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SuperJerk

Ashlee Simpson deserves a break!

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http://www.thenewstribune.com/ae/music/sto...p-4282999c.html

 

Read my lip-sync: Ashlee Simpson deserves a break

 

 

ERNEST JASMIN; THE NEWS TRIBUNE

Last updated: February 18th, 2005 02:40 AM (PST)

 

There’s been a lot of Ashlee Simpson bashing these past few months, ever since Jessica’s little sis was exposed on “Saturday Night Live” in October. For the three of you who missed it, Ashlee got busted lip-syncing when the vocal track from a song she’d already performed started playing at an inopportune time – an incident that will forever link her name with the likes of Milli Vanilli.

Sure, I’ve done my share of Ashlee dissing. But I think it’s gone too far. And all I have to say about the matter now is just cut it out. Let the poor, misunderstood girl be.

 

Granted, her careers as reality TV star, recording artist and model are the result of the sort of gross nepotism that inspires homicidal thoughts in starving artists coast to coast.

 

And sure it’s easy to point out Ashlee’s relative lack of moral character, after she blamed the “SNL” incident on her band and then acid reflux; or knock her singing, which is, when she’s not lip-syncing, not remarkably better than Biz Markie’s.

 

But let’s look at the bright side of Ashlee Simpson. She’s the main attraction Thursday night at Seattle’s Paramount Theatre, and I offer five reasons to love Ashlee, lest you people show up at the Paramount and start pelting her with rotten tomatoes:

 

1. Ashlee is hilarious. Fan or not, you’ve got to admit. The lip-syncing incident, followed by that nervous jig she did when she realized she was busted, was the funniest “SNL” moment since Christopher Walken declared “I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell” on that Blue Oyster Cult skit a few years back.

 

2. Ashlee is a unifier. Last I checked, nearly 313,000 people had signed an online petition to Geffen Records and JT Simpson Entertainment at www.stopashlee.com. Here’s a truncated list of demands:

 

“We, the undersigned, are disgusted with Ashlee Simpson’s horrible singing and hereby ask her to stop.

 

“Stop recording, touring, modeling and performing. We do not wish to see her again.”

 

Ouch! That’s just mean. But keep in mind that Ashlee might succeed in unifying mankind in a common cause where war, world hunger and poverty have not.

 

3. Ashlee is bold. Blaming the lip-syncing episode on acid reflux? Blaming getting booed by nearly 72,000 people at the Orange Bowl on the whole halftime being bad, not just her part? Now that’s nerve.

 

So is going ahead with a tour in the midst of a string of bad publicity rivaled only by Michael Jackson and R. Kelly these days. Other divas would suddenly develop “throat problems” for much less than that.

 

4. Ashlee is soooo edgy. While Sister Jessica is content to play the part of blond pop tart, Ashlee is the rocker in the family. She dyed her hair black and wears tacky clothes just to show how punk rock she is. I’d wager she’s almost as punk rock as Avril Lavigne. If only we could measure such things.

 

5. Ashlee is a misunderstood, tortured artist. Some hold up Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt” as a shining example of the sort of raw, naked emotion a pop star can convey through music. But at the tender age of 19, Ashlee gives us a whole “Autobiography” of such soul-baring material.

 

“I walked a thousand miles while everyone was asleep,” she sings on the title track. “Nobody’s really seen my million subtleties.”

 

We feel her sadness. But it’s later in the song that she hammers the emotion home with, “Got stains on my T-shirt, and I’m the biggest flirt.” We can only guess at the existential angst that must fuel her creative process.

 

So don’t hate – appreciate. Ashee Simpson rocks. And you should all go to Thursday’s show, cheer loudly and maybe buy a T-shirt to show your appreciation of her genius.

 

No, really. I typed this with a straight face.

 

:lol:

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Guest LooneyTune

I'd rather cut off my genitalia and feed it to wolverines than listen to Ashlee Simpson attempt to sing.

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Guest BrokenWings

I thought we already had an Ashlee Simpson thread. Can't the crap be kept in one thread, at the very least? We should have a OAO Ashlee Simpson thread, where everyone can make fun of her, and Matt Young can swoon while ignoring everyone else.

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Guest Vitamin X
The only thing worse than Ashlee Simpson are the people who won't shut up about her. Yes, those people are worse than Hitler.

I didn't know Hitler was an Ashlee Simpson fan.

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Well, if you're assigned to do an Ashlee Simpson story because she's in town, I suppose you got no choice. Don't know if that's this guy's excuse...

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Guest Failed Mascot

Did that guy insult Biz Markie? Lets Stay Friends is still the shit.

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I thought we already had an Ashlee Simpson thread.

I didn't see another one.

 

edit: Still don't.

Edited by RobotJerk

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The only thing worse than Ashlee Simpson are the people who won't shut up about her. Yes, those people are worse than Hitler.

Sieg heil, I guess.

 

As for the mention of an Ashlee thread, there were a couple in here including one regarding the Orange Bowl, but I'm not sure which one he was referring to. I started a thread about the TV show in the Movies/TV folder.

 

I actually talk about Ashlee less often than a lot of people on here seem to.

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I'd rather cut off my genitalia and feed it to wolverines than listen to Ashlee Simpson attempt to sing.

I'd rather listen to Ashlee Simpson sing than do any harm to my genitalia.

 

Not because I'm a fan of hers. I'm just a big fan of my genitalia.

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Guest Vitamin X
a·gree  v. a·greed, a·gree·ing, a·grees

v. intr.

  1. To grant consent; accede: We agreed to her suggestion.

  2. To come into or be in accord, as of opinion: I agree with you on that. Our views on the election agree.

  3. To come to an understanding or to terms: We agreed on the price.

  4. To be compatible or consistent; correspond: The copy agrees with the original. His story agrees with mine.

  5. To be suitable, appropriate, pleasing, or healthful: Spicy food does not agree with me.

  6. Grammar. To correspond in gender, number, case, or person.

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Guest MikeSC
a·gree  v. a·greed, a·gree·ing, a·grees

v. intr.

  1. To grant consent; accede: We agreed to her suggestion.

  2. To come into or be in accord, as of opinion: I agree with you on that. Our views on the election agree.

  3. To come to an understanding or to terms: We agreed on the price.

  4. To be compatible or consistent; correspond: The copy agrees with the original. His story agrees with mine.

  5. To be suitable, appropriate, pleasing, or healthful: Spicy food does not agree with me.

  6. Grammar. To correspond in gender, number, case, or person.

I thought you might have been using definition #5. :)

-=Mike

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