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Art Sandusky

Board Wars

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No offense, but wouldn't that role have gone better to Choken One?

He isn't as flagrantly offensive to the human psyche as your posts are.

WHOOSH.

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Guest Anglesault

Darth Vader was always one of my favorite movie characters ever, but seeing him in AS form reminds me how delightfully fucked up he was.

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Guest Anglesault
EDIT: Although he has yet to comment on how his team did in the Gang Wars.

Huh?

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Apparently Anglesault has forgotten all about this. You'd think someone who volunteered to be a leader would remember this. You disappeared and missed all the fun as HD was turned into a war zone for about a week.

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Guest Anglesault

I volunteered and was politely turned down. And then I got a new computer.

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Guest Anglesault
Nope, you were certainly allowed to be a leader, especially after we realized we needed four different types of people to be the leaders.

If you look in the thread shortly after I volunteered, I was replaced by someone (don't remember who). That's the last I saw before I had to get a new computer, so maybe it was a joke.

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Definite joke. If you go back and look at the roughly 300 threads that were created related to the Gang Wars during that week, you'll see that it was your team, then when you didn't come back, it became Team ChokenSault since Choken volunteered to lead.

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Guest cobainwasmurdered
the sixth board of the UGS system.

 

We didn't have THAT many incarnations.

 

Asshole.

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Guest cobainwasmurdered
Man, you read way too far into that one.

 

(ponders changing his avatar to reflect his own casting)

Is that a reference to Vanilla Midgets?!?!?

 

LEAVE ME ALONE!

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Guest cobainwasmurdered

that's not funny. Tim would kill himself over that...

 

*Orders a re-write on the script*

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Guest Anglesault
My only problem is that I have to be underneath Anglesault. What is this world coming to?

I'm more evil than you. When has the second in command ever been more evil?

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You've been writing a mock-part in the role of Billy Dee Williams and you've not mentioned Colt .45?

 

For shame.

The idea is to parody board members, not the actors/actresses from the original films.

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Guest Agent of Oblivion

Yeah, and the Emperor is more evil than Vader, who still had some good inside him. Anglesault's theory still holds true.

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EXTERIOR: CONNECTICUTBAH -- FORUM CLEARING -- DEAD HOURS

 

The mist has dispersed a bit, but it is still a very gloomy-looking board. Dave pulls an equipment box from the shore to the clearing. He ignites a little fusion furnace and warms his hands before it. Taking a power cable, he plugs it into ALF-2's noselike socket. ALF-2 is a little too happy about where Dave plugged the cable in, and Dave puts it back in the proper socket.

 

DAVE: Ready for some power? Okay. Let's see now. Put that in there... WHOA! Wrong hole! There you go.

 

The droid whistles his disappointment. Dave then opens a container of processed e-food and sits before the thermal heater.

 

DAVE: (sighs) Now all I have to do is find this Yodames...if he even exists.

 

Nervously, he looks around at the foreboding forums.

 

DAVE: Still...there's something familiar about this place. Like I’ve whored here before. I feel like...I don't know...

 

STRANGE VOICE: Feel like what?

 

Dave jumps out of his skin. ALF-2 screeches in terror. The young warrior grabs for his Ghast as he spins around, looking for the speaker. Mysteriously standing right in front of Dave is a strange, tan creature with glasses and a teenage-looking arrangement of facial hair, not more than two feet tall. The wizened little thing is dressed in rags that appear to be an old Yanklorian robe. It motions toward Dave’s Ghast.

 

DAVE: (looking at the creature) Like we're being watched!

 

CREATURE: Away with your weapon! I mean you no harm.

 

After some hesitation, Dave puts away his Ghast, although he really doesn't understand why. ALF-2 watches with interest.

 

CREATURE: I am wondering, why are you here?

 

DAVE: I'm looking for someone.

 

CREATURE: Looking? Found someone, you have, I would say, hmmm?

 

The little creature laughs.

 

DAVE: (Trying to keep from smiling) Indeed.

 

CREATURE: Help you I can. Yes, mmmm.

 

DAVE: I don't think so. I'm looking for a great poster.

 

CREATURE: Ahhh! A great poster. (laughs and shakes his head) Whoring not make one great.

 

With the aid of a walking stick, the tiny stranger moves over to one of the cases of supplies. He begins to rummage around. ALF-2 moves to the edge of the case -- standing almost eye level to the creature who is carelessly handling the supplies -- and squeaks his disapproval. Their tiny visitor picks up the container of food Dave was eating from and takes a bite.

 

DAVE: Put that down. Hey! That's my dinner.

 

The creature spits out the bite he has taken. He makes a face.

 

CREATURE: How you get so big, eating food of this kind?

 

He flips the container in Dave's direction and reaches into one of Dave's supply cases.

 

DAVE: Listen, friend, we didn't mean to land in that puddle, and if we could get our ship out, we would, but we can't, so why don't you just...

 

CREATURE: (teasing) Aww, cannot get your ship out?

 

The creature spots something of interest in Dave's case. Dave loses patience and grabs the case away. The creature retains his prize -- a tiny power lamp -- and examines it with delight.

 

DAVE: Hey, you could have broken this. Don't do that. Ohhh...you're making a mess. Hey, give me that!

 

CREATURE: (retreating with the lamp) Mine! The JLH pictorial also! Or I will help you not.

 

Clutching its treasure, the creature backs away from Dave, drawing closer to ALF-2. As Dave and the creature argue, one of ALF-2's little arms slowly moves out toward the power lamp, completely unnoticed by the creature.

 

DAVE: I don't want your help. I want my lamp back. I'll need it to get out of this slimy mudhole.

 

CREATURE: Mudhole? Slimy? My home this is!

 

ALF-2 grabs hold of the lamp and the two little figures are immediately engaged in a tug-of-war over it. ALF-2 beeps a few angry, "Give me that"s.

 

CREATURE: Ah, ah, ah!

 

DAVE: Oh, Artoo, let him have it.

 

CREATURE: Mine! Mine!

 

DAVE: ALF-2!

 

CREATURE: Mine!

 

The creature lets go with one hand and beats ALF-2 with his cane. ALF-2 reacts with a delighted squeal, and lets go. The creature is freaked out by the kinky droid.

 

CREATURE: Mine!

 

DAVE: (fed up) Now will you move along, little fella? We're got a lot of work to do.

 

CREATURE: No! No, no! Stay and help you, I will. (laughs) Find your friend, hmm?

 

DAVE: I'm not looking for a friend, I'm looking for a Posting Master.

 

CREATURE: Oohhh. Posting Master. Yodames. You seek Yodames!

 

DAVE: You know him?

 

CREATURE: Mmm. Take you to him, I will. (laughs) Yes, yes. But now, we must get high. Come. Good weed. Come.

 

With that, the creature scurries out of the clearing, laughing merrily. Dave stares after him. All he sees is the faint light from the small power lamp moving through the fog. Dave makes his decision and starts after the creature.

 

CREATURE: (in the distance) Come, come!

 

ALF-2, very upset, whistles a blue streak of protest.

 

DAVE: Stay here and watch after the camp, ALF-2.

 

ALF-2 beeps even more frantically. But as Dave disappears from view, the worried little droid grows quieter, and utters a soft electronic sigh of contentment. Lubricant pops out from one of his compartments.

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