Ignwf all-stars~!

[Guest realitycheck]

Okay, so I'm reading though the trivia thread, and I'm stymied on a question. Specifically, 'what was the name of Comet's vending machine car thing?' So, with nothing better to do, I decide to cave and buy the one month Insider subscription for a POCKET BOOK BURNING five bucks. As I'm shuffling through stuff, a stray ray of brilliance strikes me...

 

...why don't I pick up the best, classic stuff, and post it on the board for all to mavel and remenice about? (Yes, it took me minutes to think about that. I'm a little slow, ya' see...)

 

Anyway, I picked out a *few* promo's, and ONE old show, all of which are my favourites, and I'm going to go ahead and post them. I'll talk more at the end of the post. SAVE ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY UNTIL THEN. Thank you, and enjoy.

 

THE CARD:

 

Bourbon Street Brawl: Jay Dawg versus Molock.

 

PROMO: Censoring the Vending Machines - Cyclone Comet

 

PROMO: Chicken McNuggets for the Soul - The Midnight Carnival

 

IGNWF Storm excerpt: The Pepsi MAXimorphing Cyclone Comet Mobile! - Cyclone Comet

 

And finally...

 

IGNWF IGNite - December 4, 2000.

[Guest Zero_Cool]

PROMO: Chicken McNuggets for the Soul - The Midnight Carnival

 

(Y)(Y)(Y)

 

"They deserve the real MEEEE!!"

[Guest realitycheck]

Z's Comments: This is an odd one. Something about Jay Dawg and Molock and Salema Hyak, or whatever. Anyway, this was masterminded by GOAT, who will probably have quite a few more cameo's in the Klassics down the road. Read on!

 

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BURBON STREET BRAWL: JAW DAWG versus MOLOCK.

 

Proudly brought to you by http://www.missgalatea.com

 

[in the street]

Wrestlers from all the leagues have shown up for the night as they want to see who gets the Mexican Hotty. Some of the noticable stars are every member of Prime Evil, Mercury and Neilson of Dark Pheonix Dynasty, Cylone Comet Axis and Rane from whatever group name they have, Spike and Grimedogg is Softcore from Die Hard. Some members of the leagues are Grunge, Xstacy and Heat from JL town, as well as Xero and King of Hearts from ML town. Others are there, but apparently noone really gave a damn about who gets Salma, there is a free beer and chips sign just behind the commentators for the show, Jayson G and the pantless NTD. They happen to have cordless mics

so they are not sitting this evening.

 

>Jayson: Welcome to this ridiculous uh..{pulls out cue card}..Boor..Bonne street brawl. You Americans are ridiculous, what is with this useless duel?

>NTD: Uh, I am Canadian, and so is a participant in this match, Jay Dawg. I'm assuming JD is fighting cause he claimed he wanted the bitch back.

>Jayson: What exactly did Molock do to the woman? And how come I didn't approve this match?

>NTD: Don't ask me, I'm naked. I think Molock just let her go or something, I'm not sure of the details, all I remember is that it involved a lot of nut kicking, and alot of shovel whacking.

>Jayson: And how long ago did this take place?

>NTD: 3 months ago, I think. JD went on a riot, cause Molock stole his tag titles, his music and now his smuggled woman. GOAT was the one who got the woman for Dawg, and now she is a member of Prime Evil...Bizarre.

>Jayson: Bizarre indeed. So how far is Ms. Hayek away?

>NTD: Cemetary. Not sure where it is. I only know that we were supposed to meet in this dark alley, which is surrounded by dumpsters, garbage cans, fire escape ladders, food, windows, gasolene. Man this is a hardcore lover's dream. But what else is here.

>Jayson: Well it doesn't necessarily have to end here, there can also be other implements of destruction all over the place, remember it ends in the cemetary. Anyways I am assuming the match is about to start.

 

"KICK HIS ASS MOLOCK!!! KICK HIS ASS!!!" All the heels are yelling that as he walks through a crowd with his infamous shovel in hand, he stops when he sees about twenty scantily clad women in his way. Suddenly he is poked by an invisible object with an "I LOVE GALATEA" shirt on.

 

>Ghost Galatea: Hey buddy, wanna buy a whore? Two dollars.

>Molock: Later, when I kick JD's ass.

>Ghost Galatea: DUDE!!! YOU'RE KICKING JD's ASS!!! Hell you get these whores for free, plus free access to my favorite site http://www.missgalatea.com

 

"YOU'RE F*CKED!!! YOU'RE F*CKED!!!" The whole crowd yells at JD as he walks down the aisle with his cinderblock. He looks confused as all the faces are yelling it as well.

 

>JD: Hey! It's your favorite person! Aren't you supposed to cheer me!?

>All: NO!!! YOU SUCK!!!

 

JD scratches his head in confusion. Then walks over to the ghost Galatea.

 

>JD: You still like me...Don't you?

>Galatea: No dude. You suck.

>JD: I was talking to your whores you stalking freak!

>Galatea: Aye, number 12, why don't you answer him.

>12th Whore: I only like you when you pay me.

>JD: Well that sucks you under rated Mexican Whore!

>Galatea: HEY! NOONE INSULTS MY CHEAP MEXICAN WHORES AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!

 

An inanimate object is lifted and thrown at JD's testicular area but Dawg jumps up and the object floats itself into the junk of Molock.

 

>JD: HAH!!! YOU SUCK GALATEA!!! You Can't even hit me from two feet away!

>[being held back somehow by invisible force]: GRRR!!! Let me at him!

>Mayor: Sorry Secretary of happy meals. It's the way it has to be. Supreme Court Justice will kick his ass soon enough.

>Galatea: Ok McCheese. You truly are the greatest.

>McCheese: I know my son. I know.

 

JD grabs the toppled over Molock and feeds him a right hook which forces the Prime Evil member's face to shoot up to the sky. The Dawgmeister follows that up by driving his knee into the larger man's ribs, Molock looks like he was just hit by a missile as all the air has been just driven out of him. JD sees that Molock has been winded so he grabs the man's wrist and attempts to launch him with an irish whip, but Molock shifts his weight and launches JD with a whip of his own.

 

>Jay Dawg: THANK YOU!!!

 

Molock stands there as JD keeps running, looking confused as ever.

 

>Jayson: What is Dawg doing and NTD get your hand off my ass.

>NTD: Sorry, but why is Jay Dawg running?

>Jayson: Well the object of this match is to get to Salma...OH MY GOD THE CEMETARY MUST BE THAT WAY!!!

>NTD: Well Dawg seems to have a good head start!

 

Molock over hears Jayson's assumption and turns to all the heel in the alley.

 

>Molock: GET HIM!!!

>Heels: YOU!!! We got beer!

>Molock: Ah crap!

 

Molock starts to run after JD who has just turned the corner. The camera focusses on Molock since JD has been long gone, the 300 pounder turns the corner and he sees JD has disappeared. In his place is...THE GOWENSTEINER!!!

 

>Molock: Ah crap! It's the bloody no seller.

 

Molock pulls out his shovel and walks up to The Gowensteiner. The No Selling, High Flying, Ass Kicking, Power Bombing Gowensteiner points to his head asking for Molock to smack him one. Molock gladly excepts the invitation and smacks the shovel over the chode's head, and surprise surprise, the No Seller does not sell the move. Molock winds up again and cracks the shovel over the man's head so hard that the shovel breaks but it doesn't phase the Stein.

 

>Molock: F*ck you man! Sell the damn shot!

>Stein: Shut your Mouth Jabroni! Your Ass Is Next!

 

The Stein charges full speed into Molock and spears him, Steiner has Molock on his shoulders and keeps charging, he finally stops, only cause he couldn't break a Dumpster bin in two with Molock's carcus. The Bin is really dented however and Dawg pulls Molock out of the dent he made and proceeds to place him on top of the Dumpster Bin. The Gowensteiner proceeds to climb a fire escape ladder and stops at six stories above.

 

>Stein: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEEE OOOOOGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

 

Gowensteiner jumps off the platform and flips, one flip, two flips, three flips, four flips, five flips, six flips, seven flips, eight flips, nine flips, ten flips, eleven flips and the Splash onto Molock.

 

>NTD: CHRIST!!! A 4050 SPLASH INTO THE DUMPSTER BY THE GOWENSTEINER!!!!

>Jayson: WE GOTTA SIGN THIS GUY!!! He's the next Goldberg!

>NTD: Don't ever call him that! He's way cooler then Goldberg!

>Jayson: You have a good point!

 

The Steiner comes out of the dumpster and runs behind the corner. JD somehow(It's a conspiracy I tell you) comes out and greets all the people. Nelson(spelled wrong on purpose) runs up to him and shakes the man's hand.

 

>Nelson: WHOA!!! THAT WAS SO COOL JD!!!

>JD: Hey! I didn't do that! And aren't you the guy who cracked me with a pipe and made me piss myself!?

>Nelson: Noo..It was...

>JD: ...SHUT UP!!! I KNEW IT WAS YOU!!!

 

JD kicks him in the nuts, then drives the man's face into the ground with the Borderline Insanity. JD proceeds to unzip his pants and begins to piss all over Nelson. Molock is shown coming out of the dumpster.

 

>JD: HOW DOES IT FEEL NEILSON!!! HOW DOES IT FEEL!!!?

>Molock: OW!!! That hurt! Why the hell did you do that? I only stole the chick that GOAT smuggled for you.

 

Molock looks down at what JD has just done to Nelson and gulps.

 

>Molock: Uh Dawg, you may have hurt me and all...But I wouldn't have done that. Not even you deserve your punishment.

>JD: HUH!!!? I just knocked his ass out! He's helpless...

 

Molock gets to a seated position on the dumpster. He proceeds to point way over to the group of crowd and another Neilson is shown, he does not look to happy.

 

>Neilson: DAWG!!!!!!!!!! You Motherf*cking Pissant Leaguer! DID YOU JUST PISS ON MY F*CKING TWIN BROTHER!!! NELSON OF THE MOTHERF*CKING OCEAN!!?

 

JD gulps in fear as his face goes pale white.

 

>Molock: Umm...Don't just stand there acting like you are f*cking Moby Dick...RUN!!!

>JD: G..Gh...Got..Gotcha

 

Dawg runs back behind the corner and Neilson goes after in pursuit.

 

>Neilson: YOU BETTER RUN A 1000 F*CKING MILES PER HOUR!!! OTHERWISE I AM GOING TO CATCH YOU AND YOUR F*CKING LITTLE PISSANT FRIEND GOWENSTEINER WON'T SAVE YOUR F*CKING ASS!!!

>Dawg(Mumbling): Sh*t

 

The camera and Neilson both run around the corner only to see Dawg at the top of the building, he is shown pulling up some giant ladder up. Neilson chuckles at the obstacle JD has presented, but not for long as he charges fullforce at the building and leaps super high only to land halfway up the building. He sticks onto the building and begins climbing up.

 

>Neilson: YOU FORGET!!! I'm the King of the F*cking Jungle! You Can't Escape Me!

>JD: Well this is the f*cking city! I am damn well going to try!

 

Neilson keeps climbing up as JD begins to run again, just as Neilson gets to the top of the building, JD disappears out of sight.

 

>Neilson: Damn leaguer is going to get it, first he pisses in my lockerroom. Now he pisses on my f*cking bro...Damn pissant leaguer, where the hell did he go?

 

Neilson runs over the building and sees a shadow running away, out of instinct he assumes its JD and begins to stalk him. The camera goes back to the alley where Molock has gotten out of the dumpster and begins to walk away.

 

>Molock: Well, he's f*cked for life. I'm going to pick up my chick.

>Angelous: Dude! Didn't you slap her after she wouldn't bang you on the first date?

>Molock: Uhh...Probably. But I still want to win the match. So where is this cemetary?

>Angelous: Somewhere that way I guess.

>Molock: Well what are you waiting for? Let's go.

 

The whole crowd proceed to walk out of the alley, Jayson and NTD are both shown walking with the crowd and mic's in hand.

 

>Jayson: Well, JD is pretty screwed. What type of idiot would piss on Neilson or his bro?

>NTD: Jay Dawg did...Wasn't too wise.

>Jayson: No kidding. Hey wasn't there some sort of time thing on this match?

>NTD: Yeah. They have to complete it before midnight, otherwise Ms. Hayek will turn into some vampire broad and rip their nuts off...

>Jayson: Ok...So does she turn into a vampire queen if she's let out of the cage before midnight?

>NTD: I don't know...Best not, anyways lets see whats going on.

 

Molock is shown leading the group away and he quickly walks to the nearest spectator.

 

>Molock: Uh...I'm not the best at this polite stuff. Um excuse me sir. Do you know where your nearest cemetary is?

>Mean Stranger: No kidding, you going home or something?

>Molock: Huh? What do you mean?

>Not so bright Stranger: You look like you just came from one.

>Molock: Really...?

>Not so Bright Guy: Yeah! Man did you buy your clothes from the thrift shop?

 

Molock grabs the guy by the throat and lifts him to a surprising height.

 

>Molock: Enough chit chat...WHERE...IS YOUR F*CKING CEMETARY!!!

>Man: Hell...poh...lice. Ahh..Sault.

>Molock: OK YOU LITTLE BITCH!!! YOU BETTER TELL ME WHERE THE GOD DAMN PLACE IS!!! BEFORE I MAKE IT YOUR NEW GOD DAMN RESTING PLACE!!!

>Man: Acckkk...Two..Blocks Nor..Th..

>Molock: Thank you.

 

Molock tosses the man into the street, then begins to leave.

 

>Jayson: Is he just going to leave him there!?

>NTD: Obviously. Lets go.

 

They all begin to walk North crossing the street while they are at it. NTD turns around just as they cross and the information man gets creamed by a hummer.

 

>NTD: Hmmm…Looks like he won’t be staying there for long. Well not all of him that is.

>Jayson: Ouch…That had to hurt a little.

 

The whole group continue to walk until they are about a block away from the cemetary. Molock is still seen leading the group until out of nowhere JD appears and *DING* he kicks Molock in the nuts. JD follows it up by giving Molock a Stunner but it doesn’t phase the big man.

 

>Molock: GOD DAMMIT!!! YOU KICKED ME IN THE NUTS!!!

>JD: Uh…Aren’t you supposed to be unconscious or something?

>Molock: You idiot, a stunner doesn’t hurt.

>JD: Oh yeah…My bad.

>Molock: Hey. How did you get away from Neilson?

>JD: Oh. I paid some look alike to run away for me. He is so screwed

>Molock: No kidding. Neilson’s going to kick his ass even if he realizes it’s not you.

 

A loud squeal about a mile away is heard.

 

>Squealer: I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS YOU!!! HE PAID ME 200 BUCKS TO JUST RUN!!!

>Neilson: Well guess what…IT’S YOUR ASS NOW!!!

 

*SMACK* *CRASH* *BANG * *SLAM* *BOINK*

 

Everyone cringes at the sound of the smack that they hear well over a mile or so away.

 

>JD: Poor bastard…Shall we continue?

>Molock: Yeah, this bitch better put out.

>JD: No kidding

 

*CRACK* JD just hammered Molock with a punch to the jaw. Molock replies with a boot to the gut of JD driving the wind out of him, Dawg is beginning to gasp for air when Molock grabs ahold of his neck and pulls him into a standing headscissors. With massive might he lifts Dawg up onto his shoulders, then tosses him off them with a monster powerbomb into the street. Suddenly millions of naked girls from spring break begin to run up to the down Dawg as he begins to sit up.

 

>JD: OW!!! THAT HURT!!!

 

Dawg stands fully up and with not too many brains, he walks up to Molock again who latches his hand around the man’s throat. For the second time of the night, JD is gasping for air as he is lifted about seven feet in the air only to be driven down twice as hard with a chokeslam. The naked girls surround JD again as he begins to get up. Molock finally realizes what’s having Dawg get up.

 

>Molock: Uh ladies. Would you kindly leave him alone this time.

>JD: Dude! Will you quit powerbombing and chokeslamming me! IT F*CKING HURTS!!!

>Molock: No prob.

 

Molock keeps true to his word as he grabs ahold of Dawg’s shirt and pants, then proceeds to benchpress him up in the air. Carrying Dawg like he was in the army, he begins to walk towards the cemetary. After walking for a block his arms begin to tire, so he tosses Dawg into the cemetary gates. No girls surround Dawg this time and he stays on the ground in pain.

 

>Molock: I knew it was the naked chicks that kept him from staying down.

 

Molock walks over JD’s beaten up body and opens up the gate by his body. Molock proceeds to enter as the cemetary as others stay at the gate, he begins to walk part of the way in, then slaps himself across the face as he realizes he’s supposed to take JD with him. He walks back and picks up JD’s limp body and tosses it over his shoulder.

 

>Jayson: What is he doing?

>NTD: I think one of the rules was to put your opponent in some mosoleum, then remove Salma from the tomb.

>Jayson: Why didn’t you mention it until now?

>NTD: I thought it was common knowledge.

>Jayson: OBVIOUSLY IT’S NOT!!!

 

Molock takes JD over a hill in the cemetary and happens to spot people starting to sacrifice each other for some evil or something. Molock like what he sees and drops Jay Dawg to walk over there.

 

>Molock: You guys trying to sacrifice yourselves?

>Punk: Yeah man…Someone said if we cut our hearts out. We could smoke weed forever until we die. But we can’t figure out how to do it without dying.

>Molock: Need any help? I helped sacrifice Mayor McCheese.

>Punk: Sure man. Cut left to right ok and make sure you don’t go too deep.

>Molock: Yeah yeah you little bitch. I got it.

 

Molock pulls out the dagger and drives it into the man’s heart, and with one full swoop, he pulls the bladed weapon out again with the heart beating on top of it. The street punk quickly falls to the ground next to the friends he was with. Molock notices their stash of weed and soon picks it up.

 

>Molock: I told you I was an expert of Sacrifices. Now here…GET COOKED!!!

 

Molock rip open the bag of weed, he stuffs a handful of it into his pocket then spreads rest on top of the fallen crusaders. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out some gasoline and a lighter. He dumps all the gas on the unconscious kids then brings out the lighter, he gets out of the blast radius, then proceeds to bring out a flame with the portable firestarter. Just like the movies, he tosses the lighter onto the gas and the pot smoking crusaders are soon lighten up, Molock proceeds to leave as the giant fireball explodes behind him. JD has gotten to his feet and witnessed the firework that Molock has just produced and applauds.

 

>JD: Nice Barbecue

>Molock: No kidding. They wanted to get cooked.

>JD: HEH! Yeah, that’s true. Let’s go get Salma.

>Molock: Alrighty then.

 

They proceed to walk away in search for Salma Hayek’s tomb.

 

>Jayson: There they go. Getting Salma together.*sob*

>NTD: Here, let Nathaniel take care of you.

>Jayson: Don’t touch me.

 

-Two hours later-

 

>JD: GOD F*CKING DAMMIT!!! WE HAVE CHECKED EVERY F*CKING TOMB IN THIS CEMETARY!!! WHERE IS THE BIG BREASTED MEXICAN HOTTY!!!? IT’S ALMOST MIDNIGHT!!!

>Molock: I don’t know where she is! WAIT!!! OVER THERE!!!

 

Molock points to a place which is covered in black. Both he and JD begin to walk over there and check it out. It doesn’t seem to fancy, shortly after JD walks up to it and begins to knock on the door. *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* and the door opens suddenly.

 

>Molock: Dude. What time do you have?

>JD: Uh…Quarter to midnight.

>Molock: Crap. She’s going to turn into Santanico Pandimonium soon.

>JD: HOW THE HELL DID YOU REMEMBER THAT RIDICULOUS NAME!!?

>Molock: I don’t know. It just stuck to me.

>JD: Oh well…Let’s go.

 

They walk into the tomb and sure enough, Salma is standing there in her cage in maroon colored bra and panties. But even better, she is surrounded by FLAMING TABLES, both JD’s and Molock’s jaws drop at the sight of the tables. In less then a second both Dawg and Molock run on top of the cage, quickly Dawg drives his foot into the stomach of Molock. JD grabs the larger man’s head and pulls it off the tomb with him, STUNNER THROUGH THE FLAMING TABLE by Jay Dawg. Both Dawg and Molock hop up as there asses are beginning to burn.

 

>Molock: Dude! That was so fun! I’m putting you through this time!

>JD: Ok. But no wedgies.

>Molock: Yeah yeah.

 

Both men climb to the top of the cage that Salma is in and Molock pulls JD into a Standing Headscissors for the second time of the night. He proceeds to lift Dawg up then leaps off the cage and SIT DOWN POWERBOMBS JD THROUGH THE FLAMING TABLES!!! They lie there for a second but soon hop then drop and roll to put out the flames again. Salma is shown in the cage wondering what they are doing then all of a sudden…

 

…MIDNIGHT STRIKES!!!

 

Salma is shown doing the changes as her teeth come out and hair turns into a rats nest. JD and Molock gulp as the once Mexican Hotty has now turned into the Vampire Queen Santanico Pandimonium. She does not look to happy.

 

>Santanico: YOU FOOLS!!! YOU DECIDED TO PUT PEOPLE THROUGH TABLES!!! YOUR NUTS ARE MINE!!!

>JD: Uh…She’s all yours Molock.

>Molock: Umm..No thanks. You can have her.

>JD: F*CK THAT! I think I entered the wrong room

>Molock: I agree. Let’s leave. See yeah evil broad.

 

The vampire queen shows super human strength and rip opens her cage. Both JD and Molock look at each other then look at the door. Instantly they run and exit the tomb, both going about 90 miles per hour on pure fear as they want to protect there genitals. The Vampire Queen soon stops as she is no match for the speed of cowards, and heads back towards her tomb.

 

>JD: CRAZY BITCH!!! SHE AIN’T TOUCHING MY NUTS!!! I’m getting the hell out of this town!

>Molock: I’m two steps ahead of you there!

 

The camera switches back to by the tomb area and shows Santanico walking back to the tomb. All of a sudden Neilson appears again as he has not stopped looking for JD.

 

>Neilson: Hey funny looking broad! Have you seen a scared little sh*t at all?

>Santanico: I will in a second. YOUR NUTS ARE MINE!!!

>Neilson: Are you insane!?

 

Santanico runs after Neilson and tackles the King of the Jungle. Quickly she takes her hand out and drives it *CLING* into Neilson’s nuts, but quickly pulls it away as she has just hurt her hand. Neilson pulls up his shirt to reveal the crotch gun. *BANG* a bullet goes through the vampire queen’s head.

 

>NotJ: Robbing people on streets is cool. Damn bitch! Last time she f*cks with the King of the MotherF*cking Jungle!

 

The bullet hole in her head goes away and she raises again.

 

>NotJ: Oh! You want some more!

 

Neilson charges at her *POW* Santanico flies fifty feet. Neilson chages and leaps right on top of her. *BAM* *WHAM*

 

>Santanico: OWWWWW!!! AHHHHHH!!!!

 

The scream is heard by the gate where everyone is at. JD and Molock look back.

 

>JD: She must have met Neilson…

>Molock: Yep.

>All: She’s dead

 

This match has been brought to you by http://www.missgalatea.com

 

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[Guest realitycheck]

Z's Comments: For those who don't know, Cyclone Comet was one of the greatest IGNWF legends of all time. A superhero, a fantastic role model, a great match writer, and a hero to all. His best work undoubtably came in the form of his promos. THis particular actually sets up a later one in the show, AND it gets Neilson in one of his rare comprimising positions. Could you ask for more?

 

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PROMO: Censoring the Vending Machines

 

(…with a bang, a door in a hallway flies open, and a grim-faced Cyclone Comet strides out. He's carrying a duffel bag over one shoulder, but of course he's still wearing his mask. Comet strides down the hall, turns the corner, and almost runs into Axis coming the other way.)

 

Axis: Yo, Comet! I was just looking for you… What's with you? You haven't said a word since…

 

Comet (bitterly): Really? Here's one: THPPPT!

 

Axis: Okay… is this about Neilsen?

 

Comet: It's about this whole federation! I've lost twice in one week's time, to Simon Flare, whom I've beaten before, and Neilsen, who needed Jayson G. to help him… and what is up with that? First PDS, now JayG, what is up with commissioners taking time out of their busy schedules to mess up my life?!

 

Axis: Hey, that took us all by surprise! I don't know what's up with Jayson, but we can take whatever he can dish out, and hand it right back to him!

 

Comet: I was thinking like that too, until I saw the IGNite card…

 

Axis: What about it?

 

Comet: I'm facing Bobby Riley! BOBBY RILEY!

 

Axis: Oh, him. Don't worry, I can give you a few pointers…

 

Comet: Axis, Bobby Riley is the second-biggest baby-faced hero around here! Jayson G. KNEW I wanted to beat the living daylights out of some villainous scum! He DELIBERATELY put me against someone I have no beef with and who hasn't done a single horrendous action in years!

 

Axis: Er… who's the first-biggest baby-face?

 

Comet (stiffly): I'll pretend I didn't hear that… and then there's Neilsen. You heard what he said on Storm, he wanted Rane in a no-DQ match on IGNite.

 

Axis: Well, he can forget that. Rane's gonna cream Flare on IGNite…

 

Comet: …in a no-DQ match himself. That means that we can almost guarantee Neilsen interfering. And if he does, I'm coming down there with a cantaloupe and some duct tape, and I'll censor that no-good evil-doing trash-mouth like he's never been censored before…

 

Axis (laughing): That would be sweet! …But I think Neilsen should stay away from that match; Rane's been a little… off lately.

 

Comet: If someone takes your belt and your girlfriend in one night, and you have to wait a week before you can even get your hands on his henchman, you'd be a "little off" too. But that shouldn't be a problem; I've gotten hold of some of my superhero buddies, and they're out coming the country for Azul. We can only pray that Sarp's survival instinct kicked in before he touched a hair on her head…

 

Axis: Superhero buddies?

 

Comet: Yeah, really cool costumes. They can access spy satellites too. Azul's as good as back already, in my opinion...

 

Axis: Good to hear it...

 

(The two men turn the corner, where Suicide is sitting in a chair, smiling crookedly.)

 

Axis: Hey, Suicide! I thought you'd be long gone!

 

Suicide: Me too… only Comet here starting jabbering to me about "team spirit" or some crap, so I've been sitting around waiting for you two…

 

Axis: Did you see Rane?

 

Suicide: He left early. Didn't seem too talkative …I saw Neilsen, too, but…

 

Comet: Oh, great, here we go again… Suicide, what did I tell you about ambushing people?

 

Suicide: A whole lot. But you only said one thing about Neilsen.

 

Comet: And that was?

 

Suicide (quoting): "If I never see Neilsen's face again, it'd be too soon, but don't lay a finger on him yourself, because…", blah-blah, and then something about two wrongs…

 

Comet: Exactly. Good job. Now let's get to our…

 

Axis (listening): Hey, do you hear that? …Sounds like…

 

(The three men listen, Suicide still sitting on his chair, still smiling. Some distance away, there is a pop-drink vending machine with a large PEPSI MAX ad on the door. As Phoenix Uprising watches, the machine vibrates, as if being struck from the inside. There is also a muffled noise like yelling…)

 

Voice from Vending Machine: MMMM MMMMM **** MMMM! MMMM ****MMM MMM!!

 

Comet (sarcastically): Gee, I can't guess who that is. Darn it, Suicide, if you're going to be in Phoenix U., you have to learn to…

 

Suicide (standing): I did exactly what you said, Syke. Never laid a finger on him. Can we go now?

 

(Suicide opens the door, then pauses and turns around, fishing something out of his pocket.)

 

Suicide: Oh, Axis, here's your duct tape back…

 

(Suicide hands Axis a roll of tape; most of the roll is gone. Suicide walks out, while Comet looks at Axis accusingly.)

 

Axis: What? …oh, come on, you can't tell me he didn't deserve it!

 

Comet: You do realize that you are NOT being a role model to the youth of America?

 

Axis: Hey, I'm the Australian champ, America can go get a different role model… so you gonna let him out?

 

Comet (ponders a bit): …Well, I did tell Suicide that I didn't want to see Neilsen's face again, so in order to re-establish order, I guess I'll have to avoid him myself…

 

Axis (playing along): Of course, we wouldn't want you to appear hypocritical!

 

Comet: Exactly, my good friend!

 

Axis: Shall we?

 

Comet: After you!

 

Axis: Why, thank you!

 

(After all that grand talk, the two men walk out the door, leaving the "occupied" vending machine alone in the corridor. The last thing we hear before the door closes behind them…)

 

Comet: Hey, how did he fit in there?

 

Axis: He's a light-heavyweight, real flexible…

 

(The door slams shut.)

 

Vending Machine (rattling): MMM-MM-M-*****!!

 

-----

 

King’s noteworthy comment after this match: “Guy: I wanted a Pepsi MAX!

 

Machine: Well, you're f*cking well getting a f*cking Mountain Dew, motherf*cker! Eat sh*t and die, c*cksmoker!”

 

Ah, Memories…

 

-----

[Guest realitycheck]

Z's Comments: It's one of the Carnivals most legendary antics. Do I even NEED to say anything else?

 

-----

PROMO: Chicken McNuggets for the Soul

 

"Move over!"

 

"You're on my side!"

 

"You're on MY side!"

 

"Nuh uh!"

 

"Yuh uh!"

 

"Don't make me turn this car around!"

 

"... sorry daddy."

 

Edwin MacPhisto scowls at the children in the backseat.

 

"... don't call me daddy."

 

Spark and Mark grin at each other.

 

"... sorry mommy."

 

"That's it!"

 

*screeeech*

 

"No! We're sorry!"

 

"Ok... now what do you want?"

 

***cut to inside***

 

"Uhh, sir?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"A golf cart appears to be blocking the drive-thru lane."

 

"..."

 

"Should I, uh... ask them for an order?"

 

"... I ... guess so..."

 

***outside***

 

*shshshchchshshs*

 

"Welcome to Burger King, may I take your order?"

 

Edwin MacPhisto leans out of the cart and booms "Yes indeedy, good sir! I shall be dining on le` fromage ala burger`, tu francais fries, e-

 

***inside***

 

"Uh, sir?"

 

"Yea?"

 

"They're speaking German..."

 

"..."

 

***outside***

 

"-ished off with a wonderful creme` de la crepe` suzette!"

 

*schchchchchchch*

 

"Could you repeat that?"

 

"Of course! I-

 

*BEEP*

 

A chorus of car horns erupt in the line as Edwin begins his order once more. Finally, Spark slaps a hand over his mouth and says "Five big kid meals to go."

 

*shchchchchchc*

 

"Ok, schhdswh'll be twelve dollars and shchhchshchs to the window."

 

*VROOM*

 

...

 

"Edwin?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Window's back there."

 

"Hmm..."

 

*SCREEECH*

 

"So it is.... this thing doesn't have reverse, does it?"

 

"Fraid not."

 

"Then we have a dilemma, do we not?"

 

"I believe we do..."

 

"Assume the dilemma position!"

 

And with that command, all five Carnies hop out and begin pushing and pulling the Love Rollercoaster up the hill back into the drive thru line. After a good two minutes, it reaches the window. It slides open to reveal a 16 year old male with lots of zits and a cracking voice.

 

"That's twelve dollars and eighty-sevens cents, sir."

 

"Twelve dollars and eighty seven cents... let's see... tweeeeeeeelve dollars... and eeeeeeighty seeeeeven cents... I've got two-sixteen..."

 

"Five-forty."

 

"Sixty cents."

 

"Buck'n a half."

 

"A Canadian quarter."

 

A moment of awkward silence, then a light bulb pops over the Mac Daddy's head.

 

"... hold on."

 

Edwin hops out of the drivers seat and heads back into the line of cars behind them, all of whom are cursing him and their restaurant choice simultaneously. He taps on one of their windows, which is rolled down in haste.

 

"Pardon me... do you have any grey poupon?"

 

"F*CK YOU!"

 

"How about five bucks?"

 

"Why I oughta-

 

"A simple yes or no will do, sir."

 

"GET THE F*CK AWAY FROM ME!"

 

"How bloody rude..."

 

He slowly meanders back to the golf cart.

 

"Well it seems we shall have to reorder!"

 

"Oh, wow, a twenty! Where'd that come from?" pipes up Spark, removing his cleverly concealed wallet.

 

"The Lord doth liketh uth, I gueth." Edwin cracks back, taking the moula`.

 

"Here you are, sir!" He chirps as he gives the lad his money. A few moments later, he's handed change, five bags, and a "Have a nice day!" The Love Rollercoaster peels away to an empty parking lot not far off, and the munching commences.

 

"You ok, Chris?" asks the King as he tears into his double-cheeseburger.

 

"Yea..." Raynor munches slowly on a French fry.

 

"What is it?"

 

"You saw the card?"

 

"I saw tha gard, an' oo gawda fayce Fallowdd."

 

"Swallow, Sparky."

 

*gulp*

 

"You gotta face Fallout."

 

"Yea."

 

"But you just faced Fallout."

 

"Yup."

 

"So... what's the problem?"

 

"I dunno..."

 

A moment of silence, and the munching continues.

 

"I guess I'm just a little worried I might... y'know."

 

"Go off the deep end? Over the edge? Go woogly-doodly-moo moo insane? Eat his pets?"

 

"Something like that, Edwin."

 

"Well... Provided Lord Rane doth not protest, how's about one of us comes down there to keep you in line?"

 

"You would?"

 

"Hell, we all would... but seeing as how I am so witty-

 

"And pretty, and gay!"

 

"Sparky. Don't interrupt a man's Leonard Bernstein."

 

"Sorry."

 

"I figured my commentary might do that pantless twit some good."

 

"Wow... thanks..."

 

"Don't make a mention of it! By the way, can I bring a tazer?"

 

Raynor rolls his eyes at him.

 

"Just a little one?"

 

Raynor shakes his head.

 

"Tranquilizer darts?"

 

"Edwin."

 

"Ok, ok..."

 

Silence...

 

"Hee hee..." Grand Slam giggles as he removes a plastic bag from his... bag... "IGNWF toys!"

 

"Yippers!"

 

All thoughts of food vanish in an instant as the fantastic five rip into their lunches, looking for their little plastic instruments of fun (shame on you, perverts).

 

"Stubby!"

 

"Comet!"

 

"Comet!"

 

"Neilsen!"

 

"... Edwin..."

 

All heads turn to MacPhisto as he holds up the plastic image of himself.

 

"Dude! You got yourself! That rocks!"

 

"..."

 

"What is it?"

 

"The hair is all wrong! Look at that, it's like it was sheared with garden cutters! AND THE EYES MATCH!"

 

"Oh man."

 

Awkward silence as Edwin glares at his toy...

 

"...I's stood all I can stand, and I can't stands no more!"

 

With that quotable quote, Edwin leaps from his seat and beelines to the Burger King, his friends in pursuit. He flings the door open dramatically (after making quite sure it wouldn't hit anyone) then pounds his fist on the counter.

 

"I wish to see... THE MANAGER!"

 

The Carnies provide a few gasps to be dramatic. A man who doesn't look like his voice will crack any time soon steps out from behind the fry boiler thingy.

 

"Can I help you?"

 

"You most certainly can! I demand an explanation for this!"

 

Edwin slams his action figure onto the counter, and glares at the manager, who shrugs and says "It's an Edwin MacPhisto doll."

 

*gasps*

 

"This," Edwin replies coldly, "is not an Edwin MacPhisto "doll". This is a statue, a living monument, a totem of the Prince of Flash and Panache! A totem which, I might add, has incorrect hair and CO-ORDINATING EYES!"

 

The manager stares at him blankly.

 

"...so?"

 

"SO?!"

 

"Edwin, calm do-"

 

"I will NOT," he cries as he swings his arm around, attempting to be convincing, "calm down!"

 

"Look pal, get outta here before I call the cops."

 

"Our fans deserve a respectable and accurate recreation of their favorite superstars! How does this reflect upon your shoddy organization?!"

 

"I'm dialing..."

 

"Viva la Resistance!"

 

And with that, Edwin makes a dive across the counter, but his friends pull him back. They manage to wrestle him through the door kicking and clawing, and one last cry is heard.

 

"THEY DESERVE THE REAL MEEEEEEEE!"

 

He's hauled with great difficulty back to the Love Rollercoaster, where he collects himself.

 

"Ah... I feel much better."

 

Everyone stares at him.

 

"... what?!"

 

"..."

 

"Ok then! Are we ready?"

 

"Aye aye, captain!"

 

The Carnies take their designated places in their chariot, and begin the short drive back to the arena.

 

"Hey Chris!"

 

"Yea Mark?"

 

"I wanted to wait until we got outta there, so you wouldn't pull an Edwin..."

 

"What is it?"

 

Stevens hands him a little booklet that came inside his toy's bag. It has a picture of every superstar's toy they offer, including him... in a bright... red... vest...

 

"Edwin..."

 

"Yes, Chrissy?"

 

"Stop the cart."

 

-----

[Guest realitycheck]

Z's Comments: Comet at his finest. This is perhaps the best possible way to unmangle yourself from joke booking.

 

-----

Singles Match

Cyclone Comet vs Pepsi Max Soda Machine

(From IGNWF Storm, 01-16-04)

 

(…and we're back in the Georgia Dome, and we're shown a clip of the dramatic ending of the previous match…)

 

Jayson Grant: A shocking event, with Axis losing his Australian title to Perfect Bo! Bo is now a double-title holder!

 

NTD: It's a great night indeed for the Anarchist; I knew he loved money, but I think he loves gold more!

 

JayG: That's one loss for Phoenix Uprising tonight, but the two remaining active members could easily make up for that! In the main event, former champions and former friends collide, as Rane once again squares off against Pimp Daddy Sarp! At stake, a shot at the IGNWF World Title…

 

NTD: Which is held by… the referee for that match, Divefire! Man, the world title situation just keeps getting weirder and more complicated by the minute!

 

JayG: But before that, we have what should be a slobberknocker, a technical masterpiece, or a spot-fest… depending on the inherent abilities of one of the rising stars in the IGNWF, Cyclone Comet!

 

NTD: Rising star? Rising stars don't get this sort of match-up, Mr. G.! Tonight, folks, Cyclone Comet, a man who has competed against champions, will take on… it… it's a freakin' Coke machine!!

 

JayG: No, no, a Pepsi MAX vending machine…

 

NTD: Jayson, I don't want to know, but I gotta ask: WHY?! Are you seriously telling me there isn't a wrestler that deserves TV time? Or did the viewers at home do something to get you mad? This is insane! You can't have a match against a soda machine!

 

JayG: You must admit, NTD, that if anyone could have a match against a soda machine, it could be the IGNWF's very own superhero…

 

("I AM… CYCLOOOONE COMET!")

 

JayG: Speak of the spandex…

 

(The crowd's cheers power through the blacked-out arena as blue and gold lights flicker… and then the spotlight shoots down to reveal Cyclone Comet, posed and smiling in the entranceway. The IGNTron shows his whirlwind-fireball logo, his theme music plays, and as Comet breaks the pose and begins heading down the aisle, blue pyro shoots up and drops down across the stage! The camera breaks away occasionally to glance at some of the more hyper sign-carrying fans, one of whom has "KICK THAT SODA MACHINE RIGHT IN THE CAN"; another has "DIVEFIRE FEARS PEPSI MAX"; another, for no reason, has "MOTHERNATURE SAYS DRINK PEPSI MAX".)

 

JayG: A lot of Pepsi MAX vending machine fans in the audience tonight…

 

NTD: Who've been drinking something other than Pepsi MAX, I can tell you… look, Mr. G., is this some sort of set-up? Are we going to have Flare or Neilsen or SOMEONE run down instead? Because I can stomach only so much of a wrestling matches with inanimate objects!

 

JayG: That explains your hatred of pants, presumably…

 

NTD: Say what?!

 

(Comet slaps a few hands and then slides into the ring, jumping quickly up to the second turnbuckle and pumping his fist, bringing that corner of the crowd to its feet and triggering a blinding series of flashbulbs throughout the arena. He repeats it on the opposite corner, then jumps down and asks for a mike; Funyetta pirouettes over and hands him one. Comet assumes a heroic stance in the center of the ring as his music cuts out and the lights go back to normal…)

 

Comet: Ladies and gentlemen… welcome to the Winner's Federation of I-G-N!! …Now before we get to this evening's action, I'd like to ask you something… who did you come here to see? Be honest! Which wrestler did you come for?

 

(Huge cheers, and of course a "CO-MET! CO-MET!" chant breaks out, along with a few other counter-chants of other stars. Comet lets the audience duel back and forth for a while, then holds up a hand for silence.)

 

Comet: Well, I think I heard my name mentioned, so I've made at least some people's day brighter! But one thing I did not hear… I did not hear the name of my current opponent mentioned AT ALL! Now, I find this interesting, because…

 

(And Comet has to stop, because the crowd, laughing and cheering, starts a chant of "PEP-SI-MAX! PEP-SI-MAX! PEP-SI-MAX!" Comet tries to assume a serious expression, as if he didn't like it, but he's clearly trying not to burst out laughing.)

 

JayG: See, NTD? They love this match! Never doubt the big dog; the big dog is always right!

 

NTD: I guess so, Mr. G.…

 

Comet (once the crowd calms down): …as I was saying… hee hee hee! Ahem… as I was saying, I find this interesting, because my opponent for tonight has a distinguished record… in fact, he is on a winning streak! For proof, I asked my inanimate friend, the IGNTron, to show the record of my foe's previous five-star performance!

 

(And we cut to about a week ago, showing Suicide, Axis, and Comet all eyeing a Pepsi MAX machine, in which we can hear Neilsen of the Jungle cursing and struggling to get free!)

 

Neilsen: MMM-MM-M-*****!

 

NTD: Man, that was a dark moment in Neilsen's career, getting thrown in there by P.U.!

 

(Cut back to Comet in the ring.)

 

Comet: An impressive victory indeed, though we must give credit to both Suicide and Axis, who certainly gave a great deal of assistance to my adversary… BUT! Despite the incredible ability of my rival, I have certain aspects where I clearly out-class a soda machine! Sentience, consciousness, analytical reasoning, moral judgment… and, of course, knowledge of the law and of justice, which I have pledged to enforce throughout this federation! (Cheap pop for justice!) …Which leads me to… YOU, Mr. Jayson Grant!

 

(Comet dramatically gestures towards JayG, who looks up from his monitor and stares puzzledly at Comet.)

 

NTD: Uh-oh…

 

Comet: You see, Jayson, I have many questions about this match… how is it that you can order a nonliving object into a wrestling match at all? How did it sign the contract? Did it have proper representation? These are very proper questions, Mr. Grant, ones that deserve answers in front of all these good fans of Atlanta!

 

(Cheap pop for Atlanta! Jayson shakes his head, then waves over one of the officials and gets a mike himself!)

 

JayG: Comet, the reason you're fighting a Pepsi MAX vending machine is because I ORDERED you to fight a Pepsi MAX vending machine! To put it in words that your comic-book-addled brain can understand: Me boss, you not! If I order you to fight a soda machine, or a car, or a table, or the Empire State Building, or NTD, or even this entire crowd under the bleachers after the show… you'll do it, because I'll ORDER you to do it!

 

(This earns Jayson a great deal of booing, but Comet is quick to wave his hand for silence…)

 

Comet: Whoa, time out, guys, you must admit, he has that power… but Jayson, even you have limits to that power! You may feel free to do as you please, but even as we speak, as you sit in that chair, above you and around you to all sides, extends the rules and regulations set down by the IGNWF, which cut you off from unjust actions! But unlike a physical barrier, when you bend or break these rules, you might not even realize it! And therefore…

 

(Comet reaches behind his back and fiddles under the cape… and withdraws a huge sheaf of papers!)

 

Comet: Cyclone Comet, in his pursuit of justice, is filing a few requests!

 

NTD: A few? That looks like about fifty or so!

 

Comet (paging through the papers): Let's see now… here's one! Earlier tonight, the nefarious Perfect Bo defeated my friend Axis to become both the Australian champion and Hardcore Gamers champion! He now holds two belts! And so, in accordance with IGNWF statutes, I am requesting that Perfect Bo be ordered to choose which title he prefers to keep, and vacate the other, to be won by tournament or by other means! (Comet throws the page he just read away; it flutters to the ground.)

 

NTD: Now wait a minute, that's not a law, is it? Or is it? Jayson?

 

Comet: (skimming the next page) Also, I am requesting that Perfect Bo… and please note that I did spell it correctly, as in "B.O."… I request that Perfect Bo be ordered to apologize publicly for his horrendous attack on my other friend, Suicide! Fines to follow, penalties, me beating him up, blah-blah-blah, next! (throws that page away) …I also request that with the ICTV title currently vacant, given the current champion's injuries, that the number-one contender being "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens, a second contender shall be decided as soon as possible, and a match held, yada-yada-yada, next! (another page floats to the ground!)

 

JayG: This is ridiculous…

 

NTD: Good point though… maybe we should be writing this down?

 

JayG: It'll keep you awake through it at least…

 

Comet (next page): …I also request that an immediate inquiry be held into how a wrestler with a WF contract and world title shot is able to hand both of them over to his son-in-law! Because let's face it, some of these wrestlers have very large extended families, and I'd rather not walk in one day and find all of Pimp Daddy Sarp's out-of-wedlock children demanding Stairway to Hell matches! …NEXT! I request an immediate review of why the person who was next-in-line for that world title shot, and who has beaten one Simon Flare a full three-and-a-half times, was not even considered as a replacement for the upcoming triple-threat match for the world title! Particular attention might be placed on whether or not the person in charge of booking the match has any possible prejudice against spandex or people cooler than him!

 

NTD: WHOA! Did you hear that Jayson?! He dissed you!

 

JayG (a bit angry): Yes, NTD, now ask me if I care.

 

NTD: Um, do you care?

 

JayG: Shut up, NTD!

 

Comet (flipping through the paper): Okay… I strongly urge that the returning Stubby McWeed… (cheers break out for Stubby!) …no, I meant the OTHER Stubby McWeed… just kidding! I urge that he immediately change his name to something slightly more youth-friendly to make our image more palatable and worthy of being made into a summer-blockbuster movie! Suggested names are: Stubby McMilk, Stubby McVegetables, Stubby McTheTruthDotCom, or Stubbymon the Digital Pocket Creature! (The cheering and laughing crowd is still on Comet's side, but Stubby diehards are booing a bit…) …Okay, okay, chill out! We can throw that that idea away! (He does, chucking the paper over his shoulder.) Heck, we can throw most of this away, since I'm making it all up as I go along! These aren't even legal forms! These are photocopies of "Calvin and Hobbes" cartoons!

 

(Comet dramatically throws the remaining papers out over the commentator's table! They flutter around the grim-faced Jayson G. and the disbelieving NTD; cheering fans reach out and snag a few…)

 

Comet: But mark my words, Jayson, as the federation's superhero, responsible for the lives and fortunes of so many, I will be keeping my eye on you and your actions! I can only hope you keep your nose straight and narrow! Now, where is my worthy opponent for this match? Where is he?! I demand he come out and face justice AT ONCE!

 

NTD (over the crowd's cheers): Hey, this IS a "Calvin and Hobbes" cartoon! He was bluffing the whole time! …Of course, he was making some good points…

 

JayG (stiffly): Excuse me?

 

NTD: Er, nothing… aack! Blackout!

 

(For a moment we can see nothing but darkness and hear nothing but the crowd's cheers and chants. Then the IGNTron shows a strange image: the inside of a garage, with large trucks to either side, and a worker standing between them, facing away from the camera, wearing a Pepsi uniform. Suddenly the worker spins around… and it's Britney Spears! She kicks into her "The Joy of Pepsi" video as the crowd whistles and cheers!)

 

NTD: Look! I think… there's something on the stage! Could it be…?

 

(A spotlight shoots down to reveal… a Pepsi MAX vending machine sitting in the middle of the entrance stage! The crowd goes berzerk, chanting "PEP-SI-MAX!" and cheering. The vending machine does not react, but sits there impassively…)

 

JayG (sarcasticallly): The only wrestler worthy of fighting the likes of Cyclone Comet, and there it is!

 

NTD: Er, how did it get out there? Did someone push it out? It's pretty heavy… maybe it came up from the floor?

 

(Cyclone Comet is storming around the ring, getting pumped up! He gestures for the machine to bring it on; the machine just stands there. Comet yells at the ref, demanding he do something; Kivell shrugs his shoulders helplessly! Comet starts shouting at the crowd, pointing up the aisle towards the machine…)

 

NTD: Oh man, he's going to bring the fight to the Pepsi MAX machine! We're going hardcore!

 

(And Comet suddenly has had enough, and he slides out of the ring and starts up the aisle! The crowd is cheering as the ref races after Comet! The machine doesn't budge as Comet closes in… and suddenly the two adversaries are face-to-face with each other! A stare-down ensues, Comet glaring defiantly at the lit door, which shows a Pepsi MAX can bursting with cola goodness…)

 

NTD: Gee, I wonder who'll make the next move? …Oh, c'mon, Jayson, let's dump this match and get to the main event! If this isn't gimmick wrestling I don't know what is!

 

JayG: Hey, it's on the card, the match is on! You just call it!

 

(Comet brings one hand up… and pinched between forefinger and thumb is a quarter! He brings it suddenly forward, fitting it into the coin slot… he waits, then suddenly lashes out again, striking one of the buttons! The machine emits some noise, and then produces a can of Pepsi MAX! Comet deftly removes it from its tray, cracks it, then toasts the crowd and drinks it, being careful not to spill any on his costume. When he finishes, he carefully hands the can to the ref, who looks completely bewildered. Comet then produces an odd thin device, much like a remote control, from his belt. He aims it at the machine and thumbs a button; the machine's door suddenly unlocks and smoothly opens! Comet looks around with a smile, like a magician doing a trick, and then steps into the machine! The door quietly closes behind him, leaving the machine alone onstage!)

 

NTD: Oh NO! Comet's in the machine! That's how it got Neilsen! And Comet just walked right into it! DAMN YOU SODA MACHINE!! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!!! …Pfff… (he loses it) HA HA HA HA! HEE HA HA HA HA! Oh my God, this has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever done!

 

JayG (witheringly): That's saying quite a lot… now what? Come on, ref, officiate!

 

(The ref, having no idea how to call this, looks around desperately for guidance… suddenly the door light flickers, and then changes color to blue! Even stranger, the picture of the Pepsi can fades… and is replaced by the logo of Cyclone Comet! As the crowd cheers, the hero's voice, magnified immensely, booms out of the machine!)

 

Comet (heroically): HA HA HA! Jayson G.! You thought that I would fight this machine! What you did not realize is that Cyclone Comet could never raise a hand against the cool refreshing taste of Pepsi MAX! And furthermore, this machine has realized the error of its ways, and is now united with Phoenix Uprising! You have been swerved, Jay G.! And now, as one, we shall reveal our true power!!

 

NTD: (too busy laughing his pants off to say anything!)

 

JayG: What the hell is he up to? This is ridiculous…!! What in hell?!

 

(There is a grinding of machinery, and suddenly the Pepsi MAX vending machine is in motion! The door starts moving down and outward, while parts begin emerging from the sides! The entire machine seems to be slowly falling backward in a very controlled way. Strange round objects shoot out and rotate… then land on the ground; they're wheels! Two lamps emerge from underneath to become headlights! And suddenly, as more of the machine transforms, Comet is revealed, sitting down, smiling, and wearing a helmet!)

 

NTD: Oh…my…GOD! It's a freakin' Transformer! It's a Decepticon! It's… it's a car!

 

(With a final series of clicks and movement, the vending machine completes its transformation into a long go-cart-like vehicle, decorated in blue and gold, fins and decals, with Comet's logo on the front hood where the door is! Comet jabs a few buttons in front of him, and pyro bursts up from his car, delighting the fans! Comet begins to speak; a hidden mike in his helmet picks up his voice and blasts it out from the car's speakers…)

 

Comet: Behold! The Pepsi-MAXimorphing Cyclone-Comet-Mobile! …That's just a working title, of course… Finally, I have become a full-fledged member of the Winner's Federation, by getting my very own incredibly-cool car! So safe Ralph Nader could fall asleep at its wheel! So secure that even the Exploding Chicken could not steal from it! And of course, so versatile in function, that it can take me anywhere, do anything, and still serve me a refreshing beverage! Observe!

 

(Comet taps on his control panel some more, until two long thin cylinders shoot up from the sides of the vehicle and open up like flowers; they resemble skinny arms with three-fingered hands! Comet, grinning like never before, quickly moves the arms down to the stage floor, and pushes the entire vehicle clean off the ground! With a little more maneuvering, Comet starts doing push-ups with his car!)

 

Comet (in time to the push-ups): ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! YES…ahem, I mean, yes, a mighty workout for a mighty vehicle! Check this out, ladies! (The arms do the traditional bicep flex!) And yes, this car has the means to defend itself! Any so-called "street fighters" might want to take notes!

 

(The arms reach forward, touching at their wrists, their fingers splayed out…)

 

Comet (triggering some control): "HA-DO-KEN"!!

 

(And a huge fireball bursts from the car's outstretched limbs! The crowd oooohs, and then cheers as the arms retract back into the vehicle!)

 

JayG: Dammit, what the hell is he ON? He could hurt someone!

 

NTD: Hey, can I have one of those?

 

JayG: NO!! And he can't either!

 

Comet: And of course we have only one person to thank! Thank you, Mr. Grant, for graciously allowing me the use of the IGNWF's resources to finance and build this magnificent crime-fighting vehicle! And for that, we salute you! (One of the car's arms shoots out, salutes, and retreats again!) And now, I shall be off, fighting crime wherever it seethes! Thank you, good people of Atlanta, and remember…

 

(The audience joins in!)

 

Justice has a new name! A new face! And the coolest car in the world!

And its name…

…is CYCLOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE COMET!

 

(And with that, Comet presses a few more buttons, and the car starts to rotate so that it faces the entranceway! Cyclone Comet's theme hits as the crowd pops once more!)

 

JayG: Resources!? What resources! I didn't authorize… Hey! Where's he going? Get him back here!

 

NTD: Cyclone Comet was scheduled to fight a vending machine… instead he's driving one home! I guess this match gets thrown out… only Comet, huh, Jay G.?

 

JayG: Dammit, someone call my accountants!

 

NTD: Will do, sir! And up next on IGNite, a REAL wrestling match, to decide the third man for the triple-threat world-title match next pay-per-view!! Rane vs. PDS, with Divefire as referee! The main event, NEXT!

 

(Cyclone Comet finally gets his vehicle angled properly, jets out flames from the exhaust, and then slowly rolls through the entranceway to the back! The camera lingers on the license plate, which reads: CC2DMAX!)

 

(And we cut to commercial… and ironically, it's a Pepsi MAX commercial…)

[Guest realitycheck]

Z's Comments: To close out our romp though history, I figured I'd post an ENTIRE episode of IGNWF IGNite. And this is one of my favourites. THe original Hide and Seek match is in here, and that's the main reason I went scouring for it. This also has one of the most famous World Title upsets in WF HISTORY, one that was not decided on until the following Storm. This is also a good chance to look back at how far the fed has progressed.

 

Oh, and this was originally posted with ALL of the matches, not just the winning ones. I'm only posting the winning ones.

 

-----

IGNWF IGNite, December 4, 2000.

 

IGNWF IGNite, 01-12-04

 

Opening Show Promo:

 

A tape is playing on the IGNtron.

 

The camera is rushing into the a set of heavy push doors. We can't really see what the rest of the building looks like because it's night out. We can hear an ambulance wailing in the back ground and the doors are stenciled with "IGNsane Asylum: Use caution when entering"

 

The camera runs through the doors and a small ugly woman is working behind a desk. She's wearing one of the old nurse uniforms with the sill little hat. She looks to be about 45 and EXTREMELY mean.

 

Nurse:"What the HELL is going on here? Who are you people? What do you want?"

 

The camera turns around and we see two huge men tightly holding a smaller man in a straight jacket. The two men are barely even struggling even though the small man between them is jumping around wildly and......klukking.

 

Nurse:"What the HELL is wrong with this one?"

 

The two men just look at one another and don't say a word.

 

Voice from behind the men:"Gentlemen! Please do try to keep him quiet. That incessant klukking is such an annoyance."

 

As a well dressed man only slightly smaller than the other two steps from around the guards, one of the men quite harshly shoves a hand over the smaller man's mouth, shutting him up.

 

Man:"Excuse me nurse but this is a new patient and he must be admitted immediately."

 

Nurse:"First of all I'll decide who needs to be admitted. Second of all...who the hell are you?"

 

Doctor:"Why I'm him doctor of course."

 

Guard:"OOOWWW!!"

 

The doctor turns around and glares at the guards.

 

Guard:"He BIT me."

 

Doctor(frowning at the patient):"Be more careful. And you be NICE!"

 

The doctor turns back to the nurse.

 

Doctor:"As you can see nurse he's very dangerous and he needs to be admitted. You did hear him klukking did you not?"

 

Nurse:"Yeah. Good point. Sign here and here. You'll have to take him back yourself though. We don't have any extra people on tonight and all we've got open is a solitary cell."

 

Doctor(with a wierd light in his eyes):"Not a problem. Not a problem at all."

 

--------------Shortly After------------------

 

 

Angelous:"You didn't have to bite me Chicken!"

 

Chicken(no longer in the straight jacket):"Sorry. Your hand smelled like chicken and I'm klukkin hungry."

 

Angelous and Molock both give him an odd look then just drop it.

 

Madrac:"No time for that now gentlemen. We've got to find him and get out of here. It's a good thing this side of the building is accessible from the parking lot. If not it would be alot harder for Fallout to set off that bomb Chicken cooked up."

 

Chicken:"Heh. Just be sure to be out of the klukkin way when that thing goes KABOOM!"

 

Madrac stops at one of the doors marked maxium security.

 

Madrac:"This is it! Molock, Angelous...if you please."

 

The two monstrous men hurl themselves at the door! It flies open from the combined force.

 

Madrac into a walkie talkie:"We've found him. 7th window down, towards the rear of the building. Hurry. I'll give you the signal."

 

The four men then enter the room.

 

 

-----------------In the Room-----------------

 

It is pitch black in the room and the crappy light from the hall barely cuts through even the darkness in the doorway.

 

Madrac steps into the room and a hand immediately seizes his throat.

 

Voice:"Anyone moves and I snap his windpipe."

 

Madrac:"Please Harbinger. We've come to help."

 

Harbinger:"Help? Why?"

 

Madrac:"Because you belong with us! You belong as part of the New Age! Join us! We can help you get back at those who have wronged you."

 

While he thinks it over Harbinger holds onto Madrac's throat. No one else moves.

 

Harbinger:"Fine. But just how do you intend on getting out of here Einstein? These people have all kinds of nifty ways to knock you out."

 

Madrac:"Watch. If you'd let go now?"

 

Reluctantly Harbinger releases him.

 

Madrac:"Now."

 

Madrac:"I'd suggest everyone get down."

 

BBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

 

The back of the building blows out in an amazing explosion.

 

Harbinger:"Well. I guess that should do it."

 

Madrac:"See. I told you. Remember. I ALWAYS deliver."

 

Everyone rushes out to the waiting ambulance, then they escape into the night as the sirens blare.

-----

PSYKOTIC versus HARBINGER

 

Z’s Comments: …the great double no-show can trace it’s origins far back, even as far as this match.

 

-----

 

Show continued in the next few posts...

[Guest realitycheck]

THE MASKED APPRENTICE versus RED HURRICANE

 

Ben: Welcome back to IGNite!

 

Sheep: We’ve had some great action so far, and it only looks to get better here!

 

Ben: Now, coming into this match we have the Masked Apprentice, a fan favorite, and a member of the popular group, “The Phoenix Uprising”, going up against Red Hurricane, formerly of BIO, which was also a fairly popular group.

 

Sheep: Yeah, Ben, but Red Hurricane has been on a mean streak as of late. He destroyed BIO, and he has been attacking people left and right.

 

The camera pans around the arena, to reveal a fan holding a sign that says, “Red Hurricane made BIO go DIO….”

 

(Both): Hahaha….

 

Sheep: That sign says it all about Red Hurricane’s actions as of late…

 

Ben: Yeah, but he may have been writing checks that he can’t cash..

 

Sheep: That’s quite possible, Ben.

 

Ben: Well, Sheep, this is a singles match, and the wrestlers are set to come ring side at any moment…

 

"Springtime", a Chinese orchestral piece, plays soothingly over the PA. It gives way to "Hurricane's Theme", a string filled orchestral piece. The fans boo as red lights flash all over the arena and Red Hurricane makes his way out of the curtain. He pauses at the top of the rampway, and then makes his way slowly down to the ring. He gets into the ring, and makes some obscene gestures toward the crowd, causing them to boo even louder. Once the ref threatens to disqualify him before the match even starts, he stops, as his music fades into the distance.

 

Ben: What the hell was that? What just happened? Did Red Hurricane just do what I think he did? And if he did, why?

 

Sheep: I don’t know, Ben, I just don’t know.

 

Ben: …..Anyway, Sheep, to get back on topic, the Masked Apprentice is on his way to the ring.

 

“You’re freakin’ me out, you wear a mask….” “Counterfeit” by Limp Bizkit hits, to a huge pop from the crowd, as the MA appears on the entrance stage. At the first sighting of the MA, Red Hurricane goes diving out of the ring, and runs up toward the MA, while the MA is posing and staring into the crowd. The MA sees RH just as he is diving at him, too late to move out of the way. RH connects with the MA, but sends them both rolling down the entrance ramp. They eventually stop, with the MA stumbling to his feet, and RH trying to stand up straight, but just losing his balance and falling over again. The MA climbs himself into the ring, while RH once again tries to get to his feet. Using the aid of the ring apron, he manages to get himself semi-upright, and then manages to lunge himself into the ring.

 

Sheep: Oh…my..God….

 

Ben: I hope that isn’t an indication of how the rest of the match will go…

 

As RH is diving into the ring, the already standing MA begins to stomp away on him. He stops, and RH tries to pull him self up, but the MA kicks him hardly in the stomach, causing him to fall onto his stomach, flat on the mat. The MA kneels down, and reaches over RH’s head to grab his left arm. He pulls it towards him, and locks on a reverse armbar. He begins to apply pressure to the arm, while he kneels on RH’s back, and also applies pressure there. RH begins to moan out in pain, and tries to get out of the hold. He pulls and pulls his arm away from the MA, but is just doing damage to his own arm. He soon realizes that he is very close to the ropes, and kicks his left leg up and onto them. The referee comes over, and tells the MA to release the submission hold, which the MA does. RH starts to try to get up, and the MA pulls him the rest of the way. He leans RH against the ropes, and uses them to spring him toward the opposite ropes. The MA gets in front of RH’s path, and attempts to set up RH for a back body drop. As he is bounding off of the ropes, RH sees the MA trying to set him up, and gets an idea for a move. He slide under the MA, stopping where he can look him in the face, and punches him right in the stomach. The MA leans over a bit, after he is hit in the stomach, and RH gets a strong punch to the face of the MA. The MA is sent leaning back, and almost loses his balance. Once he regains his balance, he drops to his knees, landing with all of his weight right on the stomach of RH. Once he lands, he begins to punch RH in the face. Hurricane is blocking a few of the punches, and retaliating with some punches of his own.

 

Ben: There is some great action early on in this match up

 

Sheep: There sure is, Ben. To this point, it really is just a free-for-all.

 

As the MA goes for a punch on RH, RH blocks the blow, and grabs onto his arm. He uses the MA’s momentum against him and flips him over onto his back. RH jumps on top of him, and begins punching wildly. He is not even connecting on most of the punches, and the MA is trying to get RH off of him. RH tries to bash the MA with both hands, but the MA grabs RH’s arms. RH struggles to try to free himself from the MA’s grasp, but the MA pulls him in close, and then headbutts him right square in the face. RH almost falls off of the MA as he grasps his face in pain, and in shock. The MA makes his way back up to his feet, and kicks RH with a super kick. This sends RH tumbling into the turnbuckle, and the MA follows him in. As RH remains, for all intents and purposes, motionless, the MA picks him up, and puts him the top rope. RH tries to fight back while on the tope rope, but the MA clocks him in the head with a hard punch, and RH stops. The MA prepares for a move, and he grabs RH around the waist. He lifts him up…..and hits a top rope belly to belly suplex! RH crashes hard to the canvas, as the MA moves over to make the pin…

 

Ben: Man, that was a vicious move.

 

Sheep: That might be it for this match, ‘cause RH might be out cold after such a hard impact…

 

The MA reaches over RH, and locks his leg for a pin….one….two…thre-kick out.

 

Ben: He kicked out at the last possible moment there, Sheep.

 

Sheep: To be honest with you Ben, I didn’t think the Red Hurricane was going to be able to kick out of that one….

 

Ben: Well, neither did I, Sheep, neither did I…

 

The MA attempts to pick up RH, but RH hits the MA with a low blow, causing him to fall to his knees in agony. RH manages to get to his feet, but is still a little off balance. As the MA lies there on his knees, and RH decides to bounce himself off of the ropes. He leans back, and the ropes slingshot him toward the downed MA. As his momentum carries him toward the MA, he jumps himself into the air, and hits the MA right dead in the center of the chest with a diving drop kick. He slides on top for a cover….one…two…kick out. RH stomps away on the MA, before deciding to lift him up to his feet. He whips the MA toward the ropes, and gives him a hard kick to the stomach as he comes back. He then sets him up in a suplex position, and tries to lift him for a Kerensky Driver! On his first attempt, he is unsuccessful. He decides to try again, though, and he is successful the second time. He goes for a pin….one…two..th- kick out. RH is livid that he hasn’t won the match yet, and so he goes to the outside to retrieve some sort of a weapon. He picks up a steel chair, and returns with it to the ring. He attempts to take the MA’s head off with a chair shot, but the MA manages to get out of the way, causing RH to hit the ropes with the chair, and forcing the ropes to shoot it back at RH, effectively hitting himself over the head with a steel chair.

 

Ben: Wow. Red Hurricane just hit himself over the head with a steel chair.

 

Sheep: I’ve just about everything in this business, but that was definitely a first.

 

Ben: I’ll say, I don’t think most guys could do that if they tried to.

 

The MA takes advantage of RH’s dizziness, and kicks him in the back of his calves with a sweep. RH falls down backwards, and hits his head hard on the mat. The MA pummels RH a few times in the head, and then decides to go up top. He goes for a moonsault, and he hits it! He makes the cover….one….two….foot on the rope. The MA gets off of RH, and goes and picks up the steel chair. As RH gets back to his feet, and turns around to face the MA, the MA levels him with the chair.

 

Ben: Oh, what a shot by the MA.

 

Sheep: Ben, if he can get the Enigma, this one should be over very quickly.

 

After just cracking the chair over RH’s skull, he picks him up, and attempts to hit the Enigma….he locks on the hold, and he hits the Enigma! Just as he is standing up, someone runs into the ring and hits him from behind. The referee is calling for the bell.

 

Ben: And the Masked Apprentice is going to win here via disqualification.

 

Sheep: Who is that who interfered….It looks like Mr. Galatea!

 

Ben: You’re right, Sheep, it is Mr. Galatea!

 

Mr. Galatea picks up the chair, and begins bashing the MA with it. He stops for a few seconds to get in a few kicks, but then he starts back up again. By this time, RH is back on his feet, wondering what just happened, and what is happening right now. He has a perplexed look on his face, as Mr. Galatea addresses him….

 

Mr. Galatea: Don’t worry, I won’t hit you. Why don’t you come over here and help me?

 

Red Hurricane: It’d be my pleasure….

 

Mr. Galatea backs off as RH begins to lay into the MA, but then he picks the chair up above his head, looking like he is going to hit somebody. RH glances over at Mr. Galatea for a second, and gets taken out by the steel chair. Mr. Galatea beats on RH for a few seconds, and then he goes back to beat on the MA.

 

Mr. Galatea: (speaking to Red Hurricane) Idiot.

 

Just as Mr. Galatea turns back to beat on the MA some more, “My Way” hits over the PA system, and Outcast comes flying down the ramp and into the ring to make the save for the MA. Outcast immediately gets a few punches in on Mr. Galatea, but Mr. Galatea blocks one, and hits one of his own. He whips Outcast into the ropes, and goes for a clothesline as Outcast comes rushing back towards him. Outcast ducks the clothesline, lifts Galatea up from behind, and hits Galatea with Retribution! Mr. Galatea rolls out of the ring, and the MA begins to regain consciousness as Galatea leaves, and “My Way” blasts over the loudspeakers again…..

 

-----

 

DANNY VIGILANTE versus FUNYON

 

Ben: Welcome back to IGNWF Ignite! What a night it’s been already and there’s still many matches to come!

 

Jayson: There certainly is Ben! Tonight you will witness Dan Vigilante’s complete destruction of Funyon and then the crowning of a new UK…I mean US champion, Divefire!

 

Ben: Well, we’ll see Jay. Now it’s time for the singles match between Dan Vigilante and Funyon. Both wrestlers have tag team experience but are also great singles wrestlers.

 

Jayson: Don’t forget that Dan Vigilante is still undefeated in tag team and singles competition!

 

Ben: There’s no doubt in my mind that Dan’s an amazing wrestler but Funyon may bring an end to the undefeated streak tonight.

 

Sheep: Dan’s fought this guy before, and won, this’ll be a walk in the park for the tag champ!

 

Ben: I wouldn’t say that exactly Sheep. Anyway, this match is about to get underway…

 

Announcer: The next match is for one fall. Weighing in at 300lbs, from Portland, Oregon, this is Funyon!

 

[“Nobody’s Real” by Powerman 5000 hits and a giant F appears on IGNtron. The crowd cheer and Funyon appears from the curtains, to a massive pyro. He walks down to the ring, acknowledging the crowd by pointing at his fans. He enters the ring and turns around, ready for his opponent’s entrance.]

 

Ben: Funyon looks to be in great shape! This may be the match that boosts his career to the top!

 

Sheep: Or not. Dan Vigilante’s a tough opponent, especially if he brings the future UK…er …US champion down here with him!

 

Jayson: That’s not gonna happen Sheep. Divefire’s preparing for his big match tonight, and anyway Dan can deal with this clown easily.

 

Ben: We’ll see.

 

Announcer: His opponent, weighing in at 234lbs, from Huddersfield, England, he is one half of the tag team champions, Dan Vigilante!

 

[The arena lights flash blue and purple, “Breathe” by The Prodigy blasts through the arena and Dan Vigilante appears on the ramp to a huge pyro of blue and purple flames. The crowd boo and jeer the Corporate thug as he makes his way down to the ring. He climbs the turnbuckle and poses in the crucifixion position as a second pyro of flames erupt.]

 

Jayson: Dan’s really psyched up for this match.

 

Ben: He’s a very intimidating character. Funyon’s gotta keep his concentration or Dan will tear him apart.

 

Dan’s music stops and the two men circle the ring. The bell rings and they lock up. Funyon immediately gets the upper-hand and throws Dan into the turnbuckle, he flies back at Funyon knocking him down with a strong clothesline. Funyon quickly gets to his feet and is met with two right hands, a kick to the mid-section and is then planted with a DDT. Dan taunts the crowd and then whips Funyon into the ropes. Funyon ducks a spinning heel kick but is hit with a neckbreaker. Dan then lands a knee drop into Funyon’s face and continues to stomp on his dazed opponent. Dan climbs the top turnbuckle and takes to the air, landing a top rope elbow drop! Dan rolls around in pain; the move jarred his arm. He finally crawls over to Funyon and makes the cover 1..2 Funyon kicks out with authority.

 

Ben: Dan’s started like a man possessed! But can he keep this pace up?

 

Jayson: Of course he can!

 

Dan and Funyon get to their feet and stare each other out. They lock up for the second time. Again Funyon uses his weight advantage and powers Dan into the corner where he delivers some knife edge chops to Dan’s chest. Funyon then grabs Dan’s neck and tosses him out of the corner and onto his back. Dan flips to his feet and runs at Funyon only to eat and overhead belly to belly suplex which sends Dan flying into the turnbuckle! Funyon helps Dan up and hits a brainbuster, then goes for the pin 1..2 kick out from Dan. Funyon pick him up onto his feet and throws him over the ropes to the outside. Dan hits the concrete floor face first as Funyon slides out of the ring. Dan staggers to his feet. Funyon grabs Dan’s hair and drives his head into the steel steps. Funyon then goes for it a second time but Dan resists it by pushing off the steps. He gives Funyon a quick kick and then hits a Reverse Russian leg sweep into the steel steps. The sickening thud is heard throughout the arena and the crowd respond with a high pitched “oooooooh!”

 

Ben: Oh God! That must have hurt!

 

Jayson: You think?

 

Dan slides back in the ring and runs at the ropes. Funyon is just about back on his feet when Dan lands an amazing Tope Atomico to the outside! Both men lay limp on the concrete floor after the suicidal move from Dan Vigilante. The ref starts the count 1…..2…..3…..4…..5…..6 Dan gets to his feet …..7……8 Dan throws Funyon inside the ring and swiftly follows his opponent. Dan delivers a couple of punches and then whips Funyon into the turnbuckle. He follows his opponent into the corner and hits a spear as Funyon staggers out of the turnbuckle. Dan goes for the cover 1..2.. kick out by Funyon. Dan goes to the top again and lands a guillotine leg drop from the top rope! He goes for yet another cover on Funyon 1..2.. kick out! Dan gets to his feet and stomps on the downed Funyon. Dan then locks on the sharpshooter! Funyon screams in pain as more pressure is applied onto his legs and back.

 

Sheep: Funyon’s gonna tap!

 

Ben: I don’t know, Funyon’s a tough SOB. Can he make it to the ropes?

 

The crowd start to clap for the face as he lifts himself up with his arms. Funyon then drives Dan back into the turnbuckle, still with sharpshooter locked on! Dan hits it chest first and falls back onto the mat. Funyon starts to recover from the punishment handed out by Dan and pulls himself to his feet with the help of the ropes. Dan also gets up and tries to kick Funyon, who catches the leg and hits a Fisherman’s suplex with bridge! 1..2.. Dan gets his shoulder up! Funyon knocks Dan back down to the mat with a shoulder block and then whips him into the ropes. Dan ducks the first clothesline but is hit with a jumping knee to face! Funyon helps Dan to his feet and hits some viscous uppercuts to Dan Vigilante’s throat. Funyon follows up with a scoop slam and then locks on the figure-4 leglock! The ref rushes over to check Dan who is shaking his head. Funyon realises Dan isn’t going to tap out and lets the hold go. Funyon then picks Dan up over his head looking to hit a guerrilla press. Dan wriggles his way out of Funyon’s grip and slides down his back, gets a strong hold around his waist and hits a release German suplex on the 300 pounder!

 

Ben: Oh my God! Dan just suplexed Funyon, I can’t believe it!

 

Jayson: I must say that I’m a bit surprised that Dan could lift that heffer!

 

Dan slowly walks over to Funyon, who looks unconscious on the mat and covers him 1..2.. Funyon gets his shoulder up at the very last moment! Dan can’t believe it and makes the cut throat gesture before running at the ropes and executing a springboard moonsault from the top! Funyon rolls out of the way at just in time, sending Dan crashing to the mat! But Funyon can’t capitalise as he is still in pain from the earlier German suplex. The ref starts the count 1…..2…..3…..4….5…..Dan and Funyon start to stir 6…..7 Both men stumble to their feet. Dan is the first to fully come round and charges at Funyon who stands firm, letting Dan try a shoulder block. Dan Vigilante bounces off Funyon and hits the mat. Funyon helps Dan up and whips him into the ropes. Funyon puts his head down but telegraphs it. Dan executes a sunset flip over Funyon and tries to bring him down but Funyon proves too strong and stands up, still with Dan’s head dangling dangerously near to the mat. Funyon grabs his legs and puts them over his shoulders, stretching all Dan’s muscles.

 

Ben: Funyon’s got him! If Dan doesn’t tap you know what’s coming!

 

Sheep: The reverse piledriver!

 

Funyon feels Dan start to fight back and so runs at the turnbuckle. Unfortunately for the ref he gets in the way and he is sandwiched between 532 lbs and the turnbuckle! He falls to his knees slowly and the drops to the mat, unconscious. Funyon is unaware and walks into the middle of the ring where he is about to hit the reverse piledriver but as he signals for it Dan lifts himself up onto Funyon’s shoulders! Funyon staggers around blindly until Dan twists round over his kneck and hits a devastating Tornado DDT from Funyon’s shoulders!

 

Jayson: That’s creativity for you!

 

Sheep: What a move!

 

Dan rolls over onto Funyon for the pin but there’s no ref to count! 1..2..3..4..5..6 Dan gets to his feet and tries to revive the ref but to no avail. Vigilante slides out of the ring and picks up a chair from the outside! Dan then goes to the top turnbuckle and jumps off with the chair in his hand. At the last moment he puts the chair under his right leg and hits a legdrop onto the chair which drives itself into the back of Funyon’s head! The crowd start to chant “IGN!IGN!IGN!IGN!” And Dan poses in the crucifix position. He then tries to revive the ref for a second time and to his joy manages to bring him around. Eventually the ref crawls over to where Dan is making the cover and starts the slow count 1….2…. Kick out!

 

Sheep: What?!

 

Ben: Funyon got his shoulder up! I can’t believe it!

 

Dan starts to shout at the dazed ref and kicks the chair out of the ring. Dan pulls Funyon to his feet and lifts him over his right shoulder for the Vigilante Driver! Dan Vigilante stumbles around the ring still with the 300 pound Funyon over his shoulder and suddenly his legs give way and Funyon lands on top of Dan, forcing the air out of his lungs. The ref gets down to count 1..2.. kick out on 2 ¾! Funyon picks Dan up and whips him into the ropes. Vigilante ducks the first clothesline, comes off the opposite ropes and delivers the Hard Justice 180 Spinebuster!

 

Jayson: It’s over!

 

Ben: What a devastating spinebuster from Dan Vigilante!

 

Dan stands with his back towards the downed Funyon, stretches his arms out in the crucifix pose and lands the back flip splash! 1..2..3! Dan Vigilante wins the match! The bell rings and the ref raises Dan’s arm as “Breathe” blasts out through the arena for the second time. He poses to the crowd and then slides out of the ring. Dan re-enters the squared circle wielding a steel chair and folds it up. The music fades out and Dan waits for Funyon to get to his feet. As soon as Funyon gains balance Dan sends the weapon crashing into his skull! Blood pours out of the wound inflicted by the chair shot, staining the mat a bright red. Dan continues to send chair shots into the back of Funyon until he is restrained by a mass of referees and IGNWF security. Vigilante throws a couple of officials to the outside and sends a couple more to the mat with chair shots. He finally clears the ring of his oppressors and drops the steel chair, signalling for the mic at the same time. The arena is engulfed with boos as Dan starts to talk.

 

Ben: This guy’s sick! What was the need for that?!

 

Jayson: If you just shut up Ben, you may find out!

 

Dan Vigilante: First of all, Funyon, I’d just like to say that it was nothing personal. [Dan smirks and the arena is filled with boos and jeers once more] You see, I think it was just all that anger, building up inside of me.

 

Ben: What’s Dan talking about? He and Divefire took out their anger on Die Hard at Ashes to Ashes and then Kinetic on Storm!

 

Dan Vigilante: Week after week I walk out to the ring. Week after week I innovate Vigilante justice. Week after week I beat the top IGNWF supersters…..yet, week after week I get shown no respect. Not a single bit of respect! Not from the fans! Not from the IGNWF wrestlers! [Again the arena erupts in boos] The only peolple who respect me are The Corporation. People like Divefire, Neilsen, Wilson, Galatea and that man there [Dan points at the comissioner at the announce table] Jayson G!

 

Dan drops the mic and Breathe hits. On his way out of the ring he gives a quick stomp on the head of the injured Funyon and proceeds to walk up the ramp.

 

Ben: Dan is making a definite statement there.

 

Jayson: He’s right; it’s about time Dan got some respect and, for that matter, the rest of The Corporation.

 

Ben: Anyway, Ignite has proved to be another amazing event, and it’s only just begun! Join us after the break when IGNWF Ignite returns!

------

A few more matches....

[Guest realitycheck]

MADRAC versus GOAT versus CHRIS WILSON

 

Ben:"Welcome back folks! We've already seen some really good action here on IGNite and we're about to bring you more! Next up is a three way dance between Chris Wilson, The G.O.A.T., and Madrac."

 

Sheep:"Three heels in one match! This is great! The GOAT just joined Enlightenment, Chris Wilson is a long time member of the Corporation, and Madrac leads Prime Evil! This should be one hell of a match!"

 

(As Ben talks they show clips of the three men losing the various matches)

 

Ben:"These guys need a hell of a match Sheep. They've all be on a bit of a losing streak lately. Wilson just can't seem to beat Outcast for the U.S. title, GOAT lost to Nielson in a Hardcore title shot, and Madrac lost his shot at the ICTV title then his tag match with Fallout. All these guys are in a bit of a spiral they I'm sure they'd like to break."

 

Sheep:"Well we'll definitely get a winner here Ben! And I'm sure it'll be really brutal along the way."

 

Ben:"Let's go to the ring to find out."

 

Announcer:"Ladies and gentlemen the following match is a triple threat match scheduled for 1 fall!"

 

Deep, sardonic laughter fills the arena. Rob Zombie's "Superbeast" kicks up and red lights strobe as Madrac descends the ramp. Flames erupt as he walks down the ramp following his progress.

 

Announcer:"Introducing first, weighing in at 245 pounds, he hails from the outskirts of oblivion, he is....MADRAC!!"

 

Madrac walks up the steps and gets into the ring. He walks over to the announcer and steals the mic from his hand.

 

Madrac:"Recently a great tragedy has occurred. It seems that someone took it upon themselves to take out one of the brothers of Prime Evil. I was just recently informed that Angelous and his entire family were burned to death in their home. This is unacceptable. When I find who committed this outrageous act I will personally see to it that they wish they were never spewed from their mothers womb. I will start with these two." Madrac drops the mic on the canvass, forcing the announcer to stoop to pick it back up.

 

Announcer:"AND his opponent..."

 

DMX's "What's My Name?" kicks up and smoke fills the arena. Strobe lights whirl and flash as Chris Wilson makes his way to the ring.

 

Announcer:"Weighing in at 273 pounds, from Miami, Florida; Chris WILSON!"

 

Wilson walks down to the ring and slides inside. He gets up and cuts the announcer off before he can continue. Grabbing the mic, he addresses Madrac.

 

CW:"Listen up you freak. You should have taken Jayson advice and stayed out of the Corps business. We were gonna let you little idiots run around and yap about your little "New Age" and watch you just fade away. But you had to be a big shot. You think you can take on the Corporation? Well DVD already handed you your a$$ in a tag match, now Chris Wilson is gonna hand it to you in a singles. And about your little friend.....I bet he screamed like a bitch as he burned." Wilson just drops the mic and turns and walks away from Madrac. Madrac gets a huge grin at that last bit. He moves to attack Wilson, but stops short when he hears...."The Greatest Of All Time".

 

Announcer:"AND their opponent; weighing in at 280 pounds, from El Paso, Texas....The G.O.A.T.!!"

 

GOAT comes out with a mic in hand he motions for his music to be cut off then starts talking as he walks to the ring.

 

GOAT:"I don't know how it is you boys live with yourselves. I mean come ON! Madrac, you sir have some major problems. I don't even really know where to begin. You engage in all sorts of deplorable acts of violence with those sickening friends of yours. Come into the light of the Messiah. Only he can show you the way to salvation."

 

Madrac just begins laughing his a$$ off in the ring. It's all he can do to stay on his feet, as GOAT keeps talking.

 

GOAT:"And you Christopher Wilson! You consort with that corrupt Jayson G and his greedy Corportation! Each and every one of you people make me SICK! Perhaps if you were to remember that Greed is one of the seven deadly sins you could find your way to the light of the Messiah." GOAT is now outside the ring, and Wilson is just looking at him with contempt in his eyes.

 

GOAT:"But if the two of you won't listen to reason voluntarily....I will make you hear it." Ending his speech GOAT slides in the ring and Wilson immediately starts stomping on him. Madrac rushes over and starts kicking him as well.

 

DING-DING-DING!!!

 

Ben:"Looks like nobody likes the GOAT's new attitude Sheep. Both men are just kicking the crap out of him."

 

Sheep:"Let's see how long this takes to come down to everyman for himself Ben. These guys can't work together for long."

 

[Double whip in on GOAT. Madrac steps up and tries for a spin kick. GOAT drops down and slides underneath it. He turns to face Madrac and gets caught from behind and folded in half with a german suplex from Wilson! Wilson holds it with a bridge and the ref drops for the count. Before he even gets to one Madrac sweeps the legs out from under Wilson, knocking him flat and breaking the pin.]

 

Sheep:"See. Told ya they couldn't work together for very long."

 

[GOAT rolls out of the ring rubbing his head, while the action continues inside. Wilson is on his feet and in Madrac's face. It's a stare down; but Wilson looks pissed and Madrac has a great big grin.]

 

Ben:"Looks like Madrac is saying something to Wilson."

 

Madrac:"What was that you were saying about Angelous Mr.Wilson?"

 

Wilson:"I said, I bet he screamed like a BITCH while he burned!"

 

Madrac:"That's what I thought."

 

[bRAWL! Madrac and Wilson are beating the tar out of each other. Both are swinging wildly and connecting. Madrac get the upper hand by blocking one of Wilson's punches and starts chopping him in the chest. WOO! WOOO!! WOOOOO!!! Wilson drops to the canvass on the last one from the sheer force of the blow. Pick by Madrac into a whip in. Wilson is coming off the ropes and Madrac is set to deliver a big boot to the face. SUPERKICK by GOAT right into the side of Madrac's head! Madrac stumbles into the ropes on his knees. GOAT bends over and BACK BODY DROPS WILSON TO THE FLOOR!!]

 

Ben:"OH MY GOD! Wilson could have broken his back with that move!"

 

Sheep:"You should watch your language Ben. The Messiah may come out here for taking his name in vain."

 

Ben:"Shut up you idiot. He's not God."

 

Sheep:"No he's Jesus. But it's the same thing anyway."

 

Ben:"Oh whatever. Either way, GOAT's got control of this match now."

 

[GOAT is kicking Madrac in the gut as he leans on the ropes. He stops kicking him long enough to drag him to the center of the ring. He holds Madrac's leg in the air then kicks in the inside of his right knee. After 4 good shots he slaps on snap, crackle, POP in an attempt to break Madrac's knee!]

 

Ben:"GOAT's going to show Madrac his submission skills here. If he can do enough damage to that knee he can effectively take Madrac out of this match."

 

Sheep:"I think Wilson's got other plans Ben! He's finally back up, and I think he's gonna break that hold!"

 

[Wilson kicks GOAT in the back of the head, knocking him off of Madrac. Wilson takes a second to stomp on Madrac's knee a bit, then goes after GOAT. Madrac crawls to a corner clutching at his leg. Back with Wilson and GOAT; Wilson is hitting some stiff forearm shots to the back of GOAT, sending face first into the corner. Wilson turns him around and starts kneeing him in the stomach. After 3 knees Wilson props GOAT on the top rope. He climbs up to the second turnbuckle and hits GOAT with a Diamond Cutter!!]

 

Ben:"OH! Brutal move by Chris Wilson! GOAT is down and he may be out. Here's a cover!"

 

[Pin attempt by Wilson 1...broken up by Madrac with an elbow to the back of the head. Madrac moves to pick Wilson up, but a chop block to the knee from Wilson sends Madrac crashing down. As GOAT staggers to his feet Wilson is dropping Undertaker style elbows to the inside of Madrac's knee. Wilson stands up to deliver a third elbow, but he's grabbed from behind by GOAT in a reverse Dance with the Devil (choke&body scissors)!! Madrac is still trying to stand after the beating his knee has taken. GOAT has the choke locked in and Wilson is gasping for air! The ref checks Wilson's arm. It drops once. It drops twice. Before the ref can check a third time Madrac manages to hobble over and step right on GOAT's face, breaking the hold!]

 

Sheep:"That was a close one! One more time and GOAT would have won this match."

 

Ben:"We've been back and forth so far and now it may be Madrac's turn to take control."

 

[Wilson rolls away gasping for air as Madrac pulls GOAT to his feet. Madrac chops him into a corner. Once he's laid out against the turnbuckle, Madrac starts kicking him repeatedly in the stomach. Soon GOAT is laid out on the canvass. Madrac STANDS on his throat and pushes up on the top rope for extra leverage. GOAT is gasping for air and kicking his feet as the ref counts for the Madrac to break the choke.]

 

Ben:"At least GOAT was using a submission hold on Wilson. Madrac is just blatantly choking him."

 

Sheep:"Semantics Ben. Semantics."

 

[The ref shoves Madrac off GOAT, admonishing him for the choke. GOAT is pulling himself back up, but Madrac is already back on him still limping a little from the punishment his knee has taken. Punch in the face keeps GOAT staggered. Madrac gets him in suplex position and drives his skull into the mat with a stiff brainbuster! Pin attempt by Madrac 1...2. WILSON OFF THE TOP WITH A RIM ROCKA (flying knee) HITS MADRAC IN THE HEAD!!]

 

Ben:"What a move!! Chris Wilson flew across the ring and connected solidly with that knee on Madrac!"

 

Sheep:"Wilson's back in this Ben! Let's see if he can keep control."

 

[Madrac rolls away and out of the ring. Wilson screams some obscenities at him then turns his attention back to GOAT.]

 

Ben:"I guess GOAT is gonna take a beating from Wilson too Sheep."

 

Sheep:"Well Madrac was smart enough to get out of the ring after that big knee by Wilson. So GOAT's the only one left to hurt."

 

[Wilson pulls GOAT to his feet. He punches him back to the ropes and whips him in. Clothesline try by Wilson is ducked, GOAT comes back off the ropes, Wilson tries a for a back body drop, but GOAT counters and hits Wilson with a Whirlwind (tornado bulldog)! Pin attempt by GOAT 1...2..Madrac pulls GOAT to his feet by the hair on the back of his head, breaking the count. Madrac pulls him a little farther away then sets him up for a hangman's neckbreaker. MULE KICK! Madrac doubles over in pain! HUITZILOPOCTLI'S FLAME!! Madrac is all set up to fly face first into the canvass...but he drives a knee into GOAT's back!! GOAT drops him! DRAGON SUPLEX!! Madrac holds it for the pin attempt!]

 

Ben:"What an incredible series of reversals! That was amazing! Wait..!?!? What is Wilson doing up there!?"

 

Sheep:"AAAHH!! Look out!!"

 

[Pin try by Madrac 1...2. "EARTH TO MCFLY"!!!! A 450 SPLASH ONTO MADRAC IN BRIDGE POSITION!!! Wilson stays on top of Madrac for the pin try! 1...2...BROKEN UP AT THE LAST SECOND BY GOAT!!! Madrac is DOWN!]

 

Ben:"That was INCREDIBLE!! I can't believe Wilson just hit that splash! Madrac's lucky his ribs aren't broken!"

 

Sheep:"I can't believe those two are already on their feet! These guys are relentless!"

 

Wilson gets to his feet and GOAT is up as well. They start exchanging blows. Wilson gets control with kick to the stomach. Whip in on GOAT. SPEAR by Wilson! GOAT is knocked THROUGH THE ROPES!! Wilson turns to come back after Madrac, and gets DROPPED with a spin kick! Madrac pulls Wilson up. CRUICIFIX BOMB!! Madrac covers him for the pin 1...2...PULLED OUT OF THE RING BY GOAT!! The two men are brawling on the outside. Wilson is still down in the ring. Whip in by Madrac is reversed, and Madrac CRASHES into the steel ringpost! MI VIDA LOCA ON THE CONCRETE(gutwrench face first sidewalk slam)!! Madrac is down again! GOAT slides into the ring after Wilson.]

 

Ben:"What a HORRIBLE move by GOAT! He just drove Madrac's FACE into the concrete! Is he even moving?"

 

Sheep:"I don't think so Ben! But Goat's going to give Wilson some Pain and Suffering!"

 

[DVD position by GOAT. Wilson starts elbowing GOAT in the side of the head! GOAT drops him to the mat! Wilson lands on his feet, SUPERKICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! GOAT is down! Wilson drags him to the middle of the ring.]

 

Sheep:"Alright! Wilson is gonna put the Finishing Touches on the GOAT! He can win this right here!"

 

Ben:"Wait! Madrac is on his feet!"

 

[Wilson has GOAT in the Finishing Touches. The ref is asking GOAT if he's had enough....leg drop by Madrac on Wilson breaks the hold! All three men are DOWN!]

 

Ben:"I think Madrac used up his strength getting back in the ring, and that leg drop on Wilson was pretty stiff. Now all three men are down!"

 

Sheep:"Can we even have a count out in a triple threat match? SOMEBODY GET UP!!"

 

[Everybody is getting up slowly. Madrac falls back against the ropes. GOAT pulls himself up in the corner. Wilson does the same in the corner next to him. This puts Madrac on one side of the ring and the other two in the corners on the opposite side. All three men stare at each other, then at the same time run towards the center of the ring! Wilson gets two steps then BAM! He falls right on his face!]

 

Ben:"What the hell!? I saw a hand grab Wilson's foot; but who was it? I didn't see anyone come down to the ring, did you Sheep?"

 

[Madrac and GOAT come right at each other at full speed. GOAT leapfrogs Madrac, Madrac comes off the ropes....HAMMER OF WRATH(gorilla press into Michi driver)!!]

 

Sheep:"I didn't see who it is, but whoever it is still has ahold of Wilson's foot! He's facing the wrong way and he can't shake him off!"

 

Ben:"It's the Countdown to Oblivion!! This is the end for Madrac!!"

 

[GOAT has started Madrac into the countdown to Oblivion. He completes the move and has Madrac in the Walls of Jericho. The ref is asking him if he wants to quit! Madrac is straining but he can't reach the ropes!!]

 

{Mr.Galatea has run down to ringside and attacked the man holding Wilson. It's Messiah! The two men are brawling on the outside! Wilson is back on his feet. PLATINUM NIGHTMARES ON GOAT!!!}

 

Ben:"It was Messiah! Messiah came down to help his partner! Some savior! He's just a cheater like the rest of them!"

 

Sheep:"Who CARES about them Ben?! Madrac was about to give up until Wilson broke that hold! He hit GOAT with Platinum Nightmares and this should be the end! WAIT!!! Here comes FALLOUT!"

 

[Fallout reaches ringside just as Wilson is rolling GOAT over for the pin attempt. He places something in Madrac's outstretched hand then joins the fight on the outside.]

 

Ben:"What was that?! Did Fallout just give Madrac something?!"

 

Sheep:"I think he did Ben!"

 

[Pin attempt by Wilson 1...2...Madrac falls, fist first, on the back of Wilson's head! Wilson falls over OUT COLD! Madrac pulls him off of GOAT who's still out from Platinum Nightmares. Pin attempt by Madrac on Wilson 1...2...3!!!! Madrac quickly stuffs something in his pants as he tries to stand up. The brawl is still going on outside and PDS has joined the fray.]

 

DING-DING-DING!!!

 

Ben:"What the HELL!? How did he win!? What the hell was he shoving in his pants?!"

 

Announcer:"Ladies and gentlemen the winner of this match.....MADRAC!!"

 

Ben:"I can't belive it! It looks like Madrac isn't done yet either! I think he still wants answers as to what happened to Angelous. I think he's gonna start by questioning these two."

 

Sheep:"Meanwhile we've got almost all the participants for the ICTV title match out here beating on each other! If they keep going like this Stubby won't have to do anything but walk around and look for the belt during a break from smokin' up!"

 

Madrac is forcibly shaking Wilson trying to wake him up, but having no success.]

 

Ben:"Whatever Madrac hit Wilson with, he must have hit him hard! He's not waking up at all!"

 

[Not having any luck Madrac turns his attention to GOAT who's trying to get out of the ring to help Messiah. Madrac reaches in his pants again and pulls out an extendable steel wand! GOAT is almost to the ropes when Madrac SMACKS him across the back with the baton!! The ref comes over to take the baton away from him, so Madrac cracks the ref in the skull with the steel! He then turns back to GOAT who's writhing in pain on the mat.]

 

Ben:"That psycho! He just hit the ref with that steel baton!! Jayson should suspend his A$$!"

 

[Madrac is asking GOAT what he knows about Angelous's death. Outside 4 refs and a security squad are breaking up the brawl between PDS, Fallout, Messiah, and Mr.Galatea. Madrac is smacking him in the back and commanding him to answer.]

 

GOAT:"I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!!!" CRACK!!!!

 

Madrac:"I don't BELIEVE YOU!" he screams back then cracks him again.

 

Madrac hits him in the back once more then slides outside the ring.

 

Ben:"Somebody stop that psycho! He's gonna kill the GOAT!"

 

Sheep:"Nobody can Ben! It's all security can do to contain the four men outside the ring! Nobody's left!"

 

[Madrac has tossed the steel steps into the ring. He slides back in then places them in the center. He BASHES GOAT in the back of the neck one more time then drags him over to the steps. Suplex position. It's DEVASTATOR TIME!!!]

 

Ben:"NO!!! If Madrac gives GOAT the Devastator on the steps he'll KILL HIM!!"

 

Madrac:"Are you sure you don't know anything?"

 

GOAT:"WAIT!! I--I-I--IT WAS MESSIAH!!!!"

 

Madrac:"Thank you."

 

DEVASTATOR ON THE STEEL STEPS!!!!!

 

Ben:"GOOD GOD!! Someone get the damn EMT'S!!! Madrac had no reason to do that!! GOAT told him who did it!"

 

Sheep:"Yeah! It was the savior of the WF! Messiah KILLED Angelous!"

 

[Madrac is making his way out of the ring. He's screaming Messiah's name. Messiah is being held by security near the middle of the ramp when he hears Madrac screaming. He looks into the ring at GOAT then smiles down at Madrac. Messiah shrugs his shoulders and turns and walks away! Madrac is stuck, being held by security and he can't catch up to him.]

 

Ben:"Messiah just left! He didn't even come back for GOAT! What's gonna happen when Madrac finally get's his hands on him? Madrac's a psycho and apparently Messiah isn't much better!"

 

Sheep:"Now that security has stopped this brawl we've still got that Hide and Seek ICTV title match later too!"

 

Ben:"We'll be right back folks! Don't move a muscle! Can't we get some GODDAMN EMT'S OUT HERE!?!?!"

 

-----

 

DIVEFIRE versus OUTCAST (United States Title Match)

 

As the show comes back from the ads, the camera pans around the arena, showing the crowd who are still highly charged from the triple threat match between Madrac, Chris Wilson and G.O.A.T.

 

A few fan signs can be seen, including such gems as:

 

I’ve got a lust full of rage! Dive-bombs!

 

Lita’s a Pedo! Pepsi Max Power!

 

Ben: Welcome back to IGNite folks! We’ve just recovered from a great triple threat match and now we are going to get into a real battle for the US title between Outcast and Divefire!

 

Sheep: You know Ben, I can’t believe the Smurf has got a title shot. He’s already one half of the tag team champions, is this a taste of things to come?

 

Ben: Hard to say Sheep, both Divefire and Dan Vigilante have dominated the tag team division since entering the IGNWF and who can forget the six man tag match between the Corporation and the Phoenix Uprising where the Corporation won?

 

Sheep: I sure as hell can’t! That was a classic confrontation and it’s where Divefire and Outcast faced each other for the first and only time so far!

 

Ben: Speaking of Outcast, that young athlete has come along way since Battle For Survival, where not only did he survive to stay in the IGNWF, but he also won the IGNWF US title against Spike, who’s getting a world title shot tonight right here on IGNite!

 

Sheep: Can’t deny Outcast’s abilities, but the Smurf is under rated by a lot of people in the IGNWF, and I should know, I used to be one of them!

 

Ben: And let’s not forget that hianus attack by Mr Galatea on Storm where Outcast suffered fractured ribs. He’s going to be wrestling injured and you just know Divefire is mean and nasty enough to use that to his advantage!

 

Sheep: The Smurf’s a fighter! He’ll do what he has to do to win! Simple as that!

 

Ben: But does that include going back on his word? He and Outcast agreed early in the week that this would be between them and not their respective groups.

 

Sheep: It’s all just talk if you ask me!

 

Ben: Well, every thing is set for the match up, all we need now are these two great athletes to make their entrances.

 

The ring is finally ready for the match and the ring announcer steps into the ring to announce the match up as the arena lights darken to leave the arena in darkness. The music of “Time to Burn.” By Storm hits the arena sound system and echoes out.

 

Announcer: This match up is for one fall and for the IGNWF US title! Introducing first, weighing in at 147 lbs, from Deepest Darkest Dorset England, he is one half of the tag team champions, Divefire!

 

The vocals “It’s time to burn!” echo out as the ramp way is lit either side by pyro flames. The IGNtron lights up in a cascade of flames as Divefire makes his way out in his normal garb. The fans have already started to boo the Corporation heel, but he ignores the fans as he makes his way to the ring. He leaps up to outside, takes hold of the ropes and somersaults into the ring. Standing in the centre, he smirks, then pumps both hands into the air, the ring posts spouting pyro fire into the air at the command.

 

Ben: Divefire looks as focused as ever for this match up and no sign of the Corporation either.

 

Sheep: Not yet at any rate.

 

Divefire steps to one side and starts to get ready for the match, removing his shades and leather jacket as the announcer introduces the US titleholder.

 

The lights go out and dim orange lights begin to flash around the arena. The lights get a bit brighter and brighter until they are almost blinding, focused at the top of the ramp. They all shut off for a second and on the IGNtron flashes the words: “Our Time is NOW!” All of a sudden, “My Way” by Limp Bizkit kicks up, then Outcast appears on the ramp.

 

Announcer: And introducing his opponent, weighing in at 241 lbs, from Springfield Virginia, he is the United States Champion, Outcast!

 

Outcast makes his way down the ramp way slowly, his ribs visible tapped. The determination to get through this fight the victor is etched on his face and plane for all to see. The crowd gives a big pop to his entrance although a few fans are disappointed not to get a slapped hand.

 

Ben: If anything, Outcast looks more determined then Divefire.

 

Sheep: He’s going to have to be with those ribs taped.

 

At the edge of the ring, Outcast climbs up onto the apron and looks to Divefire. Both men exchange blistering looks, staring bullets into each other. After what feels like a minute of this, Outcast climbs into the ring, not taking his eyes off Divefire. The announcer steps out of the ring and the referee, once more the irreplaceable Matty K, steps in and the bell sounds for the start of the match.

 

The two champions circle each other, both moving quickly, sizing the other up before they both move in for a lock up. The extra size and mass Outcast has over Divefire wins out and Outcast locks on a headlock. Outcast pulls Divefire all over the ring, keeping the hold on tight, until Divefire hits a hard elbow into Outcast’s ribs. Immediately the hold is removed and Divefire dances back quickly as Outcast frowns slightly, clutching his ribs.

 

Ben: Those damaged ribs of Outcast proving telling already.

 

Sheep: And Divefire’s not afraid to take advantage of Outcast’s weakness!

 

The two men circle each other once more, both men moving a little slower then before, they go into lock up once more, this time Outcast locks on an arm bar, and twists it on hard. Divefire frowns in pain, looking for escape. The two men move closer to one of the ring posts, and Divefire quickly climbs the ring post and flips back off the top, over Outcast and reversing the arm bar! Quickly he hits a Firekick into Outcast’s ribs!

 

Ben: Outcast is getting the better of the technical side of things!

 

Sheep: Yeah but what a reversal from the Smurf, and again with the ribs!

 

Outcast staggers back once again, clutching his ribs as Divefire shakes out his arm and then moves in once more, using his good arm to hit some fast rights into Outcast, then a turning kick back into Outcast’s ribs. Outcast staggers back into the corner, using the ring ropes for support as he catches his breath. Divefire backs up and runs at Outcast, performing the handspring elbow, but Outcast catches him and delivers an atomic drop!

 

Ben: Incredible reversal by Outcast, just as the match seemed to be going Divefire’s way!

 

Sheep: I think that move made the Smurf even shorter!

 

Outcast moves in on Divefire quickly, locking on a German Suplex and powering him to the mat neck first. Outcast keeps the move locked on and goes for the pin, the referee goes down and starts the count, it gets to 2 before Divefire grabs the ropes to break it. Outcast brakes the hold and goes to stand up, only to have Divefire power his boots into Outcast’s face!

 

Ben: Divefire giving himself room to move there.

 

Sheep: He was lucky to get out of that pin, that suplex nearly took his head off!

 

Divefire flips up to his feat and winces, holding his back a little. Outcast is still dazed, but on his feat. Divefire leaps back up to the second rope on the ring post and leaps off it, slamming a leaping elbow into Outcast’s forehead. Outcast reels back again, looking even more dazed but still not off his feat. Divefire moves behind Outcast and locks in a reverse headlock, wrenching Outcast’s back before Divefire turns it into a driving elbow, once more into Outcast’s ribs!

 

Ben: Divefire with the Turn and Burn, finally taking Outcast off his feat!

 

Sheep: Oh man I wouldn’t want to be Outcast after this match, his ribs have to be killing him!

 

Divefire quickly goes for the pin on Outcast, the referee counts to a close 3 before Outcast powers Divefire off him. Both men get to their feet quickly, Outcast moves in on Divefire, this time keeping an arm down to protect his ribs, the two men exchange quick punches, Outcast forcing Divefire back into the corner and delivering some hard chops to a series of pops from the crowd.

 

Ben: The crowd starting to get behind Outcast, can they give him the boost he needs to forget about the pain in his ribs?

 

Sheep: No, that’s called morphine!

 

Outcast goes for one to many chops on Divefire, as Divefire blocks one and comes back with a blindingly fast series of lefts, rights, a turning elbow then a spinning back fist, rocking Outcast back. Divefire then leaps up and hits a standing drop kick to Outcast ribs, actually making the bigger man cry out and double over. Divefire slams a knee hard into Outcast’s doubled over frame then swings the same leg over Outcast and delivers an ax kick to the back of his head!

 

Ben: Divefire on fire there! That last move could have knocked Outcast out!

 

Sheep: Oh man! How did I ever doubt the Smurf? New champion, right here!

 

Divefire rolls Outcast onto his back and goes for another pin attempt. Outcast still seems to be seeing starts, but the familiar beating of the referee’s count wakes him out some and he gets his shoulder up to stop the count.

 

Ben: Outcast gets his shoulder up, this isn’t over!

 

Sheep: Damn it, that was so close!

 

Divefire frowns in annoyance at Outcast’s endurance, and drags Outcast to his feat. Outcast stagers a little and Divefire moves in for the kill, going for the Flame Out. But just as he moves into position, Outcast reacts, grabbing Divefire’s outstretched hand and dragging him to the canvas to lock on the Incapacitator!

 

Ben: Good God! The Incapacitator from no where! This could be over!

 

Sheep: No way! The Smurf isn’t going out this cheaply!

 

Outcast keeps his finisher locked on hard and it’s obviously hurting Divefire. Divefire tries to get his feat under him to get to the ropes, but Outcast leans on him, collapsing his legs. The referee checks Divefire, seeing if he wants to give up but Divefire waves him off, still shouting in pain. Outcast wrenches Divefire’s arm back again and Divefire raises his arm looking like he’s about to tap out. But instead he flexes his free arm back and grabs hold of Outcast’s neck, hitting two pressure points there. Outcast yells in pain and shock and lets his submission hold go, rolling off and away from Divefire.

 

Ben: I can’t believe it! Divefire found a way out of the Incapacitator!

 

Sheep: Yeah but it’s taken a lot out of him, he’s still not back on his feat and Outcast is!

 

Divefire is indeed still on the mat, trying to get the energy in his system and the pain out of it while Outcast is moving towards him. He picks Divefire up, and starts to hammer away on his back with a series of elbows. He then quickly picks Divefire up and powerbombs him back to the mat! Divefire’s head takes most of the impact and even though Outcast can feel the strain in his ribs from the move, he puts it to one side and drops to pin Divefire.

 

Ben: This has to be the end right here! No man can take that sort of punishment!

 

Sheep: Would you stop saying that!

 

The referee counts, it gets to 2, his hand raises up for the 3 and comes down… inches before it hits the canvas Divefire gets his shoulder up! Outcast can’t believe it, he gets up and drags Divefire up with him, this time going for his Retribution finisher, but he can’t get Divefire up, the damage to his ribs proving to much. Outcast goes for it again, but this time Divefire blocks him, slamming his good arm into Outcast’s ribs once more. Outcast doubles over slightly as Divefire stands, still groggy and hits a slightly clumsy neck breaker on Outcast. Both men hit the mat hard and don’t move.

 

Ben: I can’t believe this! What a hellacious match up! Both of these fine athletes are down for the count!

 

Sheep: What happens if this goes to a double count out?

 

Ben: Outcast retains.

 

Sheep: What, no way! Get up Smurf!

 

The referee starts to count the two downed men; he gets to 5 with out either of them moving. The crowd starts to chant for Outcast, trying to persuade their champion to get to his feat and finish this fight. At 7 Outcast starts to move and try to get up. At 8 Divefire is not far behind Outcast. The referee stops the count as Outcast locks up with Divefire once more; he tries for another of his suplex’s but finds his ribs can’t take the strain. Both men look exhausted as Outcast changes tactics and starts to lock in a side Russian leg sweep. Then Divefire just moves, slamming his elbow into Outcast’s ribs, down into a blow dangerously low and up to hit Outcast’s bent over face, then the follow up leap slam drives Outcast to the mat, forcing the air out of him. Divefire hooks the leg and the referee goes down for the count.

 

Ben: The Burn Out, from out of no where!

 

Sheep: Is this it?!

 

The referee counts, 1..2.. Outcast struggles, but not enough it seems as the referee counts 3!

 

Sheep: This is it! New champion!

 

Ben: It is! Divefire did it, he beat Outcast, he is the US Champion and one half of the Tag Team Champions!

 

The bell rings to sound the end of the match and Divefire rolls off Outcast and out of the ring. He leans against it, exhausted and hurt, one arm hanging half limp. His good arm gets raised in victory by the referee, who also hands him his new belt.

 

Announcer: Your winner, and new US Champion, Divefire!

 

As Divefire’s music hits, he gives a look of indignant to the announcer and steps over to her. He takes the mic of her and looks around at the fans, some of which don’t seem to disappointed that they have a new champion.

 

Ben: Uh oh, what’s he going to say here.

 

Sheep: Well I think I might know…

 

Divefire: Kill the music!

 

The music is dually cut. Divefire looks around the arena and then back into the ring, looking at Outcast who is just about getting back to his feat and clutching his ribs in pain.

 

Divefire: I have just beaten your US Champion, in one blazing match. And to prove it, I have his gold right here!

 

The crowd starts to chant asshole, but Divefire just ignores them as usual.

 

Divefire: I say his gold, because as some of you might just recall, I’m not a US citizen, thank blazes! I’m from the UK so this belt if it is to be mine, is going to be called the UK belt! So who’s got a problem with that?

 

A massive asshole chant starts in the whole arena, a good deal of fans standing up to send the message out more clearly.

 

Divefire: Thought so. And you know what, I really don’t care.

 

Divefire smirks, and gives the mic back to the ring announcer. He looks up to the ring once more, locking eyes with Outcast, a cold expression is on both men’s face before Divefire walks back up the ramp with his music hitting over the arena to drown out the still chanted asshole.

 

Outcast in turn slips out of the ring, and makes his way back up as Divefire clears the curtain. The crowd gives him a good reaction still, which he signals a bit, but generally clutches his ribs and looks somewhat annoyed at having lost.

 

Ben: Well, there goes our new and former US Champions, what a great match but Divefire is one arrogant SOB.

 

Sheep: And? I would be to if I was the new UK Champion and one half of the Tag Champions! That’s double gold!

 

Ben: Speaking of gold, we’ve got a hunt for some right after this break as we play hide and seek with the IGNWF ICTV title! Don’t go away folks; IGNite will be right back!

-----

 

A tag match, the Hide and Seek match, then the MAIN EVENT~!

[Guest realitycheck]

EXPLODING CHICKEN & MAYOR McCHEESE versus GRIMEDOGG & NEILSON OF THE JUNGLE

 

BenH: "Hi folks, welcome back to IGNite! Up next is the tag match between the Exploding Chicken and Mayor McCheese versus, that's right folks, they're a team, versus Neilsen of the Jungle and Grimedogg. Yep, they're a team as well."

 

A picture of McCheese is shown on screen with a smaller picture in the lower right of an A, a two, and an A. First, multiple images of Chicken and McCheese in conflict are shown from their first light heavyweight match. Then, images of the Lion's Den, with the final images of the Dahms betrayal, Neilsen's victory, and his subsequent betrayal of the Dahms. Finally, images of McCheese's victory on Storm.

 

BenH: "As you can see, this upcoming match is full of combustible elements. Can the Chicken and the Mayor work together to beat a team that IS hardcore? Can Grimedogg possibly work with a sick, psychotic bastard, in the form of "our" hardcore champion, Neilsen of the Jungle?"

Sheep: "We're about to find out!"

 

Chickens begin to fall from the ceiling as the arena slightly darkens and mist begins to stream out from behind the curtains. Bang! Bang! Bang! The falling chickens explode into dazzling light displays as the Exploding Chicken himself steps through the entrance way.

 

BenH: "Prime Eviler, unique character, and a perennial runner up."

Sheep: "Yeah, you know Chicken is the single unifying force in this match up. He's had past conflicts with each and every man here, for a title no less. He faced Grimedogg in two European Championship matches in the JL. One was a four man match up that Grimedogg won and then there was that single match they had, where once again, the Chicken lost."

BenH: "And remember one of the first times Neilsen, well, went psycho? His main focus back then was getting his hands on the Chicken. Neilsen's very first appearance resulted in a loss to the Chicken and Neilsen's never forgotten or forgiven. He eventually destroyed, yes, DESTROYED, the chicken in a match up for Neilsen's European Title."

Sheep: "The title Neilsen had beaten Grimedogg for a few days earlier."

 

Chicken is klukking around the ring and just being an all around fool when...

All the lights in the arena go off, except for orange and yellow spotlights alternating on the side of the entrance ramp. The crowd explodes! Suddenly, the orange and yellow lights go off and a huge golden arch pyro goes off at the top of the entrance ramp engulfing the IGNtron. Chris Benoit's music kicks up and the pyro dies down, Mayor McCheese is then revealed to be standing at the top of the ramp in the crucifix position. Crowd goes into a "Cheese" chant. Mayor walks down to the ring with his light heavyweight belt around his shoulder.

 

BenH: "Now that's just asking for trouble."

 

Mayor enters the ring and politely hands his title over to the referee. He removes the large Styrofoam head and his hamburger mask is revealed to a large pop.

 

Sheep: "Sheesh... They pop for anything these days..."

 

Chicken stares a hole through his nemesis.

 

RA: "Now in the ring, at a combined weight of 330 lbs., the Exploding Chicken and the Light Heavyweight Champion, Mayor McCheese!!!"

 

The crowd does a large pop, mostly for the Cheesy One.

 

BenH: "Jayson, you've been awfully quiet... Why on Earth did you decide to make this match?"

Jayson: "Let's just say I want to see how some of the younger squad work under pressure."

Sheep: "But you're putting one of your own crew right in the middle of it."

Jayson: "His title isn't on the line! Whatever happens in this match, he's on his own."

BenH: "Except for Grimedogg."

Jayson: "Heh... Maybe..."

 

"Rock the Party" by POD begins to blast over the speakers and the crowd cheers for their beer chuggin' brawler. Grimedogg comes out with a lead pipe in hand and flexes at the top of the rampway to a pop as golden sparklers shoot up behind him. He walks down to, but not entering, the ring.

 

RA: "Hailing from somewhere East of Texas, this is Grimedoooogg!" The crowd pops. "And his partner..."

 

A lion's roars fills the arena and the crowd starts to yell. "Welcome to the Jungle" hits and out comes Neilsen with his title strapped around his waist and his chair held high.

 

RA: "the Hardcore Gamers Champion, Neilsen of the Jungllllle!"

 

He walks over to Grimedogg and starts to shove him around with the top of his chair. Here come MM and EC! They run at the ropes and try a simultaneous baseball slide. Both GD and Neilsen see it coming, step backwards, and then slide themselves into the ring, Neilsen dropping his chair, and Grimedogg still clutching his pipe. While they go in and continue to run at the far ropes, the Mayor and Chicken enter. Chicken runs and tries a spear, but Neilsen leapfrogs, and continues to run. At the same instant, Mayor tried a clothesline, but Grimedogg ducked. Both Neilsen and Grimedogg are now on the rebound, and both hit, respectively,...a hurricanrana and a Grimesinator! MM and EC hit hard and roll out of the ring. Neilsen looks over at Grimedogg with a smile on his face...and eats a lead pipe!

 

BenH: "That's his partner!"

Sheep: "That's the destroyer of his opportunities."

 

GD drops the pipe, leaves the ring, throws Chicken in, and follows. Mayor McCheese slowly rises and assumes his corner by the rampway. Neilsen is apparently still out on the floor.

 

Ding Ding

 

It's on. GD whips Chicken into the far ropes and drops his head. But Chicken comes back and hits a mad looking funky monkey kick of doom squarely in the face of the dogged one. Grime goes up in the air and lands, smacking his back on the mat. Chicken unloads some kicks to Grimedogg's head with a gleeful look in his eyes. Chicken picks up Grimedogg from behind, but Grime turns left, gets behind Chicken, locks Chicken's right arm, throws him down, Dogghouse!

 

BenH: "He's going to break Chicken's arm!"

Sheep: "This'll bring back some bad memories."

 

Chicken's squirming on the mat, but Grimedogg clamps down and Chicken's stuck. Unfortunately for GD, they're by the corner of McCheese, and he jumps in and kicks Grimedogg off. Here comes the ref, trying to shove MM back into his corner. But here comes Neilsen, sliding in the ring with a chair in hand. Grimedogg can't see as he is standing behind the ref, yelling at MM. Chicken is on the ground cluthing his arm in pain. Neilsen charges at the unaware Grimedogg! He swings, but Grime looked back, ducked, and... CRACK! The sound of steel meeting skull...the skull of the referee.

 

BenH: "Ooooooooo... He didn't even see that one coming."

Sheep: "It's really on now!"

 

Neilsen looks down at the ref and swears, looks right, and... WHAM, eats the right hand of GD, WHAM, eats it again, WHAM, and again. Chicken rises as GD does a short dance and... Neilsen ducks but... Chicken experiences his Final Fantasy!

 

Sheep: "Neilsen and Grimedogg will take everyone out by accident!"

 

Neilsen and Grimedogg look down at the fallen Chicken and then their view snap to the corner... To see Mayor McCheese with a funny looking hamburger smile upon his face.

 

BenH: "Uh oh..."

 

They lunge at the Mayor, clutching his arms, and whip him into the far turnbuckles. Grimedogg, followed by Neilsen, charges in, and falls on all fours. Neilsen steps on his back and leaps, locking his legs on McCheese's head. Grimedogg stands, Neilsen flips backwards... Hurrican...wait...McCheese flips, but Grimedogg catches him, and... Jackknife powerbomb! MM hits hard and the crowd pops!

 

Sheep: "Oh God. Who could've expected such teamwork by..."

 

Neilsen jumps Grimedogg from behind.

 

Sheep: "Oh well..."

 

Neilsen takes him down and starts bashing his head against the mat. The ref is starting to twitch as Chicken starts to rise. Neilsen continues to pound Grimedogg's head against the mat as Chicken draws nearer. Neilsen gets blasted in the face with a kick o' doom! Neilsen falls to his back hard. Chicken picks him up and whips him to the ropes. Chicken drops to the ground. Neilsen hops over. Chicken drops his head. Neilsen leaps over. Chicken goes for a hurricanrana. Neilsen ducks and runs under. Chicken drops his head again. Neilsen slaps on a side headlock, jumps, turns...but McCheese is up, stops him from coming down, locks a full nelson, and... Dragon Suplex!

 

BenH: "Ouch..."

 

Chicken runs to the turnbuckles, hops up, and... Five Star Somersault Frog Splash onto Neilsen's back! Grimedogg's back up and clotheslines the Chicken up and out of the ring. The ref finally is up again as Neilsen rolls himself out of the ring. Grimedogg turns and sees Mayor McCheese facing him. They lock eyes and circle each other around the ring. They lock up. Grimedogg shoots a knee to MM's gut, whips the Mayor to the ropes, catches him on the rebound, puts his arms beneath the Mayor's torso, and launches him skyward. The light heavyweight champion gets mad air and crashes down to the mat. Grimedogg heads up to the top rope, flies with a moonsault, and his knees come crashing down upon the skull of the Mayor! The Mayor flops around helplessly, clutching the back of his skull. Neilsen has clawed his way up to the apron. So has Chicken. Grimedogg rolls the Mayor over and goes for a pin. 1...2.. Chicken leaps over the ropes and comes crashing down on Grimedogg and the Mayor. Neilsen's still slumped on the ropes in the corner. Mayor rolls out as Chicken starts to work on Grimedogg.

 

BenH: "Now what was that? Mayor McCheese is the legal guy!"

Jayson: "Ref'll be fined."

 

Chicken whips Grimedogg into the ropes, and Neilsen slaps him for a blind tag. Neilsen climbs on top of the turnbuckle, Chicken drops his head, Grimedogg slaps a headlock, suplex! Neilsen leaps...Five Star Frog Splash! Neilsen bounces up and actually lands on his feet. He chuckles, but gets shoved by Grimedogg. Neilsen shoves him back. Mayor enters the ring and charges at the duo. They turn and Mayor eats Neilsen's right and Grimedogg's left! Neilsen and Grimedogg start shoving each other again until...double low blow by McCheese! Grimedogg rolls out. Chicken's gone. Neilsen's left in the ring with the Mayor.

 

BenH: "But he's..."

Jayson: "Big fine."

 

Mayor gets up and whips Neilsen, closely following him. Neilsen clotheslined out of the ring! Mayor leaps over the top rope, turns, springs off second rope, Asai Moonsault! Neilsen gets smacked in the face as he was trying to rise. Mayor throws Neilsen at the steps, but Neilsen counters. Neilsen grabs his fallen chair and charges. But MM sticks out his hands and sends the chair flying back into Neilsen's own face! Neilsen smacks to the ground, and MM drags him back into the ring. Mayor tags in the Chicken. They join together to whip Neilsen and pull off a beautiful double hip toss. Neilsen clutches his back and claws his way to Grimedogg. Mayor leaves but Chicken holds onto Neilsen's leg. Neilsen claws closer as GD holds out his hands. Neilsen makes a lunge, and Grimedogg pulls his hand away! Chicken laughs and drags Neilsen up, forcing him to hop on one leg. Enzigur... No, Chicken ducked, locks Neilsen from behind and nails a decapitating German Suplex! Grimedogg has his back turned, looking out at the crowd.

 

BenH: "So he's not going to help at all?"

 

Chicken picks up Neilsen and whips him. But Neilsen changes direction, leaps through the air, and smacks the back of Grimedogg's head with his forearm. Grimedogg stumbles off the apron as Neilsen rolls out of the ring. The ref is waving his hands as though it's a tag. Both men reenter the ring and start to brawl. The Chicken jumps the pack. Both GD and Neilsen become aware of his presence and...double chokeslam!

 

BenH: "While neither might've been able to pull that off separately...Damn!"

Jayson: "Now isn't this fun."

 

Neilsen steps out onto the ring apron as Grimedogg takes control of the Chicken. Grimedogg and Chicken begin to go at it exchanging right hand blows. Chicken swings, and hits Grimedogg. Grimedogg follows with a punch, and hits Chicken. The two go it for a few moments until Chicken goes for a right hand, Grimedogg blocks it and nails Chicken with a left handed blow to the face causing Chicken to stumble backwards. Grimedogg runs over to Chicken wraps his right and hits a running DDT. Chicken lies on the mat and Grimedogg gets back to his feet. Grimedogg walks over to Chicken and picks him off of the ground. He whips him into the ropes; Chicken bounces off the far ropes and Grimedogg charges. Chicken on his way back, lowers his head under a clothesline attempt from Grimedogg. Chicken keeps the momentum and bounces off the nearside ropes, Grimedogg to recovers and bounces off of the far side ropes both men now coming at each other: both go for a cross body and WHAM hit each other in midair. Chicken and Grimedogg lie on the mat trying to move.

 

BenH: Grimedogg and Chicken are down they need to make a tag who will get there first?

 

Chicken finally makes it to his knees as Grimedogg is still trying to get up; both men now are going for their respective tag partners. Chicken is first to get to his corner and tags in MM, just as he gets in the ring Grimedogg leaps and tags in Neilsen. Neilsen comes into the ring with full force knocking MM to the ground again and again with right hands. Then Chicken tries to get involved, but he too just meets a right-handed blow from Neilsen. Neilsen picks MM of the mat and throws him into the turnbuckle. Grimedogg walks over to hold MM still while Neilsen again has to knock Chicken down with a right hand blow. Neilsen now focuses his attention on MM and goes for a kick to the face but MM gets out of Grimedogg's grasp and Grimedogg gets a boot to the face from Neilsen causing Grimedogg to fall of the apron and to the outside. Neilsen, in shock of what just happened, gets attacked from behind by both MM and Chicken who then hit a double running facebuster. MM and Chicken pull Neilsen to the center of the mat. Grimedogg finally makes his way back into the ring only to be stopped by the referee. Chicken and MM take advantage of the turned referee. MM pulls Neilsen to his feet, and Chicken uses the testicular claw to Neilsen. Neilsen squirms in pain as MM climbs the turnbuckle. MM flies off and hits a Missile Dropkick to the face of Nielsen as Chicken moves back out onto the apron. MM goes for the pin as Grimedogg makes also his way back out onto the apron. The ref sees the pin 1….2…. and Neilsen kicks out!

 

Jayson: Where was Grimedogg on that? Diverting the referee for that long could have cost Neilsen the match.

BenH: Chicken and MM are working well as a team is that surprising to you Jayson? Or what about Grimedogg and Neilsen? Except for a few mishaps they have worked well together as well.

Jayson: Surprising? Well let's just say that I don't think these guys are going to be friends when all is said and done here I can assure you that… and not to mention Neilsen is in the Corporation and in the Corp I teach the guys all about fair play and teamwork…

Sheep: Oh yeah I see that fair play and teamwork ha!

 

MM gets back to his feet pulling Neilsen back up to his feet as well. MM tries to go for a Dragon Suplex but is stopped by a punch to the gut from Neilsen. MM backs off and Neilsen works his way over to his corner to tag in Grimedogg.

 

BenH: Neilsen getting over to tag in Grimedogg. But what's this he doesn't tag in Grimedogg he throws a punch at Grimedogg and knocks him off of the apron. What is he doing?

Sheep: I don't know but that wasn't a good idea. Grimedogg is going to try and get revenge now.

Jayson: I don't think that Neilsen is at all worried about what Grimedogg can do, He is Hardcore champion as well as the fact that he has kicked Grimedogg's ass twice already. I think Grimedogg knows his place and won't even think twice about attacking Neilsen or even another member of the Corporation ever again.

 

Grimedogg tries to run right into the ring but is stopped by the referee. Neilsen sees this and a big grin appears on his face. He runs over to MM just as he was about to tag in Chicken and spears him from behind into the turnbuckle. Neilsen looks at Chicken on the outside of the ropes and knock him off of the apron with an elbow to the head. Neilsen picks MM up and sets him with his back against the turnbuckle. Neilsen uses his right leg and places it at the throat of MM choking him. Grimedogg angered by the action of Neilsen slides into the ring. The ref goes over to stop him but Grimedogg pushes him aside and walks to the corner where is Neilsen is.

BenH: This isn't looking good Grimedogg wants some revenge for what Neilsen did to him just moments ago.

Jayson: Watch out Neilsen!

Sheep: Wait look…..

 

Grimedogg taps Neilsen on the shoulder and Neilsen turns around. Grimedogg and Neilsen look at each other and both men continue to foot choke MM. The ref comes over to break it up, Grimedogg and Neilsen let. Neilsen tells Grimedogg to go after Chicken so Grimedogg slides to the outside of the ring and starts to brawl with Chicken. Neilsen picks up MM out of the turnbuckle and climbs to the tope rope. He then turns MM around grabs his head and hits a top rope bulldog on MM. While Grimedogg and Chicken go at it on the outside. Grimedogg gains a quick advantage and whips Chicken into the padded outside walls. SMACK Chicken runs right into the wall. Grimedogg quickly runs over and hits a German Suplex to Chicken. Grimedogg climbs back up and Neilsen tags him in this time. Grimedogg comes in and hits a Fisherman's Suplex on MM while Neilsen climbs the ropes and leaps off hitting a top rope leg drop. MM is out!

 

BenH: MM needs to make a tag! Chicken better stop fighting with Grimedogg and get back into his corner. Neilsen is really taking it to McCheese.

 

Neilsen goes for the cover on MM 1… Chicken sees what's going on in the ring and slides back in 2… Chicken kicks Neilsen in the back and breaks up the count. Grimedogg a little to late runs over and clotheslines Chicken, while Neilsen goes for another cover the ref goes down 1… and MM gets his shoulder up. Neilsen slaps his hand against the mat and gets back up to his feet. Neilsen grabs at MM and tries to pull MM to his feet but MM recovers and hits a few jabs to Neilsen in the gut. Neilsen is forced to let go of MM and MM continues his assault. MM finally knocks Neilsen to the ground while Chicken throws Grimedogg to the outside of the ring.

 

Sheep: Chicken and MM finally have an upper hand in this match

 

Chicken and MM Double team Neilsen with Grimedogg out of the picture. Chicken picks Neilsen off of the ground and kicks him in the midsection while MM bounces off of the ropes and hits Greetings from Hamburger Land. Neilson hits head first into the mat. Just as that happens Grimedogg comes running back into the ring with his trusty lead pipe. The ref stops him and takes away the weapon and tells the non-legal men to get out of the ring. MM goes out to the apron and Chicken stays in the ring.

 

BenH: The blind tag! The ref didn't see a tag but just assumed Chicken was the legal man.

 

Chicken picks Neilsen and hits a Decapitating German Suplex to the Hardcore Champ. Neilsen is down and Chicken goes for the cover 1…2… and he gets his shoulder up. Grimedogg gets back into the ring and attacks Chicken, MM just stands ringside and doesn't even take the effort to climb in the ring and help his teammate out. Grimedogg gets hold of Chicken's head and hits a HHH falling neckbreaker. Neilsen gets back to his feet and looks at Grimedogg. He walks over to Grimedogg taps him on the shoulder and delivers a strong punch to Grimedogg's face. He then rolls Grimedogg out of the ring and goes for the cover on Chicken 1…2…Grimedogg pulls Neilsen off of Chicken. Neilson looks to the outside and yells at Grimedogg. While that is happening Chicken sneaks up behind Neilsen and Cradle's him up into a pin 1…2… and Neilsen kicks out!

 

BenH: Neilsen and Grimedogg are self-destructing as a tag team. I mean what was up with that blow to the face? That was totally uncalled for! It may not be long before they get themselves DQ'd

Sheep: Come on guys can't you work as well as MM and Chicken?

BenH: Sheep, you're right MM and Chicken have put their differences in this match-up aside as they realize this match is just business and that they must work together to gain the victory here tonight.

 

Grimedogg pissed off starts his way up the ramp as if he is going to leave the match

 

Sheep: Where is Grimedogg going?

BenH: I don't know

Jayson: Well he better get his ass back here or he's going to have to face some consequences!

 

MM sees Grimedogg walking up the ramp and gives chase he goes up to Grimedogg and the two begin to go at it outside the ring, while inside Neilsen is taking it to Chicken with right hands and an occasional countering left hand, but Chicken gains the advantage off of a few quick jabs. Chicken then hits a Pendulum of Pain and locks him into a rack over his right leg. Neilson screams in pain.

 

Sheep: Chicken's got Neilsen locked up… while Grimedogg and MM are still going at it a top of the ramp way.

 

Grimedogg and MM exchange a few blows but MM gets the advantage and hits an inverted STF. With Grimedogg out he drags him back towards the ring. While in the ring, Neilsen counters Chicken's hold with a punch to the face. Chicken drops Neilsen, but Neilsen only gets a few moments of recovery time, still he manages to pull off a quick boot to Chicken's gut, slap on a side headlock, twists, and... He is put into an Exploding Chicken Wing! Neilsen is in pain…

 

BenH: Chicken's got it locked in Grimedogg needs to help his partner out!

Jayson: Grimedogg get in the ring!

 

MM drops Grimedogg off on the outside of the ring. MM picks Grimedogg up into the air and drops him face first onto the outside wall. Grimedogg falls down grabbing his face in pain. MM goes to pick him up again but is met by a kick to the face from Grimedogg. Grimedogg gets back up to his feet, slides into the ring and pulls Chicken off of Neilsen. He then puts Chicken into a Reverse Figure Four Leg Lock. MM recovers on the outside and runs into the ring and rather than helping out Chicken, MM goes after Neilsen.

Sheep: Look MM isn't helping out Chicken he has turned against his own partner

Jayson: And oh darn they were working so well together isn't that a pity..

 

 

Grimedogg sees what's going on and he let's go of Chicken, gets back to his feet, then runs over and hits MM from behind. The two of them begin to go at it again while Neilsen and Chicken try to recover. Chicken and Neilsen make it to their feet at the same time. They don't even think about attacking each other instead they run over to try and stop Grimedogg and MM. Neilsen pulls Grimedogg off of MM and Chicken pulls MM back. But Chicken turns and kicks MM in the midsection and turns it into a DDT.

 

BenH: Chicken just turned on McCheese!

 

Mayor McCheese rolls out off the ring as Neilsen charges at Grimedogg! Neilsen leaps, locks his legs, flips back, but Grimedogg is holding him. Grimedogg turns, runs towards the ropes, and nails a running Jackknife Powerbomb on Neilsen to the outside onto Mayor McCheese! Chicken is now left with Grimedogg in the ring. Grimedogg hits Chicken in the back, grapples him from behind, puts Chicken's right hand between his legs and hits a Pump Handle Slam. Grimedogg doesn't go for the pin rather he puts Chicken into the Dogg House.

 

Sheep: Chicken's left the Chicken house and is locked into the Dogg House!

BenH: He's in a lot of pain now and I don't think that MM is going to bother to help him out now after the DDT delivered from Chicken only moments ago.

Jayson: Boys I would have to say this match is in the books

 

Nielsen looks on from outside of the ring when he climbs into the ring. He then runs over and breaks up Grimedogg's hold.

 

BenH: Ummm Jayson what is Neilsen doing?

Jayson: To tell you the truth I have no idea Ben…

 

(Jayson gets up from the announcers table and makes his way over to ringside.)

 

Grimedogg gets up and starts pushing Neilsen and yelling at him asking him what he's doing. Neilsen just answers that with a Book End to Grimedogg. Neilsen almost losses his balance, but he then goes for the cover on Chicken 1…2… and Grimedogg pulls Neilsen off. Grimedogg then rolls over and goes for the pin 1… and Neilsen picks Grimedogg off and pushes him aside and goes for the cover again 1….2… and Grimedogg kicks him off Chicken. Neilsen gets up and looks right at Grimedogg and yells at him for taking his pin. The two yell at each other for a while when all of a sudden they get a double testicular claw from Chicken. MM makes his way back into the fight with a top rope cross body to all three men.

 

BenH: What was Grimedogg and Neilsen's problem? And I think the ref lost who is the legal man in this matchup

Sheep: I think that Neilsen and Grimedogg are letting their ego's get the best of them. They both wanted the victory. As for the ref we have found out that he's not the brightest man in the world.

Ben: You're probably right about that one Sheep. And now we'll see what's going to happen here with the return of MM to the match. We'll have to see if he's forgiven the stupid Chicken yet. And how are we going to get a legal man?

 

With all of the men down the ref begins the ten count 1….2….3….4….5 the men finally begin to move 6…7…8 Grimedogg and MM make it to their feet as do Neilsen and Chicken. Grimedogg rolls Neilsen out of the ring so that he becomes the legal man and MM whips Chicken out of the ring so that he is declared the legal man. MM then almost right away turns his attention to Grimedogg. He runs at Grimedogg only to receive a Spine Buster from Grimedogg and more on the way. Grimedogg lifts MM in the air to try and go for a second Spinebuster but Chicken climbs into the ring and clotheslines Grimedogg. Neilsen dosen't bother to get in the ring, while Chicken and MM work together on Grimedogg. MM locks Grimedogg into a Dragon Sleeper and Chicken runs over to Neilsen and knocks him of off the apron. Neilsen gets mad and tries to get back into the ring but is stopped by the ref. Chicken and MM pull Grimedogg to his feet, Chicken whips him into the corner and Grimedogg bounces off a little. MM then locks him into a full nelson and finishes off his finisher The Hamburgular. Chicken goes for the pin 1…2… and now Neilsen runs in and breaks up the count

 

Sheep: Nice save by Neilsen!

BenH: It really looks like the two are back to getting along. Here comes Jayson back to do some more commentary and maybe give us a little more into what is happening now. Welcome back Jayson. What is going on over there?

Jayson: Well I had a little talk with Neilsen and the rest is Corporation business.

BenH: Oh okay well then back to then we'll just go back to the match.

 

The ref tells Neilsen and Chicken to get out of the ring. The two men do leaving Grimedogg and MM in the ring again. MM gets to his feet before Grimedogg does and flips Grimedogg onto his back. He then wraps his legs around Grimedogg's, grabs Grimedogg's arms and puts Grimedogg into his Romero Special. Grimedogg is now in pain as his back is arched in the air and MM holds on tightly. Neilsen again comes in to make the save kicking MM and making him drop Grimedogg. Grimedogg falls right onto MM and the ref starts to count 1…2… and MM tosses Grimedogg off and to the side right into the referee.

 

Jayson: See I told Neilsen that if he didn't help Grimedogg then they were going to lose the match. And that wouldn't settle to nice with me or the Corp if he let a hamburger and a stupid Chicken beat him. So he has a little more motivation now.

 

BenH: I can see that, as he has to save Grimedogg's ass twice in the last 5 minutes.

 

Grimedogg takes a few moments to catch a breather as Neilsen takes care of MM. Neilsen picks up MM for a Juvi Driver, cartwheel by MM, kisk to his gut, Neilsen slaps a side headlock, jumps, Tornado DDT! Chicken runs into the ring and picks up Grimedogg and hits the Original Recipe. Chicken then pins Grimedogg but there is no ref. Neilsen sees this and runs over yet again to make another save for Grimedogg just before the ref recovered and started a count. Grimedogg gets up and stumbles around a bit. He looks back at Nielsen and stares him down, but his attention is quickly diverted by Chicken who is running up behind him. While on the other side Neilsen has MM beaten up fairly well and he kicks MM in the gut an slaps on another side headlock. Chicken is running at Grimedogg sees him coming and just as Chicken is within range... Neilsen twists... Grimedogg delivers a Final Fantasy! Neilsen McTwist!

 

BenH: What excitement! Wait the ref is looking in confusion has he forgotten who the legal man is??

Sheep: I think he has! Oh know what's he going to do?

BenH: Look Grimedogg and Neilsen are both going for the pin to make it easier for the ref!

 

The ref goes down to count 1….2….3!

 

Ding Ding

 

RA: The winners of this tag match via pin fall Grimedogg and Neilsen of the Jungle!!

 

BenH: What the hell is the ref allowed to that?? He's made Grimedogg and Neilsen the winners of this match.

Sheep: Chicken and MM got screwed in this match.

Jayson: I got one thing to say all's well that end's well...

(Jayson gets up to leave)

 

Neilsen gets to his feet with a grin on his face and tears the mike free of the ring announcers grasp. Grimedogg makes it to his feet and slides to the outside of the ring.

 

NotJ: "See, none of the f**kin' reject veterans stand a chance against the Hardcore f'n Champion! Even with me having to deal with Grimedogg swinging off my f**kin' balls..."

 

Neilsen continues to rant on as Grimedogg gets back into the ring with something in his hand. Neilsen finally puts the mike down and turns to walk out of the ring, as he turns he is met by a lead pipe to the face from Grimedogg. He goes flying to the ground as his head snaps back and his eyes roll back into his head.

 

Grimedogg: I told you Neilsen and I'll tell you again GRIMEDOGG IS HARDCORE!

(Grimedogg turns climbs out of the ring and walks up the ramp into the back leaving Neilsen in the ring KO'd with Jayson there in the ring with him staring angrily at Grimedogg as he leaves)

 

BenH: Grimedogg with the lead pipe to Neilsen! What is going on here? We will have to see as the Grimedogg and Neilsen feud looks to still be alive even after this great match the two put together. Stay tuned to IGNite as we have the Hide and Seek ICTV Match coming up next!

 

(Jayson pulls Neilsen to his feet and starts to help him to walk to the back as the screen fades to black, but the last image is Neilsen pulling his arm away.)

 

-----

 

MR. GALATEA versus FALLOUT versus PIMP DADDY SARP versus THE MESSIAH versus STUBBY “POTTS” McWEED (Hide and Seek match, ICTV Title)

 

Ben: Well this is certainly an interesting matchup Sheep. We've got a five way Hide and Seek match for the ICTV Title, currently being held by Stubby "Pots" McWeed. Stubby is red hot these days, coming off a big win over Rane on Storm.

 

Nervous Sheep: What the heck is a Hide and Seek match?

 

Ben: It's nothing too complicated Sheep. Jayson is somewhere in the arena, and he has the ICTV Title. The competitors must find Jayson and take the belt from him. After the belt has been taken from him, whoever has it must avoid the other four men and make it the ring. If he is pinned before getting to the ring, the pinner takes the belt and must make his attempt to get to the ring.

 

Sheep: I see. Then I have to give the edge to Mr. Galatea. Why would he give the belt to anyone else?

 

Ben: Wrestlers have been given the okay to use force to get the belt, so I think Jayson will be willing to hand it over.

 

[The camera pans across the ringside area, showing off the signs in the crowd. Such signs as: "I FOUND STUBBY'S STASH", "MIDGETS BIT MY NADS!!" and "EXPLODING CHICKEN STOLE MY WALLET!!"]

 

["Keep Away" plays and Fallout makes his way to the ring. He does his usual evil ass-kicker entrance. He gets to the ring and looks for an opponent to stare a hole through, but since he's the first one out he just stares at the ground.]

 

[From the spot Fallout was looking at, the Messiah comes through the ring; arms outstretched. He begins telling Fallout about the ways of the cross. Fallout lets out a very large yawn.]

 

["Antipop" hits the speakers and Mr. Galatea comes out, takes a pause to wait for his women, and heads to the ring disappointed as usual. He sees the Messiah preaching to Fallout, and interrupts him to ask why Jesus always makes him lose to the Phoenix Uprising.]

 

["ADIDAS" begins playing, and PDS starts walking to the ring. He takes his sweet-ass time getting there, so Mr. Galatea lays down and pretends to take a nap. When PDS gets to the ring, Galatea fakes a yawn. PDS then reminds him that on Storm Mr. Galatea became his personal bitch, and Mr. Galatea gets upset, seemingly fighting off a tear.]

 

[The Oddities theme starts up and Stubby "Pots" McWeed comes out to a huge pop. He throws pot out to all his fans. He's the sign about his stash, and talks to the fan.]

 

Stubby: PROMO: "Hey maan, I assure my stash is safe and sound in my locker room. Mother Nature hates a liar..."

 

[stubby gets in the ring and all five wrestlers look at each other. The referee gets in the ring and asks why they all bothered to come out, since the belt is with Jayson somewhere in the back. All five get a confused look on their face. The ref signals for the bell, and all except Mr. Galatea run back up the entrance ramp. Mr. G instead heads through the crowd. When they get to the back, the four men each head down different corridors.]

 

 

[stubby arrives at a door marked "Stubby McWeed".]

 

Stubby: PROMO: "Yeah, my totally cosmic locker room. Why wouldn't Jayson be in the most happenin' pad in the universe? Mother Nature loves my pad..."

 

[stubby enters his locker room and finds it void of people. He then hears his door shut behind him. He turns around to see Neilson of the Jungle holding a lead pipe. Neilson takes a swing but Stubby ducks and kicks Neilson in the gut, making him drop the pipe. Stubby hits a double arm DDT on Neilson and makes a break for the door. He finds that it is locked as Neilson shakes off the affects of the DDT. Stubby charges at Neilson with a clothesline, but Neilson ducks, throws powder in Stubby's eyes and nails the Neilson McTwist. Neilson knocks on the door and says "He's out." The door opens and Neilson leaves, locking Stubby in his locker room.]

 

[Fallout enters the women's washroom.]

 

Fallout: Jayson's bound to be in here.

 

[Fallout begins opening up stalls. When he comes to the last one he opens it to reveal Dan Vigilante. Dan takes a swing with his bat and levels Fallout. Dan picks him up and delivers the Hard Justice, but as Dan is delivering the splash Fallout gets his knees up. Fallout gets to his feet, picks up Dan and hits the Fallout DDT. He then gets a crazed look on his face and begins hopping on one foot. He begins to do the Worm, getting closer and closer to Dan Vigilante. As Fallout is bustin' a groove, Dan stands up and takes out Fallout with Vigilante Driver. He picks up Fallout, places his head in a toilet and gives him a swirlie. Dan then leaves the washroom and meets up with Divefire outside.]

 

Divefire: Did you get 'em?

 

Vigilante: Heh heh. Let's just say Fallout "fell in".

 

[DVD begin laughing like lunatics as they walk down the hall.]

 

 

[Mr. Galatea is walking down a hallway as he spots Jayson.]

 

Mr. Galatea: There you are. Okay, gimme the belt.

 

Jayson: ok, here's ur belt.

 

Mr. Galatea: You okay? You sound kinda funny. Is this the ICTV belt? Something looks strange...

 

Jayson: Of course it is! Now take ur belt an' get to da ring.

 

Mr. Galatea: Hmmm, something still seems weird...

 

[Mr. Galatea turns to leave.]

 

Jayson (under his breath): Stupid klukker...

 

Mr. Galatea: What did you say?

 

Jayson: Uh... nuttin'

 

Mr. Galatea: Chicken?!?!

 

EC: Uh... hey... Galy baby...

 

Mr. Galatea: This isn't the ICTV belt is it?

 

EC: Uh, no. It's the ECW Heavyweight Title.

 

Mr. Galatea: How did you get it?

 

EC: I stole it from Grimedogg.

 

Mr. Galatea: And why did he have it?

 

EC: cuz GRIMEDOGG IS HARDCORE!!!!

 

Mr. Galatea: That's it!!!

 

[Mr. Galatea clocks EC with the ECW belt. He picks up Chicken and gives him a Dollar Value Plummit on the concrete floor. He smacks Chicken in the face for a few minutes, then gets up and kicks him in the nuts. Mr. Galatea begins walking down a different hallway.]

 

Mr. Galatea: Damn Chicken...

 

 

[The Messiah is outside the arena looking through a dumpster.]

 

Messiah: Jayson is surely in this dumpster! Like so much of this discarded waste, Jayson too needs cleansing!

 

[As the Messiah is searching through the trash, DVD come through the arena door.]

 

Vigilante: Well, go ahead Divefire.

 

Divefire: Why do I have to take the guy in the dumpster?

 

Vigilante: Hey, you drew the Messiah. It's not our fault he's gettin' down and dirty.

 

Divefire: Fine... hey Messiah!

 

[The Messiah turns his attention from the dumpster to Divefire.]

 

Messiah: Don't interfere with me, evildoer! Someday you will see the light, but right now I'm busy looking for a soul!

 

Divefire: Ahh, Jesus Christ...

 

Messiah: Yes?

 

Divefire: Not you! I was just... ah f*ck it...

 

[Divefire runs towards the Messiah and dives at him, into the dumpster. The two exchange punches, with the Messiah getting the upper hand. Messiah Suplexes Divefire out of the dumpster on to the pavement. He hops onto the side of the dumpster and does a Corkscrew Moonsault, but Divefire rolls out of the way. Divefire picks up the Messiah and delivers the Flame Out. Just for good measure, Dan Vigilante comes over and DVD give the Messiah the Corporate Bomb. They pick up Messiah, toss him in the dumpster and lock it shut. The two again begin laughing like lunatics.]

 

 

[PDS is in the press boothe at the top of the arena looking through binoculars into the crowd, using the skills he learned from reading "Where's Waldo". He has sent out Rane, Bobby Riley, and Mayor McCheese to look for Jayson and radio back if they find him. PDS pulls his walkie-talkie to his mouth; the Fisher Price logo clearly visible.]

 

PDS: Any sign yet.

 

Rane: Not yet.

 

Riley: Nothing here.

 

McCheese: How the hell does this thing work... oh, okay... no, nothing yet.

 

PDS: Keep searching, I'll keep scanning the...

 

Wilson: Hello PDS. Looking for someone.

 

PDS: Wilson! *gasp* What are YOU doing here?!?!

 

Wilson: Did you think Jayson would just let you find him? The Corporation always has a plan.

 

PDS: Beat everyone's asses?

 

Wilson: Pretty much. And guess who drew you?

 

PDS: Wilson, you're even less of challenge than Galaea, and you saw what I did to him. Prepare to become my personal bitch!

 

Wilson: Bring it on, sport!

 

[Wilson charges at PDS with a spear and takes him to the ground. He works PDS over with punches to the stomach. Wilson picks up PDS and sets him up for the Last Resort, but is startled when Rane, Riley and McCheese burst through the door. PDS gets to his feet as Wilson looks for a way to escape.]

 

PDS: Heh, moron. You never even noticed my finger on the "talk" button, did you?

 

Wilson:.........

 

Rane: Don't worry about Wilson, we'll take care of him. You go get back your belt.

 

[PDS heads out the door.]

 

Rane: Oh, is that a closet....

 

 

[After searching for minutes upon minutes, Mr. Galatea finally decides to give up on the match. He goes back to the Corporation locker room. When he opens the door, he sees Jayson sitting at a desk, holding the ICTV belt. As soon as Galatea enters the room Jayson jumps out of his chair.]

 

Mr. Galatea: What are you doing in here?

 

Jayson: Where the hell else would I be you idiot?!?! You're damn lucky I sent the guys after your opponents. Now take this belt and get your ass to that ring!

 

[Mr. Galatea runs through the hallways, heading for the ringside area. He runs around the building for 10 minutes or so.]

 

Mr. Galatea: Dammit! These frickin' hallways are so confusing. Where the hell is the entryway?

 

[Galatea spots two men dressed as janitors.]

 

Mr. Galatea: Hey! Can you guys tell me where the ring area is?

 

Janitor #1: Sure, it's right.... over... here!

 

[The janitor levels Galatea with a chair, causing him to drop the belt. The janitor pulls off his cap to reveal.... a mask! It's the Masked Apprentice!]

 

MA: He's all yours.

 

[The other janitor pulls off his disguising cap to reveal his true identity of... Outcast.]

 

Outcast: Time for a little payback.

 

[Outcast pulls out a sledgehammer and hits Mr. Galatea in the chest. Galatea screams out in pain.]

 

MA (using a walkie-talkie): PDS, we've got the belt. We're in sector 7-G.

 

PDS's voice: I'm on my way.

 

[Outcast continues to wail on Galatea. As PDS is comes into view of the three men, he sees Outcast has locked the Incapacitator on Mr. G.]

 

PDS: How long has he been in the hold?

 

MA: I don't know. Five or six minutes.

 

PDS: Outcast, let go. I've got to pin him.

 

[Outcast lets go of the submission and PDS rolls over Galatea and makes the cover. A referee happens to be walking by and he counts the three. PDS picks up the ICTV belt and heads for the ring area. Their job done, Outcast and the Masked Apprentice leave the beaten Mr. Galatea and head back to the PU locker room. As they are walking back Outcast asks the MA "doesn't that mask get hot?" to which the MA just flashes a disapproving glare (which of course, can't be seen through the mask). Mr. Galatea is still laying beaten when DVD happen by.]

 

Divefire: Damn, what happened?

 

Mr. Galatea: Janitors...

 

Vigilante: What?

 

Mr. Galatea:...masked....janitor....

 

Divefire: Where's the belt?

 

Mr. Galatea: ...PDS...

 

Vigilante: We've got to stop him. Come on, get up.

 

[DVD help Mr. G to his feet and they head for the ring entrance. Meanwhile, PDS has been having the same problems that Mr. G has finding the entrance. DVD (who know how to get there) guide Mr. Galatea to the entryway, while PDS happens to show up just before them. The Corp members see PDS walk through the curtain.]

 

Vigilante: Galatea, we're not allowed at ringside. You're going to have to stop him yourself.

 

Mr. Galatea: No problem.

 

[Mr. Galatea runs through the curtain and chases down PDS, who is partway down the entry ramp. Galatea runs up behind him and hits a Spinning Heel Kick., which makes PDS drop the belt. Mr. Galatea locks on the Tigertamer. PDS fights for as long as he can, but eventually he can't hold out anymore and he taps out. Mr. Galatea picks up the belt and heads for the ring. He climbs in and holds the belt up high. The referee moves over to the ring announcer and tells him to say something.]

 

Annoucner: Ladies and Gentlemen, Pimp Daddy Sarp has given in to Mr. Galatea's submission. However, the rules of the Hide and Seek match clearly state that possession of the belt can only exchange by pinfall. Therefore, possession of the belt still belongs to Pimp Daddy Sarp, and this match will continue!!

 

[Mr. Galatea throws an angry fit, throws down the belt and gets in the ref's face. Meanwhile PDS has slowly made his way to the ring and makes a dive for the belt. Mr. Galatea cuts him off by kicking the belt across the ring into a corner. He grabs PDS and crushes him with a Draft-Dodger with a brige. One... two... kick out by PDS. Galatea picks up Sarp and sets him up for the Newfiplex, by PDS powers out of it and hits a Cradle Suplex. Both men down; PDS begins crawling for the title. Galatea manages to grab ahold of PDS, ensuring that he can't get the belt. Both men climb back to their feet. PDS knees Mr. G and hooks him up for a Cradle Piledriver, but Mr. G turns out of it. He hooks PDS's arm and plants him with a Dollar Value Plummit. An exhausted Mr. Galatea drapes his arm over the fallen PDS. One... two... three! Having gotten the pin, Mr. Galatea begins slowly crawling for the belt. PDS crawls after him, and stops Mr. G as he reaches the corner, just before he can get the belt. They climb back to their feet. Mr. G grabs PDS for another Dollar Value Plummit, but PDS fights out with knees to the midsection, forcing Galatea to double over. PDS then signals that it's time for Mr. Galatea to feel the Agony of Defeat! He rams Galatea's head into his crotch at full force, lifts him up, then lowers him into position. Before PDS can drop Galatea on his head, Mr. G reaches behind him and grabs the ICTV Title! Having pinned PDS and gotten possession of the belt in the ring, the referee calls for the bell and signals Mr. Galatea as the winner! PDS, however, continues with his move and drops Galatea straight on his head!]

 

Sheep: NEW CHAMPION!!! NEW CHAMPION!!!

 

Ben: He may have won the ICTV Championship, but at what cost? Mr. Galatea doesn't look likes he's moving in there!

 

Sheep: Who cares?!?! When he comes to, he's going to party like it's 1999!

 

Ben: Sheep, it's almost 2001...

 

Sheep: It's just an expression, dumbass. The point is: Mr. Galatea has won the ICTV Title!!

 

Ben: With just a little bit of help from his Corporate goons.

 

Sheep: Hey, don't punish him for having a plan.

 

[The Corporation comes out and they carry the unconscious Galatea away as "Antipop" plays throughout the arena.]

 

Sheep: I don't know about you Ben, but that was the easiest match I've ever called.

 

Ben: Did we call the match?.... Stay tuned folks!! Rane! Spike! Heavyweight Championship! And it's next!!

 

-----

[Guest realitycheck]

Z's Comments: Some of you may already know the outcome, but cue the best dramatic music you've got anyway...

 

-----

SPIKE versus RANE (World Heavyweight Title)

 

After the ICTV "Hide and Seek" Match, Rane is seen walking in the hallways in the back with Lita. Then there is a shot of Spike walking in the back, with nobody by him. Both men are getting set for their match.

 

Ben: Spike....Rane……World Title Match...NEXT!

 

The view fades out into commercials......

 

We fade in again as the camera sees the entire arena from the corner of the building. The IGNtron is blank, the fans are having their own conversations, and the announcer and referee stand in the ring.

 

!!! BOOM !!! [ http://www.geocities.com/idmt13/SpikeIntro.mp3 ]

 

A gunshot is heard blasting throughout the arena. The arena becomes dark but slightly lit with silver and platinum type lighting. Metallica's No Leaf Clover hits the speakers. Smoke fills the stage area as both sides of the ramp as lined with spikes that rise up from below. The letters S-P-I-K-E are projected vertically onto the ramp. Spike comes out. The IGNtron shows Spike's new video. Clips of his old matches show followed by clips of his most important matches, including his Hardcore Ironman Match at Battle For Survival. As Spike makes his way down the ramp, the announcer introduces him to the arena crowd.

 

The following match is set for one fall. Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at 213 pounds, from Brooklyn, New York......SPIKE!

 

He walks down the ramp, looking at the fans. He enters the ring and gets onto the corner turnbuckle. When he gets off, he looks at the spikes on the sides of the ramp and they all submerge to where they came from. His music plays out and Spike gets microphone. He is ready to speak but waits for the fans to quiet down. Then, he speaks.

 

"Four years ago, I entered the Hart Dungeon. Six months ago, I graduated. Three months ago I entered the IGNWF. Three days ago, I found out I have a shot at the richest prize in our industry. And now, I have a shot at the IGNWF World Title." The fans Cheer. Spike waits for them to quiet down but the fans just start chanting: Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike!.....they eventually quiet down.

 

"In these three short months, I managed to join up with other great wrestlers, win IGNWF gold, and make a name for myself. I realize that my opponent tonight, Rane, has been here longer than me. He has more experience than me. Hell, he has the World Title. But I think that belt has been around his waist for too long." A mixed reaction from the crowd because they like Rane also. "Rane, you said that I make plans. You said that I'm deceiving. You said that I have backup here tonight for this match. Well, you're wrong. The only plan I have made is to keep some people away from the ring. Don't worry, I'm not setting up any of your little Phoenix Uprising buddies. I hope that you have enough sense to keep them away yourself. Rane, you say you're a credible champion, that you deserve the belt and I don't. Well, if you want to stand by your words, then tell your boys to stay in the back and come out to fight me man to man."

 

The first minute of "Comedown" by Bush begins, followed by Rane's appearance at the top of the stage as "Americana" by Offspring begins. He has Lita with him. The fans cheer wildly, similar to the reaction they greeted Spike with. Rane looks around at the crowd as he makes his way down the ramp. Lita is walking behind him. The announcer speaks once again.

 

His opponent, the champion, weighing in at 310 pounds, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, accompanied by Lita. He is the current IGNWF World Heavyweight Champion......RANE!

 

The lights flash different colors, as Rane walks down to the ring. He enters, and walks by Spike, staring at him as he passes by. Rane walks to one of the corners and stands on the turnbuckle, as he taunts the crowd. Green pyro goes off in the other three corners. The fans continue to cheer him as he jumps down. The lights go back to normal and the fans quiet down just a bit. Rane motions for the mic but the announcer isn't there anymore. The ref asks Rane to take his title off and Rane obliges. The bell rings to start the match. *DING DING*

 

Rane walks toward Spike. The height difference of 9 inches between the two men is quite noticeable as they stand facing each other. Their build is also quite different as Spike is quite slim but Rane is gigantic. They exchange some words that are not heard. Suddenly, Rane grabs Spike's neck and Choke Tosses him. Spike lands hard on his back but gets up quite easily. He runs at Rane and Spears him down. Spike begins to punch Rane repeatedly but Rane picks Spike off him and gets up, still holding Spike. He raises him above his head and drops Spike down behind himself. Spike lets out a cry of pain as he hits the ring mat.

 

Spike is holding his elbow now and lies in the ring with a look of pain on his face. Rane walks over to him and picks him up. Spike is whipped to the far ropes. He bounces off and runs at Rane. Spike jumps, going for a Thez Press but Rane catches him.

 

Ben: Spike weighs almost 100 pounds less than Rane and isn't heavy enough to bring the big man down.

 

Rane, still holding him, turns the attempted Thez Press into a Bearhug Front Slam, and throws Spike down. Rane stomps on him a few times until the ref brings him back. Spike slowly gets back to his feet, still holding the elbow. Right away, Rane runs at him but Spike manages to notice him, and out of desperation, hits a Samoan Drop.

 

Ben: Rane has the advantage early on as Spike seems to have wounded his elbow.

 

Rane stands up before Spike does and picks him up from behind. He tries to hit a Full Nelson Slam but Spike kicks behind him, kicking Rane in the groin. While Rane tends to his "special area", Spike bounces off the ropes and hits a bulldog on him. He tries to lock on the SPIKE SPINE STINGER on Rane, but Rane is too heavy for Spike to lift and turn. He tries again, this time in another direction but he is unsuccessful again. As Rane is left lying on his front, Spike stands by his feet and instead of trying the SSS again, he steps over Rane and picks up his left leg. (Lance Storm's Maple Leaf) He pulls hard on his leg as Rane tries to reach the ropes. Again, Rane overpowers Spike and gets to the ropes. The ref gets Spike to drop Rane's leg and moves him away. Rane grabs his knee on the leg that Spike was working on.

 

Sheep: Oh, look at that. Now Rane's hurt too.

Ben: Nah, it'll take more than that to take him down.

 

Rane stands up and walks toward Spike. Again, they stare each other down. Spike looks up at Rane, who looks down on him. A wicked smile shows up on Rane's face and he spits straight into Spike's eyes. Spike is blinded and turns around, holding his eyes. Rane takes advantage and hits a Full Nelson Slam. Spike's face and his eyes are all pain now as he lies on the ground, rubbing his eyes. Rane picks him up and bends Spike over next to him. He lifts Spike up and swings him around into a powerbomb position. Spike rests on Rane's shoulders now, still with a look of pain on his face. Rane brings Spike down for the Powerbomb. He pins: 1......2.....Kickout.

 

Ben: Spike is showing resilience here. He's not gonna give up that easy.

Sheep: Yup. Remember, Spike is Hardcore!!!!

Ben: Wrong wrestler, you moron.

Sheep: Oh yeah….hehehe.

 

Rane's face is filled with surprise. He thought the powerbomb would have taken Spike out but he was wrong. Rane lifts Spike up and whips him to the ropes. Spike bounces and runs back at Rane, who stands ready to pick Spike up for the Acid Rane. Spike notices this and jumps to hit a dropkick. He hits Rane dead in the left knee and knocks him down. They both stand up, with Rane getting up first out of anger. He takes Spike and goes for a falling neckbreaker but Spike trips Rane up in the process, again, hitting his left knee.

 

Ben: It look like Spike is taking advantage of Rane's injury.

Sheep: I told you his knee was hurt.

 

Spike gets up and walks over to the half-standing Rane. He lifts the champ up all the way and whips him to the corner. Spike grabs his elbow as he lets Rane go. The pain is still there. Rane hits the corner, limping his way in. He stands, his back to the turnbuckle, a look of pain on his face. His left leg is slightly up to keep the pressure off the knee. Spike lunges at him and hits a Running Knee Strike in the corner. Spike repositions himself and hits a few chops onto Rane's bare chest, which turns a blood red color. Rane retaliates with a big right hand punch to Spike's face. Spike grabs his aching face and Rane takes advantage. He walks around and grabs the back of Spike's neck.

 

Ben: Rane's going for the INVERTED CHOKESLAM. You know what happens when he hits this.....

 

Rane is ready to lift Spike up but just in the nick of time, Spike manages to once again kick the left knee of Rane. Rane releases Spike's neck and drops to one knee. Spike quickly elbows the back of Rane's neck to bring him down on his stomach. Spike stands at Rane's feet now, thinking about his next move.

 

Ben: Spike knows that Rane's knee hurts and that his own elbow hurts too. He must apply a submission hold that won't take a toll on his elbow, but will aggravate Rane's knee.

Sheep: Look! Spike thought of something!

 

Spike bends down and puts his leg around Rane's hurting leg. He then bends forward to grab Rane's arm. He takes it and holds it with both arms, not showing any pain in his own.

 

Sheep: I thought Spike hurt his arm?

Ben: So did I. Was he faking it?

Sheep: That bastard!

 

Rane lets out cries of agony as Spike pulls on his arm and leg. Spike is still not showing any distress in his elbow and keeps the hold on. The referee is next to Rane, asking him if he wishes to quit. Rane keeps shaking his head, but at the same time, screams in misery. Suddenly, Lita runs around the ring to where she can stand behind Spike. She leans in and pulls on Spike's free leg, forcing him to let go of the hold. The ref yells at her as she slides back out of the ring. Spike stares hatefully into her eyes and Lita is obviously scared so she starts backing away. Spike yells something at her and goes back to Rane.

 

Ben: You shouldn't have messed with him, Lita.

Sheep: Come here Lita. I'll keep you safe.

Ben: Pervert.

 

Spike picks up Rane, making sure to kick him in the knee for good measure. Spike whips him to the opposite corner but Rane doesn't make it all the way and falls down as he steps on his bad leg. Spike shows a visible smile as he walks toward him.

 

Sheep: I knew it! Rane was right! Spike does have a plan!

Ben: What makes you think so? Just cause he's smiling?

Sheep: He was faking the elbow thing! Don't you think that could be a plan?

Ben: Uh, well maybe.

Sheep: I thought so.

 

Spike comes up to Rane again. He lifts the big man up and puts him in a DDT position but instead of hitting the DDT, Spike flips forward and over, landing on his back and SNAPS RANE'S NECK!!! Rane quickly grabs hold of his neck now as Spike stands up. Spike walks over to the corner and starts to climb the turnbuckle. As he climbs higher, the fans begin to stand up. Half of them are favoring Spike, the other half favoring Rane, who is lying, nearly motionless in the middle of the ring.

 

Ben: Both of these fan favorites are getting mixed reactions. The fans here in the IGN Dome can't decide who they like more; The overpowering World Champ, or the High Flyer with an impressive array of moves.

Sheep: Would you shut up! SPIKE'S GONNA FLY!

 

Spike is at the top of the turnbuckle now. He yells out something that is too quiet to hear due to the loud fans. Then, he bends his knees and jumps to the adjacent ropes. He lands on the top rope with both of his feet and springs back off of it. In mid air, Spike twists and lands on top of Rane, thus pinning him: 1......2.......KICKOUT!

 

Ben: Oh my god! Spike hits The Stroke and a SPRINGBOARD CORKSCREW MOONSAULT and he STILL can't take out the Heavyweight Champ!

Sheep: I can't believe Spike can pull that off so easily!

Ben: Who cares? He didn't get the pin!

 

Spike stands up in full surprise at Rane's resiliency. He lifts the big man up and puts his arm across Rane's chest.

 

Sheep: He's going for a SPIKER!!!

 

He tries to hit a Spiker, but he can't do it, as Rane is too heavy for him to lift. Spike keeps on trying until Rane ends up pushing him away. Rane hits a Big Boot on Spike and levels him down to the mat. Rane rests against the ropes, trying to regain some strength. Lita comes around behind Rane, wanting to tell him something, but he ignores her. Spike is now getting up and Rane walks towards him. He grabs Spike's neck and lifts his feet off the ground. He tries to Choke Toss him but his arm gives way and Spike just drops to the ground.

 

Ben: I think Spike really hurt Rane in this match.

Sheep: This is some good technical wrestling we're seeing here, on Spike's part.

 

Spike gets up and runs at the ropes. He bounces off and runs towards Rane. Rane sees the ring mat shaking, but doesn't notice the charging Spike. Spike jumps and levels Rane, and begins to punch him. Blood starts to trickle out of the corner of Rane's mouth.

 

Sheep: Nice Thez Press by Spike. It looks like he wants to knock Rane out altogether.

 

Spike gets off Rane and pulls him up. He whips Rane toward himself and hits a Shortarm Clothesline. Rane stays up and Spike's hand stays on Rane's chest. Then, out of nowhere, Rane kicks Spike in the gut. Spike is halfway bent over when Rane lifts him up.

 

Ben: Here we go! Rane's gonna do it. He's gonna hit the ACID RANE!!!

Sheep: Where did he get the strength?

 

Rane lifts Spike up and turns him over, his head pointing towards the ring mat. The fans are cheering him on as Rane slams him down with a thundering bang. He drops down to his knees as Spike's head hits the ground.

 

Ben: ACID RANE! ACID RANE! Spike is gone! This match is over!

Sheep: I knew he could do it!

 

Rane pins the fallen Spike: 1......2.....Rane lets it go! An evil smile shows up on Rane's face as the fans stand in surprise.

 

Ben: WHAT?!?

Sheep: Why did he let go of the pin?

 

Rane stands up and picks Spike up. He lifts him up and turns him over again. Rane is seen laughing during all of this. The blood continues to slowly drip out of Rane's mouth.

 

Ben: He's going for ANOTHER ACID RANE!!!!!!!

Sheep: Oh this is gonna be sweet!

 

Rane is holding Spike upside down and is ready to bring his knees down for the Acid Rane, but Spike begins to swing his legs back and forth. This causes Rane to lose his balance and fall backwards. Spike ends up pinning him: 1…….2…..Kickout!!

 

Ben: Again, Rane refuses to give up.

Sheep: He's such an idiot for not pinning Spike the first time.

 

Spike stands up. He leans forward and rests on his knees. Rane is slowly getting up now and Spike whips him to the ropes. Rane is favoring his left leg as he bounces and runs back toward Spike. Right when Rane reaches him, Spike picks Rane up and using the momentum Rane had, hits a TILT-A -WHIRL PILEDRIVER!!!

 

Ben: Oh my god! That is gonna kill Rane off for good!!!

Sheep: Yes! Spike is kicking his green ass!

Ben: Whose side are you on, anyway?

Sheep: The guy who's winning at the moment.

 

Spike stands up, now favoring his elbow again. This time the pain seems legit as Spike uses his other arm to lift Rane up. He whips Rane into the near ropes. Rane bounces off and still favors his left leg as he runs back at Spike. Spike, meanwhile, sits on the far ropes behind him and, jumping off the middle rope, hits a HURRICANRANA on the running Rane.

 

Ben: Wow, Rane can't even defend himself now. What a shame.

Sheep: The champ is out of it. He's not going to make it through the night.

 

Spike sees Rane lying in the ring. He looks at him and starts walking towards the corner. ~N~ Spike reaches the turnbuckle and poses for the fans ~A~ He begins to climb up on it ~I~ and when he gets to the top, he motions for ~L~ The NAIL!!!!!

 

Ben: NAIL IN THE COFFIN!!! SPIKE'S ABOUT TO RUN THE ROPES!!!

 

Spike takes one last look at Rane and starts to run on the ropes. As he runs and maintains his balance, Rane sees him. Right when Spike jumps off, Rane sticks his right leg up and SPIKE FLIES RIGHT INTO RANE'S FOOT!

 

Ben: OH DEAR GOD!!! Spike's ribs must be bent in right now!!

 

After hitting Rane's foot in midair, Spike lands right next to him, lying on his stomach. Both men are down in the ring as the fans in the arena chant "IGN! IGN! IGN! IGN! IGN!"

 

Ben: I can't believe Spike just did that. Why would he go for the fancy stuff? He could have pinned him and gotten the win and the belt.

Sheep: Both of them could have won by now but they gave up their chances just to show off a little.

Ben: Look, they're getting up!

 

Both of them begin to stand up. Spike is by the ropes near the announcer's table, and Rane is near the middle of the ring. They are both up now and Spike tries to whip Rane to the ropes on the ramp side. This is reversed by Rane and Spike runs towards the ropes. Spike bounces off the ropes and runs back towards Rane who waits on the other side. Then in one big motion, Rane grabs Spike by the neck, and pulls the ropes down. Using Spike's momentum, Rane lifts him by the neck, over the ropes and SENDS HIM FLYING OUT OF THE RING AND THROUGH THE ANNOUNCER'S TABLE!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Sheep: WATCH OUT!!!!

 

The table breaks as Spike comes crashing down on it. Ben and Sheep manage to jump out of the way before Spike fell. The TV monitors and Sheep's microphone are all damaged and only Ben can be heard from now on. Rane is in the ring, resting, trying to regain some strength after all that Spike has done to him. The ref counts Spike's time out of the ring: 1....

 

Ben: Oh my god!!! I really think Spike is dead. I have a very close view of him, and….wait…he seems to be breathing, so he is alive, but how badly is he hurt? Spike? Spike, can you hear me?

 

The ref continues to count: 2....

 

Ben: Spike, are you there? Spike?

 

Spike is slowly twitching now. His eyes are blinking and his fingers are moving. Back in the ring, Rane is paying close attention to this. Lita is standing nearby. Ref: 3.....

 

Spike starts to move his arms and legs now. He rolls over onto his side and sort of rolls up.

 

Ref: 4.....

 

Rane shows a worried look on his face and motions for Lita to come over. He whispers something to her as the ref continues the count: 5......

 

Spike is now bent over, sitting on the ground on his hands and knees. (Ref: 6....)

 

Lita slowly creeps up toward Spike. She comes within a few feet of him as he brings one knee up and tries to stand. Ref: 7….

 

Ben: Get out of here, you damn bitch!

 

Spike looks at Ben. He heard what Ben said and turns around. He sees Lita standing there, suddenly shocked. Ref: 8......

 

From the ground, Spike punches Lita in the stomach and quickly stands up. He hits an Evenflow DDT on her, making sure she hits her head on the broken TV monitor. Ref: 9.....

 

Spike gets up all the way again. He hears the ref say "9" and quickly slides into the ring. Rane is in there, quickly stomping on him, not even paying attention to Lita. He continues to stomp on Spike's head and back as Spike screams in pain. Rane picks him up and tries to turn him over to hit yet another Acid Rane, but Spike manages to hook his leg around Rane's left leg, and when he is lifted, he and Rane both fall down. Rane gets up first and picks up Spike. He whips him into the corner. Spike hits it hard and bounces off a little bit. Rane runs up behind him and hits a huge shoulderblock, sending Spike back into the corner.

 

Rane takes Spike's hand and pulls it though his legs. Then he pulls and lifts Spike over for a Pumphandle Slam, but he can't keep Spike on his shoulder, and Spike slides out behind Rane. He knows that he can't just flip Rane over right now, so he turns to the side a little, pushes Rane against the ropes, and using Rane's momentum, Spike hooks his arms around Rane's enormous waist and hits a German Suplex!!! He releases it in mid air and sends Rane flying across the ring. He stands up and walks over to Rane. He picks the big man up and faces him. Spike throws him at the ropes again and as Rane bounces off, Spike brings his arm across Rane's chest and PULLS HIM OVER FOR THE SPIKER!!!!!!!

 

Ben: OH MY GOD!!! Spike hit it! He hit the Spiker!!! Finally, he figured out how to use Rane's size and momentum against him!!!

 

The fans in the IGN Dome go crazy as Spike hooks Rane's leg and goes or the cover: 1..........

 

 

2..........

 

 

 

KICKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ben: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!! THE BIG MONSTER KICKED OUT!!!!!! HE KICKED OUT OF A SPIKER!!!!!

 

Spike is more surprised now than he has been the whole match. He can't believe that Rane kicked out of the Spiker. He gets up and picks Rane up. Spike tries to whip him to the far ropes but Rane holds on to his hand and pulls Spike right in front of him. He kicks Spike in the gut and with the strength that he has left he lifts Spike up for a Vertical Suplex. Rane tries to finish it off, but Spike just lands on his feet. He turns Rane around and punches him in the face a few times. Spike then lifts him up for his own Vertical Suplex, but instead of finishing it normally, he hits a VERTICAL DDT!!!

 

Ben: How did Spike lift up all 310 ponds of the gigantic Rane? How did he do it?!?!?!

 

Spike raises Rane to his feet. He puts his arm across Rane's chest. "THOSE WHO DIE HARD NEVER LOSE!!!" shouts Spike as he jumps, turns, and HITS A 360° SPIKER ON THE CHAMPION!!!!!!! SPIKE MAKES THE COVER: 1.........

 

 

2............

 

 

 

3…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPIKE WINS!!!!!! SPIKE WINS!!!!!!!!

 

Ben: WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!!! RANE HAS BEEN DEFEATED!!! SPIKE IS NEW IGNWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!

 

The fans jump and yell for the new champion, applauding his effort. The referee hands the World Championship belt to Spike and raises his hand in victory. Spike's music begins to play. He holds the title in his arms and looks at the gold. He sees his face reflecting in the laminated layer of the title and smiles. He walks over to the corner, stands on the middle rope, and lifts the title up with one hand. The TV camera captures a great shot of this pose as Spike stands there, smiling, holding the title in his hand and listening to the fans in the IGN Dome chant "Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike!........

 

------

[Guest realitycheck]

Okay, comment away at all this!

 

If I get enough positive comments on the stuff, then I'll do it again next Saturday. The catch? YOU guys tell me what you want to see. Give some suggestions, and a basic idea of where I can find what you want, and I'll try to dig it up.

 

Ground rules: Unless your name is Edwin MacPhisto, I'm not looking for your first match. Sorry. Also, no WF PPV's, we can save that until a while down the road.

 

-Z

[Guest Renegade]

Well, i think I know who u are now...

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Wow... Comet's match was  HILARIOUS. I'd almost forgot that gem...

[Guest chirs3]

Z, you are a beautiful beautiful man.

 

I've been wanting that Comet promo for a long time.

 

As for requests? How about Vlad DeBurrov's old WrestleCenter Roundtables?

[Guest Rabbi_wilson13]

Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen...and ladies.  How could you possibly do this without putting in more loving, tender, promos from the Carnival and myself during one of the best promo feuds ever?  And more Comet stuff.  That was the shiznit.

 

And from the other thread, "What's WrestleCenter?"!  I'm disapointed for the old guard not keeping this young'ns informed.  It's a damn shame.  Get some Roundtables posted and some of the old shows.  Tsk, tsk...

 

Its good to read over and see that most everybody is still around, and I absolutely love the trivia thread.  Kudos to everybody that worked on that.

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

Jesus Christ, it's Wilson. I thought we shot you when we left IGN? Dammit, I knew I shoulda done it, but JD kept bugging me...

 

Anyways, good to see you, man. How's life?

[Guest Thoth]

God-fucking-dammit.

[Guest chirs3]

Strike up the band and fire up the barbie! It's Wilson's Meat Festival!

 

Where've you been? Returning to active duty any time soon?

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

You still a bitch.

 

 

Stangler is one as well...

[Guest Rabbi_wilson13]

I dunno, but if Raynor is back and the Carnies are still around, I would see no reason why not.  These young'ns would probably put the wood to me, though.  No respect for their elders.  Always hot-shotting about with their fancy moves...never learning the value of a nice little divide-and-conquer-the-Carnies-only-to-get-revenged-in-the-morning promo.  Good times, good times...

 

Raynor, you got those on file you could send to me?

[Guest chirs3]

I've got "Remember that night at the bar? With the Carnival? That was awesome...", as well as Edwin's response, "Good Morning Angels!"

 

And I've got "The Carnival In Toyland", a promo that no one should be without.

 

I'll PM them momentarily.