Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 The following is a story of several things that I'm not proud of... as well as a few things I am proud of. Hating will be welcomed. This is a story of the roller coaster ride of the past couple of months, and how that roller coaster finally went off hte tracks... It really started on December 23rd, when I got truly liquored up for the first time and fucked a fat chick. But we'll skip over that. Skipping ahead to New Year's Eve. I went to a party that night, but I had somewhere else that I needed to be by midnight. I was already fairly well gone, but four of us needed to leave and we needed to take two cars. One of us, Tom, managed to keep from drinking the whole night, and he took his car. Anthony, who was already schmickered, rode with Tom in the hopes that he would be a sobering influence. This left me and the fourth, Billy. This was an interesting conundrum. On the one hand, I didn't have a driver's license (in fact, at this point I wasn't even sixteen). On the other hand, one look at Billy would tell you that I was going to be the safer driver, age be damned. Finally, the driver's side headlight on Billy's car was out, and seeing as that was what we were taking, if we got pulled over for it it wasn't going to be a good time. Billy looked at me. "Dude, can you drive?" "I suppose." We got into the car and began driving off. It's normally a ten minute drive to where we were going, but on this night it took thirty -- I was trying to make sure that I wasn't going to do something retarded to get pulled over. So we're chugging along nicely, Billy yelling to me drunkenly to "go fucking faster!", but it's looking fine as we make the last turn... And look, there's blues in my rearview. Fuck. I look at Billy. Billy looks at me. My mind is racing, trying to think of what I'm going to say to this cop, but Billy is already taking action. "Dude, we've gotta switch spots." This is a '99 Pontiac Grand Am, and there's no way in hell we're both going to be able to move the necessary five feet in the thirty seconds that it'll take for the officer to get to our car. So Billy, thinking quickly, opens his door and gets out of the car. The officer, caught off-guard, whirls around and shines his flashlight in Billy's face. Upon realizing that Billy's not, like, packing heat or anything, the cop says, "Uh, you can sit down, son." Billy gets back in his car, looking like an ass. The officer walks up to my window, taps on it. I go to put the window down... and nothing happens. The fuck? "Dude, the window doesn't work, you'll have to open the door." Fucking great. I open the door, and the cop looks at me odd. "Sorry, sir, the window doesn't work." "Okay... license and registration?" "I kinda left my license at home, this isn't my car, I'll get you the registration though..." Billy gets the registration out of his glove compartment, I give it to the officer, and he starts taking my information. "Name?" "Joseph Peters... H. Peters." "Birthday?" My birthday is January 13th, 1989. "January 13th, nineteen eighty ni... eight." The cop doesn't seem to notice my stutter and takes down the rest of my info, before going back to his car to punch it all in. I breathe for the first time in this whole incident, Billy and me are getting kinda cocky as the cop comes back... "Joseph, are you from New Hampshire? Your name didn't..." "No, I'm from Vermont, I'm just in town for New Year's..." "Oh, okay, that's fine... I'm just going to give you a warning, your front headlight was out, other than that you guys are fine." That incident is called the Act of God, and made me an instant celebrity within the school. For a few weeks I was riding high. Fast forward to Martin Luther King weekend. That Thursday was my birthday, and Friday night I celebrated by partying. Sunday night, I went over to Anthony's house to watch the Pats game, when Evan walked up to me. "Dude, what are you doing tonight?" "I don't know." "You want to come up to Stark with me and some guys?" "...sure. Where's Stark?" "Oh, like an hour from here." Awesome. Pats win, and me, Chris, Andrew and Tireef piled into Andrew's mom's car to make the drive to Stark. Andrew, driving his mother's car, had to be back in town by 5:45 the next morning. Tireef, ever the intellectual, offered to drive his car so we wouldn't have to worry about it, but Andrew and Chris insisted that it was no big deal. I told Tireef that I was planning on staying at Stark that night, and he said that was cool. We went to Stark and I got completely smashed, had sex with another fat chick, and had my last memory be that of throwing up in the snow. After that I blacked out. While blacked out, apparently, Chris and Andrew decided to leave -- and me being drunk and out on my feet, they decided to take me with them. As we were leaving, Tireef (who hadn't been drinking) offered to drive the three of us (all of whom had been drinking) home, but Chris and Andrew again insisted that it was no big deal. So we began driving home. Note that it was a heavy snowstorm that night, and the lines on the road were difficult to see. It seems that I was vomiting in the back seat, and it got so bad that Chris tried to pull off the road and put his fourways on. However, instead of pulling off the road, he pulled into the fucking lane. Me after finding out what happened: "Dude, you could've made me puke out the window." So, our luck, a cop drives by and sees our car pulled over, with me hanging out the backseat puking. He taps on the driver's side door and asks Chris for license and registration -- but Chris, bastion of intelligence, has left his license at home. In a moment of pure genius, he hands the cop Andrew's license. I was told the exchange went like this: "What is this?" "My license." "Step out of the car, son." Fucking great. It was around this time that I came to, and I remember being shoved against the hood of a police car and patted down. Handcuffs, threw me in the back of the car, and drove off. On the way to the station I blacked out several times, and what I do remember is banging my head on the glass window and asking the cop to turn the radio up. Got to the station, blew a .18... yeah. They held us there for a good four hours before making us call our parents, who promptly came and posted bail. My mum came and picked me up. She cried. Because of me. I'm a man's man. (flame away.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CronoT Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Unless you live in a hick state: 1. A cop cannot arrest you for being drunk in a car if you are not the driver. 2. The police must allow you at least one phone call, and they must do it in a timely manner. Four hours is not a timely manner. My advice: Get a good, inexpensive lawyer, and tell him/her what happened. If that lawyer has anything resembling a brain, those charges will be dropped before you can say "Police Harrassment." BTW, if you're Hispanic, and driving in a nice neighborhood with a decent car, you are three times more likely to be pulled over for almost nothing. If you're black, it's five times more likely. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 1. A cop cannot arrest you for being drunk in a car if you are not the driver. Well, I live in NH, but I'm also sixteen, so I am kinda fucked there. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Failed Mascot Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Jingus has to relinquish his Fat Chick Thrilla member title to Calvin. You're lucky you didn't die of alcohol poisoning with that .18 shit. Don't make me and CWM lecture you cause we're lazy and don't want to. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CronoT Report post Posted February 19, 2005 1. A cop cannot arrest you for being drunk in a car if you are not the driver. Well, I live in NH, but I'm also sixteen, so I am kinda fucked there. Oh yeah, forgot about the underage thing. But, the excessive holding time isn't going to fly. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Failed Mascot Report post Posted February 19, 2005 I also hope your mom takes you on Maury Povich and they show degrading black and white footage of you looking all hard before that big muscular black man makes you cry. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CronoT Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Jingus has to relinquish his Fat Chick Thrilla member title to Calvin. You're lucky you didn't die of alcohol poisoning with that .18 shit. Don't make me and CWM lecture you cause we're lazy and don't want to. Alcohol poisioning starts at about .40. If you have a .50 rating, you'll be dead. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Failed Mascot Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Crono you've probably never drank anything stronger than Ginger Ale. Get your lame ass out of here. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NYU 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Crono you've probably never drank anything stronger than Ginger Ale. Get your lame ass out of here. When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CronoT Report post Posted February 19, 2005 http://members.aol.com/intoxikon/alcohol.poisoning.html How Much Alcohol Is "Lethal"? The "lethal dose" (LD) of alcohol is clinically defined as the amount that would kill half the population (the LD50). Most authorities place the LD50 at about .40% or about four times the current legal limit in most states. However, there are many cases in which death occurred from alcohol poisoning at much lower, and in some cases, much higher levels. For a 100 lb. man or woman drinking very quickly, it would only require about 8-10 drinks in an hour to reach the lethal level. Bite me, hippie. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CronoT Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Crono you've probably never drank anything stronger than Ginger Ale. Get your lame ass out of here. When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson. Oh, aren't you so cute, with your mocking, and your stupidity, and your utter lack of coherent thought. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Failed Mascot Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Except I had a friend die of alcohol poisoning with a level of under .30 You should e-mail that site to his parents. I'm sure they'll be happy to read their son couldn't have died. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NYU 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Crono you've probably never drank anything stronger than Ginger Ale. Get your lame ass out of here. When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson. Oh, aren't you so cute, with your mocking, and your stupidity, and your utter lack of coherent thought. What? I was defending you! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CronoT Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Crono you've probably never drank anything stronger than Ginger Ale. Get your lame ass out of here. When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson. Oh, aren't you so cute, with your mocking, and your stupidity, and your utter lack of coherent thought. What? I was defending you! I highly doubt that. Except I had a friend die of alcohol poisoning with a level of under .30 You should e-mail that site to his parents. I'm sure they'll be happy to read their son couldn't have died. Read it again, dumbass. It says that the average lethal dose is .40; but, some people have died from less of a dose. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Vitamin X Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Crono you've probably never drank anything stronger than Ginger Ale. Get your lame ass out of here. When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson. Oh, aren't you so cute, with your mocking, and your stupidity, and your utter lack of coherent thought. ^^^ HYPOCRISY GONE WILD! Just so CronoT fully understands the severity of the situation, I will put it in terms he can understand: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 When you're good enough to get the Passing Out, the Throwing Up, and the Hangover, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on drinking, Woolery. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Art Sandusky 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Should I suspend CronoT for a day or so just on principle and for shits and giggles? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Agent of Oblivion Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Ah, your mom was overreacting to make you feel guilty. She or your father have been picked up drunk at the police station at some point, I'm sure. You'll get community service and a lot of bad noise for the minor consumption. Unless you've got a record or whatever. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slayer 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 When you're good enough to get the Passing Out, the Throwing Up, and the Hangover, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on drinking, Woolery. A fucking moron writes a TSM "Response" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Big Ol' Smitty 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson. Where is this from? I don't even know and it kills me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest cosbywasmurdered Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Should I suspend CronoT for a day or so just on principle and for shits and giggles? Fuck yes. Sorry you got busted Chuck. .18? cut back a bit. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sideburnious 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Should I suspend CronoT for a day or so just on principle and for shits and giggles? Do, he might come back bitter and twisted. It's good to see someone else other than JaXl has drunken adventures around here. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Art Sandusky 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Account Suspension Notification CronoT, Your member account at TheSmartMarks Forums has been temporarily suspended. Your account will not be functional until Feb 20 2005, 10:35 AM (depending on your timezone). This is an automated process and you do not need to do anything to expediate the unsuspension process. BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Now I don't know if I want to ban him from OAO Raw or just mess with him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Amazing Rando 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Mess with him. PLEASE. I'll be around this Monday and I want to watch. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Vitamin X Report post Posted February 19, 2005 Crono you've probably never drank anything stronger than Ginger Ale. Get your lame ass out of here. When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson. Oh, aren't you so cute, with your mocking, and your stupidity, and your utter lack of coherent thought. ^^^ HYPOCRISY GONE WILD! Just so CronoT fully understands the severity of the situation, I will put it in terms he can understand: I'm somewhat disappointed CronoT won't be able to PWN me in regards to this statement until tommorrow. I eagerly await his response! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NYU 0 Report post Posted February 19, 2005 (edited) The message will be missed if you don't use Crono's ever-popular " " Edited February 19, 2005 by NY Untouchable Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2005 The message will be missed if you don't use Crono's ever-popular " " This post has been edited by NY Untouchable on Feb 19 2005, 05:22 PM What, did you forget something? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2005 When you're good enough to get the Passing Out, the Throwing Up, and the Hangover, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on drinking, Woolery. A fucking moron writes a TSM "Response" Don't worry. I e-mailed TSM's anti-satire division to make sure this never happens again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted February 20, 2005 Nikjohns hasn't replied yet Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
