Kane needs more magic powers

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

But WHO SENT HIM?

[Toxxic 0]

The only problem with Tomko is that he looks like the guitarist from System of a Down on steroids.

 

No, I lie. That's not the only problem with Tomko.

 

Regardless, if that angle should come to fruition, why would Kane need to fight when he can use magic? Unless, of course, he accidentally animates broomsticks to fill a cauldron with water and then drops off... only to find to his horror that all of the Dark Mansion ™ is flooded! He desperately tries to stop them by chokeslamming stick after stick, but they keep sitting up! Finally order is restored when the Undertaker returns, snatches the now bent and damp sorcerer's hat from Kane's head and removes Kane's magic powers for good.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

The storyline is perfect. You have Kanes Magic vs. Tomkos Roboskills. It's the classic nature vs. technology story retold in wrestling terms.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

But WHO SENT HIM?

Dusty Rhodes: US President of the future.

 

But give Dusty Rhodes OF THE FUTURE Ra's Al Ghul's goatee.

[Toxxic 0]

Ah, come on. What's Dusty doing involved with this? No, it was Bischoff. He's got twisted and bitter (yep, more so) in his old age because Kane's extended paternity leave gave him no 'KAAAAAAAANE!' to book people against and ruined his show, forcing him to get by on Just For Men adverts and Celebrity Fear Factor.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

Ah, come on. What's Dusty doing involved with this? No, it was Bischoff. He's got twisted and bitter (yep, more so) in his old age because Kane's extended paternity leave gave him no 'KAAAAAAAANE!' to book people against and ruined his show, forcing him to get by on Just For Men adverts and Celebrity Fear Factor.

Nope, WCW has stated that Dusty Rhodes will be President of the United States sometime in the future. Therefore, it was THE AMERRRRICAN DWEEEEEEEEEEM.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

And Kane should switch his theme music to "Celebrate" by Kool and the Gang to signal this new direction.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

And Dusty turns out to be Litas father*, who sent Tomko back in time before his daughter could have his grandchild.

 

*explains Litas speech impediment.

[Toxxic 0]

Ok, Ok, so maybe Dusty FUNDED it. I'm still pulling for Bischoff as the evil genius behind it though. Besides, let's be sensible here - why would Dusty send Tomko back when Dusty's capable of doing the job himself?

 

What's that? He's NOT capable? Think that's stopped him before, do you?

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

You are an idiot.

 

Bischoffs role in this is only to be a red herring. Hinting that HE is the one who is behind Tomko, only to turn out to be some jackass caught in the mix.

[Toxxic 0]

Whatever. I'm not going to be the one showered with sparks when Kane's army of bucket-wielding broomsticks WITH ARMS drench Tomko and cause his circuits to fry. It's just basic safety precautions, people. ALWAYS waterproof your time-travelling cyborgs in case of attack from animated household implements.

 

See, Bischoff wouldn't have thought of that.

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

NO FATE BUT WHAT WE MAKE

[ChrisMWaters 0]

To explain my theory on why Kane has seemingly gotten weaker from when he first started...it's simple.

 

The mask held the majority of Kane's powers.

 

When he sarted off, he was at his strongest. And that's when the mask that he used to wear completely covered his face. His powers were at full then.

 

As time went on, the powers in the mask slowly drained...but everytime he won a match, it would replenish the powers somewhat. Therefore, that's why he wrestled...to replenish the powers of the mask.

 

After his mask was stolen by X-Pac, Kane had to perform a ceremony to transfer the powers to a new mask. However, the new mask couldn't contain the powers completely, blowing off the mouth area. Thusly, Kane was somewhat weakened without that mouthpiece.

 

Ultimately, when he lost the mask vs. title match with HHH, Kane had to forfeit most of his powers, but with years of wearing that mask, a portion of the powers had been absorbed into his body. That's why he still has some of his powers, but not all of them.

[Guest Quik]

But WHO SENT HIM?

The same man who lifted the breifcase:

 

[The Czech Republic 0]

lol nice. Kane should also have a talking car, which further proves my theory: Germans love David Hasselhoff.

[Guest JMA]

This story really needs the New Breed.

[The Czech Republic 0]

But not the New Brood.

[Guest DeathBecomesYou]

The only problem with Tomko is that he looks like the guitarist from System of a Down on steroids.

 

No, I lie. That's not the only problem with Tomko.

I always thought he looked like a 'roided up version of Scott Ian from Anthrax.

[Guest The Spike]

But not the New Brood.

What about the Broodwich?

 

Of course The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past...from the future would be better. Kane could shape shift into The Christmas Creature and feud with him. They could have an Inferno match where they'd have to light JR on fire (like a yule log). It would be a great angle during the holidays. Actually, any holiday would work.

[The Czech Republic 0]

Undertaker is wrestling's Ghost Of Christmas Future...whereever the hell that thread is.

 

Speaking of the Brood, Kane should bring back the Gangrelevator and say that under the Raw stage is where his secret lair is. He's got a black screen to stand in front of for cutting mysterious promos, his collection of Alistair Crowley literature that he draws his magic from, and a mini-fridge.

[Scroby 0]

But in all seriousness...why not bring in Father James Mitchell as a manager? Could be cool.

 

I rather have James Mitchell in for Tajiri again, those promos of Mitchell's in ECW were great. Maybe bring insane Whipreck back too or make someone else "insane" to tag with Tajiri.

[Adam 0]

Well then Lita Kane and Kane Kane could have their own Ministry of Kaness, featuring James Mitchell, Mikey Whipwreck, Tajiri and Rhyno. Then Jeff Hardy could be revealed as the Higher Power and we'd get a replay of that awesome MOTYC from Vengeance 2001.