SWF LOCKDOWN!!!

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

In front of a black background stands a man. He comes through the screen in a grayish shade, and he walks forward towards the camera. He wears a shirt, not unlike any you wind find at any federal prison. He is an enormous man, but not fat. He is built like a mountain, with a thick neck. He has a buzz cut and a pair of aviator glasses, which reflect back to the viewer. In his mouth sits a large piece of chew. After stepping forward towards the viewer, to the point they are staring him straight in the eyes, you hear the sound of tobacco spit hurling from his mouth. In the reflection of his glasses, you can see a live, inside shot of the Delta Center. Finally, he speaks.

“Well folks…I reckon we have a Lockdown on our hands!!”

The screen zooms in on the man’s sunglasses, after the shot of the arena becomes too blurred to see clearly, the screen changes over to an arena camera of the Delta Center, which rocks and rolls upon the start of Lockdown, one of the SWF’s premiere programs. The arena rocks and rolls, the only way a sea of Mormons can. The Lockdown theme blares loud and strong throughout the Delta Center, as the commonplace camera swings takes place, sighting out homemade signs and interesting spectators, the crowd’s intensity comes down a notch. Finally, the camera swing stops, and one ringside camera focuses on the announcer’s table, where Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley sit. The arena music slowly fades out as they speak.

Comet: Welcome to the sold out Delta Center in Salt Lake City, Utah! Citizens, we have perhaps the biggest episode of Lockdown ahead of us. Nine important matches and all of them building up to our main event, where Dace Night takes on the Straight Edge Assassin Toxxic for the ultimate achievement in the Smarks Wrestling Federation, the World Title!

Riley: Dace F’n Night finally getting his title shot. I’m not a big fan of his, but he deserves it more than anyone on this roster.

Comet: Also tonig—

The Spandex wearing Crime fighter is interrupted by the sound of a guitar coming out of the PA system speakers. After a moment, it is apparent that the song playing is “Gimme Shelter” by the Rolling Stones. The crowd roars in surprised ovations. Soon, Munich, Agent 27 comes out from behind the curtain. He’s wearing his normal wrestling gear tonight, minus his wrestling boots, which have been changed in favor of a pair of casual ankle high black shoes. He strides confidently down to the ring, pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket swaying back and forth. Something is different about Munich tonight. The Nicotine Junkie carries along with him a large, grey briefcase. It swings heavily in his left arm. Meanwhile, Funyon starts with his surprised introduction.

Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome…MMUUNIICCCHH!

Riley: What in Sam’s hill is Munich doing out here. Does he actually plan on talking to the fans? He hasn’t talked to SWF fans in nearly three years!!

Comet: He looks like he has a purpose to be coming down the ramp. I think the purpose may lie inside of that case.

Riley: Yes. So the question is. What’s in the briefcase!!

Comet: Patience, Robert.

As the cheers from the crowd start to die down, Munich trudges up the steel steps, and climbs through the middle rope. He walks towards the center of the ring, and places the suitcase down right in the middle of the ring, handle facing up towards him. He continues with his walk, and asks on the ring crew to hand him a live microphone. One gets flipped up to him, the commonplace black microphone with SWF insignia printed near the top of it. As Munich walks back towards the briefcase, his theme music fades. Finally, he turns and looks out into the audience. Some stand, some sit, some stand because the person in front of them is standing. Finally, he puts the microphone up to his mouth, and starts talking.

“OK now folks, here we go. The show is off and running and I am wasting valuable airtime telling everyone things they already know. So, let me get down the good stuff. My old man once told me that the hardest part about doing something time consuming, whether it be starting up a business, rebuilding parts of a home, seeking out a relationship with a woman, or fixing a john, is actually going through with your plan, and starting it. It rings true. We will never wonder what could have been, and it’ll be fun reaching the destination of our goal.”

Comet: What does citizen Munich plan on getting to?

Riley: He better not have a semi automatic pistol in that briefcase.

Munich scans out into the crowd, the simple people of Utah looking right back at him, waiting. He circles around the briefcase for a moment, stroking his chin and licking his lips in contemplation. Finally, he readies himself and speaks.

“I realize that I have not exactly lived up to any sort of potential I may have had. This ring has ravaged me to the point of me becoming a near cripple. I probably will not win the World Title in this company any time soon, if not ever. So what lies in this briefcase may very well be my last chance to be remembered in a good light, not a memory of injuries, excuses, and bitterness. I’m out here opening the f**king show, so I had better make it worth your time. It is now story time here in The Delta Center!”

Comet: Do you have a clue as to where Munich’s going with this?

Riley: I wish I had.

“Back a few years ago, well, three to be exact last month, the Minor League and Junior League merged into the new Junior League. When this happened, belts were sacrificed to make a level playing field. Among those belts was a belt I held. The belt was the Eastern United States Championship. After the belt was retired, I asked if I could keep it for kicks, and maybe wear it when I got out of bed every morning, just so I could have a championship belt at all times. On a side note, I bought the belt for five dollars and a coupon for a free buffet at Souper Salad! Over the last few years, the belt has been on my mantle, gathering dust, and I don’t like that one bit.”

The crowd starts to catch on, especially as they see a smartass smirk quickly strike upon Munich’s visage. He glances down at the briefcase, then back up to the crowd. The crowd starts to cheer. The roars get louder and louder inside, and Munich just stands there and breathes it in.

Comet: Citizen Munich is definitely insinuating that he wants to bring back the Eastern United States Championship? Isn’t it made out of a wood like material?

Riley: The belt was dead and buried! He can he bring it back?

Comet: He does own it. And this does seem to intrigue the fans.

Riley: They’re Mormons!! Monogamy intrigues and baffles them!!

“This afternoon, I talked to the commissioner. And..”

The mention of the man behind the curtain draws the crowd to voice their approval. The response is rather mixed, cheers and boos alike.

“And, after a short closed door conversation, we came to this result.”

*BONK!*

The microphone falls to the mat with a large thud, and promptly, Munich starts to rummage through the briefcase nearby. In one swift movement, pulls a shiny, strappy, leather thing out of the bag and holds it high over his head for the crowd to see. The fans cheer wildly upon seeing this reminiscent object.

Comet: That’s the EUS Championship, fair citizens!

Riley: You’re damned right it is. I haven’t seen that thing in what feels like forever.

He circles the ring with the belt, the fans popping as they see its shimmer. Raised proudly above his head with his left hand, he walks back to his microphone the center of the ring. He puts it on around his waist, and quickly fastens it to his waist, knowing exactly which notch he is supposed to connect it with. After properly fastening it around his waist, he reaches down with his right hand, and slightly buffs it with a look of love on his face. Finally, he bends over and picks up the fallen microphone.

“The Eastern United States Championship is back, and it’s around my waist!”

Agent 27 crosses his arms behind his back, as he soaks in the joy from the crowd.

“This is quite simple when you break it down, people. I have brought back this Championship belt to defend it righteously, and to, someday soon, merge it in with the USJL Title. I want to give it the full lineage it deserves. If I happen to lose my belt, it’ll be OK, but you better believe I will be campaigning non stop to see that the unification takes place. Now, with this out of the way, I want you to sit back and enjoy the show. Have a good evening! So says…THE EUS CHAMP!”

*THUNK!*

“Gimme Shelter” kicks up on the PA system once again, and the belt wearing Texan picks up his now empty briefcase. He advances to the side of the ring, and quickly exits, the crowd cheering behind him. Quickly, he walks up the ramp. On the way, he deftly pulls a cigarette out of his pack, and lights it, perhaps needing nicotine to propel him up the ramp. He puffs and puffs, and soon is behind the curtain. Quickly, his theme music fades out, and the viewer is left with a shot of the announcer’s table. Comet, a quizzical look on his face, evens out some papers on his side of the desk, while Riley looks poised to continue.

Riley: Well now we have another title that shouldn’t be around.

Comet: Oh, Citizen Riley, Munich is just looking to bring it back to merge with the USJL.

Riley: He’s barging his way into the USJL title race!

Comet: But he does have something that would mean complete unification. And isn’t it interesting he still has a title with him that was retired three years ago?

Riley: Stop making me feel old.

Comet and Riley run over the time limit, and were cut off with a…

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

"Start the show!"

chanted the crowd!

"Alright!"

said TNT!

MAIN EVENT

WORLD TITLE MATCH

Toxxic© vs Dace Night

SINGLES MATCH

Johnny Dangerous vs Landon Maddix

CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH

Tom Flesher vs Austin Sly

TAG MATCH

Andrea Montgomery & Blanka vs Ace Lezaire & M. Bison

USJL CONTENDERSHIP MATCH

“The Corona” Vladimir Everheart vs Martin “Big Country” Hunt

HARDCORE TITLE CONTENDERSHIP MATCH

David Cross vs The Birdman

FOUR WAY ELIMINATION TAG MATCH

Hollywood Boulevard (Todd Cortez & Mike Van Siclen) vs The Wayward Sons (Ced Ordonez & Edward James) vs Sean Davis & Spike Jenkins vs The Masked Man & "The Icon" Max King

SINGLES MATCH

"The Notorious" John Duran vs Jamie Drazon

SINGLES MATCH

Nathan Xavier vs Candace

SINGLES MATCH

Justin Bowers vs Mark Kinxx

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

And we cut back to the packed Delta Center in Salt Lake City, Utah, as SWF Lockdown comes back on the air! The air is filled with energy as the living contradictions that are Mormon wrestling fans wait for the first match of the night.

“Citizens, welcome back to SWF LOCKDOWN! I’m the ever-vigilant Cyclone Comet,” says the masked man with his usual dramatic flare, “And joining me at the Announcer’s Table of JUSTICE~! is the ever-so-evil Robert Riley!”

Bobbie rolls his eyes at the lame introduction as Comet continues on.

“Tonight’s first match is an interesting one as it’s a return to the ring for one and a half men. We have “Judge” William Hearford making a return in the form of a manager for newcomer Justin Bowers.”

“Bah. The man doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing anymore. Did you here him talk last time? I think senility has finality set in.”

“And we also have Mark Kinxx, a man who had a very short stint in the JL, fighting for a chance to get back into the SWF after being released over a year ago.”

NOW TESTIFY!

Jets of red pyros shoot up from the stage as the crowd gives a modest pop coupled with some boos. As the familiar theme continues on, the former wrestler-turned-manager steps out, yielding a mix result as his charge follows along side of him as Funyon rattles off his stats.

“The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL! Now entering the ring, hailing from Warren, Michigan, and weighing in at 224 pounds, being accompanied by “Justice’ William Hearford…. JUSTIN! BOOOOOOOOWERS!”

A small pop for the newcomer as he gives a few waves to the crowd as he walks down the aisle and steps into the ring, with Hearford stepping up onto the apron behind him. He starts to do some stretches as the Judge starts reviewing their strategy.

“Stay away from his grip; his dumb, but he’s strong enough to crush you to death if he gets his hands on you. Go for the legs, keep him on the mat, and own him from there on out.”

“It looks like the Judge is giving him some solid, if simple tactics for the match. Nothing to shabby, I’d say.”

“And his opponent…”

Blue lights cover the stage as “Juggalo Chant” by ICP hits the speakers, and out comes the big dumb animal, bellowing out his love of peanuts. The crowd doesn’t give much of a reaction outside some scattered boos and the much more common “Who the hell is that?” remarks.

“Now entering the ring, hailing from Detroit, Michigan, and weighing in at 300 pounds… MARK! KINXXXXXXX!”

The stocky man plods his way down the aisle, occasionally growling at a fan or two before finally making it to the apron and climbing into the ring. He gives a final “I LOVE PEANUTS!” before going over to his corner with a demented look on his face.

“Apparently that’s all he can say,” says Comet, shuffling through his notes, “Even though he hates them. Truly a tragedy.”

“You think that’s a tragedy, then wait until he starts wrestling…”

The referee gives a quick motion to each corner, checking if each man is ready, eliciting a “Yes” and a “I LOVE PEANUTS”, causing him to point at the timekeeper to ring the bell!

*DING DING DING*

And the match is underway! Kinxx is the first to react, immediately charging out of his corner like a mad bull at Bowers! Caught a little off guard by the fury of the charge, Bowers only barely manages to duck out of the way, causing Kinxx to slam into the turnbuckle.

“Damn it, Justin, pay attention!” calls the Judge from the apron as the boy quickly gets off the mat and turns to face Kinxx again. The big man charges once more, but this time Bowers is ready, and he slides to the mat, scissoring Mark’s feet with his legs for a drop toe hold! The big man lands right on his face as the rookie quickly gets back up to his feet. He runs back towards the ropes as Mark gets to his hands and knees, putting him in perfect position for Justin to grab his head and slam it down with a jumping bulldog! The crowd gives a small pop for the maneuver as Kinxx is left clutching his face.

“A nice move by the newcomer, but he’s going to need much more than that to take down a monster like Kinxx.”

The big man gets back up to his feet, slightly dazed but otherwise okay. He faces up against the smaller Bowers, who gives a small smirk as he charges forwards, preparing to deliver a dropkick… but Kinxx is expecting it, catching the rookie’s feet right in midair. He pushes them aside, putting Bowers on the ground perpendicular to him. He immediately puts an elbow up and drops down, only barely missing the quick youngster. Once again, Hearford calls out to Bowers, telling him to “Target the legs! The legs!”

“Eh, it doesn’t look like Hearford’s having much success keeping the boy to task.”

“Yeah, he’s got some fire, but you can’t win with just that.”

“That coming from the great flamer himself…”

Shaking his head for a moment, Bowers gets up to his feet, lining himself up and making a charge forwards. He prepares to hit a crossbody… but Kinxx catches him as he stands back up, dropping forwards for a quick fall-forwards slam!

ONE!

TW-Easy kickout, but Kinxx isn’t done with Bowers yet. He pulls the young man up and starts delivering stiff punches to the head of the youngster. Justin stumbles backwards as Hearford watches, shaking his head in anger as the young boy gets beat back into the ropes. As he hits the side, Kinxx grabs him by the arm and tosses him to the other side with a whip, preparing a huge clothesline…

… that misses! The crowd gives a small pop as the rookie ducks under it, bouncing off the other side. He comes back, and grabs Kinxx’s head in a facelock as he turns around, leaping up and spinning for a jumping Tornado DDT! A big pop for the great looking move, but he quickly covers up for a pin!

ONE!

TWO!

TH-No! Big kickout by Kinxx!

Bowers quickly jumps to his feet, as Kinxx’s slowly gets up to his. Bowers moves in, clinching a ¾ Headlock…

BAM!

Surprise Witness!

ONE TWO THREE!

“Wow, that sucked. Big time.” Says Riley with a whistle.

“Well, he’s only a rookie. He needs some time to get into a grove…” says Comet as Judge shakes his head at the abortion that just took place. As the boy leaves to a mild reaction Judge pulls him aside and begins to give him a few pointers about listening to his manager. With that, we thankfully…

*FADE TO COMMERCIAL*

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

“Welcome back to S.W.F.LOCKDOWNNNNNN!!!! Comet screams over the mike as his partner Robert Riley shakes his head in disbelief.

“Well this is one match I’ve been waiting for all week” Riley adds as he takes a small digital camera out of his coat pocket and places it on the announcers table in front of him.

“And for what reason have you brought a camera with you tonight, Citizen Robert”

“Even sense Frisco claimed he would pay $5000 to the first person who beat Candace I’ve been getting this camera ready. Tonight when she taken on the 6 foot 8 325 pound Nathan Xavier I’m planning on using it” Riley explains.

“Your going to take [pictures of the action tonight?” quizzes the Comet.

“No, I’m going to take a picture of Frisco’s mug when he has to pay Xavier 5 grand” Riley says with obvious pleasure. “Now I think Funyon is getting ready”

As the lights begin to dim in the Delta Center the always dapper Funyon makes his way to the ring. This evening Funyon clearly has a sprint in his step as he prepares to announce the combatants. Funyon has always been at odds with Frisco and the image of him losing large sums of money is enough to bring a smile to even his stoic face.

“Ladies and gentlemen this next contest is a singles match and is one fall to a finish with a thirty minute time limit. Making her way to the ring she hails from Okinawa Japan and weighs in at 121 pounds. Allow me to introduce…Candace Okimurra!”

The crowd gives a polite round of applause as several camera flashes punctuate the arenas darkness. There is some ruffling behind the entrance curtains but no arrival from Candace, which gives a moment for some of the more vocal members of the audience to voice there opinions of the Superstar

CANDACE SUCKS

“Citizen Candace should be making her arrival any moments Robert. Perhaps you can shed some light as to why you believe Nathan Xavier will prevail over the evil Citizen Candace” The Comet begins.

A “Simple mathematics” Riley reply as the Comet takes a drink from his water bottle. “Now I say Xavier last week and frankly he didn’t exactly impress me. On the other hand the guy is well over 300 pounds and damn close to 7 feet tall.”

“I believe he is 6 foot 8 and 326 pounds” The Comet interjects.

“Yeah, kind of what I just said” Riley shoots back as the audience begins to grow impatient with Candace’s late arrival. “Anyway I can’t see how she can possibly defeat this guy. I mean he’s a slug no doubt. You’d need a sundial to clock this guy, but he is simply too big for Candace to possibly have any chance at all in defeating”

The music to David Bowies “China Girl” erupts over the speakers and a geyser of yellow pyro’s explodes from the entranceway. Candace makes her way to the ring accompanies as always by her manager Frisco and his henchman Lobo. Candace is walking with a purpose this evening and seems much focused on the match. She is attired in her normal ring garb of a black playboy tank top and ridiculously short black leather mini skirt. She is once again shoeless for her match. As she reaches the ring Lobo quickly holds the ring ropes open for her. Frisco waits outside as Candace enters the ring. Once Lobo returns to his normal position outside the ring Frisco motions for Funyon to hold the ropes open for him. This draws a laugh from the crowd and a look of consternation from Funyon who reluctantly complies. Frisco enters the ring with a smirk on his face. He gazes over the crowd as he takes the mike and approaches the center of the ring.

“Ladies and gentleman of Salt Lake City Utahhhh” Frisco screams hoping for a huge ovation which never occurs. “The home of the Utah Jazz and the home of the Moron religion!!” he continues to a decidedly negative response.

BOOOOOO

ASSHOLE!!!

“I can see this audience knows Frisco well” Snorts Riley with a satisfied look on his face. “I just hope Frisco bought cash tonight!”

“Anyway tonight is special” Frisco continues. “You see years back there was a boxer named Cassius Clay. Now he was a great boxer but early in his career he decided to make a change. He changed his name to Mohammed Ali”

As the crowd begins to grow restless at Frisco’s speech Riley begins to get annoyed.

“I don’t know what this guy’s problem is” he starts. “Every match he comes out here and feels compelled to go into these long speeches before the match”

“I concur” the Comet shoots in. “The audience is here to watch a wrestling match, not listen to Frisco and his history lessons”

“Now I’m not sure of Ali’s reasons, but I just wanted to use the story as a segway into the most major announcement in the history of the S.W.F!”

The crowd quiets a little as that announcement draws some interest.

“Most major announcement in the history of the S.W.F?” Riley asks.

“I wonder what this major announcement will be Citizen Riley” Comet states with his usual tone of urgency.

“Maybe Frisco will reveal he likes Coke more than Pepsi”

“Ladies and gentlemen” Frisco begins as he pauses for a moment to build the suspense. “Candace Okimmurra has decided to change her name. She will now be referred to as…Dragon Okimurra!!”

The crowd reacts very quietly to Frisco’s earth shattering announcement. He glances over them, then hands the mike to Funyon and exits the ring.

“Big damn deal” Riley spits. “Just as long as she gets squished by Xavier tonight I don’t care what she wants to be called”

“Why would Citizen Candace, now I feel I must call her citizen Dragon, want to change her name to a mythological creature?” Comet asks in amazement.

“Actually its pretty common in Japanese wrestling to take the name of things like that, there’s a lot of dragons, devils, and lionesses in all Japan Pro. Again I don’t care what she calls herself, just as long as she loses tonight”

Funyon shakes his head indifferently and continues with his introductions.

“And her opponent this evening hails from Santa Clara California. He weights in at 326 pounds and is being escorted to the ring tonight by the lovely Sasha Edwards--his manager—and wife. Ladies and gentleman allow me to introduce Nathan Xavierrr!”

The crowd erupts as “(Go to) California” by Rob Zombie hits the speakers. The big man emerges from behind the drapes to a huge pop. He is wearing his normal black leather pants and dark blue sleeveless SWF T-shirt. As Funyon stated he is followed closely by the lovely Sasha Edwards who looks stunning in a floral sun dress. As she politely waves to the crowd Nathan is quick to high five nearby audience members. He has a smile on his face and looks happy to be here tonight.

“ Nathan Xavier has won this Delta Center crowd tonight” Riley understates as Comet fiddles through his paper work for notes about the man.

“I don’t have an awful lot of information about Citizen Nathan.” The Comet admits. “This is only his second match so he has yet to make much of an impact in the SWF”

“Oh well I’m sure he’s going to make an impact on the Dragon tonight” Riley replies with glee. “Hopefully a bone jarring impact”

As the two combatants face of in the center of the ring for the referee’s instructions Nathan extends his hand for a friendly handshake prior to the match. The dragon gives it a quick glance but declines much to Xavier’s surprise. He shrugs it off and goes to his corner to await the bell.

DING DING DING

“And we’re underway” Announces Riley enthusiastically.

The two combatants circle each other slowly. The larger Nathan Xavier cautiously observing every move Candace makes; for her part Candace assumes a somewhat crouched pose with her arms readied in a Karate posture as she prepares for an attack from her larger adversary. As he steps into lock up in a collar and elbow tie she quickly rolls away from it. Her speed advantage showing early as she is successful in avoiding Xavier early on.

“Well she’s pretty quick” Understates Riley as he takes a long drink from his soda. “But she can’t run forever”

As Xavier lunges at Candace she avoids him with a quick side roll, she follows it with a leg sweep with trips up the big man. Once Xavier is grounded Candace fires a series of sharp kicks to the back of his knee. As he rises to his feet he’s met with a spinning kick to the temple followed by a hurricanrana which succeeds in flipping the big man.

“Citizen Candace appears pretty sharp thus far” Comet exclaims. “Nathan Xavier has yet to mount an offense”

As Xavier is setting to his feet Candace goes for a quick Diamond Cutter. She is caught in mid air by Xavier who slams her to the mat which draws a cheer from the crowd.

“That’s a nice start”, Riley retorts.

As Candace quickly springs to her feet she is met with a large hand on her throat and a powerful standing choke slam which clearly slows down the Japanese speedster. As she rises Xavier grabs her for a quick full nelson slam followed by an elbow drop. As Candace lie prone Xavier rolls her on her back and covers her for the pin.

ONE

TWO

Candace kicks out.

“A bit early for a pin there” Riley announces as The Comet observes Frisco walking in the direction of Sasha Edwards outside the ring.

Nathan pulls up Candace and again sends her to the ropes. As Candace bounces back she is met with a big boot to the chest which again sends her sprawling to the mat. The big man follows with a leg drop and another pin attempt.

ONE

TWO

THR---No!

Candace kicks out.

Xavier quickly grabs her up from the mat and gives her his signature Standing Muscle Press. As he lifts her five or six times he gentle places her on the top turn buckle. To her surprise and the audiences delight he shakes his finger in his face as if scolding a petulant child.

“What the hell is he doing in there?” Riley screams in disbelief. “He should have driven her head first into the mat.

“Citizen Xavier is having a bit of fun out there tonight.” The Comet replies matter-of-factly as Riley pounds the announcers table in anger. “Citizen Nathan does seem to lack the mean streak a lot of SWF wrestlers possess.

“That’s true, Comet” Riley responds as he regains his composure. “Nathan Xavier is a good guy. I know he was kind of painted as a monster but in truth he’s a nice guy. He’s popular in the back and all probably because he’s not a jerk but he does need to develop a vicious streak out here because she will capitalize of that”

As Sasha Edwards stands outside the ring applauding her husband Frisco quietly approaches her from behind.

“Now what the hell is he doing?” Riley roars.

“Citizen Frisco is merely standing there. Perhaps he’s attempting to find a better view”

“View my ass” Riley barks. “That no good bastard is up to something!”

As Nathan goes to step away from Candace in the corner he is momentarily distracted by the ominous outside the ring. Candace quickly fires a jumping Karate kick to his knee which hobbles the big man. She fires another spinning kick to his temple followed by a tornado DDT which finally knocks the big man to the mat. She follows with a quick rolling thunder then covers him for the pin.

ONE

TWO

Nathan Xavier kicks out with authority. He is rewarded by a missile drop kick to the face for his efforts. Candace is quick to pounce on her opponent with a series of karate kicks to the ribs and chops to the chest. These do not seems to faze Xavier to much and he is able to end her assault with one over powering clothesline which knocks the Asian star hard to the mat. As he goes to pick her from the mat she rolls out of danger and charges in for an attempted neck breaker, she is met with the sidewinder which sends her to the mat.

“That will knock the spunk out of her” Riley laughs.

Xavier pulls Candace back up and sends her to the turnbuckle. He charges in for his Strong-body Avalanche as the crowd goes wild. A heartbeat before impact Candace drops to the mat which trips Xavier sending him hard into the steel ring post. He lets out and audible yell of his own and grabs at his shoulder as Candace quickly wraps him in a school boy pin.

ONE

TWO

TH—no, Xavier kicks out

Candace quickly fires a kick to Xavier’s shoulder which clearly seems to bother the big man. She grabs the arm as if to attempt an arm bar but is quickly whipped to the rope. As she realizes there is likely a big boot awaiting her she grabs the top rope to stall her rebound. As she hesitates at the rope Xavier charges her with a clothesline which sends her flying over the top rope and onto the arena floor. The big man quickly follows her outside.

“It looks like business is picking up” Riley exclaims as the Comet observes the proceedings with a more skeptical view.

“Citizen Xavier certainly hit that ring post hard. The way he was holding his shoulder he might have injured it” Comet begins. “If he’s injured that would certainly change the dynamics of the match”

“He’ll be fine” barks Riley. “At his size he’s impervious to pain!”

Outside the ring Frisco and Lobo scatter to avoid the enraged Xavier. He moves after Candace who immediately fires another kick to his injured shoulder. This again clearly seems to slow the big man. He finally manages to catch Candace and gives her a rifling clothesline which drops her immediately. The referee begins the count.

ONE

TWO

Xavier pulls up Candace and gives her a quick Russian leg Sweep to the padded floor. He follows it up with a leg drop which seems to stun the feisty Asian.

THREE

FOUR

Xavier pulls Candace up again and tosses her back into the ring. As he begins to climb the stairs he hears a familiar scream—Sasha!

Standing on the opposite side of the ring Frisco has weaseled his way behind Sasha and lifted her dress in front of the crowd which immediately draws a scream from her. She responded to his little surprise with a wild slap to the face which actually appeared to knock back Frisco a speck. Nathan immediately charges at the other side of the ring as the audience goes wild with applause.

FIVE

SIX

“Go get that bastard!” Riley roars to Xavier.

SEVEN

“It was an incredibly uncivilized thing to do” Comet states which draws a blank expression from Riley.

EIGHT

“You don’t say?”

“As much as I’m sure he wants to destroy Frisco he better watch the count” Comet warns.

In a heartbeat Nathan Xavier is in Frisco’s face. He appears all set to unload on him when Sasha screams at him to return to the ring before he’s counted out.

NINE

Xavier quickly drops Frisco with a forearm shiver and rolls back into the ring. He is immediately met with a baseball slide directly into his sore shoulder which knocks him back out of the ring.

“At least he stopped the count” Riley says as he breathes a sign of relief.

Candace climbs the turn buckle with catlike speed. She immediately performs a lion Sault on Xavier as he is rising to his feet. The impact sends them both flying to the steel retaining barrier that separates the crowd from the ring.

“Citizen Candace, or rather citizen Dragon, continues to take an inordinate amount of high risk moves here tonight” Comet says as Riley checks out his camera. “I get the feeling they will backfire on her eventually”

The referee is quick to start the count

ONE

TWO

“Crash and burn” Riley barks. “It will happen. Frisco will pay!”

THREE

As Nathan Xavier leans against the steel barrier Candace quickly fires a spinning kick to his temple that rifles his head hard into the steel. A stream of blood trickles down from his eye brow as the impact busted him open. The big man turns to Candace with fire in his eyes.

FOUR

FIVE

“Look at Xavier” Riley exclaims. “He’s busted wide open”

“He does seem to be bleeding fairly well” The Comet understates.

SIX

As Xavier rises to his feet Candace quickly checks over the area for anything she can find that might be useful. Frisco quickly begins screaming to the referee that Xavier is bleeding.

“What the hell is Frisco barking about now” Riley exclaims as the referee yells to Frisco the match will continue regardless of the bleeding. With the referee momentarily distracted Candace quickly grabs the time keepers chair and tosses it to Nathan Xavier. As he catches the chair she immediately fires a missile drop kick to the back of the chair which rams it into the big mans face. As he falls she dives back into the ring.

SEVEN

As Nathan Xavier struggles to get to his feet Candace quickly returns to her corner and watches the count. A smile appears on Frisco’s face.

EIGHT

“That son-of-a-bitch distracted the referee!” Riley screams. “There trying to win by count-out!”

Comet turns to Riley and gives him an amazed expression. “You think?”

NINE

Candace raises her hands and approaches the center of the ring. As the referee fails to make the ten count she turns to see Sasha Edwards arguing with the referee about the count. The momentary distraction gives Nathan another second and he barely get under the bottom rope to beat the count. A look of dismay flashes on Candace’s face as Nathan rises to his feet.

“It appears Citizen Sasha has returned the favor and bought her husband some time” Comet chirps. “Turn around is fair play”

Candace quickly mounts the turnbuckle as if to perform another Swanton on Xavier. She quickly changes her mind realizing the big man is standing fully erect and looks ready for anything. She quickly jumps off the rope but lands awkwardly on her leg. She screams an ear piercing howl and grabs at her right knee before falling to the mat.

“Wow” Comet says as Nathan Xavier appears stunned.

“I think she blew out her knee” Riley says quietly as the crowd begins to stir. Frisco immediately runs to the apron and screams for Candace to get up and fight.

“You never want to see that” Riley continues as the audience grows quiet. “You never want a serious injury to occur in a match”

As Candace crawls to the ropes she is quick to cover up to avoid an assault from Xavier. For his part the big guy is standing speechless in the center of the ring showing no intention of going after the injured dragon. He glances over to Sasha and raises his arms as if to say “It’s not my fault”

As Frisco continues to scream Candace bravely tries to rise to her feet. The expression on her face is sheer agony and she appears unable to extend her leg at all. The referee motions for the match to continue but Nathan Xavier merely looks at him incredulously.

“I hate to say it but the match must continue unless Citizen Candace quits.” Comet states in a dull monotone.

“I don’t know” Riley shoot in. “The girl is injured. The referee should stop the match”

“When Dragon injured Nathan’s shoulder she showed no mercy to him, when she busted open his forehead she showed no mercy, now that she is hurt I would imagine Xavier will not be willing to shower her with pity”

As Candace remains in her corner Xavier slowly approaches her. He raises his huge arms outward and speaks softly to her.

“You’re injured, there’s no reason to continue this” he says as if talking to a child.

“You have to admire this man”, Riley exclaims. “I mean he is truly a gentleman out there”

Xavier slowly walks to Candace and extends his hand peacefully. She hesitates; glancing over at Frisco for approval, then slowly reaches over and takes his hand.

Candace suddenly fires a hellacious spinning kick with the injured leg directly into Xavier’s temple. The crowd erupts as Nathan is driven back. Candace goes for a hurricanerana but changes the move at the last second. The crowd finally view’s her new finisher…

ASIAN DEATH LOCK

In a flash Candace has thrown an octopus stretch on Xavier but it is a modified version that has Candace legs wrapped around Nathan’s neck in a sleeper like manner. The leg scissors slowly cuts the flow of blood to his carotid artery denying the brain its needed oxygen. The result is a lethal sleeper hold.

“This can’t be” roars Riley as he spills his soda on the announcers table. “That jezebel was playing possum”

Comet pauses for a moment. “It would appear to be the case”

Xavier desperately tries to shake the Asian but her leg scissors is very strong. That coupled with his injured shoulder makes it nearly impossible for Xavier to force her off.

“The problem also for Nathan is that the legs are the most powerful muscle in the body. I realize that she is much smaller that Nathan Xavier yet it will be very difficult for him to break this hold.”

Riley watches on in stunned disbelief.

The referee quickly dives in front of Nathan Xavier as he falls to his knees. Candace cinches up on the hold as she senses the big man slowly fading. She quickly applies her Iron claw to his temples to inflict even more damage.

The referee raises the big mans hand as it falls lifelessly to his side.

ONE

In her corner of the ring Sasha Edwards screams for Nathan to fight the hold/

The referee again raises the arm. Again the same result

TWO

“C’mon Xavier”, Riley exclaims as Funyon shakes his head in disgust at ringside.

The referee raises Xavier’s arm for a third time. It pauses for a split second, then falls

THREE

DING DING DING

The crowd boo’s passionately as the lights come on and Funyon makes his way to the ring. Candace releases the hold as the big man collapses to the mat unconscious.

“It would appear the more veteran citizen Candace was able to teach the rookie a lesson tonight” Comet states as Riley angrily shoves his camera back in his pocket.

“Oh shut up!”

Funyon takes the mike and approaches the center of the ring as Frisco and Lobo go to Candace.

“Ladies and gentleman the winner of this match…Can---Dragon Okimurra!”

As Candace stands in the center of the ring Sasha Edwards quickly rushes to her fallen husband. She gentle massages his neck to restart the flow of blood there. Candace slowly approaches her.

WHACK

In a heartbeat Candace fires a devastating Diamond Cutter on Sasha. She crashes hard to the mat and is knocked unconscious by the impact.

“What the hell is she doing” barks Riley incredulous to the attack.

“I think its payback for her distracting the referee earlier in the match” the Comet responds as the crowd jeers loudly at the in ring activity.

Candace drags Sasha on top of Nathan so they lie in a pile in the center of the ring. She pulls up Sasha’s floral sun dress revealing her red satin panties much to the audiences delight. She places her foot on the small of Sasha back and mockingly counts the pin fall herself.

“ONE

TWO

THREE

THE WINNER—DRAGON OKIMURRA!”

The crowd continues to scream unpleasantly and Candace posses over her fallen adversaries with a wide smile on her face. After a moment she leaves the ring with Frisco and Lobo and heads back to the locker room.

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

THE DELTA CENTER floods the screen as the show Lockdown returns to the air. The native Salt Lake City fans begin roaring for attention, all sure to promote their favorites, or diss their anti favorites over the rest, and some chicks just simply flash their tits amongst other things. As the crowd reaches it’s peak volume, the announcers of Comet and Riley let their voices be heard.

Comet: “Welcome back to SWF Lockdown, and our upcoming battle should pit two fairly evenly matched men in what is surely an opportunity for both men to raise up the card for the big one-”

Riley: “GENESIS FIVE!!! BE SURE NOT TO MISS OUR SPECTACULAR SHOW!!!”

Comet: “Thank you my broadcasting whore.”

Riley: “Anytime… you know I get the bonus for the shill.”

Comet: “How could I forget… anyway… The Notorious One John Duran will go up against the resident Maniac Jamie Drazon. These are two of the tougher fellows in the fed so this shall be sure to be a good battle.”

Riley: “Duran is up a step as he is a former SWF World Heavyweight Champion, and I’m positive he holds some sort of victory over Drazon!”

Comet: “They’ve exchanged victories I’m sure. You’re right though, Duran is a former champ while Drazon has only been a semi consistent contender. With a strong victory here, I’m betting either man would be in a position to receive a title shot.”

Riley: “Plus Duran not only beat Grand Slam last week, he beat him up… ha ha!”

Comet: “Duran technically got the upperhand, but he was only able to earn a count out victory against the returning Grand Slam. Hopefully for his sake, he will get a pin or submission over Drazon tonight.”

Riley: “He will.”

Comet: “We’ll see. Few doubt Drazon’s skill, it’s his temper he must watch.”

As their comments pass away, Funyon is briefly shown in the ring before the entire arena dims down to solid darkness. Moments pass as the fans start a cheer, excited by the darkness... Finally after about ten seconds, the beginning sounds of Marilyn Manson's "Dope Hat" hits the speakers, eliciting a loud mixed reaction from the Utah fans. As the vocals hit the music, Drazon walks through the curtains, his head down as he walks to the center of the ramp. He rotates his shoulders forward and snaps his neck side to side, as the arms and neck crack he lifts his head with one of his more menacing looks on his face. He takes a moment to observe the crowd before finally walking down the isle towards the ring.

Funyon: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, he hails from Vancouver British Columbia! He stands at Six feet Four inches and weighs in at 243 pounds! The Hardcore Maniac… Jamie Drazon!!”

Drazon rolls into the ring upon announcement of his name. Taking the time to stretch in the ropes, cracking his muscles in preparation for battle.

Comet: “Here’s one of the more pure physical competitors, with a maniacal touch of insanity, he’s gonna need every ounce of it against his opponent.”

The lights return only to go out three seconds later as bright white letters flash on the screen on a black background, guided by the opening words of Duran Duran's "Notorious."

"NO!

NO!

NOTORIOUS!"

Those words fade into Spineshank's "Synthetic," as Duran comes through the curtain, the crowd giving him an “F-U” reaction, his facials don’t move however as he makes his way down the ring, the crowd won’t let go of the verbal assaults.

Funyon: “And his opponent… He hails from Champaign, Illinois! He stands at Six feet Eight inches and weighs in at 268 pounds! The Notorious One… John Duran!!”

Duran gets up on the apron upon announcement of his name, pausing in the center, he turns out to the crowd. He points to himself, before turning his attention to them with hate in his eyes, slapping his palm off his bicep to deliver his opinion of what he thinks of them. Receiving the reaction he was looking for, Duran spins around and enters the ring. Taking a moment to eye up Drazon, who calmly remains on the other side, letting the man go about his business. Duran climbs the nearest turnbuckle, throwing his arms up in the air with both middle fingers extended to incite the crowd some more.

Comet: “Duran is most certainly looking to pick up where he left off. Especially after the way he handled Stevens last Friday, a despicable act.”

Riley: “Oh our former colleague had it coming!”

Comet: “Drazon has shaved his head off, a new look for Citizen Jamie. He looks much more in a zone now… maybe he’s regained his focus.”

As Duran leaves the turnbuckles, the two men stand toward each other in the center of the ring, the ref decides to ring the bell. Wasting no time the two men lock up, the struggle for control is minimal with Duran’s height ‘n’ power advantage taking lead, as he shoves Drazon back to the corner. Leaning into Duran, making the journey far more difficult then it should, Drazon places his foot on the bottom turnbuckle. Duran shoves, but he knows it will be a losing battle, instead opting to yank Drazon in reverse, spinning around so his back is to the corner. Drazon breaks free of the lockup, dropping South to place his shoulder into Duran’s abdomen, and thrusts with tremendous force, driving the former World Champ into the turnbuckle. Drazon rises to back away, but can’t avoid the double-handed shove from Duran, which pushes him away a few additional steps.

Comet: “Neither man getting the clear advantage yet!”

Riley: “Just you watch… Duran will win this power game!”

Duran steps forward, carrying a heavy right fist with him. Scouting the strike, Drazon steps inward, with his right hand extending upwards, he catches the bottom of Duran’s wrist and shoves it straight North. As the fist goes high, Drazon spins into Duran’s body and throws the point of his left elbow into his chin. The crowd “Ooohs!” as they hear the sickening crack which sends Duran stumbling back a step. Drazon grabs a hold of Duran’s ‘Sin to Win’ shirt and fires forward with a headbutt. Another “Ooooh” from the crowd punctuated with another crack, as Drazon connects with the strike between the eyes. As a fluid tear drops from Duran’s eye, and he crosses them from the stinging blast. Drazon rockets off the ropes, returning with a clothesline-

No! Duran explodes to life, thrusting out his knee and burying it in the mid-section of JD, hard enough for him to flip over on the receiving end of a kitchen sink. Drazon crashes into the mat, sitting up immediately while rubbing his winded chest.

Comet: “Drazon was winning the striking battle, but a man as powerful as Duran can change the tide like that.”

Riley: “I told you Duran would be standing tall!”

With little hesitation, Duran pulls JD to his feet and fires him off the ropes. On the return, he steps forward, smashing his shoulder into the chest of JD, knocking him in reverse direction with the shoulder block! Drazon stumbles backwards, almost ready to fall but is safely retrieved by the ropes. Bouncing off them and with a decided change of strategy, Drazon drops low, aiming a dropkick right into Duran’s thigh. Duran steps back from the impact, growling at the sudden throbbing of his knee. Drazon rolls in reverse to his feet, to see an angry John Duran. It doesn’t stop Drazon from stepping forward, but also doesn’t stop Duran from firing a right knee strike. Slower then he wishes from the leg Charlie horse, Drazon is able to sidestep the knee, so that his vertebrae slaps off the side of Duran’s right leg. Drazon uses the opening to fire another elbow, this time with his right, and connecting with the back of Duran’s head.

Comet: “Ooh! A two point shot by JD!”

Riley: “This ain’t the NBA, and he better not piss Duran off, for his own sake!”

Duran takes a step forward, rubbing the back of his head as he angrily braces himself from stumbling forward. Both men pivot, but JD with the aggressive speed strikes first, connecting with a boot to Duran’s mid-section. Drazon follows up and reaches to Duran, grabbing hold and turns to the ropes, hurling Duran in that direction. No! The larger man from Illinois reverses, stopping on a dime before the whip breaks, and rockets his Canadian adversary into the ropes with an Irish whip. Duran tries to follow, but only gets a step as Jamie returns, opting for the offense, he fires out with a clothesline.”

Riley: “Good nig-“

But Drazon ducks low of the arm, feeling the wind of the forceful arm above him.

Comet: “He missed!”

The two men carry their own momentum into the ropes, again Jamie with a hair more speed then his opponent. Propelling his body parallel to the ring but five feet higher, catching mid-chest to stomach of the Notorious One with a cross body and buries him into the mat!-

-Except Duran rolls through. Clasping onto Drazon’s shoulders and legs with an iron tight grip, he pulls himself up to a kneeling position.

Riley: “You’re in trouble now you foolish maniac!”

With a bit of anger, determination and some adrenaline pumping his veins, Duran stands up to his feet. Unsure what to do with his prey, Duran loosens his grip on Drazon’s legs and throws him over his shoulder as if for a tombstone-

-Only Drazon slips out in behind! As Duran turns around, Drazon strikes again, firing another kick into Duran’s left leg. Absorbing the strike with a growl, Duran lunges straight for Drazon. Reactively, Drazon throws a right, but Duran raises his left, shoving the arm out of the way and grabs Drazon by the back of the head. He finally pulls him back into a stiff forearm from his right, connecting between the eyes. Drazon staggers in reverse, his own eyes watering up from the sudden fluids blasted to his brain. However he does bounce off the ropes, and before he realizes it, he’s in the hungry arms of the Notorious One. Duran hoists him high into the air, before whipping him down into the mat with a back-compacting spinebuster.

Riley: “He killed him!”

Drazon sits up, but stops halfway, and rubs the back of his head and wounded chest in pain.

Comet: “Not quite, but that’s a definite winding!”

Duran stands over Drazon with a smile over his face, finally dropping to his knees, trapping JD’s arm and pressing his forearms over his chest for a secure pin.

One…

T… But Drazon gets his shoulder up!

Gripping Drazon by the back of the head again, John pulls Jamie forward into his fist, and hammers out two more punches into the face of JD. Taking the fists, Drazon rolls away, only for Johnny D to pull him back towards and up to his feet. However when Drazon reaches his knees, he fires a forearm straight into the inside front of Duran’s left knee. Angered, Duran displays some of his strength, reaching his arm around Jamie’s neck and yanks him to his feet. Deciding against a chokeslam, Duran pulls Drazon into a front facelock and sets up a vertical suplex.

Comet: “Out of natural instinct, Drazon is striking the leg. Perfect set up for his cross kneebar, and I assure you, that hurts.”

Riley: “And I assure you, Duran won’t have to know tonight.”

His knee not near weak enough to affect his massive strength, Duran hoists Drazon into the air, letting him remain in the higher atmosphere as the crowd begins to taunt him in reaction. Not stalling long, Duran leans forward, and shoves JD while he’s at the obtuse angle to the mat. Crashing hard, the fans wince sympathetically for the fallen hardcore maniac. However on SmarkTron’s and TV close-ups, JD can be seen smiling in between his winces of pain and gasps for breathe. Disturbingly, this relieves many fans. With haste in his step, Duran directs his toe stiffly into Drazon’s ribcage. Rolling over from the sting, Drazon lies down on his back and rubs most of his chest. John steps up, placing his boot over Drazon’s sternum, and presses most of his weight down onto Drazon’s hurting chest.

Comet: “Oooh! Duran is just rubbing it in now.”

Drazon grunts out in pain as he tightens his chest muscles, trying to hold his composure. Not approving of the tactic or the attitude, the crowd hollers taunts and jeers towards Duran and slowly get behind Drazon to make a comeback. Duran smacks the ref on the back of the shoulder, reminding him that the shoulders are down. Finally meeting some sort of agreement, Young Stripes drops to his knees and assumes the position.

One…

Two… but Drazon powers his shoulder off the canvas.

Riley: “Sure Drazon, keep it up. Duran likes to play with his prey.”

Drazon tells Riley where to go in his head, as he rolls away from Duran’s leg. Not wanting Drazon to go far on his own will, Duran leans his knee forward to jam it into Drazon’s chest-

But misses as Drazon slips away with a roll. The crowd cheers as Drazon shows signs of life, and those cheers, only bring a sadistic grin to the face of John Duran. The louder the vibrations, the more thoughts arise on what to do with his weakened opponent. John decides against a second strike and pulls Drazon up to his feet. The crowd cheers as Drazon mounts some offense, connecting with a right hook.

-Except with no power behind, or not enough to faze the Notorious One. With power in his step, Duran thrusts his knee right into the abdomen of Drazon, lifting him off the mat a half-foot. Upon having his feet land, Drazon has no time to catch his breath as Duran propels him to the opposite end of the ring…

…Sternum first.

Riley: “OWE!! Bret Hart flashback…”

Comet: “Drazon had no time to soften that impact. Dear lord!”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Drazon stumbles out of the corner with evident growls of pain. The audience sends their sympathy as Drazon turns around.

CRACK!!

And is knocked over the top rope from a running forearm!!

Drazon rolls his neck off the ring apron and crashes quite hard, right beside the steps.

Comet: “Oh my!! Duran just hammered Drazon with that forearm!!”

Riley: “NOW he killed him!!”

Riley’s statement seems a little more accurate this time around, except for the small realm of heart rate Drazon is providing. The ref begins his count as Duran soaks in the roaring crowd’s cursing ovation. Not quite as concerned with Drazon as they are with Duran is rubbing it in their faces why he’s stronger. As if flashbacks from Grand Slam come to mind, Duran cuts the ref off in his count. As the ref begins to restart, Duran steps outside the ring, stalking over the fallen Drazon. Holding his hands out for a large feast, Duran grabs hold of Drazon’s shorts, and yank him up to his feet. He slips in a reverse fireman’s carry set up, squatting down to hoist JD up. Only to meet resistance, Drazon hooks his arm around Duran’s throat, in a very borderline choke, and clasps down tight. The ref breaks his count to warn JD about the hold, but opts to restart it again instead.

Comet: “Duran wants to nail the Blunt Force Trauma on JD, just like last week on Grand Slam! Except Drazon is putting up a fight!”

Riley: “It won’t last long!!”

The ref only at Two, Duran releases his set up, sliding out of Drazon’s grip and with two hands, places them over Drazon’s pecs, and shoves him back-

CLANG-CRASH!!

Letting his weight slam himself into the steps!! With Drazon’s back to the steps, his right shoulder facing the ring, and the crowd getting loud for him to lighten up on his left.

Comet: “Oh no! Not option B!!”

Riley: “ALRIGHT!! Option B!!”

Slapping the knee the Drazon had kicked a couple of times; Duran points it straight to Jamie.

“This one’s for you!!”

With about 3/4 ‘s of the ring distance away, Duran sprints forward with a charge that happens to carry a faint battle cry. The smile on Drazon’s face from before finally widens, as Drazon opens his eyes and stares a mean hole straight into Duran’s pupils. Unfazed, Duran thrusts into his top gear, shooting his left knee outward…

-BUT DRAZON ROLLS UNDER THE RING!!

CRAAASHH CLAANNNG!!!

“ARRRRRGGGGGGGGHMMMOTHERFUCKERRGGRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!”

Duran’s curse out in pain is loud and echoed fully as even the nosebleeders hear it well. Duran impact knocks the top step flying into the guardrail as he rests his body down on the bottom set. The spectators’ cheer as their well-established heel got a bit of karmic justice.

Comet: “Oh my goodness Citizen Duran!! That HAD to hurt!”

Riley: “ Illegal! Illegal! Get JD DQ’ed for using a weapon!!”

Comet: “Oddly enough, for once Drazon didn’t use a weapon.”

Clutching at his knee, Duran doesn’t realize Jamie rolling out from under the ring. Grabbing the ring apron and the bottom rope, Drazon pulls himself to his feet. The ref reaching eight on his count, Drazon acknowledges it, rolling halfway into the ring and back out, pulling Duran up off the steps. Drazon wastes little time and rolls him inside.

Riley: “Come on Duran! Fight back!”

Comet: “He did this to himself you fool!”

Just as the Notorious One reaches his feet, Drazon scoops up his left leg and yanks him over his hips with a Dragon screw leg whip. Not letting go of the leg, Drazon hooks it on tight and clasps down with a pin.

One…

Two…

T…but Duran’s slams a convincingly powerful forearm right into the back of Drazon’s neck, letting him release his pin.

Riley: “Yeah!! Take that Drazon!!”

The crowd cheers as Drazon almost gets the pin. Both men make the journey to their feet, meeting each other with fists as they do so. Drazon with extra guard on his chest while Duran protecting his leg. They make it to their feet!

BLAAAAAAAAACK OUT!!!!

(Edit about 600 words of psychology and good finish)

END BLACK OUT!!!

Duran hurls with all his strength… but Drazon sidesteps, spinning 180 then a full 360, Drazon aims low, kicking John Duran right in the kneecap!! The shot drops the Notorious One as he hollers out in pain. He remains in a kneeling stance and Drazon has already hit the ropes. Rebounding with all the speed and force he can muster, Drazon steps up with his left and whips out his right leg… carrying enough power to fuel this stadium…

-CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!

Comet: “SHINING BLACK!! SHINING BLACK!! WE RETURN FROM OUR COMMERCIAL BREAK FOR JD TO HIT THE SHINING BLACK!!”

Riley: “You asshole!”

Drazon drops to his knees, embarrassed at the anti climactic finish and completing his last 5 minute sequence in the dark… he still makes the cover.

ONE

TWO

THREE!!!

Funyon: “Your winner by pinfall! Jamie Drazon!!”

Comet: “Drazon won and now we are gonna fix our technical difficulties!!”

Riley: “Whatever, you can’t replace those last five minutes of priceless history!!”

Fade to Black

Edited August 15, 2004 by Suicide King

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

Backstage!

Hallways!

Vending machines!

Todd Cortez peruses the lonely halls of the Delta Center in Salt Lake City, Utah, preparing for the four-way tag team match that happens to be coming up next. His tag team title belt is on his shoulder, but he doesn't look all there. Something seems to be missing.

But then again, that missing element appears right before his eyes: it's The Masked Man, covering his usual attire with a long brown overcoat and a brown hat. A cigarette hangs from his lips.

"Mask!" Cortez cries, rushing over to his former (?) partner, "listen, Mask, I think we can still work this out. I think we can be a team. 42nd Street can live on! You said that a million times!"

Mask takes a drag of his cigarette. A sad, empty look is in his eyes.

"Throughout our partnership we said a great many things," Mask replies, "You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I have done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you are going out there with Mike Van Siclen, where you belong."

"But Mask, no, I don't have to, we can still-"

"Now Todd, you have got to listen to me! You have any idea what you would have to look forward to if you stayed with me? Nine chances out of ten, we would both wind up with a suspension, or a fine. Isn't that right, Marcus?"

Mark Knixx, who was pouring a cup of coffee for Commissioner Zenon, turns around to face The Masked Man with a wild look in his eyes.

"I LIKE PEANUTS!" he shouts, before running away, spilling coffee all over himself.

Todd looks back to Mask, "You're only saying this to make me go out there."

"I'm saying it because it's true," Mask replies, "Inside of us, we both know you belong with Mike Van Siclen. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If he goes to the ring and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life."

"But what about us?"

"We'll always have Ground Zero. We didn't have, we, our potential was unknown until you came to me with a tag title belt . We made it happen at Storm, and at Ground Zero."

"When I said I would never leave you?"

"Well, no, you didn't say that. And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Todd, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you, kid."

Todd is speechless as Mask points at him, before slowly turning around and walking away, a trail of cigarette smoke behind him. Cortez can only sigh and walk towards the gorilla position to meet his tag team partner, Mike Van Siclen.

The Sexual Maskosaurus, meanwhile, turns around one last time to watch Todd leave. A worker passes by, and Mask grabs him by the shoulder and hugs him.

It's Michael Craven.

"Ash, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

The shot opens up on the announce table, where the ever present Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley sit. Before Comet can even open his mouth to welcome back the TV viewers, Funyon speaks up to announce the next match.

"Laaaaaaadies and gentlemen!! The following contest is a NON TITLE Four way tag team elimination match! Introducing first!" Funyon trails off as the lights in the arena flash in a strobe effect.

The crowd cheers loudly as "Misirlou" blasts from the speaker system! The Masked Man struts out from behind the curtain, briefcase in hand. TMM derives another cheer from the crowd with his spread eagle pose, before he bends over at the waist, sets the briefcase on his back, and struts down the ramp, shaking his hand like preparing to shoot craps!

"Weighing in at two hundred and forty-three pounds, from Craiova, Romania! He is the Sexual Maskosaurus... THE! MASKED! MAAAAAAN!!"

TMM gets another cheer from the crowd as he pops into a standing position. His briefcase slides down his back, but he darts his hand around and catches it by the handle! Masked Man sets the case by the steel stairs and then ascends them before climbing into the ring.

"And his partner!" begins Funyon. The crowd begins booing, however, before Funyon can continue.

Kelly Connelly enters as "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks kicks up. She saunters down the ramp, a smug smile on her face. She enters the ring via the stairs and steals the microphone from Funyon. The regular announcer has almost become used to this treatment and just steps back so the hoity toity Kelly can announce her charge.

"And now! The better half of this tag team!" The crowd boos as she continues, "Wrestling's true champion! The god of the squared circle! The one! The only! Put your hands together for 'The ICON!' MAAAAAX! KIIIIIIING!!"

BOOOOOOOOO!!

An explosion of pyro rocks the stage and Saliva's "Superstar" kicks up over the loud speakers. Max King steps onto the ramp and heads directly to the ring. He looks neither left nor right to acknowledge the crowd, but climbs right up the stairs, and then through the ropes where Kelly holds them open for him. Kelly drops the microphone into Funyon's hands and moves back over the Max. She rubs her hand over King's chest and leans in to kiss him on the cheek before exiting the ring. King steps over to his partner for the night, then turns to the ramp, completely ignoring him! TMM guffaws at his partner, then sticks his tongue out at King, putting his thumb to his nose and wiggling his fingers in tease!

"Well," starts Comet. "Citizens Mask and King are off to a wonderful start. Citizen King seems to want nothing to do with his partner for this match. It won't bode well for their chances of winning."

Bobby retaliates, "Max King has carried many great superstars. It's not like he needs The Masked Man. King can do it all!"

Carry on my wayward son!

RAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

The roar of the crowd drowns out the rest of the song as The Wayward Sons, CED Ordonez and Edward James step onto the stage. Their anthem by Kansas continues to rock on as the two wrestlers head down the ramp. Ced dances to music in his head.

"And their opponents, weighing in at a combined four hundred and eighty-five pounds, CED ORDONNNNEZ! And EEEEEDWAARD JAAAAAMES! THE! WAYWARD SONS!!"

The crowd cheers again as The Wayward Sons enter the ring and head for their corner. Clips of the team in previous matches play between the words 'Wayward Sons', 'CED Ordonez' and 'Edward James.' "Carry on My Wayward Son" fades from the speakers and Funyon announces the next team into the arena.

"Our next competitors weigh in at a combined four hundred and ninety-five pounds, accompanied by Marcus Washington and Jet! They are! 'HOLLYWOOD' SPIKE! JENKINNNNS! And THE! PERFECT STOOOORM!! SEAN DAAAVIS!! REVVVOLUTION ZEEERO!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Every light in the arena brightens to maximum illumination, nearly blinding the crowd in Salt Lake City. A record player needle scratches on a vinyl before a deep voice booms over the speakers.

WEL-WEL-W-W-WELCOME TO THE REVOLUTION!

"Battle Ready" by Otep overcomes the speakers as bolts of lightning strike the stage and explosions of red and white pyro go off. Four figures step onto the stage. Marcus Washington and Jet flank Sean Davis and Spike Jenkins, respectively. Sean and Spike seem to draw energy from the booing crowd as they head down the ramp and climb into the ring. Spike throws his arms up arrogantly to the crowd as Sean eyes over the Wayward Sons and TMM/King. "Battle Ready" fades from the speakers and all three tag teams clear the ring as Switchfoot's "This is Your Life" hits the speakers.

"The final tag team, YOUR SWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!! Weighing in at a combined four hundred and sixty-seven pounds!" announces Funyon!

Mike Van Siclen jumps onto the stage from behind the curtain, followed by the much more mellow Todd Cortez. Cortez crosses his arms over his face before heading down the ramp, followed by MVS.

Funyon continues where he left off in his announcement, "TOOOOODD COORTEZ and MIKE! VAN! SICLEN! HOLLLLLLLYWOOD BOULEVARD!!"

The reigning champions enter the ring and pull the belts from around their waists, holding them in the air for the crowd in Salt Lake City to see. They respond with a mixture of boos and cheers, leaning more toward booing. All four teams head to their respective corners, the three established teams going over their game plans while Masked Man and King virtually ignore each other!

The camera focuses on the announce table. Comet speaks up first, "This match seems like a thrown together mess of bodies, but it would mean a title shot on Lockdown if someone were to manage a win over Hollywood Boulevard."

Bobby returns, "This is a clusterfuck, and you know it. The only team that has a chance at winning is King and the Masked Freak. Though there's no telling whose side The Masked Man is on."

"You watch your language pertaining to masked men, Robert."

"Aww, did I hurt Spandie's feelings?"

Comet's lips tighten in frustration, but he lets it go quickly and starts to explain the rules for the audience. "In this elimination match, two men will be allowed in the ring at all times. A drawing took place before the match and judging by the competitors in the ring now, Citizens Ordonez and Jenkins will start this match off. A team is eliminated from the match when just one of their members is pinned. The title is not on the line."

"That's too bad, Max King was robbed of the USJL Title," interjects Riley.

"Citizen Manson kept his title fair and square. There's no need to go over this again, Bobbo."

Riley grumbles as the camera cuts away from the table and to the ring, where this match looks about ready to get underway. Referee Hardcastle shows the title belts to the four corners of competition, then to the crowd before handing them over to the timekeeper. He looks between Spike and Ced to make sure they're ready to go, then signals for the bell!

DING! DING! DING!!

Spike Jenkins and CED Ordonez circle in the middle of the ring as the crowd cheers for the beginning of this match! Spike jumps forward for a grapple, but Ced dances out of reach and continues to circle. Spike smirks and circles with Ced, then the two meet in an elbow and collar tie up. Ced quickly maneuvers Spike into a headlock and wrenches his neck. Spike isn't one to take the punishment early on and weasels out of the headlock, keeping hold of Ced's wrist and pulling it behind him to apply a hammerlock. Ordonez attempts to turn out of it, but Jenkins reaches and grabs Ced into a headlock, returning the wrenching favor. Ced isn't about to be held down, though, and grabs Spike around the waist, pushing him toward the ropes. Ced pulls his head from Spike's hold and shoves his opponent into the ropes. Spike rushes headlong into the ropes, and Ced leaps for a dropkick but hits air as Jenkins holds onto the ring ropes! Spike attacks Ordonez as he pops to his feet, beating on Ced with quick forearms. Ced staggers back, and Spike takes advantage by whipping Ced into the Rev0 corner. Ordonez lands hard, and Spike attacks Edward James with a cheap kick to the chest! As James tumbles to the outside, Hardcastle backs Spike away from the Wayward Sons corner. Sean Davis takes advantage by grabbing Ced in a chokehold and lifting him off his feet! Ced struggles and grabs at Sean's arm, trying to escape. The crowd boos at the obvious cheating, but Spike keeps the ref busy as Davis chokes the life out of Ced!

"What an outrageous display! This is cheating at its worst!" bemoans Comet!

"It's really a beautiful thing, Comet! You must learn to appreciate the art in this sport!"

Spike steps away from the referee, and Hardcastle immediately notices the cheating in the corner. Sean abruptly lets Ced go, and even pushes him away from the corner. Ordonez holds his throat as he gasps for his first full breath in minutes. Sean raises his hands in innocence as the ref admonishes him. Ced whirls around to retaliate against the giant, but he's surprised from behind when Spike rushes over, grabbing Ced by the neck! Spike turns over in midair, hitting a neckbreaker on the Wayward Son! Jenkins goes for the cover...

ONE!!

T-

Ced easily kicks out. Spike lands a few blows to Ordonez's head, then hops to his feet and moves to The Masked Man/King corner, and smacks King across the face to tag him in! Max recoils in surprise, but jumps into the ring to whoop Spike's ass. The referee is there, however, to keep him focused on the legal man, CED Ordonez. King glares at Spike as he leaves the ring and points at him while giving Jenkins a warning.

"Watch it, clown!"

Ced staggers to his feet, shaking the rattle from his brain. King takes a step toward Ordonez, but feels another hand smack him on the shoulder! Max whirls around and finds a grinning Mask in his face! King stumbles back at the horrific sight and TMM just darts past his 'partner'!

RAAAAAAAHH!!

The crowd cheers as King just shakes his head and exits the ring.

"And the Masked Man makes his first appearance in this match!" shouts an ecstatic Cyclone Comet!

"I would be excited if Mike Van Siclen were involved. Do you see the look on his face?" asks Riley!

The camera focuses a millisecond on Mike Van Siclen, who is indeed glaring daggers at The Masked Man. The shot returns back to the action. Masked Man has helped Ced steady on his feet, brushing dust from his shoulders! Ordonez looks very confused at the Masked Man. MM just smiles and holds up a finger, then begins pantomiming!! The crowd goes absolutely wild as TMM performs the widely known 'Box' mime. Ced glances around, wondering if this is for real. Mask notices Ced's uncertainty, then holds up his finger again, and begins 'Climbing the Rope'! Maskosaurus can only climb three knots before Ced gets fed up and swings a lariat in TMM's direction! Mask ducks and grabs Ced around the waist, hefting him for a big German! Ced is more aware than that though, and blocks by hooking his foot around TMM's ankle! Instead of trying for the suplex again, Masked Man shifts one arm around Ced's throat, bending him backwards. Mask drops down for the reverse DDT backbreaker, then lifts Ordonez again for a swift falling neckbreaker!!

"Blood Money from Citizen Mask!" comments Comet!

"The antics of this blithering idiot never cease to amaze me! How does anyone fall for it?"

Mask goes for the cover as Ced cradles his neck...

ONE!

TW-

Ced kicks out again!

“Blood Money almost getting the elimination on The Wayward Sons!”

Mask climbs up to his feet. He heads into the Hollywood Boulevard corner, tagging in his former partner in 42nd Street, Todd Cortez! Todd enters the ring, and both quickly surround the rising Ced. Ced gets to his feet, but is met with a knife edge chop right off the bat from the Masked Man. Ordonez clutches his chest, as he stumbles backwards onto the shoulders of Todd. As Cortez holds Ced up in the air in an electric chair position, it becomes clear what the plan is.

“The Party Crasher!” yells out Comet.

With that, Cortez begins to slam Ced down. Ced goes down face first into the awaiting arms of Masked Man, who catches the Bemani Cross Wizard with an Ace Crusher!

“They can’t use that anymore! Masked Man is not Todd’s partner anymore!”

As Ced clutches his throat, the camera gets a shot of Mike Van Siclen. The Spectacle is obviously pissed off at his tag team partner, but even more so at the Masked Man. Todd turns Ced over onto his back and hooks the leg. Masked Man is back up, and he charges into the Wayward Sons corner, connecting with an elbow to the head of Edward James. James falls off the apron stunned. Masked Man follows behind him to the outside of the ring, allowing Hardcastle to count the cover.

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

“The Wayward Sons…HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED!” booms Funyon over the house microphone.

“Well, they certainly did not last long.” Mocks Riley. “Hell, Edward James didn’t even get in the ring!”

Todd gets up to his feet, arms in the air in celebration as he stumbles back into his corner. With a sharp slap on the back, Mike Van Siclen tags himself into the match. Todd turns to Mike, confused at his actions, but Mike just steps into the ring, motioning for Masked Man to get in with him. Masked Man looks at Mike, answering his question with the shake of his head.

“Look at this, Comet!” cries Riley. “Masked Man is scared of Mike!”

“I don’t think that’s it, Robert. Masked Man isn’t the legal man.”

“Well, then who is?”

Comet gulps. “He is…”

Out of the corner of his eye, Mike notices some movement in the Revolution Zero corner. The movement has come from none other than the force behind Revolution Zero, Sean Davis. Davis steps over the top rope, entering the ring. Mike’s eyes widen as he falls back into his corner, quickly tagging Todd Cortez back into the ring.

“Will you look at that? Citizen Siclen immediately tags in his partner when he is outmatched. What kind of partnership is that?” questions Comet.

“The kind that wins Championships!”

Todd enters the ring, not scared of any fight. He stares a hole through Mike, before entering the middle of the ring to face off with Davis. Todd wastes no time on the big man, and immediately opens with a flurry of knife-edge chops.

*WHOOOO*

Todd charges back into the ropes. He bounces off and comes flying towards Davis. His plan backfires though, as Davis ducks down. He catches Todd on his shoulders, lifting him up into the air, and dropping back with a Samoan Drop!

“And Todd suffers from a giant Samoan Drop!”

“If Todd didn’t have to worry so much about Masked Man, he wouldn’t be in this mess!”

“And how do you get to that conclusion?”

“Facts, Comet. Facts!”

Davis turns over, covering the Urban Legend.

ONE!!

TWO!!

TH—

Todd kicks out!

“Kick out at two by one half of the tag team champions!”

“With Mike Van Siclen!”

“Yes, Robert. With Mike Van Siclen.”

Davis climbs up to his feet. He reaches down, grabbing Cortez by the throat, and pulling him to his feet. Cortez struggles to get away. Davis holds him up by his throat, allowing him to smash his head into Todd’s with a head BUTT! Cortez’s legs nearly give out underneath him, but Davis holds him up by the throat. Davis leans back, and again smashes his own head into Todd’s! Davis throws Cortez down to the mat, leaving the Straight Edger beaten. Davis walks back into his corner, where he tags in his fellow Revolution Zero partner, Spike Jenkins.

“It’s the battle of the Straight Edge now!”

“It’s not really a battle. It’s more of a one sided fight. After the beating Todd took from Davis, Spike is going to have some easy pickings.” Says Comet.

Spike hops into the ring, a cocky smirk across his face. He heads over to Todd, who is trying to struggle to his feet. Spike stops him before he can, with a kick to the ribs. Todd rolls over onto his back. Spike grabs Todd by his neck, pulling him into the center of the ring. Spike falls back into the ropes, cockily walking up to the downed Todd, and dropping a big knee across the forehead. Spike lifts Todd into a sitting position. He places his knee against Todd’s back, and pulls back with a chin lock!

“Chin lock by Spike Jenkins. Used to wear down his Todd.”

“Todd isn’t having the best of luck right now, is he?”

Spike tears back on the neck of Todd. Todd swings his arms around, trying to fight the hold, as the crowd slowly gets behind him.

“Wow, these fans really like the partnership of Mike and Todd. Do you hear them cheering Todd on?”

“Yeah, whatever you say, Robert.”

Stuck in the chin lock, Todd slowly begins to rise to his feet, his fists slamming into the air to the sound of the fans. Spike pulls back on Todd’s neck, but the Urban Legend is able to climb to his feet. Todd turns to his side, unleashing an elbow to the gut of Spike. Spike nearly breaks the hold, but a second elbow does it. Now free from Spike’s grasp, Todd charges into the ropes.

“Todd breaks out of the chin lock. Now he’s trying to gain the advantage…”

Todd charges back from the ropes, ready to attack…

…But a Spike Jenkins soccer tackle stops him short! Todd’s legs give out underneath, as he falls face first to the mat.

“Very nice maneuver by Spike Jenkins!” bellows Riley. “He learned that from Toxxic, don’t you know?”

“Yes, I know.”

Spike climbs up to his feet, as Todd holds his shins. Both Mike and Masked Man stand on the apron, cheering for Todd to make a tag. Spike pulls Todd up to his feet, dragging him into the Revolution Zero corner. Spike tags in his partner in crime, Sean Davis. Spike holds onto Todd, as Davis enters the ring. Todd tries to fight back though, as he hits Spike with an elbow to the gut. He smacks Davis across the chest with a knife-edge chop. He turns back to Spike, who gets hit with a right hand! Back to Davis with a knife-edge chop! Back to Spike with a right hand! Back to Davis with a knife-edge chop! The crowd is getting behind the Urban Assault…

…Until he turns towards Spike, who pokes him in the eyes! Todd claws at his face, as Davis takes the opportunity to nail him from behind with a clubbing blow, knocking Todd down to the mat.

“What a cheap shot by Spike Jenkins! Todd Cortez nearly fought his way out of the Revolution Zero corner!” cries Comet.

“That is why Spike and Davis are members of the greatest stable today. The World Champion has been teaching them well.”

Spike steps out onto the apron, as Davis pulls Todd up to his feet. Davis pushes Todd back against the ropes. He raises his big arm in the air, slamming it down into the chest of Cortez. Todd yelps in pain, as Davis sends him across the ring with an Irish whip. Cortez bounces off the ropes, and comes charging back to the waiting Davis. He jumps forward, slamming his shoulder into the Urban Legend, taking him off his feet and to the mat.

“Big shoulder block by the monster of Revolution Zero!”

With Cortez down on the mat, Davis places his boot over the open throat of the Urban Legend. Cortez flops around, as Davis attempts to crush his windpipe.

“Oh, come on! He is cheating right in front of the referee!”

Referee Soapdish yells at Davis, who reluctantly breaks the hold. He grabs Todd by the wrist, and pulls him into the Revolution Zero corner. Davis tags in Spike Jenkins, who hops into the ring once more.

“Revolution Zero has been tearing down on one half of the tag team champions. They work great as a team, don’t they Comet?”

“If you say so, Robert.”

With Jenkins in the ring now, he unloads a pair of boots to the ribs of Cortez. Todd tries to cover him, but its no use. Spike places his boot over the throat of the Urban Legend. He begins using the ropes for leverage as he hops up and down on Todd’s windpipe.

“Again with the work on the throat. This is unbelievable!”

“It’s a sound and effective strategy, Comet. This could come into effect later if Spike hits Todd with the Bad Beat!”

Referee Soapdish again gives a warning to Revolution Zero, as Spike hops off of Cortez’s throat. Spike grabs Cortez, and pulls him up to his feet. He pushes Todd against the ropes, cracking a kick to the side of Cortez leg for good measure. He grabs Todd’s wrist, Irish whipping him across the ropes. Todd bounces off the ropes and comes charging back towards the Hollywood Superstar. Spike ducks his head, looking for a backdrop. Todd catches this though, and connects with a kick to the face. Spike stumbles back as Todd charges back into the ropes.

“Todd Cortez making the comeback!” yells Comet.

Todd bounces off the ropes. He turns back to Spike, ready to attack…

…But Spike catches him right off the bat with a lariat that turns the Urban Legend inside out.

“BRUTAL LARIAT!” cries Riley. “Beautiful, but brutal.”

Spike drops down and covers Cortez.

ONE!!

TW—

Cortez gets a shoulder up!

“Todd really needs to make a tag here, Robert.”

“Yeah, but who is he going to tag in? Mike Van Siclen or Masked Man?”

“I really can’t answer that question…”

Spike climbs to his feet. He reaches down, and pulls Todd up to his feet as well. He drags Todd into the center of the ring, but Todd pushes Spike away! Spike tries to retaliate but Todd is there with a right hand. Todd hits Spike with a left and a right. Another left and right! Todd winds back. He goes for another right hand…

…But Spike ducks underneath it. Spike locks his arm across Todd’s chest and over his opposite shoulder. Holding Todd in a “Rock Bottom” position, Spike quickly drops down to his knees, driving Todd throat first into his shoulder!

“The Minor Threat by Spike Jenkins. Named after the band that started the whole Straight Edge craze.” Notes Comet.

“I don’t think Todd could even breathe right now…IT’S GREAT!”

Spike quickly covers Todd.

ONE!!

TWO!!

THR---

Todd gets a shoulder up!

“Todd Cortez is really showing his heart here. Refusing to give in to Revolution Zero. He is truly an upstanding citizen!”

“Save the drama for your mama!”

“What?”

Spike sits up, visibly annoyed at the previous kick out. He climbs up to his feet, and taunts the crowd a bit.

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

Spike walks into the former Wayward Sons corner, signaling for The Bad Beat!

“If Spike hits the Bad Beat, Hollywood Boulevard will be eliminated from this match!”

Both Mike and Masked Man stand on the apron, yelling for Todd to get out of there. But it’s no use, as Todd is both dazed and confused at this point. He climbs up to his feet, still feeling the effects from the work on his throat. Todd stumbles around, as he turns towards Spike. Spike charges out of the corner, heading straight for Todd. Spike gets his arm around Todd’s head, ready to dive into the air…

…But Todd pushes him off! Spike falls towards the ropes. Todd waits for his return, but Spike holds onto the top rope. He charges at Spike…

…Who grabs him around the waist, lifting him into the air, and dropping him throat first across the top rope!

“Todd blocks the Bad Beat, but gets caught with a Hot Shot!” cries Comet.

Todd bounces off the ropes, turning back towards the center of the ring. Spike jumps from the side of him, wrapping his arm around Todd’s head, and dropping down, driving Todd face first into the mat with the Bad Beat!

“Bad Beat!” shouts Comet.

“It’s all over!”

Spike quickly turns Todd over, covering him as the Utah crowd explodes in jeers.

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE---

MASKED MAN STOPS THE COUNT!

“WHAT IS HE DOING?” shouts Riley. “He isn’t Todd’s tag team partner anymore! He can’t do that!”

Mask returns to his corner, where a very angry Max King shouts at him. Mask ignores him though, as he focuses back in on the match. Mike Van Siclen stands on the ring apron, shocked and appalled at Masked Man’s actions. Spike gets up to his feet, pissed off as well, as he charges into the Max King/Masked Man corner. Spike offers some words to Mask, which he tries to ignore. But a slap across the face from Spike Jenkins wakes him up. Mask quickly steps into the ring, but is held back by Referee Soapdish.

“What is Spike doing? Trying to start a fist fight with Masked Man?”

“This…is a…wrestling match, Comet…”

“You know what I mean, Robert.”

Spike gives off a cocky grin, as he challenges Masked Man into the ring. Unfortunately, Max King and Referee Soapdish are holding Mask back. Spike turns his attention back to Todd, able to cheat now that the referee isn’t paying attention…

…Only to be met with a boot to the midsection…BY MIKE VAN SICLEN! Mike pulls Spike into a front face lock, but quickly spins around and drives Spike face first into the mat with a Code Red!

“Mike Van Siclen taking advantage of the referee’s back being turned!”

“I think he is trying to prove that he can help Todd Cortez out more than Masked Man can.” Says Riley.

“Do you really think that Mike is that jealous of the relationship between Todd and Masked Man?”

Riley simply shrugs.

Mike quickly ducks out of the ring back into his corner, while Soapdish finally gets Masked Man back onto the apron. Soapdish turns around, only to find both Spike Jenkins and Todd Cortez down on the mat. Not knowing what happened, all he hears is cheers from the crowd and screaming from Sean Davis, Marcus Washington, and Jet. Unsure of what to do, Soapdish does the first thing that comes to mind.

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!

FOUR!!

The Revolution Zero corner are yelling towards Spike to get up. Masked Man and Mike Van Siclen do the same for Todd Cortez.

FIVE!!

SIX!!

Todd Cortez finally shows movement, as he turns onto his stomach. He begins crawling towards the center of the ring. In one corner, his former tag team partner in 42nd Street holds his arm out for the tag. Masked Man, the person that showed him not everything has to be about business, and that you can have fun. In the second corner, his current tag team partner, Mike Van Siclen, the man who he fought side-by-side for so long, the man who brought him into this company, the man who he helped win gold, the man who dumped him to go on a Hawaiian trip… Todd has to choose he will tag in…

SEVEN!!

EIGHT!!

NINE!!

…Spike Jenkins on the other hand struggles up to his feet. Still feeling the effects of the Code Red, he turns to see Todd Cortez crawling towards a corner. In a grand scheme, Spike leaps over Todd into a corner. Spike hits an opened hand, tagging in…

“THE ICON” MAX KING!

“Spike tags in Max King!” cries Riley.

“Was Todd Cortez going to tag in Masked Man, or Mike Van Siclen?” asks Comet.

“Who cares? He isn’t going to get to tag in either of them now!”

Max King immediately jumps in the ring, placing a boot to the head of Todd, stopping him from tagging in anybody. Max grabs Todd by the boots and pulls him into the center of the ring. Max places a few more boots to the back of Todd, before posing for the fans in Utah.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Masked Man doesn’t look too happy, Comet…”

“He was forced into this tag match with a random partner, and now that random partner is pounding away on his old partner. I wouldn’t be too thrilled either.”

Max lifts Todd into a sitting position, before backing up into the ropes. He takes a spring off the ropes, as he comes up from behind Todd. Max flips over Todd, grabbing his head and snapping it down, ala Curt Hennig.

“Perfect Neck Snap by Max King!” says Riley.

“How much more abuse can Todd Cortez take?”

Max climbs to his feet, cockily walking around the ring. He walks towards the Hollywood Boulevard corner. He mocks Mike Van Siclen, who doesn’t take too kindly as he gives King the finger. King then walks over to his corner, and he taunts his OWN tag partner, Masked Man. MM stares a hole through King, as he turns back to Cortez. King stands over Cortez, and signals for The King Buster!

“Todd has already taken The Bad Beat by Spike Jenkins! Not to mention most of the abuse from this match! If King hits the King Buster on him, there is no way he can kick out!”

Max lifts Cortez up off the mat. He drives his knee into the back of Todd, and then pulls him into a reverse front face lock. Max hooks Todd’s left leg, as he prepares for the King Buster…

…But BOTH Masked Man and Mike Van Siclen attack King from behind! King releases Cortez, as he crumbles to the mat under the pounding from MM and Mike!

“What the hell?” questions Riley.

“Both Masked Man and Mike Van Siclen saved Todd Cortez from the King Buster!”

“I can understand Mike, but Masked Man? He’s a loony bin!”

“I guess Mask feels his partnership with Cortez is more important than his partnership with Max King.”

“And is he ever showing it!”

Both Mike and Mask continue stomping on the downed body of Max King. Mask finally breaks away, as he walks over to Todd. Mask checks on Todd’s condition, which Mike catches out of the corner of his eye. Mike walks over to Mask and Todd, pushing Mask out of the way! Mask pushes Mike back, and a brawl breaks out between the two! They both swing wild rights and lefts, but Mike takes the advantage as he tackles Mask down to the mat. Both men continue brawling as they roll out of the ring to the floor!

“SOMEONE BREAK THEM UP!” shouts Riley.

“Mike Van Siclen has had enough of Masked Man. The fight has begun!”

Both men continue attacking one another on the outside of the ring. Inside the ring, however, Todd slowly gets to his feet. His attention is on Max King, who is also trying to get to his feet after that massive beat down. King stumbles around. He turns his attention back to Cortez, who grabs him around the throat! Todd lifts King into the air for a chokeslam, but drops down into a sit out powerbomb!

“Urban Assault on Max King!” cries Comet.

Cortez holds King down in a sunset flip style cover.

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

“Mased Man and “The Icon” Max King…HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED!” booms Funyon over the house microphone.

“Two down, one to go!” says Comet. “It all down to Hollywood Boulevard and Revolution Zero!”

“This isn’t fair, though! Masked Man is still brawling with Mike Van Siclen! I don’t think either of them know that Mask and King were eliminated!”

“I don’t think either of them care!”

Cortez struggles to his feet, as Max King rolls out of the ring into the awaiting arms of Kelly. Cortez, still ready to fight, turns his attention towards the Revolution Zero corner…

…Where Sean Davis meets him with a boot to the gut! Both members of Revolution Zero are in the ring as Davis locks his arms around Cortez’s waist. Davis lifts Todd into the air into a Canadian Backbreaker. With Todd upside down, Spike charges towards them both…

*CRACK*

…Spike hits Todd in the face with a Yakuza Kick! Davis slams Todd face first into the mat with a Dominator! Davis turns Todd over, placing both his hands on the unconscious chest of Todd Cortez!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

“The winners of this match…REVOLUTION ZERO!” booms Funyon over the house microphone.

“Oh, come on now!”

“Battle Ready” by Otep begins playing through the Delta Center as the fans begin booing the decision. Mike Van Siclen and Masked Man stop brawling, as they both stand wide-eyed and jaw dropped into the ring, where Todd Cortez lays on his back.

“Revolution Zero stole this match! This is a crime against humanity!” cries Comet.

“Don’t blame them. If Masked Man didn’t pick a fight with Mike, Hollywood Boulevard may have ended up winning this match!”

“I wonder how poor Todd Cortez is feeling…”

“Probably not really good. I bet he has a headache!”

“Very funny, Robert.”

“Well, look at it this way. Revolution Zero won once tonight. Can they do it again later, as Toxxic defends the SWF World Heavyweight Title against Dace Night?”

“We will have to see, won’t we?”

“Well…yeah…”

Sean Davis, Spike Jenkins, Marcus Washington, and Jet all make their way up the ramp to the back, celebrating their victory. Mike Van Siclen holds his head, as he screams at himself. Masked Man looks down at the floor, upset at not being there for his former partner…

And in the middle of the ring, lies Todd Cortez, unconscious, and staring at the ceiling.

[Fade Out]

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

“Coming up next,” says Cyclone Comet, “is the first of two Number One Contender matches here tonight, as Birdman will face off against fellow newcomer David Cross in a match to determine the Number One Contender to Sean Davis’ Hardcore Championship!”

“Revolution Zero are ruling the roost right now,” quips Bobby Riley. “Sean Davis isn’t losing that belt any time soon, especially not to one of these two losers!”

“Back To Earth” by Ozzy Osbourne begins to play as David Cross steps out onto the stage. A small burst of pyro goes off behind him just as he approaches the head of the ramp, causing the Utah fans to cheer. He slaps hands with the fans absentmindedly as he makes his way to the ring, where he rolls under the bottom rope to enter the ring.

“The following contest is scheduled for one fall,” says Funyon, “and will determine the Number One Contender to the SWF Hardcore Championship! In the ring at this time, from Oil City, Pennsylvania, weighing two hundred seventy-seven pounds, David Cross!” Cross removes his leather jacket and hands it to a ring attendant, then removes his ever-present cross and hangs it over the edge of a ringpost as his music fades out.

“David Cross definitely appears to be focused for this match,” observes Comet.

“Bah,” retorts Bobby. “Cross looks like that for every match; that doesn’t mean that he’s going to win.”

Suddenly, “Let’s Get Retarded” by the Black Eyed Peas begins to play, and Birdman runs out onto the stage, making loud birdcalls out to the crowd, which they repeat like trained seals:

Birdman: CAW, CAW!

Crowd: CAW, CAW!

“His opponent,” says Funyon, “from Parts Unknown, weighing in at two hundred nineteen pounds, the Birdman!”

“The fans in Salt Lake City sure do love the Birdman,” exclaims Comet.

“Not that it’s going to do any good,” says Bobby. “It’s not like they can win the match for him!” Birdman rolls underneath the bottom rope and gets back to his feet, removing his cloth “wings” and then handing them out of the ring to the attendant as his music fades out. Referee Matthew Kivell motions to the timekeeper to ring the bell, signifying the start of the match.

DING! DING! DING!

Cross and Birdman shake hands in a show of sportsmanship before getting to the business of squaring off. They meet in the center of the ring in a tie-up, which David easily controls, throwing Birdman backwards effortlessly.

“Birdman’s giving up over sixty pounds to David Cross,” notes Comet. “He’s not going to be able to match power with his opponent, so he’s definitely going to have to use his speed to his advantage!” They meet for another tie-up, and Cross takes control again, shifting it into a waistlock, but before he can take Birdman down, the Bird reverses, applying a waistlock of his own. Birdy pushes David towards the ropes, hoping to use the momentum to take him over into a rollup, but Cross hangs onto the ropes and shrugs Birdman off easily. Birdy somersaults backwards and rolls to his feet, springing immediately back into the air as Cross begins to charge towards him. David lifts his leg off the ground suddenly to deliver a Yakuza Kick, but the Bird ducks underneath his foot fairly easily. Cross continues running across the ring, and Birdy takes him down with a drop toehold as he bounces off the ropes.

“Cross tried to sneak that Yakuza Kick in a little early,” says Comet. “And Birdman saw him coming!” Birdman floats through the drop toehold into a side headlock and guides David to his feet as he stands up. Cross pushes Birdy into the ropes and charges towards him as he bounces off, this time lowering his shoulder to deliver a spear, but the quicker Birdman again evades him, leaping over his opponent on a dead run and continuing on to the other ropes…

WHAM!

… But David snatches him off the mat as he rebounds a second time and plants him into the mat with a sudden chokeslam!

“Beautiful chokeslam by Cross,” says Riley. “Simple and efficient, unlike the overly flamboyant kind that most big men do. He kept it to the point: get the man up, and get him back down!” David takes advantage of Birdman’s stunned state to exit the ring and reach underneath the ring, pulling out a table.

“True enough,” agrees Comet, “but he may be making a mistake by not trying to capitalize on this; I think that it’s too early for him to try and go for plunder.” Cross leans the table up against the barricade and ducks back underneath the ring to pull out a couple of chairs, but as he stands up…

CRACK!

… Birdman, who as it turns out, did actually have enough time to recover, runs towards the edge of the ring and dives into the ropes feet-first, nailing Cross with a baseball slide that sends him crashing into the table!

Comet shakes his head. “I knew that he was trying to go for it too early!” Birdman gets to his feet and grabs onto the top rope, launching himself out of the ring and onto Cross’ body with a plancha! He then pulls David to his feet and rolls him into the ring, sliding in behind him with a chair in hand. He beats David back to his feet and raises the chair above his head…

CRACK!

… Blasting the larger man with a vicious chairshot! But, Cross remains on his feet, motivating Birdy to nail him again! This time, David staggers backwards a few feet, but still remains standing. Becoming increasingly frustrated, Birdman cocks the chair back like he was swinging a baseball bat and smashes Cross over the head one more time. This time, Cross falls backwards against the ropes, but bounces back against the top rope rather than falling down, and stumbles back towards the middle of the ring, where he drops to one knee. Birdman holds the chair above his head, trying to get the crowd into it, before running past Cross to the ropes. He bounces off the ropes, chair still in hand, and races across the ring. He leaps into the air as he rebounds a second time to brain David with a flying chair shot…

WHAM!

… But Cross snatches him out of the air and spins around on one heel, driving him into the mat with a spinebuster!

“Anderson Spinebuster,” exclaims Comet. “He may have knocked him out!” Unfortunately for David, he can’t capitalize on it immediately, for he is still trying to shake his head clear. He eventually pulls Birdy to his feet and twists his arm around in an arm-wringer, only to knock him back down with a wicked short-arm lariat! Still disoriented from the brain-scrambling chair shots, David drops back to his feet for a few seconds, as Birdy remains motionless on the canvas.

“Boy, those chair shots must have really knocked David Cross for a loop,” notes Comet. Cross pulls himself to his feet and walks over to the discarded chair, carrying it over to the center of the ring before going back to get Birdman. He pulls the Bird to his feet and then gives the sign for the Black Mass, causing the crowd to cheer.

“Oh my,” moans Comet. “It looks like Citizen Cross is going to try and hit the Black Mass onto that steel chair!”

“Well,” adds Riley, “if he hits it, it’s definitely over!” David traps Birdman in a standing headscissors and wraps both arms around his waist before lifting him up into a powerbomb position. He quickly gets his smaller foe to the peak of his lift, but the sudden movement causes David to feel woozy for a fraction of a second, thanks to the chair shots, which turns out to be all the hesitation that Birdman needs to wriggle out of David’s grasp and fall towards the mat…

BANG!

… Trapping Cross in a front-facelock as he falls and driving his skull through the chair with a DDT!

“What a tremendous counter,” shrieks Comet. “Cross is out cold! That DDT took him out cold!” Birdman rolls to his feet and quickly vacates the ring to the apron, climbing to the top rope and leaping off before David gets a second chance to recover…

SPLASH!

… And nailing him with the Bird Dropping! Referee Kivell quickly dives into position to count the shoulders:

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DING! DING! DING!

The crowd explodes as “Let’s Get Retarded” begins to play again. Kivell raises Birdman’s hand in victory as Funyon makes the official announcement.

“The winner of the match, and the new Number One Contender to the Hardcore Title, the Birdman!”

“Gutsy performance by the Birdman,” says Comet, “who has put himself into position to get a shot at the Hardcore Title in the near future! Coming up next is the second of our Number One Contender Matches, as Vladimir Everheart and Martin Hunt will fight over a shot at Manson’s USJL Title! Don’t go away!”

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

SWF LOCKDOWN August 11th

USJL CONTENDERSHIP

"The Corona" Vladimir Everheart Vs. Martin “Big Country” Hunt

SWF Lockdown fades back in from commercial, the cameras coming back to life with a wide shot of the sold out Delta Centre that hosts the latest edition of SWF action. The cameras zoom in on the crowd, panning over the sea of faces and signs that populate the arena, all of them buzzing with excitement at the show they have seen so far and eager for more. The cameras eventually switch back to the announcers table revealing the one and only Cyclone Comet and his partner, the ever cynical Bobby Riley, ready as ever to continue calling the action.

“Hello Citizens and welcome back to SWF Lockdown! If you’ve just tuned in you’ve missed some great matches tonight but we still have lots more to come tonight! And what a warm wonderful night it is!” Cries Comet, greeting the viewers once again with customary gusto.

“Indeed we do, and those of you too lazy to tune in earlier are just in time for our USJL Contenders match! And you people had better have good excuses for missing half of the show tonight!”

“Indeed good Citizens, you missed some great matches earlier in the night. But fortunately for you all we are not done yet! By all means no! We still have another five, yes you heard that right Citizens FIVE matches for you to look forwards too tonight!”

“And of course once we’ve got past those we have tonight’s main event to look forwards too. Toxxic finally capped off the perfect rookie year at Ground Zero when he captured the Title in a truly epic bout against both Tom Flesher and Janus! And now that British punk Dace Night isn’t even giving him a moments respite as he wants his title shot, and he wants it tonight!”

“And that’s not all we have for you in the remainder of the show Citizens! We still have Citizen Montgomery and Citizen Lezaire going head to head and each of them has a pixilated partner of their choice to back them up! Not to mention Citizen Sly will tonight challenge Citizen Flesher for the Cruiserweight Title!”

“And last but certainly not least Johnny Dangerous and Landon Maddix are going to duke it out for your viewing pleasure!”

“Indeed Robert. We’ve had a multitude of entertaining matches so far and now its time to sit back and watch another! The show must go on Citizens!”

Dimmu Borgir’s “Mourning Palace” hits the speakers as a huge cloud of smoke belches from the entrance way covering the stage in its misty coils as three separate light blue spotlights snap onto the figure emerging from the mist the sight of this dim shape already drawing cheers from the fans.

Vlad pauses on the stage for a moment, masked head turning slowly from left to right as he takes in the masses that surround him before he begins to stride calmly down the aisle as Funyon raises his microphone once more.

“Ladies and Gentlemen! The following contest is scheduled for one fall and will decide the number one contender for the SWF USJL Championship! Introducing first! He hails from Svalbard, Norway! And weighs in at 245lbs! THE CORONA! VLADIMIR EVERHEART!”

When he finally reaches ringside Vlad leaps up onto the apron, grabbing the top rope and vaulting over it and into the ring. The masked superstar moves to stand in the centre of the ring the rest of the arena lights going to black as the three spotlights illuminate him in the blackness. Vlad drops down to one knee in that circle of light bowing deeply, his arms spread to either side of his body as the action milks another wave of cheers from the fans. The music finally fades away and the arena lights come back up as the Corona begins to patiently pace the ring, waiting for his opponent for the night to emerge.

He doesn’t have long to wait as Hank Williams Jr.’s "A Country Boy Can Survive" hits the speakers next the cheers of the crowd changing to boos in the space of a heartbeat as the Corona’s opponent makes his entrance. Martin “Big Country” Hunt strides out from the entranceway, not bothering to pause on the stage as he simply begins to walk straight down the ramp smirking at some fans while he exchanges abuse with others.

“And the opponent! From Boone, NC! Weighing in at 220lbs! He is MARTIN “BIG COUNTRY” HUNT!”

The boos of the fans merely increase as Martin is announced, but Big Country takes no notice of their disapproval, merely sneering at the fans that throng the aisle before he runs the last few steps to the ring and slides under the bottom rope and rolling back up to his feet. Vlad turns to face his opponent as Funyon steps out of the ring and referee Eddy Long steps into the center checking the position of both men. Satisfied that nothing will start until he says so Long turns towards the Time Keeper and signals him to start the match.

DING! DING! DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vlad immediately leaps towards his opponent, arms outstretched as he prepares to tie up with the Boone native, Martin Hunt however is not so obliging, shrugging off the Corona’s attempted collar and elbow tie up and starting the match proper with a big punch to the side of his opponents masked head. Caught somewhat unprepared Vlad reels backwards from the sharp blow, leaving himself wide open for Big Country who immediately moves in to take advantage of the situation, grabbing the Corona’s right arm and Irish Whipping him straight across the ring. Hunt may have taken the initiative but its obvious that Vlad intends to take it right back as the Corona rebounds off of the ropes, ducking under a Lariat attempt and coming right back at big Country as he rebounds from the ropes a second time.

Hunt scoops the Corona off of his feet looking for a Sidewalk Slam, but Vlad is just that little bit quicker, twisting his body up to lock his legs around Martin’s head and take him off his feet and down to the mat with a swift Satellite Head Scissors. Both men are quick to get back to their feet as Martin Hunt now charges the Corona, only to be met half way by a swift Arm Drag that takes him straight back down to the mat. A second charge attempt is met in the same way, as Vlad measure Hunt with another swift Arm Drag but Big Country pops up yet again and once more charges his masked adversary who stands his ground and sends Hunt flying head over heels with a Belly to Belly Suplex and finishes his opening flurry of offense with a solid Dropkick to the face of Martin Hunt, knocking him through the ropes and out to the floor.

“Well Robert Citizen hunt tried to surprise Citizen Everheart but things did not go according to plan did they?”

“Just wait Comet, Vlad may thing he has the upper hand with all those Arm Drags and Head Scissors but once Martin slows the pace down he’ll fall apart.”

“I don’t know about that Robert, they are of equal strength and Citizen Everheart has more in his arsenal than Arm Drags!”

Martin Hunt is once again getting back up to his feet on the outside of the ring and seizing the opportunity Vlad quickly runs into the ropes, charging back across the ring and planting both feet squarely on the canvas as he leaps out of the ring, flipping his body forwards in mid air and flattening the rising Big Country to the rising cheers of the fans.

“Tope Con Hilo!” Comet cries as both men go down in a tangle of limbs.

“Very pretty Comet, but it’s going to take more than that to get the job done.”

As Eddy Long begins his 10 count, Vlad picks himself off of the floor, grabbing Hunt by the back of his jeans and his shirt and quickly rolling his opponent back into the ring. Vlad himself jumps up to the apron, grabbing the top rope in both hands and Springboarding himself up and over to drop a leg across the throat of his opponent. Unfortunately for Vlad, Martin Hunt is still far to fresh to not see that move coming and the Corona’s Legdrop misses as Hunt rolls out of the way and back up to his feet, punishing the masked wrestlers oversight with a savage boot to his masked face.

“See what I mean? Doesn’t matter how fast you move, when you miss something it leaves you wide open.” Riley states smugly.

Hunt seems to concur with this line of thinking as he immediately begins to but the boots to the downed Corona, stamping down on the masked head with almost tireless enthusiasm before he drags Vlad back up to his feet and shoves him into the nearest corner. The Corona hits the buckles back first before he gets sandwiched into the corner by a huge lariat from Martin Hunt, the masked wrestler sagging into the corner as Big Country takes the opportunity to unload a hefty flurry of punches at his masked opponent trying to batter Vlad into submission.

Vlad tries to cover up in the corner as the fists just keep flying and finally Hunt seizes the initiative once again, whipping Vlad out of the corner and all the way across the ring, the Corona hits the far buckles chest first, staggering back out of the corner before getting his head taken off as Martin Hunt steamrollers over him with a lariat to the back of the head.

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!” Cry the fans as The Corona is smashed from his feet from the vicious impact, Martin Hunt quickly diving on top of the prone wrestler as Eddy Long moves in to count the fall.

ONE!!!!!!

…

TWO!!!!!

…

KICKOUT!

“Only two Comet. Vlad is going to have to do better than this! He got in a few early hits and now he’s getting pummeled by my new favourite wrestler Martin Hunt!”

Dissatisfied with his opponents lack of co-operation Martin Hunt moves back up to his feet stamping down hard on his prone opponent once again before he backs up a pace and jumps into the air, angling his body so he falls elbow first onto his opponent As sound a move as the elbow drop is, this time it seems to be Vlad’s turn to roll away from the move, letting Hunt smack himself down against the canvas as the Corona gets back to his feet as quickly as he can, pouncing on Martin Hunt as he quickly scrambles up himself. Two powerful arms lock around Hunt’s waist and the Big Country quickly slashes behind him with an elbow, quick but not quite quick enough as Vlad ducks under the attempted strike, releasing his hold on Martin Hunt’s waist and letting his opponent spin around to face him.

A quick BUTT of that masked head and the Big Country is seeing stars, one hand clutching at his forehead as Vlad’s arms lock around him once more, this time around his head and left arm, using all his strength and making the move look easy as he flips Hunt over his head with a quick Head and Arm Suplex. Hunt smacks into the canvas once again, but once more begins to quickly scramble back up to his feet, almost unfazed by the Suplex. Unfortunately for Hunt Vlad seems to have expected this as well, merely using the Suplex to take his opponent off guard while he prepares to deliver the real surprise, as Big Country lurches up to one knee Vlad charges forwards, springing off of that leg and cracking his right knee into the head of his opponent.

“Shining Wizard by Citizen Everheart! I could hear the smack from here Robert!”

Hunt is slammed back down to the canvas as the Corona dives on top of him, hooking a leg as he gains some measure of revenge over the Big Country.

ONE!!!!!!

…

TWO!!!!!

…

KICKOUT!

But Martin Hunt is far from done, his right shoulder shooting off of the canvas in a strong kickout as he shows his resolve by refusing to go down so easily or quickly to his masked opponent. Vlad quickly pulls the Big Country back up to his feet, the Corona pushing Hunt’s head down between his legs, leaning forwards and wrapping his arms around that thick waist as he tries to lift his opponent up. Hunt is determined to not go quietly however, as Vlad lifts, the Big Country’s legs flail, his struggling defeating the Corona’s attempt to get a good grip. The masked wrestler tries a second time but meets with the same result before taking matters into his own hands and slamming the hard bone of his elbow twice into the exposed kidneys of Martin Hunt.

Hunt half sags from the blows to his vulnerable anatomy, and Vlad quickly heaves once again, pulling Hunt’s body p into a vertical position before he leaps up into the air and simply sits down, spiking his opponents head into the canvas with a simple yet brutal Piledriver. The Corona lets Hunt drop back down to the canvas and quickly dives on top of him for another quick pinfall.

ONE!!!!!!

…

TWO!!!!!

…

KICKOUT!

“Citizen hunt still showing a lot of resilience in the early going Robert.”

“As well he should Comet, of course it was only made easier for him by the fact that Everheart over there didn’t bother to hook the leg.”

“An oversight that could prove costly indeed Robert!”

Seemingly unperturbed by his opponents quick kickout the Corona opts for a different approach to the problem dragging his opponent back up to his feet once again and over to the ropes. Circling in behind the Boone native Vlad wraps an arm around Hunt’s back and hooks his left leg, before hoisting him up into the air.

“Citizen Everheart looking for a possible backdrop here…”

Vlad steps closer to the ropes and suddenly drops Hunt straight down, crotching his opponent on the top rope, the Big Country shouting out in pain as he sits suspended on the hard cable, the male members of the crowd wincing in sympathy.

“No he’s not Comet! Long should disqualify that walking Popsicle for a stunt like that!”

Vlad runs past Martin Hunt and into the ropes on the far side of the ring, charging back towards his opponent and smashing a vicious Palm Strike into the face of the Big Country. Hunt’s head snaps back from the impact and he topples off his precarious perch, crashing down onto the ring apron and bouncing off the hard edge to fall down to the protective pads of the arena floor once again.

“What a Palm Strike by Citizen Everheart! He’s putting himself back into this match Robert!”

“With dirty underhanded tricks you mean Comet!”

“I thought you approved of anything that took place underhand Robert!”

“…...”

Vlad grips the top rope between his hands, looking down at his fallen opponent who is once again stubbornly starting to get back up to his feet, the Corona times his attack before using the ropes to catapult himself to the outside for a quick Plancha. Hunt’s marbles may be rolling but they aren’t scattered, his large arms catch the falling body of the Corona and with a barely heard grunt he throws himself backwards, hurling Vlad over his head to smack heavily into the crowd barrier with a huge Fall Away Slam!

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!” Cry the fans once again accompanied by a furious host of boos as Vlad is liberally splattered against the crowd barrier, the masked wrestler slumping down at the foot of the barrier as Hunt doggedly sits up, taking a few moments to shake the cobwebs out of his head.

“Looks like your “Citizen” Everheart is getting a little overconfident Comet.”

“Perhaps he was a bit caught up in the act Robert…”

“Or perhaps he’s just stupid. Ever think of that?”

Martin Hunt finally pushes himself back up ignoring Eddy Long’s insistent voice as he begins his standard count to 10, grabbing the downed Corona, Hunt hauls Vlad back up to his feet grabbing by the head and walking his opponent back towards the ring, pausing only to unceremoniously smash Everheart’s face into the nearest ring post. Vlad slumps against the metal post as his head smacks against its unyielding surface before Hunt grabs him again, impatiently manhandling the Corona and rolling him back into the ring before sliding in himself. Hunt quickly crawls on top of his opponent hooking a leg and shouting at Long as the referee quickly drops down to his belly to count the fall once again.

ONE!!!!!!

…

TWO!!!!!

…

KICKOUT!

Hunt slaps a palm onto the canvas in frustration, but he doesn’t let himself get wrapped up in his anger, instead standing up and stepping through the ropes to ascend the nearest corner, Big Country stands poised on the top for a moment before he leaps into the air and crashes down on top of the Corona with a huge splash from the top, quickly hanging on for another pinfall.

ONE!!!!!!

…

TWO!!!!!

…

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

“Somebody just got Donkey Punched in Utah Robert! And for once it wasn’t you!” Comet says, gleefully sniping at his co announcer for once.

“Listen you spandex clad bastard! I’ll…”

“Citizen Everheart escapes again good Citizens!” Comet continues, pointedly Ignoring the tirade of abuse being directed at him by Bobby Riley. “But things aren’t looking good, Citizen Hunt is putting on another strong showing here tonight and you have to think it’ll only be a matter of time before he finds something to put Citizen Everheart away!”

Once again frustrated by his opponents resilience Hunt kicks Vlad solidly in the side, rolling the Corona a little further into the ring before he makes a quick throat cutting motion that draws boos to the fans.

“He’s finished! WHO-AH!” Hunt bellows at the top of his lungs, dragging another heavy chorus of boos from the fans before he begins to climb the turnbuckles once again pointing down at the fallen Vlad before he leaps off the top once more, and succeeds in splattering himself on the canvas as the Corona just manages to roll aside.

“Too much time take there by Citizen Hunt! That could come back to haunt him Robert!”

“Only if Vlad shows a bit of brain power and capitalizes on Hunt’s oversight Comet.”

The fans begin to come alive once more as Vlad pushes himself up to his knees, lunging at Martin Hunt as Big Country also begins to fight his way up once more, his head meeting the flat of the Corona’s hand as the masked wrestler rings his opponents bell with another sharp Palm Strike. Dazed though he is Hunt still fights back, smashing his fist once again into the head of the Corona who simply responds with a fist of his own as the two brawl their way back to their feet. Punches fire back and forth at a growing rate as the two men furiously hammer at one another to the delight of the fans before Vlad ducks under a huge haymaker from Hunt, the momentum of the blow spins Martin around and right into the Corona’s arms. The Svalbard native locks his arms around Hunt’s waist, heaving his opponent backwards and smashing him to the canvas headfirst with a quick Release German Suplex.

Hunt flips over onto his front as his body forcibly flips itself over as Vlad tries to get back up, the Norwegian trapped on his knees for a few critical moments as the huge number of punches he just absorbed catch up with him. The Corona shakes his head, hands pressed against the mask as he shakes away the cobwebs and wasting valuable time before he is finally able to crawl over and cover Hunt.

ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

TWO AND A HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

TWO AND THREE QUARTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

“Ha! Too much time wasted Comet! Vlad should have gone straight for the cover Comet but no he stalled!”

“So would you if your head was spinning Robert!” Says Comet, admonishing his partner.

Vlad slumps off of Martin Hunt as the Big Country’s shoulder leaves the canvas, both men laying side by side for a moment chests heaving with exertion before the Corona begins to force himself back up. Still nursing his head, the Corona slowly peels Hunt off of the canvas, gradually pulling the Big Country back to his feet before he tries to Irish Whip his opponent to the nearest corner. For a moment it looks like Vlad might succeed but Hunt reverses the Whip at the last instant, sending Vlad running across the ring to his the turnbuckles once again, Hunt warms up his Lariat arm and charges headlong at the corner, intent on crushing Vlad into the buckles as he did at the start of the match.

“Here we go Comet! The end is nigh!”

Battered but not yet out, the Corona sees the charging Big Country and with barely a second to spare ducks out of the corner, letting Hunt crash chest first into the turnbuckles this time. Martin grunts from the impact, staggering away from the corner and turning to find Vlad charging him like a man possessed, dazed but still not finished yet Hunt is quick to react as the Corona leaps at him. The Big Country Catches his opponent in mid air, grabbing Vlad by the leg and the crotch and hoisting the Corona up into the air for a Press Slam, but momentum is on the masked wrestlers side and he slips free of Hunt’s grasp landing directly behind his opponent.

Hunt quickly twists around but is met side on by another Palm Strike sends hiss head bobbing like a broken doll, before a hard boot to the gut doubles him over gasping for air. Vlad quickly slaps a Front Facelock onto his opponent reaching between Hunt’s legs and grabs him squarely by the crotch, hauling the Big Country up into the air and dropping him head first into the canvas with the Northern Lights Bomb!

“The end is night alright Robert! For Citizen Hunt!”

Martin Hunt practically bounces off the canvas, half sitting up, his head lolling on his shoulders before he flops back down to the mat, Vlad Everheart diving on top of his opponent, hooking a leg and pulling it all the way back as Long counts the pinfall once again.

ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

TWO AND A HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

TWO AND THREE QUARTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DING! DING! DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“The winner of the match by pinfall! And the new number one contender for the USJL Title! THE CORONA! VLADIMIR EVERHEART!!!!!!!!!!”

“I don’t believe this Comet! How in the hell did this happen?!”

“What’s not to believe Robert? Citizen Everheart fought hard and has earned the right to take on the very same man he fought in his debut match. And for the USJL Title as well no less!”

“He won’t be so lucky the next time he comes up against Manson Comet. You mark my words on that, Manson’s been in the ring with Everheart and you can bet he was watching this match backstage. He knows what Vlad can throw at him he’ll make damn sure that he comes out on top when they next meet.”

Vlad slowly pushes himself back up to his feet, one hand clutching at his head as Eddy Long raises his right hand to the mounting cheers of the fans, Dimmu Borgir’s “Mourning Palace” hits the arena speakers once again as the Corona looks out at the masses cheering for him and raises his arms once more in salute before slowly moving to the ropes, stepping out onto the apron and then down to the floor itself, still clutching at his abused skull.

Vlad slowly begins to make his way up the ramp, one hand rubbing his right temple, tender from the hard knocks it received in the match but still finding time to slap the hands of some of the fans along the aisle. The Corona pauses briefly when he reaches the stage, turning to thrust his arms into the air once again milking one more cheer from the fans before he disappears backstage. As “Mourning Palace” continues to play martin Hunt slowly rolls out of the ring and begins to walk slowly up the aisle, also clutching at his head and snarling as he hears the boos and jeers of the fans as he makes his own way backstage.

“A hard won victory for Citizen Everheart, wouldn’t you say Robert?”

“Quite.” Riley says dryly. “However despite this travesty there’s still plenty of matches to come that will make me happy again, Toxxic versus Dace Night for starters.”

“And don’t forget we also have Citizen Flesher defending the USJL Championship against Citizen Sly! And Citizen’s Montgomery and Lezaire will duke it out in a battle of pixelated goodness!”

“And not forgetting Johnny Dangerous against Landon Maddix..” Riley says, gleefully rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “Oh I can’t WAIT to see that one…”

“And I’m sure all the good citizens at home share your opinion Robert! We’re going to commercial now good Citizens so feel free to grab yourself a Pepsi Max while you wait but be sure to catch us after the break for more SWF action! Trust me Citizens you won’t want to miss this!”

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

SWF Lockdown returns for a commercial for something. Maybe hats. Anyway, the cameras pan around the half-filled Delta Center because Mormons are against wrestling or something. Some signs are shown, but those crazy Mormons aren’t funny or crude, so the signs suck. A lot. A camera comes to stop in front of Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley, the announcers for this and every other SWF show and event.

“Welcome back to another action-filled Lockdown! Right now, we’ve got some great tag team action as Andrea Montgomery and Blanka take on Ace Lezaire and M. Bison! Say, didn’t Blanka take on Edward James earlier this year?” Comet asks his partner in commentification, Bobby Riley.

“Like I know. I’ve been hitting the sauce pretty heavily since around September of 02.” Riley says.

“I’m ashamed, Robert! Drinking on the job?” Says Comet.

“No! Not alcohol. Actual sauce. Hollandaise, to be specific.” Riley says and pulls out a cup of the egg sauce and downs it in one gulp.

“Disgusting. But, it explains the ever-increasing gut you’ve got on you, Bobby.” Comet says, saddened over the state of his partner.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve had to buy three new pairs of ass-less chaps in the past two months alone! I’ve said too much.” Riley says.

“Well, anyway, we’re just about to...”

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

“Damn that entrance. I never get to finish my witticisms.” Comet complains as Muse’s “Hyper Music” rocks the faces off of the crowd, heralding the entrance of Ace Lezaire, and his temporary tag partner, M. Bison.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, weighing in at a combined four hundred, eighty-eight pounds, AAACE LEEZAAAIRE AND EMMM. BIIIIISON!” Funyon screams over the noise that is “Hyper Music” and the boos of the crowd.

Ace and Bison swagger down to the ring, extremely cocky, Steve the cameraman trailing behind, pissed off at having another egotistical jackass to film.

As the music and jeers die down, the arena lights dim. An explosion of green-ness hits the entranceway, and Andrea Montgomery and Blanka step out from behind the curtain as “Just a Girl” starts up.

“And their opponents, AAANDRREEEA MONTGOMERRY AND BLAAAANKAAAAA!!” Funyon screams, noticeably omitting Andrea and Blanka’s weight for reasons that shall never be known!

Drea and Blanka walk down to the ring, greeting fans along the way. However, Blanka is a little to excited, as many small children know what it feels like to have several thousands volts course through their tiny bodies. Montgomery and Blanka roll into the ring and stare down their opponents. Special guest referee Zangief asks for a microphone, as it appears there might be special rules to the match.

“Here are my rules. If you cheat, I will crush you. If you not let go on five count, I will crush you. If you double team illegally, I will crush you. If Zenon does not give me vodka, I will crush him. Use electricity, I will crush you. Use psychic powers, I will crush you. Now, let us begin the match!” The big Russian calls out.

DING! DING! DING!

Ace and Andrea exit the ring, leaving the match up to their Street Fighting partners to start things off, and people who have high definition televisions get a treat, as life bars displaying the names of all parties involved and a timer set for thirty minutes goes across the top of the screen. Blanka assumes his standard crouching position while Bison simply stands, arms folded across his chest and lets out a standard cocky, evil laugh. Blanka shuffles forward and swipes at Bison’s legs, but the man with the hat dodges out of the way. Zangief threatens to crush someone if they don’t start wrestling, so Blanka takes it upon himself and flattens Bison with a spear. Blanka lands two claw swipes before Bison powers out, grabbing Blanka by the wrists and rolling, so M is on top. Bison cracks Blanka in the jaw with an elbow and the Brazilian howls in pain. Blanka shoves Bison away and scrambles backwards, tagging in Andrea.

“And Blanka has proved to the world that he sucks.” Riley says.

“Well, it takes a person that sucks to see the sucking of another.” Comet says, smiling to himself.

Andrea dashes towards Bison and unleashes a flurry of kicks to the stomach. M. Bison doubles over, Andrea leaps up, turning in the air and brings an elbow across Bison’s neck! Drea does a quick front flip, landing back-first on Bison’s back. Drea rolls M over and makes a lateral press.

ON...NO!

Bison simply sits up, holding Andrea. M. Bison rises to his feet, Andrea held aloft in a military press. Rather than attempt a slam, Bison drops Drea onto her feet but quickly spins around, nailing Montgomery with a kick to the head. Just as Drea is collapsing, Bison scoops her up and tags in Lezaire. Ace sends two stiff kicks to Andrea’s exposed back before Bison slams Drea to the mat. Ace lifts Andrea back up, forces her into the corner and lands three snap jabs. Bison grabs hold of Drea as Lezaire spins around, but as he unleashes the discuss punch, Andrea ducks her head. Ace’s fist stops inches short of Bison’s face.

“And once again, Ace Lezaire fails to connect with the discuss punch. He’s just lucky that he stopped in time, otherwise the master of the Ace crusher would have had the wrath of the master of the Psycho Crusher.” Comet says.

“Bah! Ace would never strike M. Bison and vice versa. But I would love to see the Psycho Crusher come into play.” Riley says.

M. Bison shoves Drea out of the corner and right into Ace’s clutches. Lezaire slaps on a front facelock, lifts Drea up and lets her fall behind him before Ace drops to the mat, jarring Andrea’s neck with a Hangman’s Noose Neckbreaker. The Prodigy quickly heads for the turnbuckles and hops on to the middle buckle. Still facing the crowd, Lezaire leaps onto the top ropes and jumps backwards. Andrea just manages to roll out of the way of Ace’s triple jump moonsault, and the Sovereign of Swagger lands hard on his chest. Blanka begins slamming his fists into the turnbuckles to get the crowd behind Drea and Bison puts one hand on the top rope and stretches into the ring, trying to reach Ace. Using what he’s got left in the way of brain power, Blanka grabs the top rope and sends a blast of electricity surging through them, knocking Bison off the apron and onto the floor. Zangief turns to confront Blanka about using electricity as Andrea slowly gets to her feet.

“Ace missed the triple jump, and Bison got quite a shock from that!” Comet laughs to himself.

“You are a sad man. I hope Zangief disqualifies Andrea and Blanka. He distinctly said, well, as distinct as a person can be with a Russian accent, that use of electricity would warrant crushing. He’d better start with the crushing.” Riley says with much anger.

Andrea walks towards Blanka who begins jumping up and down like a retarded crack-monkey, also known as Insane Luchador, trying to get tagged in. Zangief finishes his reprimand, which featured a commentary on socialism for some reason, ends with another warning of crushination, and turns around to see Drea reach out and tag in Blanka. Blanka rushes into the ring as Lezaire is getting to his feet. Canada’s Greatest Hope blanches at the sight of the Brazilian wild man and runs to his corner, looking to tag Bison. Seeing him still on the ground and smoldering a little, Ace turns around, pleading for Blanka to back off. Being barely above the intelligence level of a ferret (At this point, Janus has stopped reading), Blanka stands still, staring blankly at Ace. Lezaire chuckles to himself and nails Blanka with a spin kick to the temple. Ace darts forward and attempts another kick, but Blanka catches Lezaire’s foot in mid-air. Blanka calmly twists Ace’s leg, sending the Canadian to the mat. Blanka crawls forward and cinches in a chinlock, cranking back on Ace’s neck. Zangief checks to see if Lezaire wishes to submit, but the Prodigy waves him off.

“Interesting technical moves from Blanka. I would have thought that he would just pound Lezaire once he got Ace to the mat.” Comet says.

“This is all part of Ace and Bison’s plan. They’re going to lure Blanka and Andrea into this trap, and then the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.” Riley says in a completely serious tone, because he thinks that by quoting Zapp Brannigan, he’ll be cool.

As Lezaire tries to crawl to the ropes, Bison gets to his feet and climbs on to the apron. He reaches down, pulls out a bone and waves it at Blanka. Blanka instantly releases the hold on Ace and runs for the bone, but Bison throws it in the other direction, right at Andrea Montgomery. Blanka grabs hold of the bone and starts chewing. During this time, Lezaire makes it to his feet and tags in Bison. M calmly walks towards Blanka, who doesn’t hear Andrea yelling at him that Bison is coming after him. Drea reaches forward, trying to tag Blanka, but the Brazilian misinterprets this as an attempt to steal his bone, so he snarls at her and takes a step backwards, and right into a rear waistlock from Bison! M hoists Blanka up and over, planting him with a potentially neck-crushing German suplex. However, Blanka’s neck is not crushed, as his thick shock of hair helps to absorb most of the impact. Bison rolls through, ending up back on his feet, and sweeps Blanka’s legs out, performing a takedown. Blanka doesn’t have much hair on his face, so he takes the full brunt of the move.

“Nice takedown by M. Bison after he managed to distract Blanka in a unique way.” Comet says.

“Unique? More like genius! Blanka is an idiot, and Bison exploited it!” Riley says, making no effort to hide his laughter. “I mean, letting go of a submission hold to grab a bone? What an idiot.” Riley chortles.

“True, Robert, but it was good wrestling from Bison anyway. I thought you would have mentioned that to begin with.” states Comet, staring at his partner.

“I was getting to that! I mean no disrespect to M. Bison and Ace Lezaire. The thing is, anybody could trick Blanka. It’s just that Bison and Lezaire are so smart. And sexy.” Backpedals Riley.

M. Bison lifts Blanka up by the hair, turns him around and with Blanka’s hair still in his hands, Bison drives his knee into Blanka’s nose. With the Brazilian dazed, Bison unleashes a flurry of chops.

SMACK!

Seeing as the strikes are not of the knife edged variety, nobody in the audience responds with a “WHOO!”. After the devastating combo, Bison drops down and sweeps Blanka’s feet out from under him.

“Oh come on! That’s just cheap. He could have done something other than a damn sweep!” Comet shouts, enraged.

“It was smart thinking. Why risk going for something that might be countered. I mean, Blanka countering something is a one in a trillion possibility, but Bison is smart. He would never take an unnecessary risk. That’s why he wears that hat.” Riley says with an air of smugness about him.

Bison makes a cocky lateral press and Zangief, after trying to convince some fans in the front row about the benefits of Communism and failing at it, drops to the mat to make the count.

ONE!

TWO!!

NO!!

Blanka manages to kick out, sending Bison into the air and back down to the mat stomach-first. Blanka tries to make it to his corner to tag in Drea, but Bison has a firm grip on Blanka’s ankle, preventing him from going anywhere. Instead of fighting it, Blanka rolls towards M. Bison, grabs his leg and takes him to the mat. Blanka goes on the attack and sinks his teeth deep into Bison’s calf. Zangief warns about biting and the consequence being crushing, but Blanka ignores it. Zangief screams that he’ll crush Blanka, but the Brazilian bites even harder, prompting Zangief to nail him with a chop to the neck. Blanka releases Bison and gets to his feet, very angry. Before he can do anything other than scream, Zangief turns Blanka upside down, leaps while spinning, and plants Blanka with a piledriver!

“Blanka has just been destroyed with that piledriver from Zangief! I love it, and I love that crazy potato water-drinkin’ Russian kook!” Riley shouts.

“I don’t think Blanka has been destroyed, but he is down. Blanka’s hair is pretty thick. It’s got lots of body, shine and bounce.” Comet notes.

Bison gets to his feet, notices the bite marks, and delivers two swift kicks to Blanka’s ribs. M lifts Blanka up to his feet, and drives the point of his elbow under Blanka’s jaw.

“Nice elbow uppercut. Wait...elbow uppercut? That’s usually the prelude to...”

“THE PSYCHO CRUSHER!!” Riley screams, cutting off Comet.

These words prove to be true as M. Bison heads for the ropes, and leaps head first towards the dazed Blanka, corkscrewing the entire time, obliterating Blanka’s ribcage with the Psycho Crusher! M makes a lateral press, making no effort to hook a leg or apply pressure.

ONE!

Andrea heads to the top rope.

TWO!!

Andrea leaps off.

THREE!!!

NO!!

Andrea manages to break up the pin attempt at the last possible moment with a splash. Bison gets to his feet, and it’s hard to tell who is more enraged, him or Zangief because of the interference. The big Russian steps forward, spit flying everywhere as he screams about crushing, but Bison steps between Zangief and Andrea, telling the Commie that he’ll take care of Drea. This does not please Zangief, though, as he shouts something about nobody interrupting his crushing. Bison ignores him, but this proves to be a mistake, as Zangief scoops up M, jumps and spins, hitting his patented spinning piledriver!

“And Zangief has taken matters into his own hands with that piledriver!” Comet shouts.

“That pinko bastard! How dare he do such a thing, piledriving M. Bison!” Shrieks Riley.

Not wanting to be Zangief’s third victim, Andrea quickly leaves the ring. Zangief rises to his feet, notices both legal competitors, so he does the only logical thing and begins a ten count.

ONE!

TWO!

Blanka shakes his head, but makes no other attempt at getting up.

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

SEVEN!

Blanka rolls backwards and springs to his feet, stopping Zangief’s count. The hirsute Brazilian stumbles over and tags in Andrea. Montgomery hops into the ring, pulls Bison up with much straining, leading him towards her corner, and aims a kick to his head. Drea connects, but something surprising happens. M. Bison’s hat goes flying!

“Great Zeus! Andrea Montgomery has done with one kick something that countless Hadokens, Sonic Booms, Yoga Fires, Dragon Punches, Flash Kicks, and Hundred Hand Slaps have failed to do. And that is remove M. Bison’s hat. I feel so sorry for Andrea, because Bison will most likely destroy her face now.” Comet says.

“I certainly hope so. Damn, Bison is going to melt her soul for that.” Riley says, laughing to himself.

Bison, though dazed, knows something is awry. His thoughts are confirmed as his hat flutters to the mat in front of his feet. Before Bison can react, Drea snatches the hat and tosses it to Blanka. Bison turns around, trying to get his hat back, but Blanka throws it over his head to Andrea!

“Dear Vulcan! Andrea Montgomery and Blanka are playing keep away with M. Bison’s hat! This surely will only further enrage Bison.” Comet notes.

“Well duh. I mean, you don’t toss around a guy’s hat in the only time it’s ever been off his head. He’s going to eat both of their spines.” Riley says.

As M. Bison heads towards Andrea, she throws the hat back to Blanka, which prompts M to face him. Andrea and Blanka continue to throw the hat back and forth, and Bison grows more and more desperate. After over a minute of such antics, an idea sparks in Bison’s head, just as Ace Lezaire, having a similar idea it would seem, steps into the ring. Due to Zangief staring intently at the game of keep away, Lezaire isn’t noticed, and he promptly begins spinning around, making his way towards Andrea. Out of the corner of his eye, Bison sees Lezaire coming, and just as Blanka lofts the hat into the air, Bison nails him with a spinning heel kick just as Lezaire connects with a discuss punch to the back of Andrea’s head! This catches Zangief’s attention, and the big Russian orders Lezaire out of the ring.

“DISCUSS DONKEY PUNCH!” Riley screams in excitement.

“Whatever that is. But it will most likely shift the momentum in this match to Ace Lezaire and M. Bison.” Comet notes.

“Yeah, Team Crusher!” Riley shouts. “I mean, what can we call Blanka and Andrea? She was in Team Flip Flop, but Blanka isn’t quick enough to flip or flop. Team Loser is the only thing that I can think of that fits.”

Bison grabs his hat and jams it on his head. Bison lifts up Andrea, grabs her by the wrist, and applies a quick arm wringer. With Drea hunched over, Bison drives his knee into her stomach. M. Bison lets go of her arm, wraps both hands around Andrea’s waist, and lifts her up. Maurice(?) looks for a powerbomb, but Andrea shifts position, cinching in a facelock. Rather than attempt a DDT, Andrea twists around, scissoring his arms and leaning backwards, rolling Bison up with a crucifix pin!

ONE!

TWO!!

NO!

Bison rolls through the pin and gets to his feet, Andrea still locked in. Bison falls backwards, but it’s only a feint, and it works, as Andrea lets go, dropping to her feet. Mildred(?) quickly turns, nailing Drea with a clothesline.

“Andrea almost got the victory with that crucifix roll-up, but Bison managed to get out of it...”

“And he totally faked Andrea out, then blasted her with a clothesline! Totally awesome” Riley says excitedly.

“Can you refrain from interrupting me in the middle of a sentence for at least one interchange?” Comet asks.

“I’m not sure I understood all of what you just said, but if it has anything to do with having sex with your sisters, I’ll try my damnedest!” shouts Bobby as Comet shakes is head in despair.

Morty(?) pulls Drea up and whips her into the ropes. Andrea reaches out, tags Blanka in, and falls to the mat thanks to a kick from Bison. Blanka dashes forward and slides, hitting Bison in the stomach with a double palm thrust. With Mordecai(?) hunched over, Blanka heads towards the ropes, and off the bounce goes into a forward roll. The Brazilian pops up, sliding forward with another double palm strike, this time knocking Bison to the mat.

“Locomotion crouching sliding fierces from Blanka! Sort of, since they weren’t exactly chained together or anything. Anyway, they have turned the match into the favor of Blanka and Andrea Montgomery!” Comet exclaims.

“No way! Besides, that’s a really cheap move. Just lame.” Riley mutters.

Owing to the fact that he thinks about fuzzy hats and Boris Yeltsin wearing nothing but one of said hats nearly every second of every minute, Zangief finally notices that Andrea is still in the ring despite Blanka being tagged in. The Russian orders her out, but feels rather foolish as Blanka tags Drea back in. Montgomery gets in the ring and lifts Bison to his feet with help from Blanka. Moving him towards the middle of the ring, Blanka keeps Moe(?) upright while Drea goes behind him and speeds to the ropes. Blanka lets go of Bison just as Andrea leaps towards him, knocking him forward slightly from the impact. Andrea scissors Bison’s waist, puts her arms around his thorax, and leans backwards. With help from Blanka in the form of clipping out Bison’s legs, Andrea manages to hit a German suplex, turning it into a pin attempt! Before Zangief attempts to make a count, he first demands Blanka to exit the ring. Wanting his team to come out victorious, Blanka quickly leaves, allowing Zangief to count the pin.

ONE!

TWO!!

Ace dashes into the ring, trying to make the save.

THREE!!!

NO!!

Bison manages to kick out at the last moment, sending Andrea flying, right into Lezaire! The Prodigy grabs Drea by the head, turns around, and drops!

“ACE CRUSHER! Lezaire just destroyed Andrea Montgomery with the Ace Crusher! This might be the end of the match!” Comet screams.

“Dear Lord, I hope so. FLESHER IS NEXT!” screams Riley, perhaps more shrilly than Comet.

Bison gets to his feet with help from Ace and he makes the cover as Lezaire slips out of the ring, after receiving from semi-discreetly from M. Bison on the way. Content that all parties are legal, Zangief gets down to make the count.

ONE!

Blanka heads into the ring.

TWO!!

Lezaire slowly brings the object into view and lets it fly as Blanka is a few yards from Bison and Andrea.

THREE!!!

Zangief gets to his feet, calling for the bell as Blanka directs his attention to the thing Ace just threw.

DING! DING! DING!

“IT WAS ANOTHER BONE! Pure genius from Team Crusher! Blanka went for that bone quicker than Spike Jenkins goes for the call girls with the largest Adam’s apple.” Riley says.

“Well, regardless of Spike’s preference in women, Team Crusher, as you’ve named them, have pulled out a win. And a very impressive one at that.” Comet notes.

“The winners of this match by pinfall, AAAACE LEEEEZAAAAAIRE AND EMM. BIIIIISON!” Funyon booms out over the boos rolling from the crowd.

Lockdown fades to a commercial because IT IS DESTINY! IT IS ALSO DESTINY THAT AHS AND HIS GIRLFRIEND SHOULD NO LONGER SEE EACH OTHER. DESTINY!

GIMME A D.

D!

GIMME AN E.

E!

GIMME AN S.

S!

GIMME A T.

T!

GIMME AN I.

I!

GIMME A N.

N!

GIMME A Y.

Y!

WHAT’S THAT SPELL?

DESTINY!

WHAT’S THAT SPELL?

DESTINY!!

WHY DOES ASH SUCK?

DESTINY!!!!!!!

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

The camera opens up outside a room. The camera gets a shot of the door, the words “Revolution Zero” on it, as it creeps into the room. Inside, “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins sits alone. The other members must be out and about, getting ready for the main event. Spike, though, sits in a wooden chair, watching the TV. The cameraman walks up to Spike, catching his attention out of the corner of his eye.

“What do you want, fat ass?” says Spike.

“A few words, maybe?”

“A few words? Yeah, sure. Why not? I have some time. Do you know what I’m doing right now?”

“Watching TV?”

“Very good. I’m waiting for the Tom Flesher-Sly Austin title match. You see that title match…is for my title. I find it funny that I’m not in this match. Want to know why I find it funny that I’m not in this match?”

“Why?”

“BECAUSE I SHOULD BE IN THIS MATCH! THE CHAMPION SHOULD ALWAYS GET A REMATCH!”

“But…but…Austin Sly didn’t get a rematch before you lost the title to Tom Flesher…”

“He was going to get one at Ground Zero, pudgetastic. It’s not my fault that Alexander Zenon is against Revolution Zero. But don’t worry; he will get what’s coming to him. But this isn’t about Alexander Zenon. This is about Tom Flesher and Austin Sly. I’m really not in the mood to say much, so I’ll just say this. Flesher. Sly. I am watching. I will be waiting. And whatever the outcome is, remember this. I will hunt you down. I will destroy you. That is my title, and it will be around my waist once again…

Spike waves his hand in the air to signal that the interview is done.

[Fade Out]

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

The arena lights turn a dark cooling shade of blue to signal the imminent arrival of Austin Sly as the SWF returns from yet another commercial, this one for socks. (“Annie Eclectic-brand hosiery: Now available in Blargledyargyle!”) The sound of an acoustic guitar playing a hard driving riff floats out over the arena, but the fans’ pop for the return of the show drowns out the music.

“Fans, welcome back to the SWF!” shouts Cyclone Comet. “We’ve got a very exciting match ready to get underway!”

Austin Sly emerges from behind the curtains with a slightly cocky smirk the only emotion he shows on his face. He makes his way to the edge of the stage to do his pre-match stretches, absorbing the decidedly mixed reaction from the crowd. As he cracks his neck, NTD makes his entrance from behind the curtains. They both begin to make their way towards the ring as Funyon makes his announcement.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” says the heavily-salted snack treat, “the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and will be conducted under cruiserweight rules with the SWF Cruiserweight Championship on the line! As a reminder, the wrestlers will be given twenty seconds, rather than the standard ten, to return to the ring after leaving, and throwing your opponent over the top rope and to the floor is grounds for immediate disqualification. The challenger… making his way to the ring, and accompanied by SWF Legend NTD… hailing from St. Louis, Missouri, and weighing in at 230 pounds… AUSTIN SLY!!!!!”

Austin jumps up onto the ring apron and hooks his arm on the top rope. He looks through the arena, not focusing on anyone or anything in the crowd, just taking it in. Finally, he climbs into the ring through the middle rope. He makes his way across the ring and leans on the ropes awaiting his opponent. His music fades, and the arena goes quiet for a few moments.

“And his opponent…”

BOOM!

An explosion of blue smoke and pyro lights up the arena, heralding the arrival of the Cruiserweight Champion! As Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir” blares through the stadium, Tom Flesher walks through the velvet curtain clad in his usual blue warm-up suit. Allison Onita, wearing a denim skirt and a white t-shirt, follows behind him with the SWF Cruiserweight Title belt wrapped around her waist. The fans boo loudly as Flesher and Onita make their way to the ring, but Flesher ignores them. He focuses only on Austin Sly.

Flesher climbs the stairs and holds the ropes for Allison Onita, then enters. He sets himself in the center of the ring as the music fades, and looks at the announcer.

“Woe,” says Funyon, “is Tom. After spending several minutes dismantling a stablemate of Toxxic’s, he was awarded a lump of metal that doesn’t even look very nice. Then, after being cheated in the World Title match at Ground Zero, he was left with only the alleged consolation prize. Tonight, he defends it, though without zeal… and he’s stuck making weight for it anyway. Therefore, before you stands 229.9 pounds of ‘the Superior One,’ TOM FLESHER!”

Flesher stretches out as referee Rick Spicer makes his way into the ring. He motions for the belt. Allison strips it off and hands it to the official. He shows it to Flesher, who simply flicks his wrist to shoo the referee away. Spicer shows the belt to Austin Sly, who looks at it and nods. Finally, he holds the belt in the air and calls for the bell.

DING DING DING!!!

Tom Flesher and Austin Sly meet in the center of the ring. Sly steps forward, looking to initiate a collar-and-elbow tie. Flesher backs away, smirking and wagging his finger in front of Sly’s face. He sets himself in position, and then offers Sly his left hand for a test of strength. Sly nods and grips Flesher’s hand, and the two combatants lock up in the classical position.

“A Greco-Roman knuckle lock opens this match,” says Cyclone Comet. “Though on paper the two wrestlers are of relatively even strength, Tom Flesher’s amateur experience and style is likely to give him a virtual strength advantage in this match.”

“Also, Austin Sly is crap,” says Riley, sounding as if he’s reading off a fact sheet. “I mean, he’s got some raw talent and all, but how can they expect him to stand up against Tom Flesher? He’s a sacrificial lamb tonight.”

Flesher slams into Sly, butting his barrel chest against the taller, lankier Sly. Austin crouches down, creating leverage and facing off against Flesher. Shoulder-to-shoulder, the two athletes force themselves back and forth for a few seconds, neither athlete willing to give up ground. They simultaneously back away, and then slam into each other again! As Sly and Flesher strain against each other, their seconds shout advice from the sidelines. The two wrestlers are, however, locked in combat, focused only on each other.

Sly reaches around Flesher, trying to grab him around the waist. He ducks his head down, looking for an opening to lock up a Northern Lights suplex. Flesher sprawls back, blocking the suplex. He reaches down, grabbing for his trademark front headlock, but Sly pulls back! As NTD applauds his charge, Sly tries to recover his position, but Flesher steps in and quickly regroups by hooking a bear hug! Before Sly can pull back, Flesher yanks him to the side and hits an over-the-shoulder belly-to-belly suplex! He lands on top, covering Sly for

ONE!!

Austin gets a shoulder up!

“Flesher gets the first cover,” says Riley, “and it’s a bellwether of things to come for Austin Sly!”

“Bellwether,” muses Comet. “Fine choice of words, although I might have chosen ‘harbinger.’”

“I still say using that thesaurus is cheating.”

Flesher releases his lock, allowing Austin Sly to roll to his stomach. Flesher slams a forearm into the back of Sly’s neck, and the challenger winces in pain. Tom simply grabs his chin and hooks it with his hand. He wrenches Sly’s neck to the side and hooks one leg under his opponent’s hip. He grapevines one leg, then the other, and slaps on a sleeperhold! The crowd pops for the brash attempt at an early win, but Sly puts the kibosh on the attack by reaching out and grabbing the bottom rope. He clings to it, and referee Rick Spicer administers his count.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

Reluctantly, Flesher breaks the grapevined sleeper and backs away. Sly gets up slowly, but as he does, Flesher drops to his knees and snags him with a quick single-leg attack. Flesher stands up, holding the leg against his stomach. Before Sly can make any attempt to improve his position, Flesher rolls to the side with a dragon screw! Sly’s leg levers over Flesher’s body and he falls to his hip on the mat. Flesher stands up with the leg before diving down onto Sly with an elbowdrop to the stomach! Flesher rolls over, planting a forearm on Sly’s neck again. He wrenches Sly’s chin to the side, covering him again.

ONE!!

TWO!!!!

NO! Sly kicks out. He rolls to his stomach, but this time Flesher doesn’t give him any chance to break free. He plants his BUTT onto Sly’s back and reaches down, grabbing him by the chin! As Sly struggles to escape, Flesher sits back to secure a camel clutch!

“Tom Flesher locks on the camel clutch,” says Bobby Riley. “He’s just not giving Austin Sly any quarter. He’s going to send this So-Cal poser back to Saint Louis with a bow in his back as big as that arch.”

Flesher locks his hands under Sly’s chin and sits back, tightening the wear-down hold. He pulls back on the challenger’s tender neck, trying with all his might to tear Sly’s head off. Austin tries desperately to escape, but Flesher simply reasserts the hold.

“Citizen Sly is, pardon the pun, in bad shape,” says Comet. “At the whim of Tom Flesher, he is being twisted and tortured to match the warped, folded and spindled worldview espoused by the self-professed Superior One. Flesher is acting with a total disregard for the well-being of his opponent.”

“You say that like there’s something wrong with it,” yawns Riley. “Why do you think submissions are legal? So you can have an early exit to make your dinner date?”

Flesher looks down at the pained Austin Sly. He realizes, much as he did against Spike Jenkins, that it’s simply too early to expect a submission. With that, he decides to change his plan of attack.

Tom spins out to the front, clamping down onto Sly’s head with his airtight front headlock. On cue, the fans begin to chant, “BOOOOOORING! BOOOOOORING!” Flesher, meanwhile, stands up. He arches his back, thrusting his hips into Sly’s head and compressing his neck.

“Tom Flesher secures a front headlock,” says Cyclone Comet, “and the fans are quite disappointed.”

“Just goes to show what they know,” Riley scoffs. “They don’t know solid wrestling technique when they see it, and they don’t appreciate a fatigue maneuver. I don’t think they quite grasp what’s going on in the ring.”

Sly tries to fight his way out of the hold, but Flesher simply leans back and tightens his grip on the challenger’s neck. Sly pulls back, trying to escape the hold. The Superior One simply leans on him, looking out to Allison Onita and winking at her. The crowd boos loudly, prompting Flesher to simply roll his eyes. With a heavy sigh, he steps in and arches his back, suplexing Sly overhead with the Cement Mixer! Flesher floats over and makes the cover.

ONE!!!!

TWO!!!!!

As Rick Spicer starts the third count, Austin Sly bends his head back and starts to come off the mat with a neck bridge! Flesher’s eyes fly open as Sly starts to bridge out of the pin, and he tries to force Sly back down. He leans on Sly, putting all 229.9 pounds of his weight on Sly’s chest. He reaches under Austin’s neck and tries to scoop the head out, but Sly arches his back hard and flicks Flesher off! He falls to the mat and rolls to his stomach.

“Austin Sly, in a show of fortitude and pure wrestling skill, bridges out of the Cement Mixer!” says Comet. “Despite Tom Flesher’s efforts to end this match quickly, Austin Sly refuses to give up!”

“Well, good. He’s putting on a good show, and he’ll probably get Tom angry enough to drop him on his head a few times.”

As Flesher regroups, Sly gets up to his feet. He sees Flesher coming up and, rather than let him get into strong position, dives to the mat and clobbers him with a forearm smash! Flesher gets stopped on the mat, and Austin grabs him in a front facelock of his own. He stands up, pulling Flesher to his feet in complete control. As he does, Austin twists around, executing a quick and dirty swinging neckbreaker! Flesher falls to the mat, stunned by the attack. Sly, though, doesn’t go for the cover. Instead, he grabs Flesher by the head and pulls him to his feet in a reverse facelock. Quickly, he sits out, dropping Flesher headfirst to the mat with a reverse DDT! As Flesher comes to rest, Sly leans across him, reclining in an arrogant cover! Nonetheless, Spicer makes the count.

ONE!!!!!

TWO!!!!!!

KICKOUT~!

Flesher kicks out strongly, tossing the 230-pound challenger off his chest. He rolls to his stomach, then gets on all fours as he starts to his feet. Without even giving Flesher a chance to recover, Sly grabs the Cruiserweight Champion by the head and slaps on a side headlock! Sly cinches the lock in, putting Flesher in the position of having to work his way out before he continues.

“Austin Sly is making a smart move here,” says Cyclone Comet. “He understands that Tom Flesher has only a finite amount of energy in order to expend on his choice of evil deeds. Citizen Sly is holding on to Flesher in order to divert and misdirect his energy from evil to simple escape.”

“You can make anything sound interesting,” sighs Riley. “All Sly’s doing is holding on for dear life.”

Flesher steps around, throwing an arm around Austin’s waist. He controls his opponent, trying to pull him into a waistlock. Sly, knowing Flesher’s style, steps to the side to keep Tom from locking up for a backdrop suplex. Flesher shuffles around, chasing Sly’s hips and trying to get the suplex. He turns all the way around, finally facing Allison Onita on the sidelines. He flashes an “OK” sign to her, and she hops up onto the apron. Rick Spicer rushes over to order her off the apron. Flesher shoves Sly off, shooting him to the ropes to break the headlock. Sly bounces off the ropes next to Spicer, and Flesher backs up. As Austin rebounds, he rushes at Flesher. Tom ducks down, and before Sly knows what’s happening, Flesher hits a back body drop that sends him soaring over the top rope! The crowd showers the Superior One with boos as he walks to the center of the ring. Allison hops off the apron, and Spicer looks over only to see Austin Sly on the outside.

“Tom Flesher dodges Austin Sly, who carelessly goes flying over the top rope,” says Bobby Riley. “Really a rather ingenious maneuver.”

“I don’t know what match you’re watching, Robert,” fumes Comet, “but Tom Flesher just threw Austin Sly over the top rope, which is grounds for immediate disqualification under cruiserweight rules.”

“Hey, if Spicer didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.”

As Sly starts to get to his feet, NTD jumps onto the apron to protest. Flesher, for his part, simply leans on the rope and watches Sly make the slow ascent. Spicer begins his count.

ONE!

TWO!

Austin starts to get up, grabbing the apron. He pulls himself to his feet using the skirt as an aid.

THREE!

FOUR!

Sly takes a staggered step, trying to regain his balance.

FIVE!

As he does, Flesher grabs the top rope and swings out, hammering Sly in the jaw with a baseball slide dropkick! Again, the fans boo loudly, but Flesher simply recovers and gets back to his feet, dusting his hands off with an air of great accomplishment.

SIX!

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

Sly starts up again, thankful for the extended count outside the ring. Flesher starts to poise himself by the edge again, but this time, Rick Spicer positions himself between Flesher and the ropes to stop him from interfering any further.

NINE!

TEN!

ELEVEN!

Sly staggers a few steps, looking up and moving very slowly. He tries to make sure that Flesher isn’t going to attack him again, and as a result looks three or four times before he takes a step.

TWELVE!

THIRTEEN!

FOURTEEN!

After walking a few feet wide of the official, Sly rolls into the ring to break the count. Flesher starts toward him, but the referee keeps him back until Sly is back on his feet. At that point, Spicer moves out of the way and lets Flesher at him.

“Austin Sly makes it back into the ring, no doubt due to the longer time outside of the ring allowable under the cruiserweight rules,” says Cyclone Comet. “Had Rick Spicer not intervened, Citizen Sly may well have been victimized by Tom Flesher’s abuse of the rules.”

Flesher rushes at Sly, hoping to capitalize on his injury. Sly, however, sees Flesher coming and plants a boot into his gut! Flesher doubles over and staggers backwards, allowing Sly to back up and take a few seconds to catch his breath. As he begins to move toward Flesher, though, the Superior One stands up and hammers him in the jaw with a palm strike! Sly staggers backwards, and Flesher slams another palm into his face! Flesher grabs Sly by the wrist and whips him to the ropes, then positions himself in the center of the ring. As Austin sprints toward him, the Superior One steps forward and, posing, hammers him with a waiting shotei! Sly collapses in the center of the ring. Flesher, with a smirk on his face, turns around and struts to the corner.

“This is certainly unusual,” says Comet, as Flesher scales the turnbuckles. “Tom Flesher only rarely goes to the top rope.”

“So what?” asks Riley. “He’s a talented guy. He knows what he’s doing in the ring.”

Flesher stands on the top rope and, looking down at Sly, leaps off! He goes horizontal in the air, pumping his knees and elbows together into a frog splash! He doesn’t get the height that more accomplished aerialists do, but he pumps hard to increase the impact!

Unfortunately, Austin Sly isn’t there to absorb it.

“Tom Flesher goes for Spike Jenkins’ Ratings Grabber, but that fink Austin Sly rolls out!”fumes Riley. “How dare he?!”

“Tom Flesher does attempt to take a page out of Spike Jenkins’ book and, in order to combat Jenkins’ Super Ego Trip, Flesher misappropriates the Ratings Grabber. Unfortunately, the Nielsen Families disagree, and Flesher’s ratings go down significantly in the overrun.”

Riley sighs. “This would be so much easier if they’d just use the FPM formula.”

Flesher lays on the mat holding his stomach, and the fans cheer loudly as Austin Sly gets to his feet. Sly grabs Flesher by the head and lifts him off the mat, grabbing him with a gutwrench lock before hoisting him off the mat! He suplexes Flesher over, slamming him back-first to the canvas! Flesher sits up, in obvious pain. Sly assists him to his feet once again, but this time whips him to the corner! Flesher hits the turnbuckles hard, then slumps down. On the outside, NTD applauds and shouts encouragement to his protégé.

“Austin Sly is benefiting from a technical error by the Cruiserweight Champion,” says Cyclone Comet. “Although Flesher was in control, he allowed the black haze of his evil veil to cover his icy blue eyes. When he took to the air, he neglected to ensure that Austin Sly was sufficiently incapacitated, and thus paid quite severely, gastronomically speaking.”

“Again with the thesaurus,” sighs Riley. “What, did you requisition it before Stevens took off?”

Flesher stays in the corner, obviously stunned. Sly edges toward him, careful not to build up too much speed. “He’s just doing that to avoid the Yakuza kick,” grumbles Riley. “That’s scouting, and it’s wrong!”

Regardless of Riley’s complaints, Sly makes it into the corner unscathed and rocks Flesher with a knee to the stomach. Tom doubles over, but Sly hits him in the face and shoves him back into a standing position. He ducks down and slams his shoulder into Flesher’s midsection, then backs away. He charges in again, driving his shoulder into Tom’s gut once more. This time, Sly stands all the way up and grabs Flesher’s head with both hands. He kicks one leg into Flesher’s stomach, then the other. He falls back, kicking both his legs out and sending Flesher head over heels to the mat with a monkey flip! Taamo lands hard, and Sly rolls over to make the cover!

ONE!!!

TWO!!!!!

THR- NO!!!! The crowd groans disappointedly as Flesher kicks out! “Even a monkey flip following a missed frog splash,” says Cyclone Comet, “lacks the punch necessary to defeat Tom Flesher. Austin Sly is therefore forced to look even more deeply into his arsenal for the final piece of the puzzle of defeating Tom Flesher! NTD will attempt to offer guidance, but as they say, too many cooks spoil the broth.”

“Talk about your mixed metaphors,” says Riley. “Who’s feeding you this crap?”

“I can’t share that information,” says Comet apologetically. “I’m sorry. I know that puts you between a rock and a hard place in the sun.”

The Superior One starts to get to his feet, only to have Sly kick his legs out from under him! As Flesher collapses back to the mat, Sly drops a knee into his stomach, sending the former World Champion into convulsions on the canvas!

“Austin Sly is really showing good strategy this evening,” says Cyclone Comet.

“I have to give you that,” says Riley grudgingly. “He’s keeping Flesher on the mat as much as possible, because Tom can’t fight back when he’s being hit with cheap shot after cheap shot. I mean, who can compete with that?”

“Cheap shots?”

“Yeah, cheap shots! Are we watching the same match?!”

Sly stands up and drops another squeaky-clean knee into Flesher’s gut. With the Cruiserweight Champ incapacitated on the mat, Sly stands up and takes a few steps back. He crouches down, watching Flesher closely. As Tom starts to regain his senses, his eyes flutter open. He looks around and, almost instinctively, starts to get up. He sits up, then rolls over and props himself up on his knees.

Sly takes that as his cue and sprints toward the Cruiserweight Champion! As he does, he leaps into the air, then swings a leg around to hit Flesher in the back of the head with a Shining Wizard! Flesher falls forward, collapsing on his face. As the champ lays on his stomach, the hungry challenger dives onto him and makes the cover!

ONE!!!

TWO!!!!!

THREE!!!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!! Rick Spicer points to the ropes, and Flesher’s leg is draped over the bottom strand! The official glares at Allison, who holds her hands up and denies any involvement in Flesher’s leg getting on the ropes. NTD, meanwhile, is screaming bloody murder at the official.

“Allison Onita makes the save,” says Cyclone Comet. “Tom Flesher is certainly lucky to have her around.”

“Whatever,” says Riley. “Say what you will, but Tom Flesher is more than aware enough to know when to put his foot on the ropes.”

“Perhaps he is, Robert, but Citizen Sly has rung his bell on more than one occasion this evening. I wouldn’t be surprised of Thomas thought he was back home in Buffalo.”

Sly reaches down to pick Flesher off the mat. The dazed Superior One can offer no defense as Sly whips him to the corner, chest-first. Flesher hits the buckles hard and staggers out of the corner, then takes one step… then another… and then flops flat onto his face!

The crowd, simply put, explodes!

Flesher, meanwhile, stays flat on his face, even as Austin grabs him from behind. The challenger lifts him to his feet and ducks his head under Flesher’s arm! The fans cheer as Austin arches back, slamming Flesher to the mat with a backdrop suplex!

“BACKDROPPAH~!” shouts Comet.

“BACKDROPPAH~!” shouts Riley.

Sly lets Flesher hit the mat, but doesn’t hold the bridge like he usually would. Instead, he drops his opponent onto the mat, then pops back up to his feet. He runs across the ring and, with NTD’s approval, bounces off the ropes! The fans cheer as they see the match ending before their eyes, and Sly springs off the bottom rope! In the air, he flips backwards, hitting the Sky Surfer!

Flesher, however, has a favor to repay.

“AUSTIN SLY MISSES THE SKY SURFER!” screams Bobby Riley. “HE MISSES IT, AND FLESHER IS BACK IN THE GAME!”

Sure enough, Sly hits the canvas hard, and Flesher avoids him by just a hair’s breadth. The two wrestlers lay on the mat for a few seconds, each man trying to recover.

“And now,” says Comet, “we have a battle of wills.”

Flesher starts to get to his feet, but Sly is just a heartbeat faster.

“You have to hand it to Citizen Sly,” says Comet. “Like Spike Jenkins, like Toxxic, he’s coming back for more. He isn’t giving up just because no one gives him half a chance in this match. He’s fighting to win back the Cruiserweight Championship!”

“That useless piece of tin? Let him have it,” says Riley.

“That certainly doesn’t square with the vigor with which Tom Flesher has been defending it,” Comet chides.

“Yeah, but it’s HIS piece of tin.”

As Flesher gets up, Austin grabs his head and shucks it by, slapping on a side headlock. He sprints a few steps, looking for a bulldog! As he hits his stride, though, Flesher drives his shoulder into Sly’s back and shoves him face-first into the turnbuckle! Sly cringes as he hits the buckles, while Flesher simply tightens his arms around the challenger’s waist.

“Here we go,” laughs Riley.

The Cruiserweight Champion steps back, pulling his opponent out of the corner and lifting him just a few inches off the mat. Then, with a sudden arch, Flesher jack-knifes back and spikes Sly straight onto the crown of his head!

“BAAAAAAAAAAACKDROPPAH~!” screams Comet, fulfilling the terms of his contract.

Sly lands vertically on the top of his head, then rolls through straight onto his stomach. Flesher sits up, taking a moment to catch his breath. Knowing he’s taken Sly out for at least a few minutes, the Superior One takes his time getting to his feet. He lazily pulls himself up using the middle ropes and, with just a hint of a strut in his step, walks over to Austin Sly’s motionless body.

“It’s all academic from here on out,” says Bobby Riley, as Flesher reaches down and grabs Sly around the waist. He lifts the So-Cal cruiser off the mat and levers him upside down. Then, with a smirk on his face, Tom stalls for a few seconds before sitting out with a snap, slamming Sly to the mat on the back of his neck! Sly collapses into a spread-eagle, and Flesher lazily drapes his body over for the cover.

“EGO BUSTER~!” shouts Riley. “This is it!”

ONE!!!

TWO!!!!!

THREE!!!!!!

DING DING DING!!!

Flesher gets up and facetiously wipes the sweat off his brow as Rick Spicer raises his arm. Allison grabs the Cruiserweight Championship belt off the timekeeper’s table and springs into the ring. Flesher shakes Spicer off and raises both his arms himself as Allison straps the Cruiserweight Title around her waist and joins Flesher in the ring.

“The winner of the match,” says Funyon, “and STILL SWF Cruiserweight Champion, TOM FLESHER!!!!!!”

Flesher throws an arm over Allison’s shoulders and grins, knowing he’s halfway through the imminent challenges to his Cruiserweight Championship. Sly rolls out of the ring, where NTD attends to him and helps him to his feet. Flesher shoos them away with a flick of his wrist.

“Tom Flesher retains the Cruiserweight Title with the Ego Buster,” says Cyclone Comet, “but Spike Jenkins waits in the wings for him, and any number of talented cruiserweight contenders to follow! Two of them are up next, as Johnny Dangerous takes on Landon Maddix!”

The camera stays trained on Flesher as he smirks and pats the Cruiserweight Title around Allison’s waist. The picture fades to a commercial for the Genesis V video game, featuring REAL NECK-CRUNCHING ACTION!

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

"PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!"

...WAAAAAHHHHH...

*DUM DUM*

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

And without any further ado, it's for more action on Lockdown...and the arrival of the SWF's Intercontinental Television Champion Landon Maddix. The crowd waste no time in rising to their feet a hurling a barrage of abuse at Maddix as he steps through the curtain, with of course no-one following him as there usually would be. Stopping on the stage, looking rather unaccustomed to being on his own, Maddix forces a smile as he hears the boos before raising the ICTV Title belt into the air for all to see.

"Ladies and gentlemen...the following non title contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first at this time, from Huron South Dakota. Weighing two hundred and ten pounds... he is the NEEEEEW SWF Intercontinental Television Champion! LANDON... "LA CUCARACHA"... MAAAAADDIIIXXXXX!!!!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Welcome back to the Lockdown Zone~!" booms Cyclone Comet at the first opportunity. "We've had a very busy night so far and we thank you for staying up late with us, on this marathon show. The main event is still to come with the SWF World Heavyweight Title on the line. But for now, we have Johnny versus Landon part 3!"

"Non title..."

"Yes, it is. A rematch from Ground Zero and if tonight is anything like Ground Zero was, this should be an incredible encounter."

"If it's anything like Ground Zero we're gonna have to break out the Nytol, because it's gonna be a LOOOOONG night!"

"One thing that does differ from Ground Zero is the absence of a certain threesome at ringside...all banned, as per Johnny's request."

"Plus, this match is non title..."

"Yes...you mentioned..."

Reaching the ring, Maddix rolls in and raises his proudly held ICTV Championship belt in the air once more to more boos from the crowd. But, smug as ever, he could care less as he hands his belt to referee Eddy Long.

"The last time Maddix was without a ring escort, he lost in an Empty Arena Match. For the majority of his career he's had someone by his side. Megan, Todd Royal, James Matheson, John Duran, Va'aiga, Chris Card, Natasha...now, he has to cope without back-up."

"You talk like he can't cope Comet."

"I'm not saying he can't. I'm saying he's not ready-prepared to anymore."

"Johnny Daaaaaangerous..."

Suddenly, the crowd explode into life, as the theme tune from Men In Black begins to play, bringing Johnny Dangerous out from the back to a gigantic pop. Stopping for a momet, Dangerous can hardly contain a smile as he looks out around the crowd...but the sight of Landon Maddix dangling the ICTV Championship over the ropes like bait catches his attentions, wiping the smile away instantly.

"HERE COMES THE MEN IN BLACK~!"

"And his opponent...from Las Vegas, Nevada. Weighing in at two hundred and seventeen pounds...he is the former SWF ICTV Champion... JOHHHHHNNYYYY... DAAAAAANGEROUS!!!"

Finally Dangerous begins to walk down the aisle, as Maddix begins to crack up over the music playing over the P.A System. It seems he isn't the only one...

"What the hell is this?" sneers Riley. "I guess it's time to get jiggy with it, Big Willy Style."

"Robert, please. This is fitting music for an Operative."

"Oh come on. This is the equivilant of me coming down to the ring with "YMCA" blaring through the air. Or you with "I Believe I Can Fly"."

Entering the ring, Johnny quickly hops to his feet and glares over at Maddix...who shows off his belt one more time to Johnny, before passing it to Long for a second time. Johnny meanwhile is quick to de-robe from his excess clothing, dumping it on a nearby stage-hand before Maddix makes a move forward. Johnny sees it, firing a warning kick Landon's way and causing him to back-up in precaution.

*DING DING DING!*

Frantically referee Long calls for the bell, sensing the match is more than ready to start...and straight away, Johnny drops into a readied stance and starts to shake the muscles loose, while Maddix bounds around the ring. The two circle each other for a few seconds, before finally moving towards each other and snapping into a lock-up. And sure enough, Johnny wastes little time in taking control, by forcing Maddix back into the corner. Referee Long moves in just as quickly, admonishing Johnny and forcing a break, which comes...

*SMACK!*

...and leaves Johnny wide open to a slap from Maddix!

"Ho HO~!"

Riley guffaws, as Landon skips back out of Johnny's reach, grinning. Holding his cheek, Johnny glares over at Landon who continues grinning and strikes the generic hands-up-in-the-air pose.

"Blatant dis-respect from Citizen Maddix."

"Yeah? And?"

Stepping out of the corner, Johnny finally removes his hand from his cheek and points in front of him...clearly not in the mood for Landon's 'antics', but rather in the mood for a wrestling match. Maddix shrugs, moving forward into another collar-and-elbow tie-up. Again Johnny quickly takes advantage, pushing Maddix back step by step. But this time, Landon manages to slip out, scooting behind Johnny with a hammerlock. Almost instinctively Johnny fires a couple of elbows to the jaw, causing Maddix to break the hold and stagger back a step. Meanwhile, Dangerous is 'on the hop', charging off the ropes and coming back with a clothesline...

...which Maddix ducks. Onto the ropes continues Johnny, as Maddix spins around and springs into the air, catching the rebounding Dangerous with a standing Dropsault!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The crowd fail to appreciate the athleticism, as Maddix makes a weak cover...

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT.

Back up rolls Johnny very quickly, while Maddix backs off into the corner. Still the smug look remains on Maddix's face...but Johnny doesn't let if affect him, and asks for another lock-up. Maddix quickly swaggers over and complies. As soon as he does though, Johnny fakes out Maddix and shifts behind him, wrapping the ICTV Champion in a waistlock. With a quick curse to himself, Landon snaps back an elbow before placing his hands underneath Johnny's, trying to prise his fingers apart. Suddenly though, Johnny lifts Maddix in the air! Kicking his legs frantically Maddix looks to escape, but finds himself turned and dumped face-first to the mat, with the waistlock intact.

"Well...an interesting start to this match." Comet observes. "These men had an epic match just over a week ago, but still feel the need to feel the other out here."

"Make no mistake Comet, this is nothing like Ground Zero. The title isn't on the line, the results of previous matches are cancelled out. It's almost like a fresh-start to this battle between these two...because this is for nothing but pride here tonight."

With Maddix trapped on the mat, Johnny releases the waistlock...spinning around Landon's body like a world champion breakdancer and ending up head to head with him. Quickly, Johnny looks to place a front facelock on Maddix. But the ICTV Champ is one step ahead, spinning out of Dangerous' clutches and taking an arm with him which he bars up. Johnny pulls himself to his feet quickly, still in the armbar. With his left arm therefore pre-occupied, Johnny uses the right to reach back for a side headlock. Maddix avoids that though, stepping in front of Dangerous while placing a hammerlock on around the back. Johnny meanwhile uses his free hand to place Maddix in a front facelock...but suddenly finds himself pulled up and over, his leg grabbed by Maddix, before being driven to the mat back and arm first...with a bridge leaving him in a pinning predicament...

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

"Oooh...that was CLOSE!" gasps Riley, as Maddix rolls away from Dangerous and out of the ring.

Johnny meanwhile rolls to his knees, a little shocked at being out-wrestled and wondering what the hell Maddix just did to him. Maddix meanwhile stands proudly on the outside, boasting to the ringside fans about his last move.

"I think Johnny's stunned...look at him Comet! He doesn't know what the hell happened! Even I don't really!"

"Well...Maddix managed to chain wrestle Johnny." admits Comet. "And I think that's called a 'Takami Special' Suplex. A mixture of a fisherman's and a northern lights suplex, with a hammerlock."

"...who the hell taught him that then!?!"

Still boasting and mugging, Maddix has his back turned from the action...which could prove costly, as finally Johnny returns to the real world and rolls out of the ring. The fans begin to point behind Maddix, almost aiding him. But Landon fails to turn around in time, and when he finally does Johnny pops him with a right hand! Another right connects...and a third. Now Maddix is rocked, stumbling around ringside aimlessly as Johnny follows. Eventually Maddix reaches the guardrail, before getting sent up and over it from a Dangerous clothesline!

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

"Well...fancy Japanese suplexes are all well and good. But if you don't follow up on them, you pay the price." says Comet with gusto.

Johnny follows Maddix into the crowd, who are baying for a brawl and as such going crazy. Still staggering, Maddix begins to brush past the Salt Lake City masses...until Johnny grabs him by the hair and pulls him back, into another right hand. Again a right connects, this time knocking Landon down onto the concrete floor.

"JOHN- EEE! JOHN -EEE! JOHN- EEE!"

The crowd are solidly behind The Barracuda, as he stops for a moment to smile towards them. But that moment allows Maddix to reach up and grab Dangerous by the pants, yanking him forward and sending him rolling across the concrete! But the Spy manages to acrobatically end up on his feet, much to Maddix's shock. Even more shocking is Dangerous suddenly charging back at him, leaving it until the last moment to extend his arm so as not to hit any fans. But Maddix manages to recover from the shock in time, raising a boot which hits Dangerous in the gut.

"ONE!"

Tiring of the brawl, Eddy Long begins his count as Maddix takes Johnny and bounces him off the steel railing.

"TWO!"

"Long has begun his count." Comet realises. "And in amongst these crazed Utahians, it seems Johnny and Landon cannot hear it."

"Utahians?"

"THREE!"

Pulling Johnny up from his knees, Maddix throws Johnny head-first into the steel again, sending The Barracuda stumbling backwards and falling into the laps of some front row fans. Wierdly, they seem to enjoy having Johnny in their lap and begin waving their hands wildly as they appear on the SmarkTron.

"FOUR!"

Maddix punches Johnny in the face...but suddenly notices Long counting and hops over the railings. Johnny is finally helped up by the fans, as meanwhile Landon gets to the ring and rolls in. For some reason, Long decides to stop his count rather than continue for Johnny. But Maddix soon takes exception to that, yelling at Long to keep on counting.

"FIVE!"

"JOHN- EEE! JOHN -EEE! JOHN- EEE!"

"This crowd are coming alive for the Operative!" booms Comet.

And Johnny seems to be coming alive for them...as he rolls back over the barricade and slowly makes his way back towards the ring. Again Long ceases his count, as Johnny grabs the ring skirt and rolls into the ring...

...to be met with a barrage of vicious stomps from the ICTV Champion! Boos fill the air, while Maddix continues his onslaught. Until that is Eddy Long steps in and forces Landon back, reprimanding his actions. Maddix doesn't take too kindly to the referee's heavy-handed manner and shoves him to the side, before going back towards Johnny...

...WHO SPEARS MADDIX OUT OF HIS BOOTS!!!

"Oh MY~!" Comet exasperates. "Johnny Dangerous...erupting!"

"This is exactly how we expected it to start at Ground Zero! I guess this time, Johnny thinks he has nothing to lose..."

Now it's Johnny who's fired up and laying in the stomps, as the shocked Maddix tries to scurry to the safety of the floor. But Johnny grabs the ICTV Champion by the tights, pulling him back into the centre of the ring. Landon tries to get away regardless...but all that succeeds in doing is slowly seperating him from his shorts, until the entire world gets an unwanted view of his ass! Female screams fill the air and male groans, as Johnny releases Maddix. Realising his ass is on show, Maddix quickly pulls up his shorts, as meanwhile Dangerous encourages him to turn around.

"Well...that's woke up the females in the crowd, eh Robert?"

"..."

"Robert?"

"..."

"...I think we need some artificial resperation fo..."

"...sorry, my headset went lopsided. What did you say?"

"...nevermind."

Slowly Maddix, who's face has turned a deep shade of red from embarrassment, turns back around with his modesty re-covered. Unfortunately though, as he turns around Johnny charges forward and wipes him out with a big clothesline! Down goes the champ, hitting the mat and popping right back up. Johnny meanwhile has Maddix in his sights and sends a kick his way. However Maddix is privy to it, catching the leg as it flashes towards him and instantly leg-dragging Johnny to the canvas. Clearly more frustrated than hurt, Johnny rolls to his knees to see Maddix in mid-pose.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Johnny sighs to himself, as Maddix wags his finger as if to say 'you won't embarass me'. Of course, the cameras of most women in the crowd would disagree. As would Johnny, who is past the 'feeling out' stage of this match and charges at Maddix. However Maddix gets a boot up to stop Johnny, before nailing him across the back with a forearm blow. Another connects before Maddix scoots behind Johnny, hooking The Barracuda up and hitting a Salto Suplex! Johnny hits hard...but Maddix doesn't follow up, instead getting to his knees and posing.

"Well...another nice move from Citizen Maddix, but he's not following up." points out Comet. "That's the difference between a ring general and a 'good' wrestler."

Hearing nothing but boos again, Landon stops posing and turns back to Dangerous. In the time he took, Johnny has again found the energy to get to his feet. This time though, Maddix meets him with a boot to the gut. A right hand rocks Landon, but he fires another kick back which staggers Johnny into the ropes...

*SLAP!*

"WHOOO!"

...where he takes a knifedge chop.

*SLAP!*

"WHOOO!"

...and another one.

"He may not be a 'ring general', but Landon Maddix sure seems to be pretty well, eh Comet?" sneers Riley.

"Nobody's saying Landon Maddix hasn't got great talent. But he's not going to beat Johnny Dangerous by hitting move after move, without some sort of focus. And it seems like without Chris Card at ringside..."

*SLAP!*

"WHOOO!"

"...without Card, he seems to lack the guidance to help find that focus."

"We'll see."

With Dangerous rocked, Maddix takes hold of the arm and whips him across the ring. Johnny rebounds, as Landon walks out from the ropes and attempts a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, but puts in a little too much whirl and Johnny lands on his feet. Quickly he capitalises, kneeing Landon in the gut before hooking Maddix for a vertical suplex. Up goes Maddix, and down goes Maddix with the vertical...with Johnny holding on, and rolling through.

"Johnny looking to hit the three verticals here, which will no doubt turn this match in the Operative's favour."

Johnny pulls Maddix up and looks for the second vertical. However Maddix has the series scouted and manages to float over, landing behind Dangerous. Johnny is quick to react however, firing a back elbow to Maddix's jaw before turning and whipping Maddix into the ropes. Hitting the ropes, Landon rebounds and launches into the air, catching Dangerous with a flying forearm! But he's not done there...jumping back to his feet and taking his time about dropping a "dangerous kneedrop" across Dangerous' forehead, rolling through before making the cover...

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Back up clambers Maddix, as Johnny slowly begins to do the same. But before he can get up, Maddix runs over and hits a snap legdrop, the impact revurberating through Dangerous' body. Quickly Maddix gets back up, turning to the outside for a moment...but of course, there's no-one to applaud his efforts. So, he turns back to Johnny and suddenly launches himself into the air, backflipping extravagantly...

...but Johnny gets his knees up to block The Landmark!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

The air is driven out of the ICTV Champion, leaving him gasping for breath. Meanwhile Dangerous pulls himself back to his feet and attempts to shake off the cobwebs, squinting slightly from the headache he now has. But he still has enough presence of mind to pull Maddix from the mat to his feet, before whipping him into the turnbuckles...

*CHINK!*

...which he hits with VENOM, sternum first, with the impact sending him flying back towards Johnny. But Maddix falls to the mat just as Dangerous begins to line up a kick. So, he instead lines up Maddix and drops an elbow across the sternum.

"It seems Operative Dangerous has done what Landon failed to...found a body part to work on." observes Comet. "And that's just what he's doing."

"Yeah, but it was from a stroke of luck..."

"That doesn't matter Robert, especially in the scheme of things."

Looking down on the fallen ICTV Champion, Johnny's expression is unwavering...no signs of emotion, as he pulls up Maddix from the mat. Weakly Maddix collapses into Johnny's body and takes a knee to the chest for his troubles before pulling Maddix all the way up to his feet. Again, Maddix falls into Johnny's body, only to get shoved away into the ropes...

*SLAP!*

"WHOOO!"

...and takes a stinging chop across his already damaged sternum. The effects, coupled with his condition, are enough to drop him to his knees. But he quickly finds himself getting hauled back up by Johnny, who lifts Maddix up and drops him throat first across the top rope! With his head snapping back off the strand, Landon again goes staggering back towards the centre of the ring, as Johnny brushes past him and hits the ropes. Coming back, Johnny grabs hold of Maddix around the waist and WHIPS him around with a running belly to belly suplex, which brings applause from the crowd.

"Very unique move there from Dangerous."

"Sure." sighs Riley. "And it continues to work on the sternum, the ribs and all that crap."

"Do you have some problem with ring psychology, Robert?"

"No...just a problem with you droning on about it every time Landon Maddix is out here. So he's not Danny Williams and Chris Benoit's lovechild. Big deal."

"...someone's rather tetchy tonight."

While the usual Comet/Riley bickering goes on, Johnny Dangerous has exited to the apron and is beginning to climb to the top rope. The crowd have reacted, rising to their feet as Dangerous slowly scales the buckles with Landon's prone body locked firmly in his sights. Reaching the top, Johnny stops for a moment and glares down at Maddix before turning his head out to the crowd, who continue going crazy…

…as Johnny springs off the top rope, extending his elbow at the peak of his flight and connecting with a BIG elbow drop from the heavens!

”YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!”

“Picture Perfect Elbow Drop by Dangerous!” booms Comet. “And what irony, considering he took three of those at Ground Zero!”

“Irony?” snaps Riley. “No, there’s no ‘irony’. Johnny STOLE the move!”

“…you’re saying he stole an elbow drop?”

“Not the elbow drop, just the idea of doing it.”

“Robert, you really are too much.”

Having hit the elbow, Johnny gets straight back up…not bothering to attempt the pin and instead dragging Maddix back up to his feet. Despite the fact he’s all but out on his feet. That allows Johnny to take his time about lining Maddix up, before sending an enziguri kick his way…

*SMACK!*

…which connects, knocking Maddix for a loop! Down and out goes the ICTV Champion, as Johnny finally rolls him over to make the cover...

"ONEEEEEEE!"

"TWWOOOOOOOOOO!"

"THRREEEE..."

KICKOUT!

"Close nearfall there for The Barracuda..."

"Matter of opinion."

Johnny casts his gaze towards Long briefly but decides not to say anything, and simply lets the look say it all. Meanwhile, Maddix is trying to get to his feet, so Johnny simply drives the point of his elbow into the chest of the ICTV Champ and begins to grind away ruthlessly, causing Maddix to scream like a girl.

"Ugh..." groans Riley. "That's horrible."

But it's perfectly legal, so Long can only watch on until Johnny finally breaks away and stomps Maddix hard in the chest. Not done there, Johnny reaches down and takes a handful of Maddix's scruffy blonde hair and drags him to his knees. Suddenly though, Maddix sees a chance and drives a hard forearm into Johnny's gut. Still Johnny holds the hair, so Maddix hits a second forearm...and a third, which goes DEEP in the gut and maybe even lower, judging from Johnny's reaction.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"And Citizen Maddix resorts to a shot to the scrotum." sighs Comet.

"I don't think he meant it." Riley retorts innocently.

Johnny groans and doubles over, as Maddix uses the opponent's bent over frame to drag himself up before popping him in the jaw with a European uppercut. Johnny staggers back a step, as Maddix takes a deep breath and charges forward...

*SMACK!*

...into an elbow to the jaw...

*SMACK!*

...and a Johnny Kick!

"RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

The crowd explode into life as Landon stops dead and slowly teeters backwards, before falling dramatically to the mat. Quick as a flash, Johnny drops to Landon's side and makes a cover...

"ONEEEEEEEEE!"

"TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"THRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE!"

NO, SHOULDER UP!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

The crowd don't particularly like that decision. Neither does Johnny, but he shrugs it off and goes about business while looking to drag Landon up to his feet again.

"BULL - SHIT! BULL - SHIT! BULL - SHIT!"

Landon is still all but out, with little more left in his tank than instincts. But those instincts are enough to duck behind Dangerous and suddenly launch forward, leaping onto Dangerous' back and clamp him in the Land Of Nod!

"Dragon Clut...the, the Land Of Nod!" Comet says, correcting himself. "From out of nowhere!"

"YES~!"

Landon wastes little time in locking his fingers and his feet and suddenly it all seems very bleak for Johnny Dangerous. Until that is he suddenly drops from his feet, sitting out and spiking Maddix across his shoulder!

"OH! COUNTER BY DANGEROUS!"

Maddix instantly releases the hold and clutches at his chest, as Dangerous pulls himself back to his feet and runs off the ropes. In no shape to counter anything, Landon drops down to all fours...but does so too soon, as Dangerous adjusts his run and takes Maddix over with an Oklahoma Roll...

"ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"TH..."

KICKOUT!

Maddix rolls back to his feet but is too out of breath to do much more, as Johnny gets back to his feet. Grabbing Maddix by the arm, Johnny pulls him forward looking for a short arm clothesline...

...which Maddix ducks, giving him space to run onto the ropes. Coming back, Landon extends an arm for a clothesline, only for Johnny to duck and drive his knee deep into Maddix's gut. The ICTV Champ doubles over as Johnny hooks in a gutwrench, attempting to take Maddix into powerbomb position. But Maddix escapes and lands in front of Johnny, jabbing him in the jaw before irish whipping Johnny into the buckles! Hitting the corner Johnny bounces out a step but falls back, as Landon charges in at Dangerous.

"Here we go Comet..."

Landon suddenly leaves his feet, looking for a shining wizard in the corner...

...but Dangerous ducks out of the way, causing Maddix to hit the top turnbuckle knees-first and collapse over the top rope and onto the apron!

"Here we go, eh Robert?"

"Shut up."

Quickly Landon pulls himself up on the apron but gets immediately lamped with a forearm to the jaw. A second forearm follows quickly before Johnny hooks an arm under Landon's and hiptosses him back into the ring!

"It's all Johnny Dangerous as the moment..." comments Comet. "But can he do what he couldn't at Ground Zero and put Citizen Maddix away?"

Back up returns Maddix, as Johnny charges in and wipes Maddix out with a clothesline! Hitting the mat, "La Cucaracha" bounces hard but gets right back up...only for Johnny to smash him with another forearm and boot him in the gut. Landon doubles over, in perfect position for Johnny to reach to the side and go for the MI Slam...

...but Landon escapes out the back and manages to take Johnny over with a roll-up...

ONE!

TWO!

LANDON GRABS THE TIGHTS...

THREEEEEEEE!!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

*DING DING DING!*

"Megalomaniac" hits as Maddix escapes the ring with his act un-noticed by referee Long and the victory intact!

"Here is your winner of the match...Landon "La Cucaracha" MAAAAAADDDIIIIIXXXXXXXX!!!"

"Maddix stole the victory!"

"Really?"

"YES!"

"Great. Let's go to commercial..."

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

The moment Lockdown comes back from the commercial break the cameras focus on Funyon standing dead centre in the ring. In the crowd behind him someone desperately waves a ‘Spike = teh deadz’ sign, but the ring announcer has his attention firmly on the job in hand.

“FUN-YON!”

“Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the SWF WORLD... HEAVYWEIGHT... CHAMPIONSHIP!” Funyon booms, and the crowd go wild. “Introducing first...”

A drum solo kicks in and ‘Painkiller’ by Death blasts out over the PA while red and white lights flash in time to the beat. The black Smarktron screen shatters like glass to show red-filtered clips of Dace dropping people on their heads and slicing up Spike Jenkins before ‘DACE NIGHT’ comes up in spiky lettering. As the opening scream hits-

*BAM!*

-white pyro lights the length of the entrance ramp, and the White Night strides out through the smoke! The Delta Center erupts into a frenzy of cheers for the Hardcore Goth, the last surviving member of the Unholy Trinity.

“...the challenger, from Birmingham, England!” Funyon continues. “He weighs in tonight at 252lbs and is the pioneer of ‘Horrorcore’... this is DACE...”

“FUCKING!” the crowd roars in typically tasteful fashion.

“...NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!” the ring announcer finishes as Dace climbs into the ring and brandishes the metal horns at the SWF faithful before stripping off his ‘Ultraviolent Christraper’ T-shirt and throwing it into the crowd.

“Citizens, we are in the main event!” Comet says excitedly from the announce table. “Having won the World Title at Ground Zero Toxxic now has his first defence against a man whom he has crossed paths with several times before, the ‘White Night’ Dace Night.”

“...and Toxxic won all of those times,” Riley reminds his partner.

“Pish,” Comet declares, “in Dace’s case the fourth time will be the charm! With a convincing victory over Ace Lezaire and Jamie Drazon at the Pay-Per-View, Citizen Night is ready like never before to take the greatest prize in this business!”

Even as Comet finishes speaking the Smarktron whites out, then starts to darken as the opening chord of ‘Rookie’ by Boy Sets Fire rings out over the arena. As the screen reaches black jagged white letters flash up a certain straight-edger’s opinion of the superhero’s last statement...

‘PREPARE TO BE PROVED WRONG’

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The screen changes slightly as the jagged guitar riff kicks in and the black becomes the top of a spiky-haired head which raises to stare out of the Smarktron with two piercing grey eyes before the right side of Toxxic’s face creases up into his trademark lopsided grin. The screen changes and clips of the World Champion’s most notable matches flash up as the bass drum starts, alternating with the words ‘STRAIGHT-EDGE SENSATION’ and ‘REVOLUTION ZERO’ before footage of Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the four blasts of red pyro that climb the sides of the entrance ramp and the final, stage-wide eruption-

*BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BOOOM!!*

-that signifies the arrival of the SWF’s premier straight-edger as the main riff starts! Toxxic emerges through the smoke with Jet at his side, the World Heavyweight Title slung over his right shoulder and a malicious grin on his face as he listens to the abuse raining down from the fans in attendance.

“AND HIS OPPONENT,” Funyon bellows, straining to be heard over the chorus of boos, “accompanied to the ring by his girlfriend Jet; from Nottingham, England, he weighs in at 218lbs; he is the leader of Revolution Zero and is the reigning and defending SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’... TOXXXXXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!”

“Here he is, Comet,” Riley exclaims in delight. “Can you think of anyone better to keep the belt warm for Tom?”

“Indeed I can, Robert,” Comet responds, “and one man in particular is standing in the ring right now.”

“...much as I like him, I really don’t think Funyon is fit enough for the job.”

Toxxic and Jet roll under the bottom rope and rise to their feet, staring across the ring at the challenger. Dace glares right back as he moves away from his corner, disgust visible on his face but with enough self-control to restrain himself from attacking until the bell rings. Toxxic’s grin grows wider and he spreads his arms wide just as the first verse starts...

*bap-bap*

*BOOOM!!*

...causing each turnbuckle to explode with more red pyro!

‘I never thought this could be me

I guess you never do until it’s happening to you

Like all the fun turns into shame

And all the ‘could-have-beens’ rearrange...’

The music fades out as Toxxic hands his title belt over to Anthony Michael Hall, kisses Jet on the cheek and strips off his T-shirt before throwing it to - or possibly at - a couple of heavily-eyelinered girls in the front row, who can’t seem to make up their minds whether to boo or cheer. Referee Hall shows the belt to all four corners of the arena before briefly patting each man down in a check for foreign objects and signalling for the opening bell.

*DING-DING-DING!*

Before the sound has even died away Dace explodes forward and aims a vicious running elbow smash at Toxxic’s head. The rookie easily evades the Brummie Goth’s charge by ducking and rolling to the side and comes to his feet smirking, but Dace simply turns to face him again and makes no further move except to nod thoughtfully, his expression blank.

“Yeah, like you were ever going to hit him!” Riley snorts.

“I don’t think that was Citizen Night’s intent, Robert,” Comet disagrees. “It has been a little while since Dace has faced Toxxic in any sort of competition, let alone one-on-one, and I believe he merely wished to remind himself how fast Toxxic can move when he needs to.”

“Oh trust me, he’ll find out soon enough when Toxxic goes flying around the ring and takes him out without Dace being able to lay a finger on him!” Riley states confidently.

Dace stands in the middle of the ring and watches Toxxic circling him, moving smoothly and looking for an opening. Dace feints forward and notes the speed with which Toxxic checks himself and backs off, unwilling to close with the High Priest of Horrorcore unless it’s on his own terms. Meanwhile Toxxic pays close attention to Dace’s stance and movements and watches the White Night carefully as he continues to circle around him.

“Both men are feeling the other out here,” Comet states.

“I-”

”-Robert!”

“...sorry.”

“As I was saying,” Comet starts again with a withering glance at the man beside him, “both men are testing their opponent, I presume to see whether the other man is carrying any damage from his match at Ground Zero. It should be noted that Toxxic went through an announce table, while Dace took some nasty blows to the head including a brutal modified Shining Black from Jamie Drazon!”

“But both men have had ten days to shake those effects off,” Riley argues, “so don’t think Dace can pull an injury excuse when Toxxic beats him tonight!”

Abruptly, Toxxic changes tactics. The rookie darts in towards his opponent, luring Dace into throwing an elbow and ducks underneath it - but Dace knows all about Toxxic’s tendency to duck the blows of bigger strikers, and only feinted! Instead, the White Night brings his right knee up to collide with Toxxic’s midsection and knock all the breath from the champion’s body, then slams his elbow down hard into the back of Toxxic’s skull. The rookie drops to all fours but not for long, as Dace links his powerful arms around Toxxic’s waist and arches backwards to bring the straight-edger over with a gutwrench suplex. The impact causes Toxxic to gasp for air again but Dace isn’t about to let his opponent out of his grip - even as the champion manages to roll over onto his front to prevent the pinning situation Dace drops down and applies a textbook front facelock to his adversary, squeezing tight to try and limit the oxygen supply to the Straight-Edge Sensation’s brain.

“TOXX-IC SUCKS!”

Toxxic wriggles for all he’s worth, but he is neither strong enough nor technically-minded enough to throw Dace off or escape from the hold, and Horrorcore keeps him firmly in the centre of the ring. Outside Jet pounds on the canvas to try and give her boyfriend some moral support, but all the percussion in the world is unlikely to help Toxxic get out of Dace’s grip. A tight smile starts to creep over Dace’s face - he knows that Toxxic can leave him standing, but also that he can win the match as long as he keeps the straight-edger grounded.

“Toxxic may have made a mistake with his opening gambit,” Comet notes, “and that single mistake may end up costing him the title! His best chance against Citizen Night was to keep away from Horrorcore’s power moves and mat wrestling expertise, and he has singularly failed to do so!”

“Come on Comet, you’re talking like this front facelock is going to end the match!” Riley snorts.

“Well, since Toxxic couldn’t technically-wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag, it might just.”

Toxxic is aiming to prove his detractors wrong on that count as the Straight-Edge Sensation tries to manoeuvre his way around the mat in his quest to find a ropebreak. Dace does his best to anchor his opponent still but despite his efforts Toxxic is starting to gradually claw his way across the mat. He’s not managing to move very fast at all, but his ability to use all four limbs to propel himself gives him a slight advantage over the High Priest of Horrorcore, who has to hold on with his arms. Dace eyes the slowly narrowing gap between Toxxic’s foot and the rope, sighs... and rolls sharply to his right, dragging Toxxic with him further away from safety and cranking the rookie’s neck as he does so! The crowd breaks into applause at the White Night’s ring savvy and a new chant starts up.

“LET’S GO DA-ACE!”

A close-up shot reveals the discomfort on Toxxic’s face - the little of it that can be seen between Dace’s bicep and his chest - but the champion is determined to get out of his current predicament, grits his teeth and starts to head for the ropes again. Dace again tries to prevent him but he can’t stop the movement entirely, so the White Night decides to change his tactics and pushes himself upwards, hauling Toxxic up with him to a standing position. Before Toxxic can take advantage of the additional mobility granted by this act Dace quickly throws the rookie’s right arm over his shoulders, then takes a firm grip on Toxxic’s baggy trousers and hoists him up for a vertical suplex - but Toxxic twists in midair! The straight-edger squirms out of Dace’s grasp and takes advantage of the momentum he already has to come down behind Horrorcore, but on the way to the mat he manages to wrap his hands around Dace’s forehead and sit out into the Underkill!

*WHAM!*

The back of Dace’s skull bounces off the canvas but Toxxic is in no shape to immediately follow up; having taken the momentary opportunity presented to him the rookie shakes his head to try and dispel the dizziness that assails him as blood rushes back to his brain. Despite his efforts he is no quicker back to his feet than Dace, who is clutching the back of his skull. Horrorcore sees Toxxic out of the corner of his eye and leaves off nursing his head to swing an elbow, but the champion’s head has cleared enough for him to successfully duck this one (without catching a knee to the ribs this time) and he dodges past the pained Brummie. Dace turns to follow but the agile straight-edger jumps to the second rope and springs back with a spinning heelkick that catches Dace flush on the jaw and sends the challenger down to the mat again.

“TOXX-IC SUCKS!”

Toxxic uses the momentum of the move to roll smoothly up to his feet and heads straight for the far ropes, counting on Dace’s tenacity and mat skills to position his opponent. Sure enough, as he rebounds the White Night has instinctively turned over onto his front and is already rising to his hands and knees... just in time for Toxxic to slam a basement dropkick into the top of Dace’s head! Dace collapses backwards and Toxxic instantly scrambles on top of him, hoping against hope that he might have scored a freak knockout blow...

ONE!

TW-

-but Dace fires a shoulder up before two! Toxxic shrugs and grabs Dace’s head to haul the bigger man up, but as he reaches one knee Dace wraps both arms around the backs of Toxxic’s legs and tugs to bring the rookie down to the mat again. The White Night quickly grabs his opponent’s left leg and looks to turn Toxxic over for a single-leg crab but Toxxic spreads his arms wide to prevent the move, and as Dace leans down to get better leverage the Straight-Edge Sensation sends his right boot crashing into the Hardcore Goth’s temple. Dace staggers but retains his grip, then as Toxxic kicks again he grabs the rookie’s other foot as well!

“Citizen Night changes his plans and is looking for the Torture Crab already here,” Comet notes excitedly, “and that could be very bad news for the champion!”

But Toxxic isn’t yet beaten up enough to allow himself to be turned over, and he thrashes his legs so furiously that even a man of Dace’s strength has trouble holding him. After a few seconds’ frenzied effort Toxxic manages to brace both feet against Dace’s stomach and pushes with all his might to send Dace stumbling backwards, then coils his legs under his chin and kips up explosively! Seeing his opponent back on his feet Dace regains his balance and charges forward, arm outstretched for a lariat... but Toxxic ducks under the blow and reaches up to wrap one arm around Horrorcore’s throat before taking him down with the Straight-Edge neckbreaker!

“TOXX-IC SUCKS!”

Dace grabs the back of his head and neck again as he lands and Toxxic scrambles to lock in a Dragon sleeper. Dace recognises the danger and twists around onto his front before Toxxic can get the hold tight, so the rookie merely applies a less dangerous front facelock. Dace then starts to use his greater strength to push himself up and forwards. Toxxic tries his best to squeeze Dace’s resistance down but the High Priest of Horrorcore is having none of it, and he continues to bull forwards until he has pushed Toxxic into the turnbuckles. Anthony Michael Hall begins counting, looking for a clean break, and Toxxic reluctantly complies before lashing out with a right hand! Dace takes the punch on the jaw but retaliates with a crunching elbow smash, then fires off a couple of knife-edge chops to the rookie’s chest as he’s trapped in the corner!

*CRACK!*

“WHOOO!”

*CRACK!*

“WHOOO!”

Toxxic gasps in pain at the impact but Hall is warning Dace about striking an opponent on the ropes, so Horrorcore grabs the champion’s wrist before whipping him across the ring and following him in, looking to score a running elbow smash in the far corner... but Toxxic vaults up to the top rope and jerks backwards. Dace had half-expected a Role Reversal and hits the deck, but Toxxic pulls a Brian Pillman feint and holds onto the top rope, then turns around on the top buckle and waits for Dace to rise! The confused Brummie gets to his feet, looking around to where he expected Toxxic to land, and the straight-edger launches off to snare Dace with a hurricanrana as he turns on the spot!

“Toxxic has completely out-thought Dace so far,” Riley asserts as the challenger’s skull bounces off the mat again, “and he’s focusing on his head and neck as well! If Dace does have any residual damage from that match at Ground Zero then Toxxic is capitalising!”

“Citizen Night needs to keep his gameplan simple for the moment,” Comet says in a slightly worried tone. “Currently Toxxic has been able to use his superior speed to avoid the higher impact moves, and he’s not yet softened up enough for Dace to be able to lock on something like the Torture Crab.”

“So what are you suggesting?” Riley snorts as Toxxic hauls on Dace to bring him vertical again, “do a Grappler and rely on restholds?”

“Dace needs to strike a balance between mat wrestling, where he holds the advantage but will only receive low gains, and the faster-paced wrestling or high-impact moves which could win him the match but could also potentially be reversed with devastating consequences,” Comet replies huffily. “And speaking of Charlie Matthews, are you seriously telling me you didn’t enjoy seeing a large, hairy man hugging other men?”

“...no comment.”

Dace’s momentary wooziness after the rana means that Toxxic has a chance to do a bit of showboating, and the rookie fires off with a

RIGHT!

LEFT!

RIGHT!

LEFT!

Windup...

DISCUS CLOTHESLINE!

...but the stinging punches merely woke Dace up, and he ducks just as the hard-hitting lariat cuts through the air towards him. Toxxic staggers, trying to keep his balance, and Dace simply grabs his right leg and pushes the champion in the small of the back to send him toppling forwards to the canvas! Dace drops down to join his opponent and clamps a side headlock on. Toxxic fights it but Dace shifts his weight around and rolls his hips to bring Toxxic over onto his back.

“Boring,” Riley sighs, “what happened to the head drops and the strikes?”

“Citizen Night is playing it safe,” Comet answers. “His last World Title match resulted in him getting beaten down by the Unnamed, so I expect he wants to make absolutely sure of this opportunity. At the moment Toxxic is too mobile to fall victim to Dace’s big moves and is capable of avoiding too many strikes - Dace will wear him down first.”

“And meanwhile Toxxic is hitting him with everything he’s got right from the start,” Riley counters. “Now there’s a man who’s interested in winning!”

“And what happens when the villain has used up everything in his arsenal?” Comet asks.

“Then he’ll hit him with it all again,” Riley replies, looking at the superhero like he’s a moron. “They’re not ‘one use only’, you know.”

Toxxic wriggles for all he’s worth under Dace but the Brummie’s grip doesn’t give an inch, and Toxxic realises he’s faced with the unpleasant prospect of another protracted headlock. Gritting his teeth, Toxxic tries to shift Dace’s weight enough to roll him over into a pin but Dace alters his position in response... and this gives Toxxic just the right angle to snap his legs up and fasten them around the White Night’s head, trapping Dace in a headscissors. Dace releases his grip in order to pry Toxxic’s legs apart but the rookie just rolls backwards to try and buy himself some time for his throbbing head. Dace isn’t eager to give him that time though, and as Toxxic starts to rise he slams a knee into the straight-edger’s head! Toxxic’s eyes cross but Dace isn’t done yet - he seizes Toxxic bodily and lifts him up before bringing him down hard in an inverted atomic drop, then ducks his head underneath Toxxic’s arm and wraps his arms around the rookie’s waist in preparation for a Northern Lights Suplex. However, now it is Toxxic’s turn to use a knee as he drives one straight up into Dace’s chest to knock the wind from his opponent before taking Dace’s head in a front facelock, dropping to one knee and driving Dace’s face into the other. Before the Hardcore Goth has even registered that Toxxic falls backwards, spiking his head into the canvas with a DDT to complete the Sobering Thought!

*CRUNCH-WHAM!*

“Yet another blow to the head!” Riley yells in mock concern. “Comet, how much more punishment can Dace’s thick skull take?”

“Toxxic doesn’t look in great shape either,” the masked man notes. And this is indeed the case, as the knee to the head and jarring of his coccyx has left Toxxic in pain and unable to follow up straightaway. After a few seconds the Straight-Edge Sensation hauls himself to his feet, looks down at Dace and then heads for the turnbuckles.

“And here is the weak part of Toxxic’s game,” Comet notes as the rookie begins to climb while Dace starts to rise to his feet. “He isn’t the type of wrestler who can slap on a hold to wear down his opponent and regain his breath, and even if he was Dace can easily outwrestle him. The World Champion needs to keep letting fly with his high-impact moves and hope he can wear Citizen Night down that way, but that means he has to keep moving!”

Toxxic balances on the top buckle, eyeing the Hardcore Goth as Dace rises to his full height. The straight-edger leaps off, twisting through the air to deliver a spinning heel kick-

*WHAM!!*

-but Dace takes one step sideways, catches Toxxic in midair and drives him down to the canvas with something that is half-powerbomb, half-spinebuster but wholly devastating!

“FUCK HIM UP DACE! FUCK! FUCK!”

“Charming as ever,” Riley groans as the chants of the Utah fans echo around the Delta Center. “You’d think Mormons would be a bit more restrained...”

Since he’s on his knees anyway Dace drops onto Toxxic’s body and hooks the far leg for Michael Hall to make the count...

ONE!

TWO!!

...but Toxxic gets a shoulder up, and the referee only holds up two fingers. Without wasting a second the White Night straddles the wheezing rookie in a mount position, and starts raining elbow smashes down on him!

“YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

Salt Lake City roars it’s approval as the challenger sends shot after shot into the face of the Straight-Edge Sensation as Toxxic desperately tries to shield himself with his arms. Finally Michael Hall reaches his five-count and has to literally pull Night off the World Champion, who rolls away clutching his head!

“DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE!”

Dace rises back to his feet and throws the horns at Salt Lake City, who respond almost as one person by standing up in their seats and repeating the gesture back at him. The Brummie Goth grins and turns back to Toxxic, who has retreated to the far side of the ring and is pulling himself up on the ropes. Dace slaps his right elbow a couple of times, backs up a step and thunders across the ring towards the Straight-Edge Sensation. His acceleration is impressive - unfortunately it’s not quite enough to get the drop on Toxxic who instead of being elbow-smashed over the top rope drops and pulls it down with him, allowing Dace’s momentum to carry him over! The White Night desperately grabs at the rope with his left hand, manages to hold on and pulls himself back up to the apron, but Toxxic grabs Dace’s head in both hands and drops again to guillotine the challenger’s throat over the top rope! The whiplash of this action throws Dace backwards and the High Priest of Horrorcore lands backfirst on the thinly-padded concrete floor as Toxxic grabs his aching head in the ring.

“Citizen Night thought he could land a telling blow there, but Toxxic again managed to gain the upper hand!” Comet says in frustration. “Surely Dace just needs one more big move to shift the momentum fully!”

“Well it won’t be coming anytime soon,” Riley says confidently, “because it looks like British Airways is about to take off!”

Toxxic pushes himself up in the ring, still with one hand holding his head. He looks out at the arena floor where Dace is also starting to rise painfully to his feet, turns, and runs for the far ropes. The straight-edger rebounds off with increased speed and tears across the ring, then goes hurtling clean over the top rope with a somersault senton onto the groggy Brummie! The force of the impact sends Dace back down again but Toxxic hasn’t shaken off the effects of the spinebuster he received a couple of minutes previously, and the rookie clutches his back in pain!

‘ONE!’ Hall bellows as a chant starts to build inside the Delta Center.

“LET’S GO DA-ACE!”

‘TWO!’

“LET’S GO DA-ACE!”

‘THREE!’

Whether propelled by the Utah fans or by his own burning desire to win the title, Dace is starting to rise. Toxxic is up too, and the cruiserweight manages to land a European uppercut on Horrorcore before Dace has properly set himself, then grabs Dace’s wrist and looks to whip him towards the steel ring steps. Dace is in no mood to go for another unplanned trip however, and he reverses the momentum halfway through to send Toxxic crashing into them instead!

*SSMMAASSSHH!!*

“RRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Disqualify him!” Riley shouts. “Do your job, Hall!”

‘FOUR!’ Hall shouts over the rising noise of the crowd, but Dace doesn’t need telling that he can only win the title in the ring. He peels the straight-edger off the steps and rolls him underneath the ropes, then follows to make the cover.

ONE!

TWO!!

TH-

-but Toxxic kicks out to the despair of the Delta Center! Dace doesn’t waste time in arguing with the official; instead he grabs Toxxic and pulls him up off the mat, then scoops the defending champion up in a pendulum backbreaker and drops him over his knee. Toxxic spasms away from his agonising landing but Dace reaches down to prevent his pain-stricken adversary from escaping, then starts to raise the straight-edger to his feet.

“FUCK HIM UP DACE! FUCK! FUCK!”

With one fluid motion Dace hoists Toxxic up into a Fireman’s carry. Jet looks on in horror from ringside as Horrorcore pauses for a moment to make sure he has his burden firmly secured... then throws Toxxic off and sends him crashing down to the mat in a Reverse DVD!

“Citizen Night is really going to work on Toxxic’s back, and that is likely to mean only one thing,” Comet notes. The superhero’s suspicions are confirmed as Dace tucks one of Toxxic’s legs under each arm, raises his head and shouts out to the crowd “He’s gonna fucking tap!”

“DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE!”

Dace leans down to get the leverage necessary for turning the rookie over into the Torture Crab, but as he does so Toxxic manages to reach up and hook an arm around the White Night’s neck to bring him over in a small package!

ONE!

TWO!

-but Toxxic’s weakened back is unable to contain Dace’s powerful form, and the challenger breaks free of the pinning cradle with relative ease once he recovers from the surprise. Both men rise at roughly the same time and Dace reaches out to grab the troublesome champion, but Toxxic clasps his opponent’s head between his hands and drops to his knees in a jawbreaker to send Dace stumbling backwards again.

“And Toxxic goes right back to working the head!” Riley applauds. “Wonderful strategy!”

“That was a desperation move,” Comet argues as Toxxic crawls backwards, his spine still hurting, “and you know it!”

“No, because normally Toxxic sits out on jawbreakers,” Riley replies primly, “and there he dropped to his knees to cushion the blow to his back.”

Dace turns back in pursuit of his quarry, still clutching his aching jaw, and finds Toxxic scrambling to his feet with his back to him. Seeing his opportunity the White Night moves in and locks both arms around the rookie’s waist, looking for a German suplex, but Toxxic fires off back elbows into the challenger’s face and Dace is forced to break the hold.

“See?” Riley demands. “It’s because of Toxxic’s single-minded focus on Dace’s head that those elbows worked instead of the thick-skulled moron shaking them off as usual.”

“Sweet zombie Jesus...”

As Dace turns away to shield his head from any more blows it is Toxxic’s turn to attack from behind by seizing his opponent in a rear headlock and dropping to one knee, driving the other into the back of Dace’s neck. He pops up and twists around, looking to complete the Detoxx, but then points to the turnbuckle and charges forwards! Dace follows behind, apparently trapped in the three-quarter headlock...

“NO!” yells Jet from the arena floor, and at the last moment Toxxic changes direction and dives through the ropes feetfirst, making an ungraceful landing on the outside but dropping Dace’s neck on the second rope and causing the White Night to bounce off back into the ring, clutching his throat!

“What... why did Toxxic pull out of the Intoxxication?” Comet asks as Jet checks on her boyfriend, who grins weakly and pats her on the shoulder. “I don’t know whether it would have been enough to finish Citizen Night off, but it surely would have weakened the challenger tremendously!”

“No doubt Jet had her reasons,” is all Riley says. “Personally, I suspect she thought Dace had some counter planned.”

Dace is still down on the canvas, gasping for breath. Toxxic’s back is evidently hurting him but he climbs back up to the apron... and raises three fingers over his head.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

With his trademark lopsided grin in place Toxxic vaults up to the top rope-

[“MONDO!” shout the few people in SLC who think it’s cool to cheer arseholes]

-to the top buckle-

[“AKIMBO!”]

-and flies through the air-

[“AG-huh...?”]

-Dace Night raises his knees... but to no avail, as Toxxic forewent the moonsault in favour of a corkscrew 450 legdrop! Both men roll away, Dace clutching his head and Toxxic his back after the hard landing... but it’s Toxxic who recovers enough to grab Dace and turns him over for the pin!

ONE!

TWO!!

THR-

-but the White Night kicks out!

“RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Both men pulled out a surprise there, but it was Toxxic’s that found its mark!” Comet says as the straight-edger looks up pleadingly at Anthony Michael Hall through his eyeliner. “Dace anticipated the moonsault, but in his bid to continue focusing on Citizen Night’s head Toxxic had already turned the Mondo Akimbo A-Go-Go into the Hangover!”

“LET’S GO DA-ACE!”

The volume is rising in the Delta Center once more after Dace’s kickout, but Toxxic knows a way to quiet the fans. He pulls the woozy challenger to his feet... and mimes cracking open a can.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Well, it stopped them chanting at any rate,” Riley grumbles.

Toxxic grabs his opponent in a front facelock and reaches down to hook Dace’s left leg from the inside. Then, as the assembled SWF faithful of Salt Lake City looks on in horror, he lifts.

Well. He tries to, anyway.

“Take that, villain!” Comet cries in delight as Toxxic ceases his efforts, clutching at his back. “Citizen Night’s strategy has paid off, as Toxxic is not only weakened for the Torture Crab but also cannot lift Dace up for the Caffeine Bomb!”

“It’s a desperation move!” Riley shrieks

“How can it be a desperation move when Dace isn’t doing anything?” Comet demands in exasperated tones.

“See!? That’s how desperate he is!”

Toxxic grits his teeth and prepares to try again, but Dace has had time to partially clear his head. He wrenches his leg free of the Straight-Edge Sensation’s grip and bridges backwards in one powerful surge...

*WHAM!!*

“Northern Lights Suplex!” Comet yells. “This could be it!”

ONE!

TWO!!

THR-

-but Toxxic squirms out, and the fans in the Delta Center sit back down in their seats! Dace rolls sideways, head still swimming slightly, and Toxxic turns onto his front whilst trying to catch his breath. Anthony Michael Hall watches them both for a second, then raises both hands.

‘ONE!’

“LET’S GO DA-ACE!”

‘TWO!’

“LET’S GO DA-ACE!”

‘THREE!’

The chants of the crowd seem to goad Dace into action, and the Brummie pushes himself up. Toxxic still hasn’t quite got to his feet but Dace doesn’t let that worry him - he simply grabs the straight-edger roughly from behind, tucks his head under Toxxic’s left arm and hoists him backwards in a backdrop suplex. However Toxxic pushes off the ground and manages to flip over Dace’s head, causing the White Night to land uncomfortably as he tries and fails to keep his feet in mid-move when he realises what’s going on. Dace scrambles up as quickly as he can but Toxxic has had time to measure him and-

*SMACK!*

-jabs a superkick straight into Horrocore’s head. The impact is more fast than hard but it’s enough to send Dace crumbling backwards to the canvas and gives Toxxic a couple more seconds to catch his breath and nurse his back.

“DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE!”

The object of the Salt Lake City’s exhortations is clutching his aching head but still struggling to rise, and on this occasion Toxxic is happy to help him. Before Dace really knows what’s going on the straight-edger grabs hold of his wrist and hauls him up, wincing at the pain in his back as he does so, then whips the groggy Brummie into the ropes. Dace rebounds off and Toxxic slides along the mat-

*CRACK!*

-to slice into Dace’s shins with a soccer tackle! The challenger goes tumbling head over heels onto the canvas, but this time Toxxic isn’t going to wait for Dace to start to climb back up on his own. With Jet cheering him on from outside the ring Toxxic does his best to get Dace upright before booting him in the gut and placing him in a vertical headscissors, then underhooks each of the White Night’s arms!

“Toxxic Shock Syndrome!” Comet yells in fearful anticipation. “This could be all, Citizens!”

Toxxic knows he won’t be able to lift Dace properly for the move - instead he jumps into the air, swinging around to plant the brummie facefirst into the mat that way.

*WHAM!!*

Salt Lake City starts yelling abuse as the Straight-Edge Sensation rolls Dace over onto his back and hooks the leg...

ONE!

TWO!!

THHHHRRREEEEEE-

-but Dace kicks out!

“RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“What fighting spirit exists inside Dace Night!” Comet enthuses. “Toxxic is going to have to work harder than that for his first successful title defence!”

And that seems to be exactly what Toxxic is thinking too, as the rookie doesn’t bother even querying the count but instead heads straight to the ring apron. Dace is still lying face-up in more or less the middle of the ring, and Toxxic can vividly recall how he beat Dace to retain the ICTV Title the last time they wrestled a singles match. Taking a deep breath, the Straight-Edge Sensation vaults to the middle of the top rope before flipping through the air in the Shooting Star Legdrop known as the Inglorious...

*BANG!!*

...that misses as Dace rolls out of the way at the last second!

“DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE-DACE!”

Toxxic’s spine has taken a jolt from the landing but this time there is no corresponding impact on his opponent to make it worthwhile, and as Salt Lake City roars him on Dace focuses on the wincing straight-edger and sees only the World Title staring back at him. With a last desperate burst of energy the Hardcore Goth fights through the pain in his head and wraps his arms around Toxxic’s waist from behind. This time Toxxic isn’t quick enough to fight back, and Dace drags him up to his feet before arcing backwards-

*WHAM!!*

-to spike the World Champion down with a Dangerous German suplex! The impact of his own head on the mat prevents Dace from holding the bridge, but he hooks Toxxic’s leg and rolls into the cover...

ONE!

TWO!!

THHHRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

-but Toxxic just manages to spasm a shoulder off the canvas!

“THAT WAS THREE!”

“The fans here in the Delta Center are firmly behind Dace Night, and justifiably so in my opinion,” Comet states. “Citizen Night is one of the most prominent emissaries of JUSTICE~ in the SWF, and it would be truly fitting if he vanquished Toxxic to become World Champion!”

Dace looks out at the crowd, but he knows that he needs to do just a little bit more before he can finally rest and so he starts to push himself up. The White Night grabs Toxxic’s head to pull the rookie up after him, but as he reaches his feet Toxxic slams his head forwards into Dace’s face with a desperation headbutt! Dace staggers back, yet another shot to the head dazing him for a second, then swings with a retaliatory elbow smash... but his aim is a little off, and Toxxic still has enough mobility left to duck under the wild blow. Dace turns on the spot, looking for his evasive opponent, but as he does so Toxxic bends his knees and hoists Horrorcore’s weight up onto his shoulders!

“That’s it!” Riley yells in delight. “First rule of manual lifting - bend your knees and let them take the weight, not your back!”

Toxxic staggers momentarily under Dace’s weight, then steadies himself. He’s done this move to bigger people before, and he is not going to let himself go down in the SWF record books as just another transitional champion. Tonight, the SWF Title stays where it is. He’s only got enough left for one move, but as he hooks Dace’s left leg behind the knee and spins the Brummie off his shoulders to drop him headfirst to the mat, he reminds himself that no-one in the SWF has kicked out of the Caffeine Bomb yet.

*WHAM!!*

ONE!

TWO!!

THHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

And that isn’t going to change tonight.

*DING-DING-DING!*

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner and STILL~ SWF World Heavyweight Champion,” Funyon’s voice booms over the crashing opening chord of ‘Rookie’ and the combined vitriol of the Delta Center, “TOXXXXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!”

“YES!” Rile shouts joyously. “He brought the TOXXICITY~ Comet, and he’s retained the belt!”

Cyclone Comet can only shake his head sadly as Jet grabs the World Title from Anthony Michael Hall and helps her boyfriend to his feet. Toxxic takes the belt and holds it high above his head for all the fans to see before rolling gingerly under the bottom rope and starting to make his way up the ramp. Once again, just like at Ground Zero, he is met at the top by the rest of Revolution Zero and the four men and one girl turn back to the Delta Center and raise their hands in unison as we

FADE OUT

5_moves_of_doom · August 12, 2004

Bad card (*stares at Thoth*,) good show. A few pretty cool things are starting to show up. Read away.

The card will not be up until early morning... the wee hours... so unless you want to pull an all-nighter, don't wait up. If you have a match in mind, send me a PM. I'm welcoming all ideas.

SWF LOCKDOWN!!!

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