Tony149 0 Report post Posted July 28, 2005 (edited) Michael Cole, The Coach and Caboose are seated at Sofa Central. COLE Fans, two weeks ago we told you about an incident that occurred involving the Heavenly Rockers. We reported the event was captured on home video by a fan, but as it turns out it was caught on the store's surveiliance system. The OAOAST apologizes for the mix up. In any event, the incident was caught on tape and turned over to the proper authorities, but the Heavenly Rockers have [i]declined[/i] to press charges. They instead went to OAOAST management and DEMANDED a match with the men they believe are responsible for this Sunday night live on pay-per-view at License to Pin. The OAOAST has gone along with their request and we can now confirm the Heavenly Rockers vs. [i]the New New Midnight Express[/i] for License to Pin! The crowd POPS in the background. COACH Have Synth and Logan been partyin' too much like rock stars, fellas? We haven't seen the footage of what happened, but why wouldn't they want the people responsible to do the hokey pokie in the slammer? Their decision boggles The Coach's mind, and The Coach doesn't like havin' his mind boggled. CABOOSE As stupid as it may be, I think it has more to do with the Heavenly Rockers wanting to legally be allowed to fight "those responsible" without the threat of prosecution looming overhead. Truthfully, I think I'd do the same thing. Although I'd probably wind up in jail because I'd beat my attackers senseless. I'm the first-ever two-time OAOAST World Champion. Cole rolls his eyes. COACH I'd rather have them thrown in jail. CABOOSE That's because you know you'd get your ass kicked. COLE The time for talking is over, guys. We promised you more information as we got it, and that's exactly what we're going to deliver. The tape has been unsealed. This all happened after hours, so the video is dark and it is in black and white, not to mention shocking. Take a look. [b]ROLL FOOTAGE[/b] SURVEILIANCE VIDEO 12:55 a.m. Logan and Holly, followed by Synth and his girlfriend/groupie of the day, a slutty-looking rainbow hair colored bimbo, exit DIARY QUEEN after having obviously received preferential treatment (a "CLOSED" sign hangs on the door). Acting like the happy young couple that they are Logan and Holly have their hands down each other's back pockets. As does the slutty blonde, who, snuggling up to Synth, pickpockets his wallet. The foursome scroll past the six park benches that makeup the outdoor patio located near bushes and a horizontal row of red concrete bars, laughing. Holly pulls a pack of gum out of her pocket and takes a piece out, placing one end in Logan's mouth and biting the remaining portion until their lips lock. CUT TO: PARKING LOT 12:56 a.m. Whenever this DQ is located, it's clearly in a bad part of town. The parking lot is poorly lit, surrounded by bushes and a fence that has more holes than a WWE steel cage. The four approach the "SAINTS & SINNERS" tour bus when two men in RICHARD NIXON MASKS, gloves and jumpsuits leap out of the bushes and clobber Synth and Logan from behind with NIGHTSTICKS. Logan falls forward and hits his head on the tail light, shattering it. He lies in a fetal position, getting kicked in the ribs as blood squirts out of the gash on his forehead. Just feet away Holly removes her SPIKE HEEL and charges the masked men, who move out of the way and spear/clothesline her on the side of the bus! They look over at the slutty blonde who runs off. Blood dripping down his chin and onto his chest, Logan tackles one of the men into the side of the bus and pumpels him. The southpaw furiously hitting the man, desperately trying to remove the mask. Masked Nixon #2 nears, Synth catches up with him and bashes a TRASH BIN over #2. Logan hears the thud and turns around, thinking Synth may be down. Unfortunately that leaves him open to a LOW BLOW. Nixon #1 hurls Mann to the fence and beats him with the nightstick until Synth makes the save by jumping on the hood of a nearby abandon car and connects with a flying lariat that sends the masked man crashing into the fence himself. Nixon #2 sneaks up behind Synth and chokes him -- not with panio wire, but with his bare hands. Synth, gagging, rises to his feet and rams #2 repeatedly into the fence until he lets go. Synth takes a few moments to get some air back in his body and then slams #2 head-first onto the hood of the car. Then, a THIRD MASKED MAN appears out of the darkness -- JFK! A bit on the cubby side, this masked ex-president hammers Synth across the back with a flat object. The masked Nixons come over and pound Synth's face into the cement over and over again while the third man continues hammering him with the flat weapon. Holly gets back on her feet and continues the fight. She locks her hands together and delivers a wicked backhand slap to the chubby masked man, then jumps on the back of another who all too easily snapmares her onto the hood's trunk, denting the hood and cracking what's left of the windshield with her spike heel. As if that wasn't enough, the chubby masked man drops the uglist-looking elbow drop on Holly's chest, sending her sliding down the hood onto the pavement below. A LOUD war cry-like yell comes from out of the shadows. A bloody Logan charges the Nixons. They move out of the way and throw Logan into the side door's window, Mann's head bursting through the glass and half way inside the car. A white PIMPMOBLIE pulls up and the 3 masked men enter. As the car flees, tires screeching and all, the camera zooms in on the license plate... [b]"NED 469"[/b] All 3 members of The Heavenly Rockers are laid out in the Dairy Queen parking lot, moaning and groaning. [b]END FOOTAGE[/b] We return to a disgusted Michael Cole at Sofa Central. COLE (shaking head) We're back live on TSM, and...wow...I want to bring in the New New Midnight Express and their manager James E. Cornette. The Midnights and Cornette walk onto Sofa Central, very somber. COLE You can drop the charade, gentlemen. The Midnights are set for action momentarily, but let's first talk about what we just saw. It's clear to me and all the fans watching that the Heavenly Rockers are right -- you [i]are[/i] responsible for what took place in that parking. "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Cornette and the Midnights adamantly shake their heads no. COLE My God, Cornette, how arrogant of a person are you to set this up at a DAIRY QUEEN of all places? Considering your history with that establishment, you had to have known your name would immediately jump out as the prime suspect. If the Dairy Queen wasn't enough of a clue, your waddling around in a JFK mask damn sure was. CORNETTE First of all, you don't know me, brother, so next time you level an accusation of that magnitude I'll sue you for slander and have you standing next to Todd Pettengill at the unemployment line. We couldn't have been there. Besides the Midnights being Jack in the Box-type of guys... NED Hi, Jack! CORNETTE (CONT'D) ...if you had done your homework, Michael Cole, like J.R. used to before some moron in production replaced him as the voice of the OAOAST because of some pretty boy fetish, you'd know Sarcastic Simon's wife Rhonda Sue is expecting their second child in the fall. Ned and I were in Charleston, South Carolina at the baby shower supporting a member of our team. We have 35 witnesses plus all the illegal aliens that work at Rhonda's Wal-Mart. Free feel to call if you don't believe me. COLE Then how do you explain the pimpmobile with the license plate "Ned 469"? CORNETTE (nervous chuckling) How do I explain it? Ned, why don't you explain it. NED Me?! Uh... Simon, break it down for them. SIMON There's people all over the country named Ned. "HE CAN TALK!" "HE CAN TALK!" "HE CAN TALK!" Sarcastic Simon threatens the ringside hecklers with a backhand slap if that they shut up. NED The Heavenly Rockers and Holly-Wood aren't the real victims here, anyway. COLE They're not? NED No. It's the fans all over the world were deprived of the opportunity to see the Handsome Hustler -- and Sarcastic Simon, of course -- on their television screens for two weeks. CORNETTE Let's get to the real story, and that's how the OAOAST has lied about everything that's gone down within the last couple weeks. That chain-smoking, coked out of her mind GM Josie Baker... COLE Hey, watch it. That's our General Manager you're talking about. CORNETTE The truth is supposed to set you free, and I'm feeling free as a bird. SIMON A freebird. "HE CAN TALK!" "HE CAN TALK!" "HE CAN TALK!" CORNETTE Why don'tcha tell the folks how Baker had you read some baloney about the New New Midnight Express being "held off television until a full investigation is complete." Make no ifs, ands or buts about it, we were suspended. "YEEEEAAAAHHHH!" SIMON Without pay! "HE CAN TALK!" "HE CAN TALK!" "HE CAN TALK!" Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned have a few words with the hecklers. CORNETTE Oh, I forgot. You people in Buffalo aren't used to seeing winners; you're used to losers like the Bills and all your other sport franchises who haven't won a championship in ages while my Midnight Express franchise continues to thrive 20 years after it first began. "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" CORNETTE We coulda flown up there, they coulda flown down here. But, noooooooo. They make us wait two weeks before listening to our appealing. And when our appeal is finally heard, we're subjected to this bizzare marketing person rambling on and on about new bendable New New Midnight Express figures before finally getting to the reason why we came. We're told we would be allowed back on OAOAST television if we agreed to face the Heavenly Rockers request at License to Pin. Some people might wonder why we'd agree to go along with the OAOAST's request. That's because we've beaten the Heavenly Rockers before and we'll beat 'em again Sunday night! You keep coming at us like Michael Jackson towards cancer patients. Well, we're gonna go through you like exlax through a widowed woman. You got the wah-wah-wah guitars, the drums and whatnot. But we got the wrestling skill, Heavenly Rockers. Mann and the Tramp this ain't! This is professional wrestling. The most ruthless, violent sport in the world. What comes around goes around. I guess you found that out first-hand in that Dairy Queen parking lot, didn't ya? As a matter of, Simon, Ned -- show what's in store for the Heavenly Rockers at License to Pin. Michael Cole, don't even bother doing commentary on this one, brother, it'll be over shortly. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following con-- Before Buffer can finish his intro the Midnights hit the ring and pounce on their opponents -- Jason Wasten and Kobe O'Neil -- in the corner. O'Neil is thrown over the top rope to the floor. Sarcastic Simon knees Wasten in the gut, Narcissistic Ned connecting with clubbering forearm shots to the back. The Midnights whip Wasten to the ropes. FLAPJACK. Kobe O'Neil is caught coming back in by a Narcissistic Ned sidekick to the midsection, bending him over. Sarcastic Simon out of the corner with a swinging neckbreaker. As Sarcastic Simon climbs to the top, Narcissistic Ned picks Wasten up, front facelocking the young man. The Midnights hit their finishers -- Sarcastic Simon with the VEGOMATIC (flying legdrop), Narcissistic Ned with the SLINGSHOT SUPLEX. Instead of going for the pin, they bring both men back to their feet. COLE Just pin them already. These poor guys don't stand a chance. Wa--Wait a minute. Are they going to... COACH Yes! They're gonna show the Heavenly Rockers how to execute a DDT properly. Ha! COLE The DDT! The Midnights with a pair of DDTs! Jim Cornette's men sending a message to The Heavenly Rockers, as if they haven't sent enough already. This one is all but over. ONE... TWO... THREE! "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" * DING DING DING DING * BUFFER The winners of the match -- the New New Midnight Express! COLE Impressive win for James E.'s New New Midnight Express going into License to Pin, Sunday night. CABOOSE I don't think they're done yet. Now joined in the ring by Jim Cornette, the Midnights with another round of DDTs. Cornette shouts directions to his men while getting in kicks on Wasten and O'Neil. Blanchard scoopes Wasten up and slams him on O'Neil. He then walks over to the corner and propels Sarcastic Simon off the top (ROCKET LAUNCHER), Singleton splashing both men on the way down. Simon and Ned tell Cornette to drop "the big one" as they call it. Cornette removes his jacket and, grinning from ear to ear, drops the uglist-looking elbow drop. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The crowd becoming vicious in their booing. One old lady throwing her cane into the ring, which is quickly returned by a ringside tendent. Cornette gets up with a big grin on his face, receiving high fives from Simon and Ned. COLE Look at that. That's the same elbow drop that was on the video tape. The son of a bitch has an air-tight abili and this is his way of rubbing it in. Be proud of yourself right now, Cornette. Let's see how happy you are at License to Pin, you bastard. Cornette urges his men for "one more" DDT. COLE Hey, come on! That's enough. You've won the damn match. Now leave the young men alone. They're just trying to make a living, damnit! The crowd ROARS as the Midnights setup for the DDT. The look on Cornette's face is priceless as he sees THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS AND HOLLY-WOOD jump over the guardrail and into the ring, all 3 packing NIGHTSTICKS. The Midnights bail. They want no part of THR. Logan, with a bandana wrapped around his forehead, grabs a mic. LOGAN Listen up, jackasses. It's one thing to hurt me or Synth, but you've gone too far in going after Holly. I warned you. I warned you if you went after Holly again you would have hell to pay. Guess what? Hell is here! "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" LOGAN Cornette, you say the Midnights are gonna go through us like "exlax through a widowed woman"? If you stick your hams in our match Holly has a little something for ya. Show him, baby girl. COACH That's MY catchphrase! Holly makes a circle with her left hand and shoves her nightstick through! "OH!" COACH VIOLATE ME, HOLLY! SYNTH (scrapes and bruises on face) Deal wit dat ya'll mutha'fuckas! The Midnights, Cornette, Heavenly Rockers and Holly-Wood have a staredown. CABOOSE Are we still on? COLE I think so. Edited July 28, 2005 by Tony149 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
