PROMO: No Sweat

[King Cucaracha 0]

With Storm in the books, the SWF is preparing to shape up and ship out of the Seychelles, to the next destination on the World Tour. But not everyone has left the country yet. Away from P.Diddy's private island, we're now in Martial Law territory...a hotel elsewhere on the island. Sitting by what seems to be a deserted swimming pool, Benjamin Hardy is standing with Megan Skye and one half of the SWF World Tag Team Champions (yes, I'm getting all the mileage out of this that I can) Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. Both are once again looking beach-ready, Maddix in those hideous blue swimshorts again. At least this time though, they're hidden somewhat by a title belt.

 

"Grettings from the Seychelles, Benjamin Hardy here with an exclusive interview for the SWF.com. Landon Maddix, SWF Tag Team Champion, is with me and we're just a few days removed from Storm. A victory over Wildchild, your first in singles competition...you must be feeling great."

 

"As always." smiles Maddix, adjusting his belt a little. "But obviously, I've got extra reason to feel great right about now. Here I am on this beautiful island, soaking up some rays. Nice hotel. Secluded location. A chance to take a day off and relax. I've got a beautiful woman flitting around to make the place a little more exotic."

 

Rolling her eyes, Megan makes an early exit, deciding if she's going to be listening to Maddix's sexist comments, she might as well be in the pool and not burning her way to skin cancer in the sun.

 

"I've got a belt back around my waist. And I've finally put this stupid singles match curse against Wildchild to rest. How it took so damn long, I really can't tell you Benjy. Wildchild and me have wrestled a whole bunch of times in the past year and a half...and I've had him beat so many times. So many times. But...I could never finish him off. I don't know why. Loss of concentration, just sheer dumb luck...I don't know what, but I'd get him in position to beat him and something would hit me. BAM! And I'd end up losing. Once everybody brought up the word 'curse', or told me I just couldn't beat him, it just got worse. But you know what they say Ben. Everything can be healed by the...'sands' or time."

 

With a nudge to Hardy, Maddix laughs.

 

"You don't seem too...remorseful."

 

"Remorseful? The fuc..."

 

"Well, throwing sand into someone's face doesn't seem all that funny to me."

 

"Ben, you're preaching to the choir here. I've washed my hair at least five times since Storm and I still keep finding grains of the damn stuff. Whoever came up with the idea of holding the show on the beach is going to find himself paying for my salon bill when we get back to America."

 

Despondantly, Hardy sighs.

 

"Moving on...obviously, you're enjoying your brief time off here in the Seychelles. But in the back of your mind, you must be thinking about your upcoming match on Lockdown against Johnny Dangerous. Who, it's fair to say, you're no stranger to."

 

"Yeah, that's an understatement. I've been in the ring with him more times than I ever did with Alan Clark. And just like Clark, Johnny just won't take the hint. Personally, beating Johnny Dangerous is the wrestling equivalent of becoming Miss East Germany. Sure, at the end of it, you've won. But the competition sucks the big one."

 

"So, you're not...concerned...that Johnny will be out for revenge?"

 

"Storm, Wildchild...I was worried about that. You know. Having faced Wildchild so many times, never having beat him, that worried me. But Johnny is the complete opposite. I've beaten Johnny Dangerous so many times that it's gone beyond a joke and become nothing more than a chore. Just like Clark became. Johnny needs to do what it took so long for Alan to do...and that's realise that I'm always going to get the upper hand, no matter how hard he tries. Sure, he'll get a lucky win every now and then. But eventually, the results won't matter. Just the dominance. Ground Zero 2004. The first show after Ground Zero. Battleground 2005. You might as well count the Clusterfuck Match too. Sure, he fluked me in March, he fluked me before Ground Zero last year. But when it's the big stage in the big matches, I always bring my A game and I always win. Because I'm BETTER than him. Even in his prime, he wasn't even in the same leauge as me. Remember, when Johnny Dangerous won the World Title...I had beaten him TWICE just weeks before. So even when he was the supposed best in the SWF, I was STILL better than him. Sensing a trend here yet?"

 

Sighing, Hardy nods.

 

"I heard what he said on Storm. His whining, crying and moaning about not getting a World Title shot. Do I have to remind you how long YOU kept ME waiting for a Tag Title shot Johnny? Do I really? Not nice when the shoe's on the other foot, eh? Johnny...you can whine and moan all you want. But you don't DESERVE a World Title shot. At least, not before me. Should I be worried about Johnny Dangerous being out for revenge? I don't see why. So I threw some sand in his buddy's eyes. So what? Newsflash Ben...THAT'S WHAT I DO! I Lie, Cheat and Steal...remember? If Johnny wants use that as another reason to soil his diaper, then so be it. In the end, it won't matter. Because I've beat Wildchild. It's not a big stage or a big match, but regardless, I'll beat Johnny. And then, it'll be a case of me and Todd sweeping up the remains and dumping them, out of our way."

 

Asserting his point with a brushing of the hands, Maddix looks into the clear Seychelles sky and smiles confidently to himself.

 

"Now, obviously, I have to bring up Revolution Zero."

 

And right on cue, the smile disappears.

 

"I'm sure you saw what Toxxic had to...'say'. Can we get a comment on that."

 

"Ben, with all due respect, it's not worth too much comment. He's just feeling unimportant because I've stopped paying attention to him. Toxxic is an attention whore, see. He's like a two year old. As soon as someone stops paying him the attention he thinks he deserves, he throws the toys out of the pram and bawls his eyes out until everyone notices him again. Why'd you think he's got so many enemies? Whenever someone DARES to get on with their careers, he has to get involved and make sure he remains centre of 'the universe, according to Toxxic'. Fourteen months I've been wanting these World Tag Team Titles. Fourteen, long months. So, I go after them. And obviously, because I took myself out of the World Title run for a while, Toxxic thinks he has to get my attention again. Here's a comment for ya Ben. Martial Law isn't dead, I'm not scared of Toxxic and find his attention seaking pathetic. Give it a week, and he'll be telling us all that Kibagami is scared of him and that he was the one who stole NTD's pants."

 

"Well, Todd Cortez will be back to face Toxxic on Lockdown...but of course, you have to concentrate on Johnny Dangerous. Any last comment on him?"

 

"This Wednesday in South Africa, Johnny Dangerous, I'm..."

 

Maddix pauses, trying to think of something to say...but gives up with a shrug.

 

"Eh, you know what I'm gonna say. I'm gonna get another massage."

 

As Maddix starts jogging up the steps towards the hotel, Hardy wonders to himself why he always gets these sorts of assignments. Eventually, Hardy finally remembers he's on camera and motions for Gus to cut the feed.

[Toxxic 0]

But... but I DID steal NTD's pants!

 

 

Nice one Landon. Are we sure Todd's going to be back in time to write for this one?

[King Cucaracha 0]

He's baaaaaaack.

 

So, yes, I assume so.