The Thread Where I Predict Your Future

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Ooooh, do me!

 

You'll spend 21 years in management at a large retail chain and have a heart attack behind your desk when you're 58. Several mid-priced call girls will find new customers.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

I'd like to know how I will go out.

 

A slip in the shower leaves your lung punctured and full of blood for 3 days, unable to crawl for help. Your wife and four children (1 set of twins) will be visiting her parents the week before thanksgiving, year 2033.

[fazzle 0]

I was with ya up until the "ex wife" part.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

just let me know if it is an alcohol or a drug induced death.

 

Yes and no, actually. You will "die" in the hospital after a minor surgery, due to an adverse reaction to the anaesthetic. During your downtime, you will have a deeply religious experience before the doctors bring you back to life. For the next 30 years, you will crusade overseas off and on, spreading the word of God, while your wife stays behind in Los Angeles and fucks eight or nine different guys. She'll have a child with one that she will, one way or another, convince you is yours. You'll die blissfully unaware and completely disconnected from reality under a mosquito net in Ghana. Age 70.

[tekcop 0]

This is fun. Can I join?

[The Niggardly King 0]

Fuck yeah, I want that to happen.

[... 0]

Have you seen my future, brother?

[Twisted Intestine 0]

How do I die? I better not get trapped in a well.

[Guest Vitamin X]

Add meaning to my worthless existence

 

Wow, almost exactly, but just a little over 4 years. I had just become of drinking age not more than 3 or 4 months prior to this!

[Big Ol' Smitty 0]

Yo.

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

Notice how we never heard from Nanks? Snake.

[Matt Young 0]

Still didn't do mine.