke at the very last second, and as Blazenwing staggers out of the corner, the Champion, at Blazenwing’s side, wraps his right arm around the midsection of his opponent, and in one swift motion, lifts him into the air, and sits down, dropping David down in a side salto.

 

Axis: In the early stages of this match, it looks like John Duran is dominant.

 

King: What the-? Charlie Matthews STILL has the body scissors on!

 

King’s words are true; however, Leo begins to fight the crushing submission, doing everything he can to squirm around the death-grip of Matthews’ legs. Finally, Breslin is able to break away, much to the delight of the live crowd, not only because they are Breslin fans, but because the submission was broken. Matthews and Breslin both reach their feet, and Breslin meets Grappler with a hard kick to the midsection. He follows this up by grabbing the arm of Matthews, pushing him into the ropes, and whipping him across the ring. Charlie bounces off the opposite ropes and comes back, where Leo is waiting for him. Leo is bent over, and as Matthews comes back, Breslin grabs the legs of Grappler, and stands up, which propels Charlie into the air, up and over, as he crashes to the mat back-first.

 

Axis: Beautifully executed back body drop there by Leo Breslin, his first big offensive move in this match.

 

King: And would you look- Blazenwing and Duran are having what some redneck hicks would call a SLOBBER KNOCKER~!!

 

David Blazenwing and John Duran trade punches, and Blazenwing extends his arm for a clothesline, but Duran ducks under the attack, swings his arm forward and chops the chest of one of the challengers, as the crowd elicits a loud “WOOO!” with every chop.

 

CHOP!

 

WOO!

 

ANOTHER!

 

WOO!

 

A THIRD!

 

WOO!

 

Duran grabs Blazenwing’s arm and pushes him into the opposite ropes. Duran lifts his arm into the air for a forearm smash, but David ducks this, runs to the other ropes, and comes back. Duran turns around to meet his opponent, and then Blazenwing leaps high into the air vertically, and his momentum carries him to fall right on top of Duran, taking them down. Blazenwing follows this up with piston-like right hands, dazing the Champion as the crowd lets out a big pop.

 

Axis: Lou Thesz Press! God rest his soul, King. But Blazenwing is on fire!

 

King: And Breslin still has the advantage on Charlie Matthews! It looks like he’s lining him up for a spear or something.

 

Leo Breslin, holding onto the ropes for support, awaits Charlie to reach his feet, and once he does, Leo runs with all the speed he can muster, lowers his shoulder, and catches Matthews right in the stomach with a forceful tackle, sending him once again to his back. Meanwhile, Blazenwing stands in a turnbuckle corner, telling the crowd to get on their feet. They buzz in anticipation, and once Duran comes to his feet and turns around, David catches him with a kick to the gut, which doubles the champion over. Blazenwing then sticks Duran’s head between his legs, and underhooks both of the arms of John Duran.

 

Axis: KING!! It’s time for the Blazecution! The champion could be the first one eliminated in this match!

 

King: Groovy.

 

David Blazenwing is about to leap into the air to send Duran crashing to the ground, when Leo Breslin comes up behind him, wrapping his left arm around the throat of Blazenwing, and dropping him down in a reverse DDT! However, since Duran was still tucked between the legs of Blazenwing, as David falls, John Duran holds onto the legs and rolls over, flipping the legs into a pinning bridge!

 

ONE~!!!

 

 

 

TWO~!!!!!!

 

 

 

THRE-NO~!!!!!!!!!!

 

Axis: Oh my God! What an innovative counter, and we almost had an elimination there!

 

King: Groovy.

 

Duran looks into the eyes of Leo Breslin with almost gratitude, but brings his foot up hard into his stomach, puts his hand around the crotch area, and his other arm around Breslin’s head, and lifts him up sideways. He then falls backwards, flipping Breslin over onto his back as he hits the canvas in a hard fall-away slam.

 

King: Ha, I love it! What a great show of gratitude by John Duran!

 

Axis: Oh, please. You can’t trust that snake at all.

 

Meanwhile, Blazenwing reaches his feet, but Charlie Matthews is waiting for him. Matthews turns Blazenwing around so he’s facing his back, and Grappler ducks under David’s left arm. He then grabs the back and the left side of Blazenwing’s tights and pulls him up into the air, but brings him right back down, buttocks-first across the knee of Charlie Matthews with an atomic drop. The force of the move sends Blazenwing into the ropes, and he immediately comes right back, so Charlie kneels down a bit, wraps his arms across the back of Blazenwing, and lifts him up into the air, and brings him down crotch-first across his knee in an INVERTED atomic drop!

 

Axis: How about that! A normal atomic drop followed by an INVERTED atomic drop!

 

King: What an amazing wrestler Charlie Matthews truly is.

 

Surprisingly, this STILL doesn’t send David Blazenwing to the mat, so Charlie grabs the left arm of Blazenwing, lifting it into the air. With Grappler’s left hand, he sends a punch RIGHT into the heart of David, which sends him to the mat.

 

Axis: Can’t get much more old school than the good old heart punch, I guess.

 

Grappler picks up Blazenwing, bringing him to his feet. However, John Duran, like most people, is one step ahead of Charlie Matthews, as he runs towards Blazenwing and leaps into the air, driving his knee right into the face of David Blazenwing. David staggers to the ropes, almost hanging off of them for support. Matthews and Duran nod at each other, before interlocking their hands and running at Blazenwing with arms extended, as they crash into his throat. This double clothesline forces David to do a complete three-sixty out of the ring, hitting the shag carpet hard.

 

King: Leave it to Blazenwing to stain the lovely shag carpet with the first drops of sweat tonight.

 

Matthews allows Duran to exit the ring and further the punishment on Blazenwing, as Grappler sets his eyes on Leo Breslin. He walks over to Leo, who’s still down, and lifts his upper body off the canvas. He then locks his 23-inch arm around the neck and throat of Leo, in a malevolent CHINLOCK.

 

King: Oooooh yeah, baby. Charlie Matthews is BRINGIN DA FUNK TONIGHT~!

 

Axis: And would you look, Duran and Blazenwing pick up outside the ring where they left off inside!

 

Duran and Blazenwing trade punches on the outside, as the referee begins his ten count!

 

Axis: We could have a DOUBLE elimination in about ten seconds!

 

ONE!

 

Duran blocks a punch and grabs Blazenwing’s arm.

 

TWO!

 

Duran then pulls on the arm and whips Blazenwing into the ring barricade…

 

THREE!

 

…but Blazenwing reverses the momentum, and John Duran goes crashing into the steel barricade!

 

FOUR!

 

Duran comes bounding back, right to the waiting Blazenwing.

 

FIVE!

 

Blazenwing catches the oncoming champion with a boot to the midsection, and Duran doubles over.

 

SIX!

 

Blazenwing tucks Duran’s head between his legs for the Blazecution!

 

King: On shag carpet? How much would it hurt?

 

SEVEN!

 

However, what referee Eddy Long doesn’t see is Duran slip out of the hold and bring his foot up, punting Blazenwing square in the testicles!

 

EIGHT!

 

Duran catches his bearings as Blazenwing crumples to the carpet in pain.

 

NINE!

 

John Duran slowly walks back to the ring, and puts his hands on the apron…and re-enters the ring.

 

TEN!

 

King: That’s it! David Blazenwing has been eliminated via count-out!

 

*DING*

 

Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, as a result of a count-out, David Blazenwing has been ELIMINATED!”

 

John Duran breathes a sigh of relief inside the ring. However, he notices Matthews still has the vicious chinlock on Leo Breslin, and notices the crowd getting restless, so he does what any good heel would do…

 

Axis: Look at this! John Duran wraps in a chinlock on Charlie Matthews! Double submission!

 

Blazenwing, on the other hand, is conferring with a referee on the outside…he can’t believe he was eliminated. He tries to reason with the referee, but decides to forget it.

 

King: Wait…why is Blazenwing coming over here? Hello? The exit is THAT way!

 

David throws the timekeeper out of his chair and gets what he was looking for…

 

Axis: OH MY! BLAZENWING HAS THE SLEDGEHAMMER!

 

The crowd lets out an enormous pop as Blazenwing hoists the weapon high into the air. Despite the referees’ calls to him to stop, Blazenwing continues into the ring. Duran, sensing something is up, releases the chinlock, which in-turn causes Matthews to release his hold. Duran turns around…

 

RIGHT INTO A SLEDGEHAMMER SHOT TO THE FACE BY BLAZENWING!

 

Duran falls to the canvas less-than-gracefully, and Matthews faces the aggressor. The enraged Blazenwing catches him with a HARD SLEDGEHAMMER SHOT RIGHT TO THE GUT, which doubles Matthews over. Blazenwing follows this up with a SLEDGE SHOT TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!

 

King: Someone STOP this madman! He’s ruining this match!

 

Axis: Do YOU want to tell him that?

 

The crowd lets out a collective “ooh!” as Grappler falls, and, for the hell of it, Blazenwing sees Breslin staggering to his feet, and he catches HIM with a hard sledge shot to the midsection as well! All three men are down, and the crowd is buzzing! Finally, officials spill out to bring a crazed Blazenwing to the back, as he stares maniacally at the participants still in the match.

 

King: FINALLY we’ve restored order…I don’t feel safe with Blazenwing around.

 

The men aren’t stirring, and since this is elimination, the ref begins a count-out!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

Axis: They better hurry up here, we may have a no-contest decision!

 

FOUR!

 

FIVE!

 

Matthews and Duran finally begin to stir, and Leo clutches his ribs in pain.

 

SIX!

 

SEVEN!

 

Duran uses the ropes to slowly pull himself up, and Matthews uses the turnbuckle to do the same.

 

EIGHT!

 

Both men just stand there, deciding to let Leo Breslin get counted out. However, Leo begins to move…

 

NINE!

 

And Leo grabs the ropes, pulling himself to his feet. However, Duran rushes right behind him, wrapping his arm around the back of Leo’s leg, bringing him over into a schoolboy!

 

ONE~!

 

 

TWO~!!!!

 

 

THR-NO~!!!!!!!!

 

Leo Breslin falls back onto his stomach to avoid the pinning predicament, and Grappler lumbers over to Duran. He stands back to back with him, and they interlock arms, fighting over a backslide. However, Grappler is able to drop to his knees, sliding Duran off his back, shoulders down on the canvas!

 

ONE!!!

 

 

TWO!!!!!!

 

KICKOUT~!

 

Charlie lumbers to his feet, and turns around to find Leo Breslin…who’s waiting for him, as he wraps one arm around Charlie’s head and the other around his leg, and he falls backwards, rolling him up in a small package!

 

ONE~!!!!!

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

 

THR-KICKOUT~!!!!!!!!!

 

Axis: Wow, what an amazing exchange of pinfall sequences going on in this contest now!

 

King: I’m not surprised. These are three of the best guys in the SJL today, in my opinion, of course.

 

Out of nowhere, Breslin sees John Duran, kicks him in the ribs, and as Duran doubles over, Breslin puts his head between his legs, locks his hands together, and hoists Duran over his shoulders and onto his back. He extends the arms, and throws him down with the RAZOR’S EDGE~!

 

Axis: He could be going for the Breslin Deluxe, and this could be over for the Champion!

 

Breslin then grabs the legs of Duran and turns them around, into the Liontamer! However, sensing an opening, Charlie Matthews lumbers over to Leo Breslin, and with Breslin still holding onto the Walls, Grappler wraps his arms around the back of Breslin and squeezes tight!

 

King: YES!! THE BEARHUG~!

 

Axis: Amazing! A double submission!

 

Instinctively, the crowd erupts in a “Booooooooooring!” chant. However, Matthews is squeezing on the bearhug so hard, Breslin is forced to release the hold on the Walls of Jericho! Grappler squeezes with all of his might, but Duran has time to recover from the hold.

 

Axis: Ooookay then, playa, he’s had the bearhug on for about….ooh, a minute now…

 

King: Patience is a virtue, pal.

 

However, Duran has recovered, as he goes behind Charlie, with the bearhug locked in, and sends his forearm hard into Matthews’ kidney. Matthews lets go of the hold a bit, but still has it somewhat locked in. The champion then puts his head under the armpit of Matthews, grabs his tights and lifts him up, and brings him down neck-first to the mat.

 

Axis: FINALLY! Duran breaks the excruciatingly boring bearhug spot with a nice back-suplex.

 

Matthews hustles to his feet, but John Duran is waiting for him, as he wraps his arm around the head of Grappler in a front face lock, and then falls backwards, driving his head to a mat in a DDT! As Matthews flips over onto his back, Leo Breslin climbs the top rope. However, before he can attempt a top-rope maneuver, Duran backs into the ropes, sending Breslin down crotch-first on the turnbuckle! Duran then follows Leo up to the top turnbuckle, and stands him up. He puts him in a front face lock and puts Leo’s arm over his head, grabs the tights, and lifts him into the air, and leaps off the turnbuckle, sending him down with a Superplex…and Breslin lands RIGHT ON TOP OF CHARLIE MATTHEWS!!

 

Axis: Oh my God! A superplex senton! Innovation at its finest!

 

Duran TOSSES Breslin out of the way and hooks the leg of Matthews, screaming at the referee to hurry up.

 

ONE~!!!!!

 

 

TWOOOO~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

THR-NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Breslin and Duran reach their feet and begin trading punches, until Breslin ducks an extended arm of Duran and puts his hands under the champion’s armpits, as he shoots him into the air and rotates, spinning him around and down, as Duran crashes to the mat.

 

Axis: SKY HIGH~! Breslin may be onto something here!

 

King: There ain’t no way Duran is going down to that.

 

Breslin once again, seeing both men down, slowly scales the turnbuckles, but he keeps his back towards the ring!

 

Axis: Wait…it looks like Breslin may be going for a moonsault!

 

King: Hey, he NEVER goes for this! What is he thinking?!

 

Leo Breslin, with seemingly nothing to lose, pushes off the turnbuckles, vaults backwards, and goes flying through the air with a beautiful moonsault…until BOTH Duran and Grappler move out of the way, and Breslin lands onto the canvas face-first!

 

King: See? Some risks just AREN’T worth it!

 

Duran, quick as a cat, grabs Breslin, still on his stomach, wraps his arm around the back of Leo’s left leg, and rolls him over onto his back, grabbing a generous handful of tights as Eddy Long counts!

 

ONE~!!!!!!!

 

 

TWO~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

 

Axis: That’s IT! Breslin is gone!

 

*DING*

 

Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, Leo Breslin has been ELIMINATED!”

 

King: Cheat to win, baby! And now we’re down to two!

 

Charlie Matthews and John Duran get to their feet and stand toe-to-toe. Duran smirks, and then extends his arm out forward, and with his hand, grasps the throat of Charlie Matthews, preparing for the choke slam. Duran then puts his hand on Grappler’s back and tries to lift him into the air, but Charlie stops this with an elbow shot to the back of Duran’s head, which breaks the choke. When Duran comes back to face Matthews, it’s CHARLIE that extends his arm, grasping DURAN’S throat for the choke slam! As HE puts his hand on Duran’s back, Duran uses the same escape method that Charlie Matthews did.

 

Axis: And it looks like we’re at a stalemate here! Wow!

 

Both men then turn around to face each other, and at the SAME time, lunge for each other’s throats, and they BOTH grasp each other in chokes! They both stand in the middle of the ring, each using their free hand to try and break their opponent’s death-grip. Finally, Grappler ducks under Duran’s arm, grabs the tights of the champion, and uses them to hoist him up and bring him down with the CHOKESLAM!

 

King: Finally. I was starting to get worried there.

 

Axis: We may be close to seeing a new TV Champion being crowned here!

 

Grappler, without missing a beat, grabs Duran by the legs tightly, lifts his lower body off the mat, and begins spinning around.

 

King: Oh…my…God. It’s back.

 

Axis: THE GIANT SWING~!

 

Matthews spins around and around, 7 rotations in all, before dropping Duran to the mat and catching himself with a bit of dizziness. Charlie stumbles around the ring, trying to regain his senses. Seeing he can catch his challenger off guard, Duran reaches his feet and rushes to Grappler…

 

Axis: But wait! It looks like Matthews was feigning his dizziness!

 

As Duran runs in, Matthews catches him by the legs, lifts him into the air, and spins him around, sending him CRASHING to the mat with a spinebuster! James Matheson, who has been behaving rather well during the match, begins pounding on the mat, telling his entourage to go for the cover. Charlie obliges, wrapping his left arm around the near leg of Duran.

 

ONE~!!!!

 

 

 

TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

THR-NO~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

King: What a BRILLIANT move by Charlie Matthews! And he ALMOST became the new TV Champion! C’mon Axis, admit to this guy’s greatness.

 

Axis: Oh, he’s good, and he’s smart. I just don’t like his character. Especially that rat-manager of his.

 

Charlie begins to show a bit of frustration across his face as he lifts Duran off of the canvas. He grabs Duran by the arm and pushes him into the ropes, shoving him off with an Irish whip. However, John somehow reverses the move, sending Grappler into the ropes. As Matthews comes charging back, Duran, quickly, reaches under Matthews’ legs, and wraps his other arm around the head, and twists around, bringing Charlie down with a powerslam!

 

Axis: Wow, don’t count the TV Champ out! What a maneuver!

 

Instead of going for a cover, Duran waits in the corner for Charlie Matthews to reach his feet. Once he does, he stands back-towards Duran. He stumbles right into Duran, who locks his arms under the armpits of Grappler in a full-nelson, lifts him into the air, and DROPS him down into a big atomic drop!

 

King: THE BREAK POINT~! THE BREAK POINT~! This one could be over!

 

Duran then goes to his back with Grappler still in the full-nelson, and wraps his legs around Grappler’s chest in a body scissors!

 

Axis: It looks like the TV Champion himself is taking Grappler to a wrestling lesson right now…will he tap?

 

Charlie Matthews hollers in pain, trying desperately to break either the full-nelson or the body scissors. Matthews’ hand falls from his chest to the mat, and he looks nearly lifeless.

 

King: Ref! Check for the submission! I can taste the end to this match coming!

 

Eddy Long comes down to the mat, and lifts up Matthews’ hand, to begin the count.

 

THE ARM DROPS ONCE~!!!

 

 

 

THE ARM DROPS TWICE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE ARM DROPS THRICE~!

 

 

 

 

Axis: NO!!! WAIT!!! Matthews is still in this!

 

Matthews is now doing all he can to break out of the hold, and he begins to bring his legs up into the air. Once they are in the air, Grappler tries to send then backwards over his head. This momentum sends Matthews ALL the way over, on top of Duran, which breaks the body scissors. However, the Full-nelson is still on…

 

Axis: But wait! Duran’s shoulders are down in a pinning predicament!

 

Eddy Long drops to the canvas…

 

ONE~!!!!!!!

 

 

TWO~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

THREE~!!!!

 

 

 

NO!!!! KICKOUT!!!!!!!

 

Axis: Well a good thing about that pin was that it forced Duran to break the hold in order to escape the pinning predicament!

 

Matthews leans back into a turnbuckle to wait for Duran to reach his feet, and to also catch a breather for his bruised ribs. Once Duran turns around, Grappler, in one smooth motion, kicks Duran in the stomach, puts John’s head between his legs, locks his hands, and pulls Duran up into the air, into almost a sitting position, before throwing him down to the canvas with all of the force he can muster!

 

King: THE POWERBOMB~! THE POWERBOMB~! THIS ONE IS OVER~!

 

James Matheson leaps into the air in victory, and continues to jump up and down as Grappler wraps both of his arms around the legs of Duran in a cradle…

 

ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!! KICKOUT BY DURAN AT 2.9999999999~!

 

Axis: How close can you get?!

 

Charlie Matthews is absolutely fuming now, and James Matheson is sweating bullets.

 

King: How in the HELL did John Duran kick out of that?

 

Matthews, with tenacity, once again puts Duran’s head between his legs and lifts his arms into the air, clenching his fists, signaling for yet ANOTHER POWERBOMB! However, before he can lift the Champion, Duran stands up, sending Matthews flipping over and crashing on his back! Grappler quickly stumbles to his feet, but Duran kicks him in the stomach, hooks both of Grappler’s arms in a double underhook, lifts up Grappler with all of his power and drops down, hitting a Double Underhook DDT!!! Duran hooks his left arm around the far leg of Grappler…

 

ONE~!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO! KICKOUT AT 2.999999999999999~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

James Matheson nearly LEAPS onto the apron, and begins to distract the attention of Eddy Long! Long tries to get Matheson out of his face, but it’s not working.

 

Axis: Damnit, why don’t they discuss the weather while they’re at it.

 

King: Well, just so you know, it’ll be 64 degrees and sunny tomorrow.

 

Duran picks up Charlie Matthews and locks his arms under Matthews’ arms, in what looks to be for another Break Point, but Matthews drops to his knees, forcing Duran’s chin to crush into the head of Grappler! Duran staggers backwards, and Matthews lifts his foot up, sending his boot into the face of John Duran! He looks at a fallen Duran in a mix of intense frustration and disgust before walking towards the ropes.

 

Axis: What the hell!? Why is Matheson STILL distracting the referee?

 

King: I think it’s quite evident. Look, Matthews is coming over here! You don’t think he’s going to…

 

Axis: …break his code? You’ve got to be kidding me!

 

King: But it looks like that’s what’s going to happen! Look!

 

Matthews walks over to the timekeeper and tosses him aside, and grabs his chair. He folds it, and slides back into the ring on his stomach. At the same time, Duran is reaching his feet. Matthews, with an enraged look in his eyes, raises the chair high into the air…

 

 

 

…AND BRINGS THE CHAIR DOWN ACROSS THE HEAD OF JOHN DURAN.

 

SMACK~!

 

“Oooooooooh!”

 

Axis: Oh my GOD! That was one of the SICKEST chairshots I’ve ever seen!

 

King: I cannot believe this! The code has FINALLY been broken, and James Matheson can’t be happier!

 

Matheson jubilantly leaps off the apron, as Matthews forcefully brings Duran to his feet. He kicks him in the midsection, and puts his head between his legs. He pulls Duran up in the air into the sitting position, and sends him CRASHING to the mat with another POWERBOMB~!

 

King: YES! This *HAS* to be it!

 

Matthews grabs a headlock on Duran with his right arm, and a hook of the leg with his right arm, and locks his hands together for the count by Eddy Long!

 

 

OOOOOOOOOOOONE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

*DING DING DING*

 

King: YES! THAT’S IT! NEW TV CHAMPION!

 

Funyon: “Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, and new Smarks Junior League Television Champion, Charlie ‘Grappler’ Matthews.”

 

James Matheson acts like he’s just won the lottery, as he slides into the ring and dances with joy. He steals the TV title away from the referee and hands it to Charlie Matthews, who finally reaches his feet.

 

Axis: Hey…Matthews doesn’t look to happy. Almost distraught.

 

Indeed, Matthews stares into space, almost ignorant to what just happened. Sitting on the canvas, he simply stares at his hands as Matheson dances with the belt.

 

King: I think he’s having second thoughts about breaking his code! What the hell!?

 

James Matheson finally hands the belt to Charlie Matthews, who still doesn’t look to happy. He stares at the belt, stands up, and tells Matheson to put the belt around his waist. Matheson gleefully obliges, and Matheson stands tall with the belt around his waist, although he still looks forlorn. They begin to exit the ring, as Matheson holds the ropes open for the new TV Champion.

 

Axis: Well, whether he likes the way he did it or not, Charlie Matthews is the NEW SJL Television Champion!

 

King: And suckas, this is only the psychedelic beginning of a far-out night of action at SJL Bringin’ The Funk~!

 

…did I just say that?

 

Axis chuckles as we fade to an ad for Hollywood Spike Jenkins thongs.