SJL Crimson, April 20th

April 21, 2002

SJL Crimson, Saturday, April 20th

Arena: Gaylord National Center in Nashville, Tennessee

Pity Match

Cutthroat v The Dark Reaper

- Dammit, it’s about time one of them got a win. Saturday sees one man become the ultimate loser and the other can hold his head slightly higher, knowing that there is one man who sucks worse then he.

Singles Strap Match

Frost vs. Vanguard

- There is money here, and damned if I don’t see it! Right off of the controversial battle royal win our large cold man will take on our less large Dark Knight! Will Mr. Freeze ice Batman? Wait… anyway… the men are connected by a ten foot long leather strap attached to each of their right wrists. The strap may be used as a weapon, but other than that normal rules apply!

Singles Match

Todd deKindes vs. Deathwish Danny Williams

- One is the respected foe of the new TV champ. The other his trusted mentor. What will happen when they throw down, and what will the new TV champ think of it? TNT has the night off, but just might show up here…

Triple Threat First Pin Wins

Xero v Shawn Brody v T-Bone

- Xero lost in a heartbreaker of a main event on Metal, but life goes on! Maybe he can establish himself in the Euro title hunt with a win over the Clansman or the SSCB! But he’ll have to wear the dress first… T-Bone of course would like to show that he is on his way to bigger and better things than the TV Title as well…

European Title Match

Tom Flesher vs. Insane Luchador

- Has King lost his mind? Yes. Strictly speaking, Luchador beat Brody, one of the top lights of the European Division. Surely that counts for something.

First Blood Match

Stryke vs. Z

- Stryke requested this match as a warm-up for his PPV match against Taylor. This appeals to King’s sadistic side. Request granted. No DQ or count-out, and you know how to win boys! And anytime Z suffers an angel gets its wings…

MAIN EVENT

Non-Title Lumberjack w/ Attitude Match

Erek Taylor © vs. Ced Ordonez

- Heh heh heh… here’s a great way to warm the champ up for the PPV, as well as to punish the perennial do-gooder Ordonez. No titles are on the line, but a good time will be had by all. Strangely enough, this match wasn’t altered by King. Perhaps Edwin booked it this way for a reason…? Anyway, the following wrestlers are lumberjacks: Cutthroat, Reaper, Jack the Ripper, T-Bone, Todd deKindes, Brody, Xero, Deathwish, Frost, Insane Luchador, Poisyn… and Stryke. Seems like the good guys are outnumbered. The lumberjacks may not enter the ring, but they can rough up anyone who leaves it before rolling them back in. Did I mention each lumberjack will be issued a pair of brass knuckles before the match begins? No DQ of course… gee, do you think this match will end in a total clusterfuck or what!??!

April 21, 2002

As the opening SJL pyrotechnics simmer down and the lights resume to normal, Axis, The Suicide King, and Edwin MacPhisto all take their seats, with Axis now in the middle.

"(King) What's wrong, Eddie Mac? You don't want to sit next to me?"

"(Edwin) I don't want to sit to scum like you."

"(King) It's about that retirement match, isn't it?"

"(Axis) Obviously it is. But we're not here to discuss that."

"(King) Why not?"

"(Edwin) Because tonight, I devote my attention to the great show we know as SJL Crimson!"

"(King) You seem to be in a cheery mood."

"(Edwin) Erek Taylor is a born joker, and I am waiting to see what he has in stored for us."

"(Axis) Well, folks, as you all know, Xero lost to Erek Taylor on Metal and because of strings attached, Xero must now wear a dress and sing for us tonight! Surely, Erek Taylor has his hands full."

"(Edwin) Let's get this thing on so I can go back to hating King in silence."

The lights dim down to the color of darkness as the rifts of "Toxicity" slowly begin to play. A missile like projectile swoop down from the sky, drawing the attention of the fans all over the arena. It crashes into the ramp, igniting a chain of silver pyrotechnics! The explosion immediately sends an after effect of smoke across the stage, concealing the curtains and everything under the Smarkstron. As the lights return to normal and the smoke clears, the shadow of Erek Taylor blazes down the ramp, thanks to the giant spotlight placed on the entrance way!

"(Funyon) Making his way down the ramp, from Anaheim, California, weighing in at 205 pounds, he IS the SJL World Champion!! Erek.... TAAAYYYLLOOORRRR!!!!"

The crowds erupt, for it has been so long since they have had a top guy who liked to have fun. Being the first of the good guys, Erek Taylor spins around, dressed in a nifty black tuxedo! The fans enjoy a quick laugh before Erek Taylor races down the ramp and slides into the ring, hopping up to his feet and making sure he hasn't dusted anything. Funyon hands Erek Taylor a mic and the Champion gracefully accepts, bringing the microphone up to his lips before beginning.....

"(Erek) Here we are in Nashville, the city of Rock 'n' Roll! [cheap pop] Of course, I, Erek Taylor, am here inside this ring for a purpose. Of course, most of you know what that purpose is but I would like to just say it again for good laughs. Since I beat Xero on Metal, Xero is supposed to wear a dress and dance for us all! [loud pops]"

"(Erek) So.... without further adieu, let me introduce to you, MISS XERO!!!"

"Sometimes" by Britney Spears begins to play and Xero comes out to a huge laugh from the crowds. Xero walks down, holding his dress up so it is not to dirty from the ground. What kind of dress, you might ask? The dress is the latest from Chanel, a white gown with purple and pink stripes. To make it simple, Xero is in a see through wedding dress!

"(Erek) Whoa ho ho!! Xero, when I said a wedding dress, I meant something to cover yourself up. I can see your Teletubby underwear!"

"(Xero) Ah shut up. I just wanna get this over with as soon as possible. So what am I supposed to do?"

"(Erek) My dear Xero, I would like you to go to the center of the circle and twirl around for the crowds to see."

Xero begins to walk towards the center....

"(Erek) WAAAIIIITTT!!! [cheap pop] Okay, did I forget the mention that you will be judged? This is a contest and if the judges give a score lower than an 8, you're just going to have to satisfy them again and again until it's at least an 8. Average 8, to be clear. So? Who might these judges be? Well, let's introduce them!"

The crowds erupt as Erek Taylor watches four technicians set up a table and three chairs inside the ring. Taylor begins biting his lip, trying to prevent himself from cracking up too much.

"(Erek) Okay, let's bring these girls down! Your three judges are!! Introducing first..... aw hell, just bring em down."

At this point, two seducing girls with the body and looks to please walk down the ramp, much to many hoots from the male crowds. The girl enter the ring, taking their seat on two of the chairs.

"(Xero) There's only two."

"(Erek) That's right, Xero! The last judge is no other than yours truly!!"

The crowds let out another laugh as Erek Taylor takes the middle seat, placing his hands on both the girls' shoulders.

"(Erek) Now..... MODEL FOR ME!!!"

Xero walks towards the middle and does a simple spin. Taylor and the two girls (let's call them Linda and Rebecca) raise up a sign, one of those mark and erase types.

LINDA'S SCORE: 3

"(Axis) Haha, Linda gave Xero a 3!"

"(King) That's too high."

REBECCA'S SCORE: 6

"(King) That was a pity score."

"(Edwin) And Erek Taylor's?"

EREK'S SCORE: 0!!!

"(Erek) C'mon Xero, you've got to do more than that."

Xero snarls at Taylor but walks towards the center again, does a little hip bounce and pulls up his dress, revealing the hairy legs Xero has under!! EEEWWWW!!!!!! The Champion immediately raises his sign, with the zero still placed on.

"(Erek) Dear god!! STOP IT!!! NO MORE!!! NO MORE!!!"

Xero growls and lets his dress fall. Rebecca and Linda begin chuckling as they raise up their scores.... a 10 and a 10!!!

"(Axis) Well, it looks like Xero passed the score so he's off the hook now."

"(King) That fast?"

Xero begins to head out of the ring but Erek Taylor stops him yet again.

"(Erek) Not so fast, Zero boy! You may have got an average of eight out of pity but there's one person who specially requested that he or she be known. Because, you're not in a wedding dress just for modeling. You're going to get married...... right here and here and there and here!!!"

The crowds let out a loud gasp as Xero begins shaking his head, knowing that there's nothing as embarassing as being the bride in a marriage. He always pictured himself as the groom but meh....

"(Erek) So...... bring out the groom!!!"

Cue suspenseful music as the spotlights all direct their beams to the top of the ramp, waiting for the groom to show up. After lots of waiting and waiting, nobody walks out and the spotlights go back to the center of the ring, directing it at Erek Taylor.

"(Erek) No no, you shined it too high! Shine that light back at the top at a lower angle!!"

"(Axis) Whaaa?!"

The spotlight goes up, the beam shining on the figure of.....

.........

........

........ A CHIMPANZEE!!! The crowds burst into laughter as the chimp walks down the ramp in a minimee sized tuxedo. In his hand, the chimp holds a silver ring.

"(Erek) Wow, this is just..... I'm just no good at weddings!"

Erek begins to sob and bursts into tears, seeking comfort from Linda. Rebecca and Linda both begin patting Erek on the back, trying to relieve the Champion from any more tears.

"(Xero) You have got to be kidding me......"

Erek Taylor calms himself down and rises to his feet, walking towards the center of the ring as the Chimpanzee slides in.

"(Erek) Let's get this thing started. Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today in holy matromony between this man (points to Xero)..... and this monkey (points to Chimp). If there is anyone in this arena who disagrees, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

Erek waits as silence falls over the arena like a blanket on a newborn child.

"(Erek) Mr. Monkey, do you take Xero, to love in sickness and in health, to be your lawfully wedded human wife?"

"(Monkey) RAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

"(Erek) Very well. Xero, the monkey is dumping you. I am sorry."

The chimpanzee dumps the ring at the foot of Xero and rolls out of the squared circle, running up the ramp in a hurry and disappearing behind the curtains.

"(Erek) Wow, tough day. You just got dumped by a monkey. How hard is that?"

"(Xero) Is this over?"

"(Erek) I believe it is."

"(Xero) Good."

Xero begins to head out when suddenly, Erek Taylor taps Xero on the shoulder.

"(Erek) I feel sorry for you so I'm willing to let you kiss one of my co-hosts."

Xero's eyes light up as Linda and Rebecca rise to their feets. Xero's frown turns upside down and the head of Xero begins bobbing!

"(Xero) Yes! I'll take it!"

"(Erek) Okay, here your kiss partner comes. Down the ramp."

The cameras turn up the ramp.........

.............

..............

as a Teletubby dances down!! Xero tries escaping but Erek Taylor places his foot on the wedding dress, stopping Xero cold in his tracks. The purple Teletubby slides in and holds Xero up close before embracing the JL Veteran with a kiss!!

"(Erek) Ugh...."

The Purple Teletubby pins Xero down on the ground as his attenae light up in unison. The Teletubby begins caressing Xero's lips and cheek as the JL Veteran tries fighting out of it, but to no success.

"(Axis) OH OH OH!!!!!"

"(King) Indeed, that was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen."

"(Edwin) Lucky bastard."

"(King) WHAT?!"

Erek Taylor moves up the ramp as "Toxicity" plays in the background, Linda and Rebecca on his arms. Erek turns around and heads up, with the cameras fading to commercials with the final scene of the Teletubby and Xero making hot love in the center of the ring.

April 21, 2002

Smarks Junior League Crimson returns from a commercial, and kicks back up into the sizzling action. The camera gets shots of the thousands of screaming fans out in the audience with their signs and such. The camera catches some really good signs and focuses in on them. Then the came focuses in on everybody’s favorite commenting trio of, Axis, Edwin, and The Suicide King!

Axis: “Hello everyone, and welcome back to Smarks Junior League Crimson!! Live from the sold out Gaylord National Center in Nashville, Tennessee!!”

SK: “Tonight the SJL is being brought to you by “Smarks Junior League Metal: For Nintendo Game Cube!!

Edwin: “Hey fellas, have you seen my white out any where?”

SK: “No…”

Edwin: “Sigh, oh well!”

Axis: “…”

Axis: “So any-who we’re starting off a another extreme night with Cutthroat and The Dark Reaper!”

SK: “Hmm, two extremely crappie wrestlers in the ring at the same time, who should I root for?”

Edwin: “Well, you better hurry up and decide cause the match is starting right now!”

The entire arena goes pitch black with an electric sound and then a pause; only the light rhythms of a song can be heard. Then, a huge explosion fills the stage with enchanting white light and all the lights slowly flash a purple, and it paints the entire arena purple, as a thunderclap echoes through the arena with segues into Limp Bizkit’s number one “My Way” blasting through the speakers and rocking the arena to it’s very core. Then Cutthroat pulls back the curtain with Clair to meet the millions of earth shattering cheers, yell, wooos, and many other rants and other sounds along with them, all coming from his millions of fans. Funyon announces the combatant of the match; “The following contest is scheduled for one fall, now making his way to the ring hailing from Greenwich, Connecticut, weighing in at 244 pounds, being accompanied to the ring by Clair, Cutthroat!!” Cutthroat makes his way down the ramp like Matt Hardy whit Clair right by his side. He slows down and curves over the barrier to slap the hands of the lucky enough audience members as Clair takes the other side. Clair waits at ringside patently while Cutthroat slides into the ring and does his ritual. He jumps up onto the second rope, and throws his arms up into the air and absorbs all the cheers from his million of Cutthroatholics. Then he tosses his orange unbuttoned shirt with the cool dragon design onto the turnbuckle and throws his sleek sunglasses out into the crowd for one lucky person to snatch and get as a souvenir.

SK: “I think I’ll cheer for The Dark Reaper.”

Axis: “Good for you…”

Cutthroat warms up and stretches out in the ring while awaiting his opponent. Then a new music picks up from where Cutthroat’s left off. Deep thuds sound out from the speakers, the thuds are evenly spaced out, the Smark Tron flickers to life as it shows a big man walking down a dark road, the thuds speed up as he gets closer to the camera. As you can just about make him out the thuds stop and the arena descends into darkness. The familiar voice of The Dark Reaper stars to speak, "I'm Back", the sound of “Control” by Puddle of Mudd hits with it's great guitar riff and the light returns to the arena. The Dark Reaper appears after two white pryo's are shot from the roof and hit the entrance. The Dark Reaper walks down to the ring slowly as Funyon announces some more “Now making his way to the ring, hailing from London, England, weighing in at 300 pounds, The Dark Reaper!!” The Reaper climbs into the ring and gets ready to face his opponent.

SK: “Hurry it up already!!”

Funyon quickly slips out of the ring, knowing enough not to get involved in the match as Johnny Generic slips on in and calls for the ring bell. “Ding Ring Ding!!!” echoes the ring bell, then the two men lock stairs and ready themselves to fight.

Axis: “Lets get it on!!”

As the match begins, both competitors step away from the corners they were currently residing in, and immediately, it looks like a one-sided battle. The much larger Reaper seems to loom over Cutthroat. However Cutthroat, not to be intimidated, gets close to The Dark Reaper and looks him straight in the eye. They begin a lengthy stare down.

Edwin: "I think I saw The Dark Reaper blink."

Axis: "Come on, guys, we didn't come here to watch a staring contest, we came here to watch you guys fight!"

SK: "They can't hear you, you know."

Edwin: "And yet, you still manage to hear the voices in your head that call you the best SWF wrestler ever. Amazing…"

Finally, Cutthroat ends the stare down, chucking a right hand, getting enough height to clock Reaper in the right side of his face. Reaper, almost caught by surprise by this offensive from Cutthroat, staggers backwards a step or two, and then comes back with a left hand of his own, sending Cutthroat reeling as well. Cutthroat, tired of this punching game, charges at Reaper, prepared to strike. Cutthroat jumps to perform a sensational Roundhouse Kick, but reaper dodges the kick, and as Cutthroat lands on his feet and turns around, he runs right into a huge Clothesline from Reaper generating some "Ooh"s from the audience members, and sending Cutthroat straight down to the mat, his head bouncing up a few times before falling flat on the mat. After that vicious Clothesline, Reaper stands there and flexes his muscles for the crowd.

Axis: "Ouch! What a clothesline from The Dark Reaper! It seems that he has the early advantage in this battle!"

After posing for the crowd, Reaper turns his attention towards Cutthroat, who is starting to move around after that Clothesline, yet not on his feet yet. Reaper, taking his time, slowly brings Cutthroat to his feet. He then knees Cutthroat in the gut, bending Cutthroat over before Reaper grabs Cutthroat in a Front Facelock. Reaper then lifts up Cutthroat up in the air, and just holds him there.

Edwin: "Wow! What an impressive showing of strength from Reaper!"

Axis: "The blood has got to be rushing to his head like mad! What do you say about this, King?"

SK: (sarcastically) "Oh, this is just the most exciting match ever! What a slobber knocker!"

As King says that, Reaper finally drops himself backwards, sending Cutthroat crashing to the mat with a Stalling Vertical Suplex. Reaper then gets right back to his feet, and picks up Cutthroat again. However, Cutthroat somehow senses what's going on, and turns the tables on Reaper, crashing a knee into the big man’s gut. Bending over, Cutthroat seizes the advantage, grabs Reaper's head, and crashes it into the mat with a big Face Crusher, as the crowd explodes into cheers. Cutthroat is the one who poses for the crowd, and the crowd eats it all up, until they realize what Cutthroat doesn't: Reaper is already back to his feet. Reaper charges at Cutthroat, but Cutthroat turns just in time to dodge a Clothesline from him. Reaper runs into the turnbuckle, and on his way back, Cutthroat blasts Reaper with a Dropkick to the back of Reaper's head, sending him down to the canvas. Cutthroat then goes for the cover, as Johnny slides in to count the pin fall.

“One!”

“Two!!”

Reaper kicks out with authority at two, almost sending Cutthroat flying over the top rope.

Axis: "That might have been a little too close for comfort for Reaper. He might want to start putting in some offense of his own pretty soon."

Cutthroat is already to his feet by the time Reaper gets there, and Cutthroat takes advantage of this, running up to Reaper, jumping, spinning, and connecting with a kick right to the face of Reaper, sending Reaper back down to the mat.

Edwin: "Ooh! That one might leave a mark! What a devastating kick from Cutthroat!"

Instead of going for the pin following that kick, Cutthroat slowly picks Reaper up to his feet, and then puts Reaper's head under Cutthroat's arm. Cutthroat then, with great quickness, quickly brings the big man down with a Snap Suplex that sends Reaper whip lashing off the mat.

Axis: "Amazing! Cutthroat managed to find enough strength to put down the big man with a nice Snap Suplex!"

SK: "The only thing amazing about this match is that people are still here to watch it. What else is on TV, anyways?"

The crowd still going crazy, Cutthroat finally goes for the pin.

“One!”

“Two!!”

“Two count!!”

Reaper somehow manages to kick out before he is extremely upset by Cutthroat.

Axis: "Ooh! Cutthroat was so close to a huge upset over reaper! I don't know how reaper managed to kick out before that three count, but he must have dug down deep for that one!"

Cutthroat, now starting to get frustrated over these close falls, goes over to Reaper, and looks to be going for the kill as he drags reaper to his feet. However, Reaper somehow manages to hit a big Clothesline as he rises to his feet, sending Cutthroat down to the mat, and hard.

Edwin: "Where did that come from? Reaper has just turned the tables on Cutthroat, as this seesaw battle continues!"

SK: "I've seen battles over seesaws more exciting than this, MacPhisto."

Now in some form of control, Reaper picks up Cutthroat, and delivers a knee to Cutthroat's gut, bending him over. Reaper then takes Cutthroat and puts him between his legs and hooks Cutthroat's arms.

Axis: "Uh-oh..."

Reaper then falls backwards, tossing Cutthroat over his head, and sending Cutthroat crashing to the mat with a picture-perfect Overhead Double Underhook Suplex.

Edwin: "What a great move by Reaper!"

Reaper, seizing an opportunity, immediately scurries over to Cutthroat and covers him.

“One!”

“Two!!”

“Two count!!”

Cutthroat will have none of this, as he gets his shoulder up before the count of three.

Axis: "Very close pin fall there, folks."

Before Cutthroat even has a chance to get to his feet, Reaper grabs Cutthroat's left arm, and applies an Armbar on the ground.

Axis: "Cutthroat might be in trouble here, unless he can break this hold..."

Cutthroat begins to inch to his right to try and get to the rope. The crowd starts to get behind Cutthroat, and they seem to get louder and louder as he gets closer and closer to the rope. However, the closer he gets, Reaper just turns up the heat on the Armbar. Cutthroat looks to be in too much pain, and seems to be ready to tap out.

Edwin: "He's so close to the ropes! He can't give up now!"

Cutthroat gets one last bit of energy, and somehow grabs the rope with his right arm, generating a big pop from the crowd as Generic tells reaper to break the hold.

Axis: "I don't know how he did it, but somehow, Cutthroat has broken the Armbar hold and this match will continue!"

Edwin: "I can't see that left arm of Cutthroat's isn’t lasting too much longer, though."

Reaper is on his feet after breaking the Armbar, and he's none too happy with it. Reaper quickly brings Cutthroat, still on the ground and trying to gather his thoughts as he holds his left arm, to his feet. However, he doesn't stay on his feet for long, as Reaper quickly puts a boot into Cutthroat's stomach, locks on a Front Facelock, and then drops him head-first into the mat with a crushing DDT, bringing in some more "Ooh"s from the crowd as Cutthroat almost bounces off the mat with his head.

Edwin: "Ooh! That has got to put some serious pressure on the head of Cutthroat! I don't know if he can hang on, Axis!"

Axis: "Well, reaper surely has the size advantage over Cutthroat, so there isn't much Cutthroat can do along the lines of power moves."

Edwin: "I don't know...I don't think size will matter in this match up. In fact, I don't think size ever matters in anything."

SK: "That's not what your girlfriend was saying last night."

Edwin, with an angered look in his face, turns quickly to SK.

Edwin: "You wouldn't dare..."

SK: "Of course not! Why would I even want to touch that flea-ridden disease pool? I sure wouldn't want to, that you could bet on..."

Edwin: "Why you sonuva..."

Axis has to restrain Edwin from going after the King of Hearts.

SK: "Ooh, I'm so scared of MacPhisto. Please don't hurt me, Mr. Commish sir!"

Meanwhile, going back to the action, Reaper is looking to inflict more punishment on Cutthroat, as Cutthroat is brought to his feet again. Reaper whips Cutthroat into the ropes, and as he comes back, Cutthroat is caught in what looks to be a Bearhug. However, after about 3 seconds of hugging Cutthroat, Reaper viciously falls backwards, tossing Cutthroat over his head and sending him crashing to the mat with a quite vicious overhead Belly-to-Belly Suplex.

Axis: "What a move from Reaper! That has got to be it!"

He goes over to Cutthroat, who seems to be out of it, and goes for the cover.

“One!”

“Two!!”

“Kick out!!”

Cutthroat gets his shoulder up again!

Axis: "Wow! Cutthroat just won't give up! He really wants to take this match against Reaper!"

Edwin: "Both men have got to be ravaged at this point, this match has gone on for a while now, and you just have to believe that they are a little tired."

Reaper is getting very frustrated at this point, and he turns the crowd and signals for The End. The crowd begins to go nuts as Reaper brings Cutthroat to his feet for the kill, but Cutthroat elbows him in the gut, staggering reaper backwards in shock. Cutthroat takes this chance, and as Reaper gets back to his senses, Cutthroat plants a huge kick right into the chest of Reaper, sending him down to the mat, and hard. The Cutthroataholics go nuts as Cutthroat goes for the cover.

“One!”

“Two!!”

“Kick out!!”

Reaper kicks out, but just barely before the count of three.

Edwin: "Oh! Cutthroat was so close!"

Axis: "But there's no way that Reaper will give up that easily."

Back to the action, Cutthroat seems to have a slight advantage on Reaper now, as he goes over to pick him up off the mat. reaper then gets a knee to his gut, and gets his head put in between Cutthroat's legs. Cutthroat hooks Reaper's arms, and then, with seemingly all of the strength he has left, picks up Reaper, and drives him down with a Tiger Driver, Reaper's head spiking into the ground, seemingly almost to kill him. Cutthroat, instead of trying to turn it into a pin combo, bounces off the impact of the Tiger Driver and lands near Reaper.

Edwin: "How did he do that?"

Axis: "Cutthroat dug down deep for that one, and he planted Reaper right on his head with a vicious Tiger Driver! That has got to be it!"

The fans are going mad at this point, as Cutthroat crawls over to Reaper's body and goes for the cover, the crowd counts along with Johnny Generic as he swings around to the mat to make the fall.

“One!”

“Two!!”

“Thre—two count!!”

The crowd erupts in a sea of "Oh!"s, as Reaper somehow gets his shoulder up to break out of the pin. Cutthroat holds his face in his hands, and the frustration just seems to get bigger and bigger for both men. Cutthroat can't believe that this match is still going on! Cutthroat then starts stomping on Reaper hard. Generic tells Cutthroat to back off but he flicks the referee out of the way and then bends down and starts smacking Reaper with hard right hands, viciously. Generic finally gets Cutthroat off of Reaper. Cutthroat then starts kicking the defenseless Reaper in his side a few times. Then he jumps up and drops and elbow into Reaper chest a few times. Reaper losses a great deal of his composer. Then Cutthroat drags Reaper up and hits him hard with a Razor Punch as the crowd cheers and Reaper stumbles about a bit. Then Cutthroat adds the finishing touches by jumping up high and hitting Reaper with the Chaos Razor for the first time!

Axis: “Whoa! Cutthroat is on fire!!”

Reaper falls to the ground and Cutthroat hops over him for the pin.

“One!”

“Two!!”

“Three!!” shouts Generic, slapping his hand on the mat for the third time and he instantly calls for the ring bell. The bell echoes “Ding Ring Ding!!” and the match ends. My Way picks up again as Funyon say, “Here is your winner, Cutthroat!!” and the crowd goes absolutely mad while Cutthroat slips out of the ring and exits thru the crowd with Clair. Eventually the music stops, the cheers die down, and the camera focus in on the announcer’s table again.

SK: “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe Cutthroat actually won!!”

Axis: “What comes around goes around.”

Edwin: “Yep”

Axis: “Any-who up next it’s Frost versus Vanguard in a Strap Match, so don’t go away!”

The screen fades into darkness then it is darkness then a commercial break hits for the Smarks Junior League.

April 21, 2002

Good old Matt Kivell. Referee, dark match contestant, whatever shirt he wears (or doesn’t wear), M.K. is an SJL mainstay. No one knows where he came from, or how he got there. He just showed up one day. And the SJL has never been the same. Enter our scene, where Kivell stands at the catering station #12, pretty much by himself, although he can’t shake the feeling that he’s being watched. Matt chomps into a croissant and wipes crumbs off of his mouth with a yellowish paper napkin.

-Kivell “They say they don’t spare any expense.”

His now dry and chapped lips need refreshment, so he goes to the nearby cooler- no, the nearby portable thermos/ jug combinations for coffee. Nothing refreshes like a hot cup of Joe on a hard night in the JL. Hmmm-

“How much?”

Kivell turns around, to face the voice.”

“How much what- YOU-gggacck!?”

My chain is already around his neck at this point. M.K. can only writhe about, trying to get me off of him, but justice deigns retribution for any evils.

“How much did they pay you? Last time.”

-Kivell “Rrgg- Ah don’t know- ggack- what yogk arrc talgink abgouct!”

“Oh really?” I’m beginning to enjoy this too much. “I have something to show you. Once.”

I press play on a remote, which is conveniently in my hand at this point. The nearby screen plays an angle from close to the ramp of the so called ending of the Battle Royale. Kivell tries to catch a breath, but they only come in shallow gasps as he strains to free himself of his chain, but no dice. The more you struggle, the more a constrictor squeezes the life out of your cheating, bribed, wicked carcass.

“There,” I say, pausing the video playback as Matthew’s eyes bug out in horror. “Roll forward! Freelancer, roll forward, feet are up. Not down. Up.” I start it again. “In a second- yes there is where his feet hit the ground, and THERE!” Another Pause. “There, is where my feet drop.” I stop the tape.

-Kivell “Grrack-“

“I’m not playing it again. I want to know how much you were paid.”

-Kivell “Igg waskntg paigd- Vagnkardt, Ih swgear itk!”

I release the hold, and Kivell goes down, breathing in gasps. I grab him by his collar and look into his eyes as his ragged breathing continues.

-Kivell “I’m- pant pant- so sorry- pant pant- Vanguard I- pant pant- didn’t know- pant pant- hon- pant- est.”

“If you didn’t know, you won’t object to Returning Contestant Decision.”

-Kivell “Retur-pant pant- ning?”

“The rule,” my voice is gravelly now. No playing around. “Returning Contestant Decision.”

-Kivell “But- pant pant- nobody uses –pant- that rule any- pant- more.”

“You know it. Then you’ll have no problem. I win, you return your decision. I lose, the decision stays. Do this, and you are one of the just. Don’t do it- and you are one of the unjust.”

-Kivell “Pant pant- unjust?”

“You do know what waits for the unjust?”

-Kivell “I understand.”

“Then you’ll do it?”

-Kivell “Yes.”

“Good. I will see you again.”

I leave. He will stay true to his word, I know it. And tonight, is the time for my revenge. Tonight, Blind Justice will fall onto Frost. Tonight, he will pay.

“Remember. Vengeance is always watching.”

Nightwatch hoots from above, and Kivell, scared almost out of his shorts, bolts down the hall. If they only new, that old Owl would never hurt a fly, let alone a person. He perches on my shoulder, and together we ascend to the Aery, to watch, and to wait-

Tonight, Vindication.

April 21, 2002

(Compass Rose: NORTH is in the direction of the ramp from the ring. SOUTH is in the direction of the announce table. WEST and EAST are positioned accordingly.)

Crimson is back, and after that brief commercial break, the people are more than ready for the next match. In fact, the already beer-swilling Nashville crowd is starting to get more than a little rowdy due to the night’s consumption of Bud. But as soon as the music hits, they begin to channel that energy into raw anticipation.

-Axis “We’re all set for our next match, and I’m not sure what to think about it exactly.”

-Suicide King “It’s pretty easy. That Vanguard, manipulating the refs and the rules, seems he’s been taking pages from my book!”

-Axis “Edwin, can he do what it is he did? Is that even allowed? Or legal?”

-Edwin MacPhisto “To tell you the truth, Ax, I don’t really know.”

-King “Hmph. Some commissioner-“

-Edwin “Hey, have you seen the rule book? It’s thousands of pages, nobody knows it all.”

-King “I do. And I use every loophole imaginable to my advantage.”

-Axis “I don’t think this is a matter of loopholes, mate, I think it’s a matter of fairness for Vanguard. Contrary to popular belief, his finisher the Freelancer includes a ROLL after impact, meaning his feet couldn’t have immediately touched the ground. So the Vigilante is merely looking for justice.”

-King “Yeah. It’s just ashame that Frost is going to hand out an unjust ass kicking tonight. I don’t think even the Dark Knight is ready for the Snowman!”

-Edwin “Snowman, yeah, sounds real intimidating.”

-King “Shut-up!”

-Edwin “How about Snowcone! Or better yet, Old Man Winter!”

-King “I said enough!”

-Edwin “If you’re gonna make clichés, they should be either really ominous, i.e. The Dark Knight, or they should be really super silly, i.e. the Wintry Warrior! That’s how you do commentary!”

-King “Axis, if you don’t kill him, I will!”

-Axis “You’ve already done enough to Edwin’s career, Brian. So lets just enjoy the match for once!”

As Edwin sticks out his tongue at King, I await the inevitable surging from up above the SmarkTron. I have no other choice but to demand Vengeance. Nightwatch rustles a bit, obviously ready for his performance, and farbeit from me to delay it. I smile, for the first time in days. And as the lights go to deep blue, and the belltones start, I let him go with godspeed. He dives down, and circles the ring, the people cheering like crazy.

-King “Well, here he comes-“

-Edwin “Everybody duck!”

“Rock Superstar” blasts on the sound system, and the thumping beat heralds my entrance well. I leap off of my platform, swinging down above the ring with my arms outstretched, and dive just above the ring, where I begin to swing back up! The people are cheering, but this night, I can’t let it get to my head.

-Axis “Jeez, what possesses him to do such a dangerous thing!”

-Edwin “The Element of Surprise, my friend, not to mention the fact that he would rather spend all of his time up there in the Aery.”

-Funyon “The following is a Strap Match for one fall. Introducing first, from the Aery, weighing 219 pounds, Vanguard!”

They cheer. They actually cheer my name, and for that matter, my cause. I am humbled, but even too much humility is a bad thing, so as my swing slows to almost a crawl and Night circles me, I push my emotions down. There is only Vengeance now. I unhook the latch, and fall to the mat with a slam, my trench coat billowing after!

-King “Scareee.”

-Edwin “Only for the wicked. Like you.”

-Axis “Or his mother.”

-King “What was that?”

-Axis “Just keeping the conversation light.”

Axis whistles an inconspicuous tune, while I take off my coat and toss it up to Nightwatch. His large wings effortlessly lift it towards the announce table, and I stand there. To watch, and to wait.

-Edwin “He looks ready.”

-Axis “There’s more on the line tonight than just pride or glory. Vanguard wants to turn back the clock. Not to mention put Frost on Ice!”

-King “Frost on Ice? Good one, matie.”

Speaking of Frost, “Cities on Flame With Rock ‘n Roll” starts up, and almost instantly, the Icelander emerges. A haze, like dry ice, seems to follow in his wicked footsteps, and every long, purposeful stride he takes sickens me to my very bones. This man must be punished.

-Funyon “And his opponent, from Reykjavik, Iceland, weighing in at 295 pounds, Frost!”

-Axis “Well, say what you will, this big guy is always ready for business.”

-King “A six foot seven 295 pound foreign athlete, one of the most imposing figures in the business today, not to mention incredibly good at what he does!”

-Edwin “Which is sucking immensely!”

My opponent makes his way down the ramp while Matthew Kivell attatches one end of the leather strap to my right wrist. I can barely feel him clip it into place as I stare at the monster outside the ring, looking at him through the all seeing eyes of the Owl in the Dark, ready to fly!

-Axis “These guys are gonna be connected by a ten foot long leather- Whoa!”

-Edwin “Holy Sandwiches!”

Without warning, I dive through the ropes and ram into Frost on the outside, shoulder first! The impact is bone jarring, brain wrecking, and completely unexpected. My victim lands hard, and I roll up to my feet, taking the unattatched end of the strap and securing it fast around his Icelandic wrist!

-Axis “This match hasn’t even started, and Frost has already taken a Freelancer!”

-Edwin “Did you see that impact? Right out of the box, somebody get me the instamatic replay on that!”

-King “Such speed, kid reminds me of a Vigilante, Spawn-esque version of me.”

They watch their replay on split screen, I’m sure. But tonight’s festivities aren’t about flash, or acclaim. I grab the strap near the middle, and begin to yank, dragging his evil carcass across the floor. He seems to be recovering rather quickly. Not that it will do him much good.

-Axis “Even after that incredible hit, Frost seems to be regaining his bearings-“

But not for long. As I reach the Northeast corner of the ring, I loop the strap around his right ankle, then use the leather to raise the leg up and above the black steps at ringside. Immediately I bring that ankle down, and slam his lower leg into those steps.

-Edwin “And with a clang, Frost finds himself in an icy situation. And no, I’m not talking about his cool, minty fresh breath.”

Repeating the process seems to make the crowd happy, but certainly not Kivell, who is too scared to be forceful, but too worried to be silent.

-Kivell “Come on, Vanguard, get him back in the ring.”

-King “Referee Matt Kivell seems to want to get this match officially started, and Vanguard seems to be disregarding his rules.”

-Edwin “Since when were you concerned with actually following the rules.”

-King “Oh, don’t get me wrong, I respect that. It’s just that I respect Frost more.”

One more leg crushing slam against the steps, and I am ready to really get down to business. I unloop the strap, and grab Frost by his head to get him to his feet. The Icy monster is already showing telltale signs of leg damage, and that’s exactly what I want to see as I push him under the North ropes and into the ring. Kivell motions for me to follow, I smile, but then I think the better of it. I guess I’m not ready for business after all.

-Axis “Wait a second, he’s looping that strap around his leg again!”

-Edwin “You know, for someone who believes it justice, this doesn’t quite seem fair.”

-King “That’s the whole purpose of the strap match, Edwin, it can give you an advantage if you use it correctly.”

-Edwin “But the strap match hasn’t even started. This is basically a pre-match beat down.”

-Axis “I don’t have any problem with that.”

-King “Ha! For once, the Aussie agrees with me. Suck it up, redhead!”

-Axis “Actually, I do have a problem with it. Just to spite you.”

-King “You hate me that much?”

-Axis “Yes.”

-King “-oh- I must affect people on all levels. Damn I’m good.”

Dragging him by that ankle again is my pleasure, this time to the Northwest corner. He is already sliding across the ring as I pull him from the outside, and bring that right leg to the ringpost. Still disoriented from the Freelancer, Frost claws at the mat for some type of stopping power, but there is none to be found. By the time he grabs ahold of the ropes, it is too late! I thrust his shin into the ringpost hard, the dull thud music to my ears as Frost tries in vain to reach for that leg and alleviate some of the pain.

-Edwin “He’s destroying that leg!”

-Axis “Basic wrestling principals, pick a body part and work it until it’s done. Only this time, the tactics are a bit more extreme!”

-King “Not to mention premature- ouch! There goes that leg again!”

-Axis “And a third time! Vanguard doesn’t like this guy at all!”

This punishment will suffice, for now! Turning his body around, I slide into the ring, and stare at Matt Kivell, who starts the match with the ring of the bell.

-Edwin “Finally, we’re official. Now they can brutalize, and I have no problem with it.”

-King “All because of that stupid bell ringing?”

-Edwin “Rule are rules, my blonde and buttkissing friend.”

-King “And rules are made to be broken, my foreign and fruity compadre.”

-Axis “Let’s just call the match you long winded and lazy loafs.”

-Edwin “No fair! That’s three L words, only two allowed!”

-Axis “Bloody hell.”

With the strap still wrapped around Frost’s leg, I drop elbows to his inner knee and calf. If winning means putting this guy down, I’m going to make sure he stays down. I drop to the canvas, and wrap his leg around mine, pulling up on his ankle and using the leverage to twist that knee out of place! Frost responds with a grunt, and Kivell asks for the tap out.

-Axis “I must say, impressive technical skills for the newcomer. Great Kneebar modification there.”

-Edwin “Frost looks like he’s in a lot of pain.”

-King “But no way that brute’s gonna tap out!”

With his leg already worked, I’m surprised the guy resists my submission. He must be a lot more determined than I give him credit for, but evil is more stubborn than a grape juice stain. Slowly, I release the hold, and then pull up on the leg with the strap. I let loose a kick to the back of his knee, and his whole body convulses. Another kick, and by this time I know he’s knotted up good, so I encourage him to rise by unlooping the strap and helping him stand. With virtually all of his weight on his left leg alone, I take advantage of his lack of balance with a hard Dropkick to the chest!

-Edwin “Frost goes down! He just toppled like a condemned apartment complex in the projects!”

-Axis “What the hell does a British suburbanite know about the projects?”

-King “About as much as he knows about wrestling. Cover!”

-Kivell “ONE- TWO-“

-Axis “He gets the shoulder up!”

I grab his attatched arm, and stand him up. He is already doubled, in favor of his right leg, and I take advantage by placing him in a headscissors. He is larger than usual, but I’m running on anger at this point, and immediately I begin to lift him by his side and his tights, trying to position him upside down. The crowd pops, I guess they know what’s coming, but suddenly, I find my feet have been lifted off of the mat! Another second, and I sail over Frost’s head, landing hard on my back!

-King “Frost finds a way to counter! A Backtoss catches Vanguard completely Offguard.”

-Axis “If he had nailed that Piledriver, it might have been over for Frost completely.”

I try not to let my anger get the best of me as Frost approaches, limping over and getting me up by the head! He fires a shot into my face, a hard right hand! Immediately, Frost goes for the Irish Whip to the south ropes. I try to return, but a hard Clothesline puts me down immediately, and now it’s his turn to work!

-Edwin “What a shot there by Frost!”

-King “He’s regaining momentum, faster than a speeding bullet!”

He gets me to my feet, and grabs me around the neck with a large hand, going for the Chokeslam! I respond in a subtle fashion, kicking his right leg, and he buckles. But as I approach for another move, he grabs me over the shoulder, lifts with his left leg, and puts me down hard with a Uranage! The boos are starting to pour like wine now, and I soon find 295 pounds on top of me!

-King “Ice Shelf! Frost is on a roll!”

-Axis “He’s even a monster one legged- Cover!”

-Kivell “ONE- TWO-“

-Edwin “Van gets the shoulder up!”

He lifts me by my arm, and pinches the middle part of the strap, making one hard rawhide loop! Immediately, I can hear the hard Whack, and feel the burning welt of leather on skin, and I arch my back instinctively.

-Axis “OW! What a strap shot!”

Frost rears up and tries it again, but he should know that won’t work twice in a row! I reach out my left hand, and the leather wraps around, giving me time to spin in a leg sweep!

-King “He just caught that leather strap immediately! Van sure does seem to know what he’s doing with that thing!”

-Edwin “Of course. I mean, it says right in his stats that his favorite weapons are chains, whips, ropes, and other cords.”

-King “Umm- his stats?”

-Edwin “Never mind.”

Edwin Sighs, but I immediately backflip for the Standing Moonsault that connects! The referee drops as I cover.

-Axis “Hook of the leg!”

-Kivell “ONE- TWO-“

-King “Nope! Frost is still in this game, and he’s playing for keeps!”

I go to the West ropes now, and spring off of the second, landing hard on Frost’s knee with my own! The connection of Knee on Knee is painful, but much more so to him, since his own right leg has been worked for the past few minutes! He rolls over to all fours, trying to stretch out the painful right leg, but I immediately jump up, and come down with an Axe Kick, drilling him to the canvas!

-Axis “Vanguard must truly want revenge here, he’s fighting like a man possessed!”

I go for the opening now, grabbing Frost by the legs, straddling his back, and rearing up! The locked in Liontamer puts pressure on his legs and back, and immediately, I can see him contemplate tapping! Unfortunately, the entire machine is too close to the ropes! He reaches out his left hand, and grabs.

-Edwin “There’s the break, I thought for sure Vanguard had him there!”

-King “Frost is a trooper, just when you think you’ve got him, the Ice returns to his veins, and he’s wearing you down again!”

Frost rises to his left leg using the ropes as I approach him! I fire a strong shot, and then get Rocked by his own right hand! We trade blows back and forth! Me, him! Me, him! Me, Me, Him, Him, Me, Me, Me, Me! I’m all set to win the punch fest, of course, I didn’t quite plan on a Huge and Hard right hand to the chest, right above my heart! My breaths stops as a stagger back! And immediately, he picks me up, slings me across his shoulder, wrenches, and turns me Fast! He drops me to the mat Hard, and, still favoring that right leg, grunts in triumph.

-King “Airplane spin slam, after that Ice Pick! Vanguard is down!”

-Axis “And he could be down and Done!”

I think the worst is over, when suddenly, a big thigh spins into my line of vision and drops right down on top of my upper chest! My body bounces, as Frost takes a moment to stretch out his leg, then covers me!

-Kivell “ONE- TWO- THR- NO!”

-Edwin “Goodness!”

-Axis “Frost Almost had that one, if he had pinned a second sooner, this one would be over!”

-Edwin “He’s got something for every occasion! We should call him the Ice Cream man!”

-King “I don’t think so?”

-Edwin “But doesn’t he deliver sweet frozen goodness to children of all ages?”

-King “No. More like sweet frozen destruction!”

-Edwin “Eww- that’s no fun!”

Frost gets me up, and goes for a Spinning Backfist, which I duck! I yank down on the leather strap, trying to keep his right arm pinned behind him in the wrapping that the Spin caused, but he powers through with a Knee to my gut! Doubled over, the crowd begins to warn me! It is too late, of course-

-King “He’s going for it all here!”

-Axis “Vanguard is in Big trouble! That Ice Pick really set him up nicely for Frost’s arsenal!”

-King “Here it comes!”

I nearly drop to my knees, and immediately, the Ice Man gets a headscissors and hooks my arms. In an instant, he has me up in the air! I can feel the rush as he thrusts me down towards the canvas, and see the blinding flashes of the crowd’s cameras! But a few feet away from the mat, I feel my right arm jerk back, and see Frost suddenly hunch over, a look of shock and pain on his face! My plan worked.

-Edwin “The Strap! Oh my God! The Strap!”

My body jerks, suspended. Instead of falling to the mat, I flip through as Frost lets go of my hands to tend to himself. I reach out, grabbing the sides of his head, and then falling down, jarring his chin against the top of my head! The hit staggers Frost, catching him completely off guard! He limps back, the pain in his right leg making agility impossible at this point!

-Axis “That leather strap was wrapped behind Frost! When he tried the Early Winter, it got caught on the back of his neck!”

-Edwin “And Vanguard takes advantage in Mid-Air with a Jawbreaker!”

No more plans. No more technicalities. I’m through with all of this playtime. It is time for Punishment, for Vindication. And as usual, the justice I bring is swift and sure! Instantly it comes-

-Axis “Freelancer!”

-Edwin “That one took Frost out of his boots!”

-King “No!”

I roll to my feet, and then fall back, covering Frost’s chest.

-Edwin “This could be it-“

-Kivell “ONE-“

-King “He’s going to kickout!”

-Axis “No way in hell!”

-Kivell “TWO-“

-Edwin “To turn back the clock!”

-King “Oh, I can’t watch-“

-Kivell “-THREE!”

I stand up as the bell rings, “Rock Superstar” hits, and I look at my opponent. My job is done. All is right in the world of the SJL, and the people are safe for the night.

-Funyon “Here is your winner, Vanguard!”

-Axis “Matt Kivell is telling the timekeeper to make a note of the record. It looks like Vanguard did get his time back today, and the loss has been stricken!”

-King “Frost shoulda had that one.”

-Edwin “Hey, hand me a mic-“

Unlatching my end of the leather strap, I signal to Nightwatch, who instantly dives in, grabs my trenchcoat from its resting place by the timekeeper’s table, and flies it to me. He perches atop my shoulder as I prepare to leave-

-Edwin “Dark Knight!”

When the music silences, I turn back to the South, and Edwin is standing. A hand held microphone is in his hand, and this can’t be good. So I make my way to the ropes, and listen carefully.

-Edwin “Listen to me, and listen good. Now all of these people love to see justice, and to be honest, so do I. But I want you to understand something. This isn’t your place- this is my place. And as much as I appreciate you wanting to serve and protect, you can’t just go around doing whatever you want- shaking down referees, for instance.”

The people seem to be divided on the issue, some are cheering Edwin’s remarkable charisma, and some are booing his apparent dislike for Vigilante Justice, I just listen.

-Edwin “Everyone has to follow the rules around here, or there’ll be chaos. So as fun as it was to watch you get the W tonight, I have no choice but to punish you in a match Next Week.”

-King “Ooh, let me do it, let me do it.”

-Edwin “Sssh. At either the Pay Per View, or the following show. Now Vanguard, I have no idea what its going to be, and please don’t take it personally, I just want you to know how serious it is that you respect this fed and the people who work here. That is all. Thank you- and Thank YOU!”

MacPhisto turns his back, drops the mic, and bows to his adoring fans. I think I can try and remember what he says. And as for the Punishment, if I have to be punished for Vengeance, then so be it. I will continue to stand as the last Bastion of hope, even if it means going through the entire roster.

-Axis “Uh oh-“

Even if it means fighting every single day of my life.

-King “Oh boy-“

Even if it means getting hurt-

-Axis “It’s Frost!”

-Edwin “Huh- Oh God!”

-King “Vanguard just turned around- Early Winter! Early Winter on Vanguard!”

The sound of my own body hitting the mat coincides with the excruciating pain that courses through my body! The boos of the crowd fade in, and everything goes dark. I can hear a European accent say something, then “Cities on Fire with Rock ‘n Roll” begins to play, and I regain my senses, at least enough to open my eyes.

-Axis “He just hit Vanguard with the Early Winter!”

-Edwin “Oh no. I wasn’t expecting that, I’m so sorry Vanguard, I didn’t mean for him to catch you off guard like that.”

-King “It looks like Frost is the one who got Vengeance tonight!”

-Axis “That monster needs to be tamed.”

-King “Eh, boys will be boys.”

-Edwin “You see what I mean? Chaos. Everybody has to maintain some semblance of order-“

-King “Can it, shifty eyes.”

-Axis “What will Vanguard’s punishment be? Will he try to avenge this attack by Frost? And how will his behavior change after that stern talking to by Commissioner MacPhisto?”

-Edwin “Tune in, same Owl time, same Owl channel! Da na na na na na na na Da na na na na na na na VAN-GUARD!”

-King “Oh no, not the singing!”

-Edwin “VAN-GUARD!”

-Axis “Coming up next-”

-Edwin “VAN-GUARD!”

-Axis “No more.”

-Edwin “Sorry.”

-Axis “Next up, the German wonder, Tod DeKindes takes on Deathwish. It’s classic rival vs. mentor of TNT when we return from the break.

I see him limp off, and try my best to rise to my feet, although the Early Winter makes it rather difficult. I guess I wasn’t completely right. I still have much to do.

I still have myself to Vindicate-

April 21, 2002

***The camera cuts back to the arena and is swooping from the entrance way to the ring, focusing on Matt Kivell and announcer Funyon.***

Axis: We are BACK and LIVE from the great state of Tennessee!!

King: YEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAWWWWWW!!! Great?! What is so great about a state that encourages breeding between family members?! Or (drawl) keeeeen, lahk vey sayyy in duh O-zarrrrks. (normal voice) What is so great about a state where it's legal to cook and eat ROADKILL!!? And tell me what is so gosh durned great about a state that eats, sleeps and breathes *country music* and hosts the Grand Ole Opry?!! I mean, geez!!

Edwin: Osarks are in Arkansas…

King: I know that!!!! …Lousy southern states look all the same to me. Hell, I think my cellphone stopped working!!

Axis: Suicide King, in rare form as always, and Edwin MacPhisto here by our side; it's been quite a show thus far.

Edwin: No doubt, Axis, but coming right up we got quite a grudge match. For the past few weeks, Taylor Nicholas Thompson has been wreaking havoc among the ranks of the Junior Leagues, defeating countless opponents. Why, even last Wednesday he defeated T-Bone to become TV champ!

***Clips of TNT's TV title win are shown.***

Edwin: TNT has had tremendous success in his run here, but it's all been under the guidance of one 'Deathwish' Danny Williams.

Axis: And we all know Williams has had…let's say some questionnable motives, in guiding TNT. What could he possibly want out of him?

King: Questionnable motives?! Look at you guys! You don't even know what you're saying!! Danny Williams, great humanitarian that he is, was actually willing to give his time in order to actually HELP a young up and coming wrestler, and now, that young up and coming wrestler just happens to be the NEW TELEVISION CHAMPION!! TNT would be a FOOL not to thank Danny Williams for the opportunities he's given him!

Axis: Nonetheless, let's take you now…--

***Axis is interrupted by the dulcet opening notes of AC/DC's "TNT", prompting a few cheers from the crowd.***

Axis: Well, speak of the devil!

King: Awww, no WAY!! What is HE doing here?! I didn't think he was in the building!!

***Taylor Nicholas Thompson walks out, clad in track pants and "TNT" sleeveless t-shirt and with the TV belt draped over his shoulder. He sends out a smirk towards the crowd as he walks down the aisle and around the ring.***

Axis: Looks like the new TV champ is gonna join us!

King: I can't stand him and that …attitude of his! You know his only success is because he was SHOWN the way!! That guy is nothing but a damn lousy --…(TNT arrives within hearing distance) Heeeeeyyyyy, Taylor!! Man, it is SO good to see you here!! (gets up to shake the champ's hand) We were JUST talking about you!!

***Thompson opts not to answer that as he sits down and sets the TV belt in front of him, for all to see. He puts on the headset.***

Axis: Taylor Thompson, it is good to see you, what brings you here?

TNT: Well, guys, it's really simple. It's gonna be my mentor, Danny Williams; against Tod deKindes, a guy who I have a tremendous amount of respect for. I just wanted to get a better look for myself.

Edwin: Any favorites going in, champ?

TNT: It's too soon to say for now. Let's just see how this goes first.

King: Have you given any thought on what Tod deKindes told you last week?

TNT: …Like I said, we'll see how this match goes.

Axis: Well, nonetheless, this match could end up having TV title implications, so for now, let's throw it over to our announcer Funyon…

*** 'Calculating Infinity' by DEP fires up on the speakers.***

Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, our next contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way down the aisle, from Louisville, Kentucky and weighing in at 235 lbs…'Deathwish' - Daaaannyyyyyyyyyy - Williiaaaaaaaaaammmms !!

***While the Smarktron spells out 'Deathwish' in big bold white letters, Williams makes his way out, looking at the crowd with disdain. He stops under the screen, shakes his head in disappointment and resumes his way to the ring. He walks up the ring steps, crosses the ropes, does a quick pose and warms up in the ropes.***

Edwin: You gotta believe that Williams will be looking to take out Tod deKindes here tonight, and take him out of the picture for good.

TNT: I appreciate all that Danny's done for me so far. But I'm also looking out for Tod.

King: Why? What's HE done for you?

TNT: He's dragged the two best matches out of me in my career, that's what. Makes it a little difficult to choose either one, though.

***While awaiting the second combattant, TNT and Williams exchange a long look between each other that seems to say a lot.***

Funyon: And his opponent…

"SHOOOOCK!!"

Funyon: From Muenchen, Germany; he weighs in at 227 lbs… Tod - deeeeeeeee - Kinndeeeeessssss!!!

***Tod bathes in the strobe lights at the top of the ramp before walking all the way to the ring. He slides under the bottom rope, climbs to the second turnbuckle and lets out his mighty roar to the fans, to which they reply heartily.***

Edwin: Well, even though Tod hasn't won a lot lately, the fans still seem to like him!

TNT: As well they should, he's a hell of an athlete. He just needs that one big win to establish himself.

Edwin: Will you give him a title shot if he wins? Matter of fact, WHEN will you give Tod a title shot?

TNT: …When the time is right.

Axis: Should he win here tonight, Taylor, it'll have been against your very own mentor; I should point out.

King: Yeah, who'se side ARE you on, anyway?

TNT: …I'm on no one's side. For now.

***Tod removes his trench coat and shades and stretches in the ropes. He locks eyes with Williams…but then Williams turns back towards TNT and yells something at him, which is picked up by a camera mic.***

DW: This, Taylor, is how we do this!!

***He tries a clothesline on his opponent, but Tod ducks and connects right away with quick right hands as the bell rings, signaling the start of the match. Whip to the ropes, Williams ducks a clothesline and a back elbow by Tod. On the third bounce off the ropes, Tod grabs a handful of hair and uses the momentum to send Williams sailing above the ropes and onto the floor.***

Axis: And Deathwish takes a ride to the floor early on!

***As the crowd reacts accordingly, Williams gets up and pounds on the ring apron in frustration. While Tod paces around the ring with a focused stare on Williams, Williams complains to Kivell of a hair pull while taking his sweet time getting back inside. Back in, both men circle each other, and connect with a lock up. Tod grabs a headlock and holds on. Williams tries to free himself anyway he can, so Tod spins around the turns the hold into a hammerlock. Williams surveys his options, sees that a back elbow won't reach him, so he leg trips Tod down and floats over into a front facelock. Both men get back to their feet, with Tod still in the hold. He tries to muscle his way out of it…and does so, turning the hold back into a hammerlock. Tod thinks one step ahead and switches back to a headlock, followed by a take down.***

Edwin: Good matwork by Tod, he's keeping Deathwish grounded thus far.

TNT: See, that's one of his strong points. Right from the get go, Tod will wrestle circles around you until you don't know where he is. Took me a few minutes to adjust to that.

***Both men start getting to their feet. Williams again tries anything to get out of the hold, without much luck. He sends Tod to the ropes. Drop down, hop over by Tod, leapfrog by Williams, hiptoss attempt is blocked by Tod. Gutshot, Tod puts a leg over Williams' head, and connects with a standing hurracanrana into a quick pin, for a one count only. Both men up, but Williams backs off and requests a time out.***

Axis: Oh come on…

King: Is it too much to ask of the referee just to give Danny Williams a short breather?!

***Tod will have none of it and goes to pull up Williams by the hair, who counters with a rake in the eyes. Right hands by Williams, followed up by a vertical suplex. He drops a series of elbows and covers, for a quick one. Irish whip exchange leads to Williams connecting with a spine buster and a quick stomp to the gut. Tod gets to his feet, Williams comes in and Irish whips him to a corner, followed up with a clothesline and a bulldog out of the corner. Cover. ***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Kick out. Another whip to the corner by Williams. Blind charge misses as Williams hits nothing but turnbuckles. Tod capitalizes and hits his corner spear/double underhook belly to belly suplex. Gutshot, Tod runs the ropes and nails a swinging neckbreaker. He goes to the second turnbuckle, attempts a fist drop, but Williams moves. As Tod is clutching his hand, Williams zeroes in on that arm and puts on an arm wringer. He hammers on the shoulder a few times and brings Tod down with an arm bar. He drives his knee a couple times in the shoulder socket and puts more pressure on the arm bar.***

Axis: Williams is relentlessly working on that arm.

Edwin: He's setting up Tod for that Crossface Chicken Wing move he uses often, and that maneuver is very unforgiving.

***Williams brings Tod to a corner, tangles his arm in the ropes and yanks on it, prompting a five count from Matt Kivell. Williams brings Tod out of the corner and hooks on a Northern Lights suplex for the cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Kick out. Tod gets to his feet, trying to shake off the pain in his arm. Williams hooks on another arm wringer and drives his shoulder repeadetly into Tod's arm. He hooks on a modified hammer lock and body slams Tod down hard.***

Axis: Talk about old school, there's a good old fashionned hammer lock slam!

Edwin: That move drives all your weight on your arm, which can NOT cause good feelings.

King: I beat a guy with that move once, broke his arm in five places…God rest his soul.

***Williams puts on another modified arm bar and yells at the referee to ask Tod, whom declines to submit on each occasion.***

TNT: He's a tough guy, that Tod. If he has to, he'll rip the arm out of his socket and jam it down your throat.

***Tod slowly gets to his feet, still in the arm bar. He grabs onto the ropes, does a back flip, counters with his own arm wringer, which is re-countered by Williams with a hair pull that sends Tod back down. He punctuates that with an elbow drop right to the sternum. He picks him up by the hair and nails a half hour vertical suplex. Cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Kick out at two. Williams hammers Tod with repetitive forearms to the back to keep him grounded. He follows it up by scooping up Tod on his shoulder and hitting a massive shoulder breaker. Cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Kick out once again. Williams drops a leg on Tod's hurting limb and applies a vicious cross armbreaker, causing Tod to instantly scream in pain.***

Axis: There's the cross armbreaker by Williams on Tod!! Can he get it right here?!

Edwin: That move puts a lot of pressure on the elbow joint and on the shoulder socket as well, and it is indeed very painful as you can see by the reaction from Tod deKindes. He's gotta keep his hands clamped together if he wants to fight off the move.

TNT: But it's still good strategy by Danny. If Tod doesn't have the full use of one of his arms, then he can't hit either one of his two finishers, the Cerebral Driver or the Spirit Breaker. And let me tell you, I've been on the receiving end of both these moves when Tod was healthy; and they pack a hell of a punch. I was knocked a little goofy for like, a half hour after our match.

***Tod slowly crawls to the ropes and manages to put a foot on the bottom strand. When the five count fails to make Williams break the hold, Matt Kivell asserts himself and physically removes Williams from Tod.***

King: Hey, a referee does NOT have the right to put his hands on a wrestler!!!…Under fear of total dismemberment from said wrestler.

TNT: He should've let go of the hold at the five count, but then again Danny is doing whatever it takes to get the win here. Can't blame him for that.

***While Kivell reprimands Williams on not releasing the hold when asked, Tod is slow to get to his feet, while shaking off the pain in his arm. Williams comes back with another series of clubbing forearms to the upper back. Irish whip to the ropes by Williams, he catches Tod with a boot to the gut. He bounces off the ropes and connects with a diving elbow to the back of the head of the bent over Tod. He rams his face repeadetly in the canvas and drops another elbow to the back of the head. He puts on another weak arm bar, but this time it's purely for insult purposes as he repeadetly slaps Tod behind the head a few times.***

Edwin: That's a little uncalled for.

King: No way, it's hilarious! Do it again, Deathwish!!

***It seems to have awakened Tod a little as he starts fuming and getting to his feet. Williams starts cranking on the arm bar but Tod frees himself the good old fashionned way: a straight up right hand to the noggin. Right hands by Tod. Irish whip to the ropes, reversed by Williams. Back bodydrop attempt, but Tod flips over it, catches Williams in a waist lock and attempts a roll up…***

*One!*

*Two!*

…

***Williams counters it…***

*One!*

*Two!*

…

***Tod frees himself. Another Irish whip exchange leads to a sunset flip by Tod.***

*One!*

*Two!*

…

***Reversed by Williams…***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Re-reversed by Tod…***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Williams re-counters…***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Tod flips Williams back into a pin…***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Williams grabs the legs and rolls over…***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Tod grabs Williams, muscles both men up and turns it into a backslide…***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Williams frees himself but Tod comes right back with a small package…***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Both men up, Williams avoids any further pins by flooring Tod with a clothesline. The crowd applauds that neat little pinfall reversal sequence, while Matt Kivell tries to get his breath back.***

Axis: Poor Matt is exhausted from counting all those pins.

King: Please, I saw him downing a few before the show. Hey Kivell!! Lay off the nicotine!!

***Williams picks up Tod by the hair and whips him to a corner. He gets a running start and connects with a handspring back elbow smash, right into Tod's face. He follows it up with a quick snap suplex. He hops on the second turnbuckle and nails a diving elbow. He goes to cover once again, but then decides against it and brings Tod to his feet for more offense. He brings him in a corner and starts pounding on him and choking away. Irish whip to the opposite corner is reversed by Tod. He charges, but Williams backdrops him clear over the turnbuckles, as he takes a massive spill to the outside.***

King: Whoa!!

Axis: Nice presence of mind by Danny Williams, here. It's almost been all him thus far. Tod is out on the floor.

Edwin: Could've hit his head there.

***While Kivell puts on the 10 count, Williams meets up with Tod outside and chokes him against the guard rail. He lays in a few massive knife edge chops, causing some faint reactions from the few Danimaniacs in the house tonight. Tod suddenly gets a sudden second wind, turns the tables on Williams and starts chopping him into oblivion, a cheery 'Woo!' accompanying each chop. He whips him against the steel ring steps and bashes his head against those same steps. He rolls in the ring and back out, breaking Kivell's ten count. He bashes his head against the ring apron and whips him into another set of ring steps. He brings Williams to the announce table and bashes his head against that, too.***

King: Hey!! We're working here!

***With Williams sprawled across the table, Tod mounts him as if he was going for a Ten Punch Count Along (special auf Deutsch version).***

Crowd: Eine!… Zwei!… Drei!… Vier!… Fünf!… Sechs!… Sieben!… Acht!… Neun!… Zehn!

***Tod tops that off with his mighty roar to the fans and throws Williams back in the ring.***

TNT: Counting in German. That's cute.

King: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. These morons sound like Nazis!

***Irish whip to the corner, Williams collides chest first with the turnbuckles. Tod captures him in a full nelson and sends him down with a brutal Dragon suplex, bridged into a pin.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Th--

***Kick out. Tod picks up Williams, grabs a waist lock and delivers an overhead release german suplex that folds up Williams in half. He quickly crawls over into a cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Thr--

***Kick out. Irish whip by Tod, followed up with a powerslam. Tod ascends to the second rope and delivers his own diving elbow from there. He brings Williams to a standing position and buries a boot in Williams' gut. He bounces off the ropes and nails a swinging neckbreaker. He bounces off the ropes again and telegraphs him with a knee to the side of the head. Snapmare by Tod. Off the ropes once more, as Tod delivers a dropkick to the back of Williams' head. Cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Th--

***Kick out. Williams gets to his feet, but Tod remedies to that by bashing his head a few times against the top turnbuckle. Tod grabs the dazed Williams and plants him down with a Death Valley Driver. He shakes off a still-lingering pain in his right arm and climbs up to the top rope. Quick scream to the crowd, as Tod comes crashing down with a swanton bomb. Cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Thre--

Axis: NO!!! So close!!!

TNT: That move takes a lot out of you, with the entire weight coming flying down on you full speed. But Danny has great ring presence, and he knows that he has to keep those shoulder off the mat.

Edwin: I gotta say I'm impressed with our TV champion, showing no bias thus far.

King: Yeah, you just wait. Sure, he's not picking anyone's side for now, but it's just a matter of time. Ain't that right, champ?

TNT: …

***Tod whips Williams in the ropes and catches him in a side slam. Cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Th--

***Kick out. Tod brings Williams to his feet and puts him in a corner. He sits him on the top rope and sends him crashing back down with a flying head scissors. He seems to have buggered his arm in the process and simply lays down on Williams instead of a full on lateral press for the cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

***Williams kicks out with ease. ***

Edwin: Tod seems to have further injured his arm on that move. There you see him holding it.

King: And now all Williams has to do is focus his offense right on that arm and set him up for that cross face chicken wing hold, ain't that right, champ?

TNT: …Whatever it takes to win, King…Whatever it takes.

***Tod places Williams in center ring and places his head between his legs, signaling for a powerbomb. He lifts him up on his shoulders, but Williams wiggles free and connects with a desperation single arm DDT. Both men are down, as Kivell starts using his ten count. ***

Edwin: With Tod deKindes now seemingly disabled, Danny Williams needs to work on that arm and try to get the victory with a quick submission hold.

King: …(stammers) I just said that thirty seconds ago!!

***Both men get up around seven, although Tod is doing so gingerly and clutching his right arm. Williams grabs Tod's wrist and smashes it right against the turnbuckle pad. Repeat twice. Tod goes down, still holding his arm. Williams capitalizes, keeps Tod grounded by driving a knee into his back and then he puts on another modified hammer lock. Tod once again declines any offers to give it up.***

King: Only a matter of time, now guys. That arm can't last forever and it's only a matter of time until Deathwish *snaps* it in half.

***While Kivell isn't looking, Williams reaches behind him and pulls on the ropes to gain more leverage, prompting some boos from the crowd. ***

Axis: Hey, come on ref, he's using the ropes!!

***TNT gets up with a concerned look on his face…but then he chooses to calmly sit back down. ***

Axis: You know that's not right, Taylor! Deathwish has an illegal advantage by pulling on that rope!

King: Oh, quit yer bitchin', Axis! TNT himself said that Deathwish will do whatever it takes to get the win in this match, whereas YOU would do WHOever it takes to get a seat at a restaurant!

Axis: …

***Williams' rope tactics go unnoticed for a few minutes by Kivell, until he finally sees it and kicks Williams' arm away. Williams gets up to shout at Kivell, and a shoving match ensues. Williams shoves Kivell against the ropes and Kivell bounces back and shoves Williams with all his might, sending him into a schoolboy roll up from the awaiting Tod. Kivell can't help but count at a quicker cadence than usual.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Thre --

***Kick out at the last second. Williams goes to argue some more with the referee, but he then walks right into a standing sidekick by Tod. He can't capitalize right away, as he's staggering into place, holding his arm. He falls into a cover, which gives only two once again. He's shaking off the pain in his arm again, as Williams starts to get to his feet. Right hands are now exchanged. Tod gets the best of that, sending Williams reeling against the ropes. Tod charges and attempts to clothesline him out, but Williams backdrops him over the ropes and onto the floor. While the referee warns him about doing stuff like that, Tod slowly gets to his feet. Williams shoves Kivell aside and connects with a suicide dive through the ropes, onto Tod. He screams at the crowd a little, then tosses Tod back in the ring. He holds up Tod in the Half Hour Suplex position, walks around the ring a little and comes crashing down with a brainbuster. Cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Thre--

***Williams pulls him up. He brings Tod to his feet and scoops him up on his shoulder. He gives a thumbs down to the crowd and plants Tod with a jumping tombstone piledriver. Lax cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Thre.---

Axis: NO!!! Two and three quarters!!

King: Come on, ref!!

***Williams pulls up Tod and holds him in a half-assed waist lock, prepping him no doubt for a german suplex. He takes too much time jawing at the fans however, that when he goes to do the move, Tod shifts his weight forward and into a roll up.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Thr--!

***Kick out. Angered, Williams brings Tod to a corner and stomps a mudhole in him, but fails to walk it dry, as he's yelling at the referee once again. He nails a dual set of Irish whip/corner clothesline combos, and plants Tod down with a high angle DDT. Cover.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Thre--

Axis: NO!!! Tod will NOT go down that easily!!

***Williams pounds the mat and kicks on the ropes out of sheer frustration. He picks up Tod by the hair and whips him to the ropes. Tod ducks a clothesline, and another and then a back elbow. Williams leapfrogs twice and grabs hold of Kivell's shirt as he comes back down. Tod bounces off the ropes and spears down the first thing that he sees…and it's Matthew Kivell, whom Williams had pulled in front of him. ***

Edwin: Referee down!!

***Williams comes back with a kick to the gut and a scintillating DDT that puts down Tod. Williams looks around, and sees the referee down. He looks over towards the announce table and rolls outside.***

Axis: What's he got in mind now?

***Williams approaches towards TNT and starts barking out orders at him, which are picked up by his headset.***

DW: Taylor…(catching breath)…gimme your chair!

TNT: What?! You don't need my chair, Danny!! Just get him!!

DW: Don't fuck around, gimme your goddamn chair!!

TNT: Come on, Danny…

Axis: You don't have to help him like this, Taylor...

King: Would you please shut up and let the man have his chair if he wants it?!

***TNT reluctantly gets up from his seat, as Williams grabs his chair. He goes to return to the ring, but turns back to face TNT once again.***

DW: Boy…don't you EVER…question me again, you hear me?! Ever!!

***And he slaps him one right in the mouth! ***

Axis: Wuh-oh.

***As Williams re-enters the ring, Thompson calmly puts the headset down, with an intense look on his face, and then he heads inside the ring. Meanwhile, Tod is getting up. Williams goes to swing the chair at him, but Thompson blocks it and grabs the chair. A long look is exchanged between the two, but then Thompson puts on a grin and tells Williams to "Let ME do it!". Williams stands back as Thompson is poised and ready, chair in hand…***

Edwin: No, don't tell me…

King: Ha-HAAA! What a development!

***Thompson swings the chair…and he hits Williams!! The booing crowd quickly changes its opinion and erupts in cheers. Tod and TNT exchange a nod and smirk, as TNT goes back to ringside to grab his belt and wait in the aisle. Tod picks up the limp-carcassed, and now bloody, Williams and plants him down with the Spirit Breaker. He hooks both legs, as Kivell comes to.***

*One!*

*Two!*

*Three!!*

***Bell rings, as 'Shock' fires up.***

Funyon: The winner of this contest…Tod - deeeeeeeeKindeeeeesss!!

***Tod exchanges one more look with TNT, who starts heading back up the ramp. Holding his right arm, Tod gives out another mighty roar to the crowd, as he heads to the back as well.***

***Fade to commercials.***

April 21, 2002

King: "Hello ladies and gentlemen we are back live for the April 20th edition of SJL Crimson! We are coming to you from the Gaylord National Center in Nashville, Tennessee, the home of the gaylords!"

Axis: "I don't think that was really necessary King."

King: "I don't think it was necessary for the Nashvillers to name their stadium the "Gaylord National Center."

Edwin: "Can I..."

King: "Oh shut up, now that you don't have the ICTV title nobody knows you even exist."

Axis: "We have just witnessed a classic matchup between our German friend Tod deKindes and technical wrestler "Deathwish" Danny Williams!"

King: "Danny was tearing it up with his mad technical skills, but then that no good noodnick TNT interfered, turned on his beloved mentor, costing him the match!"

Edwin: "Yes and..."

King: "Stop pretending like you matter!"

Axis: Anyhoo, we go backstage now to witness the spectacular aftermath of this bout."

King: "Yes indeedy."

The screen cuts back stage where Taylor Nicholas Thompson has just returned to his dressing room. AC/DC posters dot the walls and a Malibu Barbie doll is seen sitting on the counter. Taylor enters the room, and sits down on his panda skin couch, contemplating the act of shivery that he just committed. Suddenly, the door opens and in comes Tod deKindes.

Tod: "Hey TNT. I just wanted to let you know that I'm glad that you made the right choice. I knew in the back of my mind that you would side with me. You don't need Danny Williams. Er ist ein violettes Fussferkel, he is a purple footed piglet."

TNT: "A what?"

Tod: "Um, wait, scratch that last one. All that matters is that now you don't have that Deathwish numskull holding you down. Me and you have to watch eachother's backs, me and you have to stick together, me and you...have to explode."

TNT: "Well, Tod, Seus cheiros das narinas gostam de vacas do repolho, I'll think about it."

Tod: "Um, Taylor, you just told me that my nostrils smelled like cabbage cows in Portuguese."

TNT: "Um, sorry. I've been meaning to practice my German a little more."

Suddenly, Danny Williams, with blood running down his face and a "Kick Me" sign on his back bursts into the room. He wipes off his Crimson mask, and stares at Taylor and Tod like a bull staring at two other bulls...except one of the bulls speaks German, and the other promotes explosive devices.

Deathwish: "What the flying shit bean soup was that? Do you really think that you can be a winner in this fed with foreign speaking losers like Tod Whatshiname?"

Tod: "Hey! You don't talk about me like that! I just beat you!"

Deathwish: "Yeah, with the help of this loser!"

Danny acquires a near by chair, and swings at Taylor, Thompson attempts to dodge, but is caught in mid air! A sickening “thud” is heard as the solid steel chair snaps against the arm of TNT. Tod retreats, grabs a seating utensil of his own, and lunges at Deathwish! Danny runs off, as Taylor is left sitting against a wall, holding his surely fractured arm.

TNT: “Uh, I’ve taken some consideration to that team-up thing and I think…”

Tod: “Do not speak, do not worry. Passen Sie uns auf zu explodieren, he will, like so many others, watch us explode.

The screen cuts back to the announcing table.

Axis: “Truly deep words from Tod deKindes. It looks like we have a new team on our hands!”

Edwin: “I think…”

King: “Silence village idiot!”

Axis: “We’ll be back with MORE SJL Crimson right after a word from our sponsors!”

King: “Don’t forget, this episode of Crimson is brought to you by…the Solar Powered Flashlights! How else are you going to see in the daylight? Buy it now!”

April 21, 2002

Xero, T-Bone and Brody are in the ring. Johnny Generic scoop slams everyone. He covers them. 1. 2. 3. Johnny Generic wins another 3.

April 21, 2002

As SJL Crimson returns from break, the crowd pops as the image of the beautiful Misty, sitting down, face buried in the palms of her hands.

"Listen up, bitch..." Jake begins, "The only reason I even stole you from the goofy asshole in the first place was to get revenge on his ass for taking me out of the SJL for so long. If GoldenEye and him hadn't powerbombed me through that table... I'd be the damn champion. Ash cost me everything..."

"No, he didn't." Misty replies, her voice increasing in volume and tone. "You cost yourself it. You're an obnoxious, evil, sadistic man, and I can see why Cassandra left you!"

"Don't you start-"

"She left you because, like me, she can't stand you! You don't deserve to have her, and-"

Helmsley grabs Misty, his face now showing his growing anger with the young girl as she lets out a quick scream.

"Look, you tramp... Ash doesn't have to have you back in one piece..."

Misty begins to back off and cower as Helsmley releases her. Misty turns to face away from him, but Jake stalks her close behind, not finished having put her in her place.

"That's right, you bi-"

"SLAP!" Misty spins around, delivering a vicious slap across the face of Helmsley. Jake's head snaps to the right, and as he turns back to face the young woman, the left side of his face

"You wanna fight?" He stomps across the room, grabbing a bag he also hi-jacked when he kidnapped Misty. "Get your shit on. You just got yourself a match against me... TONIGHT."

"What a shocking turn of events!" replies Axis in his voice-over. "Jake Helmsley will meet Misty... one-on-one... tonight!"

Misty's expression of both shock and fear is seasily seen from the shot as Helmsley turns, the crowd cheering in the background as things fade back into commercial...

April 21, 2002

The camera fades in on a wide-angle shot of the capacity crowd in Nashville's Gaylord National Center. Various members of the crowd are seen holding signs like "Rickmen Fears Camus", "You're-a Peein'" and that old standard, "The Guy Behind Me Can't See." The SJL European Title graphic flashes on the screen, and below it scroll the names "SUPERIOR ONE" and "INSANE LUCHADOR." The graphic explodes, and the camera zooms in on the announce table. The camera shows Suicide King holding his Guidebook to Being a Heel, Axis looking irritated and Edwin surrounded by pandaphernilia. In short, they look exactly the same as they always do.

Axis: Welcome back to this Saturday Crimson show! We've already seen several amazing matches, and following this match we'll see two more.

King: That's right. *drums his fingers idly on the Guidebook* This baby here's got an entire chapter on screwing with the card, and believe me, I used it this week. Z's going to be taking on Stryke in a.... *titter* a First... *busts out laughing*

Axis: *impatient* Z will be facing Stryke in a First Blood match.

Edwin: And Erek Taylor will be taking on Ced Ordonez, master of Dance Dance Revolution, in a lumberjack match!

Axis: But right now, we have an exciting European Title defense that sees the champion, "The Superior One" Tom Flesher, taking on perhaps his toughest challenge yet in the self-professed Plague, "The Insane Luchador" Andrew Rickmen. What's your take on it, Edwin?

Edwin: Well, numerous factors come into play here.

Edwin reaches under the table and pulls out his whiteboard and a marker, then begins scribbling furiously on it while mumbling to himself.

Edwin: Let's see... S, strength.... C, charisma... I, the insanity factor... Q, quickness... that means speed... R, whether Flesher will decide to play the race card....

King: Race ca... you idiot, they're both white.

Edwin: Hm. Then he probably won't.

Edwin scribbles a bit more, and then turns the whiteboard around to reveal his conclusion.

The whiteboard reads, "SUICIDE KING IS QUEER."

Axis stifles a laugh, and Edwin grins expectantly at the King.

King: Yeah, well that's not what your mom said the other night.

Edwin: Suicide, my mom's 74.

Suicide King looks mildly nauseous.

King: Ugh... erm... let's go to the ring.

Mudvayne's "Dug" plays violently as the lights go out. They soon flicker back on, but the arena stays dim. Andrew Rickmen's back faces the crowd; as he arches his back to see the wall, his arms and hands form a cross. At the same time, he blows black mist into the air, using the boos to intensify. Finally, he walks to the ring with a fast gait and slides into the ring as the fans boo loudly.

Funyon: This contest is for the SJL European Championship! Currently in the ring, the challenger... from Easton, Pennsylvania, and weighing in tonight at 195 pounds... The True Plague, the Insane Luchador, Andrew Rickmen!

The crowd boos as Rickmen blows the black mist once more. Then, the arena goes dark once more. Over the PA, the opening fanfare of the Doors' "Tell All The People" starts to play. A large X of pyro sprays out across the curtain, and as Jim Morrison's lyrics blare out, Tom Flesher walks through the curtain wearing the SJL European Title belt. He struts to the ring and slides under the ropes, then takes the belt off and drapes it over his shoulder. As Funyon announces his name...

Funyon: And his opponent.... weighing in at 213 pounds, and hailing from Buffalo, New York... the SJL Champion of Europe, "The Superior One," Tom Flesher!!!!

... Flesher drops to his knees in the center of the ring and pyro spurts from each corner. The crowd boos him heavily, and as the pyro fizzles, he hands the European belt over to referee Eddy Long. Long holds the belt in the air and the two combatants come to the center of the ring.

DING DING DING!!!!!!

Rickmen squares off against Flesher and goes to lock up, but Flesher nails him with a hard palm in the forehead. As Rickmen grabs his head in surprise, Flesher continues forcing himself forward and nailing Rickmen with shotei after shotei. Finally, when Rickmen reaches the ropes, Long steps in to break them up. Flesher backs off slowly, but the moment Long looks away, he throws yet another hard palm strike and nails Rickmen in the chest, knocking the wind out of him.

Axis: Looks like a strong start out of Tom Flesher, who's being very aggressive with the Insane Luchador.

Edwin: You know, those are called shoteis.

Axis: *sigh* I know.

Edwin: I just thought I'd keep you informed.

Axis: Um... thanks.

Edwin: Axis... do you like my shoteis?

Axis: What?

Edwin: You know... when I wrestle... do you like my shoteis?

Axis: They're good, I guess.

Edwin: Because I'll change them if they'll make you happy.

King: Oh, for the love of god, just call the damn match.

Edwin: *sigh* He doesn't like my shoteis....

Flesher, having established control in his mind, slowly and cockily backs off, allowing Rickmen to shake off the cobwebs and come back to the center. Flesher and Rickmen square off, with Flesher looking very confident. He swings back and throws a lazy, cocky palm strike. The Insane Luchador sees it coming, though, and deflects Flesher's arm with a hard side-sweep of his left hand. Almost immediately, Rickmen nails Flesher with two stiff right-handed punches. With Flesher reeling, Rickmen hits a hard haymaker to the body, and when Flesher stumbles backwards, he follows it up with a heavy dropkick to Flesher's chest.

Edwin: Rickmen calls that the Plague, although I don't see why. It's just a punch-dropkick combo.

King: Ah, you're just pissed cuz you got your ass handed to you on Thursday.

The Luchador covers Flesher for

ONE

SHOULDER UP by Flesher, who then rolls to his stomach. He waits expectantly for Rickmen to try to work a submission hold. Rickmen, however, decides just to clock Flesher in the back of the head with a stiff right hand.

Axis: Flesher obviously isn't used to wrestling someone like Insane Luchador. He's had so much experience with Danny Williams and other ground-based wrestlers that he left himself open to be struck like that.

King: Flesher's just not ready. He's moving up a notch in the competition scale and Rickmen's just too much for him.

Insane Luchador pounds Flesher in the back of the neck and then rolls him onto his back as Eddy Long counts

ONE

TWO

but Flesher kicks out and rolls to his stomach, this time spinning around to face his opponent before any damage can be done. He cautiously gets to his feet and looks the Insane Luchador up and down before locking up. Luchador whips him to the ropes. As Flesher bounces back, he leapfrogs over Flesher and gets in position. Flesher rebounds, and Rickmen slides under him, bouncing back to his feet in position for his standard combo of punches. Flesher spins around, but knows what's coming and ducks the flurry of strikes, opting instead to snag a single-leg takedown. Fluidly, he keeps the leg and steps through into an ankle lock, torquing the leg by twisting his body around it. He shouts, "ASK HIM!" Luchador answers by lunging toward the ropes, not making much headway but forcing Flesher to step toward him to maintain the pressure. He attempts to pull back, but Luchador takes full advantage of his five-inch height advantage and lunges once more toward the ropes, this time getting a firm grip on the bottom rope and forcing Flesher to break the hold. After Long counts to four, Flesher drops an elbow into the tender pit of Luchador's knee and backs into the middle of the ring.

King: Look at that blatant rule infraction by Flesher!

Axis: What? He's obeying the five-count rule.

King: It's just so obvious!

Rickmen gets back to his feet and starts to move toward the center, where Flesher jumps up to meet him with a dropkick to the knee. Rickmen dodges, however, and lets Flesher crash to the mat. Taking full advantage, Rickmen boots Flesher over and over in the ribs with his good leg until Flesher curls up and rolls out of the ring. The Luchador follows quickly, and the two begin brawling on the outside. As they exchange punches and kicks, Flesher guides Rickmen over to the announce table. Once they're right in front of the table, Rickmen throws a stiff right hand that sends Flesher reeling and stumbling onto the table.

Edwin: Wait a minute... that's my coffee!

Axis: What's that?

Edwin: He just took...

Edwin doesn't have time to finish, as Flesher looks up to Rickmen. Rickmen throws another punch, but Flesher blocks it and answers back by spraying a mouthful of coffee mist at Rickmen! With the Plague completely disoriented by Flesher turning the tables on him, he's an easy target for a stiff palm strike and collapses across the announce table. Flesher jumps up onto the apron and raises his arms, signaling his flying headbutt. As Axis, Edwin and the Suicide King scramble to get out of the way....

Eddy Long grabs Flesher and holds him back! The crowd breaks out in a chorus of boos as Long shouts, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT! IF YOU DO, I'LL STRIP YOU OF THE BELT!" Flesher's face shows an expression of complete and utter disgust as he hops off the apron and grabs the Insane Luchador, only to roll him back into the ring. Flesher follows soon after, then mounts the ropes and raises his arms again. He dives off the top rope with a flying headbutt, but Rickmen moves at the last second! Flesher hits the mat like a ton of bricks and bounces back up, finally landing flat on his stomach.

Axis: Flesher obviously took too long to set up that move, but Eddy Long didn't help matters much. When's the last time you saw a referee stop a move in progress?

King: Chokehold, Sherlock. They stop those all the time. And just about five minutes ago Long stopped the ankle lock when Rickmen hit the ropes.

Edwin: I'm still mad that he stole my coffee!

King: Believe me, Axis, I know the rules. I'm a former SWF World Champion.

Edwin: That was Kona coffee! I had it flown in all the way from Cone!

Axis: *sigh* This is like a badly written gimmick session.

The two look at him, confused.

Axis: Well, it IS. You two are just always so over the top when Flesher's in the ring.

King: ...well, I WAS an SWF World Champion.

Axis: See, there you... oh, for god's sake, just watch the damn match.

Edwin: ZING!

In the ring, Eddy Long has begun to administer a ten-count. As he reaches five, Rickmen begins to get to up and finally beats the out-cold Flesher to his feet. He lifts Flesher up and locks him into position for a DDT, then snaps backward and plants Flesher's head into the mat. Flesher falls flat on his stomach, and Rickmen rolls him onto his back, then covers him. Eddy Long counts

ONE

TWO

KICKOUT by Flesher, who's starting to show signs of life again. Rickmen lifts him up once more and locks him up for another DDT, but before he can snap it back, Flesher sweeps his legs out from under him! In one fluid motion, Flesher keeps the legs and steps over, sitting back into a Boston crab! Flesher sits back and cranks the hold as Rickmen grimaces in pain. Flesher sits back even further and tries to put more pressure on the Insane Luchador's back.

Edwin: It looks like Andrew Rickmen's going to be in dire need of a painkiller this weekend. Remember to use Rite Aid-brand acetaminophen. Rite Aid: With us, it's personal.

Axis: Can't we go one card without you shilling something?

Edwin: Well, there are cetain things I'd never dream of shilling. This Sex Pistols t-shirt, for example. Despite the fact that they're selling them dirt cheap at http://www.dresslikeedwin.com/, I would never DREAM of advertising the fact that they're being sold at http://www.dresslikeedwin.com/. In fact, I also wouldn't even consider saying that my limited edition autographed Midnight Carnival baseball cap is...

Axis: WATCH THE MATCH!

Obligingly, Edwin redirects his attention to the fact that Andrew Rickmen has slowly worked his way over to the ropes and is making one desperate grasp for them to avoid having to submit. Finally, he manages to get a grip on the bottom strand! Immediately, Flesher gets up, but he pulls the Luchador back to the center of the mat and drops an elbow into the small of his back. With that, Flesher yanks him back to his feet and locks his hands around Rickmen's waist. Flesher arches his back in a beautiful German suplex and holds on for the pin as Eddy Long counts

ONE

TWO

KICKOUT! Rickmen breaks the pin by rolling through, but Flesher gets back to his feet almost immediately. As Rickmen gets back up, Flesher charges behind him and nails him with a running palm strike, then locks his hands and gets into position for a backdrop driver. He arches his back, but Rickmen gets out of the lock and lands on his feet behind Flesher! Flesher turns around, but as he does, Rickmen blows black mist in his eyes! Flesher grabs his face and tries to rub the burning out of his eyes, but Andrew Rickmen nails him with a series of hard right hand punches that send Flesher to the mat.

Axis: Didn't Eddy Long see that?!

Edwin coughs and points over to Suicide King. When Axis looks, he sees the King shouting at Long to watch the match. Long, of course, is thoroughly engrossed with telling Suicide King to sit back down, and missed the black mist incident entirely. He turns back around to see Flesher still rubbing his face frantically, the Insane Luchador sprawled across him. As quickly as he can, Long drops down to the mat and counts

ONE

TWO

THRE- NO! Flesher's foot is on the ropes! Rickmen gets up and screams out of frustration. He grabs Flesher by the collar of his t-shirt and yanks him to his feet, only to scoop slam him back down onto the mat closer to the turnbuckle. The Luchador climbs to the top rope and jumps off, executing a beautiful 450 degree splash in mid-air, finally landing hard...

on the mat! Flesher rolls out of the way at the very last minute and the Luchador hits the mat almost as hard as Flesher did earlier when he missed the flying headbutt. Flesher gets to his feet slowly, obviously looking groggy, as Rickmen grabs his ribs. Operating on instinct more than anything else, Flesher charges over at top speed and punts Rickmen in the ribs. Rickmen lets out a scream of pain as Flesher yanks him to his feet and, spinning around, sends him bounding into the ropes. As Rickmen rebounds, Flesher nails him in the face with a size UK 11 Doc Marten combat boot. Rickmen falls to the mat, and Flesher more falls on top than covers him with any degree of intent. Eddy Long counts

ONE

TWO

TH- KICKOUT!!! The Insane Luchador gets his shoulder up off the mat to break the pin, and Flesher looks disappointed and desperate at the same time. With no clue what else to do, he rolls Rickmen onto his stomach and attempts to control his legs to open up the Lotus Blossom. Rickmen won't cooperate, however, and throws a sloppy back elbow that grazes Flesher's head. Flesher backs off looking greatly confused.

Axis: I'm not sure Flesher knows exactly what he's doing at this point. He's taken a few very nasty bumps, and it looks like he's sticking to very simple moves right now.

King: Simple moves? Those are the only ones he knows.

Axis: In any event, he may be trying to keep Rickmen contained. Rickmen's a sadistic powderkeg, and if Flesher gives him too much space, he could explode.

King: TNT's not wrestling, you idiot. This is the Tom Flesher vs. Insane Luchador European Title defense. Geez, would you at least watch the right card?

Axis sighs and mutters about needing to get a new job as the proverbial light bulb flicks on above Tom Flesher's head. He backs into the corner opposite Rickmen and faces the crowd, then starts stomping slowly in rhythm while holding on to the ropes.

Edwin: Flesher's warming up the band! Tune the woodwinds! Beat the drums! Squeak the oboe!

King: Whack the panda-loving jackass!

Edwin: Which reminds me, stuffed Panda Axis and Panda King dolls are available at http://www.dresslikeedwin.com/ for the low, low price of...

Edwin is unable to finish his blatant advertisement, since Andrew Rickmen gets to his feet and is met almost immediately with Tom Flesher's giant boot sole in a superkick. Rickman falls into the corner, and Flesher immediately looks excited. He starts to clap for himself as he charges in and scrapes his boot across Rickmen's face. He hangs in the corner with his boot planted on Rickmen's neck. Rickmen starts to choke as Flesher golf-claps for himself. The crowd hates it, of course, and begins to boo him overwhelmingly. This only causes Flesher to start raising the roof, with the Insane Luchador quickly turning blue. Eddy Long comes over and shouts at Flesher to break the choke. Flesher responds by shrugging and asking, "What am I doing wrong?" Long points and angrily shouts, "STOP CHOKING YOUR OPPONENT!" Flesher stands facing away from the corner, his boot planted firmly in Andrew Rickmen's throat, and calmly responds, "I haven't a clue what you're talking about, but I'll have my people get back to you when we have a chance." Rickmen finally applies the five-count.

ONE!

Flesher keeps choking nonchalantly.

TWO!!

THREE!!!

FOUR!!!!

Finally, Flesher breaks the choke, but the damage has been done. Andrew Rickmen looks completely gone.

Axis: Look at what he just did! Flesher should be ashamed of himself!

King: Why?

Axis: He stood on the Insane Luchador's neck for at least fifteen seconds straight!

King: I didn't see anything. All I saw was Flesher in the corner applauding himself and getting a great reaction. And whose word would you take - some washed-up Russell Crowe wannabe, or a former SWF World Champion? Hey, guess which one I am!

Rather than go for the cover, Flesher drops to his knees in the center of the ring and looks pensively to the sky with his arms out at the side, palms up. Essentially, he's assumed the Jesus Pose, an act which gets him literally pelted with empty soda cups. Eddy Long does his best to sweep all the debris out of the ring, but even by the time he kicks most of it away, Flesher still hasn't come out of his pose. The fans start a rousing chant of "YOU SUCK DICK! YOU SUCK DICK!" Finally, Flesher gets slowly and majestically to his feet...

only to have the Insane Luchador come up behind him and nail him in the back of the head with a stiff right hand! Flesher looks momentarily stunned, and Rickmen takes the opportunity to slap on a full nelson.

Axis: We may see the Brink of Insanity here!

Without hesitation, the Insane Luchador climbs to the second rope. Before he can jump off, however, Flesher reaches up and boxes his ears! Rickmen almost immediately releases the full nelson and grabs his ears out of shock, and Flesher takes the opportunity to nail him with a jumping, spinning shotei to the jaw! Rickmen thus neutralized, Flesher grabs his arms and slams him to the mat with a gigantic Iconoclasm, then climbs to the top rope and raises his arms into the air. He dives off and nails Rickmen with a flying headbutt, completing the Superiority Complex. Rather than going for the pin, though, he lifts Rickmen to his feet and locks up a gutwrench suplex lock.

King: You know, Axis, I invented this move.

Axis: What the hell are you talking about?

King: The Ego Buster. I invented it.

Axis: How can you say that with a straight face?

King: When you're a former World Champion, everything in life is easy.

Flesher lifts Rickmen upside down and holds him for a moment. He stalls...

and stalls......

AND STALLS.......

before finally sitting down and spiking Rickmen's head into the canvas! His head bounces off the canvas, making a sick thud that the crowd responds to with a collective gasp. Rickmen lands on the mat in a heap, and Flesher rolls over on top of him. Eddy Long counts

ONE

TWO

THREE!!!!!

WAIT! Long waves it off! Somehow, Rickmen managed to get his shoulder up! The look on Flesher's face reads a combination of surprise, disgust and utter disbelief. He stands up slowly and boots his foe in the ribs while contemplating what to do. Finally, he yanks Rickmen to his feet and spins behind, crossing his arms over his own stomach. Flesher tightens the grip, lifts Rickmen off the ground and arches back, screaming "I'M THE CHAMP!!!!!!!!" as his kiai, his spirit-shout. Rickmen goes through the air broad arc before the Straitjacket Suplex dumps him on his neck and shoulders. Long counts

ONE

TWO

THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Tell All The People" begins to play over the PA as Flesher releases the barely-conscious Luchador. Flesher sits in the center of the ring, looking almost at peace in sharp contrast to the disturbed expression he wore just a few moments ago.

Funyon: Your winner, and STILL the SJL European Champion... THE SUPERIOR ONE, TOM FLESHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eddy Long hands Flesher his belt, and Flesher's eyes light up again. He hoists the belt high in the air, then brings it down, clutches it tight to his body and collapses.

Axis: God, Flesher's absolutely in love with that belt.

Edwin: Well of course he is. He wouldn't sleep with it otherwise.

King stifles a laugh.

Axis: He's going to guard it with his life. It's going to take an army to pull that belt off of Flesher... just the way he wrestles when he defends it... he doesn't care whose neck he breaks.

Edwin: We'll be back later tonight with the Lumberjacks With Attitude Match between X Force 9's Erek Taylor and the up-and-coming Ced Ordonez, but next we have Z taking on Stryke in a First Blood match! Stay tuned!

April 21, 2002

Crimson. It’s a red color, a darkish red. And it’s also the name of the SJL’s Saturday night extravaganza. SJL Crimson once again returns from the most recent commercial break, the crowd in attendance exploding to their feet. After scanning around the carbon-based individuals that fill the arena the camera switches to one in front of the announce table, where the terrible trio of all things commentary sit. Axis, Edwin MacPhisto and the Suicide King sit there, preparing to call the upcoming match.

King: “Welcome back to the show worthless viewers. It is I, the Suicide King, former SWF Heavyweight Champ and the man that finally outsmarted those infernal carnies. Also here is a big fat Australian convict and the man that may find himself retired come 13th Hour.”

Axis: “Charming intro dipshit.”

Edwin: “Yes, but you’ll get yours King of Farts. You think you can kill the Midnight Carnival with your tomfoolery, but you’ll find yourself sadly mistaken.”

King: “Bah, the pair of you just can’t appreciate my genius.”

Edwin: “Oh, we’ll ‘appreciate’ you another time, but there’s still a show to call.”

Axis: “Indeed Edwin, there’s only two matches left, but they should both be of the highest quality. The main event is still to come, but right now we have a First Blood Match between Stryke and Z.”

King: “This will be fantastic, I can’t wait to see Stryke make that dweeb Z bleed like a bloody fountain.”

Axis: “Z has a lot of fight though, and he always seems to steal a win out of nowhere, so he’s a chance here.”

King: “Well he’s never fought someone as good as Stryke here in the JL. This will be a brutal beating.”

Edwin: “We’ll just have to wait and see King. Z seems to always have on his side, but will it be enough to defeat Stryke, who will no doubt be using this as a warm up for his upcoming encounter with Erek Taylor. We will find out in just a tick.”

As if on cue, “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit kicks up, as the Gaylord National Center erupts in boos. 4 blue fireworks blast up from the stage, before 4 silver fireworks blast up from the same spots a second later. Finally, a huge blue flame of pyro blasts up from the middle of the entranceway, and when the sparks and smoke clears, Strkye is standing on top of the entranceway, his arms out in a crucifix position, Karen by his side.

Funyon: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is a FIRST BLOOD match! Entering first, weighing 207lbs from Sydney, Australia, STRYKE!!!”

After standing there a moment to absorb the thunderous boos of the crowd, he heads down the ramp and quickly slides into the ring, preparing for the match.

King: “There’s the next JL World Champ, and the man that’s about to beat Z’s brains out.”

Axis: “Stryke’s also wearing more clothes to the ring than usual, obviously concealing as much skin as possible to give less areas to be cut open.”

The camera focuses on Stryke, who’s wearing his usual dark blue pants, along with a green t-shirt and black bandanna.

King: “See, he’s smart, covering up his body and forehead so that Z won’t be able to get any lucky cuts. What a clever guy.”

Edwin: “Z may have the same idea though, and with his fashion sense god knows what he could be wearing.”

Axis: “All we need now is for Z to come out, and then this match can begin.”

The cheery pop sounds of Faith No More's 'Epic' funk over the stereo system, as the crowd comes electrifies with cheers! A single spotlight shines down on the ramp, as Z throws aside the curtain, appearing on the stage.

King: “What the hell is that?”

Edwin: “Looks like Z’s got some extra protection too!”

Z stands on the stage, wearing full NFL equipment, jersey, shoulder pads, helmet, the works. The crowd give a laugh at what Z’s wearing for the match, as the 26th letter of the alphabet heads down the ramp.

Funyon: “Now entering the ring, weighing in at 229lbs and hailing from Trenton, New Jersey, Z!!!’

Z gives a quick salute to the crowd as he heads to the ring before rolling under the bottom rope. He paces around the ring, taking a moment to gab with a few rowdy fans, before curling up in a corner, anxiously awaiting the ring bell.

Axis: “Z is completely covered up! It’ll be hard to make him bleed if he can’t even get to him.”

King: “God damn I hate that Z, that should be illegal.”

Stryke has a bemused look on his face, in disbelief at Z. Stryke isn’t in the mood for playing around though, and charges at Z, laying in a barrage of punches.

DING DING DING!

Stryke forces Z back into the corner, delivering a series of punches to the body of Z. But due to the padding Z’s wearing, the shots have no effect. As Stryke continues to try and punch Z into oblivion, Z thrusts his head forward in a headbut, the heavy helmet cracking into Stryke’s head and sending him stumbling back, dazed from the hard shot, the crowd cheering their hearts out.

Edwin: “By george, Z may of thought of the perfect plan of attack! Stryke’s punches are having no effect, and that helmet just rattled Stryke’s brains good and proper.”

King: “No, damn it, this isn’t fair! Z’s cheating!”

Axis: “How can he cheat in a match with no rules?”

King: “Well he, uh… shut up! I don’t know.”

With Stryke reeling, Z moves in and follows up, grabbing Stryke before connecting his helmeted head with Stryke’s cranium again, sending Stryke crumpling to the mat, and the crowd can barely contain their enthusiasm.

Edwin: “Another helmet shot to Stryke! With the force of those shots they could crack Stryke’s forehead wide open!”

Z reaches down and picks Stryke up by the head, pulling his bandanna off and tossing it away. Z takes Stryke by the arm and whips him across the ring to the opposite ropes. The woozy Stryke bounces off and comes back towards Z, who merely thrusts himself towards Stryke, the excess padding and weight causing Stryke to bounce off Z and tumble right back to the mat.

Axis: “Z is dominating the match! Stryke is reeling from Z’s attack.”

King: “This is so unfair! Come on Stryke, you have to beat that little shit!”

Stryke pulls himself up to his feet, but as soon as he’s up Z is right there, hooking Stryke by the arm and throwing him across the ring with a Hiptoss of Hauntingly Hellish Discombobulation! The Nashville fans continue to go crazy as Stryke gets back to his feet, only to walk into a second Hiptoss of Hauntingly Hellish Discombobulation! Cheers bellow forth as Z reigns supreme.

Edwin: “A double Hiptoss of Hauntingly Hellish Discombobulation! Z’s on fire.”

King: “No, this is terrible!”

After slamming Stryke onto the mat Z moves in, perhaps looking to hit a third, and reaches down to pull Stryke up off the mat. But just as he does Stryke swings his arm as hard as he can, his forearm smacking right into Z’s groinular region. The crowd groans as they see the shot, but Z stands tall, unflinching.

Edwin: “Holy lummox, Z must have testicles of steel.”

King: “Or he has no balls at all, that would explain quite a few things.”

Seeing Z standing firm against Stryke’s low blow, Stryke gets rather frustrated and swings again, this time even harder, connecting with Z’s crotch. But right after hitting he holds his arm in pain, getting up to his feet while Z just laughs Stryke off, the crowd cheering like buffoons.

Axis: “Z’s magical testicles have hurt Stryke!”

King: “They must be tough because Z plays with them so much, cause you know that dork Z ain’t getting any lady action.”

With Stryke again foiled Z reaches down into his pants, pulling out a crotch protecter, holding it high as the fans go nuts.

Edwin: “Z had protection! He’s clever this one.”

With Stryke facing the other direction he turns around to face Z again, only to have Z move in and place the cup over Stryke’s mouth. The crowd goes ballistic in a tremendous ovation as Z smears Stryke’s nose and mouth with his sweaty testicle essence.

King: “Oh come on, that’s disgusting! I bet you to morons condone that sort of behaviour as well, don’t you. This is all utterly degrading to Stryke.”

Axis: “Well anything goes Kingy boy, even that.”

Stryke finally breaks away from Z, bailing to the ropes and climbing out, getting to the floor to regroup. As Stryke looks back up at Z full of rage, Z takes his helmet off revealing his face, a grin stretching from ear to ear. Raising his helmet high he climbs the turnbuckle, the fans erupting into massive cheers, a very loud ‘Z!’, ‘Z!’. ‘Z!’ chant echoing forth.

Edwin: “The fans certainly seem to love that little rascal Z. It doesn’t look like that despicable devil Stryke shares those sentiments though.

King: “Z might be smiling right now, but as soon as Stryke gets his hands on him he’ll throttle that little bugger and wipe the smile right off his face.”

As Z continues the laugh around in the ring Stryke makes eye contact with him, walking around the ring, passing by Karen and stopping by the announce table, knocking one of the ring crew out of the way and picking up his steel chair, folding it up and placing it just in the ring, the crowd booing as Z starts to look more sheepish, his look of confidence being replaced with one of nervousness.

King: “This is more like it! Now Z will have a real battle on his hands.”

Z gulps before placing his helmet back on, Stryke climbing back into the ring. Z looks to take the initiative on Stryke, charging in with a deadly lariat. Stryke is prepared however, ducking underneath. Z rebounds off the opposite ropes and comes back at Stryke, but the Showstopper is set, catching Z before lifting him over with an Overhead Release Belly to Belly Suplex, sending Z crashing to the mat.

King: “Now the fun begins, with Stryke on the offence.”

Edwin: “Well Z’s shown he can take a tremendous beating and still keep on coming, so Stryke will need more than a suplex to win here.”

With Z down Stryke turns around, grabbing Z by the head and pulling his helmet off, revealing Z’s head. Holding the helmet in one hand and pulling Z up with the other, Stryke moves back before charging in, ramming the helmet into Z’s now exposed face. The impact sends Z crashing back to the mat, not drawing blood but certainly hurting Z.

Axis: “Ouch, Z’s protection now being used against him. Things are quickly turning in Stryke’s favour.”

Stryke drops the helmet to the canvas before returning his attention to Z, dragging him back up to his feet. Stryke moves with Z towards the nearest ring corner before Stryke throws Z forward as hard as he can, whipping him back-first into the turnbuckle as hard as he can. Z arches his back in pain, stumbling forward, right into a swift dropkick from Stryke, Stryke’s feet smacking into Z’s face and putting him on the mat once more.

Edwin: “Ooh, Z’s face will have tread marks after that one.”

With Z again down Stryke takes him by the arm and drags him into the corner, sitting him up against the turnbuckle. With Z in the corner Stryke goes back to the middle of the ring, picking up the helmet and raiding it to the crowd, garnering huge boos. Holding the helmet in his hands, Stryke runs towards Z before rolling the helmet along the mat, sending it crashing into the testicular region of the prone Z, causing him to scream out in ungodly testicle-related pain, the crowd ‘oooing’ at the impact.

King: “Muahahaha, Z’s not so tough without his protective gear now is he?”

Edwin: “Looks like Stryke’s been taking bowling lessons, picking up the 7-10 split in Z’s naughty place.”

With a grin on his face Stryke moves in, rolling the helmet back into the middle of the ring before lifting Z up and resting him against the corner. With no helmet to stop him now Stryke begins to hit a series of punches to the head of Z, nailing the forehead in an attempt to bust him open. After several blows to the head Stryke takes Z and whips him across the ring towards the opposite corner. Z is able to stop just before he hits the corner, and turns to run back at Stryke. Z charges as fast as he can, but just before he reaches Stryke Z bumps into the hemlet that sits on the mat, tripping over and landing flat faced on the mat to the laughs of the crowd. But when he bumps into the helmet he also kicks it forward, sending it flying into Stryke’s knee, causing Stryke’s leg to buckle, sending him falling to the mat as well.

Axis: “Some typical Z buffoonery there, but he managed to kick the helmet right into Stryke, knocking him to the mat as well!”

King: “Bah, curse his stupid luck.”

The crowd cheers Stryke collapsing to the mat, and with Stryke down it allows Z the time to regain his footing. As Stryke slowly struggles back to his feet Z moves in and delivers a kick to the mid section, before hooking Stryke’s arm and lifting him up for the Generic Vertical Suplex of Unfathomably Evil Proportions! Z holds Stryke high before dropping back, the crowd popping as Stryke is sent back to the canvas.

Edwin: “Z with the Vertical Suplex. The lads back in this now.”

Z again hops back to his feet, suddenly showing more enthusiasm and confidence as he finds himself on top of the match. Stryke again pushes himself up to his hands and knees, but Z’s on the spot to pull him up the rest of the way, getting in behind him, before swinging back and slamming Stryke to the mat with a Side Russian Leg Sweep, much to the joy of the Tennessee JL fans.

Axis: “Another strong move from Z. He putting together some good moves without screwing up.”

King: “It must be an imposter, Z can’t go 5 seconds without falling over or screwing up or something.”

With Stryke flat on his back X gets up and makes his way over to the corner, before climbing up the turnbuckle.

Edwin: “Look out, Z’s going up top. God knows what’ll happen here.”

Z makes his way up top, and stands on the top turnbuckle, facing out into the crowd. Bouncing up and down a few times to help get himself extra air time he spins around before leaping back in a strangely beautiful Moonsault, floating back with his finisher the Shotgun Moonsault. The crowd are on their feet in cheers, cameras flashing away, but all those cheers and hopes are quickly dashed, as Z comes crashing down, only Stryke has moved away from the target.

Axis: “Holy cow, Z missed the Shotgun Moonsault! I probably shouldn’t be surprised though, he has a habit of missing moves like that.”

King: “An error from Z, not that those are uncommon. He may be able to get away with stuff like that up against the jobbers he’s used to fighting, but Stryke is a world class wrestler and all around top guy, it’ll take more than a few common moves with overly elaborate moves to keep him down.”

As Z lies in a crumpled heap on the canvas Stryke is able to pull himself up, and seeing the plane crash that is Z makes his way over to the opposite corner Z used, climbing up rope by rope, the crowd booing him every inch of the way.

King: “Well well, looks like Stryke’s about to show Z how it’s done. He should be grateful, a free lesson.”

Edwin: “The only lesson’s Stryke should give would be on how to be a sourpuss sore loser.”

Stryke reaches the top rope, Karen cheering him on from ringside. Turning back and facing into the ring Stryke quickly rockets off, spinning around 360 degrees horizontally before slamming into Z with a high impact splash, the Star Cross. The move obviously hurts both men, Stryke rolling off holding his stomach from the move.

Edwin: “Stryke may be a rather seedy individual, but he knows how to fly, and the Star Cross is a good example of that. However Z still has that padding on, so it may not have done as much damage as Stryke would have liked.”

Stryke also takes notice of the padding issue, crawling back over to Z and ripping at his Tennessee Titans NFL jersey, which gathered Z several cheep pops on his way to the ring. Stryke is able to lift it up, exposing the shoulderpads Z’s been wearing. Finally getting the jersey over Z’s head, Stryke moves to the shoulderpads, pulling them off in quick fashion as well. Z’s now stripped of all his pretection, just leaving him with his trademark smiley face t-shirt and cargo pants.

King: “Now things are on an even keel, nothing to save Z now.”

Axis: “It was smart of Z, but now he’ll have to rely on his skills alone to make Stryke bleed first.”

The time Stryke spent taking off Z’s excess baggage has allowed Z to recover though, and just as Stryke brings him to his feet he is able to break away, running at and bouncing off the ring ropes. Z looks to get back on top with a clothesline to Stryke’s head, but the Australian is prepared and expecting the maneuver, hooking Z’s arm with his own before swinging back behind Z, hooking his other arm and holding Z in place for an Unprettier. Stryke turns Z around for the move, but instead of slamming Z face first into the mat Stryke drops down into a stunner instead, the move ricocheting Z back from the impact.

Axis: “The Event Horizon from Stryke. Z telegraphed that one, and Stryke made him pay.”

Stryke is still feeling the effects of the match, and bails to the outside for a quick breather.

King: “A smart move from Stryke catching his breath while Z’s down, no count-out to stop him.”

Stryke looks back into the ring, and sees a battered Z getting himself back up to his feet. Stryke isn’t about to let that happen easily though, sliding back in and making a beeline for the 26th letter of the alphabet. Z is up on his hands and knees, but Stryke quickly puts a stop to his ascent, delivering a kick to the ribs and knocking Z back down again. Stryke steps back, allowing Z to expend his own energy getting back to his feet under his own power, before taking him and whipping him into the turnbuckle. Z lands up against the pads back first, and Stryke charges in after him. Z almost instinctively lifts his leg up in order to give the incoming Stryke a boot to the face, but he is too tired and can’t get the foot up the entire way. Dejected and expecting to be pummeled at any instant Z braces himself for pain. He closes his eyes, but he hears mammoth cheers going up from the crowd, and notices Stryke still hasn’t reached him, when he should have by now. Z opens his eyes and takes a gander, seeing Stryke just in front of him, eyes swelled up with mind-numming pain. Stryke then merely falls back, dropping back to the mat nearly paralysed in pain, hands holding his delicate area, Karen looking on with great concern. It suddenly dawns on Z what’s happened, his foot managed to get just high enough to connect with the groin of Stryke with the Galatea Special!

Edwin: “Galatea special! Galatea special! Z’s luck comes through again, taking Stryke down seemingly by accident, connecting right with Stryke’s mommy-daddy button!”

King: “Blah, damn that Z! He’s supposed to be a bloody mess by now!”

Axis: “Miraculously Z’s taking everything Stryke’s giving him and returning it back. Stryke may have seriously underestimated Z in this one.”

With Stryke down right in front of him Z hops up, reaching the second turnbuckle and swiftly hopping off, coming down with an elbow right to the forehead of Stryke. Stryke writhes around in pain, holding his forehead, the sold out crowd is going ballistic, thinking Z may just be about to win it.

Edwin: “An elegant elbow from Z! A shot or two more like that one and Stryke may just be busted open!”

Z feels he’s on a roll, lifting the dazed Stryke up and sending him into the ring ropes, Stryke bounces back, right into the waiting arms of Z, who catches Stryke, lifting him up and planting him with a Bodyslam of DOOM! Stryke is reeling and the crowd is going bananas.

Axis: “Z’s definitely feeling it, all that’s left is for him is to manage to make Stryke bleed all over the place.”

King: “This is terrible, cut to a commercial or something, we don’t want to see this.”

Edwin: “Oh yes we do! Set up your VCR’s viewers, my spidey-senses tell me we’re about to see Stryke bleed like a cow in a slaughterhouse.”

Z hops up, and his eyes are immediately drawn to the steel chair that’s been sitting on the apron nearly the entire match. Z moves to it and lifts it up, holding it up for all the crowd to see.

Axis: “Z’s got a chair! The crowd is almost deafening here, we’re about to see Z get what would be one of the biggest upsets in a long time!”

King: “This sucks. I need some beer to drown my sorrows.”

Z moves back towards Stryke, the referee looking on, but as it’s a First Blood match an item like a chair is perfectly legal. Z moves in position, rears the chair back behind his head, ready to swing down with all his might, and then…

BOOOOO!!!

The crowd boos vehemently as Karen hops up onto the apron and grabs the chair, pulling it away from Z. Karen hops back to the floor, as Z turns and argues with her. This all allows Stryke to regain his footing, and he moves in behind Z. Z realises what’s going on however, and turns in the nick of time, dodging an incoming Stryke punch. Z shoves Stryke back, before he launches forward with a powerful Superkick of DOOM! Aiming right at Stryke’s face, Z goes for his primary finisher the Blizzard of Oz, but the wily Australian is just able to escape, dodging to the side at the last second. Z misses Stryke but is just barely able to stop his momentum, missing hitting the referee my just inches. Z turns and is greeted with the sight of Stryke’s boot heading at his head very fast with a superkick of his own, the Heatseeker. Z barely sees it in time and moves at the last second, but this time the referee isn’t so lucky, Stryke getting a glancing blow on the ref, but it still has enough force to put the ref out for a while.

Axis: “There goes the referee! It looks like Stryke managed to escape this trickly situation, with a little help from Karen stealing the chair.”

King: “Thank friggin god, Z winning this would be too much for me to bear.”

Stryke takes a quick glance at the downed official, before returning his attention to Z. Zis on the ball though, catching Stryke unawares with a kick to the mid section. With Stryke temporarily stunned Z runs back and bounces off the ropes to get a head of steam, but just as he hits the ropes Karen swings with the chair from the floor, connecting with Z’s back and knocking him down.

Edwin: “Z may have luck, but Stryke seems to have lady luck, and her name is Karen. Z’s in a dilly of a pickle here.”

With Z in trouble Stryke picks him up and holds him steady, calling for Karen to climb in the ring. Karen obliges, chair in hand. Boos fly forth as Karen swings with the chair, aiming for Z’s head. But just before she can hit Z gets a surge of energy, breaking away from Stryke. Unable to stop her momentum Karen smacks Stryke right in the forehead, a look of shock coming over her face as Stryke drops to the mat in a heap. The fans are going apeshit, literally shaking the foundations with their volume. Z quickly snatches the chair from Karen and pushes her off the apron, before returning to the ring. Z looks down on Stryke and sees what he wanted to see, a line of red starting to ooze from the head of Stryke! Z tosses the chair to the other side of the ring and mounts the nearest turnbuckle, raising his arms is celebration.

Axis: “Z did it! Stryke’s bleeding!”

Edwin: “Stryke oozing red and everybody in this arena couldn’t be happier.”

King: “God. This is the worst day in recorded history, I think I’m going to be sick.”

The crowd continues to go wild, but Z realises the ref is still down, and so can’t declare him officially the winner yet. Z hops down and passes the bleeding Stryke, getting down and trying to revive the referee.

King: “Wait a minute! The ref hasn’t declared Z the winner yet, come on Stryke, there’s still time to think of something!”

As Z tries to wake the ref from his slumber Stryke starts to move, slowly pulling himself to his feet. Stryke wipes his forehead and sees the blood, his eyes going wide as he realises he lost. However he sees the referee is still down, so he thinks there’s still a chance. Karen has moved around the ring and reaches in from the outside, grabbing the steel chair. Z sees her and goes to stop her, but just as Z arrives she tosses it over Z’s head, throwing it right to Stryke. Z doesn’t realise Stryke’s up and turns around, right to be greeted by a chair being swung with as much force and venom as Stryke can muster, an incredibly loud CRACK! Echoing throughout the arena. The crowd ‘ooohhh’s and ‘aaaahhhh’s at the chairshot but somehow Z stays on his feet! Seeing this just increases Stryke anger and fury, rearing back before swinging the chair again, connecting even harder, boos flowing with incredible hatred for Stryke. But among the boos there are cheers, as Z still won’t go down.

Edwin: “Goodness gracious, he just won’t go down! Stryke’s liable to seriously hurt him if this keeps up!”

King: “Come on Stryke, one more, make him bleed!”

Stryke’s frustration grows as Z refuses to go down, Stryke swinging two more times, not with as much force as the first two, but more than enough to knock a man down. SMACK! goes he first shot, SMACK! goes the second… but Z’s still standing! Now a trickle of blood can be seen on Z’s face, but he just won’t go down.

Axis: “Z’s starting to bleed now, but he still won’t go down! This is incredible, nearing masochistic!”

Seeing Z remain on his feet causes Stryke to just flip out, swearing and jumping around, his frustration getting to him that he can’t take Z off his feet. ‘Stryke sucks!’ chants from the crowd don’t help the Showstopper, but Karen calls in from the floor, managing to cool him down enough for him to step back, swinging his arm around, revving up what he hopes will be one final shot to finish Z off. Stryke moves in and unleashes perhaps the hardest, most spiteful chair shot possible, the sheer impact and velocity causing the chair to spring out of Stryke’s hands, the chair bent out of all recognition. Massive ‘ooohhh’s and ‘aaahhhh’s sound forth from there crowd, and there is now obvious blood from Z’s forehead. But despite that Stryke is about to explode in rage as Z’s… still… standing. Z stands there, but a moment later starts to fall back, finally dropping to the mat a beaten mess.

King: “At last. Z must eat something special for breakfast, nobody should have been able to take one of those chairshots, let alone 5 before dropping.”

Axis: “Stryke’s gone nuts, doing anything to win.”

With Z at last down on the mat Stryke observes the referee stirring, starting to come to life. Stryke lifts his shirt up and wipes the blood from his face before taking it off and tossing it to ringside to hide the evidence. Stryke goes to the ref and drags him over, showing him the bloody Z. The woozy ref looks at Stryke and sees no blood, so he rings the bell.

DING DING DING!

“Break Stuff” hits, signalling Stryke as the winner.

Edwin: “Stryke with the undeserved victory. Stryke bled first, but the referee didn’t see it, allowing Stryke to beat the tar and feathering out of poor Z, causing him to bleed.”

King: “Who cares how it happened, a wins a win. Stryke’s victorious, just as it’ll be when he faces Erek Taylor.”

Axis: “Well that was a brutal contest, but the main event between Erek Taylor and Ced Ordonez is still to come. And with a ring surrounded by lumberjacks, including Stryke, anything could happen. We’ll be back after the break.”

Stryke is helped back up the ramp by Karen as the camera focuses on the bloody Z before going to commercials.

April 21, 2002

The SJL Circus has arrived in Nashville, and what a show it has brought! The Suicide King's show is bouncing to the beats of the theme music as the fans wave their signs around, cameras panning the arena before cutting to the announce tablew and our friends, Axis, Edwin, and King.

Axis: Welcome back to SJL Crimson and a fine show we have had tonight.

Edwin: INDEED!!!

King: Shut up Edwin. Stop your whining. Just say what you wanna say. That you s*ck.

Edwin: ...*sobs* Okay!! I confess! I was the one who stole your underwear and scattered it across the parking lot!

King: Of course you did... you did what? EDWIN!!!! YOU A**HOLE!!! (King begins to foam at the mouth until Axis holds him back, grabbing him as not to attack Edwin.) But since this is TV, I'll wait til after the show to kick your a**! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Axis: Okay you two, save it for the IGNML Reunion-

Edwin: Let's get to work, shall we? Where's my briefcase?

Axis: What the hell do you think I've been doing?!?! Folks, in this matchup set up just a few minutes ago, Ash Ketchum's girlfriend, Misty, will face the psychotic Jacob Helmsley! Your thoughts, Ediwn?

Edwin: I expect the biggest squash match EVER to be right here, right now.

Suddenly, as Edwin finishes speaking, "Meaning of Life" by Disturbed kicks in, the arena covered by a tint of red as Jacob Helmsley, steel pipe in hand, enters the arena. The crowd boos at him as he makes his way down the entrance ramp, reachign the apron and dropping the pipe near a turnbuckle. Funyon cannot speak, as it seems his microphone mysteriously dies as Jake slides under the bottom rope and props himself up.

Edwin: He looks pissed...

King: No duh. Doesn't take a genius to see that...

Suddenly, Jake's theme ends as the arena is covered in a pale tone of light blue, "I'm Real" by Jennifer Lopez beginning to play for only the second time in SJL history. Stepping out from behind the curtain, sporting a very light pink doublet, with small white angel wings patterned on it, is Misty. The crowd marks out for her as she walks down the ramp and slides under the bottom rope. Suddenly, Helmsley charges at Misty, but Misty ducks under his extended arm, the lights come up, and...

DING DING DING!!!

Axis: Here we go!

As Jake turns around, he ducks down while Misty runs at him, grabbing her around the waist and flipping back, flipping Misty back inot a northern lights suplex, but quickly, he bridges, hitting an amazingly quick pin!

One...

T-Misty kicks out! Helmsley sits up, but drops down for another cover!

One... Misty kicks out again! The crowd cheers as Jake pulls Misty onto her feet, grabbing her by the arm and whipping her into the turnbuckle. Misty hits the turnbuckle, and as she does, Jake ducks down, charging at Misty as he plans to hit an amazing gore!

Axis: GOD NO!!!! She'll be snapped in half!

As it looks like Jake will rip Misty apart, Misty leaps to the top rope, leaping off the top rope as Jake slows down, seeing Misty not here. Diving over Jake, she waistlocks him, rolling as she hits the mat and rolls Jake up into a sunset flip! the ref drops to the mat to make the count...

One...

Two...

THREE!!!

The bell rings as the crowd pops loudly, Helmsley slowly getting to his feet, but as he does, he goes back toward his steel pipe.

Funyon: Your winner... MIS-TYYY!!!

Axis: Look out! He's got the damn pipe!

As Jake turns around, he swings it, attempting to hit Misty, but Misty ducks, and the cold hard steel falls down upon the head of referee Brian Hebner! He drops to the mat like a rock, and as Jake turns to face Misty, rasing the pipe up, the crowd pops, and...

Axis: HE'S BACK!!! HE'S BACK!!!

Ash Ketchum comes half-limping, half-charging down the ramp, still with the knee brace on his knee, and sliding under the bottom rope, he pops up onto his feet. Helmsley sees all of this and he swings the pipe wildly at Ash, but Ash ducks the swipe, confusing Helmsley. Before jake can re-act, though, Ash crouches down, shuffling his feet as he thrusts his right leg up into the back of jake's head with a superkick! Helmsley falls forward, collapsing to the mat as Misty cheers Ash on.

Edwin: Heeeee's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

King: What a damn shame.

Turning to his girlfriend, the two happily hug, reunited once more! Joy! ^_^ The crowd marks out loudly for this, and as Ash and Misty exit the ring, Ash ducks down. Misty smiles and jumps onto his back, holding on as Ash carries Misty on his back up the ramp! What a guy! Meanwhile, in the ring, Helsmley pounds his fist into the mat in anger, pissed that he's been both beaten and re-reposessed!

Axis: This is now a game of one-upsmanship! These two will meet at the PPV, but who will come out on top? We'll have to wait and see, but our main event is coming up next between Ced Ordonez and Erek Taylor!

The camera quickly wastes no time, fading into a commercial for Pepsi Twist! w00t!

April 21, 2002

As we come back to the commercial break, fans around the Gaylord (Seriously, who comes up with these names?! National Center wave their signs in an attempt to get the attention of the cameraman. The cameraman pans around to catch signs such as “Akuma fears Thoth”, “Vanilla Midgets?”, and “Jacob Helmsley is the real Triple H!” and “My brother is an idiot” with an arrow pointing to the aforementioned sign. Axis gets his notes ready and gets the ball rolling.

Axis: Welcome back to SJL Crimson!

Edwin: ¡Transmito en Español…where available…

King: What?

Edwin: ¿Què?

King: Ooooh nooo…Not getting me with that again!

Edwin: Awwww…party-pooper.

Axis: Anyway, we are finally here with the main event! Erek Taylor needed a warm-up match for the Pay-Per-View and he’s got a pretty good opponent in Ced Ordonez.

King: But Mr. Goody Two Shoes Ced has shown that he tends to take things really lightly against guys he has no real issues with, so to insure we actually get some action, we’ve recruited some of the boys from the back to serve as lumberjacks. The lumberjacks have any love for neither Erek nor Ced, which should make both of the wrestlers think twice about taking a powder during the match.

Axis: And here’s Funyon for the introductions:

Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the main event of the evening! The referee for the contest is K.J. Sanchez. This is a non-title match scheduled for one fall and it is a Lumberjack with Attitude Match! In this match, SJL wrestlers armed with brass knuckles will surround the ring! None of them may enter the ring, but if a competitor should fall out of the ring, ANYTHING GOES!

The crowd booms with applause for the certain carnage as the SJL Crimson theme kicks up. The wrestlers assigned as lumberjacks file out, almost at a death march pace, to surround the ring. Funyon yells each man’s name as they emerge from behind the curtain.

Edwin: (singing to himself) They’re all lumberjacks and they’re OK. They sleep all night and they work all day…

Funyon: Introducing the lumberjacks: Cutthroat! The Dark Reaper! Jack the Ripper! T-Bone! Tod deKindes! “The Fallen Angel” Shawn Brody! Xero! “Deathwish” Danny Williams! Frost! Insane Luchador! Poisyn! Stryke! The lumberjacks!

Axis: Looking at the company on the outside, I’m really sure this will be a tough match for both Taylor and Ordonez.

Funyon: Now the competitors…from San Jose, California, weighing in at 191 pounds, CED OOOORDOOONEEEZ!

"Esaka?" blares through the speakers and the crowd begins to clap in rhythm. The song plays for a while before Ced emerges and the crowd cheers his arrival. He jogs down the ramp, slapping the outstretched hands of fans along his way. As he comes to the ring he slows down and scouts the situation as the lumberjacks set their sights on him. He quickly slides to the center of the ring, takes off his t-shirt, and throws it into the crowd before stretching out in the center of the ring.

Funyon: His opponent is from Anaheim, California and weighs in tonight at 215 pounds. He is also the reigning Smarks Junior League World Champion, EREEEEEK TAAAAAYLOOOOOR!

The lights in the arena dim to a pitch black, with the only signs of light are in those of the spotlights shining down and moving across the arena. The music of "Toxicity" by System of a Down slowly eroticates the arena and a missile-like projectile shoots down from the ceiling, exploding on impact as it explodes into a giant mass of pyrotechnics at the top of the ramp. "Toxicity"s lyrics begin to kick up and smoke begins to conceal the curtains, making it impossible for anyone to spot anything on the ramp. As the lights in the arena come back on, the shadow of Erek Taylor blazes down the ramp. The arena erupts in cheers as Taylor mindlessly spins around and gets into a crouching pose before heading down to the ramp.

Stryke makes eye contact with Taylor and slowly makes his way up the ramp, but Mark Hebner jumps out of the ring to circumvent the potential of pre-match fisticuffs. Erek manages to get into the ring and joins Ced in the center of the ring as both men turn to look at the waiting lumberjacks.

Edwin: This definitely looks like a recipe for disaster.

King: Suits my tastes just fine. Don’t really care about those boys in the ring anyway.

Edwin: How does a panda sized arse kicking sound to you?

King: I eat pandas for breakfast.

Edwin: (under his breath) You wa…

King: What did you just say?!?

Edwin: Nothing offensive. Really! …anker.

K.J. hops back into the ring and signals to the timekeeper.

**DING DING**

The two men circle while taking precautionary measures to keep their feet away from the ropes. Ced and Erek lock up with a collar-and-elbow tie-up and vie for leverage. Ced gets the advantage and converts the hold into a headlock. Erek struggles for a moment before shrugging him off into the ropes. Ced rebounds and Erek falls to his stomach, forcing a criss-cross. Erek gets back to his feet but is met by a quick shoulder block from Ced that knocks him on his back. Ced bounces of the ropes and Erek rolls onto his stomach as Ced criss-crosses once again. Erek turns to his side and gets a fluid hiptoss that sends Ced to the mat and sliding feet first to the outside. Seeing the lumberjacks quickly swarm to his position, Ced clutches the ropes, pulls himself to the apron and, in a bit of a panic, rolls to the center of the ring to a waiting Taylor, who gives him a quick stomp in the abdomen.

Axis: It’s either beat each other in the ring or risk a major beating on the outside! And whose fault is this, hmm?

King: Uhh…hey! Don’t look at me. The White Out never touched this match…uhhhh, you didn’t hear that…

King sits in an awkward silence as Erek whips Ced into the ropes and knocks the wind out of him with a spear. Erek picks him right back up and tosses him into the corner. Ced takes three steps forward and gets drilled with an Evenflow DDT. Ced’s momentum causes him to roll forward onto his back as Erek floats over for the first pinfall attempt of the match.

ONE!

TWO!

Hebner stops his count as Ordonez pulls Erek off of him. Ced proceeds to roll onto his stomach and shake off the cobwebs caused by the DDT, giving Erek the opportunity to ascend to the second turnbuckle. Ced rises to his feet and looks to see nothing in front of him but the turnbuckles and he turns around to see Erek bounds toward him with a Missile Dropkick. Ced falls to the canvas and quickly recovers to his feet but is met by a kick in the gut by Taylor. Knowing what the maneuver is a setup for, Ced shoves Erek away from him with one hand while clutching his belly with the other. And in a lapse of unawareness, Ordonez falls onto his back and rolls to the outside.

King: STUPIIIIIID! YOU ARE SO STUUUUPIIIIIID!

Axis: Shades of Dean Malenko! This does not bode well for Ced.

Before Ordonez can even ponder his blunder, he is swarmed by Shawn Brody, Cutthroat and Poisyn, who proceed to destroy him with brass knuckle fists. Ced gets his hands up, but the punches threaten to break his forearms as the lumberjacks rough up the Filipino. Cutthroat gets a few kicks to the groin in before the lumberjacks toss an already bruised Ordonez back into the ring. Erek looks at Ced with a pained expression, but decides to cover him. Hebner inspects Ced’s shoulders and counts the fall.

ONE!

TWO!

THR-NO! Ced gets a shoulder up and the match continues.

Axis: Whew! Only a two count. It’s real obvious that those lumberjacks are going to be a significant factor in this match.

Edwin: Ced does seem to be at a major disadvantage when it comes to gimmick matches. He works well in the wrestling deparment, but these kind of matches are definitely not his forte.

King: That’s because he sucks! He’s too goody good for his own…uh…good.

Edwin: True, but can you kick his leg?

King: Huh? What’s blazes that supposed to mean?

Edwin: Dunno, just came out of the blue, I guess.

Erek Taylor brings Ced up to his feet, measuring the KoF inspired fighter and lands a hard chop across the chest.

"(Crowds) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!"

Taylor grabs Ced by the hair and with one mighty swing, throws Ordonez out of the ring!! The lumberjacks swarm in, every single one moving in to land a punch on Ced Ordonez except the Showstopper Stryke and the JL Veteran Xero, who stand on opposite sides of the ring, eyeing Erek Taylor inside. Taylor grins, watching the crowd of lumberjacks duking it out. With one stutter step, Taylor breaks off into a run before leaping up on the top rope, slingshotting off and twisting into the air before crashing into the center of the lumberjacks with a Asai Moonsault!! The lumberjacks all fall and Stryke as well as Xero's eyes light up, now going to work on Erek Taylor. The two defeated foes of Erek Taylor begin delivering punches before joining hands and whipping Taylor into the steel pole!

"(Axis) Stryke and Erek Taylor have been at each other's throats and Xero is highly motivated to beating the crap out of the Champion for humiliating him earlier this evening."

"(King) What can I say? Xero looks good in a dress."

"(Edwin) Yes, of course you think that. That's why you chose this arena, because it fits you so perfectly."

"(King) What?"

Xero races in, dropping an elbow into Taylor's gut, who flinches and cries out in agony. Stryke, green with envy, stabs Xero in the back, bringing a high forearm across Xero's back. Stryke takes out his brass knuckles, placing it around his fist before punching Xero across the temple, knocking the JL Veteran down!! Stryke turns around, only to get pummeled back with swift rights from the hands of Erek Taylor! On the other side of the ring, Ced Ordonez slowly rises, immediately sliding into the ring to get away from the action hungry men we call Lumberjacks. Seeing the Champion on the other side, all the lumberjacks race over, pinching and shoving and punching and pinching whatever body part they can touch. Ordonez lets out a sigh before reaching out, grabbing Taylor by the arm and dragging him back into the ring.

"(Axis) Ced Ordonez just saved Erek Taylor!"

"(King) I don't think Stryke's too happy about that."

"(Edwin) I think he's mad at the lumberjacks."

Stryke, throwing a tantrum outside the ring, begins to scold the other lumberjacks at the mistake they made. This pauses everything, including the action inside has suspended. Erek Taylor and Ced Ordonez eye each other with a grin, each taking a seat as Stryke goes on and on, eventually shoving Cutthroat into Reaper. Reaper responds with a punch, knocking Cutthroat over the stands!! This sets off a chain reaction, all the men swinging rights at whoever they can see!

"(Axis) FREE FOR ALL!!!"

The lumberjacks arm themselves with the brass knuckles, engaging in a fistfight to whoever is closest. Stryke, the smartest of them all, avoids the confrontation, walking away from the melee and beginning to head up the ramp. Erek Taylor sees this, his eyes burning with rage, rage that takes Taylor out of the ring and sends the Champion racing up the ramp! Taylor leaps into the air, flooring Stryke with a high forearm from behind!! The crowds embrace every move as Erek Taylor forgets all about the match and proceeds to hammering on Stryke.

"(Axis) A preview of the pay per view! Erek Taylor with a number on his hated rival, Stryke!"

"(King) Rivals? Ha! They're more like enemies."

"(Edwin) Why can't we call em rivals?"

"(King) Because I said so."

Stryke fights off the Champion, countering and blocking punches here and there as he slowly rises to his feet. Erek Taylor lashes out, delivering a chop across Stryke's chest.

"(Crowds) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!"

But Stryke sucks it all up and thrusts his fist forward, connecting it into Erek Taylor's eyes! Stryke grabs the Champion by the hair and brings him down to the ring before slamming him across the ring apron. Stryke throws up the curtains and pulls out a steel chair!! IL, staggering away from the fray, stumbles across Stryke's way.....

CLANG!!!

Stryke floors IL with a chair shot!! Stryke walks over to the free for all and begins throwing chair shots left and right, nailing anybody who is moving!! Before long, the Showstopper has stopped all the lumberjacks. Stryke tosses the chair aside before grabbing Erek Taylor by the hair and rolling him into the ring. Stryke slides in but Mark Hebner steps in the Showstopper's way, trying to argue that no lumberjacks are allowed inside the ring.

"(Axis) Bad choice Hebner. Stryke is trained to kill and you're not going to stop him by telling him he's not allowed in there."

"(King) That's right, get out of the way while you still can, Hebner!"

Too late. Stryke floors Hebner with a hard fist before moving up to Erek Taylor and grabbing the Champion by his leg. Stryke rolls Taylor over on his stomach and applies the ankle lock, the effect immediately showing as Taylor screams out in pain. Ced Ordonez walks over, grabbing Stryke by the shoulder and bringing the Showstopper up to his feet. Poor Ced, Stryke has his brass knuckles slipped on and swings a hard right, connecting with Ordonez's cheek and knocking him into the buckle!!

"(Edwin) NOOO!!! CEEEEDDDD!!!!!!"

"(King) Stryke is very clear that he wants Erek Taylor. It's not about the title anymore, it's more than that."

"(Axis) Wasn't that my line?"

"(King) Not anymore."

Taylor cries out in agony while Stryke resumes the Ankle Lock. The fans begin jeering, their hatred aimed towards Stryke, who smiles at the pain he's dealing to a grown man. Stryke, who's almost always aware on the offensive end, doesn't realize that a figure is racing down the ramp this instant, wielding a chair at the hands.

"(Axis) It's Z!!!!!"

"(King) What the f*ck is he doing here?!"

Z slides into the ring, raises the chair up high and brings it swinging across Stryke's back.

CLANG!!

The Showstopper releases the hold and collapses to the floor as Z drops the chair and walks over, grabbing Ordonez by the shoulders and trying to shake his Gaming Brother back up. The crowds rejoice as Z, who realizes Ordonez will be out for much longer, grabs Stryke by the hair and brings the sadist up to his feet. Z measures Stryke and swings a hard right, but Stryke blocks it and thrusts his head forward, crashing it with Z's skull and staggering the do-gooder back with a headbutt! Stryke swiftly retaliates with a hard right, forcing Z to the ropes as Stryke grabs the chair and brings it swinging across Z's face!!

CLANG!!!

Z stumbles out of the ring, much to the dismay of the fans.

"(Axis) Oh dear....."

"(King) That's right!! KNOCK ANYONE IN YOUR WAY WITH A CHAIR, STRYKE! THE TITLE IS YOURS!"

Stryke tosses the chair aside, grabbing a microphone from a ringside technician and bringing it up to his lips......

"(Stryke) I have proven myself Erek, that I am that much better than you. Look around the ring, to the carnage that I have inflicted upon this world. I am capable of the most dispicable things mankind has ever seen and the worst has yet to come. So Commissioner Edwin MacPhisto, listen up and listen good, we still have a deal. I am not making the same mistake I made earlier, giving Erek a match that he proves superior in. At the PPV, Erek Taylor, you will face the greatest, the most sadistic, the Showstopper Stryke.......

............

IN AN IRONMAN MATCH!!!"

The crowds let out a gasp of shock as Stryke tosses the mic aside and rolls out of the ring, walking up the ramp with a smile on his face as he prepares to destroy Erek Taylor.

"(Axis) IRONMAN MATCH AT THE PPV!!!"

"(King) YOU'RE EXAGGERATING!!"

"(Funyon) Due to unusual circumstances..... the following match has been declared a NO CONTEST!!!"

Z crawls into the ring as this edition of SJL Crimson begins to draw to a close. The final shot of the show ends with Erek Taylor, Ced Ordonez, and Z all lying battered inside the ring, all victims at the hands of the devilish Stryke.....

April 21, 2002

Summary

Pity Match

Cutthroat v The Dark Reaper

WINNER: Cutthroat's match, default. However, we don't think it's Cutthroat's match. If you deny you copied it, and we find it somewhere else, you're banned from the smarks Cutthroat. To others, if you think it's your match, let us know.

Singles Strap Match

Frost vs. Vanguard

WINNER: Vanguard

Singles Match

Tod deKindes vs. Deathwish Danny Williams

WINNER: Tod deKindes (Default)

Triple Threat First Pin Wins

Xero v Shawn Brody v T-Bone

WINNER: Johnny Generic (And with that, all three lose all hope of a good PPV match, unless I'm stuck for matches)

European Title Match

Tom Flesher vs. Insane Luchador

WINNER: Tom Flesher

First Blood Match

Stryke vs. Z (Default)

WINNER: Styke

MAIN EVENT

Non-Title Lumberjack w/ Attitude Match

WINNER: No Contest (Joint Match)

Not fucking happy with the no shows. If you no showed, I'm going out of my way to make your PPV match shithouse. Just because it's a PPV next week, it doesn't mean you can slack off and wait for title shots. It's not going to happen. Grr.

And SEND PROMOS TO PEOPLE POSTING THE SHOW. It says on the card, is it that hard to understand?

If you have a match request in future, send it in a seperate PM to whatever else you have. I don't read matches/promos until I'm about to post the show, so chances are I won't see it.

That is all.

April 21, 2002

::static::

SJL Crimson, April 20th

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