Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2005 -THE FANS IN COCOA BEACH ARE GOING ABSOLUTELY INSANE as the OAOAST presents HeldDOWN! BEACH BLANKET BONANZA!! LIVE from Cocoa Beach, Florida! Numerous signs are shown, many reading such intelligent comments as "DREK STONE IS GHEY! LOL!!!" and "I'M DRUNK!!" *click click click click* -THE FANS GO MANGO!! and sing along with the completely off spanish counting. "UNOS" "DOS" "TRES" "CATORCE!!!" CUE: "Vertigo" by U2 COLE And we're starting off the night with the lovely Josie Baker, guys!! COACH STOKE!!! -As soon as Bono says "Hello Hellllo", Josie steps out from behind the curtain, causing the fans to pop even more. She wears a purple bikini and pink sarong, and DAMN does she look hot. Josie smiles wide as she looks around at all the fans, a cigarette hanging loosely from her mouth. She takes it out as the music dies down. The fans cheers do not. CROWD "JO-SIE! JO-SIE! JO-SIE!" -This gets a laugh from the General Manager, who shakes her head slightly. JOSIE "You're too kind. Honestly, you are....All right, Ladies and Gentlemen, WELCOME TO HELDDOWN!!" -The fans erupt once again as Josie runs her hand through her hair, a smile plastered on her face. JOSIE "Well, everyone...I have one HELLUVA treat for you. Because I LOVE this place SOOOO much, I decided to give you, the people of Cocoa Beach, a ONE-TIME ONLY appearance. I made some calls...I wrote some e-mails...and fans?...I got one of the hottest bands in the world to come here and play FOR YOU!" COLE Evan and Jaron?! COACH/CABOOSE What?! JOSIE "SO!...without any further ado...all the way from London, England...my boys...Pete Doherty, Carl Barat, John Hassal and Gary Powell....THE LIBERTINES -THE CHEERS ARE OFF THE CHARTS as the opening notes to "I Get Along" are heard. In the middle of the ring stand the four members of the band, all wearing red British officer jackets. The notes turn to heavily distorted chords, and the lights start flashing red and blue... CARL "YOU CAUGHT ME IN THE MIDDLE dazed on the carpet I was following the lines that move like more snakes sayin' something ain't quite right... you got the devil on yer side standin' to your right, c'moooooon... You caught me in the middle dazed and confused I was followin' a good step fancy free and footlose sayin' somethin' ain't quite right... you got the devil on yer side standin' to your right, c'mooooon...oh c'mooon" CARL/PETE "I get aloong..." CARL "I get along." CARL/PETE "I get alooong" CARL "I get along...get along." PETE/JOHN/GARY "GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG!" CARL "IT'S COMIN' OUT MY EARS SO BABY HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO Four for you five for him SIX FOR THEM LET ME SEE NOW If you get them on your side You'll have a good time, c'mooon." CARL/PETE "I get aloong..." CARL "I get along." CARL/PETE "I get alooong" CARL "I get along...get along." -The guitar slightly slows down... CARL "I get along Just singin' my song People tell me I'm wrooooong..." -Guitar speeds up again and stops abruptly. CARL "FUCK 'EM!!" -Guitar picks up again. PETE/GARY/JOHN "GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG" CARL "IT'S COMIN' OUT MY EARS SO BABY HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO FOURFORYOUFIVEFORTHEMSIXFORTHEMLETMESEENOW! YOU GOT THE DEVIL ON YOUR SIDE YOU'LL HAVE A GOOD TIME, C'MOOOOOOON!!" -Carl and Pete begin their dualing guitars solo as the light go into strobe mode. The dual ends, and the guitars slightly die down. CARL "Iiii get along... I get along... Iiii get along... I get along AND WHAT I DO I SING" EVERYONE "GET ALONG GET ALONGGET ALONG GET ALONGGET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG GET ALONG!!" -As the last chord is hit, Carl kicks over the microphone stands and takes off his guitar. The fans go completely insane as The Libertines wave and exit the ring. "YOU MAKE ME WANNA LA LA!" AND HELDDOWN HAS OFFICIALLY STARTED!! HeldDOWN is presented by OAOAST Entertainment. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We hear LaLa and now’s a good time for ME to point out that I never liked that song. Could a change be in store? Whoops, no time to think about that, here comes the LOGO... WHOOSH~ it goes!! Fireworks set off as we cut to the live crowd!! COLE Fans, welcome to HeldDOWN!! COACH The tower of power! Too sweet to be sour! CABOOSE You get paid by the hour? COLE Folks, that was the Libertines you just heard, and our lovely General Manager had made her way from the stage to the ring!! The shot cuts to Josie Baker, GM extraordinaire, who has lit another cig in the ring. “JOSIE!” “JOSIE!” “JOSIE!” JOSIE Well, here we are. LIVE! RIGHT HERE! IN COCOA BEACH! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!” JOSIE You like that, huh? COCOA BEACH!! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!” JOSIE COCOA BEACH!! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!” JOSIE COCOA BEACH!! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!” JOSIE COCOA B-- “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA……..what?!” JOSIE Ha! Knew you all would fall for that! Anyway guys, I’m not out here to waste your time. We have some awesome action to get to tonight. Tina taking on Ms. Lindsday Gonzalez! The Global Party Exchange going against the Saints! Black T fighting against Hell’s Hitmen! The crowd starts to cheer, but it’s clear Josie isn’t quite finished yet. JOSIE And something specially made just for tonight. My own personal creation. You see, when I agreed to become the General Manager of HeldDown, I wasn’t planning on making these shows as normal as they’ve always been. I mean, normal is good and all. But it isn’t quite what I want. I have a special vision for this show. Every day, I’m thinking up NEW and EXCITING ideas for HeldDown -- and, dammit, I don’t even care if they’re good ideas! I’m doing it all for you. Well, folks, my mind suddenly came up with something amazing. Something I think all of you folks here at Cocoa Beach… “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” JOSIE Right. I knew that was coming. Something I think all of you are going to enjoy. Because tonight, you all will be seeing something I like to call…. “The Run for the Gold!” COACH Run for the Gold? CABOOSE I don’t like the sound of this. JOSIE Yes. The Run for the Gold. Wait till you hear this. Basically, I will be making a certain champion tonight put their title on the line. But this isn’t just an ordinary match. Oh, no. Here’s how the rules go. Taking a pause, Josie pulls a cigarette out of her pocket and lights it up. The fans pop noticeably as Josie takes a deep inhalation of her beloved nicotine before continuing. COLE Why, those are cancer sticks! Hasn’t Josie seen those Truth commercials?! Oh my god! She is SOOOOOOOO hardcore! CABOOSE …… JOSIE We are going to be taking this champion’s title belt and simply placing it in the center of the ring. But there’s more to it than that! The champion, along with the three opponents I have hand-picked for him tonight, are going to be forced to line up OUTSIDE the fitness center, all the way across the street. Once they’re all there, the referee will shoot his gun off and the match will begin. The four superstars are then going to have to sprint to reach this important championship! First through the streets! Then into the fitness center! Then along the beach! Finally, they’ll get to the ring! And the first person to reach the ring and grab the title belt will become a NEWWWWW OAOAST Champion! COLE Wow! That really DOES sound like an entertaining idea! CABOOSE Entertaining? Is that Mexicole for “retarded”? JOSIE Oh blokes, I forgot to mention. This match is going to be for the OAOAST HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! CABOOSE WHAT?! SHE HAS TO BE KIDDING!! COACH WHOA! This match just got a little more interesting! JOSIE Yes! Drek Stone will be defending his Heavyweight Title tonight in this amazingly prestigious gimmick match. Against who, you might ask? Well, first off, an inspiring hero to you and I. SHE has proven over the past few weeks that she deserves a real opportunity to improve her rank in the OAOAST, and dammit, tonight I’m going to give it to her. Part of the beloved Chicks Over Dicks, and a co-holder of the OAOAST Tag Team titles, the first competitor tonight will be…..ALIX! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!” JOSIE But that’s not it. Second, I have to admit that I have felt some kind of remorse for some superstar over the past few weeks. I feel the media has harshly ostracized him for his past, and I think it’s time the guy just gets a break. Well, I hope he looks upon tonight’s decision favorably. Our second competitor here…..the OAOAST X-Division Champion! LEON RODEZ! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!” JOSIE And finally, the third spot goes out to someone who has become an expert at whining over the past few months. But I have to admit, he has had a proven record against Drek Stone throughout 2004. In fact, if I remember correctly, he beat him more than any other superstar beat Drek throughout the entire year. Well, I don’t ignore stuff like that. Watts might hate this guy -- and I’m not a big fan of him either -- but I can recognize an accomplishment when I see it. MAD CAPPA….you’re in this thing too! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” JOSIE And that’s it, folks! I’m tired of typing right now…. COLE TALKING! TALKING! COACH OMGZ BREAKING KAYFABE~! JOSIE Right. Talking. I’m tired of talking, and I think it’s time the OAOAST superstars do the talking for themelves! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2005 (edited) BUFFER The following contest is a semi-final tournament match for the Anderson Cup! The winners of this match will advance to Zero Hour in the finals, for the chance to win that Anderson Cup and the shot at the tag team championship of the world at Anglemania IV. Cue: "Hit Me Verdi One More Time" The bizarre mix of music is this week supplemented by a *BLAST* of fire from the stage. As it clears, the two biggest, baddest men in the OAOAST emerge. BUFFER At a total combined weight of 820lbs, they are; firstly, the man who feeds on pain, the SADIST, and his partner, the Devilman, former tag team champion of the world- JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGUS! This is HELL'S HITMEN! The two monsters walk down to the ring, steam rising off their huge shoulders, grunting and roaring. JINGUS wears red mask, red and black trunks while the Sadist, yellow eyes and shaved head, wears white shorts. COLE Here come the Hitmen, and what a sight they are. Since their formation, they've always threatened to dominate the OAOAST tag division, but have never quite managed to break through to the level of the likes of their opponents tonight. CABOOSE Who has? I like the Hitmen, but they're no Black T. We all know Dan Black carried JINGUS in the team which gives this Conference of the Anderson Cup its name. The Hitmen climb over the top rope and into the ring, where they stare at referee Nick Patrick. Cue: "Quiet" BUFFERS And their opponents, accompanied to the ring by the "Farmer of Champions", Jivin JR, they are two time former OAOAST Tag Team Champions of The World! First, from London England, weighing 242lbs, he is "The Ice Heart", Daaaaaaaaaaan BLLLLACK! And from Hollywood California, at 292lbs, "T.Bod" To-neeeeeeeee BRRRRRRRRRRRRRANIGAN! This is BLLLLLACK TEEEEEEEEEEE! JR tonight sports a red bikini, to the disgust of all, while Dan wears his regulation black trench coat, with long trunks, one leg black, one white. Tony has a classy shimmering robe, beneath which he wears trademark trunks featuring images of several attractive women... COLE I have some gear like that, except mine has pictures of you, 'boosy! CABOOSE Burn it. Burn it all. Black T climb into the ring, getting their usual hostile reception from the fans, while JR makes growling noises at the Hitmen from the floor. Dan and Tony remove their respective ring wear, and confer, while HH merely stand and stare in silence. Nick Patrick checks each man in the match for foreign objects, and explains the rules briefly, before asking each team who will start. COLE Looks like its going to be the two former partners, Dan and JINGUS, to start us off here. Black rolls his shoulders and wrists, a cocky grin on the Ice Heart's handsome face. "How are you, you old freak?" he asks with friendly concern. *SLAP* Dan staggers back, clutching his jaw, as our referee gets this underway. *DING DING DING* JINGUS goes right after Black, hammering him with punches that back Dan into the corner, covering up, until Patrick counts JINGUS off and warns him over the illegal closed fists. The Devilman backs off reluctantly. COLE Although Brannigan is a big man, Black T are giving up a lot in power and strength here. CABOOSE But Dan has wrestled JINGUS many times, and has an impressive win-loss record against him. He knows exactly how to beat JINGUS, and therefore so does Tony. As for the Sadist - well, clearly he just needs to be dropped on his head until he passes out with the pleasure. Dan and JINGUS circle, with Dan trying to jump forward and grab at the leg of the monster, but JINGUS backs away each time. Black runs a hand through his hair, and puts his hands on his hips, waiting for the Devilman to make his move, as the crowd becomes restless. JINGUS, feeling their frustration, roars and runs at Black, who catches him with a neat drop toe hold and goes straight into a side headlock on the mat. COLE A bad error by JINGUS, allowing the crowd to dictate his actions. CABOOSE Never the smartest of monsters, it has to be said. Black gets to one knee, keeping the headlock in place, and then into a standing position, from where he can turn and drive his knee repeatedly up into the face of JINGUS! One, two, three, four, five blows and Black releases the bigger man, who's dizzyed by the attack. Dan then fires a succession of forearm shots into the lower back of his opponent, followed by a dropkick to the same area. JINGUS is down, but to one knee only. Black hits him with a European uppercut, and applies a front face lock, but JINGUS shrugs him off, swinging a big lariat that Black barely ducks. JINGUS roars and races towards Dan, who runs away~! The crowd boos Black's cowardice, but his plan quickly becomes clear as Black lures JINGUS into the Black T corner, allowing Brannigan to lay out the monster with a massive running clothesline from the apron! Dan tags in Tony with a smirk, and both men pick the Devilman up and hit him with a double team suplex, the 360lbs of muscle crashing into the canvas. Brannigan with the cover- ONE! JINGUS powers Tony off him with a mighty shove and gets to his feet. Brannigan meets him with a flurry of blows, but JINGUS shrugs them off, kicks Tony in the gut and whips him to the ropes. As Brannigan rebounds JINGUS throws another murderous lariat, but Tony ducks under and runs to the opposite ropes, springing off and hitting the Devilman with a big shoulder tackle - that barely moves the monster. JINGUS chuckles a deep, evil laugh, and Tony pokes him in the eye. Brannigan grabs the monster and with a huge effort, muscles straining, executes a body slam. Tony follows with a trio of elbows to the sternum of the Devilman, but as he goes to rise from the third, JINGUS grabs him round the throat with a vicious grip and rises to his feet! COLE Brannigan hitting JINGUS with some BIG blows, but JINGUS has that INHUMAN STRENGTH! CABOOSE Stop talking in capital letters. JINGUS roars and tries for a choke slam, but Tony drives his knee into the gut of his opponent, breaking from his grasp. Brannigan runs the ropes, trying for another shoulder tackle- but JINGUS just nails him with a big boot to the jaw. The Devilman tags in his partner, the 6'7 tower of terror, The Sadist. Sadie brings Tony up, and he and JINGUS whip "The Body" hard into the corner. Tony hits back first and grimaces in pain as his spine connects with the hard turnbuckles. Sadist charges in with a running splash, but Brannigan ducks aside, allowing Sadie to eat turnbuckle. Tony school boys Sadist with a handful of tights, and feet on the rope for good measure: ONE! TWO! TH-Sadist kicks out strongly. Both men roll to their feet and start to exchange hard forearm blows to the jaw, with Sadie gaining the upperhand and whipping Tony to the ropes. Sadist, not the most technically correct wrestler in the OAOAST, telegraphs a back drop attempt, and Brannigan is able to calmly kick him in the face as he's bent over, and then nail him with a DDT. Tony brings Sadist up and tags back to Dan. Brannigan, showing his impressive strength, picks Sadist up onto his shoulders in a firemans carry. Black takes a grip on Sadie's head and neck, and Black T execute a neat samoan drop/neckbreaker combo that leaves Sadist groggy, but still with a sinister smile of pleasure on his hideous face. COLE A nice double team move from the former champs, as I see a very attractive lifeguard walking down by the sea, he looks like a young David Hasselhoff, and - CABOOSE Go get his number! Go Mikey! Go! Cole leaps up and races off towards the sea. In the ring Dan gets Sadist to his feet and- *CRACK!* -flays his massive chest with a skin splitting chop. *CRACK!* *CRACK!* Two more chops leave Sadist's chest red and a grin on his face. Black looks disgusted, and with an effort whips his opponent to the ropes. Sadist flys back, and Dan hits him with a clothesline that doesn't floor the big man. Black quickly executes a knee lift, and then slaps on a waistlock, hitting a big release German suplex! COACH Black with a suplex to the 340lb monster, but that effort has slowed him down. CABOOSE Speaking of slow, where's Cole? Dan takes a moment to get to his feet, breathing heavily after the effort of his last move. He tags in to Tony, and Black T once more get Sadist to his feet. This time Brannigan picks Sadist up in a Gorilla Press! The crowd is impressed despite itself as Tony grins with the monster above his head. Dan bends to one knee, and Brannigan just drops Sadist down, stomach first onto Black's knee. The crowd actually pops a little for this display of teamwork by Black T, as Sadist clutches his stomach. Dan, knee damaged by the double team gutbuster, limps out of the ring as Tony covers. ONE! TWO! THRE- JINGUS breaks up the pin with a kick to the back of Tony. Nick Patrick ushers JINGUS back out of the ring, as Brannigan brings Sadist back up. COACH Sadist being isolated by Black T, with quick tags and some lethal double team moves. CABOOSE Here comes Cole! COLE *Out of breath* Dammit, I tried all my best moves, but it turns out he's gay! COACH Errr... CABOOSE You want to take a think about that, Mikey? COLE ... Meanwhile, Tony has the Rude Awankening neckbreaker ready to go on Sadist and *SNAP* drives him down with it. Brannigan stands over Sadie and gives the crowd the ol' snake hips, drawing a collection of boos, jeers and thrown beach balls. Tony performs the classic Hogan "ear trumpet" gesture to the fans, and follows with a biiiiiiig legdrop. Brannigan with another tag. Dan into the ring, as Tony bodyslams Sadist in the middle of the ring. Black climbs to the top rope, as Brannigan stands just below him, and gives Dan a Rocket Launchers style boost as Dan executes a huge diving headbutt! Black flies through the air, getting huge elevation, arms out stretched as he drives his skull into Sadist! The fans once more react for the Black T offence, as Dan rolls out of the ring, clutching his head, to be tended to by JR. Brannigan covers Sadist. ONE! TWO! THREE! But Nick Patrick isn't counting, pointing out that Brannigan isn't the legal man. Swearing, Tony gets JR to push Dan back in, as Patrick gets Tony out of the ring. Black groggily rolls towards Sadie and covers: ONE! TWO! THREE! No! Sadist with a shoulder up. Tony slams the turnbuckle with frustration and yells for the tag. Dan and Sadist are both getting to their feet, Black closer to his teams corner - and he makes the tag! Brannigan rushes in - but there's the tag to JINGUS! The Devilman rushes in and levels Tony with a lariat. Dan tries to attack, and gets headbutted back down. Brannigan with a punch from the side, but JINGUS shrugs it off and POWAHSLAMS "The Body". Bravely Jivin' JR runs in, screaming and waving his sauce. JINGUS side steps him and JR runs right across the ring and out over the ropes on the other side, yelling all the way. COACH That had to have hurt JR, attacking a beloved hoss. CABOOSE He almost fell out of his bikini too. The distraction allows Black T to regroup,and they attack JINGUS with punches and kicks, but the Devilman fires back with hard shots to both men. Black rolls out as JINGUS goes for a Hellish CHOKESLAM on Brannigan, but Tony fights out of it and nails JINGUS with a jumping enziguiri kick to the back of his head! COACH What athleticism from Brannigan! We don't see those kind of moves too often from him. CABOOSE Tony recognised he was in a bad spot with that chokeslam, and he dug deep to find a way out. JINGUS staggers in the middle of the ring but doesn't go down. Tony quickly whips him to the ropes, and hits the OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE! (Arn Anderson spinebuster) ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! Sadist breaks it up! Tony goes after Sadie with a flurry of rights, and sets him up for an Attitude Adjustment piledriver! But JINGUS rises, zombie style, and grabs a full nelson on Tony! A big full nelson slam to Brannigan, and the Devilman covers: ONE! TWO! THREEE- No, kick out from Tony. JINGUS brings Brannigan up and gestures Sadist to the top rope. The Devilman sets Tony for a powerbomb as Sadist prepares to deliver a clothesline from the top, but Dan Black pushes Sadist off and to the floor! Tony with a low blow to JINGUS! Black T grab the Devilman - 3B! (Black Body Bag, combined Rock Bottom (Dan)/Spinebuster (Tony) Combination) Brannigan has the cover - ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The winners of the match and advancing to Zero Hour - BLLLLLLLLLACK TEEEE! COLE OH! Cole runs off back towards the lifeguard. Dan and Tony quit the ring, Black still giddy from his headbutt, and Tony holding his neck from the impact of that full nelson slam. JINGUS sits up and glares at Black T. COACH Black T with the big win over the Hitmen once again, and they're into the final of the Anderson Cup! CABOOSE HH are dangerous men, but Black T prove once again that when it comes to tag team wrestling, there's just no better team in all the world. *cut to the fitness center* The cameras cut to HOFF~! An EXPLOSIVE pop comes up from the Cocoa Beach crowd as one of the current #1 contenders is shown walking through the corridors of the health club, in street clothes, smiling. COLE Hoff seems to be in high spirits! CABOOSE After last week's shameful showing? He must be on drugs. COLE Caboose! CABOOSE I'm JUST SAYING. Hoff stops at a nearby soda machine. After eyeing the various selections of bottled water and juices, he spies what he wants with a nod. The big man puts his change into the machine and hits a button, and out comes a shiny red can of Dr. Pepper. Hoff smiles as he grabs the cold beverage from the machine, and turns away to continue his walk down the hall, when he's stopped by Jackie Gayda, OAOAST reporter and resident eye candy. JACKIE Hoff! Can I get a word with you? HOFF Sure, Jackie, but first, let me get a word in for my choice of cola: Dr. Pepper. Smooth, rich, and refreshing, Dr. Pepper makes your thirst feel the Future Shock. Hoff holds the can up, smiling his biggest DDP grin. Jackie looks at him sideways. JACKIE Hoff...um...are you a paid spokeperson? HOFF No...actually, I just like Dr. Pepper. But let's talk about some things I don't like. The fans spontaneously break out into a chant of Hoff's name. HOFF First of all, I don't like Chris Stevens. I don't like that he keeps his nose in my business. Chris, as far as I'm concerned, I'm done with you. If you want a piece of me, you know where to look. But if you DO find me, I promise, you'll feel it the next morning. HUGE cheers for that line. Hoff pauses, leveling a hard glare at the camera before continuing. HOFF Now, I also don't like teammates that bring their issues to the ring. As far as I'm concerned, if you're out there, you better be focused on one thing: getting the job done. Now Axel, you and I have been tight lately, and I'm sorry for what happened to your girl. But if you've got some problem with me, you know where I'll be all night. I'm not a hard man to find. Pause. HOFF Now, the last thing that I don't like...is Drek Stone. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" HOFF And the reason I don't like you, Drek, is real simple. I don't like you because you're trying to duck me. You're trying to get out of our match at Zero Hour. See, I talked to our boss, Drek. I talked to Josie and she told me what happened. And Drek...if you EVER pull a stunt like that again, you're gonna pay for it. "YEEEEEEEAAAAHHH!!!" HOFF You see, Drek, I used to look at you and I saw a guy who, like it or not, took an opportunity and made the most of it. A guy who took his shot, came out on top, and won the World Heavyweight Championship. And I saw a guy that defended that title week in and week out with pride. When I was rehabbing, I sat and watched the show and I said, "now there's a guy I'd like to have a match with." Well, I still want a fight, Drek, but the reasons have changed. See, you've outed yourself, Stone. You've shown your true colors, and they're not red, white, and green...they're yellow. COACH Oh, SNAP~! HOFF And since I've been back I've seen what you really are: a spineless, gutless, COWARD who doesn't deserve to be called champion. You're a cheater...a backfighter...and you're afraid. Truth to be told, Drek, you're everything I used to be. And it worked for me...for a while. I admit it. But you're a disgrace to the world championship belt. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!" HOFF And that belt, that HONOR means more to me than you could possibly realize. So Drek, I've gone over it all in my mind, time and time again, and the only thing I can come up with is that it's my duty -- my responsibility -- to not only beat you at Zero Hour, but to kick your ass. "HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF" HOFF So for once in your life, Drek, you're right to be afraid. Because I am coming. I'm coming for you and the title you don't deserve. The title I never lost. The title that means more to me than the air I breathe. Drek Stone, I AM COMING. The fans are at a FEVER PITCH!!! HOFF So what are you gonna do, Drek? WHAT'CHA GONNA DO, when 20,000 screaming Hoffamaniacs run wild on you?!? And what are you going to do, Drek Stone, when it's you against the world, against the odds....against a true champion. Just what are you gonna do? Hoff smiles a thin, cool, collected smile, and exits stage left to a roaring cheer from the Cocoa crowd. JACKIE Well...guys...uh, back to you? *cut to Sofa Central* COLE An intense promo from Hoff-- CABOOSE All right, all right, now let's sort through all this rubbish and get to the truth of the matter. COLE Oh, and just what is that, Caboose? CABOOSE Well, first off, Drek Stone BEAT Hoff last week, 1-2-3 in the center of the ring. COACH That's true! CABOOSE And Drek Stone has BEATEN Hoff in the past. COLE Coach? COACH Playa, it's true! The backstage guys -- you know, the ones that feed me lines? They confirmed it! COLE Wow. I do remember that match, now, in Early April of last year. CABOOSE That's right. And lest we forget, Drek Stone has beaten ALL COMERS for his title. COLE That is undeniable. CABOOSE You're damn right it is. So there's your truth, Michael. Drek Stone is the champ, and the champ he shall stay. COACH Hey, the Coach wants to know if it's the truth, too! CABOOSE I...just said it was. COACH Nuh-uh, Boo-boo, you told MIKEY it was. You left the C-Note hangin'! CABOOSE ...They don't pay me enough for this. COLE Did they pay you enough to call our next match? In response, Caboose opens his wallet. CABOOSE mumble...mumble mumble...one, two, three.... COACH Yo, Boocifer, what'cha got in there? Coach leans over to look at Caboose's wallet, and gets a firm palm smack upside 'da head. CABOOSE Get out of here! Lessee...mumbe...fifty...mmm....mumble mumble...sure. They paid me enough. COLE They pay you in cash? CABOOSE British pounds, actually. Take your American dollar and shove it. REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM~!* (Cue: ‘Personal Jesus’) COLE Here come the Disciples of Chaos! *ding ding ding* BUFFER The following tag-team match is scheduled for one-fall. Entering first, being led to the ring by Warren Peace and the Hover-cam K.U.R.T., weighing in at a combined total of 430 lbs., Matt Harms and The Phenom, The DI-CI-PULLLLS OF KAAAAOS! (Warren Peace comes to the announcing booth) COACHMAN Well, it looks like we have a guest announcer on our hands! Cole, give him your seat! CABOOSE I don’t think you should give up your seat, Mike. COACH Give him the seat! CABOOSE Don’t give him the seat! COACH Give him the seat! CABOOSE Don’t give him the seat! COACH Give him the seat! CABOOSE Don’t give him the seat! COACH Give him the seat! CABOOSE Don’t give him the… (Peace sits on Michael Cole, crushing him.) PEACE BAM baby, that’s what I like! Awkward silence. COACH Ohhhhhhhkay. (Cue: ‘No Chance in Hell’) Boos fill the stands. BUFFER And their opponents, being led to the ring by Steven J. Poppick, weighing in at a combined total of 533 lbs., Vitamin X, and The CUE-ban WHALL! CABOOSE Who do you like in this match, John? COACH Well, ‘Boose, I think the DoC has the advantage here. They’ve been in matches recently, while the Crew reappeared just last week. CABOOSE Good point, Johnny. Michael, who do you like? COLE (muffled, as he’s still being sat on by Peace) PEACE BAM baby, that’s what I like! (K.U.R.T. flies around) *ding ding ding* Matt Harms and Vitamin X start. Harms starts with an armwhip before being knocked by X. X kicks Harms in the gut and takes him down with a cut to the head (with his hands, not a blade) before kicking him off the apron. Harms gives the tag to The Phenom, who pounces on X like a conservative on Michael Moore! Phenom attempts an inverted powerbomb, but gets countered with a bulldog. The Cuban Wall steps in the ring, causing the referee turn his back on the match, where The Phenom hits a low blow on X! CROWD OOOOOHHHHHHH~! PEACE BAM baby, that’s what I like! The referee goes back to the action, where Phenom has X in a neck bender. He breaks free before too long, and tags Cuban into the ring. The Cuban Wall hits an enzurugi, and makes the cover! One! Kickout! Phenom gets up, and it just turns into a brawl. Wall sends Phenom to the ropes in an attempt for a reverse-splash, but Phenom runs back and hits the Hellraiser! But before he can get the pin, X chops him in the back! PEACE BAM baby, that’s what I like! COACH I know, Warren. That was uncalled for! The Phenom goes to his corner and tags in Harms, who hits a hard corner whip on Cuban! But TCW comes back with a harder one! The Cuban Wall attempts an Avalanche, but Harms seems to barely get out of it! Wall gets hit by a nasty Inverted suplex. Harms gets in a series of elbowdrops, but Wall gets out before The Windfall. With Harms laying out after that spill, Cuban tags in X, who looks like he is going to make the Lethal Injection, but Harms nearly misses it! Harms strikes back with an armdrag, leading into a dropkick. Harms lifts X up…and it’s the Cash Crunch! Cover! One! Two! Three! No! Rope break on X! X backdrops Matt for the pin! One! Two! Three! No! Matt gets an elbow up and is still alive! He gets a hot tag to Phenom, who gets X up! COLE (Muffled. He attempts to say Portobomb, but is unable to.) Sure enough, The Phenom slama-jamas X into a world of hurt. One! Two! Three! *ding ding ding* (Cue: ‘Personal Jesus’) BUFFER Here are your winners, The Phenom, and MATT HARMS! PEACE BAM baby, that’s what I like! (He gets up to congradulate Matt and The P, freeing the now crushed Michael Cole) CABOOSE Coleslaw, are you all right? COLE (weakly) I can’t feel my chest. Suddenly, K.U.R.T. swoops by and stings Cole. COLE Ouch! You son of a- *commercial* Edited February 18, 2005 by Hoff Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2005 "I'm WHAT!?" "You heard me." The scene opens with an angry Zack Malibu, clad in Hawiian board shorts and a white linen button down, staring a hole through HeldDOWN's brand spankin' new General Manager, Miss Josie herself. "Oh, I get it. I get it. This is more of that girl power business, isn't it? ISN'T IT!? JESUS CHRIST I'M DEALING WITH THE GOD DAMN SPICE GIRLS! If it isn't Crystal, it's Alix and Krista, and now you...god damn your Y chromosomes." "Ahem." "Sorry Candie." The girlfriend of the despised psychopath gets his attention, while Josie stands by, wondering if the former World Champion is through bitching. "Look Zack, I wanted a loaded show for tonight and..." "Loaded show? Baby girl, how can you have a loaded show without this man?" The voice heard in the background belongs to none other than Tony The Body, as he and Dan Black, the two of them known as Black T but the three of them collectively known as The Original Elite, all stand together before the GM. "Hey guys, listen here. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean the intimidation factor is going to work in your favor. In fact, I find it really pathetic that it's taking three of you to make an issue of this. Hell, she's got more balls than you!" Candie scowls at the backhanded compliment, while Josie just smiles. As she does, she perks up, getting an idea before our very eyes. "Wait...I'v'e got it." "FINALLY. Who am I fighting tonight?" "You're not." "I'm not fighting? Soooo...special ref?" "No." "Timekeeper?" "No." "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME! I BELONG ON THIS SHOW! DO YOU KNOW WHO I..." Zack's tirade is stopped short by Dan Black, who covers the mouth of his raving partner. "Josie, what have you got in mind for our partner here?" asks the Ice Heart. "Well, nothing for this week. I'm standing by my booking sheet. However, NEXT week, it just so happens I have a tag team coming in. A tag team that you guys might remember. Don't even ask for a hint because you're not getting it, but I figured that as former tag champions, you may want to let them "prove themselves"." Dan releases his hand from Zack's mouth, and Malibu ponders this. "Hmmm...The Original Elite against two wannabe's? We live for that." "Great, then I'll sign it. Although the numbers issue doesn't bother you?" "Psssh, why would it?" "OK then Zack. Next week, that new-slash-old tag team is gonna get in the ring with you handicap style. I'm looking forward to it." "Guys, we are so gonna take our aggression out on these two..." "Zack, maybe you misunderstood." "Misunderstood what?" "The numbers issue isn't working in YOUR favor. In fact, these two guys are barred from ringside?" "WHAT?" "That's right. Have fun at your handicap match, Zachary. I'll see you then. Tonight, I have a show to run." Before Malibu can rant and rave, he's dragged away by Black T, who have to get their kingpin out of dodge before he causes too much of a ruckus. Next week, Malibu's name is on the dotted line to take on a returning tag team...but who can it be!? *cut to ringside* COLE Zack Malibu is ticked off! CABOOSE He SHOULD be! The Franchise should be on EVERY show. He IS the show. Well, him, Black T, of course my man, DA CHAMP, Drek Stone... The cameras again cut to the standing, cheering masses, panning over several signs in the crowd. A grade-school girl holds up an "ALIX IS MY HERO!" sign made with black marker on pink posterboard. Next to her, Bret "The Hitman" Hart sits, admiring the colors. A group of teenaged females hold up three small signs reading "G P X." The girls are squealing, the glitter on their chests sparkling in the artificial lighting. In another part of the crowd, a group of college kids wear basketball jerseys and tank tops, and one holds a "Panther 215" sign proudly, with his screaming buddy holding up a "PR Go Back to PUERTO RICO" sign next to him. We cut to another area of the crowd, and this time it's a creative sign ripping The Original Elite, wuith crude drawings of Zack, Tony and Dan bald, with the words "Original EGGHEADS" scrawled underneath. Nearby, some kids in rugby jerseys hold up an "AXEL" sign in red and black, with a replica OAOAST World Title belt underneath it. But no sign is more impressive than the eight guys in the fifth row holding up a long banner reading, in bold, big letters, "HOFF FOR PRESIDENT IN 2008." COACH These fans have gone all out! Holla, fans! Give it up for HeldDOWN!! Give it up for the COACH!! Coach gets up and waves to the standing crowd, who pop because at this point they'd mark out for nearly anything. Caboose yanks Coach back down to his seat on the sofa. CABOOSE You know, you do have a job to do. Just because you can't do it well doesn't excuse you. COACH Yeah, well, I got a job for yo' MOMMA!! BOO-YEAH~! Caboose's undoubtedly witty reply is cut short by the sounds of Disturbed... Can you feel that... The cameras cut back to the rugby players, who, obviously intoxicated, are near the point of wetting themselves. Shit... The heavy strains of Axel's theme play until the familiar-- OOW-AH-AH-AH-AH! BOOOOOOOOOOM~!! The crowd EXPLODES as Axel steps onto the stage!! Amidst the red pyro, the Dark One walks down the ramp, clad in his trademark black leather trenchcoat and a pair of fashionable black leather pants. Sporting a look on his face that's hard to make out, Axel foregoes the crucifix pose and simply slides into the ring, asking the timekeeper for a microphone. Axel walks to the middle of the ring, preparing to address the sold-out crowd that won't stop chanting his name. "AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL! AX-EL!" Axel waits for the crowd to quet down, keeping his expression a mask. Finally, the #1 contender raises the microphone. AXEL Now Hoff... Cheers ERUPT at the mere mention of Hoff's name. AXEL I heard what you had to say earlier, and I've got something to say to you. But I've also got something I want the world to hear. So, Hoff, I'm not gonna go looking for you...I'm calling you out. The crowd buzzes...until "Black" starts playing to a MONSTER POP~! Hoff wastes no time in heading to the ring, carrying a microphone of his own. The big man slides into the ring and forgets his usual pageantry, simply getting to his feet and standing face-to-face with Axel. COACH I wonder what Axel has to say? COLE These two men both hold a claim to the #1 contendership for the World Championship... CABOOSE DREK'S world championship. Hoff looks at Axel, trying to read him, but the Dark One is unreadable. After a moment, Hoff breaks the silence. HOFF So, you got something to say to me? Then say it. Battling cheers of "HOFF" and "AXEL" can be heard scattered throughout the arena as the two men stare each other down. Axel finally responds... AXEL Hoff...I'm sorry. Hoff takes a step back as the fans buzz. The big man crosses his arms, cocking his head to the side and listening with open ears. AXEL I understand why you did what you did. I don't like it...but I understand. I was just looking out for Crystal. I hope you can get that... The fans cheer as Axel pauses. Hoff nods slowly, looking to either side and surveying the hopped-up crowd. Axel goes on: AXEL But I get that you wanted the win. I know what it meant to you, to beat those guys. And I'm sorry if my own personal sh** got in the way of that. The fans cheer Axel's candid remarks. AXEL And I want you to know, that ten days from now, at Zero Hour, you're gonna have one hell of a cheering section in the back, because nobody wants to see you beat Drek Stone more than I do. And I know, in my heart, that Axel versus Hoff...for the World Heavyweight Title...mate, that'd be the damnedest match there ever was. Axel stops, smiling slightly. The fans are going BANANA at the prospect of the two mega-fan-favorites headlining Anglemania IV. Hoff, meanwhile, has let a little grin slip onto his face. He raises his own mic to his lips... HOFF Let me tell you something, Axel. I don't care who I face, as long as I get my title around my waist. But facing you....whether it was at Anglemania, or on HeldDown, or years down the road...I've said it before and I'll say it again: it'd be an honor. The fans go NUT!!! CABOOSE BZZT!! WRONG!! Not gonna happen. Drek Stone forever. HOFF But make no mistake about it, if you get in my way, I will take you out. Some shock passes through the crowd at that one! A few fans even have the audacity to boo. COLE Hoff is focused on the World Title. CABOOSE Say it correctly, Cole. On DREK'S World Title. COLE On Drek's World Title. CABOOSE That's better. COACH For now. CABOOSE AH!! You bloody fool! I'll rip your head off and eat your tiny brain for dinner and-- COLE GUYS!! CABOOSE (straightening his shirt) Sorry. COACH DAYUM! Boo-boo, you need to switch to decaf! Back in the ring, Axel's taking his turn on the microphone. AXEL Well, Hoff, I can assure you that that's mot gonna happen. Because, tonight, I intend to get all my sh** straightened out. See... Woke Up This Morning Got Yourself A Gun Mama Always Said You'd Be The Chosen One "BOOOOOOOOO!!!" The fans jeer, as the familiar sounds of A3 sherald the entrance of the OAOAST World Champion, Drek Stone! CABOOSE MY MAN!! Looking impeccable, the champ rests the title belt on his right shoulder, holding a microphone in his left. DREK Whoa, whoa, whoa. Both of you two goombas can just hold on for one damn minute. "DREK'S A PUSSY!! *clap*clap*clapclapclap*" "DREK'S A PUSSY!! *clap*clap*clapclapclap*" The World Champion just shakes his head. DREK Chant it all you want, but you know it isn't true. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE These fans are NOT fans of Drek Stone. CABOOSE They're not fans of bathing, either, by the smell of it. DREK Now, let's back this whole train of thought up for a second. I realize there's a combined IQ of 12 in the ring right now, but did you apes REALLY suggest that it's going to be Hoff vs. Axel at Anglemania?! "YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!" Drek shakes his head dismissively. DREK Well, Axel, Hoff, and all of you Cocoa beach bums...you can stop dreaming right now. Because the reality of the situation is this. Drek Stone, and that's me, for the dim-witted, which cetrainly includes you two...Drek Stone is the single most dominant champion of all time. The fans jeer the assertation despite Caboose's endorsement. CABOOSE It's true!! KURT ANGLE It's damn true. TRIPLE C ?!?!?! DREK Thanks, Kurt. But let's look at the facts. I beat five other men in the Elimination Chamber to win this title. I beat Crystal. Sly Sommers QUIT rather than face me. And, I think you're both acquainted with AJ Flaire? Have you talked to him recently? Because you'd have to go to the Detroit County Medical Center to do it. Drek grins, drawing a big series of boos from the capacity crowd. In the ring, Axel's nostrils flare at the mention of his former running buddy. DREK Now Hoff, I heard what you said earlier. You call me a coward? This, from the man who couldn't defend his title with a twisted ankle? You sicken me. "BOOOOOOOOOOOO" COLE Now come on! Hoff's career almost ended!! CABOOSE Still, the champ makes a good point. COLE He does not! CABOOSE Any point he makes is good. Drek grins as he goes on. DREK And I'm SURE you haven't forgotten just last week, when I pinned you to the mat. I beat you, Hoff, and I'll do it again. Now, Axel... "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" DREK Despite what these morons in the crowd may think, you're second-rate. You always have been. You've never been champion, and you never will be. Oooh, you won a battle royal? Wow. Impressive. Let's see you make good on it. Because you never have before. Axel glares at Drek from the ring, but the champ simply smirks. DREK So let's go over this one more time. In ten days, Hoff, I pin you one more time, and ruin your little dream. And at Anglemania, it will be DREK STONE against Axel, and quite possibly the greatest night of my career, as I walk away from Anglemania STILL the OAOAST World Champion. So, you boys play nice in there, and when it's your turn, I'll deal with you. Until then...well, there's always the HI-YAH title. Have a nice night, fellas. Stone laughs as the sounds of "Woke Up This Morning" play again, accompanying the champ to the back. In the ring, Axel and Hoff stare blankly up the ramp. CABOOSE The outspoken Drek Stone has out-spoken those two chumps. I love it!! Axel, closer to the ropes, looks back at Hoff, then, saying nothing, starts to leave the ring through the ropes -- but Hoff stops him. HOFF Axel. The crowd cheers as Axel stops and heads back into the ring! Axel looks at Hoff, and the big man simply shakes his head. HOFF Axel...I'll see you at Anglemania. The fans go CRAZY as Axel smiles and nods, savoring the thought. Axel turns as "Black" blares up, leaving the ring as Hoff spares a moment to climb up the near corner, posing on the second rope. COLE Well will we see that match? CABOOSE No way. COLE Well whatever happens, Anglemania is shaping up to be one hell of a night!! CABOOSE Oh, you got that right. Drek Stone's night. What a night it will be. *camera cuts away to out infront of the Fitness Club where a psychedelically painted Van pulls up. The 70s Dude emerges from the vehicle wearing short pants, a Hawaiian style t-shirt, and a straw beach hat while carrying his gear in a gym bag. As he gets up on the curb right in front of the gym he spots a man of Cuban decent leaving the gym and confronts him. The 70s Dude then drops his van keys in the Cuban man’s hand* 70s Dude: Hey amigo, it’s the van right there. Be careful with her and don’t go joy riding any, comprende? *The Dude then walks into the fitness center while the Spanish man flips him the bird and throws the keys to the van in the gutter near the vehicle* COLE What a dick! CABOOSE Hey you see a dick, I see a man who knows what he wants. COACH *I* see dick! CABOOSE YOU'RE a man who knows what he wants...and you want dick. HA! pwn3d. COACH Hey, at least I don't play games. COLE Speaking of games, everyone look for the new OAOAST video game to hit stores this summer! *commercial* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2005 The show fades into a grainy, low quality black and white video footage of the TYCO Videocam~! The Mad Cappa and Vince Rusco are in the Las Vegas airport with an "earlier today" chryron on the lower left hand corner. Rusco: "Why can't I come along yo?!" Cappa: "First off, don't say 'yo'! You don't look cool enough to say it! Second, you will be crampin' my style down there! Look at you, the ladies will be scared!" Rusco: (sarcastic) "Yea, those Chicks Over Dicks were sure scared." Cappa: "You know why?! It was because you were there!" Rusco: "I gonna' go buy a ticket. Just wait up...... yo! Um, wha? Cappa, where did you go?!" When Rusco had asked the question, The Mad Cappa sneakily walked away to the onboard gate for Cocoa Beach, Florida! Rusco: "Shoose!" The feed ends as Cappa turns around and mutters "Shit!" as he realizes he left the video camera around. *cut to TRIPLE C~!* COACH Dag, yo, that was some weird indy film shit right there yo. CABOOSE Somehow you managed to use "yo" twice in the same sentence. Unbelievable. COLE What's really unbelievable is the level of competition in our tag team division! We've got more tag teams then ever, more TALENTED teams than ever before, and they've been showcased in the Anderson Cup! CABOOSE Damn right, and earlier tonight we saw my guys, Black T, advance to the finals! COLE And that means they will meet the winners of our next match!! Heart Shaped Box plays over the speakers, leading to The Saints sauntering out from backstage. The Vegas duo, accompanied by James E Cornette, are noticeably reserved in their style of dress. Wearing matching black leather pants and black tank tops, they look like they raided Kevin Nash’s wardrobe as opposed to their usual target of RuPaul. BUFFER The following contest is a semi final match for the Anderson Cup! Now making their way to the ring from Las Vegas, Nevada, being accompanied by James E Cornette, they are the 2000 New Zeland music award winners for best new artists, appearing courtesy of Arista Records...LOGAN USHER MANN, SYNTH ESIZER....THE SAIIIIIINTTTS! The announcement does not find itself greeted with much fanfare. Rather the small beach party crowd boos the musical wrestlers as they head to the ring. CABOOSE Another edition of the Grammy’s has come and gone. This year’s edition was the lowest rated one of all time. When are these fools gonna learn, you get The Saints on your award show, you get ratings! I would’ve given anything to turn on E! and see Logan Percussion DDT that bitch Starr Jones. Ha ha! As the heavenly rockers slide into the ring, their music cuts out. The crowd, previously venomous, begins to buzz as they anticipate the arrival of The Saints’ beloved opponents. In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabee's there finally emerges a group which has come to set the record straight. So, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard? Can you say uhhh na na na na... BUFFER Introducing the opponents, from Hotlanta, weighing 192 pounds, Scotty Static. His partner, from the 313, weighing 215 pounds, Johnny "Jam" Jackson. THE GLOBAL PARTY XCHANGE! A vocal uproar invades the air as the audience is whipped into a frenzy by the emergence of The Global Party Exchange! Scotty and Johnny bounce their heads like beach balls to the beat of the song, while slicing their hands through the air in movements similar to that of a rapper. COLE These two teams hate each other. Proving Cole correct, Synth leans over the ropes and unloads a plethora of vulgarities on his arch rivals! The temperamental primadonna, who’s nearly falling out of the ring trying to get at GPX, has to be restrained by his manager and his cooler-headed lead singer. COLE The Saints were given the task of taking out GPX by Black T. As you all know they failed horribly, and wound up with a case of crabs in the process. Thanks to GPX! The Saints have not forgotten this, and I don’t really blame them! After exchanging high fives with the fans at ringside, Johnny and Scotty roll onto the ring, full of energy and fighting spirit! Without much prodding from the referee, Synth and Johnny Jackson position themselves on the ring apron. CABOOSE This will be the worst match in the history of pro wrestling. Everytime GPX wrestles, it’s the worst match in the history of pro wrestling. *DING DING DING* These two teams, no stranger to one another, come out of the gates roaring! Logan, determined to advance his squad to the finals at Zero Hour, grabs Scotty into a facelock, then lifts him for a vertical suplex! Trying to show off his strength, he delays the descent on move but this only gives Static time to counter! The fan favorite tilts his body backwards so that his feet are given tenuous footing on the ropes! From there he leaps off and turns Logan’s vertical suplex into a springboard arm drag! Trying not to allow Scotty to get one up on him so early in the match, Logan pops right up! The problem is he gets taken over with another arm drag! Cornette, seeing his championship dreams disappear, pounds on the apron, ordering Mann to get it together. Logan answers the call by running at Scotty with a shoulder block! However Scotty foils him one more time, throwing him down with another arm drag! “GPX! GPX! GPX!” chant the fans, amazed by Scotty’s agility. Enraged, Logan hops up and darts at Static with a clothesline attempt! The energetic babyface avoids a potentially harmful move by leaping onto Logan’s neck like he’s about to pull him down with a head scissors, but swings out to his side and hits him with a third arm drag! Young Scotty kips up and pumps his arms into the air, eliciting a great response from the fans! Mann finds it hard to share in the audience’s joy, especially when his partner has decided to inform him of how much of a loser he is. “Logan! The Synthanator would be better off wit a got damn Carebear as a partner! Ya can’t sing! Ya can’t wrestle! Yer ruinin’ mah life! DIE!” COLE These two were getting along for awhile, but I guess all great bands have their problems. COACH How do the words "great band" relate to The Saints? These clowns are worse then Crazy Town! Ignoring, or at least trying to, his bandmate’s rude insults, Logan meets Scotty for a lock up. Showing that turnabout is fair play, the singing sensation grabs an arm wrench. He proceeds to slow down the formerly mile a minute paced match by torqueing Static’s limb. Johnny, far more unified with Scotty then Synth is with Logan, urges his partner to fight out of the move. Static grants Jackson’s wish, by dropping to the mat, rolling forward a few inches, kipping up and reversing Logan’s arm wrench into one of his own! The rudimentary technical show gets a polite round of applause from the smarks in the audience, who are easily identified by their wearing of sweat pants and long sleeve “Toothless Aggression” shirts even though its 70 degrees. COACH In order to make it to this match, GPX had to beat the Love Doctors, while The Saints downed the Sk8ers. Logan, his arm feeling the affects of Scotty’s arm drags, doesn’t exactly relish the reversal of fortunes as Scotty seems intent on tearing his arm away from his body! Mann, with Scotty’s hold still hooked in, heads to the ropes! The cruiserweight jumps onto the third one and springboards back with a dropkick! The blow connects with Static’s chest and he tumbles to the mat, letting go of Logan’s arm in the process! The crowd, who aren’t really fond of The Saints, have no choice but to clap for the athletic display. Synth on the other hand found Logan’s ariel counter to be outright repulsive. “None of dat flippity-floppity bullshit! Stick to basics, eh!” he screams while oggling a big chested blonde in the first row. Logan grabs Scotty and whips him into the ropes. On the rebound he goes for a simple forearm shot, but Static easily counters that by grabbing onto his head, twisting both their bodies around and hitting a spinning reverse bulldog! Logan holds his now hurting head, but doesn’t have much time to attend to it as Scotty applies an illegal choke hold on him! Referee Clem Boxerfeller and quite a number of fans are majorly surprised that Scotty would resort to such an illegal move. Logan furiously pounds his hands against the hard mat, as he can feel the life slowly being drained out of him! CABOOSE Hey! That’s cheating! Ref Boxerfeller 1...2...3...4....5....that’s enough! Break the hold, Shawn! COLE Clem thinks Scotty is Shawn Michaels. Finally, Scotty relinquishes his hold on Logan’s neck. Leaving his adversary on the mat coughing like a teenager after smoking his first joint, Scotty heads to his corner and tags in Johnny Jam Jackson! The fans let out a massive pop for the arrival of one of the most loved wrestlers on the roster! Jam doesn’t disappoint his massive fanbase as he brings himself into the match with a slingshot body press onto a fallen Logan’s arm! Going on instinct alone, Logan pulls his arm in close, but Jackson yanks it away and goes for a pin attempt! CROWD 1 CROWD 2 KICK OUT! Taking hold of Mann’s arm, Johnny pulls him to his feet and launches him to the ropes with an Irish whip! However Logan manages to reverse it and pulls Johnny in for a spinning back elbow to the nose! CRACK! Jackson lurches forward holding his hands to his face, checking to see if the attack drew any blood. His enemy distracted by his own pain, Logan comes up behind Jam and hits him with a side Russian leg sweep! NEGATIVE! Jackson blocks the move by elbowing Logan in the face! Johnny takes to the air and hits the recording artist with a flipping dropkick to his already hurt right arm! Synth, safe from the dangers GPX presents, mocks Logan’s pain and proudly boasts that there isn’t a soul alive that could take out his arm. COLE I heard rumors that the Global Party Exchange have been going around backstage saying they’re too good for this tournament. COACH Man, quit trying to stir up trouble. Both fighters are on their feet! A brief slugfest ensues! Punches are thrown with reckless abandon, neither fighter showing concern for the other’s safety. Mann gains the upperhand thanks to his wicked left hook! He goes behind a dizzy Jam and sets him up for a Flair style shin breaker! As he lifts Jackson up with his good arm, the former tag team champ reverses the move with a headlock takedown! The fans leap up to cheer on their beloved hero’s reversal! Synth, pacing back and forth across the apron, is beyond disgusted at Logan’s inability to do anything that doesn’t resemble getting his ass kicked. Johnny hauls Logan upright, where he proceeds to direct a dozen punches to the singing grappler’s arm. Hollering in agony, Logan turns his body away, trying to block Jackson’s assault. Problematically, this strategy leaves him defenseless, and Jam easily gets him into an inverted facelock and crushes him with an inverted DDT~! COLE John and Scotty are my boys, but I also heard they said that a lot of teams entered in this tournament are “beneath” them. I’ve got scoops! Lending credence to what would otherwise be an outrageous claim by Cole, Jackson places his pinky finger on Logan’s chest for an ultra arrogant cover! 1 KICK OUT! Johnny actually has the audacity to be shocked that Mann kicked out! He gets on the ref’s case about a slow count, distracting him from a recovering Logan Mann. The Saints’ lead singer grabs a very surprised Johnny into a sleeper hold then sweeps his leg out from under him, driving him face first into the mat with a sleeper hold/face crusher combo! Jam holds both his face and his neck, still annoyingly unsure of what move he was hit by. Mann stumbles to his corner and tags in Synth Esizer! Before entering the ring Synth makes sure to give Logan an earful on a variety of topics ranging from homosexuality, Logan’s penis size, his musical ability or lack thereof, his inadequacy in bed and his poor wrestling skills. COLE Trouble in Saint land. CABOOSE Someone actually pays you to say things like “Trouble in Saint land”? I have no faith in humanity. Johnny meets Synth with a kick to the hip(?) That doesn’t exactly do any damage and Synth responds by angrily chopping him in the chest! The strike leaves a mass of welts on Jackson’s chest, visuals of the pain the basic move can bring. With Johnny somewhat stunned, Synth slides behind him and rests his back against Jackson’s. He spreads Johnny’s arms out, and hooks his arms around them. He then drops down to the mat back first, forcing Johnny’s neck to snap off his shoulder! COACH An inverted full nelson neckbreaker, I suppose. Esizer, owning control of the contest, slows the pace of the match to a crawl by grabbing a chinlock. The fans gripped by the action loudly show their support for the tag team division’s number two babyfaces as they encourage Jackson to battle out of the hold! “GPX! GPX! GPX! GPX!” Summoning all his strength, Jackson stands himself and Synth up. The Synth-a-nator is more then a little surprised to see that Jackson penetrated his chinlock offense. Johnny elbows Synth several times in the ribs forcing the hold to be broken! The Synthmaster refuses to admit defeat and tries to smoke Jackson with a snap belly to belly suplex! But as he’s halfway through the move Jackson counters by thumbing Synth in the eye! Pretty much blinded, Synth has zero choice but to let Jackson go free. CABOOSE What a cheap shot! Come on guys! COACH Well... CABOOSE Well nothing! Johnny shows some brawling ability by hitting the visually impaired Synth in the bread basket with a hard punch! He cocks his hand back, then hammers him with a wild uppercut that nearly sends the drummer shooting into the air like a rocket! Jackson throws out another punch, but this time Synth is somehow able to block it with his forearm. Shocked over having punch blocked, Jackson fails to prevent Synth from sliding behind him. Pressing his back against Jackson’s, Esizer reaches over his shoulders, grabs a hold of Johnny’s head, then sits-out, dropping Jam with a neckbreaker! Johnny’s head ping pongs off Synth’s shoulder, then his body flops over to the mat. COACH Another move designed to wear down the neck! CABOOSE Naw, really? That's not because it was a NECKBREAKER, was it? Coach snarls at the former OAOAST Champion's sarcasm, as Synth stands over Johnny Jackson, then flops to the mat and plants a fist in the temple of his opponent! Jackson rolls on the mat, reeling from the blow, and unable to defend as Synth comes and picks him up, leading him to Saints Central (aka their corner) as he makes the tag to Logan! Mann comes in and kicks Jackson in his exposed ribs as Synth holds him, and the Saints then block Johnny in their corner, each one kicking away at his ribs before they pull him away from the corner and lift him for a double suplex...but drop him forward, crotching him on the top rope! The Saints then run up the ropes, again holding Jackson in a front facelock, then snapping him over their shoulders, as the GPX member gets dropped with a double superplex from both Saints! Logan and Synth get up and hit a jumping high five, then Logan runs the ropes and comes off with a high jumping elbow drop, driving it into Johnny's sternum! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! The beach bunnies and boys roar, as Jackson rolls a shoulder after being worked over by both members of the opposing team! Logan quickly pulls him up, whipping him into the Saints corner at the urging of Cornette, who directs The Saints from ringside. A tag to Synth follows, and the Saints take the weary party boy and whip him to the ropes, stunning him with a double back elbow on the rebound, and then swinging around in one fluid motion lifting Jackson off his feet for a double back...NO! Jackson floats over their shoulders, kicking Logan and elbowing Synth, then taking Logan's head in a facelock while reaching back over his shoulder for Synth...AND DROPS BOTH SAINTS WITH A ONE MAN DDT/NECKBREAKER COMBO! COLE GO JOHNNY GO! COACH Johnny B. Good? CABOOSE That was the worst joke in the history of everything. The sand covered feet of the crowd leave the ground, as the fans jump in applause of Johnny's will to win! Jackson turns and looks up towards an eager Scotty Static, who pounds on the turnbuckle pad and holds that tag rope in his grasp, while the HeldDOWN crowd chants "Scotty". COLE Jackson took out both Saints, and the world reknowned greatest tag manager is in hysterics at ringside. GPX are probably giving Cornette Ricky and Robert flashbacks, and the wise veteran covers his ears to muffle the crowd pop as Scotty gets the tag! Static goes off on The Saints, knocking each one of them down with a wild right hand before dropkicking Logan through the ropes, and then getting up and charging Synth, dumping him outside with a running lariat and causing him to miss landing on Cornette by thatmuch! Jackson comes over to Scotty, and the two men talk momentarily before Scotty charges the ropes and slides under, staggering Logan with a baseball slide, then pulling himself back into the ring and staying on all fours...SO JOHNNY CAN SPRING OFF HIM INTO A FLIP PLANCHA ONTO LOGAN MANN! GPX! GPX! The crowd is gonzo, and Cornette swipes his racket at fans down at ringside, trying to steer them into cheering for his team! Static gets up and looks to dive as well, but as he runs the ropes they're pulled down by Synth, who was waiting on the outside for the right moment to strike! The crowd is now thrown into a frenzy, as all four men are down on the ground at ringside, brawling away! COLE This one has broken down into a pier six brawl! COACH Mikey, we at the BEACH playa, not the pier! CABOOSE Couldn't you have stayed home to watch your Fresh Prince DVD's tonight? On one side of the ring, Logan takes control, as Jackson gets hoisted up into the air and dropped on his crotch on the guardrail, taking him out of the game! On the other side, Static blocks a Synth charge by humming some sand in his eye, blinding him so that Static can hop up on the apron, then leap down and bring him over with a huracanrana! With their respective rivals down and out, Static and Mann both enter the ring, and Logan charges with a lariat, which is ducked...and Static follows up with a superkick...CAUGHT...DRAGON WHIP...AND LOGAN DUCKS, SO SCOTTY TAKES OUT THE REFEREE! COLE No good ever comes of this! The ref is down, rolling around the ring and holding his head, covering his eyes from whatever is happening like all good downed ref's do. Logan stuns Scotty with a low blow, and then sets up for a Percussion DDT, but Scotty shoves him into the ropes and then carries him over with a snap powerslam! Static, knowing there's no ref, quickly rolls off Logan's body and gets up, his slightly blurred vision causing him to take an extra moment to notice Cornette up on the apron, shouting directions towards Logan. As Scotty moves for him, Mann rolls him up with a schoolboy and holds the tights, but there's still no ref...but the boys in the crowd get all hot and bothered as HOLLY comes running out and yanks Cornette off the apron! Holly then takes Mama Cornette's lil' boy and rams his head into the apron, then clocks him with a right hand that puts him on his ass and sends his racket flying into the air! Holly catches the tennis racket and looks into the ring, seeing both Scotty and Logan getting up...and throws it in! COLE She just threw the racket into the ring! CABOOSE We know! Both men see it coming, but it's Scotty who leaps up and grabs it before Logan even has a chance...AND TURNS AROUND AND WAYLAYS LOGAN MANN OVER THE HEAD WITH IT! Logan falls down as quick as game of Jenga, and Scotty quickly covers, seeing the ref coming to his senses! ONE! TWO! Synth slides under the bottom rope, but Jackson yanks him out at the last second! THREE! COLE GPX DID IT! The Global Party Exchange with a big win here on this special broadcast tonight! They are going to the finals of the Anderson Cup! CABOOSE Look HOW they did it though! Cheating bastards the both of them, and this crowd is either too drunk to not cheer, or too stupid to realize what they're cheering them for! Scotty and Johnny hug, then turn to the crowd and salute their fans, as the two dejected Saints regroup at ringside with a hurting and angered Jim Cornette. "Make Her Say" plays so that the GPX can celebrate and the crowd can dance, and both Scotty and Johnny roll under the ropes and move around ringside slapping hands, as they just scored a big win over one of the OAOAST's most well known duo's. CABOOSE Hold up, who was Holly throwing that racket to? COLE Scotty! There’s no doubt in my mind that it was meant for Scotty. After the way Logan talked to her last week, there’s no way she’d do anything to try and help him. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. COACH Mikey, Mikey, don’t be so quick to jump to conclusions. That tennis racket was meant for Logan and Logan alone. Let’s look at the not so obvious. We all thought that Holly was like Data from Star Trek, no emotion, but when Mann straight up disowned her and called her gutter trash, she was heartbroken. Now she’s crawling back, trying to get him to forgive her. But her plan got screwed up. COLE Holly doesn’t care about Logan, she has Ned. I disagree with you. COACH You have that right, playa. I also have the right to say you’re an idiot for doing so. COLE I don’t want this to degenerate into a name calling fest, but if she wants anything to do with The Saints, why’d she attack Jim Cornette? COACH Because Cornette is the one who convinced Logan to kick her to the curb. He took Logan away from her, so she just wanted to get back at him. Once that was out of the way, she tried to get back with Logan. See? COLE No, I’m afraid I don’t, John. If her whole intention was to help Logan, then the ref was down, she could’ve gotten into the ring and hit Scotty with the racket, why throw it in? COACH The referee was down but Lo... The fans cheer and the announcers' debate ends as The New New Midnight Express emerge from the fitness center! COACH Damn it! My one moment to look intelligent and it gets interrupted! Ned and Simon eye GPX with total contempt as the Anderson Cup finalists make their way backstage. Although the two teams will forever remain bitterly opposed, for once their issues are not with each other. Rather the Midnights primary focus is on destroying their archrivals, The Saints! Cruel looks rise to the surface of both men’s faces and they had into the ring. Synth Esizer, his head shrouded in a GPX induced daze, is the first to meet the Midnight wrath as Ned takes him down with a sickeningly barbaric lariat! COLE He nearly took his head off with that one! Esizer falls to the mat, his head looking like it might roll away from his body. A comeback, no matter how futile will not be coming. The Midnights have total control. Sensing this, Simon plays to the crowd, imitating The Saints habits of playing the air guitar in the ring. While his teammate kids around, Ned, deadly serious, retrieves Jim Cornette’s tennis racket. COLE My god! What will he do with that tennis racket? COACH Hit him with it? With sunglasses shielding his sky blue eyes, Blanchard raises the racket above his head. Like a prophet lowering a prediction of doom, Ned lowers the racket and smashes it right across Synth’s arm! The crowd, taken aback by the show of brutality, gasps in shock, fully aware that without use of his arm Synth will be unable to sustain his position as The Saints drummer. Esizer cusses in pain, tears actually zig zagging their way down his less then attractive face. The display of intense pain on his foe’s face only brings joy to Ned and an air guitaring Simon’s hearts. Again Ned takes the racket and SMASHES IT into Synth’s arm! “Please stop! You’re going to break his arm!” Holly shouts appearing genuinely concerned for Synth’s safety. “That’s the intention, honey bunny.” Ned responds and then blows a kiss to his gal pal. CABOOSE Since when does she care about The Saints? Ned sadistically hits Synth’s arm for a third time! A fourth time! Jim Cornette, supporting himself through the aid of a barricade, can do nothing but watch in horror as Ned continues to pummel Esizer. The fans initial exuberance has died down considerably, replaced with worry, however small, for Synth’s condition. Finally someone puts a stop to the gruesome incident as the backstage staff, referees, road agents, and paramedics hit the ring to attend to a badly beaten Synth Esizer. COLE It’s about time. That’s all I can say. Ned and Simon, overjoyed with the damage they’ve inflicted, leave the ring without incident. The fans energy has almost been snuffed out, a dark cloud now hovering over this festive beach party. Cornette helps Mann, totally out of it, to his feet. Logan’s body visibly sags as Jim explains to him the fate Synth met. Undetected by The Saints, the staff, or her supposed boyfriend, Holly rolls into the squared circle, checking with her own eyes on Synth’s condition. COLE I can’t say The Saints didn’t deserve that. But if Synth’s arm is broken, that could affect his music and wrestling career. You never want to see a man have his livelihood stripped from him. COACH Unless that man is you. Guys, we've got another situation brewing in the back... We cut to Crystal sitting in the back in her lockerroom, putting on her boots, when she suddenly looks up to see someone walk in. She sighs, and goes back to fixing her boots, while addressing the figure. "You can't just expect to walk in here and have everything automatically be ok, you know." The camera pans around to see Axel, enticing a pop from the massive crowd, Valentines Day flowers in hand, and kneeling down in front of his girl. "I know. I didn't come here to laugh and smile and act like everything's ok. I came here to say something." "Well say it then." "Look, you don't have to be cold, please, just hear me out." Crystal looks up at her partner in the ring and currently in life as well, and shoots him a look, indicating and she's listening. "OK. I know things haven't been great, from the Rumble, to your match with Zack, to last week. Every single time we are in the ring together lately, shit seems to happen, and you get hurt. You know I'd never, ever hurt you nintentionally, I gave you my word when we started this. I have no intention of hurting you. I just want to be with you. I can understnad how you feel, how you must be pissed with me right now for everything, but I can't take any of it back. If I could go back to the Rumble and move out of the way when Zack whipped me into you, I would. If I could go back and hit Jumbo with a suplex or some shit instead of the boot, I would. But you gotta understnad Crys, all I can offer you is my apology. Words can't describe how sorry I am that I've made you feel the way you feel right now. I hate myself for it. I'd rather I be the one to take all the punishment than you, I'd take a bullet for you girl." Crystal keeps pouting as she stares at the ground. "Yo-you really mean that?" "Of course." "Well look Adam, I believe everything you just said, and its one of the reasons I've always liked you, but its going to take more than kind words and nice flowers to earn you my trust back." "Yeah, I know, and I'm going to earn back your trust. But accept these as a start." Axel hands Crystal the flowers, and she almost smiles. "Thank you. Now, don't you have a match next?" "Yeah, me and Stevens. I'm going to crush that little prick." "Good luck." "Thanks." Axel stands up and walks out of the room, leaving Crystal looking at the flowers, and pondering what was just said. COLE Axel and Chris Stevens is NEXT! *commercial* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2005 (edited) The screen turns black, and blood silhouettes of Axel and Ragdoll suddenly appear. AXEL Me and Ragdoll... RAGDOLL Las Vegas Deathmatch... AXEL Blood on the line... RAGDOLL Pride on the line... AXEL Careers on the line... RAGDOLL This is the end! AXEL This is the conclusion! AXEL and RAGDOLL THIS IS THE CLIMAX! Own OAOAST CLIMAX on DVD or VHS Today, Order from OAOASTShopZone.Com! Featuring Drek Stone defending the OAOAST Championship against The Female Phenom, Crystal! And the Main Event, Axel versus Ragdoll in a Las Vegas Deathmatch, where the loser must retire! See the match that many call the best of the year Two Thousand Four, and the first title defense of the OAOAST's own Rookie Monster! OAOAST CLIMAX! Out NOW! *BACK FROM COMMERCIAL* COLE And we would all encourage you to pick up Climax on DVD today, I hear it's got some great special features guys. COACH Oh yeah, a career retrospective of both Axel and Ragdoll, and Ragdoll's retirement bash the night after Climax in Viva LAS VEGAS! CABOOSE What is this, a parody e-fed or a corporate monster? Cue:"Bound for the Floor" by Local H COLE In any event, we are ready for this blockbuster one on one matchup between Axel and Chris... COACH Wait a minute Michael! I just got word that the match has been altered! It is now Axel versus... Jumbo? COLE What? Why? Stevens and Jumbo appear from behind the entrance curtain, with Stevens pointing at Jumbo and then at the ring, with Jumbo obviously not wanting to compete. COACH I don't think Jumbo is really happy with the idea of facing Axel, guys.. COLE Well, would you be? Jumbo is the guy that moved out of the way and caused Axel to hit Crystal. Sure, it was inadvertant, but I doubt that will sway Axel's thinking tonight! Jumbo reluctantly steps into the ring, with Stevens on the outside, trying to motivate his friend. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, being accompanied to ringside by Chris Stevens, weighing in at three hundred thirty pounds... JUUUMMMMMMBOOO!! Jumbo continues to argue with Stevens, who has obviously weaseled his way out of a one on one meeting with the Lethal Rumble winner. The two friends continue to bicker.... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM~! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!" Jumbo suddenly stops caring about Chris Stevens and stares at the entrance way, as "Down with the SIckness" begins to blare over the speaker system. Axel appears at the top of the ramp through a cloud of smoke, and the crowd greet him with a sizeable pop. He seems especially amped up tonight, jogging to halfway down the ramp, pointing at one side of the crowd, then the other, then with both fingers at the ring... BOOM! Axel strikes the Crucifix pose, setting off another blast of pyrotechnics! COACH Axel is pumped up tonight guys! Axel walks to ringside, where he sees Chris Stevens on the other side of the ring. Axel steps p onot the apron and into the ring, where Jumbo jumps him straight away with a shot to the back, signalling the bell to start the bout. COLE Jumbo just jumped Axel! CABOOSE Now THAT is how you start a match! Jumbo goes to work on Axel with a barrage of hard right hands, and steps back, going for a knockout, but Axel ducks under the blow. Jumbo turns around, and now its Axel's turn to go to town on the big man, right hands, right hands, Axel steps back and looks at the crowd, his fist ready... SMACK! COLE Oh my, the sound of bone on fist there with Axel's favourite blow, the uppercut! Jumbo falls back against the ropes, clutching his jaw, when Axel grabs his left arm and sends him for an Irish Whip. Jumbo reverses and sends Axel into the ropes, where Chris Stevens trips him up! COACH That's not fair! CABOOSE Life isn't fair. COACH Yo-you don't really mean that, do you? Axel loses momentum and staggers away from the ropes... and right into a Jumbo clothesline that sends the Lethal Rumble winner down! The referee saw Stevens' action, and immediately runs over and points to the entrance way, effectively throwing him out! COLE Now THAT is good officiating! CABOOSE No! It's terrible officiating! Stevens didn't do anything wrong! Stevens argues the call with the ref, who warns him that if he doesnt comply, then Jumbo will be Disqualified. Stevens finally obliges the referee, with Jumbo all the while taking the time to choke the life out of Axel! COLE Stevens is arguing, which is allowing Jumbo to choke out Axel! This is awful! The ref finally sees Jumbo's action, and soon begins the five count, which causes Jumbo to break the chokehold. Jumbo then covers Axel with a lateral press, but only gets a one count, as Axel quickly gets his left shouder off of the mat. COACH Jumbo seems to actually be in control! Jumbo lifts Axel to his feet by the hair and hits him with another right hand. Axel completely no sells the blow, coming back with a right, followed by a boot to the midsection. Axel sends Jumbo for an Irish Whip once again, Jumbo reverses, Axel comes off of the ropes, Jumbo tries a clothesline but Axel ducks under, Jumbo turns around... and into a Running Enziguri! COLE What a shot! Axel gets up and looks at the fallen big man, and suddenly channels the spirit of The Rock, stalking him as he gets up, just waiting for the right moment. Jumbo get to his feet and turns around... RIGHT INTO A SPINEEEEEEEEEEEEBUSTAHHHHHHH~! COLE BETTER THAN... COACH Michael, I wanted to say it this time! COLE Go on then. COACH No, you've just ruined it. COLE Geez Coach, hurry up and say it! COACH Hoff gave me money not to say it. CABOOSE Well he didn't give me shit, so that Spinebuster was... COLE BETTER THAN HOFF'S! COACH Wait a minute! What the hell is he doing out here! Axel looks to the crowd, who continue to cheer him on, when the cheers change slightly, and a figure slides into the ring! COLE What? Its... CABOOSE Yes! Cappa! Axel turns around to see The Mad Cappa in front of him. Slightly shocked, the momentary lapse of intelligence lets Cappa boot Axel in the stomach, and deliver BUST A CAP! COLE BUST A CAP TO AXEL! The referee immediately calls for the bell signalling a DQ, when Cappa casually rolls out of the ring, his work obviously done. "Breathe" by Fabolous starts up, and Cappa soaks in the boos of the crowd, and grins, happy with his handywork. Axel gets up, albeit slowly, and looks on at his attacker, with hatred in his eyes. Cappa points at Axel, and starts taunting The Dark One, yelling something about the Lethal Rumble. COLE Cappa is out of here! He did the damage, and then he just left! But why? CABOOSE Cappa doesn't have to have a reason! He's a legendary performer! COACH Well the bottom line is guys, this ended in a disqualification victory for Axel! But what is going to happen between Axel and Cappa? COLE We might find out! Word is, our general manager Josie Baker is looking into the matter as we speak! CABOOSE About time she earned her keep for more than being pretty. COLE She booked the Libertines! She made our Run For the Gold main event! CABOOSE Sure, but what has she done for us lately? COACH She dropped off this Kool-Aid! CABOOSE Why am I not surprised YOU'RE drinking Kool-Aid. COACH You know what I like? White robes. And castration. COLE AND CABOOSE ..... COLE Well! Speaking of our GM, she's with one of tonight's title contenders, Alix Spezia! COACH Holla! Josie is backstage in an office that one can presume is normally occupied by a personal trainer. The walls, ugly yellow paint chipping off their exterior, are littered with motivational posters that feature such inspirational sayings as “Live to achieve.”, “Losing with honor is winning. Winning with dishonor is losing.” and “Quit is a four letter word.” Alix Spezia enters the room, disturbing the peace that Josie finds is all to rare on this job. ALIX Josie, I like your name! It reminds me of that one TV show! Josie sighs, having heard the upcoming joke billions of times. JOSIE Josie and The Pussycats? ALIX No! I’m talking about Miami Vice. Why would your name remind me of Josie and the Pussycats? What does your name and that show even have in common? JOSIE You’ve been sniffing glue again with Michael Cole, haven’t you? Alix pays Josie no mind, to wrapped up her in own little world to notice the woman she’s trying to hold a conversation with. ALIX Josie, I’ve been thinking... JOSIE No good can come of that. ALIX If...when, I win the world title tonight in the Run for the Gold, I want a huge victory celebration! JOSIE How big? ALIX Soooooooo big that all other victory celebrations commit mass suicide because they can never match up to my HUUUUUUUGE victory celebration, thus they have nothing to live for, because their life goal, matching my HUUUUUUUUGE victory celebration will be unachievable! JOSIE Were you sniffing Elmers or Rubber cement? ALIX We’re in Flordia right? Then aren’t we near Disney World? Why do they call it Disney World anyway? Hello! We’re in a state! A world is bigger then a state! So shouldn’t like a world of Disney engulf the entire state of Florida, with its worldliness? JOSIE Alix, as your friend and your boss, I’m going to ask that you please stop sniffing glue. ALIX Anyway, I want all the Disney characters here to help me celebrate good times. Come on! Mickey, Minny, Pluto, Goofy. But not that slut The Little Mermaid. Because one time when I was small, I went with my dad to Disney world and he dropped me off at the Small World ride. And he was all like “I’ll meet you in front of the gift shop, Ally cat.” and I was like “Okay, daddy, who’s not my real daddy, but I’ll pretend he is anyway just to keep my family from falling apart.” But I didn’t like the ride because it made my tummy hurt so I got off. I went to the gift shop and daddy wasn’t there! So, I went to look for him behind the gift shop and I found The Little Mermaid touching daddy in his no-no spot. And I was very upset! JOSIE I wonder if its too early to ask about retirement? ALIX Also you can invite Donald Duck, but not Daisy Duck because I don’t think ducks should be having sex. Call me bigoted, or ignorant but I am firmly opposed to duck fornication of any kind! JOSIE How would ducks reproduce if they can’t have sex? ALIX What a random question! You say the silliest things! With that, Alix turns and runs out of the room, leaving Josie behind to pretend she never had that strange conversation. *cut to the ring* A deep, slow voiced man saids “LIGHTNING CREW” causing the crowd to boo loudly. The opening of “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Boyds begins playing as The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron. Smoke fills up the entranceway, and when the music reaches the crescendo, pyro explodes, to replace the lightning bolt that hits in arenas. “No Chance In Hell” starts playing as the crowd waits to see which LC member or members will be coming out next. *No Chance (No Chance) That’s what ya got (Ha, Ha, Yeah) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS (Puppets!)* Suddenly, a sultry figure appears in the smoke. She steps out, and it’s reveal to be Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The crowd gives her a mixed reaction, some booing, but some cheering, because, well, she’s hot. Lindsay stands in the entrance, raising her arms in the air, soaking in the response. Red and pink pyro hits behind her. Lindsay smirks, and then begins walking to the ring, with a smirk on her face, and her right hand on her hip, laughing and smiling the whole time. *DING DING DING* MICHAEL BUFFER: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. Weighing in at 120 lbs. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. She is the 1st Lady Of The Lightning Crew, Tha Puerto Rican’s girlfriend, MS. LINDSAY GONZALLLEZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!! COACH: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I am looking very much forward to this match up. I can’t wait to see Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez wrestle! That girl is a fox! CABOOSE: Lindsay is definitely ready for this match. She’s ready to give that she-bitch, Tina, some payback after what happened last week! COLE: Indeed, last week, fans, Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall took on Panther, and his partner, Brad Blitz, in a tag team match. However, Brad was knocked out of the match early on, so Panther ended up fighting in a Handicap Match. It was a tough battle, but Panther escaped the Burning Hammer, and gave P.R. the Panther Cutter, and got a win over The Corporate Champion. CABOOSE: Panther cheated, Cole. You didn’t see it. But Panther DID cheat. COLE: He did not cheat, Caboose! One more time, Panther got the Panther Cutter fair and square. There was no cheating involved. He defeated PRL in the middle of the ring. CABOOSE: Yeah right. You’re all buying into the lie! *But will find their place in line (In line) But tie a string around your finger now boy, cuz Cuz, it’s just a matter of time Cuz you’ve got…NO CHANCE (You’ve got No Chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah) NO CHANCE IN HELL!!! (NO CHANCE IN HELL!) You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!* COLE: But the reason this match is taking place is because of what happened after that match ended. P.R. attacked Panther with a chair once again, and The Lightning Crew helped out. *The HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. A graphic reading “LAST WEEK” appears on the bottom right hand corner of the screen as footage from last week is shown: The Lightning Crew picks up Panther. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall both clasp their right hands over Panther's throat. They lift Panther up, and give him a chokeslam. Vitamin X then does the Lethal Injection (STF) while PR lays the boots to him. He lets go, and then gives Panther to Mr. Boricua. Mr. Boricua puts Panther between his legs, and then gives him The Lightning Crew Bomb (Powerbomb). The Lightning Crew continues beating on Panther, when suddenly the crowd starts cheering, as Tina runs towards the ring. COLE: Tina is out here! COACH: She's come to take care of The Lightning Crew! CABOOSE: Ah, keep dreaming. Does a woman think she can handle all 6 members of The Lightning Crew AND Stephen Joseph Popick?!!! Puh-leeze! Tina heads into the ring, and dares the LC to attack. Mr. Boricua is the first to attack, and she takes the big guy down with punches. Cuban Wall tries next, but Tina stops him with the DDTina. Vitamin X charges at her, but she ducks a clothesline, and lowblows him. Thomas Rodriguez tries to run away, but Tina grabs him, and asks the crowd if they want her to punch him. The crowd answers with a resounding "YES!", so Tina knocks the poor skinny referee out with one punch. COLE: Tina has just taken out The Lightning Crew! Tina has just taken out The Lightning Crew! CABOOSE: Bffft. Lucky shot. Tina moves towards PR and Popick, but the two friends/associates aren't worry about Panther's woman. As she moves closer, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez grabs her, and gives her a huge slap. Tina answers with her own huge slap. The crowd groans with each slap. Lindsay fires with another slap, and then Tina does another one. Then Tina follows by ripping off Lindsay's white dress shirt, leaving Lindsay in just a white lacey bra and a gray skirt with black heels. Lindsay is shocked, but she rips off Tina's Superwoman tanktop, leaving her in a black bra and red pants. The male portion of the crowd is loving every moment of this. COACH: Woo-Hoo! We got ourselves a bra and panties match going right now! COLE: The girlfriends of Panther and Tha Puerto Rican are now getting into it! CABOOSE: And maybe, they're get it *on* if you know what I mean! COLE: Ewww. CABOOSE: Why'd you say "ewww"? COLE: Just the thought of two women having sex. That's just gross. Now two men. Now that's hot! Lindsay and Tina stare at each other, but instead of getting it on, they're fighting. The two women throw lefts and rights, and then Tina spears Lindsay down, and the two women are rolling on the floor, fighting. The crowd is still cheering throughout all of this, while PR and Popick watch. They seem to be enjoying it. COLE: CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT~!!! COACH: THIS IS GREAT! CABOOSE: I gotta agree with Coach on that one! Ewww. The two girls roll around the floor, until PR and Panther break it up. The crowd boos that decision. COACH: OH NO! COME ON! LET THEM FIGHT! DAMNIT! LET THEM FIGHT! PLEASE!!! COLE: PR and Panther have stopped the catfight from going any further, and have separated the two females. P.R. and Panther go to opposite corners. P.R., for once, DOESN'T want Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez to be exposed to the world, so he covers up her chest as much as he can, while at the same time copping a feel. Panther, surprisingly, doesn't cover Tina up, and just lets her go after Lindsay, shirtless and all. PR, Lindsay, and Popick hurry out of the ring, where The Lightning Crew all are already lying in. COLE: Panther scored a victory over Tha Puerto Rican tonight, but rest assured, that this rivalry these two have has yet to be completed. CABOOSE: Panther may have cheated to win tonight, but he will get his. Just like PR eliminated him from the Lethal Rumble, Panther will get what's coming to him. Just watch. Tha Puerto Rican will have the last laugh. Just. You. Wait! "You Gets No Love (Remix)" by Faith Evans featuring G-Dep starts playing as Panther and Tina stay in the ring. Tina and Panther trash talk P.R. and Lindsay. The Lightning Crew is already up the ramp, while P.R., Lindsay, and Popick all stand near the ring, Lindsay still shirtless, and yelling. PR makes veil threats at Panther and walks up the ramp. COLE: Well, once again Tha Puerto Rican/Panther feud has taken an interesting turn, as Panther now holds a victory over The Corporate Champion, who I'm sure, won't take that sitting down. CABOOSE: He cheated Cole! He cheated! He cheated to beat Tha Puerto Rican! COLE: You just can't handle the fact that someone beat your oh-so-perfect "Corporate Champion" fair and square! CABOOSE: Oh I would handle it well. Panther DID cheat. He DID cheat to beat Tha Puerto Rican! It's not fair damnit! It's not fair! COACH: That's our Caboose! CABOOSE: Oh, do shut up! Tina stands in the ring, and poses for the crowd, who hoots and hollers for the shirtless manager. She does some more posing, showing no embarrassment in being seen by thousands of horny men half naked. *The HeldDOWN~! logo flashes on the screen once again. Lindsay has already entered the ring, and is looking at the footage. She does the world famous McMahon ANGRY FACE~!!! look and curses in Spanish. The crowd is still cheering/booing, some chanting “P.R. SUCKS!” and others chanting “SLUT!” Lindsay bounces off the ropes, adjusting her elbowpads, as “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Boyds dies down. COLE: And folks that is what led to this match. Lindsay challenged Tina, to a one on one contest, and that is what’s going to happen right now. CABOOSE: Lindsay is going to show that hussy, Tina, just who the REAL Baddest Chick is, when she wipes the floor with her. COACH: I don’t know, ‘Boose. Lindsay has only wrestled once in her OAOAST career, and is younger, and shorter. Tina is an experienced wrestler, who is 13 years older then Lindsay, and is much more taller than her. I say Tina has the advantage. CABOOSE: Oh age ain’t nothing but a number. Size doesn’t matter. And who cares about weight. Lindsay Gonzalez has heart, something Tina obviously doesn’t have. So, Lindsay will win. *WHO’S THE BADDEST CHICK?????!* Ashanti’s “Only U” begins playing, causing the crowd to cheer. A deep red hue settles on the entrance, and a series of pyro sparks go off in front of it, starting from opposite ends of the stage, and converging in front of the entrance. Tina emerges from a thick cloud of smoke to a loud pop. Tina walks down the entrance ramp, and pauses, taking in the crowd’s reaction. BUFFER: And her opponent, coming to the ring at this time. Weighing in at 174 lbs. From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She is known as “The Baddest Chick”, she…Is…TINNNNAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! COLE: The manager and girlfriend of Panther is going head-to-head against the manager and girlfriend of Tha Puerto Rican tonight on HeldDOWN~!. Their boyfriends have been engaged in a rivalry for the past few weeks since the week before Anglepalooza, when PRL returned, attacking Panther with a chair disguised as Mr. America. CABOOSE: That is still one of the greatest attacks in OAOAST history. That was wonderful. What a great job PRL did. I get chills down my spine when I see P.R.L. attack Panther with the chair. Tina inhales deeply, looks to her left, then to her right, then down at her feet as she places both hands on her head and begins to run them through her blood red hair. After frizzing her hair up, she tosses it back and throws her arms in the air… *BOOOOOM…BOOOOOM…BOOOOOM…BOOOOOM…BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!* …and more explodes behind her. She flashes an angelic smile into the crowd, before starting down the ramp to ringside. Once at ringside, she slides under the bottom rope and jogs over to a far turnbuckle, climbing upon the middle turnbuckle and pumping her fist in the air. Lindsay keeps her eyes on Tina the whole time. COLE: There is no love lost between these two women. COACH: Yeah, and hopefully that leads to a bunch of clothes being ripped off! CABOOSE: Hear hear! Tina throws her red headband to the crowd and then gets off the middle turnbuckle as “Only U” continues playing. The referee checks on Lindsay, and then checks on Tina, as “Only U” by Ashanti stops playing. Referee Nick Soapdish calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Tina vs. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez: Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Tina stare at each other from opposite corners of the ring. The crowd in Cocoa Beach, Florida cheers and chants “TINA! TINA! TINA!” while the two women stand in the center of the ring and engage in a staredown. The two women trash talk each other. COLE: Lindsay and Tina exchanging harsh words at each other. COACH: What are you two waiting for? Fight! Fight! Fight! Lindsay and Tina continue their trash talking. Lindsay slaps Tina. Tina slaps back. COLE Wow! Brutal slaps from Tina and Lindsay! Tina spears Lindsay down, and begins beating on her to the crowd’s delight. COACH: HERE WE GO! Catfight! Catfight! Catfight! The two girls roll around on the mat fighting each other with the crowd cheering the entire time. Tina and Lindsay get off the mat and bump into each other, with neither one falling. The two engage in another staredown. Lindsay shoves Tina. Tina shoves back. Finally, the two actually do something, and engage in a slugfest. Tina gets the advantage, taking Gonzalez to a turnbuckle. Tina wastes no time, giving Ms. Lindsay knife edged chops. WOOOOO! …And another chop. …. WHOOOO! Tina does a third chop. ….WOOOOO! Tina then gets on the second turnbuckle, points to her fist, and then begins the 10-punches to the head with the crowd counting along. 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez does a Flair Flop onto the mat. Tina watches and laughs, while the crowd begins cheering again. COLE: Tina is dominating Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez in the early part of this match-up. CABOOSE: But not for long! Lindsay is going to come back. Just you wait! Tina picks up Lindsay and gives her European Uppercuts. The 1st Lady Of The Lightning Crew tries to escape, but Tina keeps the attack going. Tina picks up the Latino diva, and whips her into the ropes, coming back with a flying clothesline. She goes for the cover, but gets a two count. Lindsay tries to escape, but Tina grabs her by her hair, and gives her a back suplex. When Lindsay gets back up, Tina Irish Whips Lindsay, and gives her a running knee lift. Tina goes for the cover again. 1… 2… KICK OUT! COLE: Tina is really laying it into Lindsay here in this matchup. COACH: Lindsay appears to be no match for Tina. Tina outclasses her in everything. CABOOSE: Except for heart, guys. Lindsay has more heart than Tina will ever have. COLE: Tina now taking down Gonzalez with lefts and rights. Tina goes to pick up Lindsay, but Lindsay grabs Tina by her pants and throws her to the turnbuckle. Lindsay runs behind Nick Soapdish trying to hide from Tina. The crowd boos. COLE: What a coward! Lindsay is hiding behind the referee! Tina demands that Lindsay come out, but Lindsay holds on behind the referee. Soapdish tells Lindsay to get back to wrestling, but Lindsay refuses. The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” Lindsay turns Nick Soapdish around. Nick tells Gonzalez to get back to wrestling, so Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez responds by planting a big wet kiss on Nick Soapdish to the surprise of the crowd. COLE: What the-?! COACH: Why does the referee have to get all the love? Lindsay, I’m right here! Kiss me! COLE: I think Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is trying to seduce the referee in order for him to give her the win so she doesn’t have to wrestle anymore! CABOOSE: That’s a great idea! Lindsay doesn’t want to waste her time with someone like Tina. She rather wrestle someone who is actually good. COLE: No, I think Lindsay realizes that she is no match for Tina, and is trying to take the easy way out! CABOOSE: Now, that is just preposterous! Lindsay plays with Nick Soapdish’s hair, but Nick does not fall for Lindsay’s seduction. Lindsay, disappointed, slaps Nick Soapdish across the face. COLE: WOW! What a slap! It was all over Cocoa Beach! Tina charges towards Lindsay with a clothesline, but Lindsay ducks, and pokes her in the eyes. Lindsay dropkicks Tina and then goes for the cover. She gets a two count. Lindsay goes back to the attack, punching Tina in the face. Lindsay grabs Tina, and tries to bodyslam her. But the 5’3” 120 lb pound woman, however, has trouble lifting up the 5’11” 174 pound woman. Tina elbows Lindsay in the back, causing her to fall to one knee. Tina grabs Lindsay’s right arm, and kicks her in the stomach. Lindsay screams. Tina then does it again, and then does several Martial Arts kicks to the face and stomach of Lindsay. The crowd starts a “TI-NA!” chant. COLE: Tina showing her Martial Arts expertise on Lindsay. Kicks to the stomach and face of the Latino Princess. Tina then grabs Lindsay’s arm and gives her an arm wringer. Lindsay, however, scratches Tina’s eyes. COLE Now come on! Lindsay Gonzalez just cheated! CABOOSE I did not see any cheating right there! Lindsay does this a fair and square scratch to the eyes. No cheating, whatsoever. The crowd boos, while Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez punches Tina in the face. She Irish Whips Tina into the ropes. Tina goes for a clothesline, but Lindsay Gonzalez ducks, jumps, grabs Tina by the back of her head, and brings her down with the Edge-O-Matic. CABOOSE What great leaping ability from Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez! Gonzalez covers Tina. 1…2…KICK OUT! COLE But that is now enough to bring Tina down for the three count. CABOOSE Damnit! Damnit! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez grabs Tina’s head, and punches her in the face, but then stops to pose for the crowd. The crowd gives Lindsay a mixed reaction, some booing, but some cheering because she’s hot. Lindsay points to her shirt, and teases taking it off. The crowd begins cheering because of that. COACH Oh baby! Oh yeah! Take it off! Take it off! Lindsay slowly removes her shirt, but then stops mid-way, and then gives the “Up Yours!” sign! That causes the crowd to boo. COACH Oh no! Come on Lindsay! Come on baby! Take it all off! Do it for me! Do it for Da Coach~! COLE Wait a minute! I thought Crystal was your woman! COACH Well, she’ll never know. CABOOSE Not unless she is watching this. COACH Hmmm. Good point. CABOOSE Idiot. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez grabs Tina, and gives her a snap suplex. Lindsay then heads to the outside. Lindsay points to the crowd, leaps to the top turnbuckle, and does a corkscrew Legdrop onto Tina. The crowd pops at the move, as Lindsay covers Tina. 1… 2… 3? NO! COLE And Tina is still not down, even that incredible corkscrew Legdrop by Lindsay Gonzalez! COACH I had no idea that she had it in her! CABOOSE You would, if you guys had more of an open mind! Lindsay Gonzalez is a phenomenal wrestler, but you guys, and these fans, see her as nothing more but PR’s slutty girlfriend. Perhaps, if you opened your eyes, then you would see she is a great women’s wrestler, perhaps the greatest women’s wrestler of all time! COLE Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Gonzalez is heading to the top rope once again. She is waiting for Tina to get up. The crowd waits for Tina to get up. Tina is a little dazed, so she doesn’t notice Lindsay leaping off the top rope with a crossbody splash. It connects, and Tina is back down to the canvas. Nick Soapdish counts. One…Two…And NO! Tina throws Lindsay off of her. Lindsay is ready to attack, kicking Tina in the face with a crescent kick. The crowd groans at that one, since it connected with Tina’s jaw. CABOOSE Well, it looks like Tina is going to need more facial surgery after that kick. That thing just re-reconstructed her jaw! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez continues by grabbing and applying an arm-bar. The crowd begins clapping in unison, trying to bring Tina back to life. Tina grabs Lindsay’s hair, getting rid of her ponytail, but Lindsay still holds on with the arm-bar. COLE And now Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is in control of this contest. Lindsay continues holding on, but the crowd finally awakens Tina, who starts to get up. Tina is on one knee, causing Lindsay to worry. Finally, Tina gets up on both legs, and starts punching at Lindsay. Lindsay lets go of the arm-bar. Tina heads to the ropes, but Lindsay ducks the clothesline, and grabs Tina from behind, giving her a German Suplex. CABOOSE Unbelievable! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, who is smaller, skinnier, and younger then Tina, just gave her a German Suplex! What strength from that 21 year old! She maybe young, but she can kick some serious ass. COACH That was indeed an impressive German Suplex, but Lindsay can’t waste anytime. She has to attack, and she has to attack now. Gonzalez drops an elbow on Tina, and then heads to the top rope. The crowd boos loudly and chants “SLUT! SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!” CABOOSE What rude fans! Although I’m not surprised by their behavior. We’re surrounded by a bunch of drunken frat boys aren’t we? PR should be worried. Lindsay shouldn’t be out here with all these horndogs. They could try and grab her and who knows what! Bunch of savages! Lindsay curses at the crowd, and then leaps off the top rope. She does a 450 Splash…but it misses. The crowd cheers, as Tina struggles to get up. Lindsay clutches her stomach, while Tina holds onto the second rope. She stares at Gonzalez, thinking of something to do. Finally, she figures it out. She grabs Lindsay, and gives her a rolling inverted neck snap. COLE What a move by Tina. She is trying to make a comeback in this match-up! CABOOSE Curses! Tina then grabs Lindsay and whips her into the ropes. She follows with a back elbow. Lindsay is still standing, so Tina grabs her and gives her a snap powerslam. She goes for the cover. 1…2…And Lindsay kicks out at the count of two! Tina then beats on Lindsay some more. She grabs Lindsay by her long black hair, putting her in a front face lock, and proceeds to give her knee strikes to her face. CABOOSE What the hell is Tina doing! How dare she attack the beautiful face of Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez! Tina is trying to make Lindsay as ugly as she is. That bitch! COACH Lindsay is now dizzy, and Tina is not done with her attack. Flying Headscissors! Tina is going for the cover! 1! 2! And Lindsay kicks out at the count of two! CABOOSE Come on Lindsay! Take care of that bitch! Make her suffer! She tried to ruin your beautiful porcelain face! If she did any more damage, Lindsay’s lips may be even bigger than they already are! Tina picks up Lindsay, and grabs her, giving her a Northern Lights Suplex. She does a second Northern Lights Suplex; follow by a third, a fourth, and a fifth. She stops and looks at the tired, dazed, sweating Lindsay, and smiles. The crowd cheers when Tina poses. CABOOSE For God sakes, woman! She’s had enough! Leave that young sweetheart alone! COLE I think Tina is just having fun beating on Lindsay. CABOOSE Then she is a vicious sadist! Tina grabs Lindsay and kicks her in her stomach. Tina, once again, Irish whips Lindsay into the ropes. Lindsay goes for a Kawada kick, but Tina ducks, grabs Lindsay by her hair, and brings her down with the Red Light Special (Eye Of The Hurricane). COLE The Red Light Special! One of Tina’s signature moves! This could be it! ONE! TWO! Shegothim! Noshedidn’t! COACH Tina has been dominating throughout the match, but the 1st Lady Of The Lightning Crew shows no signs of stopping. The crowd begins chanting “TINA! TINA! TINA! TINA!” and then “LET’S GO TINA! *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!* LET’S GO TINA! *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!* Tina continues her beatdown of Lindsay. She grabs Lindsay, and picks her up. She puts Lindsay between her legs (SCANDAL~!), and then signals for the Powerbomb. And then, she lifts her up. But, before she can bring her down, Lindsay starts punching Tina in her head, desperately trying to prevent the move. Tina stumbles, and finally falls to the mat, with Lindsay still punching Tina’s forehead. Lindsay then goes for the cover. Nick Soapdish counts. 1… 2… THREE? KICK OUT! Tina and Lindsay both get back up, but Lindsay clotheslines her back down. Lindsay then grabs Tina while the crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez Irish Whips Tina into a turnbuckle. Tina feels the wrath of several chops to her chest, with the crowd doing the “WOOOO!” after each chop. Lindsay licks her hand, and then does another chop, then licks her hand again, and does another chop. COACH Ooh. I’m feeling hot watching this! There’s something very…erotic about Lindsay beating on Tina! CABOOSE Dude, you need help. Like seriously. You need help. Gonzalez shoves Tina away from the turnbuckle, and then gets on the top rope. She waits for Tina to come close, then leaps off…grabs Tina by her head…and gives her a tornado DDT. COLE A tornado DDT! What a great move by Lindsay Gonzalez! And now she is going for the cover! 1… 2… THRE—NO! KICK OUT!!! CABOOSE DAMNIT! Lindsay utters “DAMNIT!” also, as she picks up Tina. Lindsay yells something in Spanish, and then heads to the top rope again. Lindsay calls Tina a “Bruta!” and then leaps off, going for the Lindsay-Curana, her finishing move. COLE Lindsay-Curana! No! Tina stops it! Powerbomb! Powerbomb on Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez! The crowd cheers. Tina is now showing signs of life. She picks up Lindsay and punches her in the face some more. Tina whips Lindsay into a turnbuckle. Tina heads to the opposite corner, smiles, and then does the running handspring elbow to a loud pop, finishing with a clothesline on Lindsay. Lindsay stumbles out of the turnbuckle, so Tina grabs her and gives her a Side Russian Legsweep. The crowd continues cheering, as Tina heads to the top rope. She acknowledges the crowd, points to the sky, and then leaps off with a flying elbow drop that connects with Lindsay. COLE What a beautiful elbow drop from Tina! She goes for the cover. 1! 2! And—NO! COACH Tina is now on the comeback. CABOOSE Come on Lindsay! Take care of that bruta! The manager and girlfriend of Panther picks up the now dazed, confused Lindsay, and smiles. She then lifts her up, putting her in a Gorilla Press Slam Position. Tina lifts Lindsay up and down several times, causing the crowd to laugh, and then drops the Latino diva face first onto the mat. Tina smiles, and does the “That’s It!” sign. COLE And now Tina is ready to end this. She is ready to get the win. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez is breathing hard and sweating, as Tina picks her up. She looks at the crowd, smiles, and places Lindsay under her arm. The DDTina hits. The crowd pops. COLE And there it is! The DDTina! That’s her finishing move! It’s all over! CABOOSE Oh DAMNIT! DAMNIT! The crowd cheers, but suddenly, their cheers turn to boos, as they direct their attention to the entranceway. Tina, meanwhile, goes for the cover. Nick Soapdish counts. 1… 2… 3!!!!-------------NOOOOO!!! THA PUERTO RICAN APPEARS KNOCKING TINA OUT WITH A CHAIR!!! COLE NOW WHAT’S THIS! DAMNIT! IT’S THA PUERTO RICAN! CABOOSE IT’S THA PUERTO RICAN! HE’S SUPER LATINO MAN COMING TO SAVE THE PRINCESS! Nick Soapdish calls for the bell. *DING DING DING (8:09)* The crowd boos loudly as Tha Puerto Rican slams the chair on the back of Tina. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez struggles to get up, as PR continues his assault, with the crowd chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” at the “Corporate Champion”. COLE That damn PRL! Tina had the match won, and he had to come and ruin it! And now he is attacking Tina with a chair, once again, a chair is being used, like it has been for the past few weeks! COACH It’s become the weapon of choice for PR and Panther! They love chairs! CABOOSE Way to go, PR! Way to go! Teach that bitch a lesson! COACH Oh you gotta be kidding me! Tina is hurt here! Don’t you have any sympathy for her! CABOOSE Nope! “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican continues attacking Tina with a chair as the rest of The Lightning Crew come to check on Lindsay. The crowd boos loudly. The Corporate Champ picks up Tina, and takes her back down with a chair to the face. CABOOSE Oh! That one definitely means Tina is going to need another facial surgery! COLE PR and Panther are continuing their hated rivalry with PR attacking Tina the same way he attacked Panther back in January, which is how this feud started in the first place. COACH I think PR is trying to send a message to Panther. He’ll take down Panther just like he’s doing to Tina. COLE PR is just pissed that he lost last week, and he’s taking it out on Panther’s girlfriend! The crowd continues their chants, with some throwing garbage into the ring. PR picks up Tina, sneers at the crowd, and then lifts her up on his back. Tha Puerto Rican parades around the ring with Tina, and then drops her with the Burning Hammer. CABOOSE That’s the Corporate Takeover! COLE The What? CABOOSE The Burning Hammer! PRL calls that The Corporate Takeover! COACH Oh, give me a break! “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican looks at the down and out Tina. The Lightning Crew has taken Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez to the dressing room. P.R. raises his arms in victory. His right hand has the chair that he just used to take out Tina. P.R. laughs evilly. COLE I hope you’re happy, P.R.! You just hurt that poor woman! You may have injured her! You are a selfish bastard! CABOOSE Hey, Tina asked for it! Hurting PRL’s woman! How dare she? She asked for it! COACH Oh you gotta be—wait a minute! It’s Panther! Indeed. Panther runs into the ring, causing the crowd to cheer. COLE And he brought a chair of his own! Panther runs into the ring, furious, with a chair of his own. He waits for PR to turn around. When he does, PR is shocked, but puts his chair up to defend himself. Panther curses at PR, holding his chair, waiting to attack. The two stand face-to-face, each holding chairs, waiting to attack. COLE Both men have chairs! Chairs have played a big part in this feud! What’s going to happen next! COACH Oh boy! This could explode any second now! PR and Panther inch closer and closer, each holding a chair. Finally PR screams out: “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN: EN GUARDE!!! Suddenly, PR lunges at Panther with his chair, trying to hit Panther with it, but Panther defending himself with his own chair. The two engage in a swordfight, except instead of swords, the two are using chairs. COACH This is like a swordfight! Or a lightsaber duel! Except these two are using chairs! I’ve never seen this before! COLE This is certainly a unique thing we are witnessing. PR and Panther are fighting to hit each other with their chairs! They are having a chair-fight! The chair-fight continues, with the crowd loving every minute of it. PR has Panther in a corner, but Panther continues blocking P.R.’s chair with his own chair. Panther kicks PR in the stomach to stop the chair-fight, and then goes to hit PR with his own chair, but PR blocks it just in time. The chair-fight continues in the middle of the ring, until PR lets his guard down, and Panther knocks in the face with a punch. He then grabs PR in a ¾ facelock, preparing for the Panther Cutter, but PR escapes. Panther goes to swing the chair at PR one more time, but PR escapes, dropping his own chair, and daring Panther to fight him in the entranceway. Panther stands in the ring, daring PRL to come back in it, but PRL refuses. The two trash talk each other, Panther furious, each holding chairs. COLE WHAT A SCENE WE JUST WITNESS! PR AND PANTHER ENGAGED IN A SWORDFIGHT WITH CHAIRS! PR ESCAPED THE PANTHER CUTTER! BUT HE HAS ALREADY LEFT HIS MARK, ATTACKING TINA! YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT THIS FEUD ISN’T OVER YET! AND INFACT, I THINK IT HAS ESCALATED FOLLOWING WHAT JUST HAPPENED! COACH OH YEAH! THIS FEUD JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER! CABOOSE PANTHER IS SUCH A COWARD! WHY DOESN’T HE COME OUT TO THE ENTRANCEWAY AND ATTACK PRL? COLE HE WANTS TO HELP HIS GIRLFRIEND, CABOOSE. THAT’S WHY! HE’LL FIGHT PRL ANOTHER DAY! RIGHT NOW, HE WANTS TO HELP TINA AND SEE IF SHE’S OKAY! CABOOSE BAH! PANTHER IS JUST AFRAID OF FIGHTING PRL! YOU KNOW IT! I KNOW IT! THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS IT! “Rock U” by Young Gunz and Beanie Siegel starts playing as Panther screams at PRL, furious. He checks on Tina, and then goes back to screaming at PRL, who has already left. The crowd cheers loudly. Panther screams loudly. The announcers scream loudly. COLE I GUESS WE CAN CALL PANTHER THE “CHAIRMAN” OF THE OAOAST NOW, HUH? CABOOSE COLE, LEAVE THE BAD PUNS TO COACH OKAY! COACH YEAH! HEY WAIT! Tina is just now getting up, while Panther continues his screaming. She says she’s okay, while holding her head. Panther throws his chair down in frustration and curses out PRL. COLE The Panther/PR feud continues to heat up. First, Tina almost defeats Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez in a match. Then, PR stops that from happening, and attacks Tina with a chair, and gives her The Corporate Takeover. Then Panther enters the ring, and the two engage in a “chair-fight”. One thing’s for sure, this feud isn’t over. Not by a long shot! COACH Who knows what’s going to happen between these two next? Who knows how they will use chairs next? CABOOSE Hopefully, PR will shove a chair straight up Panther’s ass. He can do it at the pay-per-view. I’d paid to see that! COACH Oh Caboose, you’re so funny! CABOOSE I’ll shove a chair up YOUR ass if you don’t shut up. COACH Got’cha. COLE More HeldDOWN~! in two minutes and two seconds. Panther and Tina stand in the ring as “Rock U” by Young Gunz and Beanie Siegel continues playing. We fade to black on the crowd cheering the two of them. *commercial* Edited February 18, 2005 by Hoff Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2005 (edited) HeldDOWN~! returns with The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick heading into the Fitness Club. Suddenly, Tha Puerto Rican screams. “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! PR throws chairs all over the room. The LC scream, while Popick stands back, watching Puerto Rican destroy any chair he finds. P.R. throws a chair through a window, steps on another chair, and then punches another. PR CHAIRS! CHAIRS! CHAIRS!!! I CAN’T STAND CHAIRS!!! I HATE CHAIRS!!! I HOPE I NEVER SEE ANOTHER CHAIR AS LONG AS I LIVE!!! COLE Sorry, PRL, but Chairly The Chair Sprite won’t make your wish come true. CABOOSE Wait, what?! COLE Obscure reference. CABOOSE Oh. PR NO MORE CHAIRS! I AM SICK OF USING CHAIRS! I AM SICK OF PANTHER USING CHAIRS! IF HE WANTS TO FIGHT ME, THEN FIGHT ME FACE TO FACE! DON’T HIDE BEHIND A WEAPON! DON’T SHIELD YOURSELF WITH A CHAIR! I WON’T! I’VE HAD ENOUGH CHAIRSHOTS TO LAST A LIFETIME! I’M SICK TO DEATH OF CHAIRS!!! NEXT TIME PANTHER SEES ME, I AM GOING TO MEET HIM FACE TO FACE! I AM GOING TO LOOK HIM IN THE EYES AND KICK ASS CANDY ASS! HE WANTS SOME, THEN HE’LL GET SOME! PANTHER! IF YOU ARE OUT THERE! COME GET ME! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!!! I’M RIGHT HERE! COME AND GET ME! GO FOR IT!!! I WON’T USE A CHAIR! COME ON!!! COME AND GET IT!!! PANTHER P.R.! At this, P.R. jumps up, and grabs a chair, hiding himself behind it. Panther walks into the Fitness Club, but is meant by The Lightning Crew. Panther beats on The LC, with the crowd cheering it. Popick stays out of the way, watching everything. P.R. continues hiding behind a chair, as Panther beats The LC some more. With The LC out of the way, Panther rushes towards PR, grabs a chair, and prepares to hit PRL. Suddenly, security shows up and takes the chair away from Panther, and holds him back. Popick doesn't do anything, he just watches. PANTHER LET ME GO! LET ME GO!!! P.R. laughs evilly as the security guards hold Panther back. P.R. puts his chair down and smiles. PANTHER P.R.! I WANT A MATCH! I WANT A MATCH AGAINST YOU! AND I WANT A MATCH AGAINST YOU...AT ZERO HOUR!!! COLE WHOA! PR Me? You want a match against me? Moi? You want to go one-on-one with the most electrifying man in professional wrestling NOT sports-entertainment? You want to fight the P.R. Menace? You think you can handle "The Corporate Champion"? You honestly think you can layeth the smacketh downeth against me? You want a match against Tha Puerto Rican? Well...YOU GOT IT! COLE WHOA! Panther Vs. Tha Puerto Rican in two weeks at Zero Hour! P.R. Hey, security dudes, maybe it would be a great idea if you take Panther off to jail from now until Zero Hour. That way, he can, even for just a little while, feel the pain that I felt for those 8 long months. Maybe then, he can feel the hell I felt. Maybe then, he can feel the anguish and torment. Maybe then, he can feel REGRET FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME, THROWING ME OUT OF THE LETHAL RUMBLE!!! MAYBE THEN, HE CAN FEEL SAD FOR WHAT HE DID!!! MAYBE THEN, HE CAN REALIZE THAT HE MADE A BIG MISTAKE IN MAKING ME LOSE MY CHANCE AT ACHIEVING MY DREAM!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!!! MAYBE THEN, YOU WILL HAVE SHOW SOME HEART YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I LOST MY CHANCE AT BECOMING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!! PANTHER YOU MADE ME LOSE MY CHANCE AT BECOMING CHAMPION!!! YOU ELIMINATED ME FROM THE RUMBLE!!! YOU TOOK AWAY MY CHANCE AT GETTING WHAT I DESERVED!!! PR IF THERE'S ONE THING YOU DESERVE, YOU DESERVE AN ASS WHOOPING FOR BEING A PAIN IN MY ASS!!! YOU BASTARD!!! I CAN'T WAIT TILL ZERO HOUR!!! IF YOU DON'T REGRET WHAT YOU DID, I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET WHAT YOU DID!!! PANTHER PUERTO RICAN, FEBRUARY 27TH, YOU WILL FEEL MY WRATH!!! P.R., ZERO HOUR, FEBRUARY 27TH, YOU WILL FIND OUT THAT THERE'S NO RIGHT WAY, THERE'S NO WRONG WAY, THERE'S ONLY PANTHER'S WAY, AND THERE CAN'T BE ANY OTHER WAY!!! PR SCREW YOU!!! Take him away, boys! Panther spits at P.R. as security drags him away. Panther struggles to break free, but can't. P.R. smirks and waves at Panther as he is taken away. P.R. Bah! Stupid Son-Of-A-Bitch. Tha Puerto Rican grabs another chair and throws it down in frustration. The Lightning Crew are all in pain. They are lying on the floor, trying to get up. PRL And what the hell are you people doing lying down? Bunch of lazy candy asses. Get up! Let's go! I can't stand to be in place any longer. Bunch of pieces of trailer park trash are making me sick. Let's go Popick. Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick leave the Fitness Club, while the other Lightning Crew members moan and groan. They continue struggling to get up. Some of The LC are lying in awkward positions from Panther's attack, and some are shaking their heads from being hit from the chairs PRL threw. Thomas Rodriguez is lying underneath a pile of chairs. THOMAS RODRIGUEZ Help. COLE That is wild! COACH I hear we got some more commotion elsewhere backstage! Let's go! *cut to...um...elsewhere* CRYSTAL Hey, I saw what happened out there. You ok? AXEL I'll be fine, but I know someone that won't be... CAPPA! Axel sees Cappa in the hall, standing about 10 feet away. Cappa sees Axel, and the two men go face to face. AXEL What the *bleep* was that? CAPPA That was a little message. AXEL Oh yeah? You got anymore of those, you give them to me right here, face to face. CAPPA Oh, really? OK, here's one. You eliminating me from the Rumble? That was a mistake. AXEL Ahhh, so that's what this is about, I throw your ass over the top rope, and you decide to stun me while I'm in a match? Real classy Cappa. If you want a piece of me, all you have to do is ask. Anytime. Any place. CAPPA Well I just might do that. But for the moment, I'd better be off, duty calls. AXEL Payback's a bitch Cappa. I've beaten your ass down before, and I can bloody well do it a second time. CAPPA Oh, we'll see about that. Cappa backs away and walks down the hall, and Axel begins to stop him, but Crystal stops Axel from doing anything. CRYSTAL Adam, now isn't the time. And I can sorta understand how he feels, you eliminated me too you know. AXEL Crys... come on, we've been through this. If I could go back and move out of the way, I would, but I can't. I've got to earn your trust back, and I will, any way I can. CRYSTAL Look, we'll talk about this later, I've got a match. AXEL Ok, I'll be watching. CRYSTAL Good. AXEL See you after. CRYSTAL See ya. Crystal and Axel part ways, as we fade out. *to the Sofa we go!* COLE Those two are on a collision course! CABOOSE Axel and Crystal? COLE No! Axel and Cappa! CABOOSE You sure about that? COACH Oh, TAG. COLE Well, hopefully, Axel and Crystal will persevere, and I personally cannot wait for any Axel and Mad Cappa match! Of course, Cappa's in our main event tonight...but here's our next contest! *Colored strobe lights begin to pan the crowd while KC & the Sunshine Band can be heard all along the beach “I'm your boogie man, that's what I am. I'm here to do whatever I can. Be it early morning, late afternoon Or at midnight. It's never too soon”* Coach: Here comes one of the OAOAST’s new up and rising stars, the 70s Dude Caboose: The undefeated 70s Dude for that matter. The man who took out Calvin Szechstein only a few short weeks ago. *The fans boo as the 70s Dude enters the ring and as his music dies down the Ring announcer gets on the mic* Ring Announcer: The following match is scheduled for one fall. On my right and hailing from Newark, New Jersey…the 70s Duuuuuuuude!, and his opponent… *just then an old rockin’ guitar riff covers the beach causing the fans to get to their feet and cheer* from Columbus, Georgia… Marty Jannetty!!! *Jannetty appears at the top of the ramp and starts doing that running skip he does down to the ring. He high 5s the hands of some fans sitting at front row and then slides into the ring and pops back to his feet while the fans continue cheering* Cole: Marty Jannetty is a tough man wrestling in the condition he’s in tonight Coach: What are you talking about? Cole: Well I was hanging around outside the men’s restrooms today and I saw Marty come out. He had a major case of the sniffles and his eyes were watering a tad too. Its obvious he’s going into that ring tonight with some type of illness. *Coach and Caboose look at one another and then both shake their heads in dismay. The music dies down and as the ring announcer steps out of the ring the time keeper sounds the bell.* Cole: And we’re under way! The 70s Dude and Marty Jannetty are circling one another trying to feel the other out. Caboose: Watch your mouth, the FCC could be reading this! *The Dude and Marty lock-up. The Dude comes out of it in control with Marty in an arm wringer. The Dude tries to spin Marty’s arm over once but Marty reverses it and as he does that The Dude reverses him and Irish Whips him into the ropes. Marty bounces off and The Dude greets him with a reverse elbow right to the jaw sending Marty down to the mat. The Dude begins to lay in a couple of stomp-style kicks. Before Marty can get off the mat The Dude drops to his knees and puts a chinlock on Marty* Coach: The Dude seems to have come out tonight with a little fire in his belly and is showing us all his aggressive side. Caboose: This isn’t going to take long. Might as well get the commercials ready to go soon. *just as Caboose says that, Marty starts to pound the mat with his foot getting the fans to cheer some life back into him. Marty feeds off the energy and is able to get to his feet with the hold still on him. He then sends an elbow into the mid-section of the Dude, followed by another which loosens the hold. Marty uses the moment to push The Dude into the ropes. The Dude bounces off and comes back at Marty taking him down with a shoulder block. As Marty gets to his knees the Dude runs off the ropes again, but Marty falls flat on his stomach and the Dude skips over him. Marty gets to his feet as the Dude bounces off the other side. The Dude rushes towards Marty again but this time Marty leap-frogs over him and while the Dude continues on and hits the ropes again, Marty runs and bounces off the opposite rope. The two men meet in the middle of the ring with Marty delivering a flying forarm to the Dude’s forhead.* Cole: It seems that Marty is in the driver’s side seat now! *The fans start to chant “Marty” as the Dude slowly gets to his feet. The Dude swings at Marty with a right, but Marty ducks it and locks his arms around the waist of the Dude and lifts him landing an Inverted Atomic Drop. The Dude lands hard and hops about a bit favoring his “mid-section” and as he turns towards Marty again he gets hit with a standing dropkick causing him to fall and roll out of the ring.* Cole: These fans are going crazy Caboose: This is all a part of the Dude’s plan. He’s just placing Jannetty into a false state of confidence. Coach: It looks more to me like he’s getting his tail kicked Caboose: And that’s why I’m here. To explain to the idiots like you what a wrestler’s strategy really is at points. *The Dude starts to slowly get up with his right fist clenched. As he does this Marty looks out at the crowd and then points towards the Dude. The fans go nuts and its then that Marty decides to try and put this one away. He sends himself off the ropes and then runs at the Dude for a suicide dive. The Dude however notices and as Marty makes his way through the 2nd and 3rd ropes the Dude throws a fistful of sand into his face and then falls back ducking the maneuver and causing Marty to hit hard head first into the barricade separating the fans from the action.* Coach: He just blinded Marty with some of that sand! Caboose: He used his surroundings to his advantage. The 70s Dude is always 6 steps ahead of his opponent. It was just smart wrestling. Coach: Throwing sand into your opponent’s eyes is NOT wrestling. Caboose: If you don’t like it then take it up with the GM. It was her idea to have this event outside *As the commentators continue to argue the 70s Dude gets to his feet and walks over to Marty who still lays strewn on the ground clutching at his face. The ref who is now on the outside to check on Marty and see if he can continue gets shoved away lightly by the Dude. The Dude brings Jannetty to his feet and out of desperation Marty swings blindly at the Dude. The Dude as Marty did once before, ducks the punch and uses this opportunity to grab Marty in a fireman’s carry.* Coach: Not on the beach! *Marty tries desperately to wriggle his way out… Cole: This could end the man’s career right here! …but his attempts prove futile and The 70s Dude sends him down hard into the scorching sand with a Draft Dodger* Coach: The 70s Dude has no disregard for anybody. Caboose: That’s what makes the man a winner. Something you’ll never understand! *The Dude gets up to his feet and a paper cup flies out of the audience and strikes him in the head. He ignores it though and picks Marty up by the hair. Marty’s face is covered in sand and small scratches from the friction of the sand. The Dude rolls him back into the ring and then follows. After getting back in The Dude drags Marty into the middle of the ring and looks out at the crowd.* Cole: What is he doing? *The Dude points from side to side while crossing and uncrossing his arms quickly* Caboose: I think we’re about to see it! *The Dude bounces off one side of the ring and skips over the motionless Jannetty* Caboose: The funkiest move today! *The Dude then bounces off the other side of the ring and stops right as he gets back to where Marty is. From there he begins doing the Robot Dance* Caboose: The Dirty Hippy’s Elbow! *Just as Caboose says that the Dude drops a lazy elbow into the sternum of Jannetty and from there proceeds to cover him* 1! 2! 3! *the bell sounds, the fans boo and throw junk towards the ring and the Ring Announcer states that the Dude is the victor. KC & the Sunshine band once again fills the beach while the Dude stands and does the Hustle. All the while the ref checks on Jannetty who lays still covered in sand and hardly moving* Coach: You’ve got to be kidding me *Caboose tries to dance along to the music but he has no rhythm* COLE I understand Josh Matthews has caught up backstage with the New New Midnight Express. Let's go to Josh. We cut backstage, the picture a bit shaky because Josh and the cameraman are running after Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned. We walk past several local employes and production crew members before Josh finally catches up with the New New Midnight Express and sticks the mircophone in their faces. JOSH Gentlemen, if I may-- SIMON No, you may not. JOSH Guys, please. Narcissistic Ned Blanchard, what is your relationship with the OAOAST Women's Champion Holly-Wood? NED It's pretty clear, don't you think, Josh? We're going steady. HOLLY (Off screen) LIAR! The men whip their heads around and see Holly-Wood storming their way. HOLLY I don't know who the hell you think you are... NED Your boyfriend. HOLLY Oh, no, you're not. I don't even know you. Hell, we've never even been on a date. NED Baby, don’t you remember our Valentine’s Day date? We went to the Lacoste store on Rodeo and I wanted to get that red shirt, but you said I’d be better off getting lime green, but I said its my money and I can do whatever the hell I please. You got major pissed off, and started talking about how I never listen to you anymore. I had to buy you dinner at Spagos just to make up for it. If you don’t remember my Mastercard bill might jog your memory! SIMON Dinner at a 5 Star restaurant: 95 dollars. Shirt and matching skirt from Neiman Marcus: Three hundred Seventy Five dollars. Deluxe Room at the Beverly Hills hotel: Four hundred thirty five dollars. Swapping bodily fluids with a natural redhead: Priceless. HOLLY (ignoring Simon) What is your deal, Ned? You’re delusional. You and I have nothing. Got that? Nothing. SIMON Drama, drama, drama. This is better then The O.C. NED So true. Just like my love for you, Holly. SIMON Now if only we can get Alix and Krista to kiss. I mean, we can take them...in a match, that is. Then the gold would finally be around our waists once more. NED Holly, my sweet apple of love, not a minute goes by when I don't think about you. I know you've had a bad couple of weeks and you've been kinda moody lately, but I understand you're in that time of the month. Holly SLAPS Ned. He laughs, rubbing his left cheek. HOLLY Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just in that time of the month, you know? NED Mmm. I love it when you're rough. Josh holds his hand against his ear, apparently receiving information through his earpiece. JOSH Guys, I hate to breakup this epsiode of Dr. Phil, but I've just been informed that a new match has been signed for Zero Hour Februrary 27th live on pay-per-view. It'll be 6-Person tag team action -- The Saints and Jim Cornette vs. yourselves and Holly-Wood. Holly tilts her head back, hands on hips. Narcissistic Ned and Sarcastic Simon look at each other, big smiles on their faces. SIMON Well, Jimmy did plan on humiliating us in the Anderson Cup Finals, but there seems to be a change in plans. NED Synth, Logan, and you little jerk, Jim Cornette, Simon, my girlfriend-- HOLLY I told you: I'm not your girlfriend! NED I love it when you play hard to get. Such a turn-on. I'm hard right now. But to finish off my I was saying -- and I'll finish off on you later tonight, my lover -- Simon, the OAOAST's #1 hottie Holly-Wood and her Neddy Bear have four words for you: Payback's a bitch! Narcissistic Ned wraps his arm around Holly, who quickly pushes him away, leaving on her own. Ned blows her a kiss and leaves with Sarcastic Simon. CABOOSE (laughs) Luckily Josh is engaged. Sorry, Cole. Otherwise he'd be left in a trail of dust. COLE And catch our network's new western-set teen drama, "Dusty Travails!" *ad for the new show* Edited February 18, 2005 by Hoff Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2005 "Breathe" by Fabolous plays up on the speakers of the "arena". The Mad Cappa walks out of the fitness room in bermuda shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, a pair of sun shades, a piña colada in one hand, and a cigarette in an another. Boos from the crowd! Cole: "Oh great! Cappa's here to ruin the party!" Caboose: "No, I think Coach is about to!" Cole: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" A spider crawls over the monitors over in Triple C as Coach screams trying to squash it with a hammer, accidentally knocking the headset power off. Cappa makes his way down to the ring as he takes his sweet time while basking in the boos! He blows smoke in front of the ring announcer's face! The ring announcer drops the mic and runs off! Cappa puts the ciggy in his mouth and picks up the mic. He places the colada on the mat and proceeds to do a promo! Cappa: "Hey, hey, hey, what's up people?!" BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! "I see this side of Florida hasn't changed a bit! Still a sleazy, low down, dirty, redneck Florida infested trash receptacle area!" "Asshole" chants come from the crowd as Cappa feigns shock! "WHOA! I just speak da' truth! (Puffs a smoke) MmmmmmmM! Menthol!" Someone from the crowd yells out "Get to the point!" "GET TO THE POINT?! GET TO THE POINT?! WHO SAID THAT?!" The fans all point out to the loudmouth who yelled it out. "You want me to go to the point?! So you can watch other people not named The Mad Cappa come out here to waste your money and time?!" "YOU SUCK!" chants! "Oh I get it! College humor! Here's one thing I can say! STOP WASTING YOUR PARENTS' MONEY! GET A JOB!" BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! "You all will be looking back at this in 5 years down the road when the degree that you get won't mean jack shit! You all will be saying, (in a mocking southern accent) 'Damn! That Cappa guy was right all along! Grr, whuwha!'" BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Besides that point, I want the new General Manager to come down here. So I'm gonna stall some time, maybe make smoke circles or give Cappaology 101!" "Vertigo" by U2 plays up as Josie comes to much fan fare as some drunk fans yell out "Shut him up!" Josie stops at the enterance as she has a mic in her hand. Josie: "Well well well Cappa! Let me re-iterate something to you. NEVER CALL ME OUT! I'M NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON THAT BE PUSHED AROUND!" Cappa: "Stop it with the animosity! I'm asking why did you put me in a joke of a match for the World Heavyweight title tonight when I never had a straight one-on-one match for the belt! It's been almost two years since I debuted. I want a shot damn it, but not like this! Run for the Gold! Pshhh!" Josie: "There are two choices you have. You either take the match or you don't get a chance at the title. Simple as that! I thought you would be thrilled at the chance to get a title shot. Especially since Axel threw you over the top rope to end your dream then. So you better change into something more appropriate for your match! So long!" Josie walks off into the back as Cappa has a look of "What am I going to do?!" At this point, OAOAST officials have fixed up the headset power as Triple C didn't pay attention to the segment at all. Caboose: "Damn it Coach!" Cole: "An another Cappa segment we didn't comment on." Coach: "Oh well, on with the show." Cole: "Well, Cappa better not forget about Axel!" Coach: "I SAID ON WITH THE SHOW." Cole: "Yikes!" The cameras cut to Chris Stevens and Jumbo in the backstage area. STEVENS Man, you know who I hate? Axel. JUMBO Why'd you make me fight your match tonight? STEVENS Him, and that bitch girlfriend of his. JUMBO Come on, Chris, why? You were supposed to fight it. STEVENS We need to show them that we don't like them. JUMBO I mean, you're probably gonna get into trouble with Josie... STEVENS And they're all buddy-buddy with Hoff, now. If we hurt one of them...maybe he'll get the message. JUMBO Hey, good plan. STEVENS Yeah, well, I don't pay you to think. JUMBO You know, I have an M.B.A. from Harvard... STEVENS Silencio! Come on, we got hurting to do. COLE They can't be up to any good! *The camera brings us into the office of HeldDown GM Josie Baker. Josie is sitting at her desk filling out forms when the Grandmaster of Funk himself; The 70s Dude, struts on in while wiping his brow with a towel* 70s Dude I got your note after my match. Something about you wanting to see me, and The Dude always has time for a sexy kitten like yourself. *Josie looks up, cocks an eyebrow, and then a bit of disgust can be seen in her expression over the fat hippy that stands before her desk hitting on her* Josie Yes…I wanted to see you concerning your matches as of late… *The Dude quickly cuts her off* 70s Dude The Dude certainly has been putting on a show huh? I mean you saw me take out that high flying legend Marty Jannety earlier. Josie Riiiiight…as I was saying though, concerning your matches, I think its time for you to step up a notch in your level of competition. 70s Dude Well whatta ya have in mind? Brooklyn Brawler? Josie No 70s Dude Doink the Clown? Josie Not Quite… 70s Dude Kamala? Josie Um…no. I was thinking more along the lines of an OAOAST exclusive. Next week in that very ring it will be The 70s Dude… *The Dude shows a big grin as his name is mentioned* …against Brock Ausstin! *The Dude’s grin quickly turns into a look of shock and fear. The arena shakes in cheers over the announcement they’ve just witnessed via the TitanTron* 70s Dude Whoa, whoa, whoa! The Dude doesn’t mind competing but that man’s nowhere on the level of The Dude. It just wouldn’t be fair to him or the cats in the arena and at home watching for The Dude to go right through him. Now if you want I can get ahold of The Red Rooster and… Josie No, that’s a risk I’m willing to take *Josie flashes a quick smile* Now if you don’t mind I have a lot of work to do leading into next week since it’s the show before Zero Hour, you dig what I’m trying to say? *The 70s Dude gives her a look of frustration and then proceeds to turn around and stomp out of her office. The cameras then turn back to Triple-C at Sofa Central* Coach: Whoa! Do you believe that? Next week is going to be off the hook! Caboose: There’s no way The Dude should have to face Brock Ausstin. What has he done as of late to deserve stepping in the ring with a man the talents of The 70s Dude? Cole: Either way it will be The 70s Dude vs. Brock Ausstin , next week on HeldDown~! But let's go to our next contest!! "SET IT OFF, SET IT OFF NOW CHILDREN!" The Female Phenom's music hits, and the crowd goes apeshit, as per usual. She jigs out and greets the sea of fans, the sound almost deafening. COLE It never ceases to amaze me how much these fans love Crystal guys! COACH It does amaze me! She MAH BAYABAY GURL~! CABOOSE Oh god, can we please get on with it? You are going to make me chuck. COLE OK, OK Caboose, CRystal is of course preparing to face... COACH Wait! Cole, look! CABOOSE Ha-ha! Crystal continues her trip to the ring, when she is blindsided by none other than Chris Stevens, with Jumbo following close behind! COLE This is an ambush! Crystal falls forward and rolls down the entrance ramp, and Stevens quickly picks her up to her feet again. Stevens and Jumbo grab Crystals arms, and send her for a double Irish Whip... right into the steel steps! COACH Oh my! Why are they doing this? CABOOSE Its a message guys! Axel is a friend of Hoff, Hoff is the sworn enemy of Stevens, so now Stevens and Jumbo have directed their attention to the main person in Axels life - his girl! Brilliant! Stevens orders Jumbo to get Crystal into the ring, and the 300 pounder obliges, throwing the Female Phenom into the squared circle like she's a paperweight. Stevens rolls into the ring and begins stalking the now defenseless former OAOAST Champion, yelling inaudible obscenities at her. He perches in the corner, waiting for his prey to get to her feet, readying for a SuperKick! COLE Oh no! Not this! COACH No Stevens! Don't! Don't do th... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! The arena is suddenly ROCKED by a huge pyro explosion that scares the crap out of Chris Stevens and Jumbo. Suddenly, "Down with the Sickness" begins to blare, and Axel SPRINTS down to the ring! COLE Axel is here, and HE IS PISSED! Axel slides into the ring, where Jumbo greets him. Jumbo tries a right hand, but Axel blocks it, and lands three of his own, before backing up, and knocking the big man down with an uppercut! Chris Stevens attempts to attack Axel from behind, but The Dark One realises this, and turns around to face Stevens at the last moment! Stevens stops mid punch, and gets into negotiating mode, telling Axel not to hurt him. Axel looks around at the crowd, fist cocked, shrugs, and sends Stevens to the mat with a hughe right hand anyway. Jumbo charges at Axel, but Axel ducks under his incoming right, and delivers a 300 POUND SPINEBUSTAH~! Chris Stevens tries the same thing, but ends up with the same fate, being driven into the mat for a SPINEBUSTAH~! as well! COACH Do we say that was twice as good as Hoff's Axel picks Jumbo to his feet to continue the dismantling, and in a feat of stength not usually seen by The Dark One, Axel lifts Jumbo over his shoulder, and into a Tombstone position! COLE My god, what strength! Axel looks at the crowd once again, jumps... DARK ROYALTY! CABOOSE This is terrible! Referees, stop this man! Jumbo rolls out of the ring on impact, leaving Chris Stevens in the ring, struggling to get up from the impact of that last Spinebuster. Axel stalks Stevens ala The Rock, just like he did to Jumbo earlier. Stevens finally gets up, facing away from Axel, with a happy look on his face, thinking that his attacker had left the ring. He is soon brought back to reality however, as Axel picks him up from behind in a Burning Hammer Position! COLE He doesn't hit these often nowadays, but when he does, you know he hates the guy! Axel steadies... AXEL SLAM! COLE That shook the ring! COACH What, you're so stuck for ideas that you steal Dames' EWR commentary? "Down with the Sickness” begins straight after the impact of the Axel Slam, with Jumbo pulling Stevens out of the ring, and retreating up the ramp. Axel stares a hole in the two men, who now know the extent of his wrath. Axel then turns to face Crystal, who is now standing in a corner, and who saw the whole thing. Thier eyes meet, a violin begins playing in the background, and they come together in the centre of the ring, with Axel now having earnt back Crystal’s trust. They looks deep into each other’s eyes, lean into eachother, and engage in a passionate kiss, that has the whole male population stiff with excitement, and the females going ‘awwwww!’ COACH awwwwww! CABOOSE Someone give me a paper bag, I think Im going to vomit. Just as the two are engaged in a lengthy embrace, PYRO~! goes off around the ring, as if by magic (the magic of LOVE!) COLE Well what a great story, Axel and Crystal are back together! We’ll be right back! COACH awwwwww! *commercial* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2005 (edited) Axel and Crystal are seen walking through the hall, arm in arm, when Axel suddenly stops. AXEL Hey, Crys, I gotta swing by the office now, but I’ll meet you in the lockerroom in ten? CRYSTAL Yeah thats fine, see you in a bit. Axel walks down the corridor, a happy man, when he stops at the General Manager of HeldDown’s office. He knocks, hears a ‘come in!’, and slowly opens the door, to find Josie, with Jasmine sitting at a desk near her, her daughter in a cradle on the other side of the room. AXEL Hows everyone’s favourite boss? JOSIE Adam! Jasmine hugs Axel and Josie does the same, all three smiling, obviously happy to see each other. JOSIE So, what do I owe this surprise visit from my surrogate brother? AXEL Well Jose, I wanted to see how you were settling in first, because I didn’t want to disturb you in the last few weeks, and there was the whole Crystal and me thing going on. Tension is bad. Anyway, you’re doing a top job girl, I knew you would. But I also came here to talk business. JOSIE Ah yes, I saw what Cappa did earlier , and he’ll be recieving a verbal castration from me, no worries about it. I suppose you want a match? AXEL Well actually, yeah, I do. But I want to settle this crap with Stevens and Jumbo as well. Can you help me out there? JOSIE Well, I think they got the message tonight, but of course. How does this sound? Next week on HeldDown, it will be a tag team match, with Axel and Crystal facing Chris Stevens and The Mad Cappa. Then, at Zero Hour, in a preview of AngleMania four, its going to be Axel versus The Mad Cappa, one on one, with Chris Stevens and Jumbo barred from ringside, so you won’t get any trouble from them. Hows that? AXEL Perfect Jose. Now, hows my favourite niece? JOSIE Oh she’s fine, a little cranky tonight, I think she misses her dad a bit, but she’ll be ok. AXEL Well once you’re done here, Crystal and I are headed out to dinner, you and Jas want to join? JOSIE Nah, I think you two have a little catching up to do after what I saw in the ring. I’ll see you next week. AXEL Alrighty, and thanks again. JOSIE Psh, no trouble. Axel walks out the door, leaving Josie and Jasmine with smiles all around. They go back to work as we fade out. *back to the boys~!* COLE Our GM setting up some big matches! CABOOSE If Drek Stone was in them he'd win them all. COLE What's your point? CABOOSE That Drek Stone is great. God, I cannot believe this farce of a title match. COACH Speaking of, we've got a match for mah FAVORITE title up next: da LAAAAAAA-DIIIIIIIIEEES TITLE!! CABOOSE At least he's passionate. Only U by Ashanti plays leading the fans to boo! Candie comes out from the back dressed for the occasion in purple flip flops, black shorts, and a red t-shirt that says “Can you afford me?” Still on crutches, thanks to the Women’s Champion, Candie hobbles over to the announce team, who’s heterosexual members are more then thrilled to see her! CABOOSE Have a seat your highness! COACH Triple C has become Quadruple C, thanks to the addition of these double D’s. CABOOSE M.C. Coachman, everybody. CANDIE Caboose, Coach, always a pleasure to be out here with you. The two of you make life worth living. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. COLE Candie, Josie made a very controversial ruling last week when she said if anyone interferes in our upcoming Women’s Title match, you will be held personally accountable and will lose your Women’s title shot. That means if, say, Logan or Jim Cornette or Alix or Simon gets involved in this match, you’re deemed responsible! CANDIE Why do you think I’m out here? I’m making sure no one tries to deprive me of my fair share. If anyone who doesn’t belong here comes out, I’m launching a crutch at their skull. Because Krista is too cool (and too old) to enter to a Lindsay Lohan song, her singles entrance music of You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette drips out of the loud speakers. The curtain/door/whatever sweeps open, revealing one half of the tag team champions. COLE Fans, don’t forget that the OAOAST, Ebay and The Humane Society of America are teaming up to give you the chance to win a night with the tag team champions, Chicks Over Dicks! Log on to Ebay.com right now and place your winning bid! COACH Bitch, please. The basement dwelling, sad sack, wrestling nerds that make up our fanbase can barely afford a Playboy to jerk off to, much less a multi thousand dollar date with the two finest honies in wrestling. CANDIE Ouch! That was a good one. COLE Yes, insulting the paying customer is always a good thing. BUFFER Now making her way to the ring, from West Hollywood, California...she is one half of the professional wrestling tag team champions of the world, author of the New York Times best selling self help book No Man, No Cry, and star of the award winning fitness video, Buns With Kid...KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAAANNNNN! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KIRSTA!” One scowl from the reigning tag team champion shuts the crowd up instantly. Krista is in no mood to hear them bleat her name. Decked out in a sparkling gold mini skirt with a rhinestone belt stretching around her waist, and gold top, the smoking hot tag team champion slides into the ring, waiting on her opponent for the night. The eery opening piano solo of Another Body Murdered kicks up. It’s quickly followed by the hard driving guitar riffs, then joined by anger tinged vocals. Holly strides out to top of the makeshift entrance ramp. Attired in baggy leather pants, and a black bikini top, she thrusts her extravagantly decorated diamond belt high in the air, the light shimmering off it’s beautiful surface. BUFFER And the champion...from Hollywood, California....appearing courtesy of Arista Records....HOLLY-WOOODDDD! CANDIE Holly costs The Saints their match against, GPX, and she goes unpunished! I don’t do anything but bring up the fact that Holly attacked me from behind and all of a sudden Josie hangs a threat over my head for something I have no control over! That’s straight stupid. Ned Blanchard comes running out from the back and quickly catches up to Holly. The smiling wrestler takes his hand in hers, but she jerks her body part away, showing that she wants nothing to do with him! Although, her orders of “Get lost!” would lead one to believe that she wishes to be rid of her annoying tag along, he sports the Lime Green Lacoste shirt, that was acquired on their alleged date. This article of clothing sheds a different light on their relationship. COLE That’s the shirt Ned said Holly forced him to buy on their date. I don’t know why he wouldn’t want to buy it. I think the green is an ab fab color. It does so much for his complexion. And the way the shirt is tailored really lends to his physique. I’m not a fan of the trucker hat he’s got on. I think there is a time and a place for such headwear, but in a wrestling event full of hicks where everyone is a trucker, it loses some of its fashionista stylings. At least in my mind. CANDIE I agree. And its tilted way to much. A small tilt is fine, but the line between cool tilt and early 90's rapper tilt is even finer. Ned positions himself on the outside, while both wrestlers get the pre match pat down. After they’re deemed clean, the bell is rung. *DING DING DING* Lockup to start. Right off the bat Krista gets an arm wrench. Holly immediately drops to the ground and does a forward roll. She then kicks her leg back and pulls Krista down with a surprise drop toe hold, ending the arm wrench! Krista does manage to get her hands in front of her face, protecting her model good looks from the rock hard mat. Holly puts Krista into a headlock. A short struggle ensues and Holly eventually leads Krista upright, looking to gain better positioning. Using sheer strength, Krista powers her way out of the hold, by pushing Holly off her! Now its her turn to get a side headlock on a shocked Holly! BUT, Holly recovers from her surprised state and spins her body in front of KID’s, so that she’s facing away from her enemy. She reaches backwards and flings Krista forward with an over the shoulder arm drag! Wasting no time, Holly snags Krista into an armbar. In this form of the armbar, Holly has herself in a kneeling position. “What do ya say, Krista?” OAOAST referee Charles Robinson asks the challenger. Krista grunts out a no and motions for Robinson to give her some space. She rolls onto her stomach and pushes herself up off the mat. Holly, trying to keep her armbar on, has little choice but to join her, and the two battle over the hold. Holly fakes like she’s going to Irish Whip Krista, but quickly pulls her back in and nails her with a single leg takedown. On her own free will, Holly breaks the armbar on Krista, who’s lying back up on the mat. Holly moves into a camel clutch. NO! Krista counters the submission by sliding her arms behind Holly-Wood’s legs and driving her to the ring floor with a grounded double leg takedown! Holly’s face slaps the canvas and she’s in obvious pain! A true competitor, Krista goes in front of her and takes full advantage of this and grabs her into a bodylock. COLE I have to say this match is pretty captivating from a technical stand point alone. CANDIE If you think a match is captivating after two minutes, you must have a terrible attention span. Krista pulls Holly up, transforming the bodylock into a standing head scissors. She goes for a pile driver, but Holly simply counters that by dropping to her knees and dead assing Izzy. Disgruntled, Krista takes hold of Holly’s arm and hauls her upright. She hurls her into the ropes! Upon rebounding, she sends the redhead flying overhead with a back body drop! NO! Holly stymies Krista by landing on her feet! BUT Krista takes her out with a sneaky chop block to the knees! Holly crumples to the ground, letting out a surprised whimper. The crowd sits enthralled by this match. Krista grabs Holly into a leg lock, applying pressure to the champ’s left leg which she just chopped block. The tag team champion leans forward and presses Holly’s shoulders into the mat for a leg lock pin! 1 2 KICK OUT~! “Way to go, sweetiecakes!” Ned says, clapping his hands together. Grabbing her rival’s Coke can color hair, Krista brings her forward and pulls her into a guillotine choke with a leg lock. A high pitched scream springs forth from Holly’s throat, two different parts of her body now being mercilessly attacked. The champion raises her hand and uses a closed to fist to slug Krista in the jaw! The blow, while illegal, rocks Duncan’s world and she let’s Holly’s head go free to attend to her own wounds. Seizing on a new found freedom, Holly, still in an annoying leg lock, lunges forward and pushes Kris into a lateral press! 1...2...KICK OUT! CANDIE Krista and Holly are the two oldest wrestlers on the roster. Not oldest women, but oldest wrestlers. Just thought I’d bring that up. Krista releases the leg lock and they both stand up. Izzy spins behind Holly and locks in a waistlock. It’s nothing that Holly can’t handle and she easily spreads Krista’s arms apart, breaking the ensnarement. Keeping possession of one of Krista’s arms, the incumbent tries for an armbar take down....COUNTERED WITH THE DIVORCE (single arm ddt!)! BLOCKED with an elbow to the face by Holly! The ill tempered diva staggers forward, having nearly been floored by the divorce. Showing no ill effects from the elbow shot, Krista drags Holly to the mat with a side headlock takedown. She tries a new tactic by dropping the head lock and wrapping her legs around Holly for a grounded head scissors. She crosses her ankles just to make sure the hold is sealed in tight. Not one to let Krista dominate, Holly painfully shifts her body so that she’s lying with her back on mat. Her hope is that she can kick out of the hold. The hope is snuffed out as Krista, still with the head scissors, slowly flips and adjusts Holly so that’s she put into a crouching position. Holly’s head is buried in between Krista’s legs, drawing a raucous pop from the horny and heavily inebriated males in the audience. COACH I had to pay 3,000 big ones of Mikey’s money to get some chick named Whysper to put me in that position last night. Holly flips her legs forward so that they’re wrapped around Krista’s head. Pressing her arms against the mat she’s able to break the head scissors. Now, she shoots her entire body forward, landing her ass square on Krista’s face, drawing another pop and another envious remark from Coach as well as pushing Krista down for a pin. 1...2...KICK OUT! “Come on babycakes, you can do it!” Ned shouts. “I’m not you’re babycakes, asshole!” Holly snaps back. Her attention diverted, by her vain boy-toy, Holly fails to see that Krista has climbed to the top turnbuckle. Holly turns around only to get smacked in the face with missile dropkick! Holly spreads out across the mat, leaving her back open to a bombardment of attacks. Krista runs the ropes then comes back with a double stomp, savagely driving her boots into Holly’s back! After the stomp, she tosses her body into the air with a senton splash, hitting Holly in the same part of her back that the stomp did. The audience, clad in beachwear, applauds Krista’s attack. She keeps them entertained by running to the ropes and rolling back towards Holly. She stands her body up and extends it into a frogsplash, DRILLING Holly’s back once again! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” CANDIE Holly is thirty, and Krista is thirty-two. I felt that’s important to point out. They’re the only ones on the wrong side of 30 in the OAOAST. After yanking Holly to her feet, Krista ties her arm around her waist, then proceeds to lift her for a pendulum for a backbreaker! With the peaceful noise of waves crashing against the shores off in the distance, Krista drops Holly back first into her knee! Spasms of pain sweep through Holly’s body, but her expression remains characteristically blank, as she’s unwilling to give Krista the satisfaction of seeing her hurt. “Let’s go, sweetheart!” Neddy hollers, slamming his hand against the mat to rally the champion. Ned’s unwanted encouragement seems to be causing more pain to Holly then Krista’s back breaker. The champ stands up and tosses a kick towards Krista! The fresher challenger, catches her foot and wags her finger like a mother chastising a misbehaving child. The best selling author spins Holly around so that she’s facing a beach volleyball game as opposed to her lethal challenger. Krista grabs an inverted face lock then hammers Miss Wood with an inverted DDT, once again slamming her back into her knee! The fans cheer, while Krista pushes her thick golden hair out of her eyes. She goes for a pin. 1 2 KICK OUT! Krista stands Holly up. She pulls her into an all too familiar front face lock and tries to go for a vertical suplex! BUT Holly very wisely hooks her leg between Krista’s. This makes it almost impossible to lift her up. Krista, perhaps the most stubborn woman alive, refuses to admit defeat and keeps trying to suplex Holly! Sweat launches off her forehead as she attempts in vain to lift the champ up. Holly, who’s starting to feel like she’s being choked to death, begins to punch Krista in the ribs. After the fifth body blow connects, Krista breaks the hold. Although a tad dazed from the successive rib shots, Krista is capable of ducking Holly’s clothesline attempt! The redhead’s arm sails over KID’s head and she clumsily stumbles forward. Ever the opportunistic one, Krista jumps on the fact that Holly’s mistep has left her wide open! She leaps into the air and shoots her legs forward, dropkicking Holly in her injured back! The flame haired diva, having no idea of what hit her, staggers forward and hits the ropes. Her momentum works against her, and carries her back to Krista who floors her with The Sweetest Thing(reverse face crusher)! The fans go bonkers, the small group creating nearly as much noise as arena packed with thousands! Krista leans forward and grabs Holly’s leg for a pin! 1 2 KICK OUT! “THAT A GIRL!” Ned screams, bouncing up and down and clapping his hands like a father watching his daughter at a figure skating competition COLE Holly kicked out of Krista’s finisher! CANDIE Is it a finisher if you never pin anyone with it? IS IT???? COLE Must you yell? I’m sitting right next to you! CANDIE SORRY! Unlike most wrestlers who would delve into endless accusations of a slow count, Krista calmly dismounts Holly and grabs both her legs. No one but Krista knows what she’s going to do, which is just the way she likes it. Holly does nothing to fight out of the mysterious hold, allowing Krista to easily snatch her into a figure four with her arms, holding one of the champ’s legs underneath her arm pit. Kris steps over Holly, pulling her onto her stomach and hooking in the Texas Clover Leaf. A move that’s designed to primarily target one’s back. CABOOSE Excellent choice of attack. Go to a hold that continues to work on the back. CANDIE Oh, Caboose, I didn’t even know you were still here. A couple of fans put down their Coke cups, and hot dogs and bang their hands against the steel bleachers to root on Holly-Wood. Holly mutters a few unprintable vulgarities under her breath as she starts to crawl her way to the ropes. To make matters worse the ref is in her face asking her if she wants to tap out. Ned is on the outside, his body a basketball, bouncing up and down while his motor mouth yells orders of “Get to the ropes!” “What do you think I’m trying to do, moron?” She snaps back, pushed to her wit’s end with her celebrity stalker. Krista, getting the feeling that Holly isn’t about to tap out, concludes that she needs to rev up the pain for her ice cold rival. She stands her body up, while holding a very tight grip on Holly’s legs. To the unmatchable amazement of the fans in attendance, those watching at home, the announcers at sofa central, Ned on the outside, and Holly herself, Krista does a backflip, sending her foe, who’s still in the Texas Cloverleaf flipping through the air! SMACK! Holly’s face drills the hard canvas, her hands unable to protect her from the awe inspiring but needlessly brutal move! Chants of “Holy Shit!” are heard loud in clear as the crowd is left wowed by the move Krista, who landed perfectly on her feet, calls Blood On The Dance Floor. COLE Holly’s face just eating the mat! CANDIE Remind me to give a damn! Holly raises her left hand, and for the moment it looks like she just might tap out! The time keeper even prepares to ring the bell as most figure this contest is over. But, Holly clenches her raised hand into a fist, showing a resolve to retain her title, even though momentum, having turned against her, is seeking to carry her away like a tidal wave. Krista is understandably peeved that her foe won’t tap out and abruptly breaks the submission. Holly gets no time to catch her breath however as Krista drops down and hooks on a crippler crossface! COLE This could be it! Double champion! Cole is so very wrong, as Krista’s nifty Blood on The Dance Floor finisher ended up putting Holly way too close to the ropes. She throws her hand forward and grabs a piece of fabric salvation. Being a babyface, Krista is required by wrestling law to give a clean break and she does so without quarrel. Holly stands up feeling like every limb on her body has been subjected to the most cruelest of torture, unthinkable to any reasonably sane human being. CANDIE Hit her with your walker, grandma! Hahahaah! Because they’re old. Krista prepares to end this match once and for all. She hooks her head between Holly’s left arm, grabs a fistful of her tights and tries for a Northern Lights Suplex! Holly, having encountered this move countless times in her training at the OAOAST developmental center, blocks it by going for a tornado DDT! Unfortunately we’ll never know what type of damage the move might have an inflicted as a nettled Krista shoves her off before her head can eat mat! Holly lands on her feet and immediately lunges for her enemy! But Krista sweeps behind her and grabs a sleeper hold! Instead of going for the boring move, the fitness guru lifts Holly up for a sleeper hold drop! However, Holly moves her legs out so that they hook around Krista’s side and pulls her down for an awkward roll up! 1 2 KICK OUT! CANDIE Holly looks like she needs to change her Depends! She’s old. Krista rolls away from Holly, putting some much needed distance between the two. Holly after catching a breather, charges at Krista one more time! It appears the poor girl didn’t learn her lesson from her last foolish rush, but Izzy is more then willing to teach it to her again! She drops to her stomach and hits Holly with a drop toe hold! Ned is sent into a fit of panic as Krista’s drop toe hold sends Holly tumbling through the middle ropes and to the outside! The fun loving fans cheer the champion’s big bump, but the slashing pain in her back and arms prevents her from sharing in their merriment. CANDIE Have a nice trip see you in the fall! Did you break a hip, old woman? She’s thirty years old. Krista, as mentioned before as holding the dubious distinction of being the oldest wrestler on the roster, rolls out of the squared circle. Blanchard starts to come over to help his honey bunny, but is frozen in his tracks by Krista’s piercing “You don’t want none” glare. COLE Do you think Ned and Simon...you know...when they get lonely..and there aren’t any girls around....maybe...you know... COACH No, I don’t know! And no, I don’t want to know! Krista lifts Holly up like she’s about to body slam her onto the floor. That would be devastating enough when one takes into account the fact that hard sand is this week’s substitute for outside mats. But Krista is obedient to her thirst for carnage, and a simple body slam will not quench it. With Holly in tow, she darts towards the steel steps. The fans murmur as they expect her to slam Holly on top of them. Krista promptly shocks them all by smashing Miss Wood’s back into the steel ring post! CANDIE BAM, BABY, THAT’S WHAT I LIKE! CABOOSE That phrase is 2005's “I’m Rick James, Bitch.” At Robinson’s request, Krista pushes a near lifeless Holly back into the ring. The tag team champion follows her in, locking on a grounded full nelson upon reaching her. Holly’s hair across strings itself across her eyes, blocking her face in a mask of red curls. Krista stands her up, with the full nelson still cinched in. Gathering her strength, she starts to drive Holly back down with a full nelson suplex! The wrestling gods smile down on Krista as a strong gust of wind furiously interjects itself into the match, lending force to her suplex, causing Holly to be spiked into the canvas harder then she normally would! Krista bridges it into a pin! 1 2 KICK OUT~! Krista hovers over Holly, tugging at her hair, as the violent wind passes, settling into a cool breeze. Her sweat soaked body glistening under the brilliance of the night sky, Holly makes an effort to fight off Krista with knife edge chops. COACH Candie do chops hurt women? I mean, because they hit your chest, but you got padding there. I suppose it would be kinda like giving Mikey a low blow. Krista’s response to the knife edge chops is just a hard kick to the side of the face. Almost more of a boot scrape then a kick. Whatever you wish to call it, the move puts Holly’s championship reign in peril. If it wasn’t there already. Krista takes her sweet time in pulling Holly into a standing position. When she does, she makes up for lost time by scoring a clubbing forearm to her antagonist’s back! It’s a move designed for a brawler, and doesn’t really fit Krista’s technical style, but the miserable look on Holly’s face shows that it was very effective in accomplishing its task. With Holly facing away from her, Krista applies an inverted face lock. She hooks her tights, then lifts her into air upside down! Once again Ned rallies on Holly, as Krista drops her forward, forcing her to land on her outstretched knee! CABOOSE That’s called a..uh... CANDIE An inverted face lock back breaker. CABOOSE My career is over. Krista, figuring that this match is all but over, drags a limp Holly to the corner. She lifts her up like she’s going for a back drop, but rather then fall backwards, she seats Holly onto the top turnbuckle. Holly’s body faces away from the ring, as Krista slips underneath the ropes and onto the ring apron. The crowd gets to their feet, anticipating an awesome display of aerial showmanship. Krista, prepares to not disappoint, climbing to the top turnbuckle. She softens Holly up with a few quick punches to the head! Holly tethers on the turnbuckle, but Krista keeps her from falling off. Taking a fistful of the champion’s hair, Krista stands herself and her adversary up. Another gust of wind comes whipping by them, nearly causing them to plummet to the floor bellow! Krista starts to lose her balance thanks to the wind, allowing Holly to gain precious seconds of recovery time. Although these seconds were short, they were long enough for Holly to regain her strength. Krista, still maddened by a force she can’t control in the wind, fails to notice that her foe is bringing herself back into the match. The challenger wraps her opponent into a side face lock, like she’s going to sitout DDT her. The fans pop for the possibility of a match ending top rope DDT! COLE What’s going to happen! Holly has something forthcoming that’s far more impressive then any before seen top rope move. She wraps her arms firmly around Krista’s slender waist. Before Izzy even knows what’s going on, Holly starts to take her over with a top rope Northern Lights Suplex! But as Holly begins their descent, she does a backflip, CRUSHING KRISTA with a BACKFLIP NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX OFF THE TOP ROPE! QUADRUPLE C DAY-UM! The crowd erupts, blowing the roof off the entire world! They’re chanting “Holy Shit” so loud, you could probably hear it on Mars. Near by beach goers flock to the area, fighting for a glimpse of what has caused such a riotous commotion. Ned, smiling from ear to ear, jumps about ten feet in the air in joyous celebration! Holly, breathing heavily, reaches back and places her arm across Krista’s chest, knowing that if the move didn’t do it, nothing will. 1 The sounds of the ref hitting the mat can barely be heard over the never ending “Holy Shit” chants. 2 3!!! BUFFER Your winner and still Women’s Champion....HOLLY-WOOD! Holly rolls off of Krista, exhausted after completing a miraculous comeback, and claiming an upset victory of the tag team champion. Blanchard high fives a few fans in the front row, acting like he put forth the same monumentus effort as his “girlfriend.” CANDIE She thinks she’s all bad! But when I have my rematch don’t expect a similar outcome. CABOOSE Holly was a desperate woman. All she has left is a title belt and she’ll do anything to keep it. Its too bad she didn’t give The Saints a chance to taste gold like she did. Outright exhausted, Holly stands up and receives her diamond adorned title from Charles Robinson. Krista uses the ropes to pull herself up. The tag team title holder, not known as the most amiable personality in the OAOAST, walks over to Holly. The audience, still buzzing over the victor’s highlight worthy move, focuses their attention on a possible after match brawl. CANDIE Kill her! Kill her! COLE Which one are you talking to? CANDIE Both. It would seem that no fight is on the horizon. Rather, Krista has extended her hand in respect for the woman who not only withstood her assault, but beat her in the center of the ring. Holly, arches her eye brows, and tilts her head back, not totally sure of what to do. Again Krista thrusts her hand forward, demanding that Holly shake her hand. An awkward pause occurs, Holly still mulling over what to do. Finally, she takes Krista’s hand and shakes it, honoring both herself, her belt and her fellow competitor. The fans clap for the classy move. CANDIE Awwwww! Yuck! Gag me! I wanna vomit. COACH I get down wit a lot of bidness. But, puke ain’t something I play. You can’t shower these hip threads with yesterday’s bowl of Rice Krispies. COLE Because your clothes are expensive? COACH No, because they’re the only pair of pants I own. Dragons ate all my clothes. COLE There are no such things as dragons! CANDIE Sheyeah! Next thing you know, you’ll be saying that gay people aren’t the only ones who get aids. Don’t be dumb. COACH Whatever your feelings on gays -- and 'da Coach loves them -- CABOOSE Oh COME ON!! That writes ITSELF. COACH Well whatev, Booze, 'cause we got a MAIN EVENT comin' up! CABOOSE Poor, poor Drek... COLE The run for the gold is....NEXT!! *commercial* Edited February 18, 2005 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2005 COLE And now we’ve come to our Heavyweight Title matchup here tonight. CABOOSE This….this is absurd, Cole. I can not be the only one here to realize that. COACH Absurdly amazing! CABOOSE Er….no. COLE Well, no matter if you feel it’s absurd or not, General Manager Josie still decided to make the matchup anyway. And with the signing-up process now complete, it looks like Drek Stone is going to have three opponents here. Three opponents running for the gold! COACH Josie explained the rules before, but just in case you were watching Pimp My Ride…. COLE I LUUUUUUUUV that show, s0n! COACH Let’s go over the rules once more. Drek Stone, Leon Rodez, The Mad Cappa, and Alix will all be lining up across the steet from the arena. They are going to be making their way through the streets. Through the fitness center. Through these entrance curtains onto the beach. And finally to the ring. Waiting inside the ring is the OAOAST Heavyweight Title. Whoever grabs that championship first claims it as their own. This is going to be huge! CABOOSE The injustices just keep on piling up for Drek Stone. I don’t recall ANY other superstar having to defend their title under such idiotic circumstances. I just cannot understand it. COACH Entertainment usually IS a difficult concept for you to understand anyway….. COLE BUUUUUUUUUURN~! CABOOSE Right. COLE Anyway, we’ve got a camera waiting outside the arena to broadcast television history. The FIRST-EVER OAOAST “Run For The Gold” competition! Let’s get to it! The camera cuts away to the outside of the arena, where Alix, Leon Rodez, and The Mad Cappa are all standing in position. While Alix has dressed for the occasion in a floruescent orange bikini and a baby-blue sarong, and Leon Rodez has taken the time to pick out banana-yellow swim shorts, The Mad Cappa has simply decided to wrestle in his normal ring attire. However, missing from this casual beach party is one individual. One important individual. One person that is absolutely essential for this match to even start. YO~! YO~! YO~! WOKE UP DIS MORNIN…. GOT YOSELF A GUN…. POPPED A CAP IN DAT MOTHA’S ASS…. TOOK HIS WALLET AND RUN!! OAOAST Heavyweight Champion Drek Stone walks up to his three opponents, accompanied by two street rappers behind him. Drek, with a dreadfully frustrated look on his face, tries to shoo away the two rappers, but they only continue to sing behind them. SHE SAID YOU ONE IN A MILLION… DREK Guys… IT BE TIME FOR YOU TO SHINE… DREK Please stop. BUT YOU GOTTA PASS THE HO‘S.… DREK No more. THE BLUNTS AND THE MOONSHI-I-INE! DREK THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT! GET OUT OF HERE! The rap quickly stops as the two men drop their microphones and stare down this unhip Italian stereotype. RAPPER #1 Yo, man. Josie paid us to rap for you tonight. You want it over? Fine. RAPPER #2 We best be getting paid, still. The two rappers finally leave as Drek shakes his head unbelievably and looks at his three opponents. CABOOSE I can’t believe Josie would force Drek Stone to go through something so degrading. COACH I was feeling that, dawg. Drek’s song needed a change anyway. With the pre-match shenanigans out of the way, the four combatants finally line up to get this thing started. And away we go. *BANG~!* With the sound of the starting gun going off, two Cocoa Beach inhabitants immediately drop down to the ground. Yet, they find themselves only more confused as they walk Drek Stone, Leon Rodez, The Mad Cappa, and Alix start sprinting for the arena. Cappa, looking to get an advantage as quickly as possible, stops short and sticks his leg out, causing Alix to trip over him and fall to the ground. CABOOSE HA! With a laugh, Cappa starts running ahead, making asure to stare back at Alix. However, this time, Rodez sticks HIS leg out, tripping Cappa in exactly the same way he did to Alix before. Rodez tries to sprint forward, but sure enough, he winds up getting tripped by Drek Stone. With all three of his competitors down, Drek has already wound up with the early advantage. CABOOSE There we go! Even in the mean, rumbling streets of Cocoa Beach, Drek Stone is always thinking! As Drek starts sprinting forward, he suddenly realizes that running is for suckers. Seeing someone ride nearby him on a mountain bike, Drek stops the person quickly for a brief conversation. DREK Yo, man. Let me borrow your bike. BIKE RIDER No! Get your own! DREK …….WHAT?! Get the hell off that bike! Despite the bicyclist’s defiant stand, Drek simply places a hand on the biker’s face and shoves him off the bike. With the rider tumbling off the bicycle, it’s easy pickings for Drek Stone to get on and ride away. COLE Oh, that’s terrible! A few seconds in, and Drek Stone has already broken a law! CABOOSE Oh, Cole, please. He shouldn’t have even had to ask to use the damned bike. COACH If Drek is able to stay on that thing, this one could be over before it started. However, that’s definitely easier said than done. The biker, clearly disgraced over being shoved off his bike so easily, picks up a rock and HURLS it at the Heavyweight Champion. The rock hits Drek Stone square at the back of the head, sending him careening off the bike and onto the cement street. CABOOSE WHAT?! HOW DARE HE! COACH Such vivid imagery! As Drek rolls around on the ground, stunned that someone would have the audacity to do such a thing, Alix runs forward and tries lifting up the bike for her own use. But, once again, the bike rider tries to stop this law violation. BIKE RIDER Won’t you all just stop trying to steal my bike?! With a sigh and a shrug of her shoulders, Alix steps back and takes off her bikini top for a moment. BIKE RIDER OMGZ WAT ARE THOZE BUMPSS ON UR CHEST?!?! ALIX Breasts. BIKE RIDER WOWZ!!!11 U CAN TAKE THE BIKE NOW, LADY~! As the bike rider drops down on the ground to take care of his business, Alix picks the bike up and immediately starts riding away with it. The fans standing around the streets rise up in a solid cheer as Alix rides off with the early advantage. COACH Here we go! We could be minutes away from seeing Alix win the Heavyweight Championship! COLE …..what the hell WERE those bumps on her chest? I’m really afraid Alix might have two serious tumors, guys. CABOOSE Idiot. As Alix speeds away to the arena, she suddenly gets knocked over by a car plowing right into her. COLE This is total madness! COACH Why don’t they just walk to the fitness center?! It’s not even that far away! The force of the car sends Alix right off the bike and rolling along the street. When she gets back up, she merely tosses the bicycle off to the side and goes to confront the person who just ran her down. She yanks open the car door and screams as her assailant is shown to be…. COLE GALLAGHER?! CABOOSE Oh boy, all the big stars are coming out tonight…. As Alix stands before this washed-up comedian in absolute shock, Cappa moves over to the backseat of Gallagher’s car and hurls open the door. While Alix attempts to get out her autograph book quickly, Cappa muscles a watermelon out of the automobile. He then runs forward and smashes the massive fruit over the head of the starstruck Tag Champion. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COACH WATERMELON?! WHY, I NEVER!! COLE Who would have thought there would be a watermelon in Gallagher’s car?! ANYTHING can happen in the OAOAST! As Alix rolls around, covered in a sticky mess of melon and black seeds, Cappa tries making a run for the fitness center. But after his first few steps, Leon Rodez lunges out of nowhere and gives The Mad Cappa a hard shove. The force of the push sends Cappa uncontrollably falling into a collection of garbage cans strewn along the side of the curb. *CRASH~!* The sound of crunching aluminum is the only thing that can be heard as Cappa knocks down the entire collection of garbage bins. Almost as if he was picking up the nearly impossible 7-10 split. Not wanting to ease up on his hated rival, Rodez quickly grabs a garbage can lid and moves over to his opponent. As Cappa struggles to get up, Rodez lifts up the lid and… *CRASH~!* …BANGS it off the head of the Mad Cappa! Cappa starts staggering around a little as Rodez lifts up the lid again and…. *CRASH~!* ….DRILLS it off the side of the head of The Mad Cappa once again! As Cappa goes falling back into the garbage cans, Rodez drops the lid and tries walking towards the fitness center. Yet, before he can get there, the X-Champion finds himself surrounded by mob of fans that weren’t there only a second ago. RODEZ Guys, guys. I gotta finish this match. No autographs now. Later. One older woman, with her wistful grey hair up in a bun, steps out from the crowd and confronts Rodez face-to-face. WOMAN AUTOGRAPH?! Oh no, Leon Rodez. We’re here to confront you about that awful video just discovered! MOB BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Rodez looks around the mob with wide-eyes as a middle-aged, balding, 30-something-year-old man steps out of the crowd and hurls a banana at the disgraced superstar. MAN Why not use that in front of all of us right now?! SICKO! MOB YEAHHHHHH! SICKO! SICKO! SICKO! This time, another male figure -- this one dressed in a priest’s robe -- steps out of the crowd and solemnly asks for the mob to quiet down. As the crowd starts to lower their voices, the priest grabs a firm hold of Rodez’s hand and looks into his eyes. Rodez smiles a little, comforted in the idea that there could be someone there who finally understands him. PRIEST Son, Austin 3:16 might whoop your ass……but John 3:16 will save your ass! As it says in verse 7, line 16.…..And the Lord said to John…..THOU SHALT NOT VIOLATE THYSELF WITH A BANANA!!! MOB YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! With even the priest himself mocking Leon Rodez, the mob once again starts to bark insults at the X-Champion. PRIEST MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS…….SIN AND IMMORALITY WILL DO A…. MOB J-O-B… PRIEST TO….. MOB G-O-D!!! PRIEST YESSSSSS!!!! MOB J-O-B to G-O-D!! J-O-B to G-O-D!! As this gathering of right-wing zealots continue to scream at Leon Rodez, the camera catches a glimpse of Drek Stone confronting a young three-year-old happily manuevering a tricycle along the sidewalk. The Heavyweight Champion, without a moment’s hesitation, pushes the child off the trike and grabs it for himself. Although the box says the tricycle may be for ages 7 and under, Drek Stone absolutely refuses to allow himself to be contained by the conformities of society. CABOOSE YES, DREK! FIGHT THE POWER! COACH This match just keeps getting worse and worse. Drek tries pedaling along with the tricycle but, shockingly enough, finds that he’s not moving too quickly. That point is only reinforced as he walks an elderly couple pass by him with accompanying canes and walkers. He winds up feeling further shamed as a Rascal scooter zips by him, moving a swift 10-miles-per-hour. Getting frustrated with his lack of progress, Drek picks the tricycle up and hurls it at the Bible-Thumpers group. The crowd parts like the Red Sea as the trike sails past them and breaks through the back window of Gallagher’s car. *CRASH~!* COACH Hmm. COLE Well, that’s going to cost Drek Stone a pretty penny. CABOOSE I guess. Even I have to admit it’s not cool to vandalize someone’s house like that. With that out of the way, Drek finally takes this opportunity to sprint towards the fitness center. He manages to push himself through the double doors and step into the building! COACH Imagine! What a novel concept! Actually running to the fitness center! COLE Well, to be honest, who’s smart enough to think of that? Drek tries jogging past the front desk, but it turns out Alix was actually waiting for him behind the double doors. As Drek enters the room, she runs at him with a clothesline -- BRINGING THE TWO OF THEM OVER THE FRONT DESK AND ONTO THE FLOOR! “YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Everyone working out in the fitness center immediately stop and break out in a rabid cheer for their female hero. Alix gets up first off the floor first and starts laying in a series of stomps to the Heavyweight Champion. CABOOSE I don’t understand this. Why don’t these guys just forget about beating up the opponent and just sprint for the title? COACH Well, we wouldn’t really have much of a match then, would we? Drek tries crawling on the floor to get away from the assault, but Alix isn’t letting up. She yanks Drek Stone up off the ground by his hair and begins pulling him into the weight room. One particular obese men steps off a weight bench and tries waddling away as quickly as possible. Everyone in the room scatters as Alix picks Drek up -- and BODYSLAMS him onto that newly evacuated weight bench! Drek, nursing his back, rolls over onto his chest. As soon as he does so, Alix grabs him by his hair and picks his head up slightly off the bench. CABOOSE Oh no…..oh no! She wouldn’t! COACH She might! CABOOSE She couldn’t! COACH SHE IS! ALIX WIPES DREK’S FACE INTO THE FAT GUY’S ASS SWEAT! CABOOSE Oh god! That is DISGUSTING! Drek immediately rolls off the bench to the ground, and starts clawing at his face to get the revolting scent away from his nostrils. The fans quite clearly love Alix pulling off such a disgusting act, as they break out in another chant for her. “ALIX!” “ALIX!” “ALIX!” As Alix looks down at her fallen opponent, she suddenly finds herself being brought down by a Leon Rodez bulldog! The people in the weight room cheer once more as Alix hits the ground face-first and rolls over onto her back. Rodez, without wasting a moment’s time, moves over to the military press machine and scales up to a standable level. With the inhabitants of Cocoa Beach rooting him on, Rodez points to them for a moment…. ….AND JUMPS OFF THE MILITARY PRESS MACHINE, HITTING ALIX WITH BECAUSE THE LADY LOVES!! COLE What a move! Rodez might have just taken Alix out of this prestigious matchup! CABOOSE Prestigious isn’t the word for it. As Rodez starts getting off the ground on his knees, an overweight soccer mom runs forward and hits him in the head with a Bible. The force of the shot sends Rodez staggering off-balance. LADY CAST ASIDE NEEDLESS SEX, MR RODEZ! With fire in her eyes, the woman starts charging at the X-Champion with the Bible in her hands. LADY THE LORD NEEDS TO TEACH YOU ABOUT PEACE!! As she charges at Leon Rodez like a distraught buffalo, he easily steps aside, allowing her to go crashing into a wall. As Rodez turns around, he suddenly finds a 10-pound bench press weight whisking near his head. Rodez DUCKS at the last moment, quick enough by merely a second to watch the weight make a noticeable dent in the fitness center’s wall. COLE Whoa! Rodez pops right back up to his feet, to see who was responsible for such a despicable thing. There, he sees The Mad Cappa standing near the entranceway with a wide selection of weights at his disposal. This time, Cappa quickly picks up a 5-pound weight and hurls it at the inspiring OAOAST Porn Star. Rodez, with a deep breath, drops to his knee and somersaults forward out of the way. As he pops back up to his feet, he suddenly gets a kick to the stomach from Drek Stone. Drek then grabs him in a front-facelock position….JUMPS UP….. ….AND SPIKES HIM INTO THE CALF PRESS MACHINE WITH A STONECUTTER!! CABOOSE Stonecutter! YES! It doesn’t matter WHERE he does it! Fatal, each time! Immediately after Drek hits the move, he gets up to his feet and finds himself face-to-face with The Mad Cappa! COLE Here we go! Drek Stone and The Mad Cappa, face-to-face! COACH But Mikey, the circumstances are a little different than they were a few months ago. Now, BOTH guys are heels! CABOOSE Heels? FLAIR THE NAITCHA BOY SAYS STOP USING INSIDER TERMS!! WOOOOOOO!!! *CHOP!* Drek Stone and The Mad Cappa start shoving each other as the surrounding sweaty crowd continues to cheer them on. Finally, Drek comes in with the first punch -- a hard shot to the right temple of The Mad Cappa! Cappa reels back for a moment but then comes shooting back with his own shot! The Mad Cappa and Drek Stone then start exchanging punches in the middle of the weight room as the fans continue to only get more rabid! *BAM!* *BAM!* *BAM!* *BAM!* Drek and Cappa continue to beat upon each other unmercifully until they both wind up breaking through the double doors on the side. The camera follows them as the two arch rivals find themselves in the aerobic room, surrounded by treadmills, stair climbers, and power bicycles. After a continued fistfight, Drek finally manages to get the advantage. He then forcefully grabs Cappa by his right-arm and gives him a hard irish-whip. The Mad Cappa goes sailing into the wooden horse (you know, the things gymnasts jump over)! The crowd groans as Cappa hits the horse chest first and flips over it, landing on the TOP OF HIS HEAD! COACH OHHHH!!! COLE Ouch! Well, I guess that answered the question if things have patched up between these two. CABOOSE Who would ask such a dumb question anyway?! Drek moves over and begins stomping The Mad Cappa -- but stops when he hears some particularly disturbing footage. COACH THE MAD CAPPA DID IT!! HE DID IT!! CABOOSE I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!! THIS IS DISGUSTING!! BUFFER Your winner…. CABOOSE Ugh. Don’t say it…. BUFFER …..AND NEEEEEEEEEW OAOAST ITALIAN CHAMPION……….. CABOOSE I can’t listen to this….. BUFFER THEEEEEEEEEEEE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAD CAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPA!!!! With rage in his eyes, Drek shoots his head up and spots a television monitor standing before him, hanging from the ceiling. He looks to his left and finds another television. Looking to his right, he finds ANOTHER television. And all of these televisions are playing the exact same thing: COACH You remember this well, don’t you Boose? CABOOSE Ugh, get this off the screen! We don’t need to see this anymore! COLE If I remember correctly, this was from License to Pin, when The Mad Cappa actually made Drek Stone tap out in the Hell-in-a-Cell, winning the Italian Championship back in the process. CABOOSE I think we’ve seen enough of those clips. However, whoever’s responsible for running the television monitors doesn’t exactly agree. The footage rewinds itself and loops back to The Mad Cappa entrapping Drek Stone in the Walls of Cappa once again. Drek, taking a wary breath, can’t help but keep his eyes focused upon the TV screen. DREK I…..I DIDN’T TAP OUT! Almost immediately -- somewhat like sheep -- well, not really somewhat. Exactly like sheep. But you get the idea -- the crowd in the aerobic room start chanting at the Heavyweight Champion about his shameful past. “YOU TAPPED OUT!” “YOU TAPPED OUT!” “YOU TAPPED OUT!” DREK I DID NOT!! I DID NOT!! “YOU TAPPED OUT!” “YOU TAPPED OUT!” DREK IT WAS AN ALLERGIC REACTION! I’M ALLERGIC TO THE WALLS OF CAPPA!! I’M ALLERGIC! I HAVE A DOCTOR’S NOTE SAYING SO!! COLE Uh oh. Drek Stone is starting to flip out here. CABOOSE Well, if he has a doctor’s note, case closed, I think. DREK YOU PEOPLE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ALLERGIES! NOTHING!! Unfortunately, since Drek Stone was so busy screaming at the audience about his terrible allergies, he’s unable to notice The Mad Cappa locking a handcuff around his taped wrist. In a flash, Cappa then secures the other end to a nearby treadmill. CABOOSE What?! What the hell is The Mad Cappa doing?! Drek, looking shocked that Cappa would pull such a dastardly thing, tries pulling at the handcuff, but inevitably finds himself securely attached. Drek moves onto the treadmill to get a better grip of the cuff, allowing Cappa the chance to turn on the running machine. DREK WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! I’M ALLERGIC TO TREADMILLS TOO!! Drek starts running in place as The Mad Cappa grinds up the treadmill’s speed to its top level. The machine starts moving at a FRANTIC pace as Drek struggles to keep up with it, running as fast as he could. Cappa laughs as he runs out of the room, continuing his bid for the Heavyweight Title. DREK AHHHHHHH! JOSIE!! GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING!! Drek then looks up and finds the License to Pin footage still playing on the TV screens. DREK AND GET THAT DAMN MATCH OFF THE SCREEN TOO!! As Drek Stone continues to run in place, The Mad Cappa breaks through the double doors to find himself now in a basketball court. CABOOSE Guys, this isn’t good! Someone needs to get a key and quick. If Drek stays locked to that treadmill, that’s it. His Heavyweight Title run could be finished! Somebody DO SOMETHING!! COACH SO GO GET THE KEY!! CABOOSE …..hmm? The Mad Cappa could see the beach -- and the Heavyweight Title -- calling for him through the next door. But he could also see Alix Spezia standing before him, clutching a basketball in her muscular hands. The room is surprisingly dark, but there’s no doubt to Cappa that the Tag Team Champion is standing before him. ALIX Hey Cappa…… Alix forcefully checks the ball to Cappa. ALIX ….you think you have game?! “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!” With a grin, Cappa catches the ball and starts dribbling it slowly. *BOUNCE* *BOUNCE* *BOUNCE* Alix pushes up to him to steal the ball quickly, but Cappa shoves her away with his hip. COACH Guys, Cappa’s Puerto Rican, right? COLE I think so. COACH Oh, this should be cake for him then. COLE ….we make enough racist comments tonight yet? After being checked away so easily, Alix focuses on The Mad Cappa with even more determination. With his back to Alix, Cappa starts easing his way backwards, still calmly dribbling the ball. But suddenly, Alix reaches a hand out and shoves the ball away from Cappa’s control. Cappa gasps as the ball goes bouncing down the court, but Alix runs after it, easily retrieving it. The fans pop loudly as Alix starts marching down the court with the ball safely dribbling before her. Cappa can only look on and stare as Alix brushes past him…. SHE JUMPS UP…. SLAM DUNK!!! COACH BOOMSHAKALAKASHAKALAKA~!~! CABOOSE Already, I’d take her over anyone on the New York Knicks. COACH ZING~! “ALIX!” “ALIX!” “ALIX!” Alix hangs triumphantly off the basketball net, but starts screaming when she realizes that The Mad Cappa is pulling at her panties. Her scream is quickly drowned out by the deafening roar of all the fans standing in the court. “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!” As Cappa continues to pull at Alix’s underwear, he notices that he’s no closer at removing the panties from her waist. Instead, a seam is starting to split along the top of her head. Cappa keeps pulling as the seam continues to tear along the back of Alix’s head, then her back, and finally towards her legs. COLE What the hell is going on here? With one final pull, Cappa yanks at the panties -- and an entire bodysuit falls on top of him! Alix, clearly flustered, lets go of the basketball net, drops to the floor, and turns around to face The Mad Cappa! COACH WHOA!!! COLE THAT WASN’T ALIX! IT WAS….. COLE ABE VIGODA!! COACH The former OAOAST Chairman is BACK on HeldDown! The Mad Cappa stares at this Alix IMPOSTER~! in absolute shock. VIGODA Yes, indeedy, son. WHO GOT GAME NOW, BOYEEEEEEEE~?~! For absolutely no reason whatsoever, Abe Vigoda starts doing the Charleston in the center of the basketball court. The Mad Cappa is speechless. The fans are speechless. The announcers: COLE ….. CABOOSE …… COACH …… All speechless. Finally, The Mad Cappa just shakes his head and starts breaking for the final door. COLE So wait…..does this mean Abe Vigoda has been Alix the entire time? CABOOSE Well, it certainly would explain a lot of things. COACH That bicyclist earlier must get off on some really wrinkly titties then…. As The Mad Cappa gets closer to the door leading to the beach, Leon Rodez suddenly leaps out from behind the bleachers and pulls down Cappa’s shorts! Everyone in the building screams out in laughter as The Mad Cappa tries desperately to cover up his Puerto Rican flag thong. COLE *whistles* CABOOSE GHEY~! As Cappa struggles to pull his pants back up, Rodez runs out the door and steps onto the beach. The fans in attendance at Cocoa Beach break out into a wild roar, realizing that Leon Rodez is now the closest one to obtaining the Heavyweight Championship. He starts taking a few steps towards the ring but is suddenly surrounded by his right-wing Christian best friends again. RODEZ Oh, Jeez. What the hell do you guys want now?! Sister Mary Jane, an elderly nun from the Great Church of St. Dominic, steps out of the group with a bottle of clear liquid in her hand. She does the Sign of the Cross upon Rodez’s forehead, then calmly starts spraying the liqud into his eyes. RODEZ Oh my God, that BURNS!!! MARY JANE MR. RODEZ, THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!! I PROMISE TO GET SATAN OUT OF YOUR SOUL!! As Rodez shields his eyes in pain, the nun places her right hand on Rodez’s forehead and opens the Bible to some random page. MARY JANE SATAN, EVACUATE THIS YOUNG MAN’S BODY! LET GOD FILL HIS HEART WITH ABSTINENCE AND PRAYER! DRIVE OUT THE EVILS OF SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK N’ROLL! As Sister Mary Jane continues her exorcism upon the X-Division Champion, the crowd suddenly turns to the ocean when they hear someone screaming from a far distance. SWIMMER Help me! HELP ME! I’M DROWNING! However, the Christian group still stays focused on Leon Rodez, determined to help evacuate him from the Devil. RODEZ Guys…..YO! Shouldn’t someone go out and try to help that swimmer? MARY JANE Help him? Oh, God will help him with salvation, yada, yada, yada. Now, BEEZLEBUB, THE LORD DEMANDS YOU LEAVE THIS YOUNG MAN’S BODY! MAY HE NO MORE TAINT THIS COUNTRY WITH IMMORAL PORNOGRAPHIC VIDEOS! As the mob starts to tighten their circle around the X-Champion, Leon Rodez suddenly breaks through them with lightning quick speed and starts darting towards the ocean. COACH Now that is a real hero! He’s determined to save that poor swimmer out there! As Rodez dashes towards the ocean to save this unfortunate diver, the footage suddenly begins to slow down. Instead of running quickly, Leon Rodez seems to actually be going in slow motion. His footprints in the sand become more impactful. The wind slowly blows around him, causing his hair to lightly flip around his head. And from nowhere in particular, a familiar jingle can be heard. Some people stand in the darkness Afraid to step into the light Some people need to help somebody When the edge of surrender’s in sight.. The camera dramatically catches the swimmer struggling the ocean, then Rodez continuing to surge towards the water. Don’t you worry! Its gonna be alright ‘cause I’m always ready, I won’t let you out of my sight. As Rodez gets closer to the ocean, the camera suddenly finds someone running alongside Leon Rodez. Rodez comes to a slow stop and looks across him to find…. RODEZ PA…….PAM….. PAMELA ANDERSON Rodez, let me handle this one. Don’t worry about it. Pamela Anderson then shoves Leon Rodez into the sand and dives into the ocean, presumably to save the diver. I’ll Be Ready I’ll Be Ready Never you fear No, don’t you fear I’ll be ready Forever and always I’m always here. Of course, we don’t care about him anymore. CABOOSE Was that PA…..PAM….. COACH PAM…..um, PAM….. COLE Pamela Anderson, right? I don’t understand this attraction everyone has to her. COACH I didn’t even realize she still did this gig! As Rodez rolls along the sand, still enamored with the fact that Pamela Anderson touched him on the shoulder, he slowly moves onto his knees. Once he gets up, he starts running forward and almost goes crashing into a hot dog vendor. However, he manages to stop himself at the last minute from imminent deep-fried disaster. Wanting to confront this near catastrophe, Rodez gets ready to scream at the vendor -- but stops when he actually realizes who it is. CABOOSE Well, now this is just getting ridiculous! Rodez shakes his head in surprise before speaking to this superstar actor who has fallen from grace. RODEZ David…..it’s come to this?! HASSELHOFF It’s not too bad! All the free hot dogs you could want, you know? The ever-popular AWKWARDNESS floats down between these two modern American heroes as they slowly stare down at their feet, wanting to break away from the conversation but not quite knowing what to say. Finally, Leon Rodez makes the first move. RODEZ Well, David…..I, uh….hmm…..I have a Heavyweight Title to win. I’ll talk to you later. HASSELHOFF Yeah, sure, sure. Nice seeing you, man. As Leon breaks away to obtain his first ever Heavyweight Championship, David Hasselhoff thinks out loud to himself. HASSELHOFF An actor winning a professional wrestling Heavyweight title?! That could rejuvenate my career! Seconds after Rodez starts running down to the beach, Hasselhoff goes chasing after him. COACH Well, that probably isn’t going to end good. COLE Wait, I’m being told someone else is walking around here…. The camera picture leaves the Rodez Saga for a second, and spots Drek Stone jogging along the beachside, trying to get back into this thing. CABOOSE YES! DREK! How do you think he got out of those cuffs?! COACH Let’s just say a wizard did it. The Heavyweight Champion continues to run along the beach, desperately trying to get his title belt before someone could steal it from him. Along the way, he makes it a point to stomp down sandcastles and grin at the children’s sobbing faces as he does it. He suddenly stops his run in the middle, however, when he spots someone tanning on a beach towel. With a smile, Drek eases his way over to the man, wanting to get a better look at what exactly the casual tourist is doing. DREK Hmm. Drek Stone slowly looks down at the lotion-covered face of this casual beachgoer. With evil intentions dancing through his mind, Drek reaches down and grabs a nice, heavy handful of sand. COLE Oh, come on. There’s no need for this. With reckless abandon, Drek then drops the cloud of sand onto the tourist’s face. The man turns and starts coughing as Drek steps back -- and KICKS a plume of sand into the man’s face! CABOOSE YES! YES! That’s how you treat a 100-lb weakling! Wonderful. Drek Stone lets out a LOUD laugh as the man rolls over, trying to get the sand of his eyes. He then stands -- --and keeps standing -- --and keeps standing! COLE UH-OH! COACH That wasn’t a 100-lb weakling, guys! With unbelieving eyes, Drek stares upwards as the man’s height continues to rise. Finally, the Heavyweight Champion comes to the same realization everyone at home has already discovered. COLE IT’S THE SADIST! CABOOSE RUN, DREK! RUN! DREK Without waiting another second, Drek starts high-tailing it out of there, not wanting to face The Sadist’s wrath. The Sadist takes a moment to wipe the sand out of his eyes, then pulls a pair of sunglasses out of his swim trunks. He slowly puts them over his eyes, cracks his fists together, then starts stalking down the beach after Drek Stone! The fans of Cocoa Beach start cheering rabidly as Drek jets down the beach, with the suntan lotion-covered face of The Sadist following right behind him. CABOOSE Come on, Sadist! It was a joke! COACH Can’t blame the man. He was trying to pick up chicks, na’mean? CABOOSE Na…..what? As Drek zooms down to the beach, he comes to The Mad Cappa and Alix shoving each other back and forth. Suddenly, Leon Rodez comes between the two of them and pulls them apart. THE MAD CAPPA Why the hell would you have Abe Vigoda dress up in a Alix costume?! ALIX I told you! I thought it would be FUNNY!! LEON RODEZ Guys, guys, come on. That’s enough fighting! Cappa, I hate you. Drek, you’re an asshole. Alix, you be one happening ho. And while I know we’re in the middle of a match right now, stop and think about it for a second. We’re on a beach, right? CAPPA Yeah…. LEON RODEZ The weather outside is beautiful, correct? DREK Sure. LEON RODEZ So come on! There’s only one thing we really can do right now. Let’s…. ALIX DANCE! Everyone on the beach -- the fans, the wrestlers, and even the referee -- suddenly break out into a wild beach dance as a boom box nearby starts to play some lively pop music. ALL I’m gonna grab my girl And head to the beach Hick-A-Doo-La! Drek Stone and Alix start grinding together as the song plays. ALL We’re gonna all hang then And then maybe then Hick-A-Doo-La Cappa and Rodez fall simultaneously to the sand, then do kip-ups back to their feet CAPPA, DREK, RODEZ Cause I’m a Hick-A-Doo-La Boy! ALIX And I’m a Hick-A-Doo-La Girl! ALL And together it’s a Hick-A-Doo-La world! Hick-A-Doo-La! As everyone on the beach dances in place, Cappa leans over to Alix with a confused look on his face. CAPPA Alix, what does Hick-A-Doo-La mean? The music stops for a moment as everyone stares at The Mad Cappa. ALL WHAT DOES HICK-A-DOO-LA MEAN?! ALIX Well, Hick-A-Doo-La is that special feeling you get when you fondle your tag team partner! RODEZ It’s having kinky sex with two beautiful girls! DREK It’s stomping grapes at your beautiful summer home in Sicily! STEPHEN POPICK It’s obeying ALL the rules! Simulatenously, Drek Stone, Leon Rodez, Alix, and The Mad Cappa pick Stephen Joseph up over their head and run towards the ocean. They then throw Stephen Popick… *SPLASH* …into the water! “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Suddenly, the music stops and all four superstars stare each other down. But before they can react, The Sadist stomps by and pushes both Drek Stone and The Mad Cappa to the ground. Drek and Cappa look up in absolute shock. DREK CAPPA All four wrestlers then start sprinting for the ring, really eager to capture the Heavyweight Title they all feel they’re entitled to. COLE It’s a wild sprint to capture that title in the center of the ring! Who’s gonna get to it first?! CABOOSE Come on, Drek! GET THAT TITLE! COME ON!! Somehow, Alix actually manages to pull away with the lead. Drek, Cappa, and Rodez start screaming as Alix hops up to the ring apron with one jump and tries making her way in. But before she can step through the ropes, Cappa snatches her in a powebomb position and starts pulling her away from the ropes. Alix tries holding onto the top rope with all her strength, but Drek and Rodez work together to swat at her arms. Finally, she’s forced to release. As she does, Cappa runs forward and…. *CRASH!* GIVES HER A CAPPABOMB ONTO THE WOODEN RAMP! Instantly after Alix hits the ground, she breaks through several of the planks, leaving an imprint of her body in the wood! The fans can’t believe it, and break out into a loud series of jeers. However, those jeers are quickly broken up by a familiar chant. “HOLY SHIT!” “HOLY SHIT!” “HOLY SHIT!” The Cocoa Beach crowd breaks out into a wild applause as Alix rolls around a mangled mess of wooden planks and splinters. COLE My god! Alix went RIGHT THROUGH that wooden ramp! CABOOSE What a POWERFUL powerbomb! I already respect The Mad Cappa even more! The Mad Cappa turns around and spots Drek Stone and Leon Rodez standing there watching him. It’s now down to those three. An actual moment of silence passes between the competitors before they suddenly make a wild scramble to the ring again! Leon Rodez tries sliding into the ring to get the belt quickly -- “YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” -- but Cappa manages to hold onto his ankle, keeping him from getting into the ring! CABOOSE Oh my god! This is too close! Cappa, hold him there! Please! Rodez tries kicking himself away from Cappa’s grip, but it’s no use. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Drek Stone comes running with a beach umbrella in his hands. He swings it upward -- -- AND SMASHES THE UMBRELLA OVER CAPPA’S HEAD! The Mad Cappa’s head pops out through the other side of the fabric, effectively hanging the umbrella off his neck! COLE Beach umbrella! Beach umbrella! Beach umbrella! CABOOSE YES! WE KNOW! Cappa stares at Drek Stone with a blank expression on his face for a moment, then slowly starts falling backwards. COACH TIMB-E-E-R-R-R-R-R-R-R! Cappa hits the grains of sand lifelessly, with the umbrella still wrapped around his neck! COLE Looks like Cappa might be out of this match too! We could be down to two! With Cappa’s grip now released from his ankle, Leon gets back up immediately. With no one blocking him, Rodez is free to RUN FOR THE GOLD…. CABOOSE NO! NO! ….NO! DREK HOPS UP TO THE APRON AND YANKS AT LEON’S HAIR! Leon turns around quickly and gives Drek Stone a hard shot to the face. Drek reels back, coming close to falling off the apron, but Rodez hangs onto him by his head. He pulls the Heavyweight Champion towards the corner and starts forcing him to climb the turnbuckle. COACH What is Leon Rodez prepared to do here?! CABOOSE Come on, Leon! This is the guy you just danced with! Still grabbing a full hold of his opponent’s hair, Rodez finally forces Drek to stand on the top rope. Once he does so, Leon starts climbing up after him. Eventually, they both end up on the top turnbuckle, with the reaction in Cocoa Beach starting to reach a fever pitch. Leon hooks Drek Stone up in a superplex position, and the fans start screaming even louder. CABOOSE NO, NO, NO, NO!!! COLE Is he going to push him off that turnbuckle?! Finally, after taking a few moments to summon his strength, Rodez LIFTS DREK STONE UP -- -- NO! DREK BLOCKS IT! Not being deterred, Leon tries lifting Drek up AGAIN -- --NO! DREK BLOCKS IT AGAIN! Rodez tries a third attempt, but suddenly Drek drops his head, placing it near Rodez’s midsection. Stone suddenly lifts his neck up quickly -- -- AND DROPS LEON RODEZ FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE SANDY BEACH WITH A BACK-BODY DROP!! LEON LANDS FLAT ON HIS BACK AFTER FALLING FROM THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! COACH WHOA!!! CABOOSE YES! THAT’S IT! “HOLY SHIT!” “HOLY SHIT!” “HOLY SHIT!” CABOOSE Come on, Drek! This thing is over! Grab the title! However, instead of seizing his opportunity and rushing for the title, Drek falls off the top rope onto the ring mat. He simply looks too spent to reach for his belt. COLE What’s going on here?! Everyone is out cold! Who the hell is going to claim this title?! COACH WAIT….wait, Cole! Not everybody! As the fans wait for one of the competitors to stir, they can only watch as David Hasselhoff jumps out through the crowd and over the ring barrier. He makes a sprint for the ring as the fans scream for someone -- ANYONE -- to stop this! COLE NO! NO! COACH DON’T TELL ME! DAVID HASSELHOFF SLIDES INTO THE RING!! HE REACHES FOR THE TITLE!! NO!!! THE SADIST SUDDENLY GRABS A HOLD OF HASSELHOFF’S ANKLE AND YANKS HIM OUT OF THE RING!! COACH OH MY GOD!! In one swift motion, The Sadist wraps a hand around Hasselhoff’s throat, lifts him up -- -- AND CHOKESLAMS HIM INTO THE SAND!! COLE What a chokeslam! CABOOSE Serves Hasselhoff right! Go back to Germany! With Hasselhoff now taken out of the match as well, Drek Stone slowly starts to stir in the ring. The fans begin screaming as they see the completely worn out Drek start to muscle himself onto his knees. CABOOSE Yes! Go Drek! Come on! COLE Could this be it?! With the Heavyweight Title halfway across the ring from him, Drek starts to slowly crawl towards it. The fans of Cocoa Beach really start shouting for anyone to stop him, but it looks to be useless at this time. Drek keeps crawling. Crawling for his gold. Crawling for HIS property. Finally, he gets close enough! CABOOSE YES! YES! He reaches his arm up -- “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” -- and wraps his hand around the Heavyweight Title! *DING! DING! DING!* BUFFER WINNER OF THIS MATCH…..AND STILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OAOAST HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION……DRRRRRRRRRRRRRREK STOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEEEEE!!!!! The REAL sounds of “Woke Up This Morning” start to blast over the loudspeakers as Drek pulls the title closer to him and hugs the gold tightly near his chest. CABOOSE Oh, wow! I can’t believe it! What an amazing champion! What an absolutely inspiring champion! COLE Well, Drek Stone is sure to go in the record books now. The first-ever Run for the Gold winner! Folks, this was an entertaining one the entire way through, no doubt about it! COACH I don’t even know what the hell happened. As Drek holds the title to his chest, he starts using the top rope to pull himself up to his feet. Once he gets to a standing position, and all is right in the world to him, the hard-rock sounds of an electric guitar are enough to scare the Heavyweight Champion once more. CUE: Black CABOOSE NO! COLE COULD IT BE?! CABOOSE Come on! Keep him out of here! Nobody let him through! With wide eyes, Drek stares out at the entranceway, obviously not wanting to see his Zero Hour at this point and time. Stone then moves to the ring ropes facing the ramp and leans out over the top, signaling to Hoff that’s he ready to fight him. However, since his attention is so solidly focused on the ring ramp, he’s unable to notice someone running out through the crowd. Someone jumping over the ringside barrier. Someone sliding into the ring. And someone KNOCKING DREK STONE OVER THE TOP ROPE! COLE HOFF!! CABOOSE OH, DAMMIT! Once Drek hits the ground, Hoff immediately climbs out through the ropes to follow him. Drek tries sprinting away from the current #1 Contender, but Hoff simply won’t allow him to get away. He grabs Drek by his left arm, yanks it towards him, and brings Drek Stone down with a HARD short-arm clothesline! The fans in the building let out a wild cheer as Drek drops to the ground nursing his neck. “YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!” Once Drek spends a second regaining his bearings, he grabs his title belt and starts making a wild dash towards the beach. Hoff chases after him like a lion stalking his prey, knowing he has the champion at his mercy. Drek tries desperately to run down to the ocean, but once he actually gets close to the water, Hoff hits him with a clothesline to the back of the head, bringing Drek Stone down once more. CABOOSE Come on! Where’s the Sadist when you need him?! David Hasselhoff?! Abe Vigoda?! SOMEONE! SOMEONE STOP HOFF FROM DOING SOMETHING WE’LL ALL REGRET! Not happy with simply knocking Drek Stone down, Hoff picks him up off the beach by the back of his head. He takes a moment to brush the sand off Drek’s chest, then lightly kicks the Heavyweight Title off to the side. Drek woozily tries to fall down, but Hoff keeps a solid hold on him. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” Unleashing a violent scream, Hoff picks Drek Stone up…. *BAM!* *SPLASH!* …..AND SPINEBUSTERS HIM INTO THE OCEAN! The fans in Cocoa Beach start going absolutely INSANE as Hoff rises and stands before the Heavyweight Champion, proudly grinning at what he just did. CABOOSE I can not believe this! What happened to the honor Hoff used to have?! I ACTUALLY USED TO RESPECT THAT GUY! I can’t believe it! As Drek lays lifelessly in the water, Hoff picks the Heavyweight Title off of the beach. With a wink, Hoff looks out at the fans, then wipes the grains of sand of the gold plate of the Heavyweight Championship. Finally, Hoff symbolically places the title over his shoulder, receiving a massive positive reaction in return. COLE Hoff was the Heavyweight Champion once before! Could this be what we see at Zero Hour?! COACH Well, minus the beach, of course. But honestly, Cole, I really do think this is a good sign of the future! Can Drek Stone actually beat Hoff?! CABOOSE YES! YES! Even after Hoff’s disgusting actions tonight, Drek Stone will destroy him at Zero Hour! He has to! Hoff raises the title up over his head, as the current sweeps in and slowly starts to take the lifeless body of Drek Stone out to sea. The camera fades away as Drek floats further out into the ocean. Missing one important possession. The one possession that means the most to him. The one possession he fought so unbelievably hard for tonight. The OAOAST Heavyweight Title. Now proudly sitting over Hoff’s shoulder. *fade to black* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hoff 0 Report post Posted February 18, 2005 (edited) © 2005 OAOAST Enterprises/HeldDOWN~! Entertainment, Inc. CREDITS: Ken NYU Adam Adam myself Tony Patty Eski Zack Cappa TARDY TO CLASS: MST3K Phenom Edited February 18, 2005 by Hoff Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
