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King Cucaracha

HD: Champs' Promo

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Backstage we go, as OAOAST interviewer extraordinairé Maria (you know...the blonde chick...no, not that one, the dumb one...no, not that one...the one from Raw...no, the one who wasn't married to Kidman. Yeah, that one.) is standing by. And with her are the rather banged up, NEEEEEW OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez.

 

MARIA

Last Thursday night, you won the Oat Toast Tag Team Championship of the World. But, you don't like each other. Is that going to be a problem.

 

MALIBU

You know, roll back a few months and myself and Leon weren't exactly the best of friends. Infact, scratch that...we've never been friends. We probably never will be friends. And the only reason we're standing here with the World Tag Team Titles is because Calvin paired us up for TLC as an experiment. Now we ended up winning, we've got to get along I guess. But one thing I will say is, friends or not, I respect Leon Rodez. He's a great athlete. A future star in this business. And he's not an ungrateful turncoat like most young wrestlers around here nowadays.

 

RODEZ

*sniffs* That's the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said about me. *sniffs* You know, we might not be friends now...but I get the feeling that this is the beginning of something special. Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez. All we need is a snappy name...like "The Z Squad"!

 

Zack shakes his head, to Leon's disappointment. As he hangs his head though, Rodez catches his reflection in his Tag Title belt and brings it up to his face.

 

RODEZ

Wow. OAOAST Tag Team Champions. Who'd have thought it? But it's reality. And thrown together or not, you can bet we'll make the most of this opportunity. We're going to be a team like no-other...and in time, maybe we'll grow to like each other. Maybe even love ea...no, wait...scratch that one. Like each other. Like each other a lot. Pretty soon, we'll be a real team. I know what everyone's thinking. "What right do they have to be Tag Team Champions. They've only been partners five minutes, we've been teaming for five years". Yeah, we've got time to make up. But give it a few months and we'll be like a real team. Inseperable. Like conjoined twins. These Tag Titles will be like our children. Our adopted children, obviously. A part of each of us, like Hermaphrodítos. We'll be like Herpes and Aphrodíte.

 

MALIBU

You mean Hermes.

 

RODEZ

What did I say.

 

MALIBU

Herpes. It's Hermes.

 

MARIA

No silly...Hermes is the crab on Futarama. *giggles*

 

Zack looks at Maria curiously, wondering if she really is as stupid as she seems or just putting it on.

 

MALIBU

Hermes is the Jamaican.

 

RODEZ

Uhm...I'm pretty sure the crab in Futurama isn't Jamaican, Zack.

 

Looking away from Maria, Zack gives the exact same look of despair to Rodez.

 

RODEZ

Anyway...as I was getting to, there's been a lot of criticism of my new tag team partner for being stuck in the past. For holding back the youngsters, keeping some sort of 'glass ceiling' over the OAOAST Locker Room. What a laugh that is! We're lucky if the OAOAST can afford enough cardboard to make us ceilings, let alone glass. But besides that, the fact that Zack is teaming with me as Tag Team Champions is hopefully enough to shut the critics up. And as for me, if you saw my run as X-Division Champion, you'll know I never hold anyone down. Unless they ask me...

 

Rodez smiles dirtily at Maria...who just stares back blankly.

 

RODEZ

...as in, sex...

 

MARIA

Oh...ooooh...*giggles*

 

RODEZ

And together, me and Zack won't be holding back from challenges or having sex with challengers. What we will be doing is putting these Tag Team Titles on the line anytime, anyplace, anywhere against anyone! It doesn't matter if you're 18 or 80, we will take on all comers...

 

MARIA

*giggles*

 

RODEZ

Uh, yeah, that wasn't supposed to be...

 

Maria continues to stare blankly into the distance.

 

RODEZ

Nevermind. Anything else you wanted to ask?

 

MARIA

Yeah. Zack...do you have Screech's phone number? He's sooooo cute!

 

Zack takes a sidewise glance at Rodez, who just shrugs his shoulders. Still waiting for an answer, Maria stands with arms folded, as Zack tries to find some sort of answer, any sort of answer...but fails and simply walks off.

 

MARIA

Did I say something bad?

 

RODEZ

Oh no, no, you did great! Yeah, it's just he has to go and meet Kelly that's all. So, are you doing anything tonight?

 

MARIA

*giggles*

 

Rodez escorts Maria off, effectively ending the interview.

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