SJL Absolution commentifications

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

I wanted to start the thread off right: with the would-be match that TBS wrote in case everyone in the TLC triple threat no-showed.  It's beautiful, and deserves a place here.  Strangler, I salute you!

 

 

As the fans, still on fire from the fatal four way match for the European Title, sit down, “War Pigs” is heard blaring over the arena’s sound system. As 18,000 SJL fans recoil at once at the song, the voices of Axis, Edwin, and the Suicide King mercifully come bursting forth.

 

King: Who the hell approved this crap music for the PPV? This sounds worse than a Cutthroat title reign!

 

Axis: I’m with King on this one! Edwin, why the hell did you let this horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE music ever get hours of play time?

 

Edwin: Well, you see, our good pal Xero has been hounding me and my colleague, Commish McWeed of the SWF, about this song for months. He said that his two dreams were to have this be the music at a PPV, and to be bumped to the SWF. So, I figured that since this jobber isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, I’d fill his pathetic life with a wee bit of joy for once.

 

Axis: Edwin the humanitarian, folks. And now this “jobber”, Xero, will be taking on a mystery opponent! King, who do you think it is?

 

King: Who cares? I’d kick both their asses! As long as I could get my hands on Xero for this shit I have to listen to!

 

Edwin: Well, after Stone Froze Jack Houston pins Xero, then you can have the oppo…oops.

 

Axis: EDWIN! YOU JACKASS!

 

King: Goddamn Carnies!

 

Edwin: Heh…heh…sorry, folks.

 

Axis: How can you be so stupid as to give away the mystery opponent! I mean, everyone was so pumped backstage!

 

Edwin: Bloody hell! I spent $5 million to get this guy back in the fold, and now the surprise is ruined!

 

King: Well, when you lose at Defiance, you and Stone Froze can go on tour together!

 

Edwin: Not now! We’re gonna have a match! I don’t care who it is, Xero will wrestle! Just get him out here!

 

As Edwin starts screaming to the fans, asking if any of them is a retired JL’er or WF’er, a stagehand who stands at LEAST 6’9” comes rumbling out on stage, with a confused Xero in tow. “Hey, where the hell is my music! I deserve better than th…” protests Xero, before being shoved to the metal ramp, which he proceeds to roll down. As the stagehand disappears behind the curtain, Xero rolls to a stop at the bottom of the ramp, and angrily climbs into the ring. As he puffs around, the fans begin to throw a deluge of rotten strawberries at him, while at the same time chanting “WE LOVE XER-O! WE LOVE XER-O!”

 

King: Cleveland might be the home of the dumbest fucking fans I’ve ever seen! Jeez, people from Ohio are dumb!

 

Edwin: Aren’t you FROM Ohio, King?

 

King: Well, you see….shut up, you English pretty boy.

 

Suddenly, the lights go dim, and the sound of a piece of glass breaking plays over the sound system as Stone Froze appears on the ramp. The fans look confused as Stone Froze runs down to the ring, and begins to pound away on Xero.

 

Axis: Well, Stone Froze isn’t just gonna leave! He’s gonna give us a fight, Edwin!

 

Edwin: Security! Get Stone Froze OUT of there!

 

Before security can appear, Stone Froze’s face begins to slip off his head. As his face disintegrates, a new face appears…

 

Axis: Kivell? What the hell is Kivell doing here!?! He only jobs to n00bs!

 

King: Maybe he’s tired of it! I mean, didn’t you get tired of it, Axis?

 

Axis: Blarg.

 

Xero stares at Kivell, who lets loose a primal scream before jumping on Xero. Kivell smashes his fists into Xero’s face, screaming all the while as the bell rings to start the match. Xero crumples underneath the blows, offering no resistance to the infuriated jobber/referee. Kivell then grabs Xero, pulls him to his feet, and lifts the Eastern European over his head with one hand! Kivell pauses for a moment, allowing the fans to marvel at the strength, before tossing Xero over the top rope and onto the floor outside.

 

Edwin: Gadzooks! How did Kivell do that? I mean, he’s never beaten anyone!

 

King: I dunno, but this is a bigger injustice than me being at the same announce table as a no-good Carnie! And he smells bad!

 

Kivell, from a standing position in the center of the ring, leaps forward to the floor outside the ring, where Xero lies, stunned. Kivell punches Xero in the nuts, then grabs him by the hair and rolls him back into the ring. Xero continues to lie there as Kivell drops to his knees, reaches for the waist of Xero’s pants, and grabs ahold of a fistful of Xero’s underwear. Before Xero can resist, Kivell yanks upward, and a look of complete shock, embarrasment, but mainly pain, rushes across his face. He tries to escape, but Kivell just continues with the unorthodox maneuver.

 

Axis: Is Kivell doing what I think he’s doing?

 

Edwin: It’s the SUPER WEDGIE OF DOOM! WHAT A SHOCKER!

 

King: If Kivell can go atomic on Xero’s ass…heh…this one is OVER!

 

As the fans cheer for Kivell, Xero begins to cry as the sound of ripping fabric begins to run through the arena. As Kivell screams at the top of his lungs, he lunges forward, bringing the waistband all the way over Xero’s head, sending a huge TEAR! through the arena. As Xero’s somewhat-ripped boxers come to rest, Xero begins to smash his hand into the mat, crying for mercy.

 

DING DING DING!

 

“Your winner, MATTHEW…………..KIVELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!”

 

Edwin: Dear God! Kivell won via wedgie submission!

 

Axis: Now there’s something you don’t see everyday.

 

King: Thank god. Is this a sign of the apocalypse.

 

Edwin: No…I think that it’s a sign that the Boston-area school system doesn’t assign enough homework. No one should have time to waste creating crap like this.

 

Axis: Makes sense to me.

 

King: Me too, oddly enough.

 

Axis: Well, that’s gotta be humiliating for Xero…

 

Edwin: He can listen to War Pigs. He’ll forget about it. Too bad we’ll never forget this horrid song.

 

King: Amen to that, Edwin.

 

Axis: Well, I’m gonna go find the stereo and destroy it. Who cares if we can’t have any more entrance music? I’m so goddamn sick of this song! Who’s with me?

 

Suddenly, hundreds of fans come clammering over the barrier, smashing all electronic equipment in sight. A couple of fans grab the TV monitors and begin smashing them with the hammers they were giving out at the gate (it was Free Hammer Night at the Gund Arena) while the three commentators look on in shock.

 

King: Ooo, good idea, Axis! What’s next? Should we encourage them to start a bonfire?

 

Axis: Fkn Americans…

 

Before Axis can finish his thought, the arena gets darker as half the lights go out. Fortunately, the sound stops at the same time. The fans let loose with a huge cheer, and stop the wanton destruction. Suddenly, a newly-enraged Kivell goes plowing into a group of fans, scattering them left and right.

 

Axis: Kivell’s snapped! Something’s wrong with him!

 

Edwin: Well, I think we might need someone new to break in the n00bs…is Jay Dawg still wrestling?

 

Axis: No, but Mr. Galatea isn’t…

 

King: But he has an undefeated record in the JL…

 

Axis; Fkn Galatea…

 

Edwin: I know! We’ll get Cutthroat to do it! I mean, the guy’s practically asking to be the next Kivell!

 

King: Edwin, you make a good point. Cutthroat it is!

 

Axis: While we try and get the lights back on, enjoy this message from our sponsor, the Boston Red Sox! Yankees suck!

 

****An infomercial begins to play as Nomar Garciaparra and Pedro Martinez begin to explain the dangers of no-showing a PPV match which the Boston Strangler is marking***

[Guest midnight_burn]

Woo! I win, yay for me!

 

Finally the champ, although seeing it'll be vacated for Crimson or whatever i'll join the 3-day title reign club with Mercury, SoS and Thoth.

 

That was probably the best match i feel i've written, 10,000 + words of fun, although it cost me quite a bit of sleep finishing it off.

 

It seems the very end is chopped off and the time things came out screwy, but the good stuffs still there.

 

EDIT: Booo! at character limits.

[Guest Suicide King]

Good job winners. And good job everyone who wrote a match!  The rest of you may burn in jobber hell.  BURN, I say!

 

Particular congrats to Stryke, who learns how NOT to job.

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Hahahaha!!  Good stuff there from TBS!

 

Good PPV folks, although I'm dissappointed about the number of no shows.  I only got 4 out of 8 Mall Brawl matches....but whatever.

 

If you haven't read the Mall Brawl....READ IT!!  It's damn good!  It's exactly what a match with that kind of stip should look like.  ALso, I'd like to add that Vanguard and Frost's matches were real close, but Comet....er, Vanguard eeked out the win.

 

Two new XF9ers....sweet, even if it's my most hated stable in all of wrestling.

 

Styke finally decides not to job.  It's about fuckin' time you bastard!  Congrats of finally getting that gold.

 

Good show overall...keep going like this and you may get a JL PPV more often....but probably not because...DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO MARK 10,000 WORD MATCHES??  SHEESH!

 

Da "Absolution-tastic" H

[Guest Insane Clown Dan]

Damn... put three no-showing kings in a secret TLC and expect nothing. Yet you get at least half of something

 

Yeah, um... sorry that the match quality of the TLC went WAY down since all 3 of us were in jeopardy of, well, no-showing (go figure). Mafia wrote most of the match, and I filled in some spots and redid the whole ending. I could've done more, but Mafia kept on yelling at me to just turn the thing in =P

 

Anyways... wow, that Ironman match was excellent. Stryke rules, Erek smells as usual. You cannot even attempt to one-up K-Os's final JL promo. His was really deep.

 

Ash beats Jacob, by default? Uh... yeah. Niiiiiiice.

 

Z + Euro belt = ratingz!

 

Z + Ced + Ash = mega ratingz! OMGODZ!

 

Erek finally out of the JL = Nobody misses a minute of Crimson or Metal

 

And Strangler, geez, you can't at least trust us to turn *something* in? We're only 9/10ths as pathetic as you think =P

[Guest Zero_Cool]

That X Force Nine for ya.  One year and still going strong.  That's gotta be a record or something. (Y)

 

Awesome PPV.  I'll read some more tomorrow, but the Z/Ced/XF9 stuff was shweet.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

It would be a record, if not for the fact that the Midnight Carnival has you beat by about 3 weeks.  BWA HA HA HA!  MC 4 LIFE!

 

Crimson Card up now.

[Guest Ace309]

TOM FLESHER'S LOSING MATCH

*cough* *clears throat*

 

SJL Absolution fades back in on the Gund Arena in Cleveland, where the fans are on their feet, whipped up into a frenzy by the card thus far and the pospect of more matches to come. "War Pigs" plays loudly over the PA. The fans chant "AB-SO-LU-TION *clap clap clapclapclap*" as the camera pans the crowd. Excited fans are seen holding up such signs as "Flesher Fears the Beerhug," "Cross Lightning," "Ced Force 9" and "Z: Stumbling Into The New Millennium." The camera also catches the Spanish announce table, broadcasting El Luchadore Magnifico and KJ Sanchez chattering incomprehensibly at each other.

 

ELM: Ced Ordonez es muy bueno.

 

Sanchez: Si, si.... Z es alto.

 

ELM: Er... no se habla muy bueno.

 

Sanchez: Una cerveza, por favor.

 

The two look at each other, obviously very confused. El Luchadore mutters something in English about wishing the production team had taken Spanish instead of French in high school as the camera continues panning until it gets to the announce table, where we see the three announcers decked out in their finest. Edwin's red trench coat and Doc Martens are polished, his shirt not as riddled with safety pins as usual. Axis wears a standard white-tie ensemble, and Suicide King looks dapper as ever in a tuxedo. His bow tie and cummerbund have a hearts-and-spades motif, and his shirt is monogrammed with the initials "SK." The "ABSOLUTION" chant finally starts to die down when Edwin stands, turns and acknowledges the crowd.

 

Axis: We... are... LIVE from the Gund Arena in Cleveland, Ohio, and this is SJL Absolution!

 

Axis pauses while the crowd cheers again. Finally, when they calm down, he begins talking again.

 

Axis: We've seen a lot of exciting action tonight, including the Mall Brawl that featured the debut of Josh Stark!

 

King: *sarcastic* What an exciting finish. The ticket was in a balloon.

 

Edwin: *sincere* I KNOW! Who would have thunk it? Whoever dreamed that up was really using their noodle! Speaking of noodles, remember, SJL fans: If you spent your month's food budget on ordering this pay-per-view, and we're glad that you did, look for Top Ramen Noodles at your local supermarket. Top Ramen: Better than nothing, but just barely!

 

Axis: *sigh* Two new members of X Force 9 were announced, and they'll be seen together in the match that's coming up next! That's right, up next is the Fatal Four-Way for the European Title!

 

The camera pulls back to view the SmarkTron, and the European Title graphic appears. Below it, the four names scroll on: Superior One, Ced Ordonez, Z, Deathwish. Then, it pans back to the ring, where Funyon is standing wearing a plaid tuxedo that somehow manages to look good on him.

 

Axis: Wow, Funyon's really going all-out tonight.

 

Edwin: I feel underdressed.

 

Funyon: This contest is a no-disqualification four-way encounter for the European Championship!

 

The arena goes dark. The heavy grinding grooves of Dillinger Escape Plan's "Calculating Infinity" blasts over the loudspeaker. The SmarkTron says "Deathwish" in white letters and follows this with highlights of Danny Williams' older matches. He walks out on the platform, looks around, and shakes his head to a small chorus of boos. He walks to the ring with a focused, no-nonsense look on his face. He gets into the ring and warms up, looking low-key as usual but very intense and serious.

 

Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, the first competitor... from Louisville, Kentucky, and weighing in at 235 pounds... Kicking your ass is his anti-drug, "DEATHWISH" DANNY WILLIAMS!

 

The crowd boos him as he stands calmly in the ring, looking neither pleased nor bothered but only focused. The fans pop loudly, however, when "Esaka?" from the King of Fighters '96 soundtrak blares through the speakers. They begin to clap in rhythm. The song plays for a while as black and white footage of Ced's ring work scrolls on the SmarkTrong. Ced stays behind the curtain to tease the crowd and whip them up even more until finally emerging; the crowd cheers loudly. Ced jogs down the aisle slapping hands with his fans along the way. He slides into the ring, takes off his autographed t-shirt and throws it to the crowd, then turns around and starts to stretch out.

 

Funyon: The second competitor, from San Jose, California, and weighing in at 191 pounds... he's the King of Fighters and X Force 9's newest member, I give you CED ORDONEZ!!!!

 

Once again the crowd pops loudly, and sustains their cheering as Faith No More's "Epic" ebgins to play over the PA. The crowd is electric as a single spotline shines down on the ramp. Z throws the curtain aside and shuffles down the ramp, his dirty camouflage jacket looking oddly out of place in light of the commentators' tuxedos. He stops at the edge of the ramp, smiling blithely.

 

Funyon: The third wrestler, from Trenton, New Jersey, and weighing in at a doughy, happy 229 pounds... showing equanimity in the face of getting his ass kicked, representing X Force 9, your friend and mine, Z!!!

 

The crowd cheers insanely as Z spins on his heel and salutes the crowd. Seemingly unaware of the importance of the occasion, Z chats with a few fans at ringside before entering the ring and babbling with his stablemate, Ced.

 

Finally, the arena goes dark, and the familiar eight-note fanfare of "Tell All The People" begins to play over the loudspeaker. Tom Flesher emerges from the locker room to a chorus of boos. He wears his European belt around his waist and carries his beer mug in his left hand, and the torn X Force 9 t-shirt in his right. Staring into the ring, he drops the shirt in front of him, then spits on it and walks derisively across it. In the ring, Z looks crestfallen as Tom struts to the ring to an "ASSSSSSHOLE" chant. He slides into the ring, points at Z and spits disgustedly into the corner.

 

Funyon: And finally... from Buffalo, New York, and weighing in at 213 pounds... He crippled Mike Van Siclen, he hates X Force 9 and he's better than you... he's the European Champion... "THE SUPERIOR ONE" TOM FLESHER!!!!!!!!!!

 

Flesher drops to his knees and does the double biceps as the crowd boos loudly. Before he can get back up, Danny Williams nails him with a missile dropkick! Immediately, Matthew Kivell dives out of the ring and calls for the bell.

 

Axis: This one's underway! Flesher hasn't even gotten a chance to take his belt off!

 

Edwin: Look at Z. He's just stunned at what Flesher did to that shirt. All Z wanted was to have his best friend join X Force 9 with him.

 

King: Best friend? Wow, you ARE gullible. Flesher used Z to get that title shot, and he's been waiting to drop him ever since.

 

Williams jumps on top of Flesher and unfastens the belt. He lifts Flesher to his feet, leaving the belt on the mat. Williams hits Flesher with a vertical suplex, and Flesher rolls out of the ring. Z goes to the center and picks up the belt, handing it over the top rope to Matthew Kivell as Ced Ordonez squares off with Danny Williams in the center.

 

Willaims and Ordonez lock up. Williams grabs Ced's left arm and attempts to spin through into a standing armbreaker, but Ced counters by letting his arm go limp. He grabs Williams about the waist and attempts a backdrop suplex, but Williams extends his arm and hits a standing switch, taking Ced down to the mat in a position similar to the amateur referee's position. Williams once again grabs Ced's arm and attempts to apply an armbar, but Ced denies it by spinning to face him before he can apply the hold. The two fight their way back to their feet, Williams still controlling Ced's arm, and start to jockey for position. Suddenly, Z charges up behind Williams and nails him with an elbow strike, sending him staggering forward into a snap suplex by Ced! Ced gets up and shakes Z's hand to thank him, forgetting that Williams is right behind him. Ced gets rolled up for

 

ONE

 

 

but Z breaks the pin! Ced rolls back to his feet and Williams faces off with Z, throwing hard knife-edge chops. He chops Z

 

WHOO!

("ACK!")

 

again

 

WHOO!

("OW! That really h-")

 

and once more

 

WHOO!

("Holy schlitz!")

 

until Z backs into the corner. Flesher stands on the outside watching as Williams hits a snap suplex on Z, then goes for a cover only to have it broken by Ced before he can get a count.

 

Axis: Obviously, the fact that Ced and Z are stablemates is a factor in this match, but Tom Flesher is just stading on the outside.

 

King: Of course he is. He's the champion, and it's an elimination match. What would you do?

 

Axis: I'd go in there and make sure the job got done.

 

Edwin: I'd go grab a beer. It's no DQ, remember? No countouts, either!

 

Williams, Z and Ced get back up and Ced and Williams resume their lockup. Flesher climbs back onto the apron and watches reservedly as Ced starts hitting Williams with a few quick, stiff kicks to the leg. Williams answers by throwing a chop

 

WHOO!

 

which Ordonez answers with a chop of his own.

 

WHOO!

 

The two lock up angrily, each man upset that the other had the gall to treat him with such disrespect, and eventually Williams whips Ced to the ropes. When Ced bounces off, Williams nails him in the chest with a spinning elbow smash! Ced staggers backwards, stunned by the force, and Williams taunts him. Z takes the opportunity and nails the unsuspecting Williams with the Running Clothesline From Fuck Of Impending Execution. Williams collapses to the mat, unable to defend that which he didn't see coming, and Z covers him for

 

ONE

 

 

NO, Williams gets his shoulder up! Z jumps back up to his feet and Williams begins to pull himself up... only to be stomped back down from behind by Tom Flesher. Williams rolls into the corner and Flesher backs off to prepare for the running Doc Marten to the face, but Ced comes up behind him and spins him around, only to lock up with him.

 

Axis: Ced's felt that series of boots to the face before. It's not pleasant, and he may have just saved Danny Williams from that embarrassment.

 

King: I would have let him do it, personally. Let him embarrass Deathwish, pin him, and then BAM! Pin Flesher when he least expects it!

 

Axis: Have you no shame?

 

King: What do I have to be ashamed of? I'm a former SWF World Champion! If anything, YOU should be ashamed that you're not ME!

 

Williams starts to roll out of the ring, but Z charges over and nails him with a low dropkick to the chest! Williams collapses back into the corner as Z rears back to hit him with another dropkick, only to collide with Tom Flesher after Ced whips him to the ropes! Ced is the only one left standing, and he grabs Flesher's left leg and drags him to center-ring! Ced starts to apply a reverse crucifix kneebar, but Tom boots him in the chest and frees himself. Flesher gets back up to his feet and Ced locks up with him, only to be taken down with a single-leg takedown and tied up into an ankle lock.

 

Ced struggles, waiting for Z to break the hold, but Z is occupied with Danny Williams at the moment. Williams nails Z with stiff elbow strikes, culminating in a snap suplex with a floatover cover for

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

but Z kicks out well before three. Williams whips him into the corner and nails him with a spinning elbowsmash, leaving him dazed. Williams crosses the ring to the diagonal corner and sets up for a handspring elbow, even as Ced Ordonez kicks Tom Flesher repeatedly in the legs trying to get him to break the hold. As Williams begins the backflip, Ced nails Flesher with a decisively hard kick to the left knee which stuns him enough to make him release the ankle lock, and just as Danny Williams bounces toward the corner, Ced takes Flesher to the mat in a drop toehold. As Williams careens out of the handspring, he misses Z slumping down and Williams slams into the corner at top speed. He slumps forward and lands on the mat clutching his elbow, and Z jumps onto him with a knee drop.

 

Axis: What chaos in the ring!

 

King: Oh, you're just confused because you can't follow more thqan one train of thought at once.

 

Edwin: Did you just say something?

 

King: I said your mother's a whore.

 

Edwin: At least my mother got laid more than once. Your mother was so ugly that even the doctor that delivered you had to get three beers in him first.

 

King: Well your mother was so fat that...

 

Axis: WATCH THE DAMN MATCH! There's some interesting stuff going on!

 

True to Axis' word, Danny Williams has rolled out of the ring and is baiting Z to join him on the outside.

 

Axis: Of course, Z wouldn't be stupid enough to follow the baiting... or would he?

 

King: May I remind you... we're talking about Z here?

 

Axis: Point well taken.

 

Z, of course, gets angry enough at Danny's verbal barbs ("Your jacket's ugly" "Eat worms" "Erek Taylor's a homo") that he chases him our of the ring, walking right into a spinning elbowsmash. Williams thrashes Z on the outside with elbows, whipping him into the cornerposts and following it  up with a running elbowsmash. Meanwhile, on the inside, Flesher and Ordonez are going through a sequence of leg attacks including stiff kicks from Ced, hard boots from Tom and attempted low dropkicks from both men. Neither man seems to gain an advantage and as they lock up Flesher is seen to whisper something to Ced. Flesher whips him to the ropes and backs to the ropes, right in front of Danny Williams. Ced yells "Z!!!!!!" to give him notice to move, and as Z ducks out of the way, Flesher back body drops Ced over the top rope, giving Ced the elevation to nail Williams with a tope suicida! Williams gets hit hard, but Flesher goes through the ropes and dives off gthe apron, nailing Ced in the back with a double stomp!

 

Axis: Ced cooperated with Flesher's idea, and look where it got him.

 

King: That's his own damn fault. Whenever you trust someone in a wrestling match, it's a leap of faith. Ced just got caught.

 

Axis: Williams took a lot of impact from that tope, but Ced got the worst of it. He got the wind knocked out of him by Flesher's double stomp and it looks like he's hurt.

 

Z looks up and sees Flesher's stomp as he completes it, but looks truly confused. He gets up and swings his elbow back to nail Flesher from behind, but... he can't. He just can't bring himself to nail Flesher. Williams rolls out from under Ced, and Z charges to nail him with an elbow strike. With Ced out of it, Flesher goes to grab a steel chair as Z takes out his anger on the stunned Williams. Danny, however, turns around and nails Z with a light headbutt, just enough to stun him. Williams then picks Z up and executes a textbook shoulderbreaker, dropping Z onto the concrete after, then lifting him up and rolling him up onto the apron. Williams lifts Z up over his shoulder and locks his hands around Z's waist, holding the antihero upside down. Williams then bounces slightly on his toes and jumps off the apron, slamming Z onto the concrete in a tombstone piledriver!

 

Axis: OH MY GOD!!! Did you SEE that?

 

King: What, do you think I'm blind?

 

Axis: Tombstone from the apron to the floor! Oh my GOD! Z may be DEAD!

 

Before Williams can roll Z into the ring for the pin, however, Flesher nails him from behind with a chair! He hits Williams in the back, not the head, and doesn't knock him out. Rather, Williams spins back around and nails the chair into Flesher's face with a spinning elbowsmash! Flesher staggers backwards, stunned by the bastard Van Siclenator, and walks right into Ced Ordonez dropkicking him in the back of the knee! Flesher collapses to the mat as Danny Williams picks Z up once more and rolls him into the ring. Ced sees Williams and rushes into the ring and Williams steps through the ropes and lays across the prone body of Z. Matthew Kivell counts

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

THR- NO!!!!! Ced breaks the pin! Williams stands up and stares Ordonez down, clearly mad as hell that Ced broke a sure pin off of the tombstone to the outside. Williams shoves Ced, and Ced responds with a hard right hand. Ced whips Williams into the corner and follows up almost immediately with a spear. With Williams stunned, Ced takes him over in a snap mare, and then dives forward in the somersault whiplash, completing the Double Strike. He covers Williams for

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

KICKOUT by Danny Williams! Williams gets back to his feet, only to be taken back down by a dragon screw legwhip! Ced locks on a reverse crucifix kneebar and starts cranking the hold! Z lays motionless in the center of the ring and Tom Flesher climbs to the apron as Ced tightens the hold. Flesher enters the ring and drops an elbow across the back of Williams' neck, stunning him. Ordonez looks up at Flesher, and the camera catches him saying, "He was about to submit!" Flesher just answers, "Quit being a numbnut and pin the guy!" Ordonez gets to his feet and shoves Flesher, who responds with a solid palm strike to the neck. Ordonez grabs his neck and Flesher goes for a dropkick to the knee, but Ced dodges it and Flesher crashes to the mat once more. Ced turns around and sees Williams getting to his feet, so he gets in position as quickly as possible and nails Danny with a backdrop suplex with a bridge for

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

but Deathwish rolls through! Flesher sits slumped in the corner, watching Ced deconstruct Danny one move at a time, and Z begins to stir on the mat. Ced pulls Williams up to his feet facing him, and throws his arm across Danny's chest in position for a uranage. He pulls Williams close and then kicks his leg high into the air. He then pulls the leg down hard, legsweeping Williams and slamming him to the mat with the Final Surge. Ced drops down on Williams and Kivell counts

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!!!!!

 

 

*DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!* [Danny Williams has been eliminated.]

 

 

Almost immediately after the bell, Flesher gets to his feet and runs up behind Ced, but Ced gets to his feet and ducks down behind Flesher. Carried forward by his own momentum, Flesher falls to the mat, and Ced takes the opportunity to apply a crucifix armbar. Flesher gets his arm limped out, though, and faces Ced before he can do any damage or secure the hold. He gets to his feet and Ced follows quickly thereafter, and the two stare down.

 

Axis: You could cut the tension with a knife!

 

Edwin: And it's no DQ! They COULD! As long as it's a Ginsu-brand steak knife, which can cut absolutely ANYTHING! Ginsu: It isn't just for breakfast anymore!

 

Axis: What?

 

Edwin: Wait a minute... that's not it...

 

King: You're an idiot.

 

Edwin: That's not it either....

 

Flesher throws a stiff palm blow, but Ced deflects it and throws a knife-edge chop

 

WHOO!

 

that sends a hard "SMACK!"ing sound echoing through the arena. Flesher locks up with Ced, but Ced answers by grabbing Flesher's arm and taking him over with an armdrag takedown. Z pulls himself up to his feet in the corner and watches as Ced locks on a crucifix armbar. Flesher looks up at Z helplessly, and he runs over and starts begging Ced to break the hold. Ced looks up, confused, and breaks the armbar. Z can be clearly heard to say, "Don't injure him... he's still my friend."

 

Axis: Did you hear that?

 

King: God, he's so gullible.

 

Edwin: What are you two talking about?

 

The two other commentators pause.

 

Axis: *quickly* Never mind.

 

Ced gets up, a look of disbelief on his face, and watches as Z helps Flesher back to his feet. Flesher looks grateful, but then nails the unsuspecting Ced in the temple with a stiff shotei! Ced stumbles backwards into the corner, and Flesher follows it up with a superkick, striking Ced in the jaw and knocking him senseless. Z runs over and grabs Flesher, telling him to stop, and Flesher just shoves Z away. Z grabs Flesher again and tries to hold him back, but Flesher shoves him away once more. Desperately, Z runs in front of Flesher and tries to block him from going after the vulnerable Ordonez. Flesher gives Z a "What the hell are you doing?" look, and Z just blocks his shaken stablemate. Flesher responds by grabbing Z, spinning him around and nailing him with a backdrop driver!!!!

 

Axis: CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!

 

King: Absolutely.

 

Axis: What a son of a bitch! What an ungrateful asshole! I hope he burns in hell!

 

Z lands hard on the back of his neck and rolls through onto his stomach as the crowd starts a "GO TO HELL! GO TO HELL!" chant. Flesher doesn't respond, opting only to boot Ced in the face several times as Z pushes himself up and drags himself to a corner. The camera focuses in on Z looking absolutely despondent. Flesher, meanwhile, is focused and all business, trying to take Ordonez out. He yanks Ordonez to his feet and locks up a side cradle, then arches his back in the Lotus Suplex. He holds the lock and rolls through, then starts to lift Ced for the Lotus Driver... but Ced counters it with a small package!!! Kivell counts

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

THR- NO! Flesher breaks the hold and rolls out of danger! He gets to his feet and walks right into a dragon screw legwhip! Flesher goes down to the mat, but he rolls through and pops back up to his feet. Ced charges at Tom and Tom catches him, back body dropping him over the top rope. Ced crashes to the floor, this time without Danny Williams to catch him. Tom looks down, sees Ced in a heap on the floor, and relaxes.

 

Axis: Flesher doesn't seem to be taking Z seriously as a credible threat.

 

King: *confused* Um... Why would you?

 

Axis: Z's very upset! He thought of Flesher as his best friend, and even after he tore up that X Force 9 shirt, I think Z was still holding out hope that he and Tom were going to be buddies outside the ring.

 

Edwin: He's got a point, my Kevorkianal Retentive friend.

 

King: What's that?

 

Edwin: The SJL hath no fury like a wussy scorned.

 

Flesher leans on the ropes and stares down at Ced's motionless body in a sadistic, self-satisfied manner. The fans boo loudly, and Tom starts a golf clap for himself. Almost immediately, the fans pick up their standard "YOU SUCK COCK! YOU SUCK COCK!" chant. He responds by dusting off his hands smugly.

 

King: Look at that!

 

Axis: I know. Pathetic, isn't it?

 

King: What are you talking about? These fans love him!

 

Axis: Are we watching the same match?

 

King: You know, you'd make this job a lot easier on yourself if only you'd learn to read crowd reactions. There's a chapter on it in the Guidebook- you should pick it up from your local library and thank me profusely.

 

Flesher continues playing to the crowd and doesn't see Z coming up behind him. Z stalks over, looking incredibly pissed off. He taps Flesher on the shoulder, and Flesher shoves him away with a stiff-arm. Z taps Flesher again, with the same result. Angrily, Z grabs Flesher by his shoulder and spins him around to face him. Flesher gives him a look that says, "What are you bugging me for?" Z responds by shoving him and starting to nail him with a series of hard, stiff haymakers. More suprised than injured, Flesher backs into the corner, and Z continues the Hammer Rush. Finally, after striking Flesher with punch after punch after punch, Z punctuates the thrashing with a knee strike to the face. Flesher sells this hard, stumbling backwards and letting his head snap back. Adrenalized, Z winds up and nails Flesher hard with a kick to the groin! The crowd bursts into cheers as Flesher doubles over. Z lifts Flesher up again and executes a Manhattan Drop that sends Flesher somersaulting to his back and clutching his groin.

 

Edwin: GALATEA COMBO!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD, GALATEA COMBO!!!!!!!!

 

King: God, his poor testicles....

 

Edwin: FLESHER'S NEVER GOING TO PROCREATE! NO KIDS FOR FLESHER!

 

King: Z's very lucky this is no DQ.

 

Edwin: I mean, it's not like he could get laid anyway....

 

Axis: Z's clearly VERY pissed off at Flesher's lack of respect for him. He's taking their friendship and flushing it down the toilet, all for a belt.

 

King: Yeah, the EUROPEAN Belt. Who'd get excited over that?

 

With Flesher writhing in pain, Z covers him for

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

FLESHER KICKS OUT! He manages to roll over to his stomach, leaving himself open for Z to lift him up and nail a jumping sit-out piledriver! Z covers him again for

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

TH- NO, another kickout by Flesher! Z grabs Flesher and lifts him up in position for a gutwrench backbreaker, but Flesher curls his body around Z's legs and grabs his left leg, making it impossible to lift him from the mat. Flesher twists Z's ankle, locking on an ankle lock, and spins out on top. He starts to crank the ankle lock with all the power he can muster as Ced grabs a chair on the outside. From behind, Ced jumps on the top rope and springs off with the chair, nailing Flesher in the back of the head with the Hyper Knee! Flesher staggers forward, releases Z's ankle and falls out of the ring. Z gets to his feet and steps through the ropes, stands on the apron and looks down at Flesher. With fire in his eyes, Z dives off the apron and to the floor with his diving FU elbow. He hits Flesher with it, and Flesher subsequently collapses back to the concrete. Z yanks Flesher to his feet and locks him up in a front facelock, preparing for a Generic Vertical Suplex of Furious Inferiority, but Flesher grapevines the leg and blocks it. Z tries one more time to hit the vertical suplex, but Flesher keeps the grapevine and then reverses the move into a stalling vertical suplex. He continues to stall...

 

and STALL....

 

 

AND STALL...........

 

 

 

finally dropping down to the concrete and nailing Z with a brainbuster! Z's body convulses as he hits the concrete headfirst, and then he blacks out. Flesher catches some of the impact himself and doesn't get up right away, leaving himself open for Ced Ordonez to jump onto him with a knee drop suicida! Flesher takes the impact hard, and almost immediately Ced mounts him and starts punching him over and over and over again.

 

Axis: It looks like Ced's as upset as Z! He's so angry that Flesher's taking advantage of Z like that!

 

King: If I were Ced, I'd pin both of them right now.

 

Edwin: Um... this isn't a HARDCORE match, this is a NO DISQUALIFICATION match. He'd have to roll them into the ring, dumbass.

 

King: You're incorrigible.

 

Edwin: Thank you! I do my best!

 

Flesher manages to deflect most of the punches, eventually grabbing Ced's arm and getting to his feet. Flesher spins around as quickly as possible and attempts to hit a side Russian leg sweep, but Ced counters it by spinning back around and locking up the Rock Bottom position, ready for the Final Surge! Flesher panics and hits Ced with a pair of stiff palm blows to the temple, surprising Ced enough to make him break the hold. Both combatants step back, clearly showing the effects of the beating each has taken. Behind Flesher, Z starts to move around, and out of instinct more than anything else, Ced shoves Flesher backwards. As Z pushes himself up to all fours, Flesher stumbles backwards, falling over Z! Z gets to his feet and Ced helps him back into the ring. Ced grabs Flesher and drags him to his feet, then throws him into the ring. Ced follows quickly thereafter.

 

Axis: Look at the dedication from Ced Ordonez! He's helping his stablemate into the ring before he throws his opponent in!

 

King: Say, Axis, what do you think will happen if the two XF9ers eliminate Flesher?

 

Axis: Um... well.... It'll be a technical finish, and the better wrestler will win.

 

King: Are you really that naive? No wonder you were never the SWF World Champion like I was.

 

Axis: Well, what do YOU think would happen?

 

King: X Force 9 self-destructs. Plain and simple.

 

Ordonez lifts Flesher to his feet and spins him around, then locks his hands around Flesher's waist and attempts a backdrop suplex. Flesher counters by cinching in a side headlock and flipping Ced over his hip and down to the mat, then pulling Ced's head up and pinning his shoulders for

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

Ced rolls through and puts Flesher to his back for

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

but FLESHER rolls through again and goes for a pin, getting

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

and finally Ced shoves him off, breaking the headlock and freeing himself. Both wrestlers get to their feet, and Flesher locks up with Ced in a desperate attempt to avoid another high-impact move. Behind him, Flesher hears Z getting to his feet and mumbling incoherently, and almost on instinct, Flesher spins Ced around and Irish-whips him into his partner!! Z collapses to the mat, and as Ced turns around, Flesher nails him with a dropkick to the knee! When Ced falls to the mat from the dropkick, Flesher jumps in the air and executes a double Doc Marten stomp on Ced's back, knocking the wind out of him once more and leaving Z open. Flesher lifts Z to his feet and locks up a gutwrench. Realizing that time is at a premium, Flesher lifts Z up and rotates him until he's upside down, then declines to stall and sits straight down in the Ego Buster. Z crashes headfirst to the mat. Flesher rolls on top of him and Kivell counts

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!!

 

 

*DING DING DING!!!!!!* [Z has been eliminated.]

 

Flesher gets to his feet just as Ced pulls himself up with the ropes. Z rolls out of the ring, looking depressed, dejected and forlorn. Spurred on by his friend's loss of honor, Ced hits Flesher with a very stiff chop across the chest

 

WHOO!

 

and another

 

WHOO!!

 

and one more

 

WHOO!!!

 

as Flesher backs into the corner. Flesher swings a palm strike out at Ced, but Ced dodges it by spinning out of the way and following through with a back elbow. With Flesher stunned, Ced backs out of the corner and runs back in to hit Flesher with a spear. Flesher sprawls to the mat to get out of the way, however, and Ced hits the corner shoulder-first! Flesher springs back to his feet and, as Ced backs out of the corner and leans on the turnbuckle, he spins around and nails Ced in the back with a palm strike! With Ced thus stunned, Flesher turns him around and nails a short-amplitude avalanche. He then sits Ced on the top turnbuckle and throws his arms into the air, signaling for the Boilermaker! The fans starts booing loudly again, and when Flesher grins and waves, they resume the standard "GO TO HELL! GO TO HELL!" chant.

 

Axis: Oh my... this can't be good.

 

Edwin: The last time these two met up, Ced fell victim to the Boilermaker and ended up with a mild concussion.

 

King: I TOLD you Flesher would retain! I TOLD YOU SO!

 

Flesher deliberately and determinedly climbs to the top rope and throws Ced's arm over his head. Flesher lifts Ced up.... but can't get him off the turnbuckle! Ced chops Flesher across the throat

 

WHOO!

 

and shoves him off the turnbuckle! Flesher hits the mat hard and lands on his back, leaving him prey to Ced's second-rope legdrop! Ced covers Tom for

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

THR - NO!!! Tom gets his shoulder up!!!! He rolls to his stomach, and Ced gets back to his feet, then dropkicks Flesher in the head! As Z watches from ringside, Ced kicks Flesher in the ribs and back over and over again until Flesher rolls away! Ced screams out of pure anger and energy as he sees the damage that the Sound of Fury did to Flesher, who's barely able to move.

 

Axis: Sound of Fury by Ced Ordonez, and it looks like Flesher may be done for!

 

Edwin: Yeah, where's your messiah now, Suicide?

 

King mutters something unintellible and vindictive as Ced yanks Flesher to his feet and dropkicks him over the ropes, where Flesher lands at Z's feet. Flesher looks up pathetically at Z, and he can be heard to say, "Come on, buddy... help me out here." Z answers by giving Flesher the finger and walking off coldly. The announce team sits in stunned silence for a moment.

 

Axis: And it looks like Z's finally gotten the point.

 

Edwin nods in agreement, while the King says nothing. Flesher pulls himself back up to his feet and rolls into the ring, where Ced waits for him. Ced whips Flesher into the corner and charges in for a running elbow strike, but Flesher meets him early with a desperation Doc Marten Yakuza kick. Ced stumbles backwards as Flesher staggers out of the corner and Irish-whips Ced to the ropes. Flesher backs against the ropes and leans on them, then waits to back body drop Ced over the top rope once more. That's exactly what Ordonez is expecting, however, and he catches Flesher with an unexpected dropkick to the knee!

 

Axis: Flesher went to the well one too many times with that back body drop!

 

King: He usually doesn't make mistakes like that.

 

Axis: I don't know if it was his mistake or if Ced was just outthinking him.

 

Flesher falls to the mat, but Ced lifts him back up. He applies a standing headscissors, and then turns slowly around to face the middle of the ring. In one fluid motion, Ced grabs Flesher's waist and swings him into the air, then jumps up himself and hooks his legs over Flesher's shoulders. With Ced's weight added to his own, Flesher falls to the mat on his shoulders and the back of his eighteen-inch neck, the victim of the Ordonez Tempest Driverbomb. The crowd starts chanting "OTD! OTD!" as Matthew Kivell counts

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

*DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!*

 

 

Ced shoves Flesher over his head and leaves his motionless body in the center of the ring as Matthew Kivell hands him the European Title belt. "Esaka?" begins to blare over the loudspeaker as Ced stares down at the belt with a look of disbelief.

 

Funyon: Your winer, and NEW SJL European Champion, CED ORDONEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ced continues to stare silently at the belt in his hands.

 

Axis: Look at Ced! He can hardly believe it!

 

Edwin: Can you believe how hard he worked?

 

Axis: The OTD took out Flesher, handing him his first singles loss and giving Ced his first SJL belt, the European Championship!

 

As he slowly realizes the import of the situation, Ced's eyes widen, and he lifts the belt high in the air. The crowd claps along in rhythm with "Esaka?" Flesher rolls out of the ring to collect himself as Ced celebrates in the ring. Fireworks go off in the Gund Arena.

 

Axis: What a match! And still to come, we have a 45-minute Iron Man match featuring two men who are moving up the ladder soon! Either Erek Taylor or Stryke will win their last SJL match and the SJL World Championship! Which one will it be? Already we've had a night of surprises, and it can only get more exciting! Stay with us, fans, and we'll see Ced Ordonez backstage for the SJL hotline within ten minutes! Let's go to the back!

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Congratulations to Vanguard on winning the mall brawl. It seems that every week I lose, I lose by a hair's breath from what the marker's say; I guess I can take some pride in that. I wanted to post my match, because I put a lot of time and creative brain power into it and I thought some people might get a kick out of it. I was going for an experimental style, trying to write it like a movie and I think it comes off as a cross between Die Hard and the Cannonball Run. The thing that probably killed me is a rushed ending due to time contraints and not having some of the more bizarre references coming off clear. Enjoy.

 

Axis: “Now that we have all of the opening pleasantries out of the way.  It’s time to get down to our first match.”

 

King: “If you want to call it that.”

 

Edwin: “It worked the first time around, why not do it again?”

 

Axis: “That’s right, for our long time fans that remember our legendary…”

 

King: (interrupting) “If you want to call it that.”

 

Axis: (continuing) “Save the Drama for Yo’ Mamam pay-per-view, we have a sequel to our very successful Mall Brawl encounter.”

 

King: “Since we’re on a pay to play basis here off of basic cable, let me say that this is going to be a clusterfuck.  You’ve got Cutthroat, Kojack, Jack the Ripper, The Dark Reaper, T-Bone, Frost, Vanguard and the debuting Josh Stark beating each others brains out for a shot at the Television title in an empty local mall looking…”

 

Edwin gulps nervously and starts sweating slightly.  King notices.

 

King: “Something you’d like to tell us about this match, Commissioner.”

 

Edwin: “Well, the mall isn’t exactly…eh…what you would call empty.”

 

Axis: (turning worried himself) “What exactly would you call it, Edwin.”

 

Edwin: (turning pale and sweating more heavily) “Er…more like…ah…open and full of shoppers.”

 

King: (smiling ear to ear) “Oh, this is going to be good now.”

 

Axis: “You remember all of the damage from last time.  What were you thinking?”

 

Edwin: “I thought of doing this at the last minute, I couldn’t find any other mall aside from the Galleria at Erieview that would let us have it and they wanted too much money to close all the way down.  It’s perfect too; two stories, 2 miles long, tons of space.”

 

Axis: “So, they’re just going to let eight wrestlers brawl amongst hundreds of men, women and children in the heart of Cleveland?”

 

Edwin: (with sweat dripping off of him in puddles now) “Well, I didn’t tell them it was going to be a match per say, more that it was going to be a…. scavenger hunt.”

 

Axis rolls his eyes and sighs in disbelief, King busts out laughing.

 

Edwin: “Well, the point of the match is to find the ticket that says MALL BRAWL WINNER on it, wherever in the mall it might be, not to fight.”

 

King: “You think Frost isn’t going to go after Vanguard, you think Kojack isn’t going to be gunning for the guy that took the T.V. title off of him in T-Bone.  You know the history Reaper and Ripper have.  Hundreds of stores, thousands of objects, do you know what those guys could do to each other and to the mall itself in a kitchen appliance store alone.  Nothing like some Cutthroat burgers served up by Stark on a George Foreman grill.”  

 

Edwin: (bending down to look under the commentator’s table) “I’m going to be ill, where’s the wastebasket?”

 

Axis: “This is quickly becoming a bout no one wants to miss with all of the variables tossed in.  Enjoy the encounter as we now throw you to live remote.”

 

Edwin: (with his head in the wastebasket) “I am so screwed.”

 

King: “If you want to call it that.”

 

Camera fades out on the three commentators and fades in to catch Cutthroat walking in from a back door into an empty hall right off of the main way of the mall.  The hall is white and non-descript.  He is wearing his standard wrestling gear with an unbuttoned orange shirt to show off his fit torso and a pair of silver sunglasses perched atop his head.  He is rubbing his hands together in excitement and his whole body is just vibrating with energy.

 

Cutthroat: (to himself) “I got the big win over the Reaper on Saturday, I’ve got a shot to earn a T.V. title match tonight.  Everything is just coming up Cutthroat.”

 

He looks over at a standard, simple wall clock hanging in the hall.  It says 6:30.

 

Cutthroat: “I must not have napped as long as I thought I did.  I have plenty of time before the match starts.”

 

Cutthroat looks over to an open doorway with a sign that says “Men’s” over it.

 

Cutthroat: “Might as well go now, can’t do it in the middle of the match.”

 

Cutthroat grabs a collection of free local newspapers and ad flyers setting in a stand next to the bathroom door.  He whistles and sashays into the bathroom.  As soon as Cutthroat disappears, two men dressed as janitors enter the hall with a ladder.  They set it up underneath the clock and one of them climbs up and takes the clock off of the wall.  He turns it over, looks at the back and flips open a panel.

 

Janitor: “It’s probably just a dead battery.”

 

The second janitor hands the first on the ladder two AAA batteries.  He slides them into the battery slot, closes the panel and flips the clock back over in his hands.

 

Janitor: “Yeah, that’s got it.”

 

He looks down at his watch, adjusts the clock to the correct time and steps down from the ladder.  The two men collect their ladder and head off.  The clock now reads the proper time of 7:00.

 

Cut to T-Bone and referee Matthew Kivell descending down an escalator to the main floor of the mall.  Kivell is in his regular referee’s uniform.  T-Bone wears his wrestling togs.

 

T-Bone: “…I’m sure Vanguard didn’t mean to rough you up.  He was just trying to set things straight with Frost.”

 

Kivell: “He’s a head case if you ask me.”

 

T-Bone: (with a smirk) “So are half the people in the fed.”

 

The two men step off of the escalator and look out at the bustling mall in front of them with stores and people as far as the eye can see.

 

T-Bone: “I can’t believe Edwin couldn’t score an empty mall to have this in.  I just know something bad is going to happen.”

 

Kivell: “Don’t tell him that.”

 

Kivell points a finger and T-Bone follows it over to see a security guard walking toward them.  His uniform is a tan knock off of a regular policeman’s uniform with patches that say the mall’s name sewed to the shoulder of his sleeves.  His dark blond hair is slightly tussled from lack of mouse or gel.

 

Guard: “You one of them wrestlers?”

 

T-Bone walks over to meet him while Kivell hangs back.  

 

T-Bone: (doing his best to remain polite)  “Yes, officer, can I do something for you.”  

 

Guard: (sternly) “I just want to let all of you guys know, that we’ve been promised no violence and no funny stuff.  If I see any, I’ll pull the plug on your so called match.”

 

T-Bone bristles up and prepares to fire back a retort, then sees the man’s name tag on his chest that reads ‘Dep. Craig Ehlo.’

 

T-Bone: (putting his finger on the name tag)  “Craig Ehlo, I remember you, you used to play for the Cavaliers up here.  I followed the Bulls back in the early nineties, they kicked your ass.”

 

Now it is time for Ehlo to bristle up.

 

Ehlo: “I wasn’t exactly making Jordan type money.  I had to take a real job when I left the NBA, something you will probably have to deal with when you enter the real world from wrestling.”

 

T-Bone: “Well, I see why you became a mall cop and not a real one, because everyone knows you can only shoot half assed and you can’t block a shot for shit.”

 

Ehlo reddens up with embarrassment.

 

Ehlo: “You just watch what you do in here, ok?”

 

T-Bone gives a half nod of compliance and Ehlo walks off.  T-Bone snorts and cracks a half smile at the odd encounter.  He turns back toward Kivell.

 

T-Bone: “I tell you, Matt, some people…”

 

Kivell has disappeared from where he was standing and is nowhere in sight.  T-Bone files through the horde of shoppers and steps behind the escalators.

 

T-Bone: (calling) “Matt, where did you go?”

 

After T-Bone disappears from the screen, a yellow balloon with a blue ribbon hanging down rides down on the escalator with its string caught in a step.  The ribbon pops loose at the bottom of the stairs and the balloon bounds off of screen.

 

Cut to Josh Stark walking though the mall’s main entrance with Anthony Michael Hall.  They are both dressed for in ring action.  Hall looks straight ahead as Stark berates him.

 

Stark: “I know you know where the ticket.  They would not send the refs in here for something like this if they didn’t know where the ticket was and what it looked like.  If not, I could easily print up a card that says Mall Brawl Winner and hand it to you.  Kind of like this.”

 

Stark reaches into the waistband of his shorts and produces a white card.  He hands it to Hall, who eyes it suspiciously.

 

Hall: “And what is this supposed to be?”

 

Stark: “That’s the Mall Brawl Winner ticket.  You let me bust these punks’ heads for ten, fifteen minutes, and then produce the ticket saying I found it and handed it to you off camera when no one was looking.  You do that and I’ll hand you this little piece of paper too.”

 

Stark reaches into his tights again to produce a small rectangular piece of paper folded in half.  Hall takes that in his hands and looks at it.

 

Stark: “$5,000 ain’t much to me, but I know John Hughes isn’t exactly sending you a buttload of royalty checks or you wouldn’t be stuck in this crummy gig.  I could even have my dad, a Hollywood producer, maybe give you a job and get a comeback going. A buddy cop film with Steve Gutenberg or something.”

 

Stark smiles self assuredly.  Hall rips up both the check and ticket into tiny bits and tosses them up into the air like so much confetti.  Stark looks aghast and dives to his knees to pick up the scraps of paper and attempts to reassemble them.  Stark doesn’t look up as he tries to fit the makeshift puzzle pieces together.

 

Stark: “You stupid son of a bitch.  I was trying to be a nice guy and help you out.  I was trying to get a T.V. Title shot in my second match and save my sweat for that, but no, you are just going to force me to bust heads aren’t you?  Let’s say I start with yours.”

 

Stark rises up on his knees to look straight at Hall, but only stares into empty space.  

 

Stark: (yelling down the mall) “Fine, runaway.  I’ll find you Hall and show you MY Breakfast Club.”

 

Cut to Kojack walking in the upper balcony of the mall with referee Timmy Thompson.  He keeps turning his head from side to side staring at every store and every person that passes with close inspection.

 

Kojack: “This is so stupid.  I have to run around a mall looking for some sort of golden ticket to earn a title shot that should be mine outright anyway.”

 

Thompson: “I don’t make the rules Kojack, why don’t you pick a store and get looking.”

 

Kojack eyes the Godiva chocolate store across the open middle of the mall’s upper tier.

 

Kojack: “Yeah, maybe I should just start unwrapping chocolate bars.”

 

Kojack snickers and then feels a tugging on his black wrestling tights.  He looks down to see a 12-year-old boy; small and fresh faced with a bowl haircut.

 

Kojack: “You want something, kid.”

 

Kid: “You a wrestler, mister.”

 

Kojack: (with a scoff) “Yeah, name’s Kojack.”

 

Kojack crouches down to look the kid in his widening eyes.

 

Kid: “Boy, what are you doing here?”

 

Kojack: “This stupid mall brawl thing.  I’ve got to find a special winning ticket before Frost or T-Bone or the Reaper or any other guys find it.”

 

Kid: “Frost, T-Bone and the Reaper; you’re going to get your ass kicked.”

 

Kojack: “Why, you little snot nosed…”

 

Kojack scrunches his face in a grimace and his right hand tightens into a punch.

 

Kid: “Mooooooooooooomyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”

 

The kid runs off screaming and Kojack follows oblivious to the fact that Thompson is not following behind him.

 

Cut to Vanguard and Eddy Long in the middle of the mall.  Long is sitting at a table smoking a cigarette.  A small sign off to the side designates the four small tables in the middle of the mall as an exclusive smoking area.  Vanguard stands silently in front of Long with his hands on his hips, just watching and observing while his strange superhero-esque wrestling getup receives strange looks from passersby.

 

Vanguard: “You know smoking is bad for your health, Mr. Long.”

 

Long: “So is whizzing on an electric fence and both are well publicized.  You know you don’t need me to start looking for the ticket.”

 

Vanguard: “I know, but I’ve got something a little more important to tend to right now.”

 

Vanguard strides forward into the jewelry store directly in front of where he was standing.  A man in a jean jacket and black pants leans over a case at the front of the store.  Vanguard grabs him by the back of his neck and jams his face hard into the Plexiglas case.  The man’s head bounces off and he falls to the floor hurt.  A store clerk runs over.

 

Store Clerk: “What is going on here?”

 

Vanguard: “This man has been quietly walking around your store and taking items from display and unlocked cases for the past five minutes.”

 

Vanguard flips around behind the man and drags him to his feet by his shoulders.  The guy wrestles around as Vanguard strips him of his jacket.  He reaches into an inside pocket and pulls out an assortment of earrings and necklaces.  The man turns to run, but Vanguard reaches out with his lightening fast reflexes and catches him by the shirt collar.  Vanguard bends the man back, tucks his head under his arm and drops him on the floor with an inverted DDT.  The would be shoplifter rolls over on his face moaning slightly.

 

Vanguard: “That should keep him calm until the mall guards can deal with him.”

 

Vanguard turns and walks out of the store before the startled clerk can say anything.  He heads back to the smoking area, but stops dead in his tracks when he sees that Long is gone from his chair, a half smoked cigarette smoldering in the ashtray.

 

Cut to the Dark Reaper entering the food court with referee Brian Hebner.  In his standard attire of a black shirt and blue jeans he would not be too out of place in the mall, if it wasn’t for his massive size and face mask.

 

Hebner: “Don’t you think you should start looking?”

 

Reaper: “It’s going to take anyone hours to find that ticket in this place if they don’t know where to look.  I’m 7 foot 5 and weigh 300 lbs., most people sleep 8 hours a day, I need to eat 8 hours a day.”  

 

Reaper and Hebner walk out of frame and a yellow balloon is shown floating lazily past the food court entrance.

 

Cut to Jack the Ripper wearing a black trench coat, but sans his trademark top hat standing disgustedly in front of an ice cream store in the food court.  Referee Sexton Hardcastle takes a triple-decker vanilla ice cream cone from a worker over the store counter with a blissful smile on his face.

 

Ripper: “I don’t have all day for you to feed your face, Hardcastle.”

 

Hardcastle: “Maybe the ticket is in this ice cream cone, ever think of that?”

 

Hardcastle shakes the ice cream cone in the Ripper’s face.  He draws back a loogie to spit in it, before a voice from behind startles him.

 

Reaper: “Hey, Jack, how about I turn you into a banana split.”

 

Ripper grins as he turns around, instantly recognizing the booming voice.

 

Ripper: “You have got to stop letting Carrot Top write your material.”

 

Reaper: “Then I’ll skip the bit about airline food.”

 

Reaper picks up a plastic, high backed chair from an empty table next to him and swings it over his head.  People nearby see this, scream and scatter.  Jack picks up a chair himself and the two start toward each other.  Hebner and Hardcastle back up along a far wall.

 

The Reaper brings his chair down from high overhead with a crushing blow.  Ripper puts his chair up to block the shot, but crumbles under the Reaper’s raw power.  Jack drops his chair and falls to his right.  He springs back to his feet and delivers a stiff thrust kick to the Reaper’s left knee.  He drops his chair and bends down to grab his knee.  The Ripper takes the opportunity to jump up on his chair, catch Reaper by the head and leap off the chair for a modified version of the Ripping.  Reaper catches the Ripper by his thighs and holds him up to stop the completion of the move.  He then nonchalantly throws the much smaller man off and he sails across the food court area to land in a pile of tables like a rag doll.  Reaper picks his chair back up and wades into the debris after Jack.  

 

Ripper’s eyes are closed as he lies in a heap of busted tables and chairs.  Reaper leans over a table to grab Ripper by his head.  Jack’s eyes bolt open and he kicks his legs into the turned over table Reaper his leaning over.  The table’s edge slides forward and knocks the Reaper in the jar.  The shot knocks him over and he lands stomach first on the table.  Ripper climbs woozily to his feet, takes a chair and beats the Reaper repeatedly over the head with it while he hangs on the edge of the table.  Hebner and Hardcastle are no longer standing where they were last seen.  Ripper brings the plastic dining chair up over his head and back far enough to brush the backs of his knees for one last crushing blow.

 

Suddenly, the Ripper feels another chair smashed into the crown of his skull.  The Ripper drops his chair, falls on the Reaper and then rolls off to the floor.  Jack shakes his head to knock the cobwebs loose and looks up to see who hit him.  Josh Starks stands above the two men with a cocky smirk on his face and a chair poised to strike in his hands.

 

Stark: “Welcome to Stark Burger, where you get it my way.”

 

Reaper: (struggling to look up and speak) “You were saying about Carrot Top?”

 

Cut to the front of a closed bathroom stall.  Feet can be seen with purple, swishy pants around the ankles.  A pile of newspapers lies on the floor just inside the stall.  A jazzy muzak version of “The Girl from Ipanema” is playing over the mall speakers.

 

Cutthroat: (in a low, half singing voice) “Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking and all the boys say (farts loudly) aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh….”

 

Cut to the yellow balloon bobbing up and down as it continues its lazy trek through the mall.  A little girl, not yet 8, with golden blond hair and eyes out of an anime cartoon spots the balloon floating toward her as she walks in the other direction, held tight to her mother’s hand.  The little girl grabs the balloon’s string as it passes and she continues on her way now in possession of it.

 

Cut to the little boy from before running up beside his mother and fiercely hugging her pant leg.  She is standing and talking to a friend in front of a store marked “Leftorium.”

 

Boy: (breathing hard) “Mommymommymommytheresabadmanafterme.”

 

The boy’s mother puts a reassuring hand on her son’s shoulder and looks down at him.

 

Boy’s Mother: “Slow down, honey, what’s the problem.”

 

Kojack: (sliding up behind the woman and whispering in her ear) “He says that there is bad man after him and he’s right.”

 

The woman screams and turns around, backing toward her friend and holding her son as close as possible.

 

Kojack: “You need to teach your brat some manners.  Telling a guy like me that he’s going to get his ass kicked is only going to get your little boy’s ass kicked.”

 

T-Bone walks up and stands between Kojack and the boy and his mother.

 

T-Bone: “Finally found someone you think you can beat?”

 

Kojack: “Yeah, I say I’m looking at the him.”

 

Kojack pushes all of his weight back onto his left leg and shoots out a thrust kick with his right leg to T-Bone’s face.  T-Bone dodges and grabs the leg by Kojack’s ankle.  He flips Kojack over by the ankle and he goes sprawling into a display of left-handed cooking utensils right inside of the Leftorium store.  The kid and his mother and her friend run off as Kojack emerges from the pile of spatulas and can openers with a left handed skillet (the only difference from a regular skillet being that it is marked “for left-handers only” in red letters on its face).  T-Bone rushes in a spear to Kojack’s midsection before he can react and the two men go flying down the store’s center aisle.  Shoppers flee the store and a clerk calls for security.  

 

T-Bone and Kojack grapple with each other on the floor.  T-Bone gains the advantage in straddling Kojack and pins him to the ground with his knee.  T-Bone throws a right hand to Kojack’s face, but he blocks it with the left-handed skillet.  T-Bone’s hand connects with a ‘sproing’ and he shakes his land loose to make sure it isn’t broken.  Kojack rolls T-Bone over, so now he is the one on top straddling him.  Kojack grips the frying pan with both hands and brings it down in T-Bone’s face.  T-Bone reaches out and grabs a tin sign reading “left-handers do it better” from a nearby shelf and holds it up in front of him to block the blow.  T-Bone then throws all of his weight to his right and knocks Kojack into a rack of shelves.  Numerous trinkets and bobbles for the left-hander come crashing down on them.  T-Bone uses the chaotic moment to slip out from under Kojack’s legs and he runs down the store aisle looking for a weapon.  Kojack pulls himself out from under the pile of items and follows after him.  

 

T-Bone scans the store shelves, but finds nothing of use.

 

T-Bone: “Where’s a left-handed steak sauce bottle when you need one.”

 

Kojack stands at the top of the aisle T-Bone is in, having now found a left-handed cement block.  He hoists it up over his head and sets himself to charge at T-Bone with it.  Out of nowhere, Vanguard leaps off of the top of the shelves directly behind Kojack and brings a left-handed 2x4 across his back with a crack.  Kojack goes down to his knees and the brick comes loose from his hands to smack him in the head.  Kojack flops on his face out of it.

 

T-Bone takes up a fighting stance with his fists out, now ready to take on Vanguard.  Vanguard drops the 2x4 and holds his hands out in an open gesture.

 

Vanguard: “I don’t want to fight you right now.  Something fishy is going on here.  Did you come in with a referee?”

 

T-Bone: “Yeah, Matt Kivell, he told me there was a ref at the six major entrances to catch the wrestlers as we walked in, but he disappeared shortly after I got here.”

 

Vanguard nods his head knowingly.

 

Vanguard: “I came in here with Eddy Long and he disappeared too and I can’t find any of the other referees anywhere.  Have you seen all of the other wrestlers?”

 

T-Bone: “Well, I just found Kojack here and you’re standing in front of me.”

 

Vanguard: “I’ve heard word of Ripper, Reaper and Stark fighting in the food court.”

 

T-Bone: “What about Cutthroat?”

 

Vanguard: “I really don’t think he’s the kind of man to try some sneaky, underhanded tactic to win this encounter.”

 

T-Bone: “Then that only leaves…”

 

Cut to an extreme close-up of Frost’s piercing blue eyes.  The camera pulls back to show him tying referee Sexton Hardcastle’s ankles together while he sits in the back of a mini-van.  The other referees, wearing blindfolds with their feet and hands tied together can be seen sitting in the van as well.  Frost is dressed in khaki pants with black dress shoes and a white dress shirt open at the neck.

 

Kivell: (from the front seat) “I don’t see what you hope to accomplish by kidnapping all of us.”

 

Frost: “The rules say to find the Mall Brawl ticket and show it to a referee.  Well, I want to make sure that all of you guys are where I can find you.”

 

Frost slides the side door of the van shut and presses the button on the key chain in his hand to automatically lock the doors with a beep and flashing of the headlights.  The van’s windows are tinted so that no one can see inside.  A sign in front of the roped off vehicle says, “register to win.”  Frost turns away from the van and heads for a bistro off to the side with a rustic sign marking it as “Smitty’s.”  Above that is a banner reading, “SJL PPV SHOWN HERE LIVE.” Another sign higher up on the mall wall says, “Galleria South Entrance” with a big red arrow pointing to the left and down.

 

Frost walks into the bar and takes a seat at the bar in the center of the establishment.  A barmaid lays a napkin in front of him.

 

Barmaid: “What will it be?”

 

Frost: “Guinness, tall.”  

 

Frost holds his hand flat out; a half-foot over the bar to signify this and the barmaid turns away to draw his beer.  Sitting next to Frost is a middle aged, balding man with a rumpled suit and loose tie drinking a Bud Light out of the bottle.  He turns his head slightly to glance at Frost and then does a double take.

 

Man: “Hey, aren’t you Frost from the SJL.”

 

Frost shoots the man a beady-eyed look to back off as the barmaid sits his beer down in front of him.  

 

Man: “Yeah, I guess so, not to many guys look like you in or out of the ring.”

 

The man’s eyes flit back up to the t.v. screen directly over the bar.  He then looks back at Frost and points a thumb at the t.v.

 

Man: “Aren’t you supposed to be in this match?”

 

Frost picks the beer up and holds it next to his lips as his eyes also turn to the t.v. screen.

 

Frost: “I am.”

 

Frost sips his beer without taking his gaze from the screen.

 

Cut to Josh Stark taking a trashcan hard in the back off of a whip.  A small trickle of blood runs down his lips and he wipes the back of his hand across his mouth to blot it off.  Stark straightens up and picks the green, circular waste receptacle up over his head with garbage spilling out over him.  He brings the trash bin down hard into the Reaper’s back who was slugging it out with the massively bloody Ripper.  The Reaper drops to his knees and the two heels momentarily join forces to stomp the big man to the ground.  The men have moved out of the food court and are now fighting on the main floor of the mall with a circle of people surrounding them.  Mall guard Craig Ehlo makes his way through the crowd as other mall security can be seen cowardly keeping their distance.  Ehlo fearlessly walks right up to the feuding wrestlers.

 

Ehlo: “Hey, you guys, break it up right now or we’ll call the cops.”

 

Stark and Ripper stop stomping the Reaper long enough to stare at Ehlo and then trade a glance with each other.  They grab Ehlo by his head and tuck it under their arms and cinch his pants with their free hands.  They pick him up and drop him over in a double team suplex.  They stand up and look down at the prone Ehlo.  Reaper fights to his feet and grabs the two men by their tights with their heads under his armpits.  With a loud grunt the huge Reaper picks the wrestlers up and slams them back for a double suplex.  

 

Reaper rolls over to his knees and grabs Stark by his hair.  He clamps his hand around Josh’s throat and hoists him straight up off of the floor as he stands up.  He picks the newcomer up for a chokeslam.  The Ripper clamps a leg scissors on the Reaper’s left knee and he buckles forward, slamming both Stark and himself into the mall floor.  Ripper climbs onto the Reaper’s back and locks in a sleeper hold with a leg scissors around his waist.  The Reaper struggles up to his feet as he quickly runs out of air.  He drunkenly stumbles through the assembled crowd and they scatter.  

 

The little girl with the bright yellow balloon loses her mother’s hand in the chaos and is pushed to the back wall.  Her face flashes a look of fear and the balloon slips out of her hands and clings to the wall.  Reaper stumbles in next to her and slams the Ripper’s back into the wall while he desperately holds onto the Reaper’s back.  The balloon’s popping and the cracking of Jack’s back mixes together.  The Reaper and Ripper wander off in their strange, violent dance.  The little girl falls down on her knees with tears streaming down her face and picks up the busted rubber pieces of her balloon. Among the scraps is a broad white ticket that was inside the balloon.  She picks it up and looks at it with a puzzled look.  Her mother finally finds her in the mad mob, wraps her arms around her and spirits her off.

 

The camera pulls back into a grainy shot with a frame around it, now showing the action on a television screen.  Frost slams his half full mug on the bar and the man beside him shutters with a start.

 

Frost: “That’s it.”

 

He gets up from his bar stool and turns to leave.

 

Barmaid: “Hey, you didn’t pay for your beer.”

 

Frost spins back around and shoots a thumb at the man.

 

Frost: “He’ll pay for it.”

 

The man holds his hands up to protest, but Frost shoots him another beady eyed, icy stare.

 

Man: “Ok, ok, I got it, I got it.”

 

He tosses a couple of bucks on the bar and Frost stomps out of the bistro.

 

Cut to the interior of the mini van with the kidnapped referees.

 

Hall: “Ok, my turn to start.  I’m thinking of something wet.”

 

Long: “Kelly LeBrock.”

 

All of the refs snicker slyly.  Frost opens the driver’s side door and climbs in.  He buckles his seat belt and twists the ignition key in the switch to bring the vehicle to life.

 

Frost: “Ok, boys, we’re going for a drive.”

 

Cut to Kojack running out of the Leftorium holding the back of his sore neck.  He cuts into the music store next door and grabs a guitar on display in the front.  He judges its weight in his hands and then swings it to his left to cold cock a man standing at the register with the edge of the instrument.  The man drops like a rock to the floor with a kabong noise from the guitar.  The sales person behind the counter holds her hands up to her mouth in a silent scream of surprise.

 

Kojack: “I’ll take this one.”

 

Kojack bolts out of the store and heads to his left.

 

Cut to the mini-van speeding through the center of the mall.  People dive to get out of its way with shrieks and screams as it parts the mall shoppers like the red sea.

 

Kivell: (inside the van) “Are you driving through the mall?”

 

Frost jerks the wheel to narrowly avoid a shopper and he goes crashing through an anomalous fruit stand in the middle of the mall, scattering apples and bananas and such everywhere.

 

Frost: “No.”

 

Frost looks to his left with a quizzical look on his face as he reads a store name.

 

Frost: “Disco Pants and Haircuts?”

 

Cut to Vanguard and T-Bone staring at the speeding away van.

 

Vanguard: “That has to be Frost.”

 

T-Bone: “I’ve never sat down and had porterhouses with the guy, but isn’t driving through the mall a little crazy?”

 

Vanguard does not hear T-Bone’s musings and he looks to his left inside a sporting goods store.  Two dirt bikes are prominently on display.  Vanguard walks over and hops on one, revving it up.

 

Vanguard: “Grab the other and lets go.”

 

Cut to Cutthroat still in the bathroom, ankles poking out from the bottom of the stall.  “Spanish Flea” is now playing on the bathroom speakers.

 

Cutthroat: (half singing lowly to himself) “He was a little Spanish flea, a record star he thought he’d be…”

 

Cutthroat hums off and taps his feet back and forth on the floor.

 

Cut to the little girl, still with tears in her eyes, as her mother sits her down on a bench in front of a manmade grotto in the mall.  A small waterfall dumps blue water into a tiny pool while four palm trees leaning together in a big W stand guard overhead.

 

Mother: “Those men seem to be gone now.  You sit right here on this bench and mommy will run just over there (she points off to the side) and get you another balloon.”

 

The mother leaves her on the bench while the girl twirls the white ticket that was in her balloon around in her hands.  Josh Stark, beaten and bloodied, limps over to the bench and sits down next to the little girl.  He looks over at her and sees the card in her hand with “MALL BRAWL WINNER” marked on it in bold red letters.  Stark’s breath catches in his throat as he best thinks of how to approach the little girl on getting the ticket from her.

 

Stark: “Hi there, what you got?”

 

The girl doesn’t look at Stark, but continues to fumble with the card.

 

Girl: “Don’t know, my balloon gave it to me when it busted.”

 

Stark: “Well, that’s a ticket you can redeem for a new balloon.  Give it to me and I’ll go get you one.”

 

Girl: “My mother is already getting me one.”

 

Stark: (downhearted) “Oh, well let me have the ticket and I’ll get you a free ice cream cone with it.”

 

Girl: “I thought you said it was only good for a free balloon.”

 

Stark: “Oh…well…yeah…you see….GIVE ME THAT DAMN TICKET.”

 

The little girl starts crying anew and clutches it close to her.

 

Stark: “Ok, ok, keep it, just stop crying.  My first match in the SJL and I can’t even deal with a little girl.  I am such a failure, I’ve been a failure my whole life.”

 

Stark bursts out with a fake wail and pretends to cry into his hands.  He glances between his fingers to see if the girl is buying his weeping.  She very shyly places her right hand on Josh’s leg to comfort him and holds the ticket up with her left hand to offer him.

 

Stark: “For me?”

 

He takes the ticket and holds the little girl up in his arms with joy.

 

Stark: “Now all I have to do is find a referee.”

 

Behind the little girl’s smiling face a speeding blur can be seen.  Starks sits the girl down and Frost’s mini-van comes into focus, skidding to a stop.  Frost jumps out of the driver’s side, locks the doors and charges after Stark.  Stark takes off running into the nearby Kay-Bee toy store with Frost in hot pursuit.

 

Vanguard and T-Bone ride up on their dirt bikes as Frost disappears into the toy store.  Vanguard leaps off and runs after him, sending the dirt bike sliding on its side into the stone grotto foundation.  T-Bone stops his bike and checks on the mini-van.  He peers in to see the referees through the tinted glass and checks the door handle.  It’s locked and he runs into the toy store too.

 

Cut to Stark walking backwards down an aisle with the mall brawl ticket in his left hand.  Frost lumbers after him with quiet determination.

 

Stark: “Look, Frost, maybe we can work out some kind of deal.  We can both show the refs the ticket at the same time, call it a draw and both get a title shot.”

 

Frost says nothing and strides ever closer.

 

Stark: “Or maybe not.”

 

Stark grabs a toy light saber from Star Wars off of a shelf and flips his arm to extend the plastic shaft.  Frost reaches onto a shelf and pulls out a double bladed light saber like the one Darth Maul used in the Phantom Menace.  He flicks out the twin blades and strikes.  Stark holds his saber up in defense while backing up with Frost thrashing away at him.  

 

Vanguard: “Frost!”

 

Frost turns around to see T-Bone and Vanguard with pulled toy light sabers of their own.  They charge with their swords over their heads and Frost puts his up to catch their blows.  Stark takes the opportunity to sneak out of the aisle.

 

Cut to Cutthroat still in the bathroom.  He taps his feet and farts along with “Baby Elephant Walk.”

 

Cut to Stark sneaking cautiously up an aisle, looking behind him to see if anyone is following him.  When he gets to the top of the aisle he turns around to run out, but Kojack is there to greet him with a guitar to the head.  The instrument shatters into plastic and wood bits and Stark crumbles to the floor.  Kojack picks the ticket up off of the carpet and looks at the shattered guitar neck in his hand.  He drops it and picks up a thick plastic Playskool guitar from a nearby shelf.

 

Cut to Frost dueling with Vanguard and T-Bone.  He is standing sideways in the aisle with T-Bone to his left and Vanguard to his right.  Frost parries a shot from T-Bone and then jams him in the stomach with one side of his double bladed sword.  Frost then parries a shot from Vanguard and jams him in the stomach as well with the other side of the saber.  Both men are slightly bent over grabbing their stomachs.  Frost brings the light saber up under their chins and the two men fall back.

 

Kojack runs screaming into the aisle and smashes the plastic toy guitar into Frost’s back.  He straightens up slightly, but is otherwise unaffected.  He turns to glare at Kojack.

 

Kojack: “They’re just not making toys as hard and destructive as they used too.”

 

Frost strikes Kojack in the chest with the back of his left hand and the grappler falls into a shelf, bringing it down around him.  The ticket flies up in the air and Frost grabs it.  A recovered T-Bone charges and Frost ducks to back body drop the man over is head.  T-Bone lands on top of Vanguard and they go down.  Frost walks out of the aisle and leans his back on the opposite side of the case of shelves.  He puts his weight into them and they tip over to smack against the shelves on the other side of the aisle to pin the wrestlers underneath.  Frost strides out to the van, unlocking the doors with his key chain.

 

T-Bone and Vanguard struggle to the opening of the crushed aisle and poke their heads out of the gap.

 

Vanguard: “He’s going to win.”

 

T-Bone: “We’ve got one shot.”

 

T-Bone grabs a stray basketball just lying in his reach.  He pulls his arm back with all of the force he can muster and throws the basketball straight for Frost’s head in an attempt to knock him out.  The ball sails through the air, seemingly in slow motion.  As the shot crests and it looks like it might be on target, Craig Ehlo soars into frame with his arm outstretched and he swats the ball down.

 

Ehlo: (overjoyed)  “I did it, I did it, I blocked the shot, I blocked the shot.”

 

He jumps up and down pumping his fists.  T-Bone dejectedly buries his face in the crook of his arm.

 

T-Bone: “If only he would have done that ten years ago.”

 

Frost rips open the passenger side door of the van and takes down Kivell’s blindfold.

 

Frost: “There!”

 

He thrusts the Mall Brawl winner’s ticket underneath his nose.

 

Kivell: “Thank God!  Frost wins, this damn thing is over.”

 

Reaper and Ripper come running full speed into frame and both men drive their shoulders into Frost’s chest, pushing him back and over the benches into the mall’s small pool.  They jump in after him and the three men throw wild punches and throw water everywhere.  Vanguard, T-Bone, Kojack and Josh Stark all come barreling in and dive into the water to complete the wild, wet brawl.  Punches and kicks are thrown with abandonment and it’s hard to tell what is going on.

 

Cut to Cutthroat in the bathroom.  The toilet flushes and he opens the stall door with a bundle of papers underneath his arm.  

 

Cutthroat: “All right, let’s go make history.”

 

He whistles and walks out of frame as the picture fades.

 

The camera fades back in on Axis, King and Edwin at their commentator’s table in Gund arena with blank looks on their faces.

 

Axis: (attempting to speak) “Well…that was…”

 

King: “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! None of that made a lick of sense.  Frost kidnaps all of the referees out from under everyone’s noses.  Cutthroat spins the whole match in the dumper.”

 

Edwin: (crying and mumbling) “They tore up so many stores, they accosted so many people, they caused so much damage.  I’m going to be so sued.”

 

Edwin crawls underneath the table while sucking his thumb.

 

King: “A left-handed 2x4?! What’s the damn difference?  A light saber fight?!  Friggin’ Craig Ehlo!  FRIGGIN’ CRAIG EHLO!!”

 

Axis: “Ladies and gentlemen, please give us a few moments to compose ourselves while we set up for the next match.”

[Guest Longdogger_Pete]

Rankings Top Ten

 

(A world title win for Stryke jumps him up a few spots on the list.  Huge wins at Absolution for Vanguard and Z bring them oh-so-close to making top ten appearances.  Erek and Stryke will have one more appearance in the rankings this Saturday, since that show comes before SWF Defiance and their WF debuts.)

 

#1. Erek Taylor (62)

#2. Ash Ketchum (44)

#3. Stryke (30)

#4. Xero (27)

#5. Insane Luchador (26)

#6. Poisyn (24)

#7. (tie) Flunkmasta Flexxx (23)

#7. (tie) Mafia (23)

#9. "The Superior One" Tom Flesher (21)

#10. Jacob Helmsley (17)

[Guest ErekT2k]

Flexxx is, of course, jealous of me and Stryke. After all, he smells like a nimwit and he will continue to smell until he actually wins.

 

I would like to congradulate Stryke on a win much deserving. Sorry that it will be only a 3 day reign but hey, it's better than not being a Champion at all.

 

Ced and Z, I am very pleased that one of you decided to read my threatening letters so you would get your gears going to win the European Title. Well done.

 

What else? Oh yeah, no shows, bad.

 

Flexxx, jealous, bad.

[Guest Insane Clown Dan]

Wow, Erek, it seems that you are obsessed with me. You must look to every place I speak of you and spend about 15 minutes looking through a stockpile of smartass comments

 

Oh, and Stryke... I am estatic that he drove your weak ass into the dirt for good. Happy kwanzaa, new WF jobber.

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Frost, I liked your match.  I liked it a lot.  Vanguard's match had just a wee bit more in the way of wrestling than yours, but I can honsetly say that you didn't lose by much.  You both had the same idea for how to write that match...kind of like a scavenger hunt movie, but had a bit more wrestling in it.

 

Keep it up and don't get discouraged.  You have a bright future around here man.  It just so happens that you've been going up against, in my opinion, one damn good noob.  But trust me, you're gonna make it big around here...just keep at it.

 

Da "perservering" H

[Guest ErekT2k]

Wow, Erek, it seems that you are obsessed with me. You must look to every place I speak of you and spend about 15 minutes looking through a stockpile of smartass comments

 

Oh no no, obsessed? Hardly. After all, you're the one who was criticizing me in the first place.

 

And smartass comments? Oh, I'm also ecstatic that I drove your ass into the dirt 5 or 6 times. Of course, you won't admit it because you probably didn't "manage to write a realistic match" or "participate in a singles competition".

 

Go figure.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Thanks for the positive support HVille Thugg. It's comments like that that keep me around and makes me think I'm heading somewhere here, along with giving me good feedback. I agree that I should have put more wrestling in my match, that was just something lost in the time constraints so I could get my storyline across clearly.