Promo: barroom asskicking

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

It is after Smarkdown, about a block down the road at the local pub. The stars shine bright over the canopies of the bar. A dark night, with a clear sky, men and women loiter outside the pub. Some are holding their own alcohol that’s not allowed in there, others just want some privacy. Two men are tossed outside, obviously a bit too much to drink. As the doors swing open and close, the cameraman steps through them.

 

“Hey sexy, want some of my ass.”

 

The camera man turns to face the woman talking to him, some bar hooker, looking for a lay with cash… as if an SWF cameraman makes any money, what a dumb ho. The camera cuts to the bar table, where a man starts chugging down the beers… probably on his seventh or eighth one. Showing signs of buzzing, but still is competent.

 

“Gimme another beer! I won tonight! Still a double champ yo! Gotta get some alcohol in me before I go do some shit for my boys!”

 

In a close up, it is US and tag team champion Jay Dawg. Taking his time, he drinks a bit of the beer. He turns around on the stool, letting his elbows rest on the table, he looks at the female dancers at the pub.

 

“This is my kind of place.”

 

A well built man takes a seat beside him. He’s obviously had a few drinks himself. JD doesn’t notice him, as his eyes are glued on a lovely lady stripping her clothes off… a lesbian stole his girlfriend dammit, he’s feeling kind of lonely!

 

“So how’s it going Jamie?” the man speaks in a low, grumbled voice.

 

JD keeps his attention on the lass in front of him, although he turns his head slightly to see who spoke to him. Seeing the man, he remains calm, and nonchalantly answers.

 

“Doing just fine, Munich.”

 

“Good… Good.” Munich answers, grabbing another drink and sip it down, facing the bar. “So you are a double champ.”

 

“Do you have a point, Munich? Cuz I’m trying to enjoy the show.” A slightly frustrated JD responds.

 

Munich simply chuckles as he sips down his beer. “Yeah, I do have a point. You and your buddy Sacred defeated me tonight. You guys seemed to beat the odds. I must say I am a little impressed. You didn’t pin me but…”

 

“Hey, hey, hey… weren’t you the guy who got beat by Stryke in that three man Gauntlet match last week?” a bit more cocky expression from JD.

 

“Heh.” Is all Munich comes up with. “Yeah… a rough night one might say. I tell you something though, that U.S. title of yours looks mighty appeasing.”

 

“It’s the Canadian title now. Get it straight.”

 

“Wasn’t it the Pandagram middle weight of Alabama or some crazy shit made by the Carnival?”

 

“Nope. After Storm, on our tag titles win, Commish Stubby granted me the name change to Canadian Championship… Might have helped that he was Canadian.”

 

“I see…” Munich slowly mumbles.

 

Having enough of the chick dancing, JD spins around the barstool so he is facing Munich. He clenches the beer in his hand, a bottle in the other.

 

“Anyway. What was it you were saying about my title?” JD asks.

 

“Oh nothing really. I just find it interesting. To be honest, I think it will look good on me.”

 

“You know… You may be right. I got the title on me right now. How about we take a look at it.”

 

Munich gives JD the crazy eye (from that movie) and JD snaps back an inch or two.

 

“Yeah… I think that’d be cool.”

 

JD reaches down, grabbing the duffel bag. He reaches down, and pulls out a title belt.

 

“Wait, that’s not it. That’s my other title. Yeah, we Poundies are pretty good at acquiring double gold.”

 

Munich frowns at JD, who is now just trying to annoy him. He pulls out the Canadian title, and holds it in front of him. He passes it to Munich, who accepts it graciously.

 

“Yeah… I must agree. It does look better on me.” Munich confesses.

 

“I’ll drink to that. Hey bartender, 10 more beers!” JD screams, at the guy who is cleaning the mugs… as if he does anything else. The bartender, let’s call him George, rolls his eyes, as he reaches into the fridge and pulls out ten bottles of beer, carrying them to the table. “Thank yah. I got a tip for you.” JD reaches into his pocket, pulling out an wallet size picture of himself, and hands it to the bartender. “There’s an address on the back, mail it there with fifteen dollars, and I’ll send you back a signed copy.” The bartender again rolls his eyes, as he turns back to cleaning the mugs, tossing the picture into the garbage first time JD turns his head.

 

“You care if I have a beer, double champ?” Munich asks, demanding a yes practically.

 

“By all means. In fact… why don’t we have a little contest on who’s the better drinker?” the double champ presents the challenge. Munich grins, lips stretching ear to ear.

 

“And if I win?” he asks, trying not to sound too excited.

 

“I’ll give you a chance to have this belt over your waist instead of mine.”

 

“You’re on.” Replying with little hesitation.

 

“Alright. Five beers each, first one to finish them all… wins.” JD presents the rules.

 

“You’re going down son, I’m the best drinker around.”

 

“Pffft. Us Canadians go through flats at a time. You’ll be a breath of ease.”

 

Munich grabs the first beer, as does JD, the champ lets it go, and reaches to a different bottle.    

 

“Hey George. Count to three.”

 

“Yeah yeah. Are you ready?” George asks, a pair of nods signals yes. “Alright… One, Two, Three.”

 

And the slam back, chugging the alcohol down. Seconds later, Munich finishes his slightly before JD. Onto the second beer, Munich is already slamming his back when JD grabs his second beer. He glares at Munich for a second, then takes his bottle, and smashes it over the wide end of Munich’s! Glass shatters everywhere as Munich grabs at his mouth.

 

“Son of a bit…”

 

*CRACK*

 

-JD slams two beer bottles over Munich’s head. He grabs two full beers, smashes them both over Munich’s hair, the moose piss flies everywhere as the beer begins to stain Munich’s outfit. JD grabs the Canadian title and pulls Munich toward him.

 

“I think you’re right Munich. This title does look better on you. When I embed it over your fucking face!”

 

JD lifts the title high up, and smashes it over the cranium of Munchie. JD grabs the head of Munich, and slams it into a barstool. Blood begins to pour over his face, and drips everywhere.

 

“Hey! Cut it out!” George shouts, as he looks around for the bouncer.

 

“Shut the fuck up! This bastard dissed me, now he’s getting a lesson!”

 

Suddenly, two massive arms wrap around Jay Dawg’s body. He grabs at the wrists, struggling for a second, before kicking his leg backward, hitting the bouncer in the shins. The bouncer loosens his grip, allowing JD to grab one of his beer bottles, and smashes it over his head. The bouncer drops to one knee, as JD grabs a hold of him, and throws him into the cage of the dancing stripper! The bouncer lays motionless, his head bending the steel. Another bouncer comes toward JD, but a grip of the eighth beer bottle, which is soon smashed over his head, spilling beer everywhere, kills his momentum. The bouncer stands back, blood gushing out of his nose, as JD taps his foot lightly. The double champ thrusts it forward, smacking the bloody bouncer with the Thai Roundhouse Kick, knocking him over a pair of tables and to the floor!    

 

JD turns his attention back to the bloody Munich, grabbing him by the back of his hair, and pulls him up. He whispers into his ear. “You’ll never be good enough for my titles, boy. I’ve been around longer, and fought harder.”

 

Although bloody, and quite motionless, Munich manages to get a dribble of speech out. “Watch… your… back… son… you… will… never… see… it… coming.”

 

JD shakes his head and yanks Munich to his feet. He pulls the Chicago native around, then throws him over the bar table! JD gets ready to hop over the bar table when…

 

*Chak Chik*

 

George stands in front of JD, well actually the double barrow shotgun does.

 

“It’d be wise to stop now.” George informs JD who looks toward him, and smiles innocently.

 

“How about I just grab my stuff and take of now?”

 

“Yeah, I agree. How about you do that?”

 

“Great. See you later.”

 

JD grabs his bags and heads to the door.

 

“Hey! You owe me for the beers.”

 

“Hey! You know that Munich fucked your sister!?”

 

“Why you little!” George shouts, pointing the gun at Munich… when the lightbulb flashes. “Wait a minute, I don’t have a sister…”

 

-*SLAM*

 

Door slams and all George can say is. “Son of a bitch.”

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

YES!

 

That was awesome!

 

“Wait, that’s not it. That’s my other title. Yeah, we Poundies are pretty good at acquiring double gold.”

 

Funny as hell.  Really good promo altogether.  If Munich wins the contendership on Storm, I say push for a barroom brawl at the PPV to keep this stuff up.

[Guest redbaron51]

funny promo by mr. JD

[Guest]

Great read and now I'm really looking forward to Jay Dawg/Munich for the title.

 

Nice way to heat it up.

[Guest ErekT2k]

If only Munich was here to read it. The guy has completely disappeared!

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Blarg... this was supposed to go up before Smarkdown, but laziness kicked in.

 

Anyway, the main point was I'm the Canadian champ and Munich wants a reason to kick my ass.

[Guest Perfect_Bo]

Uh, nice

[Guest BA_Baracus]

PROMO (Stubby P. McWeed);

"I'd say the promo was good, but everything Dawg does is crap by defaut so...

 

...what a crappy promo!

 

Mothernature says, you just wasted 5 minutes of her life!"

[Guest Insanityman]

Awesome promo JD, I would mark for a barroom brawl!