Looooockdown.

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

Comet: "And TNT takes a three minute break from studying to post the show!"

 

Riley: "Phenominal!"

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

The camera pans around the fans packing the Compaq Center, slowly settling in for the night’s events. There is still a steady stream of fans in the aisles, moving in both directions as some try to find their seats and others head to the concession stands, inexplicably more interested in getting a t-shirt during the match featuring an unknown newcomer named “Uncle Filthy” than a title bout.

Referee Nick Lumas is already in the ring as Funyon enters, clutching a microphone. The crowd starts to quiet down as he begins the ring introductions.

 

Funyon: “Introducing first, making his SWF debut here tonight...he weighs in at two-hundred fifty-six pounds and hails from The Magical World of Your Imagination...being accompanied to the ring by Cap’n Plundah and Gorilla Pete...UNCLE FILTHY!”

 

Funyon retreats to a neutral corner as the instrumental Jazz From Hell version of Frank Zappa’s “Let’s Make The Water Turn Black” begins playing over the house speakers.

Gorilla Pete and Cap’n Plundah clumsily dance out onto the ramp, enthusiastically waving to the crowd and trying to start an “Un-cle Fil-thy” chant. They fail at this, but there are a few scattered cheers, mostly from kids and obviously stoned college students.

Uncle Filthy’s wheezing, vaguely snarling voice booms over the music...

 

“Whaddaya say, kids!?”

 

A scattered few people who recognize Uncle Filthy from the independent circuit respond with “UNCLE!”, while the rest of the crowd sits quietly or talks among themselves.

 

Uncle Filthy steps out onto the top of the ramp, carrying the Magic Bindle over his shoulder. He waves to the crowd then breaks into a run, quickly reaching ringside then ducking between the ropes. He stands in the center of the ring and unbuttons his sweater, revealing the inspirational t-shirt of the day...a white t-shirt reading “DOGPILE ON THE POOR KID” in blue block letters.

 

Comet: This is how much faith they have in Uncle Filthy...he doesn’t even get lighting cues.

 

Gorilla Pete and Cap’n Plundah dance their way to ringside, drawing confused stares and mild revulsion from the majority of the crowd. Uncle Filthy takes his corner, passing the Magic Bindle out to Cap’n Plundah as the music fades out.

 

Funyon steps back into the center of the ring, raising his microphone to speak...

 

Funyon: And his opponent...competing in his first match since returning to the SWF...fighting out of Sydney, Australia and weighing in at two-hundred and twenty-four pounds...STRYKE!

 

*WHOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

A massive wall of blue and silver pyro fires up all across the stage, Cypress Hill's "How I Could Just Kill A Man" kicking into action as Stryke steps out onto the stage. A wave of boos goes through the crowd as Stryke saunters down the ramp, soaking up the crowd's hatred as he makes his way to ringside. He ducks through the ropes, pauses to look out over the crowd, then, as the chorus of his theme music hits, steps to the second turnbuckle and raises his arms to the crowd. This enrages the crowd even more, as they boo Stryke and even start up a quiet and short-lived “Un-cle Fil-thy” chant out of pure spite. “Stryke Sucks” appears to be the much more popular chant tonight, though, and it’s already ringing from the stadium rafters.

 

Stryke stares Uncle Filthy down from across the ring, tensing his quadricep muscles in a shallow squat as he prepares to attack. Uncle Filthy snarls at him, putting up his dukes, although he can’t seem to keep them level with each other.

 

Comet: Stryke is going to be looking to outmaneuver Uncle Filthy in this match. From what I’ve heard, he’s got Uncle Filthy outclassed in every area except raw power, he has to keep moving and keep Uncle Filthy off a vertical base!

 

Stryke starts to move forward, but checks his step.

Uncle Filthy charges headlong at Stryke.

Stryke is already three steps ahead of Uncle Filthy, sidestepping him, grabbing his arm, and shooting him into the ropes with an Irish whip!

 

Comet: Stryke completely faked him out! If Uncle Filthy’s going to fall for something like that, this is going to be a very short match.

 

Uncle Filthy rebounds back-first off the ropes...and Stryke is already airborne! He hits a dropkick with surgical precision, planting both feet on Uncle Filthy’s chest. Uncle Filthy sprawls backward into the corner, grabbing the ropes to hold himself up. Stryke lands on his side but is on his feet almost instantly. Stryke charges the corner...

 

*SMACK!*

 

...and rocks Uncle Filthy with a European uppercut! Uncle Filthy’s head snaps back on impact, but he stays on his feet!

 

Comet: Uncle Filthy is not impressing these fans! Look! That kid just flipped him off!

 

There are some scattered cheers for Stryke (amid the much louder boos), and a faint “Un-cle Fuck-er” chant is starting up.

Stryke takes a step back, then lunges into a full three-hundred and sixty degree spin, coming all the way around to blast Uncle Filthy with a rolling forearm! Uncle Filthy’s eyes roll back as he slumps into the corner. He catches himself against the middle ropes, managing to stay on his feet. Stryke mocks him as he hauls himself back up, not noticing that Uncle Filthy actually is getting back up kind of quickly…

Stryke grabs Uncle Filthy by the forearms, pulling him all the way up to his feet. He hauls him out of the corner, holding him by the shoulders and setting him up for...

 

*WHUBANG!*

 

Uncle Filthy snaps his neck forward, knocking foreheads with Stryke! Both men reel on their feet, but neither goes down!

 

Riley: Uncle Filthy with a headbutt out of nowhere!

 

Uncle Filthy seems to have gotten the crowd’s attention. The “Un-cle Fuck-er” chant is dying down, and an actual cheer is clearly and distinctly heard. Uncle Filthy grabs onto Stryke’s shoulders...

 

*WHUBANG!*

 

Uncle Filthy fires off another headbutt, before he can fully feel the effects of the first one on his own dome. Uncle Filthy’s forehead connects squarely with the bridge of Stryke’s nose, and he collapses in a heap. Uncle Filthy drops down to one knee, planting his hand on the mat to stop himself from falling forward.

 

Riley: Uncle Filthy put a LOT of power behind those headbutts! I think he surprised Stryke there!

Comet: He surprised me, too. I thought he was dead.

 

Uncle Filthy powers himself up to his feet. He’s still shaking cobwebs as he grabs Stryke by the neck and pulls him up into a standing side headlock. Stryke is already struggling as Uncle Filthy tries to take him down with a DDT. Stryke blocks it, refusing to budge. Uncle Filthy fires a couple of quick punches into Stryke’s ribs with his far arm, but can’t manage much force because of the angle. He hauls back and tries for the DDT again, jumping up to...*WHAM!* NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! Stryke wraps his arms around Uncle Filthy’s waist, and, using his own momentum, takes him right over with a Northern Lights! He struggles a little to bring Uncle Filthy over the top of the arc, but drops him solidly on his back. Arched backward, he holds on for the bridge...

 

 

ONE...

 

 

 

 

TW...SHOULDER UP!

 

 

Uncle Filthy rolls hard to the side, breaking the pinfall and causing Stryke to fall on his back. Uncle Filthy, quickly recovering from the suplex, lunges at Stryke on all fours. He grabs Stryke’s shoulder and turns him over to face the mat. Uncle Filthy awkwardly throws an arm over Stryke’s neck, going for a front facelock, but Stryke easily pushes away!

 

Comet: That is not how you apply a front facelock! You don’t even need to be a wrestler to know that!

 

Stryke hooks Uncle Filthy by his neck, trapping one arm and lifting him to his feet. Uncle Filthy swings at Stryke with his free arm, but Stryke is in a controlling position.

 

Comet: Uncle Filthy is giving this match away!

 

Stryke hauls Uncle Filthy up to his feet. In one swift motion, Stryke turns himself around and Uncle Filthy over, ending up in perfect position for a reverse neckbreaker! Uncle Filthy’s neck bends backward over Stryke’s shoulder, then snaps forward, his chin driving into his chest as he lands flat on his back on the canvas. There still aren’t many cheers for Uncle Filthy, but the boos for Stryke are getting louder by the minute.

Stryke turns Uncle Filthy over, then runs across the ring, turning to hit the ropes back-first. He rebounds and runs directly at Uncle Filthy, going airborne three paces short of stepping on him and landing dead-center on his lower back with a double-foot stomp!

Stryke steps back and swings a leg over Uncle Filthy, hooking his arms and shifting his weight onto his lower back. He sits down, forcing Uncle Filthy down to the mat and locking his hands around his chin to apply the camel clutch! Uncle Filthy is still groggy, trying to push himself up but unable to lift Stryke’s weight.

 

Comet: Stryke’s already got the Stretch Plum in sight! He’s wearing down Uncle Filthy’s lower back, which both increases the damage that hold is going to do and reduces Uncle Filthy’s chances of powering out of it – the only way he could escape unless he suddenly learns how to counter moves.

 

Uncle Filthy tries to shift to the side, but Stryke holds him in place.

Cap’n Plundah panics and grabs the Magic Bindle, throwing it into the ring right at Nick Lumas’ feet. Lumas kicks it back out and turns around to face the Cap’n, threatening him with ejection. Cap’n Plundah flashes him the two hooks, holding up his index and middle fingers together in a crooked “hook” shape and balling his remaining fingers into fists.

Gorilla Pete sees his opportunity. He vaults into the ring and hits the mat running. He yanks the keyboard off his neck and, building up as much speed as he can in half a ring worth of distance...

 

*KERRACK!*

 

...blasts Stryke in the back of the head with it! The keyboard emits a little plastic death rattle as it connects, and two keys fall to the mat. Barely even breaking his stride, Gorilla Pete keeps running and dives through the ropes on the other side, appearing to Nick Lumas only as a brown blur at the edge his peripheral vision.

 

Comet: I’m not even going to dignify this with a reaction.

 

The fans react with a combination of cheers, boos and laughter, which clearly sounds a lot louder and more positive to Uncle Filthy than it does anyone else in the arena. Stryke starts coming back around and immediately tries to re-apply the camel clutch, but Uncle Filthy is able to struggle his way up to his hands and knees with Stryke on his back!

Uncle Filthy bucks Stryke off, making him fall backward into a seated position on the mat! This shakes Stryke long enough for Uncle Filthy to crawl forward a few paces, then stagger up to his feet!

 

Riley: He’s up! Uncle Filthy has already taken a beating, but he’s back on his feet!

 

Stryke is just barely vertical when Uncle Filthy rushes him! Uncle Filthy dives into Stryke’s knees, taking the left one to the face but shaking it off, sending him *WHWHAP* hard to the canvas, which he hits first with his hips, then his back and the back of his head. Uncle Filthy stands up and drops a mismeasured elbow intended for Stryke’s midsection that connects with his right thigh.

 

Uncle Filthy is momentarily confused, but regains his focus. He grabs Stryke by his shoulder and waist, pulling him up and turning him to face away. Uncle Filthy hooks his hands through Stryke’s legs and tries to lift him up. He winces in pain and clutches Stryke, setting him back down before successfully lifting him up on the second attempt. To increasingly loud cheers from the fans, Uncle Filthy holds Stryke up for a split-second before *THUMP* slamming him down right on his face!

 

Riley: Uncle Filthy finally showing some signs of life!

Comet: And all he needed was a few dozen shots to the head!

 

Clutching his back and trying to stretch out, Uncle Filthy moves to stand over Stryke’s head. He grabs Stryke by the hair, pulling him up into an off-center standing head-scissors. Uncle Filthy cups his hands around the back of Stryke’s neck and *HWHAM!* sits out with a faceslam, spiking Stryke’s nose into the canvas!

 

Riley: Uncle Filthy’s actually getting in enough offense to show hints of his strategy now! Uncle Filthy knows he needs to keep bouncing Stryke around, keep him from building up any speed. And he’s already starting to work the jaw and the bridge of the nose to soften Stryke up for that side faceslam finishing move.

Comet: All I heard was “side”, “slam” and “finishing move”.

 

Uncle Filthy grabs Stryke by the hair with one hand and the waistband with the other, and tosses him out of the ring through the first and second ropes. Stryke lands face-first on the mats at ringside, but quickly has hold of the guardrail, trying to pull himself back up.

Uncle Filthy looks around at the crowd. The chants are getting even louder.

 

“Who’s ready to LEARN!” Uncle Filthy screams, as loudly as he can manage.

 

This actually gets a cheer from the fans.

Uncle Filthy calls Cap’n Plundah over. Cap’n Plundah grabs the magic bindle and sprints around the ring to meet Uncle Filthy. He hands him something from his pocket.

 

Uncle Filthy is still screaming, berserk with self-confidence.

 

“Let’s learn about the letter B! B is for Batteries!”

 

Uncle Filthy rails a handful of AA batteries at Stryke. They bounce off his back harmlessly, but the psychological damage is immense. Uncle Filthy grabs the Magic Bindle from Cap’n Plundah and takes a huge, arcing swing at Stryke.

 

“B is for Bindle!”

 

To a roar of approval from the crowd, Uncle Filthy connects, cracking the axe handle across Stryke’s neck. Stryke releases the guardrail and falls to the concrete. Uncle Filthy waves to the crowd, trying to encourage more cheers.

 

“B is for...”

 

Uncle Filthy looks around ringside. He sees only the ringsteps, a steel chair, the Magic Bindle that’s still in his hands, and the end of a metal toolbox sticking out from underneath the ring.

Uncle Filthy looks expectantly at Cap’n Plundah, who just shrugs his shoulders.

 

“B IS FOR!!”

 

Stryke, clutching his back with one hand, is slowly pulling himself up the guardrail. Facing the crowd, he doesn’t notice Gorilla Pete run past him, holding out a banana.

Uncle Filthy grabs the banana away from Gorilla Pete, shoves Cap’n Plundah out of the way, and charges at Stryke!

The fans don’t even have time to start cheering. Stryke is up and waiting with perfectly timed kick to the midsection by the time Uncle Filthy reaches him! The banana goes flying as Uncle Filthy doubles over, the wind knocked out of him.

The boos for Stryke are louder than ever as he bends Uncle Filthy down and swings one leg over his head. Stryke tenses, mustering all his strength to pull Uncle Filthy up for a piledriver! He can’t hold his weight up long enough to hit his usual stalling piledriver, but he falls back with a devastating pulling variation!

 

Comet: B is for Brain Damage! Uncle Filthy wasted time playing to the crowd, and his moronic antics just cost him the match! He’s not going to recover from a piledriver on the outside!

 

Stryke lifts Uncle Filthy up by the collar of his sweater and rams him headfirst into the ringpost! He lets Uncle Filthy fall to the arena floor before hoisting him up again, and revealing that he has been busted wide open! Blood is starting to run down Uncle Filthy’s forehead as Stryke rams him into the post for a second time.

 

Comet: B is for Bleeding!

 

Uncle Filthy winces as Stryke boots him in the ribs, rolling him over onto his back. More blood is forced out as he furrows his forehead in pain. Stryke ducks out of the ring and finds the banana. He re-enters the ring and, standing over Uncle Filthy, slowly peels the banana and takes a bite.

The fans are on their feet booing Stryke as he peels the banana down to the bottom, then reaches down and mashes it into Uncle Filthy’s face.

 

Comet: B is for Bitch!

 

Stryke covers Uncle Filthy, hooking his far leg with a lateral press. Nick Lumas starts the count as the fans begin a last-ditch “Un-cle Fil-thy” chant.

 

ONE...

 

 

 

 

TWO...

 

 

 

Stryke is already grinning as the “Stryke Sucks” chants start up again.

 

 

 

 

THR...SHOULDER UP!

 

 

A limited but intense cheer goes up as Uncle Filthy lifts a shoulder with Nick Lumas’ hand less than three feet from the mat!

 

Comet: No! I really wanted this to be over!

 

To Stryke’s disbelief, Uncle Filthy is starting to get to his feet. His injured back slows him down, though, and Stryke has plenty of time to get to his feet and move in on Uncle Filthy. Uncle Filthy is focused entirely on getting up and doesn’t even notice Stryke...until he’s close enough for a surprise knee to the lower midsection! Stryke is caught completely off-guard!

 

Comet: And now Lumas is allowing blatant low blows! What did this lunatic do to earn these special priveleges?!

 

Uncle Filthy takes a step back, then throws out a wild left hook to the face! Stryke’s head snaps to the side, but he quickly centers himself. Uncle Filthy is already throwing another punch, stomping down hard on the mat as he connects. He has a wild look in his eyes (and a strand of drool is hanging from his beard) as he takes in the cheers.

 

“UN-CLE”

*THUMP!*

 

Uncle Filthy lands another big left hand to the face, but Stryke barely moves from the spot! Stryke starts bearing down on Uncle Filthy...

 

“FIL-THY!”

*THUMP!*

 

Uncle Filthy throws a sweeping right hook, his sweater sleeve flailing behind his arm as he barely connects with his target, punching Stryke hard in the shoulder.

 

Comet: Well, that’s just great. Uncle Filthy just blew a freaking punch.

 

Unfazed and sensing weakness, Uncle Filthy launches into a massive spinning windup, windmilling his left arm to rev up a punch of Popeye-like proportions.

 

“UN-CLE”

Uncle Filthy gives his arm a few more spins, then fires off a huge uppercut...

 

“FIL-THyyyyyyy...”

...that Stryke catches with ease!

 

Comet: Did you see that!? Stryke got his arm up out of nowhere and blocked that closed- fist punch! Stryke demonstrating unbelievable resilience and skill there! And the fact that he’s demonstrating them on this demented old mutant makes it even more impressive!

 

The crowd deflates in unison as Stryke cranks Uncle Filthy’s arm behind his back, applying a textbook hammerlock! Lifting Uncle Filthy up just enough to get the soles of his boots completely off the mat, Stryke extends his far knee and turns inwards, dropping Uncle Filthy backfirst across it!

 

Comet: What a maneuver! Hammerlock backbreaker by Stryke, and he’s still holding on!

 

Still holding the hammerlock on him, Stryke lifts Uncle Filthy back up to his feet, standing behind him. He steps between Uncle Filthy’s legs and releases the hammerlock, but only to free both arms to apply a simulatneous headlock and armbar. Uncle Filthy’s entire upper body is wrenched as he struggles, putting everything he has left into preventing Stryke from locking the hold on!

 

Comet: There it is! Stretch Plum! With the damage that’s already been done to Uncle Filthy’s back, this will break him in half!

 

Uncle Filthy is fighting like a wounded animal, swinging and thrashing at Stryke for all he’s worth. He’s able to struggle his head free and, twisting his own neck at a sharp angle, spit a mouthful of bloody banana pulp in Stryke’s face!

A kid in the front row develops a complex that will take years of therapy to resolve.

 

Uncle Filthy throws himself back against Stryke! He catches him off balance, taking both men down to the mat. Stryke is frantically rubbing at his face while Uncle Filthy scoops the banana away from his own eyes with his middle and index fingers, which he sticks directly in his mouth.

Uncle Filthy’s face is a disgusting mask of blood and mashed banana. He holds his arms out in front of him, hands pointing down, and Frankenstein-shuffles toward Stryke. Stryke clears his eyes just in time to see Uncle Filthy right in his face. Uncle Filthy grabs Stryke by the arm and whips him chest-first into the ropes on the opposite side of the ring. Uncle Filthy runs right in behind him and, as he staggers back from the ropes, catches him with a running bulldog! The ring shakes visibly as Uncle Filthy drives Stryke’s face into the mat!

 

Riley: I don’t believe it! Uncle Filthy is actually still in this match!

 

Uncle Filthy goes for a quick cover, forgetting to hook Stryke’s leg. Nick Lumas starts the count...

 

 

ONE...

 

 

 

TWO...

 

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

 

Comet: Not enough! Uncle Filthy only got two!

Riley: But he’s not letting Stryke up! He’s already got a headlock on him!

 

Uncle Filthy lifts Stryke up into a standing side headlock, setting him up for a DDT. Uncle Filthy tries to drop down to the mat, but Stryke stays on his feet.

 

Comet: Stryke blocks the DDT! He’s going for the Northern Lights again!

 

Stryke throws his arms around Uncle Filthy’s waist and powers him up for a Northern Lights suplex...but he can’t take Uncle Filthy over! Instead of jumping, Uncle Filthy bears down on Stryke’s neck, sandbagging him.

 

Riley: This time Uncle Filthy knows what to do! Stryke lacks the lifting strength to just power Uncle Filthy over, so as long as he actually knows how to block the move, he can!

 

Stryke’s entire body visibly tenses as he tries for the Northern Lights suplex again.

 

Comet: Stryke’s got a good shot at ending this match here, all he has to do is take the old man over!

 

Styrke tries to lift Uncle Filthy again, lifting the soles of his boots off the mat. Stryke summons one last burst of strength, and...Uncle Filthy leans inward and hooks his far arm around Stryke’s hips. Uncle Filthy lifts Stryke up, breaking his grip on his waist, and holds him parallel to the mat for a split-second before kicking his legs out!

 

*WHUMP!*

 

Uncle Filthy slams Stryke face-first on the canvas! Show’s Over, Kids!

 

Riley: Stryke didn’t have the strength to get Uncle Filthy up for that suplex, and he got so caught up in trying that he left himself open for the Show’s Over, Kids!

 

Poorly synchronized “Un-cle Fil-thy” chants are starting to build up throughout the stands.

Uncle Filthy looks down at Stryke, then up at the crowd.

 

Comet: Look at Uncle Filthy, wasting time pandering to the crowd again! He’s going to waste another prime opportunity because he’s too busy pandering to those braying jackasses!

 

Clearly using every ounce of his willpower, he looks away from the crowd, uses his boot to roll Stryke over onto his back, and covers him, hooking both his legs and covering him too low on his torso. Nick Lumas is already in position to start the count...

 

 

 

ONE...

 

 

 

 

TWO...

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

 

Nick Lumas calls for the bell!

 

Comet: He won!? Uncle Filthy WON?! I would not want to be Stryke right now!

 

 

Funyon enters the ring, microphone in hand.

 

 

Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner...UNCLE FILTHY!

 

 

Gorilla Pete and Cap’n Plundah enter the ring to help Uncle Filthy to his feet. They briefly enjoy the cheers from the crowd while Stryke’s music begins playing. It quickly cust out and, a few seconds later, is replaced by “Let’s Make the Water Turn Black”. Cap’n Plundah and Gorilla Pete dance around Uncle Filthy as Stryke skulks away from the ring.

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

The scene on television screens around the world switches from an ad for ESPN Sportscenter, rumoring Michael Jordan’s umpteenth return attempt, to the swimming, teeming masses of folks piled high in the HP Pavilion in San Jose! The signage is as diverse as the people: “Prepare For Landon” held by a buxom young blonde, “Grand Slammer For The Hall Of Fame” put aloft by a throng of San Fran Giants fans, and, in semi-counter to that, “Stevens / MacPhisto – ‘04” raised high by a mass of the Oakland A’s faithful… In addition, there is even a group of fans dressed to the nines in San Jose Sharks gear with a big sign that reads, “Job Commish Bettman to Cutthroat! Bring back our other hardcore love!” That one shouldn’t be too surprising, considering…

 

“We’re back in the ‘Shark Tank’, fellow citizens!” Cyclone Comet intones over the raucous crowd as the camera view spins quickly down from the crowd to focus on our very own SWF dynamic duo. “And for those of you just joining us, it seems we have a mini-Genesis on our hands tonight on Lockdown! Three main events! Three titles on the line! Three contendership matches! Bobby Riley to my left to help bring the action into your homes, and I am…”

 

“Don’t EVEN think about it, Spandex Boy!” Riley hisses. Comet smiles as he stays silent, but the cry from the crowd behind the announce table is unmistakable:

 

“CY-CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE COMET!” With that, one of the fans pops a rather loud party favor, sending the group into frenzy. Comet just grins at Bobby.

 

“By Hera, I love these San Jose fans, Bobbo…”

 

“Quit encouraging the masses… Please?”

 

“But it’s my job to be an icon to the masses. I’m a super hero after all.” Bobby just groans.

 

“At any rate,” Comet continues, turning back to the camera, “We have a stacked card tonight! The SWF Championship, the ICTV Belt, -and- the Tag Titles all up for grabs here tonight…”

 

“Oh puh-leeze!” Riley butts in, much to the chagrin of the now momentum-broken Comet. “Toxxic is never going to lose the Championship to someone so out of his league as Andrea Montgomery… Spike and Sean are a lock for retaining the Tag Belts against Mike Van Sickly and Todd Bore-tez… The only title up-for-grabs is the ICTV title, and that’s only because Max King, the only –real- icon in the Fed…” Bobby pauses to cast an indignant glance at Comet, who shrugs it off. “Is gonna nab it off that Junior Carnie go-for boy and perennial jobber Landon Maddix!” Comet looks at the now hard-breathing Riley.

 

“Those were some classic lines, Bobbo… Write them yourself?”

 

“Nah… I guess they gave me some new scrub to write my ‘witty dialog’ tonight…” Both pause.

 

“Be that as it may,” Comet states to break the silence, “We’ve already had one match tonight… The recently returned Citizen Stryke facing off against a… Eccentric character… In Uncle Filthy.”

 

We get some of the higher spots of that matchup on-screen as Riley and Comet continue talking in a voice-over.

 

“You know, Comet,” Bobby states, “I remember catching some of Uncle Filthy’s work on public access. He’s a pretty good and wholesome icon for kids everywhere.”

 

“You –have- to be kidding me.”

 

“Not at all, Comet! It’s very Fun-ucational™ Good, clean fun for kids of all ages.”

 

The camera turns back on, revealing our announcers: Riley looking sure of himself, Comet looking a combination of horrified and incredulous.

 

“’Good, clean fun’,” Comet repeats. “Bobbo, have you –looked- at the guy???”

 

“Yeah, he looks like Average Joe American.”

 

“And you’re saying you’re like that then?”

 

“Nope! I’m above average!”

 

“That you are,” mutters Comet as he spies the ever-present and ever-popular Funyon approaching ringside. His voice rises to call out over the slowly building crowd. “It looks like our next match is getting ready to start! Let’s listen in…”

 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Funyon calls, “The following contest is a three-way, last blood match to determine contendership for the SWF Hardcore Title!”

 

YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

 

“Gee,” Bobby states as Funyon pauses until the crowd starts to die down. “I think this crowd’s really blood-thirsty.”

 

“Really, Bobbo,” Comet fires back, rolling his eyes at the… Intelligence… Of his partner. “You think so?” Suddenly, the speakers of the Pavilion squeal, and “Tearing Everybody Down” by Anti-Flag kicks up. The crowd, not really recognizing the music, kinda half cheers as bursts of red pyros flares from the sides of the entranceway, and a torrential downpour of pyros cascade down from the ‘Tron and blanket the front entrance ramp.

 

“Introducing first,” Funyon continues, “From Newark, New Jersey… Weighing in at 275 pounds… Danny… DAAAAAGDAAAAA!” The just-mentioned Dagda comes out from behind the spray of pyros… And he just has this… Swagger about him…

 

BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

For a moment, the blue-jeaned, black t-shirted Dagda looks at the fans seemingly hurt by their reaction… Then he shrugs, and promptly flicks them off. That, of course…

 

BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

… Just makes the fans love him more.

 

“Well…” Comet manages to say after a pause. “Citizen Dagda is… Really endearing himself to the San Jose faithful here.” Moreover, Dagda drives the point home after he slides into the ring, by mockingly bowing to the crowd, and giving them the ever-popular “Suck It!” signal.

 

BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

“Citizen Dagda definitely looking to win any popularity contests,” Comet says with disdain in his voice.

 

“Who needs popularity when you’re just –that- -good-!” Riley gushes. “He’s wild and unpredictable, and he doesn’t care what others think. He’s just out there to hurt some folks and make a name for himself.”

 

“Sooooo… You’re giving the rookie a seal of approval, Bobbo?’

 

“… No. Never. Not a chance in Hell. No way, no how.”

 

“A simple ‘no’ would’ve sufficed.” Dagda runs a hand through his hair, and then flicks the gel he pulls out of it towards the crowd as the speakers crank back up with the very eerie beginnings of Ozzy’s “Back On Earth”.

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” Riley bemoans as David Cross strides with focus and confidence from the entrance area. He doesn’t notice the mini-pyro display behind him as he walks. He doesn’t notice the hearty handslaps of the fans. All he notices is the black-haired youth in the ring, clapping sarcastically in his direction.

 

“Introducing next,” Funyon states, “From Oil City, P.A.… Weighing in at 277 pounds… David… CROOOOOOOOOOSS!” The crowd goes more electric as Cross slides into the ring, eyeing Dagda… Dagda, to his credit, backs away a little, holding his arms up, as if to say, “I have no quarrel with you just yet”. Cross continues to stare him down for a few more moments, and as Dagda backs himself all the way out of the ring, slips his leather jacket and cross off, handing them to the referee for safekeeping. He then watches Dagda warily as Dagda looks… Suddenly very serious.

 

“Citizen Cross looking all business in this match,” Comet utters, “It almost seems he’s a little out of his element though, being he’s not one for weapon use.”

 

“Of course he seems out of his element!” Riley replies. “He’s been basically on the back burner for what seems like ages now! And with the weapons… Well, he’ll have to learn real quick, or he’ll be the one to bleed tonight! I’m sure Danny D has no qualms about putting this thing to bed early!”

 

“Ahh, Bobbo, but that’s where you forget… We have a third entrant in this contest tonight.”

 

“… Oh. Yeah, right… Him.”

 

“The ‘him’ that my… Ahem… Colleague refers to…”

 

“HEY! What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“… Is a returning name of old, back to the IGN days… He is Christian Fury, coming back from nearly a year on hiatus after a less-than-stellar run after his infamous fellowship with the Clan.” Riley scoffs at his partner’s statement.

 

“’Less-than-stellar’? He out and out sucked! Without the Clan’s backing, he was nothing. He won the European Championship with the Clan, then turned his back on them. He was nothing then, and he’ll be nothing now.” Blissfully, any continuation of the debate is ended as the arena lights drop down to nothingness. The crowd murmurs in anticipation, most not knowing a damn thing about the athlete about to appear. Cross and Dagda glance towards the entranceway, awaiting the third member of this dance card… The Pavilion’s speakers kick on, and the haunting opening of System Of A Down's "Aerials" softly filtered over them. The majority of the crowd doesn’t react overmuch, but there are some scattered cheers of recognition. All watch as the SmarkTron shows a slow-motion video montage of a man up high on the ropes, and plummeting down, flipping to smash some unsuspecting opponent on the floor below. This starts the crowd going with cheers. Just as the first verse is ready to play...

 

BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

 

A massive pyro explosion flares up at the entrance ramp, and the song goes suddenly to a harder beat, switching to the guitar solo before the second-to-last chorus (the point right after they start screaming). The crowd…

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

The crowd is screaming hard, but no one has appeared from behind the pyro wall yet! Suddenly, there’s a flurry of activity in the ring… Cross, having been focusing to see the newest threat, half-turns at the crowd response… And instead of Funyon’s voice, we hear Riley’s voiceover:

 

“Looks like a bit of mayhem’s gonna break loose!”

 

-----

 

(A few moments earlier…)

 

As I stand behind the heavy curtain separating me from the packed arena, a tech fiddles with the sound and pyro equipment, working on my entrance. I can’t bring myself to look at the closed-circuit TV; I’d rather just plunge myself into the chaotic world than tease myself with what’s out there. The tech makes a few button presses, and then looks at me expectantly. I nod, and he turns back to his panel, pushing a few more buttons. I can see the house lights die off through the slits in the curtain, the flashbulbs picking up a little. The tech, who can’t be much older than 21, looks at me with a smile.

 

“Nervous?” I muster up a shallow smile.

 

“A bit… It’s been a year.”

 

“I know. I’m sure you’ll be fine, Mister Fury.” That gets me smiling more.

 

“Call me Chris.” “Aerials” filters through the curtain, already partway through, and then a bright flash… The heat of the pyrotechnics leaking through the curtain, the cheering of the crowd…

 

Wait…

 

The cheering? But… I’m not even out there yet! I look at the tech for a moment. He notes my confused expression, and shrugs.

 

“One way to find out!” I nod at him, and part the curtains just as the pyros die down…

 

The crowd is electric, the flashbulbs and the houselights flaring back to life… Cutting through the smoke, I find…

 

“They’ve started the match without me,” I muse to no one in particular. Ahead of me in the ring, I see the slick-haired kid, Danny Daga… Dagada… Something like that… wailing away at the other competitor, David Cross, I think it is… with a chair. The kid’s merciless, swinging and flailing with the metal object as Cross tries to cover up and roll out of the way of the brutal impacts. Suddenly… Dagda, that’s his name! Suddenly he’s looking out at me… He throws the chair down, trying to goad at me and taunt me down there. I just smile, even while the fans…

 

BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

…Show they’re none-too-thrilled at this ‘stoppage in play’. But I just continue to smile while Dagda vents and rants and raves, and…

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

Dagda raises a brow at the sudden shift in the crowd, and half-turns as…

 

WHAM!!!!!

 

Cross launches, and absolutely LEVELS Dagda with a running forearm! I chuckle to myself.

 

“Rookie!” About now is when I start making myself the rest of the way down to the ring, kendo stick in hand. Cross hauls the younger Dagda up at that point, whipping him into the ropes. And in these first few moments alone, I’ve already learned a lot about my opposition. Cross seems a little leery to really come down to the ‘hardcore level’ right away. Dagda, however, is quite the opposite… Brash, arrogant, more than willing to throw down hardcore-style, and…

 

WHAM!!!!! YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

…Currently flat on his back in the ring after a nice clothesline by Cross. I slide into the ring quickly, looking to smack Cross down in the split second of recovery after his move. I swing the kendo stick down, looking for a quick advantage, and…

 

SNAP!!!!!

 

The kendo stick impacts nothing but ring mat! Cross dodged! Hmm… He has a bit more agility than I gave him credit for. Suddenly, as I’m turning to face him, he dodges around again… And suddenly I feel myself becoming the victim of a quick and strong front face lock! And just as quick…

 

SLAM!!!!!

 

The stars are swimming in my vision now… Damnit, I shouldn’t have underestimated this guy.

 

That was one quick DDT.

 

And I’ve missed those stars.

 

My body’s kinda tingling and numb, and I think I dropped the kendo stick along the way. And slowly it dawns on me…

 

There was no follow-up attack.

 

CRASH!!!!! YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

Ah… There’s the reason why. Dagda found his chair again. I’d better get up before…

 

SLAM!!!!!

 

Ow, that hurt…

 

SLAM!!!!!

 

Damnit! Moving too…

 

SLAM!!!!!

 

Alright, THAT’S IT! I’M PISSED NOW!!! I work with my instincts, and…

 

SLAM!!!!!

 

I feel the breeze of the missed chair shot, and work on quickly… Or as quickly as my burning, tingling body will let me… getting myself to my feet. I’m lucky, as Cross distracts Dagda from his attacks on me. I slowly get to my feet, watching as Cross catches Dagda with a wicked kick to the lower arm. It must’ve hit a nerve, literally, as Dagda has to drop the chair. Swiftly, I manage to get behind him, chicken winging his arms… And as I start to lift, he suddenly seems a lot lighter than his 275 pounds would indicate. We wheel over backwards…

 

WHAM!!!!! YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

…So fast, in fact, that my feet slip out from under me from the normal bridged end of the Tiger Suplex, and I wind up flat on my back…

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

…Much to the crowd’s delight? From my perspective, I see the ring ropes shaking. Aaaaah, now I understand what happened. Cross helped me by clothes-lining Dagda through the move. As quick as this realization comes, I roll away from my position to prevent my being part of another attack by the standing Cross… And I wind up rolling right on top of my kendo stick.

 

Not exactly a pleasant feeling, to say the least.

 

But, this will help things along. Also helping things along is the fact that Cross is helping me to my feet…

 

All according to plan. A very haphazard and last-minute plan, but… As Cross gets me to my feet, I get the kendo stick in a ‘choked-up’ swinging position. He notices this just a bit too late as I play Barry Bonds, rear back, and…

 

-----

 

CCCCCRRRRRAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

“By the short hairs on Zeus’ chin!” Comet exclaims as Cross nearly cartwheels over himself, with a solidly fresh and bright red welt on the underside of his chin. “Citizen Fury almost played home run ball with Cross’ head, Bobbo!”

 

“It was a wicked shot to say the least,” Riley agrees. Fury, watching Cross go to all fours on the mat, turns on the sneakily advancing Dagda, brandishing the kendo stick with a gleam in his eye. Dagda smartly holds his hands up in what is classically called “The French Call To Arms”, and waves his arms in surrender, backing into the corner.

 

“But there’s one small issue, Cyclone.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“He still didn’t draw blood on Cross.” Now we find that Dagda is right in the corner, still waving his hands like he’s casting some sort of ward against the advancing ball of hate called Christian Fury. And somewhere in the front of the crowd, someone yells out something regarding Dagda and a resemblance to something called a “cheese-eating surrender monkey”. The rest of the crowd just goes

 

BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

“For some reason,” Comet states, “I don’t think Citizen Dagda’s pleas for peace are going to be answered.” And almost on cue, Fury raises the kendo stick h… i… g… h… over his head…

 

“I don’t think they need to be answered!” Riley retorts smugly. “Just you watch!” And with those words, Fury brings the kendo stick swinging down at an alarming rate of speed, destined to split Dagda’s head down to the spine…

 

WHAM!!!!! BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

And Fury drops the kendo stick, screaming in pain, hands instantly gripping at his two best friends, and we’re not talking about the kendo stick and the crowd. Dagda grins at himself, taking in the jeering crowd, and seeming to enjoy himself way… too… much… As he looks like a man in the throes of passion.

 

“What a disgusting display by Dagda in more ways than one!” Comet states, clearly nauseated. “A blatant low blow on Citizen Fury as he was about to narrow down the competition!”

 

“I know!” Riley gushes as Fury drops to the mat in man-pain. “Isn’t it wonderful?” Dagda looks around from his corner perch, and spies a new toy: Fury’s kendo stick! He picks it up, tests the weight… Looks at the writhing Fury, then looks at Cross, who’s starting to recover. He grins, and slowly approaches with one thought gleaming in his eyes.

 

“This could be the turning point that the dirty no-gooder needs!” Comet sighs in dismay.

 

“Sounds like your script got re-written tonight by the new guy too, Comet.”

 

“Seems so.” Meanwhile, back at the ranch… Ring… Whatever… Dagda stands behind Cross like some sort of avenging angel of wrath. Cross, oblivious to it all except for the cheering masses, manages to get to his knees. Just the moment Dagda was waiting for as…

 

CCCCCRRRRRAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!!!!!

 

Cross buckles with the kendo shot, threatens to topple, but doesn’t fall…

 

CCCCCRRRRRAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!!!!!

 

Again Cross buckles, but this time…

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

…He rises to one knee.

 

CCCCCRRRRRAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

…He rises to his feet.

 

CCCCCRRRRRAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!!!!!

 

…And he turns around… Looking Dagda dead in the eyes… No expression to his face. Dagda looks stunned for a moment, then raises the kendo stick above his head, and swings down quickly…

 

SLAP!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

The only thing the kendo stick catches this time is the palm of Cross’ hand as HE CATCHES IT in mid-flight!

 

“I don’t believe it, Citizens!” Comet breathes. “Cross coming back from being beaten down multiple times with that kendo stick to face down the aggressor!” Meanwhile, Cross feints back a step… Dagda bites, pulling back as well in preparation for a big move. Cross simply pulls the kendo stick a little and lets go…

 

THA-WHAP!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

The kendo stick, which had a little bend in it, immediately comes back and slaps Dagda in the head!

 

“Oh, the super-humanity!” Comet says, chortling to himself. “Citizen Cross just embarrassing the rookie out there now.” Cross immediately asserts his offensive advantage, starting with a kick to the gut, doubling Dagda over… Into a quick rising knee! And as Dagda reels backwards… Cross launches out with one of his staples: The crescent kick combo!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

But Cross isn’t done… With Dagda dazed and slightly staggered, Cross rushes backwards into the ropes, looking to rebound…

 

But doesn’t! Better yet, his momentum almost takes him tumbling forward in what would’ve been a less than elegant heap! As he stops himself, Cross looks down, finding the source of his sudden inability to rope-bounce.

 

One nearly-forgotten Christian Fury, with arms wrapped around his right ankle.

 

“Christian Fury, the momentum killer!” Riley utters out of nowhere, and then with a sigh, “We have to get new writers…” Cross kicks his trapped leg out, and out… Then plants his boot squarely on Fury’s forehead. Fury’s brain gets the sent message, making his arms disentangle themselves from Cross’ leg. Having freed himself and been given enough room to work, Cross gives a quick bounce on the ropes and careens forward, sights set squarely on the still-dazed Dagda. Dagda, however, proves to have quite the poker face. You see, as Cross raises the boot up high for his favored every-match move, the Yakuza Kick, Dagda breaks out with one of his common staples:

 

SSSSSPPPPPEEEEEAAAAARRRRR-----OOOOO!!!!!

 

And considering that Cross is traversing forward, with one leg up... The only thing Dagda can hit with the aforementioned Spear is Cross’ planted leg. So under the raised leg and through the plant leg Dagda goes, sending the plant leg back. And Cross, without a leg to stand on… Ha ha ha… Goes straight down and into a most unintentional, and for that reason most painful, splits position!

 

OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! At least half of the male audience members empathize with the searing pain going through Cross’ groinal area currently as he writhes in agony, trying to straighten himself out.

 

“Wow,” Riley utters in a pained voice. “Okay, I have to admit… That was pretty awful…”

 

“You said it, Bobbo.”

 

Dagda, one to take advantage of a ripe situation and to help his fellow man, puts Cross on his side.

 

With a quick super kick, straight to the nose!

 

BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

Cross sags to the side, finally getting his legs from the splits, but with his hands instantly up to his face. The referee, who’s been quite absent seeing as this is a hardcore match, suddenly comes sliding into the ring, looking at Cross critically… He tries to pry Cross’ hands from his face, but then looks down…

 

…At the crimson droplets on the mat! The ref signals for the bell.

 

BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

“The first elimination from this three-way match due to bleeding,” Funyon intones, “DAVID CROSS!”

 

“Wow, Bobbo,” Comet states as Dagda struts around in the ring. “Dagda with that super kick, probably busted Cross’ nose. But, he got the elimination. A cheap one though.”

 

“Yeah, but a bleed’s a bleed! And we can see that Fury is hiding from the chaotic onslaught that is Danny D!” The ref rolls Cross out of the ring, and out from under the baleful gaze of Danny Dagda.

 

“I doubt he’s hiding, but you do bring up a good point… Where –is- Citizen Fury?”

 

-----

 

(A few moments prior…)

 

Well… Only in this sport can you say getting kicked in the head is a way to get plans rolling.

 

After Cross gets himself out of my hold by firmly pushing the Off button attached to my arms, I get to thinking: What can I do to maximize the chances of getting someone bloody? It was then that the plan formed. While Cross and Dagda pound away in the ring, I gather my resources… Well, only really one thing needed, but as soon as I get it set up, I hear something half-disturbing, and half uplifting:

 

“The first elimination from this three-way match due to bleeding… DAVID CROSS!”

 

That leaves Dagda. And that’s the way I want it. I climb back up, sliding into the ring as I see Dagda watching Cross get helped out of the squared circle. I also see he still has my kendo stick.

 

That kinda pisses me off.

 

So I come up to him, and tap him on the shoulder. He turns.

 

Fool.

 

Before he can even react, I grab him by one arm, and haul him into the other extended arm, leveling him out with a short-arm clothesline. A nice one, if I do say so myself.

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

Apparently the fans agree. And he so nicely dropped my kendo stick!

 

I pick it up, thanking him by jamming a knuckle into his temple. But apparently he doesn’t appreciate my thanks as he grabs my head, and drives his up into it…

 

CRACK!!!!!

 

Blink… Blink… Ouch, things are kind of a bright white, but fading. I’m sitting, but not for long as Dagda grabs my arm and drags me up. Then… I get sent for a ride… Off the ropes… I blindly duck…

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

Apparently the right answer. I hear Dagda curse as I hit the other set of ropes and bounce back… We’ll try ducking aga…

 

THUMP!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

As I feel a bony protrusion cave in my stomach, I stagger back. Wrong answer that time. But… My vision’s finally cleared to the point where I can see Dagda charging…

 

And I’m on the wrong side of the ring. Damn. I dart left real quick, and he bounces harmlessly off the ropes. He recovers, comes at me again…

 

And it’s time to ring the bell as…

 

CRACK!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

The ol’ double spinning backfist. Love it. One more again…

 

CRACK!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

He’s staggering now. Now, let’s try the stick… Grab it off the ground… Short, compact swing, eye on the target, and…

 

WHISH!!!!!

 

BBBBBOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

He ducked! Oh well… Knee to the gut… Pull him in, headscissor… Trade the stick for his midsection… Lift up… And…

 

WHAM!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

Down we go! Now… Quickly… We’re right by the ring edge… Roll him out… There…

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

Heh… They didn’t notice the table in the shadow of the ring… At least, most didn’t notice. And he fits there so nicely. Now… Back onto the apron…

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

Yes, yes, I know… This is gonna be great for you all… It’s been a while since I pulled this one out, so… Here goes! Grab the ring ropes… Jump up… Land on the second rope, let it spring, jump and flip back, and chest… First…

 

CCCCCRRRRRAAAAASSSSSHHHHH!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

Oh Hell in a hand basket, that hurt! I wonder, as I’m laying here in the pieces of table if it worked…

 

Pieces of table… Wait… Pieces of table… Crowd?

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

Cheering… There’s the ref… He’s checking me out…

 

And there’s a body under me, I can feel it.

 

I nailed it… Sweet!

 

Damn… It would suck though if the ref found me bleeding first… Oh… Wait…

 

I roll a little out of the way… The ref looks down…

 

Yep… There’s Dagda. I see him now, and…

 

Blood! Some of the table splinters have blood on them But is it his or mine? I look down at myself, what I can see… I don’t notice anything. I don’t feel anything… Actually…

 

Wow, I don’t feel much of –anything-. Kinda tingly numb again.

 

The ref once-overs Dagda again, then me again, then Dagda rolls slightly, trying to get to his feet. I do the same, feeling groggy, sore, and much like Wile E. Coyote probably did on more than one occasion… The ref looks at us… Double-takes… And animatedly calls for the bell!

 

DING DING DING!

 

The crowd is somewhat stunned by is drop to a dull roar as the ref approaches us both… He looks us over one more time, then…

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

He raises my hand! Dagda looks in absolute shock as I hear Funyon’s voice over the speakers:

 

“The last competitor eliminated due to bleeding… DANNY DAGDA! The winner of the match… CHRISTIAN… FUUUUURYYYYY!!!!!”

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

Dagda starts in the ref’s face, screaming beet red and bad-blood blue. I smile, soaking in the fans, much like I’ll soak in a nice bath of steam, ice packs, and pain meds.

 

I’ve returned. I’ve made the first step, won my first match, and am already contending for my first title.

 

Life can’t get much better than that.

 

I watch as Comet and Riley doggedly recount the match. Dagda, meanwhile, is pitching an absolute shit fit at the ref. The crowd…

 

YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

 

…Is cheering, calling my name… Not only for the win, but for a fun match.

 

Fun.

 

Yes, as I’m dragging my tattered ass back up the ramp towards the dressing rooms, I can honestly say I’m having fun again for the first time in a long time…

 

“Well,” I tell myself with a weary chuckle, “at least until morning…”

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

Genesis V.

 

The words flash across our screen, before "Outnumbering The Day" by Bloodbath starts to play. It starts low and muffled in the background as our scene opens to a wrestling ring in center screen. It's dimly lit, with possibly only a single light bulb casting a glow upon it. The screen flashes violently, and we're suddenly taken to SWF Lockdown where we see none other than (now former) commissioner Alex Zennon standing inside the ring with the Cruiserweight title slung across his shoulder. Alex's voice rings out over the low hum of music, but his mouth doesn't move to match the words.

 

"I won't let this happen. I warned you, Tom. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but I should have known better. You pulled the same thing on me once before and I may not be able to do much, but I will strip you of that title, if you don't get back in that ring. Start the count."

 

The scene flashes again returning to the dimly lit ring for less than a second before returning back to Alex standing in the ring.

 

"Give me that belt! You may think King can save your ass but it's not happening today. As of right now, I'm stripping you of the SWF Cruiserweight Title."

 

"This, is not something you put around your waist to hold up your pants." Zenon paces about the ring, the crowd not quite sure where Alex is going with this. He stops mid stride and faces the ramp; his voice still betraying his anger. "This, is not some fashion accessory! This, is not to be used as a place-mat for dips. This belt--this belt I hold in my hand, means something!"

 

"... means something..."

 

"... means... something..."

 

Alex's words echo out as we flash back to a longer view of the dimly lit ring. The song grows in volume in the background as if leading towards some epic climax.

 

"And I'm going to prove it. Ryan Dustin get your ass out here!" Zenon's voice once again fills everyone ears, but he isn't visible as a clip of Ryan strolling down the entrance ramp plays instead. "Birdman, get out here now!" Zenon announces again as a clip of Birdman making his way to the ring plays.

 

Bzzz!

 

With a buzz like a needle jumping off a record, the music dies and for the first time our audio aligns with the video. We see Spike standing on top of the entrance ramp giving his spill about his right to the Cruiserweight title. His last words play out louder than anything else so far.

 

"...But that means nothing to me now. I’ll get Flesher one day. But right now, I am putting myself in the Cruiserweight title match at Genesis, whether you like it or not!”

 

The screen flashes back to our dimly lit ring, as the voice of Alex Zenon once again takes center stage, echoing out at the end of each of his sentences.

 

"At Genesis, one of these three men will climb to the top of the cruiserweight division. Because we're going to have the number one contender, Ryan Dustin. The man that defeated Tom Flesher just one show ago, Birdman. And the man who was never given his return match for the title, Spike Jenkins... in a match. But not just any match. A match in which, the Cruiserweight title will be suspended 15 feet into the air, in a contest that has made as many careers as it has destroyed. At Genesis, it will be Ryan Dustin versus the Birdman versus Spike Jenkins for the Smarks Wrestling Federation World Cruiserweight Title... in a ladder match."

 

"... ladder match..."

 

"... ladder match..."

 

Our music kicks back in at full volume as highlights of the triple threat ladder match flash across the screen. Birdman throwing himself about with lack of concern for his own body or other's. Stiff chops from everyone to everyone. Shinning Wizards, Apprentice's, Nuggets, you name it! The Super Ego Trip to the floor. All three men crashing off of the ladder repeatedly. The Bird Breaker. Birdman getting his hands on the title. Tornado DDT off the top of the ladder. The Bird Dropping off the top of the ladder. The Bad Beat off the ladder. The Wanted in 48 States Super DVD off the ladder and eventually Ryan grabbing the title out of the air. Time slows down as the new Cruiserweight champion claims his prize, before the entire scene flashes one final time back to the dimly lit ring. Our song, and scene, slowly fade away.

 

.....

 

"Welcome back to Lockdown, citizens!" Comet's voice booms out, "we're only seconds away from our next match as Austin Sly is set to take the first step towards being a two time SWF Cruiserweight Champion, but standing in his way is the man who almost won the title a week and a half ago at Genesis!"

 

"That's right, ladies and gentleman, the SWF proudly presents to you... a bathroom break! So please, go ahead and take a little break. Get some chips or a Coke, and hit the restroom because this match is sure to be a stinker," Riley says bitterly.

 

"Non-sense, Robert. Two of the best cruiserweights in the world squaring off should hold any wrestling fan in their seats!"

 

"You must see something in these two that I missed, Comet." Riley leans back and cracks his knuckles, preparing to take his announcing partner to school, "correct me if I'm wrong, but Austin has done a whole lot of nothing since winning the title the first time. I don't see how that classifies him as 'one of the best in the world'. Then we have Birdman here, who couldn't even beat the town drunk to take the title. All in all, it's a very sad state of wrestling if these two flunkies are considered two of the best in anything."

 

"Well you just watch and see, Robert. If you're not entertained by this match then... then... I don't know what to say!" Comet struggles to keep his PG rating. "We're about ready to go, though, Funyon has already made his way into the ring!"

 

The sound of an acoustic guitar playing a hard driving riff floats out over the arena, but it is almost completely drowned out by the fans showing their support for the man about to emerge. Austin Sly steps out from behind the curtains with only a slight, cocky smirk to show any emotion on his face. He walks to the edge of the stage to do his pre match stretches, and then he makes his way toward the ring as Funyon makes his announcement.

 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is for the number one contendership to the Cruiserweight title and is scheduled for one fall to be contested under cruiserweight rules! Tosses over the rope and twenty second disqualifications outside of the ring! Introducing first... making his way to the ring weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds, from St. Louis, Missouri... Austin Sly!"

 

Austin jumps up onto the ring apron and hooks his arm on the top rope. He looks through the thousands of fans, not focusing on anyone or anything in the crowd, just taking it in before he climbs into the ring through the middle rope. He makes his way across the ring and leans on the ropes awaiting his opponent. Referee Sexton Hardcastle comes over to share a few words with Austin, but he's ignored completely as the former Cruiserweight Champion just focuses on the entrance way, awaiting Birdman. He doesn't have to wait long though...

 

"Lets get retarded in here!"

 

The opening of "Lets Get Retarded" by the Black Eyed Peas floods into the arena drawing The Birdman out from behind the curtain with his cape trailing behind him. He dances his way over the stage as Funyon announces his arrival over the cheering fans.

 

"And his opponent," booms Funyon's voice, "making his way to the ring weighing in at two hundred and nineteen pounds, from parts unknown, he is... The Birdman!"

 

Birdman makes his way down the aisle dancing and playing along with crowd members helping to draw even more cheers from the capacity crowd. As he closes in on the ring, he abandons his dancing and instead runs to ringside and slides in beneath the bottom rope. Austin locks in a stare upon his peculiar opponent, while Birdman casually removes his wing-like cape from his back before walking to the center of the ring. Austin joins him shortly, and the duo share an awkward hand shake as Hardcastle explains the stipulations of the match.

 

"It's good to see a nice friendly match between two fierce competitors even when there is so much at stake," Comet notes. "This has all the makings of a classic match, indeed!"

 

"If you'll excuse me Comet, I'm just going to take a nap. You can wake me if something interesting happens," moans Riley.

 

Ding ding ding!!!

 

Despite a less than enthusiastic announcer, Hardcastle calls for the bell to start the match. Austin and Birdman slowly circle in the ring with neither competitor wanting to take a risk and give up an early advantage. Austin takes a swipe at Birdman's legs, but he avoids it and takes a swipe back at his opponent. In one swift movement, Austin takes a quick dive and places Birdman in a headlock. It proves to be too early to try and wear down Birdman though as he quickly shoves himself free before jumping into the air to connect with a dropkick to Austin's back, sending him tumbling to the mat. Sly climbs back to his feet and fearlessly charges back towards Birdman with a clothesline. Unfortunately for Austin's fans, the ever-agile fowl ducks the clothesline and instead reaches back and grabs Austin by the chin before dropping down to the mat! He quickly rolls over and covers the former Cruiserweight champion.

 

One!

 

 

 

Two!

 

Kickout~! Austin kicks his way out of the pin with authority, causing Birdman to jump back to his feet in shock. Sly quickly follows suit and climbs back to his feet. The two share a quick passing glance before continuing with the match.

 

"Birdman almost took Citizen Sly down for a three count with an awkward looking neck breaker, but now they've both made it back to their feet."

 

"We're not even a minute into the match. Anyone that loses to a neck breaker this quick doesn't deserve their SWF contract," Riley bitterly spews.

 

Back on his feet, Austin quickly decides to invite Birdman to participate in a test of strength by extending his arms out to his opponent. Birdman obviously wants none of this, though, sighting that his opponent has an obvious height and weight advantage on him. Sly doesn't seem to want to take no for an answer though, instead rushing towards Birdman trying to force him to either grapple with him, or fight him. Panicking, Birdman sends his foot sailing into Austin's midsection, causing him to double over. The fowl-dressed wrestler then fires himself into the ropes trying to garner speed. This proves to be his un-doing though as Austin completely levels him with a clothesline that garners a gasp from the crowd.

 

"I think I felt that all the way over here!" Comet groans, "did you feel that too, Riley?"

 

"Huh-what-who's there?" replies Riley, mockingly.

 

Austin bypasses the obvious cover attempt though, instead deciding to apply a half Boston crab! Sly torques back on the leg, causing Birdman to caw out in pain while he frantically tries to reach for the ropes. He somehow manages to reach the bottom rope, causing referee Hardcastle to break the hold! Austin quickly latches onto Birdman's leg and attempts to drag him off the ropes and back into the center of the ring, but he's met with a boot to the side of the face from Birdy's free leg. Sly coils back from the force of the shock allowing Birdman time to climb back to his feet. With Austin's back turned towards him, Birdman launches himself onto the ropes and springboards off with a dropkick that connects square with his opponent's back and sends him tumbling to the mat. Sly quickly climbs back to his feet, but gets leveled with a quick handspring elbow. Birdman once again quickly drops to the mat to pin Austin.

 

One!

 

 

 

Two!

 

 

Kickout! Austin once again easily kicks out from underneath Birdman!

 

"Birdman has attempted a couple of quick pins here early in the match, but he hasn't gotten much more than a two count out of them!"

 

"Of course he hasn't, Comet, or else the match would be over! Must I always be the voice of reason?" asks Riley.

 

Austin once again climbs to his feet, only to get dragged down to the mat by a bulldog from Birdman! Austin hits the mat and flops onto his back, but Birdman just keeps on trucking on as he quickly climbs the corner turnbuckles. The first few rows of fans stand up to cheer for the first high air maneuver in the match, and for the idea that Birdman is probably going to be going for the Bird Dropping! He looks around the arena from his perch on the turnbuckle, gathering any cheers from the fans that he can.

 

"This might be a big mistake by Birdman!" Comet warns, "Citizen Sly is not someone that you should stall against! You've got to keep pressure on him!"

 

"I just hope this match is over soon," groans Riley.

 

Unfortunately for our flamboyant announcer, Comet proves to be right yet again as Austin kips up off of the mat and quickly launches himself onto the turnbuckles with Birdman. Before Birdy has a chance to react, Austin sends him flying off the ring post with a superplex! Both men hit the mat with a thud, but it's almost inaudible as the cheers from the fans in the arena cover it up easily. Neither man moves for a second, but Austin finds the strength to shove himself off the mat for long enough to make his way over to Birdman and make his first pin attempt of the night.

 

One!

 

 

 

Two!

 

 

 

 

Threeeeenooooooo! Kickout! Birdman barely gets his shoulder up as Hardcastle's hand was coming down for the three count. Slightly frustrated, Austin climbs up to his feet and drags Birdman up with him by his... erm... feathers? Sly quickly lifts Birdman into the air, and brings his leg crashing down with a shin breaker. Birdman crashes down onto the mat with a gasp of pain, but it only gets worse as Austin quickly applies a reverse leg lock! He tries to scramble his way out of it, but it's too late as Austin has already got it locked in.

 

"You can sense the pain that Birdman has to be in after this combination of moves! I think he might be close enough to reach the ropes, though," Comet notes.

 

"Shin breaker to a leg lock... I think that's one of the many combos that I perfected back in the day," Riley says with confidence.

 

Sure enough, Birdman manages to grab the bottom rope again and break another hold, but Austin has obviously done some damage to his leg as it takes him a little while to pull himself back up to his feet. By the time Birdman regains his footing, he is sent back down to the mat with a shoulder block to the back of his knees! Birdy slowly climbs back to his feet, only to be laid out with another shoulder block, this time in the middle of the ring! Austin jumps over Birdman and takes off for the ropes. He jumps onto the middle rope and launches himself backwards...

 

"Sky Surfer! Sky Surfer!" Comet squeals.

 

... but Birdman rolls out of the way. Austin pulls off a feat of agility though, and lands firmly on his feet. He's greeted with a firm foot to the stomach before Birdman pulls his head down between his legs. Birdman quickly pulls Austin up into a powerbomb position, but Austin leans back out of it and pulls Birdman over with a hurricanrana!

 

"Birdman might've been going for his Molter there, but Austin recognized it and found a way out!"

 

"That's not an easy thing to do against a man with Birdman's speed," says Riley.

 

"Are you enjoying this match now, Riley?" Comet curiously asks.

 

"No... I... erm... fuck you, Comet!"

 

Austin quickly climbs over to on top of Birdman and goes for another pin attempt!

 

One!

 

 

 

Two!

 

 

Kickout~! Birdman and Austin both climb back to their feet, with Austin gaining firm ground first. Austin walks over to Birdman to continue his assault, but Birdman unexpectedly locks his arms around Austin's waist and flings him quickly overhead with a snap suplex! With Austin laying on the mat, Birdman quickly hits a horizontal body splash and stays on top of him for a pin attempt!

 

One!

 

 

 

Two!

 

Referee Hardcastle can only get a two count before Austin gets his shoulder up off of the mat. Birdman casually pulls Austin back up off the mat, but he doesn't get a chance to do anything as Austin quickly tries to irish whip him across the ring. Birdman reverses it though and sends Austin flying towards the ropes instead. Austin bounces off the ropes and levels Birdman with a ferocious clothesline! Austin underestimates his speed though and accidentally takes referee Hardcastle, who was standing curiously close to Birdman, down as well with a thump!

 

"We have a referee down!" Comet yells.

 

"It was his own fault. He should never stand that close to any of the wrestlers unless he has to check on them or count a pin." Riley states, calmly.

 

Austin turns around and looks on in shock as he realizes what he has just done. He bends down to check on the official, but gets no response from him. Austin decides that it's best to just continue the match and turns back around towards Birdman to...

 

WHAM!

 

... be leveled by a chair shot by none other than Danny Dagda!

 

"Where'd he come from!?!" Comet shouts, "I didn't even see him come in! He must've came out of the audience! He had to have been waiting for an opportunity like this to come down and make an impact in this match!"

 

"Who cares where he came from, Comet, all that matters is that he's here now!" Riley squeals. "This match is finally getting interesting!"

 

"I would consider this as more of a travesty than an interesting turn of events, Robert!"

 

"That's your problem, Comet. You take everything too seriously," Riley states, very matter-of-a-fact like, "lighten up... enjoy the show..."

 

Austin hits the mat as if it's going out of style, laying in the middle of the ring in a sprawled position. Dagda senses the opportunity though, as he grabs Birdman by the hand and drags him over to on top of Austin. He quickly slides out of the ring and begins to back his way up the entrance ramp as the fans in the arena hurl insults at him. It doesn't phase the Jersey native though, as his mission for the match has been accomplished. By the time he's reached the top of the ramp, referee Hardcastle has managed to shake enough cob webs free from his attic to count the pin attempt.

 

One!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three!

 

 

Noooooo! Austin gets his shoulder up! The fans inside the HP Pavilion go absolutely nuts as Dagda curses his failed attempt to cost Austin the win.

 

"Yes!" Comet yells with excitement, "Citizen Dagda's foul attempt to ruin this match for Citizen Sly was rendered void as Austin somehow found the ability to get his shoulder up off the mat!"

 

"Ugh... and the match goes on..." Riley mumbles.

 

"Lighten up, enjoy the match," Comet says mockingly.

 

Danny begins to walk back down towards the ring for a second attempt at ruining Austin's night, but he's quickly cut off by officials and road agents before he gets a chance. The entourage makes him turn around and walks him back to the back of the arena to a cheer from the audience on hand. Back in the ring, both Austin and Birdman struggle to climb to their feet, but both of them somehow manage to make it up at almost the same time. Sly takes the offensive, sending a kick soaring into Birdman's midsection, bending him over from the shock of the shot. Austin quickly drags Birdman back down to the mat with a picture perfect Double Arm DDT! Birdman rolls over onto his back, but Austin passes up yet another pin attempt and instead applies a Figure Four Leglock! Birdy panics and tries to reach for any of the ropes, but he's too far away to touch them!

 

"Birdman is in a world of trouble now! His legs should be hurting him," notes Comet, "and being trapped in this leglock isn't going to help him any at all!"

 

"This might be the first time that Birdman has ever tapped out if Austin succeeds!"

 

Birdman tries to fight his way to the ropes by pushing off the mat and leaning back, but Austin holds his ground! Despite the pain in his legs, Birdman refuses to quit and continues to try and find a way to fight his way out of the hold. Knowing what's at stake in the match, he tries to push on and find some way to get another shot at Ryan Dustin and the Cruiserweight title. His hopes are quickly diming though. With one final attempt, Birdman gathers all of his strength and shoves off the campus to reach for the ropes...

 

... and reach...

 

 

 

... reeeaach...

 

 

 

Tap tap tap!

 

Ding ding ding!

 

Birdman gives into the pain in his legs and finally submits to Austin, who quickly breaks the hold and climbs back to his feet. Referee Sexton Hardcastle grabs his hand and raises it into the air, as the audience gives him a nice cheer for a job well done.

 

"Well Riley, I guess we'll be seeing Citizen Sly take on the Cruiserweight Champion Ryan Dustin sometime in the future," Comet pauses to think but instead just get interrupted by Riley.

 

"But how does their past play into this match?"

 

"Their past, Robert?"

 

"Well back when the shoe was on the other foot, Austin was the Cruiserweight Champion and was the antagonist trying to take away Ryan's Hardcore Championship. Now, Dustin has his hands on the Cruiserweight title, and Austin is trying to take that from him."

 

"I hope they've put that all behind them now, or else we might have a bitter match-up to look forward to." Comet gets in the last word before commercial break, as we leave with Austin making his long walk back up the ramp and to the back.

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

I didn't get anything for Xavier/Dustin/Drazon. I assume that this means that you all suck.

 

Edit: Indeed. This is, in fact, a Triple No Show. Way to go!

Edited September 30, 2004 by Grand Slam

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

Johnny and Manson are in the ring. Outside the ring stand the Warriors.

 

Johnny shouts: "SEE WHAT YOU GET WARRIORS!? SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE ORPHANS!?"

 

The Warriors throw a moltov coctail. The men inside the ring explode. Except for Ced, because Ced is built out of an experimental, government-endorsed, very resiliant form of fiberglass.

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

Fade in.

 

"Weeeeeeeellllllcome back! To SWF Lockdown!!" greets Cyclone Comet as the camera pans around the San Jose crowd. "I'm Cyclone Comet and sitting beside me is Bobby Riley. We're live in San Jose, California, and what a show we've had so far!"

 

"So far? I'm thinking of what's next! Revolution Zero is about to show Hollywood Boulevard for good why they should have won the tag team titles weeks ago!" remarks Riley.

 

Comet directs viewers to the Smarktron. "I believe SWF cameras caught the former Tag Team Champions in Zenon's office just after their loss at Genesis V.. "

 

The recently beaten members of Hollywood Boulevard burst into Commissioner Zenon's makeshift office. MVS strides ahead of Todd to address the already weary commissioner.

 

"Our contract has a rematch clause-" Mike starts.

 

"I know," interrupts Zenon, not even looking up from the single sheet of paper on his desk. His pen is poised, ready to sign the bottom. "You'll get it."

 

The abrupt answer makes MVS speechless, and he turns to exit the office. Todd pauses before exiting, leaning over to catch a glimpse of the paper on Zenon's desk.

 

"You've got your rematch, now go."

 

The door slams shut behind Cortez.

 

The California crowd cheers at the sight of HB on the Smarktron, and then continues to cheer as the echoing guitar riffs and smooth opening saxophone of "Rush Against the Grain" by Dave Gagne hits the speakers. The frantic drumming kicks up, accompanied by four blasts of blue pyrotechnics. The drone of the crowd nearly drowns out Hollywood Boulevard's theme as the two men step out from behind the curtain.

 

"Laaaaaadies and gentlemen! The SWF proudly presents, the first of three Lockdown Main Event matches! The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and will be a Tag Team Championship match!" announces Funyon.

 

Todd raises his cross to the heavens before kissing it and making his way down the ramp. Van Siclen shouts into the crowd, signaling with his hands that the tag straps will be back around their waists in no time. The former tag champions slide into the ring, both ascending a turnbuckle and raising their arms to the cheering crowd, causing a flurry of flashbulbs to go off in the crowd!

 

Funyon continues his announcement, "In the ring! The challengers! Weighing in at a combined four hundred and sixty-seven pounds, MIKE VAN SICLEEEEN and TODD COOOOOORTEZ!! HOLLLLLLYWOOOOOD BOULEEEVARD!!"

 

RAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

 

The crowd goes nuts for the two men in the ring. They really would like if Hollywood Boulevard could take back the titles from the team that they all loathe so much. Speaking of said team, "Rush Against the Grain" fades from the speakers, and is quickly replaced by the booing of the crowd. The arena lights brighten, blinding the crowd. A needle scratches on a vinyl record before a voice shouts.

 

"WEL-WEL-W-W-WELCOME TO THE REVOLUTION!!"

 

The crashing guitars of "Battle Ready" by Otep hits the speakers as streaks of red and white pyro simulate lightning crashing onto the stage. The Smarktron rotates half second shots between its three members, all hitting big moves on fallen opponents, including Hollywood Boulevard.

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

"And the champions! Weighing in at a combined four hundred and ninety-five pounds, accompanied by JET and MAAARCUS WAAASHINGTOOON!! 'HOLLYWOOOOOD' SPIKE JENKINNNNS and SEEEEANN DAAAAVISS!! REVVVVOLUTIONN ZEERO!!"

 

The foursome above mentioned step out from behind the curtain. Jenkins and Davis both wear the Tag Team belts strapped around their waist. Davis also has the Hardcore Gamers' Championship slung over his shoulder. Jet and Washington flank the champions, following just a half step behind as Revolution Zero makes its way down the ramp. They ignore the crowd as the Californians hurl their hatred toward the Tag Team champions. Todd and Mike exit the ring as the champions enter. Spike climbs a turnbuckle and raises his fists triumphantly to the crowd, pointing out certain fans and showing off his championship belt.

 

"This is Revolution Zero's first defense of the Tag Team Championships," begins Cyclone Comet. "Hollywood Boulevard stormed into Commissioner Zenon's office just after their loss at Genesis V, demanding the contractually granted rematch."

 

Riley interjects, "If only it had been overlooked by Zenon's resignation soon after.. not that Revolution Zero can't tromp all over the Boulevard tonight, just like they did on Genesis."

 

"Hollywood Boulevard seems to be Revolution Zero's only real competition in the tag team division of the SWF. Team Flip Flop has been divided by their own quests for singles gold. As a matter of fact, Citizen Montgomery will be taking on Citizen Toxxic for his World Heavyweight title later on tonight!"

 

Spike hops down from the corner turnbuckle, and Hollywood Boulevard slides back into the ring. The referee stands between the teams, and has Revolution Zero's attention while he waits to receive their gold straps. HB jumps around the ref, attacking Rev0 in a desperate attempt to get the upper hand!

 

"Hollywood Boulevard jumping the gun in this match!" comments Comet!

 

Mike Van Siclen pairs off with Sean Davis while Todd Cortez pummels Spike Jenkins with furious clubbing forearms. Spike staggers back with the blows, landing into the corner as Todd continues his onslaught. Van Siclen batters Sean with heavy right hands, but the monster of a man is barely shaken by the attack. Davis retaliates with a huge clothesline, but MVS is right back up. He charges Sean again, but is put back to the mat with another clothesline. Mike gets to his feet again, but stumbles back from a big punch by Davis. Sean advances with punch after punch, driving Van Siclen back against the ropes. Davis steps back and then throws a huge clothesline, sending Van Siclen over the top rope and tumbling to the floor!

 

BOOOOOOOOO!!

 

Cortez notices the change in tone from the crowd, and looks over his shoulder toward Davis. Spike drops to his BUTT in the corner as Todd's offense comes to a halt. Cortez advances on Sean Davis, and jumps forward, landing a dropkick on Sean's sore knee. Davis pauses in his tracks, almost kneeling to the mat.

 

"Citizen Davis relieves himself of Citizen Van Siclen and moves to help his partner, only to be attacked by Citizen Cortez! Hollywood Boulevard's plan of attack seems to be in vain," says Comet.

 

Riley responds, "It was a valiant effort, my caped friend. And now Cortez is seeing why Revolution Zero has these tag belts.. Sean Davis."

 

"You forget, Robert, that Citizen Jenkins incapacitated Citizen Cortez with the I Just Broke Your Neck and got the pinfall for the win," Comet reminds his partner.

 

Riley shakes his head, "I didn't forget. Revolution Zero is a well oiled machine. It just took them a few matches to get the kinks out."

 

"I see you've beaten me to my number of title shots argument."

 

Sean Davis holds Cortez in a headlock, wrenching Todd's neck as if to pop his skull from his spinal column. The Perfect Storm glances over toward Spike, noting that Jenkins is getting to his feet. Davis also glances over toward MVS, who climbs up onto the apron, and is about to step into the ring before the referee stops him, then signals for the bell.

 

DING! DING! DING!!

 

Spike shakes Cortez's attack off and advances to help Davis with a doubleteam suplex on Todd. Jenkins grabs Cortez and throws an arm over his neck, allowing Sean to turn and do the same. Together, Rev0 lifts Cortez up, then turn and drop Cortez forcefully onto the mat. The referee berates the champions for not having a legal man in the ring, and Spike tells him to shut up before heading to the Rev0 corner. Sean unstraps his tag team belt from around his waist and passes it down to Marcus as Spike does the same to Jet. Cortez makes his way to his feet as Davis advances on him once again.

 

"And this championship match is underway, Robert!" exclaims Comet.

 

"Things aren't looking so good for your boys," taunts Riley.

 

"You of all people should know that it's way too early to tell," rebukes Cyclone Comet.

 

Sean helps Todd to a vertical base, then lands a huge punch to his forehead, knocking the Urban Legend backward. Davis follows his victim, attacking with another punch, and another. Cortez leans back into the ropes, rocking with each successive blow. Sean grabs Todd by the wrist and whips him across the ring. Cortez ricochets off the ropes and flies at Davis, who grabs him up for a tilt-a-whirl, but Todd wraps his legs around Sean's neck, going for the hurricanrana!

 

"Citizen Cortez reverses into a hurrican-"

 

"NO!"

 

 

 

 

 

*SLAM!*

 

 

 

 

 

"Powerbomb by Davis leaves Cortez dazed and confused on the mat!" announces a gleeful Riley.

 

Sean drops gingerly to his knees and hooks one of Todd's legs for the pinfall attempt. The ref slides to the mat and slaps his hand to the mat.

 

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

From each corner, both Spike and MVS get one leg into the ring, ready to defend their respective partners.

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mike enters the ring a half-second before Spike and charges toward Davis..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But Cortez shoots his shoulder up! Mike completes his forward motion, however, with a dropkick to Sean's head! Davis rolls away, Van Siclen gets up, only to have his head nearly taken off by a Jenkins YAKUUUUZAH~

 

 

 

*SMACK!*

 

 

 

 

Spike recovers from the offensive kick and swarms Cortez with a smattering of stomps to his back and ribs. The referee hovers between Jenkins and Mike, trying to get them both out of the ring, as neither is the legal man. Spike whips Van Siclen into the Revolution Zero corner. Jenkins gets a short running start and handsprings toward MVS, slamming his feet into the former champ's face!

 

"Tidal Wave on Mike Van Siclen!"

 

Sean makes his way to his feet, as Cortez does as well. Todd throws a punch, which lands on one half of the tag champs, but Davis easily brushes it off and retaliates. Cortez sucks up the blow, however and punches back. Jet hops onto the apron, shouts at Jenkins, and hands him his tag belt. Spike nods thanks at Toxxic's girl and as Cortez begins to rally on Davis, Jenkins rushes him from behind and smacks him over the back of the head with the golden strap!

 

"Where's the disqualification, ref?!" asks Comet!

 

 

DING! DING! DING!!

 

 

 

"What for?!" shouts Riley!

 

 

 

Cortez goes down and "Rush Against the Grain" kicks up, to the booing of the San Jose crowd.

 

"Your winners due to disqualification.. HOLLLLYWOOOOD BOULEVAAAARD!!"

 

The camera focuses on the ring as Revolution Zero begins pummeling their fallen victims with stomps and punches.

 

Fade out.

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

"FUCK!"

 

A screaming Mike Van Siclen enters the Hollywood Boulevard locker room as we return from break, angrily throwing a chair into the row of lockers. The loud metal clang echoes throughout the room, and Van Siclen sits on the bench, slumping forward and continuing to scream as Cortez enters solemnly behind him.

 

"WE KEEP GETTING (BLEEP)ED OVER, TODD!" Mike yells. "First by the Masked MAN, and now by Revolution ZERO, and I am absolutely SICK of this (BLEEP)! If they want to keep (BLEEP)ING with us..."

 

Van Siclen looks up, a sinister look on his face.

 

"Then it's about TIME... we (BLEEP)ED with them..."

 

FADE OUT.

 

 

 

TNT'S NOTE: Curiously enough, our seven-second delay crew failed to catch the first "fuck." Sorry about that.

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

The crowd in the San Jose arena is abuzz now as the referee rushes out to get ready for the next match, and the first of the two main events for the evening.

 

"Double main event time, SWF fans!" Comet calls out for the people watching on. "And here's the second of the three title matches that we're going to have tonight. Max King, who was very close to getting a win at Genesis, going up against the ICTV Champion Landon Maddix...who DID get a win for his team at Genesis. This should be a very interesting match that we have here, as their last contest was a very close bout in itself."

 

"But this time should be much more interesting, and HOPEFULLY will have a much better result than the last time. King is REALLY angry about what happened at Genesis, and he's ready to take it out on Landon Maddix..." Riley states. "Just watch, you'll see what I mean."

 

"Perhaps Comet, but Maddix is going on momentum right now by pinning Flesher at Genesis. We'll have to see which part gets the advantage. Right now, we're awaiting the arrival of Kelly to announce her man coming to the ring..." Comet reminds...

 

...before the pyro explodes, and "Superstar" starts to play, without Kelly coming out for the typical King introduction. Both challenger and manager make their way out from the entryway, serious, determined looks on their faces as they make their way out.

 

Funyon: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the SWF Intercontinental Television Championship! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by his manager, Kelly Connelly...from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania...weighing in at 250 pounds..."THE ICON"...MAX...KING!

 

"...OK, I REALLY didn't expect to see this happen." Comet notes as King and Kelly make their way to the ring, so into this match that they don't even bother looking as smug as they could. "It seems that you were right about how determined King is going to be in this match, Riley."

 

"...though I'm kinda disappointed that I was right about this." Riley states as Kelly holds the ring ropes open for King to enter the ring. "I like when Kelly tells the people like it is, and we're not going to get that for this match."

 

King and Kelly get into the ring, but instead of the typical embrace, they simply look at each other, nodding to each other before Kelly gets out of the ring and King starts to stretch out a bit. Despite the lack of Kelly talking down to the fans in the arena, the crowd still gives both King and Kelly the negative reactions that they feel both of these people so richly deserve.

 

"I guess what happened at Genesis has taken a blow to the ego of Max King and Kelly right now." Comet notes. "Nevertheless, whatever type of mood King is in right now, he'd have to get out of it if he's going to take the title..."

 

PREPARE...FOR...LANDON

 

WAAAAAAAH...

 

*DUM DUM*

 

"From THIS man."

 

The crowd gives their positive reactions for the champion and his girl as they make their way out of the entryway. The lights come back on to show him and Megan standing proudly on the entryway, the title belt around his waist.

 

Funyon: And his opponent, being accompanied to the ring by Megan Skye, from Huron, South Dakota, weighing in at 218 pounds...he is the SWF Intercontinental Television Champion...LANDON..."LA CUCARACHA"...MADDIX!

 

"Ugh, I SO hate how quick these people jumped onto the Maddix bandwagon as soon as he started to become a big softy." Riley notes with severe disgust in his voice on how the people are cheering for Maddix.

 

"I remember at one time that you were the one that was one of Maddix's biggest supporters." Comet reminds as Maddix and Skye make their way into the ring. "What changed your mind about all that..."

 

"You know damn well what it was." Riley states. "I'm REALLY going to be pulling for King in this match to finally bring the ICTV title back to prominence."

 

King just stares with incredible intensity in his eyes as Maddix gets into the ring, and once the title belt is off of the waist of Maddix and handed to the referee, King steps up into the face of Maddix, almost going nose-to-nose with him.

 

"Max King showing his frustration and need to be dominant early on, Comet!" Riley notes as King pushes his body into Maddix's, almost like a bull locking horns with another bull. "This is a very good sign to start off the match, if you ask me."

 

"I don't think that Maddix is going to take that for very long though..." Comet notes.

 

...and almost immediately after he says that, Maddix pokes King right into the eyes, and follows it up with a jumping clothesline, causing both the ringing of the bell and the cheering of the crowd! Kelly and Megan both get out of the ring as fast as they possibly can when the match actually starts up, and Maddix waits for King to get back up to his feet, going off the ropes and catching him in the face with a flying forearm shot from the get-go into the match. Maddix almost immediately goes for the first cover in the match...

 

One

 

T...kickout by King rather quickly in the match. Maddix allows King to get back up to his feet, patting him gently on the cheek with one of his hands as King gets up. This action infuriates King, who charges in angrily for another attack, but Maddix leaps up and nails King right into the face with a dropkick at just the right moment, taking King down to the mat once again, following up the dropkick with an elbow drop into the sternum, then another. It seems like he's about to go for a third elbow, however he decides instead to scrape his boot right across the face of King, much to the pleasure of the crowd.

 

"Come ON referee, you should see that Maddix is cheating his ass off in the early goings of this match! You should warn him about such things!" Riley shouts out, almost hoping that the referee would hear what he's saying.

 

"I seem to remember a time that you would have applauded Maddix doing something like that in a match, Riley." Comet notes.

 

"But not against King!" Riley whine-replies, as King tries to roll out of the ring to get some time to rest. Maddix, however, reaches down and grabs King by one of his ankles, pulling him into the ring so that he can't get any chance to rest up. He reaches down to get King back up onto his feet to continue to attack, but King decides to play a similar game to the one of Maddix, this time raking the face of Maddix when he gets close enough.

 

"Now what are you going to say about that action by King, Riley?" Comet asks as King lifts Maddix up, suplexing him over onto the mat, then following this up by going to lock in a headlock onto the mat.

 

"You can't blame King for what he just did." Riley states. "King is just proving the old adage that turnabout is fair play in this case."

 

King tries to keep Maddix onto the mat with the headlock type move, but Maddix manages to fight back up to his feet, shooting his elbow a few times into the gut of King, then going off the ropes. He leaps for another dropkick, but King is ready for it this time, pushing Maddix's feet away from his body this time and causing the champion to crash hard onto the mat. King follows this up by going to drop a front elbow (think the style that Austin and Bret Hart would use) into Maddix's throat, but Maddix manages to get back up and avoid the elbow shot. King holds his elbow a bit after it crashes hard into the mat like it does, and Maddix takes advantage by grabbing the arm and kicking at it a bit to weaken it from further attacks.

 

:"One quick miscue by King could be one of the things that hurts his chances of getting the win in this match, and it looks like Maddix is ready to take full advantage of this situation right now." Comet notes.

 

Maddix continues to twist and kick onto the arm of King, seeing that he's got a way to weaken the attack strategy of "The Icon", apparently trying to twist the arm-bar while King is still sitting on the mat. Maddix doesn't get to hold onto the move as long as he might have liked, however, as King uses one of his legs to kick out the legs of Maddix out from under him, for the moment breaking the hold. King doesn't seem to want to follow this action up with a further attack though, as he slides out of the ring to talk to his manager on the outside of the ring.

 

"OK, I'm one of the biggest King fans out here, and I'm questioning what exactly he's doing right now..." Riley notes. "Maybe he's just figuring a plan with Kelly on how to go about the destruction of Maddix."

 

"Looks like he's just resting up right now...look at Kelly quick to get a bottle of water over. This match hasn't even gone that long!" Comet notes.

 

King takes the water, looking thankful for it, not noticing that Maddix is quickly approaching him from behind. King turns to get back into the ring, but as he does he gets punched in the face by Maddix. The attack proves to be a bad move, as King spits the water that he had in his mouth right into the face of Maddix almost immediately after the punch.

 

"Ah, NOW I see the strategy of King here!" Riley beams. "He was waiting for the right moment to show his intelligence over Maddix, using something natural to his advantage."

 

"...so in other words, he knows he couldn't beat Maddix fairly, so he decided to cheat a bit to get an advantage." Comet notes.

 

"Hey, more showing that turnabout is fair play, Comet."

 

As Maddix goes to get the mix of saliva and water out of his eyes, King grabs the champion by the hair and slams his face hard into the ring apron, using anything that he could to get an advantage on his side for the match. King pushes Maddix into the ring after bouncing his head off of the ring apron, sliding in after and quickly locking a side-headlock onto him on the mat, squeezing with all of his might onto it.

 

With King holding Maddix onto the mat in the middle of the ring, a look of concern has washed over the face of Megan Skye, as she starts to pound away at the mat to try to get Maddix to get back up to his feet now and continue to fight. Kelly, a contrast on the other side of the ring, just is smiling and nodding as King continues to work away at the headlock. Maddix, like the last time that he was in this specific hold, tries to fight out of it, but before he can King modifies how he holds Maddix and quickly drops him to the mat head-first with a DDT. Deciding that the DDT will be enough to win the match, King rolls Maddix over for the cover in the ring.

 

One!

 

TWO!

 

Maddix manages to get the kickout with a good amount of time to spare. King stands up, brushing himself off, and just looking down at the champion as he struggles to shake the cloudiness that is in his head at the moment. King decides that things have gone on too long for his liking, and reaches forward to try to pull Maddix back for the Compressor rather early and without much work onto the various parts of the body in the match. Maddix shows he wasn't taken out enough to be put away this early on in the match, as he rolls King up quickly for a pin!

 

One!

 

TWO!

 

THREE...no. King manages to get out of the pinning position, and rolls back to his feet, kicking Maddix hard into the side and ribs while he's down.

 

"How DARE Maddix think that he could get a win like that over King!" Riley calls. "He's really got a big ego problem right now, and it's the duty of King to make sure that he gets that out of Maddix as quickly as he possibly can!" Riley states.

 

"Maddix was trying to get the win, just like I'm sure King would have if he had to get the win in the match." Comet notes.

 

"And King is going to make him pay severely for doing just that." Riley states, as King kicks Maddix once again into the ribs while holding the arm of Maddix in a standing arm-bar. King decides to do something different than he was just doing, pulling with all of his might to get Maddix up to his feet. Maddix goes up in the air a bit more than just on his feet, allowing King plenty of time to catch Maddix and powerslam him down to the mat, hooking up not one, but BOTH legs as he goes for the cover.

 

One!

 

TWO!

 

THREE...NO!

 

Somehow, Maddix manages to get the shoulder up off of the mat, saving his title just in the nick of time. Megan wipes sweat off of her brow on the outside of the ring after Maddix kicks out of the pin, and Kelly on the other side of the ring looks a bit angry that Maddix continues to fight the attacks that King is giving him. King decides to be a little more punishing in the match now, grabbing the leg of Maddix while he's down and snapping it to Maddix's body, making sure to put his body weight into the snapping motion.

 

"Oh yes, can you hear the screams of pain of Maddix in the ring, Comet?" Riley calls. "That's the sign that Maddix's title reign is about to fly out of the window really quickly, and the King will finally be coronated!"

 

"I do admit that it's not looking good for Citizen Maddix right now in this match, but he has come back from some very brutal stuff before in his long wrestling career." Comet states. "So don't count on him losing the title belt just yet!"

 

King holds onto the leg of Maddix, snapping it to the champion's body once again to add more pain and pressure to the muscles and ligaments in the leg, before going to lock the leg up with standing toe-hold...almost into a figure-four leg-lock type position. He doesn't get to keep the hold onto Maddix for too long, however, as Maddix uses his free leg to push away at King, knocking the challenger down onto the mat. King gets back up, and Maddix somewhat hobbles back up to a vertical position to continue on with the match. Using all of the balance in the leg that wasn't just snapped back towards his body a few times, Maddix walks over to King, striking with chops to the body to try and get some kind of advantage. King takes a few hits, but doesn't seem to bad off, as he tries to clothesline Maddix down to the mat afterwards. Maddix manages to duck under the clothesline attempt, coming from behind King, and using his good leg as a boost flips over with his Throwback move! Maddix almost collapses on top of Max King as he goes for the cover...

 

One

 

TWO!

 

King STILL manages to kick out though, about to get back up. Using his good leg to leap from the ring onto the top turnbuckle.

 

 

"Landon Maddix coming out of nowhere with this attack planning, showing the resilience that has given him the endurance to become a champion in the past!" Comet calls out. "Now the question is if he can follow up on this situation and get a win, though this idea of his might be a dangerous and costly one!"

 

Maddix suddenly leaps off the top rope, aiming a Swandive headbutt right at King's arm that Maddix worked on earlier and connecting with that very move! King almost howls in pain at having his shoulder hurting like that, and quickly rolls out of the ring to the arena floor.

 

"Whew, that was a close one by King. But he's showing just how smart he is, getting out of the ring now and letting the arm recover. No way that Maddix is going to keep a good man like Max King down long enough to get the victory tonight, I can assure you of that Comet!"

 

"This match is a long way from over though, Riley." Comet states as Kelly rushes over as best she can to King, going to actually seemingly massage the pain that he's feeling in his arm and shoulder out. "...is this even a legal thing?"

 

"Why wouldn't it be?" Riley questions. "Kelly is just discussing strategy with King right now...she's not doing anything out of line."

 

"Right now I would have to question that thinking, Riley. We've seen some of the things that Kelly has done..."

 

The discussion is interrupted as Maddix, who was arguing with the referee about the blatant actions of King rolling out of the ring like he had been, finishes his argument by launching himself over the top rope and catching both Max King and Kelly on the outside of the ring with a flying body splash, much to the delight of the fans (delight only enhanced by the way Kelly lands, allowing the crowd to get a good look at her panties under her skirt.

 

"HEY! That's an illegal action right there! He attacked poor Kelly, and she didn't even do anything in the match!" Riley yells out. "THIS is the kind of person that's representing the SWF as it's ICTV champion? What a disgrace!"

 

"For once, I'm not sure what to say about this, but maybe what Maddix just did there will keep Kelly from getting involved in the match like she's been known to do in the past!" Comet notes. "Maddix now getting King back into the ring, and he looks ready to end this match once and for all!"

 

Maddix slides into the ring as best he can after using the strength that he still had in his body to get King back into the ring, and with King on his stomach in the ring goes to lock in the Dragon Clutch! King shows his determination by trying to fight out of the move, and moves just a bit so that when Maddix finally does lock in the clutch, he almost immediately has to break it, as King's feet are in the ring ropes. Maddix curses silently to himself at King's ability to do such a thing at this point in the match, and goes to pull King back into the middle of the ring, but gets caught with a low blow while the referee was in a position that was out of sight of seeing that hit. Maddix quickly falls to the mat, holding his area in pain, as King starts to make his way up to his feet with an angry look on his face.

 

"See Comet, I TOLD you that it was a bad move for Maddix to do what he just did to Kelly there!" Riley notes. "Now he's made Max King mad, and when you make King mad, bad things start to happen VERY quickly."

 

Almost immediately after Riley gives that comment, King reaches down for the leg of Maddix that he worked on a bit earlier on in the match, and leaps up, almost dropping a splash on the leg, trying to bend it in ways that isn't naturally humanly possible to bend. Maddix doesn't get much time to scream from that move as King quickly twists his legs around, locking the ICTV champion into a Figure Four Leglock in the middle of the ring.

 

"This could be the deciding move in this match right here!" Comet notes. "King has hurt away at the legs of Citizen Maddix, and if the champion can't get the reversal for this move out anytime soon, he may just have to give up in the middle of the ring..."

 

"That's exactly what's going to happen too, Comet!" Riley predicts. "This match is over for Landon Maddix, it's only a matter of time now before we here the champion give up to "The Icon" in the middle of that ring!"

 

"I don't know if giving up like that is in the nature of Landon Maddix, Riley. Despite the pain, it looks like Maddix is trying to find a way to reverse this move right now!"

 

"He's not going to get the reversal, look how well King has the hold locked in...and he's got it so Maddix isn't near the ropes either!"

 

Maddix continues to scream out in pain...but continues to start rolling, trying to use all of his 218 pounds to roll the 250-pound Max King onto his chest, reversing the Figure Four and putting the pressure onto the challenger. King blinks in surprise as he's halfway turned over with the move, the crowd joining Megan Skye in clapping and cheering Maddix on to get the reverse in...and he's JUST about to do it too, when King puts him back on his back and lets go of the Figure Four, going over to stomp Maddix right in the face. King reaches down to try the Figure Four again, but gets caught by Maddix, who returns the low blow favor from earlier....but uses one of his legs to put the low blow in instead of an arm.

 

"DISQUALIFY HIM!" Riley shouts. "DELIBERATE LOW BLOW BY MADDIX!"

 

"The referee didn't see it though, Riley. Besides, what happened to "Turnabout is Fair Play" that you were preaching earlier when King was cheating away in the match?"

 

"...this...this is...SHUT UP!" Riley replies, then makes a pouting noise. Maddix, seemingly getting a second wind out of nowhere after the low blow to King, kips-up onto his feet, making sure not to put too much pressure on the leg that King was working on for a good while now, and with King facing away from Maddix, that's a perfect set-up for him to grab the face and drop him backwards on the back of his head with the So-Dak Moment! Feeling the end is here at last, Maddix grabs the legs of King to hold on for the cover to get the win!

 

One!

 

TWO!

 

THREE....NO!

 

"YES! King STILL manages to kick out, despite the cheating ways of Landon Maddix!" Riley announces as King used his feet to kick Maddix on both sides of the head, releasing the pin. "This match is still on, and there's still a very good chance that it's going to end the way that I would like to see it end!"

 

"But the thing is Riley, Maddix is up on his feet right now, and King is still down on the mat, and isn't moving with grate haste to get back up onto his feet."

 

Maddix, seeing that King is still down on the mat, decides to be risky once again, climbing up to the top rope as best he can with the leg damage that he has sustained, then pushes off of the top rope and catches King right in the chest with a beautiful Frog Splash, cuing an eruption of cheers from the capacity crowd! Maddix dives over for the cover now, a look on his face saying that he thinks that this will be the deciding factor in this match for good now.

 

One!

 

TWO!

 

THREE...NO! Kelly reaches over just in time, putting Max King's foot on the bottom rope, the referee seeing nothing but the foot being on the rope.

 

"Kelly with her flagrant cheating right there, Riley! She had no business doing something like that in the middle of the match, especially when it seemed that Landon Maddix had the match won!" Comet calls.

 

"Oh boo hoo, cry to someone that actually gives a damn!" Riley states. "The fact of the matter is that King is still alive in this match, and I don't think that Maddix has something in his entire arsenal that will be able to get the win for him in this match."

 

Maddix, apparently having seen what Kelly did on the outside of the ring, decides he has had enough of Kelly's involvement, and slides out of the ring to pursue her. The referee is quick to follow him out, trying to get him away from Kelly to get back to the match that he has in hand, but Maddix doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with that. Kelly, seeing Maddix moving towards her, quickly starts to walk backwards, slipping something into the ring when the referee isn't looking, King being quick to grab whatever Kelly slipped to him and hiding it. Maddix continues to approach Kelly, about to be right on top of her, but King manages to see this and slides out of the ring to stop Landon's pursuit, grabbing him from behind and dropping him with a reverse DDT onto the floor. Kelly smiles and breathes a sigh of relief at King getting out just in the nick of time, going past them and away from Megan Skye, who apparently was part of a planned trap for Kelly set up by Maddix. King shows a good deal of strength now by lifting Maddix off of the arena floor from a dead-lift position and rolling him back into the ring, climbing up to one of the adjacent turnbuckles after doing so.

 

"This is it, the King is going to fly, Comet!" Riley calls. "He's going to show Maddix just how a top-rope move SHOULD be done, by hitting that punk kid Maddix with a Top Rope Elbow drop!"

 

"King in no hurry to hit him with the move though, Riley. I don't think he realizes just how quickly Maddix can recover from a move when he feels like it." Comet states.

 

King, after a small bit of posing on the top rope, finally leaps off with grace, turning perfectly in mid air and setting his elbow out just in time...

 

...only to hit nothing but the ring canvas as he comes crashing down, Maddix moving out of the way just in the nick of time. The crowd roars approval at Max King hitting the mat like that, knowing that Maddix is still alive in this match and about to go back on the offensive. Maddix pushes himself onto his feet again, King getting up just about the same time as Maddix does, and King goes to nail the champion with a hard right hand. Maddix is ready for this however, blocking the hand and ducking around it, grabbing King into a reverse DDT position. However, he spins quickly and drops and arm across the chest and near the neck region of King!

 

"That's the Landon Eye, Riley!" Comet notes. "Maddix is still alive, and he's so close to the win that he can almost taste it right now. All he needs to do is one big thing to put King away for good in this match!"

 

"I told you, he doesn't have anything that can put King away for good!" Riley calls. "He might as well just..."

 

"Maddix climbing the ropes again...but not going all the way to the top." Comet interrupts before Riley can complete his sentence. "It looks like we're about to see the champion hit his patented Crash Landon move...and we'll have to see if it works for him in this match!"

 

Maddix taunts King with "Come On" gestures, though King isn't able to see such gestures being put his way as his back is to Maddix as he makes them. Maddix stays perched on the ropes, ready to leap off and catch King with the move at just the right moment. When that moment comes, he leaps off...and catches King with the Tornado Flatliner that causes the challenger to bounce off the mat like a basketball, onto his back and ready to be pinned. Maddix smiles, going over for the cover...

 

...but no count is laid down, as Kelly got up onto the ring apron just before Maddix went over for the pin, distracting the referee just enough so that he didn't realize it.

 

"Oh come ON! This is just unfair to Landon Maddix, Kelly getting involved in the match YET AGIN and preventing King from losing the match..." Comet protests.

 

"And it's a brilliant move by Kelly too!" Riley states. "Why risk losing money on this match here when she can do something to prevent a loss for King?"

 

Kelly continues to argue and discuss with the referee on the ring apron, but apparently Megan Skye has had enough of Kelly's actions and grabs her by the ankle, pulling her off of the ring apron and causing the leggy red-head to hit her chin on the ring apron. Skye then tackles Kelly on the ring floor, and the two ladies get into a catfight, eliciting hoots and hollers from the crowd as the two women tear and claw at each other on the floor.

 

"Megan Skye has effectively found a way to take Kelly out of the equation apparently!" Comet notes. "And the fans are loving what they're seeing. It's almost like getting a second match in the middle of this one!"

 

"Bah, who cares about two women fighting on the arena floor? Come on King, get back up! Take Maddix down once and for all!" Riley shouts.

 

As the referee breaks up the two ladies on the outside of the ring, he's completely unaware of what's going on inside of the ring. Maddix, who was about to go over and get the referee's attention back onto the match, has his back turned to Max King and is unaware of King recovering from the Crash Landon...as well as unaware of King pulling something out from his boots and slipping it onto his hand. As the referee finishes breaking up the catfight, Maddix turns around, and gets blasted right in the face with a right hand by King that seems to have a greater effect on him than any of the punches earlier on in the match!

 

"What the heck was...I think Max King had brass knuckles on his hand!" Comet notes. "Kelly must have slipped them into..."

 

"Oh, no one cares about your conspiracy theories, Comet! Max King has hit Maddix with a knockout blow, and it's looking really good for the Philadelphian right now!"

 

Making sure that the referee doesn't question what happens, King picks up Maddix onto his feet, and sets him up in the bent back position, locking Maddix's head with the Dragon Sleeper, then dropping Maddix so King's knee is in Maddix's back, and finishes by grabbing the Champion's leg.

 

"And there's the Compressor for you, Comet!" Riley sates. "Max King is going to get the knock-out win right here, and I for one am glad to see it!"

 

The referee checks on Maddix's hands as King wrenches away with the Compressor in the middle of the ring, and each of the three times he checks the arm, it drops down. The referee is quick to ring the bell, much to the chagrin of both Megan Skye (who has had her top torn and hair messed up due to the catfight on the floor) and the San Jose crowd.

 

Funyon: Here is your winner...and the NEW SWF Intercontinental Television Champion..."THE ICON"...MAX...KING!

 

"Max King literally stealing a win right there, using the brass knuckles to knock out Landon Maddix while the referee was distracted with the girls on the outside..."

 

"Hey, who cares right now HOW he did it? Kelly sliding in the ring, grabbing the championship belt from the referee...presenting it to the NEW Champion, Max King!" Riley commentates as it happens. "This will be a day long remembered, Comet! Mark it down...Max King is the new ICTV champ, baby!"

 

Comet sighs as King and Kelly slide out of the ring, celebrating all the way down the entryway. "I don't like how he did it, but unfortunately the fact remains...Max King is the new ICTV champion. Will that trend continue next, as the World Title is on the line...new champion Toxxic defending the title against the young upstart Andrea Montgomery!"

 

The camera fades out on Max King standing on the stage, holding the ICTV Title up high...Kelly holding her arms around him as he does.

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

“Toxxic!”

 

The shot from Gus’ camera wobbles up and down as he pursues Ben Hardy down the corridor, the SWF’s premier interviewer himself chasing after the figure of the World Champion.

 

“Toxxic! Er, excuse me…”

 

Hardy comes to a halt as the Straight-Edge Sensation spins around to face him, World Title belt over one shoulder. Toxxic raises an eyebrow and motions for Ben to continue.

 

“I wondered if you would like to comment on the challenge laid down by Landon Maddix on Storm,” Ben says breathlessly, “when he stated that he has removed everyone who has stood in his way so far, and is gunning for you next.”

 

“Yes, I heard that little remark,” Toxxic replies, readjusting the World Championship. “In fact Ben, I would like to comment on it. I’d like to comment very much.” The straight-edger turns to face directly into Gus’ camera, the steel-grey eyes boring into the lens.

 

“Landon, I won’t deny you’re a good athlete,” Toxxic states. “You’re quick, you’re smart and now you’ve even got the fans behind you, although God only knows how that happened.” He pauses to smirk for a second before continuing.

 

“The trouble, Landon, is all that means nothing to me. In my eight months here I’ve lost count of the number of good athletes with the fans behind them that I have faced and beaten. You talk about Alan Clark, Johnny Dangerous and so on - I’ve beaten Danny Williams, Dace Night, Tom Flesher, Janus, ‘Grand Slam’ Mark Stevens and Nathaniel Kibagami. These are some of the biggest names in the SWF ever… and unlike you, I didn’t have to cheat to beat a single one.”

 

Toxxic’s face breaks into his trademark lopsided grin as he continues to stare into the camera, mocking Landon Maddix, wherever he may be.

 

“One more thing to bear in mind, sunshine. In all the SWF there is only one person actively competing who has a singles victory over me - and that’s the man I made pass out at Genesis V, Johnny Dangerous. If you seriously think that you can go against the flow then feel free to bring it, but Landon…”

 

“…Prepare To Be Proved Wrong.”

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

“Welcome back to SWF Lockdown! We’ve just come back from the last commercial break of the night, so you better unplug the phone and get a bedpan ready, because this match is going to be fast-paced!” Comet shouts.

 

“Loosen up that mask, Comet, you’ve lost blood flow to your brain. Toxxic is going to tear through Andrea Montgomery in five minutes, tops. Less if he’s got plans for later this evening,” Riley states.

 

“I seriously doubt that, Robert. Andrea Montgomery is a tough competitor. What’s more, she’s quicker than Toxxic, so he can’t use his speed against her,” Comet counters.

 

The lights drop down, and just as everyone’s eyes are adjusting to the darkness, a huge explosion blasts the stage! The lights, covered with green filters, snap back on as No Doubt’s “Just a Girl” blares over the speakers.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the final main event of Lockdown! The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation World Heavyweight championship! Introducing first, the challenger. From Biloxi, Mississippi, she stands five feet, eight inches tall and weighs one hundred, forty-three pounds, AAANDRREAAA MONTGOMERRY!!” Funyon roars over the cheering crowd.

 

Andrea steps out from behind the curtain, pausing on the stage for a moment before slowly walking down the ramp, greeting the fans on the sides. She reaches the ring, hops onto the apron and springboards into the ring. Andrea takes off her leather jacket and sunglasses and heads to a corner away from the ramp in wait for Toxxic.

 

“Andrea Montgomery must be happy about this match. In her previous world title shot, she nearly beat Stubby McWeed, but she had to face off against you, Robert. And she beat you soundly, I might add,” Comet says.

 

“She had help! Stubby McWeed and Fallout were against me. ALWAYS AGAINST ME!” Riley shouts.

 

The Smarktron screen goes white as the opening chord of 'Rookie' by Boy Sets Fire crashes out over the arena. The screen darkens as it hits black the familiar slogan flashes up one word at a time in jagged white letters:

 

'PREPARE TO BE PROVED WRONG'

 

As the guitar riff starts the black screen shifts and becomes the top of a spiky-haired head that raises and stares out with piercing grey eyes before a lopsided grin creases the right-hand side of Toxxic's face. The bass drum starts and clips of his matches flash up - the All-Show Brawl with the Insane Luchador, the infamous Glass Jawbreaker on Aecas, dropping Nathaniel Kibagami on his head with the Caffeine Bomb and the Super Intoxxication that won him the World Title - before moving onto footage of Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the four blast of red pyro that climb the entrance ramp before the final, stagewide eruption as the main riff starts-

 

*BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BOOOM!!*

 

-that signifies the arrival of the SWF's premier straight-edger! Toxxic strides through the smoke with Jet at his side and makes his way down to the ring as the fans boo the hell out of him.

 

“And her opponent, accompanied to the ring by his girlfriend Jet; from Nottingham, England, he stands six feet tall and weighs two hundred, eighteen pounds. He is the leader of Revolution Zero, two-time and reigning-and-defending Smartmarks Wrestling Federation World Heavyweight champion... TOXXIC!!” Funyon booms out over the jeers.

 

Toxxic rolls into the ring and stands in the centre for a moment or two, then just a the first verse is about to begin he throws his arms wide, palms down, and each turnbuckle explodes with more red pyro!

 

*BAP-BAP*

 

*BOOOM!!*

 

'I never thought this could be me,

I guess you never do until it's happening to you

Like all the fun turns into shame

And all the 'could-have-beens' rearrange...'

 

Toxxic removes his ‘Prepare to Be Proved Wrong’ shirt, tosses it to Jet, unstraps the title belt from around his waist and hops onto the top turnbuckle, displaying it for the crowd. The expected result comes.

 

‘TOXX-IC SUCKS!’

‘TOXX-IC SUCKS!’

‘TOXX-IC SUCKS!’

 

The champ hops down, hands the belt to referee Anthony Michael Hall, who in turn gives it to Funyon. Hall pats down both wrestlers, and satisfied that no foreign or domestic objects are concealed, call for the bell.

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

Andrea bounces lightly from foot to foot, eyes fixed firmly on Toxxic. For his part the Straight-Edge Sensation doesn’t take his gaze from his opponent’s face, then overwhelmed by the novelty of having a strength advantage he moves forward and calls for a lockup. Drea moves in accordingly and the two wrestlers go to tie up, but then the girl from the Mississippi ducks under Toxxic’s grasp and slips behind him, heading for the ropes at full pelt! Toxxic turns around, but by this time Andrea is already heading back at him and she rolls forward before jumping up and hitting a jawbreaker on the startled straight-edger!

 

“DREA! DREA! DREA!”

 

Toxxic staggers backwards clutching his jaw and Andrea bounces back up to her feet again as the crowd starts to really get behind her! She moves in as Toxxic turns back to face her, then lashes out to start the Coastal Combo hitting a punch, then an elbow smash, then another punch-

 

“BOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

-but Toxxic catches that one under his left arm, traps Andrea and then slams a headbutt into her face! Now it is the challenger’s turn to stagger backwards, and Toxxic wastes no time in booting her in the gut before smashing her face into his knee and then falling backwards into a DDT!

 

*CRUNCH-WHAM!*

 

“Sobering Thought!” Riley shouts. “I said he’d finish her quickly!”

 

Drea rolls away clutching her face and Toxxic backs up for a second to work out what he’s going to do next. However, the World Champion doesn’t get a chance to put any devious plan into action because-

 

*CRACK!!*

 

-he’s hit in the back of the head by a chairshot from Mike Van Siclen, who has already left Jet lying on the outside!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

“What!?” Comet shouts in amazement as the Spectacle brandishes his weapon while the referee calls for the bell, signalling a no-contest, “What in the name of Zeus is Citizen Van Siclen doing here?”

 

Toxxic’s bell has been rung but the World Champion is fresh and he’s not quite out yet. Groggily, the man from Nottingham pushes himself up to his feet and turns to face his attacker-

 

*CRACK!!*

 

-but Van Siclen simply levels him with another brutal shot, and Toxxic tumbles back to the canvas with blood starting to stream from his forehead!

 

“Van Siclen is a criminal!” Riley foams. “He’s a disgrace to the Federation! He has no respect for the World Title!”

 

Van Siclen calmly shoves Anthony Michael Hall away as the referee admonishes him for his behaviour.

 

“-or officials!”

 

Mike sets the chair on the canvas, ignoring the disbelieving stare of Andrea Montgomery as she raises her head to find the match prematurely ended. Van Siclen then hauls Toxxic’s limp body into a vertical headscissors, raises him up, positions him over the chair... and steps over his arms.

 

“RIOT ACT!” Comet shouts, half in delight and half in terror. “He’s going to give the World Champion the Riot Act onto the chair!”

 

Mike looks around at the appreciative crowd - then his eyes whip back to the entrance ramp, because the shapes of Spike Jenkins and Sean Davis are pounding down it as fast as possible! Mike does a quick calculation of the time it will take to do the move properly then disentangle himself and get away, and instead opts to drop Toxxic messily and simply get the hell out of Dodge as the other two-thirds of Revolution Zero hit the ring! The crowd parts for the departing Spectacle as Sean Davis leans over the ropes yelling abuse while Spike bends down to check on his leader, and Andrea Montgomery still looks shocked at what has just transpired.

 

“Citizens, I am amazed at the daring of Mike Van Siclen,” Comet says. “It seems that understandable anger at the manner of his team’s loss to Revolution Zero earlier tonight has driven him over the edge!”

 

“I want him fired! Or at least suspended!” Riley barks, seemingly forgetting that he has slightly less backstage pull than the nearest hotdog vendor. “It’s time for Mike Van Siclen to be taught a lesson!”

 

Andrea Montgomery steps out of the ring and starts to walk back up the aisle looking dejected, the prospect of the World Title having been snatched away from her. In the ring however, the scene is one of concern as Sean checks on Toxxic while Spike has gone to the outside to tend to Jet. The dreadlocked beauty seems OK, but Toxxic has to be helped up as the blood streams down his face. Tonight, the war between the Empire and the Revolution just escalated.

 

 

FADE OUT

 

 

Copyright Smarks Wrestling Federation, 2004

‘Raising Workrate By Typing Faster’

[5_moves_of_doom 0]

I can't say I'm very pleased with this show. Only two promos coming off of Genesis, one double-no-show, and one TRIPLE-no-show. That said, as usual, what's there is good. The upper-carders once again prove that they're in the upper-card because they WRITE, and do it well, but surprises are abound in the lower end of the show. The opener was apparently INCREDIBLY close, and a pretty big upset, and the Last Blood match, was utterly phenominal compared to what I was expecting from the second match of the show. So, read up kiddos! And someone lock/pin this.

 

Card goes up tomorrow, via either me or MVS. We'll organize some way for you guys to have extra time to write if need be.