Leon Sharpe returns to an e-fed

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

He's been in DVDVR-TNM for awhile, but I just did a promo with him a few days ago:

 

*Open with Leon Sharpe sitting on his couch dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Sharpe gets up as we fade in*

 

SHARPE: "In this world, we have two real ways to do business. Socialism, and Capitalism."

 

*Sharpe smiles*

 

SHARPE: "I chose Capitalism"

 

*Sharpe begins to walk and goes down a hall*

 

SHARPE: "You see, I don't wrestle for your amusement. I wrestle to make money. And on the side, I make money by selling t-shirts"

 

*Sharpe pauses and nods*

 

SHARPE: "Unfortunately, T-Shirt sales have been going down. In fact, some arenas don't appear to have the newest Leon Sharpe t-shirt at all. I even heard that Wal-Mart, the number one source for clothes for mulleted individuals, didn't have my t-shirts"

 

*Sharpe shakes his head*

 

SHARPE: "Let me show you all what you are missing out on"

 

*Sharpe walks into a room and presses a button*

 

SHARPE: "That button summons Miguel, who helps run Sharpe T-shirt Enterprises"

 

*Miguel walks into the room*

 

SHARPE: "Miguel, get the newest t-shirt"

 

*Miguel stares blankly at Sharpe*

 

SHARPE: "Oh yeah.. um.. new t-shirt.. get it.."

 

*Sharpe points towards a t-shirt and Miguel gets it*

 

SHARPE: "Look at this, it's premiere stuff"

 

*Sharpe holds up the t-shirt, which has a giant image of Sharpe on it*

 

SHARPE: "This is the sort of thing you get kids, especially the poor ones. And it comes in white, for those of you in hot areas."

 

*Sharpe hands the t-shirt back to Miguel and he walks off muttering*

 

SHARPE: "You see, I have a two-part plan for the t-shirt thing"

 

*Sharpe picks up a dry-erase board and starts writing*

 

SHARPE: "Part one: You will buy more t-shirts.

 

Buying t-shirts doesn't just help me, it also helps the people who work for me. You see, Supply-Side Economics tell us that if you give me money, eventually Miguel will see some of it and make some money. This benefits him greatly. I, for one, don't know if he's American or Mexician, or what. I just know he doesn't speak English and he was watching my car window one day.

 

Trust me, if you buy more t-shirts, you will benefit the little people, such as Miguel. As well, you will provide yourself protection against mosquitioes and man's greatest enemy, the Sun. My t-shirts are proven to reduce your chance of getting West Nile Virus"

 

VOICE-OVER: "Claimnotprovable"

 

SHARPE: "and they attract women too."

 

*Sharpe smiles and starts writing some more*

 

SHARPE: "Part two: I will win more matches. This will provide me with more television time to promote my t-shirts.

 

I will start by beating that one hippie dude I beat up a few weeks ago for some reason. You see, Whatever his name was reeked of pot and Bob Dylan, so I was forced to beat him up. As well, I suspect that he's a socialist.

 

You see, Socialists want people like me to have to share my wealth and let's face it, you people are too stupid to vote on a reality show, much less handle shared wealth. Socialists also would prefer I pay Miguel the minimum wage, and let's face it, the minimum wage was a socialist brainchild made up to make poor people feel good about themselves.

 

I have been put against this Hippie because it's my duty as an American to beat him up and make him cry. What I did to him before is nothing compared to what i'll do to him this week. I will teach him a new love for Capitalism. Sunshine Time Hippie Boy, I'm going to unleash the fire on you so hard, that it will be felt by all sorts of people. As well, I will make sure that I get enough time in to show my t-shirt off to the world."

 

*Sharpe smiles*

 

SHARPE: "Fans, I insist you do one thing and one thing soon, BUY THE SHIRT. It's for your own good, and it's for the good of America. If you don't buy the shirt, you want our economy to fail. You don't want our economy to fail, do you? Well then, you will buy the shirt, won't you?"

 

*Sharpe laughs as we fade to black*

 

So yeah, if I feel like it, Sharpe will expand on the virtues of Objectivism. Or not.

 

EDIT: And I just thought up a nickname for Sharpe. "The Modern Day Hero"

 

[Ayn Rand's] novels were based upon the archetype of the Randian hero, a man whose ability and independence leads others to reject him, but who perseveres nevertheless to achieve his values. Rand viewed this hero as the ideal and made it the express goal of her literature to showcase such heroes. She believed:

 

That man must choose his values and actions by reason;

That the individual has a right to exist for his own sake, neither sacrificing self to others nor others to self; and

That no one has the right to seek values from others by physical force, or impose ideas on others by physical force.

[crusen86 0]

You know, the only way someone just MIGHT care about your character was if you were rejoining this fed.

 

But even then, it's a long shot.

[Toxxic 0]

Robzilla the Lady Thrilla was actually kinda amusing. After all, the Iron Claw description was good:

 

'The success of this move is... debatable.'