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OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 6/2/05

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HeldDOWN is presented by OAOAST Entertainment.

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

 

OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

 

The strains of Ashlee Simpson's LaLa play over the TV sets of America, for what better be the last time. Our opening montage airs, highlighting the amazing athletic acrobatics you can only find here, as indicated by our flashy logo....

 

ultimatelogohd.jpg

 

And we cut LIVE to Richmond, Virginia! The crowd is raucous as the camera sweeps them, the fans screaming like banshees for their favorite fake fighters. Fireworks EXPLODE and we come to our illustrious announcing trio, Triple C!

 

COLE

WELCOME TO HELDDOWN~!

 

COACH

Where deams are made! Where freedom rings! Where--

 

CABOOSE

What the hell is the matter with you?!

 

COACH

You know, I'm getting real tired of this routine.

 

COLE AND CABOOSE

....bwa?

 

COACH

I'm just saying....

 

COLE

...in any event, welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the post-School’s Out edition of HeldDown! Guys, we witnessed one hell of a main event on Sunday night.

 

COACH

We certainly did Michael, both competitors gave it their all in a great ladder match, but in the end, Axel walked out still the OAOAST Champion. He sure has been on a roll.

 

CABOOSE

While I don’t particularly like the guy, I’m going to have to agree. Axel’s 2005 has been one hell of a breakout year, from his Lethal Rumble win, to AngleMania, to all these successful title defenses over the past two months. I’ve been very impressed. I wonder who will be…

 

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

 

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHH!”

 

 

The crowd are suddenly on their feet for the beginning of ‘Eat You Alive’ by Limp Bizkit, signaling the champion’s arrival. Through the excess smoke from the pyro comes Axel, belt shining around his waist, playing to the crowd on the ramp. He walks half way down, points to both sides of the crowd, then the ring…

 

 

BOOM!

 

 

…and strikes the Crucifix Pose, setting off another blast of pyrotechnics.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome, your OAOAST Heavyweight Champion of the WOOOOOOOORLLLLLD… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAXELLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

 

Axel walks up the ring steps and climbs into the squared circle, climbing a turnbuckle and striking the crucifix pose to the crowd, and removing his belt. Grabbing a microphone from ringside, Axel shows the belt to the crowd, who respond in kind with a huge cheer. His music dies down, and the champion begins to speak.

 

AXEL

Last Sunday night, a chapter was closed.

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHH!”

 

AXEL

The most emotional feud I have ever been involved in came to an end, when I defeated Crystal, and retained this, MY OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship!

 

“YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”

 

AXEL

Over the past two months, I’ve taken on all comers for this championship. But tonight, I’m in a giving mood. So next week on HeldDown, we’re going to have an OAOAST Championship match. It’s going to be Axel, versus… whoever wants to answer my open challenge. So whoever it is, I’ll wrestle you next week. I’m laying it out, right here right now. First person to come through that curtain gets a shot.

 

“He’s Simply Ravishing…OWWWWWWW!”

 

“Simply Ravishing hits and the crowd respond in a fairly mixed reaction of cheers and boos to one half of Black T, T-Bod, Tony Brannigan. The man who met Axel just one month ago at Living Angleously, mic in hand, asks for his music to be cut, and he begins talking straight away.

 

TONY

Axel, I accept. I’ve taken you to the limit times before, and I’ve even beaten you. Last time we were in the ring, I was one second – ONE SECOND - away from winning that championship, and it made me want the title that much more. I could feel it, I could taste it. I want to have that feeling. I want to be the OAOAST Champion. I’ve been here for so long, I think I deserve another shot. So what do you say, next week, Axel versus Tony Brannigan, for the OAOAST Championship?

 

The crowd let out a healthy cheer at this proclamation, something that Tony is not accustomed to. Axel ponders the question for a moment, looking at Tony, and then his championship belt.

 

AXEL

… I accept. You and me, next week, right here on HeldDown.

 

TONY

Alright then, I’ll see you next week, and the outcome WON’T be the same as the last time.

 

“Simply Ravishing” hits once again as Tony retreats to the back, leaving Axel to ponder some more.

 

COLE

What a Main Event for next week! Axel versus Tony Brannigan for the OAOAST Championship! What a match!

 

CABOOSE

Well one thing is for sure, I’ll be rooting for Axel!

 

COLE

A blockbuster announcement, and we're only getting started! More action on the way, so stay tuned!

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Having returned to the OAOAST on Sunday night, Leon Rodez is settling back into his HeldDOWN~! dressing room. A smile a mile long fills Rodez's face, clearly glad to be back. With his bags on a nearby bench, Rodez looks around the locker room almost nostalgically...despite the fact he's probably never been in this particular locker room in his life. But the smile disappears as his door swings open, The Silky Smooth One turning on heels with fists clenched...

 

...as the Global Party Exchange walk in.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Rodez drops his guard, but the smile doesn't return. Walking forward, Static embraces his buddy, Johnny "Jax" doing the same.

 

STATIC

It's good to have ya back, buddy. How you doing?

 

RODEZ

Yeah, I'm doing fine.

 

Seeming a little evasive, Rodez turns back to his bags. Behind him, the GPX just shrug their shoulders.

 

STATIC

Good to hear it man. Look, we're real sorry we haven't been here the last little while, but after what happened at Anglemania...well, you know what I'm talking about. Wright really did a number on you, huh? I mean...damn, we watched that at home and we were like 'Woah, man'. Obviously, we're stoked that you're back.

 

Still Rodez doesn't seem attentive.

 

JAX

So...I take it you saw what we done, right? Zack Malibu...Some Guy...Black T...all left laying by OUR hands.

 

RODEZ

Yeah. Yeah, I saw it.

 

JAX

It's just like we told you...

 

RODEZ

...told me?

 

STATIC

Yeah, we told you a few months back, remember? When you were X Champ and we said 'we were gonna make the OAOAST a better place for young guys like us'.

 

RODEZ

And what you did...THAT was your idea of making things better?

 

JAX

Yeah!

 

The GPX smile as Rodez turns around, staring at the GPX in disbelief at their morality change.

 

JAX

And you know, this is just the start. We've got them all on the ropes after what happened at School's Out, man! All these old, decrepid, comatose, supposed legends have finally come to the end of the line. Whever they admit it or not. Everyone knows it now. You know what I'm talking about Leon. 5 months, X-Division Champion, you beat EVERYONE. Even us. You beat the entire division, to the point that you had to drop any sort of weight limit the belt ever had and give the 70s Dude a shot. You owned the X-Division man. And what did you get for it? What PPVs did you main event? How many legitimate World Title shots did you get? Have you ever wrestled Black T? Or Some Guy? Or CWM? NO! Because you're under that Glass Ceiling, looking up, just like we were.

 

STATIC

But we're ready to run them out of here. Drek's on side. Crystal's supporting our cause. And now you're back, we're stronger than ever.

 

Finally, for the first time, Rodez smiles again. The GPX smile back as Rodez tries his best for the smile not to turn into a laugh.

 

RODEZ

I don't think so guys.

 

STATIC

No, don't worry man...you can still get your hands on that Wright dude. But we need you on side.

 

JAX

It's us versus them, Leon. Young versus old. You want something done about Malibu, right?

 

RODEZ

I'll admit, I don't like the guy...

 

JAX

Well the...

 

RODEZ

Let me ask you guys one question.

 

The GPX stop talking and listen up.

 

RODEZ

Who are you, and what have you done with the REAL Johnny Jackson and Scotty Static?

 

Static tries to jump in. But Rodez holds up his hand, stopping Static in his tracks.

 

RODEZ

Young versus old? You think this is is about the young versus the old? This isn't a Creed song guys, this is reality. I've been away one month...one, solitary month. I come back and suddenly, I've got my friends, my buddies, running around on some ridiculous campaign to get rid of all the guys who founded this place. What the hell has gotten into you guys, huh? It was, what, a few months ago...we were hitting the town, going to bars, hanging out and enjoying ourselves. Enjoying being the key word there guys. There was no problem before. Now...you're totally different people.

 

STATIC

Things have changed. Look at AngleMania. You ended up facing three retired, former X-Division Champions, instead of people who DESERVED a shot at your title. We were going for the World Tag Team Titles, man. We beat Black T. It was our time. And yet, nobody gave a rat's ass about our match. They were STILL more concerned with Black T bringing back another fossil, to help them beat on some other fossils. While we got SHAFTED into the wilderness. And we realised it was always gonna be that way!

 

JAX

Damn right. We've seen the light, we...

 

RODEZ

That light is probably another one of your psychedelic drug trips. Look, I got no love for Zack Malibu at all. I don't like the guy, never have, never will probably. But that doesn't mean I want to run him out of the entire company. Same for Black T. Guys...you realise that you've pretty much abandoned everything you ever had. Your fans. Your morals. Your friends, including me.

 

STATIC

Screw that. Screw'em all. We're what matters Leon. Us three...

 

Clearly not getting his point across, Rodez sighs.

 

RODEZ

Look, I'm sick of always being 'in the wrong'. This deal with Christian Wright, it's made me re-think things. I can't change my past, but I can damn sure stop myself from this as a future. I don't wanna regret anymore things in my life.

 

Static rolls his eyes, Jackson now sighing.

 

RODEZ

And I'm looking at you guys right now, my so called friends. And I don't like what I see. This isn't about young versus old. Sure, it might be for you. But for me...it's about what's right...and what's wrong. And YOU guys are wrong, not Zack Malibu. Not CWM. Not Some Guy. YOU guys! We go way back and I'd hoped that once I got back, I could talk some sense into you two. But now I'm looking at you in the flesh, listening to you in person...and I realise there's no point, because you're too far gone. So I'll just say this...I want NOTHING to do with your campaign. And until you two truly see the light and realise what you're doing, I want NOTHING to do with you.

 

Utterly fuming, the GPX glare at Rodez, who just shakes his head. Static goes to step forward but is held back by Johnny, which Rodez raises an eyebrow at wryly.

 

STATIC

You've made a BIG mistake playa. I thought we were crew. But if you ain't with us...you're AGAINST us!

 

RODEZ

Oh...is that so?

 

JAX

Yeah, that's so!

 

Backing up, Rodez doesn't take his eyes off of the GPX for a second. He reaches back, into one of his bags, pulling out flowing, gold robe...and matching ring attire. Plus, a piece of paper, which he waves at the GPX.

 

RODEZ

Guess what...I happen to have my doctor's clearance with my tonight. So, seeing as you're so pro-active nowadays, which one of you wants a shot at me?

 

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

 

JAX

Tonight? Don't think so. Lemme remind you...at School's Out, while you were spraying someone with silly string, we were showing why we're the top tag team in this entire company! We were out there busting our asses, not shaking them. So come back when we're one hundred percent and maybe we'll cut ya a deal.

 

STATIC

You know what, Johnny...we might not be one hundred percent. But I think I've got enough percentage in me to beat a FORMER X-Division Champion. Especially one who, apparantly, lacks the ambition that we do. So, yeah, I'll take you on tonight, 'Le-Ro'.

 

Jackson looks surprised, but Static makes sure Johnny knows it's okay.

 

RODEZ

Fine. You and me, tonight.

 

STATIC

I look forward to it.

 

RODEZ

Damn right.

 

Out retreat the GPX, leaving Rodez alone in his dressing room again. Rodez sighs and shakes his head. Before looking down at the ring gear in his hand...and smiling ever so slightly.

 

cut to Sofa Central

 

COLE

Welcome back, fans, to a wild edition of HeldDOWN~! We've got tons of action yet to come!

 

COACH

The Coach is gettin' ALL the action! BOO-YEAH~!

 

The house lights go down as a familiar classic rock song begins to play...

 

*dun dun*

*dun dun*

 

*dun dun*

*dun dun*

 

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO?

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO?

 

And the fans let out a collective roar of disdain as Chris Stevens, Jay Richards, and Jumbo -- now known as CSI -- make their way out from behind the curtain.

 

CABOOSE

Oh yeah!

 

COLE

Ladies and gentlemen, you are looking at Chris Stevens Incorporated, CSI.

 

The fans boo as Stevens, the man of the hour, holds his arms out to the side as he strides down the aisle, smiling a wry smile as he jaws with the fans. To his right, Jay Richards struts cockily, smirking and nodding. To his left, Jumbo marches down the aisle with a hint of a grin playing at his lips. All three men are dressed for battle (which, for Jumbo, is basically the same as his normal clothes).

 

COACH

You gotta admit, it's not a bad looking group!

 

COLE

We saw CSI form last Sunday at School's Out, when, as Jay Richards took on Peter Knight, Chris Stevens made his surprise return, and the three of them took PK out! Word is that PK is in the building...

 

CABOOSE

Bah, bugger that, Cole. Chris Stevens and CSI could care less about Peter Knight. It's not about him, it's about THEM.

 

The trio hits the ring, and Richards slides in. Jumbo climbs the steps and sits on the second rope, holding the strands open for Stevens who steps through. Once in the ring, Stevens holds his hands out to the sides, posing for the capacity crowd. The fans jeer, and Stevens waves them off before asking for a microphone. He grabs the mic from ringside and addresses the fans.

 

STEVENS

Welcome to the hottest thing in primetime!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOO"

 

Chris laughs as Jay fans himself comically. Jumbo stands there looking all big and stuff.

 

STEVENS

And HeldDown, you'd better get on your knees and thank me right now, because CSI is the greatest thing to ever happen to this show. We will--

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

 

STEVENS

We will spike the ratings every time we show up....we will put on THE BEST matches you have ever seen. And we do it all...for you.

 

"YOU SUCK"

"YOU SUCK"

"YOU SUCK"

"YOU SUCK"

 

Stevens nods his head as Jay points to the crowd, shouting "for YOU!!"

 

STEVENS

That's right. You see, for too long you've all been subjected to the same boring, mindless lugs, stinking up your TV sets every week. I mean, Zack Malibu, Drek Stone, Axel, Crystal, Tony Brannigan....

 

...Hoff....

 

The arena EXPLODES~!

 

"HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF"

 

STEVENS

But I am here to SAVE you people! You people, you fans who shell out $300 for a ticket, $75 for a pay-per-view, $65,000 for a replica title belt, you deserve MORE!! And I am here-- WE are here--

 

The three men pose together, Jay Richards pointing to all of them.

 

STEVENS

--to give you more.

 

The fans jeer as Chris lowers the mic.

 

CABOOSE

I don't get it! Chris Stevens is doing this for the fans! For them! Why would they boo the guy?!

 

COLE

Caboose, he's a backstabbing liar and a chetaer!

 

CABOOSE

ALL GOOD QUALITIES!!

 

COLE

Stop.

 

Stevens picks the stick back up.

 

STEVENS

Now. A lot of people have asked me, "why, Chris?" Why did I attack Peter Knight?

 

"P-K! P-K! P-K! P-K!"

 

STEVENS

I attacked Peter Knight because Peter Knight represents EVERYTHING that is wrong with this company. Here's a guy with as much personality as a slice of bread--

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

 

STEVENS

And as much style as, well, my main man Jumbo here--

 

Jumbo tugs on his vest, and Chris dusts off his shoulder, prompting a chuckle from the big guy.

 

STEVENS

And yet you people cheer him! And why? WHY?! Through no fault of your own, NO! You cheer PK because he's the best you've come to expect. You cheer Peter Knight because you don't know that you can have more! You can have something better than Peter Knight, people! You can have me. You can have Jay Richards, the flashiest, most dazzling cruiserweight ever to lace a pair of boots. You can have C-S--

 

*dunna dunna dunna dunna dun*

OH HELL YEAH!!!

 

The crowd EXPLODES as PK's theme hits, and out steps the man himself! PK stands on stage with a mic, and GLARES at Chris Stevens. In the ring, Stevens just smiles and shakes his head.

 

COLE

PK is HERE!!

 

"P-K! P-K! P-K! P-K!"

 

The two men stare each other down, not moving. Finally, Chris raises his mic to his lips.

 

STEVENS

Ladies and gentlemen, PETER KNIGHT!!!

 

The fans cheer as PK stares Stevens and CSI down.

 

STEVENS

Hey, PK, you got something to say to me? Come on, Captain Charisma, speak up! The WORLD is watching!!

 

The fans chant PK's name as he stares Stevens down for a looooong while....then finally raises the mic.

 

KNIGHT

I want you. TONIGHT.

 

The crowd EXPLODES. In the ring, Stevens drops his mouth in mock horror, and Jay Richards waves "spoooooky fingers" at Chris.

 

STEVENS

You want me, hotshot?

 

The fans cheer as PK slowly nods, never taking his eyes off of Stevens.

 

STEVENS

Well, pal, I tell you what. Why don't you turn your stoic ass around, head to the back, and go talk to Josie. Get yourself a match. Fight me, fight Jay, fight us both, I don't care. Pinfall, submission, falls count anywhere, Texas Death Match, the Three Stages of Hell, QUEBEC PROVINCE RULES...whatever you want. I don't care. We will fight you tonight, and we will beat you....and we will make it look good.

 

The fans boo as Stevens laughs, but Stevens shuts his mouth as PK picks up his mic, smiling ever so slightly.

 

KNIGHT

Chris....you just signed your own death warrant. The things Hoff did to you will be a walk in the park compared to what you're going through tonight. You and your whole little group are going down.

 

Knight turns as Oh Hell Yeah starts up, and the fans cheer as the smile fades from Stevens' face.

 

COLE

Well how about it! Peter Knight is gonna get his hands of Chris Stevens and CSI TONIGHT!!

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As we come back from break, we see Peter Knight storming down the hallway backstage, his obvious destination being GM Josie Baker’s office.

 

COACH

I guess PK isn’t wasting any time here. He said he wanted a match tonight and he’s going to get one right now.

 

Knight approaches the door to Josie’s office and opens it without stopping to knock. He starts to speak, but a familiar voice cuts him off.

 

RICK HEYROSS

Ah, right on time.

 

The camera swings from a slightly surprised Knight to reveal Brock Ausstin and Rick Heyross sitting on Josie’s leather couch. They both stand and approach him.

 

RICK

You see, my client and I heard Chris Stevens’ comments a few minutes ago and Brock decided to make your decision of what kind of match to have much easier on you. So, on behalf of Brock, I proposed to Ms. Baker that tonight, in that very ring, we have a tag team match. Chris Stevens and Jay Richards…..versus Peter Knight….and Brock Ausstin!

 

COLE

Wow! What a match that would be!

 

PK has a skeptical look on his face.

 

BROCK

I know, you don’t seem too convinced that this is a good idea but remember, I’ve dealt with Stevens and his fat goon before, so I’m not going to be sending them Christmas gifts anytime soon. You need someone to watch your back, and I volunteered myself, that’s it.

 

JOSIE

And I happen to think this is a great idea. Four…..wait, that kid’s in the match….three great OaOast Superstars in one ring for a match that should greatly entertain our HeldDown fans.

 

PK seems to think it over for a minute before stepping forward and putting his index finger in Brock’s face.

 

PK

Watch yourself.

 

PK leaves, and Rick shakes Josie’s hand before walking out with Brock. The camera follows them as they walk.

 

RICK

C’mon Brock, I did what you told me to do, NOW will you let me in on what you’re thinking about tonight?

 

Brock looks at Rick, but doesn’t say a word. He looks forward again and notices the camera in front of him.

 

BROCK

Get the hell out of here!

 

The cameraman almost jumps out of the pair’s way and shoots them walking away.

 

COLE

CSI!!! PETER KNIGHT!!!! BROCK AUSSTIN!!!! TAG MATCH!!!!!! TONIGHT!!!!!! SOMEONE SLAP ME BEFORE I GO NUTS!!!!!!

 

CABOOSE (putting on an iron glove)

You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that.

 

*POW*

 

Cole slumps to the ground. Coach looks down...then slowly backs away.

 

CABOOSE

FINALLY! WELCOME TO CABOOSEDOWN~! NOW IT IS TIME FOR ME TO RULE!! NO MORE COLE!! NO MORE COACH!! ALL CABOOSE, ALL THE TIME! AND I-- HEY!! WAIT!! DON'T CUT AWAY TO SOMETHING ELSE!! THE GPX?! WHO THE *bleep* CARES?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO....

 

cut to the back

 

Backstage we go and the Global Party Exchange are walking through the hallways, gesticulating away in the middle of an inaudible conversation. As they reach the nearby cameraman though, who is presumably down an ajoining corridor, they can finally be heard. Jackson is still in his street clothes, while Static has changed into his ring gear, ready for his match tonight.

 

JAX

I can't believe that ingrate. After all we did for him.

 

STATIC

Well, whatever man. I wouldn't worry too much. I mean, let's face it, deep down, he feels the same as we do...he just doesn't wanna admit it, s'all. He'll come 'round sooner or later. Until then though, I don't mind stretching him out a little.

 

JAX

Listen, Scotty...

 

Johnny stops walking, his partner abruptly doing the same.

 

JAX

Are you sure about this?

 

STATIC

'Course!

 

JAX

But, if we still want him to help us out with the numbers...

 

STATIC

Like I say, he'll come 'round. But until he does, he's not gonna get away with speakin' to us like he did. I know he's a friend and I know we had it planned so that he'd be our 'run-in' guy once he came back, help us out with the numbers disadvantage, take spots in matches when we didn't want them...all that good stuff. But, Leon was only the guy we had in mind because he was close to us. Come on Johnny, anyone can fill in that role.

 

JAX

Not people we can really trust.

 

With a wry smile, Static puts a hand on his tag partner's shoulder.

 

STATIC

Okay, what's the best way to convince Leon he should help us out?

 

Jax smiles himself.

 

JAX

Ah, I see where you're going with this. By beating him, right?

 

STATIC

Exactly. We beat him, show him what he's missing out on. And when he needs help, or when he finally comes to his senses about the glass ceiling hanging over this company...guess who he'll come running to. His ol' buddies. The person who beats his ass tonight...and you, of course.

 

JAX

Of course.

 

STATIC

So all we've got to do is deal with Leon tonight and play the waiting game. While he deals with Wright, we can deal with Malibu and his geriatric crew. It's a one night thing.

 

JAX

So long as it is just one night. We don't need to be fighting Rodez, especially when we're one up on the oldies.

 

STATIC

I agree. But then again, look at it this way...Leon Rodez versus Scotty Static. You at ringside. And not an old guy in sight.

 

Smiling, Jackson pats his tag partner on the back.

 

JAX

I like it Scotty...I like it a whole lot.

 

The GPX laugh and walk on down the hallway, not noticing the camera they just passed. And also, not noticing Leon Rodez, leaning on the cameraman's shoulder, watching on and having heard the entire conversation.

 

CABOOSE

What's gonna go down? Keep watching CABOOSEDOWN~! to find out!

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We come back to Sofa Central, where Michael Cole has recovered. A bandage wraps around his forehead.

 

COLE

Welcome back, fans!

 

CABOOSE

I miss when this show was called CabooseDown.

 

COLE

That was like three minutes ago!

 

COACH

DID YOU JUST SAY "THREE MINUTES?!"

 

Cole and Caboose eye Coach.

 

CABOOSE

God, I hate you.

 

COLE

Alright, it's time for our OAOAST main event...maybe. I don't really know because the schedules screwed up. We could be halfway through the show, we could be right at the end...I really have no idea.

 

CABOOSE

You can blame that on the drugs.

 

COLE

Ah yes, drugs. *sighs*

 

CABOOSE

You have a problem.

 

COLE

I know.

 

 

"In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees,"

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

"There finally emerges a group

which has come to set the record straight.

So, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard

can you say uhhh na na na na..."

 

Apparantly, the crowd can, but prefer to say 'BOOOOOOOO' instead, as "Make Her Say" by O-Town hits. Through the curtains burst the Global Party Exchange, Scotty Static leading the way with Johnny Jax bounding behind and applauding his tag team partner on his way...as a third figure follows out through the curtains as well.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Johnny "Jam" Jax...and "Reckless" Drek Stone!! He represents the GLOBAL PARTY EXCHANGE... SSSCCOOOOOOTTYYYYYY... SSSSSTTAAAAAATTIIIIICC!!!!

 

 

"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COACH

Huh?

 

The cheers obviously aren't for Drek and The GPX. But instead, for ZACK MALIBU~! brusting through the entrance and tackling Drek to the ground!!!!

 

COLE

IT'S ZACK!! ZACK'S GOT DREK!!

 

CABOOSE

NO HE HASN'T!!

 

Just as it seems Zack has Drek in his grasp, The GPX pounce, clubbing Zack from behind. Drek takes the opportunity to roll off to the side and quickly scramble free of danger. Zack meanwhile fights off The GPX, catching Jax with a stiff clothesline before abandoning Static and instead going for the man he really wants to get at...Drek Stone!

 

COLE

AND THERE GOES ZACK!!

 

CABOOSE

Josie really needs to hire some damn security around here! Zack has snapped!

 

COLE

And Zack has chased Drek Stone out of here and to...well, to who knows where! We'll try and get a camera back there after this match, but by then it may be too late for Drek! Man!

 

COACH

Well, that's good news for Rodez.

 

COLE

It certainly is. Two on one would be bad enough...three on one would have been insurmountable!!

 

A little flustered and in Jax's case hurt, The GPX regroup and try to brush off the attack, walking to the ring. Clearly the two seem concerned about Drek. But they have business to attend to. The two roll into the ring and brashly taunt the crowd, who seems pretty happy about the lack of Drek.

 

COLE

Well, despite what we just saw, The GPX are in high-spirits after their huge win at School's Out. But tonight, they be brought back down to earth with a bump.

 

COACH

And singles matches aren't these two guys' fortay at the best of times.

 

CABOOSE

We'll see...we'll see.

 

 

*GOOOOONG!*

 

 

"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

 

"GET DOWN, GET DOWN!

GET DOWN, GET DOWN!

GET DOWN, GET DOWN!

GET DOWN, GET DOWN!

GET DOWN, GET DOWN!

GET DOWN, GET DOWN!

GET DOWN, GET DOWN!

GET DOWN, GET DOWN!"

 

The crowd starts to groove as the funky sounds of Kool And The Gang's "Jungle Boogie" hit the PA system, for the first time (at least for a match) in a good month. In the ring, Static and Jax sneer at the reaction...just as Leon Rodez brushes through the curtains, causing the crowd to go even wilder. Stopping on the stage, Rodez scans the crowd who give him a loud, 'welcome back' greeting, smiling before making his way down the aisle.

 

BUFFER

And his opponent. Making his return to OAOAST competition! From Grand Rapids, Michigan and weighing two hundred, twenty eight pounds... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLEEEEEEEOOOOOOONN... RRRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZ!!!!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Rodez rolls into the ring, glancing over at the GPX and checking they're out of the way, before climbing to the middle rope and saluting the crowd. Rodez leaps back down and removes his blue robe, dumping it into the arms of a stagehand on the floor. Turning back to the centre of the ring, The Silky Smooth One looks across at his former buddies. Johnny pats Static on the back, giving him some final words of encouragement as he steps out to the apron.

 

COLE

As Michael Buffer alluded to, this is Leon Rodez's first match back since August 25th, over one month ago. And it's his first match without the X-Division Title in his possession for SEVEN months. Rodez has been given doctor's clearance and a clean bill of health. But that could all change in the course of this match.

 

CABOOSE

Exactly. A month is a pretty speedy comeback from Rodez's injuries.

 

COACH

And Scotty Static knows exactly what injuries Rodez suffered! They were friends, buddies, amigos, homies, crew, dawgs...

 

CABOOSE

We get the point.

 

As the music fades out, Rodez walks calmly in the centre of the ring, ignoring Johnny Jax badmouthing him from the apron. Quickly, referee Brian Hebner tries to diffuse any potential situation by ordering Jax to the arena floor. Meanwhile, Static and Rodez have locked eyes.

 

 

*DING DING DING!*

 

The bell sounds and Hebner motions for the combatants to 'get it on'. But they're too busy staring each other down to start the match.

 

 

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

 

Smiling, Rodez eggs on the crowd, much to the chagrin of Jax on the floor.

 

COLE

No prizes for guessing who the crowd are supporting.

 

Static does his best to ignore the chants, as he begins to wag a finger in Rodez's face. Smiling it off, Rodez offers his old friend a handshake, causing Static to turn to Jax and ask "is this guy for real". Again, Rodez offers his hand. But he doesn't get a handshake, so shrugs and prepares to throw a right hand instead. Static instinctively cowers, not realising Rodez is just faking him out, much to the amusement of the crowd. Eventually Static looks up and realises he's been PSYCHED~! and reacts by quickly booting Rodez in the gut. Static follows up with a couple of forearms across the shoulder blades, before sending Rodez into the ropes. Back shoots Rodez as Static swings with a clothesline, only for Leon to catch him by the arm and swing underneath, before forcing Scotty into shaking his hand!!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Spazzing out, Static yanks his hand back and charges headlong at Rodez. Again, Rodez is able to catch a clothesline and swing underneath, pulling in Static by the arm...

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOO!"

 

...and hitting a knifedge chop!

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOO!"

 

...and again.

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOO!"

 

...and a third! Static drops to one knee, clutching his chest and gasping for breath. But he has no time to gather back the oxygen he needs as Rodez pulls him back up and applies a side headlock. Wrenching up, Rodez drops to a knee for leverage. Static pulls him back to his feet quickly, backing into the ropes and pushing Rodez across the ring. But Rodez is able to grab the top rope as he rebounds, stopping himself short and smirking over at Static.

 

RODEZ

Wow, that really sucked!!

 

"YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!"

 

Predictably, Static goes nuts and sprints at Leon. Predictably, that's exactly what Leon wanted.

 

COLE

Drop-toe-hold!

 

COACH

Uh oh...

 

The crowd pop, watching Scotty flop lifelessly across the middle rope. Rodez assesses the scene with a smile, turning to Johnny Jax and winking his way...BEFORE DOIN' THE DANCIN'~! Again the fans go pop, as Rodez hits the opposite ropes and charges at Static. Thinking quickly, Jax sprints around the ring and shoves his partner off of the middle rope and to safety. Rodez sees it though, re-adjusting himself in mid-run and diving into Jax with a baseball slide dropkick, sending the 'other' GPXer crashing into the steel barricade!!

 

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Rodez pulls himself up, as Static does the same. Snatching an arm, The Silky Smooth One wrings it and irish whips him towards the corner. Before he can crash into the turnbuckles, Static athletically leaps to the middle rope and moonsaults over the top of the charging Rodez. But as Static celebrates his move, he doesn't notice Rodez doing as he did, wiping Static out with a moonsault press...

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

Kickout.

 

Scrambling to his feet, Static manages to barge his shoulder into Rodez's gut to buy himself a little time. Rodez grabs his midsection and groans in pain, while Static backs into a corner and charges. Over leaps Rodez with a leapfrog. As both men turn on their heels, they both have the same idea and charge, resulting in Static spearing Rodez into the corner. The back of The Silky Smooth One's head bounces off of the top turnbuckle and to the concern of many of the fans, Rodez instantly grabs his neck and drops to his knees.

 

COLE

That didn't look good. Rodez dropped straight down there, as if he knew he's got a problem.

 

CABOOSE

Well, it's hardly a surprise. You can't come back from injury as quickly as he has and expect to be 100%, especially against a wrestler like Scotty Static.

 

Clearly concerned, in moves Hebner to check on Rodez's condition. Static sees this and backs away, seemingly giving the referee a chance to check his opponent isn't seriously injured. Until, that is, Static sprints across the ring...and NAILS the kneeling Rodez with a knee right to the side of the head!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

Come ON, there's no need for that!!

 

Static keeps right on Rodez, stomping away on him with ruthless intent. Into the breach steps Hebner once more, having to forceably barge him away from Rodez to stop him from stomping. As Static tries to get back over, Hebner continues to hold him back. Which allows the pretty much recovered Johnny Jax to haul off his shirt and wrap it around the throat of Rodez!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

What the hell...Johnny Jax on the outside!! These kids are showing no compassion what-so-ever for their supposed friend here!

 

CABOOSE

And after the way they were spoke to earlier, why should they?

 

COLE

There's no need for THIS 'Boose!

 

As Hebner turns back around, Jaz is quickly back to looking the very picture of innocence on the floor. Meanwhile, Static drags Rodez from the canvas, backing him in the corner and pounding him with right hands. Dropping to one knee, then both knees from the barrage, Rodez looks a little glassy-eyed already. But Static shows no remorse and backs up, firing a dropkick into Rodez's sternum, crushing him against the middle turnbuckle! The buckles bounce Rodez out from the corner, far enough for Static to push himself onto the middle turnbuckle...and drop an elbow RIGHT to the back of the head! Again, Hebner checks on Rodez with some concern, while Static shows none and mugs for the crowd with glee, Triple J applauding his efforts.

 

"STA - TIC SUCKS!"

"STA - TIC SUCKS!"

"STA - TIC SUCKS!"

 

Static grabs a hold of Rodez's hair and pulls him up again. Measuring him, Static slams his elbow into the back of his head...and again. A third time drops Rodez to one knee, allowing Static to DRIVE the very point of his elbow in on the fourth shot. Static then sets, irish whipping Rodez into the ropes, springing off his toes and hitting a spinning elbow that knocks Rodez clear off his feet. A cover is quickly made...

 

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Kickout at 2!!

 

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Glancing up at Hebner, Static tells him to make a better count and re-pins Rodez...

 

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

Kickout at 2!!

 

"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

 

Angrily, Static gets back to his feet and pulls Rodez to his feet, setting him up for a snap suplex. Rodez proves heavier than Static had expected and he gets his opponent up no more than a few inches before dropping him. Trying again, Scotty gets a little closer to hitting the suplex. But again, Rodez puts the brakes on. Unable to do anything himself, Rodez remains set on the mat, so Static removes Leon's arm and instead goes for a DDT...which is when Rodez finally finds some energy, charging and smashing Static back into the turnbuckles!!

 

CABOOSE

How many times have we said this kid should quit, seen him fight on and end up seriously injured? I guess his break has taught him nothing.

 

Now it's Static's head bouncing off the top turnbuckle. Static still has enough in him to cling onto the facelock though, lifting a knee into Rodez's face. Another connects, as Static lifts himself onto the middle rope. With his free hand, Static twirls his finger, giving the signal for the Tornado DD...NO! Rodez throws Static off in mid-move, causing him to belly-flop into the canvas!!

 

COLE

But Rodez is still fighting 'Boose!

 

CABOOSE

What can I say? More guts than brains.

 

Winded, Static tries to pull himself quickly back up. Rodez's head and neck are bothering him too much to follow up, giving Static enough time to recouperate and charge with a knee, hitting Rodez right in the solar-plexus (~!) and doubling him over.

 

 

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

 

Rather than try again, Static grabs Rodez by the arm and sends him to the opposite corner of the ring. Charging after, Static brings both knees up into Rodez's sternum. Rodez stumbles out aimlessly, right into Static's arms, and he manages to find the strength to haul Leon over his shoulder, turn...

 

 

 

...and drop The Chixterminator throat first across the middle rope! Rodez's arm hooks under the rope and he ends up hung over the rope. Which brings a smile to Static's face, looking out into the crowd...and as the smile becomes more and more wry, Static starts DOIN' THE DANCIN'~!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

COACH

Uh oh...

 

COLE

Not this.

 

CABOOSE

You two really, really need to add more substance to what you say.

 

The crowd know what's coming as Scotty hits the opposite ropes and sprints at Rodez, driving all his weight into the small of Rodez's spine at full speed!

 

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COACH

CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES~!

 

COLE

From Scotty Static to Leon Rodez. As if it wasn't bad enough for these kids to steal everyone's moves at School's Out, now they're stealing from Leon Rodez too!

 

As Rodez pulls himself off the ropes, Static is waiting, hitting the ropes in front and swiping Rodez off his feet with a quick clothesline. He then hits the ropes, flipping through the air and crashing down across Rodez with a running, somersault legdrop, following it up with a cover...

 

 

 

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

..

 

Only 2!!!

 

"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

 

Static curses, getting back to his feet and laying into Rodez with some more stomps. All The Silky Smooth One can do is try to cover up, in vain, as Static follows the stomps up with a more traditional legdrop and a tighter pinning attempt...

 

 

 

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Kickout at 2 again!!

 

COLE

What heart by Leo...

 

CABOOSE

Don't start that again, please. Nobody cares about his 'heart' or his 'guts'...including himself, apparantly.

 

To his feet, Rodez is dragged up by Static, before being pushed back into the corner. A couple of quick kicks rock Rodez's midsection before Scotty places a foot on the middle rope, springing off and catching Rodez...

 

 

*SMACK!*

 

...FLUSH with a dropkick! Rodez falls down into a seated position in the corner with 'dis-orientated' written all over him. But he's quickly pulled right up by Static, who with a look to Johnny on the floor, runs his thumb slowly across his throat and signals that he's going to go for the kill. Grabbing a hold of Rodez's locks, Static YANKS back and HURLS Rodez to the mat, back of the head first of course, in the exact position where he wants him...before turning to face the corner and leaping in one swift motion to the top rope.

 

CABOOSE

Here we go...

 

COLE

Scotty Static, feeling confident enough to go for the Static Shock here!

 

Reaching the top, Static pauses for some reason. That reason being two figures walking down to ringside. One considerably taller, meaner and PIMP~er than the other.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

CABOOSE

What's going on here?

 

COLE

I don't...HEY! HEY! THAT'S BOHEMOTH AND CHRISTIAN WRIGHT!! WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING HERE!?!

 

CABOOSE

I'll give ya three guesses.

 

The crowd are jeering away as Johnny Jax quickly leaps into the ring, Static jumping off the top and to the safety of the centre of the ring. In this time, Leon Rodez is still as good as motionless near the corner. The GPX go face to face with Bohemoth and Wright, neither sure of what the other combo's next move will be. But before the four can come to blows, Bohemoth seems to be cooling the situation. Which is for the best, as judging by the look on his face, Christian Wright is in no mood to cool anything.

 

COLE

HEBNER NEEDS TO GET RID OF THESE TW...

 

*SMACK!*

 

AND SUDDENLY, BRIAN HEBNER EATS A SUPERKICK FROM WRIGHT!!

 

COLE

...nevermind.

 

The GPX look a little surprised as Bohemoth is now gesturing to Rodez with one hand, while trying to keep Wright back with the other. An understanding seems to be being reaches as a smile forms on the GPX's faces, Bohemoth now making money like gestures.

 

"YOU FOUR SUCK!"

"YOU FOUR SUCK!"

"YOU FOUR SUCK!"

"YOU FOUR SUCK!"

 

The chants are ignored by all four as Static and Jax go into conference...before leaving the ring!!

 

COLE

What the hell is going on?

 

CABOOSE

HA! I guess Wright and Bohemoth are taking over where Scotty Static left off!!

 

COLE

But WHY!?!

 

CABOOSE

I think that's pretty obvious, don't you? The GPX have no specific problem with Wright because he's someone they want on their side. Static has nothing to prove by beating Rodez. And hell, getting paid to watch someone beat another person up seems easy money to me!

 

Boos still fill the arena as it seems Johnny Jax is having to talk Static out of returning to the ring, again making reference to the money.

 

 

Meanwhile, in the ring, Leon Rodez is trying to drag himself to his feet against the ropes.

 

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

 

As he gets to his feet, Rodez spots The GPX leaving and wonders what the hell is going on, so turns around...

 

 

*SMACK!*

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

...and gets his head TAKEN OFF by Christian Wright!!

 

COLE

WHAT A SHOT!! WHAT A HIDEOUS CHEAPSHOT!!

 

Wright looks down at Rodez, fuming...noticing Rodez staring glass-eyed into space. Dropping to one knee, Wright cups Rodez's jaw in his hands and gets right up in his face, looking right into The Silky Smooth One's eyes...in fact, burning a hole right through them. And as the camera moves in closer, the words can just about be heard...

 

 

"I TOLD YOU...YOU'D REGRET!!"

 

Wright thrusts Rodez's head away and stands up, grabbing Leon's limp right arm and dragging him to his feet.

 

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

 

COLE

This is horrible...we need to get some referees out here!

 

CABOOSE

We need to get some control here, at least. Why do we keep losing control so easily on this damn show?

 

On rubber legs, Rodez falls to his knees, too dazed and possibly too concussed to fight back. Leaving him easy prey, as Bohemoth walks over and casually scoops Rodez into his arms. A sick smile begins to form on Christian Wright's face as he looks at Bohemoth...

 

 

 

...and gives the thumbs down...

 

 

COLE

Oh God, NO!

 

 

The crowd know what's coming, booing in preperation, as Bohemoth swings Rodez around...

 

...out...

 

 

...and DOWN~!

 

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COACH

Erotic Awakening Of B!!

 

Rodez gets spiked, just as referees and officials FINALLY pile out from the back and scramble into the ring. Bu they're too late, as Wright is satisfied with his work, calling over Bohemoth and leaving, without so much as acknowledging any of the rampant boos or the shouting referees in front of him.

 

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

 

Leaving the ring, Wright walks backwards up the ramp, staring back at the ring with every step. The referees and officials are grouped around both referee Hebner and Rodez now, particular concern for the latter. One referee can be heard urging another to "don't move him", another calling for EMTs.

 

 

As all the while, Leon Rodez lays motionless in the centre of the ring.

 

COLE

Folks, I-- I don't know what to say. Someone, please, take us to break.

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A banner reading "CONGRATULATIONS" hangs above the ring. A CAKE designed like the OAOAST tag title belt sits on top of a table set-up in the ring. Also in the ring are a group of SCHOOL CHILDREN and their TEACHER, an elderly woman, along with the voice of the OAOAST Michael Cole.

 

COLE

Before we get on very this special presentation, a moment to introduce to you some very important people.

 

BOY #1

V.I.P.! V.I.P.! V.I.P!

 

COLE

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mrs. O'Green's 5th grade class from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

 

Polite appluase.

 

COLE

Those of you who don't know, Mrs. O'Green was The Marv and Hell Mel's 5th grade teacher up in Canada. Nice to have you here, ma'am.

 

MRS. O'GREEN

Thank you, and thank you to the OAOAST for allowing us to be here.

 

COLE

Thank you. The OAOAST proudly supports teachers worldwide. And now, would you join me in welcoming the NEW OAOAST World Tag Team champions...

 

Cole lowers the mic.

 

SCHOOL CHILDREN

...THE SK8TER BOIZ!

 

The kids jump up and down, all wearing Sk8ter Boiz t-shirts, hooting and hollering as they're treated to an incredible display of pryotechnics as "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" hits, the crowd giving The Sk8ter Boiz a STANDING OVATION.

 

The Marv, a bandage over his forehead, scrolls to the ring on his skateboard, his brother jogging behind him, both holding up the tag titles for the fans to touch as they pass by. The Marv and Hell Mel leap onto the apron and climb up opposite corners, dazzling the crowd by moonsaulting into the ring. Handshakes all around, and a hug for Mrs. O'Green. The children swarm around the lucky boy and girl the Boiz ask to hold the tag titles.

 

THE MARV

Kids, whaddya say to drugs?

 

CHILDREN

No!

 

HELL MEL

Say what?

 

CHILDREN

Say no to drugs.

 

HELL MEL

I can't hear you.

 

CHILDREN

SAY NO TO DRUGS!

 

THE MARV

Oh right! High-fives, everybody. High-five.

 

The Boiz high-five the kids. Michael Cole throws his hand up, and Hell Mel rams his palm into Cole's forehead.

 

COLE

Ow!

 

THE MARV

...Are you? We're fine, thank you!

 

HELL MEL

Especially now that we're the OAOAST World Tag Team champions!

 

CHILDREN

Yay!

 

COLE

(shaking the cobwebs)

Well, gentlemen, I must admit, I didn't know if you had it in you to defeat the New New Midnight Express, one of the top tag teams in the world, twice within a month. We were all proven wrong, including yourselves of all people. You didn't even believe you could do it! It's like the 8th seed sweeping the 1 seed. It took a lot of heart, not to mention a lot of blood loss to walk out of the M.C.I. Center with the titles, but you did. Congratulations.

 

The crowd CHEERS.

 

THE MARV

Give it up, people. Give it up!

 

"YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!"

 

HELL MEL

Burst them ear drums!

 

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

 

HELL MEL

You know, Mikey Cole, I'm at a lost for words.

 

THE MARV

Speechless.

 

HELL MEL

Can't think of anything to say.

 

THE MARV

Writer's block.

 

HELL MEL

But we want to thank EVERYBODY who's supported us over the years! We've been picked on all our lives. When The Marv wanted to take Cindy Jannson to the prom, she had her jock boyfriend stuff him in the deep fryer.

 

THE MARV

I couldn't sit down for days, I tell ya. Days. Mom had to nit me a special plump pillow just so I could sit at the dinner table.

 

HELL MEL

Sunday night the Nerdlys, under the disguse of The Sk8ter Boiz, finally beat the bullies at their own game. Us underdogs stood up and said, no, you won't. This belt is for every nerd, every geek, every outcast who got shoved head-first into the toilet, stuffed inside a locker...

 

THE MARV

Or deep fryer.

 

HELL MEL (CONT'D)

...and turned down by more women than Michael Cole at a single's club. This belt's for you!

 

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

 

THE MARV & HELL MEL

YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!

 

"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

 

THE MARV & HELL MEL

YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!

 

COLE

We're not done yet, guys. Mrs. O'Green would like to present you two with a cake baked by her 2005 class. Ma'am?

 

MRS. O'GREEN

Thank you, young man. Marvin and Melvin, we humbly present this cake to you for being an inspiration, showing the importance of never giving up and following your dreams. Your performance at School's Out was an inspiration to us all. On behalf of the children and all your friends, family and fans in Edmonton, congratulations on becoming the new World Tag Team champions.

 

The crowd joins Mrs. O'Green and her class in applause for the new champions. The Marv and Hell Mel hug their old teacher.

 

THE MARV

Thank you, Mrs. O'Green. You taught us well. Sure, you gave us an F for writing an essay about our desire to become professional wrestlers and win a major tag team title -- but we never gave up our dream.

 

COLE

Guys, I know it's been a heck of a last four days for you. You've received calls from all over the world, including the Canadian Prime Min...

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

The fans aren't booing the mentioning of the Canadian Prime Minister like those evil Canadians would do to our President. They are booing the arrivial of JIM CORNETTE.

 

Cornette steps through the ropes and sneers at the kids as he walks over to Michael Cole.

 

CORNETTE

My, my, my. Look at what we have here. I don't mean to be a party crasher, but I got somethin' to say, Sk8ter Boiz, and I wanna say it to your stinkin' faces, punks! You win one match and all of a sudden you're getting the key to the city. With hockey back in the ice age I guess you whacky canucks gotta move on. I mean, Canada is so desperate for celebrities their Bio Channel is doing a documentary on you two morons. Heh. When I think about it, it's kinda fitting a second-rate country...

 

The crowd ROARS.

 

CORNETTE

...Richmond, Virginia isn't any better.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

CORNETTE

A second-rate country behind a second-rate team. It's no wonder Canadians like hockey and curling, two second-rate sports. One "sport" is gone, the other is one sweep under the carpet away from being gone, and you'll be gone when the New New Midnight Express get their rematch. Don't believe me? Just ask C.O.D. Oh yeah. Remember them? I know you guys do because you thought you'd get pass first base if you helped them get back at Narcissistic Ned. And what did you get in return for your services? Nothing! While Krista and her snot-nosed brat, Maya, are sitting on the couch watching their Gilmore Girls DVD, and Alex Spezia is seving a year in the joint for attempting to steal 15 boxes of Raid, we're planning our next move. Oh, and by the way, good luck in your first title defense next week.

 

THE MARV

Whoa! Whatcha talkin' 'bout Corny?

 

CORNETTE

You guys don't know? Heh. Here. This is for you.

 

Cornette pulls out a LETTER and hands it to Hell Mel. The Boiz look over the letter.

 

HELL MEL

This is dated Tuesday.

 

CORNETTE

I know. And I'm sorry for that. Really. As you guys know, if the reigning champions happen to lose their titles before they can complete their scheduled title defenses, then the new champions take those bookings. In order to keep my New New Midnight Express competing at the highest of levels, I had signed a match between them and Hell's Hitmen for tonight. Unfortunately, as hard as this is for me to admit, the better team won at School's Out, and Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned deeply regret not being able to showcase their skills against that powerhouse tag team. Hey. Don't worry. I pulled a few strings with the corporate BUTT-kissers at OAOAST Headquaters, and I got them... Well, they denied my requests, saying I was trying to sabotage with your reign. Now you know I would never do a thing like that. But due to the massive beating my New New Midnight Express layed on you Sunday night, brass moved your match back a week, that way you have time to heal and prepare.

 

THE MARV

Jiminey Jillekers. We. Are. Screwed!

 

CORNETTE

(giggling)

Or an entire week to live in fear. You're dead men walking.

(laughs)

Congratulations, champs!

 

BOY #2

Don't give up, Marv.

 

GIRL #2

Yeah. Never give up, remember?

 

CORNETTE

Shut up, kids. They're screwed. Did you know those freaks once stuck a fork in the Handsome Hustler's head? Thought so. They're crazy. Or as you say up north, loco.

 

Cornette runs his finger on the cake icing and tastes it.

 

CORNETTE

I gotta hand it to you brats, this is actually pretty tasty.

 

HELL MEL

Say Jim, why don't you join us for a slice of cake, huh? Since we're "dead men walking," join the condem in their final...public...meal.

 

The kids surround Cornette.

 

BOY# 3

Come on, stay!

 

BOY #4

I'll let you stick a banana in my BUTT!

 

GIRL #3

Yeah. Please?

 

THE MARV

I'd do as they say. They smell fear.

 

CORNETTE

Oh, all right. Just get them pesky kids away from me.

 

HELL MEL

No problem. Kids...

 

The kids step back. Cornette picks up a paper plate.

 

THE MARV

Ready to dig in?

 

CORNETTE

I'm ready. I want a big slice.

 

HELL MEL

Attack!

 

CORNETTE

Wha....

 

The Sk8ter Boiz RAM Cornette's face INTO THE CAKE! His face now covered in cholocate. A boy ducks behind Cornette. The Boiz with a DOUBLE DROPKICK that sends Cornette tumbling over the boy and falling to the outside. The New New Midnight Express hit the ring. Michael Cole gets Mrs. O'Green and her class out of harm's way, escorting them quickly out of the ring. The Boiz and the Midnights slug it out near the table positioned mid-ring. The Midnights gain control by RAKING the eyes. They try to ram the Boiz head-first into the table, but The Marv and Hell Mel block it with their hands, stunning Simon and Ned with a couple of elbows and then ram them into the table! They whip the Midnights to the ropes and clothesline them over the top to the floor. The Sk8ter Boiz celebrate in the ring as the crowd and Mrs. O'Green's 5th grade class go wild.

 

COACH

If M.C.'s parites were like this, maybe more people would come out to celebrate his birthday. Wow.

 

CABOOSE

Next week -- Hell's Hitmen vs. the Sk8ter Boiz. Tune in to watch new champions crowned.

 

COLE (putting on his headset)

Yowza!

 

The OAOAST Crew cleans the ring as Cole gets situated.

 

CABOOSE

It's been a rough night for you, huh, Michael.

 

COLE

No thanks to you. Folks, we've still got no word on Loen Rodez' condition, but as soon as we know, we'll let you know. Keep checking out website for updates.

 

COACH

And buy some shirts!

 

CUE: Black

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM~!

 

The arena ERUPTS as Hoff steps onto the stage! The big man's classic theme blares once again as he surveys the maniacally screaming fans, smiling and pointing to various signs in his honor before walking down the ramp.

 

COLE

LISTEN TO THIS OVATION!!

 

Hoff, in his jeans and "H" t-shirt, slaps some hands as he heads down the aisle, then slides into the ring. The crowd-pleaser hops up the corner, one foot on the second rope, one on the top, and throws his fist into the air to a TREMENDOUS cheer! Flashbulbs go off around the arena as Hoff closes his eyes, smiling.

 

COACH

Well playas, Hoff proved that last year's Angleslam was a fluke, beating Gunner Sharps at School's Out!

 

CABOOSE

Hoff didn't prove anything! In fact, I say that HOFF is the fluke!

 

COLE

How can you say that, Caboose? Hoff's a former World Heavyweight Champion! Two-time 24/7 Champion! He's a--

 

CABOOSE

Okay, we GET it, Cole. Sheesh. Want him to sign your poster?

 

COLE

Yes!

 

Hoff hops off of the turnbuckles and asks for a mic as his music dies down. The big man takes the stick, and stands in the center of the ring as the fans chant his name.

 

"HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF"

 

Hoff smiles, nodding, holding up a hand in an effort to quiet down the crowd.

 

HOFF

Welcome....

 

"TO THE FUTURE!!!!"

 

Hoff laughs.

 

HOFF

To the future.

 

"YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!"

 

CABOOSE

This is disgusting.

 

COLE

Every time he comes out, you say the same thing!

 

CABOOSE

It's the gospel truth.

 

HOFF

So, did everyone else have a good time last Sunday?

 

The fans cheer at Gunner Sharps' misfortune.

 

HOFF

I know I did. I tell you, nothing felt quite as good as driving Gunner head-first to the mat, and putting him down for the one-two-three.

 

"YEEAAHH!!!"

 

HOFF

And Gunner...now you know. The future has arrived.

 

"HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF"

 

HOFF

But I've got to be honest...lately, I've been doing some thinking.

 

CABOOSE

This can't be good.

 

HOFF

I've been thinking a lot about something my good friend Axel told me.

 

The fans go BANANA for the mention of the World Champion, AXEL!

 

HOFF

You see, Axel told me that the time for fun and games was over. That it's time to get...serious. And Axel, my friend, you are right. It is time to get serious. And there's one thing that I am deadly serious about.

 

Axel...I want my title back.

 

The arena EXPLODES~ as Hoff's gaze turns deadly earnest!

 

HOFF

You see, Axel and I, we've got an understanding. We look out for each other...we appreciate what the other can do. And there's not a man alive who I respect more as OAOAST Champion. But Axel, I may raise your hand at the end of the night, and I may hang with you in the back, but you know, and I know, that you and I are gonna cross paths. Axel, you're a hell of a champion, but you've got something that belongs to me. And I intend to take it back.

 

"YEEEEAAAAHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Can you imagine Hoff versus Axel?

 

CABOOSE

I'd rather not.

 

HOFF

And at the end of the day, I hope that I can look across this ring, look into your eyes, and shake your hand. I respect the hell out of you, my friend...but you said it yourself. The time for fun and games is over.

 

COLE

Guys, I'm getting excited! Axel and Hoff in the ring, I mean...can you imagine?!

 

CABOOSE

Man, stop!

 

HOFF

Now Axel, between you and I, we've taken down every man and woman who's stood in our path. There's nobody left, my friend, nobody but you and me, and that means--

 

Deceived by my eyes

And all I was told I should see...

 

"Just Close Your Eyes" cues up, heralding the arrival of DREK STONE. Dressed to the nines, holding a mic, the former World Champion Stone heads down the aisle amidst a chorus of boos.

 

COLE

Drek Stone, what's he doing out here?!

 

Drek and Hoff lock eyes, and the big man's casual smile vanishes, masked by months of animosity and agression. Hoff scowls as Drek climbs the ring steps, never taking his eyes off of his old rival. Drek steps into the ring, and the two men meet in the center, mere inches from each other, not saying a word. The fans buzz in fervent anticipation...

 

COACH

This is electric, playas!

 

COLE

Hoff and Drek Stone, who had one hell of a rivalry earlier this year, are face to face for the first time since Anglemania IV!

 

The two former champs stare each other down, not making a move. Drek has the faintest hints of a smirk on his lips, while Hoff remains stone-serious, anger plain on his face.

 

CABOOSE

Oh man, this IS intense. These two guys-- I mean, they hate each other!

 

COLE

Two of the greatest in recent memory, nose-to-nose, in the center of the ring!

 

Neither man moves...neither man blinks...until, finally, a smile breaks on Hoff's face. The big man pulls his mic up to his lips...

 

HOFF

You know.....I swore that the next time we were face-to-face like this, that I would break you. That I would take you out.

 

"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

HOFF

But I don't have to do that, Drek. I don't have to do that because you know, and I know, and all these people know, that buddy....I've got your number.

 

Hoff smiles as Drek actually chuckles, shaking his head. The fans cheer as Hoff continues...

 

HOFF

That's right. Laugh it up, Drek, but you know it's true. You know, in your heart, in your soul, that I can beat you. On any given day, at any time, I can take you down. Just like I did at Zero Hour, just like I did at Anglemania, every time we've hooked up, I have had you BEAT--

 

Drek snaps his head up, his eyes flashing with rage.

 

DREK

You NEVER beat me, Hoff.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

The two lock eyes, and it's Hoff's turn to smirk, knowing he's gotten under Drek Stone's skin. Drek takes a step back, straightening his suit before continuing.

 

DREK

Listen, big man. I didn't come out here to argue about the past. In fact, I came out to discuss the future...you ought to be able to appreciate that.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOO"

 

DREK

The fact is, there's a lot more going on right now than your miniscule mind can comprehend. You and that brooding punk can have each other. And rest assured, I will be taking *my* title back...

 

The fans turn VICIOUS on Stone, booing him out of the building. Drek allows himself a wry smile as he goes on.

 

DREK

But the fact is, whether you, whether you people, are aware of it or not...there's a war brewing. It's coming, and it's coming faster than you realize. It's bigger than you, bigger than Axel, bigger than the damn World Title. And Hoff...

 

Drek puts his hand on Hoff's arm.

 

DREK

Either you're with us...or you're against us. And you do NOT want to be against us.

 

Drek takes his hand off of Hoff, and points to the big man.

 

DREK

Think about it.

 

"Just Close Your Eyes" hits, and Drek, with a knowing smirk, walks away, leaving the ring and heading up the ramp, staring at Hoff with a smile. In the ring, Hoff stands tall, looking at Drek with a mix of emotions, the same serious expression on his face.

 

COLE

Drek Stone has sent a message to Hoff! Either you're with us, or you're against us!

 

CABOOSE

And you only need to look at Hoff's face and you realize, he got it, loud and clear.

 

COLE

In any event, we know one thing, that this tension in the locker room is going to escalate! What will happen? And what will happen NEXT, in our main event?!

 

The camera shows PK walking in the back, then cuts to Brock and Rick Heyross walking separately, Rick talking to his client. We then see CSI, ready for battle, smug grins on their faces, heading for the ring.

 

COLE

It's PK and Brock, TEAMING UP, to take on CSI! NEXT!!

Edited by Hoff

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CUE: Who Are You? by the Who

 

A few cheers erupt but most of the packed house has a negative reaction for the OaOast’s new stable as they step out onto the stage.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Jumbo, at a total combined weight of 420 pounds, Jay Richards and Chris Stevens, C….S…I!!!!!!!

 

Jay and Chris hop onto the apron and cockily raise their arms for the crowd while Jumbo applauds from the floor. Both men step into the ring and look on the catcalling fans with contempt.

 

COLE

Smug can’t possibly begin to describe the attitude of these men.

 

CABOOSE

Just like “bad commentator” can’t begin to describe you.

 

Their music fades out to be replaced by…….

 

CUE: Oh Hell Yeah

 

“YEAHHHHHHH!!!”

 

A very intense Peter Knight walks onto the stage and immediately begins making his way down to the ring.

 

BUFFER

And introducing their opponents. First, from Fall River, Massachusetts, weighing in at 265 pounds, Peterrrrrrrrrr Kniiiiiiiiiight!!!!!!

 

COLE

I’m sure that that what happened at School’s Out – probably the greatest PPV in OaOast history folks – is fresh in that man’s mind right now.

 

CABOOSE

Well, in case he’s forgotten, I’m sure those two will love to jog his memory.

 

PK steps through the ropes and the referee immediately gets in between him and CSI. Stevens taunts Knight, puffing himself up and acting like a tough guy while Richards feigns being scared.

 

CABOOSE

HA!! Monty Python would love these guys!!

 

CUE: Punishment by Biohazard

 

“YEAHHHHH!!!”

 

BUFFER

And his partner. Being accompanied to the ring by Rick Heyross, he is from Victoria, Minnesota, weighing in at 320 pounds. He is the Current Big Thing, Brrrrrrroooooooock Ausssssssssstiiiiiiin!!!!

 

COLE

We haven’t seen much of Brock in action lately, but we did see him shake PK’s hand a few weeks ago and tell him that Brock respects him for making him submit at Living Angleously two months ago. For some reason I’d be a bit wary if I were Knight.

 

COACH

Come on Cole, Brock’s a big boy and he understands when someone gets the better of him, you give him his props.

 

CABOOSE

I would have torn Knight’s head off, personally. To think I actually rooted for this guy.

 

Brock does a Happy Happy Hoss Dance~! at ringside before hopping onto the apron and stepping through the ropes. The apprehension on Stevens and Richards faces isn’t feigned this time. He and PK share a few words and Knight points to the corner, telling Brock to go there and stay there. Brock tries to calm PK down, but Richards and Stevens take the opportunity to attack both men, triggering a brawl. Knight and Richards go at it in one corner while Brock and Stevens trade shots in the other. Knight floors Richards with a big right and goes to get some of Stevens, shoving Brock out of the way to get to him. Brock angrily stares at PK but he catches Richards charging out of the corner of his eye and nails him with a clothesline. He picks him up and whips Jay off the ropes catching him on the rebound with a HIGH back body drop. Jay groggily gets to his feet but turns into a bearhug by Brock which turns into a belly to back suplex that almost sends him out of the ring. Meanwhile, PK lays the boots to Stevens and cuts Jumbo off before he can attack, grabbing his head and pulling him into the ring.

 

COLE

It’s total pandemonium here! The ref has to get things in order so we can get the match officially started.

 

CABOOSE

Screw the match. Though I don’t like these guys, this is fun!!

 

Knight pulls Jumbo up by the head with one arm while pulling up Stevens with the other. He yanks them both back before delivering a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER~! Brock, after felling him with another clothesline, drags Richards up by the arm and yanks him towards him, hoisting Jay onto his shoulders and…..

 

*BAM* nailing him with the F-Stunner-5!

 

“YEAHHHHHHH!!!”

 

Brock calls over to PK, who nods and shoves Jumbo towards him. Brock boots Jumbo in the stomach, hoists him up, and shows off his power by….

 

*BOOM* nailing HIM with an F-Stunner-5!!

 

“YEAHHHHHHH!!!”

 

PK drags Stevens up by the hair and Brock calls to him again, but PK shakes his head, telling Brock “He’s mine!” before hoisting him up on his shoulders and….

 

*WHAM* driving him to the mat with the Knightmare!

 

“YEAHHHHHHH!!!”

 

COLE

Brock Ausstin and Peter Knight are completely dismantling CSI right now!!

 

COACH

PK might have no personality, but I’m never going to say that to his face now.

 

PK and Brock team up to drag each CSI member to his feet and whipping them into the corner, making sure Jumbo is last. Brock backs into the opposite corner and waves to Knight, holding out his hand so Knight can whip him into the trio, Jay Richards taking the brunt of the pain since he was the first to go to the corner.

 

“YEAHHHHHH!!!!”

 

Brock poses for the crowd and drinks in the cheers. Knight backs into the corner and calls for Brock to whip him. Brock nods and grabs PK’s arm, pulling him towards CSI…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

……before pulling back, which sends PK back towards him…….

 

 

 

 

…….hoisting him onto his shoulders…….

 

 

 

 

 

 

……*BAM*………

 

 

 

 

.........and driving him to the mat with an F-Stunner-5.

 

COLE

WHAT!!??

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

 

Brock sits on the mat, an evil smile on his face, having really liked what he just did.

 

COLE

Was this Brock’s plan all along? He just wanted to put Knight in a position where Brock can get whatever revenge he wanted to for having to submit in that match, didn’t he?

 

CABOOSE

Why did I ever doubt this guy?

 

Brock turns his attention over to CSI, who look shocked as hell at what they just saw. Brock slowly approaches them and Stevens meets him halfway. The two stare each other down for a few moments……before breaking out into laughter and embracing!!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

 

COLE

NO!! Don’t tell me DAMMIT!!!! This was Stevens’ plan all along??!!!

 

Jumbo and Jay join the laughter as the four walk towards the fallen Knight. They all share a look and begin laying the boots to him! Brock drags PK to his feet and holds him for Stevens and Richards to get in some free shots. Stevens tells Brock to let him go and grabs PK’s arms, butterflying them and twisting him around……..*BAM*….to hit him with an Unprettier.

 

COLE

And now the same indignity Stevens did on Sunday, that damn Unprettier.

 

All four men raise their arms and drink in the booing. Rick Heyross by now has entered the ring, applauding all four guys and complimenting Brock and Stevens on their plan. Rick continues to praise Brock as Brock looks over to Stevens, who gives him a nod. Brock puts up his hand to silence him. He asks for a microphone and is given one by Jumbo. He chuckles, and Rick joins in. Brock puts the microphone to his lips.

 

BROCK

Rick……you’re fired!

 

Brock hoists Rick onto his shoulders and *BAM* nails him with an F-Stunner-5!!

 

COACH

YO~!

 

The now one member more CSI join hands and raise their arms over the fallen bodies of PK and Rick.

 

COLE

Dear God, Brock Ausstin is a member of CSI. If Chris Stevens’ group wasn’t already a force to be reckoned with in the OaOast now, it damn sure is now.

 

CABOOSE

……I need a cigarette.

 

FADE OUT

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© 2005 OAOAST Inc./HeldDown Entertainment

 

CREDITS

Nice Guy Adam

King Cucaracha

Tony149

Hoff

KingPK

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