Sjl crimson - the card

[Guest HVilleThugg]

SJL Crimson Card

Location: MCI Center in Washington, DC

Due Date: Saturday,  May 25th, 2002, 3pm BT

 

Send all Crimson related info to Crusen, and since he'll be booking Metal, send all requests for Metal to Crusen as well.

 

Disclaimer: There are a lot of "punishment" matches on here, since people don't want to show up anymore.  If you have a problem with your match, PM me.  Don't bitch on the boards.

 

The Card

 

Singles Match - Send to Longdogger_Pete

Impact vs. Kojack

- Impact is making his debut in the SJL, and what a debut it is.  Impact will be tested early against former TV champion, Kojack.  Will Impact crush the veteran, or will he be a dud??  Who knows, but at least they’re not getting punished.

- Word Limit: 3500

 

Spread Eagle on the Car Match - Send to TheBostonStrangler

Cuttroat vs. T-Bone

- DAMN NOSHOWERS!!!  Edwin’s being especially cruel tonight, and is punishing those who didn’t show for Metal.  This match was designed especially for these two because they have such nice legs. On a pole in one corner will be a pair of barbed wire thongs, and in the opposite corner, there will be another pole with a car battery attached to it.  You must put on the thong, attach the car battery to a car that has been driven to ringside, and attach a pair of jumper cables to the barbed wire to win.  You must write at least 1500 words for this, and if you now show, kiss the JL goodbye for a while.

- Match Description: DQ and count-out rules are NOT in effect.  The winner must put do what I said above.

- Word Limit: 3000

 

Hide And Seek Bra and Panties Match- Send to Thoth

Scott Reid vs. Creed

SPECIAL RING ENFORCER: Thoth

- Silly newbies, thinking they can get away with no showing.  HA!  Edwin’s handing down punishments for all those who no showed on Metal, and guess what…Creed and Reid did.  Inside the arena, somewhere, is hidden a pair of panties and a bra.  Find them and put them on, and you’ll win.  You must write at least 1500 words for this, and if you no show, you will be put on the “do not book for a month” list, as well as Thoth’s “To rape” list.  Trust me, you don’t want to be there.

- Match Description: DQ and count-out rules are NOT in effect.  The winner must locate the bra and panties, then strip down ass naked, and finally put on the new bra and panties.  After putting the undergarments on, to be declared the winner, the competitor must return to ringside and get back in the ring.

- Word Limit: 3000

 

Singles Match - Send To Grand Slam

#1 Contendership for TV and European Titles

"The Franchise" Mak Francis vs. “Insane Luchadore” Andrew Rickmen

- Pretty simple match, rewarding Francis for his participation in Metal.  This match could be a huge step for both men.  The winner of the match is the #1 contender for the European Title and the loser is the #1 contender for the TV title.  Francis has a chance to show everyone what he’s got on a bigger stage, and Tod can solidify himself in the upper echelon of the roster.  The Euro contender will face Frost on Metal, while the TV contender will face TNT for that title on Metal.

- Word Limit: 4500

 

Reverse Inferno/Semen Match - Send to Crusen

Jacob Helmsely vs. Johnny Generic

- Two more no showers go at it in this amusing match.  Reverse inferno means that they must set themselves on fire, and semen…well, semen’s the best part.  The loser of the match must drink an entire 8oz glass of Jay Dawg’s prize semen.  JD has prepared the semen just before the match, so it’s sure to be fresh for one of these men.  It’s a lose/lose situation for both men, but such is the life of a no shower.  You must write at least 1500 words for this for it to even be considered a match, and if you no show, it’ll be a long ass time before you see yourself on a JL card again.

- Match Description: DQ and count-out rules are NOT in effect.  The winner of the match is the first man to locate fire (matches, lighter, etc.) and light himself on fire.  The loser must drink the entire cup of semen (located on the announce table).

- Word Limit: 3000

 

Singles Match - Send To Grand Slam

#1 Contendership for the World Title

Xero vs. Sydney Sky

- Can you say random match??  Well, if you can’t, I’ll say it for you…random match!  But to make it more appealing to the competitors, commissioner Edwin has put a shot at the World Title on the line, with the winner facing the champion in one week on Crimson.

- Word Limit: 4500

 

Nature’s Gift Nutshot Match - Send To TheBostonStrangler

Z vs. Flexxx

SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: The Elk

- Get excited!  It’s match number 4 in our series of amusing punishment matches.  Edwin’s not being kind to those who no show, and he shows his cruelty with this match.  Z must dress up as the Panda and Flexxx must dress up as the Manatee for this match.  Once I costume, they will compete as their animal, complete with dances!  There is one rule about the match that makes it even better…the only legal move is a nutshot!  That’s right…you may only use the nutshot, that is it!  Enjoy boys…oh, and no show this one and I can assure you that you’ll be left off the card for a long ass time.  And we want to see at least 1500 words for this one, so no bullshitting it with 100 words.

- Match Description: Both competitors come out in their costumes and wrestle each other.  Only the low blow may be used, and any other moves will result in a disqualification.  Count-outs are also in effect.  NO CUPS ALLOWED!!!

- Word Limit: 3000

 

Main Event

Cage Match for the SJL World Title - Send to Suicide King

Ash Ketchum vs. Frost vs. Durandal ©

- On Metal, Ash Ketchum and Frost each won the right to face the devilishly evil Durandal for the SJL Title.  Will the wrestler formerly known as Tom Flesher rise above his new adversaries and escape the cage?  Will Ash use his Pokemaster powers to become 2-time SJL Champion?  Or will Frost realize his true potential and achieve his dream of becoming the SJL World Heavyweight Champion?  A steel cage awaits, and we’ll find out Saturday.

- Match Description: This ain’t no pussy ass WWE!  The winner is the first contestant to climb over the top of the cage and touch both feet on the floor.  DQ and count-out rules are NOT in effect.

- Word Limit: 7000

 

 

 

Da "booking his first card ever" H

[Guest Suicide King]

Excellent.  This will teach the... oh, just insert something here about genitalia and affection.  I'm tired.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Woo!  Nice card, Thugg!

 

It's official: Da H does NOT love the cock.

 

Also, if Johnny Generic has to drink semen, I think Crusen will be angry.  Jake, you might wanna job...heh heh heh...

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Does the SJL has a specific cage style it uses or it up to the discretion of the writer to create one (the current WWE one with the rungs at the top, the old WWF blue barred one, the old NWA chain link one, etc.)?

[Guest midnight_burn]

Delightful card, some sure to be classics there.

 

Electrified genetalia, bra and panties, semen, panda and manatee suits, the elk as special referee, all gold.

 

And i guess there'll be a new World Champ in town as well.

 

All in all an A grade card.

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

If Jake violates me in any way... I reserve rights to legally beat the shit out of his character.

 

 

Make fun of my sperm all you want though, pissant.

[Guest crusen86]

Like Jake would write.

[Guest]

I SENT MY MATCH TO PETE!!!! Aw hell with it...plus he said don't bich on the board...DHO!

[Guest Grand Slam]

I just want to clear up the due date.

 

Is it actually June 1, which is a week from Saturday?

 

Edit: Question answered about three posts down.  Due date is Saturday 5-25.  Don't be late kids!

[Guest]

so, a week to write, eh? tight...

 

i wanna be in the inferno/semen match...

 

 

 

[Guest AnnieEclectic]

Wow, I come to check the JL card to see whats going on.... and I read this. Man does it feel good to not be in the JL right now, especially with my character now. Whew.

 

That...... is awful......

 

Good luck folks!

 

-Annie

[Guest Tod deKindes]

*looks carefully and sees that he's not booked*

 

As a result of Todski not loving the cock, he gets to stay home and watch TV

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Right-o, here we go.  I changed the due date to this Saturday, for that is when it is due.

 

Good luck.  Bwa ha ha...

[Guest Longdogger_Pete]

Sorry Cutthroat, but as I explained in another post, your match was four hours late, I wasn't able to wait around for the match, and I didn't get an extension request.

[Guest Suicide King]

Thus why you love the cock, Cutthroat.  C'mon... no reason to be ashamed.  We're very accepting of alternative lifestyles here, cock-lover.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

I LOVE THE COCK TOO!

 

whispers

 

What? That's a bad thing? Oh well then, I DON'T love the cock.

 

whispers

 

Ugh. Yes, I know I'm ripping off Flesher's whole whisper bit. Sorry Durandal.

[Guest]

Well, since there is no no-showing T-Bone around, I'll be able to have a lot of fun with that Spread Eagle on the Car Match...

[Guest CED Ordonez]

Damn...

 

Well, I'll be watching this week's Crimson carefully and if I don't like what I see, I'm gonna make the half-ass comeback. Since, hell, a half-ass match is good enough to beat half the roster anyway.

 

Yes, Ced's threatening to come back, so what the fuck ya bastards gonna do?

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

Fine, I'll beat you to it Ced.  Williams is now active yet again.  

 

I had no idea the SJL has detoriated to this crap.  It looks like ECW the final year.  Shitty gimmick matches, wrestlers leaving left and right, unresolved story lines, an unover heel champion(just joking Durandel).  Somebody has got to be the Tommy Dreamer around here.  The Unappreciated, jobbed out, broken down, loyal to the death company man.  So book me on the next Metal or something.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

WOOHOO!!! DEATHWISH AND CED IN DA HOUSE!!!!

[Guest]

This is a horrible, horrible card. 'Course, that's the way it's meant to be. Should be good for a few laughs.

 

*marks for Deathwish and Ced's return*

[Guest CED Ordonez]

You gonna eat funny things too to an unfunny response as well, Deathwish?

Meh, I'll follow Danny's lead and say I'm officially back on the payroll. Ced is active and all systems are nominal! GO, GO, CED ORDONEZ! *hums a few bars of the Power Rangers theme*

[Guest Ace309]

I wouldn't say I'm over. I'll be even less so once I complete my bumpage.

 

However.

 

CED ORDONEZ LOVES THE COCK!

 

DANNY WILLIAMS LOVES THE COCK!

 

CED AND DANNY OFFICIALLY LOVE THE COCK!!!!!!!!!! YAY!

[Guest CED Ordonez]

+1 with an "Ummm...no." in response to Durandal's last comment.

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

You gonna eat funny things too to an unfunny response as well, Deathwish?

 

What the hell does that mean.

 

BTW, Ace loves my Cock!  You Fucking Cock Sucking Cock Smoker!

[Guest]

You gonna eat funny things too to an unfunny response as well, Deathwish?

 

What the hell does that mean.

Tommy Dreamer's current WWF schtick. He now has a Tom Green or Jackass inspired gimmick in which he eats sickening things. Like toilet water and hair.

[Guest CED Ordonez]

EDIT: Damn I'm a step behind everyone today!

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

"Well you said you were stepping up to be the Tommy Dreamer of the fed, and just take a look to what he's currently being booked to do. "

 

Oh, Well I was refering to his days in ECW, as the stand up company man.

[Guest]

Damnit Danny

I was going to be the Cutthroat of the upper/midcardaz...Must you come back to ruin my fun. And X Force 9 back intact.

 

Old School Speed Racer style: Go X Force 9, go X Force 9, go X Force 9 Gooooooo!

 

P.S. Even thought I had a mark hard moment when Ced and Danny said they'd come back they both looooooooove the cock.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not done yet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.P.S And Durandal by being bumped to the WF, you by default,  must loooooooooooooove the cock. Please don't job me...

[Guest Ace309]

With apologies to B. Applewhite, and the understanding that I'm not marking matches....

 

Job you? Why, capital idea!