Testing

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It was dark inside Dames head. He didn't know why. Where had the last three years of his life gone? He didn't know. He had vague recollections of a simpler time. A time when he and his band of hombres roamed the international super-highway searching for excitement. But that had just been a dream. Surely.

 

So, where had the time gone? As he stepped out of the shower in his semi-detached home in Upstate New York, he realised that he had no idea what to do with his day. No aims. No people to see. No job to go to, at least that he knew of. He got dressed and walked out of the door. He started walking. Not anywhere in particular.

 

Just walking.

 

In side his head he tried to picture together the last few years history. There were blurred faces. Vague memories. Half-remembered names. By the time he snapped back into reality, he realised that he was at the bus depot.

 

He walked into the ticket office. "Where too bud?" asked Laura. She was a thirty-three year old redhead with a penchance for having other peoples toes inserted into her rectum. Dames didn't know how he knew this. It was just a gift he'd had since childhood.

 

Dames pondered for a second. Where should he go? Where was his history hidden? "I want a ticket to Canada!" he exclaimed in his manly voice. It was time to start an adventure. The adventure of Dames forgotton past...

[alfdogg 0]

58

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Dames arrived in Canada the next day. It was cold in Canada. He didn't like the cold. He liked the Sun. The Sun was not compatible with snow, he mused. This was deep for Damien Gonzales. He was a simple man with simple pleasures. Like playing with cling film. And pissing in the snow. That'll show it who's boss.

 

As soon as he arrived in Canada, he had a curious sensation of being watched. The bus terminal was packed, and no-one was looking at him, but he still felt uneasy. He looked around and realised that not only were people not looking at him, they were actively avoiding him. This was the moment that Dames realised he was naked. He was a simple man with simple pleasures. This wasn't one of them.

 

A trip to the Canadian Clothes Cabin later, he set out in to the street. He was approached by a mysterious lady wearing one of those old 50's style hats. She spoke in a broad North Canada accent.

 

"I saw your penis earlier Dames"

 

"How do you know my name?"

 

"You have it tattooed on your penis"

 

"Yeah. I did want Damien Gonzales, but 'twas not to be. And that's the story of how I became Dames"

 

"Indeed. I know who you are Dames, come with me"

 

"Okay!"

 

They walked into a waiting limo. Little did Dames realise that this was the moment his life would change forever.

[The Czech Republic 0]

You're a chav

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They rolled across the country in the limo. Suddenly, the sky went dark. An alien spaceship appeared over the horizon. It shot at the limo and blew it up before heading off to destroy the rest of Canada.

 

Emerging from the burning wreckage, Dames screamed:

 

"I WILL HAVE MY VENGANCE~!"

[The Czech Republic 0]

http://mediax.muchosucko.com/movies/512_vi...a_crossfire.mov

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Dames roamed through the country for the next week armed only with a baseball bat and his cunning. Many times he fought alien invaders, and he whacked them every time. The aliens were friendly vegetarians and only a foot tall, but Dames didn't care. He hated vegetarians.

 

During this time he made friends with an albino called George, and together they took control of an alien spaceship. They flew to Amsterdam and got some hookers. Then they flew back. It was a good day. Eventually Dames killed George in a ketamine fuelled rage and ate his heart.

 

Dames arrived back in America in December to news that Paris Hilton was going to have a baby. He knew now, that this was the time to act. Dames would drive to Paris Hilton's house and save the world from her demon offspring.

[TheFranchise 0]

But to Dames' surprise.. she gave birth to a spider.

 

Spider Hilton.

[Hoff 0]

tes

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The end.